#i am almost always exhausted

[simplyghosting]

hellooo what's one thing you always do after getting back home for the day?

Immediately guzzle down at least 16oz of water and then pass out usually

#ghost answers #thank you! #404 user not found #i am almost always exhausted #between lack of sleep and pain tends to do me in #when I come back from being out #i also change into looser clothes and usually wipe down the counters #and load the dishwasher #bc if I’m gone it usually means they aren’t cleaned

[capricores]

pisces/virgo placements... it's about time you took care of yourself, too, ok?

you burn yourselves out allowing yourself to be pulled by so many people in all different directions. you exhaust all your resources and empty your cup - no, your entire well - to help those around you, even people you don't know. it's such a beautiful thing, and i know you genuinely love helping others, supporting people, seeing them thrive. it's such a beautiful trait! but you constantly end up neglecting yourself, right? you don't realize that you have permission to set aside time to care for you, to cater to your needs for once. you often feel like no one puts a drop in your cup, the favor is never returned - it's exhausting; you might think if you just keep giving your all it will come back; i understand. you will find the people that give the same energy back to you one day, but regardless of whether you've found those people yet, you need to learn to step aside and fill your own cup!

setting boundaries and saying no is the most important thing you will learn to do in this lifetime. it will not be easy for you, sometimes it will feel painful. but you cannot help the world if you're constantly drained and tired! you deserve to take care of yourself in the same way you do for others. be gentle to your kind soul, nourish yourself; do the things you love to do. learn to worry about others less, as hard as it is, and focus on yourself more.

#astrology #luna.txt #pisces #virgo #mutable #ok i love making posts in this style and like the last post i made #i almost didnt make my last post bc i was worried no one would like it #but u all were so nice and received it so well #so i hope this one can resonate too!!! #i luv u <3 #i really really wanna carve out time to post here more!! #im currently working three jobs tho so a little exhausted flkdjfjdlf #also i cannot stop watching anime lately #if any of u have suggestions for stuff that has the vibe of my happy marriage and lvl 999 yamada... pls tell me #i love that cheesy non-stressful romance especially like the yamada 999 anime 😭💖 #genshin. anime. work. thats my life lately. and thats ok #omg ive also been watching hidden love and its so cute #i was worried it'd be creepy w/ the age gaps but so far seems ok?? #sorry i always end my posts with unrelated rants but anyway<3 #if anyone ever needs to talk abt anime/astro/genshin/cdramas.. i am here #mine

[strawberrryangel]

today was a good day! *collapses into bed and sobs uncontrollably*

#had a dentist appointment this morning #then had to go to work #bought myself a few things #got home around 8:20 #had dinner #watched a bit of gilmore girls and supernatural #then had to unpack groceries #and almost had a meltdown #i feel like i’m doing so much around the house #and nobody else is doing anything #and like i was at work all day after my appointment #and it just feels like so much of the organization/cleaning of the house is on me #i’m so fucking exhausted #and i have to work an 8 hour shift tomorrow! #and i couldn’t even actually cry because i always shove it down! so. #anyway #just showered and now am gonna go to bed #it’s almost 11 so not bad i might read a bit of fanfic if i have the brain power #vent post ig lmao

[denfucker]

dennis... he is so interesting... silly, even...

to be worshipped is one thing. to be worshipped is a given. who wouldn't worship him? he leaves and the gang changes because who are they without him? he comes back and the gang chooses him because why wouldn't they? and the d.e.n.n.i.s system and being a golden god and demonstrate value, so they only see what you present and not what you are. sex is what you are. you are a god. see past the golden god and there's nothing there. engage physically. that's it, that's you. engage physically and they won't ask too many questions. nurture dependence, they want you. they worship you. they need you. neglect emotionally, once they start to get too close and worship and obsession tips into what you think is love. inspire hope, so they'll leave and come back again, because you decide what goes and what doesn't. and nothing goes. you are golden and perfect. they will never leave.

then. separate entirely. you leave first. they will cling onto you and kneel at your altar and miss the perfect version of you, and you will only be known as the golden god and you will only be remembered for sex because that is what you are.

and that's all you need. you need worship, you need obsession. you don't need to be loved, or known, because what does that bring you? to be known is to see past the facade. to be known means presenting every bit of yourself, every flaw and imperfection that you try to scrub and dye and push away before it becomes too obvious. and what do you do, when someone knows you, and they don't like what they see?

what then?

