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oddinary4bts · 6 months

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November Sun | jjk

☆summary: whenever he breaks, the november sun shines on him. and jungkook chases you across the sky - but you've gone some place he can't reach you now.

☆pairing: Jungkook x reader (I genuinely don't think the gender is ever mentioned? please let me know if it is so I can adjust this here), mentions-ish of Namjoon x reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, it deals with heavy themes)

☆genre: grief au/funeral au?, exes au, angst

☆warnings: angst, like. Just angst. OC is dead and Jungkook is grieving her. Curses words, very light mentions of sex, flashbacks of moments when jungkook broke. mentions of christianism (the funerals are held in a church), mentions of alcohol, jealousy. Namjoon is a broken man as well

☆word count: 3.7k

☆a/n: I started writing this tonight because I was sad and then just realized I won't have the strength to look back on it ever again so I'm posting it even tho it hasn't been beta-ed, and even tho the person that makes my moodboards is unavailable rn. Idc. It needed to be out of my system, and now it is.

☆a/n pt2: I know this piece is extremely heavy. If you ever need to speak, please reach out to me. My blog is a safe space for every single one of you <3

☆☆☆☆☆

The church is a tall building. Grand, elegant in its simplicity, though it cuts against the blue sky up above in stark lines, shaped like a prison.

Jungkook thinks life has become a prison a while ago.

It’s a mystery, why your family chose this space for your funeral. You never believed, never practiced. Is it a betrayal to mark your passing in a space that feels so unlike you?

Jungkook thinks it is.

He sighs, chases the heaviness away the same way the clouds chase themselves in the sky up above. He doesn’t know how the sun is shining in the blue expanse of the sky. It’s November, yet the day is warm, the sun is blindingly glowing. It feels like a crime – how can the sun shine in a world deprived of your existence?

Jungkook doesn’t want to know.

Only knows that he’s watched from afar the people that gathered on the front steps. Chatting, heads hung low and shoulders bent forward. He heard sniffles, he heard laughs, and he just waited for everyone to go in to get closer.

Jungkook doesn’t know why he was invited. Why someone from a distant past figured he would need to be here, to share his grief with people that could understand.

Though Jungkook thinks no one can understand.

He remembers you, in all your glory. His first love, when he had been a stupid college kid who didn’t know what he wanted in life. You were two years older, and now... and now one day he’ll be older than you. Because you've stopped aging, you came and went like a moment in time, when he'll still be here for who fucking knows how long.

He chases the thought away with a long inhale, holds the air in knowing that it’s choking him up before he lets it out on a sigh.

You were beautiful. A star that walked the Earth, only to return to the night sky above far too soon. He had loved you dearly, in his own twisted way. Had tried to be what you sought, what you needed, until he had realized he was never going to be enough.

Would you still be alive today, if he had fought harder?

*****

“I’m not doing this,” you said. “I’m so fucking done with your indecision, with your fear of commitment.”

Jungkook scoffed. “Please, you graduated and now you think you’re so high above me. Get down from the fucking horse, Y/n, it’s not going to bring us anywhere.”

He’d said the words hoping that they would hurt you. And they did: he saw you physically recoil as if he’d punched you. As if the words had been a physical blow, and not just letters of the alphabets shaped into words and sound, into arrows to pierce that beautiful soul of yours.

“Maybe I don’t want us to go somewhere anymore,” you replied after a quiet moment of breaking hearts.

“I didn’t mean that.”

“I know.” You sighed, slightly shaking your head as your eyes fell to the floor between you and him. “I know, but I mean it.”

“Please,” was all Jungkook thought to reply.

“You say please all the time,” you told him. “You beg me, and for what? We always circle back to fighting, to hurting each other.” You paused, and though you were avoiding his features he could see you blinking back tears. “Maybe we aren’t supposed to be together at all.”

“Don’t say that,” Jungkook warned. “Don’t you fucking say that. I love you. Isn’t that enough for you?”

“I love you too, Jungkook,” you answered. “I’ve loved you since the first day I met you at that stupid party last year.”

Jungkook felt the tear rolling down his cheek, felt the gravity pulling on his heart until it was shattering on the ground.

“Then why stop now?” he asked. “Give me time, Y/n. I’ll graduate, and I’ll be able to move in with you, and to provide for you and give you everything that you need.”

You sighed heavily, finding courage to finally meet his gaze. At the stark finality shining behind your pupils, Jungkook’s knees weakened. His whole fucking body weakened, ready for the blow.

For the end that was coming for you and him like a car barreling down a dead-end street.

“But I’m tired of waiting,” you answered. “I don’t want to spend my life waiting around for someone.”

“I’m still in college, I just can’t move in with you right now…”

“I know, Jungkook. I know.”

He wanted to fight. Wanted to tell you to stay in his dorm tonight, and to never leave again. But he could tell that you were already gone.

So he steeled himself. Readied himself to let you go even though you were the blood in his veins.

“I’m holding you back, aren’t I?”

You wiped a tear on your cheek, blurring behind those in his gaze. “You are.”

He choked on a sob, hiding his eyes behind his hand as if that would stop the breaking. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” you reassured him. “We just aren’t at the same place in life anymore.”

An empty silence surrounded you, so loud Jungkook could hear every beat of his heart in his ears, could feel the walls pressing in.

“I don’t want you to go,” he softly said.

“I know,” you murmured. “I…” You choked on a sob, and it took you a moment before you managed to continue. “I’m sorry.”

He laughed, a sound so devoid of joy he wondered if he’d ever feel happiness again. “Please don’t be. You’re allowed to want more.”

“I wish I didn’t.”

Anger rose up on the horizon of Jungkook’s conscience, and he pushed it away. He refused to be angry at you, refused to put the blame on you when you made it clear that you wanted him to move in so long ago, and he disregarded it without even once thinking about it.

“I’ll find you again,” he promised, voice strained and heavy with emotion. “I’ll graduate and find you.”

You stepped closer to him, gently cupping his cheek. “Go find someone that loves you for what you are, Jungkook.”

“And you don’t?”

“I don’t want you to settle for someone that asks too much for you,” you explained, renewed silver lining your eyes. “Find someone that loves you for who you are, right now.”

“Fuck that,” he choked out, and he pulled you flush against his chest. “Fuck this nonsense. ”

“I’m so sorry,” you cried against him.

“Don’t be,” he reassured you, though he was crying too. “Don’t be. Give me a few years. I’ll have it all figured out in a few years.”

*****

The priest at the front of the church is going on and on about something that Jungkook doesn’t care to listen to. It’s impersonal, nothing like you, like the vibrant girl he remembers. So he lets his memory guide him to you, where you’re awaiting him. Your lips on his, your hand running through his hair. Your own hair catching in the wind that time you’d gone hiking, and he’d believed being at the top of the mountain with you felt like he had won in life.

Or that time you’d driven on the coast, windows down, screaming the lyrics to a song he can’t listen to anymore. Now the song is haunted by ghosts of a past he never learned to let go, perhaps because for months after the breakup he’d kept the conviction that he’d find his way back to you. He’d believed it the same way he believed the sun would always rise in the morning. A simple truth of nature, that nothing could ever break.

Except a car accident, apparently. Because all it took was a car accident to wipe you off the surface of the Earth, to take your light and shove it into shadows, into darkness and a void so wide he knows he’ll never find you again.

But he’d believed he’d find his way back to you. Never let anyone in after you, for the months and years it took him to graduate because he always knew he’d find his way back to you. You were his silver lining, the finish line at the end of the race. On a November day, just as sunny as today, Jungkook reached that finish line.

He did find you again, only you never knew.

*****

Jungkook had never felt so light before. Like he had grown wings, like he was soaring in the clouds up above. Though the sun was out, the weather was cold, wind running cold fingers through the lapels of his coat until he found himself shivering as he made his way to the flower store.

He’d get the biggest bouquet for you, and then he’d head to where he knew from a common friend that you lived now. It was Saturday, and he hoped to catch you unaware, to catch you in the middle of cleaning your apartment the same way that you cleaned it back when you were dating.

The image of you, with your hair pulled back in a high ponytail as you danced around instead of sweeping the floor shone in his mind, brighter than the star in the sky above.

He bought the flowers, heart beating fast in his chest. Because it was time. It was finally time to go home, to tell you that he did everything he said he would, that he changed and now had a job that could support what you both wanted. He wanted to ask you out, and in his dreams you had been answering yes every single time since he had decided to go see you.

His heart fluttered as he gently rested the flowers on his passenger seat, careful not to damage them. Memories floated to him, and a smile grew on his lips as he remembered you, screaming out the window that day you had driven along the coast. You had stopped to watch the sunset in the waves, and he’d kissed you stupid on his back seat until every single inch of your skin knew about his love.

He couldn’t wait to create new memories with you.

He drove carefully, enjoying the warmth of the sun now that he was safely hidden from the wind. You actually didn’t live too far from where he did now, and soon enough he parked his car near your building. He got out of the vehicle, almost running to the other side in his excitement to grab the bouquet on the passenger seat. When it was safely tucked in his hand, Jungkook shut the car door, locked it, and started walking to your building.

He didn’t even know which apartment was yours. He believed fate would guide him, and so he crossed the street to your building, trusting the universe for what was to come next.

He heard your laugh before he saw you. Love swelled in his chest, and he wondered if you were laughing because you’d seen him, because you’d known that he’d come back for you.

And then he saw you. The wind was ruffling your hair, which he assumed had prompted the laugh. Your eyes were closed, hands struggling to push the wild strands behind your ears.

You were more beautiful than he remembered. Shone brighter, with the same stuff that stars consisted of. He was struck for a moment, watching you with his bouquet hoping that you’d open your eyes and see him.

The world slowed down to a stop, and time halted, and Jungkook watched you, feeling at home for the first time in years.

The illusion fractured the instant someone else came into view, making him realize that you hadn’t been laughing at the wind. No, perhaps your laughter took root in the dimples gracing the man’s cheeks as he smiled at you, as he pecked your forehead before grabbing your hand.

Jungkook ducked behind a car, clutching the flower bouquet like a lifeline the moment that you turned towards him. Did you hear his heart breaking? Did you hear the mockery in the November sun rays – you’d broken up on a similar day, years ago.

Jungkook couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think around the shattering of his heart, around the blood turning to ice in his veins as he heard you speak to the man – Namjoon, he heard you call him.

He would have rather not known the name.

Still Jungkook drank in the sound of your voice, trying to shape it into the words he was so willing to hear you say today. It didn’t work, and soon enough your voice disappeared, leaving him in a deafening silence of wind and sun and the realization that after all, he had come back too late.

Perhaps he should have known that he'd be too late.

*****

When Jungkook received the call last week, he’d sat outside in the silence until he thought his eardrums would start bleeding. He hadn’t moved, hadn’t breathed, hadn’t done anything other than to stare at the fading light of the sun.

He wonders, why is it that whenever he breaks, November sun is shining high above? As if the universe takes pleasure in his torment, in undoing him until he barely counts as a human being anymore.

He got pissed out drunk that night. Last time he had been as drunk was when he had found out you were dating someone new, that day he had come to find you.

And now he wonders, if he had approached you that day, would you still be dead today? Would life still have put you on that road with its drunk driver so that you could meet your end?

Or would you be laughing at some dumb comment he’d make, telling him that he’s stupid with eyes so full of love he wouldn’t be able to do anything else but agree with you?

It’s hard to tell. So, he doesn’t try to figure it out – he has an eternity ahead of himself to figure out how to live without you anyway.

Maybe in all his misfortune Jungkook actually had some luck. He’s learned to grieve you a while ago already, and perhaps grieving someone that still lives is harder than grieving someone that’s passed. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t think he knows anything. Just that, so far back in the past he should have said fuck it and move in with you. It was such a simple request, but he had been too young and dumb, and he’d forever live with the regrets of it.

If someone from your family notices his presence at the funeral, recognizes him from your shared past, they don’t say. Especially not as the end of the ceremony comes before he’s had a chance to really take in the picture of you, smiling, over there next to the urn with your ashes.

