#hugs kamakura

[hopefulindespair]

Previous || @91cmspoilers

Nagisa huffed as he shook his head, putting his pen down and looking at the Ultimate in the eyes. “Food doesn’t keep you awake, if anything it distracts you and makes you tired.” Surely someone of Izuru’s status would know that. Nagisa knew the basics about the other, he did his own research as far as he could, even asking his parents about him which landed him with additional studies to make up for asking pointless stuff but he did know that he should aim to be like him. His father admired Izuru and said that in order to be anything in life, he is what Nagisa should become and how much he could learn from the other boy. How stupid. 

“It doesn’t even matter in the end, as long as I continue studying and beat everyone in my class and go beyond that.” Competing with other children is one thing, but teenagers? That’s a whole other thing. Stifling a yawn, he took another sip of his coffee. “It’s easy for someone like you, loved by teachers and you don’t even need to study for it. Demons like you make me sick and you're meant to be the one I'm meant to catch up to.” If there was any description for the look in his eyes it was resentment. Why couldn’t he be like Izuru already? Why was his goal even harder to achieve? How could he become just like the other Ultimate in front of him?

#Musing: Nagisa #Holy shit I love boats: Izuru #Tell me his parents wouldn't love Izuru #Like to them he's the model child #Be like him #Be talented and successful #I swear they would so support the Kamakura project if they knew about it #Poor Nagisa #I just wanna hug him #Izuru please take him away #On the bright side #At least in a way this is him taking a break from studying? #So that's one good thing here #91cmspoilers

[elizais]

when you know, you know.

when they realise just how much they love you ft: dazai, chuuya, jouno, sigma content warnings: reader isn't a hunting dog for jouno's button divider by v6que, dog divider by animatedglittergraphics-n-more

dazai knew he loved you, from the get go. but, it was a random tuesday when it hit him how much he loved you.

your favourite author was releasing a new book, you were buzzing about it all of last week and it would be released in your local bookstore on the same tuesday. you spoke about your excitement often as the day approached but when tuesday finally came, you were on an emergency mission in the neighbouring city.

you and ranpo were in kamakura for the day, ranpo solving a couple crimes and you stopping him from getting beat up by his lack of social cues.

when you found out you would miss getting the book, you were disappointed but masked it by saying "'i'll just order it and wait for it to ship, don't worry!" to your boyfriend, osamu. he saw right through it though and made a silent promise to himself to get it.

once his shift ended, he made kunikida drive him to the bookstore (you took the car to kamakura because of the mission). a long queue was stood outside the door but he knew he would have to endure it.

waiting the hour and a half to get in, he rushed past the crowd to grab the last hardback of the book that was beginning to drive him insane. when he stepped out after paying (with kunikida's card, of course) he saw it was absolutely pouring it down.

torrential rain all over yokohama. the paperbag he was carrying the before mentioned book in would not last a minute. checking his phone for how long it would take to wait it out, he saw that it was not an option. it would last all night and you would be worried sick about where he was when you get home in an hour or so.

so, he made the decision to take off his coat, and wrap it around the book. he began to run back to your shared home, it was on this run he realised how much he truly adored you.

his blue striped shirt clung to his body, his bandages so soaked they were beginning to fall down. he mentally cursed whatever god controlled the weather, joking to himself about making a mental note to get chuuya to pass on the message.

when he made it back, out of breath and drenched, he saw your car in the driveway. you were already home. you must have not been home for long because as when he opened the front door, you were only just getting changed. your hair was wet from the shower and you had the towel in your hands to partially dry it.

"hello, love!" he smiled, hair flat yet frizzy from the rain. his clothes sticking to his skin as his jacket was bundled in a ball under his arm.

"where were you, osamu dazai?" you pressed a kiss to his wet face, pretending to scold him by using his full name. you began putting a hand onto his hair and making it look even messier.

"well, if you must know.." he teased, "i had to pick something up." he watched your face light up in realisation at what he had done, gathering why he was soaking wet.

"no you didn't! 'zai, you did not." you gasped, switching his last name into the nickname only you were allowed to call him - even if you were one of the only people to be able to call him osamu. osamu only chuckling as he moved to place his jacket on the countertop of the kitchen, unravelling the ball.

he handed you the book and analysed your face as it contorted through pure excitement. "oh my god! 'samu i love you so so so much!!" you placed the book down and practically jumped into his wet body. your arms found their rightful spot, hugging around his neck and his arms around your waist.

"i love you so much too, but now we are both wet.." he faked a frown, unable to hold back his smile.

chuuya was always enamored with you. nothing less. but he particularly knew it when you were keeping an eye on elise.

he knew that this wasn't the most realistic thing in the world, her only being an ability after all. but even if she wasn't exactly real she always wanted to hang out with you, do your makeup, put hair clips in your hair.. and you never said no!

so when mori called chuuya to his office to discuss some paperwork, he knew you had been hanging out with elise as elise ran in to mori - dragging you along behind her.

"yes, and this was when-" chuuya was interrupted by two girls giggling after the sound of a door opening. "rintaro!! look at what [name] let me do!" elise smiled, urging you to spin around. you meekly smiled at chuuya in your dollified-by-a-child state. sheepishly spinning around, chuuya saw your new look.

hello kitty stickers on your face, bright blue lipstick smeared on your lips, sparkly barrettes throughout your hair and a dodgy braid to top it all off. mori chuckled at the sight, meanwhile chuuya stifled his laughter to not insult elise. mori nodded at elise, a silent 'well done' at her work, she took that as enough, but she wanted chuuya's reaction.

"mister nakahara? doesn't she look good?" elise asked your boyfriend, pulling you next to him. a shit-eating grin on the little girl's face.

chuuya smiled at the sight, "she's never looked prettier! you have done a great job, elise." elise put her arms on her hips proudly and smirked. "can i dress her up for your next date??? pleaseeee??" elise begged the pair of you.

before chuuya could answer, you turned to your boss, still a little bit awkward with barging in to his office.. "i'm so sorry, mori, please, let me get out of your hair!" you tried to apologise and leave with a bit of dignity before chuuya pulled you back. he pressed a quick kiss to your cheek, an exaggerated "ewww!" coming from elise.

chuuya crouched down to elise's level, "sorry, you just made her look too pretty!"

everyone knew of jouno as a sadistic man. but for you something was different. when you first met him, he treated you with indifference. just another witness for a case that you were brought in to speak to the hunting dog's about.

but soon after, god knows how, you both started dating. whilst the hunting dogs had only met you when jouno had, they had no real idea of what the two of you were like.

but then, you come to their HQ again for who knows what, you instantly start teasing the man who teases everyone. a truly odd sight for his comrades.

quick pieces of flirting disguised as banter are chucked back and forth,

"your heart rate is through the roof." ... "like your ego?".

if they didn't know any better, they would have thought you hated each other.

when you two eventually stopped poking jabs at each other, you explained why you were there and gave jouno his lunch. a teasing "aww" from teruko came from across the room before jouno pinched your upper arm. you instantly pinched his shoulder back before taking a few steps back, trying to stop yourself from giggling at his frustrated face.

it was an odd scene to say the least, somehow, somewhere, a person existed that snuck her way into jouno's heart that could snatch his hat right off of his head, slap him with it... and he wouldn't be angry.

a person that tugged on his cape when stood behind him to annoy him, and started pinching wars with him.

saigiku didn't know when it happened, but it did. and he knew he loved you when you would relentlessly tease him back rather than giving in and letting him torment you like everyone else.

sigma had only been on this world for 3 years, yet he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his time on it with you the moment he saw you darting across the sky casino doing jobs on a busy week.

it was an abnormally busy time, and someone must have brought in a bug because sigma was not feeling well in the slightest. he was confined to his office and you promised him that you would get all of the manual/in person work done for him.

you had to beg him to let you do this for him, so he could rest. and it was all worth it when halfway through a day of signing paperwork he checked the cctv. a miniature, on screen you was helping out the customers of the casino, pushing boxes back and forth with your colleagues of course..

he realised just how much of a blessing you are. he felt as though his eyes were becoming heart shaped as he watched you, forgetting about the stack of papers he had to sign off.

an older woman approached you, too far away from the camera for him to make out what was being said but the both of you ended up sitting down at an empty table. the table was right by another camera so he could continue watching.

you reached into your jacket pocket and pulled out a deck of cards, sigma smiled to himself when he saw it was the fancy deck of cards you had stolen from nikolai as punishment for tormenting sigma. to be fair, nikolai must have stolen them from somewhere too.

sigma did begin to feel bad for watching you, even if there was no malicious intent behind it. he chuckled when he saw you demonstrating to the woman how to riffle shuffle cards, taking a break from your duties to entertain her.

he must have been enthralled by the scene for the better part of an hour as you patiently taught her magic tricks too. he could tell you had been learning from nikolai.

it was this simple moment that really made him fall for you, your kind nature being displayed perfectly.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #dazai x reader #chuuya nakahara #chuuya bsd #chuuya nakahara x reader #chuuya x reader #jouno saigiku x reader #bsd jouno #saigiku jouno #saigiku jōno #sigma bsd #bsd sigma #sigma x reader

[kaleidoscopic-quiddity]

reading the bluelock light novels and theres so many fun lil character traits and info thrown in (probably not on the wiki bc the LNs dont have an official english release yet)

isagi was a crybaby and a scardy cat as a kid

he was also really senitive to sounds and they’d make him cry (he just like me fr)

isagi’s always had really great spacial awareness and vision, even as a toddler

nagi lived at student dorms at hakuho academy (which explains why his parents dont live w/ him)

he got into hakuho, an elite tokyo prep school, with only two weeks of studying

there were two different rumors abt nagi amongst his classmates, one saying if you talked to him you’d be cursed with bad luck and the other saying youd find happiness after talking to him, the curse rumor is more popular 

(nagi my poor guy, his classmates think hes a weirdo just bc hes quiet an not interested in rich kid pissing contests)

he also has the nickname of ‘thousand year netaro’ bc he sleeps in class so much lmao

he doesnt study but still gets good grades, at least in social sciences

nagi helps his class win a volleyball tournament (that he was forced to participate in) despite knowing nothing abt the rules purely based off of his height, reflexes, trapping skills, and desire to finish the game quickly so he can go home lmao

bachira refers to his mother by her given name, yuu, which would typically be disrespectful af in japanese culture but in this context i think it just displays how close they are + the fact that bachira’s first/best friend is his mama :’)

he walked (dribbled), slept rough, and hitchhiked all the way to osaka from chiba prefecture for 5 days just to go see one of her art exhibitions too

he got a fortune from a shrine that literally read  that he will meet his “ 運命の相手” - unmei no aite, literally ‘partner of fate’ or ‘fated partner’, bachisagi soulmate-isms r crazy

he won a 4 on 1 fight with a bunch of delinquents in osaka

rin liked ice cream but really he’d be happy with anything as long as sae bought it for him

the itoshi bros played for the kamakura united youth club, which won the U15 national league

they shared a bedroom growing up

rin gets bad grades in every subject other than english bc hes too busy thinking abt football, and hes only good at english bc he wants to go pro and play internationally

rin got into horror movies and games only after sae left for spain, he likes the thrill they give him, especially splatter films

he found a scene of someone getting chopped up w/ a chainsaw calming after he had a rough day,, damn okay rin in there anything u wanna talk abt edgelord?

“Perhaps because of this stress, he has recently been watching shark movies at night, where sharks attack humans. It’s refreshing to see a giant man-eating shark attack and munch on humans.”  what a fuckin chuuni oml

sae got trending on japanese football twitter for scoring a hattrick for real madrid’s youth team

rin did the tongue-out-in-concentration/bloodlust thing pre-bluelock too apparantly

he didnt talk to sae whilst he was in spain bc he didnt want to bother him but he kept up news of him and thought abt him a lot

“He thought he would just shout out loud “I'm the best in Japan!” and hug him, but in reality, that didn't work out that way” <- rins first thought seeing sae after 4 years, excuse me whilst i sob

chigiri went to a ‘jitsugyo’ school, which is like a vocational tech or business school, it also has a foreign name (’lacosute’) so its probably a private school, maybe missionary?

chigiri likes cats awww, there was specially a stray black cat he’d talk to and buy karinto manju for

his ACL is attached to his knee in an odd which which is why he can run so fast

chigiri stopped cutting his hair after he quit going to his school’s football club once he finished rehab for his knee

reo got baya to hire him a whole team of ppl including a coach, nutritionist, nurse, etc once he decided on football, fuckin rich ppl i swear 

all the adults who worked w/ reo sing his praises but also said how cheeky he was lmaooo

reo was learning english, spanish, and german in preperation for going pro

he also got a specially made football training VR facility made for him this boy i swear

reo bribed the hakuho football club w/ fancy meat and the opportunity to meet idols to get them to put more effort in

immediately upon meeting nagi reo notices his height and how ‘cool’ and ‘intense’ his trapping is like okay fruit

#bluelock #bluelock light novels #isagi yoichi #nagi seishiro #bachira meguru #itoshi rin #chigiri hyouma #mikage reo #og post //

[milaisreading]

Good day! I wanna ask you please for scenario about manager spends free day with boys after u-20 match. This chapter when they go to the bowling, meet u-20 etc.

Author: Hope u like this and thank u for the request! Tried to incorporate the idea here as much as possible 🩷

Warnings ⚠️: none in particular. Reader uses she/her. Requests are open

⚽️Blue lock belongs to:Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura⚽️

Shibuya Ward (Tokyo)...

Looking at herself one last time in the mirror, (Y/n) nodded her head and took her bag and ran out of her room to the main entrance of thr house. Today was the first day in months where she could relax for a bit and use up all the luxury the oilitside world provided. While she herself wasn't as restricted as the players were, she had certain rules to abide by as well. Some of them were only using the phone Blue Lock provided her, no internet unless she was told by Ego or Anri, no sweets or unhealthy food and similar things. In the past few days she indulged herself in them, as they will soon return to Blue Lock for a special announcement. (Y/n) already had some suspensions on what it was about, since Anri phoned her last night and gave some small details away.

'But for now... I will just relax.' (Y/n) sighed as she put on her shoes, just in time as her father walked out of the kitchen.

"Oh? Going already? Did you take everything?"

"Yes! Phone, wallet, disinfectant gel, wipes, the keys... everything is with me. Don't worry." (Y/n) said as her father nodded his head.

"Good, and keep your guard up. You never know how boys could be."

"Don't worry, dad. It's just Rin we are talking about, you worry too much sometimes." (Y/n) laughed in amusement as her father sighed, nodding his head.

"Yeah... a little bit, but you can't blame me. Just don't stay out for too long and call me in case you need something." Nodding her head, (Y/n) said her goodbyes and ran out of the apartment, hoping Rin's train didn't arrive yet.

'It's 8.15 right now... I need to hurry up since the train from Kamakura arrives at 8.45.' She thought, running down the street to the Shibuya station.

'Thank God it's close to my place.'

By the time (Y/n) had arrived it was 8.35 and the girl was sitting on a bench, looking through her phone. For the past few days every major news station was talking about the Blue Lock vs U-20 match, about the players, Ego and there were even articles that showed her and Anri, even talking about their roles for a bit. While (Y/n) herself was flattered by some of the words used and while the team never made her feel less important, she didn't think she did much. She was just there for her friends-

"Mom, it is her!"

"Rika, it's rude to point."

Looking up from her phone, (Y/n) saw a little girl grinning and pointing at her as the woman kept telling her to stop it.

"I am so sorry, but my daughter saw you at the Blue Lock game. You are their manager, (L/n)-san?" The woman asked nervously and (Y/n) nodded her head, getting up from her seat and walking over to them.

"Y-yes, I am. Did you enjoy the game? Both teams did a great job on the field." (Y/n) said.

'But my friends did a better one!' She thought to herself as the woman nodded her head.

"We did, your number 11 and 10 were quite something else. I never saw such strikers on our filed. My daughter here seems to be more fixated on you though." The woman admitted as the child hugged (Y/n)'s leg.

"Me? I really didn't do anything, but I am flattered." (Y/n) blushed a little and patted the girl's head.

"Not true, I really liked how you kept your cool and were on the call when needed. A lot of the girls in my class are looking forward to join some teams as managers." Rika admitted, fluttering the girl even more now.

"Really? I am happy in that case..."

'Weird... I expected this kind of attention on Rin and Isagi... not on me.'

They talked for a little bit and then the mother took Rika's hand, saying they have to be somewhere. Waving goodbye, (Y/n) sighed to herself, feeling some sort of joy that she had someone look up to her, even a little bit.

"There you are. Did you wait for too long?" Turning around, she saw Rin stopping in front of her and fixing his jacket.

"Not at all! How was the ride from Kamakura?" (Y/n) wondered as they started walking to the exit of the station.

"Crowded and loud at some points, but it's over now."

"I can only imagine, so what do you want to do now? Did you have breakfast? I know a good cafe just around the corner."

Rin nodded his head, as he indeed didn't eat anything out of nervousness, this was basically the first time he was alone like this with (Y/n). While she may just see it as a get together with him, to him it was more like a date.

"Sounds good, I am quite hungry... man it feels nice to eat the food I want and not to stick to Ego-san's food regime." Rin sighed as (Y/n) nodded along, already excited for the (f/f) at the cafe.

"I know! I still can't get over the fact how much chocolate I ate these days... I will miss it once we return~"

"So you are not resigning?" Rin suddenly asked,his heartbeat picking up a pace. (Y/n) raised her eyebrow at the question and shook her head.

"No, I really want to stay in Blue Lock as long as possible. It's weird actually... what a lot of people would view as a prison, really feels like a 2nd home... really couldn't imagine living without you guys now."

Rin felt his face turn a bright red and he coughed, the feeling of happiness bursting in his chest from those last words.

'I basically became irreplaceable to her. I am happy to get to spend the day with her alone... nobody to interrupt me or-'

"Hey! Rin! (Y/n)!" The boy groaned as he heard Chigiri's familiar voice and they both turned to look at the speedster and Bachira.

"Chigiri, Bachira you guys are here too?" (Y/n) grinned as the two stopped in front of them, taking a few deep breaths before speaking.

"We are on our way to meet up with Isagi. And you two? Wanna join us?" Rin was about to protest Bachira's idea but (Y/n) spoke up.

"We were on our way to eat something and... we had nothing planned. Maybe we can join and think of something to do together, the more the better, right?" (Y/n) said, looking at the younger Itoshi. Rin really wanted to say no, to refuse the idea as he wanted this day to be all about him and (Y/n). But as he looked between the two teammates and back at (Y/n), reluctantly nodding his head.

"Sure... sounds fun."

As if just waiting for the opportunity, Chigiri bolted and took (Y/n)'s hand to lead her to the cafe they would meet up with Isagi.

"I know you tried to spend the day alone with (Y/n)."

"What's it to you even?" Rin asked as he glared at Bachira, who just sent him a wicked grin.

"I am just warning you now... don't do that again. (Y/n) is too precious to be with a guy with brother issues." That struck a nerve, which was quite visible to Bachira and he laughed while walking in front of him.

"(Y/n) will pick me in the end anyways, you better get used to the idea." Bachira snickered, knowing he pissed the younger Itoshi off.

'That little bastard... like hell he will.'

"Man, and Teieri-san didn't say what this phase is even about?" Bachira pouted as he leaned his head against (Y/n)'s shoulder. Chigiri ignored the slight irritation he felt at that and spoke up too.

"Whatever it is, at least we will be in this together."

"True! It would be so weird with one of you guys missing, by the way when did Isagi say he will arrive?"

"He texted me saying he was on the way... that was like 30 minutes ago."

As the trio were chatting, Rin kept sending them cold stares from time to time. Well, they were more directed at Bachira and Chigiri, who stole the two spots next to (Y/n), so he was now forced to sit at the other side.

'Lucky bastards.'

"Huh? (Y/n) and Rin, you two are here too?" The group of 4 turned to look at Isagi, who had a mixture of confusion and delight on his face.

"Finally decided to show up, Lukewarm." Rin noted as the boy sat next to him, giving him a glare.

"Shut up, the traffic was bad. Anyways, how have you guys been? Feels nice to be outside."

Isagi's voice turned softer once he turned to look at (Y/n).

'Bachira get your head away from there!' The boy thought with a tight smile.

"Will anyone else join us?"

"I texted Nagi and told him where we will be. Hiori lives too far away so he couldn't meet up with us. Niko couldn't come and Kunigami had something to do today." Isagi explained to Chigiri as the group hear some loud noises nearby.

"Huh? Hey, the rest of the team is here too." (Y/n) said as she got up, making Bachira groan as he sat up straight.

"And they didn't call us? Rude." The yellow-eyed boy snickered as he ran to where the group was.

"It's not like we did either."

"At least we are together now." (Y/n) whispered to Chigiri as they followed Bachira, leaving Isagi and Rin alone.

"This is so annoying. I planned this day out for (Y/n) and I... not you lukewarms."

Isagi snapped his head to Rin and sent him a nasty look.

"Well I am happy it didn't work out for you... Poor (Y/n) would have suffered from the boredom. Also don't try to hard, (Y/n) might not show it too much, but it's clear that I am her favorite."

"What do you want to say with that, Isagi?" Rin challenged the smug boy.

"Nothing~"

'Damn this team.' Rin thought as he followed after Isagi. His cold look softening a little when he saw (Y/n) laugh at some joke Aryu said.

'At least she is happy... I think this won't be that bad.'

Later during the day the group went to an arcade where Nagi was waiting for them. While they were playing, (Y/n) and Aryu sneaked out to look at some of the stores nearby. But that moment was short lived, as 10 minutes later Otoya, Reo and Karasu joined them, having noticed the duo missing. And while Reo was trying to let him to buy her something, Aryu was getting scolded for 'stealing their time with the manager.'

"Not my fault you all have the fashion sense of a rat and (Y/n) rather does these things with me." Which earned him a wave of protests from Otoya and Karasu, saying they dressed rather well.

"The pizza here is very nice~ Why aren't you playing?" (Y/n) asked she took a bite from her slice, looking at Yukimiya in confusion.

"No reason, I like bowling more when watching. The pizza is good?" The boy asked, looking over her shoulder a few times.

"It is! It's good such a bowling alley has good food. I am still confused how you got the U-20 team into playing with you."

"Beats me. Isagi and Bachira sure find trouble sometimes." Yukimiya said, both watching as Rin scored a point for them.

"Go Rin!" The group cheered.

"Here! You can have my piece too." Yukimiya said, handing it to the reluctant girl.

"This is your thought. I can't-"

"Yes you can. I ate too much there past few days anyways." Yukimiya laughed nervously as he watched Baro scare one of the U-20 players away.

'Thank God she isn't paying attention to them." The brown-haired boy thought, smiling fondly at the girl.

"Did you get any rest since the game? It was quite stressful on everyone." (Y/n) asked, looking at the brown-haired boy.

"Sure, I slept a lot these past few days. I am all ready for whatever Ego-san has prepared now. And you?"

"Yeah, I can't wait till we are back at the headquarters. I missed the chaos a little."

(Y/n) said as Otoya and Karasu joined them.

'Whatever Ego-san had planned will sure be a mess... but a good one.' (Y/n) thought as the four started talking about their break while the rest were enjoying the small competition with the U-20 team.

#blue lock anime #blue lock manga #bllk #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #isagi yoichi #bachira meguru #chigiri hyoma #rin itoshi #bllk yukimiya #bllk aryu #blue lock barou #blue lock requests #blue lock otoya #karasu tabito

[petalsofyouth]

limerence; and it goes both ways | ran haitani x reader

tw: unestablished relationship, smoking, mentions of usage of weed, sexual activity (it's not really detailed, but it is, haha) /i think that's it, but i probably missed something as i usually do, so please do tell me if you think i forgot something/

wc: 28 128

author's note: ran was supposed to be extremely toxic in this, but he isn't. we'll meet the version of ran i initially intend in another story. oh, and they all are in universities, so it's uni au, no usual gangs activities.

i.

Aoki Ogura is perfect, or so Ran thinks.

She says her first name is spelled with kanji that mean 'a little love,' and her last name means 'tiny' and 'blue.' She giggles as she says it, staring with her beautiful eyes at Ran. She might like him, and he might like her too.

Or even more.

Ran thinks he is in love with the girl in front of him, and it doesn't really matter that he has only seen her twice in his life: once when Rindou was picking him up from rehearsals for dinner and Ran happened to tag along, and today, for the second time, at someone's party in Kamakura.

He doesn't dare to say it aloud yet, but he already calls it fate. Ran is quick to assume.

He chats up this pretty, perfect girl, leaning down to her so she can hear him over 'Cherry Girl' by Black Cherry, which is playing too loudly for Ran's taste. But today he won't complain and whine about it as he usually would've, because this works exactly in his favor, creating the much-desired proximity between his body and Aoki's. They are really really close.

Her body is nice too. She's wearing a white summer dress that hugs her shoulders and waist so tightly that Ran doesn't need much imagination to have her undressed before him. Besides, he knows that Aoki is a dance major. A nice body is a given. He has hooked up with girls from the dance department before. He has never been disappointed once.

Right now, though, he feels like the happiest person at this party in the house that is too small for so many people. His chest is burning, and a smile blooms by itself. Aoki is telling him about her white cat, and Ran, who has never before been very enthusiastic about animals, nods at her, agreeing that cats are the best pets to have.

By the end of their conversation, Ran forgets that he always wanted to have a dog and that his favorite color was never blue, but white and purple.

ii.

Rindou doesn't share his brother's enthusiasm about Aoki.

He doesn't think she's cute, beautiful, or even talented. He has spoken to her before numerous times, and the only thing he remembers is the deep irritation he felt as she spoke in that high-pitched voice of hers that every J-idol claims to have. If she weren't your friend - of a sort - he would never entertain her with his company.

But you are classmates, and you are Rindou's best friend, and he loves you too much to ruin your somewhat good relationship with Aoki.

So when he spots his brother's face with the softest expression he has ever had while he talks to Aoki, Rindou is beyond disgusted. Blame it on alcohol or real physical disturbance from the unfolding scene, but Rindou gets nauseous and, closing his mouth with his hand, retreats to the back of the house in the direction of the beach. All the toilets are occupied anyway.

It's not long after he is done, and the rusty taste fills his mouth, that you appear with a bottle of sparkling water and mints in the pocket of your leather pants. He can see the outline of the box there, and he shoots you a half-smile, knowing well that you stole those from the cupboard in the hall of Ryou's house.

"Are you good?" you ask, squatting down near him. You pass him a bottle of water and watch him as he drinks it to the end.

"Yeah. I am okay," he hums appreciatively and takes a candy from the box. They aren't minty. They are strawberry flavoured. He likes these. "Thank you. You are a real-life angel."

You don't reply. Just nod at him and peer in front of you at the vast darkness where the sea and the sky are one black hole; your eyes are the same.

The music from the house is distant, and it feels as if you and Rindou are somewhere far away from this place, only the two of you in your own little world where no one and nothing can touch you. However, this is not true, and Ran is the one to prove it. If there's someone more worthy of this role for shattering illusions than Ran, Rindou doesn't know them yet.

"I've told you not to mix weed and alcohol," Ran sighs, standing behind you both. He doesn't sit down or come closer, and yet his presence is suffocating.

You turn your head, disappointment written all over your face, and Rindou wonders why it is that you are disappointed. Is it because instead of words of consolation, Ran is quick to assume? Or maybe because you just don't want him here? Or perhaps it's for your own reason that you hide deep in your chest, unknown to him?

You and Ran aren't really friends, but you aren't on bad terms either, nor could your relationship be called neutral. It is whatever it is - the mess, the chaos, and the calm understanding.

"We weren't smoking, Ran." Your lower lip quivers, and your eyes are squinted. Finally, you are disgusted with him, but out of habit, you call him by his name. There's something Rindou knows you won't admit, but you like Ran's name a lot. Otherwise, why would you say it so often? "Why are you even here? Shouldn't you be entertaining your bimbos?"

