#i dont know how helpful it is if u live in a country thats like. make money now or die

[oooocleo]

how did you find the courage/means to do full-time freelance? it’s something i’ve been thinking about for a long time (i take comms in between college work) but i just. don’t know where to begin? i’d really appreciate any advice. thank you!

ill start this off w a disclaimer that i live in a country thats considered a social security state so i've received rent support from the government ever since moving out when i started uni (bc i dont make that much, prolly below min. wage, meaning my taxes are also relatively low), as well as student loans that aren't so horrible here as there are in the US for example - i'm sure if i had to get a job next to my studies i wouldn't have had nearly as much time/energy for establishing myself as a freelance illustrator over the yrs...

for me my uni yrs were when i really started doing more private commission work, because i had a lot of free time outside of exam periods, and i was p motivated to do that bc i was studying history which u know.. doesnt rly lead u down a secure career path lmfao... as for courage i would say it might be more fear of the alternative? i have depressive tendencies sometimes and i think i would be very unhappy having to spend 40 hours of my life every week in a job that wud likely feel unfulfilling compared to making art for ppl... so i took those student loans and drew and drew and drew until it became Actually Feasible to live off of my labour

i would say... Really try to minimize ur expenses if ur wanting to get into freelance illustration, bc any amount of time u need to spend on say a diff 'regular' job uve got to make ends meet will make things harder - this might seem like kind of scary advice but moving somewhere where the rent is cheap is an option u shouldnt overlook (i lived in social housing before moving to a rural area), bc kind of all u need rn is a freaking internet connection to find folks thatll hire u fdjgdfg - also in the same vein moving in with friends and sharing costs🤔

besides that, all i can suggest is find things that inspire you, draw as much as u can manage and post a lot so that ppl can discover u !

#cleo talks #i hope this makes some sense... #i dont know how helpful it is if u live in a country thats like. make money now or die #i know a great majority of my american peers do just have a normal tm job next to comm work... #in which case i wud generally suggest trying to find work u wont have to take home in any way like.. #u clock out and the workplace ceases to exist lol #i worked in admin for a year and that was actually fine when it came to making art until i started hating my colleagues

[ironmanstan]

desperate to be a man in art forced to be a woman in stem

#applied 2 school have to submit port in february if i dont get in 2 either art school we all go down with me capiche #if i hv to live breathe eat biology and it is not a specific mycology branch of study or at least some marine bio specific .. . #i will ***** ****** ** *** **** <- crossword of the day i wont b this uncensored sewerslidal on main even as a joke #my dad is crazy and is like omg u should be horticulturalist <3 bro i do not want to work in fuckign gardens forever #in this country ??? where it snows HALF THE YEAR ??? #i want to study mushrooms or ocean preservation or die and will i make money doing that here FUCK NO so its not even worth it #like that would be my side job ... to fucking ART. kys kys kys kys you expect me to get married have kids AND do THAT SHIT #i feel like. the thing that makes me mad #honest to god #at the end of it all #is that most people see art as like a fun thing to do on the side to them its just a hobby #and thats great for them i love that truly /gen #but like im not that #and everyone acts like i am that and i can just put it down and pick it up and if i dont get in oh just go for stem and do art on the side #like no . i dont fuckign want to. i dont care if i live at home forever. w how fucking atrocious i function i probably fuckn will anyway #like i dont know . it is a part of me. if i am not drawing then i am not ok. when i was at my lowest i drew like 10 things that year #so then its like u want me to take myself and compartmentalize me. u want me to take the things i enjoy and like #choose which one to embody for my life and i throw away bio for the sake of the one i like the most but NOOO thats WRONGGG #and then i have to deal with ummm yeah ok we will support you doing art ig (but also im not gonna help u figure out apps #(and also every chance i get im going to point out how u should apply for stem anyway instead of being interested in what u- #actually wanna do with your life and what ur goals and plans are #(not because i dont believe in you or respect your feelings at all and dont see you as a person and not a puppet haha noooo) #like fuckign hell i am a WHOLE person im not a bunch of little bits and pieces to split into whats important LOOK AT ME im the WHOLE #i feel angry bc i know ive done a lot this year and i should b proud of myself but at every single turn i have to like #fight to keep myself together through everything because nobody else ever does and maybe never will. and i cant see the good ever #and it leaves me exhausted and out of my body dissociating and living faster than i want #bc i can never focus on anything except whats ahead and coming bc i have to always prepare for something or someone to hurt me #from the bottom of my heart i hope this time next year im happy #m happy now dnt get me wrong. im stressed as shit but i havent been this ok since i was like 10 honest 2 god. but i hope it lasts for once #thats the real thing haha. thats how i know i got brain issues bc everything in theory is just fine rn

[aristotels]

re EE being in the periphery. i’m pretty sure there were articles about how germany uses EE countries in EU for cheap labor. like sure, they’re privileged compared to most say african states, but it’s not like WE countries give that privilege for free or out of good heart, when in reality it’s geographic control + cheap labor + brain drain. combined with the fact that EU doesn’t allow for state control of markets, it means that those EE countries that had state enterprises are now in disadvantage. like i think EE countries have more in common with latin american countries than western europe , idk.

yeah, and not only articles you can find in english, but there are actual studies and articles; they are however in croatian so i dont know how much help would that be (the emmigration issue here is huge, its mainly to germany/ireland) (we have so many SONGS about moving to germany and ireland too). heres wikipedia on it, i guess you can use google translate and it also lists something quite shocking: many cities and villages in croatia and bosnia have more people living in germany than in their respective native towns.

as for lived experience, when i visited germany, you could literally walk around the city and find our people there, mostly in low-skill jobs. i once said "u pičku materinu" and a totally random guy in the street was like "ooooo pa evo i naših". "arbajt" and "bauštela" are such common phrases here that they have become memes, and dalmatians from zagora literally wear mercedes signs around their necks. recently there was an article saying how, despite euro, people from imotski STILL mourn over the deutsch marke, because they used to go work there, and then would come home and just live for an entire month off one bill. they STILL convert euros to marke.

