#i can almost feel it though. not in terms of specifics or getting overly attached to some imaginary version | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

princescribbler · 1 year

Note

How did you learn to be OK liking diapers

I don't always know when to be brief and when to be overly explanatory. I'm guessing this is a time for verbosity, though. Why? Because of the huge subtext in your question. How to be ok with it; not how to be more turned on, how to get a specific kind of relationship... how to be ok with it. How to be ok, implying that you're not ok with your kinks, you're struggling emotionally likely to not just accept your kinks... but to accept yourself. Because spoiler alert: you are made up of a lot of things, and your kinks and fetishes are part of that.

So how did i hey to a point of self acceptance?

First, my process likely looks different than yours will. Let's acknowledge that. Self acceptance is a lifelong journey, and each of us treads our own paths. But put simply...I didn't accept my need for this stuff until I was in my late 20s or really into my early 30s. Plus, my journey involved family issues, recognizing issues with adhd, depression, anxiety, etc. I needed therapy, I needed friends, I needed a new life all before I could start my healing process... and hopefully you don't!

I had issues with acceptance. That's the key of this though: self acceptance and accepting your kinks. Accepting that you really don't have a lot of control over what turns you on, just how you interact with it. Acceptance and acknowledgement that me having a diaper fetish in no way, shape, or form negatively influences me as a human. I'm still me: I just sometimes get off in diapers.

So step 1: acceptance is key, and so is the very challenging task to recognize your value and qualities are not dependent on how socially acceptable those qualities are. Sure, SOME other people might judge, but not the quality ones.

Step 2: reconstruct my mental idea of what my kinks are. For example,I used to think i was deeply fucked up for wanting to wear diapers full time and unpotty train. Heck, I didn't even admit that to a therapist until I was nearly 30, almost a decade AFTER starting therapy... only to be told it wasn't a big deal. The therapist got to the heart of it very fast: she explained it as, roughly, "You want to become diaper dependent, yes because it is sexually exciting in some ways and a loss of autonomy and control, but also so you can justify your needs through physical, rather than emotional, justification". Mind fucking blown. My whole mental map had this idea at the core that I was a perverted sexual deviant... only to be reminded that we're all just trying to figure out why we feel and want what we feel. I'm just a bit more kinky about it than average. Add in a complete internal dialogue change (like accepting the term cute for my regressive mindset instead of it feeling 'fake', or embarrassing, or trying to be PROUD of my efforts to integrate kinky into my life in a healthy way, seeing progress and taking pride) and more change follows.

I found a whole new partnership: I can't promise I'd have made it this far in acceptance and self discovery without my partner, my love, my princess, and my sweetheart babygirl mommabyte, @giggle-byte . I found someone who fostered the good, helped me not obsess over the bad, and worked with me on gently repositioning my outlook and perspective. I think I've helped her in the same way, because support and encouragement are magical, awesome things.

This one can't be ignored: FIX THE OTHER STUFF. You might think your big issue is kink... and sometimes you're right, and sometimes you're wrong. I was fixated on kink as the source of Shame for me, of all my issues. Therapy and EMDR to cope with some trauma changed my outlook and I realized my core issues weren't that I was overly kinky or ashamed... it was that I was not taught healthy interactions with relationships, with kink, with family and I developed fragile and unhealthy attachments while repeating the negative patterns of behavior modeled for me by my family. And I got diagnosed, not just with depression and anxiety, but with adhd. And I started to treat it. I couldn't seem to get a good anti anxiety medication. I tried and failed about a half dozen antidepressants. And then I got help for adhd, and realized that in fact I had a severe developmental disorder, and am not just secretly lazy and useless like my entire self image taught me! Add in actually being better at focus, at my job, learning about my sexual and romantic needs while ACTUALLY GETTING THEM FILLED??? Fucking mind blowing!!!!!

So... to summarize so far, and the Key takeaways of my journey to accepting and being ok with diapers and my kinks; self acceptance, changing my internal dialogue, therapy, addressing underlying emotional and behavioral challenges, finding a romantic partner who accepted, supported, and nurtured my growth and safety, and then honestly working to develop better coping strategies and more positive self talk.

It's a lot! To be honest most folks don't struggle quite this hard, but hey, I'm special I guess. And my family did throw me out over kink. And I might've had a few complicating factors in there, lol... but the point is, being ok with diapers, and kink, and all of this stuff... it wasn't a single thing. And it wasn't a short term fix.

The only things I can advise for 'short-term' improvements are to help are changing your internal dialogue and seeking useful and peer reviewed research on how to cope with kinks and fetishism. And maybe getting a therapist... because that's kind of more key to my personal journey than I want to admit.

Good luck my friend and I wish you comfort, security, self acceptance, and a life of enjoying your kinks!

Good luck, bud, and as I try to tell everyone: stay happy, stay healthy, and stay kinky!!

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uncloseted · 8 months

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What do you think about mental health practitioners who don't use labels and therefore don't actually tell you what you have? I understand why some people might like this but it makes it so hard to talk about what I'm experiencing because I almost have to diagnosis myself and I ain't no professional. I want to use an umbrella term for what I have instead of having to list off everything I feel when I'm asked why I see a therapist and psychiatrist

It's complicated. Mental health diagnoses exist for the purpose of billing insurance more than anything else. The DSM diagnoses are kind of squishy and not always cut and dry, and a lot of diagnoses have overlapping symptoms. Unlike with other types of illnesses, we don't really understand the pathophysiology of mental illnesses. That means that we can't test for them by looking for a specific biomarker, and we can't treat them based on what we know about what causes them. For example, SSRIs are used to treat major depressive disorder, anxiety disorders, OCD, eating disorders, chronic pain, PTSD, and depersonalization disorder, even though the causes of those disorders are different from one another. This is even more true for talk therapy, where CBT is considered an effective treatment for almost every diagnosis. All of that together means that diagnoses in the mental health space are less important than there are in other areas of medicine, where they really impact the patient's treatment plan and can predict what the patient's next symptoms might be. So from a patient's perspective, it may not be that useful to know what a mental health professional thinks their diagnosis might be.

That said, misdiagnosis is common in mental health spaces, and it can mean that patients are given an inappropriate course of treatment. If your patient has symptoms of anxiety and depression that are caused by ADHD, giving them an SSRI isn't going to fix the problem. Likewise, if your patient has symptoms of anxiety and depression, giving them medication for ADHD isn't going to help (and is going to make those symptoms worse). These kind of misdiagnoses have real impacts on people's lives and can prevent them from getting the care that they need. And knowing what their diagnoses are can help patients better advocate for themselves and speak up when a possible misdiagnosis has occurred.

That said, some people do get overly attached to a diagnosis and a community of people who share that diagnosis, and that can prevent them from seeking treatment, taking responsibility for their actions, or accepting that a misdiagnosis occurred. I see this somewhat frequently on the internet- someone gets called out from bad behavior on the internet, and they reply with, "I can't control my actions because I have [insert mental illness here], and I don't need to change because it's my identity. If you say it's a bad thing then you're being ableist." I think that kind of mindset can prevent people from developing other aspects of their identity and from pursuing ways that they can improve their lives. Knowing other people are going through the same thing and connecting with people who are struggling in the same way that you are can be incredibly valuable in the recovery process, and knowing your diagnosis can be great for that reason. It can help people feel like their experience of mental illness is not "their fault", that their symptoms are shared by other people, and give them tips and tricks for how to navigate a mental health diagnosis or advocate for themselves in terms of medical care. All of that can be really valuable. But when your diagnosis becomes your entire identity and your entire community, that's where it can become a problem.

All this to say I understand why some therapists have taken the stance that it's not important for a patient to know their diagnosis. I would explore why a diagnosis is important to you, and maybe communicate those feelings to your therapist. In terms of having an umbrella term for when you see a therapist or a psychiatrist, you can request that your previous therapist/psychiatrist sends your records over to your new provider, so at least they know what the diagnosis is and are on the same page as you.

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nightfayye · 2 years

Text

Entry 51, May 16th, 2022

I’ve decided to go with entries instead of days cuz I do not do dailies, more like monthly lmao. But here goes.

Theres been so much that been going on with me. To be honest I understand most of the emotions and feelings that swirling inside of me, inner most thoughts I have I understand. Even though I go to the gym I release my emotions but I feel like I truly these feelings will never go away and its not something I feel like I have to deal with or live with. I have solve it or I’m done for.

The feeling of longness. I feel like I’m waiting or longing for something. Love? Passion? Validation? I understand how I would long for love. Because, I don’t know. Part of me thinks I’m ready now, to be with someone, but part of me wants to have fun. I feel like it’s something that want happen or will ever happen because of how I am. To be honest I am craving to be held, to hold hands, cuddle and just finally be... in someones arms. Is it a specific persons arms? Maybe. Am I longing for that person? Yes, and no. Yes because... I dont know still trying to figure that out, no because I don’t want to long for that person or like this person. To be honest I’ve already cried more than enough tears to know I’m never going to be enough, or that I’m gonna be that person for them. This person probably has someone for her like that even though I can be if not kinda am everything he is, with my own upbringing and my own things my own accomplishments,

Goals and things I learned and amount of force I have I feel like I can be someone who can provide, someone who can be cool and amazing I know I’m kissing my own ass but I feel like I’m a catch. I just don’t get it though. What does this person have that I don’t. I have same amount of power, same mentality when it comes to work, same humor same nerd stuff. Same deep convo stuff, same good listening skills, It makes me blood boil every time and I don’t know why. I think its the fact, that this person chose to be with them when they were over, but when I’m over they don’t want to be with me. To make it worse everyone else has other places to stay but me and I wanted to keep us all together. But I guess. Not. I understand its also for the sake of easiness and so everyone can be happy. But I feel like I can make it so much easier than how it is now. I can literally pay for everything no questions asked. But I guess no ones wants that. Anyways off topic. Oh yes. Maybe its cause this person has their life together and has some things that I don’t life wise. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I don’t want to feel this way. But I do anyways. And so I pretend. I pretend to be okay until I’m not. Then I pretend to be depressed about something else until I come to terms with my emotions and my brain. Im not saying I’m all that. Or this great look at me. To be honest I do fully understand my own shortcomings and my own weaknesses and cons. My own red flags. My red flag is that I get overly attached because I’m alone. Bymyself with no best friends in a 1 hour drive radius. So yes I will get over attached but not in an unhealthy way. Just enough to super close friends where if I miss an event, or a hangout I get extremely depressed. Thwse past few weeks and maybe in the future I’m missing out on so much in different friend group hangouts and it makes me so sad. Im just trapped here with some money and a car that I could drive for miles but cant. I also understand that I’m an idiot, and that my head is in the clouds, and is not in the game sometimes. I understand that I’m just some short 5’3 asian. I live in a world of giants. People keep saying “its all about confidence” SHUT THE FUCK UP BRO. IM TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM WHO THEY/YOU ARE. sorry off topic.

To be honest this is the third time that I longed for something and it always almost always ends with me being super deeply disappointed and me hating lifes current situations and how extremely unlucky I am.

I dont want to say anything. I write this and I try to be vague and confusing. I want to keep everything the way it is. I want everyone to be happy. Thats the last thing I have left. As long as everyone is happy, and this person is happy. Then fine I’ll continue to be selfless and just everyone be happy.

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riktorart · 3 years

Photo

“Welcome for the third, and (hopefully) final time to the auditorium, beloved students of Night Raven College! Yes, as many of you expect, this assembly is in regards to our ice cream fundraiser, which has yet to take off! However, now that I’ve recovered from my horrific injuries from last month’s assembly, I say it’s time for us to start anew, and introduce our new line of flavors!

… Why are you all groaning??? Truly you’ve not grown tired of ice cream already, have you?! … No, no, it can’t be… You all just must be far too excited to carry on! Very well! I shall introduce to you the newest flavors, and then you’ll be off! Making me… Err, the school, enough Madol to fix the chandelier that was broken (again) last week!

… Hm? Why aren’t we using the past flavors? … Well… You see there was a… Ah, would you look at the time! If we don’t start now, we’ll never finish! Vargas! Bring up the first cooler!!! NOW!!!

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Lemon Zestvolt- Don’t let his frown fool you, this sweet cream is actually quite sweet, with it’s mellow mix of lemon and lime that’ll make you smile! (... Though, it does take quite a while to actually get past the bitter aftertaste… And it’s surprisingly loud… And… It feels like it’s constantly judging my every move according to a standard that’s quite frankly unrealistic… And... You know what? We’re just going to move on for the sake of my self-confidence!)

Blue Berrygrotto- Despite it’s name, this treat’s name is quite deceiving! It’s not just blueberry, but in fact, a mix of eight different types of berries, all baked into a freshly warm pie and served a la Mode with a trustworthy smile~! (… Hm? What do you mean that sounds a bit much…? Ehrm, no matter!)

Even if it’s a bit… Wet, you won’t mind at all once you enjoy it’s wonderfully sophisticated taste! Ah and would you look at that! On sale for only 300 Madol! What a steal~! Make sure you stop by the cafeteria to buy a Blue Berrygrotto today!

Lion-Colored Kingsicle… Stick- … Well! There was a batch of ice cream in this cooler… And now it’s gone. We have no idea where it we- (... Oh, hold on, did we find them?) … Well! Turns out that as we speak, the original ice cream has been found tucked into obscure corners of the college where no person in their right mind would even think to look, or… On beds… (It seems the only reason they’ve been found is because they’ve begun to melt…)

… Well! We still have popsicle sticks available, so why not treat yourself with some? I’m sure at least one of you could find something to do with so many popsicle sticks!

(Warning: If you encounter this treat on your daily commute, simply back away slowly, and contact a trusted member of Night Raven College Staff to dispose of this treat. Do NOT engage. (Night Raven College is not liable for any injuries/death that may result in confrontation of this product.))