"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be with your red-haired celebrity?" Ran shoots back, taking a step closer in your direction, and if he wants to be intimidating, it doesn't work on you.

"First of all, Haru's hair is pink. Secondly, he isn't even here. And lastly, are you colourblind, by any chance, Ran? That would explain this atrocious outfit…"

The sentence is never finished because Ran yanks you by the elbow and pinches your arm. Hard. You yelp and barely stand on your wobbly legs that hurt from squatting for too long. Ran steadies you, helping you not to fall down on your ass as he holds each of your arms in his hands. Your eyes meet. Yours furious and his calm but curious.

You open your mouth to say something, probably unpleasant, but Rindou cuts in. "Stop pinching her."

"Okay. I am sorry." Ran still holds you by your arms, his hands warming your cold skin where he touches you. When you scoff and attempt to break free, he doesn't let go. He tugs you closer. "I really am. See."

Fatigue from emptying his stomach only a few minutes earlier returns when Rindou stands up. His vision goes blurry for a second. The world spins around him, and the music and you and Ran are a beautiful smudged carousel. He grounds himself, breathing in and out. In and out. More than anything, he doesn't want to puke again.

But when the world clears, and he sees Ran rubbing soothing gentle circles on the place on your arm where he pinched you, he wishes he puked. It's even worse looking at him being tender with you than dumbstruck by Aoki. With you, it's gut-wrenching.

"You know, Ran, I prefer it more when you are rude to me than whatever this was," you exclaim, but if you were angry before, you aren't now. You break free from him and come to Rindou's side. You take a good look at his face and cupping it, brush long blonde hair away from his eyes, spreading them all the way to the back of his head. "Do you want to go eat something? Maybe ramen? Hm? No. Actually, you should eat ochazuke now, and then we'll get you that vitamin thing from 7-Eleven. Okay? So you won't have a hangover tomorrow."

Rindou is not that drunk. He only had two cans of beer and a shot of vodka. But he doesn't argue with you. After all, he is used to you babying him from time to time. He hated it at first, but hate is nothing more than love that you can't untangle just yet. He nods at you and steals a box of strawberry candies from your pocket, popping one into his mouth. They are indeed nice.

As you leave the party, your arms linked, Ran follows behind you both. He wasn't invited to your little late dinner or early breakfast, but he assumes he is coming because he is the one with the car.

Well, if anything, Ran is quick to assume. iii.

Inside the diner, it's warm, and the air is rich with the smell of delicious food.

You sit beside Rindou on red cushions and watch him eat ochazuke with unagi and nori. Ran is sitting across from you, his plate of shoyu ramen untouched. He's waiting for it to cool down a bit. He claims that hot food never sits well in his stomach. For one reason or another, you don't believe it's true; it's probably another white lie.

In your opinion, Ran is woven with lies—innocent and not. As long as those lies don't harm you, you're fine with them.

The diner you're in is the usual one you always stop by after Ryou's parties. It's small, cheap, and the food is always fresh and tasty. It's in Kanagawa, near Shirahataike Park. If Ran weren't with you and Rindou didn't throw up earlier, you would've asked Rindou to go there and lie down on the grass near the pond, maybe smoke one or two of your specially reserved "Seven Stars" until dawn found you there and it got too cold. He, of course, would have agreed. He always does. It's more of a habit now. A little custom that's only yours.

Out of the blue, Ran asks, "On what days does the dance department practice?"

With a spoon between your lips, you frown. You shoot a quick glance at Rindou and catch how quickly his eyes harden, his mouth becoming a thin line. Oh, so Rindou knows the reason for the question, and while you might not, you have your suspicions.

"So? Who's your next victim, Ran?" you ask and put the spoon down in the bowl with the thick brown broth. You and Ran ordered the same.

"Why victim?" His eyes widen in surprise, and he looks quite comical.

You tilt your head to the side and laugh. Rindou near you is smiling too, but for a different reason than you suppose. "Just tell me who you want to hook up with, and maybe I'll give you her number."

"Actually, you know what? I can just ask myself."

"You sure can," you reply, shrugging your shoulders and in the next minute, you forget all about Ran's question as you turn to Rindou and ask him if he finished that music assignment he was working on. You say that today you talked to Ryou, and he had almost finished his.

The conversation between you and Rindou flows as effortlessly as ever. You discuss your classes, assignments, and even gossip about your mutual friends and people you don't even know the names of. You laugh a lot, and a couple of times, you get too serious, needing a pause before picking up the conversation again. You enjoy these two hours spent at the diner more than you enjoyed the party itself.

When the sky is flushed with pink and blue, you decide to call it a night. Rindou excuses himself to the restroom, and you find yourself with Ran standing on the porch of the ramen shop. It's raining a little, but the air is fresh, smelling of grass and soil. It smells like new beginnings and the meaning of life. You catch yourself thinking that for the first time in a long while, you're truly happy.

Sometimes, life is worth it all.

"Do you like the color blue?"

"What?" You stop swaying on your tiptoes and tuck your hands into the pockets of your jacket. It's mid-April, but still a bit chilly. "Do I like the color blue?"

"Yeah. Do you?"

"Depends on the shade of blue. It can be the happiest or the saddest color in the world. I need to know which shade of blue you mean, Ran." You contemplate it for a moment and then shake your head, quickly adding, "No. I don't think I actually like any color at all. Maybe just white and black."

"Aren't those two colors too?"

Your lips curve into a smile, and you look down at your tabi boots, thrifted from a vintage shop in Nakano. The shop owner told you, it once was his wife’s boots and she got them in Belgium in 1994. It was her favourite pair of shoes, but she died recently and he can’t bring himself to keep them around. He said that he wanted these stupid tabi boots to continue living on and bring happiness to other people even if his own wife was beyond the point of any human emotion.

"No, they aren't, really," you whisper, more to yourself than to Ran. "It's the absence of color that I like. It's like none of them exist."

The rain continues to pour until the afternoon, and then it suddenly stops, as if it was never there.

iv.

Ran had never longed for a girl before.

The feeling is new, and it is unpleasant. He doesn't understand why he keeps thinking about her and why he wants to hear her voice again. The fact that he couldn't remember what they were talking about at the party doesn't matter. Ran never remembers conversations he had with girls. He only remembers Aoki's plump, pink lips and her sweet, pretty eyes.

He needs to see her now. Today.

But unfortunately for him, he doesn't study at your university, and tagging along with Rindou to pick you up after your classes might be suspicious. Besides, Aoki might not even be there.

He doesn't want to ask you about Aoki either. It's stupid, really. He has asked you about multiple girls from your class before, but right now, he feels that asking about precious Aoki might spoil everything. Ran wants everything to be perfect because he thinks he was in love.

Having you as a connection to Aoki is like having no connection at all.

So, he tries the only remedy he knows—sex. And when that only blows off steam for a couple of days, a week at best, he does something he has never done before: he studies.

That's how you found him one day as you stop by their apartment to pick Rindou up so you can have your lunch together. Ran guesses he looks ridiculous in his grey sweatpants and old, loose T-shirt, surrounded by piles of books and handouts. Otherwise, why would you smile at him?

"Didn't know you were such a fan of studying, Ran," you say, dragging his name out and he rolls his eyes at you. If you want to mock him, you need to try harder. "Why don't you join us for lunch? Have you eaten already?"

"Not interested," he replies, not tearing his eyes away from the handouts with case-study before him.

"Oh, really? Too bad. I thought you might want to see Aoki Ogura again."

As Ran lifts his eyes to take a look at your face, to see if you were being serious or messing with him, you aren't there anymore. He catches a glimpse of your back disappearing through Rindou's door and hears his brother cursing at you for scaring him.

You close the door as you get in.

v.

Of course, Ran tails for the lunch with you, and of course, it annoys Rindou.

It's not that he doesn't enjoy hanging out with his brother—he pretty much does, and yet, he prefers having his own circle of friends to himself. You and Haruchiyo were his sacred zone. Only his to enjoy and spend time together with.

With Ran and Aiko and Aiko’s new boyfriend Takeshi, lunch gets awkward. Not because Ran is upset or mad or anything of the sort, but because Aoki gets flustered when she sees Ran and despite bragging to you before that she is so in love with Takeshi - you have told that to Rindou over another lunch on another Sunday - she sits between you and Haruchiyo, leaving Rindou to sit next to her stupid boyfriend.

"How did you two get together?" Ran asks Aoki, his voice dripping with sweetness. He chews on a yellow plastic straw that smells of fresh orange juice. "The last time we saw each other, you were single, or am I wrong?"

Aoki giggles, and her doll-like face turns pink. "We met at the party a week after Ryou's. I thought you would have come. That's why I went."

"Me?" Ran raises his eyebrows and takes a big sip of juice from the glass, ignoring the forgotten straw on the marble table. "Why would I?"

"Probably because I was invited, but I didn't end up going. I heard that party was a huge flop. What happened?" Already tired of the meaningless and obviously flirtatious exchange, Rindou cuts in, shifting Aoki's attention from Ran to him.

The girl sighs and, before replying, cuts a small piece of her vanilla cheesecake and puts it in her mouth, chewing. Pretentious little bitch. "You probably don't know them, but Shota from the second-year oil painting class got into a fight with Rintaro from the first-year dance class. They say Shota's girl cheated on him. Wasn't much of a fight, though."

"Bullshit. I know Rintaro pretty well, and he never laid a finger on that girl."

"Oh, really? I heard they made a tape with her."

"Like a sex tape?"

"Yes. I haven't seen it, but they say it was..."

"Cut the bullshit, Ogura." Haruchiyo is too loud as he defends his friend for the second time. A couple seated nearby turns their heads toward your table, intrigued by the sudden commotion. "It wasn't him in the video."

"You talk like you're familiar with his dick," the smirk on Takeshi’s full lips is not meant to be perceived as a mocking one, Rindou really wants to think it’s not, but before he or either anyone else reacts, you laugh and your laugh is cruel and cold.

"If Haru says it wasn't Rintaro, then it wasn't Rintaro. Why the dick comment?"

"Just joking. Right, baby?" Takeshi shoots a toothy smile at Aoki, who sheepishly nods. Rindou wishes you hadn't invited her to lunch. It should've been just you, him, and Haruchiyo. "But I still find it strange that he's so sure it wasn't him in the video. It was just a guy's dick sliding in and out."

"I've never seen the video."

"So you believe whatever he says?" “Oh, God. It’s annoying.” You whine. You lick your lips and stare straight at Takeshi who is right in front of you. Your eyes are black and endless, bottomless, reminiscent of that party where Rindou threw up, where Ran saw Aoki for the second time, and where this mess began. “So, say, your friend comes to you and says he didn’t do it, but everyone else says he did it. Who do you believe? Your friend or them?

Takeshi doesn't hesitate in his response. "A lot of people can't be wrong, right?"

A small little cloud of air escapes your mouth, and your body that has been strained like a tightrope, is now limp in the chair. You look tired. Rindou wants to ask if you're okay, but he refrains. Besides, you start speaking again, this time not looking at Takeshi but at the blue summer sky above you. "Nah. I think they can be wrong. If Rindou or Haru tell me they didn't do it, that's all I need to know. No one can convince me they did it if they say they didn't. So if Haru says it wasn't Rintaro, then it wasn't fucking Rintaro in the video."

For the rest of the lunch, you don't speak much, and Rindou is concerned. He doesn't like it when you get quiet, as it usually means you're sad. More than anything in this world, Rindou hates it when you crawl inside the small room in your heart and lock the door from the inside. It’s the one place he can never reach.

He will never be there for you. Sure, you love each other, but there are places in you that he won’t ever have an access to. He is not the only one who notices the change in your mood. There’s Haruchiyo who brings you into conversation every chance he gets and smiles at you so brightly you totally find it annoying and then there’s Ran, who hasn't taken his eyes off you, since your little quarrel with Takeshi. It's a Ran, Rindou has never seen before - calm, defenceless, and so very curious. He too isn’t participating in the conversation as much as he was before. Only occasionally when he is directly addressed to would he say something, but other than that he remains silent, vigilant over you. It's as if he's afraid that if he looks away, even for a second, you might slip away from him. The sun is close enough to jump behind the horizon to wake up another part of the world when you stand up from the table. The chair screeches against the pavement as you drag it. The sound is jarring, but the entire street is bathed in gentle golden glow, and to Rindou, you look the most beautiful in this moment, even with sadness resting inside you.

"I think I'll head out. I wanted to practice for the showcase," you say, picking up your bag from the floor. Before Rindou or Haruchiyo can say anything, you wave at them. "No need to walk with me. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Neither of them protests. Both know it won't lead to anything. They give you space when you need it. Around midnight both of them will call you anyway to check if you are still at the campus studio, and if you are, they'll come to pick you up and take you home.  They'll both call you around midnight to check if you're still at the campus studio, and if you are, they'll come to pick you up and take you home.

So you bid everyone farewell, leave money on the table, and head on your way.

As Rindou watches you walk down the street, he wishes he could fall in love with you and you with him. Then, everything would be simple, and you wouldn't be sad, and tears wouldn't mar your pretty face.

But this dream will remain just that—a dream, a mere thought in his mind that will never fully bloom.

His little sacred wish.

vi.

No one is at the university, and it's not surprising. It's Sunday, and it's almost summer. Everyone has better things to do.

Even you. You could have stayed with your friends and then invited yourself over to Haru's place and watched a movie with him or maybe read a book in solemn silence, eating homemade sandwiches without cheese. There is never any cheese at his house since he is intolerant, but it doesn't bother you. Not even a little.

Or, you could have gone with Rindou to the cinema and stayed over at his apartment. He would let you take his bed and then complain about a backache the next morning. He'd promise to make Ran buy a more comfortable couch, but the next time you'll visit, it will still be that white sofa they bought at a discount from some local shop in Roppongi. You'll point it out - you always do - and Rindou will say that it's actually quite okay and he just wanted to get your attention. You'll pinch him then.

And, of course, the three of you could've crashed at your place or gone together to the studio where you would've taught them some choreography. Haruchiyo would give up first; he is really stiff when it comes to dancing. But Rindou would surprisingly be good, and you would praise him, making him really happy about it.

But you made your choice, and now you are all alone in the studio, and the sun has already set. You dwell a little bit on what made you so upset earlier, but these thoughts - ugly worms - crack open old, forgotten scars, and they bleed. You don't know how to stop them, so you blast music at full volume and dance.

Dance is your sanity, your method of salvation, and your coping strategy. You dance and dance, and you don't stop until it hurts to breathe, and only then do you collapse onto the floor. The hundreds of you in the ceiling-to-floor mirrors do the same. They smile at you and they were smiling as you were dancing, and you suppose you did too, but unfortunately you can’t remember it, and therefore, it never happened.

The door cracks open while you're lying on the floor. You don't turn around to see who it is. Somehow, you know it's him.

It's Ran.

"Is purin daifuku your favorite, or did I mess up, and you won't let me stay?"

Food as a bargain is a bit outdated. For Ran it’s even quite a bit lame. You don't buy it, not for a single second. Because Ran himself is a white lie, a spider web of confusion [in which he pulls you in].

The heavy iron door doesn't make a sound as he shuts it behind him, and you gently close your eyes. Your eyelids fall as they would if you had fallen asleep in your tiny rented apartment in Nippori. It's an act of surrender, almost as if you're giving him the reins, but you doubt he understands it, and so it's alright.

The bags in his hands rustle, and you catch a slight smell of tuna. What has he brought? And why? The second question is the most important, so that's what you ask.

"What do you want? Aoki won't come today or ever. She doesn't practice much."

"Who said I came for her?" Ran counters, and you hear him settling down next to you. You hear the bag being ripped open and try to predict his moves. It's a silly game, but you let yourself indulge in it. You imagine him taking out the food and sitting in a lotus pose to your left. Does he glance at you? Only briefly. There's nothing new or exciting for him to see.

You'll never know if you're right in your guessing game, and you're not very interested. There's no prize to it, anyway.

"You didn't?"

"No. I came to see you."

You sigh, and his indirect lie makes you take a deep breath before opening your eyes and rolling your head to the side, so you can have a good look at him. "Don't lie to me, Ran. There's no point. Just tell me what you want."

He stops whatever he was doing, and his face, so uncharacteristically gentle in this moment, shows surprise. "What would I want from you? There's literally nothing I need from you. I just came here to see you. That's all."

His words are both hurtful and pleasant. Ran Haitani is a duality of a man. He is both white and black. The absence and richness in one body.

You sigh again, this time more disappointed, and leaning your body on your palms, you sit in the same pose as Ran. He still looks at you, his gaze unwavering and searching. A question seems to be on the tip of his tongue, but his lips pressed into a thin line keep it at bay. Only when you look down, your mouth falling open, your eyes widening in awe, does he continue the task of taking the food out of the bag.

"You clearly want something. It's my favorite food. Everything here is what I like."

"So you do like purin daifuku?"

"I do." You nod, reaching out for the bag of caramel corn chips. The flavour is almond caramel, your favourite. "Did Rindou tell you to come here?"

"No. He doesn't even know I came to see you. He's staying over at Akashi's today." He takes out a pair of wooden chopsticks and shoves them your way. A plate of the finest sashimi sits between the two of you. "Stop acting like that. You make me regret coming here. Doesn't my brother spoil you?"

"It's Rindou. Of course, he does." You fall silent as you break the glued-together chopsticks into two pieces. Ran does the same. "It's just different when you do it. Until last year, I thought you didn't even know my name."

"You're being stupid, you know? Of course, I always knew your name." He shakes his head and laughs, and the insult he directed at you a moment ago doesn't feel like an insult at all. Just a little teasing, nothing more. And that’s why you don’t bite back.

Silence envelops you as you eat. No one comes to the studio, and you hear nothing other than the sound of you and Ran chewing. He doesn't speak much, only praising the food he brought and mentioning that he got the sashimi from his favourite restaurant in Roppongi. He promises to tell Rindou to take you there, and he promises to come along. You tell him that you hope he's good with promises because the sashimi is really good, and you wouldn't mind having it again.

But when, after some time, you ask him again why he's here, he merely hums and ignores the question.

"Aoki asked me about you a few weeks ago. We don't share many classes, and we aren't friends, but she knows Rindou is my best friend. So she asked me about you when she saw me." It's another silly guessing game. This time, you try to pinpoint the reason for him being there with you, and if it's not about Aoki, then you're lost. Gladly, there won't be any retributions; just as there won't be any prizes. "She told me she spoke to you at Ryou's party and that she thought you might have liked her, so she asked me to link you two because she liked you too. I told her she should come for lunch with us. She never mentioned she had a boyfriend, though. And then..."

"I liked what you said to him back at the cafe."

"Didn't you hear what I just said, Ran?"

"I did. Did you hear what I said?" On his lips is a playful smile, but his eyes are relaxed and drowsy, and he is looking at you as if seeing you for the very first time. It might be it, but you won’t ask why he saw you only now and he won’t ever say it.

"Yeah, I did. We need to clean everything up here and get going. It's probably around ten now."

He agrees, and together you collect the trash and leftover food. The unfinished snacks and greasy chopsticks go into the paper bag with the restaurant's name on it. For some reason, you fixate on it, trying to commit the name to memory, repeating it over and over in your head.

Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi. Fukuzushi.

Retreating into your thoughts won't help you, just as it never had before, and certainly not now, not with Ran, who can access every sacred part of you.

You can't hide from him. He'll find you.

"Can I come to your place? I don't want to go home to an empty apartment just yet. It's completely fine if you say no. I'll understand."

"Don't be silly, Ran. Why not? I'd be bored at home alone too."

You're always before him.

vii.

It's his first time in your apartment, yet it feels like he's been here before.

Even though he knows very well that he hasn't.

There's no recollection of your old worn-out black leather couch, mahogany table, or the floor-to-ceiling bookshelf that stands half-empty, most of the books lying on the floor near it instead of being placed on the shelves. He can't remember the two bar stools near the kitchen island, and he definitely shouldn't recognise your bedroom, the only separate room in your apartment.

And yet, he does.

The sound of water splashing across the tiles doesn't drown out your singing, and as Ran traces his fingers across every single object in your house, he listens to your voice, which somehow feels familiar to him too. Maybe it's what they call deja-vu, or perhaps it's a sense of belonging. It's peculiar and it's strange, and too difficult for him to comprehend, so he locks it in the back of his mind.

While waiting for you to come out from the shower, he occupies himself with a book that was lying on the kitchen island. It has a bookmark inside - a polaroid picture of his brother's smiling face. Rindou is being hugged from behind by you, your body looming over him. Your head is tilted down, so he can't make out your expression, but he has a hunch you were both smiling. You always smile around Rindou.

Ran has always wondered why the two of you aren't dating. He asks you just that as you're making cherry tea for both of you in the kitchen.

Before answering, you roll your eyes at him. "We don't see each other in that way. I mean… No. I can imagine dating him, but I don't see it leading us anywhere. I love Rindou too much to risk losing him, and I don't really love him in that romantic way. You know what I mean."

Love is a foreign concept to Ran, and even now that he thinks he might be in love with Aoki, he doesn't believe he understands what you mean. To him, love is love. It either exists in you or it doesn’t. You either feel it for someone or you don't. With all these ways and methods, you're just overcomplicating something that shouldn't be difficult in the first place. "What about Haru then?"

"Haru?" You place a white mug with tea in front of him. It smells really good - sweet and pleasant, somehow just like you. "We kissed once, but we were really drunk, and it was a bet. It didn't feel like anything. I doubt Haru even remembers it."

"Have you kissed Rindou then too?"

"No." As if deeply offended, you frown at Ran, then hop onto a bar stool and look to your right at the dark window, its reflection showing the compact room you're in. He might be imagining things, but he swears you're looking at him through the reflection. "I would never. Anyway, don't you want to know what else Aoki said to me about you?"

Ran licks his lips, not responding immediately. He watches you, observing your gaze fixed on the room's reflection, and takes a sip of the tea. The tea is hot and a big gulp he takes burns his throat. "This tea is delicious. Where did you get it from?" When you turn your head, and he meets your eyes - empty, sad, and meaningful - it startles him. He adds, "No, I don't want to talk about her at all."

"I'm sorry. I thought you might want to know what else she said to me." You tilt your head, offering him a smile. In this moment, you remind him of something he once lost. It's a huge relief knowing he won't ever need to search for it again. "You can stay the night if you want. You look really sleepy, Ran. It probably won't be safe for you to drive."

"Can I take a shower then?"

"Yes, and I probably have some of Rindou's sweats lying around. You can sleep in them if you'd like."

Ran chuckles, standing up. The tea is nearly finished, and his throat, still tingling from the burn, makes him aware of its warmth. "Do you have a lot of Rindou's clothes here?"

"A couple of sweatpants, t-shirts, and his contact lenses."

He nods, more to himself than to you, making a mental note  to ask his brother why he doesn't date you.

You seem like a really nice girl.

The sky is black when Ran wakes up in your bed, his arms and legs tangled in your sheets. Your scent, sweet and fresh, envelops him, and he takes a deep breath, letting the air stay in his lungs for as long as he can. He prefers his own bed with its silky appearance and soft mattress, but yours isn’t half as bad. He doesn’t regret staying.

You aren't beside him as you promised you'd be in a few hours after reading your book. You said you didn't mind sharing the same bed. You said you and Rindou always shared the bed when necessary.

You said, you said, you said.

To him, it doesn't matter much where you'd sleep – in your bed or on that monstrosity of a sofa. What matters, and stings, is that you said you would come, and you still aren't here. His eyes barely open as he shifts and turns to the right, spotting a small patch of light coming from the living room [which isn't just a living room but also a kitchen and a hallway].

Peeling the creamy comforter off himself, Ran yawns and gets up. His body, still warm from sleep, stiffens immediately when met with the cool air. The window in the room is open, and he swears under his breath, not recalling whether it was him who didn't close it or you who opened it after he fell asleep.

His feet on the wooden floor, he takes one step and then another, and soon you are before him. You stir a bit, as if annoyed by his presence, your fingers clutching the book tighter as if afraid it might be snatched away from you. Your sudden hostility doesn't deter him, and he rubs his eyes as he mumbles, his voice deep and groggy, "What time is it?"

The night is deep and dark when he notices your glossy eyes and wet cheeks. The reflection on the window, one he got used to, isn't there anymore. Only an eternal void, an absence of everything. You once told him you like black and white because they aren't really colours, because it was like they don’t even exist. He didn't retort back then, but now he knows better than that.

Black and white are the brightest, and you exist in them.

"What's wrong?" Ran suppresses another yawn. Sleep still lingers on the tip of his tongue, in the corners of his mind.

As expected, you don't say anything. You're like a statue of melted ugly wax, yet to Ran, you're incredibly beautiful.

He needs to know what upset you. [So it won’t ever again].

"Is the book sad?" he asks, sitting on the floor next to your bare legs.

"No, it's not," you whisper, closing your eyes. More tears escape, and Ran catches them with his outstretched palm. Your quivering lips and salty cheeks make you look too innocent between his hands. "I think I made it sad."

"You made it sad? How?"

"Because it's a nice book about people living their lives and being happy. But all I could think about was how mundane and ordinary it was, and I couldn't understand why they were so happy. Then I thought that I, too, lead the same life. It's a never-ending cycle of the same things." A sob tears away from your chest and comes alive. Ran's heart breaks a little. He doesn't know why. He doesn't have time to ponder why. "Ran. Am I thinking too much into it?"

"I don't think so. No." He shakes his head and, with the last wipe of his fingers across your cheeks, stands up. "Not really. But I don't think your life is all that ordinary."

"You don't think so?" You sound expectant and hopeful. His heart cracks a bit more.

"I don't think so." Gently, he takes the book from you and slips his hand into yours. Your hand is cold. "You're studying to be a professional dancer, Rin is your best friend, and that 'red guy' is almost a celebrity. And now you're going to sleep in the same bed with your best friend's brother. Now, tell me, how is this an ordinary life?"

This makes you laugh. The ice is melting, and the darkness recedes.

Soon, it will be dawn.

He helps you stand up, holding you by your hands, and together you return to the bedroom. He lets you take the side of the bed closest to the wall. You hesitate for a moment, but then you slip under the creamy blanket, your head and body disappearing beneath it. Now it's his turn to laugh. You remind him of Rindou. He used to do the same thing when he was little, back when they were poor and lived in their old apartment, sharing a bed because that and the broken table was all they had.

The memory itself isn't bad, but it's sad, and the nostalgia it carries isn't to Ran's taste. Your sheets still hold his warmth, providing a welcoming feeling. He tugs at the comforter and lifts it off you. "Don't hide. Wanna see you."

"Do you often sleep with girls?" Your cheeks are tear stained and they shine under the forgotten light of the lamp still on in the living room.

Ran turns, lying on his side to face you. Your hot breath grazes his mouth, carrying scents of cherry tea and summer and something salty. "Are you asking about sleeping as in sex, or sleeping as in just sharing a bed?"

"Sleeping as in just sharing a bed. Like what we're doing now."

He doesn't notice you reaching out to undo his braids and when he finally does, he stops breathing, taken aback by the unexpected yet pleasant sensation. He lets you continue, because, contrary to what he might expect, it feels good – almost caring – like someone finally cared enough to untie his long hair so his head wouldn't hurt in the morning.

"You'll be the first," he breathes out, his eyes half-closed as he watches your fingers dance through his hair. If not for the complete silence that reigns in your apartment, you probably wouldn't hear his words at all.

But he's mistaken, and you prove him wrong. "In moments like this, doesn't it feel like we're the only people in the world? Like it's just us and this apartment, and nothing more?"

"It does." He easily agrees.

You hum in response and he can sense that you are far far away from him, already hopping on to your next thought, pondering over something that he doesn’t understand or maybe doesn’t want to. He wants to bring you back to him, so he nuzzles into the crook of your neck, his nose grazing your sensitive skin, and your goosebumps become his. He smiles, leaving traces of his happiness – ordinary or not – on you, and you return to the real world, freed from the constraints of your mind.

