#i am suffering but idk. idk. idk! im trying to work toward something now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elysia-nsimp · 2 years

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Hi so I made art of Comet in her overblot. Also there’s a story below this :]

Imagine drawing your Yuu in overblot before finishing her ref sheet lmao. Couldn’t be me

Steal my art and I’ll steal your liver

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Anyway here’s the story I wrote on the plane about Comet’s overblot

CW: Swearing, minor violence/injury to person, yelling, idk some characters may be a little out of character im still learning their personalities.

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Comet slams her fist against Crowley’s desk, rattling the pen in front of him.

“What do you mean you’re giving up?” Comet was never one to show her anger or distain, but it was clear as day that Crowley’s words rubbed her a little too far the wrong way this time.

“I’ve searched for the past two years, looking for a way to get you home, Prefect, and yet I’ve come out completely empty-handed. I’m not even sure if your home world exists,” Crowley explains, lacing his fingers together.

“It has to! What, are you gonna tell me that all of my memories are fabricated too? All those years of living in a world without magic, where the Great Eight simply do not exist, was all a lie? Tell me, Crowley,” Comet demands, leaning forward on his desk.

“Whether or not your memories are real doesn’t matter much, Prefect. I have absolutely no way of accessing your home world, and so I am giving up my search.” Crowley narrows his eyes under his mask.

“Were you even trying?” Comet retorts. Crowley is quite taken aback by her accusatory tone.

“What?”

“I said, were you even trying? Never once did I see you even holding up a finger in an attempt to send me home. You’ve just stood on the sidelines and watched me take care of all the problems at your school! For all I know, you never even started looking, simply because I do all the work you’re too lazy to do!” Tears well in Comet’s eyes as Crowley bites his lower lip. The Headmage shifting his eyes was enough of an answer for Comet, as she pulls away from his desk.

“I knew it. You’re just a narcissistic, slacking manipulator who just wanted to get out of some extra work. Figures,” Comet huffs, crossing her arms. Never once had she acted so cruel towards the Headmage before—she never even showed signs of having distaste for him. Her reaction to Crowley’s news was more than a shock to him.

“Prefect, that’s not—“

“I don’t want to hear your stupid excuses.” Comet is quick to cut Crowley off. “You could have at least done me the favor of not getting my hopes up.”

There’s a long silence between them as Crowley attempts to string his thoughts into words. Before he’s finished, Comet continues, tears starting to escape her eyes.

“And now I’ll never get home… I’m stuck here, I guess. I can kiss my hopes of seeing my family again goodbye. I bet my parents think I’m dead… I might as well be, to that world, at least.”

Crowley stands up from his seat and steps around his desk. Even through her tears, though, Comet slaps his hand away when he attempts to reach out to her.

“I don’t want your pity, Crowley. Just—Just go away.”

“Prefect, it’s not what you think. I promise I—“

Yet again, Comet is quick to cut him off; her voice cracks mid-sentence as she gets louder.

“I don’t believe anything that comes out of your mouth! All this time you’ve acted like you’re just the kindest person on the planet, giving me hope of returning to my loved ones, when in reality you don’t give a shit! I’m sick and tired of you walking all over me and then acting like you’re the good guy! You’re not! All my suffering in this damn place comes from your absolutely insensitivity. I’m done with that! I’m done with all of this! I want to go home, Crowley!”

Even through her monologue, Comet hiccups and sobs. She even lightly grabs Crowley’s sleeves and shakes him, something she often does to her peers when she’s upset.

“I want to go home…”

After a brief pause, Crowley places a hand on Comet’s head, hoping she doesn’t interrupt him again.

“I apologize that things ended this way. I really do wish I could have found you a way home—“

His hope was in vain.

“Liar! You fucking liar! Stop lying to me!” Comet’s voice cracks as she yells at him.

Now, by this point, Crowley has noticed Comet’s magestone wand (one which he gave her after a few of her peers banded together to help teach her magic about a year ago), which is slowly turning black.

(Author’s note: for plot purposes, mostly because I don’t have everything about Comet’s magical abilities figured out yet, she used a lot of magic very recently, as she came to Crowley’s office from magic practice with her peers that was aforementioned.)

“Prefect, you need to calm down,” Crowley begins, knowing what’ll happen if she doesn’t. However, his poor choice of words doesn’t help.

“Calm down?! Calm DOWN?! You want me to calm down?!” Comet takes a step back. “You just told me that I’m trapped in this world that’s not mine, where I’ll never see my loved ones again, where I’ll have to deal with the shit YOU don’t want to deal with, with NO WAY of going back because of your own laziness, and you’re telling me to CALM DOWN?!”

“That’s not what—“

“You’re cruel, Crowley. A monster, even. Have you not an ounce of sympathy in that shriveled little heart of yours? Or do you just not have one at all? That sure would explain it.” Hot tears stream down Comet’s face, staining her collar, as ink begins to form around her arms. Despite her shaky voice, her tone is filled with nothing but hatred, maybe a dash of pain.

Before Crowley can respond, the Ramshackle Prefect—the shy little girl who came crying to Crowley that fateful day, with a flaming weasel whom she swore wasn’t her familiar—completely overblots, inky tears staining her cheeks as the spiked crown atop her head glimmers in the dimmed light of the office. She laughs; it’s a pained laugh, forced and unnatural. Running her fingers through her hair, subconsciously braiding a strand, her feet slowly lift off the ground. As she lets go of the braid she crafted, she reaches for her magestone.

“I can’t believe I ever trusted you! Out of all the stupid shit I did here, that’s what I hate myself for the most,” Comet spits at Crowley, a fire growing in her eyes.

“Prefect,” Crowley immediately sputters out, “please, you need to listen to me.”

“I don’t have to listen to you for shit! After what you’ve done to me?! You don’t deserve that!” Comet points her magestone directly at Crowley, before continuing. “However, since I am just so kind and generous, I have opted to bring you no harm. Even I wouldn’t stoop so low. Instead, I’ll be getting you out of my sight before I change my mind. Reconsider how you treat your half a student next time, dear Headmage.” Poison laces Comet’s words as she spins around to exit—her hair hits Crowley as she turns. Before the Headmage can give any sort of a response, Comet dashes out of the room, immediately breaking into full-on sobs the moment her feet touch the ground outside the office.

Leaving a trail of ink behind her as she makes her escape, Comet runs out to the courtyard and up to a grassy hill—her favorite hill—uncaring of the attention she’s gotten from passing students. At the top of the hill, Comet collapses into a pile of sobs and torn overblotted clothing.

This hill is a sentimental one to Comet. This hill, on a starry evening, was where her partner confessed to her. She had told him all about the constellations in the sky, what they represented and what were her favorites, when she caught him staring at her instead. He wasn’t all that interested in astronomy, but hearing her talk about what she loved made him happy.

Using her magestone, Comet creates a large barrier around herself to prevent anyone from getting close (thus using more magic…). She hopes to cry her problems out, but her silence doesn’t last as long as she hoped it would; before long, someone starts rapidly knocking on the barrier. Even with her eyes blurred from the tears, she could make out her beloved partner.

“Shrimpy! What are ya doin’ up there?? We’re seriously getting worried!”

Comet wasn’t one to ignore Floyd, in fact, she was often glued to his side during school. He’s her everything—partner, bodyguard, best friend, cuddle buddy, study partner, everything—so when she turned away from him and tried to block out the sound of his voice, he knew something was terribly wrong. Something sure looked off about her too…

After a few minutes, Floyd knocks down Comet’s little barrier with his unique magic—Bind the Heart!—and runs over to her. She immediately looks up upon hearing his footsteps, allowing Floyd a good look at her new form.

“Shrimpy?… Why-“

“Leave me alone, Floyd.” Comet narrows her eyes, wiping a tear from her cheek. She should have learned, after dating Floyd for well over a year now, that Floyd is a stubborn bastard and doesn’t take “leave me alone” as a valid answer. He does not, in fact, leave her alone—quite the opposite, actually. He steps closer and kneels down near her.

“Shrimpy, you- that’s dangerous for you!” Floyd has never been great at comforting Comet, although his poor attempts have always helped her anyway. This time, however, things are different. Comet stands up, and Floyd follows.

“I don’t wanna hear this from you too. I just want to be left alone—get that through your head before it causes problems.” Comet’s tone was surprisingly snappy towards Floyd, but before he could formulate a response, Comet had already dashed off into a forest a short distance away. The only thing Floyd could do was call out her nickname and chase after her.

What Comet hadn’t realized was that during the few minutes Floyd wasn’t banging on her barrier or breaking it down, he was collecting her closest peers (that would be Ace, Deuce, Kalim, Azul, Jade, even Malleus got invited). It wasn’t long before one of them found where she ran off to and gathered the others. She was hiding behind a large tree in an open area, staring at her own inky hands in disgust. Before anyone could say anything to her though, she spoke up from behind the tree.

“Why are you so dedicated to not listening to me when I ask one simple thing of you?”

Deuce mumbles a sympathetic “Comet,” under his breath.

“Because we care about you, Comet! You’re our friend!” Kalim is the first person to peek around the tree. Comet is sitting with her knees to her chest, staring out into the forest.

“I don’t even belong here,” Comet thinks aloud, much to the horror of everyone in earshot distance. “I don’t fit in here.”

“Of course you fit in here, what’re you talking about?” Ace pipes up.

“Oh, I dunno… I was just thinking about the fact that I’m the only girl here… how, for the longest time, I didn’t even have magic… the fact that I’m only a half a student here… the fact that no matter what group I associate myself with here, I’m always the odd one out.. the sore thumb, the bad apple that ruins the bunch,” Comet explains, stepping out from behind the tree, opposite to Kalim. She gestures her hands dismissively.

“What am I talking about, you ask? I’m talking about everything. I do not belong here. And you know what sucks?” Comet doesn’t wait for an answer. “I can’t go back to the place I do belong. Crowley gave up.”

A couple of gasps and mumbles are exchanged throughout Comet’s friend group.

“He gave up?…” Malleus echoes, hoping he simply heard wrong.

“He gave up. He quit. He’s not searching for a way home for me anymore.” Comet throws her hands in the air, agitated that she needed to repeat herself. With a small frown, Floyd walks up to her in an attempt to give her a(n affectionate) squeeze, however, Comet isn’t having any of that. She pulls her magestone out and points it at Floyd’s chest.

“Get. Away. From me,” Comet spits a mix of saliva and ink to the ground between her and Floyd, furrowing her eyebrows.

“Shrimpy, I’m not gonna fight you,” Floyd replies, shocked but remaining about as calm as Floyd gets.

“Why won’t you listen to me? I’m telling you to get away from me!” Comet uses one of the basic attacking spells she was taught, which knocks Floyd to the ground but doesn’t really hurt him. He’s quick to return to his feet, not giving up that easily. This is his Shrimpy we’re talking about, the cleaner shrimp to his protector eel! He would cross every ocean and sea for her, and now’s no exception.

The two of them go back and forth three or four times, Floyd attempting to get closer to Comet before getting knocked back while she yells at him to go away.

As Comet goes to cast another spell at Floyd, he realizes he’s not getting anywhere with her (and he thought he was stubborn…). He really didn’t want to do this, but there doesn’t seem to be another way to get her to put her magestone down long enough for her to listen. A guilty pain in his chest, Floyd calls out the name of his signature spell, reflecting Comet’s attack back at her. It knocks her to the ground and sends her rolling until she gets caught by the bushes behind her. She groans in pain, getting dirt and mud stained on her face. Floyd immediately rushes over to make sure she’s okay.

“Shrimpy? Shrimpy, are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you-“

Comet weakly attempts to bat his hand away, but after the hit her weak little body took, she’s not able to do so with much success.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay. Please listen to me, Shrimpy,” Floyd continues trying to convince Comet to listen, but although she’s no longer attacking, she still doesn’t seem to be paying much attention, as she’s too busy trying to push Floyd away from her.

With a soft sigh, Malleus walks over.

“May I?” he asks, gesturing at Comet. Floyd gives her a protective squeeze, much to her dismay. Malleus chuckles.

“I just wish to talk, I will not take her.”

“Fiiine,” Floyd grumbles to himself, still hugging a struggling Comet. Malleus sits down in front of her, hands in his lap.

“Child of Man, do you remember when we first met?” Malleus is quick to catch her attention, although she continues to try to push Floyd away. “We met in my club, back when you were still Kuiper.”

“Not sure what he’s tryin’ to accomplish here…” Ace mumbles, not loud enough for Malleus to hear. Deuce shushes him.

“You asked me if there were any other members, and I told you ‘no, it was just me.’ No one else was interested. The topic shifted to how little I was invited to housewarden meetings, much less peer-lead events. Lo-and-behold, the very next week, what do I receive?”

Comet frowns at Malleus. By this point, Floyd has stolen Comet’s magestone and passed it to Jade, who quickly retreated back to Azul.

“A letter invitation. Tea and brownies that Saturday at Ramshackle. It was the first invitation I received from another student at NRC. I kept that invitation safe and secure; I still have it beside my bed today.”

“What does that have to do with what’s happening?” Comet’s face twists in confusion and annoyance.

“On that day, that Saturday afternoon, you did what no one else had done for me my entire time here: you made me feel like I belonged.” Malleus finishes his monologue with a small head bow. Comet’s eyes widen as she processes Malleus’s conclusion. After a quiet moment, another voice breaks the silence.