EE is a neo-colony to the WE. whenever i talk about this, while i do use EE as a term because its more understood than SEE (southern-eastern europe), my experiences are yugoslavian, and there are big differences between eastern bloc and exyu countries. it isnt the same, economically nor politically, since yugoslavia was a part of the third world movement, thus primarily working with african and latam countries in its past (also reason why we have the lowest skin-based-racism in europe)(different than nationality racism, thats what we excel at).

a lot of croats (esp dalmatians) mainly moved to latam countries during ww2 as opposed to the usa (the current chilean and argentinian presidents are croatian dalmatians)(sorry guys we are kinda ruining yalls countries)

it was very surprising to me when i started following global-south-commies on here, they always have very positive opinions of yugoslav countries. i find it very endearing how all my political yugoslav posts end up being hits among them.

politics unrelated, croats tend to love latam countries because of football, messi was literally the coolest person in the entire world while i was a kid. there are lots of similarities in mentality.

[greenpidge101]

hc that richies teeth r a mess and went totally hates it cause it makes him look bad and richie gets braces and hates them but he gets the brightest color they had available cause he loves bright colors

also his style of comedy is so so rachel sennott ( look her up if u dont know who she is please shes hilarious ) which is why i feel like he gets into acting in like absurd comedies and it kinda sticks and eventually falls into actually acting

bill loves drawing the other losers when they r not paying attention and little sketches and doodles cover his school work ( the others think its so endearing )

on days when his stutter is really bad bill goes nonverbal but the losers include him easily cause he is honestly kinda an open book with his intentions and emotions so they always know what he wants

eddie hates walking long distances and is always asking for piggyback rides ( adding to the eddie should hate nyc but when anyone brings it up he gaslights them cause he has always wanted to live there agenda )

however eddie loves running and is always racing people because he knows he will win even though hes short ( richie hates it cause his legs are too long and he is really awkward and oddly slow when he tries to run. if he actually gets fast he almost always trips cause he is so clumsy and then eddie is way in front of him )

bev gives richie and bill amateur piercings full parent trap style and at least one of them gets infected. when they r older she convinces ben to let her pierce his ears. eddie hates it and is always like “i am not helping when it gets infected” but does anyway

she also makes friendship bracelets and the losers freak when they find out and they all are always wearing at least two

in some an au stan becomes an ornithologist but like just in an au where the losers dont split up during the time jump they buy him a bird like as soon as they move out of derry and it is stans favorite thing ever

stan is really good at hiding his emotions but he always stims when he is overwhelmed or upset and it is a clear giveaway. he has been doing it since he was really little and now cant stop

mike loves animals and shows off all the farm animals to the other losers and also def has a dog that eddie loves but pretends not to even though the dog also loves him

mike is also the loser who everyone goes to for advice for literally anything and has the ability to make anyone feel better like instantly the others have no idea how he does it

ben loves the act of designing buildings but was never that good at math so college was a little rough. also his interest in archeology started after he read percy jackson in middle school cuz annabeth loved archeology

he also slips into a country accent whenever he gets really comfortable and the losers think its amazing ( richies country accent is just him trying and failing to copy ben )

richie and ben light up the room when they are truly happy. richie because his happiness is loud and unavoidable and ben because his radiates off him in waves and spreads to those around him

sorry thats a lot im done i just kept going

PLEASE KEEP GOING, THESE ARE SO GOOD OMG!!!!!!

♾️/10

#Ben is a slight southern accent is everything #ahh these make me so happy #Bev giving bill and Richie piercings is everything #Stan being an ornithologist is something I hc too #the losers club #it stephen king #richie tozier #stanley uris #eddie kaspbrak #ben hanscom #beverly marsh #bill denbrough #mike hanlon #thanks for the ask!!!

[menalez]

How are you going to blame Israelis for being paranoid when they underwent a genocide that killed off two thirds of their population barely eighty years back and are surrounded by countries that waged a war to wipe out Israel hardly fifty years back? Also Hamas has professed the same ideas about killing off the Jewish population as the Nazis and yet majority of the Palestinians support them. Do you think if Israel disarms itself and withdraws, Hamas will disband and there will be peace? What is Israel even supposed to do with such an enemy next door that shelters itself in civilian areas? Sit back instead of risking striking civilian populations and let Hamas arm itself and launch attacks? All these people sitting in comfort in Washington and London have never lived under the shadow of regular terror attacks and rockets falling on them yet they feel comfortable virtue signalling about wiping out Israel.

??? ISRAELIs faced that genocide? so are all jewish people israelis now or what? and “being paranoid”… i mean thats a nice way of putting “supporting genocide” & using the holocaust which has affected jewish ppl overall not israelis specifically (& occurred before israel existed) to defend supporting genocide and wanting even worse mass-killings of palestinian civilians is vile! meanwhile a huge portion of holocaust survivours and their descendants live in poverty in israel:

meanwhile many jewish ppl who either survived the holocaust or descended from holocaust survivours are speaking vocally against israel’s terrorism on innocent civilians:

“what is israel supposed to do with such an enemy next door?🥺”

well, for one, israel’s government could’ve perhaps not funded hamas or not helped hamas get into power. but i dont think feeling threatened after the monster u supported attacks justifies killing tens of thousands of innocent civilians in less than 2 months, idk i tend to consistently oppose genocide but it seems like thats something ur incapable of. do u think if palestinians exist several decades from now, that israel’s actions today would justify them committing a genocide in the future? bc if u want to be logically consistent, thats the natural conclusion of ur disgusting genocide supporting stance ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