"Good night, Ran. I'll make us breakfast in the morning."

"And I'll take you out for coffee after breakfast."

"Thank you."

He wants to ask what for, but the sky will soon turn blue and he doesn’t want that. He wants this night to carry on forever.

With his arms around your waist, he falls asleep.

viii.

"Hey, Rin, I've got a question, but promise me you won't get mad."

The black sports bag sitting on the unmade bed contains sneakers, two t-shirts, sweats, and a large white towel. In fifteen minutes, he should be out of the house to catch the bus to the gym and meet up with Kakucho on time. Missing the bus would mean being half an hour late. Kakucho, of course, will wait for him, but then later today he promised you he’ll take you out for ice-cream.

Unlike Kakucho, however, you wouldn't wait, and to pick you up from the dance studio on campus without delay, he couldn't afford to miss the bus that would take him to the gym.

Ten more minutes. He needs to put on his shoes.

"So?"

In the doorway to his room, leaning against the doorframe, stands Ran. He's not wearing a t-shirt, and his hair is disheveled, with a sleepy look on his annoyingly handsome face. He probably just woke up.

"What do you want?" Rindou doesn't mean to be rude, but he's in a rush, and Ran has a tendency to take his sweet time with everything.

"I told you. I have a question for you."

"Yeah? I'm listening."

Rindou zips up the bag and strides over to his brother, heading straight for the door. He grabs a pair of blue Adidas and sits on the floor to put them on. Ran follows closely behind him.

"It's about your best friend."

"What about her?" The bus, the gym, and Kakucho are forgotten. Rindou tenses up. Everything that comes out of Ran's mouth is tainted. He stares at the laces on his sneakers, hands momentarily frozen. "What do you want to know?" “Do you like her?” “Why?” Finally, Rindou raises his head up. Ran towers over him. Hands locked on his chest. Not an ounce of usual laziness in his curious waiting eyes.

"Just curious. You seem close, and she's a really nice girl. Why haven't you two started dating?"

Five more minutes. If he’d be late, you’ll mask your sadness by your anger, and the world will turn bitter.

The best option right now would be to lie to Ran. To say, I'm sorry, I'll be late. We'll talk about it later. To come up with some nonsensical excuse and make him believe it. To protect you.

Rindou does nothing of that. He sees his brother's expectant face and takes a deep breath, knowing that he'll tell the truth. He holds out his hand, and Ran reaches out to him, allowing Rindou to steady himself, pulling him to his feet.

"I wish I liked her, but I love her. And love is never simple, is it? We're better off as friends. I care about her too much to risk spoiling our friendship."

"Oh, I see." An appreciative, contented hum escapes Ran's thin lips. "Maybe you're just… Anyway, forget I asked anything. Are you going to the gym? Tell Kaku I said hello."

Maybe you just... what? But Rindou doesn't ask. He nods, waves at his brother, and with his gym bag in hand, rushes out of the house. Down the stairs and onto the street.

He watches the bus pass by a few meters away from the bus stop.

ix.

The cigarette between your fingers carries the scent of tobacco and vanilla.

You hate smoking and yet you bring the cigarette to your lips and inhale the bitter sweetness into your lungs. It awakens your cloudy mind and burns your body from the inside. You are a room full of pale smoke and hate it all you want, there’s nothing you can really do about this nasty habit of yours.

You hate dancing too and yet you dance every single day. That’s the irony of it all, you think. Being doomed to doing what you hate for the rest of your life. Making it your legacy and descending into the abyss of eternity with it.

You despise dancing at parties, yet you find yourself dancing every single day anyway. The irony isn't lost on you. Being trapped in doing something you detest for the rest of your life. Making it your legacy and descending into the abyss of eternity with it.

The music has turned down, but your head still throbs with every thought. It's painful, but this particular hurt feels borderline nice and relaxing. Almost like returning home after a long day of dance practice – utterly exhausted, yet content. You hum along to the rhythm, shifting in the corner of a bright red velvet sofa. You can't recall whose house you're in right now; it was one of Haruchiyo's friends, but he has too many for you to remember them all.

"Care to explain why the eldest Haitani can't take his eyes off you today?" Talk of the devil, and he is sure to appear. Even though Haruchiyo is more like an angel. With his sweet pink hair and easy smile, he settles on the back of the sofa, leaning against you. His voice sounds as soothing as a cat's purr. "Girls are furious with you. Overheard a few of them calling you names."

You don’t need to turn around and see his bloodshot eyes to know that he is high. Rindou, who's not in sight, is probably stoned as well. They often smoke together, and if you hadn't been late today, you might have joined them. But you're not, and it leaves you feeling incredibly sad. You hate being sober when they are not.

"Don't be silly, Haru." You extinguish the cigarette in a handcrafted clay ashtray, the color an unappealing cheap purple. Oddly, you want to take it home.

"I'm not being silly!" He whines, making an irrational turn before finally settling on the sofa next to you. Under his weight it sinks down. Suddenly, the apartment feels aged. "He's been staring at you since you arrived, and I actually spotted you two on campus the other day. What's happening between you?"

"Nothing. What could be happening between me and Ran?"

In the adjacent room – the kitchen – a bottle crashes to the ground and shatters, followed by a cacophony of loud noises. A few girls scream, their high-pitched voices drowning out the electronic music. Haruchiyo pays no attention to this minor disturbance. He slips his hand into yours, intertwining your fingers, and rests his head on your shoulder. Despite his inebriation from weed and alcohol, he smells pleasant.

"Dunno. I just wanted to warn ya to be careful, and Rin's been suspicious too.  Says Ran’s been weird about you lately."

"Oh."

People come and go, and you follow them with weary eyes, attempting to deduce how much they've had to drink or their field of study based on their attire. A silly little game to distract yourself.

You want to go home, but you can't bring yourself to leave.

"He's just hung out at my place a few times. Maybe more. And we've been hanging out, spending some time alone together. Just the two of us." You finally admit, and when Haruchiyo doesn't stop playing with your fingers, nor does he falter, you know he won't judge you.

He is your safe haven.

"Did you fuck?"

"Oh my god, Haru! No." You exclaim, and he erupts in laughter. His joyful chuckles spread happiness throughout your being.

"Rin's older brother is quite the catch. I wouldn't blame you if you did fuck him. If I were you, I definitely would've." Haruchiyo yelps when you pinch him, but then he grabs the hand you attacked him with and edges closer to you. His gray eyes soften as they meet yours. "I won't tell Rin. Don't worry."

Moments like this make you forget all the hatred, and you come to appreciate cigarettes, smoking, dancing, plum cakes, ironies, hot days, and the bitter aftermath. Most of all, you love Haru and his gentle nature. You kiss him on the nose, a small peck, an offering of lost affection. His face lights up with smiles, his cheeks flushed with either alcohol, humidity, or simply your presence.

"You're the best, Haru," you whisper to him, and he nods in response. He never accepts compliments easily. Then you add, "Let's go find Rindou. I miss him."

In the end, you don't get up from the sofa, and it's Rindou who eventually discovers you both in each other's arms.

x.

The air in the small ramen shop near Waseda University is heavy with the scent of pork broth, and Ran wrinkles his nose in disgust.

"Don't make such a face. This place has the best ramen in Shinjuku."  The machine with different water stained stickers makes a loud noise and the automat lady says something incomprehensible. Shion turns around and with a happy face shoves tickets into Ran’s chest. "I’ve gotta go take a leak or I’m pissing myself right here.”

Before Shion disappears behind a grey curtain that Ran thinks was originally white, he turns back briefly. "Kakucho should be here in about five minutes. Let him know I've already paid."

Generosity isn't exactly Shion's strong suit, but today he'd received a perfect score on one of his projects and wanted to celebrate with his favourite ramen and favourite people – or so he claimed. Ran doubted this particular ramen shop was truly Shion's favourite, but since he had said it was the best in Shinjuku and Ran was too tired to drive somewhere else, they'd settled on staying nearby. As for the sentiment, it probably wasn't genuine either.

The interior isn't crowded. A few waitresses – pretty young girls around Ran's age – and an elderly man engrossed in his newspaper occupy the space. There's a half-empty glass on his table with cloudy yellow liquid; obviously sake. Ran ponders whether he's ever drunk this early in the day, but he can't recall such a memory. He's chosen to keep a clear mind since he and Rindou have been on their own.

You never know what might happen next. And that's something Ran dislikes about life. He prefers to be in control, but with how things flow you can never be. Nothing depends solely on you.

So when the door opens, and you enter the ramen shop with Kakucho and a short girl who strongly resembles your best friend – yours and Rindou's red-haired companion – Ran's throat tightens. Conflicting emotions surge within him. On one hand, he's genuinely thrilled to see you here. When you both woke up in your apartment this morning – where he had stayed the night, once again – he hadn't had the time to take you out for coffee, and this deviation from your usual post-sleepover routine had left an aching void in his chest. [Rindou would probably say he's being overly dramatic, but fortunately, Rindou will never be privy to this particular struggle.] On the other hand, he wishes you weren't here, in this damned cramped space, where everything smells a little bit too much.

He can already envision loving stares Shion will cast upon you, and he hates it so much he wishes you'd disappear. And he wants you to stay. He wants you to consciously choose a seat next to him and he wants you to talk only to him and don’t spare a glance for anyone else.

He wants you.

The revelation dawns on him suddenly, and his eyes widen. He's surprised, and there's sadness and anger swirling within him. His heart is tender, though, as you lift your head and grace him with a small smile. He nearly forgets where he is.

"You didn't tell me Ran was here. You said we were coming to see your friends." If not for the playful undertone in your voice, someone might think you were chastising Kakucho.

"You two know each other?"

You scoff, offering Ran an amused glance. "Of course we do."

"How would she know you but not me? I should be the one surprised that you two know each other."

An unexpected edge tinges Kakucho, and he frowns, subsiding. The girl beside him bites her lip, a reproachful look in her eyes, and mumbles something Ran thankfully can't hear. But you, you smile broadly and settle into the seat next to him [just as he wanted you to]. You toss your bag at your feet and place your hand on his thigh. "I actually agree with Ran. It'd be strange for me to know you and not him. Do you know how much Rindou complains to me about him?"

Your teasing stings, and Ran rolls his eyes, playfully pinching you on the soft skin near your thumb. You squint, gritting your teeth, and he quickly presses his fingers over the irritated area, soothing the discomfort he caused. "Sorry. Didn't mean to be so harsh."

"You're insufferable. If I'd known you were here, I would've turned down Kakucho's invitation to come."

This hurts. Even as a joke it does and Ran releases your hand with a flick. "You're such a liar, ba…" A sudden cough interrupts him from adding a pet name and he frowns, turning his head to its source. It turns out to be the short blonde girl – the one he momentarily forgot was present.

"Akashi Senju," she says, offering him a small hand. "I'm her friend and Haruchiyo's sister."

"Senju also studies at Waseda, just like you. She's a first-year student," you add, grinning at your friend. "Anyway, aren't you hungry? You said you were starving."

The second you stand from your chair, Ran's mood darkens. He stares at your back, noting that you've changed since the morning, now wearing different jeans. He prefers the ones you had on earlier. These are a bit too low-rise for his taste, and the color doesn't sit right with him either. Did you practice at the studio and change into a new outfit? Or perhaps you came back home after your morning class and specifically changed for your meeting with Akashi?

"Don't bother asking me anything. I'm not in the mood," Ran says, noticing Kakucho's smug expression. "Oh, and Shion has paid for your ramen. Don't order anything."

"I wasn't planning to."

To what Kakucho is referring is a mystery Ran won’t entertain himself solving. For now, he has another thing to settle and that thing is his own melting heart.

He knocks on your door that same evening after dropping you out just hours before. The ride home from the ramen shop was silent for most part and your home was the first stop. He didn’t say goodbye as you silently closed the door wishing to see everyone soon again. And he didn't allow himself a pleasure of a biting remark – one that had been simmering on his tongue since Shion let out an unnecessary whistle upon meeting you – to slip and pierce through his friend. 

Both boys and the Akashi girl had asked to be dropped off at Nakano Station, which was relatively close to your apartment. Ran hadn't argued and hadn't offered anything in response. He is a mess and all he needs to calm down is you and your annoyingly good cherry tea. You made it every single time he was over.

So when he knocks on your door carrying two bags with a chicken logo – from a small restaurant he spotted on his way back that claimed to serve the best karaage – and a box full of glazed donuts from an American coffeehouse chain, he hopes you'll allow him another cup of tea.

"I knew you'd come," you say, stepping aside to let him in. "What did you bring? Oh! I love that place! Give me that, and go sit down. I'll grab the plates and everything."

But he doesn't sit. He follows you into the kitchen, observing as you tear into the bags, too impatient to untie knots. He smiles at your little quirks and habits. By now, he believes he knows you well. All the small details, bumps and preferences that are arranged in such a way, they make you. You are a thousand myriads of memories, of happiness and of never ending dark night and he wants to conquer every single one.

He wants you.

When you reach for two plates, he steps closer and wraps his arms around you, his hands over yours, he guides them to your chest. In this close proximity, he can smell the lingering fragrance of your shower gel and soap on your skin. He traces his lips over the damp skin of your neck, planting a soft kiss just under your ear.

"Were you planning on going out today?" he asks, not moving a single centimetre away. "You smell so good."

"No. I told you I knew you'd drop by, so I took a shower earlier. You always look so bored when I leave you alone while I'm showering."

He smiles into your skin and playfully nips it, licking the pain away immediately. He wants you, and he wants you to know it. He wants everyone else to know that you're wanted by him too. A purple mark blooms on your skin, and you tremble, your hands gripping his arms.

"Why are you so good to me? For me," he leans his head on yours and kisses the crown of your head, pulling you even closer to him. 

"Ran."

"Tell me."

You wait a second. Two. Three. More. Your breath quickens and he feels your heart pounding against his own, and he closes his eyes in an attempt to steady himself, to find some stability amidst the chaos that is you.

Somehow, he senses that whatever you're about to say won't be pleasant, which is perhaps why he doesn't rush you or urge you to continue. Instead, he litters your head and neck with kisses, communicating his love.

"You don't really like me, Ran, do you? You like Aoki."

Your  fingers are entwined with his, and he can't recall who initiated it. You or him.

"Bullshit. I barely remember her most days until you bring her up. Just what did she tell you? We never had anything going on."

"Maybe. But you don't like me. You like her, and that's why we shouldn't."

His kisses come to a halt. He gently turns you around to face him, searching your face. You don't appear sad or disappointed or disheartened. Maybe a little flustered and your eyes shine a different way. He cups your face in his hands, his thumbs caressing your cheeks.

"Bullshit."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You're a terrible liar, Ran."

He scoffs. "I'm not. I am a good liar, but I am not lying to you when I say I want you. I need you. You are the one for me." "Then can we agree on one thing, Ran?" You take the hair ties out of his braids, your fingers deftly working to undo them.

"Anything you want."

"If we do this, can we agree not to kiss? At least until you figure out how you truly feel about me."

"That's ridiculous. What else? Should I take you from behind so we don't have to see each other's faces?" He is irritated, but not mad. Yet.

"Don't be crude. No, I just don't want to kiss you when you have feelings for someone else. I don't want to get too attached. I don’t kiss people without feelings." Your hands run through his hair, and he melts into the sensation. You're his solace, his sanctuary. He can't understand how you fail to see that.

"Please, Ran. It's more for me than for you, and I'm sorry."

He sighs, his thumb brushing over your lips. He had been looking forward to kissing you. Ran loves to kiss. But patience is often rewarded, right? Or something along those lines. It doesn't matter.

One day, he's sure he'll get to kiss you. He knows it.

"It's stupid, but alright. I'll kiss you when I'm certain I love you," he says, pressing his lips to the soft skin of your forehead. "I don't understand why I can't kiss you now, though, but anything for you. If it will make you feel better then okay.”

I'll do anything for you.

Damp beige sheets are scattered in the corner of the room near the door. The entire space is filled with the scent of sex and the nighttime city, and Ran never wants to leave. He feels at home.

His grey t-shirt you are wearing stands out on the clean black sheets you spread out a little before. You're lying on the bed with your limbs stretched out, your body still sensitive and trembling. The pose reminds him of starfish, and he bites back a laugh, his eyes twinkling with delight.

"Ran!" You roll your head to the side, propping yourself up and adjusting the pillow on the headboard to make yourself comfortable. You do the same for him, and his heart swells, yet again, for what feels like the millionth time and beyond this evening. "Are you laughing at me?"

"No. Why would I?" He places two bowls of karaage and rice – one for each of you – on the bed and slides under the blanket. Your bare thigh brushes against his hip. He isn’t wearing much. Just his boxers. And if he isn’t mistaken you too aren’t wearing anything except for his t-shirt.

“Don't know. You were just all smiles when I turned my head.”

He doesn’t grace you with a response, because just for this once he wants you to find the answer yourself. He wants you to read it in the depths of his eyes, in the creases that form beneath them, and in the glow of his lips. Lips you didn't get to kiss today. The chicken and rice are cold, but the food is still good and he has been starving ever since he got up from the bed and took you to the shower. You had been hazy and sensitive, his cum on your thighs and belly, and when the water was hitting your body it seemed like it was hurting you more than bringing you relief. He asked you if it was true, but you just nudged him closer, holding him close with your arms tightly wrapped around his waist. He'd carefully washed you clean.

"What's on your mind, Ran?" you ask, your chopsticks poised between your fingers. "Oh, wait, don't tell me. Let me guess."

As you contemplate your guess, your eyes scrutinize his face, and he notices  every small change it makes.. How your lips quiver after you lick them clean. How your eyes narrow as you attempt to focus on him. How you fidget with the wooden chopsticks, transferring them from one hand to the other. How you look flushed and innocent and so incredibly young and beautiful. How you now forever have him as a part of you. 

You sigh, your shoulders rising and falling gently. Your bowl is only half-empty, and he guesses that you probably aren’t the type to get hungry after sex. "Are you thinking about sex? Or maybe Rindou? Oh, no, wait! Maybe you're craving that dessert you love. What was it called? Rindou once made me get it for you because he said you were mad at him and it was the only thing that could save his life."

"How do Rin, sex, and my favorite dessert all fit together?" Ran sets his now-empty bowl aside and takes yours, which you kindly offer him to finish. "It doesn't really make sense."

"Your expression. You looked like you were thinking about something you really eally love."

So fucking innocently curious. So naively observant. So so so. Ran tries to grab what arises in his chest and what burns his throat, but he can’t, so he swallows and reaches out for you instead. Nestled in his arms, you fit perfectly, and he nuzzles his nose in your neck, which now carries the scent of him. He's never shared this level of intimacy with the girls he's been with before, but with you, it's different. With you, he can sense his imprints all over your body, just as he knows you've marked yourself onto him.

"Could you make me some of that cherry tea in the morning?" he murmurs into your skin. He senses a slight flinch as you're tickled, and to make amends, he places a soft little kiss there.

Your embrace tightens around him. "Were you thinking about my cherry tea?"

"Well, if you put it that way... yeah, I guess I was. Will you make it for me when we wake up?"

In this moment, in your bed, bodies entwined under warm blankets, Ran lies to you for the first time. And you both understand he's doing so. You both know he wasn't really thinking about cherry tea, but rather you.

And yet, no matter how terrifying it is, you comply, you choose to believe him and say, "Yeah, I will. Of course I will."

xi.

Rindou has a suspicion you are hiding something from him and he is determined to find out what. He is all in for secrets and mysteries, but not from you. When it comes to you he is greedy and he wants to know everything. So if you get hurt he will know whom to punch and what words to say to make the wound they inflicted upon you sting less.

Rindou, who has always been protected by Ran, loves to be protective of you. It’s a self-assigned role of a big brother he never was to anyone that he cherishes too much. But no matter how many times he has hinted - too bluntly - for you to pour your heart out to him, you simply don’t say what he wants to hear. He gets desperate and when one day he is high with Sanzu in his apartment, he asks him if he noticed it too. Your strange behaviour and how lately you’ve been smelling different. Like something too familiar and close to him.

In his typical manner, Sanzu laughs it off. He promises Rindou that there’s nothing to worry about, cause if you’d wanted to tell them you would’ve. And if not, then you will tell them later. You all are best friends and you will be so until the end of your days. A little trust, Rin, never hurt anybody.

There’s nothing left for him, but to agree, and yet the smell on your skin stays and in the next days all Rindou can is to get familiar with it since now it’s part of you.

The rumours that you slept with a college professor for the main stage in the showcase spreads around not so long after.

Rindou punches a guy who he overhears saying it in the cafeteria and almost gets detention for breaking university’s principles. But it doesn’t stop him from beating that guy up again. This time he is smarter. He does it outside of the school.

Knuckles bloody and torn he feels alive.

He isn’t that much surprised when he finds out it was Aoki who started this nasty lie about you.

After all, you’ve always been rivals.

“That was stupid, Rin.” You murmur sitting on the floor of their apartment. His hand rests in yours, a warm dead weight. The cotton ball soaked with vodka - they didn’t have any first aid kit at home - glides across his scraped skin. Despite you speaking gently, your movements are precise and harsh. You obviously are a bit mad or maybe sad and worried. “You know I don’t care what they say.” The alcohol stings his skin more than your words. He closes his eyes. “But I do. I can’t just brush it off if they call my best friend a whore right to my face.” 

“He didn’t see you,” you observe, quickly glancing at him, before returning to your task. 

“What a pity.” “Will he live?” you tear the gauze in two and wrap it around Rindou’s knuckles tying in with a pretty bow. He thinks it’s a bit excessive and he doesn’t really need something to cover up the wound, but he lets you tend to him. He likes it a bit too much to deny it. 

The water in the bathroom stops running and for a second it’s eerily quiet in the apartment. The only noise comes from honking cars - might be someone parking for too long - and people loudly laughing right under their building - might be a student couple that rents a flat above Haitani’s. Life never stops even when it stills for you. The world is wheeling around and around and around.

"What's with the hospital? What happened?" Veiled by his thoughts Rindou doesn’t notice his brother coming out of the bathroom. With Ran beside you looking at his hands, the world speeds up; Rindou subconsciousness suffers. “Hey, Rin! What happened?”

Without your permission he can’t tell the truth. He won’t dare to spill that ugly rumour about you and he won’t - everything inside him riot against this nasty lie - even say it outloud if you don’t want him to. Even to his brother. 

Rindou’s loyalty is his doom. “Rindou fought the guy who he caught saying I slept with mister Okamoto for the main role in the showcase.” There’s not a hinge of bitterness or resentment in you as you answer Ran’s question. 

Rindou wants to smack you.  He wants you to be more serious about yourself. He hates that you aren’t and he is surprised when Ran is. 

“Why would someone say that about you?” 

“Jealousy, I guess. It’s going to be the second year I am the lead.” You stand up from the floor and take the open bottle of vodka along with the remaining gauze and cotton balls to the kitchen. “Honestly, Ran, it’s just a stupid rumour. Why even bother? People are gonna talk anyway.”

“No. If we’ll make them, they won’t,” Ran retorts, going after you and Rindou can’t help, but turn around and peek out from the corner to get a better view. “Don’t roll your eyes at me. I am being serious. Don’t let them come at you for something you didn’t do.”

“Yeah. You worked hard to be the lead. Don’t let them take it away from you.”

The simple truth is the hardest to swallow, and you almost crumble under its pressure. It's obvious to Rindou that you didn't like what the wind was carrying around the university's halls. Maybe it really didn't bother you that much, but it still soured your sweet success. He wished he could've helped before blood needed to be spilled. Because now, Rindou isn't sure if his warmth and care can make you feel better. What is left for you is to wrap his hands in gauzes and share the warmth of your existence.

And so he raises to his feet, to catch you one more time, to not let tears stain your cheeks and your heart.

“Oh, no, no.” It’s Ran. He reaches for your face and cups your cheeks between his palms, his big fingers erasing fat tears from your skin. He coos at you, eyes searching for you. “You know what? I don’t want to see you cry, and I bet Rin doesn’t want to see you cry either. But it’s okay if you want to. I won’t stop you. So cry all you want, and then I’ll take you to that restaurant I told you about. Alright? I am going to blow dry my hair, and we are good to go. Okay?”

Frozen, near the kitchen countertop stands Rindou. He takes his glasses off and wipes them with the hem of his shirt. He doesn’t dare to look at you, and besides, he isn’t even sure if he will see you. Your presence isn’t for him, and maybe it never was. Maybe he was never that important in your life; only a connecting chain to something bigger than him.

He can’t find you.

“I am sorry,” you whisper when Ran is gone to his room and your eyes are almost dry.

Rindou frowns. There’s no reason for you to apologize to him, and yet he leans into you, his forehead burrowing at your shoulder. “Whatever you say or do is okay. Remember? We accept each other as we are. You don’t have to pretend to be someone else around me.”

“I love you, Rindou.” Again, it’s a whisper, a small meaningful promise. “I love you so so much.”

“I know.” He laughs, suddenly uncomfortable and very shy. That new foreign smell of yours hits his nose and Rindou inhales it fully, filling his lungs with it and a realisation comes at him so simple, he thinks he knew it from the beginning. The shock he imagined he would go through isn’t here. Nothing is. Just acceptance and your detachedness in which he loses himself. You smell like his brother. Like Ran. You’ve been for a while. He wraps his arms around your waist and holds you closer. His hands don't hurt him anymore. 

xii.

His fingers are warm on the gentle skin of your hips, and every little caress feels like millions of kisses planted straight to your heart.

Girls in your university and mutual friends through Rindou who slept with Ran had the tendency to discuss him in bed, and besides claiming that he always knew what he was doing and how he should do it, they always mentioned him being exceptionally rough. He never stayed at your place for a night, never brought you to his apartment in Roppongi (everyone assumed it was their mutual agreement with Rindou), and never slept with the same girl twice. Never. Never. Never. There were too many rules and details for you to remember. Laying under him on his bed in his room you would swear they all were liars.

Running your fingers through his long hair and combing them behind his ears so they won’t tickle you falling onto your face, you moan from the burning pleasure that never left you from the moment Ran declared he wanted you.

Slow, but powerful rolls of his hips catch you off guard - they always do - and you tug at his hair a bit too harshly. His face comes closer to yours and your naked chest touches his, he brushes against your hard nipples, and with pure curiosity and pleasure watches you close your eyes, back detaching your body from the damp sheets. It’s like you want to be closer to him. Like you run into his arms; into him.

[He accepts you.] He welcomes you.

The exposed marked skin of your neck comes into his vision and he leans down to kiss you there. Mark it again. Purple on purple. More purple. You and him are the same colour. 

His breathy whispers burn like holy oil. Something sacred that was never meant to be shared with anyone else. “So good for me, baby. Always good. It’s you. Only you for me. Right, baby? I am yours. Oh God, I am yours, baby.”

More confessions. More promises. More spilled love.

With you Ran is always tender. He always eats you out - despite you not wanting to, since you say it’s like a kiss, too intimate - and he always stretches you before he puts his cock inside you so it won’t hurt you. He always listens to your needs, without you voicing them out even once. And after you are done you both eat and talk and laugh, and then go at it again. 

After the fifth time you are sure that Ran Haitani never fucked you, but made love to you. And it was not in the tempo or poses he had you in or where you had sex or if he initiated it or you or how many times you both finished or many other stupid reasons. No. It was in his touches, his words, his smiles, his laughs, his gestures, his eyes and how soft they were right after or sometimes in the moment.

It was in his being and how you both felt around each other. 

Today, when Ran cums, your lower part warm with it, he crushes you with his body. You stroke his toned shoulders and back. It’s not just his hair that gets your attention. It’s every part of his body. You love to please him too. His breath is hot against your ear shell, and you squirm, grazing your nails against his tattooed skin. He winces, but laughs, detaching himself from you.

“I am so spent,” he confesses, yawning and you giggle at this natural confirmation from his body. “Do you wanna take a nap? We can order something later or go out. I wouldn’t mind having shabu-shabu. Whatcha think?”

