#i can't help but be filled with overwhelming jealousy and sadness | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kyutown · 3 years

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🌊✨🌊✨🌊✨🌊✨🌊✨🌊✨🌊✨🌊✨

Hello hello there luv <33 how’s your day going? I kind of forgot if I sent in a request already or not 😅 I’m so sorry for the inconvenience and so I’m just sending it in just in case 😅💕

So I would like a ship with Enhypen:

I’m a ‘04 liner, 5’5 and my mbti type is enfp, my enneagram type is 3. Also I’m South Asian and extremely proud of my heritage and culture. I can accept other cultures easily and love to learn about them so someone who is respectful and open about other cultures and heritages would be ideal. I feel that I want someone that I can kind of match with too like me and him could wear the same aesthetic and take cutesy pictures. I have a deep interest in the arts, from painting to dance-which I have been doing for the past 11 years- as well as biology and science in general. I’m a scorpio sun, Pisces moon, and Virgo rising and don’t really have a specific favorite color or season cuz I think every color has its own vibes and every season brings something new to the table 😊 I’m a bit indecisive and pretty bad at expressing jealousy, though I do put great emphasis on communication in any relationship. My love language is quality time but I do reserve physical affection for those close to me. I’m also a inconsistent in my endeavors and am working on that trait of mine, but I do better with consistency if I have someone constantly motivating me. (Lol the unfinished paintings in my room could probably tell u that) I also love public speaking and such but only until my social battery runs out haha. Plus I have an easier time trying something new if I have the comfort of a warm loved one near me. I prefer sunny blue skies and warm days with a light breeze, major picnic vibes lol. I can be a bit guarded though with what I say, even to the people who care about me the most, so I get along well with people who won’t misunderstand me. My parent’s , especially mom’s, opinion really do matter to me a lot and I am someone who thrives in social environments and cares about keeping a respectful and kind reputation towards all. I'd also love it if I could go on and on about different theories and topics , deep or not, with him. I need constant mental stimulation in a relationship and honestly, without it, I just get bored. I want to be able to learn from him and I want him to be able to learn from me. Like to just be a couple that is always trying and doing something new, but I also want to be able to relax with him as well when the world gets overwhelming. I feel that I, myself, have a hard time grounding myself so someone who can help me keep my feet on the ground and head in the clouds would be nice. I'm either totally logical when it comes to matters of the heart or totally head in the clouds. It's something that I am working on, but I do acknowledge that. As for pet peeves, I can't stand it when people come to me with an issue that I already tried to help them solve and they don't even take my solution. I need someone who is going to at least try to take my advice and not just throw it down the drain. Again, at times I can run away from my emotions and just be detached for no reason..I need someone who understands that and knows how to handle that. I like it when my loved ones are a little argumentative with me as well, as light teasing though, rather than being all sappy and lovey-dovey all the time. I need someone who isn't going to get too hurt by my way of joking and can joke back but knows not to cross the line. Fun fact: my friends unanimously agree that I’m the color yellow and the my personality is more like the sun than the moon. I also love sunrises and sunsets , actually idk if I’ve mentioned this but I just love the sky in general. Lol over half of my camera roll is filled with pictures of the sky and I try to take time out of every day to simply look up and enjoy the beauty of it :)))

I apologize for how long this came out , I have a tendency to rant 😅 but thank you so much for doing these, please take care of yourself 💕💕

Some energy boosters for u:🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷✨🌷

hi! thank you for responding!

for enhypen, i think you would match well with sunoo! i think sunoo is very similar to you as he is like the sun in the group! he would always take aesthetic and cute pictures with you and would love to go on picnics and go on dates where the sky is visible because you wants to see your smile! he is someone who is very happy and tends to strive more in the social environment! though he may be silly and playful, he would be serious when the time makes him to or when you are sad, his serious face goes on as he would never mess around when you are hurt. but overall, he would be the one who would care about you and would be your cloud that surrounds you to your sun!

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helenazbmrskai · 4 years

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Jimin as a merman 🧜‍♂️

• "Stop looking like a kicked puppy, will you? Smile, we are on a vacation." Hyeri having none of my passive attitude I honestly feel a little guilty about my bad mood which is clearly affecting her and when she is frustrated she sulks like a kid but she can't blame me before our vacation a letter sat on my coffee table my long-time crush whom I hold close to my heart with an unhealthy unrequited love buried deep inside the imaginary pocket in my most vital organ just sent me a letter to seek out my congratulations on his wedding which is in fact in this weekend and I am here sitting next to my friend under an umbrella and watching the waves of Busan hoping that the spirals will wash away this weird feeling this uneasiness the weather is warm and the water is invitingly lukewarm but I can't help but mop around and throw sand I can't control my emotions or in this case my facial expressions even if I wanted to.

• "You know why I am like this," I call her out on her insensitive behaviour. She knows how hard it is for me but she still insisted that I should have fun just because she ordered me to come with her to this vacation when I truthfully said I don't want to.

• "I'm really tired of you pinning for that guy he is getting married for the love of god can't you pull your head out of your ass and move on?"

• I pursue my lips together with her every word stabs at my heart and I know she is right but it still hurts not just her words but that she is saying them now when the betrothal invitation is still fresh in my mind it's probably still laying on the table where I left it the previous night neatly folded with tear stains on them.

• "I'll be right back." I give her a tight-lipped smile rushing to the isolated area of the beach which is blended with rocks where the waves splash upon them the comforting rhythmic of the water crashing against the high rocks soothes my nerves. I sit on a nearby stone easing my legs into the water carefully which is indeed warm. I throw my head back a heavy sigh leaves my chapped and parted lips eyes closed to bath in the overwhelming self-pity I feel for myself right now.

• Something moves a few feet away I can hear the faint sound of a grunt my eyes shot open scanning the area to locate the origins of this noise. I stand up to go closer to the water looking between rocks a pair of eyes find mine the boy grips the rocks to steady himself pupils dilated and pure horror evident in his face. We stand there looking into each other's eyes for long moments neither of us moving he mostly because of shock and me mostly because of curiosity.

• "What are you doing down there?" I ask the stranger in a low and honeyed tone I don't want to scare him away his eyes are full of unreadable emotions so I am extra careful with my words he looks like he will disappear if I am too forceful.

• He opens and closes his mouth like he doesn't know what he wants to say a huge blush starts forming on his pale skin I swear I can see his grip is tightening on the rocks I'm worried he might cut his fingers on the rough surface.