Coco’lover!- Ah, did you think this treat was simply coconut! Well, my delightful students, you are wrong! This ice cream is a delicate balance of coconut, and pistachios, a surprisingly friendly combo! … Well, that is as long as you like coconut… And pistachios… (On second thought, this combo wasn’t the best idea now, is it?)

… Ahem! I hear it pairs quite well with baked delights, so do keep that in mind!

Mortho Energy Drink… Sicle- Tell me children, would you like to stunt your growth by drinking unhealthy shots of pure caffeine? Well, I’m here to inform you that is a foolish idea! Why drink them, when you can eat them instead with an ice cream sponsored by Mortho™ Energy Drinks! Whether it’s for a late-night study session, or for an extra kick during finals, Good ol’ Mortho here will help to keep your poor body conscious against its will!

(... Also, please buy these as soon as possible. He’s beginning to miss one of our discontinued flavors, and will melt… (Night Raven College is not liable for injuries/death that may result from consumption of this product. If Mortho™ Energy Drink-Sickle commences Self-Destruction mode, toss it as far as possible, and duck for cover. To avoid such an occurrence from happening, do NOT insult any person with fire-like hair within the vicinity. It WILL hear you, and it WILL be upset.))

Catolate Diamikan- Do you need to take a… (Wait, what was that one site called…? Ah, yes!) MagiCam-worthy photo of yourself and friends? Well, fret no longer students, as this is the treat for you! A picture of you and Catolate’s smile is sure to be a hit! And if it’s not… Well, he’s flavored like white chocolate and oranges, so either way, you’re a winner!

(... Speaking of photos… Trien, why did you not like my “selfie” that I took earlier this afternoon? … Ah, you’re right! This isn’t the time for such trivialities! I shall simply discuss it with you later then!)

Mir-Lot- A treat based on the likeness of our beloved Magical Mirror itself! Doesn’t it look absolutely stunning, in all it’s glory? Ah, even this old bird can’t help but marvel at it’s timeless beauty… This treat is a nice, deep merlot-flavor, (non-alcoholic, of course!) that I’m sure more mature audiences will enjoy…

And even if you don’t… Well, you don’t want to hurt our beloved mirror’s feelings now, do you? You should buy one anyway, just so it knows for sure it’s appreciated~!

Berry Bad Cat- This… “Cute,” little feline’s filled with many surprises, and though most of them are a hassle… This surprise is actually quite pleasant! A bold blackberry taste, sprinkled with small popping candies that seem to light a spark along your taste buds… Why, it’s surprisingly easy to grow attached to it!

(… Wait, what do you mean my tongue has turned black?! Oh heavens, get me a mirror!!! And water!!!)

Ramshackle Special- Um… Well… This ice cream had no specific flavor. It was an amalgamation of every single flavor crafted so we could save funds and resources, and it was quite awful the majority of the time, so we’d lowered the price for 100 Madol, but… Before we even made the official announcement, someone snuck into my office and took every single one… Of course, they were at least kind enough to leave the funds for it all, but…

Oh, who cares about manners?! WHICH ONE OF YOU RELEASED FIREFLIES INTO MY OFFICE?! … Well, if no one will confess to the crime, then everyone will be punished for the crime! … Later, of course!

Now, like before, we have three special options that are just a tad bit above the rest in terms of flavor and appearances, so despite how kindhearted and generous I am… We will have to charge just a bit extra for these three. Surely you all understand~! These next treats are also quite limited, so if you desire to delight in one, make sure you buy them fast! Once they’re gone, they’re gone!!!

(Well… Not completely, but if people are under the illusion that there is no second chance, then they’re be far more likely to make impulsive purchases! Oh ho ho~ Dire, you clever, dapper man, you~ … Wait, did I say that out loud?)

… Anyway! Our first premium snack!

Rhymes Rosetarts- A delightful treat of sweet cherry tarts with cream and… Oh, is that actually a hint of roses I caught?! How interesting! I’d love nothing more than to dig in, yet… For some reason, I feel that even if my manners slip just a tad, that I’d be chastised… Ah, I suppose I will simply have to consume the treat carefully, lest my suspicions are confirmed true… Which they’re not!

(Night Raven College is not responsible for injuries/death resulting from consumption of this product. Make sure to review the rulebook supplied with each purchase before unwrapping this treat. Once it is free from it’s wrapper, it will always have it’s eyes on you…)

Varbucks™ Iced Protein Coffee- Are you fan of coffee? Or perhaps something sweet, but healthy? Well this treat i-”

“OI, DIRE! WHY AM I THE ONLY STAFF WHO’S ICE CREAM WAS AWFUL?!”

“A-ah! Professor Crewel! Well, err… I’ll… Get back to you on that, yes! So why don’t you have an ice cream and calm d-OWN NO, NO, NO!!! GET OFF THE STAGE I’M SORRY CREWEL PLEASE DON’T H-YAHHH!!!”

Apple Farmier- “... Well, I suppose since the Headmaster was forced to step away for “business,” I should wrap up this assembly. The final dessert available for purchase during our school fundraiser will be the... “Apple Farmier?” (... Crowley seems to have a knack for finding such strange names…)

The Apple Farmier is described to have an almost overly-sweet aroma of ripened apples, yet when bitten into, administers a horrific shock from it’s incredibly sour taste. Those who have tried it described an almost numbing sensation on their tongue, and one such person even lost consciousness as a result of it.”

“Meow.”

“(Hm? Quite right Lucious, thank you for the reminder.) If you purchase this treat, do be aware that our esteemed institution does not hold any accountability for any harm that comes upon you. Do consume the product at your own risk… As for the lot of you who’ve decided to fall asleep during the assembly, I shall see you in detention. In case you’re wondering, yes, I see you, and I will remember if you decide to “ditch.”

Now, you are dismissed. Vargas, please make sure the students return to class while I check upon the Headmaster’s condition… (And hopefully this will be the last of these tedious assemblies…)”

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Bonus

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Lionel Kingsbutter- “Have you ever sat down and thought, “Hm, there seems to be something missing in my life… Something… Hard, surprisingly sweet… And yet, something with a mean bite to match it’s bark?” Well, this treat has no bark, but it does have quite a bite! Smooth, delightful cookie butter than just melts upon your tongue, and plentiful chunks of crispy cookies! They’re a bit… Spicy… But strangely... Delicious! (... Water… I need water...! … Thank you, Trien.)

And if that’s not enough, why, just look at it’s adorable little ears, and i-YEOWCH!!! DID IT JUST BITE ME?! IT’S FROZEN CREAM, HOW DID IT DO THAT?! BAD KITTY, BAD KITTY! WHERE’S THE TRASH C-AAAAH IT’S LATCHED ONTO MY CLAWS!!! SOMEBODY, ANYBODY GET IT OFF!!! GYAAAAAAAH!!!”

#Twisted Wonderland #Leona Kingscholar #Sebek Zigvolt #Azul Ashengrotto #Trey Clover #Ortho Shroud #Cater Diamond #Grim Twisted Wonderland #Riddle Rosehearts #Ashton Vargas #Epel Felmier #Fan Art #Digital Art #Riktor's Art

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vintagedolan · 4 years

Text

mixtape | track one

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

Six. There were six different lines, tiny plastic tubes that hung down from the side of the bed, making the shape of a U in the air. Too many, but still, one less than yesterday.

“Is it alive?”

“No.”

“Is it a vegetable?”

“That’s oddly specific.”

“But is it a vegetable though?”

“No.”

“Aw shit.”

Indiana looked up from her hands then, brows furrowing at the small figure who had huddled herself under the thin cotton covers. You’d think, with how expensive hospital bills were that they could at least afford a real fucking blanket for their patients. Especially the kids.

“C’mon now, watch the language.” She said. It was a half-hearted reprimand at best.

“You told me I could curse!”

“I told you that you could curse about your meds, there’s a difference.”

“Bullshit. I should be able to curse about anything I want to.”

“Bekah.” It was her mom voice – an instinct.

“Indiana.” The younger girl mimicked the tone as best she could.

There was a beat of silence then – well, as silent as a hospital room ever could get, that is. The monotonous song of machinery beeps, the muffled car horns outside on the streets, and nurses footsteps outside never truly faded.

“If the nurses hear you cursing in here they’re gonna say I’m a bad influence.” It was almost time for rounds and meds, 7pm on the dot - they’d be there any minute.

“Speak of the devil,” Bekah grumbled, eyes flitting to the door that was swinging open, the nurse bumping against it, her cart hitting the walls right on schedule.

“Hi miss Bekah, how’re we feeling this evening?”

“Shi-“

Indiana threw her a look, the kind she imagined her mom would give if she were there. Bekah sunk back into the pillow, rolling her eyes.

“-very. Shivery. It’s cold in here.”

She earned a thumbs up for that one and a wink that made her smile.

The nurse – Jennifer, Indiana realized – was as sweet as ever. She was one of the nicer ones, always let things slide, always let her stay 30 minutes after visiting hours if she really wanted to.

“That’s probably just the meds from earlier darling, they always make you a bit chilly.”

“Can’t wait to take more.” Bekah sighed, wiggling up in the bed and moving her shirt down, her collarbone prominent under her dark skin. Next to it sat a small bulge, surrounded by medical tape, two small tubes peeking out from underneath. They’d done a good job at making it subtle, unnoticeable if you weren’t looking for it – Indiana’s mom’s port had never looked like that. She wondered if it was because the technology had improved in four years, or if they were just more careful about it when the patient was young.

Because it’s okay for an adult to have cancer, but a kid? That’s where we draw the fuckin’ line.

“Is it food?”

“What?” Jennifer asked, quirking an eyebrow as she continued to hang the bags on the IV pole.

“None of your business. Indiana, is it a food?”

“Now now,” Jennifer tutted.

“No, it’s not a food.” Indiana sighed, knowing better than to try and keep Bekah’s attitude in check. That was a battle she’d lose before it began. “Keep trying.”

She paused while the nurse took her time in getting her meds set and ready, attaching them to her port. She didn’t even flinch at the needle, the brown skin of her forehead as smooth and perfect as ever, not a worry line in sight. The game picked up as soon as Jennifer walked back out of the room.

“Is it something you- something you wear?” That was always the first sign that the meds entered her system – the ‘brain fog’ as she called it. Bekah sucked in a deep breath, her seemingly tiny chest rising up as she tried to settle herself.

Indiana’s eyes flickered over to the IV bag – the clear liquid looked harmless enough as it dripped down. She knew it was anything but – just Bekah’s hair was enough to attest to that. She wore it in a wrap mostly these days, but she’d seen what was underneath. Her beautiful curls had started to fall out only a few weeks prior, and it was only a matter of time before they were gone completely. If she had to guess from what she’d seen when she fixed the knot of her wrap, the last of it would be gone after today.

“Yes, it’s something you wear.”

“So it’s clothes.”

“Not necessarily. You wear other things,” she explained, scooting her chair a bit closer to the bedside, reaching a hand out.

In the three years that Indiana had known Bekah, she was always amazed at how strong she was. It had impressed her from the first time she’d mustered up the courage to sign up for the volunteer program at the hospital two blocks away from her college apartment. Bekah was twelve then, a spunky young girl with big headphones over her ears and thick rubber bracelets on her thin wrists.

“Stop looking at me like that,” was what she’d chosen as an introduction. She’d looked up at Indiana with accusatory eyes, wide and dark and annoyed in the middle of the overly colorful pediatric wing hallway.

“Like what?”

“Like I have cancer. Don’t treat me like I’m sick and I won’t act like it. Capeesh?”

She’d only been able to swallow and nod, somewhat embarrassed but mostly just in awe.

So, when Indiana got matched with her as her ‘buddy’, she tried her hardest to do as she’d agreed to. Or at least, she did her best to be subtle about it. She could sneak in her moments of worry at times like this, when Bekah’s eyes were scrunched closed and she didn’t bat away the hand holding hers.

“Damn. The BBJ is not making me feel very BB esque today,” she grumbled, breathing deep in through her nose. Indiana’s other hand inched towards the bedpan resting on the table – the nausea usually kicked in right about now, and her deep breathing was always a tell that her stomach was churning. BBJ stood for ‘Bad Bitch Juice’ which was just the fun term for chemo that Bekah had come up with during one of her rotations a few years back. The nurses hated it, gave Indiana dirty looks when she let her say it around them.

“Bed pan at the ready,” Indiana reassured her, making sure it was in reach in case it got to be too much.

“Just keep playing the game, it’ll distract me. What do I know so far?”

“It’s not alive, it’s not a vegetable or a food, you can wear it but it’s not clothes.”

“Makeup?”

Indiana shook her head, doing everything to avoid reacting to the way Bekah was squeezing her hand. It was so tight that she felt her bones were probably touching each other in a way they weren’t meant to.

“Shoes?”

“No.”

“Do you wear it on your head?”

“I mean… technically?”

“That’s a cop out answer.”

“Don’t dwell on it, just keep going.”

She saw it coming before it happened – the turn of Bekah’s face, the way her body jolted just barely. It’s a good thing it wasn’t her first time, or she wouldn’t have gotten the bedpan under her fast enough to catch her vomit. She held her breath, tried not to listen to the sounds of retching so she didn’t get sick herself, holding steady until Bekah’s stomach was empty and she’s laid back against the pillows, exhausted. Indiana followed the motions, got up and walked to the bathroom, dumped the contents down the toilet and flushed it, left the plastic basin on the floor for the nurses to get later and washed her hands. By the time she made it back to the side of the bed, Bekah’s eyes were closed.

There were three marked stages of a chemo session with Bekah: the ‘this doesn’t affect me’ phase, the puke phase, and finally, the sleep phase, which seemed to be fast approaching. Even with her eyes closed she felt Indiana join her at her bedside, and she sighed in defeat.

“What was it? I don’t wanna ask more questions.”

“Earrings.”

“That’s two things, you cheated.”

She could have argued, but you just don’t argue with a kid with cancer if you don’t have to. It’s an unspoken rule.

“You’re right. You win.”

Bekah seemed content enough with that, but her eyebrows scrunched up again like they always did when she was focusing.