“You always appreciated me for who I am, saw past what our peers thought of me, and never judged me for anything,” Azul speaks rather quietly, a little embarrassed to say that out loud. “You made me feel like I belong too.”

Floyd slowly lets his grip on Comet loosen as her eyes quickly overflow with tears again. The ink around her arms starts dripping off, disappearing slowly. Jade leans down, holding her magestone behind his back still.

“And may I remind you, you are one of the few people at this school to not consider me ‘weird’ for the things I’m passionate for.” Jade gives his signature little smile (you know the one).

“Ooh, ooh, uh!” Kalim wants to jump in and add something, but he honestly can’t think of anything. Until he does… sort of. “Remember that time you brought me cookies and you didn’t poison them? That made me really happy!”

Floyd attempts to hold back a laugh.

“You literally helped us not get expelled on our first day,” Deuce chimes in.

“And you’ve always been there to bail us out when we get into trouble!” Ace adds.

By this point, Comet’s overblot has disappeared, leaving her sobbing in Floyd’s arms, unable to move.

“See, Shrimpy? You are one of us, you do belong here,” Floyd says with a grin, giving her another light squeeze.

“Not sure what we’d do without you, honestly.” Deuce smiles awkwardly, shifting his eyes away.

A minute or so passes, as Comet continues to sob into Floyd’s uniform. All she can manage is a quiet, choked out apology.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I didn’t mean it.”

“We know,” Azul replies, an affirming nod to go alongside.

Comet’s friends sit down nearby the tree while Comet is calming down. Eventually, conversation starts up again.

“It’s still really fucked up that Crowley just… gave up,” Ace remarks.

“Perhaps that was all he could do,” Jade responds, staring off into the woods.

“It broke her heart! I’ve heard her talk time and time again about all the things she wants to tell her family, and now she can’t!” Ace stands up again, looking about ready to fight Jade. That is, until Comet turns her head to him with a forced smile.

“Maybe… Jade’s right. I wasn’t listening to him… but he said there’s no information anywhere about where I came from. It’s not a stretch to think he was telling the truth…” Tears begin to stream down her face again as she processes all the things she said and did. Ace quickly approaches her (getting a harsh glare from Floyd) and attempts to pull her into a hug. Floyd isn’t having that though, and attempts to pull her back. She lightly squeals, being used to things like this happening.

“Hey!” Comet tries to balance herself, but fails pretty miserably. Kalim gasps.

“Group hug??”

Comet can only mutter an “oh no,” before she’s trapped in the middle of a group hug she did not ask for. Everyone ended up joining in, although Comet can’t complain much. Her voice strained and forced through hiccups, she laughs.

“What am I going to do with you idiots?…”

After a few minutes longer of Comet returning to her normal self (albeit quite tired), the Headmage himself shows up, clearly in a rush.

“Prefect!” The only word he can manage, having clearly either sprinted or flown to the tree.

“Crowley!” Comet is taken aback, shocked to see the Headmage here. Without much of a second thought, she pulls herself from Floyd’s grasp and runs to Crowley as fast as she can. This definitely sends Crowley into a panic, until Comet throws her arms around his torso and hugs him as tight as she can.

“Crowley, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things, they were wrong and mean and I knew they were. I understand how hard you were trying to help me, and I greatly appreciate the work you put into it—I’m sorry I undermined all your work, I believe you.” Comet’s words come pouring out, almost too fast for Crowley to process. Once again, he is quickly interrupted by the Prefect when he attempts to speak.

“Prefe—“

“How can I make it up to you? I’ll do just about anything!”

“Prefect.”

“Janitorial work? Locating another magestone?”

(Cue Ace, Deuce, and Floyd trying to hush their laughter.)

“Prefect, hold on.”

“Oh. Um, sorry.” Comet lets go of Crowley and looks down.

“First of all, I am thankful that you are unharmed and that no property was damaged,” Crowley begins. “Second, you will be spending your lunch periods in detention for a month for this, but I feel no need to add further punishments—“

Crowley thought he could get away from Comet interrupting him? That’s funny.

“—Because you’re such a kind and generous Headmage?”

“…I wasn’t going to say it this time.”

Comet just laughs lightly at his response.

“I accept my punishment,” Comet replies, turning the conversation back to the original topic.

“Good…

…Third, I did try my hardest to find you a way home.” Crowley’s tone softens slightly. “I promise.”

Tears welling in Comet’s eyes again, she shyly goes to hug Crowley again.

“I appreciate it so much. You did your best, and that’s what matters. Thanks, Crowley’”

Before Crowley can reply to what Comet just muttered, she’s already starting to walk out of the forest, waving to her peers (and Crowley).

“I need a nap… if anyone needs me, the spare key is under the right grotesque by the porch.”

End.

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Edit: also here’s a shitpost lol

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Hihi thanks for reading!!! Actually I’m rlly proud of this post and the work I put into it all. Don’t try to pass my work as your own, blah blah you all know the drill by now. Have a lovely day and remember to hydrate!

#cometyuusonya #elysia has too many ocs #twst yuusona #twst yuu #twst overblot #my art #my artwork #twst fanfic #oc art #twst oc #twisted wonderland oc #oc artwork

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levbolton · 1 year

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It is I, anon from earlier today and I can now in confidence tell you that your fics have broken me down into nothingness.

Not only am I stupid and cannot read tags but I repeatedly let myself be comforted by your writing only to be hit with the sad truth at the end. You can’t keep getting away with this /j .Your style is so unique and I can feel the passion you have for the characters as you can see their inner turmoils on the writings. I love how you bring them to life

My personal favourite is Monologue (which is highly underrated btw). I love the dynamic between Fumi and Maki plus Fumi talking about her day made me smile so much. Then cane the gut wrenching feeling about Maki. Honestly you managed to balance the fluff with the angst out so well and I really adored it.

To conclude this annoying fan’s rambling, you are my favourite blue period writer and such a great storyteller. I know how you’ve stated that the fandom is quite inactive (cause it is) but your presence manages to be so outstanding to me. I don’t know why I was too nervous to follow now but I might as well write my letter of appreciation so it can be covered by the bots.

I hope you are able to continue doing what you love and have a great rest of day. 🙃

thanks op, kinda figured bcs i have emails from ao3 and your usernames match

personally 'monologue' is quite the lackluster for me, i wanted to use the concept, i think i wanted to make it about ytyt with yotasuke that would tell yatora about the summer festival only to reveal at the end that yatora was unconscious the whole time so yotasuke wasn't talking with anyone, i got the idea while working on 'a psychological take' (where i wrote already a summer festival so it felt unnecessary to do it again) and at the same time i wanted to write fumimaki (bcs there's literally nothing for this married couple, almost canon i'd say, more canon than ytyt), so i combined both, i was still in a phase where i wanted to kill all characters and make them suffer which i think i did a lot and now i just want to write them relax and be happy (writing depression is hard), so it's not really that original inside my head, but im glad at least someone else likes it (for me billy of tea was way more fun to think about)

tbh i've been thinking about moving on from blp for quite a few months already but i simply can't find something else to interest me the same way ytyt does, which sucks bcs if i don't write then no one will write stuff, rn i want to finish this fic i'm sorking on (i hope i get to 100k), then a oneshot about ytyt soulmates and another oneshot about miki and ayano only, then idk, i think it would be good to retire (not to be petty actually, but i did write 40% of the words in the yatoyota tag on ao3)

fandom isn't really only inactive, it is now a bit (i continuously try to collect blp fans here and on twt, the more the merrier), but i just felt ignored since the anime was airing, again maybe it was the bad timing bcs i started posting my first fic towards the end of the anime when people lost the interest bcs that adaptation is horrible, then in february yamaguchi had covid and from march to july it was complete hiatus and then the whole dj drama (which i'd lie if i said the mob mentality to drop it didn't affect me too although i was the one to uncover the doujinshis on my own weeks before it got to twitter, anyway my idea was: this isn't a piece of media i care about and i am already deeply in love with blue period so whatever, my respect for yamaguchi decreased and i got a passive aggressive attitude towards her until she posted the new year ytyt picture with bunnies this january, now i seriously don't care abt whatever else she drew - also damn i'm really side railing with this)

thanks again for your support, sorry for the long unnecessary text lmao, i have too much free time

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girlwithfish · 30 days

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I feel like I have to earn the love I want. like im not good enough to be loved the way I want to be bc im not a full person yet and once I am ill be more deserving. thats not how love works but I can't help but feel ashamed of myself and my life and who I am rn. even tho there's another part of me that doesnt feel that ashamed bc I tell myself I'm doing my best im only (almost. ew) 23 so I'm still young (even tho I don't feel it) and the ppl I compare myself to like my sister or the guy im dating or just other people are older than me so ofc they have more established careers and even the ppl I compare myself to who r my age like yeah some are more "ahead" of me but it's just like. the reality that some ppl my age r gonna be more "ahead" of me or more financially stable and some people are in "worse" positions than me but really I shouldn't be measuring my worth based on arbitrary metrics or wealth or career milestones and idk I think ambition is a good thing but I often feel ashamed I don't have much of it compared to some ppl my age who seem so put together and are succeeding in starting their careers. but im on my own path I guess and I think I have other qualities that matter more than my success or financial stability and career stuff. not that that stuff isn't important but I tell myself I'll figure it out and eventually be in the place I want which is financially stable and somewhat of a manageable stable career and living comfortable wage like that's all I want I don't really dream of an ambitious career I want but maybe I just haven't found something I'm passionate about. sometimes I envy ppl who know what they want and pursue it. and idk if my mindset is too lax and I'm just not very self disciplined. I have a job and I work and I've worked hard at the jobs I have had even if they aren't impressive big adult jobs but again I don't like being judgmental towards myself like that bc I wouldn't be judgmental towards any other person's working situation or financial situation. Idk man. as i grow older I'm still learning abt myself and my values and what I want in life and I don't know if what I want is enough or maybe im not ambitious enough. I think im kind and I try to navigate my life being nice to others and theres so much more I want in life like connection and travel and becoming more competent and independent and really just building a happy peaceful life for myself where I don't suffer bc mental illness has taken so much of my life it feels and I'm tired of struggling and struggling now and also feeling inadequate for who I am and always feeling like I'm in a transitional period. idk

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nart · 4 months

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ranting about everything post 😶 i will spare you all unless you would like to opt into my suffering

Sorry this shit is literally so embarrassingly #long omg i feel fucking wacko but i had to get it out so here is my unhinged rant

I kinda feel like i'm only now recovering from this weird burnout/depression slump i've been in for the past year and i'm glad i'm getting motivation back before i have to do my QE or whatever but man

I just have so much to do every day and like i feel like there aren't enough hours in the day 😭 like technically if i was willing to do work for 12 hours or whatever i could be ahead of schedule... But like i'm literally not capable of doing that. I can be on campus from like 10-5 and then go home and squeeze another 1-2 hours of productivity from my body and then i literally just cannot do anything else like i can't focus

It's just like... Man i know that's a completely normal way to feel as a human being but like there is just so much going on right now that it's hard to keep up... Like i gotta write my qualifying paper, start my dissertation proposal... Teach 2 discussion sections every week... Grade 70 homeworks every week... Revise this paper for this journal... Contact my committee members... Meet with people... Hold office hours... (that last one is a joke nobody comes) and at the same time i haven't even been thinking about my career after graduating and transitioning into industry and i barely have attended any conferences and i'm so behindddd

I just have this weird resentment towards some other people in my cohort sometimes like why are you guys on top of your shit. It's not fair lol. And sometimes i literally am just lazy or too anxious to do basic things i need to do but . YALL... STOP WORKING SO MUCH PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU PLEASE

Never mind the fact that whenever i see certain ppl from home theyre like "So when are you done" and none of them even know what i do or care at all 😭😭😭😭😭 like oh my god and when i try to explain it's like "im too stupid to understand" no you just don't give a fuck! you want me to move back home asap and don't care to learn anything about what my actual life is like down here!!!!!!!!!! bro!!!!!!!!!!!!

i swear like they'll be like "so are you gonna move back here when you're done" and im like "idk it depends on where i get a job! i might stay in CA!" and theyre just like "well im sure you can find something in seattle" idk it's well meaning but i havent lived up there for 7 years and i honestly just don't have the attachment to being there beyond it being where my mom family and grandma lives. like i got friends everywhere. im the friend master. i could live anywhere. im like a geography chameleon. im sorry i just have other things to prioritize

Idk it just all boils down to doing a phd is really hard and nobody knows how hard it is except people who are doing it or have done it. That's not to say it's objectively harder than other types of work it's just its own special brand of hard that is not relatable and nobody cares about. AND IT SUCKS!!!! CARE HARDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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wri0thesley · 3 years

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omg wait no hold on I just requested overhaul but then I remembered your overhaul thirst post about him pulling a "curing hysteria~" as an excuse and thought I'd request something along that vibe (no oun intended). I think that'd fall under orgasm control, overstim? (hope this is okay!)

hysteria antidote - overhaul x fem!reader (4k)

seeing nothing but the same four walls every day of your life is playing havoc with your brain. overhaul thinks perhaps you're suffering from hysteria. he has the perfect cure for that.

cw: not sfw/minors dni. dark content!!! dubious/non-consent. captive reader. talk of death, blood, etc. medical kink, gloves, fingering, overstimulation, orgasm control. misogyny. mentions of pregnancy/breeding. afab reader, fem pronouns.

