#i cant talk about it with my siblings (no real access to them) and it makes me insane | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

builtlikeastickofcelery · 1 year

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I BROKE. TIME TO INFODUMP

FIRSTLY: this is mostly based off of 2012 with some rise influence.

In this au splinter is absent for most of their early lives due to him believing his kids would be safer without the foot targeting him (i promise there’s a plot to this but for now its gonna be silly). And since theres gonna be a plot thats about it ! Oh also they met april at 11 yrs old I think and Casey just a little bit before the story starts

ANWAY HAVE SOME BULLET POINTS

Casey tries to do their own facial piercings

The piercings almost always get infected

They have to go to donnie for help

April wears her iconic hat to hide her dark roots (shes not a real ginger!!)

Leo is technically the second-oldest they just have a complex

the turtles steal most of their food

April goes to a bouldering gym and can scale buildings

Casey plays roller derby

donnie is the oldest despite the fact that they’re all 15

None of them could cook until the age of 12

They all play dnd passionately

donnie is the oldest because he said he scientifically proved (lied) it and everyone else called dibs on who would be next oldest (raph and Leo agreed to tie)

now take some character blurb thingies that go by age

April: april is 16 and has a driver’s license (could technically be a junior in hs but she’s not), shes very cool and accidentally went ginger at some point then just decided she liked it?? No one knows. They go to a lot LOT of concerts and also rock climbs and she loves women. Also a drummer in a band called smth that i will figure out later. Definitely takes a lot of responsibility for the wellbeing of the turtles due to their situation but like subtly. they for sure got their own issues but chooses to ignore em a lot of the time. Only child (lameee)

Donnie: hes 15 and pretends hes biologically the oldest (he is not they’re all the same age). he made all the blueprints for the lair once it was decided it was too small. hes very good at stealing stuff which is how he gets most of his materials, learned how to hack into ATMS a while ago but thinks it’s morally wrong (only used in desperate measures). Doesn’t mind not being the leader since he knows his claims of being the oldest are total bs but definitely adopted an oldest child mentality. Keeps a lot of problems a secret from his “younger” brothers and mostly talks to april about it. Extremely silly. Main doctor but also very squeamish specifically about bones (not broken bones, just the concept). Purple everything. He has access to every one of his sibling’s internet accounts he just doesn’t tell them about it. Also the main cook, since he would try and read whatever books they could find in dumpsters, especially when they were kids. Shares leo’s space interests less because of a show and more because of science stuff. Didn’t like Casey at first but they got close super fast later on. He is the best thief out of all of them (shhhh).

Casey: also 15, in april’s grade. Knows april from Spanish tutoring despite the fact they’re latine (haha if im violently whiteified my little guys have to be too) very into punk subculture and roller derby and also engineering/mechanics (I’m very excited to show off his vigilante equipment). Constantly does dumb shit for no apparent reason. Very much similar to 2012 casey (says “thats so metal dudes” anytime anything horrifying/dangerous happens). They also have had weird unspoken tension with everyone completely by accident and cant stop falling off of buildings. They have zero fighting skills or training but somehow haven’t died yet. Missing one tooth, top of the mouth next to his right canine (replaced with a glow-in-the-dark plastic one don’t ask them how it stays in).

Leo: 15, self-proclaimed second oldest and leader. (they have a complex probably) they’re only the leader because [HAHAHAHA PLOT AND BACKSTORY] and everyone else just stuck with it. They try very very hard to be silly and goofy but are also constantly anxious, not specifically about their siblings but like in general. Very very hesitant, prefers stealth (and stupid jokes) to direct confrontation. very close with raph since they’re “twins” (all of them are the same age). Intense sci-fi/space obsession, they’ve watched every single episode of their world’s equivalent to Star Trek (and all the movies) and also had a huge nonfiction phase which is still ongoing, fueled by stolen textbooks and endless internet videos . They also write fanfiction (secretly and make fun of other people who do to throw off their siblings it doesn’t work at all). They are so so lame and i love them so much.

Raph: 15, also second oldest, very very overprotective but like low-key about it. Super close with april and leo. Does all the confrontation and has accidentally been confused to be the leader of the team (CONSTANTLY ends up in hostage situations to the point it’s almost funny). ALLERGIC to Feelings he will Die if he has to talk about things so he mostly vents by tearing up his room and then feeling bad abt it. Made donnie help him find leo’s fanfics and then swore him to secrecy forever. Very distrustful, secretly super artsy, weirdly obsessed with messing with ppls hair (probably because he is surrounded by bald ppl). Also secretly a fashion icon, he has a disguise specifically so he can go to the mall with april and look at clothes for fun. He is physically the strongest out of everyone and has a really bad habit of using himself as their meat shield. Accidentally very very silly dude.

Mikey: 15 the Absolute Youngest by request. He is objectively the best fighter but is constantly being sidetracked by his siblings taking hits/taking out enemies for him (look theyre all just Like That). Really really smart when in a crisis, but for some reason not in a low pressure situation. She tries to cook but ultimately prefers baking. He’s also good at building things, so he usually hangs out with donnie in his workshop and made a lot of the lair’s furniture though he somehow can’t build anything from ikea. Also knows about leo’s fanfic career and accepted a bribe of a hubcap chandelier (?) to not tell anyone. Leo never made him a chandelier but at this point she has completely forgotten about it. Is secretly a beta reader for the fics and pretends she doesn’t know leo, except for when he describes very very distinct details of their home as suggestions for a room or something. Will continue to do this until leo either has a nervous breakdown or realizes it’s him.

PLEASE ASK ME MORE ABOUT HTESE GUYS IM BEGGING YOU AUGHGHGGH

#tmnt #tmnt au #casey vs. gravity #duskys au #duskys evening post #THEY ARE SO MY LITTLE GUYS #theyre mostly based off of 2012 #with a little tiny bit of rise mixed it #so I will tag this as 2012 just so that ppl who are interested in their dynamic shifted a bit to the left will see it #tmnt 2012 #i think I can also call this #casey jones infinite rizz au #<- im so sorry #night Night now babygirls!!!

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gb-patch · 3 years

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Ask Answers: August 8th

Well, doing big posts all together worked for a while but lately I’ve been putting it off because it takes a long time to get them done. I think I’m gonna try switching back to answering asks whenever I can fit it in and posting them one at a time instead of waiting until I’ve filled out one of these major collections.

But for now, here’s more ask answers! Thank you for the questions and for all the kind words along with them ^^.

Hello!! I'm here to ask if its possible to get the game and its dlcs on steam and play it on android?

I’m afraid not. Steam doesn’t have Android builds on their own site and Steam is not cool with keys for other sites being given out for Steam purchases, so you don’t get the Itch version from buying on Steam.

Hello! Sorry to bother you but, I had a question, if we buy the Game on itchio do we get steam keys or would we need to purchase it twice?

You would have to buy it twice if you want it in both places, I’m sorry. To repeat myself a little, Steam doesn’t like the key trading thing. Itch may support giving keys for another site, but the reverse isn’t doable with Steam and Steam doesn’t even really want you to get a Steam key for buying somewhere else either. So we just don’t mess around with that.

hey, sorry if this is frequently asked, but is step 4 free dlc or paid for? some of your sources are contradicting each other.

It’s free! There’s a paid wedding DLC, but Step 4 itself is entirely unpaid.

Hello! I just had a quick question, for the Baxter and Derek DLC's will we be able to confess our feelings to them or let them confess to MC? or will it only be one way? (they confess to MC)

Both type of options will be available!

Hey there! I wanted to ask whether or not the Derek DLC is still on track to be released in August since on the steam discussion board it says it will be released mid 2021. I totally understand if it isn't, I'm just really looking forward to it! If you answer then ty! And keep up the amazing work :D

It’s not, aha. Unfortunately, 2021 wasn’t easier than 2020 as we hoped so things are still slower than planned. It’ll come out late 2021 or early 2022.

Hi! Firstly I just want to say that I LOVE Our Life. I have played a bit of similar games but this one instantly wins for the best one! Everything about it is amazing! I just wanted to ask if Derek would ever lose feelings for MC, like if they make the deal and then MC gets with Cove would he move on? and even if you don't, after "losing contact" would his feeling fade or would he still like MC?

If you don’t really keep in touch with him and clearly move on with your life, Derek will too and he’ll be over it. But if you are still close as best as you can be, he’ll still think the MC is special. Though, he’ll always support your relationship with someone else if that’s what’ll make you happy.

Hello! Sorry if you've answered this before but: 'How's Lee related to us? Though which momma? And does she share our player-chosen last names? Also, do you know if Noelani took Pam's last name or did it happen the other way round?

She’s related to Pamela and Pamela’s last name is the one they use, so the MC has the same last name as Lee.

Will we be able to choose which (they or he) we tend to call Qiu by more often, or will it randomly change depending on the moment?

Qiu knows which pronoun they’re comfortable with at a time and you’ll call them what they’re happy with. And it doesn’t change between lines, it takes multiple scenes or even full Steps for it to switch. So for extended periods Qiu will be totally a guy or fully agender.

Will Step 4 of OL2 have moments?

It’ll be an epilogue like it is in OL1, so it won’t have a bunch of different Moments.

Hello! Just a quick question, is Sunset bird from OL1 based on a real location? If so what's it called? I wanna visit it +_+

ps i love your games so much <3

It isn’t based on one specific town you can go to, but there are a lot of little coastal towns in Cali that have a similar vibe!

Heyaaa ( I hope you're all well ), umm… it might seem kinda stupid to ask but did Patreon members can have a key for the dlc's ( all the steps-released dlc ) even if they became a member this month or later ? (me? saying this cuz it's my case? maybe ;-;), and once again thanks for absolutely all the amazing works on all the games ! u-u

You wouldn’t get the DLCs for backing there. The Patreon is for extra bonus content/early access, rather than being a storefront to purchase the normal DLCs. Rarely we give them out as a side gift, but it hardly happens and if what you want is the DLCs it’s best to ignore the Patreon and buy keys for those directly from Itch or Steam. I’m sorry for the confusion.

Hey y'all, love what youre doing w/Terry. Trans rep outside of player customization is so rare and important to see more of so thank you so much. I do have a question and its that does he have a canon sexuality? I know Miranda was said to be straight ace but I dont believe anything was stated for Terry probably because he wasnt revealed to be a guy which changes things. Im also curious if well get answers on how long hes liked Miranda since he may have liked her in step 3 before she liked him

Terry likes women and Randy likes men! And he did like Miranda back in Step 3.

Will the Wedding Dlc release at the same time as Step 4?

They’ll come out separately with Step 4 releasing first.

I really love Our Life so much! I've spent over 20hours playing it even though I only got it a week ago! I was wondering if I could make a fangame for Our Life with a different love interest but same plot. Next-door neighbors romance, multiple steps, etc? I'll probably make it on Google Slides though-

Sure! I hope you have fun with it and I’m glad you love the game.

How does Cove feel about poly relationships?

He’s got nothing against them for the people they work for, but he’s 100% monogamous and would only be comfortable with a partner who was willing to be monogamous with him.

Idk if this has been answered before but will Step 4 include the option to advance your feelings towards Cove?

Yep, you’ll be able to determine your feelings and what your relationship is.

In step 4 will there be a chosen to say we live with Cove even as just friends?

Yeah, you can choose to live with Cove and that can be done when you’re friends.

I just played the game with the MC and Cove being best friends and omg it’s still so damn cute like the wholesomeness of it all is too much for my heart I swear ^.^ Now with that all said I was wondering can we still marry Cove? if we only love him as a friend like let’s say we’ve made deal with him similar to the one we can make with Derek because let’s real no one could compete with what the MC and Cove have even if they aren’t in love.

It’s great to hear you enjoyed the friendship story! You can live with Cove, but you can’t marry him platonically. Cove has familial affection for the MC if they’re best-est friends. He wouldn’t think to marry someone he loves like family and even grew up with as though they truly were siblings.

Are you still going to be making a DLC for XOBD? :]

Yes! We’re slowing adding voiced lines and fixing errors.

It makes me laugh that Shiloh's last name is Fields because that's what I put as my last name! So in Our Life when he talked about "Ms. Fields" picking him up I was extremely confused, lol. That dude mimics personalities so much that he stole my surname!

Oh, wow, that’s a very funny coincidence, haha.

hi !! i cant seem to be able to get the scene where mc is able to propose to cove despite being at the 'love' stage and telling him i'd want to get married, are there any other details that im missing out on? the options just dont appear at the end...

Maybe you missed telling Cove you were in love with him even if you mentioned wanting to get married or you might’ve accidentally said earlier in the game that you don’t want to progress your relationship further with Cove. We haven’t removed them, so you can get the scene again. It’s just kind of easy to miss since there’s multiple requirements. You can read a little guide in the FAQ.

wait what di you need to do to be able to propose to cove? I've been trying but haven't had much luck

You can check out the FAQ linked above!

does cove only develop a crush on the mc if the mc is also at crush/in love with him?

Technically, yes. We treat the non-romantic relationship options as truly non-romantic since we don’t want to bait and switch people. But there’s nothing wrong with headcanoning that Cove does have feelings developing for the MC even before the MC has.

Is there a way to make/allow Lee and Baxter to date?

No, they just don’t have enough time together.

We also got a group of asks related to Tamarack in OL2, but I’m afraid the way they talked about people with larger bodies made me not want to post their words, even if the person didn’t say they’re trying to be hurtful. I will separate out the core question and answer it though, so people can know that info.

Does Tamarack lose weight in later Steps?

No, she doesn’t. As for the other questions included, to be honest, I don’t have to explain/defend having romance options of different sizes. I’m sorry if you’re dealing with unhappiness that’s connected to body image, if that’s where the negative emotions are coming from, but even so I can’t meet you on that level and pretend it’s a problem that needs an answer. A girl who simply isn’t thin being a main love interest is just not an unreasonable concept. Also, Tamarack isn’t a lesbian. Yes, she can date a female MC, but that doesn’t undo her actual sexuality, so I’m not sure where that one part at the end was coming from.

I wonder... can we "fight" with Qiu over leader status? 👀

Not really, haha. No matter how cool your MC is, they’re never gonna replace Qiu for the other kids around. So you can either partner up with him, follow him too, or not be a part of all that group politics stuff.

So when I play the game, sometimes I mentally call Cove “Covie/Covey” and that made me wonder, how does Cove feel about being nicknamed? Not like Romeo/Space Cadet/etc. but like pet names relating to his actual name

It’d depend on his age, personality, and your relationship with him! When he’s younger he’d probably be embarrassed, when he was grown he’d probably be more casual or happy about it.

will you be able to date baxter in step 3 while at crush with cove (but not dating him ofc) sorry if this has been asked already. i really love baxters step 4 design btw!!

Yeah, you can be crushing on Cove and date Baxter if you weren’t already dating Cove. You just can’t be truly in love with Cove and then switch to Baxter.

I just got my friend into our life, and they adore shiloh and derek sooo will there be more of them in the second game?

I’m afraid not. But you can see plenty more of Shiloh in XOXO Droplets/XOXO Blood Droplets, haha.

I see you haven't gotten any xoxo droplets asks recently but I'm still obsessed with these boys!! I was just wondering if Nate would curse under any circumstance?

Yeah, Nate does use certain swear words (damn, hell, bastard) on very rare occasions.

