#i am overthinking shit again!!

[dontbehorridhenry95]

i love how henry canonically has super speed and peter just thinks it's an inconvenience at most

and for some reason i find that delightful/gen

#horrid henry #perfect peter #if you wanna know what im talking about look at horrid henry pet sitting service and horrid henry how to be good #henry has super speed AND reality changing abilities and can stop time!! #why?? im not sure!! #but apparently if anyone else acts horrid they can do the exact same things even margaret is aware of our existence!! #even MEREDITH knows we exist!! #and arobic al #and also rude ralph #i am overthinking shit again!! #t thanks for reading!! #again thanks!!

[jankwritten]

yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit

i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.

i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.

this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them

#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist #but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all #those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again? #(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do) #BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit #like TENFOLD now #it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode #plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am? #also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism? #it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always #the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn #it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself #this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry #this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past #this is another reason I fucking hate florida #because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment #and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that. #all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid #and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again #tw vent post #tw racism #tw past racism #but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again #fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun

[bharatiya-naari-sab-pe-bhaari]

This generation has conditioned peer pressure as far as getting a partner is concerned. I am perfectly happy at home, doing my own things, working and studying and enjoying my own company. Reading and writing and creating and watching. Then I go out and interact with other people and start feeling the lack of a significant other.

Its weird man.

And completely ridiculous.

*rolls her eyes*

#musings #my thoughts #yes I am overthinking again #peer pressure is a real issue #desiblr #desi tumblr #love and romance and all that shit #i wish fictional men were real #bleah #:[

[studiousbotanist]

#does a bear blog in the woods #just phantom period stuff fuckingbw my brain chem i think is whats going on this week ! #i knew the new tfb would rip emotions outta me but im messed uppppp . #ive been single the longest ive been in a Long Time now ... #theres good and bad . theres so much cooking in my head from these few months #dealint with grief . bad job . good job now #and still working on getting my life and health togethwr #and im really trying to craft and make shit again . its So necessary for your soul and ive been neglecting #tabletop has helped so much and roleplay will too qhen i get into it #in the mean time though . im LONELY !! im in a mood where being by myself is Torrrtureeee . butnive also been overstimmed ! #i was very somber earlier cuz i jusf did Not have rhe energy to be up and do shit ..wjich is why i called out #but was just thinking the thing i miss most abt a relationship is always having some1 to hang out w or be around #especially physical side cause i am very physically affectionate !!! and tryin to get back to it . #its been hard cus of well ...trauma and also the pandemic . overthinking . itd help if i cried i think #i coulsve put this all ina read more ..too late now LOL ! #i just want to word vomit . been stuck in a bad nasty rude to myself feedback loop abt NOT venting and NEEDING to reach out directly #but good gd its difficult when we are All exhausted . and when i judt Need the vocal speak vs typing #if u read all this mess thank you LOL . ill be okay . ive got to let myself feel this

[exopelagic]

sudden realisation that the thing holding my art back is that I never had an anime phase

