#i am never going to emotionally recover from the way he looks at her with tears in his eyes oh my god kyle gallner the actor that you are

[jeremystrongs]

DINNER IN AMERICA 2020 ― dir. Adam Rehmeier

#filmedit #movieedit #dinner in america #dinnerinamericaedit #kyle gallner #kylegallneredit #emily skeggs #adam rehmeier #filmgifs #moviegifs #junkfooddaily #dailyflicks #cinematv #filmtvdaily #cinemapix #fyeahmovies #gifs* #this movie is everything to me #i am never going to emotionally recover from the way he looks at her with tears in his eyes oh my god kyle gallner the actor that you are #anyway! stream watermelon

[pathologicalreid]

stuck between a rock and a hard place | S.R.

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You, an undercover agent, uncover a hidden secret of the country's largest operation, putting your life in danger and under the protection of the BAU.

who? spencer reid x fem!FBI!reader category: angst content warnings: general cm violence, hospitals, medical inaccuracy, drugs, sex crimes/trafficking, attempted sa, reader works in sex crimes. mentions foyet and also 6x24 (supply and demand). established relationship. word count: 7.7k a/n: this has been sitting in my wip folder for far too long. i am now emotionally attached to these two. i will write more of this specific pairing because now all i want is for them to be happy.

Spencer

It wasn’t every day that men and women in suits piled into the BAU carrying evidence boxes, everyone stood up at their desks. Spencer watched as Andi Swann followed in behind the other agents, not even bothering to greet the team as she went straight to Emily’s office.

Prentiss opened the door, letting Andi in before beckoning for Reid to join them. This had to be about you.

Ignoring the way his heart rate spiked, Spencer stood up from his desk and went up to Emily’s office. On the other side of the bullpen, the rest of the team filed into the roundtable room.

“Spencer, have a seat,” Emily offered, gesturing to one of the chairs in front of her desk.

Glancing at Agent Swann, he crossed his arms in front of his chest, “No, I’ll stand.”

Andi cleared her throat, looking at Spencer, she spoke, “Y/N missed her last two check-ins. As her next of kin, I need to notify you to let you know that as of now, the FBI is considering her missing.”

He wanted to be angry. He wanted so badly to be mad, but he’d seen this before. Years ago, an agent in Andi’s unit missed her check-ins and the BAU helped find her. More than that, he knew how much Andi cared about her agents, so he couldn’t find it in himself to be mad.

“Section Chief Cruz has asked that the BAU help to recover Y/N,” Emily said, looking at Spencer. “You know I have to tell you that you can’t be on this case,” she explained, leaning against her desk, eyes flickering as she tried to read Spencer’s expression.

Taking a deep breath, Spencer looked at Emily, “Y/N’s gone missing, and I’m not allowed to help look for her?”

Sympathetically, Prentiss shook her head, dark hair swaying with the movement. “You know it’s a conflict of interest to be involved with a loved one’s case.”

“Isn’t that kind of what the BAU does?” He could’ve rambled off a list of BAU agents who worked on cases involving their loved ones – including himself and Emily.

Turning to face Agent Swann, Emily suggested she join the rest of the team in the roundtable room. She waited until the door was closed before speaking again, “When’s the last time you saw Y/N?”

Closing his eyes, he remembered the morning of the day you left, the both of you had stayed up late as if you could delay your departure, but the last time he saw you was when he dropped you off at the Sex Crimes Unit before making his way up to the Behavioral Analysis Unit. “We haven’t even spoken since she left,” he answered, almost a month ago now.

“Is there a chance she tried to reach you or her family?” Emily asked. She had to ask, he knew that, but it didn’t make the questions any less ridiculous to him.

Shaking his head, he began to pace around the office, “No, she wouldn’t have done that. She follows the undercover playbook obsessively. She always said freestyling was like signing your death certificate.” He tried. He tried to get you to leave him breadcrumbs, but you never did.

Nodding, Emily watched as he paced back and forth “When did you get married?”

Pressing his lips into a thin white line, he stopped in his tracks, “When I came back after The Believers. It was the next day.” You had offered to sleep on the couch in an attempt to give him space when he asked you to go to the courthouse with him. That was two months ago now.

He didn’t want space. Not from you. Never from you.

Finally, he sat down.

“Did you tell anyone?” Emily asked, sitting down in the chair next to him. “Did you have a witness to sign your marriage certificate?”

Nodding, Spencer reached into the breast pocket of his suit jacket and produced three rings, his wedding ring, your engagement ring, and your wedding band. You didn’t have the time to get them soldered together yet. “Rossi was our witness,” he responded, “He was the only one who answered his phone.” He slipped his ring on and closed his fist around your two rings.

After a moment, Emily stood, “I’m going to speak with the rest of the team, but I won’t tell them anything I don’t think is pertinent to the case.” Which was her way of saying ‘Your secret is safe with me.’ “Stay in here as long as you need, Spence,” she offered before walking out, shutting the door tightly behind her.

He thought of the last night you were together. Spencer tried to check in with you, he told you that if your job ever became too much, you just had to tell him, and he’d be there. What he neglected to tell you was that he was beginning to feel like your job was too much for him.

You had given him the opportunity to hold you close, and instead, he let you slip through his fingers.

Opening his fist, he looked down at your rings and the indent they had left on his palm, slipping them back into his pocket before he walked over to the roundtable room. Everyone paused what they were doing to look up at him.

Spencer just shrugged and looked at Emily, “I can’t just do nothing.”

In response, Emily nodded solemnly and suggested he go through the case files with Matt.

It had been hours. The sun had set, jackets had been shed, and takeout had been ordered. The clock behind him showed it was nearly midnight, meaning it had been almost two days since anyone had last heard from you.

“Oh god,” Penelope said, her voice cutting into the thick silence of the roundtable room. Her fingers began frantically typing on her laptop.

Spinning in the office chair, Spencer wheeled over so he could look at the screen, vaguely aware of Emily hovering above him, “What is it? What did you find?”

She hit the keyboard so hard he thought they might break, but she answered, “The trauma center at Johns Hopkins reported a Jane Doe brought in a few hours ago. She matches Y/N’s description.”

“Did they run prints?” Andi asked, of course, there would be red tape if the hospital tried to run your prints, seeing as you were undercover.

Another tap and dozens of files opened, “It looks like she went right into surgery. Uh, the EMTs reported she was listing off a string of numbers when they brought her in… 265D019Z?”

Spencer swallowed thickly, “That’s Y/N’s badge number.”

Shaking her head, JJ looked over at the map of DC on the wall, “It’s a two-hour drive to Baltimore from here.”

“But it’s a thirty-minute flight, Reid, Tara, Swann, and Alvez go. The rest of us will look into what happened from here,” Emily doled out responsibilities, nodding at everyone as the team broke.

Spencer stayed still, still looking at Penelope’s screen, his eyes flickering over the documents. Words jumped out at him, drugged, punctured, and knife. It made his stomach churn. How had you gotten to Baltimore? Your unit had you set up in an apartment near the Hill. When did you travel from the district to Baltimore?

The thirty-minute flight felt like it was hours long, the drive from the airstrip to the hospital dragged on, but thankfully Emily had called the hospital ahead of time to let them know who you were and who was coming for you.

A doctor stopped the four of you from going into the room, a police officer was already stationed outside of the room, and the blinds were closed. Please, Spencer wanted to plead, please just let me see her.

“She’s weak, she just came down from recovery and she hasn’t fully woken up yet,” the doctor said, placing her hands on her hips. “I can’t in good faith let you go in there and badger her with questions. Not with no one in there to focus on her well-being,” she ordered. The doctor stared the four of them down with piercing gray eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Spencer peeked through the doorway when a nurse exited your room. “She’s my wife, I’ll advocate for her,” he responded, hoping the doctor would let him through. He could feel Tara and Luke staring, but he didn’t care.

Nodding, the doctor continued sizing Reid up, “Alright, but just you, for now. She’s not awake enough to be questioned anyway.” Stepping to the side, the doctor let Spencer through before blocking the doorway to everyone else.

In the worst way possible, you took his breath away. Your skin was sallow, you had an IV, nasal cannula, and a chest tube out the left side. Walking to your right, he took a seat next to you, taking your hand in his and pressing a gentle kiss to your bloodied knuckles – evidence that you had put up one hell of a fight. “Oh sweetheart, what did they do to you?” He whispered even though he knew you wouldn’t answer.

Reaching over you, he smoothed your hair from your face, your skin was clammy, probably as a result of blood loss. It looked like they were still transfusing, so you had probably lost a considerable amount of blood.

Shuffling the seat closer to you, Spencer took your hand in his. The doctor came back in holding a tablet, “Dr. Reid?”

He hummed in response, not daring to take his eyes off of you. “What happened to her? Why did she need surgery?”

“She had been bleeding out in an alley, according to the police officers who reported to the scene. The other agents are talking to them now,” the doctor said, tapping a few buttons on the tablet. “She had been stabbed several times in the upper left side, we went in to repair damage to her spleen, liver, and lung. There was some strain to her heart, it appears she was drugged before she was stabbed.”

He intently watched the steady rise and fall of your chest before he spoke up again, “Is she going to be okay?”

Setting the tablet down, the doctor paused before answering, “We’ll know more when she wakes up.”

Spencer leaned back in the chair, finally taking his eyes off of you and looking at the doctor, “Was there anything… did they…” He felt ridiculous, having spent the better part of his adult life in the BAU, and he couldn’t even put the words together.

To his relief, the doctor shook her head, “There were no injuries that suggested she was sexually assaulted.”

Reading the doctor’s badge, Spencer nodded. “Thank you, Dr. Herman.”

“Hit the call button when she wakes up, we’ll need to evaluate her pain and other treatment,” the doctor said, gathering her things before walking out of the room, and shutting the door behind her.

Spencer kept his eyes on you, tapping his foot on the ground impatiently, every once in a while, his phone rang, but he didn’t have the energy to talk on the phone. When his phone buzzed, he pulled it out of his pocket and checked the messages.

Penelope Garcia: How is she? Spencer Reid: Still sleeping. Penelope Garcia: How are you? Spencer Reid: Not sure.

Setting his phone on the table, screen down, he watched you again, every once in a while, your nose would twitch, or your eyes would flutter. Every time he would hold his breath, hoping you’d open your eyes.

He waited, and about an hour after he had arrived, a small, keening noise came from you. His head snapped up at the sound, your eyes were still closed, but you were moving. “Y/N?” He whispered hesitantly, not wanting to wake you up if you weren’t ready. Slowly, he stood up from the chair, not sure if he should keep waiting or if he should hit the call button.

You were muttering something, talking to someone in your sleep, when suddenly you jerked away. Instinctively, Spencer put his hands on your shoulders to stop you from tearing your stitches, and it was that touch that caused your eyes to snap open. “No, no, no, no,” you babbled, frantically looking around the hospital room.

“Y/N,” Spencer said, keeping his hands on your shoulders, “You’re safe, I’m here. You’re at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore.”

With wide eyes, you looked up at him and mouthed the word ‘Baltimore.’ As if you were trying to figure out how you had ended up in Baltimore, something the BAU still hadn’t figured out. “I thought I…” Your voice was nothing more than a rasp, but with the bruises he could now see littering your neck, that didn’t surprise him much. “Did you see it?”

Spencer pushed the call button without you noticing, “Did I see what, love?” He asked, keeping his voice low as he gently sat down on the edge of your hospital bed.

You furrowed your eyebrows and looked around the room, “Is Andi here?" Your voice was tight, like you were struggling to breathe. "I need to talk to Andi.”

Helplessly, Spencer watched as the number signifying your heart rate jumped, “Not just yet, alright?” He said, looking up when the doctor and a nurse came through the door.

The doctor introduced herself and started trying to get you to even out your breathing, one of the monitors was beeping like crazy until the nurse hit a button on it.

All he could do was watch, making sure he didn’t get in the way. Listening in to words about medications and making a mental note to research everything. “How’s your pain, Y/N? On a scale from one through ten.” The doctor asked, standing at the foot of the bed.

“Like a seven? When I breathe it’s more like a nine,” you answered, every word was strained. The doctor flashed a light in your eyes, “That isn’t helping,” you said through gritted teeth.

The doctor said something to the nurse, prompting her to nod before pushing something through your IV. After a few moments, Spencer watched as your heart rate lowered and your body visibly relaxed into the mattress. You nodded softly when the nurse asked if that was better.

Dr. Herman left and the nurse scrawled some notes down on your chart, introducing herself as Amelia before she left as well.

“Oh no,” you whispered, looking in the direction of the door. “Is the whole BAU here? How badly did I fuck up?”

Quickly, Spencer shook his head, “You didn’t, at all. It’s just me, Tara, and Luke,” he tried to reassure you as best he could without knowing the full story. “Do you feel up to talking?” He asked, smoothing your hair away from your face.

You nodded gently, “I need to talk to Andi. Alone, if it’s okay with you.”

“I can wait right outside in the hallway,” he offered, holding your hand in his and skimming the pad of his thumb over top of your knuckles.

You hummed contentedly, “Could you see if I can have water?”

Grateful to have something to do, Spencer stood up, leaned forward, and pressed a kiss to your forehead, “I’ll be right back.” He stepped out of the room, garnering the attention of the agents who were waiting in the hallway, all of them staring at Spencer expectantly, “Andi, she wants to talk to you.”

The Unit Chief nodded and disappeared into the room, leaving the door open just a crack.

He was gone for three minutes, that was the time it took him to walk to the nurses’ station and ask if you were allowed liquids and back, but when he returned the door to your room was wide open. “Where did they go?” He asked, looking over at Tara.

She was still leaning against the taupe hospital walls before nodding in the direction of the red exit sign, “Swann was in there for maybe two minutes before she came out in a huff, she took Alvez with her.” Lewis spoke calmly like it didn’t necessarily mean anything to her.

But it did to him. Walking back into your room, he stood at the side of your bed, “What did you tell Andi that you didn’t want me hearing?”

“Huh?” You sounded tired – rightfully so. Your pupils were dilated, which told Spencer that the drugs that the doctors had given you were working.

It comforted him that you weren’t in as much pain, but you were still hiding something from him. “You asked me to leave while you talked to Andi because you didn’t want me to hear what you were telling her. What did you tell her?”

Your face softened as your eyes filled with a different kind of hurt, “Don’t profile me.” You were too tired to hide the pain in your voice.

He raised his eyebrows and shrugged, “Don’t lie to me,” He countered. You were lying by omission, but what was worse was that you might’ve been putting yourself in danger.

“Please don’t leave me,” you whimpered.

Spencer’s chest tightened as he watched your eyes fill with tears, he sat down on the edge of your bed and took your hand in his. “I’m not going anywhere. Why would you think I’d leave you, darling?”

Your eyes were half-closed, “because you…” your voice trailed off and he squeezed your hand to get your attention. “When Scratch had Emily, you wanted to kill him,” you murmured.

The air had been knocked out of his lungs. You hadn’t been talking about a divorce. You were saying that you could identify your assailant, and you didn’t want Spencer to know. “I won’t go,” he whispered, “I’ll be right here.”

“It was Jake,” you mumbled, barely able to open your mouth as you fought your exhaustion.

That hadn’t been the answer he was expecting. He swallowed thickly, “Jake did this to you?” He asked slowly, looking at your hand, your fingers intertwined.

Minutely, you shook your head, “Jake blew my cover, Spence.” Yawning, you proceeded to mumble about him doing it on purpose.

Untangling your fingers, Spencer reached out and smoothed your hair away from your forehead, “Get some sleep, angel. I love you.”

You hummed an ‘I love you’ back, and the next moment your eyes were shut.

A nurse came in and asked for a moment while she checked the output of your chest tube, ushering Spencer and Tara out. “Okay, I’ll bite, who’s Jake?” Tara asked, putting a hand on her hip as she looked expectantly at Reid.

“Jake is her partner. When she’s not undercover and just out in the field, they’re partners,” Spencer explained.

Tara pursed her lips thoughtfully, “So, he would’ve known that she was undercover.”

Nodding as the newly added weight of the situation threatened to pull him down, Spencer turned and faced you, watching as the nurse examined you as you slept. “He blew her cover on purpose,” he reached up and rubbed his eye. Jake knew exactly what he was doing when he blew your cover, and you knew exactly what you were doing when you begged Spencer not to leave you.

“We have to go back in and ask her more questions,” Tara said.

Usually, Spencer agreed with Tara, but not this time. He saw the monitors you were hooked up to, he read your chart, and he watched the concerned looks on the nurses’ faces. They all told him that you weren’t stable enough to be speaking, let alone a cognitive interview. “No,” Spencer said finally.

Clearing her throat lightly, Tara stood next to him in the doorway, “We can’t let them get away, Reid.”

“And I can’t lose her,” he rebutted, ignoring the way his voice broke in his desperation. 

Stepping back slightly, the other agent nodded in understanding. “Okay, I’ll call Emily. You go sit with her.”

She didn’t have to tell him twice; he pulled a chair up impossibly close to your bedside and draped his jacket over the back of it before loosening his tie and sitting down.

You

When you woke up, it was still dark outside, but the bright lights of the hospital room made it hard for you to get any real rest. You were pleased to find that, true to his word, Spencer was right next to you when he woke up.

He was sleeping, resting his head on his hand with his wrist bent awkwardly. “Spence,” You whispered, clearing your throat, “Spencer.” You couldn’t reach out to touch him, but you wanted to wake him up, so his wrist wasn’t sore.

Jolting awake, he looked at you, “Hey, did you just wake up? How do you feel?”

It was a weird question, you felt like an absolute dumpster fire. “Better,” you whispered, “less hurt, achier. Sore. I don’t know, my head feels fuzzy,” you rambled, trying to move higher up on the hospital bed, but being limited by the chest tube. “How long do I have to have it?” You asked, staring at the plastic tubing as if you could make it go away via the power of suggestion.

“At least through the night, but it could be longer,” he said, reaching over and smoothing over the edges of your blanket. “Do you know what they gave you?” Spencer asked, shaking out his wrist.

You hummed in response, “No, it was intravenous though. They were big on amphetamines, but it didn’t feel like a stimulant. Benzos maybe,” you told him, your voice was soft. The pain in your throat had subsided after being intubated during surgery, but you were still swollen from when Cal grabbed you.

None of this made sense to you. The one thing that bothered you more than anything else was why Cal stopped when Jake said to. It couldn’t have been as simple as the money.

Spencer must’ve noticed you burrowing into your memories, “You remember everything?” He asked gently.

He knew what he was implying, in more cases involving severe trauma, victims generally remember everything or remember nothing. It was lucky for law enforcement when they remembered, but bad for the victims. Bad for you. “Mostly,” you breathed, avoiding his eyes. “I’m so sorry,” you said softly.

“Why? You don’t have anything to be sorry about,” he tried to reassure you, reaching out and taking your hand in his.

You hummed, “I don’t remember anything after they drugged me, just the stuff before. Just the…” Your voice trailed off as you returned to your confusion. “Who’s still here that I can talk to?”

He squeezed your hand comfortingly, “Do you feel up to it?”

“I’m afraid I don’t have much of a choice,” you answered him despondently.

Spencer nodded before he got up from his chair, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead before he stepped out into the hallway and let Tara in.

The agent smiled at you gently, “Hey, Y/N, how are you feeling?” She asked, sitting down at a free chair at the end of your hospital bed, leaving the chair at your side available for Spencer to return to.

You gave your best attempt at returning the smile before you answered, “I think I’m going to make it.”

As Spencer sat back down next to you, placing a water cup on your bedside table, Tara opened a file and looked through it, “Can you start by telling me a little bit about your assignment? You were undercover as… Barbara?” She read from the file.

Nodding slowly, you held out your hand for Spencer to hold, “Yeah, but they called me Babs.”

Three days ago...

You shifted self-consciously in the gold dress. It was a silky, slippery number that displayed more than you particularly liked. Spencer would probably like it, but he’d hate how uncomfortable you were in it.

Inadvertently, you smiled at just the thought of your husband. It was late, so he was probably at home, reading next to the fireplace. Maybe he was on a case, off somewhere in the United States and saving lives.

It had been twenty-nine days since you had last seen him.

“You look gorgeous tonight, Babs,” Johnathan McCallister, better known as Cal, told you, reaching out and placing a hand on either one of your shoulders before placing a kiss on both cheeks.

Bashfully, you smiled at him, “You’re too good to me, Cal. I can’t believe you got me in!” Deep down, you knew tonight could be the night, you would be able to take down The Program. At least the D.C. chapter of it.

When it was over, you could be Y/N Reid again, instead of Barbara McFarston.

The Program took women around your age and sold them into sex slavery. The chapter in Washington D.C. was one of the most active, which made sense when you looked around the room and saw a majority of the people were elected officials – men and women alike.

Andi Swann had assured you that taking down this chapter would create a domino effect, causing the other chapters to topple. According to her, if you could take down D.C., Miami, and Los Angeles, The Program would most likely cease to exist.

Turning to ask Cal about the selection tonight, you were startled to see familiar gray eyes on your companion’s other side. You felt your façade slip, but only for a second before you pasted a brilliant smile back on your face.

You tilted your head to the side, “And who might you be?” You asked Jake, wondering if Andi had sent him in to get a status report on you.

“Jake Cohn,” he answered, and goosebumps spread over your exposed skin at his answer. He should’ve said William Jacoby, that was his identity for this case.

In horror, you watched as Jake leaned in to whisper something in Cal’s ear, maintaining eye contact with you the whole time. You bit your tongue as Cal wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you in tightly, “Let’s talk.”

You stumbled a little over your own feet and looked at Jake with wide eyes, the leader forcefully shoved you into a private room, one that would probably light up like a Christmas tree under a blacklight. “What’s wrong, Cal?” You asked, standing up straight.

He reached over and grabbed the back of your neck, gathering the hair at the nape of your neck in his fist. The force of it made you scrunch your shoulders up, “You’re a fucking fed?” He seethed, tossing you to the ground in one swift movement.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you tried to convince him. Tried to flip the script so that Jake was the liar instead of you.

Cal grabbed your throat next, holding you down on a booth seat. “Oh, Y/N… Jake’s been one of my best employees for years.” He said, chuckling at the betrayal in your eyes, he only laughed more when you kneed him in the gut. “Oh, I like it when they fight back.”

You shut your eyes tightly as you heard the clinking of his belt buckle, but they snapped back open when you heard the word, “Stop.”

“What? Did you want first go on her?” Cal asked, wiping his cheek – you must’ve scratched him in your struggle.