#wow i was about to go to bed then i started thinking too hard about dennis now i am here #i should sleep i need sleep #instead i am here! #im sorry for this #i dont think it makes any sense bc its almost 2am im delirious and exhausted #anyway! goodnight! #dennis reynolds #iasip #iasip analysis #macdennis #dennis system #glenn howerton #its always sunny in philadelphia #insane ramblings

[yaoianime]

Soon im rly gonna do it

#🕸️ #sui mention #< in the tags tho cuz it feels nicer to talk abt this in tags than in the post itself cuz to me posts are like talking normally but tags are #like whispering? talking you can tune out if you want but whispering is rather more voluntary to say it doesnt matter however #every single year passes and i wish i didnt live in each and every one of them i feel disconnected dissatisfied empty disappointed every day #it can be a small part of a day or a bigger but its still there clenching onto me like and never letting go im tired of it theres always a #wall between me and otyer ppl im unsure if i put it there or was it put there by other ppl but its there and even if anyone tries to reach #into it do i understand how even if close are we really far away it makes me understand just how much of an abnormality i am and how much i #cant ever be like them no matter how much i try and climb and crawl until i bleed its exhausting its maddening #almost everything i do is shaped by spite i wear one bracelet for years out of spite i dont smoke out of spite i dont shave my hands not #only because im normal abt body hair but also out of spite the more i know ppl the spiteful i get only way for me to truly like someone is #to keep them at a lenght outside that wall if they get in then theres only two choices for them to dislike me or even hate my entire being #or me to shove them back out without ever letting them get in #coworkers say im a nice kind person but im not its all just a facade to make my life easier and to suit myself im hateful but i dont believe #its entirely my fault after all they will to my face make fun of. laugh at. and hate everything of me they would see in other ppl that dont #hide it deep within like i do and then it rly hits me how different abnormal foul disgusting and unnatural i am #im hit with his every talk that goes on too long every word that keeps going every touch every expression every comment made on my behalf #its exhausting to live this way i fear im near my limit i havent reached it but who knows when i will #i sometimes dream of doing it and leaving behind a note wishing nothing but painful suffering to everyone i ever knew irl but i dont want to #do that to my best friends and my dog but who knows how long its left before the thread breaks #thats all like comment and subscribe if you personally would do me a favor by taking me out back and shooting me

[mythicandco]

thinking abt the blorbos but they aren’t even rotating. they’re just sitting there and it’s very intense

#mark is just. ''so uh.'' #he kinda. fidgets with the hem of his jacket. brings his fingers up to his mouth to chew his nails but catches himself and fiddles with his #crucifix instead. his heart's still hammering in his chest and there's some exhaustion coming on now #cesar uh. cesar's sitting unnaturally still (naturally) and watching mark's mannerisms. neither of them uh. they don't know what to say #I mean. what CAN you say #when faced with the perfect image of your dead best friend. exactly as you remember him all those years ago. #when faced with the one who accidentally made you human. and then killed you. and now you're back. #oh god. he's back. #and Adam. oh don't #don't get me started on Adam #he's been staring at the mirror since three thirty am and it's SIX now #his knuckles are bloody but he. doesn't remember punching it #the shadows behind him are almost swimming. they're calling him and he swallows his nausea #the mirror is cracked and it drips but not with blood #''morning sleepy h- what the fuck.'' that's Jonah. of course it's Jonah. it's always fucking Jonah. #Adam blinks and the mirror's fine and Jonah's fine and no one's eyes are glazed over in death. it’s fine really lol #and they're still just. sitting there #y'know how it is. the blorbos. lol #htb AU #hail true body au

[pepprs]

what is my family going to do about the dishes when i move out. like this is insane.

#purrs #i understand that because im not contributing as much financially to the house + am not home most of the day doing dishes every night is a #fair reasonable way to expect me to contribute. but also i come home every day fucking exhausted and basically have to clean an entire day’s #worth of dishes (not allowed to leave them out to dry either i have to both wash and dry) for 5 people + put away all the food and #appliances + wipe down all the counters. like i clean up 5 peoples mess completely by myself. and it’s a lot and i constantly go to bed at #lkke 1:30-2am or later because im stuck doing dishes. my mom and siblings cook but they almost always do it together so it’s 3 ppl and then #i do this by myself and sometimes my dad helps me but he’s working all the time and all of his money is going to all of us so it’s fair that #he doesn’t have to help but. god. i have to be at work at 9 every day it’s not enough sleep and i am constantly late and so so so tired. #its 1:19am and i still have 2 sink fuls of dishes to do at least + have to put away all the food etc and it’s 1:19am. my body is screaming #at me to sleep but i am not allowed to leave it less than spotless. awesome #delete later #anyways yeah what i was saying initially is like.. what are they going to do when i move out and they can’t just leave the mess to me at the #end of the night. someone’s gonna have to stay up just as late to clean it all. lol #it takes me at least an hour every night to do all of this

