#i don't think its my clothes themselves im struggling with its my body | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thedisablednaturalist · 7 months

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Office disability culture is so fucked in environmental science and fieldwork. Like the mindset that to do the job you have to be in perfect physical health or you should just quit. Like I'm not talking about something that is 100% physical labor here, everything is mostly achievable with aids and you don't need to be able to do every single thing. But there's this weird like..pride..that my older coworkers have. They work out in the gym and brag about how many reps they did. They tease each other for having medical issues. They don't ask for accommodations because they fear that their legitimacy will be hurt. That it means that they can't do their job anymore. That they won't be TRUSTED to do their jobs anymore. That it will get taken away.

So they FURTHER hurt their bodies by not resting, not taking breaks, not using ergonomic equipment, not using safety equipment. Not drinking enough water. Not using mobility aids when they are so old that it's supposed to be acceptable. They don't use the scooters at the grocery store, they don't use their handicapped placard, they don't use knee pads or compression gloves.

And here I come in, 24 years old, looking perfectly healthy. And I use walking sticks, I sit down a lot, I have my care bag, I have a ton of gadgets for making fieldwork more comfortable, I have boundaries and limits, I wear braces and knee pads and compression gloves. I use my handicapped placard.

They react in one of two ways:

1. How DARE I. I'm so lucky to be young and no one sees THEM having to do all those things (literally nothing is stopping them but pride). Like old man if you need a break take a fucking break. I'm not going to hurt my health to make you feel better about hurting yours. I'm not risking a flare up to spare the 65 year olds feelings. Im gonna take my break and use my equipment cause my boss doesn't care as long as the work gets done. I'm tired of glares from 100 year olds making themselves struggle across the parking lot when they could also be using the fucking scooter. (I never take the last scooter, there's always another available. Also it's not my fault if walmart only provides 2 scooters for the whole store).

2. It shows them its okay. Its okay to need aids. When I first showed up at my job it was very...macho..everyone was afraid of seeming old (theres probably only 3 of us under 30 in the whole department, most people are at least 50, mainly 65 year olds). Then they saw me using my walking sticks, taking my medicine openly, bringing a chair with me when working away from my desk, using my TENS unit. I overheard one lady ask her granddaughter what fibromyalgia was (apparently she had spotted my pain tracking journal).

My older coworker with a bad knee got a walking stick like mine and beamed when she showed me. The grandmother uses a cane and a walker interchangeably and more often. I get asked where I get my little portable fan and pocket heaters and special clothing. Even abled coworkers are doing it. My coworker who's younger than me sets alarms to take breaks now just like I do. People seem more comfortable using things that help them now.

My boss has really struggled. He has a lot of internalized ableism and hates thinking of himself as crippled. He spent his whole life physically active and strong and all these health issues and overexertion are catching up with him. Like he did environmental testing in areas with fucking radon. He did work where they threw asbestos around like snow for fun. He's done a ton of really hard physical work. He grew up with the mentality that pain was just something everyone has to push through. But I think seeing a young person make the choice not to push through is helping him a bit. He wants to make his own walking stick, he goes to the doctor more. We bond over having constant medical issues and I even gave him the name of my surgeon. Yea he still says stuff like "shoot me if I have to use a wheelchair" (not as much anymore since he now knows I use one) but he's getting there.

Yeah so I've had this in my drafts for a bit and I wanted to update that my boss has been walking around with a fucking broken ankle for the past couple of weeks. He thought it was just arthritis pain and eventually couldn't take it anymore and went to the foot doctor. The doctor has no clue how the fuck he's been walking on it. Now he has to wear the boot and he's banned from fieldwork while he heals.

Older people and the elderly need to learn that it's okay to not push through the pain and ask for help. Everyone needs to learn this, and not be like my fucking boss. Go to the doctor, get that sore joint checked out. Get those tests done. Use that aid. Stop walking on a broken ankle just because you can.

#chronic disability #chronic pain #spoonie #disability #from the field #wrenfea.exe #literally fucking flabbergasted #he walked in after leaving for a bit to go to his appointment and came back like so yeah my ankles been broken #BUDDY #everyone needs help sometimes you dont deserve to be in pain #like thats some catholic guilt shit im pretty sure #this man has had 4 major back surgeries so i guess a broken ankle is nothing compared to that #but still...jesus fucking christ #not sprained..BROKEN #and thats along with all the rest of the pain hes in #like i get being used to pain but if i stub my toe during a flare up I can't handle it because it pushes my pain level over the edge #so it actually makes me less tolerable since im already in pain #but im used to a higher pain level than abled people are #ok im done rambling for now im gonna go play Minecraft

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compassionatereminders · 1 year

