#hopefully ill be daily again soon! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

medakakurokami · 10 months

Text

I finished over 100 visual novels, here’s a long post with some recommendations

Last month I hit 100 Finished VN’s over on the VNDB and I thought I’d shoot out some recommendations while the Steam Summer Sale is going on (even though some of these aren’t going to be on Steam)

I already have finished up some stragglers and caught some shorter titles so it’s up to 104 Finished, but all the better. I have been reading some VN’s since 2015, but it really became a hobby and a genre I was invested in during Covid lockdown in 2020. I had trouble getting into some of the popular titles, but a couple of games that were lesser known at that time really blew me away that year and I started digging more into the medium. I still have a lot to try out and other classics I’m still interested in trying, but here’s a top 10 I’m confident in recommending to most people, at least the kinda people that would follow this blog. A few of these recommendations are actually multi-part series, but hopefully accessible all around.

Planetarian ($10 on Steam and Switch, ~$5 on sale)

This is a very late entry onto this list but I think it’s an easy recommendation. This is a very short 2-4 hour visual novel that got a well received 2 hour movie adaptation in 2016, but it was strong enough that even while knowing the plot everything still hit hard. It is a story set 30 years after an apocalyptic event destroys most of the world, as a human junk-trader comes across a planetarium with a somehow-still-functional robot named Hoshino still performing her daily duties after 30 years without customers or coworkers. It can come across as a bit saccharine, but it is a quick, well made, and effective tearjerker.

Narcissu 1st & 2nd (Free on Steam)

Narcissu’s first two parts are pretty compelling stories to do with suicidal ideation within the scope of the terminally ill. Which is to say they’re also real tear jerkers, and pretty open about some harsh self-reflective emotions. They both have stellar endings, and can be quite immersive despite the very limited artwork (if the screencap looks weird, the game’s art exists within a narrow strip on the screen, with a sentence or two reading out the story underneath it). Maybe the least accessible on this list, but a $0 price tag makes it easier in some sense to get into.

Umineko no Naku Koro ni / When The Seagulls Cry (~$50 on Steam, $30 on sale)

Umineko you’ve probably already heard of, and here’s me recommending it. Umineko comes in two parts, on Steam referred to as the Questions Arc and the Answers Arc. Despite the split, the overall story follows the events of a certain day on Rokkenjima Island in 1986 as a family meets to discuss their inheritance and their family’s mysteries. Unbeknownst to them they are soon haunted, over and over again, by the revenant of the Golden Witch said to live in the woods of their family’s island.

I’m in the minority of preferring the Questions Arc, where well written and deeply human characters find themselves in deeply inhumane and nonsensical scenarios. The Answers Arc back seats some of that to start delving into an esoteric explosion of clues and backstories, and was still very entertaining even if I was more invested in the episodic stories than the overarching mystery. This may also be seen as inaccessible, $30-50 for a slightly older title and over 140 hours long on average playthroughs, but it is deeply absorbing.

Witch on the Holy Night a.k.a. Mahoyo ($40 on PS4 and Switch)

Mahoyo is me and Nasu’s marriage counselor, it really made me see the good in him. It follows a young witch co-habitating with her magic colleague and the puppy-like boy that unwittingly steps into their world at risk to his own life, just as unexplained apparent murders are witnessed in their town.

This could possibly be a higher level recommendation, though it was apparently intended to have sequels and you can somewhat feel that in the isolated feeling of its main conflict. Despite this, the game is definitely worth experiencing for its classy charm and extremely well made action sequences that at times make you forget you’re not watching a full anime film. It’s also a showcase of Nasu’s strengths in writing character interactions and comedy, and he finally lets Show take over and stops Telling you piles of mage society worldbuilding quite so often. It is also has some of the highest quality production value I’ve ever seen, second maybe to...

Marco and the Galaxy Dragon ($20 on Steam/Switch, less than $10 on sale)

Marco and the Galaxy Dragon is an explosive opera of art, energy, color, and of course music. It follows the orphaned Marco and her dragon compatriot Arco as they hunt for treasure across the cosmos, finding their way to Earth on the hunt for Marco’s mother.

If Umineko’s 140 hours seems steep, Marco has you covered with a quick 6 hour rundown of a rebellious orphan fighting back against her space alien menace to find her own sense of place and identity in the universe, along with ALL the friends she made along the way. If Mahoyo feels like an anime film sometimes, Marco actually just has fully animated FMV cutscenes that are fun as hell and have their own unique artstyle to the VN itself. Thousands of pieces of artwork and a 52-track OST fill the game’s short runtime with no cut corners and and overflow of passion from the devs. Honestly even if you don’t want to read it go buy it, it’s cheap and they earned it.

White Album 2 (You’ll have to be creative to find this one)

This is the only recommendation that’s currently only available in an adults only 18+ Rating for the English translation. That being said, it’s one of the few erotic VN’s that felt justified in its pornographic scenes. The story is split into two releases: Opening Chapter and Closing Chapter.

Opening is a short and powerfully delivered love triangle narrative following Haruki, Setsuna, and Touma as their hastily formed 3-man light music band falls into itself with feelings. It’s charming but gut wrenching and sweeps you into its drama very effectively before kicking you on your ass in the end.

Closing Chapter is a long and drawn out disassembling of their lives as they fail to heal from the wounds of the relationships seen in Opening. It, to great effect, takes the readers own experience with how fun and passionate the Opening Chapter was, and shows how trying to cling to halcyon days can make us so dispassionate about our present lives. Painful stuff! Good music, too.

The Princess, The Stray Cat, and Matters of the Heart 1 & 2

a.k.a. Noratoto ($40 on Steam for both, ~$15 for both on sale)

This is a very personal recommendation, and maybe one more easy to make on this blog where many of my followers might be receptive to sincere but slapstick ecchi comedy as art. Every route is highly different however and to me, some are pretty average for galge, while others stand out as amazing. The comedy writing as well feels like it was written by someone with actual comic writing experience, and not just regurgitating the usual ecchi manga jokes.

The general premise of Noratoto is the protagonist Nora, being transformed into a cat by Patricia the princess of the Netherworld, and he must reverse this curse via a kiss before it becomes permanent. A benign fairy tale premise, but one that somehow gives way to underlying stories about existence and finding purpose in families and where that leaves those without families or with abusive or divided families (it is from the same developers as Marco and the Galaxy Dragon, and the themes of finding identity without family match up very closely). Uniquely it is a visual novel written somewhat in 3rd person, narrated by a motherly voice as if the VN was being read to you as a bedtime story.

Like I said, it is dependent on route and some come across as your usual ecchi gal-game schtick, but some stick out, and if every route was as high quality as Nobuchina’s in the 2nd game, it would probably be my favorite visual novel.

The Original Ace Attorney Trilogy ($30 on most platforms, $10 on sale)

You’ve almost certainly heard of Ace Attorney already and have most likely played it. This is me telling any Ace Attorney fans reading that the original trilogy still reigns supreme (regardless of Turnabout Big Top). This is also me telling anyone who has held out on trying Ace Attorney to try it, and to start with the original trilogy.

Obviously this trilogy follows the Meme Man Himself, Phoenix Wright, as he defends the innocent and brings the guilty to justice acting as both lawyer and his own main investigator. While each case presents a unique mystery, the original trilogy has an underlying arc that reaches from beginning to end with a massive conspiracy that Phoenix has to breach to bring justice to the perpetrators and resolve the memory and regrets of his beloved mentor.

These games have some speedbumps as you may be banging your head against the wall trying to find the right evidence, but the experience that breaks through does so with gusto, succeeding on what it sets out to be: games that make you feel like you’ve brought justice to the world.

Utawarerumono Trilogy ($40/60 each on Steam, trilogy bundle $62 on sale)

Utawarerumono was my first proper visual novel, and it set the standards pretty high. I’ve posted about it several times in the last few years, and it remains one of my favorites. It is a labor of love on the part of the developers (the same developers as White Album 2), who developed the latter two games over the course of several years and have made this the spearhead of their company for the time being. Which makes sense, since it is about war.

The first game follows a masked man who is given the name Hakuoro waking up in a rural village with amnesia, confused about the strange population of beast-men living there. Despite not understanding his situation, his ingenuity brings the village prosperity. When the local lords try to put the village under their thumb, Hakuoro and the villagers are able to turn the tides against them. Their village grows into a kingdom as Hakuoro seeks the mysteries of himself and the world around him.

The latter two games pick up some twenty years after the conclusion of the first, and follow a man who is given the name Haku, waking up in the woods with amnesia confused about the... you get it. He is met by Kuon, a young girl on her way traveling to the capital of their nation of Yamato. Haku graciously accepts her help getting out of the cold woods, and decides to join her to the capital. As events play out, Haku finds himself under the direct command of the nation’s leader the Mikado, and carries out missions on his behalf as the nation continues to drag itself into war and conflict and Haku also seeks the truth of his identity.

These games are expansive in scope while still putting a large focus on the day-to-day lives of its characters. Around 100 hours across all three games it is impressive how much story it manages to fit in, but the pacing does bounce around between sweeping conflict and sleepy conversations. It is also in part, a strategy RPG game with the battles in the war being controlled by the player. These are decently made, especially well in the third game, but don’t ask too much of the player and the story remains the main focus and biggest portion of the runtime.

The House In Fata Morgana a.k.a. Fatamoru

($40 complete version on PS4/Switch, ~$40 main game + expansion on Steam)

I’ve gushed about this enough on this tumblr, I’ll keep it brief.

You are a formless soul who is led by the hand of a mysterious maid through the doors of a mansion on an unknown plane of existence. Through each door lies a story of the house in a different era, all following people bound together in ways that leave them cruelly and violently undone by the end of their stories. The connection between these stories, the mystery of the house and the supposed witch that resides within, and the mystery of You the wandering soul all slowly unravel in a bloody show of catharsis and soul. The game is dripping with traumatic poetic text, grating beautiful music, and all of its atmosphere geared toward being oppressive yet enticing. One of the best things I’ve read.

Honorable mentions:

Va-11 Hall-A and Endless Mondays get shout outs as some of the best Original English Language VN’s I’ve read, with cool artstyles and a mature cast they manage to be fun and relatable. Va-11 Hall-A delivers a great arc for its protagonist and Endless Mondays has great dialogue on the threat of automation of creative industries.

Grisaia Trilogy and Hatsumira are both absolutely raucous trilogies that are a lot of fun. Not wholly recommendable to all, Grisaia has some strong moments and a hilarious unique cast but is a mess overall (but we love Michiru). Hatsumira is a bit more consistent, a more stable and fantasy-oriented Grisaia.

A.I. The Somnium Files duology are detective games with highly divisive endings, but great comedy and characters that make them very easy to get through and enjoy the whole way to the end. It’s just a toss-up whether you’ll like that ending.

Sakura Wars games are finally being translated, and they are a great showing for anyone who wants to try some classic dating sim stuff but with some pizazz thrown in with the setting and mecha combat.

The Tears to Tiara duology by the same developers of Utawarerumono and White Album is also one to keep an eye out for. The first game's definitive version isn't available in English and the second game is stuck on the PS3 and no longer available digitally, but if they ever come out on Steam they are worth your time.

Nanairo Reincarnation and Kinkoi: Golden Loveriche are also two solid ecchi comedy galge. Both have surprisingly deep and genuinely heartbreaking underlying mysteries and conclusions.

I still have a lot I wanna read, Planetarian is the only Key novel I’ve read. On the docket are Labyrinth of Galleria, Little Busters, the 9 -nine- series, and Kara no Shoujo and White Album 1 releasing on Steam this year. Some classics I didn’t mention are Fate/Stay Night, Muv Luv, Steins Gate. Muv Luv I read Extra and enjoyed it, but never pulled the trigger on reading the rest, I may at some point on a whim. Steins;Gate I played through half of on PS3 and now my PS3 is in the closet, the VN is really good and has a unique atmosphere to the anime, buuuuuuut knowing the plot has made it hard to want to restart on PC or another console. Steins;Gate is good, if anyone is reading this far and hasn’t seen the anime or read the VN, do it.

#long post #i'll only tag the main ones #planetarian #narcissu #umineko #witch on the holy night #marco and the galaxy dragon #white album 2 #the princess the stray cat and matters of the heart #noratoto #ace attorney #utawarerumono #the house in fata morgana

380 notes · View notes

yournecessaryevil · 5 months

Text

💊 Sick From The Melt 💊

💀CHRIS MOTIONLESS X READER ONESHOT💀

Everyone knows he's got the voice of an absolute angel, some might even say a siren, perhaps. But what happens when Chris suddenly ends up sick and that voice can no longer be heard...?

• fluff; language; mentions of illness

"I'm telling you, there's something off about him today."

You heaved a sigh, trying hard to ignore the raised eyebrow you were currently receiving from Ricky, as the two of you sat across from each other at one of the tables in Starbucks.

"I mean, he didn't even move when I told him we were stopping here to grab some coffee. He almost never says no to Starbucks," the guitarist continued, throwing a glance over his shoulder towards the front windows, where you both could see the bus parked across the street.

"There's nothing off about him, maybe he just wanted to sleep in today, be lazy?" you argued. But you knew even as you said it that it was a lie. Ricky had made a fair point; in the short time you'd been touring with the band, you'd noticed a few things about each member.

Ricky refused to wait for late people, he couldn't stand them. He was also a bit of a perfectionist, not so unlike the band's lead vocalist, Chris. The two of them put together could be an absolute nightmare, sometimes. Justin had taken on sort of the "dad" role of the group occasionally, many a time without even realizing it.

Both Ryan and Vinny were pretty chill people to work with, and if you had to admit it, you found that Ryan wasn't actually as intimidating as you had first thought. And there had been many a night where Vinny's good sense of humor had helped save what would have otherwise been a very long, stressful road trip.

