#i am obviously doing super great

[delirious-comfort]

Me: hey mom can we talk for a bit?

Her: of course, how are you

Me: SOBS VIOLENTLY on the phone

Her: ...

Me: ...

Me: I didn't know that was going to happen obviously

#i am obviously doing super great #i kept saying i was so exhausted so i think im exhausted #and dizzy #and i just want to be able to walk a meter without dying #anyway #im fiiiiine

[starbuck]

Real Emotional Labor Hours

#like. #i say ONE slightly emotionally vulnerable thing in a Christmas card. that is IT! #and then the next day i’m just unsuspectingly chillin - flipping through my Grammy’s book of Dutch oven recipes #and suddenly i’m being poked in the arm and whisked away to my Grandpa’s office because everything is a business meeting to him #and he’s crying (i have never seen him cry before) and having this insane joint conversation wherein he says he thinks i’m gonna die of hrt #and also gives me the hospital bracelet that was cut off my father’s dead body???? #so like. ?????? UH!!!!!!!!! #and this was like. RIGHT before dinner - for the record #so obviously i’m doing GREAT and super normal #and if you ever wondered why i’m Like This - this is why #i was assigned Haunted at eight months old #and all i can do about it is explain hrt to my Grandpa so that he maybe stops being so fucking weird about it!!!!!!! #jesus CHRIST. #one (1) normal holiday family gathering PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!! #I AM NO LONGER FUCKING ASKING #death // #sorry just realized i should tag that #ughhhhh

[irregularbillcipher]

watched the musical demon show (don't wanna name it so this post isn't in the tags) at the behest of an IRL friend and i can already tell this is going to be a piece of media where i absolutely cannot stop thinking about it, not because i really love the show as-is, but because it has so many individual components i really like and find incredibly fun or compelling, and i'm so frustrated that it doesn't come together for me

i think the main thing i can say about it as a show, setting aside some of the insensitive choices that were made that i really don't feel qualified to tackle or talk about, is that the entire thing sort of gives off this vibe of someone really excited to show you every single oc they made in high school and college and i very genuinely mean that in both the best and worst ways possible

there are some good hooks for season two though so i will absolutely give them that

#the vibe is just like... they are just soooo excited to get all their ideas out that it becomes... messy and badly paced #like there are so many moments that are cool or fun or emotional in a vaccuum but they don't connect fully y'know #because this arc or character was JUST introduced so there isn't proper build up. everything moves too quick #and it's frustrating because you can TELL that the people making this show love their ideas and characters #and i more than get thta! i am also someone with a lotta ocs i love to blab about #but i think they have been working with them so long that they #a. assume we are already just as attached to them as they are without always doing that work #b. assume we've seen all the supplemental material which. i have not #and i don't think that a professional show is the type of thing where there should be a barrier of entry that involves like #podcasts and comics and twitter threads and IC instagram posts about characters to do that emotional/lore legwork y'know #i love lore and supplemental stuff obviously but this should still be like #a satisfying experience for me a person who saw the pilot however many years ago and then has not interacted with the show or fandom since #idk man stuff felt rushed and messy and i wish i liked it more #it needed more slow moments i think. the two scenes where the group all drinks together (minus one awful joke in the bar scene) are like #the best in the show to me becase i actually believe these guys are FRIENDS. i wanna see them hang out more! #i wanna see them actually really grow to like each other organically!!! i wanna see them build connections and grow better slowly!!! #songs absolutely slap though. soundtrack is probably gonna be in my spotify unwrapped 2024 #i love me a musical and that inspiration is on its sleeve which i love #also imo the humor isn't great usually. it's very juvenile imo and sometime that works but it often doesn't #(for me at least humor is obviously SUPER subjective) #also tonally they have this 'have your cake and eat it too' issue which bugs me. it's exemplified by the v's (one in particular) #actually i could go on a whole rant about the v's if anyone is interested because god i have some Thoughts #and i think my issues with the v's (namely one v) encapsulates many issues i have with the show #despite all this rambling i actually did enjoy a lot of my time with it. i just don't think it was well-written if that makes sense

[apathyfairy]

you are either a girl who is miserable and sad on her birthday or a girl who loves her birthday and there is no in beetween and neither group will ever understand the other