Hi there! I have a question about the wedding dlc. Will we be able to plan a honeymoon during the planning stages of it or would it be something that Cove and the mc would rather plan later on? Thank you! Absolutly love the game by the way, definitely one of my favorite games!

The focus will be on the wedding day itself. The topic of the honeymoon might come up a bit, but there won’t be any choosing of the exact location and such.

Hi! I have two questions and it's completely understandable if you only answer one/neither and I'm sorry if you've already answered either before! First, is there a set year in which OL:B&A takes place (ex: Step 1 being set in 2010 & Step 2 being set in 2016, etc.) or is it simply up to interpretation? Second, have you guys thought about doing a coming-of-age game where the MC has a tough home life or upbringing? (like one of their parents is an addict, a parent being transphobic whilst the player has the option to be trans, or having friends that are influencing them to do drugs, etc.) That's all! Thanks for making beautiful games. <3

There is a set timeline!

Step 1: 2006 Step 2: 2011 Step 3: 2016 Step 4: 2021

And we don’t currently plan on making a game like that. The Our Life series exists to be a safer environment for people to play around in and if we did do a brand new series that was harsher edged it’d be something more fantastical and/or plot-driven instead of a different type of modern day slice-of-life growing up story. I’m sorry.

i don’t know if you’ve already answered this, but do you have a guess on when phase 4 will come out? as well as ol2? i’m so excited for both of them, the inclusivity in this game is amazing, you guys should be really proud of it!

Step 4 will be coming out very soon! OL2 is gonna take until 2023 to be anywhere near completion. But we might episodically release the Steps one at a time as they get done instead of waiting for three to be finished before launch like we did with the first game.

Hello, I was curious if there was an official or unofficial discord server for the game?

We do have a discord! You can join by clicking this link HERE.

how long do you plan to keep ol's patreon running?

Hopefully for at least a few more years.

Are you considering ever making merch?

Yeah, but I don’t know when it’ll happen or what exactly we’ll make, aha. It’s something we want do, just nothing is set.

hi! i just found out about your game a couple of days ago on tiktok (so sorry if you’ve already answered this question) and i was wondering if y’all are ever planning to release it on iOS?

I have no idea. It’s hard for a small group to get Apple approval and I honestly can’t say if it’ll ever happen or not. Maybe someday, though!

Hi, I love the art style of Our life and I would like to know if the artist has a Twitter? Also, could it be possible to fund more CGs for the game from him/her? So many times, I wish there was one like when the cutscene of the sunshower.

That’s nice of you to offer. He doesn’t have a Twitter, at least not one that’s public enough to be shared with me. And I’m afraid not. The issue is that the CGs take huge amounts of time rather than there not being a budget for it. He’s gotta make CGs for Step 4, the DLCs, and new character sprites, too. There isn’t space in the schedule for even more. Sorry for that.

Hi, how are you?!

Are you planning on accepting new writers or is it always the same people who write your stories??

Thanks!!

Our Life: Beginnings & Always won’t be getting new writers, but we will be hiring a new team of writers for Our Life: Now & Forever eventually!

perhaps this counts as nsfw and I'm sure it has been answered before but what does Cove prefer, chests/boobs or butts? or perhaps both :3c thank you for this wonderful game (and the patreon bonus moment, it was worth all the waiting and more ♥)

He’s a “chests of all shapes and sizes” kind of guy, haha.

i was wondering- did any of the writers actually grow up by the beach? as someone who's lived in a beach town all their life it really did feel nostalgic to play through our life 1

I was born and raised in Cali! Though, not right by the beach. We still had to make trips out, but the setting is based on my own childhood memories of small beach towns we went through.

In Derek’s upcoming DLC, will we be able to reference the pact we made as teens? (love olba and xod/xobd so much btw you’re literally amazing)

Yep, you will be able to talk about that!

Oh, sorry about the Cole being secretly L ask, then!

If you wanted context: Death Note is about this one guy who finds a notebook that kills anyone who you write the name of in there. The guy eventually develops a God Complex and starts mass killing criminals and stuff. L is the one trying to find out who is killing all these people.

Me and my sister first joked about it because I couldn't remember how to translate a word about the way Cove was sitting, so I just did the pose, and it looked a lot like how L himself sits! Then we just snowballed from there, with more and more nonsense connections.

That’s okay! Thanks for explaining. I’m sorry I didn’t know what you meant.

#our life #ask #gb patch #gb patch games

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aspiestvmusings · 3 years

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ZEP PARALLELS: S2 vs S1

POSSIBLE SPOILERS?

WARNING: Super long post.

Parallels & Similarities (and differences) between S1 & S2

Includes episodes 2x01, 2x02, 2x03:

2x01 Zoeys Extraordinary Return

Wake-up songs/Zoey & Mo: Opening the season with Zoey being woken up by Mo singing "in real life" & waking her up. "Rise up" in 2x01 AND "Angel of the Morning/Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" in 1x01. We first see Zoey in her bedroom. And the first two characters we meet are Zoey & Mo.

Zoey + baby: In both premieres Zoey has an encounter with a baby. In 2x01 we see her interact with her brother's son (the new baby, Miles) VS in 1x01 she encounters new mom with a baby on the cable car during the first ever big musical number she experiences (Help!) #whenwillshestarttohearthebabysheartsongs

Clarkeman & Coffee: The first Zoey/Max scene/interactions happens over "coffee break before work". In 2x01 we see them meting up for a coffee on a park bench before she heads over to work VS in 1x01 we see them getting coffee at the cofee bar on their way to work. In both scenes Max, her best friend, encourages/supports her (you will get the promotion VS it's a shield...to shield you from the world when you need it").

Jumping to conclusions: In 2x01 Zoey assumes that Max giving her the small jewelry box means he's proposing ("Relax, I'm not proposing") VS In 1x02 Zoey assumes that Max is asking her on a romantic dinner date, when he tells her he won the lottery to the restaurant they both love. ("Thursday night. Is it a date?" / "Is it a date?" "No! I just mean like can you go?")

Legs up!: Peoples legs getting close to Zoey's face during big musicals numbers: Leif's & Simon's during "Hello Dolly" in 2x01 at the 4th floor bullpen VS Joan's during "Satisfaction" in the elevator in 1x03.

Promotion: In 1x01 Zoey wants the promotion & has an "interview" with Joan to get it VS in 2x01 she does not want the new job (added responsibility, when she jsut wants to "lay low") but Joan just asks her to take it. And by the end of the episode she gets the promotion/accepts the promotion, and we see her "first day at work on the new job". And in both episodes she has a competitor - Leif, who is also interested in a promotion.

Interesting: In 2x01 Mo tells Zoey "So the powers are back - you're interesting again!" VS 1x01 when she tells him about her new superpower Mo tells Zoey: "This is the 1st thing I find remotely interesting about you".

Mo is the honest friend: In 2x01 Mo speaks the honest truth... which is what Zoey actually needs to hear JUST LIKE he has been doing throughout S1. He might not always say the nicest things, but he's alwyas honest. And its what Zoey's character needs. (eg. Mo knows that she just lost her dad & it's a hard time for her, but her problems are still not bigger than everyone elses. Or like he calls her out on her chase/hesitation over the two teams in S1)

Tech-savvy Zoey to the rescue: In 2x01 Zoey uses her tech skills to "hack into Mitch's e-mail account" when her mom can't find the password & access it for info she needs (that dad left them) VS in1x03 Zoey comes up with a way to communicate with Mitch... (after David comes up with the Yes/No buzzer) & creates a computer program which allows him to type his answers using a mouse.

Etsy: In 2x01 Joan tells Zoey "I like your sweater, its cute that you shop at Etsy" VS in 1x01 Tobin tells Zoey: "I thought you would be doing each others nails & buying matching tote-bags off Etsy in there."

Blessing or curse? In 1x12 Zoey told her dad that she has chosen to look at her musical power more like a "gift/blessing" (it allowed her to communicate with dad, helped her form bonds with others, help people...) and she said she's not minding the big musical numbers the way she used to. She even considers they're helpin g her instead. VS in 2x01 she tells Mo that she hopes the power won't return & when it does, she finds it "overwhelming" & cannot deal with any of it.

Bottling it up: In 2x01 George sings "Don't cry out loud. Just keep it inside. And learn how to hide your feelings." That song is as much about George's feelings about being the new guy, as it is another reference to Zoey's state of mind VS in 1x01 we learn that both Zoey & Simon keep their grief emotions bottled up (and they should not). As the dilogue from the Pilot already told us: Zoey: "Are you talking to anyone about this?" Simon: "Other than you? No. I've become a real expert of bottling my shame & pain, and hiding it from the world." Zoey: "I'm not an expert on this or anything, but you cant just keep it in."

Family & Grief: The Clarke family all singing "Carry on" & sitting down the table to eat dinner together at the end of 2x01... with a happy note about the future in their minds VS The Clarke family all singing "American Pie" on the funeral day at the end of 1x12, and all sitting at the living room (on the coach, chairs)...with a sad note about the present in their minds.

The premiere episodes end with a "surprise" Max (and Zoey) "twist": ep 1x01 ends with a surprise heart song from Max which makes Zoey & the viewers aware of his feelings for her VS 2x01 ends with a surprise decision from Zoey where she "chooses Max". Also parallels to 1x12: in both 2x01 & 1x12 Zoey comes onto/kisses Max as he's telling her about his new outlook on life & business ideas. In both cases she's (partly) trying to forget grieving her dad, and needs him for the distraction. Both endings were "sudden" & "unexpected"

Family picture wall: In 2x01 Maggie is holding baby Miles (her grandson) & "showing him" the family photos on the wall VS in 1x01 Zoey sees her & dad's reflection on the picture on the wall...as Mitch first communictes with her... by singing his first heart song to her.

Move forward: Zoey's words to Max about the business plans & their relationship actually apply as much to herself and her grief as they do for this situation: "You should absolutely move forward with it" & "You always have to move forward"

2x02 Zoeys Extraordinary Distraction [+ (base)balls]

Hooking up: In 2x02 Zoey says to Max "we have been hooking up for the last 5 minutes" VS in 1x12 she tells her dad "I just hooked up with my best friend". In both cases Zoey makes the first move & kisses Max. In both hooking up scenes the popcorn is forgotten...

She/They both want to believe she's feeling the moment & is ready, but it is mostly just one coping mechanism... her way of distracting herself from the grief. Cause in no way has she shown signs of actually choosing him. [what dawned on the characters only 2 weeks later was obvious to viewers before they "got together" aka the moment she "chose him"]

We saw her pick a team, but there have been no actual reasons or feelings expressed by her why she chose him (the reasons she gave in "act five" were about her needing him at the moment, not about why or how she really feels about him). The writing has still not included her POV & her sharing her feelings (cause she’s not ready for that...yet) They gave small glimpses during few scenes, but no real look into it.

Get out!: Tobin being kicked out of the meeting by DMD/Zoey - "Get out, Tobin"/"Would you like to get out, Tobin?" AND Zoey getting kicked out from the makeover night by Mo - "Get out!" / "Girl, I don't care that you look like Rafiki. Get out!"

That came out wrong: Zoey told Simon in 2x02 about making his job not so easy "I am gonna ride you so...hard... Nope, that came out wrong"...She adds the last part as she hears herself say the words. VS Tobin was talking about being commited to work in 1x08 by saying "Hardworking, committed, serious. Watch how fast I nail this. Speaking of nailing... Nope, not gonna make the joke.." He adds the last part as he hears himself say the words

Food stealer: Zoey "I steal food from my best friends plate/bowl" Clarke. She ate from his plate during their dinner date at her place. And then she ate from his cereal bowl during the Clarke family breakfast "the morning after".

Older siblings: Jenna's is the less successful older sibling/sister (2x02) just like Leif is the less successful older sibling/brother (1x05). They both feel like "not enough" compared to their younger sibling(s), who they feel are more "perfect".

Cardigan buddies: Leif & Zoey: cardigan buddies! Interestingly these two are the two 4th Floor Team members, who are most similar: both have a bike/like cycling (Leif often hs his bicyle helmet on his desk, so he rides a bike to work & Zoey has a bike in her apartment). Both love to wear cardigans, and the wardrobe department often has them in matching outfits/colours...Same this week. Both were/are the team members, who are in many ways "biggest messes" (most awkward), but both had/have the most ambition...they wanted and got the promotions. Both struggled in their new manager position..at first (and got help and good advice from their boss).

Team Leaders: Leif doing all the work alone (and exhausting himself...because he wants to be liked & hasn't yet settled into his new role as team leader... He has to learn to be their boss, ot just their buddy...to get the team listen & for there to be teamwork) VS Zoey doing all the work alone (pre-S1 when she wanted the promotion +) during S1 when she had just become the boss: sending everyone home, cause they "didn't try hard enough", and fixing all the issues alone... VS Mo wanting to do it all alone in his early 20s (when he took over the project he had been working on with his best friend, cause "he's too good at goobyes") Both struggled with the new job, both got help/advice from their boss (Zoey from Joan & Leif from Zoey)

Sleeping at work: Lief being woken up by Zoey in 2x03 after he falls asleep when pulling an all-night at work (working all night) VS Simon waking up Zoey in 1x02 after she falls asleep at work (behind her desk) after pulling an all-nighter alone.

Leif's pants: In 2x02 Zoey tells Leif "Dust off your slim-fitting chinos" VS in S1 Joan makes a comment on Leif's pants. [I cannot remember the ep number right now]

Go big or go home!: We found out Mitch's/Zoey’s dads motto in S1. It's "bigger moments, bigger memories" AND In 2x02 Zoey goes for the "bigger moment" - she tailors their first time together to suit Max's wishes (it should be special: the swan & rose petals are more for him than her) VS In 1x07 Max organizes a flash mob to confess his love for Zoey (something she as her dad's daughter secretly appreciates). She calls it unexpected & amazing & while she runs, its not cause she does not appreciate the "big gesture". The only reason she is overwhelmed & runs is because she is doing everything in her power to bottle up her feelings towards Max (1x06 ending proved she has feelings for him) & she did not want to deal with them at the moment. (the flashmob is more his style, but she is not opposed to it)

Come here: Max saying "Come here" to Zoey in the 2x02 dinner date scene at her place & during act five bedroom scene AND Max saying the same line "Come here" to Zoey in 1x12 during the "All of me/Pitbull" scene.

Mix of songs: In 2x02 during the Z/M bedroom scene the scene switched between different songs & tones (romantic/ballad vs comic/neutral baseball song VS romantic mutual duet) VS in 1x12 during the Z/M movie night turned more scene the scene switched between different songs & tones (romantic/ballad vs comic/fast song)

Dueting: In 2x02 Zoey joins Max for "A Moment Like This" during Act 5. She chooses to duet with him, becuase she feels the same way as he does. VS in 1x08 Max joins Zoey for "Pressure" at the CHIRP meeting... salvaging the presentation, when she involuntarely sings the songs (cause of the "glitch").