You had also learned within the first week that Chris did indeed love his coffee as much as the band's guitarist had implied. There were a few mornings where the two of you would be up and about much earlier than any of the other band members, so you and Chris would either stay in and make your own coffee, or go out and get coffee together.

It had become a sort of routine, a daily ritual of sorts, for the two of you.

Which was why you knew, deep down, that Ricky's suspicions might actually be correct.

Maybe there was indeed something off about Chris today.

"You know I'm right, I can see it," the guitarist pointed out, echoing your inner thoughts.

With another sigh, you nodded in agreement, your gaze drifting for a moment to rest behind Ricky's left shoulder, on the tour bus still parked and waiting across the street.

"I mean, you saw how he looked, right? He looks like he hasn't gotten any sleep since two days ago," Ricky continued quietly.

Your eyes shifted to meet his, before you let your gaze drop, staring down at the steaming paper cup of coffee clutched between your hands.

He was right again; the brief glimpse you had gotten of Chris before the two of you had left... there had been something different about him.

He did indeed look like he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep in a while. But you had assumed he'd be fine, nothing a long nap wouldn't cure, really.

"Maybe it's just the stress of touring, I don't know. I don't really want to think of anything worse right now, do you?" you answered softly.

Ricky offered you a rueful smile, nodding in agreement before taking a sip of his coffee and getting up from the table. "Here, come on, let's get back before they get on our asses, yeah? I think we've kept 'em waiting long enough," he spoke up, with another gentle smile.

With a nod, you got up, following him out of the coffee shop and across the street, towards the tour bus. Hopefully things would start looking up, and soon...

"You sure you're gonna be okay out there? You look like death warmed over," you remarked. Chris waved you off with a rather weak smile, shrugging in response. "I'll be fine," he replied, before closing his eyes and letting you finish with his stage makeup.

When you were done, you stood back, admiring your work before watching Chris as he struggled to get up from the chair. A gentle frown marred your features as you continued to watch him, wincing as Chris suddenly went into a brief coughing fit before he disappeared into the back room to retrieve something.

Ricky's suspicions had definitely proven correct; there was something wrong with Chris.

The vocalist seemed weaker than usual the past few days, and you might be mistaken, but you could swear that his voice was fading, too. He also didn't seem to have as much energy or enthusiasm for things as he usually did.

It was a drastic change from the Chris you'd grown to know and love over the past couple of months you'd spent touring with the band.

Something was definitely wrong.

His words almost an exact mirroring of your inner thoughts, you suddenly heard Vinny speak up.

"Dude, he's been in there for a while, it's too quiet, something's up."

"Like what was up with the laundry?" someone asked, earning a round of laughter from the group. Vinny waved them all off with a scoff, although even from here, you could see the poorly concealed grin on his face.

Still, maybe he was right, maybe someone should go check on the lead vocalist...

"Guys, I'll be right back, hold on," you spoke up, heading towards the back room. The trace of a smile you still wore from moments earlier now vanished the instant you stepped foot into the room.

Your eyes widened as you took in the unmoving figure lying prone on the floor, an unopened bottle of water resting a few feet away from his hand. Your heart thundering in your chest, you threw a panicked glance over your shoulder, locking eyes with Ricky, who frowned.

"Call the paramedics! Now!" you told him, your voice trembling. You didn't even wait to hear his response; turning back around, you dropped to your knees beside Chris, grabbing ahold of his wrist and checking for a pulse.

It was still there, sure, but it seemed weaker than normal, or perhaps that was just your imagination...?

"Chris?? Can you hear me??"

Your desperate cries went unanswered, the vocalist's eyes remaining closed and his breathing shallow. Growing more anxious with every second that ticked by, you reached out with both hands, grabbing ahold of one of Chris's shoulders and trying to shake him awake.

"Chris! Please! You can't-"

"Hey, stop, shh," Ricky's gentle voice suddenly interrupted from your left. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him kneel down next to you, taking one of Chris's wrists and checking for a pulse, much as you had done earlier.

A frown crossed his features, and he sat there, studying Chris for a moment, before releasing his friend's wrist and turning his attention towards you.

"Did he collapse when you walked in here, or was he already like this?" the guitarist asked softly. You felt hot tears forming at the corners of your eyes, making no effort to wipe them away as they slipped down your cheeks.

"He... he was like this when I came in here, I f-found him, he- he-" you couldn't even string a full sentence together anymore, your breath was coming out in quick, trembling gasps.

"Okay, hey, shh. Listen to me, Y/N. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to go and wait out there with the guys, yeah? Can you do that for me?" Ricky asked. You locked eyes with him then, giving him a minute shake of your head.

"No, what about Chris-" you began, but the guitarist shook his head at you, cutting you off with a gentle smile. "Don't worry about Chris. I want you to go wait for us, I'll take care of everything," he reassured you.

Taking your hand in his, he helped you up off the floor, leading you out of the room, but not before you threw one last worried glance over your shoulder at Chris.

"Paramedics are on their way, about ten minutes out," someone informed Ricky quietly. He nodded, leading you over to one of the couches in the room, giving you a gentle push on the shoulders to sit down.

"Here, just... stay here for me, okay? I'm gonna go check on Chris," he said softly, offering you a rueful smile, before turning around and heading towards the back room again.

The next few minutes seemed to drag on, each second slowly blurring into the next, the guys' voices becoming muffled and unintelligible as exhaustion eventually settled in.

Before you knew it, you were lying down on your side, letting your eyes fall closed, worried thoughts of Chris and what would happen to him drifting through your mind before darkness finally closed in...

Death.

Dying, death, dead...

Wait, he wasn't dead, was he??

It certainly felt as though he had.

Every part of him ached, his throat felt like shit, and what the ever loving fuck was that annoying sound he kept hearing?

Trying to open his eyes was an entirely different struggle in itself, and the minute he'd accomplished this, he instantly wished he hadn't.

Everything was... too bright, too clean and white and... wrong, somehow.

A low groan tore itself free from his raw, aching throat, followed by the softest of gasps from somewhere on his right.

"Chris?"

Wait a minute. He knew that voice.

He'd recognize it anywhere, she'd only been touring with them for a few months now, but he'd know the sound of her voice anywhere.

Y/N...

It seemed to take every ounce of energy he had left in him for Chris to turn his head to the right, just enough to see the figure sitting beside him.

"Y/N-" he began, struggling to get the words out. But he stopped short upon hearing the sound of his own voice. Or rather, the lack, thereof.

It was no more than a whisper, worse than he'd ever heard it.

Something was wrong.

Something was very wrong.

"Don't... don't talk. They said you need to be put on vocal rest..." Y/N told him quietly.

He could hear the worry in her voice, see it on her face.

"How long?" he breathed, unsure if she'd be able to hear him.

"The doctors said it could be days, maybe weeks, given the amount of shit your throat's been put through," came Ricky's voice, from somewhere near the foot of the bed.

Only then did it fully register with Chris just where exactly he was.

He'd been admitted to a hospital-?

What the fuck even happened??

"What hap-" he started, but he couldn't even get the rest of the words out, his throat was fucking killing him.

"Ricky, what was it they said he had?" Y/N asked, looking towards the foot of the bed.

His bandmate slowly came into view then, taking a seat beside Y/N and tiredly running a hand through his hair.

"You have what they called a bronchial infection. So... as far as any future shows go, we're gonna have to cancel," Ricky answered.

Almost immediately, Chris shook his head in protest, a frown marring his features.

"We can't-" he started, but his bandmate held up a finger to silence him.

"Chris, man. You can't sing. You can barely talk, what do you think's gonna happen if we put you out there on that stage? You're only gonna cause further damage to your throat. No, you need to rest, we'll figure something out," he said, exchanging a glance with Y/N.

She reached out then, taking one of his hands in hers.

"Chris, you... you collapsed in the back room of the venue. I thought- I thought maybe that was it," she whispered.

"Anyway, Ricky's right," she continued, her gaze dropping to stare down at their entwined hands, "you need some rest. The fans will understand, you know they will. Your health is more important right now."

"Look, Ryan and Justin have already reached out to the venue's manager and kinda told them what happened. We'll issue a refund for this part of the tour, and for the next few dates too. Right now, you just need to give your voice a break, man," Ricky added.

"We could always get Ashes to cover your guys' portion of the show, or the guys from Omens. You know they always draw a big crowd," Y/N quietly interjected. In his periphery, Chris saw his bandmate nod in agreement.

"Exactly, they'll cover us for the time being, I'm sure Noah's got no issues with it," he agreed.

So that was it, then?

They would just, what, decide all of this without hearing his input on things??

Ever observant, Y/N was quick to notice the expression on Chris's face.

"You know I'm right, please... you can't- I don't- I don't want you causing further damage, I don't want you hurting yourself more-" she said softly.

The pleading look in those eyes of hers, it could have broken him down right then and there.

This was really it, then. They were serious, she was serious about all of this...

A weary, broken sigh managed to slip through the cracks before he could stop it, and Y/N offered him a sympathetic smile in response.

"I know. But... it's only a few weeks, yeah? We can make it that long, right?"

We.

She really cared more than he thought she would, didn't she?

Something about the way she looked at him now, the determination in her eyes, the way her hand remained tightly clasped in his, like she was fighting to keep it together for everybody, for him-

It was something to be admired, really.

Another sigh, this time in weary resignation, as Chris finally nodded.

"Alright. Then it's done. You're on mandatory vacation for the next few weeks, along with the rest of us," Ricky spoke up, trying to lighten the mood a little.

By some miracle, it seemed to work, a faint smile flickering across Chris's face before it was gone.

"Do you want anything? Tea? Water?" Y/N asked softly, her brows furrowing in concern.

He answered her with a weak shake of his head, instead giving her hand the tightest squeeze he could manage at the moment.

"Stay."

That one word took every bit of effort he had, clawing its way out of his throat in a strangled half-whisper.

And yet, she still heard it, answering him with a silent nod and a reassuring (albeit faltering) smile.

Y/N did indeed stay, up until Chris found his eyes falling closed again, the physical and mental exhaustion becoming too much for him.

But before the welcoming waves of unconsciousness set in, he could have sworn he heard Y/N whisper something to him, something that sounded a lot like "I'll stay as long as you need me..."

Oh, if only she knew...

If only she knew just how much he needed her...

"Chris, I made you some- oh."

Startled, the lead vocalist cast a quick look over his shoulder at you, a somewhat guilty expression on his face.

Behind him, displayed on the still open screen of Ricky's laptop, was a video taken from a show Omens had put on two nights ago.

A show that Motionless was supposed to have played.

"It's only been a week, Chris. You... you can't keep doing this to yourself," you gently admonished him, crossing the room to bring him his cup of tea.

A rueful sort of smile etched itself onto his face, his eyes darting back to the screen for a minute before settling on yours again.

"I miss it," the words came out in a mumbled whisper.

You returned his rueful smile with one of your own, as you settled down on the seat beside him, resting your head on his shoulder.

"I know... I miss it too. I miss seeing you guys perform, I miss seeing the look in your eyes every time you take that stage," you murmured.

You knew he missed it, it was what he'd devoted most of his entire life to, it was one of the things he was most passionate about.

His music was a part of himself, and now that he didn't have it, Chris just seemed... at a complete loss.

It'd only been a week since he'd been released from the hospital, on the condition that he would take better care of himself and continue to be put on vocal rest until things were looking up again.

An entire week of staying in at an AirBnB you and the guys had taken the liberty of renting, an entire week of nothing but warm soup, hot tea, and lots of ice cold water.

It'd also been an entire week of Chris sneaking away with Ricky's laptop any chance he could get, practicing a sort of devotional commitment to watching any bit of media he could feed on, so long as it pertained to that week's tour.

A tour he should have been a part of...

On more than one occasion, you'd had to enlist Ricky's help with keeping Chris distracted, trying to keep his attention away from the source of both his joy and (unfortunately) current disappointment.

Today hadn't been one of those days; Ricky happened to be out when you needed him most.

But that was alright; maybe if this is what would help Chris feel like he was still a part of things, then... maybe it was for the best?

"Only a few more weeks, and then you'll be back up there, causing the crowd to go absolutely feral," you teased him, lightly nudging him with your elbow.

He gave you a look then, one perfect eyebrow raising, before he made a face at you.

"Oh, come on, you know I'm right," you grinned, trying not to laugh as you reached out towards Ricky's laptop, closing out the video and queuing up a new one.

This particular video was one that had quickly gone viral the minute it'd been posted, making the rounds on every popular social media site.

The video in question?

It was a video of Chris doing rather... suggestive... things with the microphone stand during a performance of their song "Werewolf".

You couldn't help but giggle as you nodded towards the screen.

"See? Only a few more weeks and then we can all enjoy that again," you teased him.

A quick glance up at him, and you just barely caught him giving you a roll of his eyes, although even he couldn't hide the smirk on his face.

"You people..." he whispered, shaking his head, though the smirk never left. As he took a sip of his tea, he reached forward and closed out the video still playing on the screen, a gentle sigh slipping past his parted lips.

"Only a few more weeks..." he repeated in a whisper. He took another small sip of tea, the silence between you two becoming almost something of a comfort- until he broke it.

"Can I ask you something?" Chris suddenly murmured, his voice still slightly hoarse from disuse.

You nodded, watching as he set his cup of tea down on the table in front of him, though his fingertips remained on its ceramic surface, toying with the rim of the cup as he gathered his thoughts.

"Rick- Rick said something to me the day after we had left the hospital, and it's been on my mind ever since. He told me that when I was admitted that night, when you found me like that- you refused to leave my side..."

He wouldn't look at you, his gaze instead fixed on that cup, his fingertips still lightly tracing the rim.

"He said that you hardly slept for those first few hours. And when we were getting ready to leave, he told me that he thinks you might be falling in love with me..." he continued.