Jake cleared his throat and met your eyes, “We should keep her clean, you know?” He said, and for a moment you thought he was actually trying to help you, “Think about how much a clean fed would go for here. Especially in D.C.”

And just like that, your hopes were dashed, “he’s right,” you told Cal, trying to formulate a plan.

“Shut up, whore,” Cal spat, causing you to involuntarily flinch.

At least there’s nothing he could call you that you hadn’t heard before, in your line of work, people got very creative.

Cal looked at you, inspecting your neck where he had grabbed you before, “You’ll make me a lot of money, won’t you?” He said, rubbing a hand up and down your arm soothingly before poking you with a needle.

Your legs gave out beneath you, but Jake caught you before you hit the ground. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t think he’d do this. I thought he’d kick you out, but I didn’t think…”

Looking up at him, your throat burned, and you weren’t sure if you were going to cry or throw up, but you shut your eyes. “No, you didn’t.” You don’t just casually tell the leader of a sex trafficking ring that the person with them is an FBI agent.

Present

“And that’s the last thing you remember?” Tara asked, scribbling something down in your file.

You nodded absentmindedly, “I think…” Your voice trailed off as you looked at Spencer, “I think Jake might’ve been in charge the whole time. Pulling the strings from behind the curtain while he waited for the perfect time to catch me off guard. That’s the only reason Cal would’ve backed off when Jake told him to,” You proposed your theory, not missing the way Spencer was holding your hand a little tighter than before.

Tara’s brows were raised, “Jake Cohn has worked in the bureau for almost a decade, it would be hard for him to evade detection for that long.”

“But he knows exactly how to evade it,” you rebutted. “He’d know all of the tricks from Sex Crimes and all of my tricks. He- He set me up,” you realized.

Spencer turned around and looked at your monitor, “Okay, let’s take a break. We can talk more later.”

Getting up, Tara let Spencer know she was going to call the rest of the team before she stepped back into the hallway.

“My chest hurts,” you said, hating how your voice sounded like a whine.

In response, Spencer smoothed your hair back in an attempt to comfort you. “Your heart is racing,” he whispered, “Take a deep breath, okay?”

You nodded slowly, breathing in deeply through your nostrils and letting the air collect in your lungs before blowing it out your mouth. Looking up at Spencer, worry plain in his eyes no matter how hard he tried to hide it, you came to a decision, “Spence?”

He bowed slightly closer to you so he could hear you better, “What is it, love?” He moved his hand, so it was gently cupping your cheek.

Leaning into his touch, you whispered, “It’s too much.” The only thing you had left was to hope he knew what you were talking about, the words were too hard right now, but you felt them contributing to the burning in your chest.

“Okay,” he answered. “It’s okay. You don’t have to worry about disappointing anyone.”

You practically melted back into the hospital bed; the weight of your job eased off of you. Nodding, you closed your eyes, “It’s good, this is good. I just feel crazy, but a good crazy.”

Spencer smiled at you, “Okay crazy,” he whispered, “I’m going to-“ He was abruptly cut off by his phone ringing, furrowing his brows, he swiped the screen and held the phone up to his ear, “Hey, JJ.”

Cocking your head to the side, you tried to listen to JJ’s side of the conversation, but either she was speaking quietly, or Spencer had his phone volume really low. From the way Spencer’s jaw tightened, you knew that this couldn’t be anything good.

He looked at you before looking at the door, “Do you know where?” He said in a tone entirely unfamiliar to you, it was low and steely. Reaching over you, he nimbly pressed the call button on your bed, “Okay, keep me updated.”

“Spencer, what is going on?” You asked as the nurse came into your room, faltering for a moment as she looked at the two of you.

Placing a hand on the bar of your hospital bed, Spencer looked at the nurse, “Do you have somewhere secure she can be moved to?”

The nurse looked shellshocked, surely the FBI occupying the hospital wasn’t an everyday occurrence, “I don’t… I don’t think so?” She seemed unsure of herself.

“Spencer,” you repeated his name.

He turned to look at you, “Jake’s here and he’s looking for you.” Turning back to the nurse, he pointed at you, “She has to be moved.”

“I don’t… I’m just a student, my preceptor is taking a break. I could try to find-“ The nurse stammered nervously. “We don’t usually just move people.”

Nothing about this situation was usual, but one look at Spencer told you this was life or death. Your life or your death. You sighed in defeat, “This is really going to suck.” Reaching over to your side, you gripped the tube that had been draining blood from outside your lung and pulled it out. Like ripping off a band-aid.

In the process, you tore the stitches holding it in place and set off all kinds of alarms, leading to a crowd of nurses and doctors charging into the room.

As someone held pressure down on where you were bleeding, someone said something about moving you to a sterile procedure room, and the nursing student trailed along, whispering “That was the stupidest smart thing I’ve ever seen anyone do.”

Everything was blurry when you woke up next and, through the blinds, you could see that the sun was finally rising. The warm, orange light peeking through like lines on a piece of paper.

“Hey,” Spencer said from right next to you, placing a gentle hand on your arm. “It’s okay, you’re okay,” he whispered.

You looked away from him, back towards the blinds, “Will you open them?” You rasped, your throat felt raw, and your body felt heavy.

He got up and ambled over to the window, twisting the mechanism until the sun poured into your room. “How are you feeling?”

“Heavy,” you whispered, the mental weight of the past several days was threatening to take you down, but physically you felt like Atlas himself, carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Spencer hummed in response, “They sedated you, standard procedure for people who rip their own chest tubes out.” He adjusted the way your gown rested on your shoulders, “Luckily you didn’t do too much damage.”

You took a deep breath and leaned your head so you could look out the window. The outside felt so foreign to you now, you couldn’t remember the last time you had breathed real, fresh air. “So, what is the damage?” Your voice was little more than a murmur but with just the two of you in your room, it wasn’t hard to hear.

“You’re going to be fine; they think the tube can go later today. Then they’ll evaluate whether enough you’re strong enough to go home, it’ll probably be another couple of days,” He explained to you, matching your gentle tone. “Johnathan McCallister is in custody, and Jake Cohn is dead,” he told you, studying your face for any kind of reaction.

Closing your eyes, you felt white hot tears stream down your cheeks. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, laughing a little despite yourself. He probably thought you were losing it, crying over the death of someone who had nearly had you murdered.

The edge of your mattress dipped down slightly, and you opened your eyes to see Spencer sitting next to you, “You don’t need to be sorry, my love.” Gently, he rested a hand on your hip, skimming his thumb over the rough fabric of your hospital gown, “He was like family to you. I’m not sorry he’s dead – I’m not. I am sorry for that loss, though.”

Nodding, you felt it as your face crumpled, leading Spencer to lean down and hug you as best he could. “I’m sorry I scared you,” you said as he pulled away.

Your furrowed your brows in confusion as he reached into his pocket and produced your wedding ring, taking your left hand, he slid the rings on, “For better or for worse, right?”

A small smile grew on your face as the gem on your finger shimmered in the morning light, “for richer or for poorer,” you continued.

“In sickness and in health,” Spencer whispered, eyes flickering around the hospital room.

You reached up a shaky hand and cupped his cheek with your palm, “to love and to cherish.” You said, feeling a dopey, lovesick grin blooming on your face.

He turned his head and kissed the center of your palm, “until parted by death,” he finished, taking your hand in his.

“No dying,” you insisted, feeling your energy begin to drain, you started to understand why the doctors didn’t want you going home for a few days.

Spencer hummed in response, “You almost did. If you hadn’t been found when you were-“ his voice broke off and you had to tear your eyes away from his for a moment. “I still can’t believe you chose that,” he whispered, looking at you like you hung the moon.

Shrugging as if it was nothing, you melted back into the pillows, “I had a split second to weigh my options – get sold into sex slavery or get stabbed in the chest.”

“A catch-22,” he nodded, wrapping his head around your impossible decision. You couldn’t help but wonder how long it would take until the fear in his eyes left.

You shifted a little in the hospital bed, the sheets rustling as you did, “We get it, you’ve read Joseph Heller.”

He smiled at that, the light teasing seemed to bring brightness to his face, “What is it about blood loss that makes you think you’re funny?”

Laughing lightly, you squeezed his hand as tightly as you could manage, “I am funny. And I’m tired.”

“Go back to sleep then, baby,” he said softly, “it’ll all be here when you wake up.”

There was a party in your hospital room. It started with just Emily, coming in because you were finally up to seeing anyone other than Spencer, and it ended up being the entire BAU.

Someone had gone to the apartment and gathered clothes for you so that, once your chest tube was removed, you could put on real clothes. So now you were sitting up, wearing sweatpants and a ratty old college sweatshirt, and laughing with the BAU. You were leaning heavily on Spencer, who was also sitting on your hospital bed, but he didn’t seem to have a problem with keeping you steady.

Luckily for you, no one in the BAU wanted to ask about what had happened on your assignment, they were more interested in the rings that adorned your and Spencer’s fingers.

“I still can’t believe you two secretly got married,” Penelope said. “Of all of the times for me to not answer my phone.”

Next to her, Luke shrugged, “Honestly, I can believe it. It feels like a very Y/N and Reid thing to do.”

Gently, Spencer rubbed your back. His hovering was quickly going to become insufferable, but right now you were welcoming every touch with open arms.

“Well, we’ll have a party for the two of you. When you’re up for it, of course,” JJ said, smiling from where she was standing next to Emily.

You wanted to shake your head and tell them that it really wasn’t necessary, but asking the BAU to refrain from throwing a party was like asking a shark to stop swimming. Instead of debating, you just smiled and bobbed your head.

Eventually, Andi showed up, just as you knew she would. “Hey, guys,” Emily nodded in the direction of the doorway, “Why don’t we go raid the hospital cafeteria?”

After a few more hugs, including a lingering one from Garcia, the BAU, save for your husband, filtered out, and Andi made her way to the foot of your bed. “Hey,” you said, your voice was soft.

Nine years. You had spent nine years in the sex crimes unit. Spencer had done the math, you’d spent approximately seventy-six percent of that time undercover, missing birthdays, holidays, not ever really looking forward to the future. Until now.

You, the most decorated member of the sex crimes unit, were leaving.

Suspiciously, you eyed the files in Andi’s arms, one was a case file, the other a plain manila folder. She silently handed you the case file, and you shared a look with Spencer before flipping it open. “The Program is gone?” You asked, your eyes skimming the folder.

Swann nodded, her brown hair swaying with the movement, “The arrest of the leader of the D.C. chapter greatly contributed to that, but it was the death of the ringleader that took the remainder of The Program down.”

Closing your eyes, you nodded as you tried to process what she was telling you. Jake had been in charge all along. “Andi, I-“

“It was your intel that did it,” she cut you off. “From your last several assignments, everything you collected directly contributed to the downfall of this trafficking network. One of the largest networks the FBI has ever seen.”

She handed you the next file, labeled with only your name. You flipped it open, well aware that Spencer was reading from over your shoulder. “I don’t qualify for retirement,” you told her, furrowing your eyebrows, and looking at the papers in front of you. You didn’t qualify for retirement, and yet, you were looking at a retirement offer.

Your unit chief nodded understandingly, “I pulled some strings, with some help. Collectively, Prentiss and I know a lot of people.”

Spencer placed a supportive hand on your back, and you looked up at Andi. “I’m only thirty-two?” You asked, it wasn’t a clarification, it was a question.

“And yet,” she answered, “you’ve done more for the Bureau than most agents could hope to do in their whole career. This plan came from the director, Y/N. He wanted you to have it.”

Shaking your head, you handed the folder over to your husband so he could look through it. “I don’t… can I think about it?”

“He’ll want an answer soon but talk it over and give me a call when you’ve come to a decision,” she said, grabbing her things and making her way to the door. “And Y/N?”

You lifted your head up to meet her eyes, “Yeah, Andi?”

She smiled at you, a rare, real smile from her, “Make the right decision for you. You have a small army ready to support you through everything.”

Slowly, your gaze followed her out the door, waiting until you heard the latch of the door secure. Spencer handed the folder back to you, “What do you want to do?”

You flipped through the folder again, it was a lot of money, and there were a few different distribution options, but it was more than you felt you’d ever need. “I don’t really feel like I deserve this,” you whispered, reaching your hand up and rubbing the back of your neck. “The Bureau doesn’t offer early retirement like this, not without extenuating circumstances,” you continued.

“They did it with Hotch,” Spencer said, reading the file over your shoulder.

Shaking your head, you leaned over to look at him, “That was way different, Haley was murdered by a serial killer.”

Spencer sighed, “I think you’re selling yourself short, darling. The Program was trafficking almost 12,000 people across the country. That’s almost 70 percent of the yearly total trafficking victims. You took them down,” he told you earnestly.

Your shoulders slouched forward, “I didn’t do it alone, though.”

“Didn’t you, though? They sent you in with no communication device, no emergency signal, and information that wasn’t even true. Your unit told you Johnathan McCallister was the leader of the ring, but it ended up being a decorated agent and you’re the one who figured that out,” Spencer spoke emphatically. “You almost died in the process, and now there are thousands of victims who are going to go home – all thanks to you.”

Wiping at your eyes, you looked at your husband, “You’re biased.” That felt true, but Spencer was the person who knew you best in the world.

“What’s holding you back?” He murmured gently, sweeping strands of your hair behind your ears.

Smiling unsurely, you closed your eyes, “Fear of the future. In the past nine years, the longest I’ve ever been home was four weeks. I don’t… What do you want me to do?”

He shook his head slowly, “it’s not my decision.” A diplomatic answer, you should’ve guessed.

“But what do you want me to do?” You pressed.

Sighing, you watched him weigh his options, “If my choices are you going back out into the field and getting hurt again, where maybe it doesn’t have this good of an outcome, or you, safe at home, where I get to see you more than approximately three months a year, then the choice is clear.”

When he laid it out for you like that, it was pretty clear. “Maybe I could finally see what all the BAU spouses are talking about. You know, how you’re never home,” you said. Some part of you always felt disconnected from the other BAU family members, Spencer wasn’t the one who was never home, you were.

Spencer laughed lightly, “We could celebrate your birthday together.” That was the one day you always missed. Almost six years together, and something always came up on your birthday.

“I’ve never had this before,” you whispered, there was still something about it that felt tentative, almost frail.

Smilingly softly, Spencer reached out and took your hand in his, “Had what before?”

You beamed, “A future to plan.” Everything was always laid out for you, every day was spent waiting for the next directive, a new assignment. “I mean, not in nine years.”

There were always dreams, late-night murmurs with Spencer about a house with a yard and kids running around, but they were just dreams. The nights when you were able to sleep next to each other. “Do you have plans for us?”

Nodding rapidly, you answered, “Oh yeah, you and me, I’ve got big plans for us.”

next

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#criminal minds #spencer reid #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #written by margot #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds angst #criminal minds fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fic #dr spencer reid #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds hurt/comfort #spencer reid hurt/comfort

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Love you, love you, love you...

Summary: You go into your arranged marriage already distrusting your husband and all other men, and despite him repeatedly attempting to gain your favor, you are resolved to rebuke him at every turn. Will you manage to keep up the walls you’ve built to protect yourself, or will prince Beomgyu succeed in getting through your defenses?

Word Count: 11k

General warnings: oc is basically a misandrist, she will not hear gyu out, her calling him a pinhead, gyu using the word rape (no one actually gets raped), oc being a bitch about their first time and making fun of gyu’s hesitance, oc is emotionally stunted, inaccurate description of first times, beomgyu and others calling him a sissy, arranged marriages. 

Smut warnings: sub!gyu, dom!reader, riding, cunnilingus, masturabtion under guidance, edging, premature ejaculation, breeding kink, playing with nipples. 

 

“We don’t have to do this.” 

You stand in front of your newly-wedded husband, livid. 

“You think I’m too fragile to consummate my marriage?” 

“No, I–” He attempts to explain himself but you cut him off. “Just because I was forced into this marriage doesn’t mean I can’t fulfill my duties.” You growl, offended by how weak he must think you are. 

“I was just saying that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” He stammers, trying to recover from his unintended offense, and you snort derisively. “It’s a little too late for that, don’t you think?” 

He gulps and shakes his head. “I know you didn’t want to get married to me but I can do right by you. I will never–”

You roll your eyes, drowning out his yapping. This is your least favorite breed of men–the ones who pretend they’re not like the others. Had you been less jaded, you might’ve fallen for it, but when your own father sold you out to the highest bidder, you’d be forgiven for your lack of faith in men. 

“Shut up and take off my dress.” You cut him off. 

“You really–” He tries again and you snap, all patience gone. “Fucking do it, you sissy.” 

His jaw smacks shut and he levels you with a glare. There it is, that male aggression you’re so familiar with. He storms over to you and clumsily undoes the intricate lacing on your wedding dress, struggling with them for some time until he finally, finally pushes the dress off and it falls to the ground at your feet. 

But no further movement comes from him and you turn around to see him sheepishly looking at the floor, avoiding glancing at your bare body. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” You grunt, reaching out to take his own clothing off. He lets you do it without a fight, the only protest being his flaming red cheeks. 

You let out a laugh when you pull his pants to the floor and are greeted by the sight of his hard cock that smacks against his naked belly. “All this protest, trying to act virtuous, when you’re just as horny as the rest of the pigs.” 

That gets him angry. Good, at least it’s not fake righteousness. “I am not a pi–ah!” 

Whatever his rant was going to be is quickly cut off when you grab his cock and pump it in your hand. “You can pretend all you want but your body says it all.” 

“What? So I’m a pig for being attracted to my wife?” He manages to grit out, calling you out for your judgment of him, but you’re not interested in having this conversation right now. 

“Shut up.” You throw back lamely, getting onto the bed and spreading your legs out. “Come on, let’s get this over with.” 

But he remains rooted to his spot, scowl full-fledged on his handsome face now. “I don’t want to feel like I’m raping my own wife.” 

“Either way I have no choice.” 

“Then I’ll make the choice for us. I can sleep in a different room.” He announces, bending down to pick up his discarded clothes and you panic. Yes, you didn’t want to get married to him in the first place, but the rumors that will spread about you if people find out that your husband fled your marital bed on your wedding night,–you shudder to think of it. It’s one thing to be viewed as a pariah among your peers, but it’s another thing entirely to fuel their outlandish claims. 

“I want this!” You exclaim frantically, blushing as he gives you an incredulous look. “I want you to fuck me.” 

His will seems to weaken for a second, and he looks like he’s about to give in, but then the doubt sets in again. “You don’t really–”

At your wit’s end, you reach out to grab his arm and tug him towards you, causing him to basically stumble on top of you on the bed. 

“I’m–I’m so sorry–” He quickly apologizes even though it was clearly your fault, and he props himself up on his elbows so he’s not pressed against you. Though he curiously doesn’t stand back up, and there is one particular part of him you can feel pressed against your belly, still hard. 

“I want you to fuck me, Beomgyu.” You repeat firmly, and maybe it’s the close proximity or the feel of your skin against his hot dick, but he finally gives in. “Okay.” 

He wedges a hand between your bodies. You can’t see what he’s doing but you know he had grabbed his cock because a moment later you feel it pressed against your pussy. Harshly, you will down a shiver that tries to slither its way up your spine at the touch. 

But the strange sense of excitement is short-lived, lost in the clumsiness of the man above you trying and failing to find your entrance. 

“I just–it’s hard to see–” He explains awkwardly, pulling back to get a better look. You can’t refrain from rolling your eyes at the pitiful scene, which only makes him more nervous. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” You groan after a while of watching him fumble around with his dick, pushing him onto his back and climbing on top of him. He stares at you, wide-eyed, as you grab his dick and line it up with your entrance before you start to sink down on him. 

Your outburst may have been more powerful if you didn’t then stop one-third of the way down because of the pain. “Oh.” 

Beomgyu notices your discomfort and reaches out to hold you up. “You okay?” 

“I’m fine.” You grit, forcing yourself to take more of him. 

“Wait–take it slow–” He wheezes out, even as he clearly fights to not get lost in the feeling of your hot cunt. 

“I can take it.” You tell yourself more than him, bracing yourself as you take the rest of him in. Once you’re perched on his hips, you give yourself a moment to get used to the painful stretch. Beomgyu on the other hand is in ecstasy, his breathing heavy and his fingers clenching around your plush thighs to keep himself in check. 

Seeing him so affected by you like this is what begins to lift the shock of the pain and allows you to feel a bit of pleasure as you will yourself to relax. He just lies there all pliant and still beneath you, not once using his grip on you to make you move despite you clearly feeling his hips twitch with the attempt to hold back from thrusting up into your heat. 

“Are you a virgin?” You ask, intrigued by his reactions, and his affirmative response is a given. “Yeah…” 

If any other man had claimed virginity, especially a wealthy, privileged man like him, you would’ve called bullshit, but with him you one hundred percent believe it. 

Finally feeling like you’re ready to move, you start swiveling your hips over him, trying to stretch yourself out in preparation for more. “Is it everything you imagined it to be?” 

He shakes his head, and for a second you have to contend with the ugly feeling his rejection sparked in you. But then he continues, “It’s better.” 

You scoff. Liar. You’re barely even moving. Why is he bullshiting you? What does he stand to gain from that? Whatever, you’ll give him something to really make his head spin. 

Bracing your hands onto his tummy, you lift your hips up before letting yourself drop down. 

“Oh god.” The breath whooses out of him, and you’re surprised to find that the action actually sparks a tiny bit of pleasure in you too. So you do it again and again, moving up and down until you’re all out riding his cock. 

“That good?” You coax, trying not to think about why you even feel the need to have him affirm his enjoyment to you. 

“Too good.” He answers tightly, biting his lip. You feel his grip move from your thighs to your ass, getting more purposeful as he tries to control your movement. “Slow down.” 

Like hell you will when it just started getting good. You grab his hands and pin them down beside his head. "Keep those here, understand?" You hiss at him. You won’t let him try to control you

He whimpers, nodding, and something about his easy submissiveness makes your pussy clench. But that seems to spur him on again, and his hands shoot out to grab you once more. “Hold on!”  

You snatch his hands up and shove them onto the bed again, keeping them pinned down this time. "Shut up." He might be the man but he doesn’t get to tell you what to do. This isn’t for his enjoyment. This is purely for the purpose of fully consummating your marriage. You want this to be over as fast as possible. 

Except you didn’t expect it to be over this fast. 

“You don’t understand, I–I–” He flounders, and suddenly you feel something warm paint your insides and you stare incredulously at the panting man under you, clearly in the throes of orgasm. 

"Fuck, did you cum already?"

"I'm sorry. I asked you to slow down." He answers pathetically and you look down at him in disgust. Well, there goes any hope of you getting off tonight. Not that you expected it in the first place. 