You’re ashes now. Everything that made you – your laugh, your smile, the way you carried yourself with that simple elegance – all of it is gone to be replaced with mere ashes.

He doubts they can hold the truth of your essence, but then again he doesn’t think anything can, or anything ever will again.

He blinks away the tears as they come, leaving the ceremony like a whisper in the wind. He doesn’t want to speak to your family, doesn’t want to see them coddling the man that you loved, that survived the accident when he should have been the one to go.

Jealousy and selfishness are ugly, Jungkook realizes. But it’s easier to hate the man that took you away from him, no matter how unknowingly he did it.

And Jungkook tried to hate you once. He tried hard, in the months after that fated November day, when you’d laughed to that man’s joke, smiled when he’d smiled that soft dimpled smile of his. He had tried, because hating you felt like it was the only way he wouldn’t hurt. But he still hurt – he still hurts.

All he’s been able to do in his life since you broke up is hurt, and he highly doubts he’ll ever feel differently again.

Perhaps he’ll grow numb. Perhaps he should have grown numb a while ago.

At least that’s what he’s telling himself days later, when he’s looking at the tombstone they picked out for you. The finality of your name and the dates, the ending, is unnerving. He wishes it was fake, wishes it was a joke, and that he didn’t spend most of his life loving someone that moved on to a new love in just a few years.

It’s been over a decade and he hasn’t moved on even a little bit.

He kicks the ground, mad at the leaves littering the ground where you’re buried, as if they’re sullying you. And as if laughing at him, sun rays pierce through the clouds up above, that dreaded November sun making an appearance when it should stay gone.

He allows himself to cry. To break down, to sit on the ground and curse everything and everyone that’s ever been between you and him. He curses his stupidity, curses the sun and the leaves and the etchings on the stone. He hates everything. Hates himself, hates you, hates the whole fucking universe for taking you away, for not giving him the chance to be with you.

That’s how Namjoon finds him. Jungkook’s tears have receded, and he’s just sitting there, an empty shell that once held love and laughter and your lips on his. He hears the scuffle of Namjoon’s steps, of his cane as he walks up the path.

The man’s features are grave when Jungkook can’t help but glance towards him, sees him ambling up the path with that cane, the only indication that he too was in that car accident. And Jungkook wonders if Namjoon knows about him. If Namjoon knows that he wasn’t the first man whose love for you was a bottomless ocean, one Jungkook has drowned in time and time again since you broke up.

Namjoon remains standing, and Jungkook remains sitting. Like there’s an understanding between them, and silence conveys more than words could. Jungkook doesn’t want to move, and Namjoon clearly doesn’t have anywhere to go.

Jungkook thinks the Earth has revolved around the sun at least once before Namjoon scrapes his throat.

“It’s hard to believe that she’s gone, isn’t it?” he speaks, deep voice carrying the weight of the universe.

Jungkook doesn’t deign reply as his eyes fill with tears, though he refuses to let them out right now.

Especially not in front of the man you loved after him.

“You’re Jungkook, aren’t you?”

The simple sentence makes Jungkook lose it. He hides his face in his hands, his whole soul bleeding out under the November sun.

“She told me about you,” Namjoon continues, and Jungkook is convinced he hears pain, tears and grief laced with Namjoon’s words.

What did you tell him, Jungkook wonders? Did you tell Namjoon that you should have waited for Jungkook, that you should have given him a chance to become what you needed?

“She loved you a lot,” Namjoon adds after a silence, and he chokes on a sob. “She never forgot about you.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Jungkook asks with that broken voice, raspy with disuse.

He hasn’t been able to speak since you died.

“You deserve to grieve. She loved and loved, and I wish it would have been enough for her to live…”

“Stop,” Jungkook begs. “Please.”

Namjoon falls silent, offering salvation to Jungkook, though Jungkook doesn’t know if he deserves it.

Would he have been able to offer salvation to someone in his position if the situation was reversed? He highly doubts it.

“It’s just…” he trails off when he finds words again. “You got fucking years with her. You got years of loving and-“ it breaks on a sob. “And you were fucking engaged.” Jungkook pulls at his hair. “You were engaged, and all I got was months. Not even a full year.”

“I’m sorry man,” Namjoon answers, voice so broken Jungkook wonders who’s suffering the most.

He doesn’t think it’s himself.

“Was she happy?” Jungkook eventually asks, once he can’t stand the silence hanging around. Once he can’t stand the etchings on the stone, the void in the universe that used to be filled with you.

“I made her as happy as I could,” Namjoon replies truthfully, his voice strained but not as pained anymore. As if he’s reached a conclusion, clarity filling his mind.

Not needing to hear more, Jungkook gets up, dusting himself off.

“Good talk,” he says, fighting against the next onslaught of tears, and then he’s storming off.

Storming away from you, from everything that you meant to him. And maybe the sun rays really are mocking him in that beautiful November sky, because Namjoon says, “I don’t think she ever truly was happy after you, though.”

Jungkook stops, convinced someone just stabbed him right in the heart. He doesn’t think the organ can beat anymore, doesn’t think he can live anymore. He just wants to be dust on the wind, to be forgotten, and to stop fucking feeling all the time.

“She was calling off the engagement,” Namjoon continues. “She…” Jungkook turns, and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen such agony as the one that graces Namjoon’s features right now. “She said she shouldn’t get married to me when she still loved another.”

Clouds pass in front of the November sun, and Jungkook remembers the smile on your face whenever you’d catch his gaze. He remembers the way you’d lovingly cupped his cheek even when you were breaking up with him. He still feels the ghost of your fingers on his skin as he holds Namjoon’s broken gaze.

He holds Namjoon’s broken gaze, unable to offer the man salvation. It might make him a monster, might make him selfish and jealous and everything that he finds disgusting about humanity. But Jungkook doesn’t care.

Not when he realizes that perhaps, perhaps he’s the one that you’re waiting for on the other side of the veil, so that you can rest in the eternity of afterlife together.

And perhaps, perhaps there’s some sort of beauty in the thought.

☆☆☆☆☆

I am crying and in pain and I am sending everyone that read this whole thing lots of love and if you need to talk just hit me up bc grief is a bitch and we hate her and I just wish I could take everyone's grief away

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minisugakoobies · 9 months

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Paradise | JJK - Fourteen

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: smut, neighbors to lovers (not quite friends but not quite strangers), slow burn, love triangle, Stripper!AU

Rating: M (18+)

Warnings: drinking, references to blow jobs that happened like 60 seconds before the chapter starts, Jungkook's a bit possessive, Jin's a bit jealous, mentions of pregnancy, references to sex, 2021 AMAs Jungkook is the wedding visual, special guest stars Woosung and El Capitxn

Word Count: 7.5k

Disclaimers: NSFW, obviously I don’t own BTS - they just inspire me

Summary: That sexy man on stage - the one currently giving your friend the lap dance of her LIFE - is your super shy neighbor, Jeon Jungkook?!

A/N: Happy two years of Paradise!! 🎉 Two years ago today, I posted the first chapter of what was going to be a five-part series. So to say I can't believe we're here is really no joke!! Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, reblogged, sent me asks or DM'd me about this series - this is all because of you! 💜💜💜

Unbeta'd as usual. Please don’t be a silent reader, I’d love to hear from you! Taglist is open. 💕

Previous Chapter ♦️ Paradise Masterlist ♦️ Next Chapter

Turns out that impulsiveness looks pretty good on you.

Or so you think to yourself, catching your reflection in the mirror of the men’s room as you leave Jungkook to collect himself after giving him the best blow job of his life (your words - although, based on the look on his face as you’d swallowed, you might not be far off).

You hadn’t planned on dragging him into the bathroom like that, but upon seeing him walk out onto the terrace in that grey belted suit, looking like an absolute dream, well, you simply could not help yourself.

You also hadn’t meant to tell him you missed him last night. But you had, because you did. God, when had you turned into this - this massive simp? It was only yesterday morning that you’d woken up in Jungkook’s embrace. You’d barely spent 24 hours apart - so why were you so desperate to get back into his arms?

Of course, none of this matters right now. There are only minutes to go before the ceremony begins, and you need to pull your head out of the clouds and get back to Jennie and the others. Starting by escaping the men’s room sight unseen.

“YN!”

Or not.

As soon as you close the door, you hear Jin’s voice calling to you. He’s standing at the other end of the little hallway, near the entrance to the reception room.

“Hey,” you reply, trying to be the most nonchalant you’ve ever been in your life, as if you weren’t just gagging on Jungkook’s dick in a public bathroom.

Jin smiles as you approach, but there’s a gleam in his eye that makes you nervous, and you’re so busy trying to come up with a valid excuse for why he saw you emerging from the men’s room that you apparently forget how to walk, trip over the hem of your gown, and crash directly against his chest.

“Easy, tiger!” he laughs, arms locking around your back as he helps you stand back upright. “I’m used to ladies throwing themselves at me, but only you’ve taken it literally.”

You roll your eyes, but you’re pretty sure he’s not lying about fighting off admirers, given that he looks like a supermodel in his crisply tailored tuxedo. His bowtie is a little crooked thanks to being squashed by your face during your ungainly landing, so you gently fix it, and Jin thanks you with a soft grin.

“I left my glasses at home, so tell me - did I just see you leav-” Jin suddenly stops in the middle of his sentence, his gaze drifting over your shoulder. “Oh. Nevermind, I see.” He takes a step back, arms falling from your waist.

Another hand slips into yours.

Jungkook didn’t wait very long before following you out of the restroom. He squeezes your hand as you glance at him, but he stares directly at Jin, nostrils flaring slightly, eyes narrowed, lips pursed tightly as if - as if -

Oh, shit.

“You left this behind, jagiya.” Jungkook turns to you, his face shifting into a softer expression as he produces your clutch like some sort of trophy. You must’ve left it on the counter. “Did you want me to hold it during the ceremony?”

Your brain is lagging severely at the moment, trying to process two major facts at once. Fact one: Jin obviously realized that you were with Jungkook in the bathroom. Fact two: you completely forgot to tell Jungkook that Jin would be at the wedding. Which, given the events of the last 24 hours, it’s understandable that it slipped your mind, but this isn’t how you’d expected to officially introduce them. And he doesn’t exactly look thrilled to run into him now.

On top of that, Jungkook has asked you a question. And is now waiting for an answer, while Jin watches in polite silence.

“Um. Yes. Sorry, yes, can you keep an eye on it for me?”

Jungkook nods, tucking the clutch into his jacket and patting it lightly. “Of course,” he says, nodding solemnly, as if you’d just asked him to protect precious goods and not a cheap bag full of tissues and mints.

Jin clears his throat lightly.

“Oh! I’m sorry, Jin, this is Koo- Jungkook. Jungkook, Jin.”

Of all the ways for these two to meet, this might not be the most embarrassing, but it’s definitely up there. There’s still a bit of Jungkook’s taste lingering on your tongue as the two men shake hands, Jin wincing slightly.

You try to quickly fill Jungkook in. “Jin’s the best man.”

“Sure am.” Jin grins.

“He and Yoongi grew up together,” you add, ignoring Jin’s little interjection, knowing that Jungkook didn’t miss it based on the way his jaw flexes violently, as if he’s gnashing his teeth.

“Nice to meet you, Jungkook. That’s quite a grip you have there.” Jin slides his hands into his pockets. “YN’s told me a little about you.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” Jungkook replies, inclining his head slightly. His hand returns to yours, fingers locking firmly. “Wish I could say the same, but YN never mentions you.”

You try to control your face as you look at Jungkook. What did he just say?

Jin just grins wider. “So… she said you’re a dancer?”

“Yeah, I'm a dancer. But I’m also an artist,” Jungkook replies, chest puffing out slightly.

