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allkinds-oftrash · 1 year

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The Crown S5E7 Commentary

Non Spoiler Gist: Brilliant brilliant Diana centric episode - I loved every single minute of it! It was also interwoven well with Bashir prepping and manipulating Di into the interview, Diana’s romance with Dr. Hasnat Khan and a secondary C-plot of Lizzie having lunches with William and Margot.

Spoilers Under The Cut:

The Bashir Interview episode Let's gooo

We love a Diana-centric episode Gosh she sounds so much like her I'm getting emotional I just love her so much??? This monologue on being separated is on point

Oooh we're getting Tween William this should be interesting Is that Dominic's actual son?? Nepotism at it's finest I wonder what he thinks of his dad's irl cheating and if he finds him being Charles as ironically meta as I do

Awww Harry my babeyyyy

Also gosh the press really were everywhere and invading every aspect of their lives huh This is so taunting he's like a spectacle Not them fighting at his school too LMAO THE SPITE HUG YES SHOW HIM THE LOVE DIANA

Bashir is KNEE deep in his research era huh Honestly all the scenes of him so far is just me being old enough to love Diana on my own and just watch every available clip and read every article on her. I was in the trenches with my Diana phase as a tween

Why does the actor look like this Tamil actor I know I'm shook they look very similar and like they could be related Okay I googled him no they do not only in this get up for some reason hsjjsjs Damnnn he's an ambitious one isn't he What are they doing with these bank statements???

Holy fuck the Earl Spencer's casting is EERIE they look THE SAME

What the fuckkkk I knew how he got the interview was unethical BUT NOT THIS UNETHICAL This is so shady omg omg This man I swear to God like he didn't waver ONCE

Lmao Diana saw this man ONCE and is a goner for him. She's just staring hshahh I really thought we'd get her and Dodi around this time but Hasnat Khan is pretty cute too I'll give her that She's adorable omggg

DIANA YOUR FRIEND'S HUSBAND MIGHT BE DYING AND YOU'RE THIRSTING OVER A MAN I cannot this is too funny pls Diana babes please read the room

Not William being short with his mother Goddd her phones being tapped is so scary

Oh dear god not the guys trying to take a pic of her WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK HER BRAKES AREN'T WORKING What the fuckkkkk I had a heart attack that was terrifying

Lmaoo this interaction with the Spencers - PEAK siblings Her paranoia was really preyed upon huh Poor her Patrick would notttt Bashir is lyinggg This is so painful to watch Danggg the way Elizabeth's face went red so fast damn girl she turned it ON

Oooh Willy is having lunch with Lizzie this ought to be fun Damn this boy has got the voice down we love to see it I really like their dynamic it's really sweet and kinda humanises them for me despite my issues with the two of them

NOT CHARLIES STILL TALKING ABOUT GORDONSTOUN The trauma is real yall

Awwee Diana in the hospital I love her so much she was really the sweetest soul wasn't she Lmaooo Di's like Oh??? My crush has noticed mee!!! She's so into him this is so cute I'm so invested in this sldhddjd

Ohmygod she called him sexy hskdjsk Dianaaaa A HUSBAND I LOVE HER BEING FLIRTY This Diana is SUCH A VIBEEEE "I'm constitutionally single" Lmaoo I'm using that They are ADORABLE why did it end 😭😭

Boooo Bashir leave her aloneee Holy shit mans is really laying it thick and telling her everything she wants to hear

Not Oprah being name dropped as an alternate for an interviewer Imagine if she had gotten the Di interview and also the H&M one - that would have been a TRIP

Damnnn the duality of the two Pakistani men in her life during this time. It's a very interesting parallel to see. One manipulating and exploiting her and the other offering her safety, privacy and kindness

Lmaooo Bashir did not say "I think she has a thing for me" Okay but thank god he didn't mean it like That That 1991 tour meant a lot to her didn't it? Lowkey wish we saw it instead of the Russian ep We all have that special country away from home we fell in love with so I get it. I'm just glad they didn't make it out to be a exotic country or fetishise it in her eyes

Ohmygod she looks like Sophie Turner in that getup I got shook AWWE THEY'RE HOLDING HANDS I LOVE THEM OHMYGOD WHAT IS THIS FOREPLAY Their flirting is on point He keeps asking for consent it's so sexy

DR KHAN NO HSJDJJSJ Girlie was trying to be deep about her broken, neglected heart and this man goes "No your heart is fine. Quite a strong pulse actually." God he's SO endearing GJSHSJC DIANA I SWEAR She's sooo into him Bro she likes youuu and you like herr She did not call him a frog I'm screaming djdkdkd

Jesus Christ Lizzie we get it stop name calling and just say her name Yall are awful

Jesus Bashir are you trying to isolate her from EVERYONE Mans really using his mother tongue to his advantage I do sympathise with his struggles as an MOC in a very white industry Gosh this is all so complex Like yeah he was REAL shady about it but he also did let her feel understood and allowed her that platform to lay it all on the line

"You can trust me" K Bashir K 🤡🤡

Oh dip this isn't the actual interview ep. Aights gonna take a short break before I watch the next one!

#The Crown #The Crown Season 5 #The Crown Spoilers

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youryanderedaddy · 3 years

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Love Fuel

Summary: You were Jason’s first love before you broke his heart and rejected him. It’s all your fault that he can’t move on.

Tw: female reader, obsessive behavior, incel behavior, nice guy behavior, self - hatred, threats of non-con, implied non - con, implied masturbation, bullying based on appearance (not reader), deregatory language, kidnapping, misogyny, generalizations, stalking

this is a hot mess but its 1 am and i am tired, ik that incels are bad irl (obviously), but this is fiction and I kinda wanted to explore the dynamic and shit.

Everyone used to call him JJ or The-Big-Jay back in high school. Well, most of the time his classmates weren’t really calling out to him or even talking to him, the names were whispered behind his back, after he had just passed the hallway, or on bad days - right to his face. The jocks, these dumb motherfuckers, would beat him up, mock him for whatever stupid reasons they had chosen to use as an excuse to torment the smaller and weaker. The popular girls would giggle like brainless bimbos as Kyle or Brad or any other football player stole his glasses or continuously punched him in the guts until he threw up all over the floor. Even the nerds, the kids at the bottom of the school hierarchy, messed with Jason from time to time when they wanted to feel the oh - so desired rush of power they so rarely managed to experience.

Looking back, Jason could see why his classmates hated him so much - he was everything that society deemed as wrong and unattractive. He was thin, pale, “scrawny” as the others called him, on the shorter side, and on top of that the teen was terribly shy and introverted, never having the guts to stand up to his bullies or even tell someone about the abuse. The male spent most of his free time at home, playing hours upon hours of video games, watching anime and reading books he was simply too young to understand or look critically at. As he grew older, the man began to view the world as it trully was - a dark, miserable place that ate up sore losers like him. Men were primitive and foolish, which somehow managed to soften their faults. Women, on the other hand, were calculative and manipulative, greedy and sinful. His whole life they had done nothing but reject him when he needed love and support the most. Of course, there were many other reason why the brunette detested the weaker sex. In his eyes women were evil two - faced sluts, showing off their bodies yet acting innocent and hurt once someone finally decided to use them for the only thing they were actually good for.

But you Jason hated the most. You reminded him that no matter how much he hated the outside world, he would always hate himself the most. He had to admit you were pretty, painfully so, with a perfect little body to match your looks and a sweet sugary smile that almost deceived him years ago. As much as the man regretted his weakness, he had fallen right into your trap at the time.

You weren’t the most popular girl, but you had your fair share of friends, all nice and loyal like puppies. You weren’t the smartest either, but unlike the other stupid giggling sluts you always tried to do your best. You were beautiful just like them but you were actually kind to the pathetic bullied kid no one else bothered to acknowledge even existed outside of being a punching bag. You always asked him whether he was alright and often took him to the infirmary when he looked paler and sicker than usual. You talked to him as if he was a normal human being and despite the initial doubt, Jason appreciated it.

It was the last day of your senior year when the teen finally gained the courage to confess. He was shaking the whole time and by the end of his little speech there were small tears in the corner of his eye. You were the first girl the male cared about, the first one to show him kindness, to offer him friendship without asking for something in return. You were the only one who could make him feel deserving of love, worthy of affection. And then you took it all away in a matter of seconds.

“I am sorry, bud.” You had said that day after giving him a half - hearted hug and an apologetic smile, that started to seem more and more like a mocking grin the longer the teen started at you. “I already have a boyfriend, but I am really flattered. I am sure that you will find a lovely girl once you start college.” You had added quickly, cheerfully, rubbing the salt all over his wounds, honey dripping from your plump red lips. He had wanted to kiss them, bruise them, bite them until your stupid lying mouth was filled with blood. Obviously you didn’t have a boyfriend or he would have known by now, he stalked your social media religiously after all. Even if you had one, he probably treated you like shit. And how could you even suggest him finding another woman? As if he wanted any of the stupid money - grabbing sluts out there. As if some of them could replace you.

The boy was too furious to form a proper response besides “Fuck you, bitch”. His cheeks turned red and he didn’t realise that the bitter words had escaped his lips before he could stop them, then his legs took him far away from that shithole of a school. He didn’t manage to see your reaction before running away but it didn’t matter anymore. You were just like the others.

***

That day Jason swore to show you just how small and insignificant you had made him feel. He wanted to see you crumble, cry and beg for forgiveness, desperate for his love but never good enough to get it. The man formed a plan to change himself and come back for you once he had erased each and every trace of his past. The brunette came to terms with his terrible social anxiety and decided that he needed to gain social abilities more than anything. That’s why, as much as he dreamt of working from home as a boring programmer with an even more boring, but flexible working schelude, the male chose to study something that involved a lot more human interactions. The next step was to hit the gym for the first time and get a monthly subscription. It wasn’t hard to see that females nowadays liked brain - dead athletes with defined jawline and cheekbones, toned chests and strong muscled bodies, so if he wanted to impress you, he had to look his best. It wasn’t easy at first - it felt like everyone in the fitness salon had their eyes on his weak frame, laughing and pointing their fingers at his imperfections, but things gradually got better as time went on. The trainings became easier to get through and from time to time they even helped the man forget about his loneliness and nihilism.

Jason soon returned to his old habbit of spending hours looking through your accounts - Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, he knew all of your usernames, each post, every picture and text. He couldn’t believe how much of a desperate attention whore you had become over the years. The male remembered you in your long brown skirts, cozy sweatshirts and pure-white shirts, all the gray buttons closed to the very top, blushing, laughing, smiling like the adorable Goody-two-shoes you were. Now you were smirking seductively in every photo, overconfident and vibrant, flaunting your tits for every man to see and wearing tight little dresses that barelly covered your ass combined with heels so high and sharp they could be used as a weapon. You were such a stupid slut it was disgusting, and he couldn’t stop himself from jerking off every single time he saw your pretty little face on the screen. He wanted to cum down your throat so badly it was ridiculous, and even after knowing that you had probably already had hundreds of cocks shoved deep inside your pussy, the brunette still wished to see you split open on his, taking his lenght like a good little cocksleeve.

***

The moment when he could see you again finally came. How many years had passed since graduation - five, ten, fifthteen? It hardly mattered. Jason was successful, at last. The male had his own business that was doing surprisingly well, there were some guys from the gym he could call friends and the best thing, he looked absolutely unrecognizable. There was nothing left of the tiny scrawny kid with quiet voice that everyone stepped over, he was now replaced by a strong capable man, determined to get what was rightfully his and his alone.

It wasn’t hard to find you since the brunette knew everything about you - where your job was, what time you finished, how long it took you to go home and what path you took. You lived alone and worked as a barista in a small local cafe even now that you had finished your studies in your dream faculty. Turns out the princess wasn’t so great and smart after all, having to resort to working a minimal - wage job day and night just to be able to pay her rent. Jason was absolutely delighted though, he loved your stupid dead - end job and your endless struggles to survive in the materialistic world honestly and fairly without selling yourself like a common whore. On one hand the male was happy that you had clung onto your last bit of innocence and on the other your pitiful lifestyle gave him the chance to snatch you away much easier. And that’s exactly what he did.