"Whatever. This is better anyway." You go to hop off him but he reaches out and one of your arms. “Wait. I can make it up to you.” 

“How?” You ask skeptically.

"Let me make you cum."

Let’s see, do you want him to clumsily try to fuck you to orgasm for the next few minutes before he inevitably ejaculates prematurely once more? 

"No, I'm tired." You shoot him down, disinterested, but he doesn’t give up, grabbing onto you tighter and peering up at you earnestly. "Please, just give me a chance."

It’s clear that he won’t give this up. It’s probably gonna take longer to convince him to leave you alone than it will for him to try and fail to make you orgasm. So with a heavy sigh, you lie down on your back, closing your eyes and willing yourself away from this moment.  "Fine. You have one chance." 

But your eyes snap back open when you feel something wet against your pussy, and look down to see him with his head between your legs, licking you. 

Most men would never do this. They just feel entitled to getting their dicks sucked while acting like it's so gross to repay the favor. But here is Beomgyu eating you unreservedly after he just came inside you. Either he's really not as bad as the others or he's a fucking freak. Probably the latter. Definitely the latter, but that doesn’t mean you can't take advantage of it. 

Beomgyu clearly doesn't know what he's doing, clumsily licking at your pussy like it's a tart, but that's okay. You can guide him through it. That would end this sooner and you might actually get an orgasm out of it. 

"Flatten your tongue out and lick from the bottom to the top." You instruct and he eagerly obeys, licking from your entrance to your clit again and again, his eyes never leaving your face as he monitors your reaction.

“Yeah, just like that.” You encourage, starting to feel a twinge of pleasure at the pit of your stomach. “Now wiggle your tongue. Good… go back to licking.” 

You guide him, making him alternate between sharp quick movements and long languid licks along your whole slit. Every once in a while, he’d pull his tongue back in his mouth to wet it and his lips would pucker and he would suck on your sensitive pussy, making your whole body tremble. It doesn’t take him long to notice, and then he starts doing it on purpose, more frequently, sucking your lower lips or you clit into his mouth before letting them go and attacking them with sharp swipes of his tongue then licking up all the arousal his actions produce. 

You hate how quickly he picks it all up, reducing you to a shaking mess in no time. 

Nearing your end, you grab his hair and push his face against your pussy. “I’m close. Focus on the clit now.” 

He moans at that, the sound traveling straight through your pussy, and it's the push you need to cum, crying out and tugging sharply on his hair as your orgasm shakes through you. Beomgyu doesn’t mind the roughness. On the contrary, it motivates him to nuzzle further into your pussy, encouraged by your reaction and fishing for more, until you tug his hair in the opposite direction, moving him away from you. 

"Beomgyu, enough." You squeak at the overstimulation, and he whines in protest, trying to fight against your grip to dive back in but you close your legs, denying him. 

He whines again but settles on pressing wet kisses against your heated thighs, looking up at you like a pup who just finished playing and is now resting on his master's lap, and just as adorable. 

At that final disturbing thought, you push him off you and get up to grab something to slip on. Beomgyu doesn’t make any attempt to do the same, his eyes glued to your figure as you put a nightgown on. 

"Aren't you going to get dressed?" You ask, trying not to glance at his naked body that he doesn’t even try to cover. 

He shrugs. "It's too hot." 

"Well, I'd prefer if you put something on. I don't want to sleep in the same bed as a naked man." 

He looks at you like you’re being ridiculous. "We're married. We just fucked." He says slowly and you put your hands on your hips, not appreciating the way he's speaking to you like you’re stupid.

"Yeah, and now we're done. I don't want to see your floppy dick anymore." 

"It wasn't floppy." He frowns, upset at the way you're speaking about his precious dick. Typical man, the slightest suggestion that you wouldn't be grateful to see his dick hurts his pride. 

But he gets up nonetheless, quickly putting some pants on before rejoining you on the bed. He doesn’t wear a shirt and you don’t bother fighting him on this. You just turn your back to him and close your eyes, determined to go to sleep quickly and end this ridiculous night. 

But any thought of sleep is stolen from your tired brain when you feel arms wrapping around you. "What the hell are you doing?" You ask him incredulously and he stammers in response, clearly not expecting you to object to the action. "I–I just thought we could… cuddle." 

You can see the blush on his face even in the dim light. "No. No. There will be none of that. I’ve fulfilled my duty as a wife already so keep your hands to yourself." 

His face falls, hurt crashing across it, and you’re suddenly hit with the sickening realization of what's going on here. 

Beomgyu likes you. 

It should've been obvious. From the way he looks at you, to wanting to make sure you don't do anything you don't want to, to striving to please you too, and now to trying to hold you to sleep. 

Well, too bad. You don't owe him love. 

You turn your back on his dejected expression. Just because he ate you out doesn’t mean you’ll start playing at being in love. 

________________

But you learn that Beomgyu isn't so easily deterred, and he seems determined to chip away at your walls brick by brick. Though, you’re just as determined and as soon as he takes one away, you put ten in its place. 

“Darling.” 

You wince as you hear your husband’s voice call out. Damn it, he’s found you. 

He trots down to you like an excited puppy, entirely too happy to be seeing you. He can’t actually be this excited to be around you despite your constant rejection of him, can he? Why isn’t he out there with the rest of the men doing whatever the men do? 

“Oh, you’re playing chess? Can I play next?” 

“Sure. I’m done anyway.” You say, getting up and getting hit by the most puppy-like pout you’ve seen on a human. “But I thought we could play a game together.” 

“I’m tired. I want to lie down.” You lie, wanting to get away from him, but your treacherous friend chooses now to pipe up. “Oh, come one. Play a game with him. Or are you scared he’ll beat you?”

Damn her, she knows how to get to you. You know she’s doing this purely because she’s been sucked in by your husband’s guileless act and she’s been consistently trying to get you to give him a chance, telling you that maybe he really isn’t like other men. You should pick better friends. 

You huff and plop back down on your chair, your friend grinning widely as she gets up and lets Beomgyu take her spot. Whatever, you’ll beat his stupid ass and humiliate him so bad, he’ll show his true colors. Men never like to be bested by the women they look down on. 

But to your horror and utter dismay–after an embarrassingly short game where you flounder and fail to mount any meaningful attack against him–Beomgyu ends up beating. And he does it with a smile too, like it was so easy, like he was beating a child. 

“Checkmate.” He claps his hands happily. “I’m pretty good, huh?

You don’t reciprocate his excitement. Instead you level him with a cold look that projects all your shame and self-doubt into hatred and accusation towards him. "You think you're better than me?"

All semblance of joy is suddenly sucked out of him, his eyes widening in alarm. “No! I was just–”

“Let’s play again. I will beat you this time.” You pointedly assemble the pieces back on the board, slamming them into place, face set in a severe frown. 

“I just wanted us to have fun together doing something you enjoy. Maybe impress you…” He mumbles but it’s all background noise to you, already formulating a plan of attack in your mind. 

You win the next game, but you draw no satisfaction from it. How can you when your opponent clearly wouldn’t fight back? He misses obvious plays, leaves himself vulnerable to easy attacks, and his moves are devoid of the quit wit he displayed earlier. 

“Take this seriously, dammit.” You yell at him after you win once again because he just wouldn’t attack your pieces. 

Take me seriously. A voice pipes up from deep within your unconsciousness before you squash it back down. 

“Not everything is a competition.” He huffs glumly and you stare at him incredulously. “It is a competition, pinhead. That’s the definition of a game.” 

“Haven’t you heard of a friendly game?” He asks, a hint of sharpness you’re not used to from him tinging his voice. 

“We’re not friends.” You answer dumbly, and he scoffs softly. “Clearly.” 

He gets up and you gawk at him. “Where the hell are you going?”

“I’m done. God forbid I accidently make you actually have fun.” 

“Hey, I have fun!” You shout, getting up too, and he has the audacity to roll his eyes. “Yeah? When?” 

“All the fucking time.” You lie through your teeth, for some reason feeling like you need to prove yourself to him, like you need to best him at something, but he still doesn’t believe you. 

“Show me then. Let’s do something fun.” 

“Sure! Let’s go to–let’s check out the–let’s–let’s–” You stammer and he gives you a skeptical look. “Oh, fuck off. Like you have a blast every day.” 

“I do, actually.” He straightens up, happy with himself for some reason. 

“Oh yeah, then show me what you do that is so fun.”

_______________________

‘You deeply regret challenging him,’ you think as you watch the idiot that is now perched onto a tree branch, grabbing a rope that is dangling from higher up on the ancient tree. 

“You’re going to hurt yourself.” You yell, craning your head up to look at him. 

“Well, then at least you’ll be happy.” He comments off-handedly and you frown. You wouldn’t be happy if he hurt himself. Yes, you didn’t want to get married to him, but that doesn’t mean that you wish the idiot any actual harm. 

Before you can think whether to refute his words out loud, he clings onto the rope and takes off into the air, swinging over the lake under him before letting go and plummeting down into it with a big splash. 

“Oh my god!” You scream, frantically peering over the edge of the water, scanning the outpour of bubbles for signs of your dumb husband. 

After what felt like eternity, he resurfaces, whooping in excitement. “Whoah, that was awesome!” 

You give him a skeptical look, eyeing the water warily, when he pipes up again, “Try it. You’ll love it!”

“Yeah, no thanks.” You dismiss him quickly, having absolutely no desire to willingly follow him into the murky lake. 

“What’s wrong? Scared you might actually have fun?” He goads. 

Yes, you’re scared. Not of having fun, but of the ominous water. You’ve never been a big fan of swimming, not trusting your fate to the fickle gods that control those menacing depths. But you’d never tell him that. You’d rather die than admit to him you’re scared of an activity he performs so nonchalantly. 

So you steel yourself and head towards the tree he had jumped off earlier, taking off your dress to get it out of the way before climbing onto the thing. 

"Do you need help?" He calls out, swimming towards you. 

"No, thanks, I'm not a damsel in distress." You snark, grabbing onto the tree firmly and using the branches to pull yourself up. 

You can feel his eyes on you the whole way, no doubt waiting for you to fail and call for help, but he's got another thing coming if he thinks you’re a weak girl who needs a man's help to do anything physical. 

"Whoa, look at you go." His laughing voice wafts up to you and you can't tell if his surprise is good-natured or condescending. 

The climb is easy enough. You’re used to doing such physical activities, much to the chagrin of your parents who always urged you to act more ladylike and stop embarrassing them. 

'Well, fuck them, and fuck him,’ you think triumphantly as you reach the large branch he jumped off. But your triumph is short lived, promptly snuffed out by the sight of the cold abyss underneath you. 

He must've seen the dread on your face because he calls out once again. "Hey, you okay?" 

You shift your gaze from the water to his face, and the uncertain look on his face annoys the fuck out of you. You will not have him doubt you. You will not show weakness.

You grab onto the hanging rope, cringing at the slimy feel under your skin, but you power through your disgust and your fear, clinging onto the slippery thing as you swing forward. 

But can’t get yourself to let go, the dreary water swirling underneath you compelling you to cling tighter to the rope. 

"You gonna jump or what?" Beomgyu laughs and you almost don't hear him through the beating of your own heart in your ears. Still, you don't let go despite his provocation, your fingernails digging into your palms and your muscles burning as you continue to clutch onto the rope tightly. 

"Hey, don't worry. I'm right here." You hear his voice right under you, taking on a concerned tone as you clearly struggle. "Come on, let go."

You don't want to. You want to go back to shore but you're stuck, suspended in the air, the slimy substance on the rope making your fingers slip bit by bit. 

Fuck, you're gonna fall. You're gonna fall. You're gonna–

You scream as your grip finally falters and you plummet to the lake below. As you breach the surface, water rushes into your open lungs through your open mouth, suffocating you. You thrash around in panic, certain you're going to drown over a stupid dare.

You feel something grab onto you and you thrash harder, your panicked brain convincing you it’s the lake itself trying to bring you down to your demise at the cold, dark lakebed.

“Hey, hey, calm down.” You hear Beomgyu's muffled voice, followed by his face coming into view, his expression scared but trying to keep calm. "It's me. I got you."

I got you?

It takes a few more seconds for you to realize that the thing that had grabbed a hold of you earlier was not the lake but Beomgyu, and that instead of trying to pull you under, he's trying to keep your head above the water. 

As soon as you realize that, you wrap yourself around him, clinging onto him for dear life, shaking like a leaf in the wind. 

Beomgyu keeps one of his arms wrapped around your waist and moves the other one up and down your back soothingly. “I got you. You’re okay. Take deep breaths.” 

You do, following his lead, focusing on his breathing and mimicking the slowing rhythm until the both of you are sufficiently calm. 

"There you go." He smiles, no hint of judgment or mockery on his face. “You alright?” 

“I’m fucking cold.” Is all you can think to say, and he laughs, the sound warming you up. “Let’s get you out of here.” 

What? Where the hell did that come from? 

Beomgyu carries you on his back as he swims to the shore. It feels like forever but you eventually reach it, and as soon as you find your footing, you let go of him and scramble out of the water, throwing yourself to the ground. Eyes closed, you take in deep breaths, finally able to breathe properly once again. 

"Do you not know how to swim?" Beomgyu asks, and you hear him sit down next to you. 

"I know how to swim." You retort sharply, too sharply to a man who just saved your life. But you can’t help it, your pride is wounded after you embarrassed yourself like that in front of him. Besides, it was his fault all this happened anyway–him and his stupid wit and his stupid carelessness.

He is silent, but you know he clearly wants you to explain yourself. So begrudgingly, you add, "I just don't like it. The water freaks me out." 

"Then why did you–oh." That small little syllable stings at your already bruised pride. You wait for him to make fun of you but he doesn’t say anything further, mercifully choosing to spare any possible remnants of your ego. 

It’s quiet for a bit, and as you sit drying out, you feel something other than the sun burning your skin. You peek your eyes open to see him staring at you. He looks away when caught, blushing like a young boy caught staring at his crush instead of a man looking at his wife. He's ridiculous. 

"What?" You prompt irritably. 

"You're pretty." He murmurs bashfully and you scoff. "I know. That's why my father was able to sell me to a prince."

Beomgyu frowns, unhappy about you bringing this up again. Oh, did you ruin his little make-believe scene? "I didn't choose this either, you know?" 

"You sure don't seem all that torn up about it." You retort, unkind about his obvious liking towards you.

"Because I can see that even though neither of us chose this, I was blessed to end up with such a smart, strong, beautiful wife. But you clearly don't think the same of me." 

You don't think his response would elicit such a gnawing feeling of guilt inside you, but his self-pitiance coupled with his compliment of you makes you almost regret your attitude. But you refuse to give in to his guilt tripping. You don't owe him happiness. You're not going to bow down and be grateful because he deigns to like you. 

At your silence, he scoffs and gets up. You fully expect him to turn around and walk away, leaving you behind, but to your surprise he offers you a hand instead.

"Don't look so surprised. You may choose to be cruel to me but I will never treat you the same way."

The nerve of this man! God, he pisses you off so much. 

You push his hand away and pull yourself up on your own, getting dressed before stomping back towards the palace.

_______________________________

He keeps away from you after that. True to his words, he remains civil and courteous, but doesn't try to press for anything more… and you have to admit, you start to miss it. 

Not because you hold any affection for him–of course, not!--but because you're alone here with no family and so few friends. Beomgyu on the other hand is surrounded by people who are delighted to have his company, ensuring he is never wanting for company or affection. 

You on the other hand are woefully lonely, so much so that eventually you reach your breaking point, grabbing him one night while you're both getting ready for bed and kissing him. 

"What? Am I finally worthy of your affection?" Beomgyu derides when you break the kiss. You have no right to be upset at his abrasiveness when you're the one who caused it but you still are. Why can’t he just shut up and give you what you need? Why must he make you feel even more embarrassed about your need for him? Not that you’d ever admit either to him. 

"I'm in my fertile period. We need to make a baby." You cover your tracks, and he somehow still manages to be hurt by your response, as if he was actually expecting you to confess your undying love to him. "Wow, that is so sexy."

You roll your eyes and slip off your dress. "Is this sexy?"

He doesn’t even try to hide the way he ogles your body and you laugh, stripping him before pushing him onto the bed. "I thought so." 

_______________________

As punishment for forcing you to almost reveal your alarmingly developing need for him, you concoct a cruel plan designed to repay him tenfold. You set out to satisfy your need while simultaneously maximizing his own by restricting any sexual intercourse between the two of you to your fertile period of every month, and spending the intervening time alternating between depriving him of your touch and teasing him until he’s begging you to let him have you. 

He comes to memorize your schedule and, like a trained dog, starts getting restless close to the when you’d be fertile, staring at you like he's fucking you in his head, humping the bed in his sleep, sporting a semi-permenant hard on as the day draws closer. 

"Did I say you could slow down?"

You take to edging and denying him during your sex-free periods on the pretense that you want him to be full and ready to breed you when the time comes. It's bullshit of course and he knows it too, but he wants to have a family with you so much and wants to please you so badly that he lets you do whatever you want to him. 

"I'm close." He tries to excuse his disobedience but you have no patience for it. 

"You can hold it." You assert, knowing full well he's near his breaking point, but it's just so fun to watch him fight with his own body to try to please you, caught between continuing as you want and risking cumming and angering you or stopping and angering you by disobeying. 

"I can't." He shakes his head, despairing. 

"You can." You say more gently this time, going for a different tactic, though no less devious. "You want to knock me up don't you? Wanna see me get big and round with your baby?"

"Fuck, stop it." He whines, his hand barely moving over his cock but not daring to stop. 

"You're so pretty like this." You coo, knowing he's a sucker for your compliments. They're rare but he lives off of them.

"Oh." He gasps, speeding his pace on his cock, needing to hear more. You can see the muscles of his tummy tensing as he tries to hold back but his hips can't help but buck into his own hand. "Please. Just let me cum once. My balls are so full. I'll have so much for you still. It's been so long." 

God, you love making him do this. He'll do anything you ask of him. Maybe he's rotten like all men but at least his brand of sickness is fun to watch.  

"It hasn't been one week. Are you that addicted to sex? Did you fuck yourself every day before I came along?" 

He shakes his head, denying your accusations. "You keep teasing me, wearing those revealing clothes to bed. Touching me under the table. Whispering dirty things in my ear when we have company…" 

"You love it, you dirty pup. I know you do."

"I love it. Love you touching me, love you toying with me, love you…"

He doesn't finish that lost one. He doesn't get to–or maybe that was the end of the sentence-before he suddenly spills his seed. 

"Oh god. Oh god, I'm so sorry." He cries, just as surprised about his orgasm as you were. "I didn't mean to, I swear." 

"But you did." You tsk, intent on milking his "disobedience" to death and making him whimper and cry like a scolded dog. But the sheer panic in his reply throws you off. "I know. I'm sorry. I tried to–" His voice cuts up in a hiccuping cry. "I tried to–tell you–to stop–I couldn't–help–ittt."

You stare at him in shock. He has tears streaming down his face, shoulders going up and down with every gasping breath he takes, and his hands are hovering nervously in the air as if he wants to reach out to you but is scared of what your reaction would be. 

So you take it upon you to reach out to him instead, holding his hands in yours as you scooch towards him. "Hey, hey, it's okay."

"No, it's not." He shakes his head vigorously, tears flying off his pretty lashes. "I try so hard to be good for you and I can't even control myself. I know you’re mad."

"I'm not mad." You deny, but he just keeps shaking his head and mumbling sadly, "Didn’t mean to disappoint you."

"I'm not disappointed." You reassure him, more firmly this time. "It's just a game."

"You are–"

He obviously won't listen to your words so you go for a different route, cutting him off with a kiss that, thankfully, he easily melts into. 

The kiss is tender–every diminishing sob released against your lips unwillingly tugging on your heartstrings until you feel completely wretched for somehow making it so he reacted so strongly to something so stupid. It was never your intention to make him actually suffer. You merely wished to protect yourself. But how do you do that when your distance is what's making him so miserable?

You do not owe him your love but does that mean that he can't earn it?

"I'm not mad." You repeat when you end the kiss and he nods, eyes glued to your lips as he licks his own, his wish clear. But before he can ask for another kiss, you choose instead to let go of him to grab something to clean him up with. 

He never takes his eyes off you as you wipe his hands off and clean the cum off his body. And he still stares at you as you dispose of the rag and lay back down on the bed. 

"What?" You ask, sharper than you intended and he flinches. So you try again, gentler this time. "Do you need something?"

He stares down at his hands as he speaks, wringing his fingers nervously. "Will you hold me to sleep?"

Your following silence prompts him to finally look up at you, and the wet, vulnerable look in his big brown eyes physically prevents you from rebuffing his request. 

You sigh, throwing an arm out pointedly and he doesn't waste a second jumping forward and snuggling into your side. 

__________________

That small action--Beomgyu having you hold him to sleep instead of the other way around–makes you realize something that should've been obvious to you from the start… unlike other men, and despite your worst fears, Beomgyu isn't looking to control or lead you. 

He never did, from your sex life to what you do in your free time and even to public appearance, he lets you do as you please, only ever venturing to appeal to be included in it. You've even embarrassed him in public a couple of times before and yet he never lashed out against you in any way. 

Other people were decidedly less kind though. You know they're gossipping about you. How you're a shame to other ladies and he's a disgrace to his family and the prince title. It gets to a point where you can't help but inquire about it to him, perplexed by his seeming indifference to what anyone else had to say. 

"Does it not bother you?" 

"What does?" He peeks an eye open to look at you from where he is laid down on the grass next to you, another successful hijacking of your time. 

"What they say about you?" You spare him the details he knows all too well–that he's not a man, that he isn't fit to be a prince, that he's so weak and feeble even his wife rules him 

"It does, of course. Everyone seeks to be accepted by others-be it friends, family, society, a lover…" He trails off tenderly, and you ignore the longing look he gives you. "But I have a loving family, supportive friends, and a secure life. I'd be a foolish man indeed to ignore all of that and spend my days trying to gain the approval of those who think ill of me." He says with a smile that suddenly and unexpectedly falls, "Why? Does it bother you? Me not being manly?"

"Would you change if it did?" You ask curiously and he frowns in thought before answering. "No, I want you to be happy with me, but I want to be happy too. I want us both to be happy." 

"Why do you want me to be happy so badly?" You ask genuinely. It might be a stupid question to ask your husband but the sad reality is most husbands don't care much for their wives happiness. 