Fuck... you'd had a feeling this moment was coming, and yet here you sat, completely unprepared for it.

You swallowed hard, the silence between you and Chris slowly growing more tense with each second that ticked by.

You could feel him watching you now, but you kept your eyes fixed in front of you, staring at the 'Esc' key on Ricky's laptop keyboard.

Ha... if only you could escape this conversation at the moment, wouldn't that be nice, right?

'Wishful thinking', your subconscious sneered at you.

You sighed, your eyes falling closed for a moment as you tried to gather your wits about you, until you felt Chris take one of your hands in his.

Your eyes flew open, meeting his, the solemn look on his face only making you more nervous.

"Tell me he's wrong...?" Chris prompted you in a whisper.

You took a deep breath in, letting it out in a sharp exhale, before answering him.

"Do you want him to be wrong?"

You could manage no more than a quiet murmur, your heart racing as you waited to hear his response.

There was a long beat of silence before Chris finally answered you, his gaze softening.

"No. I don't think I do."

Slowly, you nodded, your gaze dropping to land momentarily on your hand, still clasped within Chris's.

"He's right. I... I never meant for it to happen, I just- things became so easy, too easy. And these past few months, it just feels like it's been so much longer, but in a good way...? A very good way? And then you've been so nice to me, and I told myself I wouldn't fall for you, I can't, it's not right, I wouldn't do it..." you began to ramble.

"And then you did," Chris cut in softly.

"And then I did," you repeated, heaving a sigh.

"And now?" he breathed.

"And now I don't have a single fucking clue where it puts us," you answered.

"Chris, I'm scared. I- I don't know what comes next," you added in a solemn, trembling whisper, turning to stare up at him with wide eyes.

He gave your hand a gentle squeeze, before reaching out with his other hand to lightly brush his fingertips along your cheek.

"That's okay. Because I do," he spoke softly, one corner of his mouth lifting in a half-smile.

You waited anxiously, your heart thumping a steady, nervous staccato within the confines of your ribcage.

"You stayed. In the hospital, you stayed. These past few months, you never left, you stayed with me. Why?" he asked.

You kept your gaze steady on his, determined not to let him see just how badly he affected you, how nervous you were.

"You know why," you answered, your throat suddenly feeling dry.

He nodded, giving your hand another squeeze, his other hand now resting against the side of your face, keeping your attention on him.

"I do know. But I need to hear you say it."

Your heart thundered once, twice, in your chest, before you finally gathered up the courage to answer him.

"Why?" he repeated.

"Because I love you," you whispered.

And there it was.

The truth, the entirety of it, all encompassed within those four little words.

Because you loved him.

And you did... truly, madly, deeply.

You loved him more than you felt you ought to, more than you were probably supposed to.

Nothing would ever change that; nothing would change how close you and Chris had become the past few months, nothing would change the time you had spent by his side in that hospital room, waiting for him to recover.

"How long?" Chris suddenly spoke up.

You sighed in resignation, your brows furrowing as you offered him a rather rueful smile.

"A while. Since that first morning when you snuck me out of the bus with you to go and get coffee..." you admitted.

You took notice of the way one corner of Chris's mouth lifted in a smirk, his gaze growing soft.

"That long?" he teased.

You nodded, trying (and failing) to hide a faint grin.

"Always," you answered.

A moment of silence passed, before Chris suddenly pulled you into his warm embrace, circling his arms around you and holding you close to him.

You felt him rest his cheek against the top of your head, heard him loose a barely audible sigh of content.

"You could've told me sooner, you know. I think I sort of knew from the beginning," he murmured.

There was a brief pause before he continued.

"You were this little 5'-something with raw energy, no filter whatsoever, and you just... immediately fit right in. Everyone fucking loved you."

"Did you?" you couldn't stop yourself before it slipped out.

You could feel him smile against the top of your head, could hear it in his voice when he answered you.

"I did, yeah. Even tried to lie to myself and say that I wouldn't. But I did. It was just like you said, so easy. Weeks and months flew by, and then we had one of our first big headlining shows, and I think at that point... I knew.

"The way you fucking smiled at me before we went on, and then we came back after the show, and you were already standing there waiting for us, for me... I don't think I'll ever forget the way you looked at me that night."

"Looked at you... how?" you asked on a whisper.

"Like I was the only one in that break room. I've never seen you look at my bandmates the way you look at me. It's different, somehow. More... intimate, I guess?" Chris answered softly.

"Anyway, I think the guys noticed pretty quickly how much of my time I started spending with you. At least I think they noticed; they always seemed to come up with excuses and reasons for you and I to have time alone together," he continued.

Fuck. It all made sense now.

Why Ricky had been so calm that night, when you'd found Chris passed out on the floor.

Why anytime you and the guys were loading up or unpacking for a show, they'd ask you to see if Chris needed anything, to "go tell Chris everything's ready", "go find Chris".

They knew? All of them?

They knew, of course they did...

He knew.

Hell, he'd said it himself, he'd known from the beginning, he'd always known, that you loved him.

You shifted in Chris's embrace, and he lifted his head to meet your questioning gaze.

"If you knew from the beginning, then why...?" you trailed off in a confused murmur.

His answering smile made your insides flutter, made your heart stutter, the singular beats tripping over one another before they corrected themselves.

"Why'd I wait so long to tell you? I was hoping you'd pick up on it and say something before I did. But then months went by without you saying anything, and I guess I thought I'd been fucking hallucinating the entire thing all this time.

"And then that night in the hospital when Rick told me everything, I just... I knew I had to tell you, before someone better would come along and steal your heart like I wanted to, like I still want to..." Chris said softly.

You could feel the tears pricking behind your eyes, and you swallowed hard, fighting to keep them at bay, to hold yourself together in front of him.

It seemed a rather monumental task, one you failed miserably.

Chris reached out, gently brushing away the stray tear that had slipped free and spilled down your cheek.

"Y/N. I love you too," he whispered.

This was all suddenly too much, too fast- what were you supposed to do now, what-

"What do I-?" you started in a trembling gasp, Chris silencing you with a shake of the head and a gentle smile.

"All you have to do is say yes," he breathed.

It couldn't really be that easy...

Could it?

One little word is all it would take, and just like that, you'd be his, and-??

"Yes."

That one word, that singular syllable, came delivered on a trembling breath, your heart pounding furiously against your ribcage, as if fighting to work itself free.

The answering smile that lit up Chris's face, those warm brown eyes and the way they seemed to brighten a shade or two, it told you all you needed to know.

You'd made the right decision, an easy one.

Only... it had always been this easy, hadn't it?

All you or Chris would have needed was for one or the other to just... speak up.

Say something.

Say everything.

Whatever happened next would depend once again on you and Chris, but this time, it would be ever so simple.

Because he loved you as much as you loved him.

He always had....

"I'm telling you, we only have five minutes left before we go out there, are you sure you're ready for this?"

It was only the third time his bandmate and closest friend had asked him this, and as much as he wanted to be annoyed, Chris couldn't bring himself to feel anything beyond... thrilled.

This was it, what he'd wanted.

Things were finally back on track, those last remaining weeks had seemed to fly by, almost too fast.

Weeks he'd spent curled up by Y/N's side, refusing to leave her just as much as she'd refused to leave him that night.

Which meant, of course, that within the span of only one day, his bandmates and the rest of their crew had figured out he and Y/N were together.

'Fucking finally!' his subconscious shouted at him, rather smug.

Chris couldn't help the grin that found its way onto his face now, as he stood there with his bandmates, ready and waiting to go out and do what he loved, what he'd been born to do.

He cast one final look over his shoulder at Y/N, her eyes meeting his as she gave him that look, the one she reserved for him and only him.

As the seconds ticked by, the crowd waiting outside only grew louder, and he wasn't quite sure if she'd be able to hear his shout of "I love you!", but fuck, she had heard it-!

And when she mouthed the words back at him and waved him off to go up on stage-

He'd remember this night for a long fucking time, he knew it as much as she did.

That night, as he took the stage with a proud grin on his face, he cast another final look over his shoulder, at the girl waiting for him in the wings, his girl...

And he turned back to face the roar of the crowd, Y/N's earlier suggestion leaping to the forefront of his mind-

"How the fuck are we doing tonight, LA? Feels so fucking good to be back here! We have a great show for you guys tonight, and I wanna start it off with one that's been kind of close to me these past few weeks. This one's called... 'Sick From The Melt'"...

🎃 TAGLIST: @synthetic-wasp-570 @tearfallpixie @annateagan @nixwolfe @motionlessomens @veroxbarnes @wh0rrorxx @bangoversequence @nerdraging4point0 @gothictypewriter @thesazzb @circle-with-me

#SoundCloud #chris motionless #chris cerulli #motionless in white #miw things #chris motionless x reader #chris cerulli x reader #miw #motionless in white fanfiction #motionless in white fandom #chris motionless oneshot #chris motionless fluff

100 notes · View notes

the12thnightproject · 1 year

Note

Hi! Can I have a request please in which MC decides to have le Warlords try the "Period Cramp Simulator"? Just imagine them boasting that they'll be fine, only for them to kneel over in pain. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Again, Anon, I am sorry for taking so long. Hopefully my schedule should clear up soon…? But here is your request!

Oh, this is a fun request. But it involved some serious thinks… these warlords are pretty stoic. In my memory they’ve been shot (arrows and bullets) beaten up, fallen (or jumped) off cliffs, stabbed in battle, stabbed daily by Kenshin and defied a terminal illness without complaint….

So, really, are they going to be defeated by a period simulator? Are they? Let's see....

Upon hearing of such a device there is a great argument over who would be able to last the longest. And so a contest is proposed….

Contest Rules:

One: Mai is not allowed to watch as all agree that none of them will admit to pain in her presence. (She hides in the ceiling and watches anyway).

Two: Yelling, yelping, screaming are grounds for elimation.

Three: Sasuke runs the experiment and controls the simulator. He is the judge as to whether or not a warlord has been eliminated. Why Sasuke? First, because they all trust him enough to run the device equally and not cheating for your lord, Hideyoshi and Kanetsugu. Second, because he is a sensitive new age guy and freely admits that period cramps hurt (he secretly tested the stimulator on himself when he was alone and tapped out at level eight).

Let the games begin! Sasuke places the simulator patches on everyone, and from a master switch, turns the device on so that everyone hits level one simultaneously.

Level One:

All warlords are fine. Ranmaru earns the wrath of the room by noting that it “kind of tickles.”

Sasuke bumps the intensity to Level Two:

Such serious faces. Everyone is concentrating.

Sasuke bumps the intensity to Level Three:

There are a few deep breaths happening now, but nothing that could be defined as yelling, yelping, or screaming.

Sasuke bumps the intensity to Level Four:

Sasuke walks around the room for a long, slow time, looking at everyone’s faces, until Kenshin tells him to get on with things and start making it hurt. When is the pain going to start? Kanetsugu chimes in, telling Sasuke to move things along, so that Kenshin can have his pain. There are quiet whispers of, ‘yes, hurry, let’s move it along,” and a lot of internal, “let’s get this over with now, kthxbye” thoughts.

Sasuke bumps the intensity to Level Five:

Kicho accuses Nobunaga of wincing. Motonari is quick to agree that Nobunaga winced. Hideyoshi defends Nobunaga, says that he would never wince, it was just a natural blink. After a short discussion, it is decided that Nobunaga did not wince, and further accusations of wincing, or yelling, or thereof will be cause for forfeit.

Nobunaga silently admits to himself that he quite possibly winced, but now that he knows what to expect, he is prepared for the next wave of … oh shit.

Sasuke bumps the intensity to Level Six:

Ranmaru, Keiji and Yoshimoto incur a forfeit by accusing each other of wincing. They escape the room. The fourteen remaining warlords quickly look around, but no other accusations are made.

Sasuke bumps the intensity to Level Seven:

There is a lot of visible sweat, careful breathing, and gritted teeth happening. Internally, there is a lot of very creative swearing, using words in combination rarely spoken out loud.

Kennyo puts himself into a meditative state. Masamune wonders if that would be considered cheating, but Kennyo points out that he’s not preventing anyone else from meditating, he’s just using the skills he has. No one is willing to discuss the matter further, and Shingen notes that Kennyo is correct, and can they please keep going.

Privately, Shingen vows to give every one of his female spies three days off a month, and a pay raise.

Sasuke bumps the intensity to Level Eight:

Sasuke looks at every face and pauses at Ieyasu’s for a long time. Ieyasu says that while he is not bothered by the cramp simulator, Sasuke is making him very uncomfortable. Sasuke replies that he’s impressed by Ieyasu’s stoicism and by the way when this is over, can he have Ieyasu’s autograph. Ieyasu rips the simulator off and stomps out, deciding that while he can endure the pain, he can’t deal with Sasuke.

Ieyasu goes home and hugs his emotional support sourdough starter for the rest of the day.

Sasuke bumps the intensity to Level Nine:

Kanetsugu looks over at Mitsuhide and Hideyoshi…. “Are you two holding hands?!” Mitsuhide and Hideyoshi look down at their joined hands and instantly let go of each other. “No!” they both yelp.

Some time is lost while it is debated whether or not that counts as period simulator yelping, and after everyone votes (voting signified by slow careful hand raises), they are both allowed to continue in the competition.

Yukimura curls himself into a silent, fetal ball – but he does not yelp or yell, so Sasuke is inclined to let him continue.

Sasuke bumps the intensity to Level Ten:

The warlords sit in silent agony.

Time ticks onward.

Slowly.

No one taps out.

Everyone stares at each other’s faces.

“Perhaps we can consider this a tie,” Shingen suggests.

There is immediate universal assent from the rest of the room, and Sasuke agrees. “Take off your simulators.”