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hi dokter (i think i spelled it right? sorry;;). im gonna sound like an asshole and i feel horrible about that but, i feel like a lot of people fake DID and multiple personality disorders. I know that i shouldnt fake claim people and such but, ive been on discord servers and theres a random channel dedicated to alters finding out who they are and then they always know how to set themselves up with a bot mechanic and switch between people rapidly. im a jerk for this, but genuinely in my head there is no logical explanation for how they have amnesia but know and understand discord completely. or how people will have fictives that are nothing like the source, just genuinely nothing like the character. its present in a lot of teenagers that struggle with mental illness and escapism, i think its less of a knowingly faking thing and more of a misdiagnosing themselves and truly WISHING there were more people there and they could share a body with dream. I feel like i do a fair amount of research, and looking into DID leaves me confused sometimes with how a lot of people online display their symptoms. why do alters all share an account and sign it? how do they all know the password? how do they all know how to operate it? (referring to tiktok because so much DID content comes from there, all with teenagers and young adults. i have yet to see someone over the age of like, 23 talking about DID. Not saying that just cause youre young you cant be blank, but i feel like its worth noting.) i guess i consider myself a kind person, and i dont care about what people do if it doesnt harm anyone. but this DOES harm people. i think its mostly people self diagnosing because they identify mood swings, different interests, and a yearning to be closer to their favorite fictional character or not be alone. so they truly do believe that this character is possessing them, even when its truly them changing their voice, putting on different clothes, adding an accent, and such. when people fake an illness, they dont fully understand what its like to have it and act in a way that is not accurate. isnt this the kind of thing that leads to stigmatization? to people completely changing their definition of DID since all they have seen is kids faking and acting like their favorite minecraft youtuber? i dont know. i feel bad since i hear from people with DID that they do feel this way, they feel like people now have a warped view of the disorder from people faking it online. Im not speaking for everyones experiences, maybe some dont care maybe some think its a coping mechanism, i have no idea. im sorry i went off on such a rant. i really like kats blog, she's helped a lot in ways. one last asshole note. A part of me is crying out that youre just kat typing while speaking her true and harsher thoughts under a different name, like an alter ego. im sorry, i know she wouldnt do that and im sure thats not what you are. i just had to ask, to clarify i guess (Even though i more just. stated it. sorry;;). i am probably not very nice in your eyes now, i dont mean to be the mental illness gatekeeper or anything but when you can very clearly tell so many are faking something serious its hard to just, go along with it. p.s. since youre a dokter who shares kats mind, how did you get all the education to be a psychiatrist? i feel like kat alone could be one, since she is very well educated and good at that stuff. is that why? or another reason. jsut genuinely curious;;.

None of us are psych professionals and none of us are claiming to have DID. Like sure there is a general issue of misdiagnosis causing the spread of misinformation which is to some degree harmful, but when I am explicitly stating that I don't have DID, how do you then read that as me faking DID? How is my experience inherently fake just because it isn't corresponding with the clinical experience of DID? Why is having the clinical disorder DID the only way my experience could be valid and real? Why is anything besides the clinical diagnosis DID fake in your eyes? Please spell that part out for me

#doktor speaks #identity compartmentalization tw #sysdiscourse tw #accusations of faking tw #faking tw #diagnosis denial tw

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farfallasims · 1 year

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i just read your post about loving your body & im crying...ive always struggled w how i look because my mom used to say she hated her body & tell me im ugly. now im a mom & gotten a lot bigger than i used to be (00-now 8/10/12)& i want to love myself for them so they dont think of themselves that way but summer is so hard for me. i have huge boobs and no bathing suits are made for super short people with G boobs and fat ass so its just really discouraging idk im sorry im dumped this on you

Don't ever apologize for needing to express your feelings. It's how us gals bond, through sharing our stories.

I may not be a mother, but I empathize with having the body issues, especially when this season rolls around. And believe, I get the boobs issue as well. I do have a suggestion for bathing suits tho!

I am a SLUT for tube tops. Even with a bigger chest I wear bandeaus (I recommend SKIMS) under a tube top with a lil bikini bottom and it makes me feel so much better and secure. Tankinis like that are so in, in my opinion, so that's just a lil tip for clothing if you need swimwear.

But mamas, you're a MAMA. That body gave life. And to me, it's hot as fuck. Nothing is more beautiful and pure than that, so remember it. It's a beautiful thing. You are beautiful.

You're hot as fuck.

#huge huge love to you

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what-if-nct · 2 years

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What up bestie i am enjoying reading the joyce chronicles sm i figured id add some flowers too; coral, carnation, hibiscus 🌺🌺🌺

coral— what’s something you’re passionate about?

I think the thing that gets me really going and I just feel passionate about is how plus size people are treated. Because it's something I've dealt with my whole life, like Its the main reason I would self harm and I did really unhealthy things I still struggle with today. I was 10 years old and didn't want to be alive. And it wasn't because I hated my body, It was because of the way I was treated because of my body.

That's what makes you hate yourself and it makes no sense why plus size people are treated so poorly. And it's never about actually health, what about my sister who's skinny and eats so much more unhealthy then me. I actually have issues eating enough. But even if a plus size person does eat unhealthily they do not owe anyone perfect health. It is no one's business and everyone should be treated with common decency and respect no matter what size they are.

Luckily I am in a place I am happy with my body. I still don't like weight talk. Like I love my best friend she's like my sister. But she pointed out I lost weight which fine but the language around it being "you look like a new person" and "I'm proud of you" just rubs me the wrong way. Cause all my clothes still fit the same it's not a drastic change but she's the same size as me so I know it's just a projection of her own body image issues but it still just made me feel kinda bad.