#obviously i am part of the first group and like it just makes me sad. like with every passing year i’m just like ok. well i super have #nothing to show for this past year or my age and i just hate everyone acting like i’m worth something or worth still being alive #so when the 3 family members i have are like yaaay happy birthdayyyy i’m like ok thanks but i should have died a long time ago #like there’s just nothing to celebrate like i’m not proud of who i am or that i exist u know what i mean? like i think i cracked it i think #that’s why i hate my birthday and so i like to just be alone and do alone things and cry if i want to or usually i just drive around and #sing along to sad music in the car and just wait it out u know #like i fully just let myself be as miserable as i want like that’s my gift to myself #but this year it’s on a saturday and so my mom is like what do u wanna do let’s do something fun and every year it’s always the same bc i’m #miserable beyond belief and she’s trying to hype me and it ends up with her getting mad at me bc i’m such a miserable downer fuck up and #it’s like great i can’t wait. it’s so pathetic to complain about birthdays we all have them we all get old whatever but it’s just like #genuinely u should be able to just skip it if u arent feeling it and everyone should respect that

[magentagalaxies]

girl help how do i prioritize (not actually asking for advice just ranting). i have a performance tomorrow that's technically part of my final but also the Events of the last week on campus it's technically optional. but that being said i really want to be memorized for that performance and put the time in to make it really good bc even if it isn't graded it's still an opportunity for me to test out new aubrey material (and i'm definitely gonna film it and send it to bellini). i have to turn in a "final" for my independent study which is just my way to get credit for the buddy cole doc, but that final is editing a ten minute piece out of my tour footage and because of the Events i think i will get more grace if it's not a great edit but i need to turn something in by wednesday. i have a final for my history class that's just a presentation and i've already made the powerpoint and researched so i'm confident i can improvise (it's fairly low stakes) BUT i still have to do a quiz for my history class that was due last week but i somehow missed and i haven't been able to get to it bc stressed about finals and also the Events but since it was assigned before the Events i don't think i'll get the same grace as post-Events assignments, and this quiz is worth like 10% of my grade so i need to turn something in like even tho i currently have an A in that class and Cs get degrees i still don't know what grade i'll get on my final so better safe than get a zero on the quiz but i have no motivation since it's not a final like the rest of my stuff (even if the aubrey thing is lowkey not graded??? even before the Events that class had a unique grading system so i already know i've got an A in that class regardless this is just like an optional showcase). and i also have a zoom with bruce tomorrow for the buddy cole doc which i'm very excited for but also will have to plan around the amount of hours in the day i have left to get things done lmao

anyway it's wild being in finals week bc half of me is like "i just wanna go hoooome alreadyyyy" but the other half is like "holy fuck there is too much to do i need an extra week to get it all done"

but anyway less than a week from today i'm gonna be done with my penultimate semester of college (graduating in december!!!) and i have literally zero plans for the months of may and june rn so like. i know i'm going to get incredibly bored super quickly but like one of my favorite inspirational quotes is that tumblr post that was like "in two weeks you will have different problems" and yeah that sure is true

#i remember some people on that post being like ''that's not comforting the problems are endless'' #but i saw that quote for the first time when i was like 12 days away from my production of other girls and SUPER stressed #so i was like. yeah that's actually a great thought i'm still gonna have to do things in 2 weeks but it won't be what i'm working on rn #anyway i am also obviously grateful for most of the things making me busy of course #bc like. my finals are literally performing my favorite new aubrey monologue i've written in the past few months #and i have to rewatch a bunch of scott tour footage for the independent study video #and like i remember just a year ago getting to zoom with bruce was such an event it would be the most important part of my day #and all i could talk about for weeks leading up to it #and obviously i'm still super excited to get to talk to bruce the only negative thing is how busy i am with everything else #and having to do time-management factoring in my classes alongside the zoom #also when i refer to the Events that has to do with like the protests happening on campus etc. #like my college has been in the news lately for some shit #and like. yes it's a very important issue and it's really altered the climate on campus and added to everyone's anxieties #however i do NOT want to talk about it. like i support the cause but for the sake of my own mental health i will only talk about it as much #as referring to it vaguely like i did in the post. #anyway i should sleep i have a 10am class tomorrow that i might have to present my final in

[dmclemblems]

dimitri literally is completely suicidal in this game right to the end

is nobody going to actually help this man i mean he literally just said there is nobody he more desires to end than himself and then says he must thank their adversary for letting him kill a phantom of himself

like

is nobody going to help him

not even after this being one of many instances of him being utterly suicidal

i mean he’s very vocal about it

is nobody... gonna... help him...