[a/n: idk the internet said the 28th of may was his birthday so consider this both a birthday fic and a fic to celebrate 6k followers, sorry that i am gross and horrible but tbh im having a great time <3]

You really don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to be going out of your mind.

Since the Boss was taken ill, and Kai – Overhaul, you remind yourself, though he’s always just a little less sharp with you when you trip over the new name than he is with anyone else – took over leadership of the Shie Hassaikai, you’ve been pretty much stuck indoors.

Considering that you’re pretty sure he only has fond feelings towards maybe three people in the entire world, including you, you guess you ought to feel special about it – but all it actually does is make you feel like a trapped bird, caged and restless. It doesn’t help that all of the other members of the organisation have started being weird around you; people who you’ve known most of your adult life, people who you’ve worked beside and killed beside and done other horrible things beside (for the good of the organisation, of course)--

But now, they look at you like you might break at any moment. They treat you like an invalid. Their brows crease when they see you out and about, quietly murmuring; “Shouldn’t you still be in your room?”, avoiding touching you at all costs. There’s a kind of fear in their eyes, that they’re going to be told off for even speaking to you, that they’re afraid of being caught close to you.

And you know exactly who’s to blame for that.

You’d tried to speak to him about it, once; you’d thought that perhaps he might be amenable to your desire to do something to help the Shie Hassaikai. He’s always wanted to restore them to their former glory, after all! But after you’d let out your little impassioned tirade, his eyebrows had creased over the bird-mask.

“You don’t sound well,” he’d said to you. “Go back to your room. I’ll talk to you about it later.”

You had missed, at the time, that he hadn’t said ‘we’ll talk about it later’. He’d just said ‘I’ll’. When he had come, that is how it had been; the reassurance that he was keeping you safe. That he didn’t want you to be tainted. That he was keeping you well.

Your quirklessness has never been an issue before, but it certainly hasn’t been a boon. Still, for Kai--

“It’s disgusting,” he’d said, agitated by the discussion. You’d stared at his hands, thinking about the destructive power he himself wielded. “Quirks are a curse, and you not having one is just proof you’re not infected.” He’d looked up, golden eyes piercing directly into yours. “I’m going to keep you perfect.”

Overhaul is not a doctor, for all of his talk about illness and disease and plague. You think he could have used his quirk for something meaningful, once; but you also know that his burning curiousity, his disgust of anyone who deems tainted, his utter lack of morality . . . those are all things that would not have been welcomed in the medical profession. So instead, he deals in needles and pills and altering drugs in the underground labyrinth of the compound.

Sterile rooms, with examination tables and scalpels and impersonal, silver-grey equipment. Pill boxes that rattle when he passes them to you and tells you to take three of those a day, one of those, that one has to be taken to with food--

The idea that you won’t take them doesn’t enter his head, and though he has never . . . overhauled someone in front of you, you have walked past other members of the organisation mopping and disinfecting blood and gristle from sterile flooring.

It is better to go along with him, so you take the supplements and the pills and submit to the way he grabs your chin in gloved hands on the doctor’s chair, tipping your face up to shine a light into your eyes and watch your pupils dilate. But inside, you are screaming.

You’re not made to be locked in one room, occasionally allowed out to pace the hallways of the upstairs – never the underground ones, not any more – with restless footsteps and your muscles fizzing with desire to taste fresh air. You’re not made to stare at the same walls and breathe the purified air and think about how empty the compound is, now that Overhaul is in charge of everything--

(Too many knick-knacks attract dust. Pollen allergies act up, if there are too many plants, and he hates hearing people sneeze. Furniture should be easily movable and barren, to assist in the twice-daily cleanings of every room that people walk through.)

But it’s getting too much for you. Suffocating. You feel like you’re choking on air all of the time; you take the pills, because the thought of what he could do to you is terrifying, but sometimes you wonder if perhaps it would be better if you didn’t.

You’d woken up that morning to the sound of rain hitting the high windows in your bedroom, and you had longed to go outside in your thin nightwear and spread your arms and taste the air, smell the rain, feel it hit your body in fat droplets. Your entire being had ached. You’d tried to distract yourself, with what little there was in the barren prison cell that you called a bedroom – but when the door opened at four thirty exactly, and Kai had stood there with his face as impassive as ever, you had not been able to stop yourself.

Hand fastening around his upper arm (you shouldn’t touch him, you know you shouldn’t, but the same four walls are getting to you), you’d begged him;

“I want to go outside.”

If anyone else had touched him like that, they would already be splattered against the walls and floor. But all you get is a furrow of his eyebrows, careful fingers (gloved, of course; the latex against your skin always makes you shudder) pinching at your hand to get you to let go of him.

“No,” he says. “You’ll catch a cold.”

“I don’t care,” you’re petulant, you know, frustration bubbling up in every cell of your body. “If I stay in here for one more day, I will tear myself into pieces.”

“You’re being over-dramatic.”

“Kai—”

“Don’t call me that.” His rebuttal is sharp. “You know I’m doing this for your own good.”

Your face twists into something ugly. Overhaul hates it when you do that; hates the way your brow wrinkles, your mouth moves, your normally lovely face (one of very few he can bear to look at unmasked and not feel as though he is going to get sick from merely breathing the same air of you) marred.

“You’re not,” you hiss at him. “You’re doing this because you’re fucked up! Because you’ve got some weird fucking ideas about what’s clean and what’s unclean, because you’re on a power trip, because you don’t care about other people--” Your voice is pitching and modulating, all of the things that you usually try and keep balled up inside of you spilling out that the floodgates of how unhappy you are is open.

You’re breathing heavy as Overhaul, clearly irked by what you’re saying, tugs at the wrist of one of his surgical gloves. If he’s going to kill you, good – at least it will be better than this, you think, your breath coming in short sharp pants after the outburst.

He lets go. His hands fall to his sides. His golden gaze on you is very level.

“You’re hysterical,” he tells you. An exasperated laugh falls from your mouth.

“Yeah?” You ask him. “Of course I am. Do you know the last time I breathed fresh air?”

“Seven months, two weeks, three days.” He says it without blinking. Your shoulders tense. Has it really been that long? “You haven’t been ill once in that time. The world out there is filthy.”

“It’s normal to get sick,” you try and tell him, but Overhaul is moving forward; past the doorway, and into your room. The door clicks shut behind him, the sound of a lock ominous. You don’t think you’ve ever been alone with Kai in your bedroom.

In the medical examination rooms, sure. In his office. In common areas, back when he was just the boss’ troubled protege and not the boss himself--

His eyebrows twitch in disgust as he notices the dust on your bookshelves. You’d stopped letting any of the cleaners in here a month ago; you’d refused to clean in the mean time, taking whatever small victory against your captor that you could.

“You’ll give yourself respiratory issues,” he says.

“Good,” your voice is cold, but you realise you’ve backed away from him. For all of your attempts to stand up to him, you’re terrified. Everyone knows what he can do. “Better dead than here--”

Gloved fingers around your wrist, so tight you can practically feel them bruising.

“You don’t mean that,” he says. His voice has gotten softer, cajoling. You’re trembling in his grip. “I told you. You’re hysterical.”

“I know exactly what I’m saying,” you say, but your words feel like you’re spitting them out around a mouthful of gravel. “I—I’m calm--”

Your knees knock against your bed, but Overhaul is still clinging to you; still too close. Your heart is beating so fast that you can hear it pounding in your ears.

“You’re not. You’re hysterical.” He repeats it, calmly. The hand not on your wrist reaches up and cups your face, a gloved thumb stroking across your cheek as if you’re the most delicate thing he’s ever touched. The scent of the latex is overwhelming. “But that’s alright. It’s not your fault.” He clicks his tongue behind the mask. “It’s mine. All of this checking for the physical sickness, and I didn’t think about checking your head.”

You fall onto the bed as his knees knock against yours, your back hitting the wall. It’s just a plain, single bed; rumpled sheets, because you’d fought against any attempt for someone to come in and collect your laundry, too. Overhaul looks silly in your room, you think dimly; like a huge black crow in the nest of a small, frightened wren.

“If you fight,” he tells you, “I’ll disassemble you. I’d rather not. I don’t want to taint you by using my quirk. But . . .” He’s sinking to his knees in front of you, those same methodical hands pushing up the skirt of your dress. “If I did, I’d get a blank mind to work with. I won’t hesitate. But I’d still rather simply fix you without having to break you into pieces first.”

You know him too well to think that he’s bluffing.

After all of the vitriol you’ve spat at him, he’s unwilling to kill you. Would it be worse, to be mindless and brainless under Kai’s quirk? You’ve heard some of his failed experiments before; babbling, drooling, broken things. He’s killed them sometimes just to put them out of their misery.

What if he did that, and your mind remained perfectly capable – just utterly unable to communicate with your body? A prisoner in your own skin. Worse than even now. You swallow back the lump of fear.

“H-how are you going to do that?” You ask him.

You start at how cold the gloved fingers are on your bare thighs, as Overhaul pushes them apart. Cold fear prickles down your spine. You’re too scared to fight back, but everything he’s doing is making you want to run.

“Did you know,” Overhaul says, those same hands sliding higher, to tug at the waistband of your underwear. “In the past, there were rumours that doctors would cure hysteria by genital massage and stimulation?”

His words are very clinical, but there’s a thickness to his voice behind the mask that fills you with revulsion.

“It might be nonsense, of course,” he says. Your underwear is being tugged down, pulled around your thighs, your knees, your ankle. “They theorised that the best cure was regular intercourse, male semen, pregnancy and childbirth--”

“Kai—” Your voice is a soft whine, fear-filled. This time, he doesn’t snap at you for calling him by the name he’s left behind. He simply says;

“Spread your legs.”

You don’t want to. But you want to risk what he’s threatening you with even less, so you tearfully open them as wide as you can go. He shifts forward, and the tip of the beaked mask digs into your inner thigh as he studies you like you’re nothing more than a diagram, not a living, breathing person--

“Next time I’ll have lubricant ready,” he says, under his breath, and your heart seizes up at the implication that whatever he’s going to do to you, there’ll be a next time.

You start at the sensation of gloved fingers gently parting the lips of your sex, Overhaul’s golden eyes drinking in the sight of you spread open and bare. You’re shaking, but for some reason the way he’s looking at you – the utter concentration in his eyes – makes a curl of heat flare deep inside of you.

“Don’t,” you breathe, trying not to squirm. “Please--”

“I don’t want to have to,” he says. His tone remains calm, unbothered. “I’m doing it for your own good, you know that. Just helping you along.” One finger slides through the slit; the sensation of the gloves against your most intimate, heated parts makes the muscles in your thighs clench. It’s . . . not exactly unpleasant, but neither it is pleasant. “Do you think I’m getting any pleasure out of this?”

He doesn’t like getting his hands dirty. You know this; everyone knows this. If this particular thought was so unpleasant to him, you don’t doubt he’d have found somebody else to do it (the thought of one of the other members of the Shie Hassaikai doing this to you fills you with even more revulsion than the idea of Overhaul himself). But you can’t say that out loud. Not after what he’s threatened. So you press your lips together and shake your head, gasp dying in your throat as one of Overhaul’s latex-covered fingers prods gently around your opening.

“You’re getting wet,” he tells you, as if you can’t feel the shameful slick beginning to leak from you. “That will make this easier. Good.”

You hate that the praise makes another jolt of arousal go through you. You don’t want to like the feeling of his gloves, rubbing at your heated cunt; the sensation of a fingertip circling around your entrance, brushing the bud of your clit and making you want to clamp your thighs around his hand.

He sinks the tip of one finger inside of you and you jerk, your hips out of your control as you try and sink away from the intrusion. Overhaul clicks his tongue again in annoyance at you. The hand holding the lips of your cunt open moves, to land on your hip and pin you between the bed and the wall so you can’t squirm again.

“I’ll sedate you next time, if I have to,” he says. “I’m not getting anything out of this. I’d prefer not to have to do it at all--”

He’s lying. You know he is. But you can’t call him out for it, so you press your trembling lips together and try to stop tears spilling out from your lash line as the finger inside of you sinks further and further inside, past his first knuckle, right down to the base.

He crooks it inside of you and your hands curl into the bedsheets, nails digging into your palms through cotton. His touch is curious, exploratory; has he ever actually done this to anybody before? He slides over a rough patch inside of you with the latex-tipped finger and a moan escapes your mouth against your will, your head falling back against the wall. Narrowed golden eyes look up at you as he repeats the motion; taking in the gloss of your lips, the widening of your eyes, the way your shoulders are shaking up and down.

You can feel yourself pumping more slick out; helping the glide of his finger inside of you, as he begins to carefully thrust it in and out of you. His touch is made all the more impersonal by the mask obscuring everything but his eyes and eyebrows; you can’t even hear him breathing.

Your cunt is fluttering around him, pleasure swarming you in breathless waves as he withdraws his finger entirely. He lifts the glove to his eyeline, looking only vaguely interested in how the white latex glimmers with your arousal.