• Sensing his discomfort I send him a sincere smile a bit forced but that's the most I could muster at this moment and it seemed enough because he smiled back. A blinding smile full of teeth and cheeks such a lovely sight that I hope he will never stop smiling at me like that.

• The silence is nice I sit and just aimlessly looking beyond the horizon watching the endless water flowing as showing his eternal beauty some sort of calmness envelopes me when I found the eyes of the gentle stranger again he comes across as less cautious and more curious now. Inching closer to my stiff body he experimentally touches my feet his fingers glide against my skin with ease my leg jerks away his eyes look up to see if I am feeling uncomfortable but I just chuckle because of the tickling sensation. His touch is warm and wet, his hand leave drops behind making me shiver when a strong stroke of wind encompasses

• He flattens his palm against my thigh warm and gentle almost feather like I watch him as he explores my features I feel exposed and examined under his curious gaze I almost forget why I was so sad and angry in the first place but unfortunately it's just as it sounds an almost

• "Uh, can I at least know your name before you touch me more?" I don't know why I let his wandering hands on my legs but I don't feel like I should worry about his intentions his smile was so pure before the only thing I see in his eerie orbs are wonder and awe no bad intentions like lust or mischieve.

• "M-my name is Jimin." I wanted to coo at his light and charming voice if it was even possible his face burns with more embarrassment he quickly removes his hands gripping the rocks again but he stayed there right next to me he doesn't leave or purposefully make a move to distance himself from me. He just looks shy in a cute way.

• "Jimin." I taste each syllable on my lips rolling off my tongue like an unseen breeze that caresses our faces unseen but tender in a way he blushes further hearing his name as I address him with utter carefulness and warmth. Like I am in a trance the aura that surrounds him is intoxicating in the best way possible leaving no room for rotting thoughts and insecurities. I feel content for the first time like Jimin can be the cure I wasn't even looking for. The cure for my aching heart is in his eyes that holds a million stars captivated in them the smile which brings joy and shakes me to the bone. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea this feeling I am not sure I was capable of.

• "I'm Y/N." I speak when I realize I never shared my name with him. He gifted me one of his big smiles reaching his eyes with the fondness he clasps the rocks firmer to hold himself above the water a silhouette of a tail flicks the water in my direction the droplets make me lean away my stare is fixed on the spot underwater my lips part to question him but I don't even know what to ask. A tail? What does this mean?

• "D-don't be afraid." I rip my gaze from the water to see Jimin's eyes reflecting anxiety and fear he holds his hand out in my direction to touch me to reassure me but he never makes contact with my skin. He swims away his tail appear above the water for a millisecond before diving back in under the depth of the water.

• "Jimin?" I call out his name but he doesn't appear again no matter how many times I call for him. I bite my lip looking for his form but the water is too deep to see where he went. He left and I didn't have the chance to tell him I am not afraid. I was never afraid of him.

• Hyeri taking in my gloomy state as I venture back to the place I left she sighs she gently weights down his palm against my shoulder she looks at me with a guilty expression.

• "I am sorry Y/N I know I was cruel to you saying those things. I just hope you could move on from him and be happy." Understanding flashing in my eyes I smile at her pulling her in a bone-crushing hug. My thoughts were so full of Jimin's sudden appearance and disappearance that I forgot why I left and why I am here in the first place.

• "You were right. Yes it hurts but its the truth. I'll try to move on. I think I might be ready." The reality finally clashing with my dream filled foolishness the wedding invitation materalizing in my head the final push that I realize we are really not meant to be.

• I ponder about my memories with him. Why I fell in love with him is because he is tender and too nice for his own good. No matter how hard I tried the timing was always off. He found the girl of his dreams I remember the jealousy I felt when he first introduced her to our friend's group I never paid attention to how in love they were. No, they are. The guilt suffocates me heavier than ever before finally seeing through my envy and false hope I can't blame anyone but me. I was foolish. I wonder if I ever sincerely loved him as I thought I am but it's not right. I was loving the way he made me feel I was hunting those feelings like I desperately wanted to be loved. Seeing myself in this new light I felt like crying.

• Just then I thought about Jimin and his full-blown smile his tender touches and the hurt and fear in his eyes as he swam away. I wanted to see him again. He made me feel all sort of things I never felt before I didn't realize I am walking in the direction of that rocky area I first met him but I made myself absurdly stop.

• Do I have the right to feel like that?

• What if I am just sinking my fangs into my next victim he was nice to me and I am ready, no, more than eager to fill the void after the guy I thought I truly loved are now engaged. He would be sick of me he would be disgusted by me.

• I turn to leave. Yes, it's for the best. I was so blinded by my own greed that I never considered him. So I did the first step I never thought I'll ever be able to accomplish.

• "Hello? Y/N? Is that you?" I gulp once I hear his voice on the other side of the phone. He was quick to answer considering that I avoided him I can't be surprised that he is worried about me he was always like this. He cares for his friends deeply.

• "Yes, it's me. I am sorry but I can't be there on your big day. But hey let's meet after I get back I want to congratulate you guys in person." I propose I feel a lump in my throat but I stand my ground.

• "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. But it's fine you seemed unwell so rest as long as you want." A laugh escapes comically entertained by his words they don't stink as much as I thought they would.

• "No need to worry about me just focus on your wedding. I am fine I think I really am." I am shocked I could talk with such virtue admitting my faults maybe helped me realize what we had and had not made things easier in a way.

• "See you when you get back right?" The hopefulness in his voice caught me off guard I faintly heard her voice calling for him but he's waiting for my answer instead of replying to his fiance.

• "See you then."

• After the phone call, I thought I would cry but the only feeling is there yet emptiness and its the good type.

• "I am so proud of you Y/N. Really." Hyeri who watched our exchange smiled hugging me close a comfortable silence envelopes us as we stay like this for a little longer.

• Approaching with a wild heart and uneasy steps I'm stunned my steps halting like its rooted to the sand all of a sudden to see Jimin out of the water resting on a rock his tail lazily flicking the water with a swinging motion. Gaze trained far away as he played with the water twisting and turning it with his hands just for the liquid to escape his attempts of caging them between his fingers but in vain as it pours back to its rightful place.

• "Why are you sulking here alone?" I take a big step, finding my voice in the process.

• "You came back." Disbelief shadows his tone looking with big round eyes it's hard to look away from his dreamy gaze but I had to when I almost fall into the water while climbing onto the rock he occupies.