Twelve warlords quickly – but nonchalantly – remove their devices. Then Masamune notices… “Mitsunari, lad, you can take the device off now.” Hideyoshi rushes over to his vassal, worried that perhaps the young man has passed out.

Mitsunari looks up from the book he has been reading. “I’m sorry, did you say something? He gazes around the room. “Oh, are we starting the contest now? Go ahead, Master Sasuke, I’m ready.”

Mitsunari declared the winner.

There will be a celebratory banquet for him…. next week… when everyone else has recovered.

@lorei-writes

281 notes · View notes

dustedmagazine · 4 months

Text

Music is an Essential Verb: Derek Taylor 2023

Music remains, along with family, friends, and a select few venial vices, my primary daily defense against the mental erosions of spiritual malaise and existential dread. Being a humanist also means being a realist, and little looks to be different on that score in the year ahead as we continue to careen toward a bleak and self-defeating dénouement. The veil of uncertainty around what ultimately feels like inevitability redoubles the need to remain thankful for and supportive of those who devote themselves to art. Summary capsules below describe some of the sounds that kept me going in 2023.

Peter Brötzmann, Wayne Shorter, Kidd Jordan, & Charles Gayle

“The trauma of my generation was what our fathers had done to the rest of the world, and so we said, ‘never again,’ and that was the whole impetus through all my life, and it still is.” ~ Brötzmann (2018)

Musician attrition and demise are dispiriting aspects of every annum, but the departure of four disparate octogenarian reedists exacted an especially steep emotional and cultural toll this year. Shorter and Jordan passed away in March, each of them leaving a rich legacy as indefatigable improviser and altruistic educator that continue influence and inspire. Brötzmann exited in June after the return of a protracted respiratory illness. Few if any can match the magnitude of his mileage and six-decade itinerary as an irrepressible, obstinately adventurous world traveler. Gayle ascended in September, an ardent, uncompromising eremite to the end. All four men left behind discographies and concert/interview footage that will leave the faithful and curious listening and marveling in perpetuity, but their collective absence still aches.

Kirk Knuffke & Joe McPhee Quartet + 1 – Keep the Dream Up (Fundacja Sluchaj)

One of the manifold joys of following the output of Kirk Knuffke is anticipating who he’ll collaborate with next. The cornetist’s ears and imagination are as huge as his heart, a trait he has in common with the equally equanimous Joe McPhee. They’ve known each other for years but Keep the Dream Up is their first released collaboration and it’s an affirming alloy of their complementary creative temperaments. Longtime McPhee comrades Michael Bisio and Jay Rosen complete the quartet with bass clarinetist Christof Knoche comprising the additive on a Brooklyn studio session that captures collective creative lightning in a digital bottle. My album of the year for these reasons and more, although hopefully Joe will bring his brass to a follow-up conclave soon.

Don Byas – Classic Sessions 1944-1946 (Mosaic)

Saxophonist Don Byas recorded prolifically during the 1940s. His porous sound and popular style bridged the schools of swing and bop through prowess and panache aligned with the most esteemed of post-WII tone scientists. That sustained industriousness hasn’t reflected in reliable access to his works, primarily because they’re spread across a plethora of independent labels and competing copyrights. Leave it to Mosaic Records to rectify the longstanding reissue lacuna. This long gestating collection corrals and sequences the bulk of them across ten discs, scrubbing their sound, and adding an expansive cache of rarified verité concert recordings made in a Swedish jazz fan’s residence. Indulging in one’s Byas bias has never been easier or as edifying.

Fred Anderson – The Milwaukee Tapes Vol. 2 (Corbett vs Dempsey)

Patience and long-game aptitude are among music producer/archivist/advocate John Corbett’s virtues. This unexpected, but abundantly welcome sequel to an archival Anderson collection on Corbett’s long defunct Unheard Music Series took 23 years to secure commercial circulation and offers an additional hour-plus from the same gig in improved sound. Fellow AACMers Billy Brimfield and Hamid (nee Hank) Drake join bassist Larry Hayrod in bringing vibrant, detailed life to the Lone Prophet of the Prairie’s (as Anderson was affectionately known) serpentine, cerulean melodies. Corbett’s current label released a plenitude of music in 2023 (see also below) but the uncommon opportunity to hear more Anderson of any vintage makes this release worthy of independent mention.

Jason Adasiewicz

Corbett vs. Dempsey also had a welcome role in Jason Adasiewicz’s return to record with two different projects. On vinyl, Roy’s World documents a 2017 Chicago studio session by the vibraphonist’s quintet originally intended as the soundtrack to a film based on neo-noir novelist Barry Gifford’s short stories. Chicago stalwarts Josh Berman, Joshua Abrams, Hamid Drake, join saxophonist Jonathan Doyle in the ensemble for a program that sounds at once fresh and nostalgic while always vital. On CD, Roscoe’s Village dispenses with band for a solo selective foray through the songbook of Roscoe Mitchell including evocative renderings of “Congliptious” and “A Jackson in Your House” that retain the composer’s essence while striking out in bold new directions.

Natural Information Society

Grounded as it is in core voices of guembri, frame drum and harmonium, codification of Josh Abrams’ NIS as a jazz ensemble immediately feels reductively incomplete. All participating instruments can be active architects in the undulating, melody-laced drones that frequently form the basis of the band’s gradual, granulated improvisations. Performances are more akin to collective expeditions where a galvanizing gestalt effect is afoot; one where earned communal peaks preserve the individual power and agency of the interlocking parts. Since Time is Gravity augments this already catalytic template by incorporating a larger contingent of Chicago colleagues including tenorist Ari Brown to the equation.

Abdul Wadud

A jazz-based improviser on the cello who didn’t double on other stringed instruments, Wadud was also a consummate collaborator and sideman. Magnanimity in lending his substantial talents to the projects of others resulted in a paucity of albums under his own name. By Myself from 1977 on the Bisharra label is a revelatory anomaly on that self-effacing resume. Wadud approaches the instrument as a multifaceted sound factory, plucking, strumming, and bowing, often simultaneously, to create solo tone poems steeped in personal poignancy. Gotta Groove’s vinyl reissue is a beautiful facsimile of the original album object in faithfully reconstructed fidelity.

Marion Brown

Georgia-born altoist Marion Brown had a lengthy, storied career but the body of recorded work that he left behind can present difficulties in terms of ingress to its totality. Scattered across labels, years, and circumstances, much of it is either out of print or commercially unreleased. That collective relative obscurity makes a trio of releases, two on the German Moosicus label, and a third Record Store Day viny reissue of Brown’s 1970 studio duets with Wadada Leo Smith under the shared sobriquet Creative Improvisation Ensemble even more valuable. Of the former two, Mary Ann presents concert material by Brown’s quartet from a 1969 Bremen club gig in soundboard fidelity. Gesprächsfetzen & In Sommerhausen combines two more German concert snapshots, quintet, and sextet, from 1968 & 1969 with Gunter Hampel originally released on the Calig imprint. Steve McCall is a boon on drums in all three contexts.

Art Pepper – Complete Maiden Voyage Recordings (Omnivore)

Art Pepper was an inveterate rake for most of his life, magnifying destructive interpersonal tendencies with drugs and frustratingly frequent acts of self-sabotage. That star-crossed propensity makes the fact that he left so much magnificent music even more miraculous. This lavish box is a fascinating compendium of the constantly competing artistic contradictions at his center, collecting a quartet gig across three nights and seven club sets in Pepper’s native Los Angeles, ten months prior to his premature passing at 56. Over half of the music is previously unreleased and the rhythm section, led by the impeccable and implacable pianistics of George Cables, gives Pepper a cumulative confidence boost that keeps him on the rails. None of it has ever sounded better.

Pan Afrikan People’s Arkestra

Los Angeles of the late-1970s was an unforgiving environment for the economic necessities of orchestral jazz. The Pan Afrikan People’s Arkestra, under the nominal leadership of pianist/composer/community organizer Horace Tapscott, was a tenaciously subversive force in the face of that ruinous rule. Adopting the Immanuel United Church of Christ as an informal base of operations, the large ensemble resourcefully engaged in an ambitious series of concerts in 1979. The Nimbus label, long a Tapscott exponent and repository, released the first three entries this year in an archival subscription series collecting the voluminous results. Titles are also available individually and present the pivotal band at a performative peak with star soloists Sabir Mateen, Billy Harris, Jesse Sharps, and Robert Miranda shining just as bright as their fearless foreman.

Alan Skidmore – A Supreme Love

Unexpectedly issued on Mark Wastell’s Confront label, an imprint better known for its fealty to free improvisation, this six-disc archival tribute to Alan Skidmore’s 70+ year career in music launches with the saxophonist’s 1961 radio debut and lands some seven-hours later with his intimate 2019 rendering of John Coltrane’s “Psalm.” The aural expanse between is brimming with bright moments and luminary collaborators the likes of which include Tony Oxley, Kenny Wheeler, Wayne Shorter, Dave Holland, Mike Osborne, Elvin Jones, and another dozen name drops from the top tier of improvised music. It’s a wild, illuminating ride and a sterling example of a musical memorial done right.

The Jazz Doctors – Intensive Care/Prescriptions Filled: The Billy Bang Quartet Sessions 1983/1984 (Cadillac)

Billy Bang and Frank Lowe shared a bottomless fraternal bond forged through parallel traumas internalized in Vietnam and expressed by the subsequent embrace of the restorative power of improvised music. The pair of sessions (one reissued, one archival) collected on this disc epitomize their deep attachment arguably as well as any of their other numerous collaborations. Outside the cardinal duo, the Jazz Doctors never really had a stable lineup, but the quartets here embody two of their best. Both programs are loosely adherent to freebop conventions with violin and tenor saxophone combining over contrabass and drums for a potent front line. Bang and Lowe are long gone now, their shared absence making the availability of this music even more precious.

Attila Zoller & Jimmy Raney

Hungarian guitarist Attila Zoller had selective affinity for other artists on the instrument, so much so that his mid-career period is seeded by fateful encounters with plectrist peers. Most prolific among these partnerships was his prudent pairing with Jimmy Raney. A popular proponent of bop-based jazz, Raney was in a similar exploratory headspace when the two joined forces on a trio of recordings for the German L + R label over a seven-year span. Concert dates from Frankfurt (’80) and Berlin (’86) find the duo spooling out lengthy dialogues that dabble in free improvisation while keeping codified melodies within reach. An earlier New York encounter (’79) explores their rapport in a studio. All three reissues on the Japanese Ultra-Vybe imprint are aces.

Steve Swell’s Fire Into Music

Simultaneously emblematic of NYC free jazz in the early aughts and fiercely dedicated to resisting pitfalls of provincialism by touring generously and rigorously, trombonist Steve Swell’s Fire into Music was one of the finest quartets of its kind. Posthumously dedicated to the late altoist Moondoc, this three CD set collects a trio of small venue concerts by the band from gigs in Texas and Ontario. As with the horns, William Parker and Hamid Drake are ideally suited to the extended, expository freebop safaris that formed the ensemble’s flexible repertoire. Swell’s the leader on paper but sagely embraces musical communalism without fail.

Intakt

Running a physical media imprint in the 21st century is an inherently parlous enterprise, but this steadfast Swiss label continues to evidence how it’s done. This year’s standout catalog entries include Andrew Cyrille’s Music Delivery/Percussion, the octogenarian drummer’s third solo album and first in 45-years; bassist Jöelle Leandré’s solo Zurich Concert; pianist Aruán Ortiz’s Serranías Sketchbook for Piano Trio; Beyond Dragons by the trio of saxophonist Angelika Niescier, cellist Tomeka Reid, and drummer Savannah Harris, and Ohad Talmor’s Back to the Land, a quartet-plus-guests survey that takes its compositional focus an archival workshop date by Ornette Coleman and Lee Konitz.

Ezz-thetics

The appearance of the Swiss Ezz-thetics imprint four years ago raised both eyebrows and ire. Lacking access to master tapes, veteran free jazz and new music producer Werner Uehlinger sourced commercially released editions instead, employing ace audio engineer Peter Pfister succeeded by Michael Brandli to rejuvenate and refurbish the recordings, stateside copyright considerations be damned. Reaction was expeditious and polemical, but proof is in the hearing as most of the label’s dozens of releases sound better than their original incarnations. Catalog highlights this year include another round of Albert Ayler airshots including his pivotal meeting with the Cecil Tayor Trio in 1962 on More Lost Performances, Charles Mingus’ At Antibes 1960, and Ornette Coleman’s At the Golden Circle.

Fresh Sound

Jordi Pujol is akin to Uehlinger in that he refuses to let his vision and ambitions as a producer be abbreviated by external opinion. In Pujol’s case it’s yielded a bountiful inventory of antiquarian titles that rights holders have shown little to zero interest in restoring to begin with. Cases in point for this year include a definitive collection of obscurando saxophonist Boots Mussulli’s works; concert and studio collections by the Count Basie alumni tandem of Al Grey and Billy Mitchell; hens’ teeth rare leader sessions by Arthur Lyman vibraphonist Julius Wechter; and a two-fer of Julliard-trained Ellingtonian Cass Harrison piano trio albums. Exciting guilty pleasures all around.

Playing for the Man at the Door

As complex as he was controversial, Robert “Mack” McCormick deserves consideration in the esteemed company of other maverick cultural archivists like Alan Lomax, George Mitchell, and Harry Smith. With a preservationist purview mostly comprising Texas and bordering states, McCormick spent much of his adult life obsessively documenting and disentangling the cultural capital of the region through recordings, photography, interviews, essays, and research. Smithsonian Folkways became repository for the massive reservoir after his passing and this box is the first in what will hopefully be multiple dispatches from the same. Unreleased field recordings of Mance Lipscomb and Lightnin’ Hopkins represent the big names, but works by the likes of Hop Wilson, Cedell Davis, Robert Shaw, and a handful of others are just as persuasive. Bongo Joe Coleman’s impassioned presidential pitch closing the set will have listeners pining for a time when third party Executive Branch candidacy didn’t seem so fraught.