So clearly that is something Im passionate about just for plus size people to be respected and honestly left the fuck alone. It's why i try to write stories centered around plus size women. Though I write from my experiences which aren't exactly universal. But I also refuse to write about a plus size women who hates themselves there's too many of those stories. Okay I'm done I just wrote an essay sorry.

carnation— how important are “looks” to you in a relationship? I'd be lying if I said not at all but like for women no absolutely not all women are beautiful. Men, yeah you have to at least look like the type of guy I like. Which is all based on the person's personal style anyway. Long hair, clean shaven, tattoos, piercings those are all based on personal choices that reflect personality and I'll even except short hair like Chan's hair.

hibiscus— what’s your favorite pet name, if any? why? Princess, I've only been called princess a few times but absolute favorite. Baby girl is a close second. Do I listen to compilations of Chan saying baby girls? I can't confirm nor deny that statement. I also was called Shortcake when I had red hair that was cute.

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the-blaze-empress · 1 year

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no joke I switched to desktop JUST so i could type this out on an actual keyboard instead of my phone

starting off with chap 4 OH MY GOD okay we get a little bit of backstory with chat!!! they are Not Human which makes sense but we get confirmation!!! Chat is Phil's BIGGEST SUPPORTER it might be because he's just a Kid but i feel like it's more than that, Chat seem like sneaky little bastards plus they Know Something I have a feeling they have ulterior motives o.O and I touched on this briefly but I ADORE the reptition of "you feel guilty" it's reminiscent of a thought that just won't stop pestering you but with that little tinge of unsettling energy that makes you know it's something MORE. and damn right Chat is never wrong YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN FATHER TECHNO, NO TURNING BACK NOW I am so normal about them <3

PHIL'S WINGS ARE THOSE OF A CARRION BIRD?? FEMALE VOICE IN HIS HEAD?? AM I GETTING GODDESS OF DEATH MUMZA VIBES, BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE I'M GETTING GODDESS OF DEATH MUMZA VIBES. angel of death phil is TOP TIER- and that DREAM UGH dreams are some of my favorite things to read/write because you can kinda just go wild and show your character's innermost fears/struggles/injuries without the limits of realism or needing actual structure- you can literally just slap your readers in the face with metaphor and they HAVE TO LIKE IT because it's a dream sequence and nothing NOTHING is cooler than a good dream sequence. the mirrors, the mirrors surrounding him and showing him what he thinks is the worst and most shameful part of himself- GENIUS. And then THAT cage disappears and he's RIGHT BACK WHERE HE STARTED in another cage. A prettier cage, sure, but a cage nontheless.

THE WINGS IMAGERY OOF i adore it i adore it all I'm frothing at the mouth screaming crying throwing up a bird in a cage!! Phil is a bird in a cage in more ways than one (MIRRORED CAGE- LITERALLY A CAGE MADE OF HIS OWN BODY THE SYMBOLISM IS PERFECTLY PAINFUL), his wings are clipped and he keeps fleeing anyway because he can't bear it anymore GOD. he is sisyphus. he is the bravest little boy and he just wants to stop hurting and stop being hurt. I want to hug him (BUT DON'T TOUCH HIS BACK!! BECAUSE HIS WINGS ARE THERE AND IT HURTS). Do the sleeves have something to do with the wings??? It would make sense- runes in the cloth to help hide them. I'm getting the vibes of either prophecy/curse, seeing as how these "stories" tell that his wings won't stay just tattoos for long. Which, that makes me thinks it's involuntary and POOR BOYYYYY

characters sobbing after being shown just basic kindness is SO GOOD it's so painful but it shows so much about them without having to say it. They're used to cruelty and hurt. They've learned not to expect anything for free. They've been taught that they aren't worth anything if they're not giving every part of themselves to someone else. They've been taught that they aren't worth extra effort. They fundamentally don't understand the concept of being cared for just because they are human beings who need care and attention and OH the pain!!! the agony!!11!!! the shock and amazement and disbelief when someone is there just to be there, the fear that somehow they'll mess it up and things will go back to how they were, the holding their breath and waiting for their caretaker to realize they're not truly worth all this trouble. they're so precious and they have so much trauma <33333

and thus begins dadnoblade!!! I'm so excited to watch their relationship grow, this fic has me wholly and truly obsessed. The daily updates have been amazing, but please take the time to rest/take a break if you need one!!!! I will be eagerly theorizing in the meanwhile

oh if that isnt a fucking mood, i do that all the time which is partly why its taken me a Bit to reply lmaoooo. also HOLY SHIT UR ASK IS SO LONG??? SLASH SO POS

OKAY HI I GOT DISTRACTED TALKING ABOUT CLASSICAL CONTEXTS AND ALSO WHY ACHILLES AND PATROCLUS WERE GAY TO MY FLATMATE IM BACK NOW

yesss chat backstory!! there is more to come!! and yeah chats attached to the scrawny kid they met for like 0.5 seconds whos surprised not me. and yeah they ARE a sneaky little bastard and proud of it. so what if they may or may not have ulterior motives its fiiiine you dont need to know just trust them okay? chat is never wrong about SOME things. sometimes they are Very Wrong but They Will Never Admit That. though that is actually a rarer occurrence tbh

