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hotluncheddie · 1 year

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stop being a goblin and let me kiss you

part 7

˚✧₊⁎ ⁎⁺˳✧༚ ⁎⁺˳✧༚

eddie is in steve’s lap.

‘you’re not joking, are you? i seriously can’t do this if you’re joking man’

eddie feels steve move from where he was sucking on eddies neck, hears a little wet pop before steve’s scrunched eyebrows and pout come into view.

‘what about this makes you think i’m joking?’ steve squeezes the two handfuls of eddies ass what are currently filling (yes, filling! thank you!) (…ok ok, mostly filling) his big jock hands.

eddie narrows his eyes, looks down his nose at steve. because steve may be built but eddie is the same height as him, he’s no waif! so steve in distinctly below him right now… nice. ‘…i don’t know… but still’

steve sighs muttering something about ‘bobs better be right about this’ before he lifts eddie under the thighs and plops him down in the bed. eddie just about able to squark before his throat dries up at the sight of the position steve got himself into.

kneeling before him on the floor, one knee raised where his forearm lies, his head bowed. like a knight taking the knees for his sworn king.

‘my liege.’ steve says. ‘i swear on my sword? that i like you… i’m not being a a jester right.? so, like, i’m not joking.’

steve glances around before his eyes flash. eddie gulps, stunned. floored. flabbergasted.

taking eddie hand in his steve kisses eddies ring, his knuckles. looks up at him through thick lashes. lips lingering.

eddie whimpers.

‘did i say that right?’ steve stage whispers. narrowing his eyes and fighting a smile.

eddies mouth opens and closes a couple times, silently. then he whines and nods. watched steve smile, self satisfied and blinding.

eddie blinks, clears his throat. ‘you still think cumming really fast is hot?’

steve’s spine straightens, eyes wide and he glances down at eddie crotch. ‘you?’

‘no but i could cut a diamond here so, i can see it in my future.. my like, mind’s eye.’

steve laughs, a full belly thing. eddies breath catches again. he feels the stars in his eyes. this galaxy boy just for him.

steve knee walks towards him, nestles himself between eddies thighs. both his hands there too, stoking lightly. eyes bright and sparkling.

he leans in close, so their lips almost meet. goosebumps raise all over eddies skin.

‘still hot ed’s, promise.’

they’re lying on eddies bed cuddling. fucking cuddling can you believe that?

steve stretches and sighs so deep eddie feels it in his bones. he looks like the trailer park stray when it used to stretch out in the summer sun, on that patchy bit of grass by eddies window.

he fights down the swell of joy that unfurls in him. an old dog in the sun, a boy in his bed, eddie can’t handle it.

one thing about eddie munson is that his head will follow about ten minutes after his heart. he’s a impulsive guy and that’s just that. it gets him in trouble yeah, but.. but nothing, it get him in trouble.

case and point his little heart swell is making his feel much too honest and open.

see, all that ‘my liege’ talk reminded eddie of that secret notebook he keeps tucked away. full of desperate little scenarios with people he’s made up.. and people who are very real. steve might be a main character in, some. maybe. if he’s honest. or a lot. if he’s more honest.

steve on his knees, chain around his neck. crying all pretty, chest hairy and exposed. steve holding eddie in strong arms, tending to his wounds, splitting him open. yeah. it’s all there…with diagrams a lot of the time.

maybe with steve, some of it could become real. maybe. that one where he holds eddies hand during is actually really high on the list…oh god. oh god oh god.

eddie zones back in, heart first. ‘you know what you said? it reminded me of something.’

steve shifts from where he’s buried in eddies neck, looks up at him, he looks half asleep. eddie squeezes him.

‘this npc that i use, kinda acts a lot like that and maybe, kinda, resembles you.’

steve perks up, fog clearing from his eyes and a little smirk forming. ‘should i be flattered? you made your little game all horny huh?’

caught red handed.

‘…who, who says it’s horny?’

‘this guy for one’ steve taps the front of eddie jeans. ‘and the colour you went when i mentioned calling you master.’

…’you’re more perceptive that i thought…my uh, my mind wanders when im planning.’

eddie watched steve smile, it’s kinda dopey he looks so delighted. ‘hm? wander to little old me?’ steve’s staring directly at eddies mouth again.

‘i think you know man.. but uhm, just checking that ah, all this. today. it’s not just a, a one-time thing right?’ eddie swallows, fingers gripping and unfurling around steve’s t-shirt.

steve’s eyes snap up and stare right into eddie fucking soul. he feels like a frog about to be cut open in science class. slimy. ‘ed’s. i’ve been trying to get you to go out with me for months. i’m not going anywhere.’

eddie feels his eyes go wide. chest swelling again and cheeks threatening to split in a supernova smile.