Joni Mitchell Archives - Vol. 3, The Asylum Years 1972 to 1975

Mitchell’s continuing project corollary to her old friend Neil Young’s analogously exhaustive retrospective enterprise, this third entry in the series finds her 30-something-self further broadening the lens of her art beyond the solo concert music that dominated the first two boxes. There are stirring solitary shows here, too, but it’s the band offerings that prove most revealing, particularly in the company of reedist Tom Scott’s fusion group L.A. Express. James Taylor, Graham Nash, and David Crosby lend contributory hands, and there’s a brief but intriguing collaboration with Young alongside a trove of demos and workshop versions of songs from her first three albums for Asylum.

Martin Davidson

In closing, another memorial. Martin Davidson wasn’t a musician, but European free improvisation as an art and archive would be a fraction of what it is without his copious and enduring work. As steadfast proprietor of the Emanem label he put his resources into musicians whose efforts frequently fell outside the probability of consistent commercial remuneration. Under his aegis, influential improvisers like Steve Lacy, Derek Bailey, Evan Parker, and Paul Rutherford gained robust catalogs alongside other aspiring artists who never garnered even niche cachet. Davidson was a curmudgeon and an anachronism, trusting his ears implicitly, suffering the indignities of inquiries from strangers seeking audience with the hip hop icon who shared the phonetics of his imprint’s name, and advancing the pleasures of physical media well past their purported expiration date. He was also a talented writer, adding invaluable context to his releases through first-person testimony and critique. Martin will be missed.

And as is tradition in this 20th iteration of this year-end exercise, 25 more titles in stochastic order. Thanks to all for reading, and gratitude to Jennifer Kelly for providing the forum and formatting.

Rodrigo Amado’s The Bridge – Beyond the Margins (Trost)

James Brandon Lewis – For Mahalia with Love (Tao Forms)

Henry Threadgill – The Other One (Pi)

Guillermo Gregorio – Two Trios (ESP)

Rob Brown – Oceanic (RogueArt)

Rich Halley Quintet – Fire Within (Pine Eagle)

Milford Graves w/ Arthur Doyle & Hugh Glover – Children of the Forest (Black Editions)

Mike Osborne – Starting Fires: Live at the 100 Club 1970 (British Progressive Jazz)

Jim Hall – Uniquities Vol 1 + 2 (ArtistShare)

Madhuvanti Pal – The Holy Mother (Sublime Frequencies)

V/A – On the Honky Tonk Highway with Augie Meyers & the Texas Re-Cord Company (Bear Family)

Mal Waldron & Terumasa Hino – Reminiscent Suite (Victor/BBE)

Oum Kalsoum – L’Astre D’Orient 1926-1937 (Fremeaux & Associates)

Sonny Rollins w/ the Heikki Sarmanto Trio – Live at Finlandia Hall Helsinki 1972 (Svart)

V/A – Equatoriana: El Universo Paralelo de Polibio Mayorga (Analog Africa)

Evan Parker – NYC 1978 (Relative Pitch)

V/A – If There’s a Hell Below (Numero Group)

John Coltrane – Evenings at the Village Gate (Impulse)

Derek Bailey & Paul Motian – Duo in Concert (Frozen Reeds)

Peter Brötzmann/Fred Van Hove/Han Bennink/Albert Mangelsdorff – Outspan 1 & 2 (FMP/Cien Fuegos)

Hasaan Ibn Ali – Reaching for the Stars: Trios/Duos/Solos (Omnivore)

Mark Dresser – Tines of Change (Pyroclastic)

Steve Millhouse – The Unwinding (Steeplechase)

Myra Melford’s Fire and Water Quintet – Hear the Light Singing (RogueArt)

V/A – Destination Desert: 33 Oriental Rock & Roll Treasures (Bear Family)

15 notes · View notes

sirensea14 · 17 days

Text

Is it weird that i felt hideous when im wearing make-up?

This day we had class pictorial. Ofc, u gotta do some make-up and shit. And now that im home, i felt weird that--i dunno how to put in words--i just felt embarrassed. Not comfortable with make up maybe, im not used to it. Im also not used to positive remarks about my face, im more comfortable with degrades, but ofc that only applies when im close/comfortable with someone. But ye, i feel not so good whenever someone's complimenting my looks, nor having make up or hell just having to dress up for smth already makes me feel like a slut for some reason.

I feel like the real me is a monster, and that monster certainly hates dressing up and applying make up. Also, that girl right there is me, the in real life me.

Okay, thats it of the rant for todays video, i apologize for not posting anything and I'll prolly not post anything either again, but this time, i might be a bit inactive for a few weeks--maybe some occasional reblogs or none at all--but thats it. :// School's been rough lately but hopefully soon, ill be able to go back to my daily content posting.

#damnit #i hate this time of the year but i gotta stay strong cuz this is the last semester #i gotta persevere thru this shit #siren screams #updates #ah fuck there are also asks in my askbox sorry ya gotta wait for a while to be answered ://#theres just too much going on with these schoolworks lately #original art #the artist irl

7 notes · View notes

nieded · 4 months

Text

So I painted my yoga mat... I'm including the process and credits below the cut.

So, I have been wanting a cork yoga mat for a while. Do I need one? No. Will I pick up yoga again for a month and then quit? Hopefully not, but likely yes.

Every time I get back into yoga, I start looking at cork yoga mats because they're grippier and also very very pretty. The only problem is... they are friggin' expensive.

I first was attracted to cork yoga mats because of some of the really amazing designs, but I can't afford this shit. Instead, I settled for a cheaper cork yoga mat that is plain, and I thought that if I saved up enough money and still cared about yoga enough to buy a fancy one, I would.

But then I got to thinking... could I paint my yoga mat? And the answer is yes, yes I can.

I originally got the idea when I read online of other people doing this to their rubber and PVC mats, so you do not need a cork mat to do this!

Buying the Mat

Even an inexpensive cork yoga mat is still far more than I've ever spent on one before, so I had to choose wisely. I ended up choosing the Gaiman cork yoga mat, which is about 5mm in thickness. It's roughly 68 x 24 inches. One thing I had read is that cork mats can get quite heavy, but this one is pretty lightweight while still being cushy. I was really tempted to use it right away, but I didn't want it to get dirty or oily before I painted it.

The Design

I am not an artist. I cannot draw well enough to freehand something confidently. What I do have is a Cricut Maker. If you don't know what a Cricut Maker is, it's an ill-advised purchase that I got secondhand and is actively ruining my budget. Depending on the model, it can cut out designs on a variety of materials, such as vinyl or infusible ink and can even tool leather. I used cardstock for this project to cut out stencils.

There are many free SVG templates out there as well as images created by other Cricut Makers that are only .99 each. There are many, many other places where you can purchase designs as well, or you can create your own! I am not talented enough to create my own design.

I tried several free SVGs, didn't like them, and then stumbled on this on Design Space, the Circut Maker program/shop. To quote Macklemore, "But shit, it was 99 cents!"

The image was designed by GlamSVG by Emylia and the inspiration came from an embroidery pattern by Emily June, which you can find HERE. I went through an embroidery phase during quarantine, and I have mine hung on the wall. I look at it daily.

I had to resize this image to fit my yoga mat, which ended up being 24 x 36". Because I cut the stencil out of cardstock, I had to segment everything into 8.5x11 pieces, cut, weed, and then piece it all back together on the mat. Once I had all the pieces, I stuck them to transfer paper to keep the floating segments in place. I organized and labeled everything so I could put it back together again easily. It looked like this:

Once it was assembled, I sprayed the backs with temporary adhesive so the stencils would stay down. I removed the transfer paper and began painting the outline. I did end up losing a couple of the floating pieces (see the letter O and the leaf on the far right side), so I had to freehand some of it. Overall, the stencil turned out great!

I had a variety of success with the temporary adhesive. Because I bought a more inexpensive mat, I soon discovered how not durable it is. The 'temporary' adhesive pulled up small pieces of cork after I removed the stencil. This was partially my fault, since I didn't pull up the stencil as I went. Still, there were pieces that were going to lift anyway. This revealed that the cork is only one layer, but fortunately, each piece of cork that lifted was quite small and unnoticeable, and the thread behind it matched in color. It wasn't ideal, but I could live with it.

Some of the cardstock became permanent fixtures on the mat, which I then had to paint over. Also, some of the stencil didn't stick at all, so I had minor bleed through. Problems all around! But it still turned out nicely!

I need to preface that I have never painted anything before. Well, that's a lie. I've painted a wall, and six years ago I had a Bob Ross themed birthday party. The SO, however, is the son of an artist and taught me about mixing acrylic. His first tip was to test out colors. I used Paint.Net and came up with this mock-up:

I knew I wanted the heart anatomy to be shades of red, so that was easy. The flowers were harder. I tried my favorite colors, like yellow and purple, but it didn't sit right visually. I turned to Canva Color Wheel to help me find complementary colors to the shades of red I wanted to use. That's how I came up with the pretty blues. To mix the colors, I used ColorHexa to show me the percentage of CYMK I needed.

Here are some progress shots:

I'm super happy with how it turned out! My color mixing didn't turn out exactly like the mock up, but I love the results. The last step was to let it dry for at least 48 hours. Then I set it with Mod Podge Acrylic Sealer.

I chose Mod Podge since it's non-toxic, and I will be putting my face on it. Also, my dogs walk on it while I do yoga. They think it belongs to them. :) Knowing now that there is only 1 layer of cork, I do worry how it'll hold up to dog nails over time.

Lastly, the real test was to see if it would roll, and it does! So now I just need a yoga strap, and I'm good to go!

#yoga #ni speaks #crafting

17 notes · View notes

peanutpmingib · 2 years

Text

boyfriend!sunwoo headcanons

presenting ur college bf sunwoo <3

word count : 1.1K+

watch it : suggestive content, skinny dipping, mildly illegal actions (sneaking into public pool after hours), if I missed anything feel free to let me know !

a/n : this series is rly fun, hopefully ill get to all the boys soon (hah the boys, get it ?) this one got a way more actual fic like then the other little headcanons in this series and thats okay I rly like it. I hope u do too !

_———————-_

-ah sunwoo, the neighborhood headache

-works at a tiny convenience store in front of a community pool, don't ask, he doesn't have any answers. Only conspiracies

-hates his job but its all worth it when he meets you there

-you come stumbling in during finals week, long after most ppl should be up n about

-He sees u n doesn't think much, another late night finals studier, could be way worse

-that is until he loses track of you in the tiny store and finds you passed out leaning on the cheese puffs, halfway to dream land and drooling. Kinda cute, kinda annoying

-He wakes you up, helps you get home and scores your number in the proces. Just in case you pass out in strange places again he tells you

-The rest is history

-U stop by the little store any chance u get. Eager to taste any and all sweetness sunwoo gives you. Hes full energy and sugary words

-it becomes routine, you finish your classes for the day, check ur phone for ur daily “at the store today” or the rare “not at the store today”. And swing by the cozy little building, well more of a crack in the wall than anything but a store nonetheless

-he always greets u with a smile, quickly followed by some dumb remark

“Don't fall asleep in the snack aisle again” “Unfortunately we just ran out of in isle beds sorry”

“I'm not gonna wake u up this time”

“You drool in your sleep you know it's so grossss”

-he's truly a headache, the reasons as to why u always choose to come back remains a mystery to u and the general population

(you know the reason but that doesnt mean youll admit it. Your crush on him will die with you dammit)

-there's one day where he tells you he'll be working the latest shift okay so he won't be there at your usual time. So instead u wear ur comfiest pjs, bring a few blankets and show up about 20 mins into his shift. Long after the streets have cleared of ppl. It reminds you of your first meeting all those nights ago

It's almost like you're the only 2 ppl in the world, and you let yourself believe it. Even for only the time shared together

-He pretends like the gesture doesn't make him blush and instead goes back to teasing

Its okay hes cute, you'll let it slide

-About another 30 mins in does he decide to ditch the job and take u to the infamous community pool. There have been 0 customers is his excuse

The pool is in fact right behind the store, the back staff room leads right out to the warm summer night illuminated by a single street light in the far corner of the property. Just enough to be able to walk without dying.

There begins a little strip of mangled concrete that separates the two. And from that a wired fence to the back end of the pool that looks like it's seen much better days

-He's teasing about it, per usual

Lots of “come on it isnt even that cold”

“Barely anyone uses it when it's light out what makes u think there's gonna be an influx in users at 2 am”

He starts the climb up the fence, looping a foot in one of the larger holes between the wire. It doesn't take him much time to scale it, landing with a smirk on the other side

-You eventually give in, rolling your eyes while attempting to do the same. Embarrassingly enough you end up needing his help getting over it.

‘You're such a baby”

“Just such up and help me woo”

He laughs but helps you anyway. Climbing back over to help you get your footing. The gentle hold he has on your ankle makes this seem like a far more intimate activity. Until he all but throws you the rest of the way over

“God i hate you”

Laughs bubble from his mouth faster than he can stop them, clutching his stomach and wiping tears,,“That was fun tho come on you have to admit that much”

“Yeah yeah whatever. “ you huff, letting him lead you the rest of the way to the dark water.

He gives you a look before you shake your head, “I'm not swimming tho!! I have no extra clothes and i'm not gonna let these get all wet and gross” you sigh

“So swim without them” he shrugs

“No you idiot i don't have any other-”

“I know, just swim without clothes? Live a little”

You can feel the blush slowly span your face at that, you hope he cant tell in the dark

“You live too much” is all you have to say back

He just laughs, not wasting time to peel his own clothes off and wiggling into the water. You try not to stare you really really do but holy hell does he make it hard. It's almost like he's taunting you with how slow he’s walking into the water

He turns to you after the water is up to his navel, motioning with a hand for you to join.