#anonymous

[gayforjuza]

If I can add to the sex discussion, especially since you mentioned the US in your first post, I think how things like sex and nudity are perceived are very cultural. Personally, the way USamericans talk about sex and nudity freaks me out sometimes. Especially the way all nudity is seen as inherently sexual because it's not! I've been to mixed gender nudist saunas (the default type of sauna in Germany) as young as 8 and I'm pretty sure it's what helped me develop a healthy body image and often mitigates my gender dysphoria because bodies sure come in all different shapes and size. On the other hand I saw an american on reddit say that sharing a bathroom with your own child is creepy?? Or the whole thing about schools mandating that bra straps can't be visible??? Incomprehensible to me.

And it's the same with talking/knowing about sex. The first time I had sex ed in school I was nine, and at age 14 the school invited external educators who taught us how to use condoms so if the time came we be able to do it right. But some years ago I learned that some schools and parents in America think that 15/16 is too early for sex ed. And for me that was like ooohhh okay that explains why American movies always feel so weirdly hypersexual sometimes.

Like tbf my only frame of reference for how Americans are about sex is movies etc and how they talk online, and my own upbringing is on the liberal end compared to other Germans but it makes sense to me that if sex is treated as something forbidden while growing up, people end up treating it as this super special thing once they are adults rather than just a thing some humans do.

(Sorry for the wall of text I just find the cultural differences in that area super fascinating)

Yes 100% thats why i specifically mentioned the US cus i know a ton of countries arent as fucking weird as we are, that being said i still think sex should be more casual/normalized than even the more chill countries but again idk a lot cus ive only lived here

personally i got lucky and also had sex ed at 9 and then a couple times more in depth after that but a LOT of states either dont do it at all or like u said do it very late, plus the sex ed i did get was absolutely ass but it was something at least

i think a lot of it comes from this weird puritanical christian basis our country seems to b running on? so the views of sex and nudity are based on that so its the very like Save Yourself For Marriage thing , dont show anyone ur naked body cus that means u suck or something idk

its gotten a lot better w the waiting til marriage specifically, and i think socially its getting a bit better in general but legally, with things like bathrooms and like u said w the school dress codes, it is absolutely not improving, maybe one day 😭

#ask response

[neptune-ian]

whilst you do free readings for kpops fs would you answer for ours if we were to ask? in all honesty im not anyones type and i think u have to have ur life more put together in order to meet ur fs which i dont and am behind on that aspect. i feel like it just wouldnt matter if i didnt exist but i wanted to know if my fs would meet someone else who would make them feel happier in life than what i cant offer them if that makes any sense? like if i were to pass away early for whatever reasons or no reason at all id at least like to know if whoever im supposed to have been partners with wouldnt be sad about it.

im just ready to yeet myself out of society. even daydreaming isnt helping anymore cause its all what ifs and even if i had met my fs already i would still want to have my own career but it would have to pay enough to exist and thats what i constantly fret about. for ex u can do a sport but u have to be the best at it in order to receive good incomes from it, same for music and vice versa u never start from the bottom with good incomes and id honestly hate to rely on someone else thats why i regret not going into ent industry honestly. again it was just wrong timings of things but i think im never going to live past 50 thats the only age id be willing to live until the day i thankfully die. also our country just bumped the taxes up again so idk how anyones supposed to afford a living and besides i dont want to bring kids into the current state of the economy even if my partner was successful id have to also be successful so i dont feel like id be a gold digger or anything of the sorts.

Anon. I won’t do a fs reading for someone as depressed as you are. You should focus on yourself before everything else instead of your fs… it won’t help you. At all.

You are the one saying « u have to have your life more put together » so indeed, you are right. Put your life together if you want readings about your fs but before putting your life together : take care of your mental health in order to fix your life.

Try to not see life as too dark aswell. I know it’s hard but it’s doable. Like some anon said you should not stay on that « victim mentality », if you start seeing life as black only that’s how you will be : a victim. Keep working on yourself, stop staying on tarot Tumblr as well as you don’t like the fact that people are obsessed of their screen (including yourself like you said).

Also, please seek a professionnal. I am not qualified yet to be of a proper help, I can just be the hear to listen to you and try to guide you as much as I can but my words won’t have as much values as a pro.

If you don’t have money to do so, do some sports, walk out in nature, eat and sleep. Sleep especially, it helps regulate your mood.

#mental health #neptune’s anon ask #neptune’s talk

[achillessulks]

i'm a nosy mfer... i want to know: whats your actual nationality? if u cant say for privacy reasons i accept a region (if u dont want to say to be mysterious thats also fair) 2. how do u know so many languages? thats all.

Nosy, but clearly not dedicated... >.>

I've been rather embarrassingly obvious about where I'm from, both on this blog (which I don't use very much any more) and on my Goodreads account (which I use more frequently). I am not, actually, going to tell you all that information—what would be the fun in that? (please don't actually dox me though)—but, if I remember correctly, you should be able to determine, by a careful reading, not only my country of origin but also the region and even city in which I was born. Where I'm currently living is a bit more closely guarded, for good reason (none of your business), but I've made no secret that it's a Western democracy. Which one? That is off-limits, for privacy reasons. (But also I have no connection to this specific country in particular, so it shouldn't matter.)

Anyway, to the second part of your question: I was very lucky to spend an impressionable part of my childhood in an environment where multiple languages were spoken within the household, and I regularly encountered people of various backgrounds and ethnicities as a child. I was encouraged to learn communication; I started reading independently when I was two. Apart from growing up bilingual, I also studied linguistics pretty extensively as a teenager and young adult.

