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#i also am absolutely the type of person who will stay in bed until they go away. if that’s days so be it
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Why allergies
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jaylver · 1 year
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HOW YOU GET THE GIRL — P.JS
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SYNOPSIS: Beach parties are supposedly fun and exciting, aren’t they? Wrong. Experiencing college parties is rare for you, but you decided to give this one a go after your best friend’s constant pleas. Things were alright until everything turned sour when trouble found you and eventually you were roped into a fight alongside the campus’ famous hockey playboy. As if that wasn’t enough, the devil himself conjured up an idea that you found yourself being entangled in. It was all fun and games up until confusion arose, feelings being confessed and played, in the end, Jay had to learn how to get the girl, his girl.
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PAIRINGS: ice hockey player!jay x afab!reader
GENRE: strangers to frenemies to lovers, fake dating au, college sports au, romance, fluff, angst, secret pining
WARNING(S): drinking, parties, profanities, slight violence, possessive jay, mentions/hints of cheating, miscommunication, slow burn-ish, a pinch of suggestiveness
WC: 21k
AUTHOR NOTES: yes, the title is based on taylor swift's song, the story is lowkey inspired from it hehe! i also included a scene which was inspired from "sleet kitten" so credits to that ;) PLEASE LEAVE A FEEDBACK! it would mean THE WORLD to me <3 hope you enjoy!
part 2 of 'no competition' series | series masterlist | masterlist
© jaylver 2023
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“WHY AM I HERE?”
You found yourself asking your best friend, Minji, only after barely ten minutes of setting foot into the party. Look, you didn’t wish to complain, but a beach party basically equaled sand in shoes, which you absolutely hate and despise, yet you were stuck here against your will.
It all started on a random stroll across campus where Minji brought up the night beach party hosted by some rich frat boy, typical. Being the anti-party person you were, you brushed the idea away initially. Hey, staying in bed with a cup of tea was miles better than having sand in your shoes and frat boys trying to get into your pants, yuck. But eventually, you gave into the idea of relaxing and letting go for once after a horrid chemistry test. How you absolutely regretted that choice now.
“You’re here to enjoy yourself,” Minji hissed through her teeth, holding onto your hand as the two of you walked past strangers. “What’s wrong with getting free booze and some hot hunky beach boys?”
“Everything is wrong with that. Their booze sucks and the beach boys hide at night,” you huffed, hugging your body tight as the wind blew across your face, the smell of sea lingered in the air.
“There are still some cute guys here,” Minji kicked at the sand lightly, staring around where people were littered in groups here and there, a small bonfire alighted in the middle of the beach. “The hockey guys are here,” she nodded at the loudest bunch in the area.
You knew a part of them since you did occasionally stop by to watch a few major hockey games, but definitely not well enough to pair their names to their faces. You spotted the captain first and the one with freshly dyed white hair, who you recognized was also his usual partner on ice, then there was the player with a really odd number, 99. Was it Jason, James or Jeremy? All you could remember was him being number 99 and having a J name, not to mention, an interesting reputation to his name.
"They're cute, don't you think so?" Minji nudged you and you shrugged.
"Cute but fuckboys, and I need them to step up during major games too,"
"You should ignore the hockey part about them. It'll hurt less when they lose," Minji's head turned and she pointed to another group. "The footballers are there too. Trust me, they're bigger fuckboys,"
"Oh, I can tell," you spotted many of them already having a girl by their sides, whispering and giggling while they poured each other more drinks. "This is why I'd rather go back to the dorms,"
"Maybe, maybe not. Something entertaining will eventually happen at these types of parties,"
"I feel like you'll jinx it,"
Minji threw her hands up in defence, raising her eyebrows and shrugging. "Don't blame me, blame the system,"
"There's no system," you shot back, suddenly feeling the need to walk away for a moment as the beach slowly overwhelmed you. (you hated the beach, can't you already tell?) "I need to stop by the restroom for a while, look after my drink, will you?"
You were practically racing to the nearby restroom, finally escaping the area and being able to breathe freely without drunk college students bumping into you. The restroom was basically just a single cubicle, so you were squeezed tightly and you felt uncomfortable as each second passed. You were praying to God that you get to leave this place pronto. 
Leaving the cubicle made you feel slightly more grateful about the beach, but upon only a second from exiting, you started hearing shouts coming not far from where you were. At first, you wondered if you’ve reached the point of hallucination, but following a few more grunts and yells, you knew you weren’t. Your body tensed immediately considering it's a distance from the main area. What could even be happening here?
You knew this was how horror movies usually start, but your curious mind just had to wander off further into the abyss and bring your leg along, so you chose the stupidest decision and followed the distant commotion.
'I'm not dying tonight. I'm not dying at a beach. I'm going to be fine' were the affirmations you repeated in your head, though you felt quite the opposite of that.
"Fuck you, are you banging my girl?"
That was when you stopped in your tracks completely, thrown absolutely off guard, eyes widened and lips forming into an 'O'. It wasn't a murder case, but from the way the conversation sounded, it was about to be one.
"I didn't bang your girl, who the fuck are you?" Another voice spat back and you inched closer, hiding behind the other cubicle and you peeked your head out, shocked at the sight before you. 
There was already a small crowd surrounding the commotion, who wouldn't want to miss a free show anyway? But the bigger matter on hand was the centre of attention, the two guys were the campus' well known hockey player and footballer. 
You recognized the footballer at once, remembering the time where Minji practically shoved his Instagram profile into your face. Yoon Keeho. Star player paired along with his amazing features, he was a popular figure who had a popular girlfriend from the dance team, Karina. They were basically every comics' perfect couple.
Then there was the hockey player, your jaw could only hang lower in plain shock. Mr 99, hockey star and infamous playboy, you knew he was trouble, but this kind of trouble? A little unexpected from him.
"Look man, I know people say I fuck around a lot, but I never fucked her!" It was obvious Mr 99 was starting to get heated, but the footballer was relentless in egging him on.
"Oh fuck off man, I know you did it!"
This back and forth had you rolling your eyes, eventually getting bored from the “no I didn't”s and “yes you did”s thrown back and forth, so you slowly crept back, trying your best to avoid tripping over rocks and shells.
'Crack' 
You spoke too soon. Way too soon.
"Hey!"
You took a few cautious steps ahead. Maybe if you just pretend nothing happened and continue walking, it would be fine. Maybe if you walked away, he wouldn't notice—
"Hey!"
You squeezed your eyes shut, contemplating between immediate death or a quick dash away, but neither could be decided when the voice kept on calling after you, ruining your patience completely and you whipped around, looking like a deer caught in headlights. 
"Yes?"
Mr 99 stared back at you, a sinister look in his eyes. From the looks of it, he had something evil brewing in that head of his and soon, you were about to be the victim of his dodgy plan.
What came out of his lips next definitely made you wish you were home instead and simultaneously, wishing you had the freedom to strangle him. This fucker—
"That's my girlfriend there, she can vouch for me," you heard him telling Keeho, a smug smile on his face. Girl … friend? Gasps were heard and all eyes were on you in an instance. "Come here, babe, I've been looking for you!"
You blinked, your body absolutely rigid and unmoving as if paralysed. This couldn't be happening, right? Please wake me up from this dream. I'm just hallucinating—
"Babe, come on," your brief dissociation had you completely unaware that Mr 99 was now in front of you, dragging you by your wrist towards the scene of commotion. 
"What are you doing?" You whispered harshly into his ear, making sure it wasn't loud enough for the other couple to realise from a distance away.
"Play along, please, I'll pay you," he pleaded, desperation clear in his voice. Who were you to say no to free cash? Nevertheless, you still hated being the centre of attention, and Mr 99 here was only making matters worse.
"I don't even know you,"
"I'm Jay from literature, so technically now you do. Just help me for a few minutes," he grunted through his gritted teeth, flashing his best version of puppy eyes that failed to execute its purpose. 
“Do you even know my name?” you hissed lowly, glaring pointedly at him. He could only sigh in exasperation. He had the audacity to seem annoyed while you were literally the one who’s getting dragged to her demise. 
“You’re Y/N from English literature. We have the same classes and I’m not a douche for not knowing my classmates, okay?” you were slightly pleased, but not enough to be someone’s fake girlfriend for show. Against your free will, you and Jay were finally standing face to face with the couple. 
"So you're his girlfriend?" Keeho had an eyebrow raised, a sense of accusation and suspicion in his gaze. He was so not buying this.
You glanced at Jay, face twisted in uneasiness, not loving the idea of this, but instead, he shot you an encouraging look which was screaming 'go on, tell him'. "Y–yeah. Girlfriend,"
Keeho was unconvinced and you couldn't blame him, you were doing a shit job at pretending to be someone you weren't. "Where was your boyfriend yesterday at night? Was he out?"
"He—" the words got stuck in your throat and Jay raised his eyebrows at you, mouthing some random words you totally couldn't decipher. "He went out on a date with me,"
"To?"
"Baskin Robbins …?"
Keeho remained unamused, his girlfriend holding onto him snickering silently under her breath, and you, on the other hand, got naturally defensive.
"What's wrong with ice cream? At least my man cared enough to bring me out for ice cream dates instead of letting me cheat on him freely. Just saying,"
"What?"
Now it was Keeho and Jay's turn to stare at you with their jaws hung low. Karina's face gradually grew scarlet, her lips twisted into a snarl. "What do you even know about my relationship? Keep out of my business, you bitch,"
"Hey, who the fuck are you to call her a bitch?" Jay stepped in front of you, an arm shielding you and Karina cowered away. Damn, he was good at this.
"Don't talk to her like that, you fuck," Keeho spat at Jay, daringly pushing Jay on the chest and he stumbled slightly into your arms. 
Jay scoffed, brushing his front and adjusted his shirt, shaking his head a little. "You're such a dick, Yoon Keeho. You're the prime example why I hate footballers,"
"And you hockey players are the reason why you're dragging the school's name to the ground,"
"Save the talk, we literally won the playoffs while you and your team could barely crawl to the top—"
You gasped, and so did everyone else watching. Keeho had thrown a hard punch across Jay's pretty face, which meant Jay's aggravation unfortunately worked a little too well on the footballer. 
To your surprise, Jay took the hit better than you'd expected. He did seem taken aback at the start, but then he started laughing instead. Was he secretly psychotic?
You would be lying if you said you weren't shell shocked initially, but after a moment of recovery, you peeked over his shoulder, staring at his face for any obvious bleeding or bruising, unaware of how close your face was to his.
"You okay, big man?"
"Took it like a champ," he muttered back, a smirk pulled at his lips, seeming as though nothing had even happened. "Permission for me to punch him back, girlfriend?"
"He's all yours. Go beat his ass, boyfriend,"
Jay shrugged nonchalantly, rubbing the side of his face roughly and in a flash, he threw a punch back at Keeho and panicked whispers broke out in the crowd.
"Look man, this is a misunderstanding, I totally didn't fuck your girlfriend," Jay panted, his eyes narrowing at Karina. 
"Don't look at me like that," she snapped back, but her voice wavered, giving away the fact that she was obviously hiding something and was intimidated by the way Jay could see right through her.
"Oh come on, fess up, I'm pretty sure I saw you with Yeonjun," 
Karina stilled, her eyes beginning to twitch. Bingo. You didn’t sit through a boring psychology talk once for nothing.
"You don't know shit about me,"
"Okay, say that to Yeonjun the next time he finds you," 
Maybe you did regret having too big of a mouth. You just had to blabber on and agitate the mean girl and now you were reenacting a scene from one of your favourite high school rom coms. 
Before you could even register what's happening, you felt a sharp tug at your hair and pain washed over your whole head. Getting bald wasn't the thing you wished for upon reaching here. You screamed on instinct, reaching over to grab Karina's hair in defence, invoking a loud cry from her.
Jay and Keeho were left stunned at the turn of events. Hell, you were stunned at the attack yourself. Who would've thought you would be sacrificing strands of hair to Miss Dancer? They eventually came to their senses (thank heavens) and tried to pull you and Karina off of each other. It was strenuous work just trying to break you two apart, your hand was unwilling to let go and neither were hers.
She might’ve been a dancer, but you’ve experienced more fights than this. Jay managed to rip you off of Karina and you were left dishevelled, heaving heavily, Jay's hands wrapped around your chest from the back.
"Calm down. Breathe. You're so close to ripping all her hair out," he whispered into your ear, his breath fanning your ears. If you weren't so out of breath and adrenaline spiked, you would be weak in the knees by now. 
"Good. She was the one who laid her hands on me first," you spat, glaring straight at her and she did the same, hair and attire equally as messy as yours. 
"Look man," Jay called out to Keeho, grabbing his attention away from his murderous girlfriend. "I might fuck around a lot, but I swear I didn't touch your girl. I never stoop that low and you know it. Go ask her for the truth yourself, I'm leaving now,"
Jay got ahold of your hand and pulled you away from the wandering eyes and lingering attention. You almost got a whiplash, unable to even yourself completely together and digest what even went on before he dragged you towards the main area. 
"Woah, woah, wait," you yanked your arm away, stopping abruptly which made Jay turn around, a questioning look on his face. Why is he looking at me like that? You thought as you crossed your arms.
"Look, you might've saved my ass from Miss Crazy over there, but the part where you dragged me in your stupid drama, so not cool," 
"I know, I'm sorry, okay? You were just coincidentally … there,"
"Wow," you exclaimed in disbelief, face scrunched in slight distaste. "Girlfriend, huh … I hate to burst your bubble but there were people there and if—" you poked at his chest and he stared at you, a slight smirk on his lips, "—people actually believe we're dating, I'll beat you up,"
"What's so wrong about me?" He whistled, leaning down to meet your challenging gaze, a sarcastic grin wide on that devilish face of his. Maybe if he wasn't this annoying, you would've found him pants-dropping hot.
"I hate you," you continued your journey back, brushing past him and he could only let out a laugh at your words.
"Oh, come on," he caught your wrist and pulled you to him, making you land on his chest with a soft thud. If only someone could take a picture of this, it would be something straight out of a 2000s classic romcom.
"You're ridiculous, let go," you tried to get your hand out of his, but he persisted in holding onto you. 
Pushing and pulling was something you hated. Whether it was in relationships or just whatever this was, you wished it was gone, because in the next second of tug of war, one of you decided to lose balance and fall to ground.
To your biggest nightmare and headache, you ended up lying on top of Mr 99, Jay, the devil in disguise. The beach was already a nightmare for you, but a fucking man under you? You wished you could disappear now.
"Do you always like this position?" 
"If only I could choke you to death in it, then sure,"
"Kinky. You're really romantic,"
"I know," you gritted out, finally mustering all your energy to push yourself up and away from Jay, almost losing your balance in the process. You definitely wouldn't want to fall on him again.
You dusted sand off of your shorts, peeking slightly at Jay, who remained on the ground, his hands behind his head to support him as his stare remained on you, a small smile on his face. You truly wondered what was running through that head of his. Knowing him, it was probably nothing good.
“Do you think we’ll meet again after this?”
You scoffed, a frown etched on your features. “You’re acting like I’m cinderella. I’m on the campus,”
“I mean, we both might be on campus, but that doesn’t mean we’ll cross path,”
“It sounds like you’re trying to propose something—” Jay opened his mouth to respond, but you continued off, not letting him interrupt, “—whatever it is, it’s a ‘no’ from me, okay?”
“Alright, rude,” Jay pushed his body up from the sands, sitting cross legged paired with an offended look. “I’m not trying to propose anything. What’s that dirty mind of yours thinking? I was simply wondering,”
You squinted at him, doubt in your gaze and your face scrunched, humming softly. “Let’s leave our next meeting to fate again. I’m afraid if I keep seeing you I might—”
“Fall in love?”
“Explode. Close enough,” you grimaced, shaking the sand off your shoes. "Look, I'm leaving now. Good luck on not getting beat up again," you turned to leave, but halting once Jay spoke again.
"Will I be seeing you at my matches?"
You pondered for a second, then shrugged. "Depends. I'm not a big hockey fan, but who knows?"
You heard a small chuckle from Jay, rolling your eyes a little. "Fine by me. Let's see how fate sets us up then, Y/N."
You wished fate didn't set you and him up. You wished fate would never ever do so. You didn’t wait for another minute and quickly dashed away, finding your way back to the main area that (thankfully) wasn’t far from where you were. It seemed that the fight didn’t reach the main area where everyone was from the way they were all dancing and drinking like normal.
“Where were you?” Minji pulled you close to her once you had managed to locate her amongst the bunch, concern laced in her voice. “And what the fuck happened to you? Why’s your hair messed up? Wait—” the worry in her gaze soon turned into suspicion. “You didn’t have a secret hookup right?”
“What? No!” you shrieked, glancing around in slight embarrassment at your voice rising unintentionally. Just thinking about what had happened just now gave you a first degree burn of embarrassment, it was going to be your first and last experience, never again. “I … got into a fight,”
“You what?”
“Listen,” you placed a hand on Minji’s shoulder, trying to calm her down while inching closer and making sure to keep your voice down. “I stumbled upon a messy couple related drama and somehow I got roped into it. It’s all Jong Seong’s fault, okay?”
“Jay? What did he do?”
“Accused of fucking Keeho’s girl. It would be funny to witness the whole thing without being apart of it, honestly,”
“I need more context,”
“He called me his girlfriend so that I could vouch for him and I said something bad to Keeho’s girlfriend so we … kinda got into a tussle,”
Minji was stunned to say the least, but there was still a hint of amusement from the way she smiled.  “I won’t directly say she deserves it, but she does,” she let out a small laugh and you two shared a look before bursting out laughing, having to hold your chest from the random jokes she threw in between.
“So, time for us to leave?”
“Fucking finally, I was waiting for you to say this,”
“No girls trips to the beach in the future, huh?”
“Nope.” you mumbled, letting Minji wrap an arm around your waist as the both of you start making your way to Minji’s car. You strangely felt a pair of wandering eyes pinpointed on you and you turned your head slightly to the right, meeting Jay’s playful gaze among his group of hockey guys. It was barely a second before you were dragged away anyway, leaving you minimal chances to process anything.
Park Jong Seong, please don’t ever drag me into your schemes ever again. Fuck it, let’s never cross paths again.
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IT SEEMS THAT FATE HAS PLAYED ITS ROLE ONCE MORE IN TORTURING YOU.
In what way was ‘never getting involved with Park Jong Seong’ so hard to understand, huh, fate? You found yourself having an angry internal monologue on the way back to your dorms, your coffee threatening to spill out of the cup with the aggressiveness in your walk. It all started out like this: you just got your donut for the morning, walking to lecture with your earphones blasting your favourite music, what could possibly go wrong? Everything.
You were just walking as per usual, until a girl tapped you from the back, and like every normal person does, you stopped and turned around, a confused look on your face. Who’s this? You wondered. That’s the last thought you could form before everything started crumbling eventually.
First, she asked whether you were dating Jay. Eye roll. You knew this was bound to happen. So, you said ‘no’, which was a reasonable answer since you were, in fact, not dating him. But the girl thought otherwise. You turned to leave, halfway to shoving back your earphones in when she grabbed hold of your wrist. Woah. 
“I know you’re dating him, everyone do after he made y’all official during that party,”
“Okay…?” it was no use trying to fight back with her persistence, so you just went along with it, not knowing what you were even getting into.