“I’m going to use two now,” he tells you – and that is all the warning you get before two fingers beside one another are opening you up, scissoring your tight channel apart with an ache that you feel up to your hips. You bite back the whimper, but you’re unable to stop the choked breaths that are falling from you as he fucks you with them in steady, constant thrusts.

A covered thumb brushes your clit; swollen, now. Sensitive. Standing to attention. Your hips attempt to jerk in his hold once more, a strangled noise that’s neither pleasured nor pain falling from your throat. You’ve touched yourself, of course you have – even recently, just to try and assuage some of the boredom that fills your exactly-the-same days – but Overhaul’s fingers and thumbs and touch on you are so entirely different from that.

He continues his assault over your clit, those same eyes watching you with that same detached, clinical disposition that he’s had most of the time. There’s a cast to them that suggests there’s something more, but whatever emotion – if, indeed, he’s still capable of that – he’s feeling about having you at his mercy in this way has been pushed to the back of his mind as his thumb rolls and pinches at the bud.

Your body goes all-over heat, Overhaul’s fingers still pumping in and out of you, the slick noises of your shaming wetness echoing around the prison of the four walls you’ve spent seven months in. You’re teetering on the edge of something, hot and needy and wanting – and as Overhaul’s thumb sweeps over your poor aching clit again, you tilt your hips forward for as much stimulation as you can--

And he pulls his fingers out of you.

The heat fades into nothingness as you let out a noise of disappointment. Overhaul’s head tilts to one side, considering.

“What do you want?” He asks you. “Say it.”

No. You don’t ‘want’. He’s wrong. You keep your mouth pressed tight now that the damning noise has fallen out of it; you have managed to not let the tears trembling in your eyes spill forth. Your gaze meets his, defiant and tired and afraid all at once.

“Alright,” he sighs. “If you’re going to carry on being difficult.”

He does it again; his fingers plunging into you, scissoring you apart, rubbing against your folds with a practised agility now that he’s done it for the first time. He has always been a fast learner; always been observant. His thumb is back on your clit with ceaseless assault, and all over again you feel heat begin to build up; tension that crawls into every crevice of your being and worms its way deep inside you despite how badly you don’t want this.

The hand holding your hip loosens somewhat, allowing you to messily thrust your hips into Overhaul’s stimulation. You’re torn; you shouldn’t want to hump against the gloved fingers stimulating you, you should be wriggling and squirming away. But it feels so good; even with the skin-tight covering of rubbery latex, Overhaul’s fingers seem to find every one of your weak points and exploit them.

There it is again, building up on you; a ball of tension in your stomach being gradually wound tighter and tighter, threatening to snap at any moment. Your hips flex against his hand, your fingers clenching and unclenching on the bedsheet--

He denies you the peak of your orgasm for the second time.

And a third.

And a fourth.

“Kai--!” You’re too far gone to even think, after the pleasure has been pulled from you so cruelly, over and over again. The tears spill over your cheeks., rolling down in fat, shaming droplets. Overhaul’s eyes narrow.

“No,” he says, vehement – more emotion in his voice than you’ve heard all day. “You know what to call me.”

You know what he wants you to call him. You know that he wants to leave his old name behind, start again, be someone who can drag the Shie Hassaikai out of the shadows and into light and power once again – and he thinks that the name will help. You gurgle out a sobbing, strangled noise;

“O-Overhaul, please--”

Three fingers are plunged as deep inside of you as they can go, crooked to rub against your sweet spot; as Overhaul murmurs, detached but soft;

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

They thrust into you, his thumb rubbing your clit with firm, certain strokes – and this time, as the orgasm rushes up on you all at once, he doesn’t stop. He fucks you with his fingers through it, his thumb not ceasing the circling. Pleasure washes over you, finally, in great waves and crests. You feel yourself gush on his fingers, soaking him in your wetness (his eyebrows furrow again, at how close your fluid comes to spilling over his bared wrist; but you are too relieved to think about anything other than finally getting what you need).

Your hips flex, gasps falling from your mouth with every thrust of them – and you expect Overhaul to pull his fingers out of you. To stop touching you. Perhaps to strip off his gloves and put on a new pair – you know he always carries spares – and sneer at you as he walks out of the room.

But Overhaul’s fingers do not move from inside of you. The fierce rhythm of his fucking and petting and rubbing does not stop, even as the final aftershocks of your orgasm clench loosely about him and his constant stimulation becomes more of an annoyance than anything else on heated, sensitive skin.

You squirm, trying to push your thighs together to get him to stop touching you – but the hand not fucking you forces your thighs to stay parted with the curl of fingers into supple flesh, leaving you helpless to do anything but let him carry on touching you. Carry on fucking you.

A short, sharp shock of an orgasm rips through you as he swirls his thumb over your clit just so, and you realise that you’re drooling down yourself as well as panting; helpless and sloppy, utterly unable to do anything except lie there and take it until Overhaul decides he’s had enough of touching you.

You come, what? Twice more? Thrice? Until the pulsing of your channel is painful, your skin feeling red raw, your whimpers into the ceiling dry and broken. Only then does he pull his fingers out of you with a lewd pop.

A gush of your fluid that his fingers were stoppering soaks your bedsheets, and you watch, dazed, as Overhaul stands up. He looks down at you for just one moment, that stretches unbearably long in the heat-and-sex soaked atmosphere of the room.

He strips his gloves off of his hands, eyebrows twitching in disgust as he leaves the crumpled latex on your bedside table. He’s sliding on another pair as he speaks;

“Feel better?”

No. No, you don’t. You feel worse. You feel disgusted and violated and aching, your body over-stimulated and exhausted, sweat and drool and bodily fluids clinging to your skin. But if you tell Overhaul that--

“Yes,” you say, voice very soft and small and weak. You cannot see his mouth, but you see the way his eyes flash happily, the overall sensation of him smiling.

Why does Overhaul’s smile make you so scared, when Kai’s smile used to just make you feel warm?

“We’ll need to do it a few more times,” he tells you, as your blood runs to ice in your veins. “Such maladies aren’t cured in a day, after all. But . . .” He turns, rearranging himself carefully, his mask readjusted. You can’t see him as he speaks the next words. “I’d like to try some of the other suggested remedies, too.”

You think of his earlier words.

‘They theorised that the best cure was regular intercourse, male semen, pregnancy and childbirth.’

You’re never going to escape, are you? You’re going to be trapped in this compound until the day you die, and Overhaul is going to think that he’s keeping you safe--

“Take a shower,” he says to you, as he opens the door. It is not a suggestion. “And stop not letting the maids come in here to clean. I’m not having you get sick.”

You think he might be the sick one.

#overhaul x reader #yandere overhaul #overhaul smut #overhaul x you #chisaki kai x reader #bnha smut #bnha x reader #dark content for ts #5555 event fic #not sfw text #writing #afab reader #fem pronouns #misogyny for ts #bnha posting #medical kink for ts #non consent for ts #dub con for ts #non con for ts

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syubub · 3 years

Text

Yoongi birthday reading/energy check!!

It's sweet sweet tangerine bois birthday!!

I wanted to do a cute little energy check up to see what's up and ask some fun little questions!!

I'm excited so let's just do this shit!!

Disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes and not to be taken as fact!!

---

I want to apologize for the absolute shit pictures but what's new lol

So, let's start with the platform. First thing I noticed was the blue was brighter but the platform was darker? It was like someone cranked up the contrast to 100. Ngl it looked pretty cool. Yoongis platform doesn't typically have a barrier like some of the others do so I just kinda walked in and did the whole, "happy birthday, I have questions" His energy seemed a lot more... vibrant? And playful I guess? It was really nice. Now. The actual connection was intresting because the cord was blue again and like, real thick. (I don't think my perceived thickness of the cord has and real correlation with how strong the connection is. It was just thicc) this time though, the cord was connected at the chest instead of the third eye. So i was like, ??? But my guide didn't give my any sort of helpful input (my guide likes to watch me suffer in my confusion. I'm sure of it)

Anyway, cord like that and then yoobi gave me a headbutt to connect at the third eye. Idk why he gotta be like that :( istg next time he's gonna flick my forehead or something.

I was like "cool cool cool. I want to do the reading now pls" and idk how to explain the energy other than sassy. You know? Blah blah blah I'm thinking, "I don't remember him being so cheeky but maybe I've been gone long enough for him to level up into his final sass monster form"

Anywho, this was intresting because after the little strings were connected and stuff, we plopped down on the floor. And it was like everything I was doing irl was being mimicked infront of yoons energy? So we were sitting facing eachother and I was putting the cards down between us?? Usually that doesn't happen but it was kinda fun!!

Moving right along. I first asked if there was anything he wanted to say or needed to get across and it was 11. Now, 11 has come up before and I'm still not to sure what it's in reference to? My best guess is possibly he's been seeing 11:11 or that it's 2? Idk let me know if you have any clues lol. Other stuff was just kinda banter and stuff.

So so so.

The reading. First thing I asked was how he was doing. And I shuffled his preticular way (when I ask a question I always ask for the energy to tell me how much to shuffle or when to stop. For yoongi it's always 2-2-2. So 2 bridge shuffles, 2 hand shuffles and then split the pile in 2. That's why I think 11 might be 2 to him?)

The cards we got are ace of swords rev, justice,the heirophant rev, the empress.

So based off this I was like okay. I want to pull clarity cards for the two rev cards to get a better picture so I pulled the emperor rev for ace or swords rev and strength rev and wheel of fortune rev for the heirophant rev.

Starting with the ace of swords rev, and the emperor reverse. It seems like yoongi has been re thinking his relationship to control in his life. That's he's possibly noticing any unhealthy needs to control his life and the situation around him. It could also refer to his judgment being clouded by a rigid approach.

With the justice card it makes me think that he's possibly considering a big choice in his life or that he's really doing some deconstructing of his own views. This second idea fits in well with him getting clarity on some possibly unhealthy control issues in his life.

Now. The heirophant rev, strength rev and wheel of fortune reverse. This was intresting to me bc they are all major arcana. The heirophant rev can really talk about no longer needing outside approval and making your own way in your own time bc you are your own teacher. Strength in rev I kinda read as self doubt and feeling down in this case. Like a lack of confidence in himself and his abilities. And the wheel of fortune in reverse I took to mean as his breaking cycles. All together these cards kinda paint a picture about wanting and trying to break a cycle of self doubt and self limiting beliefs and learning more about himself and why he think what he does about himself and searching through everything for truth. It's really good!! In short he's doing some nice soul searching and trusting himself to guide his own way through this self discovery!

The empress! This card seems to pop up for yoobi a lot and I think it really speaks to the abundance that surrounds him! Not just money but the abundance of creativity, love, friends ect.

Now now now. I asked him if there was anything that he wanted to tell us about himself or bts or what's happening in the near future. For that I got 2 of cups, king of wands and 3 of coins.

So the 2 of cups is partnership. Usually romantic. Could be pertaining to the may 13th thing that is ever present lol but I'll get to that later. With the 3 of coins talking about teamwork, this could definitely hint at collaborations coming up!! That's the vibe I get. No one crush my dreams. And for the king of wands it could be talking about taking the reigns on a new project and starting to get it done. Like a new opportunity. This could be a new bts project like starting a new campaign or new venture or maybe personal like the a mixtape or doing more songs for other groups ect.

I had to ask him how he was feeling about the grammys. I had to. Had to. The cards were ace of wands, 2 of wands and death reverse. When these came flying out I could help but smile. Yoongis energy was almost giddy too!

Witht he ace of wands

It's that spark of creativity and inspiration. It's that feeling when you get super excited over some new thing. I think this is the perfect example for feeling reinvigorated. The 2 of wands takes that spark from the ace and tries to funnel that excitement and newness into something directional. Using that burst of creativity to start planning for future progress!! Its so nice to see that! If they don't win (IF) you bet we're gonna get some bangers about a corrupt system. If (WHEN) they do win we'll get bangers about how thankful they are to have gotten where they are in spite of a corrupt system. I just want to hear an uncensored version of yoongi being like, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, WE DID IT BITCHES. FUCK ALL YOU BASTARDS THAT SAID WE COULDN'T."

I can dream....

What a nice dream.

Now I asked if there was anything yoobi wanted to say to us as in advice or comfort or anything like that and I got, Clearing negativity, make time for self care, when I'm tuned into the energy of abundance I become abundant. when I'm in a state of appreciation im in vibrational alignment with my true love nature. The world rev, 2 of swords rev and that project, that person, that idea is waiting.

Awe. Take care of yourselves!! Make sure to take time to enjoy what you like and try not to let any negativity get in the way of you enjoying your days. The world rev to me seems to be talking about seeking closure on the things in your life that have been impacting you. Tie up those loose ends so you can move foward without triping over yourself and 2 of swords rev I think talks about information overload and being kinda indecisive bc of that. Take a sep back to evaluate the situation at hand because sometimes it's so close you can't see what you're looking for. Those of you who are studying and getting frustrated because you just can't seem to get it, try taking a step back and doing something to take care of yourself and come back to it so you can approach with a clearer mind. Try not to get stuck or paralyzed by choice but if you do get stuck, take some time to detach yourself from the situation and come back later!

A fair few people wanted an update on yoobis soulmate as well. If you need a refresher here's the run down. Yoongis soulmate is impossible for me to read, yoongi is a smug ass and I'm nosy and probably a little dumb.