The "secret" (I guess) is that I'm really only functionally bilingual. I know a lot of pieces of a lot of different languages, which makes me look more impressive than I really am—the difference between most polyglots you'll see online and people like me (i.e., kids who grew up in blended households) is that internet polyglots pretend that having a conversational grasp of a language equals fluency, which it... does not, at all—but yeah, I studied a lot, not just linguistics but also specific languages, and spent a lot of time around people who only spoke languages I didn't know, and didn't know any languages I spoke. How do you communicate in that situation? Well, somebody's gotta learn something. And I like to impress people, so.

Also, and I really can't stress this enough: I studied translation. Translation studies as a field will help more than almost anything in understanding how a language is composed, constructed, and utilised; it will help you quickly pick up on when a translation doesn't fit the original; it will give you a good critical eye for not only what someone is saying but also how they are saying it. It is not an exaggeration to say that my experience in translation studies did more for my ability of rapid language acquisition than anything else except for, probably, the total immersion I got when I went to Belgium and was accosted by German-speaking tourists who thought I was Belgian but they didn't know any language other than German, for example. There are other examples—total immersion, like a baby when it's first learning how to Do Language Properly, is the absolute best way to learn basically anything—but the point stands.

Also also, I read a lot of poetry.

#I am always happy to answer questions about languages/translation/etc. but you will probably have more luck asking on GR honestly. #I'm not on this website very much any more. for many reasons (: #talking about books and stuff #anonymous #asks

[thatbitchsimone]

Thank you that’s very sweet, you’re very kind

I just read and observe people and then after some time I eventually pick up on their habits and the way they talk and that’s what I did while learning English

Obviously I knew English because I learnt it in school but I never spoke it and I wasn’t great at communicating in it because where I live we usually speak my mother tongue which is pashto and urdu (I live in pakistan btw)

I’m 20 so before I was 17 when I started learning, that too because I got into this phase where I didn’t like talking to people and just reading and writing and on my phone and the quarantine really helped lol so that made me learn English and eventually get introduced to all the western media

And I because I had been always very close to my family so we watched the same shows and I wasn’t really at all on social media, probably because the lack of knowing English so I felt kind of insecure being on social media if I wasn’t able to understand the stuff on it, so no idea of western celebs or anything like that (I knew the very famous ones like angelina jolie etc because once I saw her face printed on a bag while I was shopping when I was like 12 and I though she was gorgeous anyways I’m rambling!!! Now hahah)

Anyways the point is, sometimes it makes me feel like, social media and real life are two different planets because the stuff on it so flabbergasting and weird (but also it has its many good sides and effects as well like talking to people and that’s great for me cause I love talking to people) but What kind of makes me sad is that it’s not 2 different planets, it’s all the same and the people who are so unkind and crazy on the internet are among us

It’s very weird

loved reading this! thank u so much

i mostly learned english from reading and watching movies etc as well actually but then again i was very young (i was fully fluent by the time i was around 9 i think) and children pick up languages very fast and i live in sweden where american and english media and pop culture is very widespread and part of the culture (probably bc sweden is a western country and america is very dominant in western media in general) so people learn english very well and easily here like swedes are known for it and foreigners often struggle to learn swedish bc the natives all switch to english when they notice u dont speak swedish so lots of foreigners and immigrants have to straight up ask people to talk to them in swedish more so they can learn and practice it lol but i think that goes to show that the best way to learn a language is to watch and read media in that language and observe it in casual conversation rather than just go by how ur taught it in classes etc

i honestly think its a good thing that u didnt partake in social media when u were younger. i think a lot of the people that dont seperate social media from real life are the ones who started using it early so they have almost spent more time in the social media and online world than the actual real world and get less real world interactions than online ones. i think its very unhealthy to not be able to seperate the 2 and just like u said, the online world and the real world are 2 different things and people forget that they are interacting with real living humans thru the screen and thats when it gets toxic and crazy and hostile. people kind of lose their social skills when they only interact with others behind a screen and its very concerning. ive always talked to ppl online the way i would talk face to face and its always weird to me when others dont do the same bc its like would u say these things ur saying online if the person was face to face with u? if u wouldnt then just dont. its cowardly and embarrassing behavior and its just gonna rot ur brain and soul and make u lose touch with reality and how u connect to others on a human level

[pansyfemme]

Hi Jude! I'm so anxious about my first appointment... stuff came up and I had to change locations and providers (still informed consent but not planned parenthood anymore). But! Otherwise I'm really very excited.

Your drink sounds really good. I love lavender in all forms but I've never drank it :0! I wish there was a cafe close to me! Alas. Country boy pretty much right now.

Has your day been good? I hit post limit? How are classes? (I assume they've started back up for everyone by now?) Find any new music? I found a song byyy The Ooze(s)? I think. It's short but SO good and loud and I could play it on repeat for HOURS!!!

Hi elias!! i saw u hit post limit, i admire ur devotion to #cecilsweep but you have killed my dash today oh my god 😔 /j (ily keep doin what ur doing, but holy shit dude) im so excited for you to start t! im sorry about the rearranging, it was the same way when i started- its always difficult to set stuff up at first!