“Yes! You should see his work, Jin. He’s an incredibly talented painter,” you add, and the corner of Jungkook’s mouth twitches, like he’s holding back a smile. “I might actually have a photo on my phone…”

Jungkook doesn’t give you any time to check. “Y’know, I think I’ve heard of you. You’re a cook, right? I think my halmeoni watches your show.”

If Jungkook intended that as a jab, Jin shows no sign that he felt it. “Well, technically, I’m a chef. And a restaurateur. But yes, I do host a successful cooking program - actually, it’s about to be turned into a series for a major network.”

“Right. So like I said. You cook.”

Jin’s the one twitching now, his eyebrow rising slightly at Jungkook’s blasé tone. But rather than looking annoyed, Jin looks amused. Meanwhile, Jungkook is still glowering. You, though? Your smile feels a little strained as you try not to react to the snarky shots being fired off around you. Jungkook seems more rattled than you’d expected by Jin’s presence. You’ve never heard him talk like this.

“You’re right, I do cook a little,” Jin laughs. “I’d like to think I’m pretty good at it. But YN could tell you, since I’ve cooked for her a few times.” He glances at you, the sparkle in his eye you’d noted earlier back and twinkling a little too merrily for your comfort. “From what I remember, she’s been pretty satisfied every time.”

And you’d thought this couldn’t get any more awkward than running into Jin post-beej. How silly of you.

Jungkook’s fingers grip yours tighter. “And yet not satisfied enough to ever bring it up. Huh. Sounds like it was kinda forgettable.”

Jin’s eyes flicker to yours questioningly and you cringe, still struggling to come up with anything to say that could make this conversation less tense. At this point, you’d be better off wishing for the ground to open up beneath you, as useless as your brain is being.

Jin coughs. “Anyway, YN, Yoongi asked me to tell you to tell Jennie that the officiant is running a little late. Nothing to worry about!” he adds hastily upon seeing your concerned face. “Just caught in traffic. But on his way.”

Great, another thing for Jennie to stress out about. “Okay. I’ll let her know.”

Guests are starting to fill up the rows of chairs on the other side of the glass wall. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Lisa heading towards you, waving your bouquet. Thankful for the interruption, you stretch out your hand.

“Come on, we’re cutting it close on time!” she announces. “Hey, what happened to your lipstick?”

“Uh…” Rather than answer, you opt for escape, tugging on Jungkook’s hand lightly to urge him to follow you. “One sec, Lis. Come on, Jungkook, let’s find you a seat.”

“See you at the altar!” Jin calls behind you, and you wince, feeling Jungkook stiffen momentarily.

There’s an empty chair on the end of a row on the bride’s side. Jungkook folds himself into it, placing your clutch delicately on his lap.

“Um, so, we already took photos earlier, so I’ll just come find you after the ceremony.”

“Okay.” Jungkook chews on his bottom lip, nodding.

An unsettling feeling comes over you. Should you apologize for not telling him about Jin? Or say something about what just happened in the hallway? What did just happen, anyway?

Through the glass, you can see Lisa waving, pointing at her watch. Shit. Whatever happened, you’ll just have to talk about it later.

As you turn to leave, Jungkook grabs your wrist. He threads his fingers through yours, pulling you closer to him, until his lips brush your cheek. “See you soon, jagiya.” He gives you another soft smile, sunlight sparkling in his eyes. The angry scowl from the hallway is nowhere to be seen.

Your head is a mess as you follow Lisa. How had you not mentioned to Jungkook that Jin would be here? Damn, maybe he was right - maybe you really never talk about Jin.

Both men had warned you when you started dating them that they could get competitive. Apparently that meant passive aggressive disses and weirdly possessive behavior. If this is how the two of them are going to behave, you’re in for a long day.

A small room cordoned off from the rest of the rooftop restaurant has been turned into the bride’s waiting room. Jisoo’s doing a last pass on Jennie’s makeup when you arrive. She takes one look at you and reaches for a tube of lipstick sitting on the makeshift vanity.

“Babe, what happened to you? You look stressed.”

Rosé hums in agreement. “I expected you to stumble in here looking more satisfied than that. You dragged Jungkook away at lightning speed!”

“Pucker up,” Jisoo orders you, and you obey, letting her fix your lips.

“Mmm, well, I found her talking to both Jungkook and Jin in the hallway, so maybe that has something to do with it?” Lisa pipes up, eyebrow raised.

“Oh shit, did something go down?” Rosé asks, a little too excited for your taste.

“Well, actually,” you start to say, then shake your head. This is the last thing you need right now. This day is too important to be derailed by your love life. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Oh, but Jin did say that the officiant’s running a little late, Jennie. He’s on his way, so there’s no need to panic, but the ceremony might start a few minutes later than planned.”

“Oh, see, Jennie? I told you there was no reason to worry - now you’re not the only one who’s late!”

“Jisoo!” Lisa hisses. Rosé covers her mouth to suppress her giggles.

Jennie, who has been sitting silently since you walked in, inspecting her appearance in the makeup mirror, lets out a strangled sound that’s a cross between a laugh and a wail, and buries her face in her hands.

“Girl, please do not make me fix your makeup again,” Jisoo pleads as she crouches next to Jennie. You pull up a chair next to her and sigh, rubbing Jennie’s arm lightly.

“Ji’s lame attempts at humor aside, how are you feeling?” you ask.

Your best friend is absolutely radiant in her white gown, dark hair tumbling in gentle waves down her back as she turns to you.

“I’m still okay. I know things were a little… dramatic yesterday, but really, I’m okay today. You guys don’t have to keep asking me how I’m feeling.” Jennie clasps your hands, giving you a soft smile. “I’m excited and I’m nervous but more than all of that I’m ready to marry the love of my life.” She pauses. “I think maybe I should use the bathroom again, though. I guess I have some time.”

“I’ll help you,” Lisa volunteers, gathering Jennie’s train and following her out of the room.

You’re quiet until the door closes behind them. “Okay, was anyone else expecting her to freak out about the ceremony starting late?”

“She’s keeping it together, somehow,” Jisoo shrugs. “I think she’s still a bit in shock, honestly. But she’ll be okay.”

“She’s fine, as long as no one mentions anything about the you-know-what,” Rosé informs you, crossing her arms as she glares at Jisoo.

“You don’t have to censor yourself when she’s not in the room.” Jisoo rolls her eyes.

Your friends fall into their usual bickering, but you’re too deep in your thoughts about Jennie to bother telling them to knock it off. Maybe Jisoo’s right and she’s still adjusting. Just another reason to try to stay focused on her and make sure everything goes perfectly for her and Yoongi.

It’s the least you can do for your friend, after the day she had yesterday.

Yesterday

Friday morning brings you a sweet surprise. You weren’t expecting to wake up with Jungkook in your bed. He spent most of the night making you forget all about Taehyung’s joking offer to drop to his knees at your promise to help him, doing such a good job that you’d almost forgotten your own name, too. You’d figured he’d slip out in the middle of the night after you’d fallen asleep.

You were wrong. He’s still here, all messy bedhead and sleepy eyes, laughing quietly about alarm clocks and wrapping you up in his arms. He follows you like a puppy as you start your morning routine - into the shower, back into your room, and then into your kitchen - and honestly it’s no wonder that you decide to take the day off to spend it with him. The thought of repeating yesterday and hanging out with him all day is too tempting to refuse. Even though you’ll see him pretty much all day tomorrow at the wedding - look, if he’s down for it, then why not?

And then somehow the universe decides that your day has only been maybe a solid eight out of ten so far and decides to kick it up a few more notches, by offering you a possible life boat off the sinking ship that is your job.

Hey YN!

I know this is ridiculously fast, but my company has an opening, and I think you’d be great for the job! Long story short someone unexpectedly quit yesterday, so now we have a position we need to fill immediately. I hope it’s okay, but I’ve given your name to our VP in charge of hiring and she’d like to bring you in for an interview! She asked me to reach out and see if you’d be all right with coming in next week - I know that’s fast, but this is for a new project that’s being rushed to production so we really need someone to crunch some numbers ASAP!

Let me know if you’re interested!

Best,

Wendy

As if that’s not enough, Jungkook offers to help you practice for the interview, and suddenly you can’t see through the hearts in your eyes. Could he be any sweeter? You thank him, and he kisses you, and you melt, lost in his warmth.

Jungkook’s voice brings you back to reality. “How many more emails do you need to answer?”

“Um…” you stare at your laptop. “Let me just respond to Wendy and then I’m done.”

“Cool.” Jungkook stretches. His t-shirt rises with the motion, his Adonis belt briefly visible, and you know he’s caught your stare when he smirks. You quickly turn back to your computer, but he just wraps his arms around your shoulders, catching you in a back hug.

“I’m gonna go home and take off these dirty clothes,” he murmurs, teeth nipping your earlobe. “Come find me when you’re done. I’ll be waiting.”

“Fuck,” you breath. Jungkook laughs, obviously pleased at the effect he has on you. He’s such a tease sometimes. You’re trying to figure out how to flip the tables on him when your ringtone starts trilling.

Be still, my heaaaaart…

“Oh god, I bet that’s my boss, wanting to talk me out of taking off.” You frown as you check the screen. “Shit, it’s Jisoo. I gotta take this.”

“Hey, do you have a second?” Jisoo’s voice comes through a little strained. And loud. She’s talking over some sort of high-pitched wailing. It takes you a minute to figure out that it’s a person’s voice making that sound.

“Ji! What’s going on? Wait, what’s that sound? Is that Jennie? Is she crying?”

“Yeah, that’s Jennie. She’s - she’s had - well,” Jisoo sighs. “Look, I’m over at her place because I wanted to treat her to a manicure today because I know she’s been too busy to schedule one and you know how she gets about her nails so I thought it would be a nice surprise but when I got here - oh, you know what, this is not important to the story, why am I telling you this?”

“Just get to the point, Ji!”

“I’m trying! I’m sorry, it’s been a big morning and - what?” There’s a muffled conversation happening suddenly, and you stare blankly at your computer as you wait for Jisoo to return. You don’t know what the hell is going on, but you don’t like any of it.

“Just ask her to come over!” you hear Lisa say in the background. Lisa’s at Jennie’s, too?

“I was getting to that!”

With a frustrated sigh, you try to get Jisoo’s attention. “Okay, okay, I’m coming over!”

“Do you mind? I know you have to work-”

“No, I’m not working today, I….” You pause, knowing that Jungkook’s just in the kitchen, likely able to hear everything you’re saying, not wanting to embarrass yourself by admitting that you took the day off just to be with him. “It’s a long story, I’ll explain when I get there.”

You don’t end up explaining anything once you arrive. That’s because as soon as Lisa opens Jennie’s door, she greets you with a tiny white stick bearing two little pink lines. Rosé is right behind her, beaming from ear to ear.

“Oh my god.”

“I know!” Lisa grins, throwing her hands in the air. “Baby Min, coming to you soon!”

You frown, glancing over Lisa’s shoulder. “Where is she?”

The sound of Jennie’s crying gets louder as you approach the master suite. When Lisa stops outside the bedroom closet, you grab her arm.

“Before I go in there - are those happy tears or sad tears?” You’re pretty sure you already know the answer, but you need to know what to expect.

Lisa grimaces. “Somewhere in the middle, I think.”

Jennie’s curled up beneath the hangers of clothing stuffed into the closet that she shares with Yoongi. She’s wearing one of his oversized hoodies, sniffling into the black material as Jisoo, smushed into the corner beside her, carefully untangles herself.

“Tag, you’re in,” she says, taking the hand you offer to pull her to her feet.

There’s not a lot of room for you but you squish yourself in as best you can, and immediately tuck Jennie against you. Jisoo closes the door behind you.

“Hi, babe.”

“Hi,” Jennie’s voice is wavery and small, so far from her usual confident, cheerful tone, that it hurts your heart. “Did they tell you?”

“I saw.”

Jennie settles against you, hiccuping slightly through her tears. “This wasn’t part of the plan.”

“I know.”