• Light giggle finds its way out of his parted lips steadying me with his familiar warm hands on both sides of my waist I beam at him watching as his tail wags creating an uneasy wave just as a puppy would do in favour of showing his happiness.

• "You really came back." Hearing it again perks my interest up. Does this mean?

• "You came here every day in case I come back?" My eyes widen as Jimin's face immediately turns into a very vivid shade of red even his ears are on fire. He fidgets in his sitting position the way he laps the water with his tail slows down looking everywhere just not into my eyes.

• "I was thinking about you too. I just needed time to think about something. It's not related to you though I don't mind really if you are human or not." I offer him a smile just like the first time but now I feel happier, I can truly smile at him with no cloudy thoughts or negative emotions. This smile is only for him and he seems to appreciate it as his smile is more blinding than the last one I saw.

• "I wanted to see you again Y/N." I laughed in an unladylike manner his shyness is endearing in a cute way he watched his hands intertwined in his lap in nervousness a new feeling bubbling in the depth of my stomach as I watched him I felt the urge to touch him hold his hand hug him tight. Is this normal to feel that way? I'm not sure.

• "You're not exactly looking right now." I decided to tease him liking the reactions I can get out of him.

• "I am." He locked his gaze with mine his lip formed a sly smirk when I wasn't able to come up with a witty response shutting down completely when he focused solely on me bare emotions played out in front of my eyes to see. Relief, hope and something else swimming in the depth of that dark orbs of his. Jimin's playfulness is messing with my head big time.

• "Can I touch your tail?" I shyly requested the shining skin makes my eyes wander the length entertaining the idea of how it would feel to touch it. It's probably firm and strong since he swims with it so it has to be strong to push through the uncontrollable waves.

• "Go ahead. Is it only fair no? I touched your legs last time." I nod not trusting my voice how the table has turned I'm the one who is blushing this time.

• It's wet and the texture is weird but I can't help myself. I caress the line where his skin ends and the tail begins I can feel him shudder under my touch I venture further after going down the length of his tail as much as my hand can go I press my fingers into his stomach defined and hard I wonder if all mermen are this fitt as Jimin is.

• "That's not my tail Y/N." The call of my name and the playful tone makes me bashful I pull away apology is on the tip of my tongue when he takes my hand placing it onto his erratically beating heart I look him in the eye to understand what he's trying to tell me with this.

• "I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel different like I never felt before." I start mumbling confused with my actions I try to pull my hand away but he refuses to let me.

• "Nothing is wrong with you. I feel the same. I have this weird excitement in the pit of my belly I want to touch you and I want you to touch me. I think we are soulmates Y/N."

• "What?" Taken aback by the sudden claim Jimin holds my hand tighter fearing that if he allows me go I'll disappear and maybe he is right with that.

• "Don't be scared, please. Let me explain." His eyes begging me to let him rationalize and it pulls at my heartstrings I nod silently letting my fingers stretch out to stroke his skin he relaxes as he releases a long breath I wasn't aware he held back before this very moment.

• "I felt the connection like I was electrified your smile felt like home I was never so attracted to someone as I am to you. Please believe me when I say I am certain that you are the one. The one I was destined to spend the rest of my life with."

• "I don't know Jimin. How is this even possible?" I am a bit sceptical I was never one of those who believed in soulmates. Even if seeing him and every fibre of my body wanted to believe in his thoughtful words that we are meant to be. I am still broken not sure how to swallow this.

• "You don't feel the same, do you?" My heart sinks as his clear eyes hazed by pain. I shake my head I want to comfort him that I feel it that I know what he is implying.

• "I do Jimin." I gaze at him lovingly with a sad smile as soon as his eyes clear it clouds again within seconds.

• "Then why are you looking so sad?" He pushes away my hands on his skin as if I burned him with that single touch and I can't blame him.

• "I liked someone. I was obsessed actually." I start I look up to the sky instead of his face it's easier to talk when I can't see the storm of emotions in them.

• "You are nice Jimin, more than nice. You're perfect and I am broken. I am a horrible person I am miserable and I don't want you to sink in this ship with me. You deserve better than that."

• "Bullshit I want you." Even though I love his determination and it makes my heart flutter I still hesitate to accept his love that would mean I am nothing better than the person who was pinning for his friend when he already loved someone else.

• "How about we .. slow down?" I trail off a little thinking about what should I say that I won't hurt him more than I already did.

• "Slow down to what?" Jimin seems genuinely confused like he doesn't understand me.

• "Let's get to know each other Jimin. We can figure things out together? I would like that."

• "I'm willing to do anything if it means your not going to leave me."

• "Sit with me?" I tap the cold rock next to me Jimin is excited to hop down to the spot splashing a bucket worth of water at me when he used his strength to pull out of the mass of transparent liquid.

• "You look happier today." He looked at me in pure joy. I am happy if you are happy. I smile nodding and kissing his nose as a soft thank you leaves my lips.

• "What for?"

• I give another kiss this time to the corner of his mouth after he questions me amazed by my affectionate actions.

• I went home for a couple of days to visit my parents and to meet with Kyu and his wife we had coffee and some pleasant conversation. I packed my bags and told everyone who is close to me that I'll permanently move to Busan. I had a girls night out with Hyeri the last day. I can tell Jimin was eager to meet me after we haven't seen each other for a week. Things are going well. Too well actually that I often question how long will it last. But not today.

• "I missed you." The words escape without my consent but I don't regret it because Jimin's dazzling smile takes my breath away. Snuggling into my neck as he always does when he feels suddenly shy warms my heart understanding just now what he meant that fateful night it does feel like home.

• "I missed you too." Murmuring it into my skin I let my eyes wander this spot became our spot. I push his head to face me he whines but complies nonetheless using that look against me I so much come cherish like I lit up his dark sky and hung all the stars for him to help along his tiring journey. It's content just to be here and I understand the concept of soulmates for the first time.

• "I have good news for you. Not just for you for us as well." I continue capturing his undivided attention he eyes me curiously.

• "Tell me don't tease me more Y/N." He gives me his best pout the one he knows I cannot say no to.

• "I bought a house here to live with you." My confidence wavering not sure how he will react but my fear dissolves as he smiles cupping my jaw to bring our faces closer. He looks extremely happy.

• "You did? So you won't leave anymore?"

• Nodding to satisfy his enthusiastic neediness confirming my statement with a one more uttered 'yes' before he leans in.