Now that that's cleared up

I asked, "am I missing something?" (As to why I can't connect and why yoongi won't give me answers.)

I got queen of cups, magician and the high priestess. I read this as him being like, "yeah dude, you aren't woke enough"

YOONGI just give me answers pls. The high priestess is intuition and sacred knowledge, the magician is manifestation and the queen of cups is also intuition.

At this point I was like, okay you little shit, can you at least tell me how your soulmate is doing? Can you do that for me?

2 of cups, 2 of pentacles, 9 of wands and knight of wands. 2 of cups is partnership usually romantic, 2 of pentacles is priorities and managing them, 9 of wands persistence, knight of wands motivation for a new thing. His soulmate last time was in the process of going through some shit and figuring it out and it seems like now they've got a better clue of how to move foward and are currently heading towards good things/ important things in their life (possibly like working towards dream career or had an idea for a business the want to start or field they want to go in.)

I was thinking about the next question when this popped into my head, "if you know about your akashic book, do you know about your soulmates? Have you read it?" I used my pendulum. No movement at all. What so ever. "Are you listening to me?" Yes. "So answer my question please" No. "Do you like to watch me suffer?" Maybe. "Do you know the answer to the question" yes.

YOONGI WHY

This cheeky son of a bitch.

Now I was like, fuck it. Imma ask him the big boi question.

"Is your soulmate present when I do these readings?" Yes.

WHY THE FUCK CAN I NIT PICK UP ON IT???

I had to take a deep breath dude. Yoobi is testing my nerves.

"Are they hiding their energy?" No.

I was actually gonna combust. This makes no sense.

I asked yoongi if he would tell me what I'm not getting. Silence. So i ask my guide.

"lol ur dumb"

Watch me Google "how to fire your spirit guide"

Istg this feels like some dumb prank. Maybe I'm just genuinely oblivious to his soulmates energy or maybe I'm just doing something.

What do you want to bet that his soulmate is just hiding under the platform and I'm too stupid to notice or some dumb thing like that.

yoobi, sir, why must you do this?

I decided to continue.

"What message or thing have you learned from your soulmate recently that could be valuable to us?" I got healthy communication in relationships and deep replenishment.

Good to know you can have a nice communicative relationship with your soulmate bc I CAN'T.

I'm petty about it, sue me.

The message does stand though. Good communication and taking proper rest to replenish yourself.

Now I had to ask yoongi directly what he thought of may 13th.

I got the lovers, 7 of swords, the magician and judgement. The seven of swords was intresting and it makes me think there's some extra stuff at play here too. 7 of swords is about getting away with something and deceit. The clarifier was the magician.... this could mean a lot honestly. It could be that maybe yoongi will have his relationship exposed or possibly that maybe him and his soulmate meet but yoongi is disguised? Idk how that would work at all but I'm stumped. There's a lot of variations that this could be. The magician is about manifesting and having everything you need to create what you want. This could possibly mean that maybe he gets a sudden idea that's like, "oh I have to go here right now. Its super important" eventhough he has practice scheduled. So that would let down his team but he would be following his path and it might lead to him meeting his soulmate? Maybe vice versa? Idk let me know what you think??

With the judgement its about inner calling and kinda like the peak. Like shit has been leading up to this moment. With the lovers too it does seem like a union?

I asked him, "but like what's gonna happen on the 13th thought and I got the 10 of cups. Divine love, bliss, alignment, happy mushy gushy shit. This is why I'm so inclined to think that they'll meet on the 13th or things will get serious or their paths finally cross. The cards seem to heavily suggest that.

My dude. Yoongi is really sappy, pass it on.

For the last question I asked yoomgi if there was messages/ advice he had given to his soulmate that we might benefit from.

First step, open your third eye, open your heart, sign from heaven, open your arms to receiving.

A lot of opening lol.

It's good advice though learning to be open and receptive and taking that first step in tackling life or any situation.

Oki. Now for the disconnecting. It was not nearly as strange as it has been in the past. I was just like thanks dude. Again, happy birthday blah blah and I got up to leave. I noticed it looked like we were in sitting in one of those old plastic hoola hoops? Like the pink and yellow ones lol. As I was looking at and and like??? Off to the side the numbers 13, 28, 54. Obvi 54 isn't a date and then I the last yoongi check up there was book pages and I feel like 54 and 28 were the pages?? I'm not actually sure as I'm writing this so I'm gonna check.

Yep I checked. They are the page #s.

So that's intresting.

Other than that though I just kinda left and he was like, "bye" and that's all.

Not as cool as other yoongi adventures but equally as frustrating.

TLDR

Yoongis doing pretty okay and he's a cheeky little shit. My guide like to watch me suffer and yoobi is mushy gushy squishy.

Happy day of birth Syub!!

#bts #bts tarot #yoongi #bts reactions #bts imagines #yoongi imagine #bts rm #seokjin #bts suga #min suga #park jimin #hoseok #taehyung #jungkook

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fairycosmos · 2 years

Note

no literally its not even pessimistic its just the truth that life is filled with suffering and then you die. what is the point lol. im so tired of hearing "the point is to make your own point 😊😊" no thanks i actually would just like to stop being alive xoxo. im so utterly miserable. ive wanted to die since i was a literal child too so it's not something i can just change my mindset about it's a fundamental part of my beliefs...like maybe im delusional but i cannot change how i feel about this

seriously! like idk what to do because no matter what i believe, no matter how many epiphanies i try to have through reading and drinking and drugs and letting myself age and journaling and meditation and medication - the fundamental reality and its inevitable suffering never changes :/ i never feel better, or solved. there is just no solution for the human condition, and certainly no solution for the specific makeup of my brain and my past. and listen i’ve said “the point is to make ur own point!” to people a thousand times before and people have said it to me a thousand times before and i believe it, too. i think the problem is that it’s quite literally not a satisfactory answer in the face of such immense pain - but it’s also the only one anyone’s got. and it’s not inherently a bad thing, either, but it doesn’t cure us. i am sorry, love. i definitely hear you and am happy to sit with you in the despair for a while, especially if acknowledging it works more for you than trying to “fix” it does. it’s so unrelentingly difficult, all the time. child you deserved better and so does the you of this moment. nobody will ever understand how hard its been for you, and you have every right to be tired. now, disregard this if you don’t want to hear it but i do believe that despite that, your belief system and the way you view yourself can be changed, though it takes a lot of work and time. and unfortunately i think the end result is often not a great and endless love towards yourself, or a state of pure permanent happiness, but more so a steady coping and a constant sense of coming-to-terms. i mean maybe both, who knows. i hope you stick around to experience something like that, even though i know it’s so much easier said than done. i seriously don’t think it’s as out of reach as it feels in the heaviest moments, even though you’re right - mental illness isn’t something you can “just change” about yourself either. the world is the fuckin worst for expecting you to. but adulthood is a de-conditioning for a lot of us. seeking support and help is an even more unsatisfactory answer than the other one, but it’s also something i hope you don’t write off entirely. i hope you’re able to find the tools and the people you need to make this bearable, one day or even one minute at a time. no matter how long it takes. sending u a lot of love. x

https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

#anon #tw suicide

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chans-baby-girl · 3 years

Text

You’ll always have me!

Pairing: Felix x (Gender Neutral) Reader

Description: Fighting with your dad was regular thing but today he crossed a certain line and you need only person to cheer you up and one person only.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Verbals and Physical abuse (Slapping), bad parental relationships (father),mature language, established relationships, angst, fluff, mentions of depression but not explicitly stated.

“Don’t come back then!”

You wish you didn’t have to…you really did but sometimes things don’t work out the way you want them to. That’s what runs in your mind as you run out the door with your dog Kookies in tow. He looks at you and licks your face making you tear up with guilt for wanting to resent him a few minutes ago. He did start this after-all but he didn’t even know any better so it wasn’t like you could blame him.

“I just cleaned up his piss…”, your dad spat motioning to the now yellow stained wipe in his hand. “Next time you pick up after your own damn dog….What can’t hear or something?”

You barely heard half of that after removing your headphones that your dad didn’t notice you were wearing. But he had been with this sour mood all day so you were just offended?

“Who are you talking to?”, you reply seemingly forgetting you and him were the only ones in the room.

“So you think you’re being smart with me?” He walks closer to your bed anger lacing his tone.

“No I just don’t understand why you are taking it out on me I was in the bathroom you could’ve waited for me to finish and I would’ve cleaned it. So I’m just angry you are giving me attitude for something so childis-“ *SLAP*

“DON’T FUCKING TALK TO ME LIKE THAT YOU LITTLE SHIT IM YOUR DA-“

“WHAT SO JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE MY DAD YOU THINK YOU CAN PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME? DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER? STRONGER? HUH NOW THAT YOU HIT YOUR KID OH YOU ARE SO FUCKING TOUGH HUH? YOU FORGET IM A GROWN ADULT SO JUST LEAVE MY DOG ALONE THEN SINCE YOU DON’T LIKE MY DOG SO MUCH.”

You were so livid you couldn’t even see straight. Your vision began blurring, you started seeing red, and your ears even began ringing and you couldn’t even stop the words flowing out of your mouth. You were so sick and tired of how he treated you and him hitting you was crossing the line.

“ I DON’T WANT THAT DOG”

“I DON’T WANT YOU AND HERE WE ARE.”

“STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT.”

“CAN’T HEAR YOU I HAVE HEADPHONES ON.”

You never shoved your AirPods in your ears faster hitting play and turning up the volume until you felt your phone fly out of your hand.

“FUCK THAT DOG I WANT IT GONE OK?”

“SAME TO YOU I HATE YOU!”

“FINE WITH ME UNGRATEFUL ASS ALL YOU DO IS FIGHT WITH ME I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU! I FEED YOU LET YOU SEE YOUR BOYFRIEND I DONT HAVE TO DO ANY OF THAT.”

“I DON’T WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU THEN IF YOU ARE JUST GONNA GET LIKE THIS EVERY TIME AND YOU KNOW I HAVE MY OWN JOB SO STOP.” You swear your voice is going to give out and you tap your face and feel all the tears you didn’t even know were flowing. You felt hurt,angry, sad, until you just felt numb.

You ran and grabbed your dog and left with those last words echoing in your head.

“Don’t come back then!”

But you knew that it would be ok because you were almost there. You wished you could’ve let him know you were coming but your phone was back at your house. Soon enough you knock on an all too familiar door. You wipe your tears but you know you are probably going to cry again so it’s pointless to hide it. Kookies wags his tail in anticipation but the door never opens.

“Shit…is he not home?…”, you walk to his driveway and spot his parked car.

“…maybe he went to bed ….fuck fuck fuck….what do I do…what do we do?…”, you looked to Kookies who tilted his head in confusion and barked possessively.

You fought back tears until you choked on a sob and just cried loudly. It was uncontrollable at this point all the events leading up to this very moment have taken a toll and quite frankly it wasn’t something you wanted to deal with. You stepped away from the door and started walking towards the sidewalk. You didn’t know where else to go and you sure as hell didn’t wanna go home but you had no other choice.

You sobbed and started your walk home. Kookies whimpered at your sobbing features and licked your face in an attempt to soothe you but sadly, his efforts were futile. You barely made it 15 feet away from the house when Kookies began barking loudly. You pet him and told him that it was okay but he managed to wiggle his way out of his your grasp and ran towards the house once again.

“Kookies come back we have to go!”’ You cried as you reluctantly raced after him. He stopped at the door and sat there expectantly making you look at him in confused.

The door abruptly opened and there stood your boyfriend Felix clad in a oversized shirt that stuck to his seemingly damp frame with sweats underneath. His blond hair was tied back in a hair tie and it looked pretty frizzy. ‘Did he just…shower?’

You felt a bit dumb thinking he was asleep you kept your head down and didn’t say anything. Felix however studied your sad and exhausted appearance and put two and two together. This wasn’t the first time you’ve escaped to his house and in the 7 years he has been with you he knows the issue. He can still remember your broken face the first time you came over.

It was sophomore year and your dad had just yelled at you for not being home on time even though you told him that the city bus broke down and you had no other way home. He berated you and made you feel like it was all your fault so you ran to your boyfriends house for the first time. You were thankful he lived so close to you. He was shocked to see you appear unannounced at his doorstep and you had only been with him for a few months. Even then you never really told him what was going on in fear he would laugh too. It was far from what you expected though, he went out to get you snacks and made sure to make you comfy before wrapping you in his arms. He put on a movie and sat there without saying a word. He didn’t want to push you and waited for you to come out with it on your own. You did sure enough, and from then on it became a routine. His home became your home. He became your home.

Felix sighed before opening the door allowing you to step in. You put Kookies down and he went immediately to Felix, who happily let the dog jump in his arms and took him to his backyard before closing the door allowing Kookies to play with the toys Felix had out. You made your way to the couch that resides in the living room and sat on it without saying a word. Felix makes his way back to the living room and sat next to you. He opened his arms allowing you to rest your head on his shoulder. He placed his hands on your sides and gave you a reassuring squeeze.