Really the problem isn't the situation at hand, skinny dipping seems like great fun rly, the problem lies with the man who you're in this predicament with. He's all but invaded your heart and mind at this point. He's just, so, everything you've ever wanted and more. Sweet smiles and even sweeter words, teasing but still kind, always making room for you in his life. Hard working to his core.

the way he looks at you while you tell him the most mundane things about your day makes your head spin, the care he takes into looking out for you is unmatched by anyone. you are so gone for him

fuck it.

you toss your clothes to the side faster than you can change your mind about it and slide your way into the freezing water

“it’s fucking freezing what the hell “

he only strides closer to u, gently lacing your hands together and pulling you further in, where the water now comes to your collar bones.

“I got you” he murmurs

you shiver and shake at the water,”m still cold”

but he only presses himself impossible close to under the water

“well, let me warm u up then” he barely whispers while your chests are flush together, his hands on either side of your face

that night is the first time you kiss, and the night he confesses

-your new found relationship is filled with many more happy moments and endless teases

-loving sunwoo is as easy as simply existing near him. He pulls you into his orbit, never intending to let you so much as slip from within. An anchor of sorts, internally destined to lie within the invisible force that drives the both of u together

his laugh is infectious his smile brighter than the sun, always putting you first and scheming of new ways to make u blush

he’s a keeper, treat him well

#TBZ #the boyz #the boyz x reader #sunwoo x reader #kim sunwoo x reader #sunwoo imagines #sunwoo fluff #tbz x reader #the boyz fluff #the boyz fanfic #sunwoo x you #tbz headcanons #the boyz headcanons

316 notes · View notes

ladyrosesblog · 4 months

Text

⚠️ Warning Long Read ⚠️

A Quick Update On Me:

Hey There Everyone! I’m Going To Be Honest With You Guys Today. My Life Hasn’t Been As Good Or As Easy As It Could Have Been At The Moment And Lots Of My Plans Changed Over The Course Of 2023 And Heading Into 2024. I’ve Lost A Lot Of People In The Last Few Years ( Friendships Ending And People Unfortunately Passing Away) And Sadly 5 People I Was Extremely Close To Before The Holiday Season Passed Away. Many Other Things Have Been Happening To Me Including New Medications, New Diagnoses And More Hospital Appointments Than I’m Used To (I Go Every 6 Months Due To A Heart Condition I Was Born With And For Some Things That Come With That). My Family’s Dynamic And Some Family Members Health (Including My Own) Has Also Gone A Little Bit All Over The Place And Has Caused A Lot Of Trouble And Stress. I Wasn’t Expecting A Lot Of Things That Happened To Me In The Last Year To Happen But I Had No Way Of Knowing That Of Course. I’ve Been Looking For A New Therapist (Or Considering Going Back To My Old One), Changing Some Of My Career Plans, Navigating The Single Life And Just Trying To Get Back On My Feet. I’ve Also Been Hit Very Hard By Some Birthday’s Of People Who’ve Passed Away And Some Death Anniversaries As Well As People Dying Recently (Celebrities And My Own Family And Friends) I Don’t Do Very Well With Death At All. But I’m Trying To Be As Positive As Possible And I’m Trying To Get Going Again. I’ve Been Writing Stories And Music All Year And Hope To Get My Work Out There. But There Have Been A Lot Of Positives I’ve Made New Friends, Found New Interests, Done What I Can To Make Myself Happy, Spent More Time With My Pets, Got Into The Creative Spirit Again And Have Just Been Trying My Best. I Went To Some Fabulous Concerts This Year, Some Great Theatre Shows And Have Enjoyed Using My Free Time To Have As Much Fun As I Can And To Get Out Of The House More. I Could Go On And On And On But I Won’t Because I’ve Been Going On For Long Enough Now. But I Just Wanted To Let You All Know A Bit More About Me, How I’ve Been Doing And That As I Write This I’m In The Back Of A Taxi On The Way To The Airport To Visit Family In Brazil, And I’ll Be Gone For A Month. I Will Try To Post On Here And Interact With You Guys As Much As I Can But I Don’t Know How Much Time I’ll Have. I’m Really Sorry For Making This Such A Long Read And Also For Not Reading People’s Messages In The Last Week I’ll Hopefully Get Back To You Soon.

Thank You To Everyone Who’s Been Supporting Me This Last Year, I Know I Post A Bit Sporadically But I Try To Be Active As Often As I Can. I Do Have Bad Memory Though And Various Physical And Mental Health Issues, Illnesses And Etc To Deal With On A Daily Basis As Well.

All My Love And Best Wishes To You All. And Thank You Again - Ana ❤️

7 notes · View notes

mejomonster · 6 months

Text

So like. Gentle mentiom in case you ever have rosacea like me: inflammatory rosacea, the one with redness and bumps and pastules that Look Like Acne

So like. Yes it looks like acne. But putting on salycic acid or the typical skin drying acne fighter sometimes makes Your skin break out even more. Why? Not sure, im not a dermatologist. But the short of it is: rosacea skin is sensitive, it flares up from MANY things just Anything irritating it, and acne fighting products often (you guessed it) irritate skin. Thats why for example people get told whrn using acne fighters like for retinol, differin, chemical exfoliators, to also moisturize. To maybe not use them daily, so you dont increase skin irritation, so you dont increase dryness, so your skin barrier isnt compromised. But basically: they can be irritating on the most ordinary skin, and their use needs to be tempered to an amount that helps but doesnt irritate enough to damage skin barrier, on ordinary skin. So on rosacea? Hahahahha. Haaaa.

Well i made the mistake of using a drying incredient 2 times,daily, skin started getting redder, more acne, and eventually peeling (vitamin c). To be fair, at first vitamin c was lowering redness, and lowering my acne. But i used too much in too frequent a period and go figure, damaged my skin barrier. Made clear by my rosacea being worse and me now breaking out and getting irritated by even my safe products.

(As a side note, if you have inflammatory rosacea thats red and Also has that acne looking bumps ans pastules? A lot of the antibiotics dermatologists give, seem to work better for our kind of "looks like acne" rather than typical acne products. I cant tolerate harsh shit so the popular M starting antibiotic cream for rosacea made me wayyyy worse. But clyndamycin lotion for rosacea is what im on now, its very gentle, and does lower redness and "looks like acne" bumps and stuff i get. So if you can get ahold of thqt stuff? Idk seems to work fairly gently and well on rosacea "looking like acne.")

I am now putting only water on a clean face to make damp, then a thin coat of vaseline, once a day. Within 2 days the redness and skin peeling is gone. So wooh, skin barrier is on track to feel fine again relatively soon. My redness,was already down significantly (until the vitamin c overdoing it increased redness, "rosacea acne" and skin peeling) so my redness is mostly down as well. I think most of my redness is still due to the skin barrier being irritated. I think once irritation calms down, hopefully, ill be able to use my old products i like again.

But the short of it is: if you have rosacea and start getting worse/arent getting any improvement, consider if youre using qnything harsh? Cause my first attempt to stop the "acne" and redness from too much vit c drying me out, was salycic acid for acne and differin. Cause for non rosacea, on regular acne, that would solve massive amounts of pimple breakouts right? But on me, since im getting acne more from rosacea and skin irritation having increased? Well of course the acne stuff like salycic acid made me even worse ToT

#rant #my health woes #rosacea #and yes i know i probs spelled salycic acid wrong. its qhatever that common acne treatment is #i have OFTEN made my breakouts worse by treating them according to acne advielce #but lol. i have rosacea. acne advice makes me break out worse ToT #then i wonder: why is nothing working #until i fucking remember my skin does NOT want any irritants!!! acne medicine is the exact opposite of what it needs!#it needs a #break and nothing harsh and ideally low irritant moisturizer if it can tolerate it ToT !!!

8 notes · View notes

missyporkbarreling · 5 months

Text

Leonid Konstantinovich Kovar

- A character living in tragedy

While I was out on my daily walk I realized just how like fucked up Leonid's life is and how it isn't really shined apon. Mostly because the last time Leonid had a line of dialogue was 12 fucking years ago

In his adolesence (because this is comics he's not given a difinitive age) Leonid went out on an expadition with his dad where they came across an alien space ship. Fiddling around with the craft it gave off a great amount of energy. Giving him super powers but seemingly killing his father, Konstantin.

He was then taken in by Konstantin's colleague and good friend Pyotr Raskov. Who while treated him like his own son was also the one to get him into the KGB while he was still a child. So

his first appearance doesn't give much (it's a very mediocre story, Leonid was yet to be developed and beyond Wally being a right fuck there isn't anything bad inflicted apon him)

but when he reappears in the new teen titans is when this gets interesting. in the interum Leonid had found a girl and they were hoping to get married soon. With Draut and Perez drawing him with similiar builds to Dick and Wally it's safe to say that Leonid and Maladi in this story are 18 or 17 going on 18.

Maladi had conracted a horrible illness that was not only killing her but would cause rabid cellular deteriation in anyone she touched. Leonid neither wanting his darling to suffer or for her to hurt or kill anyone else he volunteered to kill her. Because Maladi and Leonid only have 1 page where they talk it's unclear wether or not Maladi wanted to die but her final words shared through the doctor suggests that even if she didn't want to she understood the pain she caused by her existance.

jumping ahead several issues Leonid reappears as part of an exchange program between the US and the soviet union. Slightly confusingly when Hammer and Sickle kick down the door of star labs because they can't alow Leonid's secrets to fall into the hands of the US, he joins them in fighting the titans despite his moral objections. However once the cat is out of the bag that the gang of eight are trying to have him assassinated he joins back up with the titans despite it branding him a traitor to his state.

This leads to Leonid trying to ice Hammer because as Leonid says "you stole my life away from me, boris". But in what'll become an upsetting trend he's not alowed to get beyond that initial punch and kick as the titans save him from becoming a murderer.

Leonid's beautiful speech at the end of issue 49 is only slightly undercut with when he shows up once again this has seemingly been brushed over and he's back to living in the late Soviet union.

Inbetween this and his reapperance in the new titans it's assumed that he stayed in touch with the titans as the last thing Leonid and Vic tried to do here was beat the shit out of each other but Leonid later mourns cyborg as his best friend.

I will start to speed up as post titans hunt he becomes a fixture on the titans and there are only 2 examples of Leonid getting traumatized I wanna talk about.

Leonid is reintroduced after Victor Stone is shot out of a rocket and blown up above the icy tundra of Siberia. Where he found Vic's body and brought it to his adoptive father and his science boys to hopefully save Vic's life. They are semi sucessful but due to the state they found him in he's made a vegetable.

Which going off on a tangent it really fucking sucks that Wolfmann essentionally killed off a long time Titan jus so that Garfield and Leonid could be angsty about it.

Back on point. Unbeknownst to Leonid Raskov, ever the nationalist turned the corpse of his stepson's best friend into a weapon's platform for the soviet government. Can you see why I pin Leonid becoming an agent on Raskov?

Leonid is extremely ashamed for what his father has done and to try and get Vic back with his family agrees to "keep an eye on" their new weapon.

when Leonid, Vic and Sarah head back to Russia to try and fix cyborg up they're greeted by Pyotr and a bunch of bootleg cyborgs dubbed the metamen. Once they're captured (because again Vic is nothing but a vegetable in a weapons platform controlled by the ruskis) Leonid finally comes face to face with the man he hasn't seen in atleast 9 years (19 real world years) Konsantin Kovar is alive.

but Konstantin isn't here for a mere family reunion. He hates what the russian federation has become and with cyborg and Raskov's metamen he hopes to bring back the glory days.

And when Leonid is uncooporative because ofcoure why would he alow his best friend to become even more of a weapon Konstantin is resigned to jus turn his own son into a metaman. With the only thing stopping him being Pyotr finally growing a damned spine and refusing to hurt Leonid.

This rebellion however is short lived as Konstantin quickly catches up and with Raskov's continuing attempts to fight back Konstantin has cyborg kill him. And to ensure everyone else dies he blows up the complex for good measure.

After a failed attempt at president Yeltsin's life the woman Leonid had been working along side for all of this I never mentioned shoots Konstantin dead.

Konstantin gets turned into another metaman but this plot never goes anywhere and Leonid never learns of this

so within the span of a weekend Leonid finds out his biological father is alive, nearly becomes a mindless machine, has his adoptive father killed and then he witnesses his biological dad be killed again.

however Leonid persists. With him getting perticularely close to his teammate Pantha and her son Baby Wildebeest. And when he leaves the team they go with him.

While there's sadly very little buildup that I was able to pick up on Leonid becoming patriach of this quite queer little family unit is adorable and I wish we got to see more of it.

after Leonid's departure from the titans he made a few scamp appearances. mainly in the anniversary specials that brought every living titan together.

And then we get to he big one. Infinite Crisis.

Leonid, Pantha and Wildebeest head Connor's distress signal and meet in Smallville to fight against Super Boy Prime. and in the span of 2 pages (really 2 half pages because these deaths aren't given too much space) Leonid loses everything. enraged by the bullshit Prime is spewing Pantha jumps to try and claw at him only to have her head punched off. That head lands in front of their feat. Baby rushes at him but likewise he has a hole punched through him. Before Leonid can properly react Prime freezes him into a block of ice.

and if you're still following this I think you can sense a theme. Leonid's suffering almost always comes from throwing other characters by the way side and treating hem as disposable.

this to me is the most agrivating and aggregious one. With Victor's coma he was able to escape from that in an amazing sory. Baby and Pantha never go that. Pantha showed up one last time as an alternate timeline version of herself aided Booster Gold and Ted Kord in a world overrun by OMACs (which I have my own issues wih but this is about Leonid so I won't dwell), and baby? has never been seen again.