Jennie has been mapping out her and Yoongi’s future pretty much since the day they met. They both want to start a family, but Jennie insists that they enjoy their honeymoon period first. And she’s determined to make tenure at the school where she teaches before taking time off to have kids. She wants to have it all, but at her own pace and on her own terms. Which means timing everything out so meticulously. So carefully.

Gently, you brush a lock of hair from her wet cheek. “So… do you know how…”

Jennie sighs. “Pretty sure it was the night of my bachelorette party. I came home and Yoongi asked how it went and um, I kinda couldn’t stop talking about my lap dance.” Your friend’s face flushes at the memory, and you bite back a grin. You’ll have to tell Jungkook he left a lasting impression. “And Yoongi… well, you know how he gets competitive sometimes?”

You can’t help it. You burst into laughter.

“Yoongi gave you a lap dance?!”

“God, I wish I’d seen that,” Jisoo says from the other side of the closet door. “I’d love to know if he’s got moves.”

In all your years of friendship, you’d never known Yoongi to do more than a simple side-shuffle whenever Jennie would drag him onto a dance floor. The thought of him performing an erotic lapdance is too much for even your overactive imagination to conceive.

Jennie just smiles to herself. “Believe me, he does.” She glances at you shyly. “He’d kill me for telling you this but… you don’t think Jin choreographed his routine all by himself, do you?” she laughs, referring to the night Jin danced for you, and your brain breaks a little trying to picture Yoongi doing the same moves.

The closet door flies open.

“I’m gonna need to hear every last detail about that,” Lisa proclaims.

“Same,” Rosé adds, and Jennie laughs for the first time since you arrived. She sits up, dabbing at her face with the sleeves of Yoongi’s hoodie.

“Ugh, my face is going to be so puffy tomorrow.”

“No, it won’t. We’ll take care of you,” Jisoo promises, already on her feet. “I’ll go raid your kitchen for supplies. Do you have any cucumbers?” She’s gone before Jennie can answer, Lisa scrambling behind her.

“Anyway… we always use protection, but you know how they say it’s not 100% foolproof? Yeah, turns out they’re telling the truth.” She stares at her sweater paws, suddenly forlorn again, and you give her a tight squeeze.

“I’m sorry, babe. I know this is… a lot.”

“Yeah. And I just…” You don’t say anything, just wait patiently until she finds the words she’s searching for. “I just feel like a failure. You know? Like, it’s so stupid, but…” She shrugs. “I feel like everything’s ruined now.”

“Oh, Jennie, no!” Wrapping both arms around her, you sigh. “Accidents happen. That’s life! You can make all the plans you want but you can’t control everything. There’s chaos everywhere! And even if you do your best to avoid it, sometimes it gets through. And it’s not always bad! I mean… look at me and Jungkook. He came out of nowhere. I didn’t plan to start dating him and Jin at the same time. I didn’t know it was gonna get serious. I thought…” you trail off, realizing you’re making it about yourself. “Sorry, this is not about me.”

“No, it’s ok, finish your thought. Tangents and diversions are good right now,” Jennie informs you.

You bite your lip, weighing your words. “Back when Jin and I met, when you introduced us, I just thought… this is it. This is my chance to have what Jennie and Yoongi have. Something real. Something safe and steady.”

Jennie nods, encouraging you to continue.

“And then Jungkook… he’d always been so close but I’d never gotten to know him. He came in and opened my eyes to another possibility. To something exciting and different and - and passionate, and, oh god, I sound like a shitty romance novel, don’t I?” Burying your face in your hands, you laugh.

“No, go on!!” Rosé says.

“I’m just trying to say - plans don’t always work out. But that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. And sometimes, the unexpected can be exactly what you want. Or need.”

Jennie sighs, and you can feel her relaxing against you for the first time since you sat down beside her.

“I hear what you’re saying. And I’d like to believe that. It’s just… really difficult for me to accept that I’m not always in control.”

“That’s a fucking mood,” Jisoo says, returning from the kitchen with a mug of tea in her hand. Lisa carries a bowl of some sort of cucumber concoction, and the two of them settle on the floor outside the closet.

Rosé scoots across the carpet until she’s close enough to take one of Jennie’s hands. “Back to your chaos, if that’s what we’re calling it. Is it too soon to ask you what you’re gonna do?”

Jennie groans, pulling the oversized hood over her head.

“I’m gonna take that as a yes.”

“I just want to get through the wedding,” Jennie states, voice muffled by the soft fabric. “I’m getting married tomorrow! And I don’t want anything to - to ruin it. Or make things weird, or more stressful than they already are. I mean, fuck, I think my halmeoni is already upset that we’re not doing a traditional wedding. Imagine if she finds out I got knocked up before marriage!”

“Okay, then we’ll make sure no one finds out tomorrow.” Lisa glances at everyone and you all nod in a wordless pact. “We’ll do whatever it takes to make sure your day is as perfect as you’ve planned. You know we will!”

“Does Yoongi know?”

Jennie peels her hood back to look at you. She shakes her head.

“I took the test this morning, after he left for work. I’ve been so busy lately that I didn’t even realize I was late until today! Ji was the first person to find out when she showed up, and then she called the rest of you.” She pauses, fiddling with her sleeves again. “I think I’m going to wait to tell him until after the wedding. We’ll need to have a serious talk, and there’s too much going on right now.” She glances up. “Is that - do you think that’s okay?”

Once again, she seems lost. This time, when you go in for a hug, Rosé joins you.

“Babe, you can tell him whenever you’re ready! It’s your body.”

“Yeah, but we’re in this together…”

“And you’ll be in it together still, no matter if you tell him today or tomorrow or next week.” Jisoo declares. She holds the mug out to Jennie. “And we’ll be here too.”

“Yes. Maybe this is good chaos. Maybe it’s bad. It’s up to you to decide how to react - how to move forward. Whatever you decide, you know we’ll be by your side the whole time,” you declare, your sentiments echoed by the other girls.

Jennie blows lightly on the steaming drink. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you guys,” she says, choking up slightly, and everyone else starts talking at once.

“You deserve the world!” Rosé coos.

Lisa shakes her head. “We’re the lucky ones, babe, having you in our lives!”

“How’m I gonna depuff your face if you keep crying?” Jisoo tuts.

You just rise to your feet, laughing. “Come on. Ji said something about manicures earlier. Let us pamper you today, so you’re ready to knock Yoongi off his apparently very talented feet tomorrow.”

NOW

The officiant is only a few minutes late, and the ceremony goes off without a single hitch. You and the other bridesmaids join the groomsmen flanking Yoongi at the altar. In addition to Jin, there’s Yoongi’s brother Geum-jae, and two of his friends from work, Yi-jeong and Woosung.

As a string quartet plays the wedding march, Jennie walks down the aisle, beaming more brightly than the sun, and you catch a glimpse of Yoongi’s face, bearing such an openly reverent expression that it makes your eyes flood with tears. The officiant begins his speech, and Jennie and Yoongi stare at one another as if the rest of the world has fallen away, with nothing left but the two of them and their love.

Watching them almost feels like you’re intruding on a private moment, so you turn your face to the rows of guests, searching without thought for Jungkook, smiling when you find him already gazing your way. Your chest nearly buzzes as warmth spreads there, matching the glow in his eyes.

Because Jennie and Yoongi chose to take photos before the ceremony, there’s no cocktail hour after the ceremony. Instead, everyone is seated for dinner. The happy couple sits at a table for two on a small dais in the front of the room.

There are no tables large enough for the entire wedding party. There are also no seating arrangements for all of you, either. Jennie had worked very hard on the seating chart for all of the guests except the wedding party. (“You guys figure it out. I’m tired.”) So you quickly claim a seat at one of the two empty tables left open, with Jungkook taking the spot next to you on one side and Jisoo the other, with Rosé next to her.

As the wait staff brings out the first course, you slide your chair a little closer to Jungkook. “Hey. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you that Jin would be here.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen slightly. “Oh. Jagi, it’s ok.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure it is,” you reply. “That was not the way I wanted to introduce the two of you. It was, uh, not ideal.”

Jungkook’s silent as he sips his water. He works his bottom lip between his teeth again, and you wish you could see inside his head, could get some sense of what he’s thinking, because sitting here waiting for him to say something makes your stomach churn a bit.

Finally, he sighs, reclining back in his seat as he looks at you. “I’m sorry if I made that uncomfortable. I wasn’t expecting to see him.”

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t mention he was part of the wedding. Truly, it slipped my mind.” Repeatedly. You bite your lip, struggling to figure out what to say. This doesn’t have to be a thing, but you also don’t want them at each other’s throats all night. “But there’s no reason it has to be weird or ruin the night. Because I’m here with you, Kookie. Not him.”

Your pulse begins to pound. It’s like you’ve just laid your heart on the line. Jungkook’s furrowed brows relax, doe eyes blinking slowly as he absorbs your words.

“Is this seat taken?”

You turn to find Jin standing with a hand on the empty chair across from you.

Jisoo lets out a tiny “Yessss, game on,” and you covertly kick her under the table.

“Uh, I think Lisa is going to -” Glancing around, you don’t finish your sentence as you spy your friend sitting with the groomsmen. Oh, right. Lisa has her eye on Yi-jeong, having basically all but explicitly called dibs that morning when she saw him in his tuxedo. You can’t really blame her. “Nevermind.”

“Please, join us,” Jungkook offers, gesturing to the table. He says it so kindly that you can’t help but gawk at him in surprise. He doesn’t meet your gaze, but his palm rests on your thigh, rubbing lightly. Reassuringly.

Your heartbeat returns to normal as Jin smiles. “Thanks.”

Despite the ceremony being so modern, Jennie and Yoongi opted for more traditional dishes for dinner. For several minutes, there’s mostly an easy silence over the table, as everyone enjoys the janchi guksu and banchan in front of them, only the noise of clinking utensils filling the air. Well, that and the sound of the servers running back and forth to the bar, trying to keep up with drink orders.

Jisoo, as usual, is the first one to break the silence.

“Okay, Jin, professional opinion on the guksu?”

Jin chews thoughtfully for a few minutes. “I think they went a little heavy on the spicy soy sauce in the broth, but the noodles are just as tender as the ones I make. Oh, but you’ve had my noodles, YN, what do you think? Do they compare?”

All eyes focus on you, including Jungkook’s. You swallow quickly. “Um, I think these are just as good! And I really like the broth, to be honest.”

“You do like it spicy,” Jungkook murmurs under his breath, quiet enough that only you can hear him, and when you glance over, you’re met with that teasing smirk of his. It’s back again. For some reason, that’s more comforting to you than Jungkook’s hand on your thigh. Your heart does a somersault. It’s getting a real workout tonight.

“You know, I never really thought about it, but it must be hard for you to eat in public. People are probably always asking you for your opinions on their food, or tips on how to make it better,” Rosé says.

Jin shrugs. “Comes with the territory, I guess. I’m not gonna complain if people value what I think - and I’m always happy to help anyone improve their skills.” He swirls his wine glass before taking a sip. “But I suppose there can be a downside, too. Sometimes I just want to enjoy a meal without being asked to provide a full critique.”

“I can understand that,” Jungkook replies. Again the other heads at the table swivel.

“You can?”

Jungkook nods. “Yeah. Like, right now, I bet you’re all expecting me to be the first on the dance floor, right?” He laughs as everyone suddenly becomes very interested in their meals. “It’s okay. That’s how it is whenever I’m out with friends. I can’t just sit at the bar and have a drink. And I definitely can’t just sway with the crowd. Everyone expects me to show off.”

“I mean, I’m definitely hoping to see you turn up,” Rosé confirms, and Jungkook laughs again, gesturing at his point being proven.

“Sure, that sounds annoying. But outside of going out with your friends, how often are you in a situation where you’re asked to dance? People stop me everywhere. When I’m out shopping. When I’m on a plane. I even once had someone ask me for deglazing tips while I was at a funeral! It’s not quite the same as being asked to do the robot at the club.” Jin shakes his head dismissively.