“You do know he fucked me before right—?” TMI much. “Can you tell him to come over and get his stuff? It feels wrong having a man’s stuff around knowing he’s in a relationship,”
“Oh,” was all you could muster out. This whirlwind of information being smacked into your face at 10 in the morning was something you hadn’t expected. “You can tell him that yourself. I’m … busy. I have to go,”
Like any sane person would, you dashed away, possibly leaving the girl in a confused daze but you couldn’t care less, pulling out your phone to angrily type Jay’s Instagram handle and sending him an annoyed text message.
you: a girl just told me she fucked you and she felt it was wrong that you left your stuff while you’re ‘dating’ me. can you please sort this out? istg i’ve been asked too many times whether i’m dating you today fr
Not even after a minute of sending that, Jay replied back at once. 
jaypjs: how did you know what my Insta profile is?
You rolled your eyes, your fingers working hard but careful to not accidentally break your screen with the vigour you had whilst typing.
you: is that so important right now? can you at least answer my question?
jaypjs: just ignore it, it’ll pass soon, i swear. ttyl i have practice ;) 
Jerk. 
As much as Jay had asked you to ignore it, it seemed to have backfired instead. At the library, cafeteria, girl’s restroom, you were bombarded with the same question over and over again. ‘Are you dating Jay?’ You swore if you had a dollar everytime someone had asked you this question, you would’ve been a billionaire by now.
Evening soon fell upon the campus grounds, students were rushing around to find a place for dinner, but the hockey team were still remained in training, and being you, you just had to impulsively barge into the arena, practically rushing down the stairs to the glass panes, spotting your target at first glance. 
You would be lying if you said you didn’t find him mesmerizingly attractive in that split moment. He reminded you of someone that had just appeared straight out of a scene from ‘Top Gun’, except on ice. He had his helmet in his hand, his hair wet with sweat, his eyes trained on his coach as he lectured the team on that and this.
You thought your staring had gone unnoticed, but that’s when one of his teammates pointed at you, his gaze turning to you now, a hint of curiosity and surprise in his face. If only he knew you were actually there to murder him.
“Y/N?” You heard his muffled voice through the glass as he skated towards you right after his coach had dismissed them, inching closer and closer until there was barely any distance, only a singular glass pane separating you two apart.
“Jay,” you started, pushing down whatever volcano that was close to bursting inside you right now. 
“Did my girlfriend miss me so much until she decided to give me a surprise visit?”
“If I hear that word one more time today, I think I might jump down the nearest building,” you snapped, poking a finger on the glass threateningly. “Look, I’m here because we need to talk—why does this sound like an actual couple conversation—whatever, just get your ass out here immediately,”
“Fine, fine,” Jay threw his hands up in defeat, sensing the seriousness in your voice, you did not come to play. “I’ll be out in a second,”
He disappeared out of sight, and to your dismay, that left his teammates a great opportunity to approach you. Just your luck, huh?
“You’re dating Jay?” the captain, Heeseung, shouted over at you, waving his hockey stick in the air in an attempt to grab your attention.
“It’s complicated,”
“Friends with benefits?” the one with a head of freshly dyed white hair, Sunghoon, chimed in. You recognized the both of them from the party, what are the odds?
“Non-physical type of complicated,”
“That does sound complicated,” Heeseung hummed, practising passes with Sunghoon. “Played with your feelings?”
“I don’t know if I can count it as that…yet,”
Heeseung and Sunghoon shared a brief glance at one another. “Jay might be a playboy, we all know that, but he’s a softie at heart. Hear him out, he might not look like it, but he’s the best at talking,”
“That’s why he’s so good at picking up girls—” Heeseung slapped Sunghoon’s head, giving you a small reassuring smile while the other winced in pain, not appreciating that one bit.
“I’ll hear him out, don’t worry,” you said rather begrudgingly, sitting down on one of the empty seats now, rubbing your hands for warmth as you awkwardly waited for Jay.
“Stop pestering her already, damn,” Jay’s footsteps were heard thumping down the stairs in the empty arena. “Go wash up,” he slid into the seat next to you, now in clean clothes, a towel hung around his neck, his hair wet and messy, his shirt hugging his body and biceps tight. Lord, give me strength.
“Hey! I’m the captain!” Heeseung shouted, but abided, pushing Sunghoon along and out of the rink, leaving you two to yourselves in the ambiance.
“So, what did you want to … talk about?” Jay stared at you expectantly.
“Us? I suppose, if there’s even an ‘us’ in the first place,” you gestured between you and him. “It’s just everyone’s thinking we’re together and all your past fuck buddies are up my ass for it. So—” you tried to put on the nicest smile you could muster. “—could you please, somehow spread it around that we’re not together?”
“But what if I don’t want to?”
“Jong Seong!”
“Government name and all, it’s serious,” he murmured under his breath, suddenly seeming anxious. “You’re going to kill me for this—”
“As if I’m not going to already,”
“Let me finish,” he pressed a hand on his forehead, running it further back into his hair and he let out a distress sigh. “I know you’re going to hate this but I need your favour in this. I have this hockey event next Saturday, a charity event, and I need a plus one,”
“You’re asking me out on a date basically?”
“Kinda? But not really—this is so stupid—but this event will be after a home match, so our opponents and many others from different schools will be a part of this event. The thing is…our opponent, one of their players, is dating my ex,”
“And?” you raised an eyebrow at him, urging him to continue on, his cheeks gradually turning red in embarrassment.
“They’ll be there together, and I was hoping—since we’re already in this mess—to bring you as my plus one, to try and prove to her I’m way better off without her,”
“You’re kidding,” you breathed out in disbelief. “Give me one reason why you need to prove to this girl about you being happy and taken,”
“She cheated on me multiple times while we were dating…the guy was one of them and they’re still together surprisingly,”
“Damn, I’m sorry about that,” you swallowed, a little taken aback from the fact that the infamous fuckboy had his heart broken in the past. Maybe that was the starting point of his fuckboy journey. Gosh, everything felt so cliche, you thought you were in a web series by now. “So…you want me to fake date you?”
“Why are you saying it as if the idea of dating me is an offence?”
“Jay, this isn’t some 2000s romcom, for fuck’s sake,” you snapped, your frown deepened and your blood pressure heightened. You swear you might actually explode soon.
“I’m aware,” Jay sighed, a small whine in his voice. He did seem desperate, and you wondered why out of a hundred girls that were practically lining up for this man, you just had to be the one that had to be a part of this mess with him. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Worst of all, you were about to agree to something as dumb as this. “Help me out this once?”
“And what will I get from this?” you crossed your arms, hesitatingly giving in slowly and gradually.
“You like Juyeon don’t you?” Jay questioned all of a sudden, his features remained stoic and serious as he watched you experiencing another whiplash, cheeks turning into a shade of light pink at his bombarding question.
“W–where did you get that information from?” you demanded, completely thrown off. Look, you did say you liked him a little from his sweet smile to his nice style, and not to mention, his athletic side, but it was to Minji, not Jay. How in hell could he have this information?
“I’m not wrong am I?”
“Am I being blackmailed?” you gasped and Jay rolled his eyes, leaning further back into his seat. He wasn’t making this easier by looking good. “I don’t like like him in that type of way, I just think he’s kinda cute,”
“So, you’re interested,”
“You could put it that way, I guess?”
“How about I help you make him jealous,” 
You choked out a laugh, Jay surely succeeded in always surprisingly you with the way his mind turned. “Dude, I literally only know him from that one Chemistry class, and we were partners once. We barely talk now except some greetings,”
“That’s better than nothing,” he mumbled, his lips pressed in a flat line. “Hey, I know him more, okay? He goes to parties and so do I, I can help you get closer to him,” Jay raised his eyebrows, as if trying to convince you that was the smartest plan ever.
“You’re an idiot,”
“I don’t hear a ‘no’,” 
“Don’t push your luck,” you poked his forehead gently, letting out a deep sigh as you contemplated for a second. Future you was going to kill the present you. “Fine. But honestly, I don’t care about Juyeon,”
“I’ll try my best to repay you either way,” Jay beamed, his whole demeanour changing entirely compared to the nervous and shaking version from earlier. “So, what ground rules should we set to make it at least quite convincing?”
“No kissing, unless we are pressured into one,”
“You’re not completely objecting the idea of kissing me,”
“Believe me, I’d rather have virgin lips than kiss you,”
“Ouch,” Jay held onto his chest, feigning hurt. “Wanna try practising?”
“You have other girls to practise on anyway, no thank you,”
“But you’re my only girl now,” he shrugged, staring down at his fingers and avoiding your stare. Was he shy? You would be lying if you said he didn’t make your heart flutter slightly with his words, but you forced yourself to push those thoughts down, denying them instantly.
"Shush," you rolled your eyes, the man opposite you snickering instead. "Maybe a soft launch might work,"
"I literally called you my girlfriend in the middle of a fight, I don't think that's any part of a soft launch,"
"You're right, we've already skipped that part," you tapped at your chin, pondering thoughtfully before Jay interjected.
"You have to come to my matches,"
"Every one of them? I don't watch hockey much,"
"Just be there for show, most of the teammates' girlfriends are there and trust me, they don't care much either," he glanced over at the rink for a brief moment, then turned back to meet your eyes. "You'll fall in love with me the moment you watch me play,"
"Alright, hotshot. When's the next match?"
“This Friday,” he winked, resting an arm on the seat and casually leaning a little closer. “But before that, wanna come to a party? It’s pretty much a ‘pregame party’, that’s what they call it, but I’m sure it’s a lame excuse to just have a party in general for every week. I can pick you up though, we'll get to have our second hard launch,”
“You’re lucky I’m not feeling murderous anymore,” you snapped back, still in disbelief at yourself that you actually agreed to all this. “Pick me up at 7,” you mumbled begrudgingly, watching a smile stretched on Jay’s face.
“Say less.”
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“YOU’RE DATING WHO—”
Spilling the tea to Minji on a random Wednesday morning was a chaotic decision. You couldn't help yourself from letting loose all of the information that was bottled up internally. She took everything in rather calmly and fairly, that was until Jay's name was mentioned.
It was just a day before the party, and you couldn't lie, you're starting to panic. What if you didn't know anyone there? What if you're under dressed? What if you're overdressed? What ifs stormed your mind, you were a natural overthinker after all.
"Fake dating," you corrected, cringing once the words left your mouth and you realised how ridiculous it sounded.
“I didn’t know you liked Wattpad cliches so much,”
"Shut up," you muttered half-heartedly, pursing your lips slightly. "Do you think I'll regret this?"
"Will you end up falling for him?" Minji shot back and you hadn't expected that. 
"God forbid," you chuckled, though rather nervously. Chances were low at the moment, but it wasn't completely impossible, and that was the problem. 
“This won’t be like those movies where they pretend to date and actually end up falling in love,” you laughed, trying to play off the hidden horror you had.
"This will come back and bite your ass," Minji said simply, not noticing your wide eyes and panicked gaze.
"Don't jinx it, hello!" 
"My bad," Minji shrugged nonchalantly. “How did he even convince a non party goer like you to attend one?”
“He wants to ‘hard launch’ us for a second time,”
“Cute?” Minji mused, nudging you softly, wiggling her eyebrows. "Any outfits planned?" 
"Nope," you regretted saying this because in the next second, you noticed a menacing grin on Minji's face. If there's one thing you know about her, it's that she loves dress ups, and you were about to be her next model.
Minji dragged you back to your dorm, pushing you onto the bed and ripping your closet doors open, rummaging through intensely.
"This won't do," you heard her mumble quietly before pulling out a mini skirt and a simple crop top. "Bingo,"
"You can't be serious," 
Turns out, she was. Both of the pieces have yet to be worn in a long time, so you didn’t know how it would fit you, leading up to the moment when you tried it on, you instantly felt your head pound. The skirt was God forbiddingly short, the crop top hugging tight against your body. The entirety might've looked plain, but it was a slutty plain.
You were already running late, panic and stress in your system giving you slight adrenaline as you finished up some last touches on your makeup. If Minji wasn't out for a dinner date, you would've been strangling her for the outfit and for the untimely lack of support. 
“You took quite a while in there,” Jay said the moment you entered his luxurious sleek black Mercedes. You knew he was loaded, everyone did actually, but it still managed to shock you somehow.
“I was giving myself a pep talk to not try and run away from this party,” you flashed him a sarcastic smile. 
“Haha,” Jay replied flatly, unamused. “It’ll be an easy party, don’t worry, you won’t get mauled. I’ll just introduce you around and then you go have some drinks, soon we’ll be back before you know it,”
“You’re not drinking right?”
“You think I’d like to be charged with a DUI?”
“Have you ever thought about that when you drive multiple girls home after parties?”
“It’s not nice to slut shame,”
“Whatever you say.”
The car ride to the house was quick and loud. It was calming when you and Jay were vibing to some music along the way up until the two of you started fighting over who was the best rapper in the industry, that eventually led to debating which genre is the greatest. The debate continued on even after entering the threshold, but nervousness washed over you once you were met with unfamiliar faces. 
“Pop is not even considered in this deb—”
“Jay, hold my hand,”
“What—”
“Hold my hand,” you repeated firmly, and he listened despite being in a daze, intertwining his hand in yours, instinctively pulling you closer. “We have to make this convincing, remember?”
“Right,” he squeezed your hand lightly, unknowingly giving you a hint of reassurance. “Stick by me, some of the people here are not the best,”
“Thanks, I can’t wait to get out of here,”
Jay only rolled his eyes at your words, a slight grin tugged at his lips. He held onto your hand tightly, pulling you further into the crowded house, occasionally turning his head back to check on you. “There, my hockey boys,” he nodded towards a small group by a small makeshift bar, instantly recognizing them from that day at the rink.
“What if I told you now that I have social anxiety,” you whispered into his ears, trying to give him your best pleading eyes. 
“It’ll be a little too late now,” he returned a knowing stare, clearly unfazed by your tricks. Smart bastard. “Come on, you’ve already met them anyway,”
“Y/N!” Heeseung was the one who spotted you first, waving his hand enthusiastically, Sunghoon following suit. You returned a small wave, but you tensed, feeling Jay removing his hand from yours, sneaking onto your waist instead. You were not strong enough for this, you were a woman with desires at the end of the day.
“Hey,” Jay greeted them, resting his hand on your hip, your hand unconsciously travelling to his back, his smirk at your touch going unnoticed.
“So, Y/N, is he still in ‘complicated’ status?” Sunghoon brought up, eliciting a small laugh from Heeseung, meanwhile Jay was equally confused and unimpressed at his teammates’ unseriousness.
“Don’t worry, he has upgraded,” you prodded him, passing a pleased smile to the other two.
“Will we be seeing you at our games?”
“Maybe,” you said vaguely, feeling Jay’s hand leaving your hips and sneaking lower towards the hem of your skirt and slowly pulling at it. You turned your head, meeting his eyes and at that moment, you felt something you denied over the last week. You were weak, you were definitely not God’s strongest soldier. It was bare minimum, but you still appreciated the little things. 
“Let’s go walk around,” Jay suggested, leaning close to you, his face only inches away from yours, his hand squeezing your hip gently. Who knew he was this good at acting?
“Don’t be too protective over her, Jay boy!” Sunghoon called out as he dragged you away from his friends, earning a soft laugh from you and grudging mumbles from him. 
“They tend to be quite a handful sometimes, sorry about that,” Jay said apologetically, leading you to a room full of people playing beer pong and some other drinking games. 
“Don’t worry about it, they seem fine,” you brushed him off, pressing yourself closer to his side in caution as your eyes scanned the whole room. “They don’t look like they believe the fact that you’re actually ‘dating’ someone though,”
“They once said they would be married by the time I found someone,” he scoffed, pulling you into an unoccupied coach. “Which isn’t true,” he continued, placing a pillow on your exposed thighs. “I just haven’t found the one, or just not yet. Maybe I already did and I just didn’t know, ”
“Take it easy, loverboy,” you softly punched his shoulder, making him grin a little. He was cute, you couldn’t lie about that, but your heart continued to. “You’re still young, you should be worrying about it only if you’re 35 and single,”
“You’re right,” he nodded solemnly, his attention averted away. "It's Juyeon," 
At that moment, Juyeon walked into the room, greeting some of his friends and welcoming hugs from them, the atmosphere in the room became noisier. Your gaze followed his figure, blinking quicker than usual as you suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of alarm.
"Don't drool," Jay clicked his tongue, his eyes turning fierce. What's up with this guy now?
"I'm not," you gritted out, your heart dropping slightly at the sight of Juyeon interacting with other girls. You were lying when you said you didn't care, maybe you did.
"I don't get why you like him anyway, he's a jock, a football jock," he said the last part in distaste, making it seem as though footballers were the worst on earth.
"It's called being interested, dumbass. Having someone to admire makes college life fun," you fought back, caving into Jay's touch when he draped his arm over your waist. You shouldn't be liking this skinship. You mustn't.
"He's coming over, he spotted us," Jay mumbled, flashing his smile at Juyeon's approaching figure. "Act natural,"
"Thanks for the advice," you gritted out dryly, shifting around uncomfortably.
"Yo Jay," Juyeon called out to Jay, dabbing your supposed boyfriend up, a friendly smile on his face that blinded your vision and made your heart eyes appear. Fuck.
"Sup," Jay greeted back, breathing out a quiet laugh. “Oh, this is—”
“Y/N,” Juyeon finished Jay’s sentence at once, his gaze shifted onto you now, causing you to shy under his stare. “Partner from Chemistry?”
“That’s me,” you beamed at him, clapping your hands together, absentmindedly leaning further into Jay’s hold. 
“I don’t normally see you at these type of parties,”
“Not a big party person,” you scratched the back of your neck, the feeling of awkwardness creeping up on you. You were never the best at meeting new people, though Juyeon wasn’t exactly a total stranger, but he wasn’t someone you were close to either. 
“Right,” he paused for a moment, peering back and forth between you and Jay, a slight raise of his eyebrow. “So what brings the two of you here? You’re Jay’s date for the night?”
“She’s Jay’s girlfriend, actually,” the man himself spoke beside you, his hand on your waist pulling you closer to his side, a tight smile on his face. "My girlfriend,"
You could feel heat crawling up the back of your neck, choosing to avert your attention away and see what Juyeon’s reaction was. Turns out he was grinning, he was fucking grinning? 
“Jay with a girlfriend? For real?”
Jay let out a scoff, seemingly offended by everyone’s surprise. Hell, if you didn’t know him and found out he had a girlfriend, you’ll be surprised too. “Yes, dickhead, surprise,” he grumbled, earning a chuckle from the footballer, who clearly loved irking Jay.
“Chill, good for you, man. About time,” he lightly slapped Jay’s shoulder and you sat quietly, not knowing what to say either. You really wanted to leave. “I’ll be at tomorrow’s match, see you,”
“Yeah, yeah, bye,” Jay bid a half-assed goodbye to Juyeon while you just waved at him instead, a tight lipped smile on your face. Once he was out of the picture, your head whipped to stare at the hockey player next to you, an impatient plea to leave this party written all over your features.
“Fine,” he sighed, letting you slip your hand in his. “How was all that?” he asked coolly, but you noticed a hint of displeasure in his tone, yet you waved it off again.