“Where do you get earrings in your teeth?”

“Huh?”

“Earrings in teeth… there was a guy… yesterday… earrings.”

Indiana just held her hand as she rambled, drifting off as she turned her head into her pillow. Not that she knew personally, but she’d never seen anyone be comfortable during a chemo treatment. But there was a peace that took over when their body decided that it was too much to handle in the realm of consciousness and they drifted off into their dreams.

So she was happy to look at the bed after she picked up her backpack and see that Bekah’s was asleep. She closed the door on her way out, moved to the nurse’s desk to sign out like she always did. The nurses always smiled at her, sitting back there in their colorful scrubs and big headbands. This time, it was Valentina who beamed up at her.

“Indiana, honey, how’s school going?”

“It’s going.” It’s killing me. “Just one semester left to go!”

“Don’t you overwork yourself now, we need you around here,” she threw a wink with her long lashes, opening her mouth to say something else before her phone rang. “You have a good one honey, we’ll see you next week.” Valentina picked it up, another call to another room for another sick kid.

With as many times as Indiana had made the walk, she was pretty sure she could do it with her eyes closed. Straight, past the forest murals, press the button on the left to open the doors. Then it was the ocean hallway on the left- the blues were peaceful, little sea turtles and fish floating on the walls. At the end, by the jellyfish, was the last door of the pediatric wing. Somehow, it always felt colder past that point, inside the ‘real hospital’. The nurse’s scrubs were plain blue there, the walls taupe and bland with paintings of trees and lakes instead of Winnie the Pooh and Dory. Indiana’s shoes squeaked against the polished floor on her way to the elevator, picking up her pace. She didn’t like this part. It was too familiar, too many memories of walking down the same hallway for much different reasons. Past that it was down two floors, out and to the right to get to the front doors.

As soon as she walked out into the New York city street, it was a breath of fresh air; if you could ever consider city air fresh. Still, she always preferred the smell of exhaust and cigarettes over the bleach that stung her nose inside the hospital. And if she sniffed hard enough and the wind was right, she swore she could smell Jet’s Coffee all the way from the small store that resided three blocks down the road.

Want anything from Jet’s? She texted Charlie, hoping for a quick response from her sister as she hurried down the sidewalk, pulling her shirt sleeves down over her hands in a bid to ward off the brisk late September air.

Nah, Devin’s making dinner. Should be done by the time you get here.

Also, where tf is your strainer?

Bottom cabinet by the oven, she answered, shaking her head.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her sister. She did, with her whole heart. The same went for her sweet almost-brother-in-law Devin- they were both supportive pillars in her life, always there with a listening ear, a warm hug, or life advice.

But god damn did she miss having her apartment to herself sometimes. The peace that came over her when she walked into her cozy apartment, saw the rest of Chelsea through the high windows, her view over the river? Unmatched. It was still there - the fog over the river in the cool autumn mornings, the bustling streets of people wrapped up in their coats - but now, her sister was there too, catching her at the door with the latest story of the day before she could even let out a breath. Charlie could never understand how her younger sister wanted to live alone in college, wanted a place to herself ever since she even knew it was an option. Indiana was the opposite of her in a lot of ways- the older of the two was a social butterfly of sorts who always surrounded herself with people, with loud voices and louder personalities that could keep up with her. She was wild - dropped out of college after her first semester, spent her last dime on a camera so she could grow a photography business from the ground up.

Their mom always said that Indiana was the calm to Charlie’s storm, her little angel who hardly ever cried, who just fit into the family like a perfect final puzzle piece, completing the picture. The puzzle was long forgotten now, disassembled in a box in the attic somewhere collecting dust over the last five years. She didn’t have to wonder if it would make her mom sad - she knew that it would be devastating for her if she were still there to see what had become of the Cross clan.

“There she is, the myth, the legend, thee Indiana Jamie Cross!”

Caught up in her mind, Indiana didn’t even realize that her autopilot route home had taken her all the way into the door of Jet’s, and she found herself in the familiar lobby when she came to. The walls were charcoal gray, with the delicate little single-line white flowers painted on them that she remembered them putting up a few years ago, back when she worked there. Her old manager, Patrick, beamed at her from behind the counter, wide smile framed out by his ever growing hair.

“What’s she gonna get today, wait don’t tell me, don’t tell me. Today is a… caramel macchiato with one less pump of vanilla? Hot?” He mused, raising his eyebrows in question.

“Oatmilk, then yes, you got it.”

“Of course I was gonna give you oatmilk, what do I look like, an amateur?” He scoffed, shaking his head as she went to reach for her wallet. “It’s on the house today.”

“You can’t give me my coffee on the house every time Patrick, it’s bad for business.”

“It’s my business, so shush and go wait at the end of the bar like a good customer,” he rolled his eyes, sending the scribbled cup down the line. She rolled her eyes and dropped a few one’s in the tip jar before she went over to her favorite chair, the big blue one by the windows where she could people watch while she waited. She always wondered what people did in small towns while they waited for things, without the bustling streets outside full of people in their own little worlds.

Her phone buzzed in her lap. Marty.

Hey girlie, are you busy tomorrow? We’ve got a new orientee who needs the run down, and nobody does it better than you!

Marty’s speciality was buttering people up. Which explained why Buddies had over 200 volunteers like Indiana - with Marty in charge, it was hard to say no, even if she had planned on spending a chilled out day tomorrow with her sister and Devin.

Fine by me, just let me know what time

Awesome. He didn’t give me a specific time so I’ll just give him your number if you’re good with that.

She sent back a thumbs up as her name was called at the counter, got her coffee and headed out the door. It was another block to get to her apartment, and when she got there the elevator ride up to the 18th floor was almost as long as the walk. She didn’t mind though. It was her own little welcome home ritual that she’d grown fond of over the last few years of living there.

As she predicted earlier, when she opened the door, her usually peaceful space was in a bit of chaos. There were four bowls out on the counter, measuring cups everywhere, two pans out in addition to whatever smelled so good in the oven.

“Don’t start Indy, I’m gonna clean it, I promise.” Charlie appeared around the corner, already on the defense of the look she knew she was going to get. It felt a lot like Indiana was the older sister despite the three years that Charlie had on her.

“I didn’t say anything,” Indiana mumbled under her breath, clearing a small spot on the counter and hopping up.

“It’s all in your face,” Devin teased from in front of the oven. “Scootch, unless you want me to burn you with this casserole dish.”

She grumbled and hopped down from her much too temporary spot so that he could open the oven, deciding it was probably best to leave the kitchen until everything was done.

Her kitchen was the only ‘small’ part of her apartment. The rest was plenty big, and she was proud of all she had done over the years to make it her own. The living room was cozy, with a dark gray couch and a reasonable (Charlie would say excessive) amount of decorative pillows and blankets. The shelves on the wall had a few house plants - fake ones, of course, and picture frames that had moved with her each time she called a new place home. The white frame that contained an old picture of her and Charlie as babies, white-blonde hair wispy as they played on the swings in their backyard. The most recent addition was the rose gold frame, a picture of her, Devin and Charlie at their engagement last July in Zion National Park - she could practically feel the heat of the sun every time she looked at it. The last frame stood alone on the smaller shelf, a wooden frame with a small heart carved in the corner. Inside, a black and white picture of her and her mom. She was about one in it, in a little crewneck sweatshirt and tennis shoes, holding onto her mom’s hands as she walked, both of them beaming. She’d been told by so many people over the years that she had “Nicole’s smile”, and she tried her hardest to not cry nowadays if anyone ever mentioned it.

“You know, our parents weren’t glassmakers, I can’t see through you,” Charlie grumbled from her spot on the couch, gesturing to the TV that her sister was blocking.

“You know, this is my house, you could just leave,” she countered, offering her fakest of smiles.

“You know, Dad pays the rent so it’s not technically yours.”

“Alright, dinner is ready, dinner is ready,” Devin called out, knowing that Charlie had already stepped one toe over the line, desperately trying to keep her from throwing herself fully over the edge.

Charlie popped up to her feet, unfazed by the glare that followed her all the way to the island as she went on to scoop out her pasta.

Indiana didn’t have the energy to even think about her dad, much less talk about him. Kenneth Cross was a good father when she was little. He was attentive, taught her how to play basketball, how to ride her bike without training wheels. On a paper list, he checked off most of the dad boxes. And then his wife died, and he decided the time was nigh to abandon ship with very little regard for his 16 and 19 year old daughters. But if you asked him, he’d be sure to let you know that he took very good care of his kids, even put up his youngest in a nice New York apartment so she could go to school and not have to work a job. Taking care of things meant throwing money at them, whether it was at work or at home. His best, and only, sign of affection was the direct deposit that hit Indiana’s bank account on the 31st of every month.

Needless to say, he was a sensitive subject.

She bit back the words she really wanted to spit out and made her way into the kitchen, grabbing her bowl a bit more aggressively than she needed to. As soon as she found her spot back on the counter she stabbed into the soft noodles and shoved them in her mouth, proceeding to burn the shit out of her tongue.

Lovely.

Devin made small talk as best he could around the awkward tension - he was an only child, and anytime the two sisters fought he tried to fill in the void with anything he could. It always baffled him how the two of them could be pissed one moment, and then back to normal a few seconds later.

“Wanna go shopping tomorrow? And don’t say you have school shit, it’s a Sunday.” Charlie asked.

“A, I always have school shit, and B, I can’t anyways, I’ve got an orientation to do for Buddies.”

“There’s no way you actually have that much school work to do, I think you’re just trying to avoid us,” she countered.

“CJ she’s gonna be a doctor, that shit ain’t easy,” Devin piped up, eager to boost his almost sister-in-law up. Indy tried to ignore the little pang of jealousy she always felt when he called her sister that. Charlie Jo. CJ. She’d had her own fair share of nicknames over the years, shortened little versions of her name that everyone liked to use. But Devin was the only one who was allowed to call Charlie CJ, and there was something about the intimacy of it that had Indiana wishing someone was there to give her a cute nickname, just for them.

She held out until Charlie started in on the dishes that she promised to do and then she was headed to her room, social battery depleted. Despite her sister’s doubts, she did always have some form of school work that she could be working on, slowly chipping away at the constant stream of assignments and notes. She liked to break it down into sections, tackling a certain class each night of the week. Saturdays were her ‘easy’ nights, reserved for reviewing her medical terminology notes and quizzing herself on new terms.

As nerdy as it seemed to anyone else, she actually found it fun. 10 year old her would have thought it was the coolest thing that she actually knew what choleodechojunostomy meant, though she was pretty sure she was never going to actually need to know.

She was halfway through the abbreviations portion, stuck on the ‘G’ of esophagogastroduodenoscopy when her phone buzzed against her leg. She expected to see a text from Charlie asking her to join in on whatever movie they were watching in the living room, but instead she was met with a new number and an unfamiliar area code - 818.

Probably spam. She left it alone, moving back to her cards, flipping between as she mumbled them quietly to herself.

“PRN. Pro re nata.”

Buzz

“EEG. Electroencephalography. TIA”

Buzz

“TIA. Transient-”

Buzz

“Jesus,” she huffed, grabbing her phone and swiping it open to her texts, all from that same 818 number.

Hey, Marty gave me your number, I’m your new orientee :)

My name is Grayson btw, probably should have started with that

She told me to figure out a time with you but I’m p flexible so just let me know

And idk how to get to the pediatric part of the hosp so if you could meet me somewhere else and show me how to get there that would be awesome

Why he couldn’t have sent it all in one text she had no idea, but at least he was nice. She typed back quickly.

Hey! I’m Indiana. We can meet by the front doors if that’s easier, how about 9:30?

She didn’t even have time to pick up her next flashcard before the typing bubble popped back up.

Early riser, I like it. 9:30 is chill, I’ll see you then. Have a good night :)

You too :), she answered, quickly saving his contact as ‘Grayson’ before putting her phone back down on her comforter and diving back into her flashcards. She had 200 more to get through by the end of the night, and all she really wanted to do was get under her covers and go to sleep. By the time she reached the end of the stack, the definitions were just as hard to understand as their latin based counterparts. As soon as she flipped over arthralgia to reveal joint pain, she was moving the pile to her desk, pulling on a t-shirt and curling up in bed.

..............................................................................................................................

Indiana had never been a breakfast eater. She was always too eager to get to school, occasionally running out the door with a granola bar in hand at most at her mom’s request. The trend continued as she got older, though now she used her morning coffee as sustenance for the first few hours of the day. Which was why she found herself walking right back through the glass doors of Jet’s again, a mere 12 hours after her last visit. It smelled like fresh beans and vanilla soy as soon as she made in over the threshold - a comforting smell, familiar and warm. Patrick beamed at her from behind the espresso bar. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d taken a day off.

“I’m paying today, no arguing,” she called out, giving him a serious look until he mouthed ‘fine’ at her over the bar. Satisfied, she pulled out her phone, surprised to see a text. Grayson.

I’m by the front doors on the left. I know im early so no rush :)

She checked the time at the top of her phone. 9:10.

I’m getting coffee and then I’ll be there

Her thumbs hovered over the keyboard, contemplating. Was it weird to buy coffee for someone you’d never met? She sent another text anyway.

Want anything?

The bubbles popped back up as she stepped up in line.

Biggest cup of the strongest stuff they’ve got please. I’ll shoot you a Venmo for it

She liked his response and slid her phone back in her pocket before she stepped up to the counter. The barista was a new face, someone that had been hired after she had left.

“What can I get started for you?”

“Can I do a 16 ounce vanilla oat milk latte and a 20 ounce dark roast please?”

“Absolutely, that’ll be-”

“Give her the drip for free,” Patrick interjected. “We don’t charge past employees for drip coffee.”

The barista looked a bit flustered but took the dark roast off anyways, quickly spouting off the total and taking the cash that Indiana handed her. She turned around and poured the dark roast, passing it over with a smile. An older man was sitting in the blue chair when Indiana made her way to the other end of the store, so she settled by the bar instead, watching Patrick pump syrup and steam milk in a bit of a sequenced dance. She missed being behind the bar sometimes, but not enough to justify going back and getting talked down to by shitty customers.