Rosé mumbles, “I thought you weren’t gonna complain…?”

The two men eye each other for a few seconds as you hold your breath. Then Jungkook huffs out a laugh.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s not the same. That sucks, dude.”

You exhale, settling back in your seat.

Jin just hums, eyes darting back and forth between you and Jungkook before he speaks. “I suppose it’s just a small price to pay for being so successful.” He tips his wine glass back, emptying it. “Where are the servers hiding? I need a refill.”

“See, this is one of the benefits of being a financial analyst - absolutely no one wants to talk to me about what I do,” you grin.

“That’s because no one understands what you do,” Jisoo declares.

“She’s right.”

“Thanks, Rosé.”

Jisoo points her spoon at Jungkook. “Okay, but real talk, you are going to dance tonight, aren’t you? You wouldn’t deny us a show!”

“Ji, we just had an entire conversation about this!” you groan, throwing your hands up. “Can you not?”

“What? I’m just saying! The man is a born performer. Right?”

She looks at Jungkook, who nearly chokes on his wine in his haste to answer.

“Uh. Yes?”

“Right. So there’s no way you’ll leave us disappointed.”

“Let me get this straight - if Jungkook doesn’t dance for you, you’ll be disappointed?” you ask. “Hold on while I call Jimin and Taehyung real quick. Wait, sorry, I mean Min and Tae.”

“All I know is suffering,” Jisoo sighs.

“Oh, relax, Kitty Cat,” Rosé giggles, nearly doubling over at the confused look on Jin’s face.

As Jisoo loudly laments her choice of friends, Jungkook bends towards you, mouth brushing your ear.

“Don’t worry, jagi, whether or not I dance here, you can still have a private performance later. I’d never deny you.”

Heat works its way through your body as you shift in your seat, squirming slightly from the low rumble of his voice and the promise laced within. There’s a sudden prickling at the nape of your neck, that nagging sensation of someone watching you, but when you follow the feeling and glance over at Jin, he’s staring at his empty wine glass.

The tapping of a fork against stemware draws your attention to the married couple’s table. To your immense relief, Yoongi and Jennie had decided to nix the best man and maid of honor toasts, opting to say a few words themselves. Normally, Jennie does all the talking for the pair, but to your surprise, Yoongi rises to his feet, and the room falls silent.

“Jennie and I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for coming. It means the world to us that you took the time out of your busy lives to celebrate with us.” He glances down at his bride, who smiles back, and Yoongi’s gummy grin gets bigger than you’ve ever seen it. “As you all know, Jennie and I have been together since our first year of college. We’ve been through so much together - college, grad school, finding jobs, losing jobs, moving from apartment to apartment - but we weathered it all, because we always had each other.”

Jennie’s cheeks are wet as she smiles at her husband. Yoongi takes her hand.

“Jennie, I don’t know what life has to throw at us yet, but I want you to know that I’m never worried, as long as I have you by my side.” He presses a kiss to the back of her hand, and there’s a chorus of awwww’s from the guests, including yourself. Jisoo rolls her eyes, but they’re already spilling over with tears, and you poke her in the side as she laughs.

“Here’s to you, my love. And to all of you with us here tonight. We can’t thank you enough for your love and support. Geonbae!” He raises his glass.

“Cheers!” his brother shouts, and the cry is echoed around the room as everyone raises their glasses to the couple.

Just when you think you couldn’t be happier, once again you feel a hand slip into yours, pressing palm to palm, fingers threading through. Jungkook doesn’t say a word, too busy clinking his drink against everyone else’s, but his hand tightens around yours when you look at him, and you feel as though you could float right through the ceiling if it weren’t for his strong grip.

To think that you nearly hadn’t asked him to come here with you. What a mistake that would’ve been. Thank god you’d ignored the constant fear and doubt in your head and listened only to the steady sureness of your heart.

You’re getting better at it.

YESTERDAY

After you coax her out of the closet, you and your friends turn Jennie’s apartment into a mini spa, trying to help the bride-to-be relax. By mid-afternoon, as everyone is giving each other manicures, you realize that the window on your day with Jungkook is swiftly closing, so you text him to let him know you won’t be coming home any time soon.

Not long after that, the door to Jennie’s apartment opens, and Yoongi walks in, trailed by Jin.

Jennie greets her fiancé happily, hugging him with her hands held straight out so as not to smudge her pretty new pink tips. “You’re home early!”

“Couldn’t focus. Decided to call it a day.” As ever, Yoongi seems completely unfazed to see you and your friends at his apartment. Sometimes you wonder what it would take to ruffle him. Probably something extreme like the zombie apocalypse. “Figured I’d grab my stuff and then get some dinner with Jin.”

Although they weren’t holding to every tradition, Jennie had insisted that they spend the night before the wedding apart. So Yoongi would be crashing at Jin’s tonight.

Jin nods at the sound of his name. “By ‘get some dinner’, he means ‘take advantage of his friend’s restaurant and score a free meal.’”

“As if you weren’t the one who offered,” Yoongi drawls, ignoring Jin’s squeaky chuckling.

“Sounds good, baby,” Jennie smiles as Yoongi presses a kiss to her cheek before he shuffles down the hallway towards their bedroom. “Do you guys wanna get some takeout?”

While Lisa, Rosé, and Jennie argue about what they feel like eating, Jin catches your eye. “Hey, you got a second?” He jerks his head towards Jennie’s kitchen. Rising from the couch, you follow, closing the door behind you.

“What’s u-oh!” Your question becomes an exclamation when Jin suddenly pulls you in for a hug, long arms wrapping around your waist as he holds you tight.

“Just wanted to get you alone,” he says, nose brushing yours as he smiles. “Hi.”

This is where the butterflies should come in. Standing this close to this incredible specimen of a man, this paragon of perfection, would normally send them flittering through you. Shivers should be running down your spine. Any number of excited reactions should be happening right now.

Right.

Now.

Except… they’re not.

“Hi,” you echo, grinning a bit weakly. Jin doesn’t seem to notice anything wrong with your smile, locking his hands behind your back.

“I heard you got some good news today.”

Your eyes widen as your stomach goes into freefall.

“You know?”

How? How on earth could he know about Jennie being pregnant?? Shit, did Lisa leave the pee stick out somewhere? Jisoo told her to put it -

“Of course I know! It’s my show.”

“It’s your show?” What the fuck does that mean??

Jin honks in delighted laughter at your obvious confusion. “The interview Wendy emailed you about - that’s for my show! The one Nosh picked up?”

The room tilts as gravity returns your stomach to normal. “Oh! Oh, wow!” Of course. The new project Wendy had referenced - it was Jin’s cooking show! “Wait, so we might be working together?”

“Yes! Er, maybe! I don’t know how closely or whatever, but basically, the Nosh execs told me Wendy’s firm is responsible for budgeting and figuring out revenue streams and - and that’s really all I remember, sorry.” He laughs. “Most of what they said went straight over my head, to be honest. But I spoke to her on a conference call today and she told me they had an open position for the team that’s assigned to my show, and she’d asked you to interview.”

“Wow, that’s really…” you trail off, lost in thought. “Isn’t it… the other night at the networking reception, weren’t you saying it might be a travel show?” You have a vague memory of Jin telling you what he wanted to do with his show if it got picked up by a network.

“That’s right. I pitched it as an exploration of local delicacies that often get overlooked by tourists. I’ll be going around the country, visiting tiny, off the beaten path restaurants and bars, and learning how to make their favorite dishes.”

Traveling for work. That was one of the perks Wendy had rattled off when she’d given you the sales pitch for her company. So, if you got this job, did that mean you’d be traveling with Jin?

Your mind is already wandering, thinking about what this new job might entail, when Jin brings a hand up to cup your face. His thumb traces your jawline.

“Wouldn’t it be amazing? You and I, on the road together. Me, discovering new meals to cook for you…” His voice drops, a low murmur meant only for you to hear. “Maybe picking up some new dance moves to show off…”

He rolls his hips slightly, jostling you right out of your tumultuous thoughts.

“Doesn’t that sound good?”

“It does,” you reply, mouth moving on autopilot, not waiting for your head to decide if it agrees.

“I know I haven’t had the time to take you out properly, and I’m sorry for that. But this is my chance to show you that I’m still in this.” He sucks in a deep breath. “I like you. And I’m hoping it’s not too late for me to say that.”

If this were a romantic movie, the music would swell now, strings soaring as he tips your mouth towards his. It’s a perfect moment, lush lips caressing yours, sweet and unhurried, lingering like he doesn’t care if anyone else walks in.

It’s a perfect moment, for sure. Just, not for you.

“Jin,” you begin, stepping out of his embrace, “I need to tell you something.”

A/N Pt. 2: To be continued!! (Sorry, the chapter was getting a bit long and this felt like a natural stopping point… what do we think so far??)

Masterlist 💜 Find me on AO3 💜

#bts smut #jungkook smut #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you #jeon jungkook smut #fic: paradise #thebtswritersclub #bangtantheatrenet #jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic

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here2bbtstrash · 1 year

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bts doing no nut november - explicit

been a minute since we did a headcanons post huh!!!! and this felt ~seasonally appropriate~ 🤭 i actually discussed this a million years ago w my hyungline chat and the lovely @goodsoop - thanks for always feeding my insane bts brainrot, love y'all 😩 (and i'm really just considering this as no fap/not discussing or thinking abt partnered sex here, just fyi~)

knj: loses on day 1. this virgo has his masturbation routine down, so engrained as a part of his daily life, that on november first he doesn't even realize what day it is. he just busts a fat nut to one of his very favorite porn videos (downloaded to his computer ofc) without thinking twice about it, and it's only as he's cleaning up the mess that he's like.... fuuuuuuck.... i knew i was forgetting something 🤦‍♂️

ksj: doesn't do it out of protest OR reluctantly agrees but then quits on day 1. y'all simply are not gonna tell this man what to do! he comes when he wants to come dammit! his dongsaengs might be able to convince him to "say" he'll do it, but the minute he actually wants to jerk off, the competition is over lmao. there's not even any good reason why he should hold it in - besides, isn't that bad for you??? unhealthy??? this game is stupid and he doesn't wanna play 😤

myg: has no trouble not coming for 30 days, could probably win on accident. i feel the agust d hoes coming to fight me about this one but i'm sorry 🤷‍♀️ imo yoongs is a low libido guy!!! and you can't change my mind!!!!! make your own post lol! imo he'd rather save it for when he's with a partner, and besides, he's obviously too busy working or sleeping or watching cat videos. plus it's just so much effort and he hates having to deal with the mess after. he's fine with it, homie probably ends up in no-nut january without even really meaning to 🥱

jhs: wins, but it's a struggle. we all know he's got that serious business 'dance teacher hobi' scary amount of self control.... but eventually his ~urges~ do get pretty strong and hard (lol) to ignore. i can see hoseok being one to try and keep himself busy to keep the horny thoughts away 🤣 his big-ass closet is getting reorganized, new choreo is getting learned for no reason, and if you see him spam a ton of selfies on instagram, it's cause he's trying to distract himself 🤪

pjm: tries and absolutely loses. mini is sooooo physical and touchy i just don't see this one working out for him. in the beginning of the month i think he feels like it's pretty easy and he wants to do good and get praised by the other members, but midway through november he gets pretty desperate. he tells himself it's not really masturbating if he just humps against the bed and doesn't finish, but then one thing leads to another and it just.... feels too good to stop 🫠

kth: does it wrong and wins. we all know taehyung lives on his own mf planet so i absolutely believe this man is gonna EDGE himself for 30 days in a row. literally bring himself right to the brink of orgasm, then hop in a cold-ass shower and carry on with his life. it's fun for him 🤭 and when the members tell him he's doing it wrong, he says he's doing the advanced version 😏 and i just.... god bless whoever is on the receiving end of that load on december first lmfaoooooo 💦

jjk: OF COURSE HE FUCKING WINS. jk is the one who makes everyone participate, no fucking question, and he is in it to WIN IT bc of course he is. i know he's a jerkoff pro tho so he has to suddenly deal with having.... EVEN MORE excess energy than usual 🤣 we're talking multiple workout sessions a day, every day, just to burn it all off (namjoon goes with him even tho he's already lost 🥲). maybe even a tattoo session to help get his mind off things idk 👀 and when it's finally december first he's jerking off til his dick is RAW lmfao 💀

what do you think? any you agree/disagree with? 👀 lemme know~

#bts imagine #bts headcanon #bts scenario #bts smut #kinda lol #this was silly #i am on a lifelong protest of no nut november so me and seokjin can laugh at everyone else while they suffer #(i'm actually just joon and always forget until it's too late skdhgdjfg)

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fushiglow · 7 months

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Then I guess you're a better person than me, Gojo!!