***

You woke up confused just like he had expected, bombarding him with questions, asking him who he was was, begging him to let you go, to at least explain what’s happening. You were so dumb, but God, you were still so pretty, if not prettier than before. You cried so beautifully when Jason told you you belonged to him now and you cried even more when he slammed his cold rough lips over yours in a deep wet kiss. You whimpered and whined while the male sucked on your lower lip and bit down, good, he wanted it to hurt. The stalker couldn’t wait to be inside you, he couldn’t hold back anymore.

He climbed on top of you and pinned your wrists to the floor before tying them up with delicate red rope and tightening it. It wasn’t like the man was scared of you slipping away and hurting him, you were too weak and tiny to stand a chance against his years of power - lifting and muscle - training anyways, he just wanted you to be as uncomfortable and squirmish as possible. Your tormentor wished for you to be in worse pain than he had been during his youthful years, and he knew exactly what to do. Next thing you knew Jason had ripped your dress apart, leaving you vulnerable and exposed in just your plain old panties and bra. Cold shivers ran down your spine when the chilly air hit your naked flesh and you finally realized there wasn’t getting away from this. You had to stay there, limbs bound together, unable to move or fight back, the stranger’s hands caressing your neck before moving dangerously close to your clothed breasts. You felt so sick you were going to throw up for sure if your abductor didn’t step back so you decided to use your last resort.

“Jason, please stop!” You screamed out of the blue, forcing the brunette to freeze instantly at the use of his birth name. You had already called him a pervert and a psycho which didn’t seem to faze him, but the name clearly caught him off guard. This only seemed to prove your theory further - the man really was your former classmate, despite the only similarity between them being the dark distant look in his eyes. “I beg you, don’t hurt me!” You continued, hoping to at least buy yourself more time before the assault took place.

He gulped loudly and stared at your quivering form. The impossible had happened, you had recognized him and now together with fear, there was also pity in your gaze, the one emotion your captor absolutely despised. You used to be the only one who pitied him, and even now that he was bigger, better and stronger than before, you still had the guts to pity him. It drove him insane but any attempt to hurt or touch you was fruitless now - your soft skin was suddenly burning his fingers like hellfire.

“You must be thinking that I am a monster.” Jason started out dryly, chuckling bitterly, humorlessly even. He clenched his fists unconsciously and brought them to the floor in a fit of rage, missing your head by mere inches. Your heart was beating like crazy and you only hoped the mandman couldn’t hear it. “A freak.” The man spat out the word like it was a curse and for a split second his eyes softened before turning into two spinning torches. “Right?” You were sure that if looks could kill, his would have you dead by the end of the night so you quickly nodded your head no.

“You are lying to me again, pretty girl.” The brunette replied feisty, "pretty” rolling off his tongue like an insult. Then he broke into hoarse maniac laugher and lowered his head so his face leveled up with yours, so close you could feel his warm breath on your tear - stained cheek. “When I am done with you, you wouldn’t be so pretty anymore, darling.” Your captor growled and attacked your neck, sinking his teeth deep into the flesh. “You will see exaclty how ugly my love is.”

#yandere #yandere oneshot #male yandere x reader #male yandere #yandere oc #yancore #yandere male x reader #yandere oc x reader #yandere smut #yandere x you

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sidemenyesplease · 3 years

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simon angst with a happy fluffy ending maybe?? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Driver License - Simon

Type - angst? (Not really ‘cause I suck

writting it) into fluff , swears

Warnings - starts of with some angst

A/n - this is based on the song ‘Driver License’ by Olivia Rodrigo so I recommend you listen to it / the text in pink is the lyrics from the song x

Posted : 28.2.21

(Y/n’s pov)

“Hey, where’s Simon?” I asked the boys when I walked into the house where all the boys (including both of the Cal’s) where there expect for Simon.

“Oh he’s with that girl he meet on tinder” Ethan told me making me pause.

“Oh” I bit my lip, he was the one I wanted to tell the news to the most, i mewn the rest of the boys are all my closest friends but Simon is who I’m closest with out of them and we always tell everything to each other,

Or used to.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he really likes her” Ethan smiled at me as I seat in between the Cal’s.

Ouch.

That hurts to hear, yes I have a crush on Simon but been to affaid to tell him. “Yeah she’s pretty cool” JJ commented.

“Yeah, and hot” Freezy laughed making me look down and play with my sleeves, yes I’ve seen pictures of her.

“You ok?” Lux whispered to me while everyone’s attention was focoued on the tv, he was the only one who knew about my crush since I knew I could trust him not to tell anyone.

I just nodded, even though him and me both knew I wasn’t, I was exited to tell Simon the news.

“I got my driver license last week” I whisper to Lux seeing his eyes widen and he smiled over at me, since I was to busy from last week I haven’t seen the boys yet to tell boys and was going to tell them all today, now that I have free time.

But Simon wasn’t here, the one I wanted to tell the most.

Just like we always talked about

'Cause you were so excited for me

I was looking forward to tell him the most because he is my best friend, and actualy the one who helped me before my test and always believed in me.

And we planned to go on long drives togther, because he knew how much I loved going out for a drive at night and he said he’d always come with me.

“I’ll be back soon I’m just going to the shop” I announced as I got up from my seat and grabbed my phone from the table.

“Anyone want anything?” I asked , seeing everyone saying know , and that they where fine.

“I’ll be back” I told them, as the nodded I went and left quickly, closing the door behind me I walked to my car and out the keys in and sighed.

To finally drive up to your house

But today I drove through the suburbs

Crying 'cause you weren't around

I felt bad that I only wanted to go to the boys house to see Simon, so I decided to get out, on my own, for a bit.

Once I finshed going to the shop I went back into my car and started to drive back, I’ve only been out for 10 minuites.

Before I started to drive, I got out my drink and looked out the window and was in my own thoughts.

And you're probably with that blonde girl

Who always made me doubt

She's so much older than me

I hate being jealous, it’s not Simons fault either, I wish I told him sooner but I just didn’t want to ruin our frinship incase he didn’t like me back in that way which is more than likely, even more than ever now, that his with her, who seems to be his ideal type.

I’m not usally the one to get jealous over girls but She's everything I'm insecure about.

Felling my phone buzzing on my leg made me flinch a little, looking down to it to see it was a text from Lux.

‘Just making sure you’re ok, Simons here (on his own) btw x’

I read , smiling a little when I read him asking if I’m ok, it’s nice feeling like at lest someone cares.

‘Yeah I’m omw back’

I texted back quickly and set my phone down so I could start driving.

“Who’s car is that?” Harry asked when I walked back into the house while he was looking out the window and finaly realised I was droven here and not by Lux or Simon.

“it’s mine” I mumbled and went back to sit beside the Cal’s, and spotted Simon sitting across from me and look at me.

“Since when can you drive?” Questioned JJ making everyone’s attention be on me.

“Uh, since last week, I was going to tell you todsy actually” I said, seeing Lux smile proudly as he threw his arm around me as everyone looked at me suprised but proud.

“You never told me” Simon sounded offended since we tell each other everything.

“I was busy last week and you weren’t here eariler” I replied back to him swing his face change a little.

“Oh yeah, how was the date?” Ethan smiled as he asked Simon making me roll my eyes and lean bsck on the sofa.

“It was fine” Simon shrugged making Ethan give him a look confused as if he expected Simon to say more about it or sound more happy.

“We’re going on another date on Thursday” Simon announced out making Ethan smile again.

“This Thursday?” I asked as he got my full attention now.

“Yeah” he confirmed to me making me look down again and play with my shelve which is a habit of mine.

“Oh, I thought we had plans to go out that day” I said softly, also seeing Lux looking at me to make sure I was ok with him knowing I’d be hurt.

Simon never misses our planes or never skips out on them, even if his really busy he used to give me time.

“But that’s fun have fun with the smoking hot girl” I faked smiled at him before he could commented, and rested my head on Lux’s shoulder.

“Sorry I must of forgotten, I’ve been so caught up on her” Simon frowned at me after my reaction.

“Oh she’s coming over here now by the way, if that’s ok with you guys?” Simon asked making me sight softly , knowing that everyone won’t mind and will say yes , and my response wouldn’t matter.

“Hey, could you take me for a drive?” I want to see how good you are” Lux asked, with him also known I’d want to get out of here when she was here, I didn’t want to be in the same room as her and Simon.

“Of course” I smiled at Lux, thankful I told him about my crush other wise I’d be stuck here and thankful for having him helping me out, anotber reason I told Lux.

“Do you not want to meet her?” Simon asked, thinking I’d want to since he has let me meet all his other friends, and his meet all of my friends.

“Uh maybe another day” I lied to him, never wanting to meet her in real life after seeeing her photos, while I’m jealous enjoy just seeing them I could imagine making a fool of myself meeting her irl.

“Oh, ok” Simon softly spoke, I could tell he felt a bit usset since this is the first friend of his I haven’t meet yet.

“We will be going now, see y’all later” Lux spoke for me, grabbing my hand as he dragged me outside, before anything else could happen.

“Thanks” I breathed out as soon as we got out. “No bother, I didn’t want to see her either, she looks fake as fuck in those photos” Lux said making me laugh at his honesty.

“You really want to see my driving though?” I asked making sure, think he was just helping me with using that exause, but seeing him nod his head making me smile and walked up to my car and unlocking it, letting him in.

“Where do you want to go?” I asked him as we both buckled out seatbelts.

“Anywhere” he shrugged.

Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs

“Ok let’s go” I spoke, thinking of places to drive as I started my car up again, but still having Simon at the back of my head, trying to get rid of thinking of him, but I don’t think I could.

'Cause how could I ever love someone else?

And all my friends are tired

“I miss him” I mumbled seeing Lux give me a look, wanting me to stop talking about him.

Of hearing how much I miss you, but

“I know you do, so let’s just have fun togher today” Lux told me, wanting to help me, making me smile and I finaly started to drive out of the drive way.

I kinda feel sorry for them

'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do

“Where we going to?” Lux asked while he out his window down.

“The beach” I said seeing him nod, but also without him knowing it was mine and Simons go to.

Today I drove through the suburbs

And pictured I was driving home to you

“I hope she’s still not here” Lux spoke as we got back out of the car two hours later and where back to the house after having a walk across the beach since it was a nice day.

I agreed whilst we both walked up to the door and opened it to get back in.

“Y/n, can I talk to you?” Was the first thing I heard being asked when we where in, from Simon. I looked around seeing the girl not here anymore, thankfully.

“Alone” Simon we continued after he saw me nod.

“Uh yeah sure” I answered slowly, seeing him getting of the sofa as Lux went to sit back down he grabbed my hand and lead me up to his room.

“I cancled the date” Simon told me once he closed his door.

“Why?” I asked suprised, looking at him confused since I though he really liked her, so why would he cancle it?.

“Becuase I realised I liked someone else and not her” he told me.

“Oh” was all I could get out, grate even less a chance to be with him, but why was he only telling me?.

“It’s you who I like” he spoke quickly, making me barley catch what he was saying, but I was able to which made me look at him with wide eyes while he was looking at me nervously.

“I- I like you to” I replied honestly seeing him smile brightly and being me into a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry for ignoring you when I was with her” he mumbled into my back.

“It’s ok” I sighed , just being happy I had him back and that having it turn out he liked me.

#sidemen #simon minter #miniminter #simon minter imagine #sidemen imagine #sidemen x reader

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night-dragon937 · 4 years

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I need to share my experience from a few hours ago (writing this at 2 am aug 24 2020) yesterday but first I'm going to slap a huge tw: abuse, Christianity/gay stuff, anxiety attacks, and yelling/screaming, transphobia/homophobia, self harm/cutting and a lot of cussing/swearing onto this. Like this is deeply religious and I'd rather not have discourse on my beliefs.

That should cover it...