Opera songs + Sex: In 2x02 Zoey & Max are distracted by Mo singing opera & it's ruining the specialness of them trying to "do the nasty" VS in 1x04 Max sings opera the morning after he & Autumn "make their first love"

It’s a very not next-level move: In 2x02 during the morning after Max & Zoey are "caught" by her mom/family, and though it is awkward for a moment (because they seem to be surprised by the sudden change), meeting the family/parents does not seem such a next-level move, because Max has been kind-of part of the family for a while already. VS 1x05 where Max tells Zoey that meeting Autum's parents (he was dating her at the time) seems like such a next-level move, and she was not ready for any of it. VS all the times we saw Max interact with Zoeys family... in 1x02 with Mitch, in 1x06 helping the family with Mitch, in 1x12 with Maggie...

2x03 Zoeys Extraordinary Dreams [+ eggs]

NASA/Space theme: Zoey's NASA/space themed PJs and Tees + all the space references in both her childhood bedroom and her current apartment (telescope, posters, etc)

Musical nightmares/Dreams: In 2x03 Zoey is having a recurring nightmare where in the end she faces herself while the song "Nowhere to Run" plays #allbymyself VS in 1x02 Zoey was having a much happier weird dream...with a twist ending while the song "I've Got the Music in Me" plays

A sad Emma Stone Halloween costume: Black PJs Zoey wears in the nightmare in 2x03 are the same ones she wears in 2x01 on the last day of her time off. The look Mo calls "a sad Emma Stone Halloween costume" (as he suggests she put on some colours instead)

Coach & Photo on the wall: Basically the only items in the empty Clarke house during Zoeys nightmare are the coach (where Mitch used to sit all the time & where Zoey/the family sat in S1 finale...the day the music died) & the picture on the wall (where she saw Mitch reflection the first time he sang to her/communicated with her). Her nightmare/dance are directed at those objects.

Breaking glass: In 2x03 George breaks the glass wall/window of Zoey's/The bosses office when the team plays baseball at the office VS in 1x02 Zoey breaks the glass award/throphy in Simons office when she throws the american football ball. George & Zoey aka "I'm terrible around glass" people

On repeat: Zoey being hunted by the same nightmare/dream throughout the episode in 2x03... until she stopped trying to avoid them and talked about them/did something about it VS Zoey being haunted by the same song "(I Can't get no) Satisfaction" thoughtout episode 1x03... until she stopped avoiding it and helped Joan.

I can't get no sleep: Zoey not sleeping because of the nigtmares she's having VS David/Emily not getting any sleep because of the baby (most new parents are sleep-deprived, because babies don't always have the same sleep-schedule as adults do)

Mitch's/Zoey's spot on the coach: Zoey sitting on the coach with a blank look on her face at the end of "Nowhere to Run" nightmare VS Zoey sitting on the coach with a sad look on her face at the end of "American Pie" in 1x12 [in the nightmare shes sitting at MItch's spot, in s1 finale she's looking at the empty spot next to her]

Red dress: The red dress the OTHER Zoey is wearing in her nightmare as she opens her door VS The (same) red dress Zoey is wearing as she & her dad dance as instrumental version of "True Colours" is playing in 1x12 (as he's dying). Same dress.

Too much on her plate: Zoey taking on too many responsibilities and not being able to handle it. In S2 she is living the post-loss stage of grief + she's taken the new promotion and added jobs and responsibilities + she is avoiding dealing with her issues + she has started a new relationship (she is not ready for, actually) + she keeps hearing heart songs which kinda help her with knowing what others feel, but it's also distracting and overwhelming to her "reducing stress is a little tricky since I've taken over the 4th floor & have 10-times the respnsibility now"] VS in S1 she is dealing with losing her father soon + she's taken the new promotion and added job responsibilities + she is avoiding dealing with her own issues ("face her father") + she is helping people whose heart songs she hears. In S2 it kinda culminates in ep 3, in S1 it kinda culminated in ep 8. when she says "How do I do that? Because helping myself would mean taking a vacation from Sprk Point, or curing my father's disease."

Manager advice: In 2x03 Zoey asks Simon advice about how to manage all the extra work & he tells her about delegating work (sharing responsibiities) VS in 1x02 Zoey asks/gets help from Simon on how to manage the team (and still get to go home on time/get all the work done on time)

Not the right person to help: In 2x03 Zoey wants to hep her mom, but she feels like she's not the right person to do that, because she has no insight into the topic (does not know anything about landscaping & art) + she would probbly not have the time or energy right now, cause she has so much other things going on... VS in 1x11 she wants to help her mom, but feels since she has no personal experience (has not lost a husband of 4-years), she is not the right person to help her. Both times a heart-song heps her find the right person (in her opinion) for the job. In 2x03 it's Jenna, in 1x11 it was Deb.

No communication: In S2 & 2x03 Zoey is not really opening up to Max, but she is communicating her feelings to him...somewhat. Telling him about her nightmares/dreams, and that they're affecting her. Though not really going too much into the experience (because she hopes they will magically disappear if she wishes they will...) VS In S1 Zoey avoided opening up to Max & sharing her feelings with him more. Though she still uses the same tactics - trying to keep it all inside, and avoid dealing with her feelings and grief and everything related to it (hoping that if she avoids it then it doesn't exist...even if she probably knows that this is not how any of it works). She's trying to share a bit more with him, her best friend, but at the same time she is still bottling it all up inside...

My heart song does not mean what you think it means: In 2x03 Max says to Zoey after she hears a heart song from him (which he assumes might be that he is "jealous" that she talks to Simon, her grief-buddy at work about her personal life & nightmares) that "People can have a lot of thoughts in their heads without meaning them. / You can't read into it." VS Zoey's quote: "I don't know what that song is saying exactly what we think its saying" & "You can't be mad at me for singing a song I didn't mean to sing" in 1x08.

Dinner Date gone wrong: In 2x03 Max tries to cook a home-made dinner for Zoey (at her mom's place), but when she hears him singing a heart song it leads to an "argument" between the two and he leaves VS in 1x10 Simon tries to cook a home-made dinner for Zoey (at his new place), but when she hears him singing a heart song it leads to an "argument" and her leaving.

PS. Based on Zoey's reaction the song is either "Say Something" (because a person sings theei song until Zoey responds/helps..and she only did at the end of the episode) OR it's a reprise of a certain song fro S1 (but if I'm right not a song you'd expect) OR ... it's a completely different song... that we would not expect. And based on Zoeys reaction & the shows choice not to show/tell us the song... it has to be a "surprise", and if it would be simply "he's feeling jealous over Z/S grief connection" or if it was "Say Something"...that would not be a twist, but since I expect this to be setting up a future story, it'd be not very creative writing if it was one of these options. Which is why I have a theory... (I'm not sure about the song... I'm not even sure the showrunner/writer has decided yet... but I have a guess on the "theme/feelings")

Timing is off: In 2x03 Zoey & Max decide to put their new relationship on hold until she is ready...to give her time to grieve and work through the emotions VS in 1x10 Zoey & Simon decide to put breaks on their relationshop-to-be until he is ready... to give him time to work through his emotions.

Say Something/Happier: In S2/2x03 Zoey & Max are in a relationhip, but they do not communicate well. Because she does not open up to him about her grief & "he does not know how to help cause he has not had the same experience" VS in S1/1x05-1x09 Simon & Jessica are in a relationship, but they do not communicate well. Because he does not open up to her about his grief & she does not know how to help cause she has not had the same experience.

While there are similarieties in the storylines, there are also differences. S/J let the third party in the relationship, grief, get between them and it drove them apart, cause they stayed together until it broke them apart. Z/M came to a mature decision to not let the third party in the relationship defy them, they took a break so the grief would not end up breaking them apart.

PS. While we've ony seen the start of this storyline, I do believe that this is where it's going. They're not gonna repeat S/Js mistake, but instead they will "learn from it", and by deciding to take some time now they will be ready to continue where they left off once she's ready. Cause they both made the false assumption in 2x01 that she was ready. They were heading toward S/J, but theyre kinda trying to avoid that by the decisoon in 2x03.

Grief therapist: In S2 Simon is Zoey's grief councelor/therapist... he gives solid advice to her about her grief and how to deal with her feelings/emotions VS In S1 Zoey was Simon's grief councelor/therapist...she gave him often pretty solid advice about grief and how to deal with the situations. The roles have reversed.

Mind-reader: In 2x03 Max brings up the topic that he is unconfortable how Zoey can just "read his mind" and know everything he thinks & feels (have insight into how he feels...also about her), while he has no idea what she thinks/how she feels...because she won't really share. VS 2x02 When in Act 5 he says he'd like to know what she's thinking/feeling & she tells him what she's feeling VS 1x07 when Max bring up the fact that he is uncomfortable with her knowing how he thinks while he has no insight into her mind (after which she promises 100% honesty to him.... that she'll be open with him... which to this day she has not been able to really do) VS 1x04 when Mo expresses concern that she can read other people thoughts & he's not okay with her having insight into his private thoughts & feelings.

Time apart: In 2x03 Zoey puts some space between herself & Max, when they agree to take a break, cause she's not done grieving/not ready for a relationship VS In 1x02 Zoey puts space between her & Max when she sets him up with their barista in the previous episode (because she is not ready to let herself even consider romantic path between them, so she "fixes it")

THE END...for now

#ZEP #ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #SPOILER #ZOEYS PLAYLIST #LIST POST #LONG POST #TEXT POST #CLARKEMAN #ZOMAX #ZAX #detained #PARALLELS #ZEP S1 #S1 vs S2 #ZEP S2

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drangues · 4 years

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HES A GOOD BOY AND A SMART BOY HE DESERVES TO DO ANYTHING HE WANTS. And yeah she’d soften up eventually!!! Especially with a history as fucked up as Kyouka’s is. But it can be hard to,, Adjust? To someone else getting some of the attention you’re used to receiving from another person. BUT yes they eventually realize that they must unite under a common banner: Making Dazai very jealous. And that’s fair!!! It’d definitely be an interesting source of conflict? (Nyanon, 1/6)

Maybe like, their first real Upset, since, even if they got angry with each other before, they wouldn’t really have the energy to do anything about? Since they would be more focused on dealing with the orphanage... Hm. Either way, I agree, once they talk it out, no one’s too upset. (Also, that makes sense! To be honest, I always just imagine that Dazai like. Lures him in with the promise of Food or a Paycheck and other stuff that he doesn’t have access to? (Nyanon, 2/6)

Though that DOES remind me of a good story on AO3 you might like- It’s Hum by chimesDissent, it’s Dazatsu, and it’s! Super cute! Also bonus Kyouka-Atsushi sibling relationship. Basically, Atsushi has a better relationship with the tiger, since he knows it exists, and he kinda. Picks up a different, unofficial job, instead of with the ADA? It’s a good story, I think you’d like it! Also no I don’t know how this turned into a fanfic rec, ignore me if you waaant.) (Nyanon, 3/6)

Aaahhh it’s super impressive that you’re multilingual! I’ve always found it cool when someone speaks multiple languages, for some reason I just can’t retain anything myself??? But good on you for being able to!!! Also, I just want a side series, kinda like Wan, where it’s just little snippets of his life with the rest of the ADA. Nothing dark, nothing sad, just them, like. Talking or playing a game or fishing or something? I’m starved I’d take Literally Anything. Anyways, yes! (Nyanon, 4/6)

He’s super mega cute and I love him, he’d put SO much effort into it and even if it isn’t perfect, everyone who gets something cherishes it, even if they say they don’t. And yeah, he’d definitely buy a few things here and there! Not everything can be handmade, after all- But he tries where he can. Moving on, though... I have another General Atsushi Concept: He sleep talks! Usually it’s just one or two words and some tiny noises, but others, it’s semi coherent. (Nyanon, 5/6)

That’s usually just cute or funny stuff, like “Kyouka, no, don’t run away with the giant crêpe bunnies, they’re lying-“ or “Dazai-san, give me back my paws, I’ll drown with you later. Kunikida-san needs them for paperwork.” Other times, it’s weird stuff, like “Ranpo-san the red man is coming for you run-“ or “Kyouka it’s gonna eat you because you’re chocolate, hide in the cabinets.” It’s hilarious. (Nyanon, 6/6)

AAAA FUCK YOU I READ THE FIC AND LOVED IT SO MUCH BUT AAAAA IT’S NOT COMPLEETEEDDDD I CANT BELIEVE YOU MADE ME READ AN UNCOMPLETED WORK BUT MY G O D IS IT SO GO O D . i love how dazatsu just suddenly kissed and i was like “oh okay so theyre dating” and the whole plot of it?? and when kyouka got sick?? when dazai just Wiped atsushi’s lips at the infirmary- nOT ONLY T H AT BUT YOSANO TELLING ATSUSHI TO STAY CUS SHE WANTS TO CH E C K SOMETHING LIKE??? PLS?? IT CANT END T H E R E I WANT MOREEE (ATSUSHI BEING A SMOL TIGER BOY AND KYOUKA BEING A BUNNY DELIVERY SERVICE IM IN LOVE I- IM IN L O V E DUDE)

aw yea being multilingual can sometimes be a curse but it’s good i guess?? dont give yourself such a hard time for not knowing other languages!! as long as youre respectful to other people and dont mock their accents speaking your language (which im sure you already do) then youre gucci

I ALSO WANT A SIDE SERIES LIKE WAN, LIKE MORE IN DEPTH, JUST CUTE SHENANIGANS MAN IF I WOULD EVER MAKE A SERIES I WOULD AT L E A S T HAVE FIVE CHAPTERS OF PURE FLUFF AND DAILY ROUTINES WITH MY CHARACTERS

atsushi saying weird stuff in his sleep?? stan. amazed. Loved. forever the best thing to ever exist and i am so blessed to live in a timeline where atsushi exists

#anon #ask #ask anon #anon ask #bsd #nyanon #nyatsushi anon

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radicalposture · 4 years

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Hey, so were you diagnosed with autism/adhd as an adult? If you don't mind me asking, was that difficult to achieve? I'm 25, and I've often thought I might have adhd, but I've held off on looking into it because I hear it's extremely difficult and expensive to get it tested and diagnosed as an adult.

yes I only got diagnosed last october, I was 25 then too! it was kind of a weird journey for me, all of my siblings and my dad got diagnosed with autism or adhd one after the other and I was still saying “but I can’t really be autistic/adhd” right up until I actually got diagnosed lol. but since then my whole life suddenly makes sense for the first time and I really think things are gonna be ok! this applies to autism/adhd/other neurodiverse stuff but autism and adhd is what I know, but I hope it applies broadly as well

so unfortunately yes, it can be pretty expensive to get through the whole process. depends on where you live of course, I live in Ireland so even though we do have public healthcare I would probably have been on a waiting list for upwards of two years to see a terrible psychologist who didn’t know anything about adhd/autism so I went to a private psychologist. I already knew her pretty well bc my siblings had been to her and I knew she knew what she was talking about and I felt comfortable with her. seeing her cost me around €900 which is definitely a lot, different psychologists have different rates but the price can go up depending on what tests u get done. the more tests you do the more expensive it will be as a general rule (at the same time I saw a different psychologist who had a lower flat rate so idk what the “rules” are about this tbh) I got a standard assessment as well as autism and adhd tests which is why it was so expensive. it used up pretty much all my savings lmao but after getting a diagnosis I was able to apply for disability allowance (which was a hellish process) and I got rejected and had to appeal the decision but I got it in the end, which is fortunate bc I quit my job lol.

recently I wanted to look into medication so I had to go to a psychiatrist because you can’t get a prescription for stimulant medication from a gp in most countries I think? BUT he’d only see me if I got rediagnosed by his psychologist, so that was another €300 for each of them. I did get prescribed ritalin in the end but I’ll have to get the prescription refilled a few times a year bc it’s a restricted medication, which will mean paying €100 ish for each time I do. fortunately I don’t actually have to pay for the medication itself bc I have a medical card.

so yes, it can be expensive! all told it’s cost me almost €2000 to get it all sorted and will keep costing me maybe €300 a year from now on, so it’s definitely something you have to budget for. especially depending on where you live, I imagine things are v different from country to country. also I’m very fortunate bc I still live with my family so I’m free of some financial pressure and I’d been saving for it for a while but I know how hard it is to countenance paying out that kind of money, and wondering whether it’s worth it.

as to whether it’s difficult to achieve I think you’ve got to break it down because official diagnosis is only part of it. so if you think you do have ADHD I’d look at it from a couple of different angles:

1. self acceptance/understanding is absolutely the most important thing. I know people who’ve never been to a psych who know they’re autistic/adhd and really flourish, I also know people who have official diagnoses but who won’t accept it themselves and reject help/support and they’re making things so hard for themselves. so the most important thing is to educate yourself about what adhd means and, more importantly, what it means for you. everyone’s brain is different and understanding exactly how your brain works and why you think/behave the way you do is the most important thing you can do. there are a lot of resources out there, especially online, - I’ll put a link to a google drive of books and things I have at the bottom - and it can be good to connect with others online as well. having people who Get It and can help you is really paramount, I know often our irl families/friends can sometimes let us down so sometimes the only support you can get is from following ppl on twitter or something. the adhd subreddit is weirdly helpful and supportive, it’s great to be able to throw out a question like “I think like this am I insane y/n” and have other people go “nah ur fine” it’s very validating (also validation/external perspectives is super important for adhd bc we can be extremely bad at self assessment). so yes, the most important thing is firstly to know thyself by 1) educating yourself and 2) listening/connecting with others like u.