I adore lavender in pretty much anything. My family are absolute freaks when it comes to how much tea we consume so we order several flowers and herbs in bulk, lavender being one of them and i make lavender syrup all the time when im home. It’s rlly tasty in coffee, but has a reputation of its own for being the east coast gay drink lmao, and is often overpriced. i live within walking disatance from four local coffee shops so im a bit spoiled lmao!!

my day’s been good, i woke up at like noon as most weekends start for me, i have some observation hw to start on (i have plenty of time tho.) but im pretty excited since i adore the professor im taking observation II from and he is nice enough to allow me to use color in all my assignments <3 Usually ur supposed to just do b/w charcoal but thats so fucking boring oh my god and this professor is a huge fan of my color work so he knows how much a chore b/w is for me. I’m thinkin of maybe drawing my hrt? idk i have to think abt it but i thought it would be fun.

as for music, on my way up to college on tuesday dad and i listened to the one pansy division cd we have like 3 times in a row and i havent rlly gotten over it yet and have been listening to their cover of liz phair’s ‘flower’ on repeat ever since. im honestly surpised we dont own more pansy division, my dad’s seen them a few times and theyre on one of his fave labels (lookout!) so it’s kinda odd we only have the one cd. but yknow, streaming is a thing, im just a snob and like physicals a bit more. I’ve been scouring bandcamp as usual for more twee and have been rlly digging a band called the harriets from osaka i believe, who have all of three songs out but i really like. I also bought a few of the max levine ensamble’s albums on bandcamp, theyre available on streaming but bandcamp doesnt have the sound limits other streaming services have and that band is best heard LOUD thru headphones. (i think some bands sound better when u can barely discern the sound LMAO) Theyre a pop punk band from dc that i started listening too exclusivly bc one of their members (spoonboy) is genderqueer and i wanted to hear more genderfuck type music. (tho pansy division is fufilling my every need for more songs abt gay male femmes rn oh my god. Listen 2 their cover of femme fatele, it makes me grin so hard. ) I’m on an honest search for queercore thats not like. how do i describe it? like neo-hardcore? like yknow, the very harsh and almost electronic hardcore thats popular rn but doesnt totally resemble older hardcore. I found a few bands i liked (DUMP HIM is pretty good, i also like yonic boom, which i searched for hours to make sure they weren’t terfs and can confirm they have at least one trans member if that helps a little👍) i also have learned that trying to find music that isnt hyperpop or death metal in the transcore tags on bandcamp is pretty impossible, tho i keep trying! what can i say, im a dude driven by horrible production quality, lts wild to me how polished some hardcore sounds nowadays when the main reason i like it is bc its grainy and harsh and hard to listen to. My love for twee but disdain for modern indie follows suit with that, if it doesnt sound like it was recorded on a budget of one dollar i dont want it!!! (with a few exceptions, i still cant shake my power pop infused childhood.) oh god that last paragraph is probably unreadable but yknow. autism

thanks for sending me an ask ily💖💖💖💖

[lovphobic]

Ooo let's hear about thalya! Love that name btw

oo an enabler. love u.

i will try to do this as linear as possible, but a lot of her story is sildraste's, and a lot of sildraste's is hers lmao. and of course all of this is subject to change due to me having her as a character with substance for like. 3 days max, while also filling in the roles ive already given her through sildraste

so she lives with her father in this settlement out in what would be the country. just outside of a city basically. she works as kinda an apprentice under her father, who is a jeweler. which is how the pendant comes into play eventually

when she isnt helping him though, she likes to be helpful to other people in the settlement. a healing hand. so right now i have her as an alchemist artificer (which is a lot to try and understand when youve never played and barely understand the game as is fjhsdjkf) which i feel plays well off of sildraste's class of ranger.

i want her to be this really kind and bubbly character. really em and sympathetic. she will cry when you cry. i want to play her off as naive but like, shes really not. belle from beauty and the beast. thats who i want you to think of. just with less focus on the books. just a joy to be around with no real enemies

which is how she and sildraste really come to hit it off together. sildraste wandered into the settlement on one of her journeys, stopped for supplies and food and a place to generally safely rest. and ended up staying.

im still not sure how i want this to come about, but i am dead set on this pendant somehow leading to sildraste "killing" her. so im going to skip over this bit of the story for right now. its cursed somehow and leads to thalya becoming a danger to the settlement, thats all you really need to know jfshfjk

but when sildraste looses and arrow that Shouldve been a killing shot, due to the general Weight of the situation. the anguish and disbelief and. well. every emotion you can expect to have when you have to kill the love of your life. due to all those emotions she misfires. it wounds her! and in her panic, sildraste Really Does Think thalya's dead. so she takes the pendant from her neck as something to remember her by, and flees. middle of the night leave her on the floor "dead" flees.

but of course in classic good ma/ss ef/fect 3 style heartstring tugging, soon as shes gone, thalya draws breath. not well enough to stand, or to call out. just enough to know she's still alive and needs help. WHICH! i think would be a good play on her artificer class to cast healing word on herself

im not sure again how i want her to come to the conclusion that pendant cursed > i was cursed, i was a threat to society > pendant gone > love of my life has it > the story is going to repeat on > i have to find her before its too late BUT thats the conclusion i want her to come to.

essentially i think itd be really cool for her to have to have this pleading showdown with sildraste right as shes on the brink of no return and in a jen/nifers bo/dy style just RIP the pendant off her neck

thats kinda her story right now! i dont have much else to say about it. but some fun things are: i figured out her birthday and sign today! she was born december 19 and is a sagittarius. after i post this and shower ill work on her alignment quiz and get around to posting THAT.

and here is her playlist, if you want to get a better Feel for her character. it kinda goes through her whole story on its own, just not in order per se LJFHDSJKFSA

LASTLY!! here is her picrew + face claim. i found the face claim on unsplash and. because of that i have no idea who this is. but thats my thalya! (peep the pendant)

#THIS WAS FUN i really got to like. kinda proofread what i already wrote for the oc carrd and pick it apart and put it back together again #but im sure thatll happen again and again until i finally settle for what i want seeing as this is her in her early development #ALSO THANK U ! her name used to be marvani but i was like... hm.... i like thalya a little more actually. she looks like a thalya (imo) #snail mail #ref #<- so i dont lose this post. i know if i dont tag it as this i will need it in the future and just. wont be able to find it