Because I hate Gege Akutami and I'm *very* angry on your behalf 😃 I’m (sort of) kidding but damn... thoughts on 236 below the cut!!

I held off posting earlier because I felt like going scorched earth on everything jjk. I took some time to clear up some of the translations I wasn't sure about and let the reality sink in, and now I'm ready to talk about this chapter rationally lol.

Firstly, I wanna say that my issue with this chapter isn’t Gojo dying or even the way that he died. I always knew that Gojo dying was likely, but here?? Now???? I've spent all day turning it over in my mind and trying to make it work, but it just won't.

I think Gojo's 'delusion' (daydream? afterlife?) is really beautiful in isolation. Some of the dialogue is really touching and I think it'll benefit from the emotional impact delivered by the full translations. The problem is what follows.

After 235, people were nervous that Gojo hadn't actually won yet. I waited to see what some trusted translators thought of the editor's comment before deciding it was a conclusive win for Gojo, and what I read reassured me that the win would remain intact even if he died at some point over the course of December 24.

In the past couple of chapters, we were told that Sukuna was 'nervous' for the first time in 1000 years and he thought Hollow Purple at close range would be fatal. At the end of 235, Sukuna is looking pretty terrible while Gojo looks fresh as a daisy after fighting in inspiring, inventive ways throughout.

So to find out that, actually, he *hasn't* won and he's been killed by getting cut in half offscreen feels like shock value for the sake of shock value. There have been a few 'shock factor' moments during this fight and they've always bothered me a little, but I could excuse them for the sake of hype building in a weekly manga. However, I never anticipated anything on this level and I'm genuinely so disappointed.

I think this long-awaited fight ending this way cheapens Gojo's character *and* Sukuna's character (and Kashimo's character for that matter!), and ultimately makes the entire thing feel meaningless. 'Meaning' is the thread that has run through Gojo's entire arc, tying him back to Suguru as he sought to build a better world. I always felt certain that Gojo's life and death would have meaning, even if it ended tragically, but I just can't find the meaning in this. I think I understand what Gege was trying to do, but he really didn't sell it for me.

There’s nothing worse than when a story makes you feel stupid for getting invested, and that’s how I’m feeling right now. I find myself wondering, what was the point in bringing Gojo back at all??? Keep him in the box and very little changes in the story, unless it transpires that Gojo 'weakening' Sukuna for the students was his grand purpose after all which... really??

Even worse, I *always* said if it was between Gojo and the students, I wanted Gojo to die. Since 212, getting Megumi back has been my number one priority, but 236 has achieved what I previously thought impossible. I literally don't even want Megumi to come back anymore, because I just can't imagine how he could live with himself after 'killing' Tsumiki and Gojo. It seems kinder for him to die with Sukuna and I *never* thought I would say that.

I'm feeling like a real clown for the meta I posted after 235. I want to take it down because I was so certain that Gojo had won, but I won't because I don't believe my reading of Gojo's character was wrong. I just think my expectations were too high, even though I tried hard to temper them. Even so, telling Megumi about Toji being left to Shoko? Gojo losing and leaving his students to clean up the mess again?? Gojo not even *mentioning* his students in his dying daydream???

It all just feels wrong. Gojo has been turned into nothing more than a plot device at the absolute last second, and maybe it's on me for ever expecting that he would be anything more than that in a series where he isn't the main character, but why bother writing Hidden Inventory then? Why bother getting us invested in this man's story at all?

Right now, I'm feeling like I don't even want to watch tomorrow's episode, but I am interested to see whether Gege can pull this arc off in the long term. I've seen people talking about resurrection theories because of the enlightenment hints and, while I do see the vision, I think Gojo's acceptance of his death and letting go of his regrets can also be read as enlightenment as he escapes the mortal coil once and for all.

Gojo's dying bloody smile shows he's at least happy in his final moments, so my feeling is that Gojo is truly dead and gone. I really want to trust that Gege will make this work, but damn. This is a tragedy.

(Although, if Gojo actually is at peace in death, maybe that's the reason Gege will bring him back. He'll *never* let that man be happy, I swear.)

To end on a positive note, the SatoSugu crumbs were beautiful and teenage Gojo's facial expressions were wonderful. I'm crying again just thinking about the contrast of that last adorable smile with his blank expression on the next page.

I'm dropping all my canonverse WIPs and working exclusively on AU fics for the foreseeable future 😤 I'm gonna give Gojo all the happy endings he deserves!!!

(fuck. poor poor shoko.)

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk 236 #jjk leaks #呪術廻戦 #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen leaks #jjk manga leaks #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #fushiguro megumi #geto suguru #satosugu

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epickiya722 · 2 months

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I do not know if it was you, or another blogger that made a character analysis of Gojo that made me like the character and discover more about him through the manga.

While I never read the manga before or watched the anime, I had been exposed to it by my friends and some BNHA bloggers. Back then, I found Gojo to be overhyped (discount Kakashi) while liking the animation(?) style, bit still no interest.

BNHA and its Endeavour Redemption arc in the doing was tiring me to the point that I stopped reading it and manga altogether. For mayne six months or so, until now, at least. I randomly found your blog last week , and it got me a new hyper fixation 😃. You got me to start reading JJK (Megan cos playing also helps).

I bought Number 0 and Number 1 of the mangas. Only to remember midway in Number 0 that Walmart Kakashi will be snapped in two like a Kit Kat🥲. I saw that leak in one of the BNHA blogs, and I didn't mind it back then since I wasn't in the fandom, but Lord, now it sucks.

Anyways, all this long rant to say that I like reading your posts.

Gojo, rest in pain, I guess?

Probably was someone else, I don't write much analysis posts about Gojo. I think once or twice I did, I can't recall. Probably reblogged one though you saw!

I don't know, they're really just two different characters to me. Also... I was never really an active reader or watcher of Naruto like that (just very familiar) so when I first saw Gojo, Kakashi didn't register to me at all.

Like, I did not get similar vibes at all. And it actually annoys me that people will be like "He copied Kakashi's flow"! Kakashi ain't the only white haired, face covering character out there with magical eyes, y'all stop. 😆

Even funnier when, by this point, Gojo has probably been unmasked more than he has been wearing something on his face and switches up what he puts on his face. Kakashi been wearing the same mask for...? Also, didn't it take years for Kakashi's whole face to be shown or something? Took like seven episodes for Gojo to show that face.

I always been a fan of Megan's music and then when I found out she was into anime I was like "YYYYYEEEEEAAAAH". She cosplayed as Miruko one Halloween and it made my year. I am a former believer that Miruko would vibe to her music.

Just seeing other Black women being unapologetic fans of anime (or anything) does wonders for me and I hate it when people act as if it's such a foreign idea to understand. Honey, we can have interests, too, like everyone else. It's normal.

I always try to be careful about spoilers for anything I'm into. Like, I can talk about a chapter that happened two years ago, but I'll still mark as a spoiler because I know some people don't read Mangas or even if they do haven't caught up to that specific part.

That actually what set me off when Usher cosplayed as Gojo because he literally put "rest in peace, Gojo" or something along those lines and the amount of people who weren't even aware of 236... like bro, come on.

I knew it just had to be a marketing tactic because I know damn well Usher ain't seen JJK a day in his life and how convenient it is he comes out with that cosplay around the time when "Daddy's Home" becomes a fairly popular song used in Gojo's edits. I can't go watching one video on YouTube without hearing that song play when Gojo pops up. And even if he has... WHY WOULD YOU TAG IT LIKE THAT?!

Oh, but Megan definitely doesn't know any of the characters she be cosplaying, alright... okay... 🙄

I'm just going off on a whole tangent here, I apologize for that. I've been sick for like three days and just woke up from a nap. 😅

Also, thank you! Glad you enjoy my posts!! Anytime anyone says they like reading my posts, I still get shocked. They're really are just random thoughts I been having and really I'm still learning grasping the characters and story myself. And this is just for any. I don't even for them to get read, let alone for anyone to actually agree with me. I guess because, at the end of the day, I really just needed to throw a thought out there before I lose it or keep rethinking about it over and over.

#kiya answers #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #megan thee stallion

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chryblossomjjk · 1 year

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bts fic recommendations | 03.07.23

→ hi friends! this is a little segment i do every tuesday (reviewsday get it, aren’t i funny, pls tell me how funny i am) where i read and review two-three fics. as a content creator, i know how big of a role other creators play in your growth, therefore, i want to do my part in making sure everyone gets the recognition they deserve! so with that being said, please check out the amazing fics listed below. make sure to like, reblog, and leave feedback! ♡ #reviewsday #kikirecs

stardust - @euphoricfilter (jjk x reader | fluff, smut, f2l)

summary: if jungkook would have known an unintentional orgasm would have led to this, then he would have begged you to work out with him sooner.

naur bby when i tell you i loved this from the first paragraph...

"If every living being’s foundation is made of stardust, scattered when born, then Jungkook thinks the two of you were made from the same star."

and the way you continued the analogy throughout was pure literature gold (or should i say diamond teehee). its stuff like this that i read and im like damn, the moots are really out here posting fics that could easily be published best sellers for fucking free!! how lucky are we!!!

OOF AND THE PILLOW PRINCESS COMMENT HAD ME LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM BLUSHING BC HOW DOES HE KNOW ME LIKE THAT I FELT CALLED OUT LMAO

and the whole workout scene hits even better after his workout live like i legit was able to visual everything... and sex in the mirror will never not be top tier :')

i love this jungkook dearly. this is how i imagine irl jk yk? just that hopeless romantic vibe, feeling that he has someone on this earth that is meant for him and he's meant for them. thats encapsulated so beautifully in this fic. such beautiful writing, thank you for blessing us with this fucking masterpiece!!

knee high socks - @minniesvenus (jjk x reader | smut, college au)

summary: after being obsessed with you and your knee high socks for forever, jungkook can't believe that you finally notice him.

okay so do you ever just hear a song or smell a smell that feels so incredibly nostalgic and fills your head with dreamy thoughts and stars and stuff... that's exactly how i felt while reading this! like i just kept thinking of the arctic monkeys song and the way you characterized jungkook's crush is just so authentic. its just that pure school crush feeling where you anticpate seeing this person and the more time you see them you pick up on little things and it makes you fall even deeper oof. there's just something so fimilair about the way you wrote this and it's probably one of the most realistic depictions i've seen of the natural progression of a crush like uGH THE FUCKING TALENT !!!

and it makes you root for him so much like i was internally cheering for him when she asked him to sit next to him. it was so fucking wholesome and sweet i screamed

and then shit got unwholesome real quick whew

her giving him praise actually made me so happy though! like you definitely inspired me to write more of that bc its so refreshing and cute!! and the smut was saur naughty but so sweet bc she was just guiding him through the motions and once again it just felt so natural which is no easy feet!! like you really hit the nail on the head with this one and it will be added to my comfort fic list asap!! so so so lovely!!

in the seom: love for dummies - @thvhoe (jjk x reader | smut, fluff, angst, fwb, college au, camping au)

summary: always the friend, never the girlfriend. jeon jungkook doesn't date. at least that's what he thought until he met you, a chemistry student who seemed to have it all—except for love. meeting at a mutual friends frat party, you hit it off right away. however, due to both of your stubbornness, it has never progressed beyond being friends with benefits. the annual camping trip with your friend group was supposed to be the turning point in your relationship with jungkook. but what happens when your best friend of 18 years unexpectedly comes back from busan and confesses to you, further complicating matters?