“I don’t know, he’s … okay, I guess,” you shrugged, truly confused about your current feelings. The thought of Jay stormed your mind. Juyeon? That’s the last J name of your concerns right now. But will you ever admit out loud that you were thinking about Jay, the man who constantly gives you headaches? Fuck no.
“Just ‘okay’?”
You hummed in response, sensing that he was a little bit more at ease after hearing your answer. He was easy to read, too easy.
“Does that make me better than him?”
“Woah, don’t get too ahead of yourself, Park,”
“Don’t hurt my ego like that,”
“Am not,”
“Come on, say I’m better, hotter and funnier than him,” he egged on, inching closer to you, a teasing grin stretched on that stupid face of his. 
“Zipping my mouth shut,” you gestured at your lips, deadpanning at him.
“You’re too afraid to admit it,”
“Whatever you say, big head,” you bumped his shoulder and he stumbled a little, narrowing his eyes at you, a challenging smirk plastered on his face. Oh no.
In the next minute, Jay swept you off your feet and threw you over his shoulder. You let out a sharp yelp, unable to process everything at once, hearing Jay’s playful laugh fill the streets in the quietness of the night. 
“You’re so dead,” you seethed, hitting his back with your utmost might, but he only cackled in response.
“Whatever you say, pea brain,” Jay mocked, earning him another hard punch on his back and this time, it actually made him wince. Choosing the safest route for himself, he kept his mouth shut.
Thus, you had no choice but to give into hanging over a hockey boy’s shoulder as the two of you ventured into the night in search of his car, not realising the mess you’ll be facing soon.
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IT’S OFFICIAL. YOU'VE REACHED THE STAGE OF REGRET.
It was the next day, hockey game day, you turned up at the arena and copped a good seat. You might be wondering, ‘what’s so bad about a hockey game to the point you start regretting everything’, well if you could trade places with anybody in the world right now, you would, and that said a lot. 
Jay had greeted you for barely five minutes before the game, rushing away immediately once he saw the time, giving you an apologetic hug that almost had you convinced this was real. What he hadn’t prepared you earlier, was the fact that there was a fucking kiss cam. One look at the jumbotron and you knew you were doomed.
‘KISS CAM’ was written clearly on the screen, the music in the arena was drowned out completely and you felt your heart drop. It might’ve seemed overdramatic for you to react like this, but in reality, kissing a stranger was terrifying. Your first kiss was already a nightmare, let alone kissing someone you don’t know, what would make it better?
“Nothing will happen,” you assured yourself over and over again, unaware that somebody had just slipped in the seat beside you.
“Hey,” 
You flinched, brought out of your daze and you met Juyeon’s eyes. Good-fucking-bye to the world right now. His smile distracted you, having you muted and malfunctioning. Cool. This was cool. You’re cool. 
“Hi,” you gave him a small smile that turned out more awkward than you thought. 
“Supporting Jay today?” he nodded at the rink where the team was currently practising, your eyes wandering over to Jay’s figure.
“Him and the team. School spirit, you know?”
“Yeah,” he chuckled. “I heard about the kiss cam—” he pointed towards the screen and you wanted to close your eyes instead, but basic courtesy mattered. “—apparently for raising funds,”
Raising funds through a kiss cam? What was this? ‘The Kissing Booth: hockey edition’?
“That’s … interesting,” you uttered, nervousness laced in your voice. 
You were saved from the awkward tension just as the game started, secretly wishing you had Minji with you instead of a mouth watering football player next to you. The game was intense, effectively grabbing your attention away from your surroundings, but the flash of the kiss cam starting its quest on finding couples was distracting.
As the game progressed, you grew confident that your mind was just playing games in making you anxious and nothing would happen. Your mind eased as you joined in the cheering when the home team finally scored a goal, watching the team celebrate had you grinning, staring down at a specific number 99. 
The high soon died down and you chose to glance up at the jumbotron, the kiss cam focused on a cute couple who were weirdly making out instead of just simply kissing. PDA, yucks. It then swiftly moved on to another pair, thankfully. They were probably strangers, but being good sports, they shared a quick peck, earning some ‘awh’s from the crowd. Another change, your eyebrows furrowed, a frown tugged at your lips, was that—
It was. Your nightmare has come. For a moment you wondered if you were hallucinating, but a couple of beats later, you came to the realisation you were not. The kiss cam was focused on you and … Juyeon. When you said you were interested in him, you didn’t mean this, nope not at all. 
Embarrassingly and reluctantly, you avoided the footballer’s gaze and shook your head, feeling tripped out as you stared at your own self on the screen, catching some disappointed groans from a few people. “I have a boyfriend,” you mouthed, trying your best to seem apologetic, but Juyeon didn’t look like he wanted to back down.
“You don’t want to kiss me?” he murmured, attempting to seem as lowkey as possible. 
“I have a boyfriend, sorry,” you pressed your lips into a flat line, not enjoying this for a bit. The kiss cam swerved away to pinpoint another pair, but Juyeon was persistent.
“Come on, don’t pretend you don’t want to kiss me,”
You glared at him, your features turning sour, in disbelief at what you’ve just heard. Was he serious? “Excuse me?”
“Forget about Jay, I know how you were looking at me that night,” he whistled lowly under his breath and you scoffed, but you were caught off guard almost immediately when you saw the kiss cam lighting up in the corner of your eyes, and it zoomed into your face again. FML.
“He’ll never know,” he arched an eyebrow, welcoming the idea hugely. Scumbag. 
“I don’t stoop that low you fuck—”
Before you could jump Juyeon and curse him out, a loud crash startled you and everyone around. You jumped in your seat, your head turned towards the direction of the noise. Jay was in front of you, his fist against the glass, helmet in hand. If looks could kill, you would’ve been dead. 
Wet strands of hair stuck onto his forehead, his eyes narrowed into a death stare as it trained on Juyeon. “Fuck off,” he yelled through the glass barrier, his fist clenched. “Back off,”
The blood in Juyeon’s face was completely drained, obvious embarrassment and shame washed over him, but knowing him and his ego, he played it off, pretending as if that didn’t happen. “Whatever,” he got up from his seat and stormed off. Deserved.
You hid the small smile forming on your face, your sights redirecting towards Jay, your heart beating wildly against your chest the moment you met his eyes, softening when he mouth ‘you okay’. You nodded back at him and you could tell he instantly loosened up, returning a half smile before turning away and joining the team.
Moral of the story: don’t fall for playboys, which sounded pretty ironic considering the situation you were currently in.
The game had thankfully ended in a win for the home team, and honestly, that whole experience seemed to be years instead of just a few hours. Never again. You were glad to see Jay and everyone else cheerfully exiting the rink, taking that as the cue for you to chase after him. 
Upon arriving outside the locker room, you found yourself standing awkwardly as you waited for him to appear, greeting his friends half-heartedly when they were on the way out. Your patience was thinning and only until then, he only decided to appear, a little shocked that you were there.
“Congrats on the win,” you joined his side and walked together, letting his shoulder brush against yours softly.
“Thanks,” he mumbled, a lollipop in his mouth. You didn’t enjoy this questionable tension between the two of you, noticing his rigidness. 
“Hey!” You cut to the chase, snatching the lollipop from his lips, finally getting his attention as he turned to stare at you with wide eyes. “What was that for?” 
“Nothing,” he shrugged it off, and you didn't understand why, you could tell he was blatantly lying.
“You're acting really weird,” you narrowed your eyes at him in accusation.
“Am I?”
“Ask yourself that,” you huffed, instinctively putting the lollipop into your mouth, not bothering to care anymore. “Anyway, I think mission Juyeon is officially cancelled, he gives me the ick, didn't know he was such a big douchebag,”
“Told you so,” he shrugged, his gaze wavering from your lips to your eyes. Woah. “Keep the lollipop, I have loads,” he gulped, avoiding your eyes. 
“Drop me off?” You suggested, putting on the most convincing, sweetest smile, which somehow worked since it got Jay to grudgingly mumble a ‘yes’.
“I would give you a kiss right now if I could.” You skipped on, leaving Jay to tail behind you, your words ringing in his ears.
Maybe somewhere inside, he did wish you would.
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“SEE? I TOLD YOU HE WAS A JERK,”
Minji continuously flailed her hands dramatically as you and she made your way through the campus. It was the week of the hockey event that Jay had mentioned, meaning another restless week of frat party, dress shopping, hockey match and then a fancy event. 
“Yes, yes, I know, you've made your point,” you grumbled annoyingly, having not one but two people saying the same to you. 
“It's quite cute that Jay stood up for you though,” she nudged your side, her eyes glinting. You knew what she was indicating.
“Fake dating, fake. Not real,” you threw your hands up in defeat, but internally, you were beginning to second guess if you even wanted to call it fake, maybe deep down, you didn't want it to be.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Minji mumbled, but you were able to catch onto it, huffing in denial next to her. “Anyway, when are you going shopping? The event’s this weekend already,”
“Fuck, I forgot,” you brushed your hand through your hair, having another headache to add on to. “Do you have any nice fancy dresses? I'm sure Jay is ready but I'm not,”
Minji flashed a knowing smirk, she definitely had something up her sleeve. “You know I do. I'll bring them to your dorm and we're going to have a whole makeover,”
“You're not going to burn my hair this time right?”
“We'll see.”
A few days had passed and it was your second hockey pregame party, repeatedly cursing that your Thursday night was ruined once more, but seeing Jay’s pleading eyes at your doorstep, you just had to give in again. How did he have that effect on you?
“She’s going to be at the party,” Jay noted casually on the way to the house. 
“Oh,” you pursed your lips, not knowing what to say next. “What’s her name? You’ve never mentioned,”
“Sujin,”
“Her?” you gasped, eyes widened in plain shock. Out of all the girls he could’ve had his heart broken by, it had to be the infamous Instagram blogger who was known to play around. Look, you've always been a supporter of every woman's rights and wrongs, but she was way beyond any defending. 
“Yeah …” Jay sighed, his fingers drumming lightly on the steering wheel. “We were high school lovers, but things went sour in college,”
“Well, forget about her, you want to prove her wrong right? Then prove her wrong,”
“You're oddly over confident today,”
“What's wrong with confidence, Park?”
He glanced over at you briefly, a wide grin on his face as he shook his head. “Nothing. I just like to see confidence on you,”
You rolled your eyes, but something inside you twisted, finding yourself ignoring whatever feelings that sparked internally. “Are you ready for Saturday?” 
“Suit’s ready, but me? So so, I guess,”
“You sound pessimistic, don’t tell me you’re starting to regret all these,”
“Hey, now you’re just putting words into my mouth,” Jay grumbled, putting the car into park right outside of the familiar frat house. “I won’t ever regret you or this whole thing, now come on,”
You weren’t left a single second to even process the fact that he said he won't regret you. Yes, you, not just this stupid scheme, but you. Upon entering the threshold, you were met with a cup of beer thrusted into your face from a passing Heeseung, your other hand occupied by Jay’s, trying your best to make it past the crowd without stumbling over. Everything was a whirlwind.
“Fuck, she’s here,” his hold on you tightened and you followed his line of sight, your gaze landing on the over dressed Instagram model, her skirt a little too small and her heels a little too high.
“Just act normal, Jay. You said you’re over her, then you should act like that,” you yanked him close to you, walking over to the mini bar, pouring yourself a drink. “That’s her boyfriend?” you nodded at the taller man towering beside Sujin, his face contrary to the one you had in mind.
“Yeah, that’s Intak,” he said quietly, aware of the lingering ears around the two of you. “Seeing him every time we have a game against his team is revolting, I can’t believe I have to see him here too,”
“Then look away,” you pushed his face softly, earning a huff of annoyance from him. “Come on, it’ll be over in an hour,” you rubbed the side of his arm in comfort, his lips twisting into an endearing smile.
“You’re right,” Jay sighed, blinking harshly, his gaze flickering between you and your surroundings. “I’ll go find Heeseung and Sunghoon for a moment, is that okay? Will you be alright alone? You can come along too. If you want—”
“It’s fine, Jay, really,” you laughed, putting your hands up to stop him from blabbering on. “Go find them, call me when it’s time to leave,”
“I’ll come find you once I’m done,” he held onto your shoulder, pressing a hasty kiss on the top of your head before turning away to another room in search of his hockey teammates.
Safe to say you were able to find yourself a company, who turned out to be a girl you knew from your literature class. Why was she there? She didn’t know either and you thought the best was to not question further, grateful that you were not alone in this house of strangers. The clock was spinning fast, soon it was already past midnight and Jay was nowhere to be seen. You were praying that you weren’t in a remake of ‘Scream’.
The feeling of unease crept up on you and you couldn’t handle it any longer, standing up from the couch and storming into different rooms of the house, all occupied and filled with people, none of those were Jay. The last option you had was the upstairs, which lied the unimaginable behind those rooms that you were not about to explore, thank you very much!
Wandering the upstairs of a rather large frat house all alone was quite a challenge, especially when you were trying to hunt a 5’10 hockey jock, adding onto the fact that you literally and physically bumped (crashed, actually) into said hockey jock’s enemy in the corridors, shit was turning upside down.
“Fuck—sorry,” you coughed out, regretting your last sober choice of bringing your beer cup along.
“Shit—it’s fine, no worries,” Jay's enemy/ex’s boyfriend, Intak, reassured, dabbing himself off with some napkins that were miraculously lying on a table nearby.
“I feel bad, if you need it cleaned I can help,” you frowned, leaning over to see the damage you’ve caused: a yellowish stain on his once perfect white tee.
“No, it’s completely fine, shit happens,” he laughed, waving his hand, an awkward silence filling the air momentarily. “So, why are you even up here?”
“Oh—I’m finding … someone,” you gave him a tight-lipped smile. 
His eyes lit up. “Me too, actually. I can’t leave the party without them and gosh, I’m getting a headache already,” 
“Twins, I think the beer is getting to me soon,” you clapped your hands, glancing around for any signs of Jay.
“Before that happens, may I know your name first?”
You raised your eyebrows. “It’s Y/N,”
“Nice to meet you, Y/N, I’m Intak,” you accepted his handshake, trying your best to be friendly and not seem awkward. "I play in a hockey team, the one that's playing against yours for tomorrow,"
"Right," you nodded as though you hadn't already known that prior to this. "I would wish you good luck on normal occasions, but since it's against the home team … I need to keep my school spirit,"
Intak let out a small laugh. "Totally understandable," he met your eyes, a hint of sheer curiosity in them. "Do you have a date for tonight—"
"Intak?"
"Y/N?"
You, together with the hockey player, turned around to find each other's partners standing down the corridor next to one another, a look of confusion written on their faces. But you, you had anger and an obvious "what the fuck" painted onto your expressions, and it was clear that Jay had noticed it too when he came close.
"Uh—we're leaving now, bye," Jay murmured, grabbing a hold of your wrist and dragging you away, giving you only a brief second to say goodbye to Intak.
You didn't and couldn't understand what was happening, just hating the way Jay was acting. You kept your mouth shut until you were completely out of the house and walking towards the car when you yanked your hand out of Jay's hold, causing him to look back at you in a daze.
"God, you're such a dickhead!" You seethed, breathing heavily.
"What?"
"'What' was all you could say? Jay, you left me in that party alone for God knows how long and then you disappear on me just for me to find you running back to your ex? Make it make sense,"
"I didn't run back to her, Y/N, for fuck's sake," Jay ran a hand through his hair, his lips pressed into a thin line. "She pulled me away and started claiming weird shit that never happened, I wanted to leave but she kept persisting until I managed to break down the fucking doorknob,"
Silence fell between the two of you, the dark of the night consuming your thoughts and the moon was staring down at you, your mind and soul in a daze. You couldn't understand why you were feeling this way, after all, it was fake, it wasn't real.
"I believe you," you sighed, gulping down the anxiety building up within you. "Forget it, it's fine, sorry for being so worked up, it's not like we're really dating, right?"
You looked at him, noticing his eyebrows furrowed and eyes glinting with something unreadable, his mouth opened then shut, wanting to say something but nothing came out, heaving a small sigh. "You're right, it's not real anyway."
As much as you wished to forget it, you couldn't. The way he wasn't even fighting and being in denial, his words stemming sadness into your heart and reminding you again and again that it was never real to begin with. 
Fake dating was meant to be fake, wasn't it?
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“I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE BROUGHT ME HERE FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT,”
Friday night hockey was something you loved, but after what happened yesterday, you dreaded coming. 
You still remembered the tension filled air on the way back to your dorms, the silence in the car and the quiet exchange of "goodnight" haunted you. Crashing into Minji's bed having a breakdown definitely made you two come to a conclusion that you were indeed harbouring something for Jay. Were you going to straightforwardly admit it? Never.
Now, you had zero balls to be at the game alone, choosing to drag Minji along and you knew even if she was vocally complaining, she was actually enjoying the hot hockey players secretly.  
"Did you talk to Jay after yesterday night?"
"No,"
"Will you?"
"Maybe,"
"I think that's a 'yes',"
You stared pointedly at her and she shrugged, resuming her watch on the hockey players practising. You watched along as well, your eyes instinctively following Jay's figure, but then you noticed Intak on the far end as well. Somehow, you knew that this match wasn't about to end well.
"Is this seat empty?" A voice startled you from your internal monologue, snapping your head just in time to see little miss ex standing over you.
"Oh—yes," you said uneasily, grabbing your phone immediately to text Minji.
you: it's her
jiji: who
you: the girl next to me!!! that's jay's EX.
jiji: YOU'RE KIDDING
you: i wished
You exchanged a wary look with Minji, playing it off as natural as you could as you sensed Sujin sitting next to you, elbowing Minji in panic and she does the same back to you, making it look wild and weird from a third perspective. You stopped the frenzy nudging war with Minji, swallowing thickly and hoping nothing happened, but actually, something did, hooray!
“You’re Jay’s girlfriend?” you heard her asking and you turned your head slowly, meeting her blinking eyes and curious gaze.
“Yes,” you tried your best for it to sound convincing, and it seemed to have worked.
“Cool.” she whistled under her breath, returning her gaze back to the arena and you resisted rolling your eyes, biting back a snarl.
The game started in a haze, both teams trying to break one another’s defence and score a goal, yet it all failed in the end, turning it into a tie for two periods straight. You and Minji sighed in disappointment, watching the home team giving their best to not collapse there and then. Sujin, on the other hand, looked nervous throughout the game, occasionally standing up and clapping.
The third period approached in a blink of an eye, two teams eager to score and win, the tension was high and you could tell they were sweating heavy loads. It began in a peaceful and lowkey attack, but shoving and punches were seen here and there, earning entertained jeers from the crowd. You sighed, both in exasperation and stress, hoping nothing would land Jay a bad game. But everything proved you the opposite once more.
Your eyes widening in the next moment, noticing two players shoving each other and throwing gloves onto the ice, punches almost thrown but was interjected by the referee and teammates. Lord, it just had to be Jay and Intak, it was basically written in the stars, wasn’t it?
Once the game had ended, you couldn’t care less about the scoreline, listening to Minji’s brief rants on how not to fumble your emotions about Jay and stopping her halfway through, pointing to the clock as your time ticked. You were attempting to squeeze your way out when you heard a cough behind you and to your disappointment, it had to be Sujin.
“You’re aware of who I am, right?” you heard the sneer in her voice, holding in the urge to rip her hair out and instead, remained facing away from her.