2. is it important to have an “official” diagnosis? no and yes. obviously you don’t need a diagnosis from a doctor to know what you are, and 70% of the things needed to help you flourish are going to come from your own research and the support systems you make. and if you cant afford or access a psychologist or psychiatrist it doesn’t make it any less real or bar you from educating yourself/accessing resources etc. HOWEVER. if you can get a good diagnosis then I really would go for it, bc: 1) it opens a LOT of doors to official resources, whether that’s access to welfare, supports and accommodations at school or college, medication, etc etc. a lot of the time the supports we need are behind this diagnostic paywall, which sucks but it is what it is :/ so that’s one consideration. 2) it can be really validating and help set your mind at ease about whether you “really” have adhd or if you’re “faking”. like I said I didn’t believe that I was “allowed” to be autistic before I got diagnosed. I also didn’t consider that I might have adhd, I went in thinking I’d just get the autism diagnosis so it wasn’t something I would have found out on my own probably. so it can be good to get an outside opinion, especially as, like I said, we can be really bad at self assessment. 3) it feels good to know you have a piece of paper to throw at rude family members/teachers/doctors who don’t believe it’s real 4) if you can find a good psychiatrist/psychologist it can be such a good thing to have that support and to get genuinely good advice from a professional you trust. doesn’t always happen but if u can find one it’s a godsend

wow this got long. to summarise, if you think you have adhd or anything else I would

research and educate yourself. for adhd probably the best thing to do is read driven to distraction and delivered from distraction, written by two psychiatrists who are adhd themselves. they’re both in this google drive along with loads of other resources I’ve collected, there’s also books about autism as well. as a disclaimer not everything/everyone here has my 100% endorsement some of it is there for academic/historical interest or only parts are helpful but by and large it’s useful. also watch this video and feel Seen

look for a good psychologist/psychiatrist if you’re going for a diagnosis. see if there’s an adhd organisation in your country/area and if they can recommend anyone. a lot of the time you’re better going to a child/educational psychologist who’ll see adult clients as they tend to Get It more. do look for someone who is clear about having experience in adult adhd bc unfortunately even qualified psychologists get a LOT wrong so make sure you get someone who knows what they’re doing before you give them your money

yes it can be really expensive. but if you’re needing to access things like medication or welfare I think it’s well worth the trouble and the money. my sister got diagnosed in her second year of college and was able to save her degree bc of extensions on projects and things like that (I didn’t get diagnosed until after college and spent four years torturing myself I WISH I had known) and it can be something that’s better done sooner rather than later. So if it’s something you can do without putting yourself in financial danger I think it’s good to bite the bullet and go for it. like I used up basically all my savings BUT I now can access disability payments and medication so it was worth it for me. it’ll be different for everyone so use your judgement obviously

anyway hope this helped! let me know if you need anything else! and good luck on your journey

#brain tag

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q-u-a-c-k · 3 years

Text

im just gonna talk. I apologize for feed spam so I'll just talk under the cut

----------------

also I'm sorry for the complete spam I hope you can ignore me well enough, but I just wanted to say that I feel content for the first time in a while. I've been doing shitty lately but too scared to really say anything about it. my brain is constantly urging me to relapse or do something stupidly insanely harmful to myself. but right now the voice is quiet and I'm allowed to think and I like thinking happy things like this. I wish there was a way to have the voices this quiet without doing it this way (unintentionally high, I think there was something in my drink that I didn't put in there). like if anyone actually reads this and knows a way to quiet the voices in my head so I can think, please let me know. I know things like taking time to take care of myself or positivity things, but when the voices are back they dont really let me do that stuff. so if anyone has a quick and effective way of getting them to be quiet please tell me.

anyways I think I already told you two, but I have the potential to be quadruple gay and I think that's pretty cool. So identity crisis time trying to explain it. Although I'm still confused about how two of the parts work together but I'm gonna try to explain it while I can think. So I'm definitely gay and I think probably pan because I honestly have no preference, a pretty person is a pretty person. I believe I'm ace or at least under that umbrella term because ew. I think I might be nonbinary but I've never really outright said I use that label. because I honestly dont know yet but I'm not comfortable with male or female and I just am who I am but dont know what that is. so I'm hoping it's okay to use at least until I figure it out? and now the confusing part, possiblity of aro???? I'm not really sure because I could have just not really found the right (or any) person yet and I dont really want to use a label just because I'm not really sure. but like thinking about romantic stuff like... it's okay?? but that doesnt really sound like my thing. like I'd like to hang out with people and know them better and do things like dates but not with a romantic intention? just to vibe with the person? idk. but it's confusing because I also said I was pan but idk what about me is oen if in possibly under aroace. like I know they're both umbrella terms, but I dont know where under them I am. or where pan fits? idk identy crisis, yay!!

I wanna do a platonic date with someone. Like we can go to the movies or something and go to a park and just get to know each other better but like platonically. I think that just sounds fun. I need to get a job so I can have money to platonically take someone on a date. I've been meaning to look for places or put in applications but I keep forgetting. Which also reminds me, I want a fuckung sword. Imagine how cool that would be!! I have the money for this nice one that I've been looking at for a while, it's a pretty white longsword with a blue gem in the hilt. I want it so bad. but my parents wont let me get it which i think is stupid. like I'm gay and have themoney, let me get my sword >:(

I want an axe, too. it doesnt necessarily have to be a pretty one because I wanna get strong and chop wood with it. I want to be a lumberjack. like not cut down trees that dont need to be cut down, but anything that has fallen already I wanna chop up with an axe then make things out of it!! I like wood working stuff. it sounds like fun. but I would need the right stuff to do that that I dont have right now. like skills.

that is making me think about another life crisis but I dont wanna think about that so I'm gonna try to think of something else like how I cant wait to move out. because they have stuff planned out for me and what they want me to do but I realized I dont wanna do that. and now I'm thinking and vaguely talking about the crisis I dont wanna think about so I'm gonna think about what I actually want to do. I wanna do the plan thing you came up with where you're gonna have your cottage in a small town and we're gonna live hopefully somewhat close to you and we can visit each other a lot and vibe. you're gonna do what you want to do and work in a museum and talk about the things you enjoy.I dont really know what I want yet but I know I wanna live near you so we can hang out and be a lot closer because you're my family and my best friend. I think I wanna have lots of plants. I want to take better care of them than I do now and. have a lot and spend time with them and make sure they're doing well and growing. I like most plants vibes. they're mostly simple but very pretty and calming and looks like what home should feel like. you feel like what home should. like sometimes when the three of us are playing games like minecraft or something and it's getting all competitive and laughing it feels like home and makes me really happy. I'm excited to leave this place and have a real home.

I wanna leave as much of this as I can behind. and since I don't plan on coming out to them soon or possibly even at all, it might actually be easier to leave. because once I do I can go by Ash everywhere and not the name they gave me. I wont have to feel sad when I have to introduce myself as the name they gave me. and as far as people would know this is my name and the only one. they wouldn't even know what the other one is and cant call me it.

I still dont know what I want, but I know just being there I'll already be happier than here. they upset me a lot here. they say rude and insensitive things and insult me whether they know they are or not. and I think one day when I leave, if they try to justify themselves instead of fixing it, I have the freedom to leave them behind. they're not as bad as a lot of other people's family, especially since I thought compared to other people my family was nice. but still I think unlike the voice says I dont deserve to feel bad about who I am, especially when they're the ones who impacted me that way and made me a lot of who I am. or caused it.

I also cant wait until I move out because I'll have a lot more control of what I can and cant do, how I can be myself, and what kinds if things I'm eating. because right now, my parents dont really buy things that are good for you because it's cheaper to get processed foods. and when they do get better things, they get things I dont like. or I never get any because my siblings have it. bht I guess in some weird way it is good that they make me feel horrible about food stuff because then that's less of the bad stuff that I eat. I don't really like eating at all and I thought that was a good thing becuas ei vcd ont have access to the things I'm supposed to be having. so to me it's better to have nothing than things that are bad. and I've been kinda proud of myself for having less because it's not good stuff. like last night's I had a slice of cheese, half of minimal dinner, then only a little bit of chocolate. but then my siblings got taco bell and now I feel like shit. because I felt bad because they got it specifically for me but I didnt want it but I had it anyways. but I'm proud of how I did today before that!!!!

I want it ti rain. I wanna go outside when there thunder and lightning and pouring rain and just walk around. I want to stand in the rain. the rain makes me happy and calm. I feel safer in the rain. and it's just an overall pleasant thing. of course i don't want it to flood or cause harm to anyone else, but I want it to rain. good thing rain season is coming up soon. it might be cold but I dont care. I've waited too long for it.

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edge-lorde · 4 years

Text

hp update: its ur favorite tumblr user back at it again with another great post. thats right, as promised here is a more in depth look at the recent dragon themed time sensitive event!

this event takes place in year 6. bill is graduated but has been coming back to the school periodically to teach us bootleg DADA just like harry did in the books. it is on one such occasion that bill lets it slip that his next job from gringotts involves him going to the dragon reserve that we know charlie will eventually work at. bill had not told charlie about this job prior to this discussion precisely because of what happens next, which is that charlie wants to go.

this brings me back to year 4 days with the first charlie focused sidequest, where we scrounged up money to by what may or may not have been a dragon egg (it was not) from a strange man who had been seen trying to approach other unaccompanied minors walking around hogsmeade. this pure of dragon centric heart, but dumb of dragon centric ass quality was what made me start liking charlies character in the game in the first place. he begins negging his older brother in a way that is very familiar to me as a younger sibling. i as the mc of course jump on the bandwagon with charlie immediately.

bill sounds very defeated in this part because he knows the negging wont end, and/or knows that he will eventually cave to charlies demands. “no you cant come.” he says with a sigh.

but well see about that, because charlie and i go ambush bill at work to ask again.

as stated previously bill works at gringotts bank, which is run by goblins. i already had access to the location diagon alley, but before this event gringotts itself was closed to me. newly unlocked, charlie and i walk inside. unlike the hogwarts kitchens, it does not feel like walking into hell for me to do this. unlike house elves which only have 1 basic model used for every elf except for the 1 named elf, there is some variety in the goblin designs. there appears to be one basic goblin face that i can tell, but its paired with several different outfits and hairstyles, giving them the illusion of originality typically spent on unnamed background characters. there are also 3 named goblin characters with all their own stuff.

the first is obviously griphook, the only real goblin character from the books. hes bills supervisor. in the books hes a pretty unlikable guy but here, though hes not nice exactly, he seems at least kind of chill. he doesnt kick charlie or me out for barging in and says its ok for us go on the mission with bill. its nice to see him unstressed.

the other 2 goblins are the perhaps, hopefully, cool ones. one is younger than the rest and has some friendly dialog with you and his other named goblin friend, who possibly exists so the first one has someone to banter with. they dont do anything else this event but gringotts stays open after the event is completed so hopefully they will come back again and get their own plotlines.

anyway, charlie and i harass bill at work for a bit. his boss comes in, hears our plea, and doesnt immediately tell us to leave. instead he tells us the rundown of bills mission: a long time ago a goblin boasted that he could craft a golden dragon egg that would be indistinguishable from the real thing. he did, and it was. so much so that a dragon destroyed his house and stole it, i think he died in the process.

“so,” says griphook, “that is why we must send you, 18 year old we just hired, to go to a remote location filled with dragons by yourself to rifle through their nests and bring back what is rightfully ours. no we dont know which dragon took the egg or even the type. yes you can bring your little brother and his friends.”

sounds legit. charlie and i convince bill to not only let us come with him, but also our other classmates from his DADA class due to scheduling mishaps. we go gather the rest of the class to tell them about this but only merula, penny, and barnaby show up and so only they get to go on the field trip, which is convenient because otherwise wed have half the school out there and that would be entirely too many characters for the devs to write at once.

we borrow the same tent the canon characters will eventually use in all their camping shenanigans in the book from hagrid and get to the dragon reserve via portkey. the reserve now appears on the stairs screen as a permanent new location, not a fleeting one as i once thought. theres dragons flying all around, majestic as hell.

its too late in the day to start searching so we set up camp and settle in, roast marshmallows, barnaby tells a story about a vampire broomstick. then we go inside the tent and play truth or dare. im asked to pick at one point which of my friends id most like to have with me if i were to get lost in the woods. i pick barnaby because hes the one who asked, but really id probably want merula there more. barnaby is supposed to be into dueling but ive never seen him in a real fight. ive seen merula take a Cruciatus curse and then get up and walk. pennys whole thing is potions too. i thought this choice would be relevant to something in the event but it was not.

in the truth or dare game, merula gets bill to tell some embarrassing stories about charlie as a kid. he talks about charlie putting wings on their rat and a dragon mask on their owl, pretending that they are real dragons. everyone laughs. this his a cord with charlie though and he storms out. we wrap up truth or dare and go to bed.

the next day we begin the search.charlie has not come back yet. we realize this and begin freaking out, start looking for him instead. we scare a mother dragon off its nest for unfathomable reasons. eventually we hear charlies voice coming from inside a cave. we go in, charlie is alive and uneaten, but has a broken leg. he ran off to find the egg by himself in order to prove himself as teen boys are wont to do. bill and i then realize the other 3 didnt follow us into the cave, and a big ol dragon walks in. i gotta fight it singlehandedly while bill heals charlie in the back.

the boss fight was actually pretty hard. it took me like 5-6 tries to beat the dang thing thing. much enjoyment many high stakes. i put a sleeping spell on it to stop its attack at the end, though i had the option to use the Cruciatus curse which seems a little intense, game. then the other 3 run in and are like cool your safe! sorry we couldnt help u fight the dragon, there was a dragon. im like “yes, understandable.”

bill had given up on finding the egg at this point, but then charlie finds it! its a gold egg. in retrospect this egg might have been the egg that will inspire the gold egg stealing challenge in hp book 4 but i forget if that was inspired by a story or not.

then we have a cool down level with bill and charlie, where they both apologize, and charlie says what he did was stupid, but i insist its wasnt stupid it was cool and good even though that is factually wrong because thats what i would say in real life regardless. bill and charlie promise to never speak of this trip again, especially not to their mom.

the last level is us going back to gringotts and regaling griphook with the tale of our journey, including the marshmallow and truth or dare bits. he says “great job, teens!” and then we all jump up in the air and the theme song plays as we freeze midair and the colors fade to black and white. we all learned some valuable dragon based lessons today friends. it took me 2 full hours to write this and i have to wake up at 6 tomorrow.