[the-lilac-sky]

hey so ive heard a lot abt shifting and in april/may I tried shifting pretty much every night. i was unsuccessful and started to believe that it wasn't real BUT THEN I got back from school early today bc of exams and it is the last week and guess fucking what I fell asleep at maybe 12pm or 1pm (don't judge I never sleep so it was good that I got a nap) then woke up at 3pm. like my mum came into the room, I was definitely awake, I asked her the time, and she said it was abt 3. ok? got it? good. so I fall back asleep and I see a door. now I know I'm asleep, I can tell I'm not in my body, this is in my subconscious or whatever. then I open the door AND LET ME FUCKING TELL U WHAT HAPPENED I SWEAR I SHIFTED.

BC I was in this large black room with no walls, just endless darkness, sitting cross-legged in front of this average wooden brown door with a brass knob. i opened the door, I could FEEL the gold brass knob, and then I walked through it and my mum was walking in front of me, and I turned around and the door was a white one???? and I was in my new house??? btw my new house hasn't been finished building yet.

so naturally, i followed her in, shut the now white door behind me, and helped her unload the groceries we were carrying bc apparently we had just gotten back from grocery shopping which is why we had been walking into the house. also we had a pet deer (one of my fav animals that I've always wanted!!!!). then I saw my grandma (who lives in another country), and she was at the table in the kitchen. she didn't look like yk how u cant see ppl in dreams but u can tell who they are? NO THATS NOT WHAT HAPPENED I saw her I literally saw my grandma, every inch of her looked the exact same as to what she rly looks like. then sitting across from her was a plump woman with a genuine smile on her face, her blonde hair pulled into a loose-ish pony, and a very noticeable vibrant blue shirt. it took me a second but I realized she was my friends mum she introduced herself to me as my mums friend (they are friends irl too sooo idk)

then i realized what was happening, i knew all along that I wasn't awake/in my body, but then it hit me that I was shifting. so I went up to my room and was on my phone for a few mins until it was time to go. so I walked to school and met up with my rly close friend... sierra. anyway I've told her irl abt my shifting attempts so in the dr ('desired reality', where I shifted to) I told her that I shifted, that this was a different reality. and she forgot/didnt know what that was so I briefly explained it to her.

i said that i wasn't in my body, just bc I was conscious doesn't mean that I was conscious in my regular dimension/in my physical body.

but i had a thought, 'what if I travelled to my body for a few mins? to check yk?' so I RETURNED TO MY BODY IN THIS DIMENSION AND U KNOW WHAT WAS SUPER FREAKY??? I WAS LAYING ON MY SIDE AND LEFT WAS UP. I KID U NOT!!!! YK WHEN UR UNDERWATER AND UR DISORIENTED AND DONT KNOW UP??? WELL SORTA LIKE THAT EXCEPT UP IN MY PERSPECTIVE WAS LEFT PHYSICALLY!!! AND RIGHT IN MY PERSPECTIVE WAS UP PHYSICALLY!!!! DOES THAT MAKE SENSE??? IT RLY FUCKED WITH MY MIND!!!! IT WAS LIKE SOMEONE PUTTING U IN A BLACK BOX AND SHAKING IT AND THEN BEING TOSSED IN THE WATER AND NOT KNOWING WHICH WAY WAS WHAT OMFG

but it was overall an AWESOME experience, I rly like shifting. and before u ask, no it was NOT a lucid dream. i was shifting. nothing weird/overly dream-like happened. the weirdest thing in the dr (stands for desired reality) was having a pet baby deer, which tbh isn't that weird and isn't smth that would happen in a dream!!! now let me tell u regular dreams for me are fucking weird like once I dreamt abt my classmate (neville) kidnapping everyone and me having to escape his underwater mossy world in a spacesuit with the help of a priest??? I'm not religious

but i also couldnt control the dr like I can with lucid dreams. it was not a dream, trust me. i shifted!

and i felt a few hrs pass, like i literally spent a few hrs in my dr, between unpacking groceries and talking to my grandma and my mums friend, and being on my phone, and walking to school, and talking to sierra. like hours passed yk? but I woke up and it was 3:20pm??? now remember I fell asleep at 3!!! so time was fucking disorienting too. cuz it was like I gained a few extra hours of my life???? when only 20 mins passed in the dimension my body was in???? it was weird lemme tell u. fun, and so cool, but fucking weird and disorienting.

also if anyones curious, yes im still crying abt bailey. currently listening to all I wanted by paramore. i miss her.

#shifting #reality shifting #dreaming #lucid dreaming #weird #disorienting #pet deer #wtf happened

[ivoncu]

Hi,I don't know if you're still active here but I'd like to ask: Where and how do you store your Keito merch/photocards? Just started collecting them (of Hajime tho) earlier this month and I've got no idea where to start.