"I believe a marriage should be built on respect and affection. Your spouse is meant to be your life partner, they’re there to witness it all, your everyday life, your ups and down, the mundane and the exciting. Why not try to make the best of those years? Why not be each other's rock when the world tears you down?" He espouses thoughtfully, a wiseness you never expected from him coming through, making him look mature and worldly. But then an innocent bashfulness takes over his face and he returns back to the boyish prince you’ve come to know. "And… I've always had a crush on you."

"Me?" You ask, surprised. You’ve met the prince many times before. You were hardly strangers before your marriage, but you wouldn’t have considered yourselves friends and certainly didn’t suspect that he held any romantic sentiment towards you. But you suppose that explains his existing partiality towards you despite your less than sweet reaction to the marriage. 

"I have always loved how bold you were despite everyone trying to force you to fit the status quo. It gave me courage to be myself too. I thought if you could manage to act so decidedly outside of what is deemed proper for a lady and still remain the most radiant and exhilarating woman in the room, then maybe others could find beauty in me too." 

You gape at him, at a loss for words. He finds the parts of you that are so repulsive to everyone else attractive? Is he messing with you? Is this some cruel joke? Or is he actually telling the truth? 

You so badly want to believe him, but you can’t bring yourself to. It’s too good to be true. 

"Did you ever… think of me that way?" He asks timidly, not daring to look at you, fearing your response, and for once, you feel saddened that you’re unable to give him the answer he’s looking for. 

"No." You tell him honestly. You haven’t given him much thought before you got married. Sure, you could see that he was handsome, and he had always made himself known by his unusual behavior but other than that you hadn't really paid much attention to him, too caught up with your own troubles to pay any mind to his. You come to regret that now. At the very least, you might’ve made yourself a friend who would accept you for who you are. Or so he claims anyway. 

"What about now?" His follow-up question is even more timid, whispered so quietly you almost didn't hear it. And you wish you didn’t because you don't have any answer for it. 

"Let's not go there." You reply uncomfortably, getting up in order to physically remove yourself from the loaded question, refusing to consider that you might actually have developed any affection for him. 

But Beomgyu quickly sits up and holds onto your hand. "No, please, don't leave. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He begs dolefully, which doesn't help your uneasiness in the slightest bit. 

"It's fine." You lie to no one's benefit. "I just have things to do." You excuse yourself unconvincingly, taking your leave before he can fully articulate his next argument. 

You hate seeing him so down, but what can you do when he insists on breaching this delicate topic again and again? You have no answer for him, you really don't. Why must he keep prodding? 

____________________

"Is it time to go to bed yet?" Beomgyu whispers in your ear. He has been giving you needy looks the whole night, when he wasn't actively hanging onto your arm like he is right now. 

It's the first day of your fertile period, and like you always do, you love to stay out as long as possible just to torment your poor husband. And lucky you, tonight there was just the perfect excuse to stay out even later–a ball hosted by the royal family and inviting noble and rich families from all over the kingdom. 

"We're the hosts. It would be rude to leave this early." You tell him sharply as if you weren’t counting on him acting this very way, as if you’re not immensely enjoying it.

"But it's been hours." He whines and you feel him grind not-so-subtly against you. 

"Are you seriously humping me in the open like this?" You ask incredulously, "Can't you control yourself?"

He shakes his head. "You know I can't." He tells you helplessly and you smile. Yes, you know very well. "I need it."

You chuckle. "Oh, you need it? What if I don't give it to you?" 

He wails at the idea and a few heads turn towards you. 

"Don't worry. He just hit his toe against the chair." You wave the curious and concerned glances off before turning towards Beomgyu with a sharp look. "Now look what you've done. Do you want everyone to know what a needy whore you are, my dear?"

"I don't care. Just need you." Throughout it all he hasn't quit pressing his bulge against your hip. 

"That's too bad because we're staying for some time still. Now run off and talk to your father's guests and stop being such a rude host."

"But–"

You disentangle yourself from him despite his protests. "Go or you won't be getting fucked tonight." You threaten against his ear before pressing a quick kiss to the skin below, causing goosebumps to erupt in your wake. 

You walk off with a big, self satisfied smile, your excitement building as you imagine how desperate he'll be once you actually take him back to bed. You wonder if you can get him to cum untouched. He has very sensitive nipples and you've always wondered if you can actually make him cum just by playing with them. You’re sure you can. Maybe tonight you'll try. 

You’re so focused on what you have in store for your poor husband that you don't notice the two people approaching you. 

"Oh darling, look how happy you look." You hear your mother's voice next to you and your mood immediately sours. You turn towards the pair with a scowl. "Hello, mother. Hello father."

"Hello, dear. How is my precious flower doing?" Your father asks, leaning forward to give you a kiss on each cheek that you don't reciprocate. 

"Deflowered." You deadpan. 

"Oh, come off it, baby. You know your father chose Prince Beomgyu because he was sure he would cherish you. That boy positively adores you." Your mother chastises, and you frown. Did your family seriously know of Beomgyu’s feelings towards you before you did? "And from what I'm hearing, he's doing just that. I mean even today, he can hardly leave your side for a minute." 

You snort. If only she knew what was really going on... But to be fair, they weren't entirely wrong. Beomgyu does cherish you. That doesn't mean that you'll let them feel good about what they did. 

"Your mother is right, love." Your father says gently but firmly, "We just wanted to ensure a good life for you with a man who adores you as much as we do. You are our only child and if you hadn’t gotten married, you would have been the object of many a wicked man's greed." 

You roll your eyes at them. You could’ve handled yourself just fine. Not that they ever believed in you. "Whatever." 

Are you being immature? Yes, but you’re still bitter about them not giving you a choice in the matter or even the man you were to marry, even if their choice turned out to be decent. 

"Excuse me. I have to go find me dear husband." You give them a sour smile and turn you back on them. Their worried murmurs fade into the background noise as you step away from them and search for Beomgyu in the crowd, determined to go back to your room now. 

When you spot him though, your mood takes an even more severe plunge. He's not alone, and the way he's entertaining the guest is way more intimate than you had instructed. The woman next to him is standing way too close to be proper, and she has one of her hands on his shoulder and the other one trailing down his chest. 

Of course. Typical man behavior, as soon as you're out of sight he's wrapped up in some other woman’s arms. And here you thought he actually cared. 

A dull pang starts out from the middle of your chest before it quickly spreads all across your ribcage in sharp stabs that take your breath away– a testament to the hurt you're feeling at this betrayal. He really got you fooled, huh?

You were contemplating whether to march off and slap the both of them silly or go back to your room, locking him out and crying your eyes out, when you hear his panicked voice floating into your full ears. 

"I'm married!" He stammers, trying to wiggle out of the woman's hold on him but she just steps closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing herself against him.

A rage like no other fills up your body at the sight, searing off the wounds that were just covering it from the perceived betrayal, but you force yourself to stand still and watch how this will play out. 

"So? All princes take mistresses. I hear she's not even letting you fuck her. What a heartless bitch." 

That’s it! You make a move to step forward and smack her filthy hands off your husband, but he does it himself, throwing her hands off him angrily. 

"Don't you dare speak about her that way." He shouts, furious in a way you've never seen him before. "She is my wife and I love her. She satisfies me much better than you could ever hope to do. I want no one else but her so kindly fuck off before you embarass yourself any further." 

You freeze. Beomgyu loves you?

Yes, you knew he liked you and he was never shy about expressing it, but love? 

It's at this moment, while you're rooted to your spot in shock, that Beomgyu finally sees you. A big smile replaces his affronted expression as he calls out to you. "Oh, darling there you are!"

But then he notices the look on your face and his own expression pales, his eyes jumping between you and the woman who is still standing next to him. "It's not what you think. I told her to back off, I swear."

Oh, he must think you're upset because of her. Well, you were but not at him. Not after he proved himself right in front of you. Still, this is a good distraction. It's better that he thinks that. You can't discuss the other thing now. You can’t even process it yet.

You quickly compose yourself and walk up to them, wrapping your arm around his waist and giving him a sweet kiss on his lips. "I saw." You smile at him before turning your withering gaze towards the woman. "You heard him. Fuck off and go find another man to lay under." 

The woman scoffs and walks off, shouldering you as she goes, but you don't care. You turn back to Beomgyu, and whisper cryptically to him. "I want to speak to you, dear. In private."

His eyes widened in fear. "Darling, I'm sorry–I really tried–"

"Let's go." You snap, pulling him after you into the garden. 

You choose a place deep enough into the garden you're sure no one will see you before you push him against a tree. 

"You just attract them, don't you?" You raise an eyebrow at him, pressing your thigh between his legs. "Standing out there looking all needy and pretty."

"I told her to go away." He cowers pitifully, but he’s already rutting his cock against your thigh. 

"But she just wouldn’t, huh?" You ask with mock sympathy, "You're just a helpless slut aren't you? Need me to be around you all the time to keep you in place?"

"No." He whines, shaking his head roughly. "I can behave. I can be good."

You spit on your hand and put it down his pants, stroking his cock and making him keen and melt into your touch. "Look how easily you give in." You tsk, "How long would you have held out if she did that?"

Beomgyu shakes his head again, tears brimming his pretty eyes. "Never would've given in. Only yours."

"Aw, how cute. This cock is only for me?" You murmur against his lips, palming the head of his cock and feeling his precum already leaking and wetting your hand. 

"Everything. I'm all yours." He confesses, his eyes conveying an affection so strong, you can't weather it. You take your hand out of his pants and flip the both of you around so you're the one pressed against the tree. "Fuck me." 

"Here?!" He gapes. 

"Yes. Want you here." 

"But anyone can see." He looks around as if searching for those phantom voyeurs. 

"Didn’t you say you’re all mine? Show them." You press your lips against his, coaxing him into giving in with sweet kisses that he craves. 

“Honey…” He whines, but you wrap one leg around his waist and pull him against you, his body reacting on its down and his hips bucking against you, his cock searching for your warmth that you’ve kept away from him for so long. 

You ignore his half-hearted protest, pulling his cock out of his pants and lifting the skirt of your dress up so he can feel you directly. His breath leaves him when he feels his cock glide against your wet pussy. “Oh… you’re not wearing anything underneath.”

“Uh-huh.” You nod, biting your lip and looking at him seductively. “Wanted to be all ready for you to take me. Didn’t know you’d be entertaining other women.” 

You’re really dragging out this other woman farce, partly because it’s fun watching him scramble to deny it and appease you, and partly because you feel entitled to him as your husband. You’re not going to be the woman forced to marry a man, only for him to cheat on her too. 

But still, you can’t deny the jealousy and hurt you felt seeing him with someone else after he’s spent the last few months professing his affection to you and forcing his way into your life. He said it’s only you he wants, right? Well, you want him to act like it, damned by the reasons behind your unwelcome feelings. 

Beomgyu’s eyes widen in horror and he finally presses forward, pushing his cock into you in one needy thrust. “No! Was only thinking about this pussy. I promise.” He wails in earnest, “Only want you.”

His words are like a balm to your wounded ego, and you reward him with a messy, open-mouthed kiss–the kind you know gets him all riled up. “Then fuck me like it.” 

“Yes, darling.” He holds up the leg you have wrapped around him with one hand and uses the other to grab your waist and press you flush against the tree, stabilizing you so he can drill his cock into you, an urgency to his movements that tops even your previous encounters. 

“Good boy.” You pant, feeling his cock hitting places deep inside you that have your toes curling. "Is this what you wanted all month?"

"Yes, baby. Been thinking of it every night, wished you would just flip over onto your tummy and let me fuck you." 

You grin evilly. “I know, baby. I felt that hard cock against me every night. Loved to wake up with it pressed right between my asscheeks.” 

“You’re so cruel.” He mewls, fucking into you desperately, making up for all the torture you put him through. 

“I know.” You laugh, trailing your hands up his body to play with his sensitive nipples, and when your thumbs brush over them, his hips stutter and he rewards you with the most debauched moans. 

“Fuck, don’t do that or I’ll cum.”

“But I want you to cum.” You retort, pulling lightly on his hardened nipples and causing his hips to give a particularly harsh thrust. "Cum inside me. Knock me up. Let them all know who you belong to."

Your words drive him crazy, and soon he’s fucking into you like a wild animal. "Fuck, you’re going so rough. Were you that needy?"

“Yes.” There is no shame in his reply, just pure want. He's not shy about letting his need for you show, his mouth wide open, panting heavily, and eyes glazed over as his hips slam against yours. "Thank you. Thank you for letting me inside your pretty pussy."

Just his face brings you close to the edge, and his wild thrusts threaten to push you over at any moment. 

"Look how slutty you look." You tease, cupping his face. "Are you all pussy-drunk, my dear?"

He nods, leaning into your touch and only managing a few garbled moans in response. 

"That's okay, pup. All I need from you is your pretty cock. You don't need to have any thoughts in that pretty head of yours. Just keep fucking me like a good boy." 

He nods again, enraptured, and his blind obedience finally sends you over the edge. 

“Fuck–fuck–good boy… good boy.” You moan out, the praise coming out long and slow as your body tenses up before spasming, your pussy milking his cock and drawing his own orgasm out of him. 

Beomgyu buries his face into your neck, letting out choked moans that later turn into heavy pants as his high crashes through his body. But even when his breathing settles down, he is reluctant to pull away from you. 

“Beomgyu?” You call out. He lets out a small hum and nuzzles further into your skin, mumbling something that you can’t quite hear.

“We need to go.” You start again, the leg he’s still holding up starting to cramp while the cool air bites at it, and he whines. “But this feels too nice.”

You smirk. “What does? Your cock all warm and snug inside my pussy?”

You feel his cock twitch inside you and he nods. “Yeah. Also this.” He says, running kisses up your neck that makes you shiver. “You never let me do this much.” 

You know. You only allow these intimate moments after sex, not wanting a repeat of what happened before, but also needing to limit them to protect yourself. Which is exactly why you want him to pull away now. 

“We have to go.” You repeat, jostling him a little bit, feeling your heart picking up at the precarious moment. You feel him sigh against your skin, and he finally pulls back. “Okay. Let's go to bed.” 

“Oh, we’re not going to bed. We’re rejoining the ball.” You say nonchalantly, holding back your laugh at the way he gapes at you once again. 

"But–but…." He stammers, his eyes raking over your body. 

"But your cum is dripping down my legs? I know." You smirk evilly, pulling him behind you. 

___________________

You and Beomgyu are stuck in a limbo of your own making, unable to let him in fully but also unwilling to shut the door in his face, stubbornly thinking that this way you’ll be saving yourself from any heartache. But can you really make that claim anymore when seeing him hurt himself over you wounds you just as much? 

That is the precise situation you find yourself in right now, running towards one of the rooms you’ve just been informed that Beomgyu and your previous suitor, Yeonjun, are dueling within. 

You expect this foolishness from Yeonjun. He has always been brash and hard-headed, always reaching for his sword when his words meet resistance. But Beomgyu? Has that idiot ever even been in a duel before? 

Your heart hammers in your chest as you run, images of Beomgyu struck down and bleeding coming unbidden to your mind. Fuck, if that idiot got himself hurt over some inane dick-measuring contest, you’re going to kill him yourself. 

When you gain entrance into the room and peek Beomgyu’s fallen form through the gaps in the crowd that formed around the two men, your heart falls to your feet and you get ready to grab Beomgyu’s sword and strike down Yeonjun yourself. 

But then you hear Yeonjun speak to him. “Come on, get up. Be a man.” 

After which a member of the crowd comments snarkily, “You’ve got the wrong person. If you want a fight then you need to look for his wife. She wears his balls around her neck.” 

You see red as you shove your way through the crowd and into the clearing in the middle. “Who said that?” You growl, surveying the crowd. No one speaks, and you laugh hauntingly. “Come on, show me how much of a man you really are. Surely, you’re not afraid of me, a woman?” 

Again, no one speaks up, and you scoff. “Of course, you are all a bunch of cowards who like to bully good people in order to feel better about your own vile, miserable selves.” 

“Hey, don’t speak to my men like that.” Yeonjun interjects and you shoot him a withering look. “What men? All I see are a bunch of dogs sniffing up their master’s ass.” 

At the insult, one of the men steps forward threateningly, but Yeonjun holds him back. 

“What? Are you going to hit a woman?” You challenge and he spits. “What woman? All I see is a rabid bitch.” 

No sooner had the man spoken than he was on the floor, felled by a punch from Yeonjun. “Don’t you dare speak to a lady like that.” 

The man looks furious but he holds his tongue, not daring to defy his master, choosing instead to get up and storm out. A few other men follow suit but Yeonjun ignores them, turning towards you, “I’m sorry about that, my lady. Please accept–”

“I will accept nothing. What gave you the right to come here and attack my husband?” You growl at him, walking towards Beomgyu and helping him off the floor. But Beomgyu doesn’t even glance at you, keeping his gaze on the floor and making you feel uneasy. 

“I wanted to see what you left me for.” He mutters bitterly, as if you had been together and you had left him to be with Beomgyu. He’s so fucking delusional. 

Yeonjun and you used to be childhood friends, and you suppose he assumed on the basis of that and by merit of him being the son of one of the most wealthy and influential men in the whole country, that you’d fawn at his feet and accept his hand when he proposed to you. 

But that couldn’t have been further from the truth. You liked Yeonjun well enough as children, but as you grew up he turned into a controlling asshole who tried to tell you what you can and cannot do, already acting as if you were his woman, something which you despised and have expressed so to him repeatedly. You don’t know how he could possibly have thought that you’d actually accept his hand in marriage but his scandalized reaction served to cement your decision even more. 

“I didn’t leave you for anyone. If you were the last man on earth, I still wouldn’t have picked you.” 

Yeonjun’s face grows pale at the harsh proclamation, but you don’t stay back to wait for his response, barking at one of the servants to help you take their prince back to his bed. 

______________________________________

But Beomgyu’s weird behavior persists even when you’re alone, and when you attempt to tend to his injuries, he withdraws from you harshly. 

"Why are you doing this? Am I so pathetic that even you feel sorry for me?" He hisses in disgust. 

"What has gotten into you?" You snap back, not willing to take shit from him too. 

"You want someone like him, don't you?” He accuses bitterly, and when you give him a confused look he continues. “Don’t deny it. You were childhood sweethearts. He told me you were set to be married before your parents forced you to marry a sissy like me."

"And you believed him?" You balk and he scoffs, looking away. "Then you’re even more of an idiot than I thought you were."

His head snaps back to stare at you, eyes glistening with tears. “You think I’m an idiot?” 

That’s what he focuses on? “Of course. You must be if you honestly think that I ever even entertained marrying that sexist, disgusting, pompous asshole."

“Then why did he say that?” He asks in a small voice and you yell out in frustration, “Because he can’t fathom how I can be happy with you and not him when everyone around him licks the ground he walks on.”

“You-you’re happy with me?” He peers up at you through his wet lashes and your heart hurls itself against your ribcage at the hope you see in his eyes. 

"Yes, I am.” You admit, and watch as the bright rays of happiness start to shine across his face, before they’re covered by another gloomy cloud. He shakes his head. “You just want someone weak to control. That’s why you like it with me.” 

You grab his face, a little rougher that you probably should but he was really pissing you off. “No, I want a man who is secure in his manhood that he doesn’t need to engage in these stupid dick measuring contests to feel good about himself. I want a man who is secure enough in himself that no matter how much I challenge him, he never lashes out at me for it. I want a man who even though I’ve been nothing but a bitch to him again and again, he still stuck by me because he saw the good in me when everyone else saw fault. I want you.” 

Beomgyu shoots forward, meeting your lips with his in a passionate kiss that you gladly reciprocate. He has been so brave for you. You can learn to be brave for him too.  

“I love you.” He professes when the need for air forces him to pull away. 

You cup his cheeks gently, staring into his kind eyes and hoping he’d be kind to you one more time, even if you don’t deserve it. “Just give me some time, okay? I promise I’ll get there if you give me a little more time.” 

That feeling of dread you get when you rebuff one of his advances and sit in fear of him finally getting sick enough of you to stop trying bubbles in your stomach as you wait for his response. But Beomgyu is even more merciful than you had ever dreamed of and his gentle smile washes away all your fear. 

“I will wait for as long as you need me to. I will never give up on you. I just needed to know that you wanted it too.” 

“I do. I really do. I want you.” Tears flow down your face unbidden and you let yourself be pulled into his warm embrace. 

This is what you could have if you could just learn to trust him–to really let yourself be cared for and loved without constantly being on the lookout for an inevitable betrayal. He can give you that. You know he can, and maybe with time, you too can give him everything he deserves. 

_____________________________

A/N: well there you go. honestly it came out a lot different than i had anticipated and a lot shorter, but i hope you still like it anyway. let me know which prince gyu is your favorite, yamqn pyscho prince gyu or sweet playful love you prince gyu?

if you can guess why the title is that, you get a treat.

#txt smut #beomgyu smut #sub!idol #dom!reader #prince!au #arranged marriage au #mort talks

[acourtofthought]

TW: SA / Abuse

There are many characters in the ACOTAR world who deserve to have their story told but for some reason, Lucien's story seems to be treated as less important than others.

Feyre's desire and need to get away from Tamlin was a valid one but she had her mate looking out for her every step of the way.

When she left, she left behind collateral damage for Lucien to deal with. Lucien who had no one looking out for his best interests (instead he had two people in his life who had the complete opposite of his best interests in mind) and no where else to turn. Not to mention the loyalty he felt to Spring and it's people, he was the one trying to help the Court recover after Amarantha:

"But now—now we need order, Feyre. We need rules, and rankings, and order, if we’re going to stand a chance of rebuilding. So what he says goes. I am the first one the others look to—I set the example. Don’t ask me to risk the stability of this court by pushing back

"We have this one chance, Feyre, to rebuild and make the world as it should be."

“Don’t ask me to pick.”

Even with his desire to do what was best for the Court as a whole, he still tried to balance Feyre's needs, but who worried about his?

"Look up I silently beseached him"

"I didn't want to know what was happening in that room, what he'd done to Lucien".

It's not that Feyre should have been required to stand up to Tamlin on behalf of Lucien but I'll never understand why the fandom constantly expected him to stand up for her especially when she made the choice to ignore what was happening to him as a result of the times he did go out on a limb for her.

And that doesn't even account for the horrors he experienced before and after UTM. The loss of his eye, nearly dying twice UTM, being whipped.

And when she left......

Lucien watched Tamlin execute people who may have been friends of Lucien's.

He begged Tamlin for more time until he saw Feyre and believed Rhys had brainwashed her.

And he spent nearly a year in total, before Feyre left and after her return, dealing with sexual assault from Ianthe:

Lucien hated Ianthe before Calanmai, was fending off her advances before Calanmai but made the choice to participate in the Rite with his abuser because it was what was best for the Court then was again assaulted after Calanmai. Lucien clearly told her no yet she still held him against his will and assaulted him.