#hp #sirius business #hphm #harry potter hogwarts mystery #hogwats mystery #dragon #charlie weasley #bill weasley #penny haywood #merula snyde #barnaby lee #goblins #goblin #griphook #rambling #Thoughts

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feralhogs · 5 years

Note

1-50 ho

you got it ho

1. What’s your favorite candle scent?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. ive been Purchasing various smelly candles for my gay divination activities, and i have a few nominees. i first thought of the candle i have now, a pink one with a very sweet vanilla smell, i love very sweet smells because it makes me think of candy which i tend to try to fill my inner void with. however im going to go with the first candle i bought, a dark orange one with a citrus smell. citrus scents are my next favourite and specifically this one reminded me of curiously smelling candles at my piano teachers apartment when i was very young.

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?

idk. ive been listening to her lion king stuff lately. dont judge me i needed to hear remixes of lion king music i was lost in that sauce in high school. and i just think shes neat. i dont think she would aggressively make me feel bad about everything, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?

Look……. i really don’t know???? what is the criteria?? do they need to be like my siblings? dare i criticize my arguably criticizable siblings by picking out my ideal siblings? if i pick an ideal sibling, what does that say about what im lacking in my life? do i pick celebrities i hate so theoretically my family shames them into becoming silent and self-defeating

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?

50. i think im going to have to figure myself out for a long time, and achieve some personal goals first. thats my excessively confident prediction and PERHAPS educated guess

5. Do you know a hoarder?

nnnnnoooooooo????? not a real, cant function because of hoarding hoarder. i can see in a few family members, including myself, liking to hang onto things that maybe become sentimental/unnecessary clutter but that sounds like something many non-hoarders experience?

6. Can you do a split?

lemme try one sec

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?

Idk maybe 7? Or 11? i think my parents taught me at a children age and then i started biking for fun like, later, like pre middle school?

8. How many oceans have you swam in?

1. i dont really remember swimming in an ocean but i may have faded childhood memories of salty water and seaweed

9. How many countries have you been to?

2… i went to idaho for a band trip… my dad really doesnt like travelling

10. Is anyone in your family in the army?

HAHAHA

NO. ACTUALLY YES. but its funny because the specific brand of christianity we are supposed to be is super pacifist so ive heard. but then i remembered one dude apparently who joined the us military?????? it seemed like it was… an unusual choice. i dont really know anything else about this guy, not even his name

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?

🙏 *inhale* buddy. oooooohhffffff i want to say something gender neutral honestly. i dont want to rock the boat being unconventional or something but im just thinking of all those years trying to live up to a feminine name

12. What would you name your son if you had one?

same i guess… why have i never thought about this????? was i preoccupied naming myself.

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test?

hmmmmm hmmmmm trying to unlock the vault. i think i remember a 1 or a 0 on a math quiz. i think i got 30% or something very very bad (i dont even want to know) on my last english exam, but to be fair, i was having such a bad mental breakdown my professor did an intervention

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?

like a very very small child? i was obsessed with the save-ums (?!?!?) for some reason. i would sing the anthem… no. theme song? i dont know. i guess it was catchy and there were lots of fun characters. OHHHH I SEE WHATS WRONG

ITS BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD A TV TILL I WAS LIKE 5 OR SOMETHING. what are you cultured people watching as children? what are the shows?

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?

>:(

My Halloween experience:

i dont even remember i probably had some kind of fairy wings? i think i remember fairy wings. we went to one (1) house. later on, since we werent allowed to go trick-or-treating, we were each allotted a certain amount of candy, and if we ate more than a designated amount per day, we were in trouble and wouldnt be allowed anymore. i do remember getting in trouble for this. i think i stole someones candy. sibling against sibling. finally we were allowed to go trick or treating, i went with my younger brothers and by then, was a teenager and felt too tall and really uncomfortable

LMAO I JUST REMEMBERED THAT LAST TIME WE WENT TRICK-OR-TREATING NOT IN A RURAL AREA, my dad drove us around in a van and watched us like a hawk i believe. it was very tense and methodical.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?

i read the harry potter series (I WROTE SIBLIGS LOL) more times than i could count while growing up. i read the first hunger games book and didnt fancy it for whatever reason, and i had an obnoxious twilight-hating phase.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?

sometimes, though, im really genuinely worried about what accent i do have. im worried i read so much harry potter growing up, it rubbed off on me. when i was a server, people would ask about an unusual accent i apparently had, and once, when i was talking to a super british guy who called me luv at walmart, he was like STOP. WAIT. YOU HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT. and i was like WHAT UHHH BYEBYE AND HE WAS LIKE NO. I HEARD YOU. STOP and i was like that michael jackson meme where he covers his face running away and everyone else in the line was staring

18. Did your mother go to college?

i believe she went to a bible college where people put a grand piano on top of the roof.

19. Are your grandparents still married?

all of my grandparents are dead.

…. hmmMMMM yow. ok. my grandparents who werent estranged stayed married for as long as either of them were living… however, my OTHER grandparents, i mean the fucking kidnappers, my abuser grandpa… remarried? when he was… really really aging. im judging him for it because i know what kind of person he was.

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?

I WISH. my parents didnt seem to like that sort of thing (surprise). im interested in it now but… as usual… i feel like its too late, im too old.

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?

….. i… i thought i did… hes blessed… thats all.

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to?

ಠ_ಠ

*crickets*

how could you ask me this?

no wait! i went to the waterslides. then, later on, i was never allowed to go to the waterslides.

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?

Spanish. ive been “intending” to learn for a long time, and a lot of people who have been really good influences on me and been genuinely kind to me speak it, id like to learn it

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?

grey

one sec

yup thats canadian!

25. Is your father bald?

on the top of his head, yes >:(

26. Do you know triplets?

no?

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

no? what is this straight stuff? i listened to the dramatic titanic song and felt nothing.

28. Have you ever had Indian food?

i guess so, at a friends house! i dont think otherwise ive gone to a restaurant and actually had indian food

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?

*gazes tearily at my OWN FUCKING OLD WORKPLACE

the food was sO GOOD MAN. IT WAS SO GOOD. im just not saying because despite how stalkable i probably am already, i dont want to be specific

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?

no whats that

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)?

belong? whats bjs? whats a warehouse for?

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

i decided at one point they would never tell me this and it was no use asking. i do know they almost named my brother a very fusty old fashioned name fitting in with the thomas the tank engine theme

33. If you have a nickname, what is it?

G is the ONLY one i will accept so far.

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world?

i……… hmmmm…. i really dont like picking favourites. each person in my life has a unique relationship with me (even though a lot of them arent very warm, trusting or close). because of unhealthy middle school friendships ive grown an aversion to ranking relationships as if they have material value.

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?

rural, i think. i need nature in my life!!! but i also need to be able to have connections to people.

36. Can you whistle?

yes, but not very loudly or accurately

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?

no, but ive always wanted a nightlight

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?

ive started to, yeah! this morning i made a whole thing with bread and mushrooms and eggs, and coffee, and i ate it outside watching the traffic. im really trying to treat myself nicely you see. its what id do for someone else.

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?

THAT

BOY

JUICE!

WELCOME TO MY BUILD A BOY WORKSHOP!

SHOTS!SHOTS!SHOTS!

and im really fortunate to be in pretty good health, and have access to things i do need

40. What medical conditions do you have?

I dont think… i actually have any. id say gender dysphoria but i think it was informed consent. (im VERY lucky)

im pretty sure there are SOME mental conditions running around undiagnosed. MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY

41. How many times have you been to the hospital?

for myself? once… when i got hives and started swelling up all over, but otherwise was fine. i really wonder what that was. other times was visiting sick/dying relatives which has made me feel sad and apprehensive whenever i enter a hospital or smell the food

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?

yes! i had a gerbil named nemo!

43. Where do you buy your jeans?

i dont … remember … really nowhere special i actually have yet to find some jeans i LOVE. sometimes there is a pair of jeans that sparks joy. i do not have such a pair

44. What’s the last compliment you got?

my sister said my pants looked good on me. they are actually their pants, which they left on the floor in my room for an unknown reason, and they want them back. of course.

but because im excited about it and want to brag, the real compliment was when i made borscht and my sister not only ate it faster than me, but wanted a second helping. and my roommate stuck his face in the steam and said it smelled good. hell yes. i put fucking cilantro in it. fcking beast mode.

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?

yes. theyre usually really emotional and symbolic. if ive been talking to my parents, theyre usually nightmares. ive been reading about dream interpretation for a long time to deal with some of the ominous images that can come up

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?

red rose reminds me of wheni was little my mom would make really sweet sweet red rose tea for me (thats the kind she drinks all the time) and it brings me those good feelings. otherwise licorice spice really appeald to me for some reason.

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?

LMAO UHHH…brb

six. because of social pressure.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?

i never thought about this kind of thing…. i really don’t know….. id just want them to know how to be kind to others and themselves and thats literally it.

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?

i was one of those edgy kids trying to spoil it for everyone. guess what other common fun thing my parents didnt do

50. Why do you have a youtube?

i dont! so i dont know what this question means! :)

HOLY SHIT I MADE IT THRU HIGH FIVE

#rambling #WOW #bug

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trpg-dingusmaster · 7 years

Text

The plot was actually furthered! And a new character joins the party.

I missed a few sessions, not sure how many. Time isnt real.

anyway. a week or so ago, maybe two? The dm for the evening was running 90lbs FineCoal, though nobody knows I call it that.

a few things happened since I was there for this campaign.

- the new guy in the group (who I met during Bassun on the Sea) is playing a gnome pyrotechnic in this game

- the gang/faction we are most at odds with blew up a children’s hospital in what I assume was retaliation for liberating their sweatshop and stealing the rights to the land it was on but I’m not sure.

-new things were added to our base of operations but none of those were new bedrooms or a kitchen upgrade so its still cramped and weird like theres like 6-9 people living there but only 2 bedrooms? I assume this is what my character was doing while I was gone.

this session, as we went into town to restock things and sell stuff we noticed a new faction running around putting up fliers and standing on corners looking official while giving an announcement.

“By the decree of the Templars in one week all citizens will be reporting for a mandatory community meeting. We will be patrolling the streets until then to be certain that everyone attends and that no trouble is caused. Nonattendance is punishable by law.”

we did some investigating on who these people are and found out that they’re pretty basically the military police? they are I think supposed to answer only to the highest authorities but its possible they may not be in full cooperation but maybe thats just me thinking too far ahead. They may also have, or at least at one time had, some kind of agreement with the gang the party is against the most. Rumors say they are probably the reason magic no longer exists in the walled up nation.

time passes and we head to the meeting, the gnome is dressed up and disguised to look more like a child in hopes he’d be able to sneak around and investigate further. Hugo supplies him with some booze, coal, and sawdust/wood scrap to assist in any explodey shenanigans he might need to get up to.

He is however captured, somehow they know right away that he was in disguise. Based on how the dm described the encounter its not clear if its because of the rolls the gnome and healer made to craft the disguise OR if they had some other means, perhaps some magical means, to see through the disguise.

they load him up in an armored wagon to pick up other stragglers to the meeting and he gets a view of just how numerous and well armed the templars are. the gnome, wanting to stall some of them from being at the meeting or maybe bringing them to a trap says that he knows of a factory where the children are still working and are being withheld from the meeting. The templars say theres no time but would like to go there later and arrest the factory workers or something so he did the only reasonable thing and set the wagon on fire from the inside, eventually the wagon stopped and the doors were opened and he weaseled away to rejoin the party at the meeting.

mean while the oh so important address the templars wanted to give was a strange one.

-several books are now banned possession and reading of these books is punishable to the full extent of the law. some of these books were: the complete writing of alexander graham bell, the notes and diaries of nikola tesla, the legions, the crystal eye, history books from this year to this year, historical writings from these authors,

-all crystals, precious, and semi precious gems are now outlawed, ownership and use of any is punishable to the full extent of the law

-immediate search and seizure would begin, no back aly, mine, sewer, or forest would go unchecked

this was an odd because most of the citizens and even the players themselves are unable to read in the first place and are much too poor to own any crystals or gems.

never the less how dare they and Hugo threw a bottle at the speaker. the gnome caught the tail end of this and he, the healer, and the healers sibling set to starting a riot. claiming that these new regulations were going to raise taxes and the seizure of the gems was literal out right theft from people too poor to probably have any of worth anyway, it would disrupt businesses and the searching would be more like ransacking and vandalism.

hugo, the one handed girl, jamie, and the gnome then head off to the library once the riot seems to be getting going and the templars were all distracted. the healer- wearing a stolen high ranking gang uniform meets up with some lower ranking members if that gang and convinces them that increased templar activity would mean without a doubt a crack down on their criminal activity. Sooner or later whatever hold the street gangs have over the people would no longer suit the forces that allowed them to gain so much power. these people spread that word. the people are in a full on frenzy now.