You looked up at him with an unreadable expression and he just smiled softly at you because he just wanted you to feel safe. You broke down you couldn’t take it anymore you just let yourself cry and you let yourself be vulnerable around him. You knew that he was there even when your dad was going to be the worst Felix would always be the best. You eventually calmed down and Felix rocked you back and forth rubbing small circles to your back until you stop crying. It was silent for a few minutes more until you decided to speak: “He told me not to come back…even tho I know he said it because he was mad it hurt more than it should’ve…and idk Lix I just idk if I can t-take it anymore I’m so tired and exhausted.”, tears formed in your eyes and you pressed your head to his chest.

“I mean I said stupid shit to him too if I’m going to be fair so I am at fault for pissing him of-“

“YOU’RE at fault? YOU that’s ridiculous and fair????baby please don’t cover for him. Don’t defend him and don’t try to make yourself feel guilty that is what he is good at. Don’t do that to yourself love. It is not your fault and he has put you through hurt and suffering since before we even got together and you know it. His actions are inexcusable at this point and I am done sitting here and not being able to do anything about it. He said he doesn’t want you back and whether he means it or not you are staying with me. You know I have more than enough money for us and we can make this work. I promise love.”, he grabbed your hands and stared in your eyes and told you he loved you. You couldn’t help but get lost in his beautiful eyes and you couldn’t help but glance at his adorable freckles. You leaned in and pressed kisses to them which made him smile. You leaned I to him resting your head in the crook of his neck before replying with an ok.

“Hold that thought love ima go get Kookies since it’s darker outside now!” He gets up to go to the backyard only to return moments later with your furry companion.

“Anyways sweetheart I am so happy to hear that you wanna stay with me. Love I promise I’m going to take care of you here. Well you and Kookies how could I not he is so adorable and we both know he loves me more!”, he proclaims loudly puffing out his chest and donning one of his cheeky grins.

You scoff and roll your eyes.

“He does not”

“Does too”

“DOES NOT”

“DOES TOO”

“WHO DO YOU THINK GAVE BIRTH TO HIM!”

Felix bursts into laughter and squeals “NOT YOU!”

“HOW DARE YOU DO YOU EVEN VSCO?”, you shriek back and you’ve long forgotten what your dad even did.

Felix gets up and grabs Kookies,” You love me more right…give me a little kiss if you do!”

“HOW DARE YOU ASK HI-“

“SHHHH HE IS THINKING”, he replies causing you to stare at Kookies who has his head tilted. It took him a few moments to finally lick Felix’s cheek causing him to erupt in cheers while you in contrast feigned a hurt expression.

“Kookies how could you…don’t you remember where you came from!”, you fake cried. You and Felix both looked at each other and burst into a fit of giggles. Felix sat back down placing Kookies on the floor and hugged you tight. You sat in a comfortable silence until you spoke up.

“You know I still have to tell my dad I’m moving out?”

“Yes I do but I will be there with you ok love?”

“Yeah but I know he isn’t going to like me moving out on a whim I’m just a bit scared you know and I still have to get all of my stuff it’s just gonna be a mess.” You let out a heavy sigh and let your head fall in your hands. Felix shifts so you are in between his legs and starts to massage your back letting you relax in his hold. You always enjoyed his tender and relaxing massages from his tiny hands that worked wonders.

“I know things are going to go down but we need to get it done now or he is always going to do this to you and by staying you are just giving him that. I promise ima make it ok just trust me love.”

You nod with a smile and embrace him while kissing all over his face letting your hands roam to his sides to tickle him. He begins laughing uncontrollably squirming with tears forming in his eyes.

“YA STOP STOOOOOOP PLEASE”,he cries out pleading for mercy.

You smile widely letting your grin spread from ear to ear and mischievously reply,”Only if you make me brownies please please please.”

“YES YES OF COURSEEEEE PLEASE STAWWWWP.”

You smile with satisfaction and release him jumping up from the couch and start jumping up and down.

“My hero!”, you reply with a layer of sarcasm to which Felix merely smiled at before grabbing your hand and leading you to the kitchen.

To your surprise there are already ingredients for brownies laid on the counter. You gaze at Felix with a questioning look to which he simply shrugs.

“Actually I was already planning on making you brownies and bringing them over but fate was on my side as always.”, Felix grinned and wrapped his arm around your waist pulling you in front of him as he started preparing the mix. He made sure to keep you close because he loves inhaling your sweet scent. You turned around and smiled feeling so lucky have him. He made you feel so safe and secure. He made you feel loved and cared for which was something you lacked at home with your dad. Not that it was your real home because to you, you had found your real home in Felix and he found his home within you and that was all you needed.

“I am a bit sad though Lix cuz I don’t even have my dad to go to anymore.” You sighed wishing things could be different.

“I know but who cares even if the world turns against you…You’ll always have me!”, he grinned and turned you around so you could face him. You couldn’t help but smile back because he was right.

You pressed a kiss you his lips draping your arms around his neck to bring his closer. Quickly he wrapped his hands around your waist and moved his lips in sync with yours. You smiled into the kiss and started giggling randomly making Felix pull back and stare at you with a perplexed smile on his face.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” He began patting his face vigorously and let out an overly dramatic gasp. You rolled your eyes and hugged him instead pulling him close and squeezing him with the tightest grip you could muster.

“No you coconut I just…”, you sigh with a smile that he couldn’t see,”I just love you Felix I really love you. Thank you for always putting me first.”, you peck his lips and cup his face staring at his features and studying them like you’ll never see them again.

Felix beamed feeling a little proud of how good he is to you he peck your lips in response looking at you with his face full of love and care.

“I love you too forever and always.”

****************************************

Authors Note: just wanna say hi and welcome to my work I hope you enjoy and I just want y’all to know… I really tried 🤡 but if you like or if you want more stuff like this yk send asks :) anyways have an amazing day

#felix #stay skz #skz #skz felix #skz icons #skz fluff #stray kids angst

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softrenjunnie · 4 years

Text

“we can’t do this” kisses

pairing: slytherin!chenle x gryffindor!reader

genre: fluff, slight angst?? idk tbh, harry potter!au

warnings: none, maybe a swearword somewhere

wordcount: 1.6k

message: thank you for all of the love on my “collection” posts, aswell as everything else i’ve posted. i really really appreciate it and it means a lot to me. i honestly dont know about this one, i had a good thought but then... idk what the end is. anywayssss i hope you enjoy? feedback is always gladly accepted but pls be easy on me about this one lmao :// also you dont even wanna know how many times i typen cnehle instead of chenle, ive seen that video too many times.... second also; sorry for being so slow w my updates, ive been having less time and inspiration to write recently... :( third also: not spellchecked aaaah gonna try to do that tomorrow but im too tired rn :/

21 kisses masterlist l Full masterlist

Many months had passed since you last spoke to Chenle. Heck, if it hadn’t been for the fact that you were seated next to him in muggle studies (because the seats were fixed and you had decided on the first day of classes that you wanted to sit together), you wouldn’t even have been near him.

You’re a Gryffindor, Chenle is a Slytherin. Your mother is an auror and your father works for the Minister for Magic, while both Chenle’s parents were known death eaters. Or, well, they weren’t known when you started dating him, and if they had been back then you wouldn’t have gotten yourself involved with him.

Your parents had met Chenle several times, and they were always supportive of your relationship. But you wished you could say that they had been equally as supportive after it was discovered that his parents were death eaters. Your mother had sent you a letter the day they found out, and when you didn’t respond, your father traveled all the way to Hogwarts to talk to you in person and ban you from ever speaking to Chenle again, by threatening to take you out of hogwarts if you didn’t follow his orders. They had even made sure your friends and most of your teachers knew you weren’t supposed to meet him, so they would drag you away from him if you even as much as tried to talk to him.

But that didn’t mean that you weren’t looking at him. Or talking about him. Or thinking about him. That didn’t mean that you didn’t know exactly where he was at 99% of the time or that you didn’t know what was happening in his life. And it most certainly didn’t mean that you didn’t love him. Because you did. You couldn’t just shut off your feelings, no matter what your parents wanted.

Many parents had sent in threatening letters to the headmaster, telling him to expel Chenle because his behavior could inspire other students to learn about dark magic. But the headmaster always responded by saying that there would be no punishment for anyone based on what their parents had done, because children don’t necessarily take after their parents. And you were so thankful for that - because he was completely right. Chenle was not at all like that. He had been distancing himself from his parents as much as he could since the moment he found out about them over seven years ago; he’d even left them to live with his grandmother instead. You just wished your parents understood that.

You often found yourself looking down the hallway in the dungeon when you had finished potions class, hoping to see Chenle strutting to or from his common room with his friends. Or thinking of him when his favorite dish was sitting right in front of you at dinner, making you throw a glance over at his usual spot by the slytherin table to make sure he was digging into it as usual.

Except, one day, he wasn’t at dinner. You didn’t stop looking when you couln’t see him in his usual seat; you searched the entire slytherin table from your place across the room with your eyes, in case he’d decided to get a new seat; and then you searched the rest of the great hall in case he was talking to a teacher or someone from another house. But there was no Chenle. You thought it was very strange, as he never missed a meal - so you excused yourself from your seat and instead walked over to the slytherin table. By the end of it sat the people who you recognized as Chenle’s best friends, Renjun and Jisung, two full blood slytherins whose parents were speculated to be working with Chenle’s. They didn’t look too happy to see you.

“What are you doing here?” Jisung sneered at you once you came close enough to hear.

“I’m just wondering if you know where Chenle is,” you said, voice much calmer than the one that spoke before you.

“Why do you care,” Renjun spat right after swallowing down a piece of chicken. “You’ve made it pretty clear you don’t want anything to do with him anymore.”

“Oh, and you are mad about that?” Even though you had tried to remain calm, you could feel the anger boiling inside of you.

“Yes, Chenle is-“

He had barely just started talking when you cut him off. “You think you’re mad? There are people who are suffering way more from this than you, you idiot. Try to get that thought through your small brain. Maybe the person who’s been ignored, or maybe the person who’s going to be kicked out of hogwarts if she is seen speaking to Chenle.” You hadn’t been able to hold back - but it felt good. When you were done with your mini-rant, you straightened your posture again and looked at the boys with calmer eyes. They seemed surprised, and possibly a bit scared, and Jisung had dropped his fork from his mouth to his plate with a loud thud when you started. “So, I would really appreciate it if you could tell me where Chenle is at.”

Even though they were frightened of what Chenle had threatened them with doing if they spoke about his whereabouts, they told you about how Chenle had said that he wasn’t feeling like having lunch and was probably sitting in the library to study for his exam the next day. Forgetting all about your friends back at your table (and the risk of them seeing you by the slytherin table and connecting the dots), you hurried out of the great hall and made your way down the hallway towards the library.

Your mind was blank, you didn’t know at all what to say to Chenle if you even found him. Yet there was something telling you to go; something inside of you forcing you find him. He had his favorite spot in the library, by one of the windows deep inside, so when you finally made it into the library, you knew exactly where to look. And sure enough, staring into his history of magic book, he sat by the same table as he always did. He hadn’t heard you as your last few steps had been soft, so you faked a quiet cough to get his attention.

“What are you doing here?”

You sighed at the tone in his voice - you had been a bit surprised before you reminded yourself that you shouldn’t have expected anything. Instead of answering his question, you asked him one. “Why weren’t you at dinner?”

He put his book down and stood up, frowning at you. “Did you seriously come here just to ask me why I didn’t have dinner?”

You shrugged and looked down at your feet, suddenly feeling shy. “Yeah,” you mumbled.

“Okay, so,” he started, pacing slowly towards you. “you don’t speak to me for weeks, maybe even months, and then you come all the way to the library to ask why I didn’t have dinner?” You looked up from the ground to see him staring right into your eyes. “Not really that believeable.”

You didn’t know what to say. The day you had been banned from speaking to him, you had walked straight up to him to tell him that you wanted to break up with him. That’s it. No explanation, not giving him any chance to talk to you. And you hated it, but you weren’t sure how to make it better.

“Shit, Chenle, I’m sorry. I really am,” you sighed, holding back the tears that were threatening to fall from your eyes at any moment now from seeing how angry he was. He had never before looked at you with such flames in his eyes as he was right now. “I... I don’t know what to do to make you understand-“

He cut you off, his tone piercingly sharp. “Just tell me. Tell me the truth.” You blinked a couple of times, hoping that it would help push the water in your eyes back. “Is it because of my parents that you act like I suddenly don’t exist?”

“Yes but-“

And again, he didn’t let you speak. “I though you knew me. I thought you saw me for who I am, not for who my parents are.”

You couldn’t hold back. You stepped towards him, cupping his face in your hands and scanned his eyes for any sign of doubt (except for his continuedly frowned eyebrows). It was like a magnetic force pulled you to him, that pulled your mouth to his. You could instantly feel how much you’d missed this feeling, even though it was barely just a brush.

Chenle pulled away almost the exact moment you’d launched forward, and though his expression was hard to read, it told you that he wasn’t angry at you. He let out a shaky breath, as he dropped his head to let his forehead rest on your shoulder. “We can’t do this...” he mumbled, his arms snaking around your lower back to hold you close.

You held him around his shoulders, leaning your head on top of yours. “I’m so sorry, Chenle. I’m going to find a way to fix this,” you mumbled. “My parents... they made sure I didn’t talk to you. I’ll do something to make this right.”

“But before that, can you just hold me?”