YEAAAA CARRION CROW BAYBEE WE LOVE SPOOKY BIRDS IN THIS HOUSE!! i am Looking at your theories and Saying Nothing <3 you will get ur answers <3 eventually <3 yes the dream!! i got to write two dreams in quick succession it was Great i also love dreams bc as u said, u can go BATSHIT with the symbolism and IT DOESNT HAVE TO MAKE SENSE also DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TRYING TO WRITE ABOUT THESE DREAMS AND NOT BE ABLE TO USE THE WORD NIGHTMARE????? IM DYING OVER HERE 'BAD DREAM' DOESNT HAVE NEARLY THE SAME CONNOTATIONS. anyways.

he is just a bird in a cage poor bby </3 im LIVING for ur analyses and i am going to pretend they are all intentionally like that!! (aksdjf i mean some shit is deliberate but also some shit has just Worked and im like huh neat) and idk DO the sleeves have anything to do with the wings? eyes emoji <3 poor boy yes correct hes Trying His Best

yeahhhh the fucking breaking down after being shown one (1) ounce of actual human decency is chefs kiss istg. hes so broken and this only breaks him MORE it should be HELPING and it IS but it HURTS and its NOTHING LIKE WHAT HES USED TO and yeah. trauma. we got a LOT of that in this fic wooooo

yesss dadnoblade (unwilling) (semi willing) (shut up chat okay its willing dont tell anyone else) im so glad ur as obsessed about this fic as i am bc boy oh BOY am i obsessed!!!!!!!!!! i will take rests and breaks dw especially since my uni has fixed the mc problem where i couldnt actually play mc properly so i will now be doing that A Lot More askdjfhdskj

do send me more theories if u have them at literally any point in time idc if its 2am i Will Listen

#wisdom be uponeth ye #1wn8ure #i want to print this ask out and put it on my wall oml #UR WORDS ARE ALWAYS SO NICE AAAAAAAAAAA #thank u thank u thank #u #<- forgot the last u lmao #tmatimry #WHY DO I KEEP TRYING TO TAG TAKE MY ARMS CONTENT AS HOW GREAT A JOY SHIT THEY ARE NOT THE SAME FIC AT ALL

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tparker48 · 3 years

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Request for fartsandfacesitting

Willson decided strolling around the room in order to get his daily walk in. Since he couldn't travel outside at the size he was by himself, he puts the matted carpets to good use. The hall was a decent length at as he looked at lights shining through the windows and onto the walls. They were alluring at first as his attention drew to the streaks on the ground, but Kyle's room soon drawed his attention as he as a red pair of underwear sat in the middle of the room. He stared inside as he looked around for kyle inside, but no one was inside.

"Heh, well. When an opportunity is offered" he grinned as he moved inside the room as bolted toward the underwear. It was almost as high as his thigh as he pulled it back to create a circle in the center. "Now let's have looksie.." Willson grabbed the back of the underwear as he pushed the flap to see the tag underneath. "Woah ho ho! Extra large? Kyle old boy, you must be packing a lot of junk if you need underwear this size. Wait til the boys hear this" Wilson laughed to himself before flipping out his phone to take take a picture. But sudden thuds would interrupt him as a shadow casted in the halls.

"Crap, he's coming. Think Willson think" he searched around, there was nowhere else to go on the carpet. In panic, he flipped the underwear over himself as he tried to lay flat. Just in time to hear Kyle yawn into room as the thuds rumbled the fabriced floor.

"Well, good shower. May have to take another one later" Kyle stretched his limbs before walking over. His body covered by a towel as he stepped through the room. Willson moved the side of the underwear as he saw Kyle's legs step overhead. Planting themselves on both sides of the underwear as kyle searched through the drawers. Droplets of water dripped onto the fabric as the opening of the towel showed part of Kyle's drenched legs. The rest of him still shrouded by darkness further above.

"Hmm, no underwear. Could've sworn i washed some this week" he shuffled through the drawer as he pushed some clothes to the side.

Seeing an opportunity, Willson would begin to slowly move out the fabric underneath him. "That's it...nice and easy..just a lottle further and-"

"Ah well" Suddenly, a pair of hands would surround the rim of the of the underwear before they began to pull upwards. Willson soon rolled back to center as he landed face up towards the towel above. Just in time for Kyle to unfasten it and let it drop to the floor. The darkness surrounding the rest of the Kyle's lower half would come into full view as Willson's eyes widened. A mountain sized ass would hover above the underwear as its swelled in place with a clench of his thighs. Its surface jiggling in place as it shifted.

"Holy-" before Willson could take a moment to glance, the red underwear would start to move towards the huge ass above as he tried to climb out. Kyle's thighs would begin to stretched the openings as they pushed closer to towards Willson. His ass now hovering at the opening as Willson's upper half hanged over the edge. He was just about to pull himself out before tons of ass flesh rested on his legs. "Grg! God you're heavy!" Willson soon began to feel the fabric pull closer as his back pressed into the ass.

"Ugh, these underwear are the worst i swear. Come on ya bastard of an ass get in there" Kyle jostled the waistband as constantly pulled upwards. The force making the flap roll into itself as it took willson along with it. It would slowly begin to pull over the ass as Willson's arm stuck from between his ass crack.