‘you wanna see my sketches?’

not bothering to wait for answers, eddie rolls off the bed with a lot of grace and ease. he doesn’t bang his knee on the bed frame no no. he just shoves his upper body into the murky depths of its underneath.

‘totally open to the master thing by the way.’

eddie jolts, banging his head against the bed frame. feels his cheeks flame bright pink and he shuffles out to glare up at steve. stupid steve stupid dick stupid maybe actually having a boyfriend.

‘maybe i’m not ready for you to see my sketches. i’m fucking hard again.’ eddie sniffs, turning to sit away from steve’s dumb head, leaning back agains the bed.

‘ah come on dude i’m a total connoisseur of the arts, i spend my days surrounded by it.’ steve scratches his hand into eddies scalp. eddie enters the 5th dimension and his bones form into a new element, unknown to humans before. holy shit that feels good.

wait.

eddie whips around. ‘renting out labyrinth to teenager does not a curator make, stevie.’

‘okay mister eight labyrinth rentals on his account.’ steve widens his eyes he’s mocking him! smug brat. eddies wants to eat him whole.

‘oh? you pay way more attention at work that i give you credit for’ eddie feels a grin pull at his lips, feels the little curls at the top of his metaphorical grinch head unfurl. ‘… i’m telling buckley.’

steve wriggles around like the comment pains him. ‘noooo!! she’ll make fun of meeee. she’ll call me a corporate shill again!’ he’s giggling.

eddie lunges at him. stupid stupid boy. he’s perfect.

˚✧₊⁎ ⁎⁺˳✧༚ ⁎⁺˳✧༚

part 1 (eddie) part 2 (steve) part 3 (eddie) part 4 (steve) part 5 (eddie) part 6 (steve)

yeah i might do another, don't even worry about it..

#ty for reading mwah!!#steddie #steve x eddie #cocky steve harrington #virgin eddie munson #hotlunch #my fic #stop being a goblin and let me kiss you #what a silly little u universe i’ve created for myself #hehehe #<3

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leftboob-enthusiast · 6 months

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Scored big at the stage combat school sale with these elizabethan style breeches, Hot Jester Summer is officially here, lads

#i also got another less interesting pair #very excited to style both of these #I'm about to make this my whole personality #the second pair can be worn over or under the knee #daily outfit #i guess #don't look at my bedside candy stash

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thedoctorsthings · 7 months

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bts jealousy scenarios

someone asked for this but I'm an idiot who doesn't know how asks work so I lost it.

anyways the ask was just 'jealousy' and that lack of instruction made my autistic ass scared. Here it finally is.

warnings: one (1) sad ending, angst, drunk person, history student writer finding it necessary to put one historical au in there. (why do i try to be funny in these intro/warning thingies? nobody reads this. I am a jester putting on a clown's show for the deaf and blind)

WC: Don't know, don't care

KIM SEOKJIN

She's dancing. Not only is she dancing, she's dancing with her husband...and it's not him. He watches her swaying along the dance floor with the better man. Seokjin knew he was the better man. If he wasn't you wouldn't have married him. Your new husband Jinyoung lifts you up and twirls you around and you laugh, a sound clear as water. You smiled brighter when you were with Jinyoung, laughed harder, moved with more energy. Seokjin knew he had lost. Still he couldn't bring himself to be angry. You were happy. That was all that mattered. When he lost you years ago he'd signed up for a life on the sidelines and now he had to bear the consequences.

The song ended and you let your husband go. Seokjin walked over to you right after gathering all his courage and swallowing the frog in his throat. "dance with me!" you said before he could. He couldn't find any words so just took your hand and walked you back to the dancefloor. once you've found your rhythm and are softly rocking back and forth on the shiny floor of the gorgeous venue, he finally finds his voice. "Are you happy?", He asks. "of course", you beam. "Just wanted to make sure", he says almost whispering. your smile drops: "are you okay?" you ask concerned. "When you're with me always". "You need to let me go Jin". He sighs, tears welling up in his eyes: "I'm sorry". It's the last thing he says before walking away out of the venue into the night. He'll take enough with this. As long as you're in his life he would never truly be unhappy. He'd be the dry dust of the savannah spending his time waiting to be blessed by your rain. He'd be the moon yearning for the moments he could take some of your sunlight every once in a while. If this was all the both of you could be then that's how it would be.