Okay so it started out fine, my mom and i were just talking. She was drunk, and attempting to convince me that my asexuality meant that i was straight... But since she was drunk, I'mma give her that. There was a lot of aphobia but that's not what this is about She started telling me about her experience, and best i can describe it, she's a closeted demisexual biromantic lady with a preference for girls and a shit ton of internalized homophobia ("being sexually attracted to women's bodies more than men's doesn't make me lesbian, I'm still straight")

It was a mostly civil conversation, but it was adding onto my bad feelings from my dad the past several weeks making snide hurtful remarks about our religion and my sexuality and gender. Also using the f-slur against me when i had explained to him in the past how badly that word hurts me, to which he apologized profusely and said he'd never have used that word if he knew how it affected me. Obviously a lie, because he's still using it with full knowledge of the effects.

Back to my mom. She started getting into the religious side of it, but we managed to keep it civil, until the very end when she said she'd be praying for me and i said I'd be praying to help figure out who exactly i am, and she remarked "make sure you're praying to the right person" with a really threatening tone to her voice. At that point, i lost it, let her know that her saying that made me want to go back to cutting (in case she wasn't aware) and said that i needed a moment alone (or something along those lines, i was thrown head first into an anxiety attack and can't quite remember very well).

I ran upstairs as she tried to grab me and pull me back, but i managed to make it to my room. I went into a fetal position, because safe, but she came in and all i remember is her screaming repeating some question, i think, at me, me not being able to breathe, her hands squeezing my wrists way too tight, my wrist pinned to the carpet with her knee, the other with her hand as she tried to grab my jaw and force me to look at her.

Her touching me made the attack worse (hours later i still have marks and scratches) and i couldn't talk, think, or breathe. Somehow i was able to choke out repeated pleas for her to stop touching me because it was making everything worse. I don't know how long that lasted. But at some point she stopped grabbing me and just placed her hands on me and started praying in tongues. Like i was fucking demon possessed. Because i had an anxiety attack. Which my parents have been triggering in me for as long as i can remember.

I managed to sit up and get her to stop touching me, but she refused to be less than a foot away from me, even though i was going through a sensory overload and needed personal space. She finally trapped me into a corner of my room and put her arms on either side of me, one of them holding the door closed. She was screaming in my face and i was yelling over her, asking her to give me personal space and stop being so loud so that i could calm down, which she refused. I ended up very trapped and very uncomfortable and doing my best to not have another anxiety attack while replying to the most outlandish of her accusations, but mostly keeping my mouth shut in an attempt to get her to do the same.

She kept using my deadname, like usual, but it was worse for me for some reason at this point. I mentioned that and got yelled at more. I mentioned her pinning my wrists to the ground and got called a liar and she tried to make it so that i couldn't leave and grab a Kleenex until i admitted she was right and that i pinned myself to the ground (???). So i just started describing what i remembered until she got sick of it and let me go wipe my nose. She must have closed my door when she first came in. My dad (stepdad) was standing outside the door, eavesdropping, apparently.

I got a Kleenex but then my mom started yelling at me again, but i mostly just pretended to listen because i didn't want to have another anxiety attack. My dad started piping in and making me feel so much worse. He ended with saying "you're not a Christian. You don't believe in God. Even the devil believes in God." (Implying that I'm worse than the devil). At which point i started breaking down crying. And then i ran outside to have another anxiety attack but this time my mom just stood on the porch because the grass was wet and she was barefoot, but i curled up under the stars for who knows how long as i forced myself to do breathing techniques, and stim by rubbing the wet grass, which really helped ground me.

I went back inside when i was feeling better and got a drink of water and a Kleenex. And they started telling me how much they loved me and that i might not see it, but they were doing this out of love, because they were concerned for my eternity. I kept pointing out things they were doing that hurt me and better ways to do it (constructive criticism, so they know what's bad for me) and they repeatedly told me how much worse they could make it for me and that i should be glad they didn't make it worse. I pointed out that this didn't make their actions better and they said "doesn't make them wrong, either." Which ????? Victim blaming, abuse, what?

I brought up the times I've cried out to God for answers and the few times He's responded, (refusing my request for Him to kill me, telling me I'm not going to Hell for being gay/queer) bc they kept bringing up a few dubiously translated verses of the Bible and they told me that i was listening to the wrong person. That i was worshipping the wrong one. They heavily implied that i pray and worship the devil (disclaimer: i don't judge those who do, that's your life, I'm not gonna try and decide it for you, also i can admit that the church of Satan makes valid points and treats people right, from what I've seen, this is just a huge insult for them to throw at me specifically because of what I've been taught my whole life). Also invalidating my whole experience just because they don't like it.

They keep bringing up me being involved in the community (following queer people on social media, having one queer shirt, going to gsa-which they told me I'm not allowed to be a part of anymore-, having queer friends) as me seeking validation and attention, and that i shouldn't need validation and it shouldn't be about validation if I really think that this is who i am. Aka, because i am human and seek human things, i must be a total fake and fraud about all I've told them (very little). Meanwhile they do the exact same thing with their friends and social media and each other and everything.

My dad kept piping up with totally unrelated, totally unhelpful comments and tangents while my mom recited the same 5 min spiel for at least half an hour. My dad was saying how my grandparents aren't actually Christians because they agree with me that the world isn't black and white and there are some shades of gray, and because they believe once saved, always saved. That there is nothing you can do, as an imperfect human, to remove yourself from the infinite and unconscious love of God. (... I can't believe he fucking believes that humans have the ability to overrule God because it makes it easier for him to blame and condemn people he sees...)

These are the grandparents who have loved me regardless of my sexuality and gender, even tho they don't agree, and made me feel loved and gave me a place to go when i need to escape from my parents. They're the reason I'm keeping my mom's maiden name (since it hasn't been legally changed) because it's their last name, and it's them i want to honor, not my abusive shitty hateful stepdad. Unfortunately they are moving into assisted living because my papa is in a wheelchair, so i can't move in with them.

He ended that tangent with repeatedly telling me that i was not saved. That i was not a Christian. That i didn't believe in God. And that i was going to Hell. Repeatedly.

My mom made me hug her and made me tell her i love her. I ended up exercising to stop myself from becoming suicidal. I don't know if I'll tell anyone irl apart from the one irl friend i have on here. I'm not sure if I'm going to tell my therapist or not. I reached out to two of my christian friends after everything but they were both asleep. I needed to write this all down and put it somewhere public, just to be safe. I'm not safe in my own home and i can't move out because I'm a. Under 18 and b. Broke as hell

There was a lot more that happened, this lasted several hours, but i honestly can't remember all of the details besides what i typed out. Anyway so yeah i kinda wish i were dead but i also wanna stay alive for spite and show them that i can be a fabulous queer Christian and that the world is colorful, and you can't reduce that to monochrome and expect to have an even partially accurate view of the world. I want to help others like me, and help them feel better about myself.

I'm setting this as a queue so that if my parents take my phone away, they can't stop me from posting it (they have no clue how to look at queued posts) and also so that i can go to bed now and look at it again later and edit it

#tw abuse mention #blog post #tw yelling #tw transphobes #tw homophobes #tw cussing #tw cursing #tw swearing #tw anxiety attacks #tw christianity #tw self harm #tw cutting #rant tw #tw rant #long post

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rwby-grimm-guardians · 3 years

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RWBY Grimm Guardians Arc 3: Separated Union Ch 7

Side Yellow II: Acceptance

Welcome back to Separated Union! Here is Side Yellow II, where Ember finally gets some help and Yang reveals some issues she has...and finds out about Ruby’s situation.

For those wondering, this takes place the day after Side Red II.

As usual, please give constructive criticism and enjoy.

Disclaimer: Still own nothing.

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(1:34 PM)

“Dad?” Yang asked, walking into the living room. Taiyang, sitting on the couch, turned from a book he was reading with a raised eyebrow, “Yes?” The teenager then pointed towards the front door. Standing up, her father looked through the window to see Ember on the lawn. Taiyang sighed, “No improvement?” His daughter shook her head, “I tried. I really did.” “I know.” The man smiled. “Though you know how stubborn she is. She’s been like that for quite some time.”

Yang sighed, “I wish she tried to get rid of that part of her. It’d help her.” Taiyang nodded, “I agree. How long have you been trying to get her to speak out?” The teenager rubbed her eyes, “Since this morning…” The blonde man sighed. There was one other time he had experienced something similar to this before. Though he’d hoped that Ember wouldn’t descend that far again. “I’ll try to do something.” He said. He gave a smile at his daughter’s confused glance, “Trust me. I got this.”

Nodding, Yang, joined by Zwei, went to the kitchen to get something to eat, while Taiyang headed outside.

Ember hadn’t been in this state since Taiyang ended up hospitalized during his years at Beacon and said blonde knew it. He had been watching his “sister”’s behavior since the aftermath at Beacon...and he knew how depressed and guilt-ridden she was. Though...he had really wished it had never gotten this bad again. She was entering dangerous territory now. He wasn’t one to pry into her issues, but Taiyang knew he needed to do something to help her. Even if it was just a simple conversation.

He was also aware that this woman could hospitalize him if he irritated her, so he needed to tread the road lightly.

He walked up to Ember sitting on the lawn, before sitting next to her. “What do you want, Tai…?” The tanned woman asked, in the same tone she had since the Fall of Beacon. Pure and utter defeat. Sighing, the blonde man sat next to the one he’d call his sister, saying, “I know you don’t want to....” There was silence, before Taiyang said, “But you need to talk to someone.” “I have Gambol, my significant other.” Ember said. It was true that she had her love interest to talk to about her problems.

But there was an issue...

“I fear that she alone might not be enough.” He said. There was no response, so he decided to explain himself. “Ember, I know you’re in turmoil now…” Taiyang said. “You haven’t been like this since I got hospitalized.” He could see Ember tightening her fists. The blonde man sighed, “Sister, believe me. I could not be more happy for you with Gambol. And I’m happy she’s helping you in this time of need.” Ember then looked at the man she’d call her brother, “But…?”

“She still has yet to fully know you.” Taiyang explained. He wasn’t lying, as Gambol still didn’t know all that Ember was. Not even the woman’s history with anxieties. The blonde man put his hands on Ember’s shoulders, “Ember, I’ve been with you through hell and back. I’ve been with you since I was 13.” The blonde woman bit her lip as Taiyang continued, “All I want is you to be happy, but you aren’t going to be if you don’t open up to the one who knows you best.”

“Please… Let me help you.” He pleaded. Taiyang hated doing it, but he did it anyway. A moment passed. Two moments. Four. After about ten full seconds, The blonde man swore he saw tears. Ember looked up at the man with tears running down her cheeks, before begging him, “Help me…! Please...” Without a word, Taiyang pulled the tanned woman into a hug, tightly embracing her as she cried into his shoulder. “I got you, hun.” He reassured her. “I’m here. I always am…”

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(6:15 PM)

Yang had excused herself from dinner and went outside to take a phone call from her half-sister. “How are you doing, Rubes?” She asked with a smile. “Alright…” Ruby said. “Better than I was last night and this morning. At the Mistral International Clinic now.” The blonde raised an eyebrow, “Did...something happen?” The younger teenager nodded, “Please don’t freak out… But we got into a...bit of battle with that ‘Bat Queen’ chick Mom hates.” Yang nodded. She would ask Ruby about Summer later.

Right now, she needed to focus on Ruby’s health. “So, I’m assuming you got injured and have gotten medical attention?” The blonde asked. The young leader nodded, “Yeah, but it was...kinda serious.” Yang swore she almost felt her heart stop beating, asking, “Did...did you get shot…?” The few moments of silence were the only answer Yang needed. “I’m heading there tomor-.” She was cut off by Ruby pleading, “I’m okay! I promise, Yang. I’m healing. Mom and a doctor friend of hers helped.”