#Three Hopes #Dimitri #literally like ??? i get that there's only so much time for writing and stuff #but with the amount of times he says suicidal things you'd think they'd have room to like #stick something in there where someone gets super worried #especially after chapter eight I mean you'd think with how strong his support system is #that ppl would be like whoaaaaaaaaaa back up what did you say #BUT NO NOPE NOBODY EVEN SITS HIM DOWN AND TALKS TO HIM and I don't even blame the characters #I blame it on being a poor writing choice bc the characters SHOULD and ABSOLUTELY WOULD #but the writers for some reason just decided not to include it which is kinda lame #he obviously needs a lot more than just a support system alone #as someone who has been in the same mental place and said the same kind of shit just as often #he needs a lot more than just good friends bc good friends are great but that alone doesn't cure the problem #ngl he's the most openly suicidal character probably in the FE franchise and it's a huge shame that #they didn't bother writing in people actually trying to do something about it bc when it comes to #how severe Dimi's mental illness is they did a good job with that esp in AM #but they don't rly have ppl properly helping him through it and you can do that without needing modern therapy #I mean if Rodrigue heard him talking like this you better BELIEVE he would not let it go and would talk to Dimi #it's a shame they basically just left out all the blatant worry and care that everyone would have had

[elytrafemme]

call the hairdresser and call the mediator because the way i'm splitting to the fucking ends right now

#babes i'm so sorry about it i'm SO sorry about it but i don't think we can blame this one on the period craziness anymore #i've not even been that mentally ill lately but my friend said we like can't hang out before he goes back to school #AND my sister doesn't want to hang out tn and i'm genuinely like? i'm going to break my fucking phone #like okay i'll just kill myself. whatever. i'm becoming super fucking toxic it's really bad #obviously i don't say this shit this is internal i'm not gonna push for anything that's super fucked #but like. ohhhh my God the rage i'm feeling right now. i need to kill someone #literally why am i like this. no explanation no anything i'm just like this? who fucked me over though like what happened #what's my tragic backstory i've got nothing i'm literally just crazy #he's not even answering my fucking texts anymore like tell me to die. pussy. do it. do it! fuck w me right now #and i was so nice i literally was like. hey no worries how's your summer been what's been going on! #i'm watching more youtube within the last 10 minutes of checking my phone i've almost thrown up and thrown it twice #do you think people try to fuck me over. do you think that's a thing. like they're testing me #if you showed me some of my old online friends right now the way i would rip them into pieces #my girlfriend's been pissed lately too like it's my two best friends riding for me and nobody else #oh he replied fucking great. shooting myself in the head i'm so manic pixie for this i'm so fixing him right now #i'm not he's got a girlfriend. but like. whatever. could've been me & i think about that when i'm mad #i do not like him but me and her are literally the exact same she's just prettier and smarter and i'm more of a good person #not right now though. i need to loop someone gets hurt from mean girls until i'm fucking normal #neg #vent #suicide tw

[pinejay]

thinking abt how on our trip to sweden every time i tried to take pictures of my mom she would suddenly move her arms vertically to her sides, curl up her fists, and stand with her feet straight together when a second ago she would be standing naturally. like i kept saying "wtf why r u posing like a ken doll again!" and she would be like "i don't know!!" until eventually she said "i don't know how to pose and look natural!" so was like "well me neither, why don't u just memorize a few poses like i do??" and realized wow that is the least normal thing ever. that is so not normal

#actually i have no idea. this is probably super normal i mean #the way those ppl on instagram look it's very obviously posed #but i mean more that my actual natural pose is like staring straight on which isn't great #needed to memorize those poses to look like a regular human being instead of an alien who just discovered the camera #one of my earliest ''oh i am not like other kids'' memories is taking dance classes as like a 5 year old #and the teacher telling us to do different random poses and me having no fucking idea what the hell she's talking about #while everyone else does actual regular dance poses and i have no idea what they're doing like where they're getting those from #completely bewildering concept to ~5 year old me

[sn4kebites]

jackman is such a good album. 24 minutes long and every track is so good and so raw. i do not take like most of anthony fantanos opinions seriously anyways but the low score on this one especially was such a bad take.