You bite your lip, pretending to consider his offer, when in reality you already know you’ll agree and now you are just taking him in. Ran is very beautiful. Womanly pretty.

"Yeah, okay. Sounds good."

Before Ran rolls to his side, he kisses you in the corner of your lips and then up your face to your brows. Never on your lips. Because you asked and he promised. Genuine content smile brightens up your drown in pleasure face.

"You know," he muses, "I like your red-haired friend more now."

You laugh, immediately understanding what he meant by that and as if the sound of your laugh is an alarm for his need to be close to you, Ran shifts closer to you, bringing you too, flash against his naked body. Skin to skin.

"His hair is pink, and his name is Haruchiyo. But you always say his hair is red. It's kind of funny," you murmur, closing your eyes. Your body is too sensitive for you to move much without feeling the never ending hunger for Ran, but you still do and you gasp, your palms gripping onto his shoulders. 

He smirks and lets you nuzzle your head in the crook of his neck. You kiss him there.

"Yeah, Haruchiyo. Next time, I'll pay him myself to take Rin to Hakone. For a whole week. Anyway, let's sleep. I want to make you feel good again when we wake up. Do you want me to wake you up with my fingers or my mouth? You seem like you need it. You are so fucking sensitive everytime we have sex. It’s like I am your first and you never had decent co…”

"Rude, Haitani," you slap his back. Gently. "So rude."

Silence settles over the room and your breaths even out. You think he has fallen asleep. His chest rising up and down. His body is warm and solid and heavy next to yours. Your fingers continue their dance across his nape.

"But you still like me, right? Rude or not?" He asks, his voice a bit clearer than before, and you know that he has been thinking about this all this time.

Without a delay or hesitation, you speak. "Yes, I do. Rude or not."

Again, he doesn’t reply back and after an unknown amount of lost time, you understand that he indeed has fallen asleep. You follow him right after, thinking that maybe his question was more serious than you initially thought it was.

xiii.

The plans for Rindou’s surprise birthday party were made in advance in the kitchen of your apartment.

For the first time in four years that you’ve become a part of Rindou’s life, Ran lets you both - you and Haruchiyo - to play a part in the arranging of the birthday party for his brother. He does it because of you, of course. Another reason is knowing that Rindou will be very pleased and happy. Unlike Ran, Rindou likes surprises. It was your idea to veil every little preparation, location and guest list with exciting secrecy. Both boys [under an insane amount of pressure] promised you to not even speak of the upcoming birthday to Rindou. Let alone spill any details or hints about the party. 

Just a few days before it Haruchiyo however sitting in the cafeteria accidentally mentioned to Rindou that the colour of banana milk reminded him of kitchen countertops in the house Ran rented for the surprise party. He was saying it with a huge smile on his face that quickly faded when he realised what he said. You - who obviously had a huge soft stop for Haruchiyo - didn’t even get mad at him. You all laughed it off and Rindou asked no questions, appreciating your efforts. 

"Can you believe it?" Happy Birthday Rindou garland shimmers in your hands. You tape the second end of it to the wall and lean back, looking at it, trying to see if it’s even. It’s the fifth time now and Ran slowly loses his patience. He doubts Rindou would notice if it declines for one degree. “I thought you would be the one who would uncover us.”

The ladder echoes a clunking sound as you come down. You fall right into Ran’s arms who were steading it for you the whole time, hands gripping the metal so you didn’t fall. He is surprised. “Me? Why? You know I am actually good at keeping secrets.”

“I know you are.” Hands on your chest, you squint at the wall, overlooking the garland. Your expression is hard and serious and no matter how much Ran tries to decipher it he can’t. Silently, he prays you won’t readjust it yet again. He is getting tired and he still needs to fill the fridge with beers and what else alcohol he bought. There were also snacks and fairy lights to be taken care of. At least, all the vases and unnecessary fragile decorations were already sitting in the storage. 

“Does it look good?” Ran asks, hopefully. “To me it seems fine. From where I stand. But it seemed fine the second time too. Maybe you just should draw a huge line with a pencil on the wall so you could see where you should hang it. Or you know what? Rindou will be fine without garland. He’ll live. It’s not like he knows we were gonna hang it.”

The silence on your end is scaring him. Is this stupid garland really so uneven? He steps in front of you and scrutinizes the wall. Everything is perfect. The colorful "Happy Birthday Rindou" written on the beige wall looks fine; the tape is not visible and every letter is as neat as it could be. When the silence stretches, he groans and grabs hold of the ladder. The metal is warm under his palms from how long he has been holding it.

“Ran.” He feels your lovely hands and you pressed to him before he registers you calling his name. All frustration and tiredness are exterminated from him, thrown out of the window the second you open your mouth.

"Mhm?"

The softness of your body melts into his existence and he cranes his neck at the angle where he can see you.

Your eyes are already waiting for him and he is met with so much tenderness and endearment and fondness he resists the urge to kiss you and it’s the worst fight he’s ever been into.

His body is bruised and ugly. He is losing.

“The garland is fine.”

“Is it?” The sudden eagerness in his voice makes you giggle. He giggles with you. “I expect the same garland for my birthday. You’ve got to put Rin through the same shit as me.”

“Do you want us to rent you a house too?”

He hums, thinking of an answer. His fingers slip between yours. “Yeah. Two floors, and I want the backyard facing the ocean. A pool is a must, too. Oh! And the guest list? I’ll make it myself. Rin would invite people I dislike just to annoy me.”

“Deal.” A wet touch of your lips encourages shivers. His eyelids tremble as he closes his eyes, losing himself in your affection. You press another kiss under his ear and then on his jaw, only to move to his cheeks, and then to the corner of his lips.

His only instinct is to follow you, lean into you, reach out to you and for a second his lips are on yours, but you move away and he curses. Turning around, Ran pushes you towards the huge oak table and you comply, jumping on it. Your legs are spread for him and yet you push him away when he grabs the hem of your shirt. 

Your palm on his chest he hopes you can feel how his heart reacts to you. And as if you do - or maybe it’s something else, Ran hopes it’s something else, something sweet and precious where you can’t deny him - your open palm turns into fist and you bring him closer. You pepper his face with small kisses and it’s embarrassing for him to think how happy he gets, how you can ask of him anything now and he will do it. Be it steading the ladder for you or bringing you hot gazing stars from outer space. 

“You are so lovely, Ran.” 

Oh God. 

“Anything for you. Lovely, gentle, harsh, rude… yours. However, you'll want me.”

There’s a known firefly in your eyes and he holds your face. At this point you are just staring at each other, searching for answers or commuting without words. Or maybe both. “Yeah. I like it all. Remember? I’ve told you before.” “Say it again, then. I like hearing it.” And you do. I like you. I like you. I accept you, Ran. I like you. I like you. I like you. 

Pink looks pretty on you and Ran knows it. 

You sway with his younger brother in the middle of the huge living room of the rented house for which Ran paid a bit too much [but you were so adamant it was perfect and Rindou would absolutely love it so he couldn’t say no] and laugh. Your head thrown back, you hold hands with Rindou as he swirls you around, careful to not let go of you. 

You are the centre of this party and Ran’s attention. 

The beer in his cup is still cold and he sips on it watching you having the time of your life celebrating the existence of his little brother. The fact that you so dearly love and care for Rindou touches Ran’s heart more than it should, but it does and it warms the world around him. He tries to remember if someone from his own friends has this much love for him as you do for Rindou and suddenly he can’t name a single one. It’s a moment of loneliness and fear. Ran can deal with both, because he will always have Rin and Rin will always have you. So it’s fine. Everything is fine and the party goes smoothly just like you planned it. There’s enough food and alcohol and people who are here are the ones Rindou is happy to see. All his previous birthdays - and Ran’s too - they celebrated at clubs. Tones of booz, weed and girls never made Rindou smile as brightly as he did through the whole evening and well into the night. There was something alluring in intimacy that Ran never felt or noticed before and that he waited all his life to learn through you. 

So he drinks a bit more and watches you dance in your pink croco trousers and he knows you look unbelievably good. So good all he wants now is to get you in his car and drive you far far far away where no one could take you from him. For good measure he’ll lock you in the house [of his heart]. The keys will be thrown away with eyes closed so even he wouldn’t know where to look for them. No escape from this dream land of his. Forever imprisoned the two of you. 

It gets hard to breathe as if Ran is the one to dance and laugh. Leaving his unfinished beer on the table, Ran goes outside. He catches Kakucho’s questioning gaze on him, but mouths a simple ‘i am fine’ and then he is all alone again.

It’s chilly outside. The night sky is clouded and no stars can be seen from the porch. Two houses down there’s another party. Music travels this short distance, but as if there’s an invisible divider, it stops exactly in the middle and never touches their own music. Ran can clearly hear both songs and this alone creates a peculiar sense of detachment. It’s like he is here and then it’s like he never was and never would be.  Much to his displeasure it’s not you who finds him there. He didn’t even know he was waiting for you until viscous regret filled his lungs and the disappointment rested in his chest. He might have been scowling because the girl before him looked, if not scared, confused for sure. 

“Don’t say you don’t remember me.” The girl is beautiful, and Ran thinks he saw her at your university. She steps closer and brings her face right to his, her brown eyes waiting for recognition, but when even proximity doesn’t ring a bell, she pouts. “What they say about you is right. You never called me back.”

Oh. That’s why she looked familiar. Ran has slept with her. He gives her a dead stare, not in the mood to make a joke out of it. He turns his back on her. “Well, I never call anyone back. It’s always a one-time thing.”

He expects the girl to be offended or for the poison of humiliation to spread through her veins, but obviously, none of it happens. Instead, she pulls out a pack of cigarettes and leans on the wooden rails, overlooking the empty night street. “It’s stupid, but I thought I might be good enough for you to change your mind,” the girl giggles. She lights a cigarette for herself and doesn’t offer one to Ran. “But you don’t even remember me. You don’t, do you?”

“No. I don’t.” There’s no point in lying, and Ran doesn’t care if he hurts her. She’s been hurt before and she will be after this insignificant encounter.

“Do you wanna fuck now?” The answer is immediate and it’s the same as before. “No. I don’t.” 

“Not with me?” Lit cigarette between her fingers stands out on a stormy night sky. 

“No. Not with you.” 

The cloud of smoke escapes the girl's mouth and Ran stares at it for a bit, trying to remember how it tasted when he kissed her. But he can’t. It’s not her mouth that he sees, but an empty place. It’s scary. 

You and your crucifying rule that broke his bones everytime he was with you made kisses mean a lot and dissolved those that he shared before into drivel. They didn’t mean anything. 

Ran never remembered his first kiss. 

He guesses it happened when he was thirteen with a girl that was much older. It probably was a bet. 

The butt of the cigarette with dark stains from the girl’s lipstick is pressed against the wooden floor. The light dies. “You look awfully sick with love, Ran Haitani. It does suit you, though. Your eyes look more alive. Usually, they were like you just murdered someone. It’s scary.”

Fat raindrops hit the pavement and soon the world around is speaking. Ran can’t tell what it’s trying to say, but his heart tells him it is a premonition. A little prophecy, because what is born meaningless has a tendency to die as the most important thing. 

But of course, there are exceptions. 

There are memories, people and webs that were and always would have the dearest place in Ran’s heart. There is you and there was Aoki Ogura and now next to him is the girl he had slept with once and doesn’t even remember. There is the smell of rain and a few seconds ago there was a lit cigarette, the fire of it now dead. It’s a birthday party of his little brother, his only family, and it’s a day when Ran realises some things aren’t our choices, but are chosen for us. 

No matter how much we want, we can't change them, because just for once it didn’t happen because of us, but because of who we are.  The rain intensifies. Chills creep under Ran’s thin grey blouse. Are your pink trousers and white tee keeping you warm enough? He desperately needs to know. Now. 

“What’s your name?” Ran is at the door. His hand lies on the handle.

The girl raises her hands in the air, gasping. She pretends to be offended. In reality, she isn’t. There’s not a tinge of sadness in her. “It’s Hatsu Ikazuchi.”

The beginning of thunder. How fortunate. How coincidentally amusing and pretty. Life is full of wonders. The door behind Ran softly closes. Rain and storms stay on the other side.

xiv.

The second Rindou accidentally learns about the party, he knows it was your idea. 

When he steps out of the car and sees the prettiest house he knows it was you who chose it. The small hidden alley where it stands and green pots with pink flowers are definitely what made the cut for you. And then, when he enters the house and everyone screams happy birthday Rindou, and he shushes them so he can greet every single person there, he knows it was you who decided who should be invited.

It’s the same with the cake that you bring out to the living room singing-whispering his favourite song, instead of the classical happy birthday one. He knows it was you who ordered it and decided on the fillings. You hold it before him, a huge happy smile on your pretty face, and he closes his eyes to make a wish before he blows off the candles. Ran stands behind you, his chin on your shoulder watching his brother, but Rindou barely notices this unusual proximity. He only sees the fairy lights and decorations.

He knows it was all your doings too.

He is happy and he is loved and he drowns in your love the whole evening and well into the night.

He only loses you right after the clock strikes two when Haruchiyo finds him and urges him to smoke. They share a joint on the second floor in the bathroom. And even in the state Rindou is in now, he thinks about you. How you’d be mad if you were to find them smoking in this enclosed space without a window. How you’d scold them like you always do and say that weed smells disgusting. How you’d still slide down the door and sit on cold tiles with them, breathing smoke from it into your lungs, intoxicating yourself to the maximum. You’d laugh and smile looking at them both, your best friends, and in those moments everything in the world would be right. 

High as kite - because it’s a special birthday joint, claims Haruchiyo - from half of the cigarette and drunk on God knows how many beers and two cocktails with an unknowing mix of alcohol in each, Rindou stumbles down the stairs. Haruchiyo follows suit. With mouths dry as parchment they go into the kitchen where they gulp down two bottles of water, one and a half litre each. 

The thirst subsides and they giggle, finding the situation funny. The party carries on and so does the fun. Behind the veil of smoke and fog and fun everything [and everyone] seems brighter - happier - than they really are. Weed is better than alcohol, but both of it mixed together is a devastating cocktail of unknown feelings and emotions, so bright and positive, Rindou wants to stay in this superficial land forever. 

But the effect will wear out with time and nothing but sadness and regret will stay. And when Rindou will wake up in the morning, he will be grumpy and untalkative and borderline aggressive, angry thoughts swarming inside his pounding head. He might throw up or he might not and when this state too will pass, for there is nothing permanent, he will wonder if sadness and hostility is all he has. This eats Rindou alive. 

But there is still time till this terrifying clarity. 

For now everything is blurry. And he is happy. He allows himself to be. 

A very gracious birthday present. 

Together, with Haruchiyo they find you in the company of Senju, Ran and his friends. In the midst of loud music and the smell of alcohol, your small circle gives the impression of a cold calm island, warm to its habitants and cold to intruders. There’s an effortless conversation that flows between you all. He has no idea what it is you are talking about, but it must be something very interesting to each of you, because your eyes sparkle and everyone speaks almost at the same time, contributing to the discussion. 

A deep gut feeling of being unwanted washes over him and Rindou’s body is sticky, clothes too close to skin. Blood pumps loudly in his head and for a second or two all he hears is a stretching white noise. It calls out for him, forms a message, something so important and crucial, but it disappears before Rindou can decipher the meaning behind its static nature. And then, his brain overwhelmed and tired, his being happy and loved, he thinks that maybe some things aren’t worth reading into. Maybe it all happens just because and maybe nothing has any sacred meaning. 

Maybe living in the absence of all is easier and maybe that’s what Rindou chooses in the moment Senju spots them and waves her hand urging them to join your company.  

“My favorite birthday boy!” You exclaim, stretching your hands toward him. He accepts your invitation and dives into your arms, stumbling over his unstable feet. He falls face down onto the sofa, and Senju, who had been sitting next to you, groans and moves to the floor. But she doesn’t say anything to him because today is his birthday, and he is allowed a little more than he usually is.

“Am I really your favourite?” Rindou asks, his tongue loose from the effects of alcohol. His head rests on your shoulder, and he tilts his head to take a good look at you. You are a bit drunk yourself. Your eyes are only half-opened, and you look undeniably sexy and warm. “Tell me the truth.”

You squint your eyes, pretending to think, and he whines at you, causing you to laugh. He is happy with himself because of that. He is even happier when you ruffle his hair and whisper to him, "You are. Even when you reek of weed and beer." You lick your lips before you continue, a bit more serious than before. "Even if you find yourself a pretty girl and dump me because she's going to be jealous of us."

"No one's gonna date us with you in the picture, baby. Honestly?" Haruchiyo chimes in. He sits on the floor next to Kakucho, opposite you. Only when you and Rindou turn your heads his way, your attention fully on him, does he continue speaking. "Even I feel jealous of you, and I'm a part of our threesome."

The interrogation on Rindou’s behalf falls short at that and you slump into scolding Haruchiyo for his poor choice of words to describe your friendship. You argue, as you usually do, because obviously to Haruchiyo the threesome sounds okay and he even claims he heard someone at university refer to your trio using it and he in fact is not the one who came up with it. At that you gasp and a sound too similar to a sad wolf howl comes out of your throat. 

"Actually, you know what I always wanted to ask?" Interrupts Shion. He is taking the first long drag from his cigarette. The smell of smoke that hits Rindou’s nostrils almost immediately indicates that they are cherry-flavored. It's quite a strange choice on Shion's side, if you were to ask Rindou. "How did you all meet? You are super close. I’ve been looking at you today, and if Ran hadn’t told me before that you are seeing someone, I would’ve thought you are dating our birthday boy."

All attention has you as the centre and for a split moment Rindou is sober. All haze and blurriness swept away leaving the palace for stunning clarity. But he feels how tense your limp body gets and he sees his brother who sits at your feet with your left leg thrown over his shoulder, laying his head on your thigh. Ran smirks as he waits for your answer, but he knows his brother the best, so the sweet tender expectancy doesn’t go unnoticed. Nor does the gentle caressing of his fingers around your ankle. 

“We actually met through Haru, who I knew because I am friends with Senju. We went to the same high school.”

Shion nods. He brings a bottle of sui-umeshu to his lips and, not taking his eyes away from you, takes a large sip. When he is done, the sweet liquor swallowed, he asks you, "Why is your boyfriend not here?"

"He isn't my boyfriend yet. We are still figuring it all out," you retort. You tilt your head to the side and playfully smile at Shion. "And just why are you so interested in him?"

“I am not interested in him. I am interested in you.” 

"Oh," the smile is gone from your face and you stare at Shion as if you are seeing him for the very first time. "Thank you."

The rest of the night is spent almost quietly. You dance some more. You drink and Haruchiyo smokes again. This time with Senju on the damp porch. The rain that Rindou never acknowledged has stopped. The air now is cold and crispy. It finally feels like winter is just around the corner. 

The golden light of sunrise adorns the living room, building an illusion of it being way more spacious and bigger than it really is. Rindou can barely stand on his own feet. He so desperately needs to go to bed and sleep until it’s well after noon. And yet, he comes to a halt when he hears your quiet laughing and Ran’s murmuring. Through the buzzing in his head he can’t hear what you are talking about, and even if he wants to eavesdrop, he won’t. He respects you and he respects his brother. He respects his loving touches and he respects your choice. So, he goes straight into the kitchen and the first thing he sees is not your blood splashed across your white t-shirt in bright stains, but Ran’s gentle moves when he wipes your face. Come to think of it, his brother was always like that around you. Curious and tender even in anger. The softness doesn’t evaporate from Ran when he looks up and sees his brother standing in the arc that connects the living room and kitchen. 

"Did you get the nosebleed again?" The house is silent, so Rindou’s voice echoes through it like a bell in the middle of a field.

Somehow, Rindou imagines it’s sunny there in that field of his despite dark heavy clouds hanging low in the sky. It’s going to rain, but before it will, there will be a thunderstorm. This time Rindou is going to be there to see it. 

“Yeah. Don’t worry though. I am just tired. That’s all.” 

Contradiction arises in him and guilt fills his throat to the brim. He can’t say anything so he just stares at the white wet towel  in Ran’s hands. Its twisted tip all red and pulpy. Behind you, on the beige plain wall, is a garland. It says “Happy Birthday Rindou”. He wants to take it home with him and put it under his bed, in his heart, to store it there forever as a reminder that someone cares for him. [Always will]. 

There are so many words and confessions he desires to share with you, but instead, he says, “I am going to sleep. Can we go for yakitori when I wake up? I just know I am gonna be starving.”

“Nankotsu or tebasaki?” Suddenly excited, you turn your head toward him.

“Both?” “Fuck, I love you so much, Rindou! You are the best!” “I know. I know. I love me too.” 

“Okay you all enough with love. Let’s take your makeup off too, while I am at it. Now, look at me.” Without anything to say Rindou leaves. He goes upstairs and without taking a shower goes straight to his makeshift bed for today. He is sharing a room with Kakucho who is already asleep. His light snores break the solemnity of the room.

Undressed, in his boxers, Rindou comes up to the window that overlooks the neighbour's patio. Classic Japanese garden stares back at Rindou and he tries hard to remember when was the last time he saw one. He can’t. It’s a bit sad. He finds himself liking the moss, the rocks and those pretty wooden lanterns. Beauty is simple; he appreciates it. 

At last, he closes the window, shutting curtains tight. Today was a good day. He felt loved and needed and cared for. 

Rindou wishes every day was like this one, but then wouldn’t its significance be lost on him? Life is a contradiction and Rindou loves it too. Just for today he allows himself to. 

xv.

Flowers bloom inside you when Ran’s hips meet yours and you moan into his shoulder, your teeth drawing blood from his skin there. 

Arms limp around his neck, your body violently quivers and he, too vulnerable and high on his own orgasm, spreads his palms across your naked back, running them up and down. Mouth hungry on your skin he leaves open sloppy kisses across your neck. It does little to calm you down. It does nothing at all to subside the hunger and emotions you have for him in this moment [and always]. 

"Shit, I bit you. I am sorry," you say, your breath still hitched. You run a finger across the mark, wiping the blood that stains Ran’s perfectly smooth skin. "Didn't want anyone to hear us. Does it hurt?"

Tilting his head to the side, his palms on the small of your back, Ran inspects the damage. He winces, and in your blissfully tired state, you don’t pay attention to how fake that wince sounds or how unnaturally he grimaces when you touch the wound again. "It…"

He doesn’t have a chance to finish, because you run your fingers around the mark and bring your lips closer to it, pecking the red irritated skin there in an attempt to soothe the pain. Ran freezes. All jokes and teasing he intended to voice die. 

He dies with them.

“Ran are you okay? Does it hurt that much? I kissed it because I thought it might lessen the pain. I probably only irritated it more. I am sorry. Let me go take a look if they have band aids in the bathroom.” You are still sitting on his lap with him inside of you and your legs still tremble, but now only lightly and you think you can stand up and walk the short distance to the en-suite bathroom. But when you lift yourself off him, Ran grips your hips so harshly you yelp. 

You are confused. Lines on your forehead you look at him with a question in your eyes. Did you do something wrong? Was he repulsed by your spontaneous biting? Love is about questions and you drown in them. It’s fortunate that Ran holds you just where you should be held. “Don’t go. It doesn’t hurt at all. I haven’t even noticed you bit me until you said. I was just teasing you.” 

In the silence that follows, each of you think of some distant places that never correlate with each other and yet even there you are together. In the comfortable familiarity and warmth of his body you doze off. Ran’s huge tattoo fades away with every drop of your eyelids; little butterflies landing on ink orchids. You swear you can smell their faint flowery aroma, but that simply can’t be true. 

A lot of things can’t be true and yet you choose to believe in them. 

"A girl today asked me to have sex with her, and I refused," Ran says after a while.

Sleepy, you place your chin on his chest, locking a gaze with him. Ran does have the prettiest eyes, you think. But instead, you ask him, "Was it Ikazuchi?"

His blonde brows coming together, he tries really hard to remember. So hard a deep wrinkle appears on his forehead. You raise your head and smoothe it, waiting for it to disappear. You don’t like seeing him troubled and now he looks like that whole encounter was unpleasant for him. 

"I can’t remember," he says honestly, catching your hand when it wipes at his eyebrows. He brings it to his mouth and kisses your knuckles.

"Oh, it was her. I know," you giggle, a stray ray of bleak mid-autumn sun pecking at your face, causing you to squint as you squirm on top of Ran. He whines, and you press a hand over his mouth, whispering, "Ran, don’t do that! You’ll wake someone up."

You see him roll his eyes, and then it’s you who is screaming, because he holds you by your waist and flips you over, so that you are under him. "So much for 'Ran, don’t!'" He mimics your voice and intonation a bit too perfectly, and then he stops, and you can only imagine what makes him shut up. But he stares at you, his half-closed eyes forever young and full of longing. You can only guess what’s going on in his mind.

Bathed in morning sun and your love Ran looks exceptionally beautiful. 

“What is it?” 

There’s no hesitation in his reply. "You are pretty."

And there’s no hesitation when he brushes his lips against yours. His breath is warm and sweet and he is your new source of air, because altogether you stop to breathe and it’s him who inhales life in you. Like a little lamb before sacrifice you stare at him with wide eyes. So full of questions. So full of don’t you remember I told you not to kiss me before you feel something for me. If you ever feel something for me. 

It’s a plea. It’s an incantation. It’s his chance; his doom and forgiveness. 

“I should’ve done it before,” he mumbles. Lips on lips. He has been inside you a few moments ago and numerous times before that, but you swear he has never been this close. “Should’ve kissed you when I’ve seen you cry that day. Should’ve kissed you when you undid my hair before we went to sleep that very first night. Should’ve fucking known I liked you all this time.”

Salty sad tears draw pretty patterns on your face and you choke on sobs, too overwhelmed, too shocked and so desperately confused. All the thinking process in you comes to a halt - blame it on your tipsiness, tiredness or early hours of the morning - and you shake your head, hands reaching out to Ran, clutching onto him. 

You are contradicting yourself and you know that. But you can’t think what’s more disappointing: that you are uncontrollable or that you don’t believe that Ran likes you. He is made of white lies. Always have been and yet you choose want need to trust him. 

In the clouds of white sheets and duvets he rolls to his side and brings you closer. With one swift strong motion he throws your leg over his hip so even air can’t come between your bodies. He wipes at your face and the uncharacteristic patience and understanding he shows you, are enough for you to peck his lips. He smiles against them, into the kiss, and it’s sincere. 

“Don’t want you to cry,” he whispers. “Especially over me. I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

Hand on your waist, Ran nuzzles up to you, his nose brushing over yours and you surrender. 

You fall to pieces. 

“Only wanted to say how I feel. Would’ve done it before if it wasn’t so hard to understand. Why when it’s real it’s so hard to realise you are in love with someone?” 

Leaning your forehead on his, you sniffle, but you aren’t sad anymore and you don’t cry. It’s a light grey feeling that envelopes you and if it means that this is what Ran Haitani’s love feels like you are okay with it. You accept it. 

"It wasn’t hard for me," you say, and Ran reclines back, taking you in, his head and heart full of you.

“What?” “I said it wasn’t hard for me to understand how I feel about you.” He grins then and he looks so boyish, so happy, so content your heart explodes, its broken fragments piercing through his chest to fill up cracks in him where nothing could before. 

This time, when Ran kisses you, his fingers caressing your jaw, you respond to him. It’s shy and testing at first, but soon it gets sloppy and it’s wet and messy and lots of tongue. It’s so so so good you don’t need him to get you ready and you don’t need a lot of time to come undone again. 

Again and again and again. 

xvi.

It’s been weeks since Rindou’s birthday party and by the mouth pressed into thin line and grumpy hooded eyes that Rindou only has with Ran, he can tell that his brother has a lot of questions that burn him on the inside. 

However Rindou doesn’t ask them and Ran would never feed his brother’s pride by responding to them before he was even interrogated. That it’s going to be an interrogation he doesn’t doubt for a split second. Glares and muttering Rindou provides Ran every time they are in the same room are enough to guess. It’s late November when Rindou finally snaps. 