“I’m...physically okay, at least…” The younger teenager said, trailing off as her voice went to a whisper. “Show me pictures.” Yang said. Ruby didn’t waste time sending a picture of the bandages on her abdomen. The blonde sighed, the sight of her young half-sister injured breaking her heart, “Gods, Ruby…” “Yang, I promise I’m healing.” The young leader said. “I’ll be here for a week. Doctor’s orders.” The blonde sighed, sitting on the patio, “I know. It’s just… I don’t ever want you to be in this state…”

Ruby nodded, “I know. It’s the same for me with you…” A few moments of silence passed again, before Yang asked, “You said physically, right?” The young leader sighed, “I’ve...never been that scared in my life… I...I actually thought I was... You know-.” “Breathe. Breathe.” The blonde whispered. “Slowly. Try not to think about it. It was the same with my injuries…” “It’s hard…” The young leader mumbled. “I know it is. Believe me, I know…” Yang replied. “Let’s move to a different subject, hmm?”

“Please.” Ruby said, sniffing. Nodding, Yang said, “So, she finally told you.” Her younger sister nodded with the smallest of laughs, “Yeah.” “I was wondering when she’d tell you, honestly.” The blonde said. Ruby hummed softly, before saying in a sad tone, “Mom thought I was going to resent her. Just because she died.” Her older sister nodded, “I think both of us would be in our moms’ positions. I’m sure my mother is fearing the same thing.” “This family has anxiety issues, I think.” The young leader sighed.

Yang nodded with a soft chuckle, “You’re right, but I’m not sure if we should say that.” “So, how are you?” The young leader asked. The blonde sighed, looking at the sunset, “Could be worse. It’s been...uneventful and tiring. But it’s fine.” Ruby heard the silent confession that her older sister was ALSO dealing with problems… However, she nodded, “And Ember?” Yang chuckled, “She’s getting there. Began showing some improvement this afternoon. Thank Dad for that.”

Ruby nodded, “Good. Speaking of Dad, how is he?” The blonde sighed, “Nothing seems different about his attitude, so that’s a good sign… I hope.” “He’s not willing to talk about my mother though.” She explained. Her younger sister nodded, “Well, it was a rough moment in his life, right? So that’s...not too surprising.” Yang nodded, “How’s Super Mom?” “Good. She’s eating right now.” The young leader said. “She’s been tired most of the morning.” “She pulled an all-nighter, didn’t she?” Yang asked.

The younger teenager hummed, “You bet she did. Uncle Qrow said that she hadn’t been that worried since our moms, his, and Dad’s days at Beacon.” “I think a part of her blames herself for my injuries…” She explained. “Even though that isn’t and never will be the case…” The blonde hummed, before Ruby said, “I’m sorry if this is...invasive, but… You don’t sound alright…” Yang sighed, “That obvious, huh? Well, you’re not wrong...” A few moments of silence passed again as the younger teenager waited.

“Anxiety and nightmares are rearing their hideous heads again.” The blonde said. “About Beacon…” “Yang, I think you might need to speak to a doctor about this…” The younger teenager said. She then sighed, “Sis, you, Weiss, Blake, and I experienced a traumatic event. As did Mom, Weiss’s mom, and Gambol and Ember. We need legitimate help…” Yang grunted, looking at the ground, “Easier said than done, you know that.” Ruby nodded, “Believe me, I know.”

“Even with Mom, Uncle Qrow, and my doctor’s help, I’m still struggling.” The young leader explained. “I only just managed to explain what’s been going on to my doctor this afternoon…” Yang sighed, “We all need help.” Her younger sister nodded, sighing as well, “Yeah, we do.” A few moments of silence passed, before Ruby said, “I love you, Sis.” “Love you too.” The blonde whispered, wiping a few tears. She was sure the younger teenager was doing the same, given by her sniffles.

“Wanna help me with ideas for my robo arm?” Yang asked. She smiled when she heard her sister chuckle, “Please…”

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And that is it for Side Yellow II. This was a bit hard for me, as I was busy with IRL stuff lately, but I hope it came out good. Next will be the end of Side Red, which will have a bit of a bonus chapter connected to it. See you then.

#rwby #rwby ocs #rwby au #grimm guardians au #rwby fanfiction #taiyang xiao long #zwei rwby #yang xiao long #ruby rose #ember celica

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cbspams · 3 years

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aaaa this may be tmi but :( idk irl i have no friends anymore. i had 4 best friends, and they all left me except for one. (half the reason was because the other 3 were jealous cause we hung out more apparently, which doesn't make sense cause every time we called them to come they wouldn't?)

anyway. the one friend i still have left hss best friends of her own. she held a party for her birthday and had her boyfriend and everyone over. i knew none of these people and i felt very lonely. now my birthday's coming up and i kinda wanna have a small party but i don't have any friends to invite lmao. but she insists on me calling her best friends lmao, even if i'm not that close to them. idk i feel like that would be awkward.

where is this weird rant going? i have no idea. i just know i'm not taking care of myself and i'm letting everything slip away. i feel very lonely. but it's okay, i'm moving out of this country soon so maybe i'll make new friends, who knows. (although i have trust issues so i'm terrible at making friends hhh)

aa i'm sorry for dumping all this on you! i'm not asking for advice jehe, i just wanted to get this off my chest. -🐈

It’s okay! I’m really happy that you feel comfortable enough to share with me! That sounds really difficult and I’m sorry you’re going through this experience :( Cause you absolutely don’t deserve it. You’re so sweet and caring! You’re always checking in on me (and Minho) and you make me smile a lot and like you said, you invite them so it’s totally not on you. I believe in you making new friends! I think there’s someone for everyone. Hey if you make it to Southern California, maybe you’ll run into me hehe.

You know honestly, you’re such a treasure. You’re one of my first anons and like you’ve stuck through all the crazy stuff on his blog and that means a lot to me. I always hope I can make your day a little brighter the same way you do for me. Whenever I see your asks pop up I get a silly little grin on my face and I really wish I could give you proper hugs. I love you lots okay? Like super lots!!

#admin talk #anons #🐈 anon

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szopenhauer · 4 years

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If money was no object, would you change your wardrobe? I would add to my wardrobe more than change

How do you/did you get to school? walk, then by bus

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? yep

Is the idea of having a secret admirer creepy or romantic? creepy

What was the last song you sung out loud? https://youtu.be/wycjnCCgUes

Were you excited to learn to drive, or scared? worried that I’ll waste my money

When was the last time you felt incredibly tired? today

In your opinion, who doesn’t deserve to be famous? many people

Was it hard for you to get up this morning? not really

When was the last time you colored with crayons or colored pencils? few months ago

Do you feel comfortable talking about your disorders, if you have them? depends

Where did you go on your last field trip? not sure which was last

Do you think you make a good first impression? no

Do other people’s first impressions stick with you? might

Have you ever had to give up on someone? sure

Would you rather break up with someone, or them break up with you? them break up with me (not my decision) but usually it’s the other way around

Do you think it’s okay to like a cover more than an original? umm...

Are you calm in emergency situations? depends

Who are you most attached to? my dad

What do you depend on other people for? money mostly :(

What goes through your mind when someone breaks up with you? depends

Do you match your shoes with your outfit? sometimes, it’s not that I have enough shoes to do that lol

Do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse? female

What was the last thing you bragged about? not sure what was last

What’s the ugliest thing on your wall? umm...

Who’s your favorite philosopher? Schopenhauer because of all the memes

Do you think Freud was out of his mind? well I prefer Jung

Einstein? he was cool

Who’s your favorite painter/artist? I like many

What day is it? Friday

Are you wearing anything blue? nah

Do you know anyone named Graham? just bread :P

Are you sitting next to anyone? not currently

Do you dislike the last person you Facebook messaged? nope

Who’s the quietest of all your friends? K. always was

Are you home alone right now? If so, where are the people you live with? my mom’s home, my dad is at work

Are you a chocoholic? noooo

Is there a song that reminds you of the person you love/like? Do you listen to that song often? one of them is t.a.t.u. - All the things she said

Do you listen to music while you fill out surveys? sometimes

In the past week, what song have you listened to the most often? not sure

While playing video games, do you prefer being first or second player? second

How many people do you depend on? not many

How many people do you think depend on you? they could live without me

What is the worst color combination? brown and black?

Have you ever injured yourself walking around in the dark? yeah

What’s so scary about clowns, anyway? nothing to me and it’s annoying that they’re part of so many horrors

When was the last time you acted like someone you’re not? sigh...

How many hats do you own/wear? shitload

Do you ever receive comments on your weight? ppl are jealous of my weight so basically my illness :(

Is there anything that you do just to make other people happy? of course

What was the last thing that you wrote down [with a pen/pencil]? not sure what was last

Has anyone told you that you have a nice smile? my gf only

Are you uncomfortable with being photographed? yup

Do you like playing tic-tac-toe? I always win What about hangman? I played it couple of times Are you dangerously in love with someone? woah

Are you cute or sexy? cute Is English your 1st language? it’s not Did you ever perform in front of your entire school? elementary - more than once Did your older sibling ever tell you freaky stories that you believed? one time she told me that school was flooded and there were fish and frogs and then I said that to my mom and she called me a liar and got mad even tho I explained to her it was my sister’s idea :( Are you single and proud? you can be single and proud as well as be happy in a relationship too, I am in one now Are you more happy when you’re with people or alone? 90% of time alone What do you think about guys shaving their legs? that’s their life Do you wear lipstick? nah Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced. I don’t wanna talk about it

What music album would be used for a movie about your life? soundtrack to my life would have to be a mix of songs from different bands/vocalists

Who was your first crush and what made them special? she was just adorable with her clumsiness and her perfect body and that face and voice and she was just a pretty cool friend to me and I wanted to take care of her so badly, she was the very first girl I ever had a crush on irl if not in general but she was hetero and she changed a lot (not in a good way in my opinion) Write about your first kiss. Was it everything you wished or hoped it would be? I... I never imagined my first kiss before it happened?...

Write about something you now know that you wish you knew earlier in life. How could this knowledge have helped you? blergh

Name one thing you feel brings out the good in people. there’s no such thing, it’s all about the person If you invented a device that could fix one problem you are facing right now, would you use it? What problem would you like to solve? absolutely, my health issues Name something you found; what was it and where did you find it? I’ve found shitload of stuff but one thing was the most odd and that’s a taxidermy ferret shawl someone left on a bus stop - at first we thought with dad it must be alive but we came closer and realized someone lost their piece of cloth and we took it Describe the longest amount of time you have ever been away from home. almost a month, I was in hospital Name a celebrity or famous person you wish would take you out on a date. - Have you ever seen a ghost? it seems, it was not just white but a little bluish, no legs and weird face - shaped like in a clay, mostly transparent, slightly glowing, it was in open doors of my room, I woke up with a weird feeling that someone’s watching me and I got really scared so I hidden under a blanket and didn’t look there again until morning, I was trying to convince myself it’s just a shirt that was hanged in the hall but mom said there wasn’t anything like that there at night, now I wish I could see that again hoping I would try to do something more brave about it, I kinda worry I was rude towards them whoever it was

*btw my grandma said that after death some chemicals leave the body and fly like a fog through the cemetery if casket and grave aren’t blocking it too much Describe your note-taking style and habits. everywhere and usually not in line, can be even upside down, just random, different size, clue words etc. Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be? suffering to deserve heaven? Have you ever done something just to feel the danger, or to feel alive? I hurt myself today To see if I still feel I focus on the pain The only thing that's real What are all your thoughts on god? overthinking... What did you learn today? for example - that explaining things to people make me realize more than just thinking about something What 5 traits do people first notice when they meet you for the first time? ask them Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone? poor tree :( In what ways have you traveled? car, bus, train, bike, even a little bit by ship What historical events happened the year you were born? nothing interesting

Do you watch really old tv shows or movies from the 1970’s or earlier? sure

What would you do if you saw a complete stranger dealing drugs in public? nothing If you don’t have to be up by a certain time, do you like to sleep in as late as possible? no longer than 11 am What are you wearing at the moment? Is it for any particular reason? pajama because it’s past midnight and I should be asleep but I have to finally finish this survey then dry my hair and drink some water first Are either one of your parents retired? my mom is and my dad will be soon Do you buy a lot of DVD’s, or do you tend to just watch everything online for free? watch online, I have no money for buying movies that I’ll watch less than 3 times Does everyone in your household own their own computer? nope

Are you a good gift giver? I try my best and been told that I am despite not being rich

Do you know what XOXO stands for? hugs and kisses

What’s the first person who comes to your mind when you hear the word blue? me

Have you seen any of the Harry Potter movies? first ones

Do you like your significate others siblings? I don’t know her brother

Have you ever recieved a singing birthday card? omg I loved those and I wish I got one :(

Do you remember who your kindergarten/pre-school teacher was? I liked her so much I’ve been sending her cards on holidays years after

Were you ever a girl scout or a boy scout? never

Do you own anything made of lace? hmm...