[mainfaggot]

I have been having a hard time falling asleep lately like not as bad as pre-taking sleeping meds ... it only takes an hour to be snorking and mimiming but my body hurts all over and I toss and turn and I can't get my brain to Shut UP no matter how exhausted I am it's the worst like I just have to wait for the sleeping pills to take over bc otherwise I could probably stay up for 3 hours trying to sleep without them

#-_- #also today i was thinking in circles in the shower. i was in there for FORTY MINUTES i exited feeling dehydrated as fuck lol #it's all just 'im so tired. why am I trying so hard. this is trying? all i do is try to be normal and i call this trying hard? but it is' #'it is hard. for me right now it's hard. and im trying. but it sucks because it all feels so wishy washy lackluster slowed down bleak dull' #'like. it's like I'm going through the motions except im very aware of the motions so im forcing myself to go through them but then that #wouldnt be going through the motions would it? because doesn't that expression imply a sort of mindlessness and robotic behaviour lacking #awareness? except i am aware. i am acutely aware that im simply doing for the sake of doing and passing time slowly and not in a soothing #way but rather in a way that feels draining and exhausting #and im almost always dreading the next task and almost always unsatisfied at the end of each day' #good grief. #z.post

[cinnamon-notes]

i have been ghosting my friends for idk a month??? and they have been doing the same??? except for when we meet in a workplace cuz somehow our jobs decided to cross over :)

#feeling so bad about it but like i cant bring myself to interact with people right now but i am also constantly sad because i dont interact #with anyone out of work :/ but working makes me socially exhausted & tbh all i wanna do is be depressed with my books & my movies &my tunes #but i also crave affection like i realize i have zero social life and i sometimes schedule some hangout with my friends but it's almost #become like idk a task? something i look at through work eyes. like- i arrange our hangouts the way i arrange work meetings. it's so sad. #i know it is. but still- i cant help it. through all my life ive been missing having a lifelong friend who knows me like the back of their #hands and i know like the back of mine. never had it. cant cry over that. it's passed. i cant invent lifelong friendships that never existed #and i gotta make peace with that. plus- what am i complaining about if im just incapable of keeping any friend for longer than a month??? #after the first month- maybe the first couple of months- it all gets boring and dont get me wrong i really love my friends but somehow they #lose interest in me and i lose interest in them and we become just people who know each other and occasionally hang out but like- i've never #had a friend who's there for me when things happen in my life. i've always had friends to tell things to afterwards. like- i know i cant #really pick up the phone and say “hey. im having a bad time. can we take a walk? talk on the phone? can you tell me about your day? can you #just be here for me?“ and i cant even idk just randomly pop up with a ”oh my god i hate him i hate him i hate him it's a whole montague vs #capulet but if romeo and juliet never existed kind of hatred!!“ i just cant vent right away. ive always thought that that's my problem. #and maybe it is. but still- how's come they can vent to me? im always there right away. i do love my people and i show up for them. #sometimes my depression makes it soooo difficult to hang out constantly but if there's one thing that cannot be said about mw is that i dont #care. cuz i do. and maybe that's the problem #and maybe it's just easier for me to care than let others care? idk? but then again- i did try to open up. i did try to let them care. i did #try everything by the book & off the book but still- idk it's always just an “im sorry” never an “i care so much to say more than im sorry” #and yeah it's my problem cuz i am not a constant person im not that steady in what i do. i still dont know if it's because i havent found #yet the people worth doing it or if i am just traumatized (my ex is knocking on this door lol) but- idk it makes me extremely sad!!! #and ive rambled on way too much but i jusg needed to let some things out of my mind cuz i cant understand whats wrong with me and why i #crave true friendships although im hella scared of and bored of and unwilling to nurturing one :) #cinnamon diary

[sealovinq]

i need friends /gen (slight rant in tags)