#going to find a time machine and get my younger self into death note or smth #I have been driving myself insane for the past few years bc I wanna draw characters but all I know how to do is portraits #I’m trying to figure out how I could recreate smth similar now and tragically I think it does just come down to draw more :/ #however! I am also going to try using brushes which will be bad for sketchiness and better for lineart bc I might need to force myself here #I just gotta simplify things down to basic shapes how hard can it be #[has been thinking this exact thing for years and it’s not worked] #I am getting better every time I do stuff I’m just not satisfied bc art is frustrating when you know what you want but can’t get there #god it’s 2am I should not be awake rn but I could draw again tonight so I was taking advantage #endlessly frustrated by hair. why is it so awkward. I need to understand hair better how do I do this #i have a feeling it’s bc I’ve not figured out how to apply the shit I figured out abt volume yet #I’m also getting impatient bc I’ve been trying to do a study thing for some art styles but I decided I wanted to draw ocs instead of that #when I hadn’t gotten to the actually important bit which was. making smth new. but I can still do that #and I ended up doing a different style anyway (someone pls stop me rounding everything make me use high opacity square brush for my health) #the Other problem is I never wanna switch brushes. like I want to use one brush for whole drawing bc the extra clicks annoy me #I wonder if there’s a shortcut to swap brushes #anyway I’m gonna stop complaining bc drawing is fun but god I wish I’d drawn some more pokey mans when I was a teenager yknow #ideally younger. would rlly like to not have to actually think to figure this out rn #I’m probably overthinking stuff anyway honestly and I KNOW I’ll get it if I practice enough but goddamn it is hard to practice #especially when my me insists on making the bad things look better by making it more realistic #instead of figuring out why the shapes aren’t working #OKAY IM DONE WITH THIS NOW. GONNA TRY NEW ART THINGS LATER STOP TALKING <3 #luke.txt

[glitterslag]

because I am literally incapable of keeping gossip to myself

#i made out with my ex at the strokes concert #i gave myself permission prior to the event dw dw #it was to be expected #like? it was the strokes! it was a night time outdoor set it was raining we were drunk sharing ciggies new silver eyeshadow etc etc #they played call it fate call it karma you know the rest #kinda iconic in my humble opinion #AND THEN #i went to my friend's house party after and then i went home with a guy from there #again sorta premeditated cause I've been overthinking sleeping w my first new person post the breakup #and I've been passing up opportunities cause i've just been building it up in my head to be this big massive deal #but it had rly gotten to the point where it just needed to happen like rip the bandaid off kinda thing #so i pretty much knew that if i met someone nice there i was gonna just say fuck it #coz like drunk house party guy you'll never meet again is such a chill low stakes thing for an official return 2 the streets #and when i tell you it was bang average like so so soooo bang average which I'm glad abt to be honest #left my red scrunchy at his house tho cause u always gotta give them something to remember you by. the whimsical stranger!!! #and i stole some weed from him #(take something leave something rule - i am a devout follower of this) #and then had to literally travel the entire length of the northern line 2 get home like no joke i literally rode that shit end 2 end #scantily clad unbrushed hair sunglasses on in the tube violently hungover walk of shame vibe #altho by some divine miracle my phone didn't die until i was literally outside my front door so i got to listen to good tunes the whole way #honestly you probably shouldn't romanticise these things but who's gonna fuckin stop me huh!! #feels like julian casablancas would've wanted this for me #anyways what a silly goofy post!!!!!! #dear diary

[himbodad]

anyways now that i can’t work for the next at least week if anyone wants to v*nmo me that would be great :))) obviously no like. pressure there are a lot of ppl who need money much more than i do but this job is the thing making me able to pay 4 college lol I’m @/mckitmick on ye old v*nmo and if you have another app u use and want to send me some $ dm me for the user

#magnus posts #covid has me on my ASS #again like no pressure on anything I dont need the money as much as other ppl do but. i do have some need lmao #i am just overthinking things I think rjjdjdjd I feel like absolute shit and I cannot sleep so instead I am making posts with too much e #explanation

[tiredgayloser]

sometimes being neurodivergent is the absolute bane of my existence. there’s so many times where I don’t think before I speak to people and it’s HORRENDOUS, because I’m left afterwards wondering if I’ve said the socially acceptable thing or screwed everything up. We slay & survive in this household!

#neurodivergent #shit sucks #sy are you overthinking again #why yes internal monologue #i am indeed #obsessively #neurodivergency and mental illness are not a happy combo

[fangparade]

i need to be sedated or lobotomized or preferably both

#he said yes to going out for a beer but he's busy the coming three weeks so i now have three weeks to spend on overthinking and suffering :D #me being Like This over a MAN of all things is a fun little plot twist in my life #jk idk what i want out of this guy all i know is i want to hang out with him again 😶 let's see what happens etc. #i feel like shit. so shit in fact that i am going to reread unholyverse 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 #txt #it's all very confusing

[katyspersonal]

I know this is supposed to be a stressful thing, but hearing everyone talk about dying from finals makes me a bit nostalgic and even jealous? I just miss university times so goddamn much.