MIN YOONGI

You were dancing with Mr. Fleatwood again. Yoongi knew he'd been courting you for more than 10 months now. It was killing him. Why couldn't he just work up the courage to ask you. To go to your house as a caller instead of just waiting for you to look in his direction. His family was much wealthier than yours so there was no need for him to be embarrassed, and yet he was. Something about your divine beauty, your quick wit and sharp intelligence made him a nervous wreck.

"why don't you ask her to dance? What's the worst thing that could happen?" Namjoon, his best friend had come to stand next to him, his wife on his arm. "She could look at me". "oh you melodramatic piece of work!" Namjoon's wife exclaimed. Yoongi sighed melodramatically: "I'm too late, she's been courted by Mr. Fleatwood for over 10 months. A proposal can't be far away". "exactly!" Namjoon said with a smile Yoongi found way to optimistic looking. "they've been courting for over a year and no proposal yet. They're taking too long. If you ask me, she's trying to shake him off". "I've learned not to ask you things", yoongi chuckled, but while his friend walked of he considered what he had said. Maybe he did have a chance. "worst case scenario she dumps her glass over your head. It's a hot summer night, it'll be refreshing. Just go for it before I do it for you", Namjoon's equally optimistic wife whispered near his ear. All right then, here goes nothing. Yoongi walks over to you. "Miss, might I have this dance?" "If you take me away from that bore of a Mr. Fleatwood you can have anything", you smiled.

KIM NAMJOON

Namjoon's watching you on set. He came here to surprise you at work. This way he could drive you home to the dinner he made for you. When you told him you would be acting in a romantic comedy he thought he would be able to handle it. Turns out he couldn't. Your co-star just threw you on the bed and was crawling over you. When he kissed you Namjoon decided it was time to take a bathroom break.

When he comes over the scene is done and you're getting ready to leave. "Hey honey!", you beam at him. "Yeah, hey honey", he huffs. "What's up with you?" you ask frowning. "Nothing, I'd just like to get home", he answer dramatically looking away from you. You chuckle and figure you have an idea about what's going on here. "okay, okay, I'm almost ready". When you're out of costume you leave with Namjoon to the parking lot. He doesn't say anything the whole way. When he starts driving and you look over to him to see him angrily sticking his tongue in his cheek you can't take it anymore. You try to hold in your laugh while you ask him: "Are you upset about the scene?" "Don't laugh at me", he says curtly. "Oh come on Namjoon don't be ridiculous, it was only a scene for a movie". Namjoon dramatically looks out the window. "Would it help you if I told you that my co-star is an absolute dick that I can't stand?" "Would that be true or just something to shush my hurt feelings?", Namjoon says with a small smile on his face. "It would very much be true". "Do you need me to beat him up for you?" You laugh: "I shouldn't have to ask you things like that, you should just do it". "I prepared a date for us", Namjoon says after laughing: "I'm sorry I overreacted". "It's okay, I get it".

JUNG HOSEOK

You're sitting in front of him at the restaurant you agreed on. Next to you is your boyfriend and next to him is his girlfriend. God how he hates this. Why did he agree to go on this double date? Why was he dating Jinae? He didn't love her. Why were you dating this douchebag? He didn't love you and Hoseok didn't even want to think about the possibility that you truly loved him. Lastly, why oh why was he not the one next to you? You should be dating him. Hoseok was sure he could give you everything you wanted, make you so much happier than he could. He saw the way your boyfriend looked at other women. How he made little comments that made your smile drop. Hoseok had spent this entire date moping and barely talking. "So how long have you been dating again?", your boyfriend asks. "eeuhm...", Hoseok hesitates just long enough to make it awkward before Jinae saves him: "almost a month". An awkward silence falls before you ask your boyfriend to go dance with you. Oh God that's right, this godforsaken restaurant has a dancefloor and romantic music playing. Your boyfriend manages to catch himself right in time but Hoseok saw he was about to roll his eyes. He would never do that. If you asked him to to dance with you he would be the happiest man on earth.

You're on the dancefloor slow dancing with your boyfriend and Hoseok stares holes into the back of your head while ignoring his girlfriend next to him. He knows he's being horrible to her. That she doesn't deserve this, but he couldn't stand to be alone while you were with someone. "they're so cute. Do you think we could ever be like that?", Jinae asks with an endeared look in her eyes. "no". "What is up with you? Why did you bring me here, you've been ignoring me all night", Jinae sounds clearly offended. "I don't know, I think we should break up".