How many people do you share a name with? I don’t know anyone with my name

Imagine your dream home, does it have a fence around it? if it’s not an apartment then of course it does, highest possible and thick as I don’t want to see or be seen by my neighbors

Do you own any yellow shoes? yep

Can you type fast? very

In school were you bullied? I was

Are you sarcastic? yeah

Do you read the newspaper? nah

If you died today where do you think you’d go? hell :(

Have you ever been to therapy? few times, didn’t help

Do you use online dating? did

Did you miss alot of school? I was sick often

What was the last thing you got falsely accused of? not sure what was last

What was the last thing you ordered online? shirt, I’m waiting for the package now

Have you ever been kicked out of a store? no :o

Do you feel like you accomplished anything today? hmm...

What is/was your favorite teen magazine? trzynastka or however this shit was called

Would other people describe you as creative? I guess

What color are your slippers? grey and white

Are you haunted by memories of stupid things you’ve said and done? constantly

Did you like high school or college better? didn’t go to college

Who was your favorite Olsen twin? I didn’t have a favorite

Do you ever listen to Celtic music? used to, with John

Do you know a lot of rich and spoiled and selfish people? had classmates like this and neighbors too

Do you enjoy mornings? rarely, not really

Have you ever feared going to jail or thought about what it would be like? thought

Did you know that the zodiac signs (the regular ones) are Greek? ok

Have you ever learned about Greek mythology in school? didn’t like it

Do you stay up late? as you can see

what do you hear right now? nothing

what is one thing in your life you feel truly guilty for? personal

have you ever been slapped in the face? I’ve been slapped without any reason, I was bullied

how about punched? hit with a ball only and my head was hit with a bottle too once

have you ever come up with a memorable quote yourself? I’ve been quoted

what do you think about masturbation? personal

What color did you first ever dye your hair?: either red or black

What’s the color of the bath towel you use most often?: green

Ever eaten a piece of dog or cat food out of curiosity?: ewww, nooo

Can you name one song by Prince?: Purple rain for example

Would you rather paint or make pottery?: paint

Are you currently taking this survey before or after 9pm?: after, I started over 5 hours ago...

Is the sun shining bright outside right now?: it’s the middle of the night!

Would you rather watch a horror movie or a romantic comedy?: romantic comedy ^^”

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lachalaine · 5 years

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dun dun dududuuuuun !! bonjour, hello, and i wish only the happiest of holidays to all !! it’s the end of the year again, and while i’ll personally admit it’s been a huge mess of one on my side of things, i must say that i’m very thankful for a lot of what’s occurred this year as well, especially for me with regards to the rp community on tumblr ! it was a year of ups and downs and while i wasn’t as active as i would have liked to be due to the constancy of irl concerns, i’ve still somehow managed to acquire a severely supportive and absolutely wonderful set of mutuals that have made me feel very so welcome on here time and time again, making tumblr out to be what i would seriously consider to be one of the few sanctuaries i have left that i hold dear to my heart. being on here has legitimately been actual therapy for my mental health in the months that have passed, and i only have you all to thank for it ! your mere presence on here, whether or not we might have spoken on a near constant basis or even just once in a blue moon ( because i know i tend to evaporate into thin air once every few days without warning sdbhdbahda ) or even potentially never has been a real source of joy for me, even if all i was able to do was generally just take a seat back and watch you having fun on the dash.

thank you for being such positive and such creative individuals on here, for putting so much of yourselves into a hobby, for spending your time and energy on creating new worlds with us with your characters, and just generally being such absolute inspirations for everyone. thank you as well for still being here and for accepting me and my muse onto your dashboards and for allowing us the chance to impact your tumblr experience, despite that we’ve had more then a few slip ups this year that we’re still trying to catch up on. we’ve never felt more accepted by the community ( nor have i ever felt like more of a mess, but you take the good with the bad and roll with it guess dbshdbsa ) and i sincerely appreciate you guys never giving up on me, no matter what !

your genuine patience and kind understanding has been a blessing for me and her in so many ways, and i’m thankful that we can still be here at the end of this year to hopefully make up for all that we’ve missed and failed to do with you guys, and still attempt to try to come in strong for the next one. i’m hoping as well to repay everyone for all that you’ve done for me this year, because i’m not exaggerating when i say i don’t think i could have made it through without your support !! whether it’s been a small ask or a short im message or even just a spare like on one of my posts, it all has meant so, so much to me, and though i know people will say that tumblr is a hellscape, somehow this community still manages to power through the bullshit to make it one of the most welcoming platforms i’ve ever had the chance to be on, and i’m thankful for the chance to be considered a part of it. it’s allowed me to meet all of you, people that i don’t know i would have ever had the opportunity to meet otherwise, and that alone has been an experience i would hate to ever have to lose.

thanks for being here for me and for jackie, through our times of stilted growth and near constant stumbles, and thanks for giving me the strength of heart to keep moving forward, and to keep trying !! i know for a fact i wouldn’t be nearly as stable irl if i didn’t have this hobby to keep me grounded, and honestly - being here is one of the best decisions i have ever made in MY LIFE. bless you, ily and thank you xx

and so below the cut i just have some quick ( lol ) messages for a few friends that really just made such a grand impact on my year, i don’t know where i would be without them. i also just want to make a quick shout out to the people that have made my dashboard what it is - a haven for creativity and laughter and inspiration, and a place where i feel most accepted and at peace. if i might have missed you, please don’t take offense to it, there’s just a lot of people on my dash and honestly my head is spinning already but ily too please don’t doubt it and thank you !!

for the people that i just generally really adore on my dashboard but have also made such a grand impact on my muse and i in 2018, i just want to say THANK YOU for sharing your time and your efforts with me, for sending me asks and for writing with me or even if we haven’t written together yet - just thank you for being my friend and for being here !! I KNOW IM STILL CATCHING UP TO THINGS IM AT 115 ON MY INBOX AND NOT TO MENTION MY DRAFTS BUT I’LL MAKE SURE TO FULFILL EVERYTHING I OWE YOU GUYS ASAP! thanks for being so patient with me and for giving me countless chances and for those of you checking up on me and also offering me your support when i needed a friend - thanks for being such absolutely incredible people!

i really adore you guys more then you know and i hope 2019 gives us a chance to do more together, because i feel a lot like there’s so much more to work on and i’m so excited to get to it all with you! also YOU GUYS ARE SERIOUSLY AMAZING WRITERS AND IM CONSTANTLY IN AWE AND READING YOUR WORK BECAUSE ITS ALWAYS SO MUCH FUN AND I LEARN A LOT AND YOU GUYS ARE REALLY INSPIRING OKAY I JUST NEED YOU TO KNOW THAT THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR TALENTS WITH ME I AM THANKFUL FOR THIS CHANCE ALWAYS !!!

@dialforsnacc / @jaxyu / @saikuru-no-owari / @mikrifotia / @niirmohii / @aureumrex / @endgcme / @ncughts / @univentorem / @moonsought / @valhallic / @tamenteki / @lifedenied / @necrophagic / @spellbiinding / @hathlived / @manypcths / @odigxs / @brynhildrofromantia / @portalipsis / @pridesglasses / @luseron / @ghxstlyrxveries / @nanpoghan / @lordspreyer / @moonsought / @sukkubxs / @hhemeraa / @xaconite / @imperterritus / @astcrii

thank you all sincerely for everything, and i do really hope i managed to get most everyone asdbhasbdha i know im missing quite a few people but even if you’re not on the list, please know i adore you, thank you !! also moving forward these are the uhm -- ‘short’ messages i promised, sorry for babbling on and all but thanks for reading through, i appreciate it !!

@bestiatexere // momochiiiii !!!!! the best twinsie !! the sweetest twinsie !! the most amazing and seriously the most incredible person friend i have ever had the absolute pleasure to write with! not only write with, but plot with and ship with AND DHBSDHBASHDS GIRL I SWEAR IT HAS BEEN AN ABSOLUTE BLESSING FOR ME THAT WE STUMBLED ON EACH OTHER THE WAY WE DID. IT COULDN’T HAVE COME AT A BETTER TIME. we’ve been through a shit ton together since the day we met, and it’s been a hell of a roller coaster ( like holy shit, i can’t believe the crap we went through tHIS YEAR ALONE !! ) but thankfully we managed to get through it all in one piece! and though i know we’re exhausted beyond belief and kinda wanna pass out to hibernate for a few weeks until we’re ready to face the world again, i know we unfortunately don’t quite have that kind of luck on our side just yet. but someday !! someday soon!! someday we’ll have the chance to write and plot and make sure our kids get all the happy endings ( and angst endings hihihi ) they could ever WANT OR NEED AND DHSAHDBASH HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU HOW HAPPY AND LUCKY I AM THAT I SOMEHOW MANAGED TO GET TO BE YOUR FRIEND ?? you are a blessing through and through, always giving so much of yourself and trying your best no matter what! you’ve been able to keep me grounded when i’ve felt like i’ve been a ghost, and you’ve been such a constant source of comfort and support when i’ve been lost. the fact that you’re always so understanding and kind to me even when i’m like this has been such a treasure to me, i never want to make you feel like i ever take your friendship for granted. i am seriously so absolutely lucky that you’ve given me this chance to write with you and your incredible muses, because you give all you can for them, and your effort shows. in heart, mind and words, in ideas and plots and all the gifs we squeal and scream over constantly --- these things have gotten me through my days when the world seemed very bleak, and i am thankful that you’ve chosen to share these treasures with me. you are the one person where i feel like we’re constantly on the same page and i can be an anxious mess with you and also a dork with you and ITS SO COMFORTABLE IM SO LUCKY !!! YOU’RE MY BESTEST TWIN. SOMEONE I CONSIDER ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS. AND I CONSTANTLY ADORE YOU AND AM IN AWE OF YOU AND YOUR TALENTS AND ABILITIES EVERY DAY YOU GET TO SHARE IT WITH ME. U ARE A BLESSING. NEVER FORGET. YOU’RE THE BEST GIRL AND I HOPE YOU NEVER EVER HAVE TO FEEL OTHERWISE AGAIN !!

@kuebcko // SCALEEEEEEEEY !!! hello hi ily thank you for always being there for me :((((((( honestly, i don’t know how you manage to do it but somehow i feel like you have a j warning alert somewhere in your mind, that just kinda pops up an alert whenever you feel like im sad or need a friend AND LET ME TELL YOU, IT IS WORKING LIKE A CHARM. like, i don’t know if i’ve ever mentioned this, but i’ll be feeling anxious or lowkey down in the dumps, and even if i try to keep it quiet because i KNOW YOU WORRY ABOUT MEEEEE AND IM SORRY I DON’T WANT YOU TO WORRY BUT IT MEANS A LOT THAT U DO !! even if i try to keep it quiet, you still somehow manage to come in with like this one cute positivity ask or even just a cute pinterest pin for me to look at ( which btw YOUR AESTHETIC SENSE IS ALWAYS ON POINT !! ) AND HOLY HECK IT BRIGHTENS UP MY DAY LIKE U WOULDN’T BELIEVE. its like a guaranteed HAPPY switch for me, that just turns my day from :( to :D :”> :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD JUST LIKE THAT. you have helped me through so many of my days, even without trying. you’ve always supported me and tried your best to cheer me up, offering me a shoulder to cry on or vent to when you knew things were rough. and you’ve always been so, so understanding of me and my current predicament THAT I DON’T KNOW AT THIS POINT HOW YOU PUT UP WITH ME BECAUSE IM THE WORST AND MOST UNRELIABLE PERSON EVER AND ITS TERRIBLE AND IM SORRY BUT THANK YOU FOR NEVER GIVING UP ON ME :(((( YOU ALWAYS SPARK THE WARMEST LIGHT IN MY HEART AND I NEVER FAIL TO SMILE WHEN I SEE A MESSAGE FROM YOU. AND ALL I WISH FOR IN THE FUTURE IS THE GENUINE HOPE THAT IM ABLE TO DO THE SAME FOR YOU. i know you’re still uncertain of your work and what you do, and it hurts my heart to see you so anxious about things, and i know no amount of words might help take that frustration you feel away. but i must tell you, no matter what you write - your heart and your soul has always been able to resonate so intensely through your writing and your muses, that it always takes those of us that that get the chance to read it on a trip! one that we’re very reluctant to get off of, and one where we’re constantly looking forward to whatever else you’ve got up your sleeve. whatever else you have in mind to do, scaley, i hope you’re given the chance to do it, because i know you’ll be a success at it either way. thank you for always being there for me, and for always being there for so many of us that need a smile or a cheer just to get us through our days. i hope that in the coming year, i can be more present as your friend, and i hope i can be that same source of joy for you as well.