You might have ignored him for such a long time, but that didn’t mean that you had stopped loving him. Nor that you weren’t ready to fight for your relationship.

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fortheloveoflizards · 4 years

Note

ive actually been a fan of wof for years now, im just not super active in the fandom and i guess id like to be? so here i am, sending u an awkward ask lol. anyways, the more i think about animus magic, the more i hate the way tui executed the concept? like theres barely any consequences or limitations. dragons can do whatever they want with it, which is bad for the plot. idk what are ur thoughts?

Hah, this isn’t awkward at all, I actually do have a lot of thoughts on animus magic, particularly how it differs in each tribe. I think giving each tribe different types of magic, as well as individual drawbacks on top of the general “you go crazy if you abuse your power”. Though I think the latter could have worked as more of a “if you use your power selfishly, it’ll turn on you” sort of situation? In my headcanons, each tribe has a type of magic they work best with, and a type of magic that puts strain on their physical form.

As the tribe closest in appearance to traditional European dragons, I like to headcanon Skywing animus magic as Weather and Element based. Stuff like creating storms and controlling wind currents is easy to imagine, but also magic pertaining to emotions, often fueled by the feelings of the animus themselves. A Skywing animus might find it easiest to use an object to better conduct magic, like a branch or, most commonly, crystals of different types. Skywing magic is what you would call “cast spells”, meaning they have no need to write or say what they wish to do, just think or “feel” it. As for drawbacks, emotional instability is kind of obvious, huh? There’s also bad weather being attracted to the animus, and parts of their body slowly turning into whatever object they used to channel their spells. As an example, using crystals in his spells might result in an animus’ scales turning into crystals themselves, whereas an animus that used a branch to direct air currents would notice her tail growing small twigs and leaves out from between her scales. The magic Skywings have most difficulty with is Herbal and Brewed magic. I feel since Skywing magic is very much based on action and emotion, it would be difficult for a Skywing animus to properly channel it in such a passive way.

Mudwing animus magic is perhaps my favourite to think about, it being what I call Herbal or Brewed magic. Mudwing animi specialize in potions and medicine, though this is more of an inherent tribe skill, their magic works best when imbued into food or drink. To continue with this technique, “power-ups” would be cool to see. Potions to give a dragon super strength or speed, or to keep their scales permanently warm so they can always breath fire. I think Mudwings would be most likely to use so called “magical ingredients” for their spells, as in the act of the animus using an ingredient makes it magic, rather than a normal dragon including it in their stew. I don’t feel there would be much room for drawbacks when it comes to Mudwing magic, so I’m gonna say there isn’t one. However, I will say Brewed magic is one of the hardest to perfect, as if a quantity of ingredient is even slightly off, disaster is imminent. Transformation magic is likely to be the hardest for a Mudwing animus to use. While Brewed magic is hard, it’s precise and a recipe can be done a hundred times for a hundred different dragons, and the effects never alter. Transformation magic is the opposite, in that the spell must be altered for every dragon, as every dragon is slightly different.

Next up is Sandwings! They lean most towards Written and Solar based magic. As you can guess, this means their magic is linked at least partially to the sun. Though they can’t control them, Sandwing animi often have very keen senses when it comes to the weather and seasonal changes. Change itself is a big thing for Sandwings, so seasonal magic is common. Sandwings also find writing spells easiest, as the spell is then precise and exactly as they need it. Sandwing riddles, told at parties or in passing as a fun conversation topic, have their roots in animus magic. Sandwing animi also enjoy the company of animal companions, usually camels or vultures; animals that can carry scrolls and items for the animus in question. The downside for Sandwing animi can be either mental or physical. They can start forgetting things, losing track of time, generally being scatterbrained, which eventually leads to them losing their entire memory. Or, their scales begin to darken, although I’m undecided on what kind of colour they would turn. Should they just turn golden or maybe more of a sunburnt orange or red. Perhaps even black. I dunno, maybe all three. Spoken and Lunar magic are the clear opposites of Written and Solar, so it’s pretty obvious why a Sandwing animus would have trouble in this area. Sandwing magic can be very picky, kind of like a sadistic genie that goes by what a wisher says, rather than what they mean. A dragon has to be very careful how they phrase a spell, which is hard for most Sandwing animi, hence their avoidance of Spoken spells.

I think my Seawing animus headcanon is the closest to being confirmed in canon, since the Seawing animi we see using their magic are usually using what I’ve called Spoken and Lunar magic. This includes regeneration(like healing of themselves and others), curses, transfiguration of objects and generally verbal commands. And for the record, “verbal commands” is usually, like the animus test the Seawings take, telling an inanimate object to do something. Lunar magic is connected to the moon and the tides, opposite to Solar magic. This can mean it gets stronger under a full moon, and gives a Seawing animus a kind of bond to the ocean the more they use Lunar magic. As with Sandwing animi, the magic that comes most natural to Seawings involves change. Changing tides, moon rotations, drifting currents and rips, all those factor into their magic’s strength, in and out of water. Seawing animi can also suffer a lowering of inhibitions, and can suffer what I call “going feral”. Theirs is the most noticeable, though this final drawback can affect all tribes. I like to think the more a Seawing animus uses their magic, the more they start to look like a deep sea creature. Brighter glowing scales, thinner scales overall(sometimes so thin you can almost see their insides, bleurgh!), elongated, thinner teeth, and increased speed of growth to their whole body. As you can probably guess, Written and Solar magic are the areas that cause the most trouble for Seawing animi. I’m not sure what else to comment here, since I feel it’s pretty straightforward, so there you go.

Rainwings! The tribe I’m most like! I feel that since the average Rainwing can change the colour of their scales regardless of magical ability, Transformation magic would be a perfect match for any animi that might exist in the tribe. Transformation magic includes form shifting of themselves and others, body hrror/torture(which differs from simple form shifting because it’s specifically supposed to cause pain) and transfiguration of objects. Transformation magic requires knowledge of how the specific dragon’s body works, moves and how their mind reacts to things. You might think the average Rainwing is too self-centered to be capable of that kind of perceptiveness, but I believe they’re more perceptive than they’re portrayed in-canon. I think the most noticeable consequence of a Rainwing animus using their magic is their scale colours “glitching”. If the Rainwing is naturally purple and green and they try to turn red and blue, areas of their scales might change slower than the rest, or not change altogether. A camouflaged Rainwing might suddenly find themselves bright pink and orange. Stuff like that. Weather magic is most difficult for a Rainwing animus, since it requires a lot of, I guess passionate emotions? Weather magic is loud and aggressive and takes a lot of power to control. It also relies heavily on being strongly connected to every emotion, and can backfire terribly on a dragon that doesn’t know how to wrangle that kind of power.

Mind and Time magic is what I’ve assigned for Nightwings! I felt it fits with their whole Mystical Infinite Powers aesthetic. Obviously, Mind magic includes mindreading and and Time magic future vision - which were most likely a gift from a Nightwing animus a long time ago. Other abilities include fate writing(a spell that can change an otherwise unchangeable future), enchanting, illusions, and changing minds/the perceptions of a dragon. This magic is actually relatively simple to perform, and one of the most used types by all animus dragons. That doesn’t make it any less powerful or dangerous, in fact it’s probably more dangerous that it’s so easy to use. Nightwings certainly haven’t been using it for the best purposes. This is the magic I think is the root cause of dragons losing their minds, since “Mind” is like one whole half of the magic. The unfortunate thing is that Nightwings are excellent bullshitters, so they at least last a while before anyone figures out something’s wrong. The side effect of using other types of magic is most notably scale discolouration, to the point that there are records of completely white, full-blood Nightwings. Since Icewings and Nightwings are Enemies For Life I figure their magics would clash just as much, out of principal. Reflective magic in particular requires the user to be self aware, to know their faults and, if only momentarily, be at peace with them. Nightwings are pretty in denial about a lot of stuff, it’s part of the culture they’ve built up.

Finally, Reflective and Defensive magic is the natural inclination of Icewings. That means shielding and barrier magic - which can be physical or psychological, insightful magic, illusions and star spells. No insightful magic is Not future vision, if you make that comparison in front of even a regular Icewing you will be murdered. The Icewing mind is typically pretty guarded already, as we see when Moon tries to read them. I like to believe that an animus a long time ago used their Gift to make it so Nightwings can’t read the tribe’s minds, or at least not easily. This would be an example of a psychological barrier spell. Star spells are tied to the stars(no duh) like Solar and Lunar magic are tied to their respective namesakes. However, as opposed to change, star spells are constant. Once one is cast, it stays forever. Almost all Icewing magic is a star spell of some kind, making other dragons very wary of an animus born from the tribe. Thankfully, the fact that Icewing magic includes that of Defense, it’s rarely used for aggressive purposes. I believe Icewing magic would backfire by crystalising within the user’s bones, making their joints stiff and their mind fuzzy. They may dissociate from the world and eventually be lost, as with Sandwings. As I said, Icewings and Nightwings are opposites in magic, though there are overlaps which serve to infuriate both tribes. Considering Nightwing animus magic supposedly came from Icewings, the former retained some of the abilities of the latter.

There you are, my thoughts on dragon magic. This turned into much more of a headcanons post than an answer, so I hope you don’t mind. Thanks so much for the ask, and I hope you find content creators that make you feel safe being active in the fandom!

#Wings of Fire #Rose Brambles #Headcanons #Dragon Biology #Animus Magic #Mudwings #Skywings #Sandwings #Seawings #Rainwings #Icewings #Nightwings #i didn't think i had thoughts but then i did oop #guess who found motivation #i have so much stuff in my drafts #sorry to all the people following me who thought i was consistent #dunno where y'all got that idea

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jon-astronaut · 4 years

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hi! i don’t know if you already answered this (and im so sorry if you did!) but i was just wondering what your favorite and least favorite portrayals of all the skamverse characters were and why?

oh hi anon! i haven’t actually answered this ahahha all day i only answered when people told me their faves and never counted mine. this might take a long time to answer because i have to think and reply so long so sorry for replying late in advance...

eva:

favourite is lisa. she just started the whole thing and she was so real and authentic in her portrayal like everything she did felt so fitting with eva nothing less and nothing more. i would give a special shoutout to ludovica just cause she is my fave eva and i think she added a good comedic acting and edge to her character.

least fave might be alba not because she did so bad but because i didn’t connect with her character much. idk either the acting or the writing didn’t resonate with me she felt a little too plain. but maybe i need to do a rewatch. and anyway she grew on me.

noora:

favourite is nicole. she showed us how much nora faded away and a hollow ghost of her came forward throughout her seasons. the change in nore is apparent even in her posture, her tone.

least fave benedetta. kinda ironic because skamit is one of my top 2 remakes but yeah she didn’t work on me at all in s3. i didn’t buy most of her scenes which is a shame because she was good in s1 and she had good chemistry with the edoardo actor.

isak:

favourite is tarjei, definitely. there was something about his portrayal that made me feel like watching a documentary and no remake reached that level. he was so nuanced and a lot of his emotions were in the little mimics, looks and gestures. axel and michi are a close seconds.

i can’t choose a least fave here. i mean i like all the isaks in their own way. i don’t think any of them were like bad. i wish we got to see florian too. or or if we are counting lucas rubio is a isak remake then alejandro isn’t good as the extra clips show...sorry.

sana:

favourite is tua. she had the heart eyes for mohammed, she had such easy chemistry with him. but then she played amira’s anger and her pain and her pain through her anger in the henna party and the break up with mohammed so well.

least fave ugh maybe assa? this probably has more to do with the writing then her acting but idk there was something there that didn’t communicate her relationship with sofiane or her anger to me.

jonas:

favourite anselm. i literally spent the day praising him...the thing is while michi and lilly are easing into their roles in s1 anselm already seems to portray jonas so well. like he is so relaxed and natural in his role. and then he added a ton to jonas with his softness and his funny side. kudos to the breakup with hanna + coming out scene. with ludovico as a close second because he made giovanni his own too.

least favourite nathan bouts. i swear this has less to do with writing and more with acting. i find him similar to reiky’s jonas and while reiky communicated the loveable asshole vibes to me nathan didn’t. maybe he had better material to play with in s3 it would be different.

william:

favourite is nathan. i might like alejandro's william more as a character but nathan did the best with the not much changed storyline. he literally took the william we saw in og and added so much dimension like the softness with zoe, his voice when he is defending his views, his anger towards his brother chef’s kiss. chris veres is the close second here i mean even his comedic delivery is everything.

least favourite thomas. while trying to have him be this cold, popular guy i think he didn’t actually played well mostly just stood there with no expression. and that’s just no.

even:

favourite is henrik. really shows his power how no one was able to top him yet. i think in praising tarjei we forgot him but like i talked about all day THE LOCKER ROOM SCENE and how much he communicated with his eyes yup.

least favourite maxence. like i said he started bothering me on the rewatches and i realized they relied too much to his looks and natural charm of the actor. i might be biased here about rocco’s acting because i like nicco and marti and nicco so he is not my least fav.

yousef:

favourite is hassan who plays mohammed. maybe it’s because he had more heated arguments with amira about religion and their ‘breakup’ was more painful so i liked his portrayal much more. he just put something into the character like he defended his beliefs with as much fierce as amira.