“Don’t worry, I do. You’re Jay’s dumpster ex girlfriend,”
“What—”
Timing was right and you took the chance to slip away, thanking the world that you were finally miles away from Jay’s dusty ex. All of that didn’t matter though, the important aspect was finding Jay now, awkwardly speed walking to locate Jay’s whereabouts.
Upon arriving at the front of the familiar locker rooms, you patiently waited, feeling a sense of deja vu. That wasn’t all. Your anxiety was at its highest point. What were you about to say to Jay? Can you even face him? What if you pussied out and ran away—
“Y/N?” speaking of the devil …
You whipped your head around, Jay’s curious eyes meeting your panicked ones, your whole body frozen to the spot as he approached you, taking a cautious step at a time. 
“Are you alright? Were you hurt?” you couldn’t help it, after seeing the minor fight on ice, your first natural instinct was to ask him this. Jay lowered his head, hiding a smile that was threatening to appear. A small sense of relief washed over you.
“I’m fine … thanks. Just a small conflict,” he muttered, then proceeded by a brief moment of silence, where you swore it felt like forever considering how it was just quiet stares and exchanges of friendly smiles, and you couldn’t really handle it much longer, being the one to break first.
“Jay, I—uhm—yesterday, the party thing, I’m sorry about it, I don’t want that to make things awkward between us,” you gesture wildly at the space between you and him, his eyes following your movements. “And it’s wrong for me to say those stuff,”
“It’s partially my fault too. I’m the one to blame to ditch you,”
“I’m the one who accused you of shit and I feel really bad for assuming something I don’t know. I just got worked up, I’m sorry,”
He took hold of your hands, grasping onto them tightly as though he was fearing you’d run away. “Y/N, do you trust me?”
Do you trust him?
In a heartbeat, the answer was an obvious ‘yes’. You had to admit, you did initially find him annoying and a total fuckboy that you knew would break your heart, but as time passed, you couldn’t care anymore. Even if it meant your heart was on the line, at least you knew Jay was genuine about you; at the very least, there was someone who would stand up for you, listen to your rants about music, and put you first. 
“Yes,”
Jay pulled your hand, practically yanking you towards him, landing on his chest with a thud and a heart thumping crazily, butterflies swarmed your stomach and you could feel heaven getting close, aka you dying in Jay’s arms. He pressed his head on the top of yours, feeling his heart beating against your chest, his cologne no stranger to you now. 
“When I said you’re my girl, I meant it, it doesn’t matter if it’s fake or not, I’ll always care for you, and I will never ever hurt you, so please—” an underlying mix of desperation, hurt and care were laced in his voice, and you were weak, weak for him. “—trust me, and even if it means I need to earn it or whatever, I will,”
“Jay…” you faltered, resting your chin on his shoulder, arms wrapped around his waist. “I’m sorry for not trusting you, I should’ve heard you out, of course I do trust you,”
Jay was silent for a second, whispering a quiet ‘thank you’ and pressing a swift kiss on your forehead, which didn’t get completely unnoticed by you, but you decided to not say anything about it, letting yourself melt into his arms. Internally, you were conflicted, torn between whether your feelings about him were mutual, you were scared, petrified that you’ve already broken the first and most important rule of fake dating:
Do not catch feelings.
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jayjay: DUMPSTER EX? you’re soo foul for that
you: truth hurts unfortunately :/ you never told me what happened that day
jayjay: it was stupid, he just started attacking me, for OBVIOUS reasons, so i couldn’t help defending back :( 
you: i’m glad you didn’t get your ass beat
jayjay: gasp you have zero confidence in me!
Tossing your phone to the side was a hard task considering how Jay was basically spamming your message inbox, ranging from panicking about the event that was happening at night to gossiping about exes, he was certainly experiencing many emotions. You were similarly distraught, having a hard time choosing between a black dress or a red one, placing them in front of you for evaluations that just ended up failing.
“By the time we’re done I think the party would’ve ended,” Minji groaned from her side of the room, lounging on her bed as she watched you glancing between the two dresses.
“Not helping,”
“I literally chose the black one and you told me, in your words, ‘what if I looked better in red’ girl, that’s your problem now,”
“I'm indecisive and you know that,” you mumbled sourly, picking the black dress in the end. You were grateful for the fashion Gods, the dress was an absolute banger and you didn’t understand how you even picked it out, you just knew. 
“See? I told you,” Minji whistled, manhandling you to do a forceful 180 turn for her, and from the way her face morphed into a smile, you could tell she was pleased. "Jay would drop dead when he sees you," she squealed.
"God I hope not," you joked, squeezing onto your clutch tightly.
jayjay: im outside :)
"He's here," you hissed, becoming frantic all of a sudden, double checking everything at the last minute before slipping your heels on, making sure to give Minji a small kiss on the cheek too and off you went dashing towards Jay's car, noticing his figure faced away, leaning against his car as you got nearer.
"Hi," you panted, masking the fatigue and exhaustion from the amount of panic and stress you went through in those 5 minutes.
You could see Jay glancing up from his phone, then shoving it into his back pocket and turning his head around, his burning eyes locked with yours. A smirk slowly stretched onto his lips, a mischievous glint in his gaze as he sweeped your figure. You were no better, eyes shamelessly boring into him, scanning his attire and you swore your legs were shaking.
Him in a plain black suit shouldn’t be affecting you, but it was. The prada tie hung around neck was equally distracting, how was he making something so simple seem breathtaking? You hated him for it, yes, you absolutely do. His hair was styled back and a single loose strand hung over his forehead, practically challenging the Zayn Malik look.
“Hey,” his hand instinctively reached for your waist, bringing you closer to him. “You look amazing—you’re amazing,” he breathed out, completely transfixed.
“You look great too,” that’s a lie, he looked more than just great.
“Getting complimented by you for once? Honoured,”
“You should be,” you snickered, letting Jay guide you to the passenger side and adoring the way he opened the car door for you. Although it was a small gesture, you appreciate it greatly considering how literally no man had done this for you before. Known fuckboy Park Jong Seong was proving you wrong day by day.
The drive there began quietly and you knew it was going to take a while since it’s quite a distance away, fearing it would be awkward silence once more, but the moment Jay had switched the radio on, the music discourse started, then it progressed into movies. 
“I can’t believe you hate rom coms!” you gasped, staring at him in horror as he fumbled to defend himself.
“Look, I didn’t say hate, but it’s just pointless,” 
“You’re telling me you’ve never watched the classic rom coms before?” you dramatically leaned away from him, earning a huff.
“No,” he grumbled.
“That’s criminal,” you exclaimed, a little evil idea forming in that brain of yours. “I’m making you watch them,”
“You’re so not,”
“Oh, I am,” you beamed, clapping your hands together. “There are ‘How to Lose a Guy in 10 days’, ‘Notting Hill’, ‘Pretty Woman’, the list goes on and on and Julia Roberts is literally a rom com legend—oh my God, please tell me you’ve watched Mamma Mia before,”
“Of course I did! I’m not that bad,”
“I’m glad,” you let out a sigh of relief, sinking into your seat and making a mental note to write down a list of rom coms to watch with Jay. A rom com marathon date with Jay, cute. The rest of the ride, you listened to Jay’s hilarious rants about the pizzas he tried and the interesting stories from his trips abroad.
The venue was absolutely spacious and screamed sponsored. It was at some five star hotel, the parking was already a clear indication that it wasn’t a hotel to be taken lightly in consideration. Even Jay was surprised, his head twisting and turning to look at the small details of everything, his hand in yours and it genuinely felt like you were dragging a curious child around.
“Didn’t know the hockey associations had this in them,” he cooed, entering the ballroom of the hotel, a big hockey banner hung at the stage, round tables littered here and there, a huge space in the middle for the dancefloor and as for the cherry on top, a wide array of food and drinks displayed freely. Maybe you didn’t fully regret coming.
Despite all that, you only managed to recognise one or two people from the hockey team, but the rest of them were plain strangers, players from different schools that only Jay could probably recognise. You simply felt uneasy.
“Remind me what this is for again?”
“Literally nothing, it’s the same as the frat party but classier I suppose,”
“Real charming,”
“Come on,” Jay said quietly, his hand resting on the small of your back, guiding you towards your designated table, actually glad for once when you saw the hockey team, including Heeseung and Sunghoon. “It’s going to be over soon and hey, you can always talk to the guy’s dates,”
“Will I be seeing their dates the next time?” you arched a quizzical eyebrow at him, knowing their reputation, you wondered if this was a one night exclusive kinda thing, but you weren’t there to judge.
“Hard to say,” Jay frowned.
“Wait—” you paused, placing an arm on Jay’s shoulder. “What about us? This whole deal was for tonight, but what happens after?”
“I don’t think it’s the right time to discuss this right now, Y/N,” Jay glanced back and forth between you and his friends at the table, making sure his voice was extra hushed. “Let’s just survive tonight first, and we’ll talk about the rest after. Capiche?”
You nodded, but deep down, you could tell that talk was already dreaded by the both of you. You’d hate to admit it, but after being with Jay for a while, you were not willing to let go. What if he didn’t feel the same and you’ll just end up being those clingy girls he dated before? It was such a wrong time to think about all these when you’re in the middle of some stupid event, but your mind has its way to put you off, always.
“You okay?” Jay was close, his eyes scanning your face for any signs of emotions. It definitely helped in snapping you out of your daze, and it took your utmost willpower to not shy away or kiss him at that exact moment, he was so pretty, painfully pretty when he was up close for you to be able to capture his every feature. 
“Yeah,” you breathed out, squeezing his shoulder lightly before looping your arm around his. “I’m a little hungry,”
“Me too,” Jay groaned, his head turning over to where the buffet was, evidently displaying heart eyes. “I’ll go get us some, you should join them first, and save me a seat too, please,”
“‘Please’? That’s a first from you,”
“Do you want your food or not?”
“You’re so romantic whenever you threaten me,” you shooed Jay away, forcing him to fetch some food while you trudged your way towards the table, Heeseung and Sunghoon nodded at you when you caught their eyes.
"Y/N," the two hockey players regarded you, their dates giving you friendly smiles and you took a seat next to Heeseung's date.
"Heeseung, Sunghoon," you raised your eyebrows. "And the ladies," you have to admit it, at least they had great tastes.
Heeseung and Sunghoon introduced you to their dates, one was Chaewon and the other was Kazuha, both of them being the nicest people you've ever met and you swore you were about to ditch Jay for them instead.
"Hey," Jay finally appeared, his hands were occupied by two plates and thankfully, he was smart enough to fill them up to the brim. He slipped into the empty seat next to you, acknowledging his friends and their dates.
“This is a first,” Heeseung noted thoughtfully, catching both you and Jay off guard.
“Hm?” Jay hummed, passing you the utensils.
“Don’t ‘hm’ me. This is literally my first time seeing you treat a girl like this,”
Jay stared back at his friends as if they were insane, you just stayed amused. “You’re making me sound like I’ve treated other girls like a dickhead,”
“You know what I mean,” 
You didn’t. But it seemed Jay did, silently sighing underneath his breath and shrugging Heeseung’s words off, turning to you instead. “I got you some strawberries, I remembered you mentioned loving them once,”
There was a tug at your heartstrings, it was your absolute weakness: people remembering your favourite things; Jay most definitely had a great way to get into your heart and mind. He was slowly but surely ticking off the boxes on the list you’ve created in your head, titled ‘things Jay is forbidden to do so that I WON’T end up liking him’ and he was proving you wrong by checking them off one at a time, damn it.
The food wasn’t the best but the company surely did help. The whole of the hockey team was cracking jokes around the table, you were laughing until your stomach was hurting, the atmosphere high and wild, you were too busy trying not to choke at the jokes to notice that you were practically leaning onto Jay’s side, shoulders touching and you could feel the warmth emanating from his body.
What’s a fancy event without a speech at the end of the night? Other than that boring part, you were relieved to hear there was at least a dance to end the night off on a high with, since the dance floor was there for a reason. The team around the table started dispersing in pairs, until it was only you and Jay left. 
“Were you waiting for me to ask?” Jay teased, his eyes lingering on you.
“Isn’t that how it’s supposed to go usually?” you mused, raising an accusing eyebrow at him and he stifled a laugh. 
“I’m playing with you. I was waiting for the other’s to leave first so that I could be alone with you—” he bumped your shoulder gently with his, “—and ask you personally,” he stood up from his seat, the soft glow from the lights shone across his face, alighting his delicate features, he looked like a fantasy, too good to be true, and maybe he was. “Would you like to dance?” 
“I would love to,” you accepted his hand, allowing him to lead you to the dancefloor and you suddenly felt nervous, hoping you wouldn’t end up tripping or stumbling, or worse, stepping on Jay’s toes. Somehow, he would always sense your distress and this time, it was the same. 
“Don’t be nervous, I won’t start hoisting you up like those Disney shows,” he said with his recognizable playful smile that you’ve grown used to. 
You were facing him now, his hand not leaving yours and only tightening its grip, pulling you in closer and closer until you were only mere inches away from him, noses almost touching. The other hand of his rested on your waist, yours on his shoulder, eyes not leaving one another. The lights were dimmed down, slow music was playing in the background and you swore you saw something sparked in his gaze as you two started moving to the rhythm. 
“I might’ve said it earlier already but genuinely, you’re absolutely breathtaking,” Jay whispered, his voice low and his gaze piercing.
“Have my love potions finally worked?” you smiled, hoping and praying that Jay wouldn’t notice the slight tinge of pink rising to your cheeks.
“I think they did,” Jay nodded slowly, biting his lip for a moment before leaning even more closer, space was basically nonexistent between you two now. “I might want to keep you forever now, keep you by my side and never let you go,”
Could this be his answer? An answer to your countless doubts and thoughts that piled in your mind. This was stupid, he was stupid. Stupidly handsome and charming it had you going insane and you thought hockey jocks wouldn’t have this effect on you, guess you were wrong all along.
“Really?” you breathed out, barely audible, but expectant. 
“I don’t think I was ever joking,” 
“I—”
“Jay!” Sunghoon’s voice boomed through the crowd and you could see the hope drain from Jay’s face, his eyebrows furrowed and features twisted into annoyance. “Dude, I heard there’s some free booze that costs thousands! Can we please go check it out—am I interrupting something here?”
“You think?” Jay seethed out, taking off his suit’s blazer and placing them over your shoulders. It was something small, maybe even insignificant to others, but to you, it meant a lot, and you were hoping no one noticed your slight shyness after. 
“It’s fine,” you placed a reassuring hand on Sunghoon’s shoulder. “You can whisk him off for the night, but don’t make him drunk,”
“Got it,” Sunghoon showed you two thumbs up, throwing his arm around Jay's shoulder. 
“I’ll see you later? Call me if you need anything,” 
“I’ll be okay, I have Chaewon and Zuha here,”
Jay only silently nodded, begrudgingly following his friend but making sure to turn back and take a last peek of you before fully disappearing away. You were left alone standing in the midst of the dancefloor, feeling a pair of eyes on you and you knew exactly who it was, Sujin.
Maybe this whole plan worked too well, it had you totally forgetting its original objectives and you couldn’t tell if it was a good or bad thing. All you knew was that you needed a long and deep talk with Jay and whatever he said earlier definitely had you on the edge all night while he was somewhere getting wasted. Hey, someone had to be the responsible one, and it happened to be you.
“You’re telling me Heeseung spilled a drink over a girl a few days ago?”
You found yourself giggling and messing around with Chaewon and Kazuha, the three of you sharing odd stories of one another and it evolved into gossiping about your own dates. Chaewon turned to you, a cheeky grin wide on her face.
“You and Jay are dating right?” she nudged you playfully, Kazuha followed with a smile.
“I guess so?” you threw your hands up, sipping from a drink you didn’t really like but still endured.
“You seem unsure—oh wow, did he never confirm it between you two?”
“No, not that—” it was that, it was complicated. “It’s just something’s bugging me,”
“What is?” the two girls leaned in closer. 
“Just, the other day at a party, I saw him coming out of a room with his ex and I got mad—”
“Rightfully so,” 
“I heard his explanation and I felt bad for jumping to conclusions,”
“Oh, honey, it’s our first instinct, you don’t have to beat yourself up for it,”
“Yeah, I know, I do trust him, he didn’t seem to look like he had just freshly made out with her or anything, but something in me just doesn’t feel like I’ve fully made peace with this whole thing,”
“Which means?”
“I don’t know exactly, I think I’m either super paranoid or simply scared something bad might happen,” 
“I might’ve not been with Sunghoon for long enough and I don’t even think we’re a thing, but I’ve hung out with him and Jay included, and it’s enough for me to say that Jay is a good guy. He might be a well known fuckboy at first encounter, but the more you got to know him, you’ll realise he’s actually the sweetest and nicest guy ever,”
“Excluding his reputation,” Chaewon added thoughtfully.
“Excluding that,” Kazuha repeated. “But he probably changed, I don’t see him at many parties anymore after he got with you. It’s cheesy to say but I think you might’ve changed that man,”
“Mhm,” Chaewon nodded along, placing a hand on your thigh and giving you a comforting pat. “Please don’t let some ex overwhelm your thoughts and sever your relationship, I’ve been there and it sucked, believe me. I see the way he looks at you, I can tell he likes you a lot, I really don’t wish anything to happen between you two,”
“Plus, the three of us needs to hang out more, go on dates together, it’ll be fun,”
“Agreed,” 
You broke into a smile, laughing softly and leaned into Chaewon’s embrace. “I know we’ve barely met but would it be too soon to say I love you guys?”
“Never,” the two girls snickered in unison. 
The night gradually passed without your knowledge, time practically nonexistent when you spoke to your new found besties, only noticing how late it was when you saw people slowly making their way to the exit, hand in hand with their partners, and you thought of Jay. Please don’t be high or drunk somewhere, or just both in general.
“God, look at the time, should we go find them?” Kazuha pointed out, Chaewon stretching her arms out beside her while you readjusted yourself uncomfortably in this dress. 
“We really should, they’re probably drunk or something. Come on,” Kazuha pulled you up and it took your utmost strength to not collapse from the pain, all thanks to your killer heels you were now wincing everytime you walked. Beauty is pain indeed.
It didn’t take long for the three of you to spot the hockey guys, distinguishing Sunghoon’s glorious silver hair that shone particularly brighter under the lights from the mirrorball. Although they seemed sober still, you could tell they were beginning to be at their wits end, but forget about them, Jay was nowhere in sight and you couldn’t help feeling unease.
“Where’s Jay?”
“Oh, Jay?”
“Yes, Jay,” you folded your arm, staring expectantly at them.
“He got a call or something just ten minutes back, he said he was supposed to be back soon, as in right now, but he’s not here,” Heeseung said, trying to take a swig of his cup before it was swatted away by Chaewon. “He did go that way,” he pointed at the door that led out to the terrace.
“I’ll go get him,”
“Do you need any of us to help?” 
“I’ll be fine … for now,” you gave them a smile of assurance, but you yourself were far from being assured.
Trudging your way past the dispersing crowd, you were wondering where Jay was, silently cursing him out as you continued your way even if your shoes were killing you. Never again. The terrace was a nice place to getaway, the open space looked out to a night sky that was illuminated by skyscrapers and stars, plus the cool night breeze made it even better. 