Its also worth noting that a particular new npc was pointed out to us more than once during all of this: a very burly bald and beardless man well over seven feet tall but has otherwise only human features.

the group at the library find several books to steal but not quite enough and certainly not all the right ones. with further searching a secret door doubling as a book self hiding a spiral stair case is found and the one handed girl- being the one who can read the best of the lot is sent down to investigate. the rest stay upstairs waiting to hear her scream for help and to defend their position. the one handed girl finds several more books that the templars had listed as illegal but ALSO one that had a solid black binding and hundreds of blank black pages. upon picking it up she feels a powerful connection to it.

several templars enter the library and a fight begins, but it is quickly ended by the new oddly specific but unnamed npc. the group escapes, calling bruce the cabby to gather the party, drop three of members, healer, healers sibling and gnome head to the ruins hospital to loot. since there would be no one around to stop them what with the mayhem and murder happening. on the way the healers sibling witnesses and exchange between a templar and a higher ranking gang member, an exchange that suggested if the the two factions had any sort of agreement it was probably over/off the table now... but another interpretation could be: shut mouth don’t talk about that where someone could hear/see you. we don’t know yet.

heres where I got confused because the prty split up, at some point during the looting the healer found a strage door that the bombing had uncovered? or made easier to access because it wasnt hidden anymore? with the gnomes help they enter leaving the sibling to continue to loot. there was a long tunnel? and then a strange chamber with strange device that when described was probably a tesla coil. There was also an unusually large person guarding the room about 8 feet tall and very burly. there was also a book in there. I’m pretty sure he was guarding the book, which I assume was the writings of tesla based on context. they gnome and healer question the guardian trying to figure out what he was and why he was there. for some reason a fight begins? the tesla coil is part of some kind of trap system that does some clever stuff but I didn’t catch it. the two kill him and loot his body we didn’t get a description of his face i’m pretty sure it was too messed up from the fight? or maybe I just missed it, but I cant help but wonder if he too was bald and beardless?

when the group that headed to the cabin arrived, the one handed girl had begun investigating the books and discovered a note: unfortunately the note was a prop and the only one who could actually read all of the dms handwriting was me but HUGO cant read for shit, I’m not even sure he knew what books were until that day. but I don’t think the bits I picked out that others couldnt read were that important.

what it amounted to seemed to be that, something happened and it might happen again and they- the templars we assume -could not let that happen. I’m pretty sure I read a bit that said like- ‘we cannot allow ‘them’ to rise again,” but I wont know if that particular bit is important until the rest of the books are examined but even if it is I think think the group will be fine.

there was also a very old bank note worth over 200 coppers but probably needs to be appraised, at least to figure out how old those books are/how long they were in that secret room? idk but I’m sure theres something important there... surely its not just because the dm is concerned the party will starve to death in winter and thought to give us extra money to survive with.

the three who went to the hospital got back to the cabin, I’m pretty sure they stole a wagon.

the plan is, to examine the books a bit, then wrap them in leather and seal the leather in wax to bury them where we will be building something, then also having some decoy holes dug/filled in? and if a templar is like wtf is all this- we explain that were in the middle of construction or something and thats where we’re building stuff?

but I sort of suspect that have some magical or supernatural means of detecting things? so it might not matter... but if winters coming we probably need to have some weapons and defenses anyway because hungry wildlife is an issue we’ve been told.

the only book not getting buried is the black one- that is staying with the one handed girl. to what end? I’m sure we’ll find out.

Hugo is down to 44lbs FineCoal- the cabby requested payment in furs and meat instead of coal and copper this time around.

the ruffian, the noble, and the nobles guard were not present again, I’m pretty sure they just don’t like showing up to these campaigns with the weird rules.

#90lbs FineCoal #huntsman josiah hugo

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galimatios · 4 years

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sci-fi au again but it’s some bastardized blame au feat. my twins

thinking about a bastardized blame au that borrows the setting of blame but with some minor differences, aka humans weren't dead for as long and silicon lifeforms are part of a disease that turns pure humans into half synthetic life, aka go feral go crazy some retain intellect tho, and pure silicon creatures are fully sentient and intelligent but im thinking of a society in which android labor was widespread, but bc humans were wiped by silicon corruption, there's huge populations of androids w/o purpose humans do still exist but they're not pure, most of them have varying levels of silicon corruption as well as varying resistances. it does grant these humans superhuman strength or healing though i kind of. wanna put rey and ray as twins in this au as bounty hunters aka humans who hunt down corrupted humans who've gone too far... but they also do odd delivery jobs and stuff likelihood is that they've been alive for Way longer than humans should be due to their own corruption they remember what life was like before things went to shit ray owned a restaurant and rey owned the bar on top of it as siblings they went thru hell together and back and this was their dream and. well. then shit changed but also aesthetic bc: rey with short hair, tank top, sci-fi ass gear and army boots she's also the Slightly Older twin and holds this to ray all the time they argue. Nonstop. sometimes they cant stand eachother bc dumbasses both have strong aggressive personalities but (and ive been thinking abt rey w a sibling for a while) at the end of the day they trust eachother bc they both had the same shitty mom and survived. they can do anything, they're Them? but the scourge... well. they're always upbeat. they have eachother after all, but sometimes when they're alone, ray gets nostalgic. a little wistful, a little sad "it was nice while it lasted, huh? not even a full ass decade, and everything came tumbling down." legs hanging off a ledge, the smell of cigarette smoke "wonder how dom's doing." rey doesn't want to talk about her. she steals the cig from his mouth and puts it out. "that shit ain't good for you." "the fuck? you smoke too you know." but rey's already leaving. neither of them know if dom survived. ray lost a best friend, rey lost a lover it's been two hundred years, maybe more. if she hadn't shown up, dead or alive, she's probably gone but the thing is, the megastructure is huge. so vastly huge and confusing, anything can happen. ray thinks one day she'll show up. dom is tough. she's out there somewhere. (END PROSE) also i just love the idea of rey being a heavy firearm user and she just has a huge laser cannon strapped to her back at all times ray thinks weird flex but ok he probably uses a device that resembles some sci-fi spear/rapier thing but it channels electricity so on his command he can roast shit and also override / destroy power structures as needed. both of them have mechanical skills, can hotwire stuff, they're too dumb for hacking so they usually just try to physically brute force shit (aka... hitting it until it works) ray... leather jacket and gloves. NOTED THO: organic materials are really rare and are either salvaged or synthetically created instead. so this is like fake ass bioengineered leather from one of the few bastions of semi-human life, a big city within the megastructure that's where rey and ray live... they actually do want to start a restaurant again but. i think they've sworn off it until they find out what happened to dom, bc she's the only person they've ever trusted with their dream so until then, bounty work ok wow i kind of love ray w a fucking. black electric rapier spike thing + black gloves and black jacket, leather fucking pants, DANGER BOY!!! then rey loves firearms but sometimes she JUST PUNCHES SHIT. SHE'S STRONG!!! fingerless gloves for the girl. cries I love my redheads

KEITH PROBABLY. WOULD BE A TRAINEE BOUNTY HUNTER/SCOUT AND PROBABLY HAS A MASSIVE CRUSH ON RAY LMFAO. ray is like lmfao (puts hand on head) u are So Short keith: kkkdjdjsjhdhdhfnfbfbfjgjfjfj rey voice god you have bad taste keith follows ray around like a puppy who wants to be helpful and ray doesnt particularly mind as long as he doesnt get in the way. but its like. this video (youtu.be/TJAqwSmbKJc)

SORRY KEITH HE LIKES HUNKS AND TWUNKS BUT UR TWINKISH TWUNK AT BEST but ray has a soft spot for him once keith proves he's actually super capable at his job puppy gets head pats god i wanna stick all my ocs in this au now jonah would be s service android who used to work for a family he really cherished but they were wiped out. so now he just. kind of drifts. AI technology is self learning so i believe at this point androids have largely gained sentience and semihumans treat them like one of them alister.... heh. fuck. i really want him to be an antagonist actually but a kind of misunderstood one. he's definitely the root of everything. he is probably the progenitor of the scourge and is a human mind implanted into a fully silicon body. who KNOWS how old he is in actuality he was a sick, dying child whose experimental treatment went horribly wrong but this silicon body is stronger, faster, better. he feels no pain anymore. he can walk and run. but he's also immortal. and he can't be with humans bc contact with him is toxic humans with weak resistances died immediately once the plague started. so all the humans left are those who resisted full corruption they went after the source of the plague, intending to kill to stop its spread but even when they did get to alister, they couldnt kill him and boy they tried! took him into labs and did horrible things! some succumbed to the plague from overexposure to him but nothing seemed to stop Alister decided he had enough, killed everyone in a haze, left, then decided to make silicon lifeforms he was lonely! all of them are precious to him and every time a hunter kills one, he mourns semihumans who become fully or mostly corrupted he considers part of his family too GOD I COULD MAKE AND PORT SO MANY OCS cade is about 60-70% corrupted. he's definitely in alister's ranks i gotta think tho bc i do want one pure human with the net terminal gene. probably hidden somewhere in one of those cryosomething freeze tanks idk if i have an oc pure enough to fit the role i gotta check my roster TO EXPLAIN THIS. you need the gene to access the netsphere the netsphere is like an evolved form of the internet that's sort of like heaven and also controls some things in base reality, like the robots that are in charge of automated construction of new structures- these have gone haywire which led to uncontrolled growth this is just canon material but my addition is that once alister went full silicon, he also unintentionally became connected to the netsphere without any real authority to do anything, but the system still detected a breach and it locked Everyone out after alister infected them originally only those of pure genetic pedigrees possessed the net gene haha i love caste systems but now they're all fucking Dead. i imagine life wasn't GREAT before the scourge but it was better than a semi-post-post scarcity environment where some places are uninhabitable so you have silicon life out hunting humans to protect alister, or just for territory, and security systems that have been tripped and now safeguards are running around killing everything that moves safeguards are like antivirus programs but like. in base reality

GOD ALISTER GROWN UP BUT LIKE EVIL AESTHETIC. ALL BLACK EVERYTHING. he definitely has morphing skills, he can connect himself to technology and easily control it bc hes not organic, innocent boy is now twisted and sitting on his throne of black, corrupted human bones truthfully though alister just... wants to successfully turn more humans into silicon so he can make friends and be happy it's sad that they don't usually survive. hundreds of years of loneliness dulled his moral compass the silicon close to him feel like they're not enough they are hideous but fully sentient and intelligent with the same emotions as humans but ig to alister it's not the same. he still loves them but. he truly was human in the past in the end silicon can't truly replace flesh alex... is a high level safeguard with sentience unlike the low level automated ones that attack everything fuck ALEX OF ALL MY OCS TAKES THE PLACE OF KILLY IN CANON THE FUCK he'd probably operate differently tho. way more compassion

"once i find the net terminal gene, most likely the system will begin to purge all impurities. any and all corrupted will likely die. ... but i see no reason to shorten the life of a man already dead." this includes the humans with resistances. people like rey, ray, keith all resistant humans are <50% corrupted. they cannot be allowed to live bc there is a chance exposure to toxic materials or alister will continue the process but i think alex would change his mind and try to find a way to cure it using the net terminal gene he makes friends with the bounty hunting group, aka keith and the twins... and eventually they will find dom and. oh god what if dom is 80+ percent corrupted what if they have to put her down I AM MAKING MYSELF UPSET

BUT FUCK IT WPULD BE A GOOD CATALYST FOR ALEX TO CHANGE HIS MIND ABOUT LETTING ALL THE CORRUPTED DIE AHHHHH also alex in an all black suit with a little cyan neck ribbon I LOVE MY OCS SORRY I ALSO LOVE BLAME AND SCIFI FUCK ME UP anyway i think im done for now but ughghfjgh im thinking about this for days

#ray #rey #notes

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andsotheuniverseended · 4 years

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Character headcanons: the whole mighty nein?

oh damn aight babe lets get started

Jester

1: sexuality headcanon

my girl is bisexual, no question.

2: otp

beaujes ftw, of course. i just... i feel like Jester can lean on Beau a lot, and that’s important.

3: brotp

honestly Jester has such a good relationship with the whole entire team, i cant believe how much she is the heart of the entire team. i would say my favorite dynamic is... jester and fjord. they just have some real cute moments, and they really try and support each other.

4: notp

i dont really have any notps? i mean... i cant really see her with caleb, i guess, which is a thing some people like? but im very much a chill person.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

Jester used to make little gifts for her mom, but she kind of had to make do with the things she had access to, so it was a lot of drawings and playing pranks she thinks will make her mom smile.

Also, Marion still has every single one of the drawings Jester ever gave her.

6: one way in which I relate to this character

Dick jokes.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

hmmm... i dont get much from Jes, honestly. i would say... oh wait gods i just remembered that conversation with Beau about relationships and how theyre not like the books they read oh my poor baby Jester ishfgufkd.lg8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

cinnamon roll

Caleb

1: sexuality headcanon

i am personally real into asexual and panromantic Caleb.

2: otp

i dont particularly ship Caleb with anyone? but if i had to say... maybe with Essek? or Caduceus? but Caleb is v much the kind of person who needs solid family relationships more than romantic ones.

3: brotp

Caleb and Nott are the og, obvi.

4: notp

Caleb and Beau, for sure my dudes. they are Empire Siblings, platonic forever.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

i dont remember if its said where he got the name from but ive decided just now he got the name Caleb Widogast from a porn book. it was a minor character and he’s mostly just praying that Jester will never run into the book he took it from.

6: one way in which I relate to this character

depression and trauma, babey

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

when he was having that conversation with Beau and they were just literally talking circles around each other and not getting anywhere with it. also any time where he starts talking about how he’s a shitty person.8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

problematic fave, for suresies

Caduceus

1: sexuality headcanon

he is a big and soft and gentle gay man.

2: otp

Caduceus x peace, Caduceus x support, Caduceus x not dying ever again please

also i like Caduceus and Fjord

3: brotp

i really want Cads to connect more with the others, yknow? i feel like hes doing a lot of supporting them and not getting a lot of support. i liked that moment he had with the Gentleman, i would love if that got more time but i doubt it.

i would say... Cads and Jester? i feel like they both do that thing where they don’t lean on others as much as they could and so they should lean on each other.

4: notp

i dont think i honestly have one for Cads. i mean, him and anyone who would hurt him. dont let anyone hurt the boy. he needs protection.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

i think part of why he hasnt scried on his family is partially worry about just not being able to see them, but also partially worry that theyre fine out there. theyre fine and doing good work and they just havent come back, havent checked in on him or the Grove, and he’s just as scared to see that as he is to see that theyre not okay at all.

6: one way in which I relate to this character

low int, has trouble paying attention, big mood.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

i... honestly cant really think of a moment? he has always done his best and i love him.8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

cinnamon roll

Nott

1: sexuality headcanon

i... i feel like. she has straight woman energy? but i dont like that so as far as im concerned she’s bisexual.

2: otp

Nott and Yeza. rhino sex potions, learning how to change and grow together, and that entire moment when they’re reunited and Yeza is just happy she’s alive no matter what she looks like.

3: brotp

listen Nott and Caleb are the og, but Nott and Jester are the detective duo and as far as im concerned, thats what matters most.

4: notp

mmmmmmmmmm idk does anyone ship nott and caduceus? thats a notp for me, i just decided that just now.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

Nott hasn’t spoken to her brothers in a very long time, and in fact actively avoids it when given the chance.

6: one way in which I relate to this character

“they turned me into everything i thought was”. always thinking of yourself as Less. and also being a gross goblin.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

knowing she had a crush on caleb lmao not gonna lie8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

problematic fave

Beau

1: sexuality headcanon

lesbian

2: otp

BeauJes, my dudes. “i could be her beacon” was a powerful phrase. and also beauyasha is still very very good content.

3: brotp

Beau and Fjord. captain and first mate. teacher and student. i honestly think Fjord was one of the first people to really give Beau a chance to grow as a person and she grabbed it with both hands and worked so hard at it, and Fjord was there for it.

4: notp

beau and any guy. she’s a lesbian, ya’ll. come on.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

beau doesnt like yellow because one time she had to wear a yellow dress to a party and she spilled something on it and got yelled at for the stain and she’s a bitter one who doesnt let things go so now she just doesnt wear yellow, and prefers dark colors.

cant get yelled at for stains if no one can see them!

6: one way in which I relate to this character

socially awkward! yes.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

mmmm socially awkward, again8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

i feel. like. she cant be a cinnamon roll but shes also. not entirely a problematic fave? more problematic fave than cinnamon roll, but not really either.

