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amphxtrite · 3 years

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draco malfoy x fem!reader

part one: Broken

Warning: Angst, swearing, spelling and grammar mistakes

Summary: You finally decide to confront Draco his absence and find out his secret. fluff at the end.

A/N: Sorry if it’s a bit slow at the beginning, but I really like how this one ended up.

enjoy <3

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You sigh as you continue to flip through your charms textbook, you had a big test coming up and you wanted to make sure you did well. Taking a look out your room’s window you break into a grin watching the snowflakes fall from the sky, you try your best to resist the urge to run into the snow, turning back to the textbook in front of you as a distraction, but when you kept reading the same line over, and over again, you give in and start to pull on your winter jacket, boots and a warm hat. Smiling to yourself, you hurried out of your common room door and ran through the halls until you finally felt the cool wind on your face.

Walking towards your favourite spot by black lake, you take in the gorgeous scenery. The trees in the forests were all ridden with bits of snow and icicles hanging down the branches, the lake had not yet frozen over but the snow and greenery around it made it seem like a muggle Christmas card, there were also little first years running around having a snowball fight, laughing happily. Flopping down on your back into the fluffy snow once reaching your destination, you enjoy the feeling of the cool snowflakes falling onto your warm cheeks. As you continue to lay in the winter wonderland your mind thinks back to the winters you and your family would stay at your cabin up north, your mother would always build large snow figures with magic, as you and your father always stared in awe at them. Since your father was a muggle, you also picked up on their traditions too, baking little cookies being your favourite. As your mind seems to perk up at all the happy memories, you replay a certain one in your head, the day Draco confessed his feelings for you in your fourth year.

“C’mon Dray, it’s just a little snow please.” you practically begged, giving your best puppy eyes to the grey eyed slytherin in front of you. “y/n you know I can't say no when you give me those eyes.” Draco sighs exasperated. “ so it’s a yes then?” you raise your eyebrow hopefully, Draco seems to debate this in his head before silently agreeing. You squeal with excitement telling him to get dressed in something warm before meeting by Black lake, before kissing his cheek and running off. Draco has to splash cold water onto his face to get rid of the blush. When you arrive outside you see the handsome blonde leaning against a tree, smiling as you got closer to him. “So, what did you have planned?” Draco asks, wrapping one arm around your shoulder. For the rest of that day you spent your time showing Draco all the different ways to enjoy the snow. You made snow angels with him, showed him how to build a snowman, (which he found rather ridiculous, but didn’t complain when he saw the look of pure joy in your face) had a snowball fight with him, and just sat in each other's embrace watching the snow fall. It had become slightly dark by then and you were still wrapped in Draco’s arms, he looked away for a second from the falling snow and his eyes fell to you, and you took his breath away. Your h/c was a little messy, but still framed your face perfectly, you had a faint pink blush on your skin and your nose was bright pink. You looked so perfect there in his arms and he knew he was a goner. “H-hey, y/n?” He started, trying to build up his courage. “What’s up Dray?” you ask cluelessly. He looked deep into your eyes and got lost in your e/c orbs, his confidence dwindling, he decided to just get it out. “I...I fancy you y/n. I have for a while, you’re so beautiful, kind and so smart. I just wanted to let you know.” He confessed, turning away bashfully. When you didn't respond he grew scared, did you not feel the same? He was about to apologize when he felt you lean towards him and close the small gap between you, pressing your lips to his in a short chasté kiss, “I fancy you too Draco, have since our first potions class together when you asked for my help on the essay.” you say truthfully. Draco’s mouth drops open, but it is soon replaced by a huge grin as he leans forwards and captures your lips in a kiss again, filled with snow, lipgloss and feelings coming out. You spent the rest of the night in the slytherin common room with hot chocolate, blankets and cuddles by the fire.

You bring your hands to your face and rub the tiredness out of your eyes, slowly drifting from the memory and back into reality.

Another month had passed since Draco broke up with you, you’d gone two and a half months without speaking or seeing the man you love. It hurt really bad that Draco didn’t even look at you anymore, and it confused you to no end.