After this Leonid becomes a shell of the man he was. An angry recluse who only stops moping over what's been lost when his country is in danger. And to add insult to injury like Wolfmann before him Geoff Johns reverted him back to basics and made him an agent of the russian government. Despite that making no god damned sense with his history of russia's conservatives.

I will admit I have not read Geoff Johns' teen titans run and with how he butchered my favorite character and turned the other one into a jackbooted asshole I don't ever want to.

But what's important here is the call back to new teen titans 49 where despite how much pain and anguish Prime has subjected Leonid to. Slaughtering his family. Leonid is never alowed to give that cathartic beatdown that would not make all of this worth it but would soffen he blow.

ever since Wolfmann alone started writing him Leonid's life has been a whirlwind of tragedy. But through out all of it. Leonid continued to be nice, kind, and above all a god damned hero. Willing to risk life and limb if it meant saving people.

Geoff Johns did not continue this. the red star that Johns' wrote is not the character I fell in love with. He's a depressed asshole working for the people who made his life a living hell.

I just prey that one day we'll see the real Leonid Kovar again. His last appearance was in doomsday clock where he said nothing and was once again just a russian agent.

Him and Pantha hasn't shared panel space since she died. And that doesn't seem to be changing soon.

But I will not stop hoping.

If you've reached this far I just wanna thank you. This rant is way too fucking long but I needed to get it all out of my sysem. If like me you're a red star fan I would love to have a chat sometime (lord knows there ain't alot of us left). And if you're not a red star fan I especially thank you for reading these autistic ravings about something you care not for.

#leonid kovar #red star #teen titans #new titans #pantha #baby wildebeest #jesus fucking christ this is way too long

7 notes · View notes

zestyaahbutler · 11 months

Note

hi!! I enjoy your works so so much, and your art is absolutely beautiful. just wondering— what is the relationship between amulya and walter? Cause it seems like there’s a lot more than just simple friendship there 👁️👁️

My first ask aaaaa! <3 Thank you so much for your kind words. I was so absolutely delighted to wake up to this in my inbox. It really does make me sooo joyful that people love Amulya and are curious about her. I'll post some Amulya doodles soon hopefully

Regarding your question, Amulya and Walter have more than a simple friendship. He is the one who assisted her in day-to-day life and she relied on him both for daily tasks and emotionally. She chatted with other workers in the organization as she was rather lonely. She couldn’t go out on her own for her safety and most people she knew were through Arthur’s connections. She relied on employees to socialize with. Being so lonely made her naturally curious about all the people at the estate.

TW: mentions of suicide, questionable dynamics, mental illness, average Hellsing lore

Once Walter was put in charge of her, she took it upon herself to get to know him. Amulya made it a point to break down the professional mask and learn about him as a person. Walter was hesitant to let her be able to know more about him but he eventually folded. She would bother him if he was working and as it could’ve hindered his productivity, he never reported it to Arthur.

Walter is a sarcastic son of a bitch and she challenged that fairly often. Amulya pushed him to be more playful with her.

I do want to say that the feelings were on Walter’s side. He didn’t realize them till she did acknowledge what happened to him in 1944. I don’t think he ever would be used to someone knowing he was put in a dangerous position and even comfort. He did keep those feelings away out of respect for her and Arthur.

Walter was the person she opened up to about feeling alone, disliked, and damaged. In a selfish way, he would’ve felt like he was the only one able to comfort her. Yeah he acted as if he was keeping his distance but there was always the want of having her acknowledge him in the same way as he saw her. It was one of the reasons why he was so open about his thoughts events, people, and practices of the organization with her. There was always that deep respect and admiration that went beyond serving her.

When she did have her first suicide attempt, Walter found her before she could go through it. I wouldn’t want to go too into it as I’d like to write a short story about it.

Along with the bad, he was there for good moments. They both gardened together which was her main hobby. It was the main way she was able to get out of the stuffy mansion and outside. Amulya would see it as a place she can relax and take her mind off of things. Walter may have seen it as ‘their’ place. She also got him to slack off every now and again to have tea with her or an emergency shopping trip.

Amulya was also much more doting with him from being so close. It wasn’t odd for her to hug him. Mainly situations if she was emotional or if she comforting him. I would say once there would be an instance where she wanted to try the European greeting of kissing on the cheek but he informed her afterwards of the implications and it is not a British greeting.

There was gossip among maids/butlers and other workers about the details of their relationship but it was just rumors.

She was entirely vulnerable with him which made their relationship pretty intimate. When she did come onto him, it was selfish but also out of desperation.

She would feel betrayed by Arthur for almost lying to her after tying the knot and having Integra. There would be the passing thought of perhaps he was just using her for an heir (he wasn’t and she knows but it still occurred to her). With Walter, she was looking for comfort, affection, and feeling safe. Her actions are horrible and puts him in a bad position. Nothing that scandalous happened. He stopped her for her sake and also his own.

Walter greatly helped Amulya in taking care of Integra. Amulya would even make a joke about him being Intergra’s second dad or mom. She was always grateful for him holding her while she sits by because she felt too sick to do so. Or even just staying up with her at night if Integra was keeping her up. It would be a huge deal when Amulya was more comfortable spending time with Integra alone and even sleeping with her in bed. She also made Walter promise her that she wouldn’t be involved with anything dangerous in the organization. Buuut that promise was later broken as seen in the events of the series.

Their relationship is more than just a simple friendship. But there were more implications and imagination on Walter’s side for the early parts. He’s a selfish character but Amulya is too. But she is tragic in her own way so I can see people sympathizing with her. As sad as she is, she isn’t without numerous flaws.

Thank you for the question! I hope this entertains u, anon. I was thrilled to get to talk about her. I hope to get more so if anyone has anything they wanna know or see, let me know. Inbox is always open and no question is really too uncomfortable. I do make tons of jokes about their dynamic. I am a little bit of a simp for the ship cause I like making Walter suffer. Maybe don’t be a hot old guy and betray a supernatural organization next time.

#oc ask #ask #hellsing oc #hellsing ultimate #walter c dornez #arthur hellsing #sir integra #integra hellsing #amulya hellsing #hellsing #walter dornez #long post #aaaaaaaaaa first ask #so flattered that people are interested in her #tw at top of the post #hellsing organization #integra's mom

17 notes · View notes

bloodsworn-marshal · 8 months

Text

Writing Prompt: Fair Word Count: 1619

Changes had begun in earnest in recent months. As peace would preside over all of Eitherys following the Final Days, the realm had begun to install measures in place to ensure prosperity amongst its people and any remaining contempt between they and their neighbors. The realm over wished to draw in a breath of respite at long last.

No more war. No more loss. No more summonings of the eikons.

What busyness there was to be had came in the shape and form of improving their cities, their laws, the dividing gap between the social classes. Job opportunities arose at every corner. Refugees were able to choose to return to their homelands or find their place without remaining beggars on the street. Little by little, piece by piece, the Sultanate would work together to find the line that make all fair for each and every person.

Pipin, for one, had become a vital piece in terms of keeping the peace between monetarist and loyalist. His bargaining chip came not only with control over their military, but also with his negotiating and connections with the local tribes that was once held sour thanks to old monetarist’s laws. For his blood and sacrifice with keeping the talks at peace, he held much leverage when directing the discussions to a point without contention.

With his help and growing attention amongst the populace, his name had become commonplace on the average citizen’s tongue. For at long last, it would seem things were being pushed in favor of the little people. Lauded and praised, his presence gave rise to welcoming smiles and expressions of gratitude.

But also did it sow the seeds for those who would use his name for their own gains with ill intent…

---

One man in particular had begun to take advantage of Pipin Tarupin’s name. In his own visage, presenting himself as the flame general’s true father and kin. Begging for money and pity on the street-side, that his own son had abandoned him. Visiting the Hall of Flames daily to demand audience with said son for his share and acknowledgements. Each time denied or put off for a potential next, with each dismissal giving further fire for the lalafellin man to besmirch Pipin’s name further.

One thing was true: They certainly was his biological father. And nothing more. Was being the key word.

The only thing that man truly desired at this point was taking advantage of his son’s rising fame for his own use, getting coin to further fund his gambling addictions and worse yet—fund latest criminal schemes that Pipin already had a hunch was being performed in the background.

Either way, Pipin was wary to ever meet him in person nor alone without some safeguards in place. Else he’d go off something fierce against the man—he loathed him with every fiber of his being.

He knew he’d have to take care of him someday. Once and for all. And hopefully behind the bars of a gaol cell. In the deepest pits if he were lucky.

---

Just one’s luck though. No matter how hard Pipin tried to snuff out the man’s existence from his thoughts, he ended up crawling out regardless. Snaking his way in to a point where a fight would soon be had between the two.

He caught him today giving the same spiel to some passerby’s. But not just anybody of a passerby… but his eternal bonded wife of all person’s.

Adede stood there talking to him. Clearly looking uncomfortable. His bio father happened to recognize her and was currently trying to win her favor. Give his pity party of woe is me, abandoned by prosperous son who forgot all about him, that he was successful and leaving his kin to rot. The usual rhetoric he gave to others. But specifically did he target Adede, watching her movements, laying his woes on thick.

Pipin was livid upon witnessing it from far, striding right forward to intervene before it got further out of hand. He would be having none of this.

“You are disrupting the peace of the streets yet again.” He warned as he approached, sliding up and putting himself between he and Adede. To the point where the guy could only face Pipin now.

The man groaned and whined about this and that, making excuses, that he had done nothing of the sort… same old same old before eventually walking away with a look of disdain. Pipin made certain that Adede was alright, that nothing happened in particular. To which she assured him all was fine..

…But it was not fine. And it was high time Pipin came to blows with his biological father with a heavy hand.

…

When next the man attempted to be granted meeting with the flame general, Pipin allowed for it promptly. If only to be able to get his hands on him in close quarters, where none would interfere. Not only that, he had given the order for the man to be brought in soon regardless. He was suspected of a new recent criminal investigation.

And this time they had proof.

Minutes passed and soon he was brought to Pipin’s office quarters. Huffing and raving that the soldiers had manhandled him, how dare they treat a citizen as such, so on so forth. Pipin merely gave him a look and told him to be seated. This would not take long.

“Have no mistake. I did not call you in here to listen to your prattling. I’ve heard your sob story enough times as it is. Do not try it with me.” He steepled his hands together, folding his fingers in between one another and resting his chin on the bridge. Not please at all from the looks of it.

“Then what did you call me in for, huh!? And here I thought you were finally going to accept me! Your wife sure appeared accepting, sympathizing even. Have you even told her the full truth, how you left me alone so you could cling on the coattails of another.”

“You dare assume I don’t know the actual truth?” Pipin’s eyes flared, roiling in flame. “How you sold my very name and papers for a bag of coin that wouldn’t last longer than a week’s worth of drink?”

“Don’t act as though I haven’t done the same many times over. I gave you jobs! And if trouble ever happened as it did, you always came crawling back and we’d do the same all over again.”

“Ah yes. The scams you put me up to, hmm?” His eyes were narrowing in at this point. “And you assumed I’d do the same again. Except you sold my everything to the Bloodsands. There was no coming back after that. I would have perished a pitiful death, if not for the luck of the Twelve that I was claimed before that time.”

He’d done him a favor in fact. For if that had never happened, Pipin never would have met Raubahn and bonded as they did. But that would not save him from the fact that he had sold off his son for death.

“But you didn’t!” The man crowed, acting as though it were no big deal. “And in fact, you earned much from the experience! You should be thanking me!”

At this point Pipin looked right ready for murder. Until the man had the gall to switch topics.

“Fine lady you have there, hmm? I cannot wait to meet my soon to be grandchildren. That’s my grandchild she’s got inside of her.”

“There will be no such meeting.” Pipin slammed a fist upon the desk. Glaring daggers at the other. Though Adede was yet to be showing all that much, he must have seen the signs and how she covered her stomach. “That child will have nothing to do with you. Nor will you be around for too much longer.”

“Eh? And what the hells do you mean by that!? I have my rights!”

“The rights that you sold off a long time ago?” Pipin held up a finger at this point and produced a stack of papers. “Well now it is my turn. After repeated defamation of my name and investigation upon your person, we found that you are guilty of extorting large amounts of sum from the populace. Not only that, one of your compatriots squealed on your recent ongoings. Throwing your lot in with a criminal organization wasn’t your most brightest of ideas.”

“How did you—You have no proof—”

“Witnessed by my own men and admitted by those you’ve conned in hopes of a lesser sentence. You’ve been outed.”

The man jumped out of his seat, panicked and rushing for the door. But beyond the door, two troops lie in waiting. Taking him by either arm and lifting him into the air to keep from running.

“Take him away. I have heard enough and will not suffer his face any longer. You will be given a fair trial before ere long, so make sure to write up your next pity act before then.”

“You’ll pay for this! You will be founded for corruption and putting behind bars your own kin for your own gain!!”

His cries would fall on deaf ears however. For today Pipin would be ridded of the one final piece from the past that continuously haunted him. No longer would he have to face him on the streets. And full well did it lighten his heart to know that neither would his family.

They would grow in this new era of peace. And never will they need to worry about where their next meal would come from, nor fear for their lives as he once did.

#ffxiv #pipin tarupin #pipdede #writing #ffxivwrite #ffxivwrite2023

10 notes · View notes

imperator-titus · 9 days

Text

If I could come up with a title for this series, I would, but I can't.

Thank you to the few people enjoying my work! It has encouraged me (probably a little too much.) This one is pretty long. There may be a lull soon simply because I haven't finished Act 3 on my own so I don't really have an idea for how that'll go. I also don't really know how it'll go in general because this is a fairly sanitized version of my daily daydream material. Concepts ranged from Rowan being a 'minor death deity that Withers pulled into Toril' to 'Rowan can do a lot of things with the power of imagination and suddenly she's a Sister of Battle punching Steel Watchers or a cyberninja a la Cyberpunk getting the Party out of trouble.'