#xelle.txt #i noticed i don't really have a permanent circle of friends. at least irl #i have one online but they're also busy and i just can't dedicate my time to one friend group #i don't know - it's just the people i thought who were nice turned out to be the exact opposite #and when i found out about that i just kinda. lost interest in making any more friends #my partner is the only person i interact with on a daily basis. the irl friend group i was referring to earlier i'm not exactly close with- #-them either #i feel like if i didn't only give my time in nurturing my romantic relationship i would have done the same for my platonics too #that's still a problem of mine. my time management between love life and friends. heck i even got myself into an unsolvable problem because- #-of my inability to stay consistent #also my brain is kinda fried from reading 20+ pages so pardon any grammatical errors but yeah anyway #honestly i've been craving for interaction here. but i know i won't be active and it'd just be pointless #to gain more friends or followers. i don't exactly make content as consistently as i did before #the other day i had to vent to an ai (would you believe me if it was cha.tgpt) about my troubles because i had no one else to talk to lol #there's just so much going on irl 😭 ya girl's almost starting college and they're throwing so much tasks at us!! #and i feel very very stressed about it because they're usually done in groups i am ALWAYS the assigned leader #which gets exhausting especially when there are lazy members present #anyway #hopefully this weekend i get some time to cool off. but next week i'm back to grinding and working #lol i don't even think i'm in the top ranks anymore. i'm so burnt out. #this is what being an academic achiever gives you oops ZZHSIAHAHAJAHHS #imma sleep now 😭 #idk you can just interact with me or recommend someone you know who self ships in the same medias i do #goodnight everypony 🫶 #vent tw #rant tw

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

Aw bleep aw shoot I just took a nap and now I realize it’s “leave a comment fest” aw bleep what

#I AM SO CONFUSED #NAPS ALWAYS LEAVE ME CONFUSED #mostly because I neveh evah take naps #BUT FOR SOME REASON I WAS FREAKING *EXHAUSTED TODAY* #I almost fell asleep while watching an old DSMP stream centered around NUKES THAT OUGHT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING #AAAAAAAAAAH COMMENTINGGGG #okayokay I have… #*quickly calculates* #four? fics I’ve been meaning to comment on? #AT LEAST #don’t get me wrong I’m excited to comment it’s super fun for me heck yes #BUT ALSO #I JUST WOKE UP #I AM BLEARY AND CONFUSED #ALRIGHT THEN #my post

[whollyjoly]

watching mash s11ep4 the joker is wild for the first time and...boy howdy do i have thoughts on bj's trapper complex

#mostly i think its absolutely fascinating for the writers to make trap's absence such a big part of bj's character and character development #and i dont mean character development in a good way i mean it in an actively bad way actually #but like how many shows do you watch where a character is “replaced” because an actor leaves that show #and we actually see the negative implications to that character replacing them #like it would be so easy for the writers to kind of hand wave over bj replacing trapper - just another cog in the army machine etc etc #but to make the choice that being a “replacement” to trapper would impact bj's state of mind so greatly #so LATE in the show too?? #is fucking incredible storytelling actually #like bj had spent so long actually *trying* to be the replacement trapper #working on the still riffing off of hawk's jokes causing shenanigans #until he hits this spiral and breaking point in seasons 10/11 and seeing him almost...lash out? chafe? against that comparison #that building tension and exhaustion to always being in someones shadow #the writers sat on that for like SEVEN YEARS #and i just think thats fucking insane and amazing actually #its also hard as a viewer because like #i love bj #but he *is* trapper's replacement #and that makes this all the harder to watch because on the one hand im like “bj's right to feel this way” #but im also like “...trap would never” #so i am in fact falling into the conceit that everyone in the 4077 is #which makes the writing and storytelling #all the better #sorry not sorry for the insane tags on this whoops #em starts mashposting #m*a*s*h #mashposting #bj's trapper complex #bj hunnicutt #trapper john mcintyre #im also v new to the mash fandom and mash discourse so i have no idea if this is interesting or obvious oh well

[sugarsugarmp3]

i turn 21 on monday and i just know im not going to enjoy this weekend at all...

#BIG vent in tags #the last two months have been honestly some of the worst of my life i am always always thinking about this rly shitty thing happened #and now i have to go home for my birthday weekend which i know i should be happy about and it is a good thing #but i just really dont want to go and i feel like a bad person for feeling that way #im doing better than someone i know and i need to go home and be there for them #i wanted to be in my apartment and relax with my friends #ive had 4 midterms this week and i am just exhausted with everything #and its not like it being my brithday will make my weekend bc thats literally impossible #and i feel so shitty about feeling this way bc im not the one who needs help right now and my bday shouldnt even be a priority in my family #bc we have bigger problems rn #but i still wish it was better. plus today sucked #i just am always awkward with people and i wish i was better at social stuff and ive felt rly lonely bc i only hve a few good friends #and trying to make friends is so impossible bc it seems like i keep doing the wrong thing and not being able to vibe with people #rn im just thankful for labs bc having constant lab partners are the only social interactions i get in almost all my classes #this girls would sit next to me in genetics and we would talk but i hvent seen them in a few weeks and i dont know their names #and im not great with faces so i cant even go up to them if i see them and i wouldnt even know what to say if i did #i see the same people in my classes but im sure they think im weird bc ive never talked with them but i always accidentally make eye contac #and one girl in 4/5 of my classes i sometimes talk with but i dont even know if she likes me and i acciendetnally made eye contact with her #while waiting for a lecture to start but then made no attemot to talk to her bc i thought itd be awkward and she probably thought i was #ignoring her #its just this week. its been so so shitty i dont know how to change thus