"fear and humiliation"

"He’d fixed his pants, his shirt."

Is it because he's a male that people are so indifferent to his experience? That they forget it was traumatic for him?

Is it because he's still standing, still fighting, etc that they forget he's struggling inside too?

He and Elain are so perfect for one another because they're two characters who everyone assumes to be fine because they don't shout their trauma to the world around them. Neither lashes out or shuts down for an extended period of time and because they've started putting one foot in front of the other, people don't realize they aren't seeing everything that's happening below the surface.

But the fact that both Lucien and Elain are capable of so much more but haven't reached out and grabbed it shows how their traumas are holding them back.

Sometimes those who suffer in silence are feeling the most because there's no outlet for their emotions, they're constantly being held inside and those traumas continue to simmer.

I am biased because I love Elucien but I truly believe they will have one of the deepest connections of any of the ACOTAR pairings we've seen. They may hide the depth of their own trauma from the others but they are not emotionally closed off in how they express their love and when they finally open up to one another, I think it's going to be intense.

#elucien #pro elucien #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #pro lucien vanserra #acotar lucien #lucien supremacy #lucien spell cleaver

[leclerced]

For the hitman!Oscar I have two ideas so you’re gonna suffer from both of them

First is that it never goes romantic. Like the whole relationship w Oscar is platonic maybe with borderline romantic gestures but they don’t see it like this. They’re just super close. So there’s cuddles, (literal) sleeping together, watching films and series. She cooks for him, he kills her enemies yk every day, totally normal deal that they have. Lando lets it be since he 1) has nothing to say because of his girl 2)actually starts liking Oscar too (as a human being not only as a killing machine)

Second one is that it turns romantic along the way! But it’s super slow burn. They connect emotionally but never really talk about it and both of them are loyal to Lando so they would never do anything behind his back. So I can totally see them discussing it when sth happens to Lando. Risky business risky life so he gets shot or sum and her and Oscar are with him. Lando is on strong drugs and tells them that they could at least be subtle with their longing looks and that he’s actually not opposed trying it two ways but Oscar is not gonna fuck him or maybe he could or maybe not because he’s the mafia boss. You know he starts mumbling and talking nonsense so they don’t address it immediately but then when Lando’s recovering he does talk to them about it. And it turns romantic like that.

Like ofc it’s practically perfect scenario for cheating and finding out about it and drama and then just going with it but I hate all of these things so fucking much imma never write sth about it so yeah. I hope my English in it is okay? And that it makes sense in general cause today isn’t my best bilingual day lol

your English is always perfectly ola !!

i love both but am bout to go to store so im picking a fav!

i love the idea of them just being platonic best friends its so cute. lando pays oscar to watch her and they become besties so he starts hanging around when he doesn’t have contracts out of town. lando starts to like him despite the annoyance he feels, especially once he tries asking oscar about it and bc he’s hitman!oscar, he’s like, “not interested. i have a girlfriend already.” and lando’s completely shocked by the admission and wonders if his girl knows and when he asks she confirms it and starts telling him about what oscar’s told her about her

#ask #lifeboredme

[etherealinowrites]

stray kids reacting to your father being emotionally abusive/maknae line

TW// mentions of anxiety, panic, suicidal thoughts, emotionally abusive family, gaslighting, troubled childhood, an asshole dad, eating disorders, reader who recovered from binge eating disorder so mentions of weight gain and loss, swearing, mentions of physical fighting

pairing- slightly chubby female reader x stray kids member

requested- yes

wc- around 0.5K for each member so 2K in total

part one, reactions masterlist, skz masterlist

taglist: @dreamescapeswriting @cocainee-queen @lix-ables @eastleighsblog @mwitsmejk @im-the-charmer

background-

“as if, look at her. i remember her taking gym during high school. haha! she would be out of breath in like, minutes.” you dad laughed, a glass of alcohol in his grip as he roared around the dinner table. “her and workout with a man as fit as you? impossible.”

your mother sent weak looks at him, then looked down, unable to say anything.

you sighed, rolling your eyes and sipping on some water while you dug your nails into your palm. old habits do die hard it seems.

after months of talking, you had finally agreed to come to one family dinner to introduce your boyfriend. however, you hadn’t expected your dad to be that much of an idiot and still joke about your sensitive points.

jisung

your hands had begun shaking from the amount of thoughts running through your head. hung down as you stared hard the floor, you tried to level your breathing as your father went on and on about all the ways in which you were horrible.

jisung couldn’t help the frown that he'd begun forming on his face. he knew your dad was not the best person in your life but you had never told him just how horrible he was? jisung sighed deeply once, trying to brush his anger away and turned to look at you.

the way your figure shook slightly under the words and your eyes had turned glassy made his frown turn into an angry scowl. 

within minutes his hand was on yours, holding it warmly in his grasp. you looked up, and he all but smiled at you with the most understanding look in his eyes. “its okay baby, i am here.” he mouthed, caressing his thumb on your hand as you began to tune out what your father had been crying about.

“i mean, i’m just being honest really, she was fa-” your dad continued, horribly making fun of you but jisung had has enough, he’d seen enough of you trying to let it go and your shivering figure made him snap.

“sir, we came here for a good time, but honestly this is not how you treat your guests.” jisung’s calm outburst had you biting your lip as your father sneered.

“oh why, does it hurt knowing how bad your girlfriend is? does it hurt realising the truth and knowing she lied to you-”

jisung let out a loud scoff as he frowned and pushed his chair back. “listen you old man, you are the one who needs to do some ‘realisation’ here okay? it's you who’s fucked in the head if you think that a person is only to be judged by their body, what the fuck is even wrong with anyone’s body? y/n was beautiful and will always be no matter what size she wears or what workouts she does. whatever y/n tells me is our business and for your kind information, she has told me all about her struggles and your shitty parenting so you don’t have to be an asshole anymore got it?” 

jisung got up, adjusting his clothes as he extended a hand to you. “let’s go baby, we don't need him talking to us anymore.”

you both ignored the indecent curses from your father as you nodded, grateful for his side by yours as he softly kissed your knuckles and led you out the door.

felix

felix was very protective of you, and his protectiveness had just increased tenfold when you'd told him about your past struggles with food, eating, body image and mental issues. he cherished you to bits and he couldn’t stand knowing that something was capable of hurting you when he was there to protect you.

naturally, it came as a huge shock to him when he realised that the biggest source for those issues was none other than the man you called father. 

he knew that you and him had a delicate relationship but he never knew just how delicate it was, to the point of it being non existent.

disgusted by your fathers words, he didn't waste a second and taking your hands, lifting you up. ““i mean, i’m just being honest really, she was fa-” your dad continued, making felix’s expression turn to stone.

“shut the fuck up, you dickhead.” felix growled, making you widen your eyes as your father looked taken aback.

“what the-.” your father cursed back, angering felix further.

“what? you think you can just sit here an insult my y/n just because you’re her father? well news flash, her boyfriend loves her the same and even more now, bloody thanks to you for making him realise how brave she has been for suffering through life with a sorry excuse of a father like you.” felix spat, making you stare at him in awe.

“oh and just for the record, i would love y/n regardless of her appearance.” felix yelled over his back as he led you both out.

seungmin

seungmin was someone was very practical in every situation. never mind how panic inducing, seungmin always maintained his cool however. seeing your father continuously insult was pricking his nerve.

he tried to control himself. really, you’d told him multiple times about how your father and you had a broken relationship yet he had no idea it was this bad. he almost felt guilty for not realising this sooner.

when he realised how abusive your father was and how much you’d actually endured and still were, he took a deep breath before taking your trembling hands.

“we’re leaving you shit ass excuse of a father.” was all seungmin spat your father who looked shocked.

“let’s go baby, these people don’t deserve our time.” he calmly helped you get up, holding you close as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“i have always loved y/n since i met her and i always will no matter what she looks like or what she does. she is perfect to me in every way.” he hissed at your father angrily, making your turn as he led you out the door.

“don’t worry baby, we won’t ever come back. you know that i love you right?”

jeongin

jeongin waited, clenching his fists under the table as he took deep breaths. he hated people like your father, people who had little to no sense of common etiquette. he hated these kinds even more when they affected you in a negative way.

he could only grit his teeth in silent anger as he remembered his promise to you to no react. he knew very well about your father's horrible nature towards you but this was something that crossed all lines.

even for what you had warned him about, this was seriously a real human violation in jeongin's eyes. his eyes snapped dangerously towards your father as he realised with a sinking realisation that your parents were unaware of your past struggles with mental health and disorders. disturbed to his core, he let out a deep breath before he turned to check in on you.

the sight of you scrunched inwards, head down and shivering hands snapped the last piece of restraint that had him holding.

“i mean, i’m just being honest really, she was fa-” your dad continued but jeongin had had enough.

"thats it!" he cried out, leaning down to stare your father in the eyes. "i will not sit idly while you disrespect my y/n with that filthy mouth of yours. have some sense as a human you prick. don't ever invite us here ever again or i swear i will punch you in your shitty face, got?" he growled lowly, his hometown accent creeping into tone that made his threat seem scarily realistic.

"lets go love, they don't deserve our time." he turned to you, voice in a completely different tone as he softly took your hands, cooing at you to stand up.

"you know that i will alwasy love you babe right?" he sighed, pressing a kiss to your head as he mumbled in your head.

"i love you too, thank you jeongin."

--

a/n: i hope you like it!

#kflixnet #kdiarynet #stray kids #stray kids raections #skz reactions #stray kids comfort #stray kids fluff #skz comfort #skz fluff #skz jisung #skz felix #skz jeongin #skz seungmin #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids chubby reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids x you #stray kids scenario #skz scenario #skz imagines #skz drabbles #skz imagine #skz scenarios #skz x reader #skz x you #stray kids reaction #stray kids reactions

[fixfoxnox]

Am I allowed to ask for more Anima au or should I wait until we collectively recover from ch19

It is never the wrong time to ask for more Anima au

Build Up - Soap/Roach/Ghost Anima Au

When Roach was younger, a lot of his emotions got tangled up in Simon's.

It was harder when he was a child. Harder to distinguish between himself and the boy that he was connected to. What Simon felt, he felt. When Simon was sad, he felt that. He thought he was sad. When Simon was happy, he felt that. He believed he was happy.

He could never distinguish between himself and Simon in those early years. Too many of his emotions were tangled together with his bonded. He struggled with it.

Despite that, there were three things that Roach knew from very early into his existence:

1. Simon was his person.

He was born beside Simon. He could feel everything that Simon felt. He would die beside Simon. These things were innate to him, he knew them even as an infant.

The thought was simple to him. Comforting. Simon was everything to him. Simon was his person.

Roach supposed that he did have a bit of a possessive streak when he was younger. Still did, in a way. The idea that Simon was his, that he was Simon's, it had brought a fluffy warm feeling to his chest every time he recognized it. Any time Simon recognized it was even worse, his entire body tingling with the words his bonded spoke.

He loved Simon. Simon was his person. It was as easy to him as breathing.

2. His job was to protect Simon.

This was the reason he existed. The reason why he was the way that he was. The reason why he had his powers. All in the name of protecting Simon.

He took his job very seriously. He never wanted to see Simon hurt in any way. He would protect him from it to the best of his ability.

If someone hurt Simon emotionally, Roach was there to provide comfort. He was a friend, a confidant, a lover, even just a teddy bear if he needed to be. He would be whatever Simon needed. Whatever was necessary for the other man to recover.

If someone physically hurt Simon? Roach could be something else. He could be a weapon. He could be dangerous. He could tear someone apart limb from limb without ever batting an eye. None of it bothered him. Not when it was for Simon. Not when he was protecting Simon.

3. Simon's father was going to hurt him

It was clear to see. Roach knew it would happen. He could see the way the man treated his wife, treated Simon's siblings. He might have been young, but his instincts were finely tuned to one purpose: protecting his bonded.

So he watched. He kept his eyes peeled. He told himself he wouldn't do anything until the man actually hurt Simon. It was for his bonded's sake. For the sake of his bonded's family. It didn't mean that he didn't know what would eventually happen. It didn't meant that he wasn't going to prepare.

He rarely showed himself around Simon's family. They knew he existed, they knew that Simon was born with an Anima. Mostly, though, they pretended he didn't exist. It was easy for them to do when they couldn't see him.

He appeared to Simon's mother. Came to her while Simon's father was out of the house. Simon was only six at the time, Roach could feel that his father was growing more frustrated, more violent. He knew time was short. He wanted to prepare the woman.

Simon was at school. He stayed back. She came into his room to get his dirty clothes. Roach watched her grab the hamper and when she turned around, he saw the look on her face when she saw him. She paused. They stared at each other. Roach was the first to speak.

"You need to be prepared."

"What?" The woman spoke softly, her voice tuned to the cadence she would use with a child. Roach was a child, just different.

He tilted his head at her, "Your husband. The first time he lays a finger on Simon will be the last time that he does it." She'd looked at him with blank eyes, blinking widely, "I've only stayed away from him for so long because of you. I know you don't have the resources to take care of the family by yourself."

"Gary..." She trailed off, watching him slowly as he hopped off of Simon's bed and walked over to dig through Simon's desk, "Please, you can't hurt him. I can't take care of us."

He pulled a newspaper clipping from the desk, turning to walk over and hand it to her, "You can," he said simply. She looked at the clipping from the paper. A job notice. Good money, more than what Simon's father made.

"He'll know," she whispered, "He'll find out."

"No," Roach had comforted her, a gentle hand on her arm. "Make the call. He's not here. Get the job. I'll deal with the rest."

That had been the only lead up Roach gave her. She did as he'd recommended, left the room and made the call. She heard back a week later that she'd gotten an interview. Then a week after her interview she learned she'd gotten the job.

Just as Roach suspected, a few days after that and Simon's father made his mistake.

He was yelling. He was angry. Roach waited. He watched. He reacted when the man's hand connected with Simon's face.

He made himself known. He stepped between them, shielded Simon with his body as his bonded cried from the sting of a hand against his face. Roach wouldn't have even let the man touch him if he could help it. But he needed justification.

"Ms. Riley," he used the woman's maiden name, "Please take everyone outside for a walk."

He could see Simon's father pale. The man tried to order her to stay, she simply grabbed Simon and his brothers and left the house. Roach wouldn't let Simon's father leave. Wouldn't let him get away.

That was the first person he'd killed.

He never regretted it. Not when Simon got to live a happy childhood with his mother and brothers. Not when he could practically see the way that the household brightened up without the stain of that man's presence.

He never regretted killing for Simon. Not when they were younger, not when Simon joined the military, he would never regret killing for him. All he wanted, more than anything, was for Simon to be happy.

So it was no surprise that he noticed. No surprise that he could feel as Simon started having budding feelings for the loud mouthed Scottish man on his team.

Roach hadn't minded Soap. He liked Soap. But for a brief period as he felt those feelings begin to blossom in his person, those feelings for someone else, Roach hated him.

He despised the man with every part of who he was, feeling the love Simon had for him bud right next to the hatred in his chest. He didn't have to be a genius to tell that Soap had feelings for Simon as well.

He hated it. He hated him. He knew, though, knew that he'd do whatever it took to make Simon happy. If that meant stepping aside, allowing the man to date someone else? He would do it without complaint.

Though he could still feel that Simon cared about him, still feel that the man loved him, Roach had come to terms with the fact that he would eventually be replaced. He didn't like it, but he would allow it to happen. He would allow Simon to be happy.

He'd taken to following Soap around secretly at that point. He wanted to see what it was about this man that had attracted his bonded. He wanted to see what it was about this man that was so much better than him.

He followed him around for weeks, watching the way that he interacted with people. Watching the way he interacted with Simon.

He watched him in the gym, helping someone new with how to use one of the machines. He hated how nice he was, if he was an asshole it would have made it easier for Roach to hate him.

He watched him fight. He hated how skilled he was. If he was a shit fighter, it would have made it easier for him to tell himself that Soap couldn't protect Simon like he could.

He watched him in the locker room. He hated how handsome he was. If he wasn't so attractive, it would have made it easier for Roach not to get so distracted by him.

And really, that had turned into the problem. Roach wanted to hate him. He really wanted to hate him. Instead? He found that he understood why Simon had fallen for him.

He'd thought, briefly, that the emotions he felt blossoming in his chest for the man were from Simon. Thats what he'd told himself as he continued to insist in his mind that he hated the man. Eventually he gave up on that claim. Eventually he realized he'd fallen for Soap too.

He watched Simon and Soap together. Watched them train. He loved Simon. He liked Soap. He wanted both of them. It really became quite a problem for him.

Watching them spar, watching Soap gasp out as Simon forcefully pinned him to the ground under his body? Roach couldn't help but imagine watching Simon do that to the man in the bedroom. Forcing him to submit to the pleasure he would give him.

Watching Soap in the locker room after a long mission, sweat dripping down his body. Roach couldn't help but imagine getting on his knees for the man, licking that sweat from his chest with harsh nips before moving lower to dominate another part of him, all while Simon watched on with encouraging words.

Watching Simon and Soap stand next to each other, talking over their plans for a mission as they looked down at paperwork on the table. Roach couldn't help but imagine himself, tied up on a bed as the two men stood over him, discussing the ways that they were going to take him. Like he was their mission.

Needless to say, he wanted to devour the man alive. He wanted himself and Simon to take the man apart piece by piece as pleasure wracked his system. This only grew worse when he noticed Soap asking about him more, always making little moves that seemed like attempts to see him.

It was adorable. He wanted him. Simon wanted him. He decided, why didn't they just have him?

#you asked luke #gary roach sanderson #ghost x roach #simon ghost riley #ghostroach #ghost x soap #soap x roach #soaproach #john soap mactavish #soapghost #soapghostroach #soaproachghost #ghostroachsoap

[arc-misadventures]

FMK- Yang has to choose between Jaune and Ruby and Weiss.

Yang: FMK

Yang: Okay… It has come to this… I will do what I must…

Weiss: …

Ruby: …

Jaune: …

Jaune: Quit making it sound like you’re going on a suicide mission.

Weiss: I don’t want to be here, so get it over with, Yang.

Ruby: You’re just going to kill me anyway…

Yang: Finnnnne… Bunch of killjoys… Okay, okay… Out of the three of you… I would fuck… Ruby!

Weiss: WHAT?!!

Ruby: Y-Y-You want to do what with me…?!

Jaune: Oh thank god, Blake isn’t near by…

Yang: Hey, relax, were just playing a game, we’re not going to do it. Unless…?

Ruby: FILTH!!!

Yang: Hehehehe~!

Jaune: okay, this is going to bug me, but I have to ask… Why… Why do you want to sleep with your sister?

Yang: Come on, Jaune, you have seven sisters, haven’t you ever wonder what it would be like if you were with one of them~?

Jaune: …

Jaune: I knew I would regret asking…

Weiss: Wait?! You’ve had thoughts like that too!

Jaune: Do you really want an answer to that?

Weiss: …

Weiss: S-So who are you going to marry, or kill?

Yang: I’m going to have to kill, Vomit Boy.

Jaune: Oh! You wound me so, not only do you kill me, but you insult me too by calling me by that horrid name? Why mist you hurt me so?

Yang: Pfft! Hahaha!

Jaune: Okay, in all seriousness; why am I getting the ax?

Yang: You remind me of dad; Visually that is. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind dating you, hell even marrying you, but you just look to much like him right now.

Ruby: Maybe if he got a new hair cut?

Weiss: Hold on! You want to sleep with your sister for the hell of it! But, you want to ‘kill,’ Jaune because he looks like your dad?! What is your reasoning in all of this?!

Yang: I know it sounds crazy…

Weiss: …

Weiss: And?!

Yang: Nothing, it just sounds crazy.

Weiss: AHHHHHHH?!!

Jaune: Listen, Weiss. Just think about this; Would you rather sleep with your older sister, Winter, or your father?

Weiss: …

Weiss: (HRK?!)

Weiss: Excuse me?!

JRY: …

Jaune: I just emotionally traumatized, Weiss didn’t I…

Ruby: I don’t think she’s going to recover from that…

Weiss: So… Ahem… Uhh… Marry… Who are you going to marry, Yang: Jaune?

Ruby: She’s actually like the past conversation never happened.

Jaune: Best let it be that way.

Yang: Uhh… Yeah so uhh… I would marry, Weiss~!

Weiss: Really?!

Yang: Yep! Anyone would be really lucky to marry a lady like you, Weiss~!

Weiss: Oh, great! That’s so fair!

Yang: Eh?

Weiss: My wife wants to fuck her sister without inviting me for a threesome, and she wants to kill my future baby daddy! This is almost as bad of a marriage as my parents!

Jaune: …

Ruby: …

Yang: …

Weiss: …

Weiss: What?

#rwby #jaune arc #yang xiao long #weiss schnee #ruby rose #yang x ruby #ruby x yang #weiss x yang #yang x weiss #blake bellodona #jaune x weiss #weiss x jaune #rwby enabler #rwby freezerburn #rwby whiteknight

[binch-i-might-be]

intermission. I'm having so many thoughts but not in the mind to articulate them

edit: it is no longer intermission. in fact I am back at the hotel room sprawled over the bed and kicking my legs in the air like a little girl. but I refuse to start this list over!

first of all, german really isn't the language for the musical, but they absolutely did the best they could with what they had

with that out of the way, let's get into my scattered stream of consciousness!

the lams is blatant and almost ridiculous. the guy playing Laurens only auditioned for the role so he could make it as gay as possible and I am CERTAIN of that. the homosexual gazing in the first song...... the fucking WAY the other guys and Laurens were whispering to each other when Hamilton first started going off and then Laurens stumbled over as if he was working up the nerve to ask him out. THEY KEEP GRABBING EACH OTHER'S NAPES??? IT LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE ACTUALLY GOING TO KISS DURING MY SHOT. HELLO

when Washington first showed up on stage I immediately went "YES DADDY" and I am not sorry!

speaking of Washington tho, he doesn't quite have the presence for me at some points. he's not as intense or consistent as Chris Jackson, but Hamilton and him are so very cute so I'll take it!