The area was wide, tables and chairs littered here and there, but there was no five feet ten hockey player anywhere. You decided to walk around a little bit more, pulling your phone out and dialling Jay’s number, praying he was somewhere near. There was no way this would be a second reenactment of the party at the beach except this time it’s actually a real scary movie, right?
Wrong. 
The moment you rang Jay, you managed a sigh of relief once you heard a ringtone sounding from a distance away, so as anyone would, you followed it, turning around a corner and you saw Jay’s back, elation filled your heart, but before you could even shout his name, your perfect bubble burst.
Jay wasn’t alone, no, he was with someone, a girl. You squint your eyes and you swore your knees turned into jelly in that second. Sujin, the dumpster ex, pulled him into a kiss. A mix of countless emotions swelled in you, whether it was anger, shock or sadness, all you knew was that you needed to get out right now. You couldn’t believe it, Jay, the guy you actually considered was doing this. Maybe trusting him was the worst idea you could ever conjure up your entire life.
“Fuck me,” you cursed out, maybe a little too loudly because it definitely did make Jay stumble back from his ex, turning around to meet your eyes and you could tell he was not expected you here, hell you weren’t even expecting yourself to be in this foolish position.
“What—Y/N?” Jay somewhat looked too disoriented, unaware of what was happening as though he had just woken up 10 years later. But you couldn’t care less, you were hurt and you weren’t about to pretend nothing had happened and start acting jolly good. No, you weren’t going to stand there to let the scene before you swallow you whole, no way, you were going to leave this situation, this stupid event and this entire agreement. 
You stormed away, not daring to look back, mustering every bit of courage you had to swallow down a sob and remain prideful, even if it meant you had to fake it till you made it. Hurt wasn’t a stranger to you. You’ve experienced hurt in many forms. Physically, when you fell down on the rough rocky road; emotionally in terms of family, friends, love. But this was a hurt that resembled a deep cut, the feeling of being stabbed in the heart haunted your soul.
“Y/N, wait,”
Fuck, not here, not now, not when you were inside and standing in the middle of the room. Even though there was barely any one here by now, the guys from Jay’s hockey team remained, including Heeseung and Sunghoon, you were not ready to confront or be confronted.
“No, Jay, no ‘wait’,” you put your hand out, distancing yourself away from him, but you could still smell the alcohol in his breath. You wished and hoped he was sober enough for this, because in the next hour you were going to be the one drinking to death instead. 
“I can explain—”
“Can you?”
“What?”
“Can you explain this time? Is it just a drunken mistake? Is that what you were going to say?”
“For fuck’s sake, Y/N, we aren’t even dating,” 
Heads turned, you could sense people’s attention on the two of you now, but you were far from caring about that, not when Jay’s words felt exactly like a dig at your already fragile heart. God, you were so so stupid and naive.  
“Say it again,” the words came out in a whisper, your lips trembling. “Say it again, say how we were never real, how all of this was just a fucking scheme to get back at your ex, and ha—!” you threw your hands up, swallowing down a lump in your throat, “it worked, didn’t it? I ended up falling for your tricks and I ended up falling for you too, funny isn’t it?
Jay’s face twisted upon digesting your words, but you went on.
“I should’ve known that you were using me all along just to get back with her…” you faltered, your voice eventually failing you.
“Y/N, come on…” he said weakly, but you just shook your head.
 “Go back to her,”
“Don’t you get it? Fuck, I’d choose you over her, any day, any time. I’d choose you over everyone God damn it. Can’t you see that?” 
Your mouth fell open for a second, but nothing could come out as a response.
To say that you were bewildered was an understatement indeed, you were absolutely stunned speechless. The man before you, despite looking in a daze from God knows how much alcohol he had consumed, showed that his eyes said otherwise, staring back at you with desperation, longing, pining and sadness. Your heart could only take so much.
“Goodnight, Jay.”
What pained you more was the fact that he didn’t even try after that. No, he didn’t call for you nor did he stop you from leaving like those scenes from your favourite rom coms, he just decided to let you go. 
At one point, you really wished someone would come out and yell ‘this is a prank’ at you, but obviously, no one did. This whole thing was basically a reenactment of Cinderella, except it was a modern day and much more angsty version of every kid’s favourite movie. 
Of course, you happened to be Cinderella and he was Prince Charming, the clock struck midnight, you were leaving him in a haste and he was left stranded alone in the middle of a dance, how ironic. 
Oh, how you wished you were able to hide away from your own Prince Charming like the old mediaeval days.
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“ARE YOU GOING TO CONTINUE CRYING OVER ‘HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS’?”
“Leave me alone,”
“It isn’t a good coping method,”
Somehow, it was already almost a week since that night. You remembered calling a cab in the dead of the night (dumb idea) and phoning Minji the whole way sobbing till the point where the driver had to pull over. You were pathetic and even a stranger could tell so, but you know what, he was nice about it and that’s the positives you’d take from that.
“And it’s ironic how I actually did somewhat lose a guy too,” you tried laughing, but it only sounded like a choke, Minji shaking her head sympathetically at you. 
Speaking about Minji, she definitely wasn’t pleased to hear what had happened. Knowing her, you knew she was about to say ‘I told you so’ but seeing you in your pathetic state, she kept her mouth zipped and quiet, letting you into her bed and having a sob session. It was a crazy night.
“When will you hear him out—did you even hear him out in the first place?” Minji eyed you accusingly and you began cowering under her intense gaze.
“No…”
“Y/N,” Minji sighed, shifting closer to you. “I know the whole picture is super messy and totally off putting, but what if it was an accident?”
“Him kissing his ex is a pretty clear picture to me, how would it be an accident?” you wrapped your blanket tighter around you, mumbling disheartedly.
“What if he fell on her or something?”
“Now you sound absolutely ridiculous,” you scoffed.
“What I really mean is, you should go and talk it out with him, if not, this thing will just drag on and you’ll hurt more,”
“I don’t think I’m ready, the wound’s still fresh,”
“I get it,” Minji placed her head on your shoulder, snuggling on your side. “It takes time, and I don’t think he’s ready either.”
Jay wasn’t ready, in fact he thinks he’s never going to face you again.
The moment he watched you slip away from him that night, he knew it was best to just let you go. Or so he thought. Best believe he got an earful from both Heeseung and Sunghoon, not to mention their dates. He could still remember the bursts of disbelief from them, the amount of ‘it was fake?’ and ‘what did you do?’ rung through his head till now, where he stared blankly back at the rink, sitting silently on one of the seats in the stands.
“It’s barely 24 hours and it’s also a Sunday, what are you doing here?” the team’s captain boomed through the empty arena, approaching Jay and eventually taking a seat next to him.
“Taking my mind off … things, what are you doing here?” Jay regarded Heeseung for a moment.
“I figured you’re here,” 
Jay nodded at Heeseung’s words, silence eventually filled the space between them. It was one of those moments where they knew something was wrong, but no one wanted to speak up about it.
“Are you not going to tell us what happened? Or did you simply decide to kiss your ex?” Heeseung broke the ice, coming off slightly harsh, detesting the silence from Jay. He knew this wasn’t the best friend he trusted his life with, the Jay he knew wasn’t a cheater, even if the relationship wasn’t real.
“Would you even believe me?”
“I would, I’ve known you for years, there’s no way you’re doubting my trust for you,” Heeseung rested his hand on Jay’s shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze.
Jay ran his hand across his face, blinking momentarily before sighing deeply. “I wasn’t the one who kissed her. I don’t know what happened to lead up to that, but I swear she suddenly turned me around and pressed herself onto me. I was just chilling outside for fresh air,”
“You’re kidding,”
“If I was I wouldn’t be here at all,”
“Have you confronted Sujin?” 
“Kind of? If you count screaming at her and telling Intak about it as a confrontation, then yes,” Jay was fidgeting with his fingers, his eyes trained on the rink. “I think Intak broke it off with her after,”
“Deserved,” Heeseung mused, a small smile on his face, karma truly worked wonders. “Now that’s settled, what about Y/N? I still can’t believe you roped her into a fake dating scheme just for that event,”
“Alright, alright, I’ve done some dumb shit and this was one of them, I know,” Jay admitted, throwing his hands up in defeat. “And I know I’ve hurt her … a lot, that’s why I don’t know how I can ever face her again,”
“I don’t understand why you didn’t chase after her that night,”
“I admit I did pussy out a little—”
“‘A little’?”
“Shut up,” Jay narrowed his eyes at his captain, who stared back, equally unamused. “I thought letting her go was the best choice, I was scared of hurting her more,”
Heeseung’s gaze softened, remaining quiet as he listened to his best friend opening up. Heeseung had these types of deep talk with Jay many times before, but this time, it was different. Being the one who stuck alongside Jay since his first breakup to now, he was the clearest when it came to Jay and his feelings. Over the years of witnessing Jay and his casual one nights, Heeseung expected it to last until the very day Jay retires from hockey, but your sole existence proved him wrong, and it definitely proved Jay wrong as well.
“Jay, do you like her?” Heeseung said after a while, catching the latter off guard.
“I–I–” Jay stammered, his body rigid and thoughts were circling in his mind. He didn’t just like you, he knows he’s fallen for you, you were the first girl to ever caught his eyes way before he even got to talk to you. 
He remembered it clearly, you were the one who called hockey stupid in front of his face, oblivious to the fact that he played the sport. He was injured at that time, sitting in the stands and watching his team play when he heard your voice complaining, your then boyfriend next to you. Offended Jay was once he heard the insult, though he was fascinated by you, but it was just his fuckboy side talking and he ended up staying silent instead.
Next thing he knew, he was all recovered and you were in the crowd, your face blank, the seat next to you was empty. Jay assumed it was a break up, something in him was giddy and he went on to score a hat trick that night. After all that, people might assume he would’ve gotten your number already, right? Nope. He never had the guts to and you stopped coming to games, only appearing once in a few months, until that fateful night at the beach.
“I do like her, fuck,” Jay threw his head back, leaning into the seat and his hands on his face, swallowing deeply as if he was in trouble, maybe because he was. How was he going to tell you he liked you and confront you about that night? There were two big stones thrown at his head. "I like her so much till the point where I think the amount of denial I had is turning into delusions instead,"
"So, you've reached insanity, got it," 
"God, I haven't been romantically in love with many girls before, but I'm pretty sure this is what being in love feels like, right … ?" 
Heeseung stared at Jay's pathetic expression, sighing deeply, clapping his back. "It's different for everyone but I can guarantee that you're on the right track, buddy,"
"Okay," Jay said breathlessly and nodded blankly, seeming as though he had just freshly figured out his feelings, putting the missing pieces into his puzzle. "Got it, but how do I apologise to her now?"
"What do you mean? Just go up to her and talk, say sorry and explain," 
"I feel like that's not enough,"
A sudden spark alighted in Heeseung's eyes, a shiver equally went down Jay's spine when he witnessed that before him. Lee Heeseung and his ideas were a mix of trouble and sometimes success, mainly trouble. “You know, Sunghoon pitched this idea to me yesterday, he said something about this is how you get the girl,”
The mention of Sunghoon's name and his idea didn't help at all.
“Write her an apology on our jumbotron,”
“You're insane,”
“And we happen to have access to it,”
“... tell me more.”
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YOU WERE REGRETTING YOUR CHOICE OF AGREEING TO HEESEUNG AND SUNGHOON’S INVITE.
Hockey games were never up your alley, they knew that, but somehow they still managed to pull you into attending their game, even after what had happened. They did offer to bring you out for a luxurious buffet and you guessed it was their way of an apology, not passing up on it either.
“This better be worth it,” you grumbled under your breath, settling into your seat, glancing down at the rink, making it a strenuous effort to not stare at him. Ladies, do not chase, attract. You were not about to go running after Jay, nope, never.
No matter how hard you tried suppressing the thought of Jay, it lingered nevertheless. You wondered when he would talk to you again, or if he ever would, and being the most stubborn person you were, you weren’t going to confront him despite the need of an explanation clawing at your deepest desires. 
The first and second period rolled by mindlessly and you were starting to be at your wits end, reminding you why you barely ever attend hockey games after your ex, but at least the home team was leading. The third period was slightly more thrilling thanks to the small fight between two players, enraging you and the crowd, but once the puck landed on Jay’s end of the stick, everyone was on their feet, watching him zoom past the defensemen.
Without saying, Jay scored the game’s winning goal, the crowd going wild. You couldn’t help smiling, the whole team engulfed him wholly, making you let out a small giggle, and you had to admit, times like this where teams win crucial games do make you happy. Meanwhile, what you hadn’t noticed was the fact that Jay was glancing up at the crowd, his eyes searching for your figure. 
On the other hand, what you did notice was the jumbotron. A video of Jay doing his celebration flashed big on the screen, a giant ‘GOAL’ next to his head, but there was another line of words under that caught your attention at once, knowing it was directed at you. ‘I’m sorry and I miss you. I’ll wait for you, even if it’s a lifetime. Please come back to me.’ Totally not heartbreaking and gut wrenching for you! 
Screw being a cold hearted girl boss, all you wanted was to run back to him. 
Slinging your bag onto your shoulder, your mind was in a mess as you made your way out, squeezing past people and mumbling apologies in return. You mentally made a list of things you were going to do. First, run back to the dorms. Second, cry. Third, figure shit out. Just to make matters messier, your journey out wasn’t the smoothest, especially when you had to bump into Jay’s dumpster ex. What great timing this was.
“Y/N?” Sujin was shocked to see you, but you were clearly unimpressed.
“You still have the guts to turn up in front of me? In here? In a school you don’t go to?”
“I–I just wanted to talk to you,” 
“Me? What’s there to say?” you crossed your arms, staring expectantly at her. 
“Look, Jay didn’t kiss me, I kissed Jay, you get it?” 
You blinked. Were you supposed to get it? As much as you wished you didn’t, you did, and your mind turned into a worse state of mush. God rest your soul, you were about to pull someone’s hair out.
“What?” you exclaimed incredulously, furiousness crawling into your system. “So, you’re telling me you basically threw yourself onto him?”
“I suppose?”
“Wow, you really are a freaky ex, not freaky in a good way either,” you gestured at Sujin, a sick feeling in your stomach. It was never Jay’s fault, but his dumpster ex, and maybe all along he was trying to explain his side, yet you didn’t listen. Now, you felt like an idiot and an asshole. “You can stay in the dumpster and never return. You’re sick and twisted and I hope you’ll never turn up and harass Jay ever again, you got it? Or else I’ll curse you into being single forever,”
“I—”
You didn’t let her finish, you couldn’t bother to do so, instead you turned away, speed walking towards the locker rooms that unknowingly became yours and Jay’s meeting spot. Heart beating quick, your feet stumbling from walking too fast, your breath heaving, you were getting anxious. By the time you were standing in front of the locker room, sweat was trickling down the side of your face, whether it was from pure anxiety or just walking, you didn’t know. All you knew was that you needed to talk to Jay.
“Y/N, what brings you here?” Heeseung had his hands in his pockets, headphones around his neck, looking fresh off the shower as he greeted you. “I know Sunghoon and I invited you for dinner but I don’t think it’s tonight—”
“Where’s Jay?”
“Jay?” Heeseung repeated, he didn’t seem like he was believing what he had heard. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes to the back of your head. 
“Are there other ‘Jay's' that you know?”
“Uh—no,” Heeseung stammered, shaking his head as if he’s trying to shake his dizziness away. “Jay left already, Y/N,”
“Oh,” it was obvious how deflated you became, the drop in your voice and disappointment written all over your face. Heeseung gave you an apologetic smile, but you could only manage a small wave of goodbye and a quiet bid of goodnight before turning back to the original path to the exit. 
To say you felt frustrated, embarrassed, sad was an understatement, those words would never amount to the real emotions you were feeling. You were a mess, your love life was in a big distress and practically crumbling apart. The walk home couldn’t be more depressing than usual, can’t it?
Taylor Swift playlists to sob to, a tub of strawberry ice cream, a random rom com were all going to be your biggest hug of the night.
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“GODS, THIS IS MISERABLE,”
A tub of half eaten ice cream sat sadly on your bedside table, a 90s romcom remained playing in the background. You couldn’t help frowning at the sight of the two leads falling in love, everything felt pathetic at this point.
You truly did stick to your words. Arriving back to an empty dorm room, courtesy to Minji for staying over at her boyfriend’s place, you practically had the whole dorm to yourself, meaning a space of free self loathing, you ran to your bed and plummeted into it. It took everything in you to not let out a blood curdling scream, instead you just took your laptop out and put on your favourite movie.
It was still early, midnight was barely approaching, so you were glad to be able to stay awake longer. It began raining heavily outside, a perfect sign for you to be in your sheets, reading your unfinished book that you’ve left hanging since months back. The whole scene of you being in bed on a rainy Friday night truly reflected a part from a romcom, how ironic it was.
In the midst of ‘16 Candles’ playing loudly on your laptop, the doorbell rang out of the blue. You froze, pausing the movie, slight paranoia creeping onto you. Right, being alone in an empty dorm room with a thunderstorm happening outside definitely wasn’t a common plot from horror. At first, you planned to ignore it, but a second ring prompted you to muster your courage to open the door.
‘I’m going to be fine’ chants were circling your mind as you approached the front door, one hand on the door knob, eyes glancing back and forth at the kitchen knife, you weren’t going down without a fight. A turn of the door knob and a pull of hand, the door swung open to a man. Wait. Not just any man—
“Jay?”
His name naturally rolled off your tongue, but your eyes couldn’t believe he’s actually standing right in front of you. 
Jay stared back, equally startled, as though he hadn’t expected you to open the door for him. He was standing there like a ghost, fully drenched from head to toe, shaking from the rain. His face was impassive, but his gaze showed otherwise, a hint of sadness and desperation painted in his brown irises.
“Are you insane?”
Jay glanced down at his attire that was basically soaked to the core, a small sigh escaping his lips. “We need to talk, Y/N,”
You nodded wordlessly, your eyes unknowingly avoiding his piercing gaze as you slowly backed away to the kitchen, grabbing a dry towel. “Here,” you handed Jay the towel, your hand shaking a little. 
“Thanks. Can I—” he took a peek over your shoulder, “—come in?”
“I—yeah,” you were slightly alarmed, moving to the side for him to enter before shutting the door, making sure to draw in a big breath to calm your nerves.
 “Y/N, please let me explain—”
“Jay, I’m really sorry—”
The two of you halted, realising that you’ve spoken in unison, the silence dawning on the both of you. Jay broke into an awkward smile and you felt yourself grinning just a little. Jay gestured at you to continue, so you did, letting out the things you’ve bottle in for days.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what happened and I just jumped to conclusions, which was wrong for me to do but—” you swallowed, blinking hard, “—but it was heart wrenching for me to see you kissing someone else, especially when it’s your ex, and it’s stupid, it’s so stupid that I’m feeling this way when we’re not even a thing!”
“It’s not stupid, Y/N,”
“It is,”
“It’s not,” Jay repeated, taking a step closer, a look of pining in his eyes as he searched for yours. You didn’t realise how much you’ve truly missed him until you saw him close. “I never intended to kiss Sujin, you know? I went out because she called me saying she needed help, and she took the chance when I was confused to kiss me. I know I’ve asked for you to trust me before, but if you don’t, I’ll get it,”
“I do,” you said at once, eliciting a small look of surprise from him. “I spoke to her,”
“What?”