"Dam it, i need to reach him" reaching for his phone, he held it out in the opening as he tried to dial Kyle's phone, but a sudden just from the waist would pull it from his hand, as it fell to the ground. "No!" The underwear would soon pull over him and the ass as an outline of his body resided just between his crack.

"Ah finally, to think its takes this long to put on some underwear" Kyle would begin to move before he saw Willson's phone on the ground. "Hmm, wonder what that's doing here. Willson probably lost it. Ah that little guy can be oblivious at times" he began to walk through the hallway as he started calling out for Willson.

"Im..in here" Willson tried saying through the tight space. But the asscrack would keep his mouth closed as he tried to push out. But as he does, he'd feel the ass close around him before hot gas pushed into his back. The smell fumed his nose as he wiggles within the tight space.

"The hell is that? Damn fabric, always getting caught in my ass" Kyle stopped as his walk as he pressed between the fabric and fished through his crack. The fabric drawing willson deeper as his back nuzzled close to his hole.

"Ah give me a break Kyle" Willson say as he wiggled.

"He that feeling still there...grg!" Willson would he a gurgling behind his back before another blow of gas exiting from the hole behind. Droplets flowing from it as they trickled onto his neck. "Well, at least it'll the farts while i look for him. Willson, you around? I found your phone. It was in my room"

Willson trying yelling out towards him, but lingering smell would force his mouth closed as his puffed air from his nostrils. Another gas soon blew into as the ass clenched tight.

"Hmm, ah well. I'll let him know his phone is the counter. The game should be starting soon" kyle soon turned around as he went to his room.

"Wait no...Kyle...damn it man, check your underwear" Willson pried as the muscles along walls, but another blast of gas rushed towards him. This last blow, made him struggle in rage as the ass kept him in place close to his hole.

"There's that feeling again. I swear, in really gonna have to invest on getting more underwear to fit" Kyle gave one more clench as his ass tightened. Then with a unclench, he closed the door as he sat on his bed. Leaving Willson to attend to his ass as he watched an hour of shows.

A couple of hours passed, and Kyle went to take another shower. As he finished, he walked through the hallways as he spotted. Willson further below.

"Oh there you are Willson, I've been looking all over for you. Where ya been".

"I..don't want to talk about it" willson scorned.

"Ah alright. Well, your phone out in the counter if you're looking for it" kyle say sniffing the air. "Oh, and maybe a shower. You're smell like an ass"

"I wonder why!"

#musk

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t0shii · 3 years

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hq boys when you're feeling anxious or stressed

suna rintaro, hinata shoyo, oikawa toru x gn!r

!warnings! mentions of anxiety, reader comparing themselves to others, mentions of food & hunger, driving. this is like all fluff no angst rlly tbh.

SUNA RINTARO.

he could tell something was up but conviced himself he shouldnt pry as he had already asked you twice if you were feeling alright, to which you reasurred him with a "yep" both times, it was suspicious but he thought maybe you just wanted to be left alone. meanwhile you weren't sure why you lied him, you obviously were not doing okay at the moment. currently he was driving you home and your anxiety was going absolutely crazy from the amount of school work that was piling up on you, it's unfair you thought to yourself, looking out the window. not only were you stressed from work but trying to keep up with your friend was hard, to say the least. they were phenomenal students, straight As in their transcript and though your grades were just fine, you couldn't help but feel inferior and insecure. it's unfair how effortlessly smart they are and how i'll never be able to catch up.... oh boy if your thoughts weren't running wild before they definitely were now, you hadn't even realized your boyfriend pulling into your driveway until he slightly tapped your shoulder. "are you sure you're alright? i don't wanna pressure you ofcourse but, you know you can tell me anything right?" ... and there were the water works! the little string holding you together had snapped just like that. you sat there in the passengers seat sobbing into your hands and suna rintaro hadn't a clue what to do in the moment.

"give me just a sec" you heard him mumble but not before he gave you a kiss as light as a feather on the top of your head. somehow you didn't notice him exit the car and rush to your side until he opened your door and hugged you so tight you honestly couldn't breathe. after a few seconds your boyfriend let go of the embrace which, to his dismay, only made you cry even harder. now, he knew he was known for being quite... stoic but he was definitely panicking on the inside and it was really difficult to remain calm on the outside. your boyfriend carefully reached over you to unbuckle the seatbelt that you had yet to unclasp. "lets go inside baby." his voice was so gentle it would've taken you by surprise had you not still been crying. you nodded in response and he helped you carefully out of the car, holding your hand all the way to the door, "d'ya have your key?" you nodded trying your best to unlock the door, after a few struggled and shakey attempts you finally had your door unlocked but not without rins help because he couldn't bare to watch you struggle any longer.

stepping inside rin helped you take your shoes off, removing his own after, "bedroom?" having calmed down a little you whispered "yes," with a small nod. he nodded with you in response and took you to your bedroom. after helping you change into comfy clothes he helped you into bed, crawling in right behind you. your back was snug against his chest and he held you super tightly, it was silent for a few minutes until finally he spoke up, "please tell me how i can help" you could feel your lip quiver. "well... you don't have to say anything right now, you know i can wait. i'll even leave if you want, i just wanted you to know that you can tell me whenever you're ready and that i'll listen." neither of you were sure when you'd be ready to admit what had gotten you so upset but you felt comfortable knowing suna rintaro would be there whenever you were ready, whether it be minutes from now or even months.