You’re snapped out of your thoughts by a loud voice. “ I’m telling you two! Draco’s working for Voldemort!” You stiffen at these words, what the hell were they talking about? “Oh shut your trap Harry! You’ve been going on about this for days! I get you don’t like Malfoy, but this is getting out of hand!” That was Hermione’s voice, why did Harry think Draco would be working with Voldemort, that’s impossible… You keep still and continue to eavesdrop on their conversation. “Don’t you find it suspicious how much Malfoy has been avoiding us? What if he’s planning something?” Harry explains. “Forget it Harry, you know that prat’s been ignoring us because we’re friends with y/n” you could almost feel Hermione’s eye roll from here. “She’s got a point Harry…” Ron agrees. Harry seems at a slight loss of words and you choose then to take your leave, pulling your hood over your head to avoid being noticed and shaking your head at the golden trio’s antics.

Heading back to your common room you suddenly feel a slight shiver running down your spine, finally taking notice that the coat you were wearing was now very wet. Sighing, you shrug it off and quickly rush to the y/h common room to drop off your coat and change out of the cold clothing, swapping out your soaked outfit for warm sweatpants and casual shirt, running a brush through your hair before heading back to the great hall for something warm to eat. Taking your usual spot at the y/h table you start to sip on a mug of warm tea, letting the warm creamy taste of the milk and the sugary sweetness consume your body. You take a couple bites of shepard’s pie, you weren’t hungry, but you knew Hermione would be fretting over you if you dared to skip one meal, sometimes you wondered if Mrs. Weasley was rubbing off on her. Poking at your unfinished pie, you take a glance up to see if any of your friends are around, scanning the long tables around you, hoping to find a familiar face among the sea of people. While your eyes scan down the slytherin table, your eyes stop wandering and you’re met with those piercing orbs you missed so much. You felt your heart skip a beat and you tried to manage a small smile at him, but as your lips tug up Draco abruptly stands up and quickly exits the hall. You felt your heart drop, so many thoughts consumed your head, so many questions, insecurities and doubts, but you snap back to your senses and immediately storm out after him.

You had had enough, you could understand if he didn’t want to speak with you, but this was getting infuriating! What had you done so wrong that made Draco dash out of the hall after just making eye contact with you! You tail him from a distance, walking down several hallways and corridors, pushing past people until there weren’t any students around at all anymore. To stay hidden you’d hide in an alcove for a bit until you were sure Draco hadn’t sensed he was being followed. You continue down the last hall seeing a distinct flash of white enter a deserted boys washroom, storming in a minute later, you were about to raise your voice, but what you saw broke your heart all over again.

Draco was hunched over a sink his head drooped between his shoulders, his eyes were red and glassy, his hair was a mess and from up close you could see his sick face and very prominent bags under his eyes. You hid behind a pillar in the large room, unable to find your voice looking at Draco’s vulnerable form. As Draco straightened up a bit you could understand why he chose to come to such a deserted area, you heard him mutter muffliato in a small voice and a second later he began to cry. Tears filled with sadness and agony flowed free down his face, and strangled cries came from his mouth. He started hitting the edge of the sink with his fists, but Draco seemed numb to the pain, you could swear you heard a crack, but you were unsure if it was Draco’s hand or the sink he was beating. His sobs turned to screams with one word coming out like a mantra. “Why?” You began to walk slowly towards him, but the screams didn’t stop, he had still failed to notice your entry. “Why did this have to happen to me?! I don’t want this! I can’t be without her!” he screamed before you heard him whimper into his sleeve, tears began to form in your own eyes and you pushed back your nervousness, rushing towards him. “Draco!” you finally call to him and pull him towards you, hoping to hold him in your embrace. He stiffens and flinches away from you, a look of terror on his face. Brushing off the feeling of hurt as you step closer to him, you begin to speak, “Draco you don’t have to avoid me, please, tell me what’s going on! I’m sure I can help you.” you try to reason with him. “ y/n. You need to leave. Get out of my sight. Now!” You could tell he was trying to be cruel, but the breaks in his voice gave him away, you began to feel your own tears stream down your face. “No Draco, please don’t push me away, I’m here for you no matter what, you know I care about you.” You take another step closer to him as he takes a step back. Tears reemerge from his eyes and you reach out and wipe them away with your thumb, ignoring his tense features. “Please leave y/n, leave me, I don't want you to get hurt.” he whispers, removing his left arm from behind his back. “Dray, what on Earth are talking abou-” your words catch in your throat as you look down at Draco’s left arm, in dark ink that seemed to stare into the pits of your soul was a skull and snake tattoo. The Dark Mark. “Oh Draco…” you say taking his forearm into your hands. He lets you. “Go on y/n, run away, scream, tell everyone!” Draco’s soft voice raises into a yell, and as you look into the eyes you fell in love with, you can see the broken man inside him. “Draco-” he cuts you off. “What don't you understand y/n, I have the fucking dark mark on my arm! I’m helping a madman kill innocent people, I’m a bloody monster!” He’s sobbing now, and has fallen to his knees. You fall down with him and search his face. You search for any sign of dishonesty, any sign of hate, rage or evil, you’re unsuccessful. There is no sign of a monster. You only see a boy, a scared and innocent boy who doesn’t want or deserve the pain he is going through. You see Draco, the man you fell in love with and will love forever. You bring his wrist to your lips and kiss the ink on his arm. This shocks him and his mouth falls open, just like when you told him you also fancied him that winter 2 years ago, you smile at him. “Draco, this mark doesn’t define you, from what I’m hearing, you don’t want to hurt anyone or stand with Voldemort, you said it yourself you don’t want this, and if you were forced into this, I don’t care, Draco I love you, you, a tattoo doesn't change that if you don’t agree with the beliefs that come with it. It doesn’t have to change who you are.” you spill out truthfully. You reach out and hold his face in your palms and staring into his beautiful eyes, this time he doesn’t pull back.