“She admitted it to me, and I wanted to find you after the game but you were already gone, then I realised how much of an Idiot I was,” 
“Ah,” Jay said softly under his breath, combing his fingers through his hair, seemingly trying to digest everything in. The beat of silence was suffocating you gradually, uneasiness hung in the cold air of your dorm. It took you everything to pour the words you’ve been holding in your heart out.
“I trust you, I do, but what are we, Jay? What are we doing?” you breathed out, chewing anxiously on your bottom lip. “If you want to end it here, then say it—”
“We can be anything you want,”
“I want you, Jay,” you blurted out, it was too late to turn back and run now. “I don’t want you to need me, I want you to want me, just as much as I want you,”
Jay stepped closer, testing the waters between you and him before sensing the green light from you to continue further. Space was practically nonexistent, you were inches from him, letting his hand wander from your face to the back of your neck, naturally leaning into his warm touch that reminded you of the feeling of fire on a cold night. The hand resting on the back of your neck pulled you in closer, one wrong move and you would be kissing him. 
“I do want you,” Jay said quietly, the minty scent laced in his breath entering your senses. “I like you, Y/N. There’s no doubt about that, I know it. I’m aware that this whole thing started out fake and I expected nothing from it, but when I realised I felt something more for you, I was scared you would leave, especially since I had a history of—”
“Being a fuckboy?”
Jay rolled his eyes, grinning at the unamused look on your face. “That. So I thought letting you go after that night was a good decision, that my feelings would eventually disappear and you wouldn’t be hurt anymore, but God, I ended up hurting you instead and you have no idea how I had lost my mind,”
“Jay…” you were quite literally speechless, his words didn’t just had to tongue tied and had rendered you wordless completely, it made your insides twist and turn in the most childish way, it made you feel like you were a teenage girl who had just talked to her crush for the first time, you were giddy. 
“I choose you, my love. Any day, any time, anywhere. It’s always going to be you, only you,”
You were resisting the urge to break into the cheesiest smile ever, Park Jong Seong was about to be the death of you. “I like you too, big head. If you don’t kiss me now, I might change my mind,”
“You’re going to be the death of me,” 
Jay finally closed the space between you and him, pressing his lips on yours feverishly, your honey flavoured melting onto his lips and his cologne swarmed your senses, this was heaven. His hand travelled back to rest on your cheek, while yours was having a field trip travelling up his chest and into his hair, giving a slight tug which resulted in a groan from him. You tilted your head, feeling Jay part his lips and deepening the kiss, his other hand on your waist to pull you much more closer, your body now pressed up against his.
“Y/N,” he mumbled against your lips as you gently pushed him towards your couch. 
You hummed in response, feeling his body fall onto the couch with a thud and you followed suit, falling onto his lap, his arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You opened your eyes, pulling away to meet his heavy gaze that was staring back with equal desire.
“Be my girlfriend?” his voice came out in a whisper, but your ears perked up at those three words, a teasing grin pulled at your lips and your hand instinctively reached for his cheek to squeeze, earning a look of annoyance and endearment from him.
“Only if you take me out to dinner first, big head,”
“You’re such a tease,” he chuckled, pressing a haste kiss on the side of your lips and you giggled, brushing the strands of hair from his forehead.
“I’d be crazy to say ‘no’ after all this, you idiot,” you flicked at his forehead, eliciting a sharp hiss and a piercing glare from him, reminding you of a black cat. “So, yes, I’d like to be your girlfriend,”
You watched the man before you smiling wider than the time he won the championship with his team last season, his eyes shining bright and face beaming. Gosh, he was such a dream. One hand cupped your cheek, pinching it softly, “Don’t worry, I’ll treat you like my wife instead,”
You rolled your eyes at his words, deadpanning at him. “You’re too cheesy, Park Jong Seong,”
“And you love me for that.” he said in a sing-song tone before bringing you in for another kiss, this time softer and gentler, as if Jay was scared he would shatter you if he had kissed you too hard. 
If you had the choice to stay just like this for the next few hours, you would gladly take it. You were relieved everything was well now, even if it meant Jay's wet pants were staining your couch, but you're sure Minji would understand.
Just as Taylor Swift would say, you believe you were entering your 'Lover' era, and you couldn't wait to be with your hotheaded hockey boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend, with no space.
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“SO … YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN INTO ME ALL ALONG?”
It has been a few months since you and Jay made it official together. To top off the unforgettable experience, Minji came home the next day to see you and him cuddling in bed, not missing the chance to get a picture and proceeding to give Jay a humble Ted Talk during breakfast, but it was all good after. 
Jay did stick to your request and bring you out for dinner, but Heeseung and Sunghoon unintentionally beat him to it first by dragging you to the buffet they promised before Jay’s fancy dinner night, and he was forced to follow begrudgingly. Breaking the news to Heeseung and Sunghoon was definitely an interesting occurrence, including the usual bro talk and the crazy ship names, but in the end, they were glad you were finally together with Jay and was miles prouder of Jay for finally working up the courage to confess. 
Now, here you were, on a Saturday night at Jay’s apartment enjoying a glass of wine, a random rom com in the background as promised of a marathon, and listening to your tipsy boyfriend spill about his first impression of you, which led to him unveiling the part where he laid eyes on you during the hockey game. 
“Not always, don’t get ahead of yourself,” Jay cut you off, raising an eyebrow at you. "I still can't believe you called hockey stupid,"
"It was a moment of hatred, okay?" You tapped his chin, swirling the wine glass in your hand. "Now, I'm a big hockey fan,"
"You're stupid," 
You feigned a dramatic gasp, punching his shoulder softly. "You're stupid … stupid,"
"Yes, yes, I am," Jay eventually gave in, closing in and pressing his lips onto yours, tasting the familiar taste of the red wine on your tongue. "I'm so grateful to have you with me, lovely. What would I be doing without you?"
"Fucking other girls?"
"You've ruined the mood,"
You laughed, pressing a kiss on his cheek. "I'm kidding. You would be in a ditch without me,"
"You're not wrong," Jay's thumb was grazing against your lip, his eyes half-lidded, the alcohol in his system overpowering. "God, I love you,"
"I love you more, big head," you said, feeling a swarm of butterflies fluttering wildly in your abdomen. Jay was perfect, too perfect that it intimidated you, but what you didn't know was that he felt the same way about you too. "Are you turning red, Jong Seong?"
"What? Pft, it's the wine," he waved your words off, turning away to hide the obvious that he was becoming a shade of pink and maroon. You snorted at his ridiculousness, pushing his face to face back at you.
"Kiss me again?"
"You make me such a happy man, you know that?" Jay grinned, saying nothing more and pulled you in, abandoning his wine glass.
Jay couldn’t help but smile against your lips, being the happiest man in the entire universe at this moment, because he knew he finally got the girl, his girl, and there was no way he would ever lose you again. Never.
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ugh-yoongi · 1 year
Note
Congratulations on the milestone!✨✨
I wanted to request a bts headcanon! There was this one trend on tiktok last year that was like “you’re not dating but you’re not just friends either” lol so I guess like a bts in a situation type of thing? Thank you thank you! 💕
tysm!
i know exactly what trend you're talking about and i was never sure if that was supposed to be, like, an actual situationship or like that more cutesy in-between crush & dating stage so i'll try to do both.
once again tag teamed this with @hot-soop bc i have no original thoughts.
come tell me how wrong i am :)
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headcanons: bts in a situationship
seokjin —
has the least situationship energy out of all of them imo. mr. domestic king of commitment probably wouldn't be able to handle the uncertainty of it, but could be convinced if the other party wasn't ready/didn't want to commit.
(let's be real, it's impossible to not be in love with him, so [rihanna voice] good luck with booking that situationship u speak of.)
thinks he's being chill and in actuality is being the least chill person alive. red ears & neck 25/8.
does the "let's just play one more round of mario kart" con until the next thing you know it's 2am and the only way you're getting home is an overpriced rideshare, so whoops, might as well stay over, what would you like for breakfast?
strikes me as the type that'd be similar in that in-between stage, too, but way more acts of service.
picnics in the park, polaroid pictures of things that remind him of you, beats that video game level you're stuck on without you even having to ask, rambles on and on about his webtoons, chill weekends spent together at home.
yoongi —
completely down for a situationship. might be made for it, actually. you don't even need to ask.
however. realizes he's Emotionally Compromised and has his "oh shit wait what the fuck" moment months in. good luck sorting that mess out!
yoongi: it is very obvious i have feelings for this person and it is very obvious where we stand with one another.
also yoongi: disappears for a week bc of work and doesn't say a word.
also also yoongi: casually shows up at 3am and wants to hang out like disappearing without a word wasn't at all weird and confusing as fuck.
also also also yoongi: has the nerve to be confused when you call it off because he doesn't seem interested.
spends the next few months overthinking literally everything and reappears with a wall of text detailing everything he likes about you.
in that more cutesy in-between: playlists, "do you wanna hear what i've been working on?", open the door please it's 1am and yoongi's outside with takeout, absolutely giddy when he gets to teach you about his interests.
hobi —
can't see him being all that different from the way he'd be in an actual relationship, tbh, which is both a blessing and a curse.
a f f e c t i o n a t e
(but is it "i like you and want to be with you" affection or "i do this with literally everyone there is no way to tell if it's something more" affection?)
king of overcommunicating! good morning texts, phone calls before bed, memes and silly pictures throughout the day.
wants to trade ootd pics. sends you one everyday even if you don't reciprocate. pouts for days if you playfully roast his fit, but sometimes he needs someone to be honest about those questionable shoes he wears.
somehow knows literally every person to exist. has a friend who works at that cool new club downtown. the gallery with that hot new exhibit. knows someone who knows someone who works with that band you can never get tickets to see.
ensures you will never want for anything while you're with him.
namjoon —
ooh boy.
quiet. a lil obsessive. observant. can definitely be jealous. the kind of guy who loves to think he's good at situationships until he's in one and realizes very quickly he's not.
has a natural urge to play games to test you then have an existential crisis about whether that makes him a bad person.
wants to have all of your attention but will not ask for it. wants intensity but questions whether that’s sustainable long term.
ghosts when he’s in his feelings but writes you long, thoughtful paragraphs when he’s drunk. "that one guy who jerked you around in college" vibes.
will break your back and your heart at the same time.
in that cute in-between: museum dates. meetups in the park in the middle of the night to stare at the stars and get all philosophical. let's go try out that new distillery and catch that new arthouse film after. does this guy even have friends? because it's been 8 years and you still haven't met them.
jimin —
fun until it isn't.
lively and sweet and easy until it isn't.
flirts with literally everyone but gets real petty and kinda mean if you do the same.
thinks he isn't good enough. wants compliments and validation. another chronic overthinker. playful banter until he takes it too seriously and needs reassurance that you do actually like him.
not a ghoster but also not good at ending things so just lets it go stale and wither away.
dates? drinking and dancing. maybe one of those sip and paints. tickets to the ballet. competition shows at his place with takeout.
cuddly and affectionate but why does he call all of his friends his soulmate?
in the in-between: loves showing you off. would probably love to do your makeup. sickeningly sweet comments on all your ig selfies. always holding your hand.
taehyung —
intense. has a tendency to get a lil self-centered and disappear in that big noggin of his.
physical rather than emotional. will blow your back out in 10 different ways before he tells you he likes you.
(and only does this at 5am when he's drunk and just spent the last half hour crying to jimin on the phone.)
insecure so he plays it carefree and silly, but, dear reader, it was not, in fact, carefree and silly.
golden hour. takes the best photos of you on film. paints you silly things and nearly cries when you actually display them. can't cook but tries making a date of cooking together anyway; cons you into paying for the takeout after it inevitably fails. record stores. red wine.
jungkook —
either a major fuckboy or the most sensitive man on the planet there is really no in between here.
either never commits or is ready to get married the second time you hang out.
no chill. someone please remind him to be normal about this.
j e a l o u s !
facetimes you in the middle of the night just because.
learns all your favorite songs on guitar. loves a photobooth; keeps the film strip in his wallet. teaches you how to play video games but gets really pouty when you wind up being better than him. diners at 2am; a milkshake with two straws. obnoxious gym selfies. pretends he doesn't want to sing your girl group songs at noraebang yet suspiciously knows all the choreography.
shy shy shy
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mrs-monaghan · 1 year
Note
I just watch Bon Voyage 1. And it gave me clarity on something. Jikook started being sexually active around 2016. Or maybe even before that. Why would you give someone a footsie under the table if you’re not sexually active with each other?
Damn anon. You're just gonna bring this up, no heads up? Okay then.
How do I answer this without getting crucified for delving into their sex lives? 🤔
Whatever. I'm already cancelled.
Disclaimer: this is just what I deduced. Only Jikook know what really transpired.
So due to certain behaviour I am inclined to believe that yes, by 2016 they had gone all the way. Maybe late 2015 (thus my theory for why 8/11/15 is important) or early 2016. Because 2015 we have the 2 things that I linked above, then 2016 we have; like you just pointed out, the crotch footsie and also Osaka Vlive. Oh! And let's not forget Jimin eating a sausage, saying he's a big eater, laughing at reasons only known to him, while looking at the person who was behind the camera. Possibly the owner of the sausage Jimin likes to eat. Idk 🤷🏽‍♀️
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2016 was full of sexual tension and innuendos and just... things. I think we can all safely agree by 2016 the going was going. 👉🏽👌🏽
That being said, I think before the going started going, other things were being done way before that. I don't need to clarify obvs. Kissing, heavy petting.... c'mon I'm already saying too much don’t make me say it. O__L. Okay, there i said it.
But the thing is, there are Jikookers who have this thing where they say Jimin waited till 2017 in Tokyo or some shit or they didn't do anything at all before they went all the way. Again, because Jimin was trying to be respectful. Or because being gay is illegal in SK. Or a bunch of other stuff that I'm honestly not sure why they would apply.
Jimin is absolutely the type to feel guilty if he thought he made JK do something he didn't want to do. That much i agree on. But, that would come after the fact. Alright? Teenage boys are the same everywhere. Everywhere. The wind blows in their face too hard they get hard at that age. And now you want me to put my faith in two horny teenage boys, living under the same roof and are attracted to eo??? Nah fam.
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I'm not doing that. Regret usually comes later, after the deed has already been done 😂😂
And if the accident was too good it happens again and again and again until you start planning for it and looking forward to it. Maybe by saying you'll be staying late practising the new choreo at the studio? 😌 who knows?
Moving on, we know for sure they had already shagged in 2016 because that is when the push and pull started to happen. This is the example I like to give. When you sleep with your teacher, or with your boss. Right? (By teacher I mean college, please and thank you) Do you know what happens when you fuck your superior? A little respect kind of goes out the window. Suddenly you don't care if you're late for work. You decide not to do your homework just because. Your behaviour changes because you know you can get away with shit now.
And this is exactly what happened with Jikook. Jinmin were reacting to that show JK went on and Jimin was lamenting how JK doesn't listen to him. He complained during the live... and he complained on twitter
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He complained some more
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And complained again
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He was a dog with a bone, couldn't stop complaining
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And that wasn't the only time. Eat Jin. That one live where Jikook were misbehaving with those lollypops. Jimin again complains that JK has changed. He doesn't listen to him anymore.
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He was smiling... but mans was finding JK's behaviour baffling. He couldn't understand why JK had changed.
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Jimin, you let that boy wreck you, he has seen how you look like pliant and at his mercy, begging for the Jungkonda. You did this to yourself. Like a friend said to me, Jimin had made his bed, and he now needed to learn how to lay in it and be comfortable. You chose to give that boy the jibooty, he ain't listening to u 😂
(Sidebar: JK replied "I take it from you" given the topic at hand you can't blame my mind for where it went 😂😂😂😂)
Anyway, it's okay, they worked it out and are now living happily ever after. 😁😁💛💜
So yes anon. By 2016 Jikook were Jikooking. Hard. Pun intended 😏
Bonus.
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JK had no emotions....In anything.... Hmm 🤔
Does that sound to anyone else like JK was hitting and quitting or is it just me? Just me? Okay, I'll show myself out. My apologies.
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naviculariis · 4 days
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Okay so. Serious post time. I'm gonna put this entire thing under a cut, but I'm also gonna post some TWs here: medical malpractice, uncertain diagnoses, family trauma / drama, grief, anxiety rambles???
But I am gonna take like. A semi-hiatus, just so I can catch up on what I owe.
I haven't talked about this over here, or on Tumblr in general. Only one person who follows me here knows about this bc we're friends on another platform.
So.
Y'all have noticed, my days don't follow a set schedule. I've been unemployed since my campus suddenly closed with very little warning back in '22. Immediately after that closing, we took a small trip to MS to be with family for Christmas, and that trip was... Bad. And on the 1st of last year, I had an accident- i was taking down Christmas lights and fell and busted open my head. I had an untreated, late diagnosed concussion thar no one really... followed up on, and have had slight memory loss even now from it.
So I couldn't work until my head healed up from that.
But that's not the medical thing. That is my mother. In October 2021, my mother went in for a routine stint placement that resulted in loss of almost total blood flow to her left leg for 36 hours. They almost had to amputate, she almost died on the table twice, she was hospitalized for a year. ( we've tried the legal route, but because the doctor never admitted fault on paper, he cannot be held liable & suing hospitals is... Difficult. Even though she has permanent damage, can no longer feel anything below the knee, and has to wear a brace to walk. ) My mother already had a weak heart to begin with due to years of smoking + cardiac disease. This was the first nail, essentially. This damaged her heart... a lot.
Back to the concussion. 4 days after my concussion, she had a massive heart attack that nearly killed her. She flatlined twice on the table. It was after this that we got confirmation that she is in congestive heart failure. My grandfather died from it. It's
... It's hard. We don't know which stage she's in because her cardiologist won't tell us, but we think she's in stage 2, or maybe 3. We don't know. But because of this, I am the one who takes care of 95% of everything around the house & outside. I do lawncare, I do the planting, I do the garden. She can do a lot, still, but when her heart gets going- it's painful. So I've been her caretaker since 2021 when the initial accident happened.
My grandmother is nearly 90 and has... Many health problems but somehow is also doing better than most folks I know. She's a mystery. And my aunt had a double knee surgery but somethings wrong with her knees, and they think the surgeries rejected, so she can't get around well or drive longer than an hour away. My grandmother no longer drives & isn't renewing her license. My mother can drive, but we don't want her to unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.
So I'm the only one who can drive them around.
I have my own medical issues [ anxiety, depression, type 1 diabetes, cracked tailbone that never got treatment & is giving me hell for that- ]
So. Basically. A lot of my time isn't my time. And when I do have free time, I do try to write and chat as much as I can. At night, after I get mom to bed, I call my partner warner and we get a few hours together and then we have to go to sleep bc we're in a ldr & their timezone is an hour ahead of mine.
... I'm rambling.
It's just. It's hard sometimes. And a lot of the time I sort of sit on my back porch and cry because I'm doing this- physically- alone. Literally everyone else is 4+ hours away across the state. Or 9 hours south on the Gulf Coast, or 7 hours south in Louisiana.
I do try to stay on top of things the best I can, I really really do, but things slip through my fingers. I'm gonna try my best to get all caught up over this coming week, I think. But if my responses are delayed for threads, for discord messages- chances are, I'm busy with one of my lil ol' ladies.