Hamilton is. SO endearing. I love him so much oh my god he's such a sweet boy he deserves the world. the actor is playing him so much younger than lmm did. he's so GENUINE. with lmm there was always this underlying weariness, he was weathered and snippy and waging a constant battle, but this one??? baby boy. such a little guy. absolute sweetheart

at the end of Aaron Burr, Sir instead of "who's that kid, what's he gonna do" they say. "what's the little one doing". can you hear me weeping

a lot of the jokes are lost or just don't hit. sad!

in helpless not only did Washington fix Hamilton's cravat,,,,, Hamilton showed him his ring all excited and then Washington PATTED HIS ELBOW as he was walking away. I'll never emotionally recover from this

also Laurens hands him the ring. they did make homosexual eye contact then. #lgbtq

when Hamilton asks for Eliza's hand, her father doesn't say "be true", he says "na gut". which is basically like saying "k". sir 😭

one thing that annoyed me a bit was that they used a lot of the formal "you". let them use the casual "you". come on :(

AT ONE POINT KING GEORGE LITERALLY SAID "LOVE WINS". GAY RIGHTS

every time Washington would have said "young man" he says "my son" instead. 5 dead 21 injured

instead of "at the right hand of the father" Burr says "in the lap of the father" and I?????

In Guns And Ships when Hamilton is leaving to rejoin the army he kisses Eliza and then :( he kisses her belly :( just kill me on the spot

oh at the end of Meet Me Inside when Hamilton screams in Washington's face he immediately ducks his head and WHIMPERS? he sounds like he's about to cry!!!! baby boy :(

Hamilton and Laurens are constantly roughhousing. constantly in each other's faces. it is very lgbt

this fucking shredded me. they changed mom/daddy/pa/pops whatever to the german Mama and Papa. not only does Jefferson say "quick, run to Papa" to Hamilton instead of "daddy's calling", this ALSO means that Philip burst into his father's office yelling "Papa if you'd HEARD the shit he said about you". you don't know real pain until you watch Philip die and hear that boy go "Mama". eternal suffering

Burr was good. I liked him! (yes that's all I have to say about him lmao)

my favourite performer was either Eliza or Angelica. they blew it out of the water

I am saddened to report that making out on stage occurred yet again! the people losing their shit over lmm maybe kissing with tongue during Say No To This would have died. I saw. tongues. I SAW them

some songs really do not work in german. the Schuyler Sisters is usually a favourite of mine but oh man does it sound rough. I didn't really understand the lyrics in Helpless but I still liked it because it's Helpless. some translation choices were wild and it took me out of it for a moment! BUT I'm very pleased to say that one line in Alexander Hamilton I was annoyed about, which was "and I simply shot him" instead of "I'm the damn fool that shot him" was changed to "I was his friend and I shot him". better!

"I'm not throwing away my shot" became "I only have one shot" and honestly I can't say I'm too mad about it at this point

"rise up" became "frei sein" ("to be free") which was a bit. ngl. cringe at times haha

Dear Theodosia hit me straight in the nutsack. I was borderline weeping over it. both Hamilton and Burr were so good in that, the text was very well translated, and oh boy does it hit different to hear that in my mother tongue. shit girls my issues came THROUGH on that one

Satisfied might have been my favourite translation out of the whole musical. god was that good. it had slightly different vibes from the original, but that made it so interesting. the imagery used was impeccable, Angelica's actress was AMAZING, and it's just. jesus fuck I'm probably coming back to that later on. genuinely that version made me tear up it was so good

honestly I would say the performers carried the whole thing. they made it work!

that's all for now folks! rest assured, I'll let y'all know if I think of anything else, but yeah! initial impressions and all that :)

#lots of thoughts lots of feelings lots of opinions #i'm glad i saw it in london first but i'm also very glad i saw this one #hamilton #hamilton hamburg #damn i'm beat

[boxwinebaddie]

Does parental trauma run in the CD family

hoooooooooooooooooooo you know it baby! ;)

ok before i begin the cd boys are just #traumabonded from being in CD together...its not as fun or cool as it looks i swear...ill just say that. those four boys...my sons...everything and more for them...angels <3

but in the Parental Traumalypics

ravenstan wins for...Obvious Reasons.

somebody call 9-1-1 shawty fire burnin on the dancefloor ooOhwoOahooh

like when i tell you that man endured Horrors and he is my baby my baby my BABY!!! i would fight dirty 4 all the ncu styles and their loved ones...but ravenstan...i would to jail for life its what he DESERVES!!! when we finally get a raven pov flashback???? HAPPY MENTAL ILLNESS DAY EVERYONE! not a dry eye in this house! WHEW!

kyle is probably second but he is not cd but thats okay because KENNY????? IN RM?????? WHOOOOOO!!! ALSO HELL!!!!!!! THEY HAVE ALSO LIVED THRU SOME SHIT!!! AND NEVER DIE!!! SO THEY JUST KEEP LIVING THROUGH IT!!!! but no kennys relationship with their parents and like specifically darling karen is dramatic and traumatic there is a lot going on there but we gotta get to it

so i will be honest i did not flesh out the other cd boys...home lives as much as i wanted to because i was so focused on stan and kyle and getting those right...so coming soon! xx

jimmy from what i am meagerly piecing together had an OK upbringing and parents that "looked after him" but i think found his disability shameful and secretly kind of felt burdened by having a child who needed so much medical care? like emotionally and financially?

i think they probably saw him more as a way to get sympathy, sort of treated him like an object/joke sometimes...and the saddest people are often the funniest so i think he sort of ran with "well if everyones laughing with you, theyre not laughing at you" :( jimmy my beloved im so...but i would say there's trauma there. FS!!!!

can't say too much abt the cd guitarist ( i also am still working on him shhhh ) but he had at least one positive guardian/parental figure. also felt like he had a lot to prove, so a lot of...pressure. but i love him sm

as for the blondies gayng....KYLE???? JERSEY KYLE???????? for the fucking gaslighting that was done to him THE LITERAL LIGHTING UP OF HIS BEST FRIEND SUPPOSEDLY??? KYLE NEEDS FINANCIAL COMPENSATION UPWARDS ONE MILLION DOLLARS FOR THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE HE ENDURED JFC!!!!

also like sheila i love you sheils but she is so crazy like she is neurotic she loves kyle and kyle loves her but she definitely made kyle anxious about everything like even before stan died sheila set him up to fail...and UH GERALD ACTUALLY SET KYLE UP TO FAIL BECAUSE HE GAVE HIM UNREASONABLE STANDARDS AND NEGLECTED AND LOOKED DOWN ON HIM FOR NOT MEETING THEM AAAA gerald was openly cruel to kyle....gerald please FUCKING die! thx!

randy x gerald x burning in hell forever <3

uhhhh bebe...bebes parents love her and think shes perfect but they....do not know shes camming or that she likes women...so thats gonna be...very interesting for her...she is also still in the works 4 me

as we know stephen and linda stotch DIE FOREVER marj literally does not have parents right now because they actually disowned her like now shes rich bc of cd ( they saved her life ) but before that all of the blondies house was working 74937493 as many shifts to cover marjs rent because they love her and her parents cut her off ily marj

dont...ask me abt creek....im sorry...u know im still gathering data

but? uh clearly tweeks home life was BAD clearly he is recovering from being secretly fed METH??????? HELLO BITCH????

and i actually think that growing up craig was on serious outs with his parents ( was it the autism?? ) but now hes actually very close with them. also, awawawww, they basically adopted tweek and call him son and everything <333 im crying tricia also loves tweek...so actually craigs trauma is mild i think...wow...amazing...nature is healing

....but he is on Stripe number....709327493274 tho...like he just replaces them and theyre always stripe...im crying...are u okay baby

but to answer your question...yes...yes it does.

ITS ALWAYS DARKEST BEFORE CRIMSON DAWN, LITERALLY BECAUSE THEIR EXISTENCES WERE BLEAK! <3 SLAY OLAY

-uncle nina, ceo of traumatizing sp characters

#sorry if this is unreadable i did my best #i am still working on a lot of the backstories #BUT ITS BC RM HAS SO MANY SIDE CHARACTERS #AND ITS HARD TO FOCUS ON THEM BC RAVENSTAN AND JERSEY KYLE NEED MY FULL ATTENTION #but dawg...raven...every part of his life...he can joke abt kwording himself all he wants he fucking earned it he did his dues #like he deserves peace and if he wants to have a raeger bomb wear his silly outfits and call kyle spanish pet names to relax he can do that #he has my permission for the horrors hes seen #kyle also can do whatever he wants bc he is in a prison of the mind and thinks hes clinically insane when hes actually the sanest person #like he is SOOOO CASSANDRA CODED like no one will listen to him everyone thinks hes a basketcase but hes RIGHt #ok kennys backstory is really interesting i cant really talk abt it but i can say its fucking sad and i cry buckets of blood for them #ok jimmys also made me sad i luv him i never thought abt it wow #NOT THOMAS AND LAURA ADOPTING TWEEK NOT CRAIG ADOPTING A NEW STRIPE EVERYTIME ONE DIES #THAT MADE ME LAUGH IM SORRY HE WONT TELL U ONE DIED EITHER U JUST SEE ONE LOOK SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT KSHLSD

[0xo]

tw abuse & transmisogyny tho

it is kind of nuts that on the flipside of having incredible trans relationships, i've also been treated like dirt by former partners who happened to be transfem, and it like... sucks. hard. to feel a little bit unable to talk about how they treated me for fear of people interpreting that as me not loving or respecting trans women.

like. idk. especially one ex in particular. having my life threatened and being emotionally/physically/financially abused really really really sucked. especially because i loved her a lot and still really, really care about her. it took literally years for me to tell the full story to our mutual close friends because. i didn't want them to cut her out of our community. like "exile abusers" blah blah blah but she NEEDED friends and support, she was also going through a hard time, the last thing she needed was for every local friend she had to drop her or talk shit about her. even if she did really really mean things to me. i still want her to be happy.

it was hard telling k about what actually happened because he was so mad, not at me but at her, asked why i didn't tell the whole story sooner, all that. and all i could say was that i was afraid she would get more hurt. i didn't want her to be isolated. and i asked him, if you knew what she'd done, would you have been so nice that day when she showed up and scared the hell out of me? and he said no, i would've understood why you were so scared, i would've told her to leave. and i said EXACTLY, she wasn't in a state to leave, she needed a soft place to land. even if it meant she broke a promise to me. don't you get it? i didn't want her to end up dead. i still had an obligation to her to try and keep her safe.

i don't know. like. there is no such thing as a perfect abuse victim and you don't have to forgive your abuser or try to make things easier for them or protect their reputation from the truth of what they did. i just. couldn't let it all blow up immediately, right? i could only tell the truth after she was in another place, a better mental state, with more support that wasn't connected to here or our mutual friends.

and it's weird because we're still kind of friends, sort of. and i still care a lot about her. she has so so so many good traits, she's talented and beautiful and smart, and. i didn't want the way she treated me to get in the way of her recovering and having a good life. i want to believe it was all a really really big mistake, that she didn't mean it, that it was just the drugs and the sobriety attempts talking. and pushing and threatening. like yes take responsibility for how you act but also, maybe, that wasn't really her. maybe she's really actually a great person and we were just in a really difficult situation. i know that's not realistic but god i hope maybe she didn't mean it.

idk. abuse makes you feel absolutely insane sometimes. five years later im still grappling with that. the gender layers just make it more complicated because i never wanted to be that asshole who ruins the life of a trans woman over petty stuff. but it. wasn't petty stuff, and i know that and i have witnesses, it was genuinely bad. and i still couldn't/can't bring myself to write her off as a terrible person. because i really and truly don't think she is one. i believe she's changed and i believe she's better and i believe she's got the potential to do amazing things.

and i'm not looking for brownie points by saying all this, i'm not trying to paint myself as a saint for the act of still treating her like a human. i was never perfect. and i don't want to hold it over her head, okay? that's not what this is about. i am not a wonderful person for trying to forgive her. i am just trying to minimize the damage for both of us.

i'm just. still processing. and i think the way i had to handle it kind of complicates things. i've had people accuse me of "protecting abusers" because i don't really publicly talk much about what she did, i don't "warn" people about her. but. it's not necessarily anyone's business? they're not entitled to know the details of one of the worst periods of my life just so they can get some sick glee out of regurgitating it, using it as a reason to alienate her... using my pain as social currency. it's not their business. especially if she's changed her behavior? she doesn't treat her wife like she treated me, thank god. and if i'd gone out to crucify her... i don't think she would've gotten better. she may have hurt me but i don't want to hurt her in return. she doesn't deserve that. i didn't deserve cruelty from her and she doesn't deserve cruelty from me.

i'm not looking for validation that i've done the "right thing." i'm not sure there is a "right thing" to do coming out of all that. i just need to talk about it a little bit. because maybe other people who've survived shit situations need to hear that it's okay to have complicated feelings.

but her changing for the better doesn't. erase. what happened or how it affected me. the flashbacks and nightmares and general fear and anxiety. the added layer onto my pre-existing ptsd. it's difficult to process and talk about. it's affected the way i relate to people and my ability to trust. (i'm forever grateful that my current girlfriend saw what was happening and stepped in to protect me... sometimes i only really feel safe when i'm with her, because i know she's not going to hurt me or let anyone else hurt me. i can actually relax when she's around. she's safe.)

and idk, i guess the thing is, i could've let that experience turn me bitter towards trans women. i could've blasted my ex publicly and tried to ruin her life, and i probably could've succeeded at it. but. i never wanted that. i needed to be away from her, and she shouldn't have done those things, but i was never willing to turn it into a witch hunt. and it was a trans woman who came to protect me when i thought i was going to be murdered! it was my trans fem partners that helped me get out and get safe. i owe them my life. they didn't have to help me but they did.

so it's confusing to me that some people are so transmisogynistic because... what, a trans woman was a little rude to you on the internet? she called you out on your transmisogyny??? you feel personally emotionally attacked or some shit?

like. please get real. you're just hateful. not to be like "oh i got over a horrible experience so you should shut up," but. i lived through hell, i was abused by a trans woman, and i still don't have a nasty attitude about trans women in general. so i think some of you should shut the fuck up. trans women have every right to be angry and snarky when you treat them like shit!!!

i think it's just. difficult. to watch people act like fuckheads. i deeply, deeply love and respect the trans women in my life - including the ones who hurt me. and some of these assholes are throwing hissy fits about jokes and well-deserved criticisms of how they treat/talk about trans women. like. just admit you don't like trans women specifically. don't pretend you're being attacked. i know what being attacked is and, i gotta say, it's NOT that!

wishing people would view other people, especially trans women, as Real Actual Humans and not just a collection of their worst moments. it's so dehumanizing and so blatant and i'm sick of it

#long long long ramble under the readmore. sorry!!!

[skulduggery-pleasant-bp9]

Part 5 – A bit of Background to Erskin

WARNING!: Mention of suicide, Mentally unhealthy and emotionally unstable Reader, Cursing, mention of murder/killing, AND MORE ! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !!!

Read THIS to understand why the reader has a name !

Our faforite subject...DRAMA.

After they finished eating, Valkyrie and Vile finished their round of eyes of Kali, then got Melancholia clothes for later to put on and played with Erskin drinking Ludo, without shot glasses of course. They didn’t plan to get drunk after all.

After two more hours, Melancholia suddenly started to wake up. Lord Vile grumbled and hissed in pain as he made the flesh melt away and became a skeleton in the armor again. He stood up and towered over Melancholia. Soon enough she opened her eyes and when she saw Vile tower over her, her eyes grew wide, freezing in fear.

She spotted Valkyrie and Erskin too and she tried to throw shadows at them, but nothing happened.

“W-what ? No ! Where…?!”, she yelled in fear and confusion.

Vile lifted the blanket and took a look at Melancholia’s body again, to make sure no more carvings were left behind or returning.

“Fight me and I might get forceful, Miss Clair. You haven’t seen me be forceful yet.”, Lord Vile threatened darkly.

She froze up and looked at the three of them.

“What the hell did you do to me ?!”, she yelled in horror.

“We removed your carvings from your body. It would have killed you at some point. You were too unstable to be a Death Bringer and the sigils made it just worse. Now let me make sure nothing stayed behind. Otherwise I will get forceful.”, Vile explained.

“WHAT ?! I was PERFECT !”, she yelled.

“You were a lost cause.”, Lord Vile replied and checked her arms.

“I wasn’t !”, she protested.

“You were working like a broken battery. When you used too much of your abilities you discharged and were in immense, unnecessary pain and when you recharged you felt a wave hit you, but it would discharge very quickly as soon as you used it. It is like a battery that is broken and can’t be fixed. It discharges randomly and when it is used too often. You would have exploded and never been able to open the Passage.”, Lord Vile disagreed.

“I was WORKING on it !”

“You CAN’T work on it. A real Death Bringer doesn’t have such issues in the first place. I would know. I AM the Death Bringer after all. I just refuse to do what these idiots of Necromancers want from me. The Passage isn’t all that great. Nothing would change. No one would envelop to better or worse. We would be stuck forever on the same page. No one would be able to have a family of their own. Nothing new would happen. It would get boring really quickly. It. Is. Not. WORTH. It.”

Melancholia fell silent at that. She never thought about those things before.

“I suggest for you to go see Kenspeckle and a Sensitive for a while. You need emotional and mental recovery. You might have seen Craven only doing what was best for you, but he did sadistic, forbidden, criminal things to you and your mental and emotional state needs help to recover from all the trauma. You hear me, child ?”, Lord Vile asked.

Melancholia looked at him and nodded.

“Not a word about Skulduggery and me to anyone. We plan to tell everyone when the time comes. You understand ?”

She nodded again.

“Good. Then I will leave you now and Skulduggery can take back over. Until we meet again, Valkyrie, Erskin.”

“Bye Vile.”, Valkyrie said.

“Goodbye you old sock.”, Erskin joked.

Lord Vile snorted and let the armor melt away. The skull fell forward and after the armor was gone, it rose again. Skulduggery came back and looked at the three of them.

“I am pretty surprised that he kept his word…”, he then said.

Erskin scoffed.

“I am pretty surprised as well, that he let you go again. He is way more decent than you.”, he said and then left the room.

“That was a poor choice of words Skul. You know how protective Erskin is over Lord Vile. And I can see why. He was very nice actually. Just like you were when we met the first time.”, Valkyrie informed.

“It could all be show.”, he denied.

“Like you pretend all the time that you are fine, since the Faceless Ones ?”

Skulduggery stayed silent at that. She gave him a glare. He sighed and looked away.

“Fine I will shut up about it. Now what of our guest ?”

“As Vile said, to Kenspeckle’s. He might be able to help her a bit to recover.”

“What about Erskin ? Will he come as well ?”

“I will ask him.”

With that she left the room, going to Erskin’s. She knocked and then entered his room. He looked at an old picture with a grim face.

“Hey…”, she said softly.

“What do you need ?”, he grunted.

“Do you want to come with us ? We are bringing Mel to Kenspeckle.”

“No thank you. I don’t want to listen to Mr. Perfect and his complains about his counterpart any more than I already have to. I think I rather kill myself.”

She frowned and was silent for a bit.

“Are you that mad at him ?”, she asked.

“Sometimes, I wish I never missed him when he died. He was always so collected and ready to rescue others. But since that day…the day his Family died, he died and came back…he is different. He became irresponsible and uncaring. He just lets everything go with a shrug of his shoulders. When he was alive, he would have scolded you and me on a daily basis. Like, we can’t just kill someone, never judge a book by its cover, everyone deserves a second chance, just because they were bad at the beginning doesn’t that mean that they can’t change, don’t attack people as long as they don’t start a fight with you, don’t run head first into danger and all that shit. He would have scolded us like a Dad. It all went missing when he came back.”

She stared at him with wide eyes. Erskin let tears slip when he said all of that.

“It was one of the many reasons I looked up to him and saw him close to a Father figure. He taught me cause and consequence, strategy, when to act and when to let it go, what was right and what was wrong. He tried to keep all of us safe. Where did HE go ?”

“So he…didn’t go back to at least a bit of normal ?”, she asked.

“No. He didn’t. When he came back, I hoped that he would…you know…be at least still 50% of the man I used to know and partly grow up with…But there wasn’t even 20% of him left. I don’t know how the others see it, but I see it as clear as crystal. It is night and day to me. He tried to keep me away from the war, you know ? He didn’t want me to join. I did anyways and he was very unhappy with me, told me I had no idea what I will have to see…naïve as I was, I told him that I knew. I thought I could deal with it all. He was right…I had no clue and I was left traumatized.”

They didn’t know, but Skulduggery listened in on them. He just stood near the slightly ajar door, listening, not moving.

“Were you hoping he would replace his kid with you ?”, she asked Erskin.

“God no ! I wasn’t even hoping to be adopted. But…I guess he partly did ? He was the one who took me everywhere with the others and himself alone, he taught me a lot on his own…I did feel like he adopted me at some point. I don’t think he noticed that though. It was war and he always stuck together with the people that were on the same side as him. I think it was normal for him. But as a 16 year old that never had loving nor caring parents, it was a big thing to have someone suddenly care.”, Erskin chuckled saddened.

“Your parents never loved you ?”, she asked.

“No. My Mother was an abusive, manipulative whore and I never met my Father. I have no idea who he was, nor do I have a name. My Stepfather was very abusive too. One of the many things that made me run away with ten years of age.”

There was a silence and Erskin sighed shakily.

“I was practically in the world of Mages in infant age. I was still considered a ‘Baby’ as I joined. I thought I couldn’t see more horror than the shit I was already forced to face, since I was three years old, from my own Mother. Skulduggery warned me. Told me I was practically still a Baby and that I shouldn’t be joining a war with that age. But I really wanted to help and I saw no value in just sitting around and doing nothing. He helped me with my abilities a lot, so I can control them very quickly and got way more powerful than a 16 year old was supposed to get. But I really needed it in the end.”

“Was he against a lot when he taught and trained you ?”

“Yep, he was. I was not allowed to drink, not allowed to stay awake as long as the rest of them, was not allowed to keep watch at night, was not allowed to be alone on the field, nor was I allowed to leave the camp without anyone with me. He was also against me knowing how to handle a gun, but Vex and Hopeless talked him into it, for my own safety.”

“Wow…very responsible of him.”

“Yeah. It was annoying back then to me, but…it felt nice to finally have someone that looked after you… My Mother didn’t give a shit, she never checked on me and my Stepfather kept me awake all night or tore me out of bed in the middle of the night. It was…the first time someone cared a bit about my health.”, Erskin said softly.

“Let me guess, when they got angry you called them by their last name, in fear they would hurt you.”

Erskin shook his head.

“Not quite. When they were angry, I wasn’t allowed to call them Mother, Father or by their first names. It was always Mister and Misses. I was to only address them by their last name when there was more than one person in the room, or strangers. I was not allowed to utter a word of their abuse or I would get it tenfold worse. I was not allowed to ask for help to get me out. I was not permitted to let anyone know that they were my parents. I was nothing more but a butler. Not even that was right, but they couldn’t say that I was a slave.”