[tkbrokkoli]

from my first walk in months

[begin ID: two nighttime photographs of 5 sunflowers. they are illuminated by streetlight and reach up high into the dark sky behind a fence. in the background, silhouettes of trees are visible. end ID]

#not fandom related #personal log stardate #sunflowers #nature #after coming out to my parents+ sibling i felt like taking a walk. usually i don't take walks bc it's too exhausting or bc i just don't rly #like walks that much #anyway. im almost 30 and it took me almost a decade to bring up the courage to come out to a family member #idk yet how to tell the rest of my family but once im on T in a few months ill do it somehow #hormones and top surgery are so close. closer than ever. still far away tho. first i have to make the necessary #appointments and who knows how long the waiting lists ans waiting times are #but here i am. slowly getting where i want to be #my job ends soon and then university will start. many endings and beginnings these days. im a little overwhelmed #but itll all turn out right in the end. it always has. it always will

[indigodawns]

.

#my guys getting a ~new diagnosis at 25 is EXHAUSTING??? #at least as a chronic overthinker ig bc whew #every day i swing from oohhh yep im definitely autistic to noooo i don't think i fit it enough esp sensory wise and blabla #i make eyecontact (but now im thinking about it and it's like being conscious of your breathing yk?? and then it's like. is that why #it doesn't feel that natural suddenly or??? and if im a little uncomfortable i stop making eyecontact but ig that's ~normal) #and then with noise and light i don't KNOW i don't know if it's all bc im paying attention now #like you see MAYBE im just pretending my depression symptoms/self-dislike are autism but what actually happens is just that #and i wonder like is my almost compulsively picking at my nails or scabs (i know) stimming or? and what stims would i like how do you KNOW #anyways. had autism group therapy last week and it was v chill and lowkey and also relatable at times though we didn't cover that much #but the overhead lights stayed off and that was great bc i hate u massive tl lights (but im prone to migraines so who knows!) #anyways. my mum did say it makes sense to her and my sister accepted it in a heartbeat JDMDMD and she studies psych and had to #deal with me growing up and bossing her around (our strongest soldier) #and on holidays it takes me a week to get settled usually but i THOUGHT that was depression bc i feel isolated and lonely for a while #so yknow??? sighhhh i am discussing this in therapy but i wanna KNOW i want facts so i can speed through the acceptance process cmon #(i know.......) #anyways. if you're still reading 1) mwah and 2) input is always welcome #insofar any of this made sense

[marshmallowprotection]

Kait, I'm so happy to hear that you're safe! What you've done is incredibly brave, you should be proud of yourself!

I can also imagine that it's incredibly exhausting. Please take all the time you need to rest and recover, and don't apologize for being inactive. You always give us so much support, now it's our turn to support you <33

I'm doing okay, thanks for checking on me, Faye! It still hasn't hit me quite yet that I made a decision that was bold and decisive. It's one of those things where you have to look before you leap if you want anything to get better. I did a lot of things I didn't think I was capable of and in that regard, I can say that I'm proud of myself for being able to feel like a person with my own autonomy. It's going to take a little bit for me to feel like myself again. But I'm sure most people understand that. When you've been put down your entire life, it can make the moment when you step out into the sun without looking behind your shoulder to see if something's chasing you feel overwhelming. The good news is that I'm going to be okay.

In the same vein that I know Saeran and Saeyoung will be okay.

#mod kait #ask #not mm #brighteststar707 #the only tricky part is getting my body to understand that I'm okay #living in fight or flight for such a long time is difficult to put into words for people who haven't been through that #there is more ways to react to fear than just fight or flight but we've shortened it to fight or flight #but for people who have been in traumatic situations their body is almost constantly in a state of fear like that #you can't turn it off because your body is consistently trying to keep you safe #so once you are finally in a place where you don't need to feel it anymore. your body just doesn't know what to do #it's kind of like being a shell shocked or having a bucket of cold water dumped on you all of a sudden #so not only am I dealing with exhaustion #my brain is trying to comprehend all of the choices that I've made #I'm going to be okay and I know that. but it's just going to take a little bit for my body to get to that point #just because you can mentally understand something doesn't mean that the way that your body will react the same way #I'm just babbling on the chance that saying any of that can make people feel better about feeling different kinds of fear #y'all know me. always thinking about this before I think about myself / J