It was really good to spend half of the day listening to the teachers talk about stuff I found interesting, and have to discipline myself to read/write to certain deadlines. (And to have much more free time..) Adult life with full time job just isn't the same. Every day is like another and new information isn't flowing as much but self-studying is less fun without a teacher and the whole class interested in the same topic. I even miss homeworks that I was putting more effort into than any sane person would! Much older and much more experienced people regularly praising my effort and depth of my thought was a crucial validation resource to think of it :')

#personal #please i just want to write a paper one more time #i won a right for being a smartass to get first efucation for free #but i could never afford cost of the second one #fun fact: there was a contest and i was one of the winners to study in a uni for 2 more years for- #-extra degree in another city #but i was so broken and depressed that i passed and just crawled to trap myself in job i still have #funny thing? if i went there thatd get ruined anyway because of pandemics #but i could not have predicted THAT so like... i dodged a huge heartbreak by pure 'luck'? #the 'i am right even when i am making a mistake' #academics is just where i got to shine #absurd how despite progressing decay of my mind when it comes to writing papers i become really in depth #i guess bloodborne essays are surrogate for that?? haha #i just was like fish in the water in the place where people praised me for overthinking the topics #and told me interesting shit everyday haha #again listening to some smart podcasts isnt the same. i want it to feel just for me and my specific students class

[burinazar]

ohh I am worried my new meds (yes the ones that give me a funny eyebrow twitch. that mostly stopped now) actually are sort of working. “worried” bc my insurance doesn’t really cover them and the ones I’ve been taking are my psych handing me a full months’ worth of free samples

#we checked and the copay would be like $400 #she said if the meds work we’ll figure something out and she’ll try to give me samples as long as possible #appreciable affects have been i no longer am like sleeping a dozen hours a day (i sleep Human Amount now) + stopped overeating #and i have juuust enough ‘less’ anxiety to have enabled me to sort some important shit out and break one of my worst habits #which is being so comically avoidant of perceived rejection or confrontation that i sabotage myself needlessly for months or YEARS #i managed to have long overdue interpersonal convos and do career related outreach i’d been avoiding forever #and i hope it’s a trend. i overthink everything and its unthinkable to just. be open to failure or rejection and embrace whatever happens #and it’s about time i finally could !! #‘if i fuck up and fail i’ll DIE. better just sleep for ever instead’ no !!! stop that !! fucking do the thing! if they get mad they get mad #anyway idk it’s not just the meds i think the good weather is helping #so hooopefully…….i won’t…get a month or two of effective meds and then have to stop and become catatonically depressed again

[supercantaloupe]

i had a meeting to discuss the grad fellowship job and while it was overwhelmingly positive and both myself and the professor/faculty are happy and excited for me to take the job my stupid fucking brain can't stop turning over the one (1) slightly negative comment i got regarding my candidacy/qualification like shawarma

#she told me that during honors evening one of the professors said i'd said something in front of the prospective students #that wasn't altogether positive or encouraging of the school #which like. idk i understand that this job is public facing and part of the responsibility is to maintain positivity and confidence #in the school and the program #but i hadn't. been offered the job yet? i wasn't Working? at honors evening? #it was like 7 pm after a long day i was tired and in a big room full of strangers and i just wanted dinner #not my strong suit socially speaking....not that i can even recall saying anything Bad #maybe just like saying how busy i am with my classes and rehearsals and concerts all the time #but like no one i spoke to was a musician so. how much does it actually matter. #also who fuckin snitched on me. put em up #idk. i'm Definitely overthinking this. i still have the job i'm still qualified and they're still happy to hire me #and i know i can maintain a cheery customer service kind of affect when i'm in the office #like i was a camp counselor for 6 year olds i should be able to manage the lounge at a university a couple hours a week just fine... #but. argh. what did i sayyy. #once again forcibly reminded how utterly shit i am at socializing. #even when i think i've improved i always Awkward And Bumbling in some way. sigh #i wanna talk about me