HIHI!!! im kinda active sometimes... sorry for disappearing for 2 months :3 but if you can i recommend you using mercari!! its a website easy to find enstars merch directly from japan & from what research i've done searching for merch there it depends on the characters whether the merch is expensive or not + you can directly see the yen they sell in convert into your currency quickly if you log into it i'll link you to the website!!

but ofc thats gonna cost a lot for shipping from japan & you dont even add in the shipping to your house yet once it reaches your country. i dont personally use mercari since im still a minor & cant get my parents to buy me anything from there, so i use shopping websites within my country like shoppee or carousel, but idk where you live so i cant really help you if you live around america/europe :(

most of them sell preloved enstars item tho, so they might come to you with a few minor defects, but i think seller would be responsible enough to tell you abt it!! i mostly use shopee to buy my stuff & sometimes carousell too... if you look hard enough, you can find good deals there!! :3 nd if there is some, i would recommend going to a second hand store from japan / physical anime merch store. but i wont recommend going to the physical anime store unless youre really desperate. i've gone to one once & there was at least 2 enstars merch... i bought one for gambling (like came in a packet u dont know who you'll get) & did not get keito so it was like a total waste of money :/ but for 2nd hand one, maybe you'll get lucky & find a hajime merch yourself for dirt cheap :3 but sometimes it all dedicate to your luck...

yayay but thats all from my personal experience as a collector though :3 a bit too late but GOOD LUCK ON COLLECTING HAJIME MERCH ^_^

#⌕。⌗ ﹕ 𝗹𝗼𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗼𝗺𝘆 𓂃 ᰍ ⸒⸒

[rainy-astrology]

thats what baffles me about this whole life thing that we have to unfortunately force ourselves to endure even if we dont want to admit it we are slaves to the broken system. there is so much that we can or should be doing but at the end of it it dont matter once we pass away cause then u be a no body yknow. no one on earth can really say when but i wanna know when... idrc for the whole life is short yolo shtick that was a saying in the mid 00s or whenever. theres only so much u can realistically achieve and if u fail as i have then whats the point in sticking around? why is there no exit button cause i dont want to stick around past the age of 50? the state the world and countries are in is dreadful. people on here are still timid to talk about death but we cant avoid the subject.

Hi anon, are you alright? You sound very stressed and depressed. This is some pretty negative thinking...Especially if you're asking about death and not wanting to live long. "If you fail as I have then whats the point of sticking around?" I'm guessing you base your self worth on success and you haven't met your expectations/goals, so you're already considering yourself a failure and want to quit. You're under 50, so you're still young (and even if you were 50 or older, age can't stop you from reaching your goals) and have plenty of time to achieve all of the things you want. Yes we will all die in the end, but that doesn't mean you should spend the rest of your time doing nothing and being negative. That's a sad way to live. It's also not a reason to want to leave early... There must be something else in this world that you want to live for.

Is there nothing or nobody you value? Life is about the small things too...it's about the people you are with too...do you really want to quit and leave those behind? Even if you don't think you have either, surely you do. Think about it. Reflect deeply. Even if you think you will be insignificant after your death, you will matter to those you're close to, to people you have impacted and care about. I'm sure there's someone who cares about you. The world may not know you, but why do you care about people you don't even personally know.

You can still be successful no matter how many times you've failed. Isn't that what life is? A series of trials and lessons, learning experiences? You don't have to beat yourself up so much over your mistakes and failures. Learn from them, grow from them.

But I get what you're saying though, I think about it a lot actually. The world is in an incredibly depressing state and just seems to get worse each passing minute. Sometimes it does feel like our efforts amount to nothing, especially since we'll die anyway. We really can be doing so much more and run the world in a much different, better way yet we somehow chose some miserable ways...It's completely understandable. I also especially understand with the failure part, but we can't let that eat us up y'know. We only truly fail when we give up completely.

I know you didn't come to me to get some motivational speech or whatever, but I do not want you to wallow in your own sadness. It's ok to be sad and to be depressed, but you shouldn't give up either.

Decided to put your other ask in here as well

Yeah I'm sorry I didn't really have much of an answer for your 1st ask.

Certain times? Like birth times? I don't think there's much to it, it just happens to be the time we're born at. The placements are based on the degree and coordinates of the stars and such at the time iirc.

No, I don't think it does. Nothing in your birth chart or astrology is set in stone. It is simply a guide to help you learn about yourself and what you may want in life, the lessons and experiences you may go through. Plus depending on the type of chart system and astrology system you use, one chart can mean one thing while the other says something else (but there should likely be an overlapping theme between the charts). It's all up to you to make the action and effort to build your own path and life.

#ask #anon #maybe you should consider therapy #sorry i rambled a bit LMAO i hope it makes sense and i hope it is a bit encouraging. #i have been having a bit of brain fog latelg #lately*

[blackvail22]

9/25/23

10:25am -

i just had my first appointment with my new psychiatrist? i think thats the word. i got diagnosed with BED (binge eating disorder), and ive been saying for YEARS that i had it, and no one would help me. its been 9 years since i first went to a doctor and told them about my eating habits; they didnt help me. i had an obvious ed, and im glad im finally getting the help i need.

my relationship with food is severely complicated. im obsessed with my weight and the calories im intaking, but i cant stop... binging. and the fact i have fat on my body makes me want to throw up, nd every time i notice it, it makes me feel like my insides are being scratched over and over. my fear of purging is the only reason i dont...

a month ago, i was talking with my counselor, and she asked me if ive ever been screened for adhd. i told her no, but i can tell her yes!! my new doctor did a screening thing for adhd, and i have it. shes referring me to somewhere to get a more in-depth test to see what type of adhd and the severeity of it.

i told my mom all of this, and she seemed upset. i dont understand? shes been so rude to me lately... i mean, she always is.. but it feels like she changed? shes so bitter, and shes being like homophobic 😭😭 out of nowhere LIKE WHAT PROMPTED U TO BE LIKE THIS? i SWEAR on everything, being a chronic facebook user ruined her. she wasnt like this before facebook LMAOO shes so sad. but, all well!

im going to try my best to clean my room again. i NEED to get my shit together!! its so embarrassing how messy it is. i have to focus on doing it. i have to do it today; i have no choice!!