OoF WHAT A FUCKING OPENING SCENE LMAO!! i was horny from fucking JUMP!!! and kook juggling between pet names and not knowing what to call her made me giggle but always made me extremely soft like aw :') <3

and y/n really whipped that fuckboy into shape we love to see it!! he better buy gifts n work for the coochie!!! >:(

"Pookie🩶: Can't sleep. Send me a pic of your boobies?"

this had me cackling bc this behavior is saur... annoyingly endearing like he legit is a big baby and i love him lmao even though unholy he is extremely cute.

^y/n and i both having immaculate taste and listening to ditto

and i am so thankful things turned out well for this pairing. i felt so sad for him like ugh the protectiveness and worry over her. he was generally just so wholesome throughout this entire fic. def a fav protrayal of jungkook. thank you so much for sharing this beautiful peice with us my love!

#reviewsday #kikirecs #jungkook #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook imagine #jungkook scenario #jungkook au #bts fanfic #bts fic recs #bts #bangtan #jungkook x y/n

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gojoest · 3 months

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I have so many thoughts about creep! bf gojo. Mainly bc he probably didn't get a lot of normal interactions as a kid, either he was being praised for being 'the chosen one' or left completely to his own devices. and so his sense of decency and normalcy are skewed so far off. He does what he wants and can't see the reason why that would be seen negatively, he loves you and he's clingy n e way, creep! bf gojo steals your underwear 100% -🦅

oh god….you really know your way to get to me, don’t you………..bc yes. yes, you are so correct . oh my god. i’ve talked about this before here and there but yes. i think satoru was very neglected growing up despite being born as a boy with a spark incomparable to any other, a special boy. the first descendant in the gojo clan in 400 years to inherit both limitless & six eyes.

and i think, even when he was little, a lot of people feared him bc of that. and naturally, the care and affection people usually show to a child provoked by the internal need to protect such a small being, that very sense to love and shield what needs to be loved and shielded, dulled before the eyes of fear. this, and the envy of prying eyes and all who wanted him gone before he fully blossomed into something bigger, sow the seeds of loneliness in him. he was an outcast, and not because he was looked down on but because he was looked up on, too much at that.

i don’t think he was ever truly loved, even by his parents actually. maybe they loved him to some extent. but not because he was their blood and a beloved symbol of their love. what made their chest swell was rather pride than love. and they were not proud of him, they were proud of themselves for bringing such a special boy to existence.

i don’t believe he was ever genuinely looked after and cared for. what people around him looked after was the shell of a boy that carried the innate techniques derived from the gojo clan. nobody knew what his favorite color was, what his favorite food was, what he loved doing outside of training sessions. i don’t think he knew himself tbf bc it’s hard to shape your own understanding of the world and what’s precious while growing up when you’ve never witnessed it with your own eyes, when no one has ever shown it to you what it means to love and favor something. bc children take inspiration from those around them. and i don’t think he had anyone around him to look up to and be inspired from.

i remember reading a post connecting the lack of presence in the sense of support and source of inspiration in satoru’s life to how it affected the way he carries himself later in life in the sense of, let’s say, fashion. i don’t remember the url of the op i am so sorry but god damn, they were so right. bc if you look closely you will notice that most characters in jjk have their own style, a specific physical trait unique only to them, whether a hairstyle or a fashion sense or whatever. but saotur? except for the blindfold, he’s got nothing. right? and the blindfold he wears is not for the sake of being eccentric or unique, it’s not for the sake of creating a trademark on his end. it once again comes down to his technique.

so yea for someone like satoru, who’s never had a normal human connection in his life before, love is very likely to border with obsession. and like, i don’t think he is completely unaware of the feeling “love” but it’s one thing to know of it through books, movies or whatsoever and another to live and actually experience it firsthand. so when he loves, it’s raw, it’s inexperienced, it’s limitless (hehe see what i did there). there is no moral compass, there is no stop sign for him—he’s going to be weird. he’s going to cross certain boundaries. he’s going to disregard your personal space. but it’s not because he’s an actual sick freak just for the sake of it, it’s because he loves you with all the pent up loneliness in him and now that he’s tasted love and knows how good it feels, he doesn’t want to lose it.

p.s.: yes, he’s a pathological panty stealer

#[ ai—mail ]#im sorry this got so long ksajdfkskjd

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yazzydream · 5 months

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JJK Playlists: Yuji | Geto | Toji | Gojo

Tired As Hell (Itadori Yuji Playlist)

Somehow Yuji's playlist ended up hurting my heart, but maybe that's just because I know the context. Manga SPOILERS ahead.

→ [Spotify Link]

1. Heart ni Hi wo Tsukete ("Light a Fire in Your Heart") - 9mm Parabellum Bullet

Chosen by Gege Akutami. Oof, sounds like being trapped with Sukuna.

So light it aflame, light my heart aflame, so this'll never disappear again. Burn the loneliness, burn the secrets, won't they turn to ash, won't they turn to ash, see? You and I are stuck to each other, bound tightly together, we just simply can't be alone. You and I are stuck to each other, lying to each other, two tongues tangling up, deeper into the night.

2. Remember the Name - Fort Minor

First and foremost, Yuji is a kickass shonen protag.

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name

3. Cursed - Codeko

Always feeling like I'm different Is there a cure for my condition, can't find one Cause I'm cursed Yeah I'm cursed [...]

///

I've learned to laugh at myself, But I'm getting tired as hell, I'm bad at asking for help, even when I need it Every day, it goes the same, Feels like, I can't catch a break I'll try again tomorrow

4. lies - Sion

Getting a mix of Sukuna toying with Yuji even while Yuji is just. suffering.

Tell me a lie I can believe 'Cause everything you say right now seems like gibberish to me (la, la)

///

Are you afraid that I would harm you if you tell me you would leave Na-na-na oh, leave, na-na-na Tell me a lie for my relief Could you stop being ruthless stepping right onto my deepest points?

5. Bring Me to Life x Just the Two of Us - The Gregory Brothers

A mashup that gives Evanescence a nice upbeat fluttery feeling. (Mashup is not available on Spotify so it's pure angst on the Spotify playlist.)

(Wake me up) wake me up inside (I can't wake up) wake me up inside (Save me) call my name and save me from the dark (Wake me up) bid my blood to run (I can't wake up) before I come undone (Save me) save me from the nothing I've become

6. Itadori - roseboi

7. New Invention (feat. Tessa Violet) - IDKHOW

Kenjaku made Yuji after all.

The girl is like an architect And I am just a new invention I am just a new invention I am just a new invention You've got to choose between your faces Feels like you're running out of holy places And now the room is getting quiet (shh) Oh, what a shame Nobody taught you how to read and riot Oh, bless my soul I'm losing control

8. bury a friend - Billie Eilish

Shibuya arc இ௰இ

Step on the glass, staple your tongue (Ahh) Bury a friend, try to wake up (Ahh-ha) Cannibal class, killin' the son (Ahh) Bury a friend, I wanna end me I wanna end me I wanna, I wanna, I wanna end me I wanna, I wanna, I wanna– What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me? What are you wondering? What do you know? Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me? When we all fall asleep, where do we go?

9. Strawberry Fields Forever - Jim Sturgess

When Yuji regains consciousness after Sukuna wrecked Shibuya.

Let me take you down 'Cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields Nothing is real And nothing to get hung about Strawberry Fields forever

10. Happy Endings (feat. iann dior and UPSAHL) - Mike Shinoda

Did Yuji's grandpa put a curse on him? Why'd he get a hero complex? ┗( T﹏T )┛

Hey, at least in my mind I'm feelin' like I'm the hero that saves me There, I hold my head high Get everything right Delusional maybe If I'm pretending, why not write happy endings? Where I'm better than we both know I could be, oh Still, at least in my mind I'm feelin' like I'm the hero that saves me

11. overwhelmed - Royal & the Serpent

I say this playlist came out more angsty than I expected. It's all because of Yuji's subtle self-loathing post-Shibuya I've been picking at here.

I get overwhelmed so easily My anxiety creeps inside of me Makes it hard to breathe What's come over me? Feels like I'm somebody else

12. Would Look Perfect (feat. Rxseboy) - Powfu

Yuji, prone to loneliness. Despite Yuji being Yuji, a warm extrovert, ride or die friend, he doesn't appear to have really fit in back home?

See you with your friend group, lonely like I always am Gave a silent wave but, I don't think you noticed it Thinkin' of what happened as I continue my walk I grew up in this town, but somehow I'm feelin' lost Wishin' I was cool, why does everybody fit in?

13. XO Tour Lif3 - Lil Uzi Vert

All my friends are dead, push me to the edge All my friends are dead, yuh, push me to the edge All my friends are dead, yuh, all my friends are dead, yuh

14. Fight Again - Chica, Hiroaki Tsutsumi

JJK season 1 OST

15. Occult Phenomenon - Paranom, Aztech, Hiroaki Tsutsumi

JJK season 1 OST

16. Your Battle Is My Battle - Chica, Hiroaki Tsutsumi

JJK season 1 OST

17. Learn The Lesson - Kasper, Aztech, Hiroaki Tsutsumi

JJK season 1 OST

18. Kimi wa Dekinai Ko ("You're a Useless Child") - Kikuo

Yuji to himself.

You are a useless, useless useless child The most useless child in the whole world

///

La la la Monster, ghost, invisible human A vase, an urinal, being truant With a dry mouth, under your breath You utter slander Let's listen to the monotone squeal Yet months and days pass and pass You're a child with not enough time nor brains Now it's too late, you're mentally retarded You cute child, good child, you belong to me

19. Boys Will Be Bugs - Cavetown

Back before he realized he was just a cog, Yuji was the typical teenage boy.

I'm a dumb teen boy I eat sticks and rocks and mud I don't care about the government And I really need a hug I feel stupid (stupid), ugly (ugly) Pretend it doesn't bother me I'm not very strong, but I'll fuck you up if you're mean to bugs

///

Just turned 14 And I think this year I'm gonna be mean Just turned 14 And I think I know everything Just turned 14 And I think this year I'm gonna be mean Just turned 14 And I think the world revolves around me Don't mess with me, I'm a big boy now, and I'm very scary I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate

20. Two Face - Jack Daniels

A little more literal with Sukuna.

Lately, I've been talking with a ghost He tells me all the places I should go He makes me paint my face so that I know That I'm not the only person in my soul He tells me that a monster lives inside And when it gets too angry I should hide 'Cause if I were to try to pick a fight I would barely stand a chance and I'd die

21. Nosedive - BoyWithUke

I was thinking of Nanami at first, but the vibe was more from a young adult. Well, Yuji's bound to have picked up some things from him.

We're all grown up, we're all so lost Nothin' has prepped us for this life It's like we don't know why Nosediving from the high

22. idtwcbf (friends) - BoyWithUke

Regrets on Megumi, what happened, etc. There's also an asura/mythological vibe I'm digging.

I just wanna stop, had enough, out of love and out of luck I don't wanna give a fuck about my feels, dulls enough Emotionally uninvested, resting for the day to come Try my hardest not to run away from everything I've done But I'm looking back, ignoring facts I see two moon, but walk six paths Inside my head, I'm going mad for you (Oh, oh)

23. A Better Son/Daughter - Rilo Kiley

Yuji, his feelings, and his mom.

Sometimes in the morning, I am petrified and can't move Awake, but cannot open my eyes And the weight is crushing down on my lungs, I know I can't breathe And hope someone will save me this time And your mother's still calling you insane and high Swearing it's different this time And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her And that God never blessed her insides Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things Crawl back into bed to dream of a time When your heart was open wide, and you loved things just because Like the sick and the dying

24. Hope - XXXTENTACION

Tired but hopeful.