He finished her latte in record time, only having a spare moment to blow her a kiss before he was right back to the next drink. She didn’t mind - the thought of Grayson waiting on her made her nervous. She tried to remind herself that she wasn’t running late. It wasn’t her fault that he liked to show up twenty minutes early to things and she only liked to show up ten minutes early. Ten minutes was reasonable and showed dedication - twenty was a bit excessive.

The cups kept her hands warm for the three blocks to the hospital, her pace a bit quicker than usual. She kept her eyes peeled for someone who looked like a Grayson once she made it. A tall, lanky man passed by her, headed towards the doors, but he didn’t seem like he was looking for anyone. She remembered the text. Front doors, to the left.

Sure enough, there was someone sitting alone.

He took up about half of the bench, his shoulders broad under a charcoal gray sweater that went well with the olive green of his pants. He looked well put together - a bit intimidating, but nice enough to send someone a have a good night text. He looked like he could be a Grayson. He must have felt her watching him, because he lifted his eyes from his phone and looked directly at her, taking in the two coffee cups in her hands with a smile.

“Indiana?”

His voice was deep, a bit commanding. It made her hesitate for some reason, panic just barely. “Uh yeah, that’s me.” Stupid.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Grayson.”

#mixtape #I CAN'T BELIEVE IM ACTUALLY POSTING THIS WOW #please let me know what you think pls pls pls im so NERVOUS #grayson dolan #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan fanfiction #dolan twins #dolan twins fanfiction #lynds writes

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beebrainedstudios · 3 years

Photo

Next up for the refs, Maxim! A complicated design for a complicated man. My opinions on Maxim went from love to hate to “I wish you knew what you were doing;” he’s a really fun character, especially with the context of the Steel Prince comics. That being said, just like with the Danes I’ll be including design notes and headcanons under the cut, which may include spoilers for the comics; ergo POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR STEEL PRINCE. You have been warned. Also, my writing got really small on this ref, so I recommend clicking the image if you want to read the ref notes.

Anyways, on to Maxim!

- First up, hair. Maxim has a multitude of locks that all vary in length; he grew them out after he took the throne and has barely cut them since. There’s no specific way Maxim likes his hair, as he’ll arrange it into various different styles depending on his mood. The gold rings are actually there to help with this process, as they allow him to move each lock individually with his magic when he’s putting it up. This variable ring structure has the added bonus of creating a cool rippling effect when his magic activates; when Maxim quite literally gets heated, his influence spreads to the rings and any other small metal objects in the area, allowing his locks to shift in the heated air in an effect Rhy jokingly refers to as a “solar flare.” Maxim’s mood can actually be gauged purely by how much his hair moves or how warm he is, which is a trait his family finds endearing even if he himself finds it mildly annoying- after all, it’s difficult to come off as calm and composed if everyone in your kingdom knows your hair will give away how ticked off you are.

- As for his outfit, I love the asymmetrical geometric aesthetic put forth in the comics for Red London royalty; naturally, I leaned hard into this aesthetic and then immediately hid it all behind overly-complicated armor. Maxim is a huge armor nerd- anything metal is his specialty, and he prides himself immensely on both his armor and his weapons. He got his armor early in his youth and fiercely maintained it throughout his life until he was as attached to it as Kell was to his coat; he likes to swap parts around from multiple sets to create new looks. This is considered light armor for Maxim- at minimum he’ll have his crown and breastplate on. It’s very rare to catch him without any gear, but on the rare occasion one does, they’ll find he has a very similar outfit to Rhy, especially from the waist down. Fun fact, both he and Rhy’s pants are based on fencing knickers (fencing uniform pants), since both myself and VE Schwab are fencers.

- Maxim has many scars from his time at the Blood Coast, including two nasty ones on his brow and nose. He used to be rather embarrassed by them until he met Emira, who loved his scars as a part of him and told him so constantly. Now, like his armor, they are a source of pride.

- Speaking of pride, Maxim takes a lot of it in how he looks, especially with his hair, eyes, and clothes. As such, Rhy learned most of his knowledge about maintaining his appearance from his father; the only thing Maxim couldn’t contribute to was Rhy’s hair care, as that is something his son has more in common with his mother. Maxim often wakes himself up by doing his hair and picking out his jewelry in the mornings, and if he’s feeling particularly bold he may even slip on some golden eyeshadow or a flashier necklace. Maxim has never mistaken the value of appearances in how someone feels about themselves either; he is liberal with compliments in the palace both to family and staff, as he knows someone does their best work when they feel happiest in their skin. He takes particular care to comment on Kell’s coat and hair, as he knows his adopted son’s appearance is a point of self-contention that he doesn’t want to foster.

- Maxim’s sword is like Kell’s coat; he carries it everywhere- even to social functions- and is unashamedly fond of it. It is essentially the larger version of the royal half-sword that Maxim can wield in either hand (he’s ambidextrous!) and can even change the style of; if he wishes for it to be a two-handed sword, he only has to stretch the grip with his magic. Maxim can heat it forge-hot without it melting; in this state it’s incredibly dangerous and can cut through almost anything. There are two easter eggs in the runes on the sword, if anyone wants to look close enough to find them!

- All of Maxim’s stuff is sun-themed as a half-callback to the Maresh symbol, which has given him the additional title of the “Molten Sun,” an affectionate term used by guards to refer to their commander-in-chief. Maxim is really close to his guards and treats them as extended family; after all, he used to be one of them. He knows most of them by name and is fiercely protective of them- anyone who tries to mess with his staff as a whole is due for a personal warning from the king to desist, which is best heeded if one doesn’t want to drink their meals for a week.

- As said on the ref, Maxim is big. He spends a lot of his free time training as a nervous habit, which regardless of effect on his psyche keeps him in tip-top shape at all times. He’s easily as tall as Holland and is one of the few people Kell must stand upright with to look in the eye. He’s also immensely strong; this man could probably bench-press three guards in full armor with Emira sitting on top. I’ve seen some people suggest Athos alone could win in a fight against him before- maybe its due to the state of my own design for said Dane (in summary, scrawny as heck), but the only way I can see that going down in a one-on-one confrontation is with Athos getting punted like an angry white football. Personal preference, I guess.

- Now for personality! Maxim is a lover and a fighter, beloved and seen by all in his kingdom as a ray of sunshine, especially after the stormy clouds of his father’s cold and strict reign. He is as kind as he is tall and spends a lot of his time helping citizens solve problems or simply drifting around the palace, ready to aide his staff in their jobs. He’s vibrant and animated, too; the palace is often stirred to life when the sun rises by Maxim’s “quiet” singing as he heads towards the kitchens. Little does everyone know, behind that cheery and loving facade is an incredibly calculating individual. Maxim was born and raised only to be the perfect war king by his father Nokil with little personal care or respect for Maxim’s wishes, and though Maxim vowed to never be like him, some of Nokil’s parenting still unfortunately rubbed off. Maxim is always watching for threats and prepping for battle, mentally, physically, and otherwise; a threat to him or his kingdom is constantly around the corner, as far as he’s concerned. He must have a plan at all times or else he gets anxious and defensive, and if he’s backed into a corner, he’ll choose a risky course of action over no action at all (ergo, the Osaron fight). Maxim may be deeply loving, but he can’t help but see people’s worth to the kingdom first; when he’s feeling stressed it takes real effort for him to step back and see people as people instead of pawns he’s trying to get across the board.

- As far as hobbies go, Maxim doesn’t spend much of his free time on himself; he’s a full-time father, king, and husband, which leaves little room for downtime. Most of what he has left over he devotes to training, courtesy of his father’s horrible “kingdom-first” mindset that has still scars his adulthood. Still, Maxim does have a few interests he fosters; he loves cartography (a trait he shares with Kell) and likes to make his own maps by hand. He also loves chess, music, and gem/metal geology- if Emira wasn’t already in charge of the kingdom’s finances Maxim would have spent it all on new gemstone inlays or gold decorations. He’s still a fun-loving man, even if he doesn’t know how to spend much time on himself.

- Maxim is a very caring father and husband; he loves his family to bits and is completely devoted to them, even if he sometimes royally slips up when things get difficult. He and Emira both believe in equally sharing parental duties, so he spent a good chunk of his time when Kell and Rhy were growing right beside them, guiding them along. Contrary to what one may think, Maxim was the parent Kell was always closest to; they could often be found together in the map room, Kell watching with fascination as Maxim carefully traced the lines of landmarks and geographical features, switching his quill between hands when one grew too tired. Meanwhile, when Rhy wanted to hang out with his father, they both would spar with wooden swords or play games like hide-and-seek or chess together. It was only due to Maxim’s own poor father that Maxim was unable to properly communicate with Kell post-ADSOM; he simply assumed a little distance would do them both good, unaware that he was both continuing a cycle of neglect by repeating his father’s mistake and giving Kell the one thing he didn’t need (for those who don’t know, Nokil- Maxim’s dad- sent Maxim to the most dangerous part of the empire, the Blood Coast, because Maxim disobeyed him. Maxim emotionally did something very similar in AGOS by treating Kell coldly). Nonetheless, Maxim never stopped considering Kell a son and recognized his mistake; unfortunately, by the time he saw his error in the cells, he was in too deep to give Kell the freedom he needed and Kell was too angry to try and compromise until circumstances were more favorable. Maxim also never stood up for Kell against Emira; between his wife and his son, he always assumed Kell was the stronger of the two and would eventually stand up for himself. This, as we all know, turned out to be false, and Maxim regretted it for the rest of his life that he never tried to talk to Emira about her treatment of the second son of the Maresh family.

So yeah, sorry for the long wall of text! I really like Maxim as a character (even if I acknowledge he struggles badly as a parent) so I wanted to give him more depth and a design worthy of his complexity. I hope you enjoyed it; if anyone has any questions or comments I’d love to hear them!

#AKA line mileage #and obvious king harrow inspiration (cant be helped #theyre similar to begin with)#this will be a pain to draw but it will be worth it #anyways #adsom #acol #agos #a gathering of shadows #a darker shade of magic #a conjuring of light #adsom ref #shades of magic #som #ve schwab #kell maresh #rhy maresh #maxim maresh #adsom headcanon

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luckystarchild · 4 years

Text

INUYASHA Volume 01, Scroll 01: “The Accursed Youth”

Welcome to Lucky’s INUYASHA recap—a recap of the Inuyasha manga by me, Lucky, an anime fan who has somehow never read it or seen the anime before.

Over the course of these posts, I’ll be recapping and reacting to the events of a chapter (or series of chapters) of the Inuyasha manga. I’ll be using the official VIZ manga volumes as my source material. References to Not Quite Kagome (“NQKagome”) pertain to my ongoing fanfiction series, Lucky Child.

And without further ado... chapter 01 of Inuyasha (or volume 01, “Scroll 1,” as VIZ titles the manga chapters.)

We begin in media res; Inuyasha has stolen the Jewel of Four Souls (the “Shikon Jewel”) and is rampaging through a village. He wants to use the jewel to become “a true demon.” Kikyo, mortally wounded, shoots him with an arrow and pins him to a tree. Her body is burnt along with the jewel by her young sister, Kaede.

I don’t generally like prologues that employ flashbacks in writing, as they sometimes seem like a way to shoehorn in backstory that either isn’t necessary OR backstory that could be imparted through the reader more organically. (They’re all-too-often lazy, basically.) But this is a manga, so maybe it’s not so bad. Not sure how I feel TBH.

Was sort of surprised we learned what Inuyasha’s goal concerning the jewel is so soon; thought maybe that would get dragged out a bit longer, though IDK why I got that impression exactly. I’ve seen a few random eps of the anime and know he isn’t fond of his own half-demon status. Perhaps I feel like we should’ve earned this revelation during the narrative and on Inuyasha’s terms, rather than have it handed to us right off the bat by a faceless narrator. But that’s me being overly critical, perhaps.

Flash forward to 1997. The day before Kagome’s 15th birthday. Her grandfather tries to tell her a legend about the Shikon Jewel, but she shrugs it off.

Kagome’s family lives inside a big temple, and everything has a legend attached to it (including the massive 500-year-old Go-Shinboku God Tree), but Kagome never pays attention to them. Later, her brother loses their cat in the mini-shrine, specifically in the well house (which a sign declares the home of the Bone-Eater’s Well). Kagome bravely ventures inside to search for the cat.

Right off the bat, we get the impression that Kagome is a pretty average teenage girl—a bit of an airhead with a sharp sense of humor who isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty or shy away from a dark and spooky well house. Nice bit of characterization in just a few panels. Well done, author-san.

NQKagome Bonus: She’d probably pay more attention to all the legends her grandfather tells, which could give her an edge in the Feudal Era.

Kagome hears odd noises coming from the covered well; the cover pops off the well and a horrible, Noh-mask-faced women with a skeletal snake body to leap out and drag Kagome into the darkness.

Her body regenerates, turning into a... centipede body. Not a snake. D’oh. Frightened as they fall, Kagome emits a light from her hands, breaking off the woman’s arm and sending her careening away into the dark as she cries something cryptic about the Jewel of Four Souls.

Soon Kagome stops falling and finds herself at the bottom of the well, but upon emerging, she’s lost in an unfamiliar forest.

I gotta say that as far as first-chapters go, this one is pretty good! We immediately know who Kagome is, where she’s from, what she’s like as a person, and this introduction to the supernatural is spooky and interesting. The stakes are high and the action is fast-paced, without an overload of exposition.

Kagome spots the God-Tree and hurries toward it, noting that she always used it to find her way home in the past, but she does not find her familiar home at its base. Instead she finds Inuyasha pinned to the God-Tree.