[born-to-lose]

It's a mental breakdown *du du duuu duuuuu du du du du duuuu"

#i'm fucking crying and shaking and breaking down and scratching cause i don't have any sharp objects near #i just wanna fucking die and rip my heart and brain out #why am i such a fucking clingy annoying overthinking stupid panicking anxious depressed bitch #i don't know how many times i've used the exact same text as a vent post but here we go again #maybe i'll throw up and bang my head against the bathtub until i can't think #once again where's my paracetamol and alcohol i'm not even kidding rn i feel so fucking horrible #uh oh listening to beautiful pain again i don't like where this is going At All #the fact that i got my period today and my cold won't go away even after four days doesn't help i feel even more like shit now #tw self harm #mel talks

[snowychicken]

Turned in my lab exam and the professor just looked at me and went "long day?" Dude, you have no fucking idea

#god today has been a mess and im so ready for it to be over #mondays already suck bc i have two 3-hour lectures back to back in the morning and then lab at night #which is exhausting on its own #but it just hasnt been a good day mentally either. so now all the little problems of the day are the end of the world #and i had several of those in my first lecture of the day #completely broke down by 11 am #and then that goddamn exam #and its not even over. i still have a bunch of shit i need to do tonight. but fuck it im not doing anything until after dinner #whenever that is #anyway im sorry for the vent and im sorry bc im not sure if im even making any sense #im probably overthinking #but i needed to get this out somewhere #snowys talking again

[yourbleedingh3art]

Sometimes I just really don’t want to be spoken to and somebody speaks to me and I’m like

#and then I usually snap on them verbally w unnecessary venom in proportion to what was actually said #I hate when I succumb to this. the shame that follows is immediate #I know I want to be better #do better #all the time I am telling myself improve improve improve You have to #you have to Be better #sometimes I think I am being too harsh on myself and I think I should stop. then I worry I will never accomplish anything and I will get #lazy again. #the I realize negative reinforcement should be done away with entirely #in place of Positive reinforcement #but I’m like is that true? mahbe tough love is necessary sometimes Bc lessons learned w pain behind them usually sear you and internalize #maybe it’s like #a masochistic #self-torturing thought process #idk is it right to beat urself up Everytime u fuck up I feel like i have to cuz I’m like ohhh u just FUCKDD up get ready to eat crow #and I make myself eat the crow #that’s why when I’m already on my plate of crow and somebody tries to serve me up a second plate of crow I get so intensely angry like #u don’t even realize I’m already beating my own self up so bad and overthinking so much #don’t add to my pile of shit bruh #Ok I’m getting it all out I’m getting all my little angry hurt thoughts out it feels good #uploads #blog post

[messybouquetoflilies]

i'm in my feels this morning don't loooook

#i feel so unbelievably hungry rn (which is super rare) but the idea of food makes me wanna vomit & makes my head spin #i'm insanely tired but my brain won't shut up & sleep + the nausea isn't helping #i really wanna talk to someone but my brain is absolutely convinced i upset them so i'm not #hhhhhhh pls don't get bored of me after you find out i'm insane #i really am trying my best my mind is just soooooo irrational & annoying #overthinking big time #and to think my brother told me to let myself be alone with my thoughts before bed lol... #that's probably some of the worst advice i've ever gotten lmao #god i'm just ranting about unrelated shit now i'm just... overthinking. again #if this leads to another depressive episode like the last one i'm gonna be so sad #gonna try my best to turn things around #sorry to anyone who read this but.. y'know #i told you not to #tw ed