PARK JIMIN

You're laying on your couch watching some romantic movie. An empty container of ice cream is laying on the floor in front of you and the tear streaks are still clear on your face. You and your boyfriend just broke up. Apparently He couldn't handle your close friendship with Jimin. It had started with him making sly remarks towards him and ended with him accusing you of cheating. Doors had been slammed and tears shed but it was over now, for good. You'd gone straight home and hadn't contacted anyone. you Just wanted to be alone.

All of a sudden your shaken awake by the ringing of your doorbell. After blinking your sleep away you get up to open the door. On the way there you look at the clock and see it's 2am. The bell rings again right before you open the door. Jimin almost falls onto your floor. "What are you doing here?" You ask softly. Jimin leans against the wall and manages to slur out: "You've ruined my life". He smells of alcohol. "Jimin, what are you talking about?" "I can't stop thinking about you and your stupid boyfriend. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you for years and now you have this idiot of a boyfriend. I hate him. he's so pretentious. You should be with me because when you're not it burns and I need you to make it stop. I know you love him. I know I don't have a chance with you. You're so smart and he's also smart and I'm not. You always talk about how amazing he is and I can't fucking take it. Maybe I should get out of your life, it hurts too much". All of this was rambled and a lot of it incomprehensible. after a moment of silence and Jimin trying to stay standing by holding on to the hallway mirror you say: "We broke up". "Come on Jimin, you can sleep on the couch and we'll talk tomorrow". "Okay, I love you", Jimin slurs while following you to the living room.

KIM TAEHYUNG

Your new fiancé has been proudly strutting around all night with you on his arm. You're gorgeous as always. His name was Dokyeom and he was annoyingly perfect. He was everything you deserved and everything Taehyung wasn't. You were the heiress of your mothers company and so you were always meant to marry the son of a rich family. That wasn't him. Taehyung came from an average family. The only reason he was here was because he was your best friend and you invited him to every single one of these events.

Dokyeom puts his arm around your waist, pulls you closer and Taehyung almost recoils. He couldn't take this. He had to get out of here. Since you were teenagers he'd been in love with you. Never once did he say anything. It would ruin your friendship with no point because he's always known you were to marry rich. And the worst part about all of this; you were happy. This would be so much easier if you hated Dokyeom. If you called Taehyung every night to complain about the horrible man your parents had arranged you to marry, but you didn't. You liked your fiancé.

He left. He had to. On his way out he asked one of your mutual friends to tell you he was sorry. He was just about to step out the door onto the street when he heard you call his name. "Taehyung, where are you going so early?" "oh, I'm just tired. Thought I'd head out early". "Without saying goodbye?" He hated this look on your face. Your face had fallen when he said that and now he felt horrible. You frowned and said: "you normally love these things. What's really going on?" He figured there was no point in lying. Maybe Namjoon had been right when he said that the best thing to do would be to be honest with you. So here he went; finally taking his chance after almost 10 years. "I can't do this Y/N. I can't watch you marry that guy. I love you. I love you so much and yet I can't stand to watch you be happy with someone else. I can't keep hurting myself.

"Run away with me", was all you answered.

JEON JUNGKOOK

He was going to kill that guy, and after that you. No, he would never do that; he loved you. He was just mad. Earlier tonight you had fought. You wanted to go out with your friends but when Jungkook saw the dress you were wearing he told you to change. It turned into a fight. You said he had no right to tell you what to wear and he had accused you of not respecting him. In hindsight he'd realised you were right. So now he was here at the club he knew you were at, to apologise. He didn't want to wait until you were back because then he'd be asleep and he knew that you wouldn't talk about it the next morning.

When he arrived he'd spotted you after a mere 2 seconds of looking at the dancefloor. You were dancing closely with some guy. He had his hands all over you but you seemed to drunk to realise. A couple seconds later you seemed to sober up a bit and told the guy to back of. He didn't of course. This was Jungkook's cue to step in. He marched up to the guy and pulled him away from you. "When a lady says back off, you back of alright you piece of filth". He wrapped his arm around your shoulders, "let's go home Y/N". "Okay, but I'm still mad at you". "Yeah about that", he lead you out of the club while saying: "I'm sorry about that, you were right I totally overreacted". He opened the car door for you and then went over to the driver's seat. "You should be able to wear what you want, I'll shut up about it next time". "Good". You said curtly. After a few minutes of silence you softly said "I'm sorry I stormed out without solving the argument". He looked over and smiled, "Forgiven and forgotten".

requests always welcome

#bts #bts headcanons #jimin #jungkook #namjoon #taehyung #yoongi #jin #hoseok #bts reactions #bts fanfiction #bts scenarios #bts fluff #bts angst

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norts-trolls · 1 month

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NEW BASE NEW CLOWNS!!! Hi hello! I got clown brain rot again so I made a new base. As always these are payp*l only. For an extra $15 I will draw an icon for them!! DM me if interested. And please remember to read my rules!