Yasha

1: sexuality headcanon

she is a Lesbian who was very much in love with her wife, as most lesbians are.

2: otp

Yasha x forgiveness, Yasha x happiness, Yasha x freedom

also beauyasha is always good. and so is yasha and jester? get yasha a blue girlfriend who will reassure her that things are okay.

3: brotp

Yasha and Molly were, obvi, amazing together. maybe its bc of them that i also want to see more of Cads and Yasha.

i just feel like the low int bros could be fun.

4: notp

ummmm i guess. i cant see molly and yasha in a romantic way at all?

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

on yasha and zuala’s wedding day, they had to do it in secret, so they couldnt really decorate or celebrate much. but what they did do was pick flowers and put them everywhere. so that even if they couldnt show their love to their tribe, they could still be surrounded by colors and life and beauty.

6: one way in which I relate to this character

Says Dumb Things, Loves Girls So Much, Needs A Break

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

listen i am anticipating a lot of awkward apologizing and guilt and idk if this counts as second hand embarrassment but im deffo gonna be crying so8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

cinnamon roll and i will fight anyone who says otherwise

Fjord

1: sexuality headcanon

thinking about it... im real into demi Fjord.

2: otp

Fjord x Eldritch Blaaaast

forreal tho i dont heavily ship him with anything. him and Cads are cute, tho.

3: brotp

i know i already said this for beau but really the captain first mate dynamic is so so good.

i also like him and nott. green drowning victims! bickering! also actually being ride or die for each other but like you would never tell them that!

4: notp

mmmmm him and avantika i guess

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

a lot of the reason Fjord is so good at accents is bc, as a kid, he would try and mimic other people’s voices. he thought it would get them to stop looking at him like a half-orc. it didnt work, but now he can p much copy anyone’s voice so that’s handy!

6: one way in which I relate to this character

just doesnt know whats going on, assumes someone who says wise words must be the smartest person ever, feels like deadweight if they dont have something special they can do

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

this is legit the hardest question for every character my dudes uhhhhh oh gods the whole thing with avantika was killer so i guess when he has to fake it but also doesnt know what the hells going on at the same time.8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

cinnamon... roll? i mean... he did also almost unleash a many eyed eldritch snake tho......... so....

send me a character or anything really

#critical role new campaign #Universe Answers #anon my dear little star this was So Much #and i didnt even do mOLLY! like!#but it was also real fun so thank you darling #Anonymous

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araneaes-order · 6 years

Text

Angels We Have Heard Ch. 5

Last Herald-Mage Fanfic

Follow up to In the Bleak Mid-winter my “fix-it” rewrite of the canon ending. (’Cause, C’MON!!!) This is several months later, because no way these two aren’t gonna meet up again.

Word Count: ~4000

Rating: Mature for themes of suicide and substance abuse and stuff, I don’t know, I try to err on the side of caution, I think it’s fairly fluffy really

Tags: Canon mm, ^attempted suicide, ^substance abuse, comfort, mourning, singing

On AO3.

Chapter Synopsis: More singing. Stefen has not forgiven Van for saying he didn’t like music.

The Bard fell asleep long before Van did and he was glad. It seemed the only peaceful moments he could hope for with the young man would be when he was asleep; he was so damned prickly he kept Van on tenterhooks every second otherwise, never knowing when he’d make a misstep and get his back up, or worse, send him running.

Asleep, he curled against him, trusting as a child, still snuffling a little after all that crying.

Vanyel ran his hands through the Bard’s hair, gently combing it out. It was much longer than when they’d parted, which wasn’t a bad look for him, though the weight pulled out some of the curl, but it was still as soft, still as sweetly scented when he nuzzled against him.

He exhaled deeply and looked at the candles. Tylendel’s had extinguished itself long before and stood tall and cool and dark—an omen if ever there was one, though he couldn’t say of what, exactly—the others were almost melted down. They weren’t made to burn long; letting go was the point.

He wondered guiltily what he was supposed to do. He couldn’t stay. He honestly wasn’t well enough yet, for one thing, but even once he was, he had duties, responsibilities he’d taken on, time and again, when he’d chosen life over the easier road of following his first love.

And this? This wasn’t a place to stay, not for the Bard, any more than it was for him, but he had no doubt what the answer would be if he suggested the Bard come with him to Haven. He couldn’t blame him for not wanting to be owned again.

He shifted a little, shimmying his shoulders to fit against the wall more easily, and the Bard reflexively squeezed him, as though even in his sleep he was afraid Van was trying to leave. He squeezed back and kissed the young man’s temple, wishing Yfandes had been awake to talk to.

That one dark candle beckoned for his attention though. He hadn’t had a dream about Tylendel since he and the Bard had brought down the mountains on the dark mage and his army. Or rather, since he’d woken up after fucking the Bard in the dark mage’s castle, and realized they were lifebonded, just before they brought down the mountains.

Gods, Lendel, what must you think of me now? he wondered, not for the first time.

And what would he think of the Bard?

But—

With his sense of justice, his sense of compassion—even for the standoffish little brat Vanyel had been when they’d met—he suspected he’d have liked him. Maybe not liked him enough to approve of this, but he thought he’d have appreciated his strength, and the compassion the Bard showed, however unwillingly, however he’d deny he felt any such thing, for the people around him who weren’t really any worse off than he was.

He’d have appreciated the Bard’s hardness, his cleverness, his wit. He was quick, of mind and mouth. And his hands on even so poor as the instruments he had access to here—Van wished he could see him with the real thing. Any of the ones he had back in his room at the palace would have put that gittern, and Valdir’s tired lute, to shame.

Tylendel might not have had any particular love for music, aside from Van’s pre-Gift efforts, but he would have had to appreciate how good the Bard was with his hands.

Vanyel groaned, but it was more than half-laugh. He swore he could almost hear Lendel’s echoing amusement.

The Bard stirred in his arms and yawned. “You’re thinking too loud,” he grumbled.

“I’m sorry,” Vanyel said, before he could stop himself, but the Bard had already fallen back asleep, or perhaps hadn’t ever been fully awake.

Vanyel closed his eyes.

The Bard was already off him when he woke—though he had his wrist in an iron grip and hadn’t let him go far. He was a dangerous man to sleep so close with; he probably should have warned him, he thought, wincing as he released his arm.

The Bard didn’t say anything, or even look at him, just walking across the small shack and letting himself out for a moment, before returning, still not looking at him.

Van’s body ached as he sat himself up and ran his hands through his hair. The Bard had kept him warm enough at least but he’d pay for a night spent in such an uncomfortable bed when he was still wasn’t up to his fighting form.

Taking the hint, he excused himself from the shack for his morning ablutions, glad he was only limping a little bit of stiffness away yet as he came back in.

The Bard was packing up Valdir’s lute, and had already stowed his own gittern, when he returned. He handed his case back to him and shouldered his own.

He raised his chin stubbornly and Van cocked his head.

“Have breakfast with me.”

“I—”

“You’re leaving, yeah? You have to, I understand. I’m alive, you have a life—” He frowned. “—and need a damned sight more rest before you should be up and riding around, anyway. This isn’t your place. Have breakfast with me before you go.”

He hadn’t actually required any convincing. He nodded. “Gladly.”

The Bard blinked and then seemed to search his face in the light coming in from the open door before nodding back.

And then smiling and shaking his head. “And you left all your money with that snooty horse of yours, so I guess the meal’s on me.” His voice was rueful, but he didn’t seem upset, or Van would have pointed out that he’d fed himself often enough without his help.

The Bard spotted the children before Van did, and called them over with a wave and a grin, his door just closed behind them. Suddenly surrounded, to Van it seemed the whole mob of them, eight—no, nine— could have been siblings, for all the different colors of hair and eyes and skin. Seeing the Bard squatting to chatter quietly back and pass out coppers, subtle, palm-to-palm without ever seeing daylight, Van realized he was one of them too, a part of that kinship.

He felt a tugging at one of his legs and looked down to find Stenna there, dirty hand still fisted in his hose, but smiling shyly up at him. She bit her lip and gave a little wave and he smiled and lightly tousled her hair.

“See!” she said to a little girl next to her and suddenly none of the children were pressed as close to him—except Stenna.

Clearly she hadn’t been able to keep his secret, and clearly the news that he was a Herald made them as cautious as it had made her brother the day before. The king’s man, he’d called him, and even the children in this part of town knew to be wary around one of the king’s men, even if he was in with their good friend, ‘Stef.’

“What’s this?” the Bard asked, seeming genuinely confused, looking around the solemn faces that surrounded him.

They spoke too softly for Van to hear exactly what was said, but he did clearly make out the word Herald.

Stefen looked at him, for one moment entirely part of that crowd, considering, suspicious. Then he smiled and shook his head. “You’re worried about him?” he said, turning back to his little court. “Nah, he’s one of the good ones. You think I’d’ve had him in my place overnight, else?”

Stenna nodded at her friends and hugged his leg, though he suspected her faith had more to do with a budding romanticism and the Bard’s overly flattering song.

The rest of the children, including the girl’s brother, kept their distance, moving closer to the Bard for quick, hushed conversations in cant that was suddenly so thick it hardly sounded like the common tongue.

Stenna tugged at his leg again. “Thank you for the apple,” she said, and he understood her next tug to be a sign that she wanted him to come closer, so he crouched so she could lean in and press her lips against his ear. “And the pennies,” she added—and then she kissed his cheek and scampered away to join the rest of the children, turning a gloating look on one of the other little girls as she pushed at her shoulder.

And he—he just crouched there. He’d thought the Bard looked like a prince once, far away, surrounded by ice and snow. The prince of a singular kingdom: the brigand child he’d defended from Van’s unthinking rage, but this was the young man’s kingdom here, these little ones who had nothing else and no one else to count on.

In Valdemar itself, with wild children who didn’t trust Heralds, the sworn defenders of their kingdom, the Bard had a following of trust and support that should have made King Treven jealous. In a kingdom that had failed to protect him, he was doing his best to protect them, and it was a burden that should never have fallen to him.

Van rubbed at his chest as he stood, waiting for the Bard to finish. He understood why the priestess had been so eager to speak to him about the children. He could be a pied piper—they trusted him, and they’d follow him if he said they should start taking lessons in the temple. They’d even trust a Herald, grudgingly, if he said it was okay.

How could you have thought to leave them like that? he wanted to ask, when the Bard was finished and the little ones had scattered or been shooed away, but he knew better.

The Bard was more relaxed for that contact, if obviously also significantly poorer. There was a light to what Van could feel through their bond as he followed him through the streets, back across the river.

He balked when he finally realized where he was being led. It was called the Dawn’s Eyes Tavern, it was the best in town, and Herald-Mage Vanyel had eaten there on more than a few occasions as he’d passed along the main road.

“Wait!” he hissed, trying to catch the Bard before he could dart through the door.

He looked back and him and paused, raising a brow. “What? Afraid to be seen in public with me?”

“Afraid to be seen in public at all. I’ve been here before.”

The Bard shrugged. “Like that?” The nod of his chin encompassed the whole of Van’s disguise, as well as the raggedness that was currently no part of the disguise at all.

“No. That’s my point.”

The Bard rolled his eyes. “No one will recognize you, m’lord. Trust me. No one sees any more than they want to and why would anyone this side of the river want to see the great Herald-Mage in you? Just—” He grabbed the brim of Vanyel’s hat and tugged it down a bit. “—follow me.” With a gamine grin he disappeared into the tavern.

At least in the company of the Bard he might be less noticeable, he hoped, as he hurried after him.

Valdir was more than worse for wear. He could have slunk by closer to the river, but in a tavern situated on the high street, on the main road itself—no, this was no place for him, even trailing in his flashier companion’s wake.

He shuffled his feet even in his hurry and his fingers twisted nervously at the edges of his cloak, as though it could ever have hidden him. He almost ran into the Bard; his hat was so low and his gaze so down-cast he hadn’t noticed the other man had stopped.

“Brusi!”

“Stefen! My boy! And…you’ve brought a…friend…” The innkeeper, who’d several times greeted Vanyel at least as eagerly as he’d started to greet the Bard, trailed off as he caught sight of Valdir in his shadow. “Ah—and you are?” He held out a hand, a true publican, not quick to run off a customer, or at least the guest of one, though he didn’t see how the Bard could possibly have enough coin left after passing them out to the children.

“Va—Valdir, sir.” He pitched his voice a little higher and put a bit of quiver in it. He caught the Bard’s amused grin and he quickly and weakly clasped the tavernkeeper’s arm.

“A meal for a song,” the Bard said, getting straight to the point. He gestured at Valdir. “Two meals for a duet.”

“He’s a singer?” he sounded surprised, though Van wasn’t hiding his gittern case. “Is he as good as you?”

“Well, sir—”

The Bard scoffed noisily. “Not many are,” he said, nothing in his tone to say he was joking. “But he’s alright. To be truthful, I’d appreciate the opportunity to get him on stage with me. I promise, you’ve never met such a shy minstrel.” He grinned wider. “But he’s a bit light in the pocket today, and his stomach’s been howling at me for blocks, so I think he’ll be convinced, for some of your Arnie’s best.”

The tavernkeeper put his hands on his hips. “Well, Arnie’s best is worth more than one song, I’m sure you’d agree.”

“That I would. My friend has to go I’m afraid, don’t think I can keep him for more than a song or two—but feed us both and you’ll have me for the day. The night too, for supper and a few coins after.”

The tavernkeeper laughed and clapped the Bard’s shoulder. “And a bargain at that. You sell yourself too cheaply, my boy.” Van appreciated that the man seemed to mean it, and his affection for the Bard seemed genuine. Herald Vanyel wouldn’t feel it amiss to return when he was through this way again.

But first Minstrel Valdir had to get himself out.

They ate on the balcony that ringed the upper floor, and had it mostly to themselves at this time of day. Van had to admit, if only to himself, that he felt a little slighted. Herald Vanyel had never had reason to complain of the fare at the Dawn’s Eyes, but he’d clearly never been served Arnie’s best.

“Good, yeah?” the Bard asked, watching him with sparkling eyes as he finished his second pie.

He nodded around that last mouthful, thinking the king’s table should be so blessed, and chased it with a long swallow of good ale—at least they hadn’t been ‘cheating’ him on the ale.

“What’s this about a duet, though?” he asked quietly. The tavernkeeper had been hovering, first cheerfully bandying with the Bard and then cleaning up a spill that had been missed the night before, but he’d finally taken himself off to the first floor.

“Sing for your supper. It’s what us poor, minstrel types do, isn’t it? I heard you last night, and the kids told me you’d set out that hat on a corner all yesterday, waiting for me.” He waved a hand. “You’ll do fine.”

Van sat back in his chair, contemplating the Bard’s—unreasonably handsome—face. It was very different from how he’d been the day before and he couldn’t be sorry for that. “Is this punishment? For telling you I didn’t like music?”

The Bard’s lips twitched. “Think I’d be that petty?” He leaned forward a bit, an exaggerated crouch to get a better view under Van’s hat. “Well—you’re the mind-reader.”

And somehow, because of that cheeky, grinning Bard, Valdir soon found himself seated on a stage that Herald Vanyel had several times sat opposite, breaking all of his long-held rules for going undercover.

