Hey! First of all I love your blog!
Now about siblings, me and my siblings both are in our in early 20s. I have a little brother, but it's like he's grown so much more than me. He taller, more social, bit more adult. After we both moved away from home for studies, we only meet in holidays. I'm studying to be a doctor and he's doing his degree. What I've felt recently is that even in friendly jabs he often brings up that I'm worthless even if I think I'm doing medicine, that it doesn't make me worthy of respect and praise. We have always had a bitter sweet relationship, I was always academically better than him. It never bothered him, he was never jealous and malicious. But now these silly jokes drip of jealousy and hate. He grown too old for me to punch him and then caress his cheek saying i hate you (affectionate) . I feel insecurity and resentment reek out of him, it sits heavy on my tongue. When we talk on phone occasionally, he says he misses me but when we're in the same room we don't talk. I love him so much I don't know where i went wrong. I only wanted him to be proud of me, all my hardwork to get into medschool now seems futile and useless. I was always the insecure one, the less favourite one, the spare, the problem but he wasn't, he was confident, he was my parents pride, he was the favourite. After so long I had come to terms with it but now I can't digest it that his biggest insecurity is me when in all facade I'm just the same Little girl who thinks nothing I can do is good enough. He doesn't need to be insecure or scared of me because there's nothing to compete, he's already the better one.
I'm so sorry for the rant and im sorry if it's now very articulate. I really wanted to get it off my chest. Thank you.
Hello thank you,
Responding to this while not having siblings feels illegal , I can only answer this based on things I have seen/ known that have had happened to others around me , looking at what you said maybe when you started to do better than your brother maybe your parents or PPL around him began to compare you with him, in regards with how much you have grown as a person and your brother has not( in terms of academic or career success/ or this could have brought up envyness?) when one sibling who was always better his whole is now compared as he is lacking behind than the other one, I guess that's when things go bad i could be completely wrong but that's what I could think of rn, letting go of past resentments is very important for any human relationships may be it's something he has to do , or perhaps if u could make some time to share with him this could clear up any misunderstanding that might have built up due to lack of communication, may be try to show up for him when he needs you may be this could help? I just hope things get better
You are always welcome to rant on my blog and being articulate about it🩷
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my top bit of advice going into the new year: compliment people. especially strangers. literally everyone you interact with if you can. when you buy coffee in the morning compliment the barista's tattoos. when you're chatting with a coworker tell them that by the way you like their outfit. always find something they've chosen to do on purpose. nail polish, jewellery, tattoos, hair colour/style, statement accessory, outfit, etc are all good bets. things people hope will be noticed. things that aren't too personal so it doesn't make them uncomfortable (eg probably not their physical features). i've gotten into the habit of scanning everyone i talk to for something about them that i think is cool so i can tell them. it's a great habit because it makes me notice people and realise just how many neat little details there are in people's presentation of themselves that might pass me by if i wasn't paying attention. and it brings out so much joy. you'd be surprised how much it disarms people to receive an unexpected compliment from someone they don't know. it is the most sincere smile you will see all day long. it feels nice to make people happy but it also means you win the social interaction. establish dominance by complimenting a stranger's earrings and disappearing into the fog
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pioneering something called "gritted teeth optimism" where everything is gonna turn out okay even if i have to bite and claw and gnash my way through it
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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Pacific Rim is the best movie ever made for the same reason Sif is the best boss in Dark Souls. It's not bcs of quality or craftmanship or whatever it's bcs when I hear "giant robots fighting giant monsters with the power of love" and "huge wolf with a big fucking sword" I am overcome with the urge to scream "HELL FUCKING YEAH" at the top of my lungs before headbutting a wall so hard I leave a dent in the plaster.
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💛 The Boi 💛
Hello, hope y'all are doing well! (^^)/
Wanted to make a quick post to let y'all know that my annual January curse has breeched containment and I'm currently in the middle of organizing sudden household repairs and unexpected medical appointments and miscellaneous stress sgdfgh-- 🫠
All that to say: no new video this week while I'm stuck grappling with all of the above sgdfksfd -- but here's a doodle of Heartless in the meantime! I wanna figure out a more solid design for his ghouls 🤔👻
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