Hot slut summer(20): OPEN

Strong Woman Mime(20): SOLD

Beast Priest(25): PRECLAIMED

Sprinkled with love(25): SOLD

Tiiight Pants tiger(20): SOLD

Satin Jester(25) SOLD

BY PURCHASING MY ADOPTS, YOU ARE AGREEING TO THE FOLLOWING.

You must Credit me for the design

You may NOT edit my original work in any form or way.

You may change the design and species after you've bought the design, but must keep the design recognizable and Still leave me credit.

Gender and bloodcolor is ultimately up to the buyer.

You may not repost the original artwork to deviantart, instagram, or other social media/portfolio sites.

You can however store it in your deviantart sta.sh, post it to tumblr profiles, or upload it to websites like toyhou.se with proper credit. (Lil-Nort)

IF THE ADOPT IS POC DO NOT CHANGE THAT DETAIL

You may NOT resell, gifting is fine. Do inform me of who it has been gifted to so I may keep track for my ownership chart.

I can hold for 3 days max

Any future commissions of adopts brought from me will have discount.

DO NOT USE THE ADOPTS FOR GROSS STUFF ( hate messages, racism, N/FTS etc etc use common sense)

ADOPTS WILL NOT BE USED FOR COMMERCIAL USE. (you can however buy commercial use license)

ABSOLUTELY NO USE OF AI WITH ANY OF MY WORKS

Message me the word Clown so I know you read the rules!

#norts art #norts adopts

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neptoons1998 · 6 months

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You like the snow?

Tag gang: @xchoxix @s0lam33y @mal-urameshi

a/n: this one is short and sweet, kinda like y'all.

Summary: Shuri and Riri family snowy fluff.

Shuri could not help but look at her daughter who just discovered snow. Shuri wasn’t surprised because her daughter had lived in Wakanda all her life. The only time she experienced Chicago was during the spring and summer times.

“You know you can joy her, Kitten,” Riri stated as she made hot chocolate. Shuri felt a shiver coursing through her veins, “In this weather, please be reasonable my love.”

Shuri doesn’t like the snowy weather, it was like a spell that’ll make her go to bed and tinker on something that doesn’t require a lot of brain power.

“Do you think she likes it?” Riri questioned as she looked out from the window. She placed her head on Shuri’s collarbone.

Zora was bundled up to the nines. Shuri was still amazed that her child could move her arms with how many layers Riri said the young girl needed.

“She’s still her baby skin,” Riri replied, “Plus she isn’t used to the snow either.”

“Cold,” Zora stated as she looked at her parents who were inside her grandmother’s house. The parents slowly teach Zora some English words not too much or else she’ll confused.

Riri quickly pulled on her jacket before stepping onto her mom’s patio, “Do you like it?”

Zora looked up at her mama as she shook her head, “Cold.”

Riri nodded as she picked up her daughter, “Maybe you’ll like it when you’re older.”

Riri in record timing took off the layers from Zora’s body.

“Maybe she knows that winter isn’t the best season,” Shuri commented as she placed the lukewarm chocolate milk in her daughter’s waiting hands.

“Ah, who knew royalty were also their own jesters?” Riri teases before placing a soft kiss on Shuri’s lips.

#fanfiction #ao3 #riri williams #shuriri #shuri x riri #fanfic #shuri udaku #writing

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battorlstuff · 4 months

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"The menu"

The menu will be a section where I list the stories and concepts I am working on and a future index for all my stories.

I will accept suggestions and if possible I will try to give priority to the stories of your choice.

1. A Real Dad

The city's dads usually meet once a month to have a drink and talk about life. Everyone seemed to have a belly, more or less big, but there was someone who made them roll their eyes, Carlos. Why did he have a body like that? Carlos's comments didn't help either, but maybe during the next summer trip the other men will help Carlos become a real dad.

2. At the Mercey of the Envy

Matt was willing to become a model, he already had several proposals and with his good looks and statuesque body, no one doubted that he would be a super model, that is until his mother died. Being left in the care of his stepfather and his envious stepbrother was the worst thing that could have happened to Matt.