On top of all of this, I live in a town of less than 900, the nearest city is 45 minutes in any direction, and the nearest BIG city is 2+ hours in any direction. Finding a job that isn't in Healthcare is impossible. And I have nothing against those who are in healthcare- I applaud you. But all of my trauma can be tied back to hospital ERs and any time I step foot into a hospital, I immediately have anxiety & can only hear the night we learned about my dad. So I physically cannot force myself to go into that field.
Which is... a whole other thing, this is getting too long. But I've been searching for a job for the past year and a half, have had 5 interviews, each one ended with "thanks for interviewing! However,". It's hard.
So I just.
My plate is a lil bit full. But I love writing. I love the rpc. It'sa comfort and a joy and I love meeting new friends and making new connections and I want to do this as long as I can but sometimes things get a little slow. That's all.
... anyways yeah. Semi hiatus. Cool.
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nburkhardt · 1 year
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The weeks leading up to his birthday is a lot.
Getting too overwhelmed and honestly he’s starting to feel like everyone forgot that he’s just one person. That he can’t do everything for them and yeah, he wants to help; feels like he needs to help. Sometimes it feels like he has to help, that that’s the only reason they even come to him. Feels like that anyone who talks to him just wants something, never just to have a conversation.
A few weeks before April 29th, Robin asked him what he wanted for his birthday. He only shrugged and said with a smile, “maybe a break? I don’t know. Haven’t really thought of it much” which is the truth, he didn’t think about his birthday much anymore.
“Oh come on, Dingus! You gotta want something?”
A shrug again was the answer and she huffed out a few curses and “of course you’d be like that” which didn’t make sense to him, his focus went back to work and that was the end of it. At least with Robin.
It’s not until later that same night, laying on the grass in his backyard at three am.
“This is nice” he breathes out, resting his arms above his head, a half empty beer bottle sitting close by. Still wearing his work clothes. It’s quiet and the sky is clear, he’s alone just enjoying the night.
That’s when it hits him, that this right here is what he wants. What he honestly needs.
The start of the last week of April, he started feeling like crap. He couldn’t hear well normally, but now he feels like he has cotton in his ears on top of his shitty hearing. There’s a near headache all week long, that’s pretty normal though. On top of that, he’s so run down because of work and everyone wanting his help. He doesn’t have a moment to himself, someone is always with him. Always calling for his help and never asking if he needs it.
It’s a lot, he just wants to not be needed.
Just wants to be able to breathe and be with his friends and maybe not feel like he’s only around to help.
April 29th, he wakes up feeling like absolute shit. His head is pounding, his throat is aching, nose running and he’s down. He’s spending the day in his bed sleeping it away.
Calls into work, because he’s scheduled, explains he’s sick and promises to make it up. Then he pulls out the walkie and explains to everyone in one go- “I’m sick, don’t bother me” and immediately switches the walkie off before crashing face first on the couch.
He sleeps, eats a little soup and crackers. Stays hydrated and relaxes.
It’s the best time he’s had in the last month.
(Robin shows up with Eddie in tow with more soup and a few cupcakes. Party hats on, and an ‘I don’t give a shit if you get us sick’ attitude. It nearly makes him cry. It never registered in his head he’s sick on his birthday, but he got what he wanted. A week where he was with his two favorite people and feeling like he could just be. Even though they slept and stayed in bed, Robin and Eddie ended up sick a few days later)
~~
I meant to get this out ON April 29th but I…didn’t get around to typing anything until 10pm and I also had a THC gummy and was enjoying the high before I went to sleep 🤣
Anyway, this was inspired by what happened on my birthday last year. I got Covid the week of my birthday and I spent it alone in my room hahaha. On top of that the weeks leading up to my birthday I felt so overwhelmed and feeling like everyone around me only needed my help or just didn’t want anything to do with me. It was a lot, also they kinda forgot? Like my birthday came and went. 27 isn’t that important, I guess 😅
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faesystem · 1 year
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My biggest dislike for the fanon coffee addict Tim Drake is I rarely see it explored in a genuinely interesting way.
Personally, I headcanon that he struggles with addiction in a lot of areas. I really believe the idea of him having a caffeine addiction and intentionally doing a poor job at hiding it to make hiding other addictions more successful very interesting.
I imagine that, prior to being Robin, he absolutely had a drinking problem. He was left alone for long periods of time with minimal supervision, and his parents seem like the type to have a wine cellar. I imagine in a fit of rebellion, upset by being left alone, he stole a bottle of wine and drank it. After this bottle of wine was not noticed to be missing, even when his parents came back, that it began a very slippery slope into a proper drinking problem.
Then I would imagine with him sneaking out at night so often, he met some shady characters who would offer him a cigarette. Desperate for positive attention, figuring it would be fine, he would take them up on the offer. It was fine. He only smoked when offered, and just because he intentionally hung around the people who offered more and more to get more cigarettes did not mean anything. It was fine. He wouldn't experience any health consequences for decades, and chances of him surviving that long when stalking Batman and Robin well. Maybe he developed a bit of a live fast attitude.
And I imagine that he got a harsh wakeup call after Jason died. He knew Batman needed a Robin and he knew he could fulfill that role. But he also knew he needed to prove he was responsible to Bruce, and there was no way Bruce would think his delinquent activities of underage drinking and smoking were responsible. So he quit cold turkey.
This is when his caffeine problem really kicked off. Built on the basis of other substances, ones he was only able to stay off of by throwing himself into his training. It escalated to the point where Bruce asked him about it, very concerned. Tim told him he'd cut back and proceeded to not do that.
And Bruce never found out.
As time wore on, he was becoming more and more aware of the fact that Jason smoked when he was Robin. Jason hid it from Bruce. And Tim had been hiding his caffeine intake from Bruce. Surely, a couple of cigarettes now and then would not hurt...
Tim knew that the best way to hide something was to make it seem like you were incapable of hiding anything. So he pretended like his caffeine intake was going up, and pretended to hide it. Bruce was suspicious beginning day one of this plan. He waited through three uncomfortable conversations with Bruce, after all three pretending to get better at hiding, right up until there was a proper intervention in which Bruce properly restricted his intake of caffeine.
And Tim let him. Any time Tim would drink more than he was supposed to, he did not hide it as well as he could. He struck a perfect balance of making it look like he was skilled at hiding it without actually hiding it from Bruce. So when he began smoking again, well, Bruce did not know.
I would honestly say it is more likely that he swapped to vaping. Using flavours that smelt like deodorant he would intentionally use around the manner, it was a lot easier to hide.
His plan of it being occasional fell right to shit as he jumped on nicotine to manage his caffeine withdrawals.
I believe he would have successfully hid it for his entire Robin career. He definitely had a problem, but it never impacted his heroics so it was fine. And sure, maybe it did make his schooling worse, but Bruce believed that was just because of the stress of being Robin and his parents believed it to be normal teenage laziness.
Then his mom died and his dad was in a coma.
Tim fell hard into drinking. With his fake uncle excuse, he was left fully unsupervised whenever he wanted.
It is late and I am needing to head off to bed, so brief summary of future events.
- Upon having to move into the manner, Tim intentionally had so much caffeine in one go he was just short of overdosing to hide what substances he had actually been abusing.
- Tim had to cut down on his substance abuse to avoid detection. It was awful. He ended up confiding in the Titans about it, who supported him in getting sober and cutting down how much he was vaping.
- He was actually doing very well for a while.
- Bruce died.
- He could not risk being intoxicated most of the time, too busy with suddenly being the CEO of Wayne Indistries, having an increased load in heroics since Bruce was gone, and then eventually realising Bruce was actually alive and he was the only one to be able to get him back. But he was vaping every moment he had alone, and every moment he knew for sure he could spare he would binge drink.
- Obviously with the situation, no one noticed this.
- I would say it all got particularly bad when he disappeared to go find Bruce.
- He came back, still had really bad substance abuse problems. He began withdrawing as opposed to trying to cut down.
- I am not quite certain when Kon and Bart dying fits into this, but their deaths made it worse, them coming back did not make it better.
- Eventually people noticed he had been hidinf away.
- I like the idea of the Titans trying their best to help him, but he did not want help. Lost as to what to do, they resolved they were going to tell someone if they thought it would be threatening to his life. They made him check in daily just to make sure he was alive, it got so bad.
- At one point Tim went MIA, and at the 24 hour mark they called the Bats. Explained the situation as briefly as they could.
- Comfort after a lot of angst, Tim gets treatment and properly goes into recovery
I need sleep.
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elliot-needs-sleep · 2 years
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Heyyyyyy
I am here to request…
I J L U Y and F
For the fluff alphabet with Sal and my man Karl Heisenberg
Thanks bestie 😍
I knew you'd come for the this lmao
Not the best of my work (been forever since I wrote for the hobo himself), and also please ignore how much I talk about Larry (he's my favorite 😔)
Characters: Karl Heisenberg (RE8), Sal Fisher (Sally Face)
Fic type: Fluff Alphabet
Fandom/s: RE8, Sally Face (seperately)
F - Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? Why are they fighting?
Karl Heisenberg
He's prone to being tempermental sometimes, but he doesn't pick real fights unless he thinks he's right
If you two fight, it has to be something to do with yours or his well-beings. He can be overprotective, but he also is an absolute mess all of the time
He's so easy to forgive you though, he just can't stay mad at you
I - Inspiration - Did their s/o change for them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?
To be honest, nothing really changed except the state of his living space, because that's all he really thought was not good enough for you
And by that, I mean he started cleaning up after himself. As I said, he is a mess. There's things everywhere. Tiny pieces of metal, food dishes, clothes, you name it.
J - Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?
He's pretty trusting in you, and he knows you can take care of yourself if someone is bothering you, so he doesn't get jealous that often all things considered.
However if you look uncomfortable in any way he will not hesitate to let his nieces commit some murders.
L - Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o
Freaks out over it for a bit and you accidentally stumble upon him planning/thinking of how to do it
Completely on accident and completely out of his element, very shocked when you laugh at him a bit and tell him you'd love to.
U - Upset - How do they act when they're upset?
If he's angry upset, he lashes out at you if you get a bit too near, never physically, but he can be pretty mean. Best to just leave him for a bit to cool down and he'll be back to normal
If he's sad upset, he kinda shuts himself away. Doesn't ask for help, doesn't tell you, doesn't ask for comfort. But he will cuddle with you
Y - Yearning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?
He lays in bed or mopes around until you're back. And then he'll mope when you're back for leaving him alone (he's not really that upset)
He doesn't really enjoy being alone, and he misses having you for company
----------
Sal Fisher
F - Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? Why are they fighting?
He doesn't like fighting, or even arguing for that matter. If you two start having a fight, he will just leave the room/walk away
Which can be a bit infuriating for obvious reasons but like, it somehow works because then instead of focusing on why you're angry, you focus on trying to catch him. And then you can talk it out without being mad
I - Inspiration - Did their s/o change for them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?
I don't think anything really changed with either of you. He wouldn't want you to change, and the same is said in reverse.
He'd be a bit more comfortable with people being in his personal bubble though. I mean, he has Larry who (in my opinion) just straight up hangs on people, but its not the same
J - Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?
He can be a tad bit jealous, but he doesn't voice it because he feels a bit bad about it
I mean, you are your own person, but you're also his partner and sometimes people suck
L - Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o
He didn't, Larry did it for him
Essentially, he kept rambling about you to Larry, and Larry was getting a bit tired of it (Sal is his best friend, but after weeks of hearing about how this one particular guy is attractive, it was a bit annoying), so he told Sal that you liked him too, and that he was going to tell you that Sal liked you as well
Sal didn't speak to him for about a day, but at the end of it, he had a partner and he missed his best friend, soooo that didn't last very long
U - Upset - How do they act when they're upset?
He doesn't like to show people that he's not okay. If he's upset, it'll likely lead to shaking and a crack in his voice, and since he doesn't want to bother anyone, he either hides in his room, or somewhere else in the apartments.
Find him though, and he's super clingy and will probably fall asleep on your shoulder or with his head in your lap
Y - Yearning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?
He'll sleep at Larry's probably if you go on a trip, just so he can maybe not focus on missing you
If you just don't live in the apartments, or had to go home, there's a small chance he'll show up at your door either in the middle of the night, or he'll show up as soon as he knows you're awake, if only just for a hug
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laceyeb · 3 months
Text
Let me tell you about my day...
It's barely 2PM, but it has been an adventure. It started when I woke up 12 HOURS AGO at 2AM. Because I have all week off work, I decided it was worth it to set my alarm for 2:45AM to tune into the Eras Tour in Sydney and watch the surprise songs because I just know they're going to be amazing this weekend. But I woke up early and then couldn't fall back asleep. I checked where she was at in the setlist and adjusted my alarm accordingly to get a bit more sleep, but I was wide awake. Surprise songs ended at 3:50, so what time do you think I finally fell back asleep? If you said 5:45AM, you would be right. I don't know why I thought I would be able to go right back to sleep as if I've never met me before. It was absolutely a mistake, but I will be doing it all weekend and I do not care.
So as a result of this, I stayed in bed longer than I planned this morning and skipped my walk. I had plans to go to the local zoo this morning, but I was going to put it off until tomorrow since I was so tired. (As if I won't be even more tired tomorrow.) I also thought about going for my walk anyways and getting to the zoo later. However, I decided I would go first thing for when they opened like I had planned. For some reason I decided that I needed to look nice for my trip to the zoo. I wore my cutest outfit and put on some makeup and spent way too long trying to get my hair looking decent. I thought, "Why am I looking so cute for the zoo? I'm not going to see anyone know. Like I'm going to run into my work crush by the flamingos?!"
Tangent: My school district has some sort of like day camp type program this week since we're out of school. It's intended for younger students and some people (primarily like classroom aides, playground monitors, etc.) work during this time for extra pay. I don't know anything about this program and forgot it even existed, but evidently it does. Do you see where this is going? End tangent.
So I get to the zoo this morning just a few minutes after they open, looking extra cute. I'm waiting in line for a couple minutes at the entrance and I look in toward the first exhibit and WHO DO I SEE?! I thought, "Certainly not. There is absolutely no chance. Clearly I'm sleep deprived." But then I saw another employee from my district and a small group of young kids and I realized it must be her!
I could not even believe it. What are the odds?! So I kind of watched their group and they're taking the same path I do, but moving slow because they have a guide with them. I give them enough time to get ahead of me and then continue on. I'm wandering around a bit and see that they're now up on this skywalk attraction. (Bridges up in the trees. Very cool and the whole reason for going to the zoo.) As I casually glance up there, I see someone else from work waving to me. And then I see another person from work at the skywalk entrance and I said hi to him and asked what they were all doing there and that's when I realized it was the day camp thing. So I follow the group up the skywalk from a considerable distance and as I get close, I see they're stopped because their guide is explaining things to the kids. I will have no choice but to catch up to them. And then I hear someone call my name. (Let me tell you. It made me feel some type of way to hear her call me by my first name since she obviously only uses my last name at work.) So I catch up to her and the group and I said something like, "Did you guys plan a party and forget to invite me?" And we both kind of laughed and then I continued on my way. That was the entire interaction, but it made the whole trip worth it. And now we have something to talk about when I see her at work and I will absolutely be mentioning that I go to the zoo all the time and see where things go from there.
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acradelius · 2 years
Note
Moira aftercare hcs? Please and thank you!
"Aftercare Is A Must!"
Fandom: Overwatch
Pairing: Moira x Reader
Rating: Lemon [🟡] (NSFW! - Just to be on the safe side.)
Warnings/Mention Of: Sex, Aftercare, Mutual Showering, Naked Cuddling, Suggestive of "Round Two"
Word Count: 622 Words
Author's Note: Y'all gotta stop making me fall into love with Moira more than I already am. Bestie gotta leave some heart room for all the other characters out there.
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We all know about the thoughts of those who are associated with Moira O’Deorain within the grasp of Talon. Some consider her to be brilliant, controversial, and ambitious. Others also considered her to be abrasive, arrogant, and sometimes hostile. Yet, this was merely a fronting persona to who she was until being behind closed doors. More specifically, bedroom doors with her lover, (Y/N). 
Whether it was the normally rough housing type of intimate night, or a rare night where Moira would allow (Y/N) to pleasure her, interested in the experience when the tables were turned. Either way, when it both came to them post-orgasm, there was no denial that aftercare was a must between the both of them. 
It begins with a shared moment of silence, laying upon the now twisted up sheets, just staring into each other's gaze while brushing fingers softly against each other’s skin, brushing gently throughout each other's hair. A smile forming on Moira’s lips as (Y/N) softly laughs, slowly becoming more vocal until turning into small talk. Moira nudges the remembrance to (Y/N) that she assures any degradation was just in the moment, that she didn’t actually mean any of it, and that if it caused any offense she sincerely apologizes. 
Once gaining enough strength it becomes time to clean up: dirty linen taken off the bed and thrown into the laundry basket, then deciding whether to take a bath or a shower. Either way, they end up with both Moira and (Y/N) washing each other, soft tones echoing off the walls from the small radio that was brought in. Afterwards (Y/N) dressed within soft warm, fuzzy pajamas Moira had bought them on a trip, while Moira’s were more to her style: satin. 
Snack time and rehydration are an absolute must! Water is usually the go-to, but sometimes there are some other beverages involved afterwards, maybe something else to help relax the nerves. As for food there’s sometimes leftovers within the fridge from an earlier night out. Maybe Moira will be in the mood of creating a dish from her homeland, or willing to try a dish from (Y/N)’s own homeland. Other times it’s also raiding the cafeteria to see what had been bought, or to take other meals if feeling quite sluggish still. Don’t worry if the person finds out as they usually never figure out who actually took it or Moira takes the blame as no one will argue with her over it. 
Determining what to do afterwards is always a playful argument as sometimes there’s an idea of what to do, and sometimes there’s not. Sometimes it’s spending the rest of the night watching documentaries of some sort, or Moira reading some story to (Y/N) until they fell asleep, sometimes sneaking off back to the lab, but staying by their side for the night most of the time. 
Other times it would be Moira deciding to sip on some wine, watching you do a preferred activity: sometimes painting a picture or completing a small puzzle. There’s also been some times where there’s a decision made to walk around the base, meeting up with some of the members, such as  Sigma or even Reaper, chit chatting the night away and waking up the next morning to some rare breakfast of sorts. 
Whatever it might happen to be, whether it’s decided that the aftermath of sex and cleaning up is going to be an eventful or relaxed evening, it really doesn’t matter. Secretly, Moira will do whatever you want to do as long as she gets to be by your side. But who actually knows maybe aftercare becomes the start of another round of pleasure in bed?~
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Note
Hey! Weird question! How many “classic” ideas do you have for Steddie fics??? Just curious! 😝😉
Oh! Oh my god! What a completely unexpected and unprompted question that I am in no way fully prepared to answer!
I mean, sure I'll tell you if you INSIST. Tell me your favorite!
Classic fic trope ideas for Stranger Things all pulled from my Idea Folder in no particular order:
(below the cut because I have LOTS and this won't even be all of them)
"Powers Post Trauma" ie: Steve recovers from the demobat bites suspiciously fast, his hair is suspiciously fuller despite not having any additional product, he is suspiciously hungry and also suspiciously accidentally dents a wall when he pushes Eddie into it and kisses him for the first. Super suspicious. Super related to Upside Down venom-y type things, definitely leads to obligatory 'screaming while tearing something in half with muscles heaving' moments that are fully necessary to the plot and not just eye candy no matter what you think.