“Y/n-” he stutters out. “Yes, my love?” you respond. He pulls you into him, wrapping you in a tight embrace and burying his face into your neck. “Thank you, thank you so much.” He murmurs against you neck. You start to feel tears running down his cheeks again, this time it’s not sad or angry tears, but happy and grateful ones. You return his embrace, rubbing his back soothingly and drawing patterns in his shirt. This beautiful boy has cried too many tears in his life and didn’t deserve an ounce of the pain and sadness he’s had to go through, you know he needs to get it out though, so you sit there in his arms, whispering sweet nothings into his ears and reassuring him you were never going to leave his side, he began to let apologies fall from his lips. whispering that it was all his fault and he was being stupid. You shut him up with a long passionate kiss, hoping your point was getting across. “Draco, you weren’t being stupid, you were trying to protect me, and I’m so grateful for that, I just wish you’d know you didn’t have to break up with me to protect me, we can work together.” you murmur against his lips with a smile. You feel him nod before he presses his lips to yours again and seals a wordless promise. A promise to stay, to fight, and to protect you from your side until his dying breath. You were his reason to stay strong and push through hard times, you were his hope that everything would turn up alright, you were a light in the dead of night guiding him out of dark times. With that kiss he sealed a wordless promise, a wordless promise of love.

@kitty7864 @lord-byron

#draco malfoy #draco imagine #draco angst #draco x y/n #draco x reader #draco malfoy x reader #harry potter #hermione granger #draco fluff #fluff #angst #harry potter imagine #harry potter fanfiction

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stumbleintothesun · 3 years

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Life Rant

For the few people in here...sorry lmao this is long as hell.

Lately I've been feeling like...garbage. I know there's no one on this place that really follows me, so this is me posting to the void.

I have been dealing with a lot of health issues related to my mental health and weight. I've gained nearly twenty pounds in a year, and no matter what I do my weight doesn't budge. I work out regularly, Ive been trying to eat better but...my only thought is its because I'm working a desk job now - which I fucking hate with a fury. And I know my weight isnt the end of the world - it just really, really fucks with my mental health. I've always felt ugly. The only time I didn't was when I was super thin which I know is problematic - and I know that's part of my mental health...like my aunt died from an ED. And my mom definitely had/has an ED even if she's gotten much better about it in the past few years...

And I'm finally getting my face to clear up after wearing these masks for a year - a year! But I'm still dealing with the healing process and I'm anxious it will scar. I've worked this entire pandemic at a job I *hate* just to you know, finally pay off my student loans just go back to school so maybe I can do something I love. But even at 25 and providing for myself, I hardly got any financial help. The only thing saving me is my grades that got me a decent transfer scholarship.

But the first school I applied to wanted my high school transcript, even though I have an associate's degree, and because I'm, frankly, stupid I somehow missed that they needed it. So they threw out my application that I spent an otherwise four hours writing for.