#this is a good album #i think the last two albums have been so so mid from harlow #this album is solid. blame on me alone is gonna be top ten songs out this year for me #the lyrically raw content of jackman is good #the musical production that feels true to harlows sound #like its an objectively good rap album to me #i think jack is a really talented musician and i was deeply disappointed with his shift to pop after whats poppin hit air #because i think he had a little bit more of an edge before that #but i respect what he was doing for his career #jackman is such a 180 and it feels great #it strikes good balance between rap and production #and the work in it provides interesting and thought provoking commentary #challenging harlows reputation as a white rapper and reconciling with fame and relationships #f/ntanos most egregious take about gang gang gang which is obviously a commentary of 'bros over hoes' culture was so so bad lol #denver is just SO good #like. objectively good. the flow and the guitar on it. the introspection. the vocal adds a haunting quality #sorry. i am pretty picky with albums in general #jackman is an 8/10 to me for sure. super unexpected #void.speaks

[princessconsuelapark]

the writer in me does not approve of the way vampire diaries ended, but god my tears disagree

#tvd #blake finally catches up on tvd #well then #i did it #i watched it all #and damon compelling stefan woah that was #that's when i started crying #when he said i am the big brother? #fuck #then obviously stefan had to do the whole hero thing #caroline telling him she understood??? that was a big one for me as well #then it got super cheesy which i have you know #notes about but not super upset at it #what i AM upset about #is mainly the john gilbert cameo dfghjklgyhujk #i just always hated him way too much #and also grayson? can we not forget about the fact that he casually tortured to his hearts content for years and years???? #anyway i really really would have liked a glimpse of elena and damon with kids #and some sort of endnote about how damon got great at being human honoring the memory of stefan etc etc #so yeah like i said #writing needs tweaking but you know it's hard to end a show and it's hard to not make it cheesy so whatever #i can't believe what a little delena shipper AND damon truther this rewatch made me #i honestly was such a stelena girl way back when and #stefan getting his freedom with his best friend in the afterlife actually sounds like a pretty beautiful ending for him #he didn't need some girl to be saved he needed to redeem himself in his own eyes #will never be over steven r mcqueen leaving the show and not giving me my perfect jeremy and bonnie ending :( #stupid tumblr cutting off my stupid long tags:( i had more to say

[boneless-mika]

I have never seen a thumbnail that manages to so effectively mock both autistic and trans people at the same time. I think maybe the worst part it's very likely this is unintentional (so I'm not hating on the creator, I just think they didn't fuly think through how this would be interpreted), I don't watch transphobic or ableist content, the reason this was recommended to me I think is that I watched a few minutes of a Sad Boyz episode where they talk about The Good Doctor

#sad boyz also used this exact image of the actor for their thumbnail and idk guys #doesn't really come off great to me #again I don't think it was their intention for it to look like they were mocking autistic people but it kind of reads like it #and that makes me uncomfortable even though the titular Sad Boyz obviously wouldn't think it's okay to mock autistic people #but once again I am abnormally sensitive so maybe all other autistic people think this is fine and good and has no negative implications #but that doesn't mean my opinion is inherently wrong #thank you for not treating me like crap over it #anyway that's probably why this video ended up in my recommendeds #bc it has a similar thumbnail and subject to that video #and I guess talking about this show is super popular rn #(I do hate it FYI) #(I think it depicts autistic people badly and like only savants have value) #(and as an austic man who is below average at everything that just really hurts) #(my friends do appreciate me even though I'm not a super genius and they don't ever demand I act more like an allistic person to deserve #to be loved) #(and the idea they should or would be justified in doing so is fucked up)

[nyarthru]

Okay I'm gonna say it. Are you guys ready. Nightheart wishes he had what breezepelt has