Valkyrie covered her mouth in horror.

“Your own Mother treated you like that ?”, she asked in horror.

“I was never wanted by her. Because I was unwanted, but still born, she wanted me to make it up to her. To show her I was worth her time. I never reached it, though. Even if I did everything right, she was never proud. If you thought I got once in my life a hug or a small praise from her, you are deadly wrong. I was always the useless, waste of space and time child.”

“Did really no one ever love you ?”, she asked.

Silence.

“I…I had an Uncle. He barely came to visit, but he did care, I guess… He never really showed it, but he knew about the abuse and when he was around, he made sure nothing happened to me the whole day. He helped me around too. But…I had no idea where he lived, so I stayed a stray kid.”

“Did you ever have a birthday with him ?”

“No…When my Birthdays came around in that house, I got more abused than usual as a present…A constant reminder that I am nothing but unwanted. Well…besides that ONE last birthday in that house…I had a gift on my bed… It had no name on it, so I don’t know if it was from my Uncle.”

“What was in it ?”, she asked.

He gave a sad smile.

“An animal plushie. It was handmade too. I hid it away from them, never had time to play with it, but I loved it all the same. When I ran away, I took it with myself and used it as a small comfort. I lost it one day and never found it again, sadly.”

“Did the Dead Men ever celebrate your Birthday ?”, she asked him.

“Well…yes and no. I never told them my Birthday. I hated my Birthday. They celebrated it though, just on a different date. The day I joined the Dead Men unofficially, was the day they decided would my Birthday be. We barely had time in the war to do much for one another’s big day, but we tried.”

“Who wanted to give you a Birthday party ?”

Erskin laughed softly and wiped his tears away.

“Saracen, Vex and Ghastly to be honest. They annoyed Skulduggery until he agreed. They only insisted on it, because I was still so young. It was war and there was a high possibility that every day and Birthday could be my last, so they wanted to make every day and Birthday as great as possible.”

“What did you get ?”

“Mostly clothes from Ghastly, weird stuff from Vex, Saracen always tried to get me stuff that could help me in the future, Anton gave me a hug and a card most of the times which is a lot from him he doesn’t like hugs, Hopeless got me new ammo and once or twice also knives and daggers, Erskine got fancy looking stuff for me and Skulduggery, when he was alive, always tried to bake a cake for me. When he died and Larrikin was with us in the mud, he always tried to get a pastry and give it as a cake. He was very sweet and nice. Such a goofball.”, he chuckled.

“Mud ?”

“I call the difficult war times, mud. We had to mostly hide in mud and stuff, so yeah.”

“Oh…”

She then looked at Erskin again.

“Then when did you join the Temple of Necromancers ?”

“Well…I stayed a few more days maybe two months longer with them after Skulduggery’s return, and then I went to Ghastly’s Mother. I needed advice of what to do and that I thought I was going crazy. I saw spirits…Even Skul’s, when he wasn’t back.”

“Really ?”

“Yeah. She said it is a Necromancy trait and I should learn some of it. It might help me in the future and so I did. I went to the Temple and they took me in and educated me. Vile came two months later. I was just like him, a fast learner and we quickly were equally powerful, but he easily overpowered me at some point. I tried really hard to make friends with that idiot and nothing was for naught.”

“But one day they kicked you out.”

“Yes… Lord Vile told me what he was planning to do and I wanted to be a part of it, to get revenge on Serpine. But they figured it out and threw me out two months too early. Vile taught me everything he still learned before he, himself, dropped out and went onto the battlefield. I returned to my siblings and the Dead Men then.”

“You had siblings ?”

“Yes. Two males and one female. They are not worth mentioning though.”

“When did they join ?”

“Fifty years after I joined the war. I wish they never did.”

“Because they died and you were sad ?”

“No. Why would I be sad with traitors that Vile warned me about ?”, Erskin scoffed.

She stared at him in shock as he said that they were traitors. Skulduggery was in disbelief.

“What…?”

“I told you, rats were hard to detect. All three of them were rats.”

“So they worked for Mevolent ?”

“Oh you wish they did. They worked for our dear, beloved, abusive, good for nothing Mother.”, he spat out.

Her eyes went even wider at that.

“She knew you were still alive ?!”

“Of course she did. There was never a body. To be honest, I didn’t think she would care to look for me. But she only did to kill me anyways and she failed very much in that.”, he chuckled darkly.

“Tenebrae did mention that you are hard to kill.”

“Ah, yes. He did that slimy Bitch. He can curl up and die in a corner of his fucking Temple for all I care. He could choke on a stick right in front of me and I would laugh.”

“How did Vile find out about your Mother and your siblings trying to kill you ?”

“She wanted to use him as a tool for her own shit and told him everything, because she thought she had him under her spell. Sucks to suck for her.”, he said laughing.

It only gave Valkyrie more questions, but she didn’t dare to ask them. She could push him into silence again. Erskin looked back at the picture in his hands.

“I am thinking about burning it.”, he informed her.

“May I see it ?”, she asked.

He gave it to her. When she looked at it she saw Ghastly instantly, Anton too, his face was obvious, Vex’s smile was easy to recognize, Erskine had almost the same hairstyle too, Saracen was in between a man Valkyrie never saw before and Dexter Vex. The man didn’t really smile but also didn’t frown. Erskin almost seemed to look the same in that picture. Only the clothes were different.  And then there was another man she never saw before, he had a warm smile while he looked at Ghastly and Erskin. Ghastly had put his arm around Erskin and pulled him close, which made the boy smile brightly.

“Who are these two people ?”, she asked and pointed at the two men she never saw before.

“The one that tried very hard to smile is Hopeless. He never could smile on command, just as Anton. The other one was Skulduggery when he was alive.”, Erskin told her.

Her mouth fell open and if she would have been a cartoon character, her jaw would have been on the floor. Then she snapped her eyes back at Erskin.

“Why would you burn that ? You all are so happy and it is the last memory where Skul was alive and well !”

“Exactly. A constant reminder, that he once WAS that man and that he NEVER will be that man AGAIN. Why cling onto such a silly memory ?”, Erskin asked her.

“Erskin, you aren’t thinking straight. You are mad at Skulduggery and I understand why, but you don’t have to destroy memories that you valued so much, only to later most possibly regret it.”

“I am not MAD at him ! I am still GRIEVING over someone WHO DIED A LONG TIME AGO ! Sure I am mad for a second when he talks bad about Vile, but he doesn’t KNOW the truth YET, so I understand why he acts like this ! I am grieving EVERY FUCKING DAY, since he DIED, the person that I looked UP TO ! This fucking photo is a constant reminder of WHO THE HELL I LOST THAT DAY ! HOW MUCH I LOST THIS PERSON ! It is a constant scar that gets ripped open again and again ! A constant reminder that I FAILED TO SAVE HIM ! I WAS TOO LATE ! I FUCKED UP !”, he yelled at Valkyrie with new tears in his eyes.

“That you were…too late ?”

“I had the antidote ! I made Anton, Dexter and Ghastly help me as fast as possible and I went on a hunt to find him ! I didn’t tell them why I hurried so much, nor what the potion was for ! When I had his location and the antidote, I hurried as fast as I could, but I came 20 fucking seconds too late !”

Silence.

“You knew about the trap ?”, she asked him.

“No. But I was there as well. I saw him running off and leaving us behind. It seemed like he was chasing someone and I followed. I…I never saw him so rageful before…It scared the shit out of me, Valkyrie. You never saw him THAT pissed off.”

“You saw Serpine kill his family and you didn’t do anything ?”

“Val, I was a Teenager ! Not even, I was a kid ! It was the first time I saw Serpine do that, I was frozen in utter horror ! I wanted to move, I wanted to shoot him ! But my body wouldn’t move ! I had no idea how to get out of that situation ! I could just stand there and watch !”

“You saw it all…”

Erskin looked away from her.

“It was all my fault. I will NOT deny that. I know for a fact when Skulduggery finds this out, he will never want to see me again, if he doesn’t consider killing me already. I was there, I could have done something, and I couldn’t fucking move to do anything. And I messed up my last chance by 20 seconds. All of the Dead Men knew, on the day Skul was burned, what I was trying to do. They all did. God…I couldn’t look them in the eyes for years, after my failure. All I wanted was to stop existing.”

She didn’t say anything. Skulduggery was in utter shock and Erskin was hugging himself tightly.

“I really tried to make up for it… I just…how do you fix something like this ? I practically HELPED to kill his Family, without meaning to ! Ghastly found out about all of that with Anton. They told me for years that it wasn’t my fault that I froze up, that they would have too, but-but what if they were lying to me all along ?! God they must have been disappointed with me ! Do you have any idea how many times Ghastly and Anton told me to just tell Skulduggery already ?! That he would understand ?! At first I believed them, I really did, but when he came back and was so hell bent to kill Serpine for revenge, I backed out ! I couldn’t tell him ! How would I have explained that ?! As soon as you mentioned his family, he would have pulled the trigger on you ! How was I supposed to explain ?! He would NEVER forgive me, nor would he want to make the effort to understand ! This was his FAMILY ! Not just some random people ! He…he would never want to see me again.”

“Hey, hey…calm down. I think the same as Ghastly and Anton. He would understand. He would need time to get around it and to process that information, but he would understand.”, she tried to soothe Erskin.

He shook his head wildly.

“He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t ! All his rage would return and I would be so fucking destroyed to have all his anger thrown at me ! I can’t see that rage again, Valkyrie ! It scarred me the first time and it scares me since ! Ghastly and Vex know how emotionally sensitive and unstable I am ! Skulduggery doesn’t know that. If he would shout at me again, like he did three weeks ago, I might have a breakdown and NEVER recover from it !”

“Did you…have a breakdown once before ?”, she asked.

He looked away.

“Ask Anton, Ghastly, Dexter and Erskine. I…I need to sleep right now…I’m over thinking again and it will cause me a panic attack. Have fun with Kenspeckle and Melancholia and get home safely….Maybe I will see you tomorrow… Or next time something serious is going on. I-I need a break.”

“What about the picture ?”, she asked.

“If you don’t want me to destroy it, then keep it. I…I will ask for it when I want it back…”

‘Spying is rude, Skulduggery.’, Vile tutted in his head.

‘Shut it. You knew this, didn’t you ?’

While he talked with Vile in his mind he silently left the hallway and went back to the living room, watching Melancholia sit on the couch, dressed in the clothes Vile and Valkyrie picked for her to wear. They fit her perfectly.

‘Of course I did. He told me everything after he knew that I was NOTHING like you.’

‘He is scared of me.’

‘No. He is not scared of YOU. He is scared of YOUR RAGE. He just doesn’t show it. That’s why he is always so blunt with everything and is quickly angry. You are not the man he used to know. Who he needed in the war. That man died, didn’t he, Skulduggery Pleasant ? That man died when his Son died. Am I right ?’

‘I don’t think I changed that much after death.’

‘You acted way more like a Father when you were alive. You scolded Erskin, like he was a kid. You fed him, protected him, cared for his wounds, cared for him in general…you treated him like your own kid. He grew to like you as a father figure, something he never had before. You even bothered to celebrate a birthday just for him. No one else ever did that for him before. I would almost bet that he didn’t just see you as a father FIGURE, but as a real Dad. And then you were snatched away from him. He wanted to help you, pay your kindness back in saving you, but he was too late. When you came back, you were cold, distant, ignorant and just not who you used to be anymore. You didn’t CARE anymore. Since that day…Erskin blamed himself for everything that went wrong.’

‘I wasn’t cold at all. I needed time to process-‘

‘Stop lying to yourself. You didn’t process ANYTHING. As soon as you came back, all you cared about was killing. You forgot about Erskin. You forgot that he was only a child. You forgot that you were the ONLY one that had a very strong bond with him. You forgot EVERYTHING about yourself and Erskin’s relationship. It led him to a downfall, something you swore silently to yourself, you will never let happen. You didn’t see all the red flags, didn’t hear his cries of help and closure for you. You. Let. Him. DOWN.’

‘I didn’t let him down ! I-‘

‘He is scared of YOUR rage. He is scared to tell you something that was out of his control. He was scared to tell you about me and him knowing each other. He was scared to mention your family. He is scared to let you know anything, that could trigger your anger. He wasn’t scared in the past. He told you everything that was on his mind and was necessary, when you were still alive. He would have told you about me, if you would have been the same after death, but you came back totally changed. He would only tell you any secrets he has now when you were really six feet under. But not while you are still roaming around here. Your Rage was scarring to witness and he saw it. It destroyed him mentally and emotionally. And after you came back, you didn’t bother to talk to him much. Everyone saw him suffering, but you didn’t care.’

Skulduggery was silent and looked back into the hallway where Erskin’s room was.

‘The special bond you two had is damaged and it gets worse each day. You were the one he looked up to and trusted you the most. You rarely got angry and that was one of the many reasons he talked to you so much. Now you are in constant rage. Don’t you remember how hard it was to get him to trust you in the first place ? I remember it clear as day.’

‘He barely talked, then he would never answer our questions about his past. He was a troubled kid and it took so long to get him to talk and to not pretend anymore. He was good in it. A real faker.’

‘Well, now he is even more skilled in it. He trusted me with a few things. I was less anger driven than you, but it wasn’t the same for him. He wanted to talk with YOU. He needed closure from YOU. Not from me. But you never saw how damaged he was and how he continued to crumble. And now…he hid away entirely from everyone. It is rare that he falls apart like that and reveals what he really feels at the moment. He thinks that you gave up on him, that he was a lost cause after all and you never tried assuring him that everything was okay. He feels used, betrayed and stupid for trusting someone…for hoping that after death when you returned you would still be there. He decided to take steps in directions he shouldn’t have and he had no one to guide him anymore.’

‘What did he do…?’

‘…How many times do you think he tried to commit suicide, Skulduggery ?’

At that Skulduggery froze in utter shock and horror. Erskin tried WHAT ?

Masterlist HERE !

#valkyrie cain #erskin is male!reader #male!reader #skulduggery pleasant #derek landy #read warnings above #not the canon au #Skulduggery Pleasant x Reader Universe

[bluemoon-fever]

i put a spell on you (8) | a. barber

pairing: andy barber x black!witch!reader

word count: 4.43k

warnings (spoilers!): witchcraft themes/elements (witch hunters, witches, etc), angst, talks of divorce, laurie barber, fluff, smut - unprotected sex, oral (m-receiving), choking, pussy slapping, nipple play, praise kink, spanking, marking kink (blink and you'll miss it)

A/N: hello! here is part eight. i apologize for this being so delayed, but my life has been fairly busy. this story will go on an indefinite (hopefully short!) hiatus until i can find my footing for it. this is not beta'd, and most likely contains errors (sorry!). as always, i hope you enjoy and feedback is very much appreciated!

series masterlist / main masterlist

this story has a taglist! if you would like to be a part of it, send a message to be added on!

You had slept with Andy Barber.

When you woke up, you were held in Andy’s embrace, your head buried in the crook of his neck. You were wrapped up in a blanket, all parts of your body connected. While your underwear was nowhere to be seen, you were still wearing your sweater and skirt from the night before. Andy was still fully dressed (to your dismay). You stared up at his sleeping form, taking in his features. His steady breathing was music to your ears and the warmth from his body made you never want to leave his side. You relished in the moment, the bliss of being able to exist like this with Andy.

As Andy’s body stirred from sleep, you looked up at him, watching his sleepy blue eyes gaze upon you. A smile lit up his face at the sight of you, and you returned it. Last night, you had let Andy Barber in, physically and emotionally. You never thought you’d be able to feel this way again after losing Curtis.

Curtis.

Your body instantly recoiled from Andy. You got up from him, backing away from him, searching for your underwear. 

You were so caught up in the moment that you forgot about your past. Guilt overwhelmed you, and you thought you were going to have a heart attack. How could you move on so quickly? It wasn’t right. You had just met Andy, and he was in the midst of a divorce. 

Andy saw your worry grow. He got up slowly, not wanting to scare you. Inching closer to you, he placed his hand on your shoulder, anticipating you to flinch away from his touch. But you didn’t. You accepted it. It warmed his heart to see you beginning to let him in, but he knew there was a latent fear within you. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly. 

Your mind was running a mile a minute. Flashes of Curtis appeared in your mind: his voice, his scent, and his smile. All slowly starting to mold with Andy’s. And that terrified you. 

You didn’t want to lose the memory of Curtis. You couldn’t. It wasn’t right, you kept thinking. Hearing and feeling Andy call you out of your thoughts had you facing your fear head on: your fear of moving on. 

“I don’t want to-I,” you began. You couldn’t find the words. It was so damn hard. You mustered up your willpower and tried to put words to your thoughts and feelings. “I lost someone recently.”

Andy nodded. He correctly deduced it was a past lover. It made sense by your breakdown and hesitancy. He couldn’t blame you. A part of him felt guilty and truthfully depressed he and Laurie ended up the way he did. A small part of him missed her. He felt guilt for wanting you and doing everything he could to get you, so soon after the divorce, but something about you felt so different and so right that it outweighed the guilt he felt. 

“I never thought I’d recover from losing him. It hasn’t been long, and it feels wrong falling for someone, but I can’t help it.” You looked up at Andy, your eyes wet with tears waiting to be spilled. “Am I a bad person?”

Andy softly grabbed the sides of your face and pressed a soft kiss on your forehead. “Never.” You closed your eyes, enjoying his comfort, trying to quell your feelings. “You’re one of the greatest people I’ve ever met. You can’t control your feelings. And you shouldn’t feel controlled by them to the point of distress.”

“Why do you always know what to say?” you said with a weak smile. 

“My mom would always tell me this growing up. When things started falling apart with Laurie, I tried to imagine what she would tell me, how she would help me out. That night, I saw her in my dreams, I know I did. We all have flaws and emotions. We shouldn’t live in our negative emotions. We have to do what’s right for us, what makes us feel good by causing the least amount of pain to ourselves and others. I knew the divorce would hurt, especially Jacob, but in the long term, staying would hurt as well.”

“And as for us?” you asked. 

“I can’t deny how I feel about you. But I’m willing to take this slow and do what works best for you.”

“I don’t want this to hurt you. Us being together so soon,” you told him. “I want to be with you, but in a bubble. Until it’s safer.” Andy knew the double entendre of your words. He was a public figure, Newton’s ADA who was already rocked with the scandal of his son being accused of murder and his marriage being public gossip. Imagine the pushback if it came forward that he left his wife for his young neighbor. And on top of that, his young neighbor was a witch with a target on his back. 

When Andy didn’t respond, you tried to gauge his reaction. “Is this being private okay with you?”

“Of course,” he said, snapping back to the sound of your voice. “I want the world to know about us when we’re ready.”

You smiled at his words and softly kissed him. He kissed back, finding himself growing greedy and addicted to the feel of your lips. His hands moved down to the sides of your body, finding home on your hips. The pressure of his hands on your hips had a warmth bloom inside of your core. 

“Andy,” you whispered in between kisses. You began to kiss the side of his lips, his cheeks as you worked your way down to his neck. You felt him relax into the feeling of you sucking on his skin. “I never got to thank you for last night.”

Your hands began to work your way down his torso. You slipped your hand under his shirt, feeling his taut and toned stomach. Light moans escaped Andy’s mouth as you kept working on his neck, finding his sweet spot. When he felt your hands at his belt, he stopped you, lightly pushing you away.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to,” you said as sure as you had ever been. You continued working on his belt and unbuttoning his pants. You reached down, pulling out his cock from his underwear. You nearly moaned at the contact from it. His dick was hard, thick and long. Precum was starting to slip out. 

You locked eyes with him as you began jerking him off, your hand too small to fully fit around his length. You started off slowly, watching his breathing become labored. You focused on how Andy made you feel the night prior and how you wanted him to feel the same pleasure he brought you. 

It felt as if your bodies became one. All he could feel was you and all you could feel was him. His moans were music to your ears, and you began to drown them out with your lips on his. You could fall apart alone by hearing him surrender himself to you, his moans being consumed in your kiss. You could feel him grow near and sunk yourself lower, wrapping your lips around his cock. You sucked and continued stroking, using both hands. Andy’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as you continued, your tongue swirling around his tip, licking up any leftover precum. Your core throbbed, desperate for some relief. As his breathing became quicker, you could tell he was coming close. You remembered how he made you feel like that, how he begged you to come apart for him. You wanted him to do the same, to allow him to let you feel the way he did. And when Andy felt your thoughts and desires for him, he did just that, his load shooting down your throat and his moan reverberating throughout your living room. 

After milking him dry, you pulled away from him softly. He kissed you softly, not caring about the taste of him in his mouth. In fact, he relished it.

“Andy?” you asked after pulling apart from him. “Do you know where my underwear went?”

The air had changed. The seasons shifted from summer to autumn, cool winds replaced warm ones, and the skies started to darken earlier. It’s a familiar change, an eternal one that people became accustomed to before anything else. But why did something feel off?

Everyone in Newton could feel it. When the days turned from September to October, there was a shift. Something lurked in that minute when it changed to October. There was a sense of magic, but a sense of suspicion and anticipation. Something was approaching, and everyone in Newton knew. No one could put their finger on it, but it was teasing them on the tips of their tongue. You knew it when you woke that morning, and Andy knew it when he drove into work. Something about Newton changed, as if it was anticipating an invisible battle. 

Newton was not the Newton it was before, and this October wasn’t the Octobers like it before. This month would be the catalyst for everything. And no one would be ready for what was to come next. 

Halloween was your favorite time of the year. It wasn’t just because you were a witch, but it helped greatly. You loved the colors of fall, the crisp air, scary movies, and seeing decorations all around. You spent your morning shopping to make your house look as spooky as can be, spending hours deciding between ghost lights or flashing orange and purple lights. You picked both, unable to resist leaving one behind. 

When you got home, you started decorating, stringing up lights, changing your doormat to one that said ‘Stay Spooky.’ You set up a tiny cemetery for your favorite monsters, Frankenstein, the Howling Man, and Dracula. Inside, your home was something made out of a Pinterest board. You made paper-mache bats and stuck them to the wall and placed a few inside lamps to give the illusion they were fluttering around. 

As you finished your decorating, you smiled. You were the first on your street to decorate. You sat outside, admiring your handiwork before you noticed Jacob walking to his house. His shoulders were slumped, and his face was painted with turmoil. As you watched the teenaged boy walk towards his home, your heart panged. You couldn’t imagine what he was going through. You didn’t press Andy on how things were going, but you suspected that it wasn’t good. Andy briefly mentioned Jacob would be staying with him until the end of the week, and you told him to focus on being with his son. 