• I tangle my fingers in his locks smiling into the kiss sensing how eager is he to please. I change the angle to deepen

• Tongues intertwined kissing him leaves a salty after taste that is so Jimin he smells like wildflowers his skin is glistening in the sun provided spotlight wet fingers caressing my warm skin thumb moving against my cheekbone I decide to pull on his upper lip I am satisfied when I hear an impatient groan from him

• The kiss gets sloppy after a couple of seconds chasing each other touch while bathing in the setting sun's low glow.

• "I am so glad I met you Jimin. My Jimin." I comb through his hair see him panting to gain back the oxygen I stole from him eyes half-lidded still immersed in the taste he got wishing that we would never stop kissing like this.

• "I'm yours." The breathless answer came soon after.

• With a widening smile I pull him closer he follows my movements like a ragdoll taking in his flustered state I want to tease him more but I decided against it.

• "Do you love me Jimin? Because I certainly do."

• Jimin whines painfully that I start to think I said something wrong but he is quick to reassure me pecking my lips for a short time but dives in soon parting my lips with his own to get another taste.

• "I do. I do love you. I'll always will no matter what."

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hoopdiddies · 5 years

Text

I'm Not Over You // Ben Hardy x Reader (Part 5)

A/N: Oh gosh, my stomach hurts. Question: Was it unlawful of me to pour the milk in before the cereal?

Anyway, enjoy part 5, I'll get to writing 6 by the time the bacteria in my digestive tract stop roughhousing uwu

Summary: You had always loved Ben ever since you two met in university and became the best of friends. That feeling went out like a candle flame when the two of you parted ways until he re-entered your life...but this time with someone who has already occupied his heart.

Warnings: Mentions of drinking and alcohol, angst, fluff and (jealousy?)

Word count: 3177 (oops?)

Tags: @mickmoon @ziggyspurplehaze I honestly need more people to permanently tag in this series, please let me know 😁

Part 4

Part 3

Part 2

Part 1

"What the hell, Y/N? Did you lose your way into the place?" One of your colleagues snigger at your delay in finding them. Eager to get this night done, you brush off his comment and pull out a seat next to him, finding yourself looking over where Ben is seated. Not a text or a call from him that would have 'warned' you that he'd be out for a drink in the exact same place you thought would help you eradicate 'that' problem. In hopes he wouldn't catch you or take heed of your presence, you turn away and participate in ordering your drinks, suppressing the urge to glance over your shoulder and blow your cover.

The waiter arrives with your orders and the rest holler in satisfaction as he distributes your drinks. You've ordered a martini but just because you decided to start with something light doesn't mean you'll stick with it in the following hours. It's just one night anyway, what have you got to lose?

Later on, Joe arrives at the pub alone, scrutinizing the place from top to bottom before marching in, straightening the collar of his button up shirt as his eyes rove every occupied table just to find you. To your demise, a large hand rests upon Joe's shoulder and spins him around, the hand belonging to an astonished Ben with a glass of whiskey in hand. "Mate! You're here!"

Joe's nonchalant expression flits into a surprised one at that, a little concerned on the inside since he knows you're here as well and he hasn't found you yet. "Ben, buddy! Great to see you again. " He throws an arm around Ben and pats his chest.

"You're back in London, what brings you here?" Ben asks, raising a thick, disheveled brow at him. Joe trails his bottom lip subtly with his finger as he debates on telling the truth or not, taking in account that you're here with your colleagues and nowhere did you mention anything about being with Ben.

But he just doesn't feel like lying to him, and so with a sincere apology reserved for you, he replies, "Y/N invited me over."

The crinkles under Ben's eyes fade out and he allows a stiffened sigh to slip past his lips with almost nothing more to add. "She's here?"

Joe nods as a matter of fact

"You two on a date?" The question sounds forced coming from Ben and Joe did not see that coming. He had forgotten that you had projected a fake relationship with him during Ben's birthday and now it came back hitting him like a mallet. He scratches the bridge of his nose awkwardly, avoiding Ben's scouring gaze. "Y-yeah, I gotta go find her, bud. We'll catch you later." In utter haste, Joe firmly pats Ben's shoulder before whisking past him to continue his search for you, leaving Ben standing a feet away from his own table, chewing over his thoughts. He snaps out and returns to his own circle, prompted to turn his head around the place to find you.

"Yes, I need another one of this!" You demand bluntly, slamming the seventh shot glass you've drunk from on the table but not hard enough to shatter it. You really stuck to your thoughts about intending to subject yourself to intoxication. Although it's not the best way to let go of everything that's bugging you, it was tempting. And besides, a little fun wouldn't harm you entirely, right?

Three out of six of you have indeed succumb to the influence of alcohol, and the sober half is trying to get you momentary drunkards upright, one of which is you who is getting real squirmy. "Y/N, I think you've had enough." Debbie, one of your sober colleagues, stop you from getting another shot.

"I think nooot." Your speech is becoming slurred as you prop your elbows on the table, grinning mindlessly.

"Please, this isn't becoming-"

"Let me handle her." A certain redhead volunteers from behind you, making Debbie's brows perk up as she suddenly recognizes Joe.

"Hey. Um, sure. She's had too much already and it's concerning."

Joe nods with a crooked smile and peeks at you over your shoulder with his hands positioned on either side of your arms. "Y/N, hey. You alright? "

You whip your head at Joe too quickly and end up headbutting him by accident. The both of you yelp at the impact but you recover easily, your droopy eyes widening a little as you recognize Joe, who's rubbing and squinching from the bump. "Heyyy, you're late." You giggle and pinch his pale cheek, leaving a faint mark.

Joe chuckles softly yet briefly and he sweeps your ends of your hair off your shoulder. "I'm sorry, got stuck in traffic."

"That's not nice."

"Look, Y/N, you're drunk. I think I may have to skip joining your 'party' and take you out of here." He says, worry filling his eyes but you whine childishly and slump on your seat, a pout on your lips. "I just want one more shot, just one more, no more no less."

"Y/N, come on," he looks down at you in all seriousness and is not taking any of that drunken stubbornness tonight. You angle your head to one side, eyes heavy and skin flushed from the heat produced by all the drinking, staring plainly at Joe whose expression could serve as a plea to you.

You sigh inwardly. "Nope."