"Ghost in The Wall" trope in which Assumed Dead Person (Billy) isn't actually dead and is haunting Castle Harrington from the UD, falling in love with Steve from the other side up while Steve spirals convinced he's losing his mind. Ends with yanking Billy out of the UD and for definitely necessary plot reason, shared showers. Cos. Well, you know.
"My House Is Too Big So Stay With Me" trope where you guessed it, Steve's house is always empty and always too big so Eddie suggests 'maybe get a smaller place' Steve suggests 'maybe you come along too' and it has all the obligatory 'too many children in too small a space but it's cozy and homey and Steve isn't lonely anymore so its perfect actually' moments.
"Eddie Has Sweater Paws" I don't actually have a story for this it just needs to exist at some point.
"Coffee Shop AU" Modern AU where a Literally Always Tired Steve owns a coffee shop and Musician!Eddie shows up for highly caffeinated beverages and to flirt with Steve non stop. Also they adopt a kitten cos. Necessary Softness.
"Omegaverse with Alpha who knows they're mates and the Omega who is too stubborn to fall in love at first." which is just my "Risk in Kissing" AU cos it was supposed to be a one shot goddamnit but now I have like ten more chapters including but not limited to what happens when Steve goes into heat but won't let billy close, how Billy ends up picking fights with Neil just so he can get kicked out of the house and spend time with his Omega and copious sharing of jackets and Omega!nests because just-- ITS SOFT okay. And fangs. Nobody's surprised about the fangs.
"Polaroid" fic because goofy pictures together is NECESSARY. No particular pairing, could just be Robin and Steve being Local LGBT Solidarity pals and giving Steve pictures to hang in his empty fucking house.
"Road Trip Fic" so Steve can have his RV and maybe it's not Nancy and six kids (its not) but it's Eddie and an acoustic guitar and an exploration of 'hey maybe I'm not straight' and 'lets share the one queen sized bed and look at the stars' and 'home is where the heart is'
"Omegaverse Alpha holds himself away too afraid to damage an omega with his baggage and violence and Omega proves he absolutely doesn't need to be treated like glass."
"One partner runs away scared of the relationship, etc and other partner stays behind, never moves on until time jump later when they reconnect and finally let themselves fall in love."
"Pretty Boy wears skirt and Partner blue screens" Eddie wears skirt while playing the guitar. Theres a trip in the car where he HAS to sit on Steve's lap (mandatory) and Steve has a dick related crisis (mandatory)
"Hooking up in secret except literally everyone knows" and its Eddie who instigates and sends Steve careening down a horny spiral of 'oh shit I didn't know I liked to bottom'
Obligatory CHRISTMAS including mistletoe, flannel jammies and ugly sweaters.
Obligatory HALLOWEEN with a harvest festival and tunnel of spooky love and top of the ferris wheel kisses.
Concert Fic: because Steve needs to fall in love with Eddie while watching him play
Epistolary Fic: grieving character writes letters to not quite dead character trying to sort through feelings and emotions and Man Angst.
'First Kiss and They're Goofy and Stupid' like super lethal butterflies in the tummy they can't handle it, they're dumb
'Angry Cute' in which one is so cute the other one gets angry about it and shouts about bedhead and butterfly kisses and sleepy noises.
That's... most of them? The good ones anyway. I also have an additional like 5 pages of just one liners that should definitely lead to fics but right now are just blurbs of bullshit waiting to be turned into something interesting.
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angel-bubbles · 2 years
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top 5 redacted audios :)
thank u for tagging me @calicostorms and @beemybella hehe sending you both loving pats on the head :) a lot of these are sleep aids bc i've pavloved myself into instantly falling asleep when i hear their voices asjdkl
tsundere werewolf boyfriend comforts you during storm
none of you are surprised by this i'm sure. old reliable. i know every single word to this audio and if im not sleepy enough i will literally say the words with him until i fall asleep ajkdsl. the understanding between them is so <3. and the soft protective side of david is so sweet and heartwarming to me. i'm also petrified of storms so yea i just rlly rlly rlly love this audio
2. dragging your overworked tsundere boss boyfriend to bed
aaron <3 his development blows my mind. looking from the first video of his compared to this one is just... i love him a lot. i am single handedly half the views on this video it is so calming and the domestic soft to his voice when he says "are you still with me" GOD i could cry i love him. aaron types me to sleep at least 4 days a week
3. staying warm with your boyfriend the fun way
i love this video so. much. i listen to it Often. the banter between them and hearing geordi's little compliments in his head sigh he's such a sweet boy. "i love your smile" just passing through his head like nothing else matters? love.
4. demon tends to your injuries
i listen to this one a lot too, just the way avior comforts them? the way he calms them down? the first time i heard it is when i fell in love with him because everything about their dynamic is so full of love at this point it is palpable (knowing how his storyline has developed does makes it marginally more painful than before though i cannot lie) but i love this video, very soft to me
5. dreamwalker boyfriend saves you from a nightmare
i don't mention it a lot, but for a Long Time elliott was one of my absolute favorites so his audios are very comforting to me. this one in particular is so sweet and such a good vid to fall asleep to. his voice is so soothing and the distraction he provides sunshine after their nightmare is something i appreciate a lot and idk i just rlly like this one
honorable mentions (just more davey audios bc it was literally impossible to narrow it this much and i love him)
comforted after a hard day at work by your alpha werewolf boyfriend (it's protective soft davey what more do you need to hear)
camping with your tsundere alpha werewolf boyfriend (god this video is so soft and domestic and in this one i feel like i can actually see davey. not david the alpha or anything. just him, as a person, as a partner. he sounds so happy. i listen a lot.)
im a little late so gently tagging @ashs-stars and anyone else who wants to! no pressure <3
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fireintheflames · 2 years
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Ted Kord
– Overall opinion of them
I ADORE Ted Kord. What a guy! His design is top tier, he's got so much depth, and he's an annoying little shit. And I feel like that's what makes him great! I love that most of his struggles are less "supervillain/rivalry/world ending mega-events" (though he is certainly involved in plenty of those!) and more mundane things. Like depression, or struggling with his weight, or having no money. He's got a chronic heart condition, he's constantly on the verge of a breakdown, and he's out here kicking ass anyway.He just...feels like an actual person more than a comic book character. And, I cannot stress this enough, he's fun. I would want to be his friend. I would want to hang out watching Star Trek with him. He's just a guy, doing his best. Glad he's alive and active in comics again! And glad he's still funny.
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– Gender/sexuality headcanons
Sexuality, 100% bi or pan! Ted's horny on main, constantly, in all directions. Like, he's a massive flirt in canon. But he's also very dedicated to anyone he's actually in a relationship. I think he probably has some struggles coming to terms with not being heterosexual, but grows more comfortable with it as time goes on.
As for gender, I am of the opinion that he certainly thinks of himself as a cis man. But I also think it's more something he hasn't put a lot of time into contemplating. I think Ted Kord’s relationship with gender is best summarized by the following comic:
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– Favorite moment in canon
There are a few times this happens, and it is one of my favorite reoccurring little plots:
Alien invades earth in big, spooky spaceship
Ted Kord gets in the vents/service tubes, aliens ignore him because there are bigger immediate threats
Ted Kord gets to engineering/power/controls
Ted Kord does what he does best (techno-bullshit)
Ship explodes/stalls/is otherwise incapacitated
And it's fucking great, every time!
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I also love this moment from Rebirth (which I enjoyed, even if my feelings are a bit mixed). I quote this to myself all the time, when I'm feeling stressed. I just love the moments when he reminds us why he's lasted so long in a very dangerous lifestyle. The brains and the moxxy!
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– Favorite moment in a fanwork
In the fantastic fan-fiction A Groovy Kind of Love by totilott, he has this fantastic breakdown in the rain following some very stressful time traveling (including the fact that he absolutely does not get along with a past version of him). It's visceral. I literally had to get up and walk away the first time I read it.
Really, that whole series is great, highly recommend. He goes through a lot, and it's so fun to enjoy the journey he's on.
– Favorite line, in canon or otherwise Hmm, everything out of his mouth is pure gold, but I guess I'll have to go with a classic:
"My name is Ted Kord. I am the second man to call himself the Blue Beetle. I tell myself there will be a third. And I hope whoever he or she may be, they do better at it than I have."
– Characters I love seeing them interact with
Well, Booster Gold is the obvious answer. The best buddy-comedy duo in comics! And after that really all of the JLI! But I really dig his interactions and dynamic with Tora! They are always so supportive of each other, it's very sweet.
I also like his interactions with Babs in the Bird of Prey run. Reminds me of a lot of my online friendships, just two people with a lot in common who like hanging out!
I want him to hang out with the Question more.
– Last thing before sleeping headcanons
Ted strikes me as a classic, "just-one more thing" type of insomniac. Like just staying up way too late doing shit. So I guess before sleep, he probably takes a nice long shower to unwind, pop a few painkillers, and the proceeds to lie awake staring at the ceiling in bed until his brain shuts off.
– Sleeping habits headcanons
Ted sleeps like crap. He tosses, he turns, he throws off the blankets, then steals them back. He snores like a train, talks in his sleep, and generally just makes a lot of noise for someone unconscious. He also tends to fall asleep in improbable or uncomfortable places and positions. If he's sleeping next to someone, he will kick them in the shins. Guaranteed.
– First thing after waking up headcanons
I think he's one of those people who is absolutely shit in the morning. He's put his body through hell, waking up is painful!So he does a lot of stretches to get the kinks out, bitching the whole time. After that, puts the coffee on, pops his meds, and gives himself a solid hour to feel human.
– Favorite locations headcanon
Ted has always struck me as a basement kind of guy. Like, he'd be comfortable wherever as long as its dark, underground, and full of cool shit. He's mentioned being a city boy in canon, so I think he has a soft spot for places like dive bars and hole-in-the wall clubs. He loves Chicago and New York, and generally feels more at home in colder climates than warm. He strikes me as the kind of guy who rides the subway for fun, as well.
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stonesandswords · 2 years
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You're absolutely right, the three of them decided the night before that they were going to do it and that Jan would explain it best, Colin had expected something more eloquent than "I am dating both Richard and Colin. We're all dating each other and will field a two minutes of questions" from Jan but it was affective. Jamie asked the most questions- mainly invasive ones about sex- but Sam and Dani got to ask some such as when and where it all started while Isaac pulled Colin to the side to ask his own set of questions (He wanted the full story and Colin provided it)
They prefer to stay in, playing video or watching movies or having dinner because they get to be more intimate and less on guard but enjoy going out every now and then too. They go to the movies and for food (each person taking it in turns to pick which movie they see and place they eat) but also make sure they do one tourist-y thing each month after realizing none of of had ever taken the time to explore London properly. The thing about the casual before/after sex hangouts was that they were always kinda dates, ever since the first time they had coffee and talked things out. They'd just spend time together talking about work and families and themselves under the guise that they were just three friends who had sex. It was when Richard talked about his goats or Colin used particularly Welsh slang or Jan said something so undeniably Dutch that they started falling in love. They were playing video games and watching movies in Richard (and Colin's place, they hung out a bit there too but never really had sex. They just always seemed to be the last three after a party/gathering or of they wanted to hang out the day before a match without sex than they'd go to Colin's). They were dating before making it official because they only Jan eyes for one another. My question for you though is how do you think each of them show their love to one another outside of the bedroom (or within the bedroom if we want to get to the interesting part)? I loved your nickname idea
Oh god yes! Richard is the one to answer all the invasive, raunchy sex questions from those who are curious. Jan answers all the questions about the what and the when and the how of their dynamic. Colin give the full exclusive to Isaac and Ted (who is a normal amount of invested).
I love that their dates tend to remain casual because that's what they're used to and were doing before they even realized that what they were doing was in fact "dating". I do like them going out on occasion because they want something to do besides staying at home together (but really they all do love staying at home and hanging out together). Colin is properly eye-rolly about doing touristy things because of his immense annoyance love towards England but really anything he gets to do with Richard and Jan is the best.
I love them spending time together, getting to know each other, when they're all just sleeping together. They think it's all just casual "getting to know your friends" type of conversation but as you said, they start being particularly themselves and they all start to pick up on each other's little quirks, and they're just so fucking smitten with each other. They don't realize that they have increased feelings and love for each other until it hits them right smack in the face. I do love them always being the last three during a hangout because they all just love spending time together so much!
OOO how they show each other love is a good one 🤔 I think it can be agreed that Richard is probably the most romantic of the three and he really shows his love and appreciation in a billion different ways both in and out of bed. I think he would call Colin "mon coeur" (my heart) because Colin is ALL heart and that's what Richard loves about him. He calls Jan "mon amour" (my love) because Jan will have a harder time saying "I love you" (although he does say it first) but has an easier time showing that he loves them.
Jan ends up being the most physically affectionate when at home with lots of forehead kisses and lots of shoulder or hip touches when he walks by. He will take up a lot of the chores that Richard and Colin complain about (washing dishes, folding laundry, that kind of thing). His nickname for Colin is "schatje" (dutch for little treasure) while his nickname for Richard is "mon trésor" (french for treasure) because they are the two most valuable things in his life.
Colin shows his love by constantly reminding the two of them how much they mean to him and really doing the words of affirmation for thing. He really likes to affirm verbally how important they are to him. I think Colin gives his nicknames in English. He calls Richard "my heart" as a return of Richard's nickname to him but also because Richard is a romantic dude with a lot of heart. He calls Jan "my soul" because Jan is someone who feels very deeply but doesn't necessarily show it. Together they are his heart and soul(I also HC Richard as being good at playing piano because Stephan Manas is good at it so Colin definitely learns to play "Heart and Soul" on the piano for the two of them).
In the bedroom though! I think that Jan is the most giving to both of them. He really likes to take care of them both and ensure they're both having a good time. I think Richard is the most passionate and really buckles down on and is enthusiastic to fully commit to the sex. Colin is the most eager to do whatever either of them suggests. He really just likes to participate and be in the moment with the two of them.
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vickikowalewski · 1 year
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Day 2 - May 24, 2023: Innsbruck
I woke up at 4am this morning wide awake and ready to start the day. I essentially was asleep on and off from 4pm the day prior so it makes sense that my body caught up on the sleep it needed. Jet lag is the worst sometimes though. I decided to stay in bed until 6am and then got up to some of my physical therapy exercises for about 15 minutes. I have to do 3 exercises daily to make sure I don’t lose what I gained.
I got the 14 CHF breakfast, which seemed a bit steep but it’s Switzerland (trust me, that’s cheap) and it was all you can eat and drink. I didn’t get any pictures but it was absolutely delicious. The meat and cheese was out of this world. I went back for cheese three times. I also enjoyed some Nutella, my ultimate guilty pleasure, with one of the 10 different types of bed offered. I met a lady from the USA who was so enjoyable to talk to. She is newly divorced and enjoying her new life. Her and her friend are starting a hike that lasts 9 days going from Zurich to Geneva. Aside from the large amount of rain she will likely endure, she will probably have an amazing experience.
I had a hard time booking my ticket to Innsbruck so I had to arrive at the train station early and got it he ticket counter. I can’t believe some of the things I see in Switzerland. Children walking alone to school, bassinets outside of businesses, it’s really amazing how safe this country is. After some discussion at the ticket counter, the ticket I tried to book wasn’t available because the train’s engine broke on the route this morning. Basically, no direct train to Innsbruck today. I ended up getting a half price ticket with my Swiss Travel Pass (my travel was covered up to the border with Lichtenstein). The train I ended up getting wasn’t bad though. It was only 2 extra minutes with 2 short platform connections.
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At the platform, I saw a family from the USA with way too many bags (think two 50 pound bags per person with children included) who were freaking out about having to change platforms with all the bags. Packing light is key in Europe. I couldn’t help but shake my head after talking to them, clearly this family had never visited Europe before and they were in way over their head.
I would dare to say at least 80-90% of people I’ve encountered have started speaking to me in German before realizing I am an English speaker, and sometimes seem a bit surprised that I’m an American. For instance, I had to re-correct the man at the electronics store that I need a USA-to-Swiss power adapter instead of a European-to-Swiss power adapter. But then again, I don’t act like an entitled moron and I dress half-decent. I would say the Swiss are a bit more convinced I’m German-speaking than the Austrians though. Something in Austria gives me away a bit more. Maybe it’s my teeth. Americans are known for having nice teeth.
The train ride was overall very nice even though there were unexpected stops and transfers. Everything went smoothly. As I was riding the train through Austria, the weather changed dramatically. The cabin car got extremely cold and it started to rain. You could look to the top of the surrounding mountains and you could tell it was snowing instead of raining.
My arrival into Innsbruck was miserable. My train arrived at 14:11 and it was pouring ice cold rain. I couldn’t check-in until 3pm and I hadn’t eaten since 6:30am so I decided to stop at a cafe for some lunch and a cappuccino to warm up. Prices were reasonable and the portions were generous so I was happy about that. Food and coffee were quite tasty as well.
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I really didn’t feel like walking around in the pouring rain much so after I checked into my Airbnb, I decided to go to a science museum nearby. It was all about hearing and the brain. It was children-focused but still very interesting. Afterwards, I stopped at a bar for some Stiegel, the beer of Austria. My server was quite entertaining. I do really enjoy Austrians. They truly have a quiet sense of humor.
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I’m still extremely jet lagged and struggling trying to stay awake so it’s bedtime for me. I made it until almost 8pm tonight. That’s progress. Goodnight!
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fireplace-babear · 2 years
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Entry 15 "I did that thing again, where I forgot about this."
I just got back from a trip with a friend who I made in the usual way. The usual way being, I saw her and immediately had a crush on her, started getting to know her, realized there's no way, and decided I like being her friend regardless of those past feelings.
Except, now they're back. And with a vengeance.
Quick update for context, lotta shit happened in missouri, including my ex (who was also my roommate) inviting me into their bed and then sleep making-out with me, while I was mostly asleep and unaware of their state. long story short I'm back where I came from, and my friend and i have discussed getting an apartment together when i move back down there, which i was initially all for until i remembered my past feelings for her, and though they weren't actively an issue at that time, I'm glad that i came to the conclusion that it wouldn't be a good idea to move in with her.
However, after this most recent trip, those feelings have surged back in a big way. I don't know if was the close quarters (we stayed in a 1br apartment with me on the couch and her on the bed), or driving around with her playing her music or me playing my music and singing, but I am suddenly hopelessly in love with her again despite my best efforts to bury and kill that love.
I don't remember if I've spoken about it here before, but there is a large disconnect for me mentally between what I am conscious of, that being the person I want to be and the things I want to do, and the subconscious mind, being what I end up being and the things that claw at the insides of my mind until I am powerless to stop them. Put bluntly, I have poor self-control. So even though I consciously wish to be her supportive best friend and confidant, my heart and subconscious look at her and imagine a future where we both keep each other in check, and tumble through the absolutely messy rollercoaster that is life together. they hear the love songs i sing to empty passenger seats longing for someone to direct them towards and they think she fits that seat just right. i wrote in a note right before writing this "i can't follow you, but the thought of you leaving makes me want to cry. the very idea that we might end up falling out of touch terrifies me, and that's why I can never tell you this." i am not her type at all, and i never will be. i am very tired and i'm going to sleep now, have a good night all
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