So I'm going to Eastern, which frankly will be better for my mental health, but they don't have a tuition free program. So I'm going to have to borrow money after just finally paying off my single year at a liberal arts college debt that I took on when I was 17 (it ended up being like 30k to pay off). And it's all because I didn't fucking read right. So much for being a good student, I guess.

But it wouldn't have mattered because they would've hardly taken any of my classes despite most of them being from down the road and for an associate's degree! And even Eastern is giving me a hard time, despite my degree they say I don't have the basic level biology course - my degree is biology focused! I'm going into ecology! I have taken genetics, conservation biology, anatomy and physiology, cellular biology but I don't have intro bio? So now I have to test out, on top of working full time. Which is fine, its a good refresher...I'm just so overwhelmed with life right now. I have a stack of over 100 flash cards and I'm just anxious.

This is a year after my partner went through an ugly break up with their old fiance (we were poly), and their ex was an abusive POS who once told them if they came out as anything other than their assigned gender, he wouldn't date them anymore. He gaslit them constantly, made them feel like hell. So we finally got out, but he wanted the house they got together or 10k. He made over double what they make - and he always forced them to pay half the bills, including half of his fucking protein bullshit because it was "groceries." He knew they didn't have the funds. Because our friends are amazing, we were able to buy him off but he left the house trashed.

It fucking sucked, and they were also responsible for getting his name off the house which meant a refinance that we could hardly afford. We got lucky we were able to do it, but they hardly got anything back for it. And it was a *nightmare*. We finally got it done, after pulling teeth and it took six months. Four months longer than they said. And that entire time they were forced to occasionally reach out to him, their old abuser.

Finally we were free, but then I started having further issues at work. Between the pandemic, and working in a heavily red area during the election, I cried a lot. I work in customer service and while I make okay money for the industry, I'm constantly burned out. My colleagues are okay, but it feels stupid to leave just to find a job for three months to go back to school. Then I started being short in my drawer (I'm a teller at a bank). The final straw was being short $500. Now I'm on a work plan, and if Im short again, I'm out. And it's my fault. I don't know how it has been happening. So now I'm always on edge at work, triple checking everything. And I could leave, I could get another job but there's no promise I'll make what I do now, and in order for me to pay for the chunk of school I need to, I have to put away a certain amount every month.

I do have a grant of sorts for 5k per semester to help with bills, which will alleviate a lot once August arrives. And I know I'm crazy lucky to have that. So sometimes I feel like such an asshole about it. But we have a house to pay for and bills to pay. Just like everyone else. Ugh, I don't know.

I talked to my doctor about my weight, came in with calorie intake numbers and how much I work out with zero change. I cut out pop entirely from drinking it every day. Nothing has helped. So we switched my meds from Lexapro to Wellbutrin to see if I lose weight because of that. Nope, just having more mental break downs, steady weight, and my resting heart rate is abnormally high, stopping me from making a little extra cash donating plasma. So now I'm switching back to Lexapro with nothing gained other than. You know. Feeling like shit. Next up? Birth control coming out of my arm. Don't really need it anyway. And maybe that will help? But I don't think so. I'm not sure what to do.

I am genuinely trying to be healthy, eating more whole foods. More veggies. More home cooked meals. I love to cook, I'm just tired. And sometimes the air fryer and oven baked frozen foods are too easy to pass up. I'm trying to always eat breakfast. I'm working out again, we have a gym membership but there are so many men there and I dont always feel comfortable, because my partner has been anemic and they can't go yet. So I use our bike in the living room and do home workouts.

But when I did this last time there was zero change in weight or anything. Even when I ate really, really clean for three weeks and worked out for most days, tracking calories and everything. Nothing changed. My thyroid is fine, we've already checked it. I'm just tired.

This past year, other than being with my partner has fucking sucked. And this doesn't even cover all the shit they've dealt with with switching to they/them and a name change. I love them so much, and love that they are finally comfy but their parents were assholes about it. And that matters. It does, and I get it. I just wish I could help them more. I wish we had a break, a breather for longer than a day. Even then I can't relax, I'm too on edge. There's too much to be done. I need to earn money, I need to clean, I need to focus. I need to be productive in some way to justify if I'm not working on those things. It's...all dumb.

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