Ran is putting on his black boots he bought a few days ago in Harajuku after getting his hair done when the burning sensation on the back of his head intensifies. It’s a little after eight and he is worried he is going to be late to pick you up from the practice. Earlier today, you agreed to meet at nine thirty. If Rindou holds him for more than three minutes he won’t be there on time and while Ran is always late he hates to be late to you. 

Dressed in all black - black hakama, black button up and black socks - Rindou reminds Ran of a kid who pretends he is into fashion, but can only mix and match black clothes and even that isn't given since Ran can clearly see that Rindou’s hakama is slightly darker than his t-shirt. He bites a smile, averting his eyes from Rindou so he won’t notice the playfulness that spills from him. Of course, Rindou does notice. 

Of course, he groans and Ran can only imagine what names his little brother has called him inside his head. 

"What don’t you like about my outfit this time?” Rindou spreads his hands across his freshly ironed clothes and places them on his hips. He looks down at himself, but Ran is sure that no matter how much he tries, he'll never understand. Finally, he raises his now angry eyes and looks at the smiling Ran. “Is it my pants?”

“No.” 

“Then what is it? I can tell you think there’s something wrong with it.” 

Orange sun paints their apartment in a pretty peach colour. It licks at Rindou’s blonde hair and he is even more handsome than he usually is. Ran looks at him, while he stands before him frustrated, angry and lost, and in this moment he knows he won’t ever forgive himself if he wrongs his younger brother. He doesn’t remember when Rindou became so big and how his shoulders are even broader than Ran’s are and he for sure missed a moment when Rindou started dating, but he will never forget this particular moment. 

When Rindou is twenty and sunset kisses his existence. 

“The hakama colour doesn’t match with the button up.” 

“Oh.” Rindou's fingers circle around the collar of the blouse, and now he isn’t just lost, angry, and frustrated, but also self-conscious and lonely.

As an older brother Ran has - always had and always will - many responsibilities. To provide, to keep safe, to care and to love. To spare from the misery of unknowingness. Never to betray. 

And that’s why, this time, Ran gives in. He kneels down to tie his left boot and answers a question that wasn’t asked but was thought. “Yes, I am going to see her, and then I’ll take her to eat whatever she wants today. We might take a walk right after dinner or go straight to 7-Eleven and buy her favorite pudding and that stupid pizza-flavored snack she likes so much. I’ve grown to like it too by now. It isn’t too bad. Anyway, when we are inside her apartment, I’ll start kissing her the second I close the door behind us, and we’ll probably take it to the shower, and after the shower, to her bed. If she doesn’t fall asleep immediately, we’ll eat, and in the morning…”

“Does she let you eat on her bed?” 

Done with his laces, Ran raises up, he blinks at his brother, and a shit-eating grin spreads on his face. “Well, yes, she does. Always. Why?”

“Really?!” Under the circled tinted glasses, Rindou blinks a couple of times. “She gave me and Haruchiyo a lecture about how we can’t eat in bed. How are you supposed to sleep with crumbs under your asses? You absolutely shouldn’t eat in bed. Especially you, Rindou. You always spill the sauce.”

The imitation of your voice is pretty accurate. Down to the intonation and pauses you do when you are speaking and Ran can’t help, but laugh. His brother does know you well. It’s a pang in his heart. He can’t translate it into words. 

“I guess she just likes you more than us,” concludes Rindou. He adjusts his glasses and points at the pile of shoes by the door, leaving no room for Ran to contradict. Rindou blurts out almost immediately, “YSL or Yamamoto boots? What do you think?”

They settle on the Japanese designer, because Ran claims the European vibe doesn’t really suit Rindou. He also doesn’t change the button-up and it’s been more than three minutes. 

The sky is a deep blue, borderline black, when they enter Itabashi area. The roads are unusually empty for this time of the day and a few stars appear each time it darkens one shade more. Today the world is very beautiful and Ran hopes on his way back it still will be so you can see it yourself too. These floating lights, rich colours and street lamps with their alien light. 

“I don’t think she likes me more, Rin,” Ran's voice breaks the absolute silence that reigns within the car. The engine of Ran’s Honda continues its song, undisturbed and infinite. “Our significance for her is different. And not on the scale of lesser to greater.”

Beside him in the passenger seat, Rindou stretches, his palms hitting the roof of the car. “Honestly? I could kinda tell you were always into each other. All this bickering, sneak glances, accidental touches. And you never once forgot her birthday in three years. Don’t know why I was so surprised she started to smell like you in the summer.”

“Smell like me?” Despite them being on the road Ran turns his head to the left and stares at his brother. “What does it even mean?” To that Rindou never responds. He shrugs as if he never said what he just said and Ran’s curiosity remains a hungry fox. 

In less than twenty minutes they’ll reach you. They both wonder if you will wait for them outside and if not, who of them should come pick you up from the studio. 

“Can we stay at our place today? We can invite Haru, Kaku and maybe Senju over? Would be nice to watch something and eat. I think the DVD rental next to us should be still open.” 

Loneliness, myriads of sparkling little fireflies, illuminate the space between Ran and Rindou, and Ran bumps his brother on the shoulder with his fist, playfully but not too strongly. He communicates to him, "I am always here. I always will be." Then he suggests, “Of course. Shoot them a message. Say the food is on us, but if they want to drink something, they should bring it themselves.”

A huge toothy smile appears on Rindou’s face and that’s how Ran knows his brother understands that love is never divided between people. It’s shared and fed in equal amounts. Just differently. 

“Oh. And mention that if anyone is to crash at our place they might be ready to hear a few whimpers here and there.” 

With his eyes already on the phone, fingers typing away messages to their friends, Rindou raises his head and gives his brother a disgusted look. "What?"

“Your friend is awfully loud in bed. That’s what I am saying.” 

“Gross. Stop the car.” Ran laughs and when he catches Rindou’s smiling, shaking his head in a what-a-bastard way, he laughs some more. The firefly of loneliness is dead by now.

More cars pass them on the highway and nothing feels real. 

xvii.

The park near their house is not that grand as the park you always stop by after Ryou’s parties, but it has a small square playground and that’s all you need. 

Three bags with snacks and cup noodles are forgotten on the bench. Half of the goods lay scattered on the ground, but neither you or Rindou pay much attention to it. You probably haven’t even noticed it yet. Too busy laughing and enjoying yourself. 

It was - of course - your idea to stop by and play. Just for a little, you said, tugging Rindou by the sleeve of his black puffer. Inside the park it’s dark. The lit lamps here and there are the bonbori ones and while they already aren’t the brightest, the shadows of trees absorb whatever lights they illuminate. If Rindou wasn’t Rindou he would find this place creepy. The desertness of it due to the hour only intensifies the feeling. 

But you are happy before him as you sit on the swings swaying back and forth. You laugh loudly and when he drugs you by your waist to the roundabout you scream at him to set you free so loud people in houses nearby might think he wants to murder you. None calls the police though or comes outside so in your wail they might have heard merriness, the same Rindou did. They probably think it’s teenagers in love fooling around.

But you are not teenagers and you aren’t in love.  And that’s what you tell Rindou when you push him into the huge metal circle with holes in it. He does his best to imagine what child game this surrealistic installation serves, but nothing comes to mind. 

"Rindou, I am sorry," your whisper echoes inside the metal walls like an arrow. "I should have told you from the beginning."

"It's alright," he murmurs back instantly. It should be the other way around, you comforting him, but it is not.

"I just think I really, really, really love Ran, and that's why I couldn't tell you."

The confession sits heavy on both of you and the tension made of substantial marine ropes hangs around your necks. In the dark Rindou can’t see you, but he can imagine you playing with your fingers or biting your cheek. Too full of emotions and pregnant with spilled secrets. He knows you too well and you know him well too, so when he outstretches his arm and his hand falls into your, you both giggle. 

“Like I feel bad for not telling you, but I couldn’t help it. He is your brother. I was too shy to tell you. I still am.” 

"You aren't making any sense," he puffs, suddenly sounding a bit angry or maybe tired. Perhaps both. "One second you are declaring you love my brother, and then you say you are bashful about it. It doesn't make any sense." Your hold around his fingers tightens, and he throws his head back, leaning against the cold metal. It would be good to feel its bitter licks against his naked skin, to sober up, jolt back to you, away from his illusions and disappointments. But then, he thinks, even if you threw him into cold Antarctic waters, with your gentle hand in his, he could never be cold. That's why he softly adds, "And I've already told you. It's alright. No matter how I feel about it."

"And how do you feel about it, Rindou?" Instead of sounding bitter or disappointed or angry, you sound mellow and kind. You sound like everything you shouldn't. "I want to know."

When he speaks, it's not what you wanted to hear, but that's all he could say to you now. Or ever. "Ran is my brother, and if something happens, it's him I am going to choose. I want you to know that."

The last sentence is a regretful hum. Barely audible, but still evident. He clutches his eyes shut and holds his breath. What he said to you hurts him badly enough to have them closed forever and he supposes it’s painful for you too. He hopes it doesn’t hurt you as much as it does him. And he is glad it’s really dark in here so you can’t see his shattered heart. 

In an ideal world you’d run away from him or at least be angry. You really should be. He gave you all the reasons too. He desperately wishes for your fury so it eases his turmoils - so he can be mad at you too -  but it never comes. Instead, you fall in his arms and wrap your hands around his shoulders. You breathe him in and smile into his neck. This world, this version of you and him, and everything you are are too far from ideal.  He loves it too.  He loves you. 

“I know that. And I know that you know that it’s okay. I’ll never blame you for choosing Ran and I’ll never leave your side. It’s not even a choice, Rindou. He is literally your brother. Your other half and your only family.” 

“You feel like family too.” 

The walk back to their apartment is mostly silent. Hand in hand, you stroll through the dark alleys of Roppongi that you both know so well, each of you thinking about each other. But thoughts can’t hurt anymore. Not after that small significant moment in the kids playground. Rindou can’t exactly pinpoint what happened, but something did. Was it what you said? Was it what he said? Or perhaps it’s the hug or clasped hands that took the weight from his heart away and glued its torn pieces back together. 

And by the time you are actually inside the apartment, when everyone is already there and waiting for you, Rindou is calm and the part that constantly worried and kept him high on his toes is gone, he doesn’t even remember what it was like to live with it. It’s like he is another person, reborn and better. Still the same Rindou just maybe a tiny bit freer and the sparks in his eyes are shining with new light, new colour, not the absence of it. 

So, when you enter the apartment and you take your shoes off and Ran who meets you by the door notices blood stains on your white socks [a never ending battle between new shoes and dancers] and he scolds you for not telling him earlier that your feet hurt while scooping you away, Rindou doesn’t worry. Nor for your feet. Nor for the ease with which you follow his older brother to the bathroom. Instead, he joins Haruchiyo and Senju who are already there in the living room. Together, they sort out the food you got in the 7-Eleven. For the most part, it’s silent, the TV is off and the door to the bathroom remains open. Rindou can’t see you and neither can Haru or Senju, but they hear you just fine. They hear the water running down and how patiently Ran instructs you to put your feet with socks on in the warm water. He then explains you how they mother and later he himself used to do the same to Rindou when he was little and his new pair of shoes would hurt him so bad, blisters became bloody mess that stuck to fabric of his socks and unless you wanted little Rindou to scream and cry and tear the skin and meat off him, you’d need to soak his feet in the warm water. This way it won’t hurt at all and Ran, assures you, he never wants you to hurt at all. 

In the middle of this conversation Ran also points out that when Rindou was really small he always had socks with Super Mario print on them and if they were ruined for good, he would cry so hard, you’d think someone had died. To that Rindou rolls his eyes and Haru openly laughs, mouthing a silent really? And when Rindou nods, Haru laughs some more and shakes his head in pure amusement. If he or Senju catch on to something they don’t show it or maybe they knew all along, reading into sudden tenderness between you and Ran quicker than Rindou had. At this point, it’s all in the past. He doesn’t care. 

The indifference remains when Ran makes you take a shower and dresses you in his clothes. His brother stays the same and you despite looking too adorable in Ran’s old loose black t-shirt, too are the same you were before. You still bite your cheek and you still sit between Rindou and Haruchiyo, leaning your head against Haru’s shoulder. 

And yet, the stoic callousness Rindou has been experiencing through the whole evening, evaporates when Ran finds you sitting on the floor by the ceiling to floor window. The white letters that form actors and crew names flow inside the screen of their Panasonic Viera and the light in the room hasn’t been turned on yet. The boxes of instant ramen are left on the floor around the sofa and armchair. The air still smells like chicken and miso. Next to him Haru stretches in his place and yawns. Rindou is too exhausted - mentally and physically equally - but he doesn’t want to go to sleep yet. Today was different, but pleasant all the same. He doesn’t want this day to end. That’s why when Shion, who came along with Kakucho just after you were done with your shower, starts his usual post-movie banter about the hidden philosophy behind the story you just watched, Rindou happily joins, effortlessly lurking into the conversation. It’s then, in the middle of the heated argument that Rindou tries to justify his judging of the poor choice that the main character made in favour of her lover other than her career that he finally takes in consideration the vacant place to his left. He wanted to ask you what you think, what would’ve you done if you were to choose between your dream job and your boyfriend. 

But you aren’t beside him and Rindou hadn’t noticed when you disappeared or why. 

The confusion on his face must be evident because Kakucho who sits opposite him grins and with his chin points at something behind Rindou’s back. He doesn’t really need to turn his head and see for himself what’s going on. Kakucho’s happy mischievous eyes tell him all there’s to know. 

But he does turn and he does see you and Ran talking in low voices in front of the dark night and myriads of small lights of someone else’s lives. The whole room falls silent then and in this short pause Rindou remembers how you once told him that those windows are your favourite place to be in their apartment. 

It’s like you are alone in this wild wild world, but never lonely. Just how many people live in Tokyo. Isn’t it crazy we are part of them? Do you think they think about us too sometimes? 

You must be telling Ran exactly the same thing or something along those lines you shared with Rindou years ago. His eyes shift into two slits and he smiles at you. Softly. Fondly. Lovingly. His hand rises to your face, caressing it gently, thumbs ghosting over your jaw. The closing credits end and the TV blazes with white colour so bright it lights up the whole living room and bits of kitchen. But no one seems to care. Everyone watches Ran leaning into you and planting a kiss to your lips. It’s sweet and familiar. It holds something sacred that no one in the room even after witnessing it would understand. It’s beyond everyone. 

"You mean to tell me that when I asked for her number and Ran told me she’s seeing someone, that someone was him?" Fully confused, a cloud settles over Shion’s scrunched face. "What a fucking bastard. He should have just told me she was his."

At that, Kakucho laughs and shoves his elbow between Shion’s ribs, then winks at Rindou whose cheeks are now burning red. “Some things aren’t that easy to voice, Shi. Especially when it comes to love. It’s not like Ran would’ve come up to us for love advice. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Shion hums in agreement, still seemingly perplexed at the sudden revelation. It’s not clear whether he even understood Kakucho’s comment.

“And besides, you'd be a moron to think that Ran wasn’t seeing someone,” Kakucho adds, resting his head against the back of the love seat armchair. He closes his sly eyes and bites his lower lip to hide a smile.

“Why is that?” Shion asks, obviously believing that "the moron" comment was directed at him. He turns his head to the left, looking at Kakucho, who cracks his right eye open. The playful smirk is still on Kakucho's lips.

“Because when that little bimbo girl that Ran was going crazy about made a move on him in the club, he rejected her.”

“Which girl? When?” It's clear that Shion doesn't remember the incident, and neither do Rindou, Haruchiyo, or Senju. They all eagerly wait for Kakucho's explanation, but he remains silent.

The tease that he is, he only opens his mouth after finishing his can of Coca-Cola.

“I don’t remember her name, but I think it was written with the kanji for 'blue.' She kept mentioning it to Ran. Like, 'Don’t you think it’s pretty? Don’t you like it? You said you liked it before,'” it's evident that reminiscing about this is quite painful for Kakucho, and Rindou genuinely pities him. He hates Ran's fickleness. He hates Aoki Ogura even more, even if she was never one of the girls he slept with.

That it’s her Kakucho is  speaking about Rindou has no doubts whatsoever. 

“Oh, well. It’s not like Ran had ever liked a decent girl. They were always so fucking annoying. Remember the one that barged into the classroom for him to talk things out?” 

Down the memory lane they go, and Rindou barely listens to them anymore. There’s nothing new for him to hear. He too became a victim of Ran’s romantic encounters. [If you can call them as such, because besides sleeping once and never again, Ran and those girls had literally nothing going on]. 

“Our baby isn’t annoying,” eyes lidded from tiredness Haruchiyo whines, invisibly tugging Rindou by the hair out from his thoughts. Kakucho and Shion too turn at him, slight surprise on their face and Haruchiyo groans seemingly disturbed that he would need to elaborate. “My baby isn’t annoying or something. She is the best and Ran actually really really really likes her. So don’t say he never liked a decent girl, cause my baby is the best and Ran loves her very much.” 

The trip in Haruchiyo words is intentional and that’s how everyone knows he is being sincere. No one argues and Rindou pats his shoulder, agreeing. 

You are the very best. 

And, yes, his brother likes you a lot. Loves, even. 

xviii.

This January is awfully rainy and Haruchiyo thinks it fucking sucks. 

Not because of the dampness and the cold, but because he can’t light a cigarette outside on the campus and instead needs to smoke in the clamped smelly toilets. Observing the rain, he actually likes it since he’s been a little kid, from the circled window adds little to the pleasure of inhaling the fog into his lungs. 

At this point he might as well give up on smoking. 

In slow deliberate motions he pulls the pack out of his trousers and cracks it open counting the cigarettes. He places a bet that if it’s more than seven he won’t give up and if it’s less than that then maybe his smoker habit will end now. 

Eleven cigarettes look back at him and he smiles, kisses the pack and slips it back into the pocket. 

Today is his lucky day. 

“Knew I’d find you in here.” Across the bathroom scrawls a harsh slap of the door and Rindou barges in. His blonde hair disheveled and wet from the rain. He doesn’t need to tell him that he’s been outside a mere second ago. There’s a grave coldness from his damp coat and his heart. Haruchiyo squints his eyes and decides, almost certain, that you two haven’t talked yet. 

“I assume you haven’t talked yet,” as always straightforward Haruchiyo doesn’t wait for Rindou to bring up the topic. 

He dives in without a single pint of hesitation. He cocks his head and laughs when Rindou shakes his head an affirmative ‘no’. 

In between those two weeks you haven’t spoken with one another, it seems like nothing much really changed. When it comes to you Rindou still loses his ability to speak coherently. He still lowers his head down and looks at the floor. This time he also steals a cigarette from Haruchiyo’s “Hope”. The irony in seeing Rindou clutching to a literal hope in his hands would be funny, if this irony wasn’t a suffocating pool of your tears and sour expression.  

So he doesn’t laugh. Haruchiyo suffocates. 

For just a little while he needs to talk about something else and that’s why he recites to Rindou who now sits on the low windowsill about the bet he had earlier with the cigarettes. Any other day, they would laugh at it so hard and Rindou would tease him so badly, the back of their throats would hurt them from saying too much and talking too loudly. But not now. 

Now Rindou just cracks a smirk and crashes the cigarette between his fingers. The white paper snapping in two. 

Then, he is back to you. [Like always.]

“Is she alright?” Is all he asks. 

Any other day Haruchiyo would tease him, but not today. Not now when his best friend is grayer than the clouds outside in the sky. 

“Caught her crying yesterday while she was making us tonkatsu. Said she’s fine and it’s just onion.” 

“There wasn’t any onion?” 

“Bingo,” Haruchiyo puts the cigarette out, pressing its flame against the white wall. There’s quite a few fading black spots of the same size around the surface indicating he’s been here before. 

“I miss her,” the confession slips out of Rindou’s mouth effortlessly and easily, but the dead weight in his chest doesn’t lessen. It hurts all the same. “I can’t talk to her though. I mean I am totally on Ran’s side. How could she believe her out of all people? I swear if that little bitch told me she fucked Ran I would’ve never believer her.” 

And that’s a lie and they both know it. 

“She haven’t told her she fucked Ran. She’s been whispering about it with Misa when my baby was there practising. She made sure she heard that and then she added he called her little love while he was balls deep inside her. Of course it hurt. Fictional or not.” 

Rindou sighs, banging his head against the window, drops of rain chaotically sliding down. “No doubt, but Ran told me nothing of the sort happened. Besides, he hasn't seen Aoki in a while. Ran might be Ran, but this is not a thing he would do.” “Then, he should’ve explained himself properly,” Haruchiyo retorts, his smart eyes peering into Rindou. “One text and no visits screams to me as a lack of interest.” “He is just too prideful and it’s not like it’s easy on him too. All he does is sleep, eating and beating the shit out of me. Yesterday he snapped because I put soya sauce in the fridge and apparently you don’t store it there. There’s a cupboard for it,” the mocking comes out perfectly and Haruchiyo cracks a smile. He spots a light purple colour he hasn’t noticed before on Rindou's cheek and presses his lip into the thin line. Smile evaporating from his face. Again, it’s gloomy. “You know, Haru, I might try to talk to her on the day of the showcase. I am quite positive Ran might come around by then too. We can go celebrate it at Shabuan then. Yeah. That’s what we do.” Your showcase is five days from now and Haruchiyo doubts much will change and yet he hopes. And so he nods, gathers his things from the floor and hugging Rindou by the shoulders leads him to the dining hall. After smoking he is always hungry. 

Just a day before your grand performance Haruchiyo stops by your apartment and spends the night. 

All you do is talk and it’s light and enjoyable and for the first time this month his heart stings a pretty pain. And that’s why, desping knowing, it’s wrong and the time is not right [but when is it right?] he mentions that Rindou is coming tomorrow to see you. 

The brief glint of joy that lights up your eyes doesn’t escape him. But it’s there for a mere second and then you are you again. Without Rindou or Ran in your life. 

“Tell him to stay in the back then. He would distract me with his stupid face and I want everything to go smoothly tomorrow,” he knows you are only half joking and he makes a point to actually hold Rindou at the back. But then it won’t do any good, because you’ll stumble upon him in the crowd anyway. You two could never escape each other and Haruchiyo feels slightly jealous. Then, you add, in a whisper. “It might be my last year at the university after all.” 

It’s a slip up on your side because your eyes go wide and you stare at him and then hurriedly you sprint to the bathroom and stay there for seventeen minutes and when you come out you say you are going to sleep. Tomorrow is a big day after all. 

Patient and sweet, Haruchiyo nods and takes a step forward, lurching you into a big hug. He kisses the crown of your head and feels you tremble in his arms. You might think he is someone else, but he is not, and he leans back, looking at you with a genuine kind smile that screams at you you are home and whatever you do I’m right here. 

He knows he doesn’t need to say anything and yet he does. “Whatever you do or say it’s right to me. If you want to drop out then be it. If you want to switch majors or change universities be it. Mhm? Now, go rest and do your best tomorrow. I'll be right there and so will be Rin.” 

You nod at him and disappear to your bedroom. Back in time, you would always share the bed, but today there’s a pillow and a blanket on the sofa and it’s been almost three weeks since you’ve been with Ran and yet you still have his claim over you. 

Hands on his tummy Haruchiyo lies on your sofa. Green plant with wide leaves tickles his feet and he stands up to move it aside. He wonders if even one night Ran spent on his couch and he laughs to himself at this absurd thought. 

Of course not. Ran’s place is by your side. Body is made of muscles, flesh and skin, Haruchiyo thinks, blood and bones. Hair and nails. 

But not yours. 

Yours is made of Ran touches and his presence. His sweet words and loving stares. 

It probably eats you alive on the nights when he is not with you. On those days you are restless and tired and lonely and your body is burning and your mind is tortured. On those days you think, you think, you think and there’s no end to it. No salvation and no easiness. No ice pressed to the wound. Nothing. Just you and black absence of Ran and what he is. 

Today is such a day and it hurts you and Haruchiyo drowns in your pain as nothing more exists in your small apartment in Nippori. 

On the day of the showcase it’s snowing. The world is white and very beautiful. 

Despite it being awfully cold Haruchiyo is only wearing a thin leather jacket Senju got him for his eighteenth birthday years ago. It’s his favourite. Under it is a thick navy sweater. This too is a gift, but from you. A spontaneous one. You said to him you got it because it reminded you of him. How and why you associated it with him is a mystery. He never asked you. But he likes it no less than the leather jacket. 

He is wearing them both today. 

When Rindou comes in, cheeks red from cold and hair messy from running down the hall, he is afraid he missed your performance. 

“The road was so fucking slippery and Ran wasn’t home so I used my Kawasaki to get here,” Rindou explains in a hushed whisper. 

“Does Ran know today is the showcase day?” 

Before replying, Rindou rolls his eyes. The question is a bit stupid, Haruchiyo agrees. Ran knows everything about you. “Of course he does. And I told him about the dinner too, but he hasn’t said a thing back which is a good sign. He might actually come. I was hoping he would be here already, but I guess you haven’t seen him.” 

Haruchiyo shakes his head. He hasn’t seen Ran here and when he parked his own Kawasaki - a model just below Rindou’s -  he didn't see Ran’s car everywhere. Not that he looked specifically for it so it might be that he just hadn’t noticed it. 

The conversation between them is cut short, because you appear on the stage. There’s no music yet. Just a red draped curtain behind you and a circle of light in which you stand. All eyes are on you, but it seems like no one notices the slight shaking of your right hand that is raised in the air. Nor do they see your wobbly legs. 

The music plays and you start to dance. This time, unlike last year, you don’t have a costume on. It’s your usual practising attire that you wear. A leotard and shorts. And Haruchiyo wonders if it’s meant to be that way. He squints his eyes and tries to convey what your dance is about, but he can’t understand a thing. It confuses him because never before did that ever happen. 

Haruchiyo blinks and turns to Rindou. [He believes Rindou always understood you better. Which isn’t true at all. He just tries harder.]

“What the fuck is going on?” Is all he says. 

“She’s hurting. Physically. Something is hurting her, but… It’s her feet. Shit! Haru, we need to stop it. She’s hurting herself.” 

The broken clock inside Haruchiyo clicks and all the gears fall into their right place. For once he gets it. The strange outfit, the mannerism, the simplicity of it all and the absence of everything. The blood on your feet and wet stains you leave after yourself. 

In the second row someone is sick. The small girlish voice shouts something that couldn't be heard under the weight of your performance. No one can tear their eyes away from you and even Rindou who was so eager to help you stays frozen to the place. 

Cruelty and violence are always marvelling. It’s in their ugly beauty that people find themselves. 

It ends as quickly as it started. 

The girl from the second row marshes through the open door to the safety of the halls and Haruchiyo recognizes in her Aoki Ogura. He notices her crying red face, but does nothing to stop her. There’s guilt evident in her scared eyes and Haruchiyo hopes she suffocates in it. The last thing he hears from her is her throwing up somewhere down the corridor. He wonders if she’s embarrassed. For what she did to you and for the pool of acid that somebody will clear up for her lately. 

The light is on and the music is off when you take your dance shoes off and shake them in the air. The broken glass and razors waterfall to the floor and you smile widely. Almost insanely. Your mouth quivers as if you want to say something, but at last you don’t. You place your shoes soaked with blood in the middle of the stage and bow. Then you leave. Then Rindou takes off and latches himself onto the dean of the Univercity. His beige coat covers them both as he strikes the old man in the face. Once. Twice. Thrice. No one is stopping him. 

Everyone is still staring at your shoes. 

The night is dark and the snow is still falling when Haruchiyo finds you splayed out on the asphalt in the middle of the parking lot. 

For a mere moment he stops and he feels like the whole world stops too. It’s silent as he paints the image of you laying on the ground with a thin white veil hugging your body that reminds him too much of cerements. 

The image is sorrowful and it’s beautiful. Like you, this night and bloody snow. 

Your wounds are still open and bleeding. 