We’re treated to this gorgeous two-panel spread:

She notes that the boy pinned to the tree has inhuman ears before some villagers find her in “Inuyasha’s forbidden forest” and bring her to Kaede, the younger sister of Kikyo (who is much older than she appeared in the earlier flashback). Kagome realizes she is in the Sengoku Period (1467 to 1615 CE). The villagers theorize that she’s a spy, a kitsune, and similar before Kaede realizes that Kagome looks identical to the deceased Kikyo.

Kaede tells Kagome briefly who Kikyo was before the centipede woman attacks the village.

That bit where Kaede tells Kagome about Kikyo is where I would’ve placed the flashback from the start of the chapter, FYI. Would’ve given the earlier parts of the chapter more mystery to withhold some information from the reader.

Also we have TOO MANY K-NAMES. Already three of the four named characters start with K, and two even start with the “ka” sound in Japanese. We have this problem with YYH and I foresee it being a problem as I type these names a ton, LMAO 🤣

So... Kagome realizing what time period she’s been magically dropped into after approximately seven seconds seems… IDK, kind of handy? Easy? The only info she has to go on are the vague references to “battles” a few villagers shout at her, and maybe the way they’re dressed. She supposedly doesn’t pay attention to old legends, so it doesn’t seem plausible that she’d pay enough attention in history class to discern what period she’s in now based on the cut of a kimono.

(Disclaimer: I’m American and the American education system is notoriously horrible at teaching the subjects of history and science with any accuracy, so I might be projecting my experience onto hers to some degree. Maybe Japan is better about this stuff. IDK, but thought I’d mention it.)

ALSO, Kagome jumps to the possibility of time travel really fast. I would jump to “this is a dream” or “I have fallen into a historical reenactment amusement park in which no one will break character” (a special hell of its own) first. Again, though, this chapter is moving quickly to draw in readers, so I can see why they didn’t give her confusion more screen-time. Especially with serialized manga, you have a handful of chapters (if that) to grab readers, so it’s gotta move fast as a matter of necessity.

I appreciate that some of the villagers mentioned “kitsune” in this section (and not just because it reminds me of all the reasons Yu Yu Hakusho is so easy to cross over with this manga). It shows that the supernatural is something the locals consider on a daily basis, which helps with worldbuilding.

Also, I wasn’t expecting the nipples on the centipede woman??? In her first panels, her breasts were covered up a bit, but now we’ve got detailed nipples. I’m guessing the scant few episodes of the series I watched were censored quite a bit. I’m wondering if there’s going to be more fanservice in this series than I expected, especially after reading that the series’ author, Rumiko Takahashi, advised the anime team to avoid using Kagome for any pantie-shots…

The centipede claims Kagome has the Shikon Jewel, and Kagome flees the village (toward “that light” in the east, which Kaede notes she shouldn’t be able to see) as the centipede woman gives chase. Elsewhere, Inuyasha wakes, stating he can smell the scent of the woman who killed him.

So I know a few things about this series already thanks to the research I did for Lucky Child, and chief among these things is that Kagome is Kikyo’s reincarnation. We can already see this tidbit coming through in obvious ways: Kagome’s resemblance to Kikyo, the Jewel being connected to her somehow, etc. Kagome seeing that light is probably a power she got from Kikyo, too.

It’s interesting that these connections are as physical as her having the same scent as Kikyo, though; scent is informed quite a bit by genetics. Obviously we’re dealing with magic and not science in this story, so I’m not looking for infallible logic when it comes to this reincarnation plot device… but it’s almost like the magic here overrides things like genetics and the extreme differences in what Kagome and Kikyo must’ve eaten in their respective times when determining their scent and appearance. The soul is more important than the body, etc. Wondering how consistent that will remain over the course of this admittedly massive story.

And that’s it for chapter 1. This was super fun! I’m guessing I’ll have more to say once we get past the set-up and are introduced to more characters, but overall I think this was a really strong start to this feudal fairy tale.

If you enjoyed this recap, feel free to buy me a Ko-Fi☕, and subscribe to the tag “lucky’s inuyasha recap” to see more!

NEXT CHAPTER

#lucky's inuyasha recap #inuyasha recap #inuyasha manga recap #inuyasha manga #inuyasha anime #inuyasha #kagome #higurashi kagome #kagome higurashi #kaede #kikyo #luckychildfanfic

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inventors-fair · 4 years

Text

Planar Combo commentary

With the end of this week and a new challenge ahead of us, let’s wrap things up by looking at all the submissions for planar combo. In case you missed them, press the links for the winners and the runner-ups

As I said in those posts I was very happy with the number and the quality of the entries, but here I will be a little bit more critical. One complaint I have is that some planes were over-represented (Ravnica) while others didn’t even get a card (Tarkir, Ixalan, Kaladesh). Also, while I gave permission to go nuts, some designs were a bit plain. That’s not an inherently bad thing but playing it safe can only get you so far.

On to the designs...

@aethernalstars Good balance and an inventive use of mechanics. Combining two situational mechanics was a bit risky but the resulting bonus might end games quickly in a dedicated deck.

@dabudder An incredible Timmy card that it would be an obligatory include in the 99 of all 3+colored commanders if printed! It almost made it the winning posts but as I said it was hard picking the winners!

@gus-goose I love it how you wanted to mess with escape when it’s not even out yet. Someone’s hyped :p Tribute cards were generally weak, so adding recursion will force the opponent to choose twice during the game. Scaling down the card a bit would make it more intimidating.

@khyrberos The epitomy of a toxic card, both in terms of flavor and power level. Players almost surely would play this for 3 and then burn decks would kill people faster than Thano’s Snap. The death trigger is frightening as well, though being an enchantment, it’s a bit harder to exploit (the first exploit that comes to mind is just play a new one cause it’s legendary). If this was 5 regular mana, it would be a lot safer for everyone.

@shakeszx Transform ain’t technically a mechanic, but I appreciate the effort you put into trying to twist Miracle, as this card has a miracle cost higher than its normal cost! I’d rather having the enchantment part of the card be a trigger that produces the “front” effect each turn than a “new card” altogether because the sum of what I see here is a pretty stuffy design.

@starch255 A selesnya megacard! It’s nice to see more convoke matters cards like Venerated Loxodon, so in theory it’s a neat card. However populate doesn’t work the way you want for this card’s purposes, and including the reminder text is like scoring a goal for the other team. A quick fix/power up would be ~ populate X times, where X is the number of tokens that convoked it.”

@reaperfromtheabyss I don’t usually care about whether entries have images or not but damn, this is a fitting image! A really solid and balanced card, though it lacked the wow factor (see below)

@partytimesdeluxe Nice mechanical combo and the name/ flavor text amplify the overall feel of the card. I kind of wish there was some hybrid white action in too because the UB color combo isn’t known for token making or cheap creatures in general. It would also give the feeling that Dimir’s reach into Selesnya is more “tangible” as it would spread into the gameplay itself.

@gollumni Great name and constellation ability, they create a really nice image . However there are tiny “flaws” on the card that drag it down. First as a general rule, graveyard effects appear later on the card, because they aren’t as relevant as the actual effect. Escape is new, and I understand you wanting to use it, but enchantments are generally hard to remove so I don’t know how important it is for the card. If this was an aura or if you introduced a second color in the main or the escape cost that encouraged self mill, this card would probably feel more “whole”.

@grornt The Simic were a favorite in this contest, and you did a great job combining it with bloodthirst. I also find it hilarious that you can give +1/+1 counters on your opponents creatures when they enter the battlefield so you can fight them. There’s a thin slice in the Green’s color pie for big weird creatures and you were spot on!

@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes There’s a fine line between risky and balanced and I think you might have crossed it with this one. Power level aside I would like to comment on your choice of mechanics. Storm creates copies of the spell, so if an opponent wants to somehow mess with your plans, they would have to interact with each copy, which is practically impossible save for specific storm hating cards, so regardless of the actual effect of the card, split second is kinda extra. An equally extra card would be an Eldrazi with Ingest and Annihilator 3.

@hypexion This is our only Kamigawa card, and it’s as bizarre as the artwork of its spirits! And you used the two weirdest mechanics from the plane too. It’s hard to grasp the power level but one thing I don’t like about the card is that it’s so overly specific it cannot exist by itself.

@vasnirada Graft 0 surely caught my attention but the shock value didn’t live up to the hype. It’s a great card for both early and late game, but it’s more complicated than it should be, and the Graft part of the card isn’t pulling its weight.

@top-hat-von-rattle-bones The combination was really unexpected and once you figure it out, it does put a smile on your face. However though the heroic trier nets you mana and gives you a stickier board, you accomplish it by weird gameplay and loss of cards, so the pros and cons kinda cancel out each other.

Let’s say you got Ajani’s pridemate and this on the battlefield and a giant growth in your hand. If you want to “cheat-attach” Najad to the pridemate you would have to sacrifice the giant growth, which would also fizzle because its target, Najad is no longer a creature. Maybe with some more work, a heroic bestow creature would better.

@coolflashyname If the recent standard format taught us anything, it’s that Undergrowth and Surveil go really well together. I like the spicy detail that Jerrav can shuffle itself in the library so you can repeat the etb (almost surely exile target creature). In a library with few remaining cards, it can be a real menace!

@greensunzenith Above we saw a tri colored card that combined two mechanics, and here we see the color shared by the two guilds being used! Simple and efficient design that requires some small setup. I wish there was a cycle of cross-guild oaths. You might as well consider this a side-challenge.

@snugz Isn’t it funny when you get similar designs from different people? @reaperfromtheabyss‘s design lacked the wow factor, this bad boy on the other hand lacks the brakes for the valuetrain. a 4 mana 4/4 (practically) undying is already good enough and the trigger is both draw and burn for the opponent. Maybe with a tweak in the mana cost or the trigger are required.

@nine-effing-hells Yet another Simic card. But who can blame you? I love them too! A+ card type (which is the main quality of Simic cards) A+ flavor text, starting stats and abilities. If the challenge was about uncommon cards this would be an absolute winner!

@koth-of-the-hammerpants I didn’t count Skulk as an ability, it belongs in the things that could be evergreen but we don’t use them. The design is a bit busy and the end result, is you being able to refresh Eszti. Undoubtedly, it’s a good card, especially in grindy games but I think you overestimated it. The white part of the card and the mythic rarity are a bit extra.

@juggernaut-is-a-metalhead The second card with addendum today. Turns out it’s more popular than I thought. I really like the card, choosing between surprise kill and an army of small creatures to sacrifice etc. The combination of Bloodthirst and Addendum is a win more situation though, especially when you compare one token with flash vs 5 sorcery speed ones. Maybe it should care about power and not toughness.

@teaxch I can’t decide if the flavor text is sad or funny, guess old habits like grave looting never go away :p On the actual card, though simple it’s a really good common card, you can build a 3/3 flyer on turn 3! I would pick it early!

@morbidly-queerious Simic and Selesnya, this time on a hybrid card. This could make a really nice Bant commander, combined with the various +1/+1 counter lords from across recent mtg sets.

@karkavicious-vantas Last card... wow lots of entries! So Imprint and Metalcraft! And self metal replication from small creatures you control! Really nice value design and aggressively costed! What I like most about the card though is that metalcraft exists as a way to limit the value production! Unorthodox (because usually we have X thing matters to reminded ourselves for bonuses) yet very smart! Also pairs great with the name!

#planar combo #commentary #group commentary #Inventor's Fair #custom magic card #mtg #magic the gathering

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spookysnicket · 5 years

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@slasherscream: Hey there! Can I get a slasher matchup please? I'm a bisexual black girl. I've got brown eyes, long black hair that's a big soft ball of curls + fluff. I'm a goofball Mom friend with a dark sense of humor. Huge sci-fi and horror fan. Love learning about history. Useless well of "Did you know that-" facts. Learning French specifically so I can shit talk ppl with my creole Mother in public. Pretend I'm a lot tougher than I actually am. Actually very sensitive and I tend to baby people. If I was a video game character you could only find me at the library or people watching. I snort when I laugh and tell bad jokes. I write poetry. Mostly dark stuff but also the secret romantic that writes poetry and love letters about their s/o. Just want to dote on someone and be doted back on in equal amount. Don't notice flirting but get shy when I finally do. Girly girl to the extreme. Dresses and skirts and wedges are the only way to live. Why did this get so long?? Thaaaank you!!

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(Don’t you worry about how long your descrip is! It gives me more things to write about! I hope you like it, matchup under the cut as always!)

I match you with Carrie White

✨ There are plenty of spoiled, snobby, entitled white teens in Chamberlain- who in the 1970′s, haven’t cared to learn how to respect people of color. Carrie, at her own discretion, will happily pummel any one of them into the ground with her TK, should they make any crude racist jokes- or at least scare the bigotry out of them if you forbid using any violence. She doesn’t get how they’d make fun of you like her if you’re beautiful like them

✨ Your hair is so pretty! She always asks first if she can touch it. Your poofy dark curls look so delicate and dainty, much more so than her straight, curtain-like strands. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t hold envy for your volume, too

✨ Goodness gracious does this poor little love-bug need a mom friend. Give her affirmations, gentle hugs, little kisses here and there. Kindness is a foreign concept to Carrie, but after she’s sure you aren’t just playing a trick on her, she melts at your every loving touch

✨ Listen, Carrie’s a textbook wallflower when she’s not the target of everyone’s bullying- she’s got info on every one of the pompous bastards in her town. As mean as it may be to her, she can’t help but laugh when you make a joke out of something she tells you

✨ Carrie actually kinda enjoys sci-fi, and much prefers to watch anything in that genre rather than horror. Geek out with her about all your favorite lore, characters, ships, etc. Carrie finds all the little details you appreciate in those fun other worlds so enchanting!

✨ There was one time on the way to lunch, you muttered to Carrie and asked her if Chris Hargensen could see both of your history grades from the high pedestal she sits on all day. Carrie legitimately thought she was gonna wee herself then and there and have to deal with another shower-like incident. In other terms, Carrie also really likes history! She’s a gifted student, and you two spend a lot of time together studying for exams and gushing over your favorite famous dead people

✨ Carrie’s happy to tune in attentively when you share your countless random facts. She thinks everything you have to say is fascinating, and she’s always listening with intrigue- you know so much!