10:17pm

news flash: i didnt clean my room. whos surprised? im going to try and get it together before i go to bed because i have to... i have or else ill feel like im letting my boyfriend down lol

yk idk why but being friends and flirting w somsone is so much different than dating them. its insane!

i didnt mention this before but im being put on a different medication that targets bed and adhd and it also helps depression. i have to do a bunch of testing before i take it, though, because its a controlled substance

im afraid of facing my past. i know that i was a fucked up kid, but seeing HOW fucked up i am is... terrifying. like i read through a few of my old roblox messages and woah!!! i was living a double life, holy shit! obvi... i used a fake name, fake age, and some of the stories i would tell belonged to my sister. ill forever be regretful for the way i was back then... it makes me think, though... did i ever really change?

i had this girlfriend named .... lets call her juju. she lived on the other side of my country, and we met because we both ran fan accts for a youtuber on insta. i became ... obsessive? quickly. i feel sorry for her, but i was 12 and she was nearly 16, so... she easily couldve cut me off once she found out my age lmao. idk, i kept trying to find ways for her and i to meet in person because i was so excited to meet her online. she broke up with me, and i made another instagram and pretended to be someone else for a while.... aka i catfished her. i didnt show her photos of anyone else, just used the name "katrina" like i used to. i got her to talk abt her exes and then she talked abt how she recently broke up w someone and how crazy they were. i knew then that my behavior wasnt normal. i didnt understand the boundaries i was crossing.

am i all that different now? i used his snap maps to see when he's at his dad and when hes at his moms or at school. when i planned on moving down there, i looked for apartments that were nearby his primary home. i attenpted to make an acct to pretend i was someone else and see if he would lie to me abt info abt his life. i didnt finish it.... i got like the ick from myself and was thinking abt how crazy i was.

i try my best to not be ... stalker-like. i wouldnt follow someone throughout their day to see where they are, who theyre with. i wouldnt use it to harm him, and if he didnt want to see me or talk to me, i wouldnt force him to by showing up to his house or texting him off the number i give to weirdos.

im getting tired. its 10:37p now, and i keep like closing my eyes every once and awhile inbetween sections.

i think the last thing i feel i need to rant abt is how i told my dad i have binge eating disorder and for dinner when i told him i didnt care what he got me, HE GOT ME FOOD FOR A FAMILY OF 4. he looked me in the eyes and said, "two cheeseburgers, 16 chicken nuggets, 10 cheese sticks, and a milkshake incase u get hungry later" when he KNOWS i have a habit of eating a lot of food in one sitting.

i feel gross from how much i ate today, and im still wanting to eat more.

being told "u can reverse everything thats wrong w you if u just lost weight!" and then having those same people ENFORCE ur unhealthy eating habits is insane

like, do u rlly want to help me? or do u want to just berate me for the hell of it?

okie song song time

this song is so ... relateable. typical pop song but its so good 2 me

[menalez]

We know which people are the ones that commonly use Yehudi as an insult and we know what used to happen to people suspected of being Yehudi in Arab countries even in the 1980s. There is absolutely no equivalence between the state of anti semitic bigotry in middle east today and Western countries. And look at how terrorist attacks have plagued synagogues in Tunisia and how they have been vandalised in the wake of the Hamas attacks. Stop using them as your token when they have no option but to support Palestinians to survive in their Muslim majority population. Two wrongs may not make a right but the fact is middle eastern countries and societies continue to get away with far worse atrocities historically and currently while complaining about victimisation when they face a fraction of what they mete out to their minorities.

so your counterpoint is to reiterate the same thing u said in ur last msg? ok i’ll repeat myself too then: “have u ever heard the saying “two wrongs don’t make a right”? a religious ethnostate built off of oppressing, killing, and expelling the native population isn’t somehow ok because antisemitism is a global phenomenon that exists today & has existed historically. consider that before u use antisemitism as an excuse for apartheid, genocide, colonialism, and oppression. 👍🏾”

the fact is middle eastern countries and societies continue to get away with far worse atrocities historically and currently

define getting away with far worse atrocities? because i think out of like 15 middle eastern countries, several are war-torn. several are impoverished. north africa’s people are also impoverished. and basically all of us live under dictatorships, many of them being put into power by our colonisers or western powers.

lebanon has been ravaged by wars for decades, iraq too, palestine has been reduced to enclaves and a besieged open air prison & is also war-torn, so is yemen, so is syria. that’s 5 countries out of 15… so about 20% of middle eastern countries are war-torn.

egypt is impoverished and has been under a dictatorship for a while, iran has been under a dictatorship for a while, bahrain & saudi arabia too, and nearly all our countries, really.

so what atrocities is the middle east even getting away with? because the west seems to have no problem killing us and destroying our nations when it benefits them, while uplifting our dictators and oppressors also when it benefits them. what do u want us to do about it? we had the arab spring which has resulted in worse conditions for us and in the west helping many of our dictators. what punishment is sufficient for you? because non-existent weapons of mass destruction resulted in iraq being completely destroyed, and the countries that tend to get away with shit are the dictators that ally with the west not the countries that are more moral. many of these are the same countries that have normalised or were about to normalise relations with israel. what are the atrocities that we get away with that everyone else is held accountable for? because i dont recall it being us who is getting away with killing countless civilians or stealing resources, thats western countries esp the US and countries like israel.

and ultimately you can’t even elaborate how an apartheid ethnostate started by europeans (rather than the middle eastern jewish people you tokenise to justify genocide) killing, expelling, oppressing, and colonising the local population is apparently fighting against any of this. you’re just trying to justify it by weaponising antisemitism, as if combatting antisemitism necessitates acts like ethnic cleansing or genocide or colonialism or apartheid. as if there aren’t renowned jewish activists and movements that are both speaking against antisemitism and against israel’s actions. as if criticising antisemitism and criticising genocide and colonialism are mutually exclusive.

#tunisian jews are apparently now ben-gurion or theodor herzl