@soulmauled // SHIROOOOO !!! hello hello hi hi hi can i smother you in hugs for YEARS PLEASE YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY ALL THE TIME AND IM SO HAPPY YOU’RE AROUND HONESTLY !! i know we don’t get to talk too much and that when we reply to each other its usually always more then a few days or weeks later but dhbashdbsah DO U KNOW I DON’T MIND AT ALL?? because so long as we get to chat once in a blue moon, that’s enough to make me happy! you’re honestly the absolute sweetest person i have ever met, and any time i get an ask for a chat from you, you’ve always been able to make me giggle, no matter how sad i might have been initially. you make my heart feel lighter, and i’m always glad when i get to hear of how you’re doing, and i’m always hoping that things are going well for you. thank you for always sending me things to answer from your boys, and for always doing your best to answer the things i manage to send you as well! i appreciate you doing the memes i tag you in all the time too because reading your results always makes me happy! idk honestly you’re just - you’re just a very sweet and soft presence to me all the time, and being able to be your friend is a blessing i wouldn’t exchange the world for and i appreciate you so very, very much! i hope your 2019 is an incredible year for you in all the ways possible, and i wish you a lot of happiness and good health! ALSO I WISH TO PROVIDE YOU WITH MORE JACKIE MOMENTS BECAUSE JACKIE BEING WITH YOUR BOYS IS A GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING AND I RESOLVE TO PROVIDE MORE OF IT FOR THE BOTH OF THEM DHSBADHBSAH BLESS

@bathed-in-red // RO !!!! SNUGGLES YOU FOREVER OH MY GOSH, I MISS YOU. THANK YOU FOR POPPING IN EVERY SO OFTEN WITH THE LIKES AND THE ASKS. THANK YOU FOR STILL BEING HERE AND FOR STILL SUPPORTING ME AND BEING AROUND. i miss writing with you so much and i hope we get the chance to do so again in the future. i hope things are going better for you in every way, and i hope your mum is doing well. i know things have been rough for you too and i wish 2019 would be better for both of us. please take care of yourself always and be safe. im so happy to see you every now and then honestly, and though we dont always get the chance to talk, im happy in the moments we do. i know we’re both busy as fuck and potentially always hibernating BUT. I ADORE YOU ALWAYS AND IM SO HAPPY THAT EVEN IF WE SPEND DAYS AND MONTHS APART, YOU’RE ALWAYS SOMEONE I KNOW I CAN DEPEND ON. thanks for being there. thanks for watching out for me. i hope things get better for you too and if you ever need anything on my end, please let me know. i’ll do whatever i can to be there for you, as best as can be. i adore you ro, and i miss you and roppi loads. take care always and be safe and ilyyyyy BIGGEST HUGGIES AND SNUGGLES HAPPIEST OF NEW YEARS TO YOU BBY YOU’RE THE BEST!

@valorandheart // KELLYY !!! HI HELLO EXCUSE ME DO U KNOW HOW HAPPY YOU MANAGE TO MAKE ME ALL THE DAMN TIME?? whether its with jamie or sanford, reading your messages or little comments and asks about the most random of the things i post always has the amazing ability to perk me up and make me laugh out loud whenever i get the chance to read them !! you’re such an incredibly uplifting and joyful person honestly, and im so happy we get to write together and plot together EVEN IF I POOF INTO NONEXISTENCE AND GET BACK TO THINGS IN LIKE A MONTH OR TWO ( IM SO SORRY !!! ) ITS ALWAYS INTERACTIONS WITH YOU THAT ALWAYS MAKE ME FEEL SO LIGHT AND HAPPY AND HONESTLY YOU’RE HILARIOUS AND FUN AND ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL IN EVERY WAY !! i’m so lucky that i’ve been able to write this plot out with you, even if ITS TAKING ME YEARS TO RESPOND TO THINGS. AND OUR PAIR IS ALWAYS ON A TURBULENT ROLLER COASTER THAT WE CANT ALWAYS FIGURE OUT BUT SOMEHOW THEY MANAGE TO MAKE IT WORK. its been such a joy for me this whole while though honestly speaking, because i’ve been able to see jackie grow from her experiences with jamie, and learn from him and somehow even try to strive to be a better person because of him. she’s still a mess, but she feels a little more whole, a little more not so lost when she’s with him, and this kind of development is the kind of thing I DREAM FOR. and i can’t wait to see where they end up!! or rather I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHEN THEY FINALLY GET A KISS IN AND ALSO WHEN THEY EVENTUALLY STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM THEIR FEELINGS OKAY IT’LL BE AMAZING !! also I WANT TO SEE SANFORD AND JACKIE INTERACT AND YELL AT EACH OTHER OKAY ITS A NEED AT THIS POINT WE BETTER DO SOMETHING IN 2019 OR ELSE IMMA SCREAM IN ALL HEADERS OKIE THAT WOULD BE BAD FOR THE BOTH OF US IT CANNOT HAPPEN EVER DHSABDHAS WE’LL WORK ON THIS OKAY OKAY THANK YOU WHOOOO !!

@weiwuxiian // LIGHT HI HELLO I KNOW I ALREADY TOLD U EVERYTHING IN THE TAGS THE OTHER DAY ON YOUR OWN END OF YEAR THING SO ILL TRY TO MAKE THIS QUICK, AHEM !! i just want to say THANK YOU. for being around for being my friend. i know i’m not the best person at keeping in contact at all, which is totally bad considering we have the same timezone, but i really really appreciate you being around !! being able to be your friend and also getting to write with you! you have such a brightness about you that is so wonderful to see in all honesty, and any muse you pick up somehow manages to radiate it! you are also so very sensible and kind, and i’m very lucky that we were able to get our muses to connect the way they did. libra and jackie will always be one of my favorite ships, and i know i still have some things i owe for him in my ask box, and even if you’re on hiatus with him rn, i must tell you that seeing you so happy on wwx is just as interesting for me as seeing you on libra. i hope school and everything is going well for you, i hope you were able to achieve your goals for the year but also get some time to rest for yourself. i really look up to you in all honesty, you’re one of my biggest inspirations and i hope we get to write our muses together again someday soon. also i hope we get to plot and chat lots again in the future hihi i really miss talking to you tbh !! i hope your new years is amazing and i just gotta say - i’m so thankful to have you as my friend! thankful and lucky and blessed that i was able to meet you this year and get to know you the way i did, and i so constantly wish you all the best!!

@richkicl // hello jae !!! gosh, i know its been a hell of a long time since we’ve spoken properly, but i hope you’ve been doing well !! we’ve missed you a ton since you’ve left, but we’ve also been cheering you on all this time even though you’ve been away! i’ve been rooting for you, and i know your absence on the dashboard was felt, but i hope you’ve been well and things have gotten better for you in the time that’s passed. I STILL OWE YOU A THREAD FOR SHOYA, BUT IDK IF YOU’RE STILL UP FOR DOING IT BUT IF YOU AREN’T THATS OKIE DOKIE !! i just hope you’re doing okay, honestly. thank you for always offering me a chance to talk about my problems, and for always giving me such solid advice when i need it. you’re one person who’s always been very rational but also so enthusiastic and kind, and being able to plot and write with you has always been the greatest fun for me. i look forward to seeing you around again soon, but please always take your time no matter what. i wish you well, and i wish you an amazing new year. thank you for always making me laugh, and for encouraging me to be more open and be more upbeat. honestly, its because i met you that i feel as comfortable as i do today, and i want to thank you for being such a positive individual, more then anything else. you’re amazing and i adore you, and im so lucky i’ve had the chance to be your friend!! i hope we get to talk again soon. HAPPY NEW YEAR, AND I MISS YOU !!

@astrumtristis // LULU. HI I MISS YOU. i miss you a lot and gosh, its been a while. i wish we spoke more often, as much as we used to honestly. things seemed a lot simpler back then, tbh. i know things have been going rough for you lately, and --- i’m really sorry that things have turned out the way they did. i want to give you a small thank you however, because somehow, despite all your own troubles, you’ve managed to take some time out to give me your support as well. honestly, you’ve been a prominent part of the reason i was able to get through the year, as your constant strength has given me the will to keep moving forward. my only hope is that through your own burdens, i might be able to provide that same amount of support to you, as much as i am able to from so far away. the things you’ll be facing from now on will be difficult, more so then anything i’ve ever had to face, but i’ve always been in awe of your strength and your vitality, lulu, and i hope in even the smallest of ways - i might be able to somehow support you and make the road ahead easier for you to traverse in any way possible. please let me know if you ever need a friend. if you ever need anything at all. i’m here for you, as much as you might need me. no matter what, you have my thoughts and my well wishes for everything to get better for you in the end. you’re strong lulu, one of the strongest people i know, and you can surmount this. we’ll fight the universe together if you need backup !! just say the word and i’m there !! do your best lulu, and i hope the next year, and every year after - is the best ever. happy new year bby !!

@vxtxation // MIKA !!! oh my gosh where do i even start ?? do you know, you are one of those people i just absolutely look up to no matter what? i’ve always admired your work when i first saw you writing with jae, and idk how we got to being friends but !! IM SO HAPPY WE BECAME FRIENDS TBH. we dont’ talk too much but holy heck i gotta say ALL YOUR MESSAGES ALWAYS MAKE ME SO HAPPY. youre just such a positive person who’s honestly really really cool !! not to mention talented in both writing and art !! i’ve told you this before but your art has always so incredibly wonderful to me! the expressions you give them, the creativity in their situations and the emotion is them is so very clear to anyone who sees it, i feel so ?? lucky ?? to have been on the receiving end of some your work?? I STILL KEEP THEM IN MY PHONE OKAY. also i look back on that one happy but crying jackie pic and my heart just !! gets all warm and light and i want to hug you so so much for that one !! THAT WAS. PERFECTION. IN A PICTURE. AND I DONT KNOW WHAT I DID TO DESERVE IT BUT IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME. it stood out at a time when i needed support the most, and you didn’t have to but you did and GOD IM JUST REALLY LUCKY. TO HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE YOUR FRIEND. i hope to see so much more of your work in the year to come and i hope 2019 is kind to you. I HOPE WE GET TO WRITE A LOT MORE TOGETHER TOO IM NOT GIVING YOU NO 6 MONTH DELAY ANYMORE I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL NOT ALLOW IT. THANKS FOR BEING PATIENT ALL THROUGHOUT AND FOR BEING SO SUPPORTIVE. YOU’RE INCREDIBLE AND AMAZING AND I APPRECIATE YOU MORE THEN YOU KNOW. THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU AND I HOPE YOU HAVE THE HAPPIEST NEW YEAR IN THE WORLD !!