“What on Earth were you thinking?” As always Haruchiyo isn’t harsh or reprimanding you.

He isn’t Rindou to scold you for your stupidities and he isn’t Ran to worry about you more than he needs to just because you are you. Haruchiyo loves you in a special way where he doesn’t try much, but gives you everything anyway. 

“I just wanted them to see what I am,” you utter, cracking your eyes open. “Just wanted them to know I am enough. No glass or razors can stop me.” There’s something else you aren’t saying, but Haruchiyo knows what it is already. He kneels down to you and a smile on his face matches yours. Tired, but triumphant. 

“Art is a beautiful form of expression, isn’t it?” The question is rhetoric and he isn’t expecting you to answer him so he takes a deep breath and takes your hand in his. A mere reassurance and everything beyond it. “Now, let’s get you to the hospital. Gotta make sure you are okay.” ‘Thank you, Haru.” 

“Anytime, love.” The night is dark and beautiful and full of light that shines right through you and those you care about. 

Since early childhood Haruchiyo hated hospitals. 

He hated the lethargic smell, the richness of white colour everywhere and apologetic gazes of the stuff. Blunt himself he couldn’t stand the half-said truth and insincere apologies. He avoided hospitals like plague. And maybe if Rindou wasn’t so occupied with getting his anger out on the dean, he wouldn’t have taken you there himself, instead handing this task to Rindou. 

But here he is. An hour later with you submitted and Rindou in the emergency care getting his broken nose checked. Doctors said he might need a cast. Haruchiyo can barely picture Rindou with a white cast across his face, but he laughs nonetheless. He doubts it will cut the girls off Rindou though. The last time he got into a fight - on your behalf again - and had bruises all over his face, every single girl at university had fallen in love with him. Thus, if they weren’t in love with him before. 

Haitani curse. 

So, Haruchiyo really really really doubts the cast will scare anyone. 

More time passes and then Rindou joins him in the waiting area. Without cast, but with a plaster across his handsome face. Haruchiyo grins at the sight and Rindou elbows him between his ribs. Not hard. Playfully. 

All the anger gone from his being. 

As they wait for the news on your condition they stay silent. Each thinking of you, but probably in very different contexts. It’s only fair as you were never the same for them. Stagnancy and constancy were never your forte. You are the best at evolving, moving and… dancing. 

The doctor leads them both to your appointed room. He is a handsome male in his early thirties and he is very to the point when he says that you will be okay and that they cleaned your wounds and bandaged them and that you will need to do the same procedure for at least two weeks until you are fully healed. Some cuts were too deep, he mentions, if they weren’t it wouldn’t take so long. He mentions that you also needed stitches on your left sole, but it’s too nothing to worry about and you don’t need to get them taken off at the hospital, they will dissolve with time. 

He tells all that under three minutes that it takes him to guide boys to your room. He opens the door and hastily adds that today you will need to stay here, but tomorrow you can probably go home. Probably. If the blood that they drew from you is good and there’s no infections. 

The chances for that are low. Don’t worry. And with that he is gone. 

On the huge medical bed with both your bandaged feet poking out of the thick duvet you look almost comical. Haruchiyo wants to say just that, but notices how your eyes widen and mouth hangs open and then your arms are open, inviting Rindou for a hug. In his hold you cry. 

“I am so sorry,” you repeat again and again. 

It’s a loud mantra, a plea, and Haruchiyo isn’t that sure it’s intended solely to Rindou.

“You shouldn’t be. It’s okay. I am glad you are okay. I am so fucking glad you are fine.” But Rindou can’t peel himself off you and Haruchiyo understands why. He understands why your fingers are in his blonde hair and why your tears salten his cheek; why you can’t pull yourself away from his comfort.  

He doesn’t interrupt. He lets you soak in Rindou and lets Rindou enjoy the feeling of your warm skin. The sight is quite usual to him - you and Rindou, and Haruchiyo to have always been very touchy among each other - but there’s something new, something raw and therefore incredibly sincere between your bodies that attracts his attention. 

He feels like he is intruding so he turns away and walks to the window. The snow is still falling and the night is quite dark, but in the parking lot he can see Ran’s white Honda that stands proudly under the light of the streetlamp and his mouth stretches into a knowing smile. Haruchiyo closes his eyes thinking that what were the odds of your windows facing the fucking parking lot.

Life, it seems, is full of sweet coincidences and their outcomes.

“Honestly, I was half expecting my brother to get expelled at one point, but you, love? Never.” 

Ran’s voice is sweet with just a tinge of mocking to it. Only he can speak like that. Haruchiyo is a firm believer no one in the whole world can insult you and charm you at the same time as well as Ran can. 

And then it’s you and Haruchiyo doesn’t need to turn around and open his eyes to see how you slowly pull away from Rindou. How you close off for a second, eyes going wide as if you witnessed the most vile horror. How your lips tremble and how your whole body melts. How you pick yourself up and notice the soft gaze that Ran reserves only for those he loves. How he looks at you and no one else. 

How you understand once again what it means and how you fall into Ran again. How you love him and how he loves you. 

Love is yet a foreign concept to Haruchiyo and he hates hospitals, but he thinks he understands. 

He doesn’t need to see to feel it all. 

“I was dropping out anyway,” you confess. “What’s in the bag?” 

“Purin daifuku, those pizza chips, Pocky and soda.” 

“You didn’t bring anything for us?” If Rindou tries to hide the fact that he is a bit offended, he does it poorly. 

“No, I didn’t. You can’t stay here for the night anyway.” Ran says in his usual calm tone. Then he addresses you. “I asked if I could take you home today, but they told me we need to wait for the results till morning. Stupid if you’d ask me. But I’ll keep you company. You both can go now.” 

Under different circumstances Haruchiyo would have argued with Ran. Just for the sake of it. But right now, when he turns around and sees Ran sitting on your bed, his long hair down, head resting against yours as he holds both of your hands in his, all the words die in his throat. 

But not Rindou’s. His best friend seems agitated. “What do you mean? Why can’t we stay and you can?” “Only close family and such can stay with a patient overnight. If I were you I wouldn’t be worried about that, but about an ugly bruise that’s gonna appear on your face tomorrow. You better go home and apply that Kobayashi cream we have. Works like a miracle.” 

“Since when are you her close family?” Deliberately Rindou ignores Ran’s warnings, latching onto what he wants to know. “Okay. Let’s go, Rin.” Haruchiyo grabs Rindou by his elbow and pulls him towards the door. “We’ll see you both tomorrow.”

When Haruchiyo closes the door behind him he catches the last glimpse of you and Ran. For a split moment that will forever float between those walls of the patient room, he sees Ran leaning closer to you. He watches as his fingers brush across your jaw and your breath hitch. Ran smiles at you and his smile is so gentle, so loving, so comforting and reassuring. Haruchiyo understands why you were hurting so much when Ran wasn’t with you. He finally understands the longing. 

And yet, the smile is nothing compared to the way he looks at you. The pure raw affection he reserves just for you, that was never and will never be spent on anybody else, excludes Haruchiyo fastly and sharply. He is not needed there. No one is. 

He closes the door and sighs. Maybe hospitals aren't that awful after all. 

The thin paper doesn’t do much to prevent their asses from freezing. It was Rindou’s idea - a bad one - to lay down a thick layer of newspaper he spotted in the reception room on the parapet so they could sit on it and share a cigarette before deciding what to do next. Now it got all soggy from the snow and brought more wetness. It was like sitting in a dirty puddle. 

But the view from here was quite serene and a cigarette pleasantly burnt their throats so none of them moved. Before them was a highway and each passing car passed so fast from where they were it looked like it flew in the air. Their tires high in the sky, the lights guiding beacons. It reminded Haruchiyo of a sci-fi movie Takeomi once rented at a DVD store near their old flat. Title and plot of it was completely forgotten, but finding himself in a similar scenery brought back the unusual feeling of childish excitement. Something new was before them and Haruchiyo couldn’t wait for it. 

“Don’t you feel a bit sad?” Asked Rindou breaking the silence. 

Haruchiyo expected this question and even though he was thinking of the perfect answer for it for a while nothing right came to his head. Maybe there’s questions and problems that will never be solved and maybe that’s okay. Maybe not everything needs to be perfectly in order. 

“Don’t we always feel a bit sad?” The cigarette hanging loosely from his mouth Haruchiyo turned around and looked at his best friend. “Wouldn’t it be a boring plain world if we were happy all the time?” Rindou shrugs. Between the snowflakes and lights from the hospital windows he looks exceptionally beautiful. “I wouldn’t mind being happy all the time.”

“You only think so, Rin. And anyway it’s not like she’s gone. She’s still our best friend and will always be this. You were stupid to not talk to her. Now that you finally made up I can finally tell you that.” 

Haruchiyo laughs. His laugh is dry, but sincere. The bark he produces would suit a gangster way more than it suits him now, but maybe under the layer of time and all possible varieties that is our life somewhere out there he is one. 

Everything is possible and nothing is sure. 

“And don’t you think Ran always kinda liked her? I thought that it might be because she’s your best friend that he is attentive to her, but now that I am thinking about it I am not really sure.” 

Rindou takes off his fogged up glasses and reaches Haruchiyo to wipe them with the sweater you bought. He sighs. “Well, yeah. I mean Ran isn't a douchebag to other girls, but he was extra nice with her. I wonder when he understood it. She told me they spent a lot of time together during summer. So it probably happened then.”

“Probably.” Not that it matters now, Haruchiyo wants to add, but doesn’t. Instead, he asks. “What are you gonna do now that you got expelled?” 

“I am going to run a nightclub. Make my fucking dream come true. Ran said we have enough money to rent a decent place in Roppongi. In a couple of years if everything goes alright we can buy it and make it truly ours. What do you think she’s gonna do?” The wind blows south and snow stops falling. Everything seems still. Somewhere behind in the building is you and Ran. Probably talking or kissing. It doesn’t matter since you have each other. And Haruchiyo has Rindou. And to be honest, you are never truly alone. There’s always someone with you or within you. Present now or in the past. 

Wickedly Haruchiyo smiles and stands up from the parapet. His pants are thoroughly soaked, but he is warm. Despite everything, today is a good day. “Don’t you know? She’s gonna look out for the kid her and Ran made a couple of months ago.” Haruchiyo watches Rindou’s face fall and he laughs, licking his lips. “I am kidding. Or not really. Saw a test in her bathroom when I stayed over and she mentioned dropping out to me. Said she was sick of dancing. Don’t make such a face, Rin!” Haruchiyo laughs again and again and then Rindou laughs too. “We can think about this in the morning… Now don’t you want to eat something? I am fucking starving.” “Ramen or soba?” “Soba.” “Well, soba it is then. Let’s go.” Their motorcycles roar a long time after they are gone, but the smell of youth they carried never fades away. 

It stays forever. 

#haitani brothers #haitani x reader #haitani ran imagines #ran haitani #ran haitani x y/n #ran haitani x reader #ran haitani scenarios #ran scenarios #ran fluff #ran #tokyo rev x you #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo rev smut #ran smut #rindou haitani #ran x reader #tokyorev x reader #tokyo revengers x reader

[venoti]

Hallo! Not sure request is open but if so could i request for headcannon with Izuru Kamukura, Korekiyo Shinguji, Wolfgang Akire, and Damon Maitsu, (separately) with a gender neutral S/O that likes to randomly hug them from behind and also like to follow them around. How do they react and how does the participate/the people close by react to that? Love your writing especially izuru one!! Hope you have a nice day

Yes requests are open!! And your my first ♡ thank you for the compliment!

Love Bug

Head-cannons

Fluff and little cursing.

Characters: Izuru, korekiyo, Wolfgang, and Damon.

Summary: A s/o who likes to give random behind hugs and follows them. The reaction from the character and the people around.

Izuru kamakura, ultimate talents. You being his s/o was already the deal. neither was it unlikely.

But it was very know he wasn’t huge on pda, he could deal with it, but wasn’t a fan. Especially how easily he can predict it. Feeling your weight lay on his back in a hug was..actually surprising.

Who would even care to do such a thing..? He didn’t understand the affection as it started to happen more.

He could take his own time to stroll with you at the park. Waiting as you tied your shoe you weren’t you suddenly jumped on him as a hug, he just stayed silent before picking your legs up just carrying you around.

He believes that was the hint of you stopping him, instead of just asking.

You tried to say something but stayed silent, as it was funny. You still continued although. if your lucky he could even slightly embrace you back, lightly.

But he didn’t even find that the most odd, it was always finding your foot steps behind him. He noticed you liked to follow him, stay by him. And he couldn’t be mad.

He asked silly questions of why? You just always responded with I want too. And he accepted it.

How could he not? You were most acceptable out of everyone. Seeing you behind never affected him, neither was it boring. If anything he slowed down to be by your side.

But yet junko watched it in a grin, a soft kamakura? As if! Well she thought..

It wasn’t even on purpose, she could randomly see your pda moments and your following. She could laugh in spite but still stayed.

She saw no bother from izuru, was hella surprised! What the hell? But all she thought was the despair she could bring out of him using you..

Of course he didn’t allow, she tried. Didn’t end so well for her..

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

Korekiyo Shinguji, the ultimate anthropologist. Loved you..no no. He adored you very much.

He enjoyed signs of pda, he wasn’t very open on it though. He loved playing with your hair, face, and tenderly with your hands. Being given affection wasn’t so often. He just doesn’t expect it.

Feeling your sudden hug from behind made him lightly gasp. He was a tsudere towards your affection, it left him lightly confused. He just stayed still before feeling your touch left.

It was like a sudden weight picked up, seeing you treat him the same made him bloom. But his eyes just stayed surprised. You tried to ask but he just shook it off.

He didn’t understand your side of affection, at most he would just pat your head in response. It was easy to say he doesn’t get that much attention often.

Another time he waited for you near his room, he knew you were there once he felt your touch go around his waist in a laugh. He just did a small tilt with his head before continuing.

You liked to spend your time following him, and he noticed pretty soon especially by how much he observed.

Y/n...They are right behind me..again.

He would try to ask why, but kept silent if it were to ever stopped. He enjoyed it, it gave him comfort to know you followed right behind him. It was less to worry, and you were easy to look at in awe.

But it wasn’t unnoticeable. Miu, she called it out so quick. No, she gasped in shock and fell on the ground of sorrow. How did he get to date before her?Were these boobs meant for nothing!!

Tsumugi took the relationship close to her eye, suspecting it from the start. It was a easy laugh. And maybe a better out come to use of. Just keep an eye on her..

Kokichi was a little shit. Always something to say, ALWAYS. He would make comments, try and to you private, he just looks for the worst.

Shuichi didn’t mind? He was gaped, but it wasn’t so bad. And it made it easier to talk to korekiyo since you were there..he was a little scary. Very scary

Kaito spoke loud, and should be a little less proud. He would try and say something but it would just end in him getting backwashed. Poor guy..

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

Wolfgang Akire, Ultimate Lawyer. He was such a gentleman, very respectful in every aspect.

He didn’t have a huge response on pda, especially as a lawyer. He took a lot of time in his career, so it was limited.

Feeling your behind hug almost made him jump, but he didn’t mind it. He just quickly turned to you as you said a small sorry. It left him speechless. But he spoke once again reflecting the fact he doesn’t mind.

But he took it into consideration. We’re you shy? Or did you just want too.. but he kept it simple either way. He didn’t have a idea of affection till it started happening more.

It was once again you wrapped around his waist from behind. He was a unnoticeable tsudere, he would get slightly shy but easily cover it up in small talk.

Where did you even come from? He was only minding his business in a empty room. He didn’t even hear the door open! But it left him stunned.

He walks around the talking walls, a not so familiar place. Forced to be in such aroma.

“What is this?”

Oh. And there is y/n too.

But no matter how busy his hands get, he noticed your trail right behind. He asked if anything was a bother but you just simply wanted too.

Or he came to that conclusion. Instead being alarmed he took it into his own hands, he used the time to spend with you. He would get slightly awoken but just spoke humble.

It was something noticeable around the people.

Damon wasn’t alarmed but he was definitely surprised. He would say something even as he didn’t care. He just kept it aside till needed. In slight shock

Toshiko was the ultimate matchmaker, she knew! Just seeing the aroma between you too was already in bliss to her mind by now. Seeing you hug him by accident? It just proved her even more.

Grace..just Grace. She was the loudest one. First to say something in no regard! she was very awkward with it.. she meant no harm but wow, everyone knew now.

Eva didn’t expect it, although she felt suspicious between you both she didn’t come to the conclusion. So seeing the relationship was surprising but didn’t leave a mark. She hummed in response and left it till needed.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

Damon maitsu, Ultimate debater. He can be a Asshole. But he was your pain in the butt.

He wasn’t against pda, he just didn’t do it openly. He can be loving closed door but in the open he was silent about it. So you took matters in your own hands.

When you grabbed around him in a behind hug, he was definitely stunned. And slightly dense. He waited till you let go to say something. But he just tilt his head.

It was really not that bad? He didn’t mind it, if anything he enjoyed it. Still sometimes embarrassed. For instance, it was after a tournament. He swear he just saw you, so he looked in the area you were just at.

Till suddenly you wrapped behind him in a laugh, he knew it was you, but be lucky he didn’t just push you away instantly.

He felt as if it was suspicious, no actually he knew you were following him. And he asked, but he didn’t get a response. You just shrugged and smiled.

And you know what? Good enough for him. He let you stay by his side and explore the area with him. He didn’t expect to enjoy your company really, he was used to being alone.

But honestly, he just wasn’t the person you’d even expect in a relationship! He had a ego, (well deserved), and puts all work into debating. So something a lot new was a forced experience. (He enjoys it)

Kai was surprised, especially for his first meet with Damon. He only got the expression that he was rude, so seeing him practically the opposite, ouch! He probably asked too many questions..

Wolfgang took the time to ask for about the relationship since he noticed. He didn’t get a warning answer from Damon but you talked I’m little parts. He just nodded and left it at that. Obviously Damon wouldn’t want to be bugged.

(Same as Wolfgang for the rest)

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

Sorry this took so long to make! I feel like I put too much effort some times.. I’ll try and make quicker posts (hopefully)

Was this bad? I did have a bit of trouble with korekiyo tbh I don’t have a clear image of a personality/reaction for him.

#x reader #dangonronpa #danganronpa x reader #gender nuetral reader #izuru kamakura x reader #izuru kamukura #korekiyo x reader #damon maitsu #wolfgang #wolfgang akire #project edens garden #edensgardenxreader

[a-forbidden-detective]

Karaoke love

This is written for @flashfictionfridayofficial with the prompt #FFF238 Take my hand and for @fluffbruary February 2 prompt : engagement | scent | jam

—

Beware of manga spoilers for the latest chapter. This is exactly 1000 words. I was totally into it at the end. I hope the ending makes sense. Heh!

Toto takes a shot from his whiskey glass, easing himself up. It’s his turn to sing. The screen monitor shows the song that he’s chosen awhile back. The truth is his singing is only confined to the four corners of the flat and his shower cabin in Asakusa.

Ron mentioned once that his love for singing in the shower is one of the rare times when Toto lets himself go apart from his innate resoluteness. But come to think of it, Ron didn’t say much about the quality of his singing voice, Toto has only been just self-conscious ever since that incident that he never sings anymore whenever he stays at Ron’s apartment.

Who suggested going to the karaoke bar anyway? Ah, it was Kawasemi-san. Today is the last day that he’s going to be in town and coincidentally his birthday that for all intents and purposes, Dr. Mofu asked him what else he wanted to do in Tokyo before going back to Aichi.

They rent a private room at the Karaoke Kan in Shibuya. The shop became famous when it was featured in a Western film in the early 2000s about two Americans, who found each other amidst the backdrop very alien to them: from food to cultural references. The premises have become a Mecca for tourists.

The whole gang is here. Amamiya, who tags along these days, and Dr. Mofu didn’t have the time when they went to Kamakura for sightseeing two days ago. So, they made sure that they were present this time around before sending Kawasemi-kun back to Nagoya. The only one who’s missing is Spitz, who cannot leave London at the moment and is disgruntled with a dash of envy in his body when he finds out their plans.

“Ack, Tototo! I am going to miss your performance. Ron-kun says that he has a rock ‘n’ roll singer living in his house.” Toto laughed when he heard this.

Should Toto stand up?

An arm gathers around him, as if grounding him. While the hand holds his shoulder, firm and yet tender. Toto turns to his left; Ron’s blue eyes confront him. Relax.

“Y-yeah…” Toto has calmed down a bit.

The first notes of a raunchy electric guitar surge, he poses to belt out the text that flashes on the screen.

“I'm an alligator/ I'm a mama-papa comin' for you / I'm the space invader / I'll be a rock 'n' rollin' bitch for you / Keep your mouth shut … Keep your 'lectric eye on me, babe … Press your space face close to mine, love / Freak out in a moonage daydream, oh yeah!”

His friends are fired up, hooting at the way Toto playfully sings a David Bowie song. Chikori-kun’s admiration skyrockets to 200 per cent. Her eyes scream of glowing stars. Kawasemi kun sings along. He knows it by heart and has been a Bowie fan. He’s so glad that Toto made a little research about him. Dr. Mofu’s face breaks into a giggle as she stops conversing with Amamiya, who cannot stop smiling. Toto, gyrating before her very eyes, has transformed into another person. And Ron? He’s looking at Toto with his hungry eyes, his hands won’t stop rubbing his thighs clothed in loose jeans. He then places his right hand into his pocket and reaches for a small box inside, feeling glad that he hasn’t lost the engagement ring.

You deserve all the good things in the world, Toto!

As the Tokyo police officer hits the end notes, Toto bows to the delight of his friends clapping and whistling on his way.

“Thank you so much!”

Ron hands him a glass of water and half-hugs him when he’s already seated.

“You did well, Toto!”

Toto mouths his thanks as he downs another glass when the next song starts to play. Chikori kun can’t stop herself from gushing when he notices that Ron stands up.

Oh, he’s next. Toto is darn curious now. He knows that Ron can sing really well as expected of him.

“Wise men say / Only fools rush in / But I can't help falling in love with you / Shall I stay? / Would it be a sin / If I can't help falling in love with you?”

All of a sudden, the whole room turns quiet. No one claps, nor whistles. As if a magician does his trick enchanting the audience. Everyone is glued watching Ron does his interpretation of a popular Elvis Presley song.

Toto is fastened on his seat, mouth agape. Ron is looking at him, his intentions are clear. His heart beats faster, aware of his surroundings and the four sets of eyes that are focused on them.

“Take my hand / Take my whole life, too / For I can't help falling in love with you…”

Ron sits next to Toto and seizes his hand. He begins to speak.

“I am glad that our friends are here to give me support and witness the promise I will say here today. Too bad that Spitz isn’t around but he already knows my plans.”

Toto’s face is red now not because of the alcohol but specifically because of Ron, who is in front of him, who is now removing an object from his pocket.

“Toto, I know that it is all so sudden. But, after all the things that happened between us, I believe that there is an understanding that we can’t live without each other and instead prepare to die together if we are faced with a choice, are you willing to be my partner for life? Will you marry me?”

Toto’s mouth quiver, why hasn’t he never thought that this day will come? Ah, that’s why he can never be as good as Ron when it comes to sleuthing.

He then grabs Ron’s face and in front of everyone kisses Ron, his fiancé. Without remorse nor embarrassment while their friends say their congratulations.

“Yes!”

~ fin ~

#kamonohashi ron no kindan suiri #ron kamonohashi #totomaru isshiki #ron et toto #rontoto #rkdd fanfics #rkdd fanfic idea #my fanfic stuff #flashfictionfriday #flash fiction #flash fiction friday #fluffbruary #fluffbruary 2024 #fff238 #take my hand and take my whole life too! #take my hand #engagement #the whole gang #is here but spitz

[another-anonymous-sideblog]

How bout a classic sharing a bed set up for a komahina drabble?

This was so much fun to do! It's been a while since I wrote something like this, and was a nice, relaxing thing for a rainy day. Thank you for the request, I hope you like it!!

-

Before Kamakura, Hajime had never been a light sleeper. Now, though, between his minimal need for sleep and the trauma left over from the failed Neo World Program, the slightest hint of something off during the night has his eyes snapping open and the haze of sleep melting away instantly. 

Like tonight. His eyes open at exactly three in the morning, whatever dream he may have been having already forgotten. He stares up at his dark ceiling for a few seconds, already on alert, trying to figure out what woke him.

A soft wooden squeak outside makes him sit up in bed, looking towards the door. He knows there’s no danger—the island has been safe for as long as they’ve been on it, the killing game is over, they’re all okay—but it’s still enough to make him slip out of bed and walk to the door, enough to make him crack it open and peer outside.

He’s not sure what he was expecting; a bird, perhaps, or a very lost squirrel. He wasn’t expecting to see Komaeda, looking almost like a ghost in the moonlight with his pale skin and hair, and the way he’s slowly, almost dreamily walking up and down the boardwalk. His steps are light as always; it was the slightly loose board right in front of Hajime’s cottage that squeaked when he walked on it that gave him any sort of corporeal visage at all. 

He’s facing away when Hajime steps onto the boardwalk, wandering with slow, measured steps towards the girls’ side. He gets about two cottages down before turning around and walking back again, staring straight ahead of him with heavy-lidded eyes.

It’s creepy, Hajime won’t deny that. Still, he steps into Komaeda’s line of sight just before he reaches his cottage, and Komaeda drifts to a halt. His eyes are out of focus, and for a moment Hajime wonders if he’s sleepwalking. But then he blinks, and his eyebrows draw together slightly.

“Hinata-kun?”

“Hey,” Hajime says softly, taking a cautious step towards him, then another when he doesn’t shy away. “What are you doing out here?”

Komaeda frowns a little, bringing a hand up to sleepily rub his fist against his eye.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he mumbles. Hajime raises an eyebrow.

“Really? Seems like you’re practically there already.”

Komaeda doesn’t answer, but Hajime sees him cast his gaze downwards. The night is cool, enough to rouse Hajime further, and as he watches, he sees Komaeda subtly dig his nails into his hand, like he’s trying to wake himself up.

And suddenly, he realizes what’s going on. He holds back a sigh—not out of exasperation, but sympathy.

“Let’s get you back to bed.”

However, Komaeda is more awake than he looks, because as Hajime reaches out to take his thin wrist in his hand, he quickly pulls back and folds his arms over himself. Hajime pauses, taking in his body language, the flash of fear in his eyes.

“I’m fine, Hinata-kun,” he says, and his voice is tighter but he still looks exhausted. “Please, don’t worry about someone like me.”

It seems to be the most self-deprecation he can muster, which should be a good thing, but it gives Hajime a better idea of how tired he is, and that just makes him more concerned. 

He glances behind him towards Komaeda’s cabin near the end of the row, then back to Komaeda, hugging himself and staring at the ground. After a moment’s thought, he reaches for him again, slower this time, and touches his upper arm.

“Come with me, okay?”

It’s another sign of Komaeda’s exhaustion, how easily he follows Hajime back into his own cottage. The blankets are rumpled from when he woke up, but he turns them down and steps aside, gesturing for Komaeda to lay down.

He’s met with an almost horrified look.

“Hinata-kun—”

“It’s non-negotiable,” Hajime says firmly. “Go on.”

Komaeda is normally capable of a level of stubbornness fit for a vengeful god, but after a few moments of a silent standoff, he seems to deflate a little. Hajime watches with equal satisfaction and worry as he climbs into bed, looking a little uncomfortable as he slowly lays down and lets Hajime drape his blankets up to his chin.

“Where will you sleep?”

Hajime pauses, hands still brushing the blankets. He…hadn’t actually thought of that. The sight of Komaeda wandering, wraith-like, up and down the boardwalk left no room for thoughts of what he would do, past getting him back to bed, warm and safe.

“I could sleep in your cottage—if that’s okay with you, of course,” he says, then immediately kicking himself mentally for suggesting something like that. Komaeda doesn’t react, though, past staring at him with a look Hajime can’t quite read with those big, grey eyes. 