✨ Hearing you speak another language? Faint. Carrie has such a thing for smarts. Plus, you just seem so effortlessly elegant to her- confidently pronouncing those pleasant yet indecipherable sounds as they roll off your tongue like flowy linguistic waves. You sound just as ethereal as you look (Just don’t let her know you’re secretly making fun of your classmates, she’ll feel bad)

✨ Carrie takes note of the contrast between your outer shell and inner personality rather quickly once you two start hanging out. Deep down it makes her feel special, seeing how kind and soft you are with her behind the scenes of your strong and assured disposition

✨ Book buddies! If Carrie was in a video game, she’d probably just be a book, if we’re honest

✨ She’s low key a stalker too, so you’re now a duo lurker team!

✨ Your snort scares her the first time she makes you laugh hard enough to get one out- she doesn’t expect the noise, is all. You’d covered your mouth afterwards, being embarrassed by her bewildered expression, before she grinned ear to ear with a smile that nearly made her eyes close shut, squashed by her raised cheeks that she then pressed her palms too with a sweet giggle. “Oh Y/n, that was precious!”

✨ None of your jokes are bad to Carrie. She unironically laughs at puns, and would unfortunately find some of those Facebook mom minion posts kinda funny too. There’s no bad joke to Carrie unless it targets someone in a mean way- don’t worry about your sense of humor!

✨ You better let Carrie see those poems. She finds the deeper messages in your works to be strangely comforting, and even nostalgic in a way. And just to let you know, you’re her favorite author

✨ She’s such a SAP for cheesy lovey-dovey overly sweet gestures. Finding a love letter? For her? By you? Lord above help her, Carrie has to fight her own mind to keep her TK from wreaking delighted havoc on her surroundings while her heart pounds away in tender lovesick beats

✨ I personally don’t think Carrie’s one to get overly attached, even considering her background and social status. Regardless of the fact that she’s been neglected and tossed away all her life, she doesn’t tend to be overbearing. That being said, there’s not a waking second where this girl isn’t thinking of you and loving you with her whole ass heart. If she sees something she thinks you might like, she’s gonna get you it as a gift. If she manages to keep momma at bay, she’s ‘heading to the library’ to go out with you. Super secret late night calls? You better bet she’s already huddled around the landline with her soft voice barely audible even on your end. She just loves you so much, and she wants to spend as much time with you as she can

✨ If god himself doesn’t waltz down the stairs to the pearly gates and put both of your hands together, Carrie doesn’t know what she’ll do. You're both terribly awkward around each other, but in that sweet and innocent way. Carrie is at ground zero with flirting and being close to someone, but watching the other girls with their partners sparks a drive- a sort of push and inspiration to try at your affections. Her advances however, get shot down fairly quickly due to your unknowing- which poor Carrie takes as you not feeling the same way. You gotta meet her halfway with this, or it’ll never happen

✨ Her flirting is pretty obvious though, so you should be able to catch on. Things like little compliments, flowers, asking for your opinion on poems she wrote about love that may or may not be directed at you- you get the gist of it. They were quite bold moves for Carrie, in hindsight- she really gave it her all to tell you how she felt about you, and it’s still adorable to this day

✨ PLEASE MAKE HER GIRLY. The confidence boost would be immediate. It’s wonderful to finally get out of those granny drapes and into a cute outfit for once. She probably starts leaving home for school earlier just to go to your place to change into something more suitable for her tastes. Plus, in a way, she gets to be wrapped in and surrounded by you! The comforting fabrics she’s clutched onto many times before during warm hugs now wears over her body, and for a moment, makes her feel almost as beautiful as you do every single day. What other reasons does she need?

#its so hard to find a gif where she's happy #and not smothered in pigs blood hkjshdfhdsk #matchups #slasher matchups #carrie white

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vecna · 4 years

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For fandom meme-swtor?

Send me a fandom!

This one isn’t as spicy as the Dragon Age one, but I still got Wordy.

Also there’s lots of KOTFE/KOTET/etc spoilers in here, so don’t read if you don’t want to see em. (Looking at you, Chignon.)

The character(s) I first fell in love with:

My own OCs haha.

But more seriously: It was actually Darth Malgus! I was always going to play a Star Wars MMO, let’s be real. But when they started posting promo videos and cinematics for the game, my Sith-loving ass immediately gravitated to that guy haha. And then, it turned out he had the same VA as The Architect from Dragon Age, and that was it for me.

If we’re talking about companions, then it was probably Malavai Quinn. Sith Warrior was the first class I got to 50, and Quinn was the first companion that I really got overly attached to haha.

The character(s) I never expected to love as much as I do now:

Most (not all, but most) of the “new” companions that came in with KOTFE and beyond. I was initially really sour when I realized we were losing all our class storyline companions, and they were being replaced with a new crew of Lana, Theron, Koth, my mother-in-law Senya, etc. Especially when they – at the time – said we’d eventually get our class companions back, but it would be a while. So I started KOTFE sure that I would hate the new crew because I would rather have the old one…. and ended up liking them quite a lot! Mostly, lol.

The character(s) everyone else loves that I don’t:

Doc is the main one, jesus christ. If you didn’t read my last post, I just really really really do not mesh well with overly sexual and Adult Humor-y characters who scold you with a “You’re no fun.” if your OC isn’t into it. Doc is the worst example of it that I’ve ever encountered. I always play a male JK, and the fact nearly all of his convos amount to, “Boy, you and me are going to be up to our eyeballs in vagina when this war ends, amirite?” “You don’t want that? Come on, the Jedi Code doesn’t say you can’t FUCK, live a little.” “You’re no fun. Well, more for me.” drives me NUTS. This combined with how he interacts with Kira just does me in. Shoves him out an airlock.

Dark Side Jaesa is another big one, albeit mainly for OOC reasons. I just hate the fact that she even exists, really. I get the appeal of a story where a Sith corrupts a Jedi to the Dark Side, but the way she does a total 180 into gross hedonism while Serving You always just makes me cringe. Plus there’s the fact that straight dudebro gamers are really nasty with her, and she’s the main companion I always see men put into the slave bikini outfit, and just yikes.

Also just a lot of one-off NPCs that everyone goes crazy for and ships their OCs with, but I constantly forget who they even are lol. Attros Finn comes to mind. I don’t hate them! Just don’t get the appeal I guess.

The character(s) I love that everyone else hates:

Lord Scourge, although I’m not sure he’s really hated as much anymore. I just remember at launch, when all of the overly invested Revan stans absolutely HATED him because of what he did in the Revan novel, and then flooded the tags with vitriol over being “stuck” with him as a Knight, and having to hear about Revan in his companion convos. It was really, really tiresome! Maybe it’s because I never really cared that deeply about Revan as my personal character, but I could not understand the backlash.

Anyway, Lord Scourge is my favorite companion in the game by a long shot. I love the conversations you can have with him about the Jedi vs Sith, and I love the mutually respectful tone those conversations take. (Where other Bioware companions who disagree with you have a tendency to just go, “You’re wrong.” and shut you down.) The fact that he’s so tied in with the plot just makes me love him more, really.

The character(s) I used to love but don’t any longer:

Cytharat, Koth and Theron mostly. Although this takes a bit of explaining, and is a bit Discourse-y – because I really appreciate them as characters, but their role and Bioware’s decisions with them is what made me no longer love them.Here’s the thing: Bioware has a bad habit of introducing male characters that are bisexual, and then having them betray you, leading to situations where they either get murdered or vanish from the narrative entirely. Meanwhile, bisexual women like Lana are untouched and around forever.

I was overjoyed when I first saw Cytharat. Y'all know I’m a ho for purebloods, and the fact that he was Malgus’ apprentice was fascinating to me – and then he turned out to be a bi romance. I got very hyped for him, only to find out he dies like 5 minutes later – or if you save him, he’s never seen again. Huge letdown.

Koth was the first character I fell in love with of the new KOTFE crew – I even initiated a romance with him! – but it quickly became obvious there’s no way to play the expansion without him turning on you judgementally at some point or another. And then, hey big surprise, you can kill him or else he’s never seen again.

Theron I’ve loved since we first got to know him in the Forged Alliances content, but that whole storyline where he seemingly betrays you out of nowhere, only to later reveal he didn’t actually, idk. And then, once again, you either kill him or he disappears from the story. It felt like a weirdly shoehorned in plot for shock value, and robbed us of a second bi MOC character.

You see the trend here? I want to love these characters, but Bioware continually electing to do this shit with bi dudes is tiresome and makes me unwilling to invest any interest in the characters anymore.

The character(s) I would totally smooch:

None.

The character(s) I’d want to be like:

None really come to mind? I just want to be a Jedi, come on.

The character(s) I’d slap:

Hunter all day every day.

The pairing(s) that I love:

Haha, this question is hard, because most of the SWTOR ships I’m invested in are between my OCs and my friends’ OCs.

However.

SCOURGE / KNIGHT IS THE BIG ONE, THE ULTIMATE, THE ALL-TIME FAVORITE. It’s really hard to describe just how much I love this ship, and just how much time and energy I’ve invested into it over the past… 8 years wow……….. To the point of being almost territorial. And it’s also near impossible for me to talk about why I love it, because the version I ship is so personalized with my specific Jedi Knight, especially since it had to live exclusively in headcanon land for so long. Scourge is, more or less, my Knight’s support pillar and the thing that grounds him and keeps him humble, in a world where my Knight is surrounded by people who expect him to be a pure flawless messiah. But, I mean. How can you have a man look at your character and say, “I’ve waited 300 years to see your face.” and not immediately ship it. And then I finally got vindicated after all these years when it was made canon!

I really love Arcann / Knight for a lot of the same reasons as the above, but I just really adore his one (1) romance convo haha. Granted, yes he did a lot of fucked up things, but I was so grateful when he had like… a Zuko-esque redemption. Where he comes to your character and firmly believes he doesn’t deserve forgiveness, and especially doesn’t deserve affection, and is instead met with acceptance and a chance to grow and heal. That’s the good shit.

Others:

Lana / Warrior and Lana / Inquisitor are my particular jam. I endlessly enjoy the mutual respect between Lana and those particular PCs.

Malavai Quinn / Sith Warrior is a longtime fave, and although I DO love him with a female Warrior, I really do with he’d been an option for dudes as well. And I feel the same in reverse about Vette / Warrior – I do like her with a male Warrior, and it’s so sweet and wholesome and endearing, but man I wish she’d been an option for female Warriors.

I ship Risha with every woman – especially Vette and Sumalee – and will be salty until my grave that Risha / f!Smuggler isn’t possible, because I love Risha with the Smuggler but she gives me powerful WLW vibes.

Agent / Watcher Two is also a lowkey favorite, but I ALSO wish it could be done with a female Agent instead. Same with Agent / Raina Temple.

Agent / Vector is very sweet, but again, I will be salty until my grave that it couldn’t be done with a male Agent.

Can you guys sense a running theme here?

Finally: NGL I love Valkorion / Senya, even though that ended in pure disaster.

And people around here used to ship Keeper / Lokin, and tbh, I still kinda love it lol.

The pairing(s) that I despise:

In general terms, I fucking hate every single romance that involves the male PC romancing his padawan or underling, especially since most of them seem like very young girls. I don’t know why this is so pervasive in the game, but yikes Bioware. Consular/Nadia is the worst offender, but they’re all just cringe central for me.

But the big one is Agent / Hunter. This would have gotten me run off Tumblr back in the day, but god I hate this pairing. I mentioned in the last post that I just will never enjoy ships where the two characters actively want to murder each other, but. This just gets magnified for me with Agent/Hunter, where all the mind control and blatant abuse comes into play – and people have a tendency to write noncon rape fic of the two and present it as ~sexy rivalmance~, which is awful. Add to this the “no homo” reveal where Hunter turns out to be a woman, after getting everyone hyped about a dude flirting with their male character the whole game, and it’s just a huge No Thanks from me all around.

And for largely personal reasons I just don’t like seeing female Knights with Scourge. Listen, for YEARS I was treated like a pariah for shipping Scourge with my male Knight, while being unable to find Scourge content that didn’t have a female Knight plastered all over him. Even though he wasn’t even a romance option one way or another, the way the fandom treated m!Knight/Scourge with disdain while ardently shipping f!Knight/Scourge was offputting as shit. And then, after years, he was made a romance option for women AND men, and all these awful people acted like they were robbed, the way people reacted when Kaidan and Jaal were made bi in Mass Effect. I’m so tired. I never want to see Scourge with a female Knight again.

#misc: text #misc: meme #series: star wars #vg: the old republic #long post #scorpio-dw

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sandyferal · 5 years

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Vieratom and Monty Darklight. The main characters of a story I’ve been working on for many many years.

I know I’ve posted character stuff for Vieratom before, but I just keep working on this and I like to keep it together.

HUGE DUMP of story, character, and world building info beneath.

Vieratom is the first-born Princess of a world with absolutely no natural sunlight. The average life span is a few hundred human years. Each of their years is two human years. So what they’d call fifty years, we’d call one hundred. Many of the animals in this dimension are light sources, and most residential areas are lit up like crazy with artificial light. The crops don’t need sunlight. Even so, there are still seasons because somewhere in this dimension there is a place with sunlight and weather etc. that is tied to their world, but no one can reach it. People use magic, drawing from a underlying well of dark and light energy that exists throughout their dimension. The dark is by far more powerful, but is rarely used as much as the light. The dark energy is easier to access the less life you have in you.

Despite being the first-born Vieratom’s right to the throne is in question. Mostly due to the fact that she was perfectly healthy in the womb, yet was born dead, and came back to life an hour later. Ever since, she and the magic she holds have grown in an incredibly rapid and unhealthy way.

While her survival was at first seen as a miracle, two (four of our years) years later she was upstaged by the perfectly healthy and normal birth of her sister Monty. From the moment she was born, Monty was far more beloved by the kingdom. It was very likely that she would end up ruling the kingdom instead.