least fave is lucas nabor who plays dani because spoiler! dani is yousef in skamesp. i will give him the benefit of the doubt maybe by the end of the season i could like his acting more and he does have good heart eyes but right now i don’t vibe with his acting much.

vilde:

favourite is lula. suffered through s6 for her acting’s sake (and for flavie’s) and she is just so good. the pain is in her eyes throughout s6, her breakup with basile was so heartbreaking. but also in earlier seasons she got daphne’s energetic and naive self so well.

least fave is nona who plays amber. idk i don’t vibe with amber and since wtfock cast put a lot into the characters even when writing is bad i think it’s more of her acting issue. it feels like there isn’t anything to her character and amber feels so one dimensional.

chris berg:

(not counting irene here) ah i would say fave is coline. i think she is the chris character that got the most material to play with (maybe why she is my fave) and she did the best out of it. but her scenes in s5 especially the one where she opens up is so nice i could read her emotions on her face.

least fave is nonexistent? i mean most of the time the chris character doesn’t get stuff to act with so like i cannot really judge the actors much when i haven’t seen much from them. and i just vibe with all chris versions.

mahdi:

fave is robin. s5 of skam fr might have gone downhill but robin had a really good performance that only got better throughout the season. especially the ending of the first ep where he looks over the street with his hearing faded away just the look in his eyes wow. honorable mention arda because his little improv lines with louis is amazing. he steals the backgroudn.

least fave again nonexistent because aside from robin and maybe francesco they didn’t get stuff to play with. i mean how can i judge dilan’s actor’s ability?

magnus:

fave is paul. his comedic timing is everything!! and most of that is improv so additional kudos. the way he stole a lot of background moments in s3!!! and s5 and s6 showed how well he could do drama too. when arthur tells him about his hearing the way his face crumbles - wow.

again no least fave because they don’t get material. like i may not like aaron as a character but i cannot say the actor does a bad job when he has to play one side of a character.

i think that about covers everyone!!! naturally i didn’t do anyone from druck or skam france new gen because this was just the versions.

i am so sorry that this is too long......but i cannot just name actors and not explain myself come on. and thanks anon for asking this i enjoyed typing out this a lot!

i also discovered something my fave version of the character doesn’t equal to my fav portrayal always. like nora isn’t my fav noora but she is my favourite portrayal. but jonas augustin and giovanni are my fav jonas characters interchangeably and anselm is my fav portrayal with ludovico following behind.

anyway let me know what you think about my answers!

#druck #skam españa #wtfock #skam france #skam italia

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bladekindeyewear · 4 years

Text

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself. i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he? like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it. So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit. That’s yet another way to put it. Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today? cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad! Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything. --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects. That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place. The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers. This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth? or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be. :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2. So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations. Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for? Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues. And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit. Karkat’s limited lifespan. As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation. We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we? >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus. I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason. Which it won’t! Right??? >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck. I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry. God damnit. SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!! *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

> ==>

okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

> ==>

*put*

> ==>

*foot*

> ==>

DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends. That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

> ==>

That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true. What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this? It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm. Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy? Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff. He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much. <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!! Point taken. Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome. I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up. :)

> ==>

Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

> ==>

Smooooch!

That was nice. Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat. See y’all next time!

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #Breath and Blood #Light and Void

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everlarkficquestions · 4 years

Text

Sunday Stumped Day 29

It’s another Sunday Stumped Day!

Sometimes we straight out get stumped. So every few months we will pick a Sunday when we’ll post of a list of asks that we need your help on.

This time around we have focused on Asks that are looking for specific fics.

If you know the answer to any of these asks please shoot us a message/ ask/ with the Post number and the fic details and we’ll add it and give you a shout out with our thanks. Any links you can provide will also be super helpful.

Thanks!

Post 1 , Post 2 , Post 3, Post 4, Post 5, Post 6, Post 7, Post 8, Post 9, Post 10, Post 11, Post 12, Post 13, Post 14, Post 15, Post 16, Post 17, Post 18, Post 19, Post 20, Post 21, Post 22 , Post 23, Post 24, Post 25, Post 26, Post 27 and Post 28 can be found here - and there are still fics we need your help with.

495. theman189-blog said:

Also looking for a growing together fic where peeta and katniss are painting a room ar one point and they get in a paint fight, at the end when peeta has katniss over his shoulder she draws a heart in paint on his lower back

494. theman189-blog said:

Hi there, just read a fic where katniss and peeta were peacekeepers and fall in love called protect and serve, and I could have sworn there was another one where they're peacekeepers and fell in love but had a more concrete ending and I cant remember it... any thoughts?

493. breakmeaswitchson said:

Hi! So I posted asking about this on a sub in Reddit and got directed here, it's not specifically an Everlark one (I don't think) but if you could help I'd be so thankful! Basically, it took the characters from the 74th Hunger Games, but the twist was that they all had to work together in designated groups? And (I think) weren't allowed to turn on each other until nobody else was left. I'm pretty sure Rue and Clove were on a team together, and I think the setting involved abandoned buildings.

492. jayana90 said:

Hi! I'm looking for a specific fic from Peeta's POV. I read it about a year ago & now I can't find it. It begins at his house in 12 with his family, then traces nearly all of the Hunger Games trilogy. It ends with a chapter with Peeta & Katniss living in 12 years later with their kids and a bakery. I think they loved cheese bread? It was really long and so good, I hope to find it again. V smutty.

FOUND! The Sexual Frustrations of Peeta Mellark by PeetasAndHerondales, which has sadly been deleted. - thank you, mistressnightshade!

491. allflowerscatchthesunlight said:

Fic name needed: I recall Peeta was taken by the capitol and then there was trackers embedded into his skin or something and he was found by the squad while in the capitol to kill snow. They cut it out of him. Also katniss was pregnant, but miscarried.

Found! Secret Wishes, Secret Kisses by @katnissdoesnotfollowback -- thank you KDNFB!

490. jsth2obooks said:

Hi I read this fix a while ago and now I'm trying to find it. It's Modern day Katnisss and Peeta have to go to a high school reunion an they pretend to be either together/engaged. At the end they end up with a child. Thanks in advance

FOUND! Somewhere That’s Green by Jlala. Thank you, @fangirlingoverquotes

489. uglydora15 said:

I read this fancition about Katniss and Peeta post mockingjay and Katniss was pregnant I think for the second time and Peeta has a flashback and Katniss caught him kissing someone else in the bakery and he had to beg for her forgiveness

Possibly There Are Still Worse Games to Play- The Second Part of Our Journey by panskiss123. Thank you, @sunsetsrmydreams

488. bad-fad said:

Hi so I think there’s a fix where mr. Mellark like takes in katniss when she’s young (I don’t think prim existed in the story but I could be wrong) and she grows up with the Mellarks but I can’t remember?? If not maybe some recs along those lines

Possibly - “Kinship” by Misshoneywell - thank you @endlessnightlock

possibly Star by HGRomance - thank you @nightlock-89

Possibly the deleted Lion’s Tooth by Alexabee

487. craftydiva0828 said:

Looking for a story where after the war, Katniss rides the trains searching the districts for Peeta; people search for loved ones by posting their pictures at the train depot bulletin board.

FOUND! when the far-gone dead return - writingforhugs (Thanks, @ladymurphyevermore!)

486. bookworm06 said:

I was wondering if you guys know about a fic where Peeta woos katniss slowly, they dare secretly for a long time i think. And then Katniss comes out in this beautiful orange dress(peeta’s favorite color) to announce their engagement. She’s dressed up for a feast or party in the district or something! I loved this story but can’t even remember the name 🤦🏻‍♀️

FOUND! - I Knew This Would Have Happened Anyway by @abk1973 - thank you, @litharalen

485. cowrintimrousbeastie said:

Hello! This is actually the first time I'm posting a question, I usually enjoy doing the detective work. This time though, I've looked high and low and can't find it... it's a drabble posted on tumblr in several parts. Peeta is living with his girlfriend Delly but during one of his baking workshops discovers that this longtime best friend Katniss is in love with him (she has him as her phone screen saver). She works at the library? He confronts her and she says forget it as he is happy w/Delly..

FOUND! By @cowrintimrousbeastie herself! It is How Long by @ra3lynn3. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 , Part 4 and Part 5.

484. beautiful-harmony1 said:

Hello! Thank for your great work. I am looking for a fic I read a while ago. Post-mockingjay. Katniss is really sick and Peeta comes homes a realises. He takes care of her. On her “death bed” she talks about this that would have happened between the two. I’m pretty sure some bursts in and say “we found a cure”. Thank you so much

483. thehopefuldandelion said:

So I’ve been craving to read this fic that hopefully I didn’t make up and I’ve been trying to remember it’s name. All I remember is that Katinss and Gale(I think) are dating but when Gale would go to sleep Katinss would text Peeta. I’m pretty sure they were coworkers and couldn’t date bc of this. I know that she broke up with Gale but that’s all that my brain can remember. I’m sorry if this is vague or you can’t find it. I just wanted to read this again. Thanks for all you do for the community❤️

FOUND! This is After Hours by SoThere -thank you, @mendontprotectyou!

482. redhoodhungergames said:

I’m looking for a fic where peeta goes to this hotel (or something) and finds Katniss who works there as a singer. I remember when talking we hear that Katniss is from Virginia

481. just-absolutely-super said:

There’s a pre-epilogue fic I read about Katniss and Peeta growing back together. I can’t remember all the details but I think in the fic Katniss finds out Peeta painted Prim and it upset her? Toward the end she’s outside his bedroom door and confesses to him that she loves him. Thank you!

Possibly - The List of Words by MyKonstantine - thank you, @jennagill

480. peetniss27 said:

OK i must be going crazy, but this fanfic is about panem being a bunch of islands and they all do a computer session and are matched with their spouses after being “reaped” and Katniss was dating peeta and ended up with gale. It was called the islands but idk the new name please help!!!!!

FOUND!

Are You Leaving Me? - iloverueforever (*Thank you, @superchocovian!)

479. uniquepizzacollectionblog said:

Hi, i"m looking for a fic where katniss and peeta and best friends and have slept with each other in the past and now the sexual tension is coming back, maybe you guys know of this story?

478. xgetawaycar13 said:

Hiiii so I’m looking for a fic in which Katniss and Peeta get married in catching fire by order of snow and they are also forced to have children but I remember that at some point someone told Katniss about how all the girls at school liked Peeta so she got jealous and have him a blowjob Thank youuu I already look through your master list about marriage in catching fire but I couldn’t find it:(

FOUND. This is Have Heart, My Dear by monroeslittle. Thanks @finestunicorn.

477. ochri said:

Hi i'm looking for this fic from fanfiction It's a post-MJ fic and there's this one chapter where katniss peels? her skin off her fingers and then Peeta takes her to hospital. That's all I really remember :/

476. nikki-pondtheauthor said:

hey im curious if there are fanfics in which peeta learns how to use a bow and shoot arrows (taught by katniss). bonus if he does this in hunger games. im sure ive a read a fanfic before, that was awesome in my opinion because it is a bit out of character for him but highlighting the fact that he is a survivor too and can handle weapons even if he is more a friendly persona

475. white-dandelion-seeds said:

Hey, can you find me this story- Peeta helped Katniss to escape when her family was being killed. But he got captured and was made a slave. Later he helps Katniss to take revenge of the death of her family

474. chippedcupsandbrokenhearts said:

Ok do you know the name of Fic where Katniss finally gets away from her abusive marriage with gale and goes back to her family. They didn’t know she was being abused. She falls in love with Peeta and I remember at one point gale found her and her family drives him out of town. I read this YEARS ago and now I just randomly had the urge to reread it but can’t remember the name. Thank you!!!

Possibly - A Safe Place by HavishamWard,but this fic has been deleted. Thank you, @endlessnightlock

473. jillpill55 said:

Hi, I love your page and have read probably a hundred fics because of it. I hoping you can help me find this fic I read a couple of months ago. Peeta was captured and when he came back he couldn't kiss Katniss because of a implant snow had put in peeta's leg. I would be a mutli-chapter and may or not be finished. Thanks

Possibly - Rekindling by ShiningCity. Thank you, @sunsetsrmydreams

472. svmn14 said:

There was a story about Peeta suffering from an undetected hijacking attack timed 10 years after the last Games where he was designed to hurt Katniss

FOUND! This is Broken: Scenes from the Sequel by MockingJayFlyingFree. Thanks @sunsetsrmydreams

471. hiyosakura said:

Hello! I was wondering if you could help find this everlark fic. I’m not sure if it’s completed or not but it also has hayffie in it a bit I think. So the story is that k and p fall in love before their games and they meet at their tree in school or something but then they get reaped and I can’t remember what happens after that but during the quarter quell Katniss is actually pregnant and Peeta and Katniss are able to communicate with their lips touching.

FOUND! That’s 74th Hunger games Challenge: We Always Were - Jamie Sommers(*Thank you, @superchocovian!)

470. ptx-holic said:

Hi, i’m looking for a fic where katniss is in a relationship with gale and then she met peeta and they are in a relationship but they caught katniss having two relationship and katniss move to somewhere and then she came back few years later and met peeta again. I’m sorry if this is confusing for you but i can’t find it. Thank you :)

Do any of these fics ring a bell? Please let us know!

#SSD #sunday stumped day #compilation #mod post

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