A part of you wanted to call out to Jacob, tell him hi or maybe even give him a hug, but how exactly could you go about that? You and Andy agreed to keep your relationship private, and you couldn’t imagine how Jacob would react to it seeing as his parents’ divorce was ongoing. Rather than call out, you returned inside, silently hoping things would resolve for Jacob and Andy’s sake.

When Andy returned from his lunch break, his assistant briefed him on any missed messages while he was gone. Andy didn’t take long lunches, but he had been so busy with work it was normal for a multitude of messages to pile up while he was gone. As she relayed his messages, she mentioned Laurie was here.

Andy and Laurie’s divorce wasn’t public yet. He tried to play off his feelings for her and simply thanked his assistant before entering his office. In his office, Laurie sat in a chair usually reserved for a client. He hadn’t seen her since he served her papers, and judging by the envelope in her hand, he assumed that was the exact reason for her visit. 

“Can I help you?” Andy asked before shutting the door. He closed the shutters on his windows before rounding over to the other side of his desk. Laurie rose as he approached and she began pulling out the divorce papers Andy served her. 

“I have some issues with this,” she began. She threw her copy on Andy’s desk before she began speaking. “First, I want primary custody of Jacob.”

Andy laughed. “Are you out of your mind? That’s not happening.”

“I spend more time with Jacob, Andy, or have you forgotten? I’ve been to every soccer game, every school event, every parent-teacher conference.”

“That’s not fair. You know I tried my best to make it to everything.”

“It doesn’t negate the truth. With your work schedule, you don’t see Jacob as often. I’ll get primary, but we can still make decisions together on his behalf.”

“But I’ll have to pay you since you’re primary.”

“Since I don’t live at our house and I’m in the little apartment you kept, yes. Only until he’s 18. It’s only fair.”

“Fair?” Andy questioned. “Are you really about to walk into my office and preach about fairness? I know you went behind my back!”

“I did it to protect our son! You’re hoping a weak lead will protect our son. I’m trying to get our son in the clear.”

“No, what you did put him in more danger. You bargained with my father which was a big mistake. You think him doing this one little favor will have you out in the clear, but it never does. Not with him. He’s going to raise hell any chance he gets.”

“He wanted to help his grandson, and he is. He doesn’t want his grandson to have the same fate as him.”

“Because my father’s a monster! Jacob’s nothing like him!” Andy turned away from her, trying to calm down. “If anyone finds out that there’s a link between to Jacob and my father, it’ll give them more reason to suspect him as a murderer.”

“It won’t,” Laurie said, moving closer to attempt to soothe Andy. She placed her hands on his shoulders, attempting to rub out any tension before Andy pulled away from her. 

“Just leave, Laurie,” Andy answered plainly.

“What about the papers?” she asked, a frown forming on her face.

“Our lawyers will handle that,” Andy told her, handing the papers back to her. “But if you think I’ll give you a crumb of what you want after what you did, think again.”

Laurie’s face turned into a scowl. She shoved the papers back into her bag, stormed out, slamming the door on her way out. Andy sunk into his chair, rubbing his temples, wondering how to solve the even bigger mess he got himself into.

The knock on the door startled you from your reading. When you went to the door, you saw Andy, looking every bit tired and stressed. You opened the door and let him, grateful that Harris wasn’t here. “Are you okay?” you asked him.

“It’s Laurie,” he began. You felt your heart beat rapidly. It had been a while since you saw her, but she still managed to conjure a sense of fear and dread within you. “She’s being entirely difficult with the divorce process and Jacob.”

“What happened?” you asked, leading him to the couch to sit and unwind. He began to loosen his tie and unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt. It was such a simple movement, but it stirred something in the pit of your stomach.

“She wants primary custody and for me to pay her until Jacob’s 18. She’s out of her mind,” he began. “She always tauts that my job keeps me busy, but I am always here for Jacob. I do what I do to help him and at one point her, and she always throws it back at me.”

“I’m sorry, Andy,” you said, beginning to rub his shoulders to comfort him. “I saw Jacob earlier today. How is he?”

“He’s at a friend’s house tonight. He’ll be back tomorrow. He doesn’t talk to me or Laurie, and honestly, I can’t blame him. I’m trying my best, but it feels like it’s not enough.”

“Hey! You are doing a great job. Jacob’s going through a lot right now. He’ll come around eventually, give him some time. As for Laurie, try not to pay her any mind. Have the lawyers handle it,” you told him softly.

Andy smiled at you. “You’re amazing, you know that.” He pressed his lips against yours softly, pulling your head softly into his hands. “Sorry to spring this on you.”

“No, it’s okay. You’re here for me, and I want to be here for you. I can help you destress if you’d like,” you said, your eyes darkening.

Andy instantly knew what you meant. His eyes widened, and he felt himself stir. He would be lying if he didn’t crave that, but he didn’t want to scare you off. “You don’t have to,” he told you.

“I know. I want to,” you told him. “Can I?” Your hands dropped down to his chest, and you inched closer to him. 

Andy nodded. You pressed your lips to his, kissing him hungrily before your hands moved lower to the zipper of his pants. Andy helped you unzip, and your hands went into his pants, past his boxer briefs and gripped his length. It was longer and thicker than you expected, and you gasped when you finally touched it. Andy looked down at you, silently asking if you were sure, and you nodded before beginning to softly stroke him. Your lips began to trail down to his neck, kissing and softly sucking at his neck. You felt him pulse underneath you, and his breath hitched.

Your jerks were calculated, giving Andy the right amount of pleasure. He felt the burdens on his shoulders were slowly being lifted as if he was Atlas nearing the end of his task of holding up the world. If he didn’t already know you were magic, how you were able to make him feel was confirmation. You were so attuned with his needs. He felt himself nearing the peak, growing more breathy.

“Andy, are you close?” you asked softly, feigning innocence though you knew the truth. You were expertly bringing him to his peak. Andy was speechless. In between his breathy moans, he nodded and murmured, “yessss.” You lowered down, your soft mouth inching down his length. You continued to jerk as you placed soft kisses on his head and shaft. Your mouth on him felt like heaven. He was amazed at how something so sinful could make him feel like he was moments from heaven’s gates. 

The sound of Andy’s cries were music to your ears. His load coated your throat, and you gulped it down, placing a soft kiss at the head to clean up whatever mess lied. Andy’s eyes met yours and you saw a darkness and a hunger you had never felt before. He grabbed your head in his hands, taking your mouth into his, devouring you.

You were addicted to each other. Tasting himself on your tongue made him insatiable. Your tongues battled for dominance, not relenting on each other. As Andy’s mouth trailed down your neck, you felt your body grow warm. You left out soft moans as he sucked on the most sensitive part of your neck. You positioned your neck, giving him more access. Warmth bloomed at your core. You squeezed your thighs together to give yourself some relief, but Andy’s hand forced your legs apart and settled at your center, giving you the much needed pressure. 

“Andy, Andy, Andy,” you sighed out. You moved your lips back to his, taking him into your mouth. As you wrapped your arms around him, you felt a jolt of electricity course through you both. Your lips separated from him, and your eyes locked with each other.

You hadn’t felt a feeling like this since you met him. The first feeling was one of familiarity and comfort, but this was new. There was something completely raw about this feeling. Both yours and Andy’s eyes darkened as the feeling overtook you. You both wanted to devour each other. 

Andy rose, taking your hand expecting you to follow. You rose with him inching closer to his face. Your mouth ghosted over his, teasing him multiple times that your lips would reunite. Andy growled, pulling you into him and devouring you. You attempted to overpower him, but you left him take the lead. He roughly grabbed your neck, parting his lips from yours, as he watched you gasp for breath. 

“Open,” he said firmly. You complied and nearly jumped at the sensation of his spit being shot into your mouth. You felt panties grow soaked. “Swallow.”

You followed, his grip still on your neck. He pulled you into a rough kiss, as if the only air you could have was the one he gave you. His hands eventually trailed down to your ass, firmly massaging them before he placed one swat on your ass. You yelped, prompting another slap from him. His hands moved lower, underneath the globes of your rear, and you leaped into his arms. You wrapped your legs around him, your clothed cunt feeling his cock beginning to harden and throb.

You were so lost in his lips that you didn’t realize Andy had carried you upstairs to you room. He placed you on the bed, pinning your arms down as he restarted his assault on your neck. You felt his nips on your neck and knew a mark was definitely going to form there. It turned you on even more, the thought of Andy marking you. 

Andy began working on removing your clothing, starting with your sweater and bra. Andy stared at your bare chest in amazement. He began stroking each of your breasts, playing with your nipples and rubbing them between his fingers. You keened at the touch, your back slightly arching at the sensation. 

“You’re amazing,” he said before he began trailing kisses down your torso, kissing each breast and suckling each nipple before he made it to the waistband of your leggings. He slowly removed them, tossing them somewhere in your room as he stared at your soaked lacy panties. He rubbed his fingers through your folds, focusing on the wet spot on your underwear. 

“Is this all for me?” Andy cooed at you. You whined and nodded your head, prompting a slap on your pussy from Andy. “Use your words, baby.”

“Yes,” you answered. Andy pulled your panties to the side and began playing with your sensitive bud. “Ahh! Andy,” you moaned.

“This sweet pussy is crying out for me. You’re so wet, baby. Do you need me?”

You nodded, feeling pressure begin to build there. “Yes, please. I want you. I need you, Andy.” Andy slowly pulled your panties off. He began removing his clothes, edging you by slowly removing his button up and dropping his pants and underwear to the floor. He teased your entrance with his cock which was fully hard again. You arched at the contact, bucking against him.

“What do you need, baby?” he cooed again. “Tell me, what you need.”

“You. I need your cock inside of me. Please,” you begged. Andy pressed a soft kiss to your forehead before he seared himself inside of you. You bucked at the intrusion, keening out immediately. Andy slowly began to retreat, making you feel every single inch of him. Your legs instantly wrapped around him, ensuring that he wouldn’t stray far from you.

“Look how good you’re taking me. Good girl,” he told you. He slowly began thrusting in you, locking his eyes with you as he saw you grow overwhelmed with the sensation. “Are you okay?”

“Mhmm,” you said, unable to form words. Andy’s cock was unlike anything you ever had. You felt like your walls were going to break down already, but you did your best to hold out on him. 

“Good,” he said, laying a soft kiss to your shoulder, as he thrusted into you rougher than he initially did. After a few hard thrusts, he had found that special spot inside of you. “You’re squeezing me, baby,” he told you. “It’s so addicting; how well you’re taking me.”

You moaned as Andy thrusted into you again. Your back arched perfectly from the bed, and Andy took it as an opportunity to take a nipple into his mouth and suck. You cried out from the sensation. Andy began to speed up his thrusts. The coil in your stomach was about to snap. You locked eyes with Andy and pulled his head towards yours. You kissed him deeply as he continued. “I’m close,” you whispered softly.

“Come undone for me, baby,” he told you softly. He continued at your g-spot as you cried out. He welcomed the scratches you craved on his back as he fucked you through your high. As he watched you come down from your high, he felt something in him change. Your eyes grew tired, your orgasm being more powerful than he expected. He continued to chase his, his thrusts beginning to slow. You watched him through sleepy eyes as his orgasm overtook him, his seed coating your walls.

As you and Andy made love throughout the October night, you welcomed in a sense of awareness you both never experienced before. Your connection with Andy strengthened, spurred on by the heat of the moment passion between you both. 

That morning, Andy’s walk of shame felt like anything but that. He left you early, not wanting to arouse neighbors' suspicions of him leaving early. He smiled to himself, feeling happiness for the first time in a long time. Being with you felt so right that he didn’t care if it seemed too soon from his separation or would cause uproar when he went public. All he wanted and needed was you by his side.

As Andy stepped on the porch, he noticed a small note taped to his door. The insignia branded on the paper was unknown to him, but as he traced his fingers over it, it felt some sense that he saw this before or at least shared a memory of it. He read the Latin phrase underneath it, Deus vult, pythonissam non patieris vivere, before dropping the paper at the words underneath it written in plain English.

You’re a little witch will be the ruin of you. Either kill her, or she’ll kill you first.

feedback is much appreciated!

taglist: @softimgyu

#i put a spell on you #andy barber x black reader #andy barber x black!reader #andy barber fic #andy barber #andy barber series #chris evans x black!reader #chris evans x black reader #chris evans imagine #chris evans fluff #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans fanfiction #andy barber imagine #andy barber x woc!reader #andy barber fanfiction #andy barber x reader #andy barber x you #andy barber smut

[kitkatwinchester]

I hate everything about this.

...okay, that's a lie, because I DO love how concerned they all are about each other, and, as much as I hate to admit it, I love some good whump.

THAT SAID.

I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT OUR WHOLE PACK AHHHHH.

I hate that Rafael and Noah and Melissa are all stuck on the outside only VAGUELY aware of the current situation, but WELL aware that their kids have professional killers going after them at all times, which only adds to their worry.

I hate that our pack is all being affected in slightly different ways, which makes it impossible to know what the next set of symptoms will be, and even more impossible to know how to cure it.

I hate that, according to Satomi, and as evidenced by her DEAD PACK, this is FATAL to werewolves, and we have TWO OF THOSE actively affected right now, and that is REALLY NOT A GOOD SIGN.

I hate that Lydia is in her lake house, completely alone and unaware of what's going on, and so (validly) emotionally impacted by Meredith's death and trying so desperately to reconnect with her somehow, but without any support (though, as an aside, I freaking KNEW it. Her mom MUST know more than she's letting on, because Meredith was IN THAT ROOM.).

HOWEVER.

I love love LOVE how concerned our pack is for each other, and how much they're still helping each other and keeping an eye on each other and still so in sync. Plus, I am SUCH a sucker for a good ol' sick fic. ;)

I love that, when Ken came into the locker room to check on Scott, Scott's immediate response was "Get Stiles." (SCILES ALL THE WAY! <3 <3)

I love Kira's awkwardness when Malia asks her about the bag under Scott's bed. ("No, I've never been under Scott's bed. Or in it. Just on it. Wearing clothes." XD)

I love how Malia was so quick to reach out for Stiles in concern, even when she's pretty sick herself, when he started to fall over while trying to look at the map.

I love how concerned Ken is, and how he's doing his best to help these kids and keep an eye on them and make sure they're okay, since he's our only parental resource that can at the moment.

I love how quick they were to come up with a plan and find a place to hole up and protect themselves, but also protect others from them.

I love Sciles's silent conversation about getting Malia to open the vault.

I love Malia calling out Sciles for hiding something, only to save them from actually revealing the truth when she incorrectly assumed that the hidden information was her presence of the name on the list.

I love how quickly, and yet very not-smoothly, Scott and Stiles recovered, mostly because if Malia was j a little better at social cues, you know she would've picked up on it.

I love how concerned Stiles was when Malia found out how much she was worth, only for Malia to be pleased that she's the least likely target of the group ("It's progress." XD).

I love how much they still have each other's backs, and how much they care about each other, and I love that they at least have each other during such a terrifying and deadly time, and I REALLY hope they can work together to figure it out and save each other and get better, because I REFUSE TO LOSE ANY OF THEM GOSH DARNAT!

Anyways...

This is one of those episodes that I can already tell I'm gonna love to hate, hate to love, and I already know it's gonna make its way pretty high up on my favorite episodes list just from the whump and hurt/comfort alone.

Let's see even more of it. XD :( <3

(This was before all the bad stuff started happening, but it's all four of them, so it works. <3)

#scott mccall #stiles stilinski #sciles #malia hale #i'm just gonna keep hale because she opened the hale vault #seriously though when ARE we gonna tell her? #we have to eventually don't you think?? #kira yukimura #ken yukimura #mccall pack #i'm glad they have each other #but also #i'm so scared for all of them #but also i kind of love it #even though i hate it #i love it #hurt/comfort fan for life lol #teen wolf season 4 #teen wolf reactions #4x7 #teen wolf

[missingn000]

Such a great chapter!✨️

Kenjaku is such a sore loser, like he acts so high and mighty but his plans got foiled by the wettest saddest guy in history. So embarassing for him. I can't imagine living for however long he lived and just staying in the same flop era with same flop goals. So cringe of him...😔

I am placing bets on Yuki vs Choso because I want those two to interact and because I think it would be funny if he betrays Kenjaku the second that fight ends. That man deserved more L's than the world is willing to give him (and the world is already willing to give him a lot of L's).

I love Mahito's dynamic with Hajime!✨️Like two stray cats that should only be adopted together. That car chase was iconic! It's honestly great to see Hajime slowly start to realize that there are things beyond strength. I can't believe Mahito hit a pedestrian...😔 Like, imagine the last thing you see being a green lambo with no driver and a person with cyan hair screaming in the other seat. I would never recover (neither will the random pedestrian).

“Haven’t you ever gone the opposite way on an escalator? Isn't it a fun challenge?”

This fool. “Fuck you! You know I’m scared of escalators!”

“That sounds like a you problem!”

“Of course it is, it’s my fear! That’s a me problem by definition!”

This made me laugh so hard, poor Hajime... being afraid of escalators...

I can't believe they gossiped about Nanami in a treehouse. Like, it's definetly something both of them would do, but I can't imagine Nanami's reaction if he ever finds out about this.

“Well, look what just happened with Sukuna and Suguru-kun,” Mahito says calmly, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the Nanami residence. “Kenjaku’s been scheming for over a thousand years, yet his meticulous goals were thrown off-course by the most depressed man in the universe! Isn’t that so totally hilarious?” 

I love Mahito!✨️ He is so real for this one. Truer words have never been spoken.

“Whatever his plans are, nothing’s gonna go according to them. I wanna be there to watch that” Me too bestie, me too.

I did not expect the emotional conversation but I am so here for it. Sukuna's whole backstory is so in our face, but also not? It feels like watching one of those 1000 pieces puzzles. I know that they all form a cohesive picture, one that he loves to hint at all the time (he really needs some friends to talk to), but I also find it quite difficult to form that picture. Maybe I will make a list of all of the dramatic prejecting his issues on others he does to find it easier.

Mahito cried about Kashimo! I an way too emotionally invested in that interaction, but it was so cute!✨️

Sukuna's high emotional intelligence combined with 0 social skills is so fun to witness. Like, unlike Kenjaku's mysterious ass he is here infodumping about his trauma for free all the tine. King of never shutting up and never keeping things private.

"Water is best as ice" I see you, Sukuna, I see you—

Gojo really did not sign up for getting emotionally damaged by some theatre kid with 1000+ years worth of trauma.

Surprisingly, Sukuna seems genuinely offended. “I am not,” he shoots back. “Anyone who thinks gender correlates to strength deserves to be eaten alive by the gender they think is the weakest.” Progressive king!✨️

Gojo and Suguru are so cute this chapter.💖 Suguru really got a lot of character development (even if he had to lose an arm for it) and I am so happy for him!✨️

Tsumiki is getting a character arc! 🎉

Her argument with Megumi was sad, but also somewhat necessary for her? Like, it's good that she finally expressed her feelings, she needs to do that from time to time, even if yelling at Megumi wasn't realky the best way (even if Megumi was acting a bit like a jerk). At the same time, poor Megumi. He is really going through it right now. Also poor Gojo, it's clear that Sukuna's words affected him.

I'll write more, but I really need to go to sleep. Happy 2 years of writing TPG! 🎊 This fic is honestly one of the best I have ever read!💖

ooh i'm so happy you liked the chapter!! both scenes were really fun to write.

omg you're so right, kenjaku really is a sore loser. deserved. i fucking snorted at "his plans got foiled by the wettest saddest guy in history." so true, getou really fucked everything up for him through depression and character development. GOOD FOR HIM. "same flop era with the same flop goals" i dfghjkl. as for your theory on yuki vs choso...hm...interesting...

you described pfpk SO well, "two stray cats that should only be adopted together." real and accurate. they're so attached, they're like cats who constantly fight but meow like crazy if they're separated (my sister's cat is visiting for the summer, and that's how he is with my cat....) rip the pedestrian, and anyone who saw a car driving itself

i love mahito too! i wanted to give him interesting motives for going along with kjk's plans, since we never really found out in canon. i don't think he bought into the whole curses replacing humans thing, so why did he stay? i think him wanting to watch and study humanity as kenjaku tries to dismantle it fits with his personality.

their emotional convo was fun to write, especially their allusions to sukuna. that's exactly what i'm going for: all the puzzle pieces for sukuna's backstory are there, but missing a few key pieces for it all to make sense. slowly, we'll put things together, but not before making things way more confusing first

SUKUNAAAA MY OVERSHARING BELOVED we stan one zero social skills king. he's so vague but so expressive, and it's so funny and paradoxical of him. he never shuts up, but what he says never has substance.

"Gojo really did not sign up for getting emotionally damaged by some theatre kid with 1000+ years worth of trauma" PLEASE YOU'RE REALLY POPPING OFF WITH THIS MESSAGE gojo did get hit hard by sukuna's scarily accurate depictions of what it's like to be The Strongest. gojo is unsettled by sukuna, but the opposite is also true, which will only worsen as sukuna and gojo learn more about each other.

yeahhh tsumiki!! she deserves a character arc of her own, dammit. i'm so excited to write it! her argument with megumi was so gutting, but she needed to get her feelings out in the open so they can both begin to process and heal. but uh, not before some trauma first.

thank you so much for your kind words and for all your support!!! <333

#tpg

[whatwouldmickeydo]

Hey Leah! How are you doing? What’s on your mind today?

Hi bb!

Today I am thinking about 11x06, and it’s all @smokey-mickey’s fault for their most recent post as well as our beloved Rita @sickness-health-all-that-shit for her GORGEOUS gifsets of that episode

Like, can you believe from that episode we got THIS and this and THIS??

I mean fuuuuck did we get to see Mickey go through so many complicated feelings and emotions surrounding his father, and some of it with just a single look!

I don’t know if I’ll ever emotionally recover from the way he looks when he’s got that gun on Terry’s face - he wants so badly to just have this man out of his life, this person who’s caused him so much physical and emotional and psychological pain. No one would mourn him being gone. No one would miss him.

And yet Mickey chooses to be the bigger person, to be better than that.

Do we ever think that if Mickey had been alone in that scene whether or not he would have done it? I don’t think he would have, but the fact that Ian is right there as this grounding factor, pulling him back to reality calmly and patiently, being this supportive and loving partner while he watches his husband go through so much turmoil… I am forever in love with this moment, as heartbreaking as it is.

Anyway, I’m not over it never gonna be over it gonna think about it for the rest of my life probably

#thanks for asking! #asks #gallavich #shameless