@tragicalyouth // ASH BBY !!! IM SO GLAD YOU’RE BACK !! i know its been a while since we’ve written together or plotted together or even chatted at all, but i’m hoping we get the chance to do so again soon !! i’m glad to see you picking things up where they left off, and to see you happy and well. im looking forward to more atsu and jackie interactions soon, and i hope they’re able to advance from their convoluted mess of frenemy/crush hahahaha !! they’re still one of my favorite pairings and im looking forward to seeing whatever is in store for them in the future !! i hope your 2019 goes really well, and you’re the happiest you’ve ever been. thanks for always sending me asks as well, I STILL HAVE SOME TO ANSWER FROM YOU BECAUSE I DROPPED THE BALL ON RP STUFF IN JUNE AND IM STILL CATCHING UP BUT IM LOOKING FORWARD TO IT !! i hope we get to chat lots soon and i hope i get to see a lot more of you on the dashboard in the year to come! thank you for always being so supportive and kind as well, and i’m wishing the best for you too! do your best, and happy new year bby !! YOU DESERVE ONLY THE GREATEST!

anyway THATS ALL I WAS GONNA DO THIS WHEN I REACHED 500 FOLLOWERS AND IM LIKE 45 FOLLOWERS FROM THAT AND I DONT CARE ABOUT THE COUNT ANYMORE I HAVEN’T SQUEALED ABOUT PEOPLE ALL YEAR THIS IS MY CONTRIBUTION TO THE FANGIRL OF MY MUTUALS OKAY I LOVE YOU ALL OKAY HAPPY NEW YEAR AND HAVE THE BEST YEAR EVER ALL THE LOVE AND GAMBATTE !!

#&& artists of the year ( bias list )#/ HI WOW DID I DO THIS WTF.#/ SORRY I JUST BABBLED A LOT I WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE THIS SHORT #/ BUT I GUESS I HAD A LOT TO SAY #/ ITS TWO AM IDK I JUST. I WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU BEFORE THE YEAR ENDED.#/ ITS BEEN TOUGH BUT I'VE MANAGED SOMEHOW. AND A LARGE PART IS DUE TO TUMBLR GETTING ME THROUGH IT.#/ SO THANK YOU ALL AND I HOPE THIS ISN'T TOO BORING.#/ i wasn't able to tag everyone in but !! i tried my best with who i remembered off the top of my head sorry about that !! if i missed #/ anyone i apologize !! its late and dhsabdhasb i tried my best #/ anywho happy new year ily all that all thank you !!#long post

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95825s · 6 years

Text

faded out

member: ong seongwoo

summary: seongwoo and you have been in a relationship for almost a year but he suddenly doesn’t have the same feelings as when he fell for you for the first time because your boyish personality which made a conclusion to his heart...

genre: angst

a/n: this is requested by an anon and honestly i was only planning to write gender-neutral bulletpoints only but since this is requested and i’m still fine with a ‘she’ instead of ‘they’ so i hope you guys are fine with it too. i’m also trying not to write any personality stuff but this is something i could relate a little and honestly these stuff do happen irl.... anyways thank you for requesting dear anon! (also kinda short i’m SO SORRY)

the moment seongwoo saw your sweet smile when you laid your eyes on him for the first time

he fell for you instantly

and he dared himself to talk to you, with your smile still plastered on your face

he remembered how flustered you were when he complimented your smile and your cute laugh

and he remembered how he was actually nervous to talk to a girl who he barely knew but wanted to know everything about her right at that moment

he fell deeper as times went on, with you as a friend and slowly but beautifully with you as his girlfriend

ong seongwoo loved you so much

he loved you so much that he would tell you that every single day and night

but love had its own fate for him and you

because he only loved you until his heart felt nothing anymore

your true personality had come upon to the relationship and it was still fine with you and seongwoo

you were boyish but sweet

and seongwoo liked how you weren’t one of those girls who loves to go out and shops, or buy make-ups

but at one point, he felt you were more like his friend

and it finally hit him how your boyish personality had start to draw a line between loving you as a girlfriend and as a friend

and that scared him

because he sees you casually hanging out with the guys he’s with at his house and he wasn’t near jealous with your arms over one of the guys and you laughing together with them as skin touches skin

his heart felt nothing and his eyes looks at you, trying to understand what he was feeling for you

so he calls you and you get up from the couch, giving last high fives with the boys before you look at seongwoo

you smile, and it’s the same smile you had when you first met seongwoo

but it drops when you see seongwoo, his eyes show nothing but coldness, and his face show something you feared for

he’s forcing a smile, a different kind of sweet smile that you never knew you would see it

“what’s wrong?”

seongwoo looks at you, his lips let out a small sigh and you could see he had something to say

you had known him for so long.... and you knew it’s going to be bad

“i need to talk to you”

you suddenly miss him fooling around, making you laugh, doing some dumb moves and right there you wish you hadn’t took those for granted

because you knew the fact this day would happen, even though you hoped it wouldn’t

but seongwoo made things a lot easier for you understand that a day like this would be possible to come between you both

because he suddenly drifted apart from you

his replies were barely more than 5 words

his warm hugs were now cold around you

his loving kisses were long gone from your lips

and he had stopped saying ‘i love you’ to the days and nights you were waiting for

ong seongwoo didn’t make it hard for you to know he doesn’t love you anymore

and you knew....it was your fault

to allowed him to get to know you, and for you allowed yourself to fall for him because he accepted the fact that you were a girl who has a boyish personality

and it hurts you when you knew it had gone too much

and it hurts you more because seongwoo had to fall out of love because of it

you forces a smile like how he did to you, and grabs his arm

“we should talk later, the guys wants you to play that new game with them”

“i don’t want to play-- i really need to talk to you”

“but seongwoo--”

his hand grab your arm now, and he drags you to his room, away from the guys, away from your safe zone from your heart being broken

“what do you want to say, seongwoo?”

and you hear nothing and you look at him

and he just looks back, the emptiness from his eyes speak to you and you just want to get out from the reality

“i don’t...i don’t want to hurt you, y/n... but i’m really sorry”

“what are you talking about...”

“you don’t have to act like nothing is happening between us, y/n... i know you noticed it....and i know this is selfish of me but i really can’t go on with this relationship”

seongwoo looks down on the floor and he’s avoiding to look at you

you bit your lips, seeing the guy you love so much becoming someone you don’t know

“so it’s over now? just like that? because you don’t like me being one of the guys?”

“y/n... i just need time to think”

“think about what? how i’m not that woman for you? so you can find another woman?”

seongwoo’s face looks at you and you see his eyebrows furrowing angrily

“don’t ever say that again”

“why not, seongwoo? isn’t that the reason you want to break up with me?”

“no, it’s not”

“then what is it, seongwoo?”

he stares at you and let out a sigh

“i want you to find a better person than me, y/n... i want you to feel loved again and happy because he loves everything about you... and never stop from loving you. i wish i could be that person again but i just can’t... i’m so sorry for hurting you, for not being there like how i used to be”

you feel your tears dropping and his finger just wipes them off and you just want to leave the place

but seongwoo hugs you and his hand just strokes your head and for the last time, you feel a little calm and peace from seongwoo, with his bittersweet kiss on your head before he lets you go

“i’m so sorry for everything... but i want you to know that i never regretted getting to know you.... and to be able to loved you when the times were beautiful”

#ong seongwoo scenarios #ong seongwu scenarios #ong seongwoo #ong seongwu #wanna one scenarios #wanna one #wanna one requests #ong seongwoo requests #im back after taking a small break lmao

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promisedangel · 6 years

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The Dark Spiral

This is a paid commission for an irl friend of mine who asked me to take as many moments from his fight with depression as possible and weave it into a small tale with a special, not real so don’t worry, end. I admit this is a lot more fragmented than my usual work, but vignettes are really all I could dig up.

Enjoy

It started off with just a question from myself, “James… are you okay?” I looked at my friend across the table, his head facedown and nested in his arms. He mixed a whine and a moan, “I’m fine.” I knew better. We knew better. Behind me, I felt her materialize. My beloved creation. My genie, Clara. Only I could see her currently. She whispered in my ear, her long silver hair draped past, “It’s the same as you.” She was right. The disinterest in the Pokémon TCG league around him, of which he was an unofficial gym leader, the lack of focus... This was depression. The same kind I suffered.

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The ongoing weeks showed many more signs. Lack of interest, appetite, and aloofness for anything other than myself or Clara. He ended up quitting his gym leader position and began to go to league less often. He at first said he didn’t have money for the bus, but then we worried after three straight weeks of not going. Thankfully, his mother saw what was happening. She signed him up for therapy. He confided in me in person, “Hey… could you not tell anyone yet that I’m going to therapy? I just…” He sighed, “I just don’t want anyone else to know yet.” I frowned, “Okay…” He smiled, “My first appointment is the 30th. Can… you be there for support?” I grimace, “I dunno if they’ll let me in… I’m not family…” “I’m sure we can think of something.” “…I’ll be there.” He gave a look of relief, “Thanks, Amy.” The day comes, and the homework I have is mountainous. I try to focus on it, try to get some of it done. After a few hours, I feel confident enough to take a break. I notice the time. I remember and panic. I begin to cry, “No…” I want to confide myself with someone, but I remember my promise. I quickly pull out my phone and text James in a panic, “I’m so sorry I was wrapped up in my homework that I totally forgot! T.T you’re probably in session right now or about to be. Gods, this is horrible of me.” I get a text back from James, “We’re here…” I continue with tears streaming down my face, “I don’t know if I could do anything there, I would be so late, gods the one time I don’t set an alarm is always the most important things!” I pause, I can feel Clara try to physically console me, but it goes right through my back. Forever a ghost on my plane of existence. She silently resigns herself to watch as I text James again while in sobs, “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry…” Through my sobs, I hear Clara, “You… can still go…” I sniffle and close in on myself, “But-“ Clara floats in front of me from above, her face curious, but playful, “You can be there when he gets out. That’s something. You pushed for him to go to therapy. Sure, his mom noticed, but you were the one poking him about it. You did all this to help him, right?” I sigh and wipe my tears, “Yeah.” “So, don’t beat yourself up about it so much.” She smiled. I ended up going after all. I gave James a hug after he got out and congratulated him on this first big step. Yet, there were still so many bumps along the way.

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He began to be more aloof at league, often not playing any games or even conversing with our friends. I texted him as I arrived at league, “U coming today?” He responded simply, “No….” “Why?” I could only imagine the sigh, “No money for the bus is the main reason. Also just meh…” Thinking he was done, I responded, “K.” He wasn’t finished, “I’m just losing interest in coming to league now. Seems like a waste of money every week. Anyway, don’t worry about me, I’m not that important anymore. Have fun at league.” I frown, “U r important.” “Doesn’t seem like it…” I feel at the loss of how to respond, so I end up not doing so. I find time to enjoy the TCG league, but he texted me later, “Well, once again, I make a mistake in life… should have came to league instead of staying home… or just stayed in my room…” I roll my eyes, “See? Isolation makes things worse.” “No… I shouldn’t have gone and played basketball… would have been safer to stay at home honestly…” I panicked, even Clara was now focused on the text, “Oh shit, what happened?!” “I got hit in the face not once… but twice.” I lightly hit my head on the table around me and groan. I whisper to Clara and myself, “Really?!” Clara sighed and pouted, “Why did your mind jump to a broken limb?” “Because that’s how my mind works.” She shrugged as I continue the text conversation, “Oh…” He explained the incident, “Once while on defense, got popped hard on the chin. Surprised I’m still standing to be honest… the other I didn’t see someone pass the ball back to me, didn’t expect it and well… yeah.” “It happens.” “If I stayed home, wouldn’t have happened. I’m back in the safety of my home though now.” “Did you get some ice on it?” “No… I don’t think it’s hurting that bad… yet… who knows…” I let it go, tempted to respond again, but knew it wasn’t worth it. But these sorts of put-downs continued from him. The sense of uselessness and loss of agency still remained. Therapy was only once a month at best. All the while, he locked himself in his home, often not going to league or even attempting to find something to do.