HINATA SHOYO.

your silence on the walk home was starting to concern him.. maybe im just talking too much... he thought, "hey... im sorry if im talking your ear off.. how was your day angel?" to say he was disappointed with your response would be an understatement. not thar you HAD to talk but usually you were talkative with him and the worry in his tummy was only growing more. a simple, "oh.. my day was alright sho," simply woundn't cut it! "hey, are you feeling okay?" it was silent for a few seconds before you answered a mumbled "i think so, are you feeling alright, sho?" he simply nodded with a "mhm" and you told him to continue on with his story from earlier.

he complied but only to fill the silence. hinata decided to trust you when you said you were okay because you know your own feelings and he knows for a fact he's made it clear before that you could and should let him know if something was bothering you. though you enjoyed listening to hinata's stories you only found yourself getting lost in your own mind whilst he rambled on.you could tell he was suspicious of your behavior but was grateful he had left his curiosity behind because you were sure you would snap if he had asked you if you were okay again, you really didn't want to cry in front of him. truth is, your thoughts were running wild, stressing over the smallest things; assignments due at the end of the week, what you were gonna get your boyfriend for your anniversary, how you were gonna make time for your friends surprise birthday party and helping sho with his studied all the while trying to take care of your own self and keep your own grades afloat. "y/n..? we're at your house.. are you sure your alright? you look a little pale, are you ill?" crap! how had you not noticed you were approaching your own driveway you wanted to slap yourself for being so clueless. you couldn't help but feel horrible for not listening to your boyfriends story also.

"yes sho i'm fine really, i just didn't have time to eat lunch today but i have food inside so don't worry m'may?" he looked at you suspiciously and you knew he was onto you, "y'know y/n, i'm not gonna force you to tell me what's going on but just know i'll always be here for you, okay?" he gave you a small smile before engulfing you into a tight hug, it honestly melted your heart. surprisingly, you didn't start crying on the spot. "y'know, i wanted to trust you when you said you were okay but now i'm not so sure if you were telling the truth," he mumbled into your shoulder. you sighed, giving up the facade. "sho.... i just don't know what to do honestly, i have alot on my plate right now and i'm really stressed with all the responsibilities ive piled onto myself," you admitted. he nodded lifting his head from your shoulder, giving you the brightest smile, "well, i can always help out! i might not be the mooost helpful person ever but i'll try my best, and if anything i'm good moral support!" you giggled at that but suddenly you felt your lip quiver from the sudden guilt you feeling, "i'm sorry for lying to you sho-", "hey! its alright! you dont need to apologize. especially dont need you crying on me now!" he smiled cupping your face in his hands, wiping away a few stray tears of whom managed to escape.

OIKAWA TORU.

you smile back at him and thought of how silly it was that you tried keeping your feelings a secret from your boyfriend of two years, hinata shoyo, feeling glad that you confided in him. he knew you were upset as soon as he saw you that very morning, he could read you like and open book and you knew that fact very well. still though, you tried your best to hide yourself from him, though it was hard considering you sitting right next to him in the passenger seat of his car. finally after a whole day of being worried sick, he was tired of leaving things left unsaid "babyyyy," he sang for you from the kitchen, "please come here a sec!" he yelled for you louder. soon you came trudging down the hallway, blanket wrapped around your body, he couldn't help but smile at how adorable his s/o looked.

"c'mere quickly," he said will a grin, opening his arms for a hug, which you gladly accept, wrapping your arms around his waist tightly. "now, i know you know that i know that you're not feeling well, so please tell me what's got my angel so upset?" he said softly rubbing his hand lightly over your back, his voice a little muffled from his cheek being squished against the top of your head. you let out a breath you hadn't even realized you were holding, "'m sorry tooru, i don't know what's wrong with me today.... just not feeling well." you felt him nod against your head in response, "well good thing your amazing boyfriend is here to make you feel all better huh?" you let a out small giggle at that. "you know you can tell me when you're feeling down right? you shouldn't keep things bottled up inside", "i know tooru... im sorry, i just dont really know wbat i'm feeling so down about though," you admitted shyly. "hey that's okay! there absolutely no need to apologize for that, here, look at me, angel," he tilts your face so you're looking up at him, his big soft hands holding your face, thumbs stroking your cheeks lightly, "i'm here whenever you figure it out, hell, even if you dont figure it out or there just isn't any reason at all. you know i'm always, always, always here. i promise you that, m'kay?" he finishes his little speech with a smile, smothering your face in kisses. you could only feel relieved, thankful and loved. because you knew that you would always have your soulmate, oikawa toru by your side.