“I wouldn’t—I don’t have to use your bed,” he hurries on, “I could grab a futon from storage or something. Actually I could sleep there, if you don’t want me in your cottage—sorry, I don’t know why I—”

“Stay.”

Hajime’s words die on his tongue. Komaeda isn’t looking at him anymore, staring down at the blankets, but he looks up through pale lashes in a way that makes Hajime’s breath catch in his throat.

“Please.”

He stares at Komaeda for a long few seconds, the silence in the cabin thick and heavy. Then, he nods, slow and hesitant, because Komaeda never asks for anything, but Hajime knows in this moment, with the moonlight reflecting off his eyes and softening the sharp edges of his face, he would give him everything.

“Okay.”

He’s about to say that he’ll be right back, it won’t take him long to get a futon, but Komaeda shuffles over to the side of the mattress, leaving a clear space beside him. Hajime’s eyes widen, but when Komaeda looks up again with a nervous, almost pleading expression, he finds himself shuffling towards the bed almost unconsciously, climbing in beside him.

The mattress isn’t meant for two fully grown men, and Hajime’s shoulder is almost entirely sticking off the side as he attempts to keep as big a distance between them as possible. The last thing he wants to do is make Komaeda uncomfortable, especially in this state, and he already knows he’s going to wake up with cricks in his back and neck with how stiffly he’s laying, on high alert and aware of every single one of Komaeda’s movements.

Which is why, when his breathing gets tight and he starts to tremble, Hajime immediately forgets all of his discomfort and turns towards him. Komaeda is laying on his back, eyes wide as he stares at the ceiling, but his hands are clamped over his mouth and tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Hey, hey,” Hajime murmurs, sitting up and hesitantly laying a hand on Komaeda’s shoulder. He’s shaking like a leaf, but he doesn’t pull away, doesn’t even close his eyes as more tears spill over and coat his fingers.

“Komaeda,” Hajime tries again, and this time he squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head vigorously. Hajime carefully takes his wrist and gently pulls one hand away from his face, then the other. He holds them in his own, and Komaeda immediately starts to squeeze, hard enough that Hajime has to hold back a wince.

“Okay,” he says softly, trying to keep his voice calm and level, “okay, take some deep breaths for me. Come on, in and out.”

Komaeda is still shaking, still crying, but Hajime sees his chest rise and fall as he mimics his deep breaths. Eventually, his death grip on Hajime’s hands loosens, and he exhales slowly through salt-coated lips.

Hajime carefully places Komaeda’s hands down on his chest, sitting back a little to give him some space. It’s only then that he notices, in the thin slice of moonlight that shines through the slight part in the curtains, the angry red ring around Komaeda’s neck—as if he’d had his hands wrapped around his own throat in his sleep.

It sends a jolt through him, a sharp knife through his chest leaks a sickening feeling into his veins. Without thinking, he grabs Komaeda’s hands again, squeezing them tightly as if to ground himself this time.

Komaeda looks up at him through watery eyes, and Hajime feels his fingers twitch in his grasp. He swallows, and without breaking Komaeda’s gaze, lifts his hands to his lips.

The kiss he places against his knuckles is brief and chaste, but Komaeda’s breath hitches all the same. It trembles on the exhale, and he slowly unfolds one of his hands, the whirring of his prosthetic fingers almost deafening in the silence of the cottage. He cups Hajime’s face, touch light and tremulous, like he’s trying to figure out if he’s really there.

Hajime lies down beside him then, not breaking his gaze. Their hands end up folded between their faces, and Hajime can feel Komaeda’s soft breaths puffing against his fingers. Unable to resist, he presses his lips to Komaeda’s hand once more, and he notices that they’re not shaking quite as much as they were before. 

He’s never shared a bed with someone before, but the weight of Komaeda beside him is strangely comforting. He can hear his breathing, can feel the warmth of his skin under the blankets, and as Komaeda hesitantly reaches out, it’s easy for Hajime to pull him close, holding him with protective arms against his chest. Komaeda tucks his head under Hajime’s chin, and his hair tickles his face but Hajime presses his lips to the top of his head nonetheless. 

It’s a cool night outside. There are crickets and cicadas, and somewhere in the distance, waves lap against the soft white sand. But Hajime hears none of it, in this little bubble under the blankets, with Komaeda tucked against his body and his breathing falling into a slow, even rhythm.

#komahina #req #komahina fanfic

[girlystories]

★ – request info

⋆¸*ೃ fandoms:

IT(2017)

Bower's gang: henry bowers, vic criss, patrick hockstetter, belch huggings, (all).

NINJAGO

The ninja: kai, nya, cole, jay, zane, lloyd.

Villains: morro, lord garmadon

Other: pixal, skyler. (for now)

DANGANRONPA

Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc: makoto naegi, kyoko kirigiri, byakuya togami, toko fukawa/genocide jill, aoi asahina, yasuhiro hagakure, sayaka maizono, leon kuwata, chihiro fujisaki, mondo owada, kiyotaka ishimaru, celestia ludenberg, sakura ogami, junko enoshima, mukuro ikusaba.

Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Dispair: hajime hinata/izuru kamakura, chiaki nanami, nagito komaeda, fuyuhiko kuzuryu, akane owari, sonia nevermind, kazuichi soda, mahiru koizumi, peko pekoyama, ibuki mioda, hiyoko saionji, mikan tsumiki, nekomaru nidai, gundham tanaka.

Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony: shuichi saihara, kaede akamatsu, k1-b0(kiibo), maki harukawa, himiko yumeno, rantaro amami, ryoma hoshi, kirumi tojo, tenko chabashira, korekiyo shinguji, miu iruma, gonta gokuhara, kokichi ouma, kaito momota, tsumugi shirogane.

Other: komaru naegi, yuta asahina, natsumi kuzuryu, sato, kyosuke munakata, chisa yukizome, ryota mitarai, seiko kimura, sonosuke izayoi, koichi kizakura, ruruka ando, juzo sakakura.

NARUTO/SHIPPUDEN

Under 18: uzumaki naruto, haruno sakura, uchiha sasuke, nara shikamaru, ino yamanaka, choji akimichi, kiba inuzuka, shino aburame, hinata hyuga, neji hyuga, rock lee, tenten, gaara, kankuro, temari.

Over 18: kakashi hatake, (more).

Akatsuki: deidara, hidan, itachi uchiha, kazuku, konan, nagato, sasori, tobi/obito uchiha.

Other: shuigetsu hozuki, karin, jugo.

VOLTAIRE HIGH/MIXTE(1963)

joseph descamps, jean-pierre magnan, alain laubrac, henri pichon, +more (just request)

⋆¸*ೃ what i do/don't write:

when giving me requests please be specific, it really helps me create a scenario or write a fic overall.

unless you specify what you are asking for, i will write it as a oneshot or series or even headcanons when i want.

i dont write smut (yet). maybe i will later, but as of now no.

©ssnowville ©snowville

#fandom list #character list #ninjago #it 2017 #danganronpa #reqs open #taking commisions #commission info #naruto #naruto shippuden

[blossomxlush]

Sympathy

Problem child (Part 1/3)

This font is you/Ana speaking (And the scientists speaking but it's labeled better)

this font is izuru speaking

Btw I will use the name Ana but you can replace it with your name if you would like

Reminder your ideal/main look is this

WARNING THERE IS GORE AND VIOLENCE

------------------------------------------------------

"Im bored" said the little girl with white hair as one of the scientists entered the room

"Well there about to be show casing a new experiment.. Would you like to come watch?" said the tall lady in front of her"

"Am I aloud too?" the little girl asked looking up at the lady in front of her and she hugged onto her stuffed toy

"As long as u don't go running off" the scientist explained As she reached her hand out to the little girl

The only reason why the scientists were obligated to be kind to her as much as possible is because it's very dangerous when the 12 year old girl who seamed innocent and soft, got upset it was very messy

The little girl took the scientists hand as she led her out of the room and towards a crowd of people surrounding a room with a pod in it

.. the same pod the little girl was in so much it was ingrained in her memory having to go through the horrible experiments and then pretend nothing happened... but she knew there was a chance she would be killed if she got to out of hand after all she was born with a gift not given one so they don't lose much from ending her expect for the money wasted on experimenting on her.. and of course the fact they want to train her and see how strong she can become.

She snapped out of her thoughts once she was brought to the front of the glass being able to watch what happened as the pod opened.

she did not care about anything the scientists said she didn't listen or catch anything they were talking about expect for one thing

"Izuru Kamakura" the little girl mumbled to herself

"That's who this person is" she suddenly felt something that she hasn't felt in a while...

but what is it?

Is it Curiosity perhaps...? sort of but not really she didn't know the name of it but all she knew was that she wanted to learn more about this person or rather a fact she wanted to speak to him.. But she also for some reason felt bad for this experiment

~~A couple days later~~

After another experiment She was escorted back to her room with bruises, cuts, and bandages all over her..

~Flashback~

"Reminder before this persiger Starts please do not harm your handler" yelled the man over the speakers

~End of flashback~

So much for that

"Hey... mikan" Asked the little girl

"Yes Ana" Said the scientist

"Am I aloud to learn about other experiments... or speak to them.. " Asked Ana

"Oh I'm not sure if your aloud to speak to them because some are quite hostile..But I can tell you about some of them" Mikan replied smiling

"Tell me about izuru Kamakura" Said the little girl with an emotionless look on her face

"O-oh I'm sorry I'm not aloud to talk to you about him and he is far to dangerous for you to see"

... The little girl just stared giving the Woman a death stare

"Then leave" The little girl Demanded

"Yes!" The scientist obeyed immediately to avoid upsetting the girl

"We need to do something about this.. she might keep asking and if we keep telling her no she might get upset" Mikan explained to the head scientists in other words the ones who helped create Izuru

"Well I'm afraid the only thing we can do is keep her away from him meaning don't give her the chance to get near him and Just lie to her" Scientist 1 said

"Agreed shes just a kid, she's to stupid to not believe you" Scientist 2 added

"If she finds out she will be upset" Said mikan

"If she gets upset then we will just lock her in the pod Until she calms down" Scientist 3 muttered almost as if they thought ana could hear them

"Are you sure we shouldn't just let her see him and let izuru know He will face consequences if he hurts her" Said scientist 4

"You know it's still not safe" Replied scientist 1

~~Ana's POV~~

As I escaped my cell Quite easily actually they never really thought about the fact I can teleport but.. not really that far yet I made my way towards the other cells making sure nobody saw me but I knew I needed someones eye to get into izurus room... I would just break it down.. But I must be quiet

I appeared behind a guard that was alone

"Ana! you shouldn't be out of your cell" Said the gaurd

"I know" The little girl smiled sweetly

"I just need a favor"

"And what is that said the guard" Attempting to keep her happy and not throw a fit

"Hold still" She said before plunging a knife into his Neck slicing it open

As he fell to the ground the little girl climbed over him Ripping his left eye out and taking it with her

~~Mikans POV~~

I walked up to the door of Ana's cell I still feel a bit bad for not being able to tell her but maybe food will cheer her up

I opened the door "Ana I brought some food for you" Mikan said as she smiled

"Ana..? "

Mikan looked around to find out

Ana was gone

"Oh no.. I have to tell the guards"

~~Izuru's POV~~

Boring

everything here is boring they created me just to lock me in a dark empty room

I was surrounded by my own thoughts

Nothing but darkness and my own boring thoughts

I heard foot steps outside my door but they were small

almost like a childs.

~~Ana's POV~~

I made it to his door And put the eye up to the Scanner... But it didn't work

"I must have killed the wrong guard" She mumbled to herself

Here goes nothing

She dropped the eye the put her bloody hands together Forming a pinkish orb as she blasted it at the metal door making a loud bang but knocking it down

~~Izuru's POV~~

"What the hell.. "

Izuru muttered to himself as he saw a small girl with long white hair, red eyes, and a pink and white dress along with two Pink bows in her hair walk in the room But what caught his attention most were her bloody hands

"Your izuru kamakura.. Correct" The little girl in front of him smiled

"Yes that is correct and who might you be?"

"I'm Ana" The girl responded

.. "how did you get in here.. the scientist's told you I'm dangerous.. didn't they? "

"I did... take a guards eye but.. it didn't work so I broke the door down with my gift.." Ana said innocently ignoring the second question

".. That explains your bloody hands "

".. But what do you mean by gift?.. is that why your here"

The little girl seemed a bit anxious and a bit down after hearing the question but she didn't want to get upset.. not right now

"I was born with a gift.. a gift that let's me levitate things, it let's me morph toys and people, it let's me teleport, and it even let's me Shoot Pink orbs out of my hands that are strong enough to break things" She Said smiling but then kind of frowned before continuing

"But... my parents didn't like that they said I had to be normal because they were scared of me... but I couldn't do it.. they said I was a monster.. so they sent me here.. "

"But all they do it hurt me and try to make me stronger but it doesn't help.. "

Izuru could see the sad look on her face and he couldn't help but feel a bit sympathetic for the girl considering he was just used as a lab rat and he was also treated like a monster

he reached his arms out to her

"Come here"

The little girl walked towards him as the taller male lifted her Into his lap hugging her

"You got treated like a monster to didn't you..? " the little girl asked softly

"Your correct about that as well"

the girl placed her hand on his head as if she was patting him on the head

"I finally understand this feeling now" She said out loud

"What do you mean?"

"When I saw you for the first time coming out of that pod you seemed upset to even be there And I learned about why you were created from the book I stole from one of the main scientists"

"... And I couldn't help but get this unknown feeling it wouldn't go away and I realized that, the feeling got stronger once I heard you got treated badly as well...And so I now know the feeling"

"hm... What is it then" The boy asked

"Sympathy"

-------------------------------------------------------

AAAA okay i know this is late and izuru got barley any dialogue But I swear next part will be better -Cloudi

#danganronpa #danganronpa x reader #izuru x reader #izuru kamukura x reader #animecore #modhiyoko shorts #izuru kamakura #modhiyoko thoughts #izuru kamukura #The child

[ga-yuu]

Yoichi and Shigehira sequel cute moments Part 9 (Shigehira route)

Shigehira: "Hey, Yoshino-san...did you know, the one who changes me strangely is you."

Yoshino: *blushing*

Shigehira (smiling): "Thank you..."

Yoshino (blushing):" Thank you for believing in me."

Shigehira (also blushing): "Mm."

Shigehira (blushing): "It feels strange....when we thank each other."

Yoshino (blushing): "It's entirely your fault. You give me courage."

Shigehira (blushing even more): "Oh yeah...?"

Touching the contours of her face.

Shigehira: "Because you smile like that...."

Yoshino: "What do you mean?"

Shigehira: "Forget what I just said!"

Ruffles her hair.

..........

Naoie: "We finished preparing the tents."

Shigehira: "Thank you."

Naoie: "Don't worry, we made sure that Shigehira-sama's tent is right next to Yoshino-san. So you can flirt all night."

Shigehira and Yoshino (blushing): "HUHHHHHH!?"

.............

Yoichi: "Took you guys so long. Yours truly was getting bored of waiting you know?"

Shigehira: "Yoichi-san!"

(Thank god he is safe!)

Yoichi: "Your brother left with his army after he got separated from you. He said he would come back after preparing a better strategy to corner you later."

Shigehira: "I see....sorry you had to deal with him. You're not hurt are you?"

Yoichi: "As you can see..."

Yoichi-san spreads his arms, asking for a hug.

Shigehira: ".............."

Shigehira instead grabbed his clothes and----

Yoichi: "Oi oi! Stop pulling my clothes."

Shigehira: "Looks like nothing is broken. Thank god."

Yoichi: *pouts*

Shigehira: "Also thank you Yoichi-san, for giving me courage and helping me get back on my feet. If you hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to save my men and my pride."

Yoichi: "............."

Yoichi: "Something has changed. You look more manly now."

Touches his arms and chest.

Shigehira: "Hey!?"

Yoichi: "Yeah, but still no muscles."

Shigehira: "Shut up! You don't have either!"

(I think I understand why Yoichi-san is always teasing Shigehira-kun. It is to hide his own shy face)

.................

Shigehira: "Yoshino-san helped me a lot, so want to repay you. Please ask anything you want!"

Yoshino: "Anything?"

Shigehira: "...! Yes, anything!"

Yoshino: "Then can I live with you?"

Shigehira (blushing): "Huh?!"

Yoshino (smiling): "I want to see the military build by Shigehira."

Shigehira: "I-I-I see...."

Yoshino (blushing): "I want to help you in any way possible. Even if it's a small help. But if you don't want, I will continue living in Kamakura."

Shigehira: "No, actually, having a pharmacist beside you can be helpful in a lot of ways..."

Yoshino: "Really!?"

Shigehira: "................."

Shigehira: "Actually, it's a lie. I don't want you just because you're a pharmacist. I want you to be by my side forever."

Yoshino (blushing): "I want to live with you too, but it might be awkward if we both live together without a reason, right?"

Shigehira (blushing): "That's true...........actually, I love you."

Yoshino: *blushing even more*

#ikemen series #ikemen genjiden #ikemen genjiden shigehira #ikemen genjiden yoichi #cybird ikemen #cybird otome #otome #cybird #ikemen mc #ikegen

[archiveikemen]

Ikemen Genjiden Act 1 Prologue: Chapter 02

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection. I do not own any of the original content. Please support CYBIRD by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

❥･• Warnings and FAQ

Benkei: Are you okay? Is your wrist ok? Is the blood flowing? How's your breathing?

Yuno: Oh, I'm alright! Don't worry!

Benkei: ... I see, that's good.

(Huh...? I thought he was scary just a while ago, but now he's not that scary?)

Yoichi: Hey, Benkei. Weren't we in the middle of something important?

Yoichi: I don't think you should be hitting on a woman at times like this.

Benkei: Don't joke around! A woman is sitting out here alone, so I was just being concerned.

Yoichi: Hm? Still seems suspicious to me.

Yoichi: Were you going somewhere, young lady?

Yuno: Eh... yes, I'm on my way to Kamakura.

Yuno: I heard that it's safe there, so I mistakenly thought that it would be fine if I arrived late.

Yuno: After all, it's a town under the control of the Minamoto no Yoritomo shogunate!

Benkei and Yoichi: ...

(Hm? The two of them are silent.)

Yoichi: Lord Yoritomo. Ah, he's very popular with the people.

Yuno: It is said that he is an amazing leader with a great personality.

(He was appointed as Shogun by the Imperial Court this year. To ordinary people like me, that's really amazing.)

Benkei: Well, I don't know about that.

Yuno: Eh?

Benkei: Haven't you heard? — It was Minamoto no Yoritomo who killed his own younger brother, Minamoto no Yoshitsune.

Benkei: Even though Lord Yoshitsune was the one standing in the frontlines during the war against the Taira clan.

Yuno: Uh huh?

(Why did he kill his own brother?)

(And... Benkei, are you angry...?)

Yoichi: Now, now, Benkei. That's enough.

Yoichi: If you're going to Kamakura, shouldn't you be leaving soon?

Yuno: Oh, yes. I'm a little worried for that fox right there, so I'll take it along with me.

Benkei: Fox?

Yuno: I found this fox injured so I treated it.

I walked to the grass and picked up the fox in my arms.

Benkei: That fox...!

(What? That's an interesting reaction...)

Benkei: —— Yoichi.

Yoichi: Oh, I can't believe it was hiding so nearby.

Yuno: What do you mean...? What's wrong with this fox?

Yoichi: We were looking for this fox. So can you hand it over to me?

As Benkei and Yoichi approached me, I started feeling uneasy.

(I'm not doubting the two of them. But if the fox's wound was caused by a knife, it would have been the deed of a human being.)

Yuno: Um... may I ask what you intend to do with this little fox?

Yuno: I just treated it and want it to rest.

Benkei and Yoichi: ...

(Why are you being quiet...?)

Benkei: I can't explain. But if you don't want to get involved, don't ask any more questions and leave.

Benkei: Yoichi, I'll keep her away. Take the fox and I'll kill it later.

(You're kidding, right?)

I still didn't know what was going on, and Yoichi stood in front of me.

Yoichi: I don't want to do this to you, so I'm apologizing in advance.

Yoichi: This isn't going to be pleasant.

He reached an arm towards me but I backed away, hugging the fox close to me.

Benkei and Yoichi: ...!

Yuno: I don't understand! What did the fox ever do to you?

Yoichi: Hey hey, don't be like that.

Just as Yoichi approached me again ——

???: Stop what you're doing.

???: Looks like we're right on time.

#ikemen genjiden #ikegen prologue #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #otome #cybird otome

[ao3feed-danganronpa]

One of Rantaro Amami’s inexperienced adventures and he gets kidnapped.

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/oMKPrat

by MilosTrawmaw

Rantaro gets a treasure map from ibuki and gets lost looking for the treasure and then gets kidnapped.

Words: 1744, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 2 of Crack fics that aren't really crack fics

Fandoms: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: Gen

Characters: rantaro amami, Gonta Gokuhara, Ibuki Mioda, Tsumugi Shirogane, Almost Everyone Else, mostly in the background - Character

Additional Tags: Rantaro Amami - Freeform, Gonta Gokuhara - Freeform, Ibuki Mioda - Freeform, tsumugi shirogane - Freeform, Everyone else from the first 3 main games, I wrote this for a school assignment, and never turned it in out of embarrassment, while writing this, Tsumugi is Jumangi, Kamakura kamukura yass queen!, Hajime turns into Izuru when hes pissed off, shuichi is terrified of Nagito and Kokichi because their both gay, Gonta likes worms, Gonta Puts his worm friends in everyone sleeping bags, Makoto’s lucky ass gets the couch, Gonta is still written 10 times dumber, Chiaki sleeps on a board game, Korekiyo gets tied up in red rope and beaten with a stick, like a pinyata, Tenko hates men, Nagito is Hopesexual, Komaeda Nagito Being Komaeda Nagito, Gay Komaeda Nagito, Komaeda Nagito Is Obsessed With Hope, Oma Kokichi Being Oma Kokichi, kokichi tries spiking the punch, but Kirumi and Byakuya stop him, Gay Oma Kokichi, Gay Panic, Party in the house tonight!, they have a party in a secret cave founded by monokuma industries, cospox who?, Rantaro loves his family too much, Ibuki likes random junk and tries to sell her music, Oma Kokichi Is a Little Shit, Nagito is still obsessed with Hajime/Izuru, Rantaro’s tent burns down, This adventure made Rantaro Aroace, I forgot Rantaro was canonically Aroace, Rantaro magically became Aroace after this story, Rantaro likes Ringpops, this was a school assignment, au before the killing game, Tsumugi is evil, Nagito lecturing everyone about hope, Korekiyo canonical likes red rope a lot, i like red rope a lot too, Tenko hates Korekiyo, Korekiyo actually needs a hug, everyone needs a hug after the game, Rantaro is the main character here, no one knows who got the money for this cave, Amami Rantaro Needs a Hug, Rantaro is good freinds with Ibuki, Rantaro hates un properly tied rope, i would add more but i forgot what happened in the story, and im too scared to check, Nagito almost got choked to death by Izuru, Chiaki saved him, Its all Jumangi’s fault, ive never seen Jumangi, Rantaro would have a Adventure show with a Australian accent, and you CANT change my mind, I made Nekomaru a robot for K1B0’s sake, Mahiru posted it on her instagram story, Hinata Hajime and Kamukura Izuru Share a Body Simultaneously

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/oMKPrat

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #dangan ronpa #danganronpa #dr

[pando8011]

from a month ago !!!! i have 2 post all the art ive made,,,,,,

#izuru #izurukamakura #ultra despair girls #digital art #another episode #danganronpa #drae:udg #hugs kamakura #edgy #dramatic lighting

[writer-komaru]

Happy Birthday Nagito! ♡

As a birthday celebration for one of my favorite characters in Danganronpa, here is a fluff alphabet!Happy Birthday, Nagito Komaeda! And thank you so much for helping me not feel so alone. You mean a lot to me. Thank you, you truly are not worthless.

(Warning- Not proofread)

°.✩┈┈┈┈∘*┈┈୨♡୧┈┈*∘┈┈┈┈✩.°

» [ Heather ] « » [ alien blues] «

0:53 ─〇──── 4:51 0:53 ─〇──── 4:51

⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻ ⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹↻

°.✩┈┈┈┈∘*┈┈୨♡୧┈┈*∘┈┈┈┈✩.°

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･' [ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

~{ Word Count : 6895 }~

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･' [ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ]'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

Activities

What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Nagito wants to spend as much time with you as humanly possible. That's just a fact. To him, you are the brightest beacon of hope he has ever seen. He can tell by the way you act to him and others. Not many people even want to be in the same vicinity as him, let alone take the time out of their lives to make conversations with him literally everyday. He is utterly amazed. He would be absolutely happy with anything you want to do, hands down.

He mostly wants to spend his free time with you, so he doesn’t have much time to spend on any hobbies. Though, if no one is interacting with him and he seems something messy, he will definitely take the time to make it look spotless. He is very good at cleaning! Though, he may never admit it. If you ever ask him about his hobbies, he will just say something like this.

“Spending time with you is my hobby! You radiate such large amounts of hope, it’s like pure ecstasy!! How can anyone even think about walking away from you when you are literally hope itself!”

If you persist, he will admit that he doesn’t really have any hobbies.

Beauty

What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Everything. EVERYTHING. He admires everything about you. And that’s not even exaggerating, he truly does. And if you ever ask him what his absolute favorite is, he will say something like this.

“Oh, but that’s impossible! Everything about you is my absolute favorite! Your beautiful, shining eyes that sparkle with hope whenever I look at them, your gorgeous body that looks stunning in anything you wear, no matter what your brain may tell you, your cute, adorable cheeks that flush whenever you get embarrassed, ahhhhh! It’s all so amazing! You're so incredibly hopeful!!”

Just thinking about how hopeful you are makes him hot all over. He will start to shake from excitement, wrapping his arms around himself. [You know the sprite ;)] and oh fucking Christ if you give him a hug to calm down, he will literally faint.

Comfort

How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

If he ever saw you, the symbol of absolute hope equivalent to Izuru fucking kamakura, the angelic being that has decided down into his Dispear-filled world to help better society and himself out of the graciousness of your kind soul, having a panic or anxiety attack?! This needs to stop. NOW! He can’t allow this. As the stepping stool he calls himself, he would feel so much disgusting Dispear if he didn’t automatically appear at your side and tend to you like the caregiver he can be. (Fuck, is it just me or would this guy be a great caregiver? Sorry ha- ;v;)

He would probably say something like this.

“Y-Y/N?! Are you alright?! Can I touch you? I-I..

know someone as discusting as me shouldn’t be-

Ah! I-I didn’t mean it! Here, let me help your breathing. Is that okay? Okay, take a deep breath in… and a deep breath out. You're doing great! I knew a bright, shining symbol of hope such as yourself could be able to overcome this Dispear!”

And if you need praise and comfort? This guy is literally the BEST at praising people!! Even if he is snarky something- And he is very smart too so he will know how to asses the situation and know exactly what to say!

“There is no need to worry about anything when I am here. At a mere stepping stool, it’s my job to- ah, I’m sorry. As your b-b.. boyfriend, it’s my job to make sure I handle anything and everything that could give you Dispear and make sure we can conquer it together and form an even brighter hope! I-I’m sorry for all my ranting about hope… would you like it if we stayed holding each other for a few more minutes? Your still shaking and I wouldn’t even be able to look myself in the mirror if I wasn’t here to help you. Hey, why not head over to… m-my dorm if you would like?”

(I know he isn’t the kind of guy to stutter, but it’s hard for him to not be constantly degrading himself. But, he will try his hardest not to since you sis stop didn’t like it. He is a very considerate guy when it comes to his partner <3)

Dreams

How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Dreams? His dreams have already come to fruition! He has gotten to meet, and even gets the opportunity to date, the greatest hope in the universe! What more could he wish for?

But, he does daydream sometimes about moving into a house together where he can make sure you live the best life you can.