Said I wanna die, yuh No, I'm not alright, yuh I might start a riot I'm so fuckin' tired, yuh So what's up? What you say? Feelin' good, I'm feelin' great Tired of the fuckin' hate Stackin' cheese all on my plate So outside of my misery, I think I'll find A way of envisioning a better life For the rest of us, the rest of us There's hope for the rest of us, the rest of us

25. Shake It Off - Taylor Swift

Wasn't sure to include this. Honestly, you can't forget that even after all the misery Yuji goes through, in the end he pushes through with his unrelenting ability to shake it off.

But I keep cruisin' Can't stop, won't stop groovin' It's like I got this music in my mind Sayin' it's gonna be alright

26. Stressed Out - Twenty One Pilots

Ugh, that scene where the first-year trio is just hanging out and Nobara spills coffee on Gojo's shirt-- then the hard cut to Nobara dead is devastating EVERY TIME.

Wish we could turn back time

To the good old days

When our mama sang us to sleep

But now we're stressed out (oh)

27. SAD (Clap Your Hands) - Young Rising Sons

Continuing on a more upbeat tune. Todo coming to Yuji's help in Shibuya.

If you're sad and you know it And you don't want to show it Clap your hands If you are sad, that's okay You can clap it all away Just clap your hands Come clap your hands We're all a little sad

28. mercy - KING MALA

Aaand back to the self-hatred. Because things just got worse post-Shibuya.

I've been getting so tired Starting so many fires I always find a way to burn Now I'm begging for mercy From everyone that I've wronged I've done more harm than I thought

///

I'm begging mercy Is there any good inside of me?

29. Antarctica - $uicideboy$

With blood and whatever Drag you outside, let you rot in the weather I don't think I can explain any better I'm $carecrow the Terror I live for the lesser, my birth was an error I am the lord of loneliness I'll hold my breath, just spoke with death He said he hopes for the best Told him I'm roping my neck Then I woke up choking from the hole in my chest

30. It's Alright - Mother Mother

It's hard to pick out just a few sections of the song, so really the whole thing is just... perfect for Yuji. I can imagine the scene post Higuruma vs. Yuji trial.

It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay You're not a monster, just a human And you made a few mistakes It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay You're not gruesome, just human And you made a few mistakes It's alright Ooh, it's okay Ooh, it's alright, oh Goddamn I throw a brick right through the window My life ignored the signals I'm high and drunk on ego, can't see straight So I just feel my way around and I'm touching and I'm grabbing Everything I can't be havin' I am broken down in shame

31. Kaibutsu ("Monster") - YOASOBI

Wanting to be stronger and not succumbing to darker feelings.

Over and over again, I sink my teeth Into my weak self Because in this world riddled with mistakes I want to make sure you can smile I don't want to lose anyone anymore And that's why I want to get stronger, even stronger So that I can stay myself I just want to protect you - and that's why I'm running, running, running So that I can overcome the "me" inside myself

32. Kaikai Kitan - Eve

The very first JJK OP. Yuji-coded.

Can't you see I'm a mess? This is the current, pathetic me Just a dead corpse that achieved nothing, go on and ridicule me Yet I quit just running away from everything before my eyes Repeatedly depicting the fantasy in my mind Go to the far side of your imagination Exorcise the darkness, exorcise the darkness Once the veil of darkness descends, that's our cue After the tit-for-tat, leave all the circular battle front line And such nonsense away Don't stop yet, it hasn't ended yet To search more keenly than anyone else for the truth bred in the streets Now only imagine my future being cursed with a curse Running and falling I'll embrace this pain that won't disappear The world is quietly waiting For this moment

33. Itsuka Dokoka de (Someday, Somewhere) - KUCHIRORO

Second song chosen by Akutami. Long, winding, and whimsical. Not available on Spotify.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #playlist #itadori yuji #my jjk #jjk spoilers #yuji itadori

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psychewritesbs · 6 months

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Hi! First of all, sorry if this ask doesn't make much sense since I'm just kinda throwing this all out here, but this has been bouncing on my mind for a while now and I'm not sure how to put all of it together and thought that maybe you could help haha.

So about the whole mind-soul-body plot and how they interact with each other in JJK. I've been having a string of thoughts about this that's been getting bigger:

-The three clans. I don't know where Gege's unpredictability may take this, but the fact that he left the Zen'in's spot in the Big 3 undecided (ch152) + the Kamo clan up in the air makes me think this plot's kind of important (along the three vengeful spirits, tying the past with present, although that's heavy on theory lane so don't mind it much). And I was thinking, what if each clan are meant to represent/relate to mind (Gojo) body (Zen'in) and soul (Kamo)? When were the 3 big jujutsu clans even founded and why are they the ones? Something about jujutsu's pinnacle being the balance between mind-body-soul?

For example, Gojo's DE targets the mind, Gege himself acknowledged how it's interesting that both sorcerers with a heavenly restriction about enhancing one's body are coincidentally Zen'in (+ the clan's techniques having so much to do with body parts) and this is more of an unreasoned relation, but so far people related to the Kamo (including Yuuji through his half-brothers and Kenjaku) have had the topic of one's soul and their own individuality come up — if they're more curse or human, if they're more duty or their family (Noritoshi).

-> this also led me to Jung too. I'm no expert whatsover so I'm not going to expand on this, but I can also kinda see how the Gojo can represent the persona, Zen'in the shadow and Kamo the self. Since you're the expert in this area I'd love to hear your thoughts and if I'm completely off.

-Lastly I (and many more people I guess) have noticed that from the start of the CG, Gege's been putting Yuuji, Megumi and Yuuta kind of in a level of importance of their own. Not only narratively but also visually, with some panels and art featuring the three of them together/in a trio composition. And while I have another whole separate set of thoughts on "Gojo's successor/next strongest", I do believe Yuuta's relation to the Gojo, Megumi/Zen'in and Yuuji/Kamo has to do with this.

So my mind makes this whole relation between the body-mind-soul topic, the three clans, Yuuji-Megumi-Yuuta (something about the future generation who are against the beggining/cycles coming to an end?) and even jungian psychology but idk how to make a proper statement about where this might lead. Like, I see /something/ there but I'm not sure what, and I was hoping you could help as much as you can because it's rotting my brain lmao.

I'm sending you this because I really love your posts and thoughts on JJK. I'm not sure/can't remember if you've talked about something similar to this though, so if you have I'd love to read it if you can link it!

Oh! I see and love to see the wheels turning lol.

This is fun stuff! Thank you for sharing anon.

idk I just feel like, even if Gege does not necessarily expand upon this theme, I think you're onto something there with the whole symbolism for each clan, and that the reason they are the 3 major clans has to do with their relationship to mind is body is soul.

There's something here about how dominating their particular subject, whether mind, body or soul, is what led them to become recognized.

I did try to reframe your thoughts but my agenda sort of failed loooool 🫠. But I'm going to share my logic anyways because my rambling might help you clarify your own thoughts.

Depth Psych mini lecture to taco'bout it under the cut.

Ok so I see it more as:

Zenin is mind.

Gojo is soul.

Kamo is body.

But first, I think it's important to mention that the way Gege uses mind is body is soul confuses me sometimes.

Thing is, we are ideally meant to think of it as if this holy trinity (3) makes up one whole together (4). This "whole" is called the Self in Jungian terms, and it is thought to be the entirety of our existence (mind (includes the shadow) + body + soul).

Also, from a numerology and esoteric standpoint, you also want to consider that four (the Self) symbolizes stability and order, where three (mind + body + soul) is harmonious but not balanced.

AND, sometimes it feels like soul is the Self and encompasses mind + body.

Confusing, right?

It only gets more confusing, but I think this maxim itself needs a reframe that is more in tune with the actual Holy Trinity which states that:

The Father (mind) is not the Son (body) is not the Holy Spirit (spirit), BUT the Father (mind) is God (soul), the Son is God (soul), and the Holy Spirit (spirit) is God (soul).

I do have to say that, if all of these different aspects are indeed aspects of God, then why does the Father ≠ the Holy Spirit ≠ the Son.

If that made any sense at all lol. Thanks for attending this mental gymnastic session and sorry for the late warning.

Like I said... confusing. It doesn't help that Jung was also sort of contradictory when speaking about what the Self was, although there is a general agreement that the Self is the soul as it guides the mind and body through reality. So perhaps it's more accurate to say that the soul = mind + body + spirit.

Anyways, I'm probably thinking too much into this LOL.

Let's start with mind

While the visual of the iceberg to represent the mind is more popular, in Jungian terms the mind is more akin to a lightbulb or a lit candle, right? Everything the light touches is what you are aware of that you are aware about the world. It's also the personality as it is shaped by the interaction between outside factors and your inner world.

But then there's the shadow side of the mind, everything that the light does NOT reach. Not only is it everything that the conscious mind doesn't know that it doesn't know about the world, the shadow is also a sort of repository for any traits and qualities that the conscious mind is not able to accept about itself.

Why am I saying all of this? While I totally agree that the Zenin could represent body because of the whole heavenly restriction bit, to me, because 10 Shadows is the clan's most important technique I think I just made this up but I feel like Gege does imply this lol, we're meant to think of Zenin as mind.

I think it's also relevant how Megumi is undergoing ego death and how you can track his development through nuances like his two divine dogs (black and white) becoming one (grey). This is all mind stuff.

@blog-of-hubris has thoughts on the whole heavenly restriction bit that I am not sure I can do justice.

Then we have body

To me, I am interpreting this way because the clan's cursed technique is related to blood manipulation. Although there is also something here about blood symbolizing the animating principle of the body, so I can see how it could also represent the soul.

Not my agenda crumbling to pieces LOL.

I also love the whole idea you mention around how blood is thicker than water and that's what binds us to certain people.

Soul is next

Admittedly, this is the weakest part of my agenda lol. Something about Gojo being all-seeing and able to have access to all information, I can see why you'd think this is mind given how Gojo's technique works. But to me, that feels more like a byproduct of how Gojo experiences the world and makes sense of it with his mind.

I also think it's pretty relevant that Gojo appears to be able to recognize souls.

Perhaps this even sheds more light on how Gojo knew what Megumi would say about saving Yuji as one anon asked before.

Anyways, that's my shameless agenda.

This is neat! Anyone reading this got any ideas? I feel like my thoughts may or may not be helpful.

Like if we take Yuji (Kamo), Megumi (Zenin) and Yuta (Gojo)... are you thinking about their character arcs? or the larger picture?

I don't know if this helps you but what I'm getting out of the big picture is the idea that there is a wholeness that needs to be achieved.

I'm thinking of how Gege already told us only one of these kids will survive this ordeal (is mind, body or soul surviving?) and also about how a Gojo and a Zenin ancestor respectively once killed each other in battle. So there's something here about how these factions are at war with each other when in reality they are part of a larger whole.

Which is a neat idea if you think about how Nori once told Megumi he would become the pillar that supports the three families.

In more practical terms, think about how your body has a consciousness in its own right that your mind might have a tendency to ignore because it has its own agenda.

Another important detail to keep in mind is that in Jungian Psych, the Self is kind of a dick lmao. Ok not really a dick but... let's put it this way: if your mind has an unbalanced attitude that needs to be corrected (i.e. ignoring the body's wisdom), the Self will orchestrate reality so that your mind and body move into specific experiences according to what the mind needs to learn. The Self doesn't care if these experiences cause suffering, it merely has a function and that function is achieving wholeness and the becoming of who you are meant to be.

So whomever survives has a big task ahead of them in terms of making meaning out of what happened in the past, how the conflict even started, and what can be done differently.

Unfortunately, life doesn't always give us neatly wrapped, happy endings. So I fully expect some ambiguity in what Gege wants his audience to take away from his work--after all, he's writing about meaning-making.

Hey anon! Thanks for the comments and for sharing your thoughts with me. Hope this helped and do keep me updated :)

#god i love jujutsu kaisen #ask the mental gymnastics anime girl

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