#my posts #my very professional opinion that nightheart is just breezepelt w/ worst writing and less of a reason to act the way he does #also I feel like nightheart's storyline should have been sparkpelt's bc she literally looked like firestar but girl #also also I find it funny that nightheart rejected his name bc he didn't want to be compared to firestar anymore #and bramblestar literally went ''okay. have a new name but I'm putting ur great grandfather's warrior suffix in it'' #tbh I don't even know how I would fix nightheart's storyline bc like. so many of the cats in thunderclan are related to firestar lmao #I guess what I would do is make it less about only firestar and about the legacy of the entire family #like so much of his family was involved in super important prophecies or did amazing things #obviously firestar and his prophecy #bramblestar and squirrelflight (technically squirrelflight was not part of the prophecy but she did help find the new lake territories) #jayfeather lionblaze and dovewing all shared a prophecy as well #oh also leafpool found the moonpool!! how could I forget #and bristlefrost!!!! remember she sacrificed herself to stop ashfur and succeeded #so like I think nightheart would instead have massive anxiety about living up to his family's accomplishments #or scared that he might be part of some prophecy down the road when he doesn't want that kind of weight on him #and when he tries to confide in his sister about it she doesn't share that fear/anxiety and actually thinks its super cool!! #idk idk this is just 1 am ramblings for me at this point idk where the name change would fit into this

[todayisafridaynight]

Its SO upsetting how often the bad guys don't get to have a lasting turnaround. You see it with random side characters, but c'mon guys. Just let them go to prison for a little while and have them come back. I promise you do not have to kill a character off, or base the character off a real life person, thus narrowing their chances of a return even thinner, while building up the possibility of a comeback. This franchise has cursed me with such lovable characters I'll never see again, and my heart can't keep at it like this.

I'm gonna have to just take that suddenly-dropped-off-a-cliff-storyline into my own hands. Gotta pick up all the slack. They're too good at giving tender, heart wrenching moments to characters we'll never see again. Way too good.

Not sure if you know the streamer Crystal, but her reaction to the ending of 3 was the most extreme I've ever seen. She was full on breakdown sobbing, and even the chat was asking if she was okay. RGG look at the hearts you're breaking out here 🙃 Also, your posts about Mine and that ending are beautiful, and you could talk about it a million times. It'll never get old.

the most egregious- pardon the pun- execution of this trope in rgg games is aoki's death.

like legitimately, his death did not need to happen. the past antagonists you could make a decent point for why their deaths were justified (ryuji's probably being the goofiest ngl) but aoki's felt as though rgg was just checking off a to-do list.

i don't really watch rgg content creators, but if someone could send me a clip of that i'd be down to watch: always a fan of watching people be emo over Y3's ending

and speaking of, thank you i have strong enough mental illness that all i can do is talk about that scene over and over again :)

#snap chats #the worst part is im only partially joking about being mentally ill #like i just think of that one directioner fan being a super fan until they took medication and then they were normal #pretty sure if i did the same I Too would have shut up four months ago but to our benefit/dismay medicine's hard to get so <3 #i am simply a dog chasing its tail and by that i mean i will simply talk about mine and y3's ending until i die #or until my mental illness latches onto something else idk #but yeah it sucks dick how rgg does so many great and emotional scenes #but like. we never get to fully see that pay off with characters like mine or aoki #like i want to see them have to face the consequences of their actions- ESPECIALLY mine #mine makes me the most deranged Obviously but i just want to know how daigo would react and treat him #we only get a semblance of how daigo felt after Y3 via the rggo story but its not enough #i want daigo to be upset with mine i want mine to HAVE to work things through with daigo #because unfortunately i dont think daigo would just cut mine off i think he still would try to figure out what the fuck was going on #idk i just need something to happen to mine that crushes him and has him rethink his ways a bit #'crushes' yk like. something beside the pavement--- #i wouldnt want him to totally change tho. i like him deranged but just channel that deranged behavior to their benefit #brb thinking about mine saying he wouldnt be acting up if daigo didnt get shot again jesus christ i think of that line every day #OK I HAVE TO GO DO A COMM RN ACTUALLY I'LL BE MENTALLY ILL LATER BYYYE FEEL FREE TO SEND ASKS AND ENABLE ME

[dailyoyo]

all that said. despite so much of this stuff being heavily future-based. i find og jsr more fun to actually Play LMAO