“It’s what they deserve as the ultimate beacon of hope! They deserve everything and anything I can do or provide for them!”

To put it bluntly, his dreams are your dreams. Like if you want to travel somewhere but don’t have the money or time, he will secretly buy plane tickets (I’m talking luxury class tickets, he’s got a looooot of money-) and have… “talks” with your employer about giving you the week off. Next thing you know, your snuggled up to him, staring out of the plane window at the ocean below. <3 Or if you dreamed of getting a certain expensive item and briefly talked about the item in question to him, you would wake up the next day to a fancy present tied with a plush bow resting at the end of the bed. Or if you wanted to improve yourself (physically, mentally, academically/work wise) he would give you anything you needed. Yearly Work out membership? Therapist appointments? A tutor? Shadowing programs? He would be head over heels to help you!! You are his everything, after all.~

Equal

Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

He’s pretty much anything you want him to be if you asked him because he is equally passive and dominant. He doesn’t really feel worthy to be in charge much in the relationship so he will leave the reins to you. But, if there is a problem that he feels the need to immediately fix, he will take the reins from you. Just briefly. The last thing he wants to do is do something you don’t want.

Fight

Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Depends on the argument, but generally, yes. He doesn’t want you to feel the disgusting feelings of Despair because of something he did. But, he isn’t a very forgiveful person. I mean, he isn’t stubborn, but he does hold a little bit of a grudge sometimes. Like, if you two got in a heated argument about his ideals of hope, he would never back down. I’m sorry, but to this guy, hope is everything. Hope is what leads life on. Hope is what keeps people going. So when the arguments were about it, it would usually end up with your tears. (Remembering sassy Nagito from trial 5-)

But as soon as he sees your tears, he shatters. Yes, he still stands with his belief of sacrificing anything for hope, something he will never sacrifice is you. You are literally the definition of hope, after all. He would reconcile with you and make sure you both don’t go to bed angry or sad.

“M…m.. m-my h-hope, I’m so sorry, please don’t cry. C-Can I wipe away your tears? Yes? Okay, I’m s-such a piece of garbage to have made the epitome of hope cry… you can hit me if you want- no? Ah, you're so kind to me, even when you are upset. It’s so hopeful… you're so hopeful…”

Gratitude

How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He. Is. Grateful. Every. Single. Day. All day. Any day.

He truly feels as though he doesn’t deserve you, as though he doesn’t even deserve to be grateful. But, even so, he is EXTREMELY grateful. Every day when he wakes up before you, he smiles lovingly at your sleeping body. Hesitates before kissing you on the nose.

“Your so magnificent, my… hope. Yes, my hope. You are my hope. I’m so grateful for your existence, let alone the fact you spend your days talking to someone as useless- I-I mean someone such as myself. It’s.. because of you I.. feel as so I should be a little easier on myself. Heheh, your hope is rubbing off on me.”

Honesty

Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

He’s pretty honest, but he does keep some secrets. Mostly ones that don’t really matter in his mind, like if he needs help with something. But, he has some special secrets he has locked in his heart. These secrets are the things that he has experienced in his childhood and his mental state. He knows the events of his upbringing are very hard to hear, he wouldn’t want you to worry about him. Worrying is his job, not yours. And he also wouldn’t want to worry you about his mental state and because, it’s sad to say but, he is so used to having no one to rely on that even the thought of telling you makes him insanely nervous. But maybe with a lot of determination and praise from you, maybe he might crack a small bit. Just for you. Just for his hope.

“Heheh… it’s nothing special, really. I wouldn’t want someone as special as you to worry about me. You're supposed to fill the world with your glorious hope! You couldn’t do that if you were weighted down by my stupid backstory. So please, there is no need to worry!”

Inspiration

Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

You have drastically changed him. Kinda. He used to be a social outcast. He had no one. Not even himself. He would go to sleep every night thinking of all the ways someone could kill him to bright about the greater hope to others. That’s what would help him sleep at night. And those nights he couldn’t, he would stay up all night long having a panic attack about how useless he is. He even thinks he is useless and pathetic for having panic attacks in the first place! He would constantly call himself names, out loud and internally. He never even questioned it.

But enough with the angst, because when you came along, everything. Out. Of. The. Damn. Window! Your changed everything!! He was no longer alone. He was even learning to value himself more than trash. He was learning to accept himself for who he was. A person. Not trash, not scum, not garbage. Just a person.

“A… special person? Me? W-wh- h- how? I’m not, I’m- ah, I-I’m sorry. Y-you… you think im… special? You really do? Your… so kind to me.”

His tears of self hatred turned into tears of bliss and joy. You're so patient with him, so kind, so caring. Almost like you were the ultimate therapist or something.

On the nights where he would have those thoughts again, now you were there to hold him. To bring his shaking, frail body close to yours as you whispered sweet nothings into his ear. With a hand petting his fluffy white locks and another holding his hand, he felt his body instantly relax.

“Ahhh…. My… hope.. is so kind… to me.”

After a few tears trickled down his smiling face, he fell asleep quicker than he had ever before. All because of you. You changed him.

Jealousy

Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

“Jealous? Hahaha! Why would I be jealous of you and Hajime? Hajime is just a pathetic reserve course student with no talent. And you, I know you deserve the very best! He could never give you everything you deserve like I ca- huh? What do you mean I’m being jealous!?”

He can’t help it. He may think he doesn’t deserve it, but something inside of him bubbles hotly with rage as he watches others get a little too close with you. He tried not to show it. He’s only jealous because he loves you. It comes with the position of being your boyfriend. He would walk up behind you when someone was talking to you a little too intensely and lean over you and stare daggers at the person. At the scum in front of him.

‘You scum. You don’t deserve this shining beacon of hope. Not even me.. I think… anyways, you deserve all the despair they shouldn’t get to feel. You are too putrid for hope. Too scummy. You will never deserve the celestial hope they radiate.”

Kiss

Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Well… it depends. But generally, nope. He has been an outcast his whole life, even with his happy appearance, so he is definitely inexperienced when it comes to all things intimate. So much so that you will most likely be his first kiss. He doesn’t know what to do when you press your hopeful lips against his. Your beautiful face, your arms around his, so hopeful. You're so hopeful. So much hope! His mind would probably fizzle out and combust right after, with a bright red face and deep, swirling eyes.

“Hahhhh… my… hope… that was so, hah, magical.”

Just give this man a second to catch his breath.

His first kiss with you was probably due to his god forsaken curse of his unending luck.(more like misfortune) He was walking down the street to get to school, like every day, until suddenly someone riding a bike came out of nowhere and knocked him against a tree. He rubbed his bruised leg with a pain filled sign until he heard a suspicious creaking noise. Next thing he knew, he was rolling down a hill, tied to the trunk of the tree. As the log gained a surprising about of speed, the twigs tying him down snapped and he was perplexed into the air. As he looked down at the ground rapidly approaching, he saw the shape of… someone’s body?

There you were, soaking in the sun on a blanket, enjoying life as a much needed break from your studies. Your eyes were closed so they didn’t burn off form staring into the blistering sun, so you didn’t see the rapidly approaching Nagito as he pinned twards you.

Mmph?!?

You heard a loud thump as you felt something fall on top of you. You were lucky most of the impact was felt by Nagito as he landed on his forearms and knees, which nested themselves next to your body. But most importantly to the both of you was the press of his lips against yours. Your eyes opened and you felt your heart stop as you saw the most beautiful angel laying on top of you, kissing you!! Was this a dream? Or is your brain suffering from a heat stroke and making you see things?! After a few confused seconds, you decided to take what fate has given you a run with it. (Not literally. Or maybe-) you wrapped your arms around his small waist, pressing his body against yours, deepening the kiss.

And let me tell you, HE WAS SEEING STARS! I kid you not, he literally fainted from the immense hope he was feeling. (Which you would find would be common behavior from him due to his love for hope and his poor health, which made it easy for him to accidentally faint.)

Love Confession

How would they confess to their s/o?

Hate to break it to you, but I don’t think he would ever find the will power in him to confess to you. It would have to be you yourself. And when you do, his mind is in turmoil. He is so extremely compelled to except

beyond the shadow of a doubt, but the lurking feelings of inferiority are stuck like a stain in his mind. Eventually, after a few kinda awkward seconds of him hugging his body and panting, (Yn the sprite {part two}) he would take your hands in his and exclaim that he would be over the moon to be with you. He would begin to ramble about everything and anything he thinks of at that moment.

“I would be so happy to be with you if that's what you want! Ah! The immense hope I’m feeling is so beautiful! I’ll do anything for you! Anything! I’ll make you shine with the light for the supreme hope! I’ll polish you with the blood and tears of others if that's what you would like me to do! You will have absolute hope! Y-You are already absolute hope itself! This is so amazing, my luck has certainly peaked the highest it’s ever been in my whole entire existence on this day! Hahaha… ahahah… HAHAHAAHAH! T-ThIS IS WONDERFUL!! AHHHAHA!”

He once again wrapped his arms around himself, trying to relax himself but to no avail. You try to relax him as well, but after a few minutes, his blushing body collapses against yours, an erotic look on his face as he falls unconscious. He might need a few days to recover, but after it, he’s all yours!~

Marriage

Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the wedding be like?

Scratch that, moving in with you is second on his list of dreams now. Marrying you is now first. And this time, he has actually developed some confidence because of your constant help and influence. So, he uses his surplus funds and buys you a pure, sparkling white diamond in a beautifully crafted design. Only the best will do for his hope! And, it’s a long story, but he takes you on a trip to his hometown. (Because you have been persistent on wanting to get to know what he has been through, against his wishes of keeping it a secret.) he sits down with you at a park bench and tells you everything. Yes, everything. In chronological order, as well. After many hours of talking, tears are streaming down his face as you hold him in your arms, cradling him from the hurtful world. At he adjusts his position, he feels the box containing the ring in his pocket and suddenly remembers why he came here in the first place. He steps in front of you, kneeling down and opening the box. Your teary eyes light up.

“My beautiful reader… the everlasting, shining hope of my life, the reason I’m still alive to this day, will you please marry me?”

Well, guess who said yes? ;)

And when you did, he Lowkey started hyperventilating. After a soothing pep talk from you, he knew he chose the right person.

The wedding was extravagant. He gave you full creative liberty over everything. After all, anything his ultimate hope would pick would be the best option possible, at least in his mind. Though, when you said you wanted to invite your old classmates from class 77-B, he was quick to object. He didn’t know if he not only deserved to have their presence there but also if they would even want to be there in the first place. But, after your affirming words, he admitted it would be kind of nice to have everyone there on the most special occasion in his entire life. After all the preparations were made, ei finding the perfect location, decor, outfits, invitations, wedding officiants, maids and men of honor, ring bearer, etc, all that was left was to wait. And fuck, was he nervous. He is not usually the nervous type, (Cough cough Shuichi), but something about the looming idea he was literally going to get married to the love of his life he had been crushing on ever since he was in Highschool made his mind reel more than normal. But, after some intervention by his beautiful hope, he will feel a lot better.

(Cuz this is getting a bit long, I’ll summarize)

The wedding was better than he could have ever imagined. It was, quite frankly, the best day of his life. Even better than when he won the lottery, even better than when he got into hope's peak, and even better than the day he graduated hope’s peak. When his classmates got the letter of invitation, they were absolutely flabbergasted that Nagito, the guy they thought would be lonely his whole life due to his obsessive behavior, had got hitched before they did! Soda was the most enraged, saying how he had only gone on one date in his whole life. Meanwhile Nagito is living his dream! Chisa ended up finding out as well and wrote you a letter, asking if she could come. She was practically in tears before the ceremony even began. She was just so happy that he finally found something stable and healthy in his life. She knows he certainly needs it. At the wedding, Nagito waited anxiously. His eyes swirled over with anticipation of his luck ruining everything for him. His mind spun with thoughts of something terrible happening. But, they all evaporated when he saw you walk down the aisle. At that moment, he was almost blinded by your hope, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. You looked like an Angel dressed in your all white fluffy dress, with a sparkling veil trailing behind you. He could feel tears pouring down his face, a bright smile permanently etched into his face. You were so beautiful. And now you were his. His beautiful hope.~

(Ngl, Hajime, fuyuhiko, and soda were the men of honor, Gundham’s 12 hamsters were the flower girls, and Chiaki was the ring bearer.)

Nicknames

What do they call their s/o?

Hope. You are his hope. But in all seriousness, in the beginning of the relationship, he is a bit too nervous to use nicknames or pet names. He doesn’t think he deserves it and that you will think he is weird for it. But after a while when his deprecation subsided, he will absolutely call you his hope. If he is feeling in a more lovey dovey mood, he will attach some sort of praising adjective to the front and call you his. (I e his beautiful hope, his amazing hope, his shining hope, etc.)

On Cloud Nine

What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Stupid question. The second he started dating you he felt like he was on cloud nine, and you bet your sweet ass everybody who was around him could tell. His eyes swirl like how they do when he is feeling exceptionally obsessed with hope, but instead of darkness, his eyes swirl with bright, passionate love and admiration for you and your existence in general. His face will flush red, and he might start sweating from the intensity of his feelings of love for you. And as stated before, it’s very easy to tell how he is feeling just by one quick glance when he is in this state. He shows his feelings by constant, and I mean constant (like he never fucking shuts up about you), praise pouring from his mouth. It first happened when you started dating in Highschool. Everyday, he was always floating around you, “soaking in your hope” as he would put it.

“You're so radiant, Reader! I could see your hope from a mile away. Would you mind if I sat right next to you? Ah, what a stupid question, of course you would- you.. you actually don’t mind? Ahaha… hahahahah!! Of course the amalgamation of the most divine hope would say it’s okay for a dirty piece of scum like me to sit next to them! Hahahaha!! You're so hopeful!” During class, he would have his eyes practically glued to you. It grew to a boiling point when Chisa threatened to move his seat if he didn’t focus in class. He is truly infatuated with you, even before you dated.

PDA

Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

There are two sides to this, your affection and his affection. But for him, he is not too keen on PDA. He would much rather have you all to himself, especially around people with no ultimate. They don’t deserve the amount of hope you radiate. He doesn’t even think he does sometimes, let alone strangers, so he much prefers affection alone. But, all of this is thrown out the window if we are talking about your affection. If you initiate anything in public, he will quickly adapt to meet what you want. He feels as though this is his purpose, to say the least.

“Ah! You’re.. hugging my arm? Do you… what a hug? Okay, come here then. Ahhh, you're so hopeful and warm. I could stay like this for days. Is it okay if I kiss you? It is? How wonderful! Letting scum like me taint your face with my chapped lips, you truly have the most glorious hope of all~”

Quirk

Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

To put it bluntly, it’s serving you. At least That's how he sees it in his mind. His whole entire reason to exist is to serve the greater hope of humanity, and that just so happens to be you. See it as beneficial or hurtful, he will serve you until his dying breath. As he said before in Ultra Despair Girls, “after all, I live to serve~” (or something like that-) You’re hungry? Well, he asked Teruteru how to make your favorite dish and had it waiting for you at the dinner table. Bored? I’ll put on a movie for you both to watch, play games with you, fuck it, he will make up a song and sing it for you if that’s what it will take for you to be eintertained. Stressed? He can’t have that, now can he. He’ll run an extravagant, warm bath for you. I’m talking scented candles, bubbles, even roses and snacks if that’s what you wish. Sad? He already has you laying on his chest, gently rubbing your scalp with the tips of his fingers, softly whispering praises into your ear. And if you don’t prefer physical affection, he will shower you in stuffed animals, weighted blankets, and, once again, his praise. (He fucking loves praising you-)

Romance

How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He can be the most romantic person you have ever met if that's what you want, but normally, he doesn’t think he deserves anyone, he doesn’t even think about being romantic for a second. That was until he met you. Now, he is very romantic and passionate about you, his beloved hope. He would do literally anything to make you happy. He knows no self control. Even if you tell him he doesn’t have to do all the things he does for you, he acts confused. He doesn’t have to? Of course he does! He’s the servant of hope, worshiper, if you will. Which means he is a worshipper of you, as well. When he is feeling in a very romantic mood, he will give you flowers, sent your voice messages about how much he loves you, all kinds of presents for no particular occasion, give you a massage, have a date night, go to a fancy restaurant and kiss you in the rooftop, go to a carnival and win prizes for you with his luck, and even say you can use him however you wanted for the night~ (sorry for mixing lime stuff in your fluff ;v;) But his favorite way to share is romantic feelings for you is go outside and make you a flower crown of four leaf clovers (it may not be the most well made flower crown, but he made it with his love for you, so it’s still special) he likes doing this because he thinks it’s fun to use his luck to make you happy in a way that isn’t too… extreme. If you know what I mean. And besides, he thinks you look like an adorable fairy goddess with it on.

“You're so precious, my hope. Those clovers compliment your eyes so well! Your like the goddess of hope, coming down from the heavens to bless me with your hopefulness! It’s so beautiful! Hahaha!”

Support

Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Constantly. That's the answer to both questions. He constantly supports you in any way he can. It’s what comes with the job of serving you. (Even though he should have a lot more self worth-) Though, he won’t just hand you your goal, even though he has the luck and the money to do it. He wants you to feel as though you earned it with your determination and work, and also because he knows you can defeat any despair you face with your immense amount of hope.

Thrill

Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Well… the thing is, Nagito likes routine. But because of how crazy his life is due to his luck cycle, it’s practically impossible, unfortunately. So any small slivers of routine or normality he can get, he cherishes. (Not as much as you or hope tho) For example, you and him would be walking to school together, (here we go again-), and suddenly a swarm of bugs would come out of nowhere and buzz around you both, and like a normal person, you would scream. He would wrap his arms around you to protect you, and sooner or later, they found fly again. Good thing they didn’t sting or else Nagito would be looking very red. But, to your surprise, he was pretty red. Red in the face. You wondered why. Did he get a fever? or an illness from the bugs? But as you thought, you felt something touching you and you froze. While he was frantic to make sure you weren’t in danger by shielding you, he didn’t realize he had been pressing himself firmly against your breasts.

“Ah!! I’m so sorry! How unlucky… first bugs, and now this. Please, slap me! Or kick me as punishment for touching you without your consent like the dirty trash I am!”

Tears pricked at his eyes. He really was ashamed of himself, but he should have expected this. He knew his relationship would end sooner or later. It was just a matter of time, after all. But, instead of striking him in the cheek, you hugged him.

“…huh? You… You’re hugging me? But why? I just- But I- you… forgive me? You forgive trash like me? Ah… I should have expected this from the embodiment of hope such as yourself… so forgiving and merciful towards scum like me… th…. Thank you..”

Understanding

How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Normally, to others, he is pretty empathetic when it comes to hope. (Like, I’m that one scene in his OVA where he wa really happy for Sōda) But, he doesn’t really care about people with no ultimate talent, such as the reserve course students. He looks down on them, unable to care about how they feel. But, to you, he will always try his best to be empathetic, ultimate or not. But, this doesn’t make him the best at it. It’s kind of hard for him to understand how otters are feeling if he hasn’t felt that way before. So whenever you self deprecate yourself, have low self esteem, or try to hurt yourself, he can relate to you. He went through times in his life before he met you were he could hardly even look in a mirror because he saw himself as such of a worthless scumbag. He wanted to hurt himself, or better yet, have others hurt him so they could feel the pleasures of hope wash over themselves. He didn’t care if it meant he would be mentally damaged for the vast majority of his life. To him, it would be worth it. But now, he couldn’t even imagine that happening to himself anymore. And it’s all because of you. So, to see you in any state simulator to his would be a tragedy.

“My hope?! W-What are you saying?! You are not trash, who told you that?! This.. this can’t- no this isn’t right! You are the ultimate hope! You are everything good in this world! You are literally humanity’s savior, m-my savior, in no way are you even .00001% scum! Who told you that? You-you have to tell me! Someone can’t taint the ult- what? You…. You told yourself that…? Oh…. Oh no, my… my darling… come here. Don’t worry, I’m here. Shhh, it’s okay, I’m here. Look at me, you’re not scum. You will never be scum to me, my hope. You're so amazing. You literally saved me from a life of despair. That's why I call you my hope. And do you think someone who is scum would be my hope? Good, now, would you please let me praise you a little bit more?”

Value

How important is the relationship to them? What is it worth in comparison to other things in their life?

It’s everything to him. And that’s no exaggeration. It truly is. He can’t even imagine a reality where you aren’t in it. If one very did exist, it would only be a life of despair. And a life of despair of no life at all. Though, if you compare your relationship with hope, it’s balanced. He loves both hope and you equally. I mean, you are hope itself, anyway. It may sound insensitive to say, but it’s true. But, this doesn’t undermine the fact that when he loves things, he loves them more than he can take, more than his body is able to make him feel. He could never put it in words. (That’s why he cats the way he does when he thinks about hope and when he thinks about you. He acts the same because you both are equally as important to him as eating and sleeping. Actually, fuck that, he could live a happy life if he could only survive on hope and you.) it’s like a beautiful gold table, one leg of hope, the other one is of you. Both are equally magnificent and important to him. And together, they make something he could never put into words <3

Wild Card

A random Fluff Headcanon.

If you ever joked about him being your sugar daddy and how if you didn’t have a job, he could financially support you and himself, he would automatically think it was an invitation. He would start browsing for all kinds of very expensive accessories, outfits, tech, you name it, he’ll search for it. Before you can clarify that it was just a joke, you heard a ring at the front door. And to your surprise, he had already bought a bunch of things you had been talking to yourself about, not thinking he was listening to you. (stalker behavior-) as soon as you finally explain, he apologizes relentlessly.

“I’m so sorry, my hope, please forgive me. I just wanted to make you feel more hopeful. But… if that’s something you ever want in the future, I’ll be more than happy to be your sugar daddy.”

(To say you had a nose bleed would be an understatement.)

But to be a little more fluffy, and as what was talked about before… Every morning, before you wake up for work/school, he stares at you with a love sick expression.

“You're so beautiful, even while you sleep~”

(Kinda creepy-) he’ll steal a couple quick kisses to your cheeks and forehead before getting up. After putting on some clothes, he makes his way to the kitchen and begins making you some breakfast. But, instead of your usual quick meals, he wants to make you something “more fitting for an ultimate hope”, as he calls it. He will pull all the stops, big fluffy pancakes and waffles with fruit, eggs, bacon, all arranged in a cliché smiley face. He even made you some warm chocolate cookies so he could see you wake up with a hopeful smile!

XOXO

Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

To say he is very affectionate would be an understatement. He is practically glued to your side all the time. He is just very, very touch starved due to losing his family and not having many, if any, friends. So as soon as he found something, an outlet of hope that he could allow himself to get close to, but bet your pretty face he would cuddle you all day long if you let him. But, to tell the truth, it will take a lot (I’m talking a loooot) of encouragement and reassurance that he isn’t the trashy person he sees himself as. But once he was passed that blockage in his life, he will be all over you. You’re lying on the couch? Well, he is laying ontop of you! Mmm, so comfy! You’re trying to go to sleep early? Well, would you mind if he joined you? And would you also mind if he cuddled so close to you your heartbeats synched? You’re sitting next to him in class? Would you mind if he gave you a few kisses before class starts?

“Mmmm~ your kisses are so hopeful! I can’t get enough of you. It feels so good to be so close to you. Your intoxicating hope is rushing through me! Hahah! Can I have a few more kisses, my hope?”

Yearning

How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Very, very, VERY poorly. He never wants to be away from you. It’s like a cruel form of torchure. He can’t take being away from you, even for a few hours. If he can, he will call you constantly, just to make sure you are okay. Not only does he miss being able to hug you close to his poor, lonely body, but also he fears that his luck would put you in danger without him being able to protect you. If you have to be alone for a few days, He would find himself opening your closet and, with shaky hands, grabbing a few pieces of your clothing and cuddling up to them to help him sleep. Luckily, just smelling your scent is enough to make him feel less lonely. He would spend the days apart either calling you, cleaning the house, or calling some of his friends to hopefully make him feel less despair. (You better know he would call his loneliness despair.) and when you eventually come home, he would freak the fuck out. (In a good way.) He would tackle you as soon as you enter the house, picking you up and placing you on the bed, curling himself up to you and sobbing. He’s just so happy, of course he would start crying. He can’t help it.

“My hope!! Your back!!! I missed you so much! Ahahahah! Hahh~ your hope feels so good! I couldn’t bear being without you for any longer. Please, can we cuddle? I missed cuddling with you to sleep every night. Please? I… I really want to. W-We can? AhhhahH! Your so sweet to me! So, so hopeful! So hopeful! Ahhahahaha!!!”

He might have a bit of a mental breakdown due to the shock of feeling so good once again, so please comfort him just as he comforts you.

Zeal

Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Abso-Fucking-Lutly! He would literally kill people for you! (Please don’t-) he would do anything! Nothing is off limits! Besides becoming despair or giving up hope. He would spend all his money on anything you wanted, take you to all the places in the world, or even start a family with you if that's what you wanted!

And this brings us to an amazing segway!~

So please, if you ever think that he wouldn’t love you, just know that his love is endless and limitless. It doesn’t matter what you look like, what gender you are, or anything else! He would love you (and does love you) with all the love he holds in his heart. He is truly in love with the hope that burns brightly inside of you~

/(‘///∇///)\ <3!

#nagito x reader #happy Nagito day #danganronpa x y/n #danganronpa #danganronpa fluff #fluff alphabet #alphabet #fluff #Nagito #nagito komeada kin #nagito komaeda #dr nagito #nagito x you #nagito komaeda x reader #danganronpa v2 #drv2 #drv2 goodbye despair #goodbye despair #drv2 nagito

[daebreaker1]

Danganronpa Goodbye Despair Headcanons

Heres some head canons for Goodbye Despair characters. Also I finally figured out how to do “keep readings” lol

Hajime Hinata: His favorite color is pink

Izuru Kamakura: Though they attempted to give him every single talent, he is completely unable to cook. He has definitely caught his hair on fire before.

Nagito Komaeda: His favorite animal is Stellars Sea Cow, he finds what humanity did to them absolutely disgusting

Ultimate Imposter: They enjoy gardening, and if they were able to stay in one place they would have a garden to enjoy fresh food.

Gundham Tanaka: He’s vegetarian, but he still doesn’t eat things like eggs (anything that animals come from is a no. Like he won’t eat eggs, but he will drink milk/eat honey.)

Kazuichi Soda: He is on the Asexual Spectrum and is in deep denial about it

Teruteru Hanmura: He goes on monthly spa trips with his mother, even while at school.

Nekomaru Nidai: He gives really really good hugs and is a compulsive hugger, but occasionally will forget his own strength and nearly break whoever he hugged back.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu: He enjoys scalp massages and will occasionally sneak into Peko’s room for one.

Akane Owari: She outright refuses to eat veal or lamb. She will eat legitimately anything else but eating baby animals just feels icky to her.

Chiaki Nanami: She can sleep with her eyes open, and it is downright terrifying

Sonia Nevermind: She is able to work any weapon that you put into her hands, or drive any machinery you give her.

Hiyoko Saionji: She really enjoys cuddles, and if anyone falls asleep next to her she will snuggle up to them in her sleep. (She will however, still yell at them when she wakes up.

Mahiru Koizumi: She secretly has a septum piercing, though she keeps it flipped back in her nose and out of sight.

Mikan Tsumiki: She likes to paint, and is fairly good at impressionism style art

Ibuki Mioda: She kneads things and people like a cat, especially when she’s about to go to sleep.

Peko Pekoyama: She enjoys slice of life manga and used to have Fuyuhiko sneak her copies when they were children.

#hajime hinata #izuru kamukura #nagito komaeda #ultimate imposter #byakuya twogami #gundham tanaka #kazuichi souda #teruteru hanamura #nekomaru nidai #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #akane owari #chiaki namani #sonia nevermind #hiyoko saionji #mahiru koizumi #mikan tsumiki #ibuki mioda #peko pekoyama #danganronpa goodbye despair #danganronpa #headcanon #danganronpa headcanons