Anyway, Tags (Trying to update when I realize something should probably be tagged): Astarion x Tav (Rowan, not reader, human, agender AFAB but lets the team refer to them as female), Canon x OC, Isekai, Angst, All the Vampirism Warnings (Blood, Biting, etc.), Sexually suggestive situations, Allusions/Mentions of Suicide, Memory Loss, Gender Dysphoria

The group had infiltrated the goblin camp yesterday and decided to take a day to properly rest and come up with a plan. ‘Plan’ was a rather loose word, mostly consisting of “turn goblins into bloody pulp and ash” and bullshitting.

Rowan was, of course, still in a sour mood from her last encounter with Astarion. He was still doing his best to avoid her, lest she turn that icy glare on him again. Everyone noticed and he did a poor job of lying.

“Maybe you should come with us,” Karlach offered a little hopefully as she watched the others’ breakfast being made. “I find it pretty relieving to take out my bad mood on something squishy and gross like a goblin.”

“I think, perhaps, Rowan could talk to us first, instead of putting herself in harm’s way,” Wyll rebutted with a wry smile. “You know, it's been some time and we don't really know much about you.”

“Not much to tell,” she responded woodenly, stirring the potatoes she was frying.

“But where are you from? You're clearly not from Faerûn. But you can speak with us, so it can't be anywhere too exotic,” the Blade continued to ponder aloud. Gale scoffed.

“Ridiculous. You didn't see her when first we arrived on that abysmal shoreline. She was clearly plucked from Faerûn when the nautiloid went through some temporal shift between planes.”

“Heyyy,” Karlach started cautiously, holding up a warding hand towards the woman in question, “why are you almost as red as me? Are you alright?”

Rowan screeched. Loud, piercing, and feral. Everyone recoiled. Lae’zel half-drew a knife. With seething rage, the human hurled her spatula into the ground by her feet with enough force that it sank in a few inches with a satisfying shnk.

“You want to know if I’m alright?!” she screamed, looking them all in the eye, settling on Astarion’s for a few moments. “I am actively going insane, and you’re all compelled to make it worse!

“You’re right, I'm not from here. I don't even know where this place is in relation to where I'm from. Why am I terrified all the time? Why do I ask you dumb questions?” She pointed into the sky with a rage-trembling finger. “That's not my moon! Those aren't my stars! The only things that talk are humans. Elves, dragons, magic? Make-believe tales for children. The dead stay dead and they have nothing to say to us. The existence of God? Practically a matter of philosophy.

“As if it wasn't enough that I am in a place that I am wholly ill-equipped and untrained for, every day I wake up on this horrifying rock and forget a piece of what my life was like before. I have been standing here, making our food, while desperately trying to remember the faces and names of people I loved, the things I've done, the shit that makes me me, and you all come up and fucking prod me about stuff that means nothing to me. I spent our first week here debating the possibility that I've died and this is my own personal hell, which I didn’t believe in until I was being constantly tortured by this place. The person I shared most of my life with is just a shapeless fucking shadow now. I have almost completely lost the concept of who I am as a person. Nevermind that you” Rowan singled out Astarion with an accusatory finger “keep saying and doing things to me that make me want to peel off my own skin on a near-daily basis because for some reason I’ve now long forgotten, they trigger a deep-seeded revulsion at the concept of my having a corporeal form that I am unfortunate enough to still inhabit.

“So, to answer your question; no, I’m not alright! Make your own fucking last meal before you get eaten by goblins.” Rowan turned on her heel and confidently walked out of camp.

She was out of sight by the time anyone could speak.

“Do you think she’s telling the truth?” Gale asked, an inquisitive finger on his chin. “A world with no magic? How would that even work?”

“The worm has scrambled her senses,” Lae’zel said dismissively. “There is no reason to believe anything she says. You should have allowed me to put her down long ago.”

“But it would explain everything, wouldn't it?” Karlach uncertainly voiced, crossing her arms. “She didn’t even trust the vegetables.”

“I cannot imagine losing my very sense of being, surrounded by strangers in a strange land. And to not even have an inkling of combat training,” Wyll mused with a sad shake of his head.

“Well-” Astarion started, one emphatic hand frozen in the air and the other on his hip, before huffing in frustration.

“You were going to say ‘good riddance’, weren’t you?” Shadowheart teased with a sly smile. She knew he couldn’t say it.

The vampire sighed and lowered his hand. “It’s hard to say good-bye to a reliable meal that cleans its neck.”

“Are you crazy?!” Karlach cried, clenching her fists and furrowing her brow. Her fire blazed for a moment before she turned to gather her equipment. “We can’t let her go out alone!”

“Surely she’s coming back? She left her things,” Gale pointed out.

“Wizards really are idiots,” Karlach said over her shoulder with clear annoyance. “Rowan knows she won’t make it out there on her own! A bedroll isn’t going to change that.”

“The danger will either teach her to fend for herself or cull the weak,” Lae’zel pointed out before returning to her tent.

Karlach growled and made a rude gesture in the githyanki’s direction. Astarion also turned to leave, but the tiefling carefully pinched his shirt between her claws just briefly enough to tug him and ruin his balance. “No you don’t, you leech, you’re coming with me.”

“Why me?” Astarion whined, trying to see if she scorched his one decent shirt. “You might recall that she has been very unpleasant towards me lately. I don’t think this is the face that will win her back,” he argued, flamboyantly fanning his hands from below his chin to the sides of his face, smiling as he did so. The smile dropped, replaced by a glower as he flicked his hand in the wizard’s direction. “Take Gale.”

“Nope, you got the most to apologize for. Now put your leathers on and let’s go.”

In a few minutes they were on the road, just the two of them. Astarion debated whether or not Karlach was going to singe his ear off before he muttered, “This is ridiculous.”

“I know, deep down, you don’t mean that.”

Astarion scoffed. “How much complaining must I do before you lot realize that I don’t want to do good things?”

“Have you ever considered that maybe you were a good person before Cazador?”

“I don’t see what that has to do with now.”

“You’ve had a hard go of it, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a dickhead to everyone.”

“This is probably a bad time to say that I’ve been letting you go in the wrong direction for the past 5 minutes?”

Karlach roared. Astarion veered a few steps away to avoid being burned. “What’s wrong with you?!”

Sheepishly, he started leading her in a different direction. “I think the answer to that should be quite obvious.”

Karlach stomped beside him for a bit before becoming visibly confused. “Wait, how do you know the right way?”

“I can smell her blood on the wind,” he answered theatrically, fingertips twinkling in the air like magic. Karlach’s eyes went wide in shock.

“She’s hurt already?!” Astarion rolled his eyes.

“No, darling, it’s just a vampire thing.” Karlach walked silently for a few more beats.

“Like one of those dogs that track something by its smell?” she asked rather innocently. Astarion bristled.

“No.” He eventually sighed in defeat. “Yes, like a scent hound.”

It wasn’t that long before they caught up to Rowan. They found her on the stretch of beach where she and Shadowheart had awoken and started this journey together.

“What is she doing? This isn’t that far from camp,” Astarion pointed out, almost a little miffed. “I thought she was going to find a dragon or something to gobble her up.”

“Looks like she’s fishing, big guy,” Karlach answered earnestly, unsquinting her eyes. “And you are going to go ask her how it’s going.”

Astarion huffed. “What if I mess this up? I’m going to mess this up. Apologies and caring aren’t exactly some of my strong suits.”

“Then I’ll drag her back. She might be a little crispy, but better than goblin food.” When Astarion started to argue, Karlach pointed a firm finger toward the beach. His shoulders sagged in defeat before he rolled them back to swagger with his usual self-importance.

The beach was an absolute mess. The forgotten bodies of dead fishermen were mostly bones, their flesh taken by both animals and the elements. Fetid piles of goo pooled under the nautiloid’s hulking tentacles. Thankfully, a breeze was pushing the smell away from them.

Rowan remained seated as he approached, but an ever-so-slight turn of her head indicated that she knew he was there. “I’ll be honest, you're probably the second-to-last one I expected to look for me.”

“Darling, I’m hurt.” He feigned a blow to his ego, but realized she couldn’t see. With a tone like a lady-in-waiting looking for something scandalous, he asked, “Who's the first?”

“Karlach,” she answered immediately.

“Well, she’s here too,” he said after a deflating huff. “Almost ruined my shirt dragging me out here.”

Rowan didn't respond, merely flicked the end of her fishing pole. Astarion could hear her breath change slightly for a moment before returning to normal. Actual normal, not that high-chested cornered-animal breathing she usually did. Her heart beat a steady rhythm in his ears.

“Fishing? Really? We thought you were looking for a way to kill yourself.”

“I liked fishing. I still remember that,” she told him calmly.

“I think I’d rather die,” he remarked before lowering himself onto a nearby rock that wasn't too dirty. A few moments passed in silence as he tried to figure out how this whole apology thing was supposed to work.

“What’s it like?” Rowan asked before he could even start to find the words. Red eyes flicked over to her, but her attention remained on the water. “Forgetting who you are?”

“Well, I lost myself all at once, so I’m not sure that it compares.” He also didn't like to think about it too much, but it kept coming up in conversations. The group had a way of doing that, making everyone slowly expose the most horrible shit that happened to them. “You had a point, though. The dark shape sitting in your memory. As if you might be able to squint hard enough to make sense of it, but you can't. It nags at you, that it's there and you can't get to it.”

She flicked the end of the rod again, a look of deep contemplation on her face. It eventually softened. “That first night you came to my tent, when I asked you not to stop? I'd forgotten my husband’s name. I spent all day trying to remember it. I was afraid I’d forget something else in my sleep.”

Astarion still didn’t understand why Karlach insisted he be the one to do this. Maybe he was capable of empathy and compassion when he was a mere elf, but life as a spawn had surely broken the part of him capable of relating to the plights of others. He didn’t feel the need to apologize for teasing her, because that was fun. They all did it to one another, why was she special? No one apologized to him for making barbs about his condition.

Although… When she pushed him off of her, when she screamed at them all and ran away, he was afraid. Afraid that Rowan would be gone for good. Not just afraid that he’d have to find some other necks to bite, but that he would no longer feel her warmth. She would no longer be there to admire him and he couldn’t spy on her in the mirror when she wasn’t looking. That cute little look of utter concentration, the nimble flicks of her fingers as she used some thoroughly practiced skill. Here she was, so focused and casual as she waited for her prey to strike.

It hurt when they made those jokes about him. Would he feel better if they apologized? It would have to be genuine. That was probably why he didn’t want to apologize. Astarion was a lie, a lure, and probably hadn’t been genuine in over 200 years.

“I’m sorry about the other day. When I pushed you,” she said, solemnly breaking the silence between them. “I wasn’t ready to accept that my old life was gone. You didn’t know that what you said would hurt so much.”

“I said something very cruel,” he responded after the initial shock wore off. “The circumstances only made it that much crueler. For once, I… I am actually sorry.”

“I’m glad I could be your first,” Rowan joked with a completely straight face. Astarion laughed loudly and if he hadn’t covered his eyes, he would’ve seen a broad smile spread across her face. When he was done, she swiftly pulled her line out of the water. “Come on, then. Who else is going to make dinner for those idiots?”

Astarion turned first to leave, only to find Karlach grinning and giving him two thumbs up. How embarrassing.

“So, we’re all good now?” Karlach asked excitedly as they approached.

“We’re all good now,” Rowan confirmed with a nod. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

Karlach’s eyes went big like when Scratch begged for scritches. “It’s awful what’s happening to you. I still remember what it was like when I first ended up in Avernus. At least I could take my anger out on demons. All you have is a frying pan!”

Instinctively, Rowan tried to place a hand on the woman’s arm, and nearly did, but Astarion swatted the hand away before she could burn herself. Instead, she smiled up at Karlach. “Well, when Dammon can finally fix your engine, I'll be first in line for a hug.”

“You can count on it!”

They walked along, Karlach in front and Astarion bringing up the rear. Not that there was much danger the way Rowan fled, but it didn’t hurt to be cautious.

Karlach was humming to herself when Astarion sped up to walk beside Rowan. In a quiet voice, he asked, “Did you really mean that? That I make you want to… peel off your own skin?”

“It’s hard to explain. It’s not about you,” she answered with a reassuring tone and a soft smile. “You’re the only one… touching me and pointing out the way I look and it just… reminds me that I’m in this body and I don’t like it. I would say that I’d rather be a ball of pure energy, but then I’d have Gale sucking on my neck.”

Astarion laughed loudly again. Karlach looked back at them and pouted. “What’s so funny?”

“Talking about how cute Gale is,” Rowan lied, only to be attacked with one of Astarion’s sharp elbows.

“Gods, don’t tell me you believe that,” he warned her, a defeated look in his eyes. Rowan shrugged.

“What? You’re all cute. Druids were cute. Those tieflings were cute. Bet there’ll be a lot of cuties in Baldur’s gate.”

Astarion glowered at her. “I am not. Cute. I’m gorgeous.”

“Aww, take the compliment, Fangs,” Karlach admonished him, her flames running hot like a blush. “I think it’s sweet. She’s never even seen an elf before and she thinks you’re cute, not disgusting.”

“Wyll showed me a picture of a kobold once. They looked pretty cute too.”

Astarion gagged loudly.

#astarion ancunin #astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x oc #bg3 fanfiction #fanfiction #isekai #bg3 tav #Rowan OC #tw sexually suggestive situations #agender oc #original character #tw suicide #tw suicide mention #tw memory loss #tw gender dysphoria #titus writes #a non hero's guide

2 notes · View notes