#mod noname #not yoyo #like. i dont know if i can say one is better than the other #they are very different games that try to do very different things #and they have diff strengths and weaknesses too #like i prefer the og's artstyle but future has more fun settings #and i think i geeeenerally would say im a future ost guy (though theyre both very good) #(us!og jsr has dragula which is hilarious to me and a point in its favor tho.) #and future obviously has more story stuff going on. and hits my preferred sweet spot of zaniness i think #but og jsr is just straight up more fun for me #the combat in future is not great imo and i def prefer how FUCKING STRESSFUL og jsr's enemies are LOL #but that said - i am also a guy who likes to Dodge things more than fight them! #and also while future's maps are like. big and complex #that actually makes things HARDER for me because my ass gets lost SUPER easily #so the comparatively more compact maps in og jsr is more up my alley #i also like og jsr's fucked up overly precise grinding/combos mechanics because im sick in the head. #ultimately i think theyre both flawed but enjoyable games though #and their flaws are very endearing to me #so many things in both games that just leaves me like “WHAT?? BUT WHY????” but in a charmed sort of way #why the fuck do the 'exit' routes in og jsr exist. actively hostile game design #the jsrf noise tank cleanup. why even #those games just Did Shit man

[gregmarriage]

do you suppose when my dad had three daughters, he’d guess that two of them would get married to men and give him a ton of grandkids, and the other one would sit in her room, dykely and autistically

#guess which one i am #was looking around my room at all the plushies and fandom merch shit and was like 😬 #my sister has been married like two years and just had her fifth child #meanwhile i am pretty much permanently single and collect stuffed animals #(it used to be penguins now it’s deer) #like the differences are striking #i’m also gay and obviously won’t marry a man and have kids the usual way #if i ever do actually get to marry someone and have kids that is #bc i’m doubting it again lately #like yeah i’m single for my mental health #but in general i just don’t know if i’m ever gonna have that #even whenever i’m ready #‘there’s someone out there for everyone’ SO WHERE ARE THEY??? #I DON’T FUCKIN SEE THEM!! #*deep breath* #anyways #i’m a hopeless romantic #and just full of love in general #i get too wrapped up in people and that’s my biggest flaw tbh #bc half the time the other person doesn’t care as much as i do #but like i don’t fuckin know how to find someone who will actually stick around #tbh i think i’d stress and ruin it no matter what #like ‘loving is easy’ not when you’re me bitch #also i think i’m so scared to be alone that i force things #which is why i ended up in an controlling relationship #bc i always have to be the problem not the other person #it’s super great to be a human with emotions <3 #anyways could that ‘someone’ show their face and stop hiding like a fucking coward <3

[rubys-domain]

the mood of the day is watching videos on nostalgic girly media from my childhood to Feel Something

#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo，ide yo !! #i actually had a good time with my boyfriend yesterday #but spending time with him feels like escapism tbh #the second we have to go back to our own lives i feel like the really sad reality i live in just slaps me in the face again #it's not like we do anything special when we get together either. we literally just hang out #so the way that everything feels so incredibly different with vs without him to the point where it gives me whiplash... #does feel a touch concerning #i mean my mental health hasn't been in great shape for literal years at this point so why am i surprised #and all the little media things i consume are just temporary distractions to sustain me until i get to meet up with him again #which is the true distraction that brings me a modicum of happiness. of which i have next to none of otherwise. #when i'm with him i start to feel like “hey; maybe things aren't so bad and i can actually do something with my life” #but the second he leaves my brain goes right back to “nvm life's true nature is suffering and i'll never amount to anything ever” #he's a great boyfriend. literally the best boyfriend ever. i'm just extremely mentally unhealthy #and i feel bad about that because i feel like i could never do anything that would even begin to repay him for everything he's done for me #but he always says that i actually have and i just can't accept that as fact #since i'm mentioning him right now anyway i want to brag about him a little bit #i introduced him to one of my uncles for the first time yesterday. and of course he approved immediately #literally everyone i've ever introduced him to likes him. and i'm just over here like. well obviously <3 #i lucked out super hard in the romance department what can i say #it only cost me literally every single other place in my life where luck could be applied but shh it's fine #anyway i'm probably gonna change up my blog theme again soon #i just need to figure out header and icon and all that