3. A Cow to Fill and Drain

James shouldn't have bothered the campus nerds, specifically the university's science champions. Well, when the group of nerds gets a million-dollar deal with a dietary supplement company, they make sure James is their test subject.

4. Expanding Kingdoms

A young and attractive prince named Aiden, possessed of a statuesque body, is at the mercy of a king and his son, being reduced to an obese jester.

King Cyrus and his son Danus are extremely obese but control most of the kingdoms, between negotiations at court the gallant prince ends up insulting the king and his son, mocking their weight and fat body. So when the war breaks out and the prince's kingdom falls, the gallant remains in the hands and as a prisoner of the king and his son.

The king leaves the arrogant prince at the mercy of his son Danus, who takes it upon himself to fatten and humiliate him. Danus enjoys watching the hot prince grow fat and lose his wonderful muscles.

5. Extra Credits, Extra Pounds

Logan is both intelligent and attractive, and he went to one of the best high schools in London.

As the son of farmers he has developed an exceptional physique due to all the work on the farm, but his parents did not take kindly to him not wanting to dedicate himself to the fields, he practically had to run away from home. Now he was one of the most popular and handsome guys in the place.

Most of his teachers adore Logan, he is the perfect student, although there may be some who have certain resentment towards the boy. Algebra Professor Harries hates Logan, the boy was not only brilliant but also too attractive.

Professor Harries couldn't help but be consumed by envy, because every time Logan showed off his good body the professor remembered how he tried to look better and exercise at that age. Teacher's pet Ethan also seems jealous, Etahn is a nerd but unlike Logan, Ethan is overweight and basically ugly.

When Logan wins a scholarship to a prestigious university, Ethan is frustrated. Logan is not only attractive but smarter. Maybe his favorite teacher has a plan, between the two of them will blackmail the handsome boy into doing whatever they want, putting his scholarship in the way.

6. Stuffed Deal

Jason has been a bully all his life, when he finished college things seemed to be going great, he had a good job and his body looked better than ever, but when the company where he works declares bankruptcy things get complicated for Jason.

The stud finds a new world online and with his good looks he does not hesitate to make videos and lives, satisfying others for money. However, without knowing it, Jason ends up at the mercy of some guys who have a certain grudge against him.

I will also continue working on Fall of the Jock and maybe another chapter for Rival Treatment 😏

#themenu #gaining weight #ex jock #you got fat #you getting fat #weight gain story #male weight gain fantasy #exjock #fit to fat #gaining fiction

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aita-blorbos · 7 months

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AITA for telling the king he smelled?

For context I (37M) am the court jester. Have been for almost three decades. My dad was the jester for the current king's dad when he was still ruling. Apparently my dad and the old king got along well. But somehow the sons didn't click the same way I guess.

Anyway, it was a usual Neptuesday and I was doing my thing. Got some new bells for my jester cap that all didn't have the same jingle so it was extra humorous. I was joking around with the advisors and the court. Making lewd remarks about their wives and just shooting the usual shit.

Anyway, we got into the subject of how hot it was. The wizards all pondered their orbs and had come to the conclusion that this summer was going to be the hottest in a long while. So I had some material to work with there and I worked it incredibly well. The laughter that day that rang across the castle halls, dear reader. It was a sound to behold.

Naturally I had to one up myself. So I broached the topic of sweat. Of sweat and smell. I talked of how despite the effort of the minister to smear himself with the scent of lime he still smelled of a pig pen and just things like that.

And of course everyone was waiting for me to talk of the king. I was the only one there could do so with my tongue intact.

And of course, as I held their attention and their hungry looks, my eyes flicked lazily to the king and I started talking about how he smelled. Of how someone once described to me the smell of mangrove swamps in continents faraway, and how the king must've been a swamp creature escaped from there and sitting here now. I had a prose, a narrative, a story woven into this joke of a tale. And they all ate it up. The rambunctious laughter was only cut when the king stood up, furious.

Now, as my head enters the guillotine board, I have but one question to ask.

AITA for telling the king he smelled?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

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celery-juice · 7 months

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The Big List Of Visual Novel Recs

I fuckin love visual novels, I see one I go 💗💗💗 All of these can be played on PC, a lot of them are free or cheap. I might miss some Trigger Warnings so you should definitely check the store pages yourself

Dating Sims

Blooming Panic Itch.io Free - "Depressed day-in and day-out from a draining corporate job, you become invested in a fantasy webnovel and find a mysterious link to a fan server. Everyone is warm and welcoming, but four members take a special interest in you!" TW for depression

Jester Under Pressure Itch.io Free - "Diskarte, jester of the high castle, has one job: entertaining the queen. This would be easy except Queen Bahaghari has a penchant for magically exploding the heads of subjects falling below her exacting standards. Can Diskarte avoid this frightening fate?" TW for death, war, and one incident of self-harm (not shown)

Our Life: Beginning and Always Steam Itch.io Free - "A twenty-dollar bill, four summers, fifteen years, and a one of a kind life. Create an experience that’s all your own in this near-fully customizable visual novel where you grow from childhood to adulthood with the lonely boy next door."