To your inconvenience, your adamancy would now lead to something unwanted, something Joe reluctantly just thought of. "Okay, I might not get you to budge. Your boyfriend can't make you, right?" Joe presses his lips together and his brows arch teasingly. You shoot a rather lazy yet baffled smirk at him and he shrugs apologetically. "But your best friend might." He turns around and marches to get Ben but of course, being drunk, it takes a good minute for Joe's plan to sink in to your brain.

Not a minute later, he returns true to his word with Ben looking uneasy from worrying. He had to willingly excuse himself from Rosy and his friends to come to Joe's 'rescue'. Ben asks politely if the chair next to you is taken and Debbie shakes her head, gesturing for Ben to sit down. He does yet despite with him and Joe flanking you, you remain hard-headed, snapping your squint at Ben who's got his arm positioned on your shoulder. "Oh. What are you doing here?" You put a mean emphasis on your words.

"I didn't know you were here as well, but regardless, you're sozzled."

"So? That's my problem." The drunk sass could never be any clearer.

Ben sighs and glances shortly at Joe who responds with a clueless shrug.

"I don't want to comment on that but please, you need to rest. You've had too much. " Squeezing the side of your arm gently, Ben tries to reason out with you. You roll your eyes at him deliberately, sniffling as you flick a finger at him. "This is just one night. Don't act like you-" you trail off for split second, feeling your stomach boil as nauseatic feeling hits you like an omen. Joe takes notice of the abrupt discomfort on your face and asks. "Y/N, is everything alright-" Restricting him from finishing his question, you push Joe and Ben aside and sprint to the lavatory, miraculously pinpointing it in spite of your current incapability to make a beeline. Fortunately, the stalls are flat-out empty and you shove one open, flipping the toilet seat up and vomiting into it.

Joe and Ben excuse themselves from your table and scurry to the women's room, considering to look away in advance in case the room is jam packed with girls which is not the case as of now.

"Anyone here?" With his head turned away, Joe asks indecisively to which he doesn't get a reply, affirming the bathroom's lack of users, except for you. He and Ben saunter in and call out for you. You've slumped up against the door after regurgitating, overcome with fatigue and sweat. You hear their murmurs but you don't bother to fish for their attention, however your heavy breathing would give you away, which it has.

Ben knocks on the door you're against, cooing your name before falling quiet and hearing your uncontrolled breathing pattern. He nods at Joe and slowly swings it open, your tired body following the movement of the door as it creaks ajar to reveal you. Joe scoops you up on your feet as Ben drapes your other arm around his neck, allowing your weight to be equally distributed. "That's it, we're really taking you home." Peering down at you, Ben softly reprimands. In his eyes, you were never one to have this kind of excess overwhelm you. He always knew you for occasionally turning down invitations to drinks and now you've got him wondering what goaded you to drink heavily.

"I think I should take it from here, buddy." Joe suggests, shifting your body closer to his.

"Mate, she's really limp. I need to-"

"Temporarily. You need to get back to your table and your girl. She must be wondering why you've taken so long."

Ben mulls over it and the redemption he would have had for not finding the time to hang out with you. He's conflicted between leaving to accompany his fiancee and staying to take care of you. But Joe's the 'boyfriend' and to him it would be unfair. And so with a sad sigh, he removes your arm from his shoulder and tips your head back to clear your flushed face of hair, nearly planting a kiss on your mouth by mistake– however agonizingly tempting for a moment– and wincing as he draws back to kiss your forehead, hoping Joe didn't notice which of course he did, and he's trying his best to prevent a smile from twitching on his lips.

"Take care of her, mate. I just wish she'd tell me what's wrong." He frowns, smoothing his hair back with his fingers.

"She'll tell you on her own terms."

"I suppose."

Joe displaces you from your weak stance and you let out an incoherent mumble as he lifts you up bridal style in his arms. He hands Ben a small smile before exiting the bathroom and briefly approaching your colleagues to tell them he's going to be taking you home. Debbie nods and wishes him luck, allowing Joe to leave.

He sets you down in the passenger seat of his car and buckles you in, at the same time making sure you're comfortable. Meanwhile, Ben makes it out just in time for Rosy to interrogate him. "Where have you been? And whatever you did, what took you so long?"

He closes his eyes for a mere fraction of a second and shakes his head, the jerking motion loosening the strands of hair he had combed back. He tugs his seat out, wishing to not feel obligated to answer for once. "I was just helping Joe with Y/N."

"She's here?" Rosy asks snappishly.

"For a supposed date with Joe." He exhales disappointingly, nodding at one of his mates as he takes his glass up to his lips to drink away.

Rosy rolls her eyes at Ben's sudden change of demeanor, oblivious to the reason he's discouraged.

With you curled up in his arms, Joe struggles to grab a hold onto the knob of your door. He teeters aimlessly in a desperate attempt to clip onto his balance, you being quite fidgety in his arms making it uneasy for him. "Okay Y/N, we're here. Let me just get the d-door." He finally lays his hands on the knob and twists the door open, nudging it wider with his shoulder and stumbling in with you. You're pretty much still conscious albeit it's not your own, self-controlled state of mind. You're just getting there.

Joe pauses in his tracks as he feels you yank on his collar. "What?" He asks, voiceless.

"Where's...Ben?"

"Probably still at the pub. Let's get you on the couch. I'm gonna get you a cup of...something." Between each suppressed grunt, Joe lays you down carefully on the fabric, adjusting his waistband and excusing himself to get you something to drink. You drop dead on your side and curl into a fetal position, your eyes bleary and fluttering shut at the beckon of sleep. Shortly after whipping up a glass of lukewarm water and some Aspirin to relieve you of a headache to come, Joe comes back with the items on a tray, finding you on your side, dozing off.

A mildly satisfied smile lingers upon his lips and he lays the tray on the coffee table before you, going back to the kitchen to prepare a towel to dry your face of sweat. He returns once again with a basin and just in time for a knock on the door to catch his ear. Placing the basin next to the tray, he dusts his hands together and slides them downwards his shirt in the act of drying them, answering the door and finding Ben with arms crossed impatiently behind it.

"What are you doing here?" Joe leans against the frame, making out his visit to be utterly unexpected.

"I just...is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's fallen asleep."

Ben hangs his head low for a brief pause before shifting on his footing. "Mind if I get in?" Half expecting Joe to decline, he does otherwise, stepping aside for Ben to enter. He thanks Joe quietly and proceeds to find you knocked out real good on the couch. Softened by how angelic you look in your drunken slumber, Ben gets down on his knees before you, laying the back of his hand on your forehead to check whether you've caught the flu or something. Joe approaches his side with arms crossed. "She's alright, Ben. Might get a hangover tomorrow but really, she's okay."