In this world, when one reaches adulthood, their parents give them gemstones to symbolize that they’re their own person. On her twentieth birthday (fortieth in terms of human years), Vieratom still failed to recieve anything from her parents. When her grandfather died shortly after, she stole his gemstones (he had his dead wife’s too) and kept one for herself.

This gemstone gave her the power to make anyone (who is attracted to women) attracted to her, to the point where they were basically mind controlled. It changed her body, making her less gaunt and giving her more curves. She uses this power to travel to another dimension and try to take it over.

The other gemstone she left to Monty, not knowing what it did. It gave Monty the power to make anyone (romantically interested in women) fall in love with her. She doesn’t use it much, as she doesn’t want or need to make people fall in love with her.

Basil is Monty’s childhood best friend. A gardener who helps grow food for the palace, and tends to the royal garden. Vieratom has had a crush on him since she was little. He knows this and has had to turn her down.

Violet is Basil’s girlfriend. She’s not royalty but she’s still pretty wealthy, and is very judgy. She and Vieratom get in fights a lot, but she’s not great at actually hurting her feelings, and at the end of the day will be able to sympathize with most people including Vieratom. Mad that she has weak magic (and practically no tits). Dates Basil mostly because he’s one of the only people who can stand her somewhat bitchy attitude. Not specifically because she’s sure she loves him.

Monty will eventually marry Basil, but despite this it’s unclear whether or not she has romantic feelings for him. They never date or court each other, their marriage is known to be an open relationship, and they have never said openly that they love each other. They have a child and they’re still both happy in their (possibly platonic) marriage. Monty is possibly aro, but could be pan, no one knows (harder to tell bc she’s definitely not ace).

Tentacles are something that all people in this world have. It’s how they channel their magic. They all start as black and plain at birth, but develop and change as each person grows. How many tentacles you can grow and how much slime they produce are indicators of magical strength.

Ten is the maximum amount the most powerful beings can grow. The average is 3-4 for women, 2 or 8 for men (who usually either have weak magic or overly powerful magic) and 5 for royalty.

When Vieratom died right after she was born, her tentacles lost the ability to change. They’re stagnant, still black, and the slime that they are covered in is an unhealthy yellowish-brown. They have the color and texture of tapioca pearls, yet are a bit firmer. Despite their inability to properly change however, they became unusually powerful as she grew older. She can sprout seven in total, and usually has one or two out at all times. They are each at least twice as powerful as one of her arms, and more powerful than her legs, as she often uses them to walk. She can also use them to open up dimensional portals (or more accurate, rip the fabric of her universe where it’s already been weakened).

Monty’s are pink. They have developed the ability to spray a strangely appealing fragrance. While most of her tentacles are covered in a healthy clear slime, tips are not slimy, but very sticky. This allows her to grab and attach her tentacles to objects and surfaces. Underneath the slime, they feel like Satin. She can grow five of them, an average amount for royalty. She has never tried to use them to walk on the ground, but she’s just strong enough to be able to use the to cling to the ceiling. She will sprout one or two for a few minutes or hours on a daily basis then retract them.

Violet’s are, well, violet. They are not slimy. They are just slightly damp like grass covered in dew. They feel like velvet, except for the tips, which look and feel like violets. They are filled with water, which can be sprayed out like a hose. The violet on the end changes with the seasons just like a real violet, though it never dies, and doesn’t require sunlight (like most plants in this world). The pollen acts a bit like real sperm, releasing during a climax, and contains eggs. She can grow two in total, a below-average amount, which she is self conscious about. They are a little weaker than her arms. They are almost never out.

Basil’s are grass green. The tips are yellow in summer, orange and red in fall, white in winter, and pink in spring. It feels both somewhat like a vine, and somewhat like a frog’s skin. It’s slightly slimy (like a frog), more so in fall and spring, less so in summer and winter. They can photosynthesis using any light source, not just the sun, and this will make it so they use less of his body’s energy, and even provide him some extra nutrients. He can grow two in total, and they are usually both out and active. They are always a bit stronger than his arms, but are weaker during summer and winter.

Tess lives in a different dimension than Vieratom. In Tess’s dimension, people live on isolated islands that don’t interact much. There’s not a lot of wars and countries, mostly states made up of small villages with many friendly rivalries. It’s always fall or spring, which means trees go from colorful leaves to blooming flowers. Pumpkins are the most popular crop and pumpkin spice is the most popular flavor. The days are longer and the nights shorter, and all people have either freckles or light to moderately brown skin from being in the sun so much (in fact those are the only two “races”). Many of the residents have physical traits similar to both dwarves and elves. This means that when it comes to things like body hair, size, and demeanor, they are often on either end of the spectrum, as opposed to being in the middle, despite the fact that they are all of the same species. They also have a lifespan lasting multiple centuries. However, time moves differently between their dimension and Vieratom’s.

Tess is genderfluid, and only a few years younger than Vieratom. He meets her when she comes to his dimension to take it over. He falls under the spell of her Gemstone instantly, and is brainwashed along with a good 60% of the population. Yet, even without the influence of the Gemstone, Tess adores Vieratom. He’s self aware enough to know that it’s not a good thing considering how violent she is, but he’s still hopelessly in love with her and will follow her to the ends of the Earth, or through different dimensions.

#original work #Character Design #redesign #I know no one cares but I

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kawitchii · 6 years

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A Witch Watches: Little Witch Academia

A Witch Watches Little Witch Academia | The Witches’ Anime

When I watch Little Witch Academia, I geek out over a lot of things. The animation is fantastic and fluid and at times really, really beautiful. The character designs are adorable, original, and extremely expressive when they need to be. The characters themselves are all dynamic and most are so lovable that you can get attached almost immediately. The fantasy world that’s created is beautiful and imaginative and it makes me want to live in it for real.

But even with all of these technical and typical anime-lover reasons to geek out over Little Witch Academia, nothing gets me more excited in this show than its depiction of magic and witches. As I study more about magick myself, I’ve found more and more real elements of magick in this anime. Everything from the characters to the Shiny Chariot cards to even little background details reminds me of my own practice and the practices of others I’ve seen throughout my time as a witch.

Let’s face it. If a witch were to watch any anime, it would be Little Witch Academia.

*Warning: As always, this post is NOT spoiler free! I’ve done my best to not mention too many specifics, but if you wish to enjoy Little Witch Academia in its purest form with no spoilers at all, even minor ones, read no further!*

The Witchy Details

One of the reasons the world of Little Witch Academia feels so solid is because of how well researched it is. Fey folk and dragons and crystals are all included and so well done that, as a witch who has studied a lot of these subjects, I find myself connecting to the world even more than one would expect from an anime.

Take the constant witch symbolism throughout the show. The triple moon is a common symbol of the witch and in Wicca. A waxing crescent moon, a full moon, and a waning crescent moon are shown together to symbolize the three stages of a witch’s life. In the case of a female witch, whom all the characters of Little Witch Academia are, those stages are the maiden, the mother, and the crone. I could go into more detail, but for now let’s focus on the symbol itself.

Moons are present throughout the background and character designs. They appear as runes in episode 2, which Diana deciphers with flying colors. They also appear on the clothing of the professors at the academy. The Headmistress, the most powerful and important witch at the academy, is the only witch in the show to have the triple moons featured on her hat whereas everyone else has crescents, circles, or interlocking shapes. The triple moon in this case is a testament to the level at which she can cast magic. She is essentially the high priestess in the very large coven which is Luna Nova. There is only one other witch at Luna Nova who has the triple moon symbol featured in her design, and that is Ursula also known as Chariot du Nord or Shiny Chariot. Chariot is one of the most powerful witches who had graduated Luna Nova and was also chosen as the wielder of the Wand of the Seven Stars, so it makes sense that she too would have a triple moon somewhere in her design.

Speaking of triple moon, the goddess of the triple moon makes multiple appearances in the background. Hecate, a goddess commonly depicted with three heads, is commonly referred to as the goddess of witches and her statues are everywhere at Luna Nova! They’re based on a common Greek statue of her.

The witches of the academy also learn actual magick traditions as evidenced by the tree of life in the background of this scene in episode 2. This tree is part of the spiritual Hebrew tradition and marks the paths one takes in life to reach spiritual enlightenment. It can also be used in conjunction with similar spiritual path traditions such as the Major Arcana of the Tarot. And since the Major Arcana tell the story of the witch or magician in training throughout their life, it makes sense that it appears in Little Witch Academia.

Not only is the setting treated with a high detail in terms of real magick, the characters are too. With so many witches in one anime, the way each one stands out is how they approach their own magic.

The Characters and their Diverse Witchcraft

No two characters in Little Witch Academia are the same and that’s one of my favorite things about the show! Because of this diversity in character, there’s a huge diversity in the kinds of witchcraft each character specializes in. It’s all heavily personality based, but it also reflects the real diversity you see in real witchcraft.

Diana, for example, is extremely book smart which allows her to be more of a traditional witch. She practically has an encyclopedic knowledge of the history, the spells, and the lore of witchcraft. Diana is a descendant of witches and comes from a long and famed witch line. With the pressures that followed her throughout childhood, it’s no wonder Diana sticks to tradition, though she’s not afraid to learn from more non-traditional witches around her. I’m not a hereditary witch myself, but I’ve seen this kind of traditional, hereditary witch many times. They’re good for asking questions to and learning information from when they want to and Diana tends to act this way in the show as well.

Then there’s Lotte, a spiritworker with an affinity for fairy-type creatures. She has an incredible talent for working with them, once calming a group of restless spirits with a song in The Enchanted Parade. Another smaller spirit is often seen tagging along with her as well. For someone so small and quiet, she has a confidence with spirits that I’ve only seen in real life a few times. Funny enough, those people had similar personalities to Lotte.

Sucy, who is obsessed with poisons, is a botanical witch. She has an encyclopedic knowledge of mushrooms which likely rivals Diana’s knowledge of just about anything. Because of this, Sucy also can make potions and poisons quickly and easily. Some of her strongest potions in the series have been one that brings objects to life and a mandrake potion to increase magic powers.

Contanze has some of the most original magic within the show that even Akko questions at one point. While putting together potions in class, Contanze uses her special machinery to get the job done in episode 5. Akko exclaims, “Hey! That doesn’t look witchy at all!” This is something a lot of witches who are drawn to machinery and technology hear often. It might not look like traditional magic, but Contanze’s use of technology makes her magic stronger. She’s even able to create a magic powered mech for the Wild Hunt which takes down the dark magical creature that crashes the hunt.

There are many more examples of the characters and how their diverse personalities and talents reflect actual magick and witches, but these are the ones who stick out to me the most. Of course, Akko, the main character, is in a league of her own as a witch both as a student at Lunanova and a character in the show. It’s Akko’s character arc that makes her the most relatable in the show for a variety of reasons, but especially as a young witch.

Akko, the Fool’s Journey, and Staying True to Who You Are

Akko’s story is a familiar underdog kind of tale. She starts out as an overly optimistic dreamer going into a new situation where she may be way in over her head. Over time she learns and grows and becomes a powerful witch in her own right. The best way I can explain Akko’s character arc is through something that appears around the character often: cards.

Akko collects Shiny Chariot trading cards which describe different magical items, spells, happenings, and places. She often lays the cards out almost as if they were a tarot spread and in these cards, Akko seems to find the answers to her problems in the earlier parts of the series. Though Akko isn’t as gifted as Diana when it comes to memorizing and performing magic, Akko’s cards are her own tool for learning magic. It’s because of this, that I can’t help but draw a parallel between the tarot and Akko herself.

The Fool is usually considered the first card of the Major Arcana and marks the beginning of the cycle the Major Arcana depicts. Reckless, bright, and friendly Akko is essentially the definition of The Fool card, and not in the way of her intelligence level (though there is a running joke among fans that Akko is a beautiful, lovable idiot, but I’ll get to that in Little Witch 101). She is happy-go-lucky and overly optimistic when it comes to magic, often forgetting or disregarding the realities of magic around her. What others consider to be a childish fascination with magic for the joy of it, I consider to be an innocence. Akko was not raised in a family of witches and instead decided to become a witch all on her own. Of course Shiny Chariot was a big part of that choice, but Akko wants nothing more than to become a witch who can spread happiness in the same way.

Its Akko’s innocent, optimistic perspective on magic is what I think makes her so relatable for actual witches struggling with their own magick. Most witches I’ve seen have made the choice to be witches on their own rather than being born into the practice. Most are solitary, without covens or elders to teach them what to do. Even more witches go around looking for other witches on the internet to help them because actually meeting other witches in real life is difficult and even then, many witches feel as if they don’t have their own place in the witchcraft community or struggle with magick while on their own. When I see Akko, a young witch struggling to fit into the traditional witchcraft community especially when her own beliefs butt heads with the traditional ones, it reminds me that being a beginner is okay. Akko is able to learn and grow without changing her core beliefs which is something every struggling person in general should be able to look at and be inspired by.

The Fool card is labeled with a 0 for a reason. It is both the beginning and the end of the Major Arcana and life’s cycle. It is also the card with the greatest potential. Even after learning all knowledge The World can give, it is possible to live life as happily and innocently as The Fool. My favorite part of the overall story is that it starts and ends with Akko, The Fool. Though she went through life’s experiences at a rapid pace, and experienced heartbreak as well as ultimate victory, Akko still is the same person she started the series as deep down inside. She has learned how to harness powerful magic, but she doesn’t let that change her. The world around her is different though. This time, she has friends and mentors who love and support her. Akko tries to fly her broom once again, this time with all of her new friends watching. Finally, with their support and her continued belief in herself, Akko is able to float off of the ground. It is because believing in herself really was all that it took to make magic.

#a witch watches #little witch academia #lwa #little witch #mahou shojo #pop culture witchcraft #pc witchcraft

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cantusecho · 5 years

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(Okay, episode 3 shizz.