Amarantus Steam Itch.io $17.99 - "Arik's been told two things all his life: a tyrant is ruling the country, and somebody needs to do something. Now forced to flee his house after a midnight attack, his parents captured and his house torched—maybe somebody means you. It's time to gather a party, head to the capital, and take the Lord down. Along the journey, this crew of old friends and new strangers will grow closer—or further apart—as your choices guide Arik to win friends, make enemies, play matchmaker, and break hearts."

Saint Spells Itch.io Free - "Join us in our special Valentine’s day release of Saint Spell’s very own dating simulator! In your first week of school, meet 29 magical students, practice some special spells, brew a love potion, or simply slack off…"

Best Friend Forever Steam Itch.io $19.99 - "Pat the dogs... and then their owners. Step into the world of Rainbow Bay in Best Friend Forever, a dating sim-meets-dog care sim where you pat, pamper and train your pup while you search for your own forever friend."

Speed Dating for Ghosts Steam Itch.io $6.99 - "As a lonely specter looking for love in the afterlife, you attend a speed dating event and chat up a cemetery's worth of phantoms, wraiths, and poltergeists. At the end of the spooky mixer, choose your favorite! They'll take you out to all the best haunts: old folks' homes, creepy houses with new owners... Maybe solving a murder is your idea of a good time. Or robbing a bank. Ghosts are into all sorts of things."

The Ratchelor Itch.io Website Free - "Play as The Ratchelor, an eligible single rat looking for love. You'll get to know each of our 21 lovely contestants through intimate conversation. Round after round, you will choose who to eliminate, leaving only your most compatible rat suitors. Finally, at the end of your emotional journey, you will find your rat soulmate."

Someone Stole My Lunch! Itch.io Free - "A short comedy visual novel about your lunch and a thief... both of which are hot." TW for screen shakes

Cooked with Love Itch.io Free - "Perry is, to put it nicely, a bit of a mess. So they can hardly believe their luck when their crush, Lily, agrees to go on a date with them! When the day of the date rolls around, Perry's all set: they've scrounged up some cash, and got a reservation at the nicest restaurant in town. Except... where's their wallet? With nothing left to lose but their dignity, Perry's determined to whip up a fantastic dining experience at home. Sure, they've never cooked before, but how hard could it be, right?"

Cupid Date Itch.io Free - "A short visual novel about three and a half 'love stories' starring a gay alien boy named Kale, whose matchmaking roommate Sugar is determined to help him find true love. But when Sugar's a cupid with his own agenda and all Kale's potential soulmates are under a spell, can love really be all that true?" TW for attempted suicide, depression, and mind control

Dialtown Steam $7.99 - "If you've ever wanted to romantically pursue a phone, then hot DARN, do I have just the game for you."

Hooked on You: A Dead By Daylight Dating Sim Steam $9.99 - "Welcome to Murderer’s Island. Your companions: four dead-sexy Killers who, underneath their murderous exteriors, just want a little romance. Flirt your way into their hearts, uncovering dark twists along the way. Will you find true love, forge friendships… or get hacked to death?" TW for blood, violent threats, referenced murder

Later Daters Steam Itch.io $14.99 on Steam, $15.99 on Itch - "Welcome to Ye OLDE! Your new retirement paradise. Date as an octogenarian and find somebody to love, or just get your kicks in while the getting is good. Remember, if the chairs are rockin', don’t come a-knockin." TW for mentioned death (by old age) and mentioned transphobia from family members

Pinewood Island Steam Itch.io $9.99 - "Find love, solve a murder, and prevent more death in this murder-mystery horror otome | visual novel." TW for drinking, stalking, attempted sexual assault, suicide, attempted suicide, and murder

Love: Spice Itch.io Free - "In a world where everybody (yes, everybody) is some kind of spice, a regular black pepper, weighed down by the mundanities of life, engages in an interesting hobby to destress: people -- no, spice watching. In a completely respectful manner, of course. It's always cathartic to see hot men just existing. But at some point, these men have begun to take an interest in our unassuming little black pepper! And maybe, just maybe, it'll develop into something more…" TW for cannibalism and stalking