Ben falls silent for a while as he continues to observe you, your delicate features causing a smile to pull on his plump lips. "It's crazy. I had to leave ahead of Rosy and the guys just to check on her."

"You're making it sound like a bad thing, bud."

"No," Ben heaves out an audible exhale, taking the free space at the end of the couch, "well, maybe. But my point is that I've been too busy for a week that I haven't been completely in touch with Y/N. I want to make it up to her. You wouldn't mind that, would you?"

Joe descends on the chair opposite of Ben, throwing his right leg over his left. "What do you mean?"

"You wouldn't mind me hanging out with her, for possibly a whole day, right? "

And with that, Joe gets the point. Once again, for the second time tonight, he forgets about the charade you both are still up to and it just really dawns on him oftentimes that you're in this pretend relationship with him to compensate for what you mistakenly said to Ben the other night. "Yeah, no. I wouldn't mind. But let me ask you a question. It may be personal but don't take it as an offense from me," Joe shifts on his seat, resting his hands firm on the armrest, "was there ever a time you felt something different towards her?"

As if looking back on something lost, Ben sighs and chuckles to himself, a chuckle enigmatic in feeling. "Mate, chill, okay? I'm just her friend."

"I'm not jealous. Just curious. In the time you've known each other, have you ever felt something for her at one point?"

Uncertain but obliged to answer, Ben interlaces his fingers together and talks just loud enough for Joe to make out. "Homecoming."

"Homecoming?"

"Yeah," he breathes out, stealing a quick glimpse of you and remembering how similar you look during that night, "I had another a girl with me that night but when Y/N entered the room...something just snapped in me. She looked...divine." Chuckling to himself, he blinks rapidly and continues. "I easily wondered why I didn't ask her in the first place."

"Well you should've, you clueless bastard." Joe grumbles inaudibly enough to go unheard and he's got a hand for that skill. Ben shifts on his end and presses his lips together, doing his very best not to stare at you long enough to anger Joe.

"By the way, mate. You're invited to my wedding." With the words coming unanticipated from Ben himself, Joe coughs harshly as a reaction, his eyes growing wider by the minute at the news. "Wedding- you've proposed?" He's trying his hardest not to shriek and wake you up.

"Yeah? I thought you- I thought Y/N had already told you."

"No she did nothing of the sort!" To make it more effective, Joe yells voiclessly, gesticulating at the same time. It stuns Ben for a second that you didn't tell him– Joe being your 'new confidant' and all– but recovers soon enough to make it more clearer. "Well now you know."

In Joe's mind, that's probably the reason why you've gone heavy tonight at the pub, and he's correct. It affected you the most, second being your departure for medical school. He was right for gaining the prospect that Ben was going to go for it the night you two had left his birthday early. Joe regains his composure and rises from his seat, ruffling Ben's golden locks which have been at their floppiest tonight, also finding it hard to utter the words in his head. "That's great, buddy. That's just...amazing." He couldn't even articulate 'amazing' without thinking of your reaction when you had known first.

Ben nods, his mouth twitching a tad, his voice cutting deeper and hoarser. "Thanks, mate."

Remembering that you haven't had dinner yet, Joe decides to have Ben look after you as he goes out to buy you something to eat by the time you wake up. Ben inclines to it, even if it takes Joe the entire night to get you food. Trusting you in his temporary care, Joe rubs Ben's shoulder and leaves him to it for half an hour at max.

By the second Joe closes the door, Ben gets up with the incentive and takes the damp cloth from the basin on the coffee table, tenderly sweeping strands of hair away from your face, his refined touch making you sensitive and shudder lightly on the couch.

He wipes your forehead and the warm contact of the cloth elicits a quick groan from your throat, the pout forming on your lips prompting Ben to grin ridiculously. He swallows and dares to lower his forehead onto yours with the cloth still in his clutch, the warm touch of his skin on yours sending a sensation through your unconscious body, bringing a lone tear to trickle down your cheek. He whispers to you in the frailest tone he hasn't spoken in in a while, squeezing his eyes shut in the process.

"Please, tell me what's hurting you..."

#queen #borhap #ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x reader #borhap cast #borhap cast x reader #borhap imagine

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alj4890 · 6 years

Text

Chapter 35 Reunited

The Royal Romance Fan Fiction (Liam x MC*Riley) (Maxwell x OC*Amanda) (Drake x Olivia) (Hana x Rashad)

These characters are from the amazing writers of Pixelberry's Choices stories: The Royal Romance and Red Carpet Diaries. The only character of my own is Duchess Amanda Bridgerton of House St Orella.

Masterlist The Other Friend TRR

Chapter 35 summary: Drake, Maxwell, and Riley go to see Savannah. Amanda is giving interviews with Thomas in the Four Seasons George V hotel in Paris.

Chapter 35

Amanda groaned when her alarm clock went off at 6am. She started to get up when Maxwell pulled her back down. "You know you would rather stay here with me," he mumbled against her neck.

She groaned again. "You have no idea how badly I want to. I promised Thomas and I have to go to some of those meetings with Liam."

She swung her legs over the bed and was yanked back. "Maxwell!"

He grinned. "15 more minutes. Then I will atrempt to let you get up." Amanda laughed and got back under the covers.

An hour later she was on her way to the Four Seasons. Thomas was waiting in the lobby for her. A small smile appeared when he saw her. He gave her a quick hug. "Excellent. I have printed out an itinerary for the next few days. If I need to change some times for your courtly duties, then do not hesitate to let me know."

Amanda looked at the list and felt her heart sink. Both day and night had interviews scheduled. This along with her other obligations meant that she would not have much time with Maxwell in Paris. So much for romance.

Thomas studied her face. "Something's wrong. You aren't pleased with the schedule."

"No. It's fine. I understand we need do do this. I noticed I won't have a lot of free time this week. I was hoping to take advantage of the City of Love with my husband. That's all."

Thomas stood there a moment. "Ah. Well, we will see if we can move things around. We will come up with some idea. Now, come with me. We have the first interview in my suite."

Drake, Maxwell, and Riley were standing outside of Savannah's apartment close to noon. Drake hesistated knocking.

"What if she is mad I'm here? If she wanted to talk to me, then she would have contacted me sooner, right?"