Let me get one thing out the way; I’m very glad that Shirabe and Kirika are getting more screentime. These two have been teaming up and beating the villains two episodes in a row with their combos. It’s fantastic.

That happens later in the episode but I just...love it haha.

But okay! This episode was calmer than last week. Technically, last week was calm right up until the VERY end so I guess I should say there wasn’t a huge huge shocker at the end (at least to me...though there is a reveal).

What they start on is, surprisingly, the indirect mention of Hibiki’s parents. I didn’t think they’d be mentioned again but guess it makes sense in hindsight. And for those that don’t know, I simply headcanoned that Hibiki’s parents didn’t live together because literally trying to piece together a family that had issues unspoken for YEARS can’t suddenly just be a happy family again. With no real answers after the end of GX (which was basically four years ago), this is why I came up with it.

And that’s what Hibiki confirms, much to my relief.

(note: these are fansubs. The ones done by Crunchyroll say “Sometimes they’re together. Most of the time they’re not.” Basically the same thing.)

Her saying this has relieved me so much that it’s hard to explain. However, it’s actually really sad that she sees this with her parents, and yet the obvious parallel between her and Miku shows heavily in this scene too, just with a simple response.

It’s a lot. But I’d be here all day if I spoke about my feelings on this small scene, haha.

Also, with Tsubasa. She seems to be fine physically, but her mind/brain waves has been showing to be irregular after the concert. Understandably so. But I can’t help but wonder if it has anything to do with Millaarc’s “Seal Invasion” technique because it must do something to the brain.

Millaarc actually attempts to do it on Hibiki this episode but it doesn’t work. All it does is stun her.

But in terms of Tsubasa, she caught her VERY off guard, which I assume caused the full effect of the skill/ability on her. But there’s no telling what it does exactly since we haven’t seen it yet.

Everyone is reasonably worried about Tsubasa, even more so once Fudou shows up and practically shuts Tsubasa down.

Just in case the pictures don’t show up properly, here’s the whole conversation in text because I find the entire thing important:

Tsubasa: Sorry for making you worry. But everything is fine now.

Fudou: What do you mean exactly by “everything is fine”? I will not allow you to say that you have forgotten about how you permitted barbarians to trample our country, Tsubasa!

Tsubasa: Of course I haven’t forgotten. The scene of such a tragedy is a weight that I must bear for the mistakes I have made.

Fudou: For an ineffectual Sentinel such as yourself, protecting everyone is nothing more than a dream beyond a dream.

Tsubasa: I can’t protect anyone...as I am now...?

Fudou: I’m telling you that your songs will never protect the world.

Tsubasa: I can’t protect the world...with my songs...

Fudou: I still hold high expectations for you, given the blood that flows through you.

Hibiki: Tsubasa-san...

Tsubasa: Worry not, Tachibana. A tempered sword will not break so easily.

For him to straight up tell her to her face that songs won’t help people, and that she herself can’t protect anyone, feels like a double blow after seeing so many people die at the concert, especially watching that girl being killed in front of her. It’s almost like, Tsubasa not being able to protect that girl like Kanade managed to save Hibiki back at the Zwei Wing concert. It was already clear enough that Tsubasa would put blame on herself and this makes it worse (and we don’t know how Millaarc’s ability will effect her to add onto it). Now the reveal at the end makes me even more annoyed at him about this but I’ll mention that later.

So, it seems that Millaarc and Elsa need a specific type of rare blood in order to either keep themselves alive, or able to fight. With them being failed experiments (their backgrounds were revealed in keywords this week, and they’re pretty intense as we would expect) I can see this making sense.

(Side note: Elsa, Vanessa and Millaarc are all based off of ancient monsters. Millaarc is already a anagram for Carmilla, basically an ancient vampire in fiction. Elsa is to signify werewolves while Vanessa signifies Frankenstein. This shows in the opening.)

Elsa

Full name: Elsa Bete.

She hails from Lozère, France. After many of her relatives fell victim to assaults and kidnappings, the Bavarian Illuminati took her in for use in experiments.

As well as having undergone surgery to increase the sensitivity of her nerves, she was also augmented to allow faster reaction times and parallel information processing.

She uses her inhuman speed and manipulator devices known as "tail attachments" in combat.

In order to reduce the physical strain of such abilities, she was implanted with the DNA of several different beasts and as a result expresses some feral taint on her body.

Compared to Vanessa and Millaarc, she may be lacking in raw power but makes up for it in strategy, tactics, quick-wittedness, and flexibility.

Millaarc

Full name: Millaarc Cranstoun.

She hails from Styria, Austria. On a trip to Slovakia, she was kidnapped by an elite hunting club. At some point, she was sold off to a remote branch of the Bavarian Illuminati to be used in experiments.

One particular experiment entailed an attempt to use genetic manipulation to create monsters seen only in myth and legend. However, this experiment failed and she was unable become a true "vampire."

Despite this, she still hides herself in a bio-booster cloak known as a "chiroptera." This grants her the ability to fly as well as augment the strength of her arms and legs. If you look closely, she has a number of traits that reveal the original intention to create a vampire.

It is thought that her "stained glance" also has its origins in vampire legend.

(Note: Translations vary because I’ve seen mentions of Elsa actually being held captive by relatives in a abusive way? As well as Millaarc being taken in by a specific torture group of people in Slovakia).

There’s nothing on Vanessa yet but we may get a keyword for her next week, not sure. But regardless, it makes Millaarc’s comment to Tsubasa about being “weak” last episode all the more obvious. These villains are clearly weaker than the Gears so they use various other schemes and tricks to gain the upper hand. I find this interesting honestly, I’m glad they’re not overly powerful like Carol and Saint-Germain and her crew were like. It makes for a more interesting dynamic, at least to me.

Makes me all the more curious what they may possibly do in order to fulfill their goals.

As mentioned prior, Kirika and Shirabe end up taking on Millaarc and basically owning her with their combo attack. It takes Vanessa, who has been oddly quiet and “not doing anything” to stop the attack by shutting down the power, basically forcing Kirika and Shirabe to chose between fighting them or saving the hospital patients. So in turn, this allows Vanessa and her group to get away again.

Now at the very end of the episode before the credits, it’s shown that Fudou himself is working with Vanessa and them just to get the relic that was on that Custodian/Annunaki’s body in the previous episodes (named Shem-Ha. As for details on this, I can’t find anything as I research but there will more than likely be a keyword for it next week so I’ll wait until then). This, in my opinion, doesn’t come as a shocker mainly because he’s said that he wanted that Divine Power for Japan (and basically himself) at the end of AXZ. And this pretty much confirms it.

But what’s messed up about this is that he KNOWS what Millaarc has done to Tsubasa, and all those people at the concert. Surely he HAS to know, and the damage it has done to Tsubasa. It almost feels like, if we’re looking back at his comments to Tsubasa, he’s using it as a way to prove to her that songs are useless. Almost like she should give up on her dream of singing and basically become his sword for the family. Almost like “forget this silly dream of songs, it doesn’t save anyone. You becoming my sword for the family is truly what will protect people.”

And that’s the type of mindset that Tsubasa’s been stuck in for YEARS. It took her meeting Hibiki and the others to finally, and slowly, break free from that harmful way of thinking (since she only considered herself a blade and had no regards for her own health or happiness). So, after what happened last week with her thinking that she can never protect anyone/anything, and THEN have Fudou rub it in her face (and us knowing that he’s working with the people that caused the chaos in the first place) is really...something.

Again, him doing this isn’t a surprise. Fudou is an asshole, probably the worst “dad” in this entire show lmao. He has no regards for his own family, all he wants is power and his own goal.

So it will be interesting where this leads and how this makes Tsubasa’s situation even more complicated, as the cast members pointed out.

Some random things that I enjoyed in the episode that aren’t related plot wise;

Kirika and Shirabe just remain to be far too adorable and dumb for their own good.

Hibiki and Chris teamwork is AWESOME. Plus those cool shots of Chris when she’s shooting the Alca-Noise.

Hibiki basically getting into an arm-wrestling match with Millaarc lol.

Elsa having a long braid/hair? (She’s adorable).

And another bonus Elsa:

Okay, that’s it. Lol.)

#(I'll do replies after this promise haha; sorry about that)#(I think I did better with my thoughts on this one compared to last week for sure lmao #also Aoi says to keep an eye out for episode 4 in terms of Hibiki since it's 'pumped up/cool!' as #she says in her words XDD. But for now I'm glad it felt a little bit calmer compared to last episode because lord)#ooc

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claihn · 6 years

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[LFRP] Mana Mizu - Balmung

❀ General Information ❀

Name: Mana Mizu (Formerly Mana Rivers) Gender: Female Age: 24 Race: Au Ra, Raen Birthplace: Othard Current Residence: A rundown greenery in the Lavender Beds Relationship Status: Single Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Occupation: A Liaison, Apothecary, Former Dancer

❀ Physical Appearance ❀

Hair: Light watercolor blue with varying pale hues & white Eyes: Aquamarine Height: 4 fm 8 im Distinguishing Marks: None that are considered oddities for her race. However she does have a scar just above the base of her tail. Common Accessories: She usually has a flower somewhere on her person and always wears a necklace with a single vial of clear liquid attached.

❀ Personality & Tidbits ❀

Outwardly, Mana is graceful, sociable and has a trained habit in listening to others with displayed empathy. Inwardly or in a less formal atmosphere however, she is playful, enjoys witty humor and has a keen knack for getting in over her head due to an insatiable curiosity. She’s fairly stubborn and often flirts with dangerous situations to satiate her own drive. Talents: Perceptive, adept in alchemy, graceful, dancing Flaws: Physically weak, no magical/fighting prowess, weak aether, takes unnecessary risks Religion: The Twelve are nice to think about. Alignment: True Neutral

❀ Hooks ❀

I really am only looking for long term connections. I’d love to create plots and work with someone to create meaningful stories that last for awhile!

Specific Connection Ideas ❀ Experienced Weapons master/Fighter - Mana has zero experience with weapons or true fights in general. (Dirty scrappy ‘oh my gosh I’m going to die’ fighting excluded.) However, she’s slowly trying to teach herself how to use a strange pair of chakrams. Even if your character isn’t experienced with such weapons, perhaps they know plenty about other weapons and could help teach her the basic tricks of battle? Give her some pointers? Laugh at her as she flails at a tree? Anything goes! ❀ Magic Expertise - Her personal aether is fairly weak, almost unnaturally so. This could catch the attention of anyone looking for it with good or bad intentions. Along a similar vein, the chakrams she often keeps with her are magical in nature. It could also catch interest or if your character is knowledgeable with magical items, she could seek them out for some insight. Again, sky is the limit for ideas all similar to this! ❀ Smooth Talker - Mana has learned how to adapt to plenty of situations by words alone. Is your character not the greatest with words but needs someone who is? Perhaps they just need an assistant for a night out to handle the dreary conversations? Or someone to help with a store front at first until they can kick things off themselves? Handle a few written letters so they sound nice? ETC! Mana is dabbling into being a liaison and could be roped in/paid to help!

General Sought Connections ❀ The Bad, The Ugly, The... Still Bad? Mana’s life was turned upside down many years ago in Limsa, which quickly taught her how to navigate the darker side of Eorzea. She’s used to dabbling with antagonists and villains. (And the mun enjoys it!) Perhaps your character knows her from the past? Or they’ve heard of her (she has a bounty or two still on her head/people who speak ill of her) in some fashion. I’d be happy to brainstorm and share more details, but villains are welcome! Conflicts, danger and grays are exciting! ❀ Past Clients - Mana’s apothecary is closed, but perhaps in the past your character had her making things for them or stopped by to pick up supplies. She still makes custom orders for the right price, incentive or push. She also was a dancer in Limsa several years ago. Perhaps your character was a past client in that setting as well with plenty of nuance to throw in. ❀ Travelers & Wanderings - She has a bit of wanderlust at times. As a child she grew up on a ship, so our characters could know each other from childhood. In more present times, Mana sometimes goes out on her own (sometimes as a poor decision) to explore, often to find new reagents or to satiate her own urge to just get away for awhile. They could bump into each other or who knows what! ❀ Note: Friendships, flings and romances are always on the table. Some being harder to strike up than others! However with romance in particular, I prefer to let characters hit it off on their own and believe slow burns are the BEST. (Especially given how Mana feels about such things.) Also it’s important to note that Mana tends to skirt with the darker genre. ❀ Always open to more ideas! Seriously, hit me up with anything!

❀ OOC Information ❀

I prefer in-game RP at the moment, but will consider Discord if schedules aren’t working out well. Especially if Discord Rp scenes can be done with a decent pace.

Genres: I personally enjoy Dark, Mature, Action, Adventure and Dramatic genres! I don’t mind doing some slice of life and softer tones too though if that’s needed! I do not like comedic or overly silly RP however- apologies! It is just not my cup of tea. Mana is a character that thrives and is best geared towards Dark/Mature themes. Feel free to poke with questions. Length: In-game I do 2-3 paragraphs depending on the situation, but less during events for politeness. In Discord it completely varies but can range from 2-5ish. Sometimes I get carried away but I do not ask the same in return. Quality over quantity! Style: I’m really flexible! I don’t mind a bit of planning and slinging out ideas, however when the RP gets started I really prefer to just go with the flow in those scenes/moments. It doesn’t feel natural or exciting if everything is predicted or forced, you know? Server: Balmung Timezone: EST Availability: In-game: anytime after 8 PM EST. Discord: I check Discord throughout the day! Contact Information: @claihn via Tumblr, Lain#0004 on Discord Other: Communication is a big must for me! An RP partner who is poking me just as often as I’m poking them, is unafraid to be honest and gets excited with me is a dream come true and will be treasured! I think I’m pretty friendly, flexible and can be really understanding about stuff happening too! I just want us to have fun. ^^

Do not hesitate to poke me if you wish to know more about her as well, as obviously this is only a glimpse!

#mana #mana mizu #rp #oc #balmung #lfrp

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