Meeting in the Flesh Itch.io Free - "Meeting in the Flesh is a free horror/romance visual novel. You play as Vil, the resident of a strange but friendly little city, encountering various people and getting the chance to court one of three different monstrous suitors. Though the game will include some body horror imagery, the game is a romance at its core, with a focus on getting to know and growing closer to your partner. It features romantic scenes that can be toggled between a PG-13 and R rating." TW for body horror

Today, I'm Harvesting You! Itch.io Free - "Very poor and very tired of being single, you set out for your day with one goal: change both of those things, no matter the cost!!" TW for murder, chibi dismembering, organ selling

Chill Fun

Butterfly Soup Itch.io Free - "A visual novel about gay asian girls playing baseball and falling in love." TW for ableist slurs and brief written depictions of parental physical and emotional abuse

Syrup And The Ultimate Sweet Itch.io Free - "SYRUP AND THE ULTIMATE SWEET is a visual novel made for YuriJam 2015! it's about a candy alchemist, syrup, who one day finds a candy golem in her basement workshop. where did she come from?? who the heck made her????? GO FIND OUT!! did i mention there are 10 endings because. that's right. 10 endings."

Lonely People Potion Shop Itch.io Free - "Somewhere deep inside the magical forest forgotten lies a hut, a potion shop! The creatures of the lands near and far come visit this tiny place sharing their stories, feelings, thoughts on the mystery that's about to unravel... And it's your job to pour 'em some potions!"

The Murder of Sonic The Hedgehog Steam Free - "Sonic the Hedgehog...was murdered!? Get to the bottom of the mystery in this brand-new adventure!"

The Ratchelor 2 Website Free - Another season of The Ratchelor with all new characters!

I love my follower (count) Itch.io Free - "You are an Eldritch horror, summoned to the human realm. You’re soon to realize, however, that you have more in common with your followers than you thought - they, too, have a longing for The Void. The Void in their case is, however, mostly something they call ‘y2k’ and ‘retro anime aesthetics’.But oh well, every god needs clout."

Sad Shit

He Fucked The Girl Out of Me Steam Itch.io Free - "A semi-autobiographical narrative visual novel about trauma and sex work made for the gameboy. The author explains how sex work impacted her life and changed her perception of the world. The game takes approximately 40 minutes to play from start to finish." TW for dubious consent, disassociation, transphobia from family members, sissy kink, misogyny/transmisogyny

Milk inside a bag of milk inside a bag of milk Steam Itch.io $1 - "A short story about what sort of challenges everyday little things can be. Help the girl buy milk, be the first not to disappoint her." TW for parental abuse

if not us Itch.io $7.00 - "Seven years ago, five heroes were brought together to save the world. Their success came at the cost of their leader's life; the secret behind it cost them their friendship. Now they've been summoned for a new heroic quest. if not us is about the moment when they realise everything isn't going to be okay." TW for death, including of the player character

Horror

(Don't) Open Your Eyes Itch.io Free - "A short, horror-themed Visual Novel about a midnight encounter with a mysterious being. Through conversation, you'll learn more about them, such as their journey so far, or what they think about themselves. And every now and then, it'll make a simple request out of you: to open your eyes."

Don't Toy With Me Itch.io Free - "For a long time now, Dahlia has lived by herself in the Dollhouse with only the stuffed rabbit Wisker for company. One day the owner of the toys decides to present her with a new companion, a sad clown puppet named Huxley. She's delighted for the company but, as the owner soon realizes, it's not so simple to introduce a new friend to the household." TW for manipulation, emotional abuse, murder, violence, body horror with non-human characters

Therapy with Dr. Albert Krueger Itch.io Free - "Has work been feeling more tiring than usual? Your mood, confusing and uneasy? Losing the confidence to speak up when you want to? Then it sounds like you need our newly patented ★DREAM THERAPY★!" TW for jumpscares, loud noises, disturbing and flashing images, implied violence, and cartoon gore

Find Love or Die Trying Steam Itch.io Free - "It's the premiere of our new dating show, where ending up single... means ending up dead! Not sure why you'd sign up for this, but now that you're here, you've got 7 days to get one of the lovely ladies on your tropical island getaway to fall in love in with you. If she's willing to put a ring on it, you're both free to leave. If not... well, it's in the name of the show!" TW for manipulation

#visual novel #video games #pc games #visual novel recs #video game recommendations #dating sim #indie visual novel #indie games #itch.io #steam games #steam

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