messybouquetoflilies

[messybouquetoflilies]

ik im just a stupid puppy that chews on its own paws, but i hope i get 2 be a good doggie someday

[messybouquetoflilies]

playing pokemon on my ds in a cute cage miiiiight fix me. maybe. idk we could try

[messybouquetoflilies]

why does it feel like every year at spring it feels like all the healing and other progress i made the previous year completely resets? like every year i say "oh wow ive changed so much in my life and put myself in a better position and learned tons of new ways to live and cope!!! there's no way it'll be the same this year!!!" only to end up in the same exact spot i was last spring. completely lost, alone, unstable..... etc.... idk why does it feel like i have to completely build up from scratch every fking year. why does it still feel exactly as hard when i did so much work to make it easier on myself this year??? it seriously drives me insane!!!! i just wanna heal n be independent, n not feel like i *have* to depend on other's for validation, but no. still codependent, still chasing bad love, still lowering my standards, still not standing up for my needs just bc im so terrified of losing the few ppl i have in my life. idk sry for all the rambles. its been existential lately. hopefully ill go back 2 horny posting n feel very silly n embarrassed abt all these posts soon

[messybouquetoflilies]

i cried for 5hrs straight when i got home from work, n got melatonin gummies again. i think i might maybe get 2 sleep thru the night. i fucking hope god DAMN

[messybouquetoflilies]

holding out my hand for you to sniff and then i backhand you

#need need need need

[messybouquetoflilies]

my first alarm goes off in 4hrs.. can someone plsplspls pretty pls choke me 2 sleep? or kiss me until the thoughts go away??? orrrr drugs would be nice idk

#wait am i feeling like this bc i stopped smoking cold turkey lol #oops maybe #or just mood swings idk idk idk #i do be craving a cig #yummy yummy nic #just ran out lol im literally just lazy #ughHHH #beat me 2 death actually

[messybouquetoflilies]

call out post

HELLO??? IS ANYONE THERE????????

[messybouquetoflilies]

docile angel bc i cant imagine pushing back and them still wanting me. relentless brat bc i cant imagine not knowing the limits

[messybouquetoflilies]

i broke my fucking c port bc dumbfuck samsung removed the aux port and now my fucking c port is all wiggly. ughH and i cant even listen 2 music on my headphones now. i hate i hate i haaaaate fuck over priced wireless shitass headphones that they want u 2 lose ahhHHhhhHhHhh

[messybouquetoflilies]

dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad? dad?

[messybouquetoflilies]

[messybouquetoflilies]

i wish someone was raping me rn <3

[messybouquetoflilies]

[messybouquetoflilies]

"this too shall pass" well can it fucking get on with it

[messybouquetoflilies]

need need need need need need need

[messybouquetoflilies]

all of my posts r actually just 3 deftones songs in a trenchcoat

[messybouquetoflilies]

wanna have a day where im only allowed 2 bark n get hit anytime i try 2 use ppl words n have 2 crawl around everywhere like a dumb mutt. i need 2 be treated like an aminal. i need 2 not have 2 or be expected 2 think for a lil bit

#pls pls pls let me get what i want #lord knows it would be the first time #arf