( a/n ; ahh so im sorry if this has any spelling or grammatical errors it's sort of late as i'm writing this! and im too lazy to proof read.... also it might just all be word vomit and if it is im so sorry 😩 ++ i'm positive ive kept the reader gn throughout the whole thing but if there are slip-ups i promise i'll do better next time! i rlly wanted to write some hq boys when ur feeling anxious and beyond stressed because i have been MEGA struggling with my own anxiety lately, especially bc of school so i just needed to let my feelings go! anywhooo i hope everyone who reads this has an amazing day or night! ) p.s. im new to writing so be nice 2 me or whatever 😩🙄😌👍🏻

#oikawa x reader #oikawa x y/n #oikawa toru #oikawa headcanons #suna rintaro x reader #suna x reader #suna x y/n #suna rintaro headcanons #hinata shoyo #suna rintaro #hinata x reader #hinata x y/n #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu fluff #rintaro x reader #shoyo x reader #toru x reader #sunni's works 📓

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gettin-bi-bi-bi · 3 years

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im really confused with (my) gender :( I wish I knew what gender even means, because for people outside the queer community it is just your genials, your boobs, your clothing, your hair, and your height. Are those things gendered or are humans gendered ? and if something is gendered what makes it gendered, what does men and women mean ? Ive been thinking about this and I just don't know, the only thing I know is that I love wearing big clothes, looking like a mushroom on a suit and I love being called bonito (means pretty boy in spanish because spanish adjectifs are gendered:( )

my main struggle is that, I don't even know what gender is or means, how I'm I supposed to apply something that I don't understand to my daily life ? how am I supposed to explore my gender identity if I don't know what gender is/means?

Hi anon. I can only answer from my experiences here and other people can probably input with other ideas from their perspectives too, but perhaps you are a binary trans person, perhaps you are non binary. But perhaps you’re neither, I mean questioning and wondering about gender doesn’t HAVE to mean you’re not actually cisgender. Also I am wondering, are you neurodivergent maybe? Because this struggling to understand gender is especially common I think amongst many neurodivergent people. Not that neurotypical people necessarily can easily make sense of it either but it often seems to be even more difficult for neurodivergent people to figure it out. That is probably a big part of the reason why a lot of newer gender labels exist (the sort that bigots love to mock and invalidate) not because all of them are actually describing the person’s gender but because in some cases they’re describing the vagueness of it and a person’s inability to describe it in any more specific terms often because of their neurodivergency (things like autism, various mental illnesses or even some physical illnesses which can impact on the brain and its functioning). There are the terms like genderqueer and non binary or queer used specifically in reference to gender, which can be used as umbrella terms or they can be used just as labels in themselves and these can be used by anyone, neurodivergent or neurotypical. But there are loads of other terms people have come up with for genders and people are inventing new words for them all the time and some of those do relate to specific things like autism or chronic illness which can affect a person’s understanding of gender.

I’m not saying by the way just because you’re confused that automatically makes you non binary - you might be, or you might be a binary trans person, or you might be cis and just confused. But if you think perhaps you might be non binary I will say that you may be better trying to find some sort of blog/group/forum that is specifically for non binary people so you can get input from a wider range of non binary people and see if any of their experiences resonate with you.

In the end though only you can really say what you are as well as what gender means (or doesn’t mean) to you. I think probably gender means different things to different people and how they work out what they are, probably it can be difficult for a lot of people to figure out, quite probably even a lot of cisgender people. I think really ultimately gender is just a feeling, and sometimes I think perhaps it’s as much a feeling about what you aren’t as about what you actually are. Like, if you feel for example you’re not a woman, well that might be a starting point to work out what you are. It might mean you’re a man, or it might mean you’re something else entirely. Maybe you’re agender/genderless and can’t figure it out for that reason? Although you’d probably be best asking agender people about that if you think that might be the case for you, because I’m not agender myself.

Also for some people, they don’t stick with one term all the time. Their gender itself might change (because they’re genderfluid or something like that). Or they might just find a better term or label after a period of using one label. Changing labels for whatever reason is fine, you don’t have to pick one and then just stick with it forever if it’s not right for you or your ideas about your gender change over time.

Society and the culture that we all live in, whatever society and culture that is, will usually tend to gender things like clothing, hairstyles, colours even, as well as genitals and body shapes/types and that sort of thing. And course the more obvious transphobes love reducing gender down to “biological sex” and, essentially just what genitalia you were born with. That’s probably not going to change any time soon unfortunately, but it doesn’t mean those things inherently have a gender, it’s just society in general and these bigoted individuals and small groups as well projecting onto them. You can be any gender and have any body type/body features, wear any kind of clothing, have any hairstyle, etc. Obviously in many cases realistically it’s not going to be perceived that way by the rest of society and that fact is going to put off both many binary trans and non binary people from expressing themselves in the way they’d truly like to because they can’t deal with all the inevitable misgendering and perhaps even worse than that from society. Likely that even puts off many cis people from dressing and appearing the way they truly want to, because of society’s reactions to it. But really, what you wear, how you present yourself to the world, it is your decision, and in terms of things like the clothing you wear, just do what feels comfortable and right to you.