"Drake, from what you have shared about Savannah, I don't believe she will be angry. I think she must have had a reason for the silence." Riley waited to see if he would knock. When he did not move, she decided to take action.

Riley moved in front of him and knocked. Drake and Maxwell stood nervously behind her.

Savannah opened the door. Her mouth dropped open when she saw Drake. "Oh my...Drake? Drake!!!" She wrapped him in a hug, tears falling down her face. "I've missed you so much!"

Drake held on to her, overwhelmed with seeing her again. He had finally found her. "Savannah. You have no idea how much I have missed you. I--" A cry interrupted him.

"Hold on sweetie!" Savannah pulled on Drake's hand and grabbed Maxwell's. "Please, come in. All of you." She ran into the bedroom. Riley, Drake, and Maxwell stood in the small living room.

When Savannah came out with a small bundle in her arms, introductions were made. She smiled a timid smile at them. "I think it is time to tell you what happened."

Drake shook his head. "You don't have to. We found out through Bastien's investigation what basically happened. I just wish you had told me. I would have helped you."

Savannah's eyes were filled with remorse. I'm so sorry. Bertrand told me that this...that getting pregnant was my fault. He told me I would ruin your life in Cordonia if I told you. I didn't want you punished for my actions. Everyday, I would pick up the phone to call you, but I knew if I did, you would leave for me. I could not let you be ostracized because of me."

Drake was so angry. Bertrand had so much to answer for. He wanted to beat him into the ground. He looked over at Maxwell. He had his eyes on the baby, sadness etched in the tense lines of his face. Maxwell turned to Savannah. "I wish you would have told us. There is no way I would have let you believe my brother's words."

Savannah glanced down at the baby. "Maxwell, your brother is a duke. His words carry more weight. I...had to do what I could to protect those I love."

"Liam would have helped you." Riley said.

Savannah shook her head, "I did not want the infamy of causing a court scandal. I know I made a decision that hurt everyone. I did not see a way of not causing hurt to someone. I had to protect this innocent one. I had to protect you, Drake. You spent your life looking out for me. I wanted to do the same for you."

Drake sighed. "Savannah you are the only family I have left, well other than this little guy. We could have found a way. We still can find a way."

Savannah gently rocked the baby. "What do you mean?"

Maxwell sat forward. "We want you to come back to Cordonia. Bertrand is not the only Beaumont who's a duke now. Since I married Amanda, we have both power and influence. You have the King and Queen of Cordonia on your side also. Bertrand would be a bigger fool than he already is to try and defy all of us."

Drake nodded. "You also have Olivia's backing. So that's another powerful noble. Everyone loved you, Vanna. Many of the nobles will support you. Bertrand's actions recently have pissed a lot of them off. I don't think there will be many who would stand with him."

Riley nodded. "They are right. Please think of returning. We all want to be there for you and little Bartie. You will always be welcomed at court and I dare anyone to say differently!"

Drake chuckled. "As you can tell, Riley has a bit of a temper when she thinks someone is being bullied."

Savannah sat there thinking of everything. "I need some time to think about my decision. I want to believe you. I need to think about if I'm ready to face Bertrand and if he should be a part of Bartie's life."

Maxwell swallowed and looked at his little nephew. "Do you...do you want me to stay out of his life until you decide?"

Savannah reached for his hand. "Not at all! I expect you and Drake to fight over who is going to be the favorite uncle. Maxwell, you are nothing like your brother. You are a man I would want my son to be like, minus some of the crazy shenanigans."

He grinned. "Do I get to hold him?" Savannah placed him in Maxwell's arms. Riley snapped a picture with her phone. After a few moments Drake held him. His heart swelled when he saw that Bartie had the Walker chocolate brown eyes. "Vanna, he is perfect." Riley snapped another picture, catching him off guard.

Savannah smiled with pride. "He is the best thing to ever happen to me." They sat and visited for another hour. Drake made plans to come back the next day. Maxwell promised to find time to come back and hopefully bring Amanda with him. Riley hugged her goodbye, making her promise to call her if she needed anything.

On their way back to the train, Drake was relieved and excited. "Do you think she will come back home?"

Riley smiled, "I believe there is a very good chance."

"Thanks for going with us, Riley." Drake said.

"Anytime gentlemen, anytime. You both have been there for me. It's what friends do."

Maxwell's phone vibrated with a message. It was from an unknown number. When he opened it, he was shocked. There were pictures of Amanda. Some of them were from her time in California, a few months ago. Some had been snapped today. The ones in California were of her and Matt Rodriguez. It was the pictures of them on the beach, kissing. This was what Drake had been talking about during truth or dare. These pictures were more in focus.

He could see her bathing suit clearly and Matt wrapped around her. He could make out the towel's color and pattern they were laying on. There was a question written on the picture. "Was this the only time?" The pictures taken today showed her and Matt sitting at a table on a balcony with Thomas, Ryan, and some other Hollywood people.

The closeup of her and Matt showed them looking at each other. He was leaning toward her smiling and she was laughing. There was another question written on it. "Was this planned or an accident?" At the end of the message, it showed a copy of a hotel reservation. Amanda had booked the Royal Suite at the Four Seasons for the week. One more question for him was attached. "What does she need a hotel suite for?"

Maxwell swallowed hard. His hand gripped his phone. It was hard enough knowing she had been kissed by both Matt and Ryan while in California, but to actually see it was worse than he thought. They had not been together during that kiss, but it still felt like a punch in the gut. Questions were swirling through his mind. What was Matt doing in Paris? He was not a part of Thomas Hunt's movie. Why did she book a suite? Why did she not tell him about the suite?

"Maxwell? Are you okay?"

He looked up at Riley and Drake. "I'm fine."

Their limo pulled up to the train. Riley smiled at the two of them. "Don't forget about tonight's ball. It will be at the Four Seasons. We will have such beautiful views of the Eiffel Tower and the Arc De Triomphe. I can't wait!"

"Did you plan this?" Drake asked her.

"No, Madeleine did. She wanted to since her house did not host the court during the social season. I know I am supposed to meet her mother this evening too. Hopefully that will go smoothly." With a wave Riley left to get ready.

Maxwell was looking at the pictures again. Drake glanced over at his phone. His eyes widened. "Maxwell? Where did you get those."

He shrugged. "It is from an unknown number."

Drake looked at the last one. "Was that taken today?" Maxwell nodded. Drake looked panicked. "Someone's following Amanda!"