He gave the other man another annoyed look as he lowered himself onto the other stool that had been set up there for them, and the unrepentant grin that came in response was no more of a deterrent than any of the others had been. He’d do more than pretend to glower for the sake of a smile that joyful and genuine.

He felt Yfandes’ amusement and Sent her the mental equivalent of a rude gesture, but there wasn’t any heat behind it and she’d know that too.

There still weren’t too many patrons so early in the day but Van knew the tavernkeeper was more interested in hooking in the Bard for the long term than in what he and Valdir could do together, and he couldn’t blame him for that. Van knew, as the tavernkeeper couldn’t, that he was a good musician, and he was Gifted, suitable for the bardic collegium if he hadn’t also been a potential Herald-Mage, but Stefen was something else entirely. If Van hadn’t been in his persona he suspected he wouldn’t be so conflicted about this.

They took out their instruments and spent a moment tuning them, Van hiding behind his cloak and hat, the Bard with a bright, radiant grin and even his distinctive auburn hair pulled back in a hasty braid, a brilliant, stunning young man with nothing to hide.

This was the Bard’s show, so he let him choose the song, but he knew he was in for trouble when the young man tossed him another sly, side-eyed smile.

He should have expected it, Bards on the whole not being known for reticence or, well, mercy.

Still, it was a bitter challenge of a song the Bard started out with. It had come from the east by way of Hardorn, some even said by way of Iftel, so the fingering wasn’t even traditionally Valdemaran, and the pace would have driven Vanyel to madness trying to keep up—if he hadn’t spent a good month utterly devoted to working it out when he’d first heard it a few years before.

Valdir was sorry, scruffy, and scrawny, and down on his luck as all get out, but Vanyel knew how to make the tired old lute sing like the fine lady she’d once been. He cocked his head at the Bard, who shrugged, never dropping a note, and led off on the singing. That part had been added later, a more traditional Valdemaran arrangement, though inspired by the music it was laid over. Vanyel had learned it directly from the Bard who’d composed it, and joined on the chorus before taking over the second verse.

He’d only planned to stay for a song, maybe two.

They’d just finished the eighth when the tavernkeeper popped up, eyes aglow, two large tankards of ale held out.

“To wet your whistles, my lads,” he said, beaming. The tavern had filled up nicely since they’d started, though it was still fairly early in the day. A harried looking tavern girl was scurrying back and forth between the tables. Vanyel hadn’t even noticed any of that happening.

He drank the ale gratefully. He was breathless, exhilarated, the Bard was tireless, and he hadn’t realized how dry his throat had gotten until he had his first sip of the cooling ale.

He looked at the Bard, wishing again that he could—

The younger man shook his head, still smiling, and there wasn’t much darkness coming from his side of the lifebond. “I know,” he said. “But oi, c’mere a sec.”

Unthinking, Van slid off his stool and took a step towards the Bard, caught up in the magic of the music, voices and instruments and the appreciation of an audience he hadn’t been fully aware of. He should have expected it, he should have, when the Bard reached up and caught the back of his head, pulling him down for an already breathless kiss.

He tasted like ale, and smelled like cinnamon and green things, wild and young. Strands of his hair had pulled free from his braid and tickled Van’s face. Or maybe that was Van’s hair, falling forward as he leaned down to meet those soft, clever lips.

The Bard only held him there for a moment, and Van pulled away the instant he felt himself released, not playing at being flustered at so public a display.

The Bard laughed and a few in the audience echoed it, some perhaps not understanding how serious it had been. Bards after all, everyone knew how Bards were.

And for a moment Van just stood, flummoxed, because it was the first time they’d kissed in broad daylight, in a well-lit space. The first time he’d pulled away and been able to clearly see that face, hazel eyes, glowing but slumberous, the dimple bracketing a generous mouth that was stretched in a wicked grin. He had freckles, not all over freckles, just a few, that you mostly didn’t notice until you were right next to him: on his jaw, by his mouth, on his cheek, by his left eye… Van wanted to stay and kiss each one—

He staggered back, before he could do anything more foolish than he already had.

The Bard gestured broadly to him. “A round of applause for my friend! I’m afraid he has to leave us, but if you’ve a mind to continue indulging in my poor playing I—” The words were drowned out by the cheering and Valdir glanced timidly, nervously, at their audience. Even as close as he was he couldn’t hear the Bard over them and he would have liked to, for as long as he could.

Instead he bobbed his head in parting, to them and to him, and grabbed his lute’s case and scampered off the stage.

At the far end of the room, by the door, not daring to look back towards the stage, though intensely aware of it, he set his case down and quickly tucked his lute away, so startled when the tavernkeeper spoke at his back that he yelped. The boy would be his death one way or another, if he let himself be so distracted.

“You’re sure you must—ah, sorry lad. Easy. But you’re sure you must be heading on? If it’s money…”

Valdir forced a laugh and swung his lute up across his back. “No, it’s not just—I have an… appointment? Business south, that is. I shouldn’t—no, I shouldn’t delay any longer.”

He could see from a quick, darting glance at the tavernkeeper’s knowing expression that he thought Valdir was on the run from something, rather than running towards. Since that was absolutely what he’d been trying to imply it was a relief.

“Aye, then. Godsspeed on your ‘business.’ For the road.”

He held out a wrapped parcel. Vanyel could smell the spices, meat, cheese, and bread, wafting from it. He looked between the tavernkeeper and his offering, confused. “Sir, you’ve already—it was a…very good meal, as you promised?” he stammered.

The tavernkeeper smiled kindly. “I’ll give your regards to Arnie, then. But you played considerable more than your song, and brought me a good bit of custom for it. Fair’s fair, lad. Go on.”

Valdir took the bundle and tucked it against his chest, gratefully. “Thank you, sir!”

The other man waved his words away. “Just remember me if you come back through, aye? My stage is always open for a talented player like yourself. When your business is over.”

“I will, sir! My vow, I will!” And he would remember him, and he would be back, even if he never played that stage again.

He couldn’t keep himself from one last look at it though. The Bard was still taking a break—well deserved, the way he’d played, gods! He sat on his stool, one leg bent and caught on a lower rung of it, one stretched out in front of him on the floor, master of the world from up there. He took another sip from his tankard and laughed at something someone in the audience called up at him, tossing back an answer with a nod of his chin and a grin.

Van ducked out before he could be caught staring.

Continued in Chapter 6

Or on AO3

#LHM #the last herald-mage #Vanyel Ashkevron #Stefen #heralds of valdemar #my writing #fanfic

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words-n-wanderlust · 7 years

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I dare you to do the Questions that Bree got as well

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? spotify

is your room messy or clean? usually messy

what color are your eyes? very light blue

do you like your name? why? i dont like the fact that english speakers dont get my name but i love the fact that i have soooo many weird/funny nicknames

what is your relationship status? single as fuck

describe your personality in 3 words or less no fucking clue

what color hair do you have? dark brown

what kind of car do you drive? color? a blue chrysler

where do you shop? i usuallyy wear my sisters clothes lmao

how would you describe your style? sometimes rock-ish sometimes lazy sometimes a weird mix of everything

favorite social media account i use tumnblr twitter and snapchat waaay too much so i cant decide

what size bed do you have?a regular single size bed thingy

any siblings? yes! 3 acutally

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? maybe england or ireland bc i love it

favorite snapchat filter? i dont really use any but i love the one with yellow butterflies around your head bc everyone looks hot with it and the one that makes your mouth and eyes huge

favorite makeup brand(s) i love urban decay, anastasia beverly hills and mac

how many times a week do you shower? usually 5 times

favorite tv show? im currently loving rick and morty, greys anatomy, how to get away with murder and grace and frankie

shoe size? idk american sizes

how tall are you? 1,70m

sandals or sneakers? sneakers

do you go to the gym? not currently bc i dont have the money but the gym is my happy place i go there everyday for ~3 hours if i have access

describe your dream date my dream date would be to just have a date lmao someone date me im single af

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? like 3€

what color socks are you wearing? black

how many pillows do you sleep with? 3

do you have a job? what do you do? not yet but im probably gonna work at an event planning thing

how many friends do you have? uuuhm idk but i do have quite a few by now i met lots of new people that i got close to

whats the worst thing you have ever done? idkk i once got caught stealing when i was younger

whats your favorite candle scent? cinnamon

3 favorite boy names i have no clue

3 favorite girl names i dont really have any but i’ve always loved rose

favorite actor? dont really have one

favorite actress? dont really have one

who is your celebrity crush? demi lovato, halsey, lauren jauregui, chris pratt, matthew daddario etc

favorite movie?

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? i usually read a lot but im in a huge reading slumo rn. my favorite books include harry potter, the infernal devices and perks of being a wallflower

money or brains?

do you have a nickname? what is it? i have sooo many nicknames lmao. some include ziska and fresh fränzi

how many times have you been to the hospital? 4 times but i only had to stay there once for a few days

top 10 favorite songs idk man

do you take any medications daily? no

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) mixed i guess? i dont really have dry or oily skin

what is your biggest fear? idk probably abandonment lmao

how many kids do you want? nooo idea

whats your go to hair style? pony tail or messy bun

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) a small house

who is your role model? i have too many

what was the last compliment you received?

what was the last text you sent? you’re welcome boo

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? i never believed in santa

what is your dream car? i used to want a 1969 camaro ss

opinion on smoking? generally not a fan of chain smokers but i do it sometimes so i cant say shit

do you go to college? no

what is your dream job? no idea

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?suburbs i think

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? yess

do you have freckles? yes and i love them i get sad when they dont show up in summer

do you smile for pictures? yes

how many pictures do you have on your phone? about 2674

have you ever peed in the woods? ofc

do you still watch cartoons? not really

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? never been to wendys

Favorite dipping sauce? sour cream

what do you wear to bed?a huge ass shirt and pj pants

have you ever won a spelling bee? no fucking country except the US has that so no wtf

what are your hobbies?

can you draw?naah not really

do you play an instrument? not anymore

what was the last concert you saw? sunset sons a few months ago

tea or coffee? depends on the day

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? starbucks

do you want to get married? yes

what is your crush’s first and last initial? dont have a crush

are you going to change your last name when you get married? idk

what color looks best on you? blue and black

do you miss anyone right now? yeah

do you sleep with your door open or closed CLOSED

do you believe in ghosts? not sure

what is your biggest pet peeve? people not talking to me and just telling me wtf is going on

last person you called` my best friend @secretsofhappinessss

favorite ice cream flavor? peanut butter cup and chocolate

regular oreos or golden oreos? regular

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?chocolate

what shirt are you wearing? a wonderwoman shirt

what is your phone background? me and my friends

are you outgoing or shy? outgoing

do you like it when people play with your hair? YES

do you like your neighbors?i dont really know /interact with them

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? both

have you ever been high? yeah

have you ever been drunk? yeah

last thing you ate? a banana

favorite lyrics right now grit your teeth, pull your hair and scream “fuck the world cause its my life i’m gonna take it back and never for a second blame yourself

summer or winter? idk i love/hahte both

day or night? night!

dark, milk, or white chocolate?dark chocolate

favorite month? idk

what is your zodiac sign pisces

who was the last person you cried in front of?i think my sister

thanks so much for asking i really needed a distraction rn luv u david

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lumpinmythroat · 7 years

Text

my sister almost died from a heroin overdoes this past memorial day. in front of my parents no less. i was luckily asleep for the whole incident. meanwhile, my other heroin addled sibling takes said sisters not street legal SUV to the city to buy more heroin, gets it impounded, gets arrested & released, & than walked an alleged 7 hours home. not that anyone told me flat out. i had to nancy drew this fucking shit for myself. irene having left her hospital documents in plain view, (opioid overdose ‘other’) & as for david, ive had to help him with his google account several times over, so i have access to location history. the guy he was with is still locked up waiting sentencing, & im pretty sure a lot of what davids brought home recently had been stolen from him.

i turned 29 a couple days ago. didnt really plan anything again seeing as how im super depressed nearly everyday & dont really have friends i can rely on anyway. i let myself think the dumbest shit but never speak it into existence, & then get disappointed when it doesn't happen. for whatever reason i wouldve thought that my ex & that group of people wouldve invited me to firefly this year. id shown interest in the past but didnt work & couldnt have afforded it. i cant even really justify being upset about it though because its not like i had reached out at all. i just thought my ex sorta knew me & my depression/anxiety better; but hes got his own life to live & hes doing just that. i really should remove him from my social media. im still in disbelief over how pathetic i became over one person & that fact that its still affects me so much years later now.

but anyway. so yeah. my birthday. went to work. went shopping with maureen afterwards cause i guess she didnt really know what else to do & neither did i. clothes were pretty much my only gift. had gotten into an argument with david when getting home because he had left a snowblower running in the front yard. in the middle of june. he later gave me a ziplock bag of swedish fish with an oatmeal cream cookie taped to it, along with a can of watermelon arizona ice tea, that was later stolen by irene. mom had made lasagna which was a major highlight cause i love my ass some italian food, as well as two cheesecakes since ive sorta grown out of traditional cakes over the years. i feel for her so bad; i know she tries as much as she can but shes just as depressed & hopeless as i am really. directionless. she didnt know what to get me & i dont know what to tell her. i need something thatll change my life & no one can afford it, and receiving gifts just to say i received something is so hallow & pointless id rather get nothing.

anyway. later that night my parents, brian, & Michael sang to me. i dont know where anyone else was. i didnt even want to be sang to; its so uncomfortable. later on i smoked them out because im the only one that ever has money or weed. though thats not to say im ungrateful for brian getting it for me all the time. he at least puts in the work for it. micheal just kind of shows up & expects it.

oh yeah, didnt even mention the retardedness that was misty trying to feign interest in doing something together. or maybe it was real but it was quickly apparent she wasnt putting much effort into it. it seems lately ive been surrounded by people that want to give the impression of trying or putting forth effort but not really committing. birds of a feather perhaps?

the friday night after my birthday, tom shows up at about midnight. im already stoned & playing gta with micheal & resistant to leaving; but tom was real hype & eager, so we go to patricks. now, idk if tom had just done coke before showing up to my house or just got laid or had some coffee or what. i had asked but he didnt really answer, but his behavior when he was at my house was very different than we were at the pub, which was both bored, & totally uninterested in gary & i, given that he spent mostve his time talking to other patrons of the bar until they left. felt to me another like another example of absolving himself of guilt for my shit birthday. like he didnt really care to do anything but now the record states he took me out & that looks good on paper. i ended up fairly faded after a couple long islands & a shot mixed with smoking weed outside near the dog park. that was probably the best part of the night & i couldnt even fully enjoy it since i felt like i couldve passed out then & there.

i cant explain why i was really hopeful or maybe even semi expecting some kind of surprise. something to randomly come in the mail or something, idk. but the surprise never came & another year goes by.

oh. its also pride. of which i wasent invited to anything, & even if i wanted to go out, i dont even think any of the gays id hang with are even in town.

my birthday weekend is also pride weekend. and i ended up suicidal & crying alone.

speaking of which, my thoughts regarding suicide have been getting less casual lately. not that i think its anything id actually do still, but. well; the warning signs & breadcrumbs have already been planted & no one seems to take me serious. so; here it is in plain writing. id love to die & feel i have very little to live for or look forward to.

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