I can’t really answer though what gender means or is, not even for me. Gender is a human construct, a product of us having a brain and a mind and feeling things, emotions, thoughts, and creating language and words and having a need to communicate with others. But it is a very vague thing really and it’s hard probably for anyone to define what it actually is. I certainly can’t say how cis people know what gender they are because I’m not cis. I am non binary and also I am neurodivergent (probably in multiple ways), and I know what binary gender I am not and feel no connection at all with and I know which binary gender I lean more towards and connect with a lot but... it’s still hard to pin down in more concrete terms. I don’t really feel a need myself to be more specific though but everyone’s different, some people might need more specific terms. It’s OK to want those but it’s OK too to be fine with using more vague terms, and it’s OK to not actually care much about what you are or how people perceive you. And it’s also OK to be confused and question things and take a long time to work it out and it’s OK to change labels too so I mean, please don’t get too into thinking this stuff over to the point where it’s actually causing you distress and worry, in the grand scheme of things it’s really not that important to the state of the world or the universe or anything what gender you are, and whatever label(s) you pick is your choice and something that should be meaningful and useful to you and if questioning all of this is not useful to you then you don’t have to do it.

I’m sorry if this is pretty vague but I really don’t think there is a proper definition of what gender is, or one obvious way of working it out. It’s a very vague and abstract thing relating to very abstract things (thoughts, feelings) and it is also a very personal thing that almost certainly varies wildly from person to person.

- Tiger

#Anonymous

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thoughts-from-a-chaotic-mind · 3 years

Text

Women Shall Rise

As women begin to rise

Many will fall to their demise

We will not be told that our bodies are just incubators for birth

Because the ones that say they're pro life

Are really just pro birth

What a sick and twisted way to say

My life is nothing if it doesn't suit your ways

What about the women who are raped

Now forced to carry a reminder of that traumatic day

Going into debt to feed a child

They had zero intentions of having

Giving up their dreams because a man lied saying he couldn't have any

Now he disappears with zero guilt

She's left alone without money for bills

Or the children now forced to carry to term

Unable to take care of themselves as it is

A child raising a child, when it wasn't their fault to begin with

Theres consequences to actions YES

but what about the victims that are now forced to face them

Forced to face their own hell as men go around wreaking havoc

They can have sex with whoever with no consequences for THEIR faults

No one holding THEM accountable

What a sick and twisted world in which we live

Adam and Eve thats what i was taught

But sometimes I'll get lost in thought

And i wonder, was Lilith real

Because if she was im starting to feel

Like she was the example for the strongest women still

She's the one that refused to obey

Because why should we be the ones following mens ways

When in reality women are smarter

We think way harder

We are magic, elegance and beauty

We produce life and treated like property

And i know God made us different for a reason

He made women delicate yet powerful

Life givers and caring lovers

So why are we the ones being mistreated

Why are we living in a mans world when WE hold the power that's needed

The power of life

Shouldn't they be scared of us

Not the other way around?

As we lay on the ground

Crying out "do you hear me now?!"

What about the women carrying a dead fetus

Now forced to risk their lives to birth when no heart is beating

Forced to be treated like witches and evil beings

Over something we can not control

Even if we miscarry we get ridiculed and are told its our fault

How cruel and cold people must be to have those thoughts

God gave us free will and free will to ALL

So for you to tell me what i can do with MY body?

What kind of God do you truly serve and call

Because my God said to not judge yet i see every "Christian" forcing their morals into law

Onto others, they push and snarl

They're cruel and mean, this is what I've seen

And it's sad because that's just not God to me

Because for me, God said love others as yourself and love Me.

No hate, no judgement, no condescending accusations

Its one thing to hold your fellow believers accountable

But to force your beliefs and morals onto others is unfathomable

Im speechless and appalled

At the nasty ways people now are

These fake followers claiming God not seeing how harmful they are

All they are doing is destroying God's kingdom

They are not true witnesses or followers

They're crusaders, hypocrites and liars

They point a finger at others instead of looking in the mirror

Focus on your own relationship with God

Stop judging others!

This is why so many reject God because they see His "followers" actions and say ENOUGH

Because if it was the other way around you know damn well you too would be fed up

So to disrespect women and strip us of our rights

Is so disrespectful i cant even think right

My energy is drained but i lean on my Savior

Because He alone knows that this is not in His favor

I'm not saying God love abortions but I'm saying there's more to it than people realize

They only see it as a quick fix they hyperfocus on this one side

They don't think of others whatsoever

Or the children already here struggling

If you're so pro life then volunteer!

What about the children already here!

They're everywhere neglected and treated poorly left to a vicious system

Left to fend for themselves before they're even old enough to see they are victims

Im sad and disappointed in this state of mine

But what more can i expect from a racist state that sugarcoats lies

MAGA this, MAGA that, yall treat him like a God

It's disgusting I'll tell you now because the King of Kings is not surprised.

Remember God was a servant, some of you seem to forget

He gave to the poor and helped the needy

He cared even after they'd reject

But no one that follows trump is a caring or loving soul

Because if they were they'd see through the fur, he's a wolf in sheeps clothes

I wouldn't be shocked if he were the anti christ

I would've called it from the start

There's always been something off with him, starting with his cold dead heart

♡KelseyonFire♡

11•5•2020

Prepare yourselves....the red coats are coming🥀

#deep thinking #deep thoughts #god #faith #poetry #womens rights #a call for an uprising #red coats #abortion rights #revolution

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