Maxwell's head jerked up. He had not thought of that. Guilt hit him hard. That should have been his first thought, instead of jealousy. "Why would anyone follow her?"

Drake looked at him. "Probably the same reason why anyone would send those pictures of her to you: To cause trouble." He scrolled through all the images and stopped at the hotel receipt. "Did you know she was getting a room there?"

"No."

Drake studied him a minute. "You don't actually believe she is cheating on you with Matt or any of these movie guys?"

Maxwell shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. "I don't think she is cheating. I guess sometimes it's hard to believe she did not choose one of them."

Drake put a hand on his shoulder. "She chose you out of everyone. She's been in love with you for years. Don't let whoever sent this win. Don't doubt her."

Maxwell nodded. His phone beeped with another message. He reluctantly opened it up. It was from Amanda.

"I'm running behind. I have another interview to do. I will meet you at the ball. Oh and I have a surprise for you! 💋💓U!"

Drake read it over his shoulder. "See, the suite has to be the surprise. You need to tell her that someone is following her when you see her. Text her back that you can't wait or what ever you would normally."

Maxwell sighed and went to get ready. He did not know what was going on. Why would someone want to cause doubt in their marriage? What could they possibly gain? Who was doing this?

@fullbeaumonty @darley1101 @cocomaxley @katurrade @krsnlove @hopefulmoonobject @annekebbphotography @mynameiskaylabella @umccall71 @museofbooks

#choices trr #trr #the royal romance #trr maxwell #trr drake #choices

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for-kh · 4 years

Text

on anger

okay so I swear I thought I was a more mature person but, even in your impaired state, seeing you texting, calling, messaging girls from your past fills me with inexplicable rage. Of course I'm not going to question or get angry with you now... that's the last thing you need. But I think that's what makes it so hard. I wanna talk about it with you and just laugh it off and accept things and let them go. But right now I can't!!! So my thinking-too-much mind is just festering with some truly hurtful thoughts!

And the things you've said... like how you think you like your ex better than me. And that part of you wants to break up with me. I know this isn't you being fully aware of your surroundings and that you still have some healing to do before everything feels normal to you again... but hearing you say that in your own voice with a dead serious expression pierces me. I think I am a strong person but, still, my heart is pretty soft.

Honestly, I couldn't care less about the dumb flings. Everyone wants to have a bit of fun now and then. But the emotional things are what feel like little steak knives stabbing me in the chest.

The messages you showed me on your phone where you'd send PARAGRAPHS upon paragraphs of your writing that I enjoy so much but directed towards another girl only like a month before we met?? telling a girl she is the first thing you think of when waking up weeks before we started dating?? I mean... isn't that some real feelings kind of stuff?? you've never told me that I'm what you think of when waking up. And the girl ended up not responding to you. So together it feels like I'm just a second choice. Frrrrrriiccckk that hurts to think about.

And the fact that she didn't even respond. Like, what you wrote was truly something touching and honest. But she didn't even appreciate that! That angers me!! How can she not see that?? Your ability to express your emotions through art, writing, films, whatever, is such an attractive, rare, precious thing. I saw this long ass message you wrote from your heart to her and the way she ignored you made me just go.......

There's this weird storm inside of me that is made from retrograde jealousy, insecurity about my body, and also a strangely high sense of dignity that comes out every now and then. This is so dumb to admit but I just want to be honest with you. I want this blog to be my honest feelings and thoughts through all of this.

Just to every girl in your past (except the nice ones where it ended well and you are still friends maybe)... they can go shove a sharpened pencil up their pee hole..

Anyways I know it's not your fault, baby. You're dealing with so much and your brain is still healing and rebalancing and becoming more and more aware so I know you're not doing these things to intentionally hurt me. After all you're commitment phobic yet you wanted to be in a relationship with me after one date. I know you care. Seeing those ocld messages and you trying to dial them up and such just unleashed a primal monster of envy in me.

I feel better already having typed this mess all out.

[PMS edit a week later:

I think PMS is making me really emotional right now and I haven't talked to you or your mom today so I'm just feeling a little sad and worried. It's making me think about this stuff again and I didn't wanna make a whole new post on it so I'm just gonna ramble a bit more here cause it felt good to let it out last time.

I was thinking about talking to you on the phone a couple days ago. You told me more about your exes. I'm not sure how much of it is true or not but really... I couldn't change the subject. Part of me still wonders if the things you said are true even if you are still waking up, like how truth comes out of a drunk person's mouth.

Telling me you want to break up with me multiple times...i keep hearing that in my head. You told me I had the same name as your ex and showed me on your phone a Gabriella?? I wonder if that's why you insist on calling me Gabe. Maybe that's not even your ex. Who knows. I keep asking you who these girls are but you can't really give me an answer.

Is this dumb?? Is it dumb for me to be crying over this? I had a bit of a selfish moment in the hospital when I was there last time. I'm sorry, I got a little upset. I don't think you noticed, though. I kept trying to talk to you, to get you to look at me, but you just kept dialing this girl you had a one night stand with or something. And then liking all of this one girl's photos on Instagram (lol) that you seemed like you knew. You kept just doing that and talking about your exes I just got overwhelmed.

I think the combination of seeing you stuck in the hospital and doing and saying these things about your past relationships and barely noticing me there (even though this is not your fault and not intentional) just kind of broke me and I teared up a little. Your mom wasn't there, don't worry!! I won't make her worry about such silly stuff as me!

Do you still like me? It's hard to imagine. I want to be there for you through all of this, and I will be. I can't help but think it was all some sort of cosmic coincidence that you asked me to be your girlfriend just a week before this all happened. But it's not just something I feel like I have to do... it's something I want to do. I feel so attached to you. In like two weeks you made a place in my heart. It sounds sappy to you I'm sure but it's true!!

I know it's likely that you still, well, like me. But it's hard to even imagine when you say your ex was better than me. I'm really trying. Even though it's hard I'm really trying to not take these things too personally. You're not a mean person. You wouldn't say things like that to me directly. But my fear comes from wondering if there is a grain of truth in any of it.

But, really, I feel strong. I know you are strong and I know so am I and so is your family. There's bound to be things in this process that make us feel like we're stumbling, or doing something wrong, or that we've gotten lost. I think that's all part of this craziness. One of my challenges is gonna be coping with the stuff I've written about in this post. I'm up for it.]

#by me

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