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He found some comfort in talking to Clara. It was an interesting experience to have the genie either whisper in my ear or possess my body to talk/text directly. One day, I allowed her to occasionally control my hands from a distance as James texted his almost trademarked greeting via text, “Mew…” “Hi.” “What’s up, Clara?” My hands began to move by themselves, even as the genie was far away. Clara typed out, “The sky? But I’m also kinda high up atm. Flying is great when you don’t have to worry about planes!” “At least you’re having more fun than the sack of flesh I am.” “I’m sure you’re having fun! Amy’s being boring and surfing the web while using the tv.” “I’m going grocery shopping with my mom and uncle…” I could feel Clara’s tinges of disappointment, “Well, it’s doing something.” He texted hints he would say this in mumbles, “Still wish I was in an eternal sleep…” Clara texted back immediately, “No.” “Why?” I felt her pained tone, her voice began to echo in my mind. I was now focused on the conversation, “It’s horrible.” “Can’t be that horrible.” Clara immediately jumped into my body. She spoke with my own voice, “Sorry, Amy. He keeps asking… he has to know…” I sighed, able to speak myself, “Go ahead.” Clara nodded before she texted him, her eyes lit crimson like fire. Her inner voice rang darkly yet sensual, as though it was someone else’s voice, “What you are wishing for will not help. In fact, it would only compound your problems. Putting your soul in an eternal sleep will only cause you to live your life over and over again while you sleep. You would never escape the torment.” There was a pause, which gave Clara a chance to calm down. The fire died down, but she continued, “Anyway, if you put your soul to sleep it will merely repeat not just your current life, but you could possibly delve into worse lives.” “Okay… sorry if I offended you, Clara… seems like I put both of you through a living nightmare with all my problems.” The fire inside Clara rekindled briefly. Her tone turned cruel as she gave a condescending laugh, “Your problems are a living nightmare? Do you remember what kind of character development you helped Amy form for me?!” I push Clara out of the conversation, unconsciously texting James as well, “What is wrong with you?!” Clara huffed as her eyes slowly fade away from crimson to their normal blue. I spoke to her only, “Stay there, I’m going to examine you after this.” I turn back to the text to see he has responded, “She’s right, though. Besides, you two have been taking care of me for almost a year now. I probably owe you so much.” I sigh, “You don’t owe us anything.” Clara chimed in once more, now calmer, “Just look for happiness, that would be more than enough.” “Well… you both make me happy… and well... video games.” I start to smile again, “See? Talking to people always feels good!” “I suppose it’s working for now…” Clara quickly took the texting power into her hands and wrote, “It always does. Humans are social creatures, and yes there are introverts, but there is a difference between introversion and self-imposed isolation.” I shiver slightly, I text and speak, “You sound like a psych ward.” James texted back, “Amazed they haven’t sent me there yet.” I grimace, “Those are for panic attacks and extreme cases. Your condition is not in that league. Granted, if it continues downward, it will.” “Yeah, you’re right.”

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James’s depression continued. I began to think of ways to get him out of his house all of the time. I started driving him to league and encouraged him to seek out new activities. We texted each other one night, he texted, “Tomorrow marks 2 weeks… one week from my next appointment…” I text back, “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” “Doubt it… still haven’t done the homework she wanted me to do… doubt it’ll ever get done… and I just don’t know anymore about this whole thing.” I remember my trepidation to my own therapist and decide to give some advice, “It always sucks at first, but you will progress with time. Since you have a couple appointments a month technically, give it a couple months. And if it’s not helping maybe another therapist will be able to help.” “I don’t have a couple months though to wait… by then I’ll be like… 20 feet under and my life in worse shape. Why can’t we just agree that there’s a problem with me and I’m a hopeless case?” I groan and rub my temples. We’ve had this song and dance before. I growl lightly as I text, “You’re not a hopeless case. That’s how I felt at first. And I swear to god if you are seriously contemplating suicide I will never forgive you. I will reach into whatever afterlife you go to and I will slap you so hard, you will have a bruise in your next life.” “I doubt I could do something like that. I’d just hide in a dark hole for the rest of my life... All I know is that my future is dim and my options are very slim.” “Then look for new options, seek them out. You could search for a part-time job until you figure something out.” “But this whole thing was to figure out if I could hold down a job…” “It’ll get you out of the house, and give you some money. Look. There are some positions available at my work. Can you put in one application?” “I don’t know how.” “I’d obviously help you…” “Oh.” I could hear the deep sigh, “Fine... Only because you keep bugging me about it…” He applied, and I helped him along the way. He ended up getting a job in the department next to mine. I felt good that I could keep an eye on him. He seemed to do well. It was only a little over a week after he started that he asked me to take him home. Everything was okay at first, but he suddenly bent over and began to sob. I speak, “Whoa?! What’s wrong?!” He sobs, “I’m so useless!” “Wait, what happened?!” “Why does everyone think I’m good at my job when I’m shit?” I raise a brow, “But, you’re doing well! Your boss—heck, my boss likes you!” “But I’m barely doing anything!” I begin to sound upset, “You’re new! You’ve only been here just a week. They all know the struggle and can help you!” He just continued to cry. I sigh, “Just… let it out…” At safe spots, I occasionally rubbed his back during the drive to help calm him down.

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Everything was getting worse. He wouldn’t listen. He wouldn’t eat. I sent Clara to console him, as some nights he would cry himself to sleep. Though he could not touch her, they could see and talk to her. He sighed, laying at the edge of his bed, “I don’t know what to do anymore…” Clara crooked her head, confused, “Don’t you have to sleep for work tomorrow?” James covered his face and curled slightly, “I don’t want to go to work.” “But, you have to, right? So you can get money, right?” “I don’t… want to suffer through this life anymore.” Clara floated above him with a pout, “But you don’t suffer.” “Yes, I do.” “Maybe just your mind…” James was silent for a moment, deep in thought. Chara gave a curious look, “What’cha thinking about?” “You… can grant wishes… right?” “Well I am a genie!” “Then... can you affect my soul?” Clara hesitated, “…Yes.” His eyes gained confidence. He sat up and spoke clearly, “I want you to transform me into a character in your world.” Clara looked upset, “Why? Why would you want to just give up your life? It’ll be harder in my world-“ He nearly yelled, “I don’t care!” Clara jumped back slightly. He calmed down and began to sob, “I just… can’t take it anymore.” Clara sighed, “What about Amy?” He groaned, “Shit, she’ll never forgive me-“ He perked up, “Wait! You could clone my soul!” Clara looked unsure, “I guess… I could split your soul in half… have one half keep the memories… then I could do it. But, you’d lose yourself…” James smiled, “Sounds perfect. Clara. I wish for you to do all that.” Clara sighed. Magic began to dance around her and James until it focused on him. He felt a sharp pain in his chest before he felt his soul dragged from his body, which fell on the bed, unconscious. In her hands, Clara split the soul in two, keeping the memories in one. She shoved that half back into James’s body. It breathed heavily but remained unconscious. Clara looked at the soul in her hand and frowned. It looked familiar. A portal opened next to her and she smiled, “I guess this is really the first time we met. See you later, Chingu.” She tossed the soul into the portal before it closed and she immediately fainted.

#commission #irl friends #genieclara #depression #self deprecation

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omeinfreund · 7 years

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Get to Know Me Tag

Tagged by @aboutmikasa! Thank you very much ^^

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: my dad 3. Text message: my mom/sister in a group text 4. Song you listened to: the opening to Utena since I just downloaded the soundtrack 5. Time you cried: I think when i talked with my dad about some personal stuff a few days ago :/

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: never dated someone once ://// 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope 8. Been cheated on: nope 9. Lost someone special: yes? depends on what you mean by lost i guess 10. Been depressed: quite a bit 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: one time......in downtown disney.....listen,,, we all have our low points..,,

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: pale blue, purple, black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: not really no 16. Fallen out of love: nah 17. Laughed until you cried: oh yeah, i laugh pretty easily lol 18. Found out someone was talking about you: nah 19. Met someone who changed you: nah 20. Found out who your friends are: shrug, i’ve had some friends do some great things for me though that I really appreciate within the year, does that count? 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nah

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i haven’t been on fb for years bro 23. Do you have any pets: HECK YEAH MY CUTE PUP KANI 24. Do you want to change your name: nah, i’ve come to really love my name 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: stay in bed and eat dinner with the family at a really great restaurant, it was pretty chill 26. What time did you wake up: like 1pm lol. 7 am wake up call tomorrow though ugghgugh 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: eating an ice cream cone because i’m 24 and i can do that as an adult 28. Name something you can’t wait for: i don’t even know man 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a few weeks ago? she’s staying with my sister right now 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i was better at being social, i’m too awkward to be around and too afraid of people, even my friends, tbqh 31. What are you listening right now: Utena OST 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i’m sure at some point, but I can’t recall a specific Tom atm 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: me, i’m very annoying 34. Most visited website: this site sob

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: not sure, don’t think so? 36. Mark/s: lot of beauty marks and a small scar right below my lip 37. Childhood dream: i wanted to be a vet for the longest time only to realize animals don’t like me very much ^^; 38. Hair color: brown 39. Long or short hair: short hair 40. Do you have a crush on someone: nah 41. What do you like about yourself: truly nothing lol 42. Piercings: I got my ears pierced a little over a month ago! 43. Blood type: I honestly couldn’t tell you, I wish I knew how to find out. I even got my blood drawn like 40 times over the past couple years because of medical problems and I still have no idea >.>;

44. Nickname: Jay 45. Relationship status: quite alone 46. Zodiac: gemini 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: No idea? Sense8 is a goodie

49. Tattoos: nope, it took all my courage to get my ears pierced lol 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: yeah, I got surgery on my ears because i was kinda sorta deaf for the first 2 years of my life - or rather, everything sounded like it was underwater or something? You can image how badly that destroyed my speaking ability. I’m still not very confident in my speech ability lol. Also wisdom teeth, but does that even count? 52. Hair dyed in different color: a few colors, but nothing unnatural 53. Sport: I used to play volleyball, basketball, and badminton but now I can barely walk up the stairs smh 55. Vacation: been to a few places around the world early on in my life, not so much anymore 56. Pair of trainers: 95% of my shoes are ones I steal from my sister so I don’t think I own a pair of my own >.>;

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: usually canned soup or chinese food but if I happen to find myself at a place with a salad bar, caesar salad with sunflower seeds and ranch dressing is my choice 58. Drinking: coffee or water is honestly all I drink 59. I’m about to: eat dinner 61. Waiting for: me to get my shit together 62. Want: me to get my shit together 63. Get married: probably not 64. Career: i’m working on it...............

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: please give me many hugs 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: no preference 68. Older or younger: as long as it’s not too much older or younger i don’t care 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: arms? idk 71. Sensitive or loud: depends, there’s a time and place for either one 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship? 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: why not “spontaneous but not dumb”, a good in between

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: nope 75. Drank hard liquor: the first thing I had (on purpose) was fireball whiskey lol 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: oh yeah 77. Turned someone down: yeah 78. Sex on the first date: no 79. Broken someone’s heart: yeah oof my bad 80. Had your heart broken: nah not really 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: fictional yeah, but irl I get that whole numb feeling instead because I don’t know how to process emotions correctly 83. Fallen for a friend: nothing past imagining what-if scenarios and extremely awkward dreams

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: no 85. Miracles: i mean, i believe if something has even the slightest chance of happening (whether we expect it or not), it means it really could happen. I don’t believe that’s magical though, just simple probability 86. Love at first sight: nah i think it’s attraction at first sight. It’s never been a cute, romantic notion to me 87. Santa Claus: aww 88. Kiss on the first date: depends on the people involved

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: a great person who recently moved away ;A; 91. Eye color: brown 92. Favorite movie: Kill Bill Vol. 1

NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE:

aa sorry, maybe next time ^^;

#thank you again for the tag!#tag meme

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romantic-barista · 7 years

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I was tagged by @scribbledstars!

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

LAST…

Drink: a&w root beer

Phone call: pretty sure it was @old-qrow on discord

Text message: my last actual sms was with @non-binary-royalty!

Song you listened to: This Will Be the Day - Casey Lee Williams and Jeff Williams

Time you cried: fourth of july,, haha

HAVE YOU…

Dated someone twice: ... i’ve dated the same person like fifty times over what are you talking about

Kissed someone and regretted it: yeah, it was my first kiss and any times i’ve kissed anybody irl at this point

Been cheated on: it’d be easier to ask when i haven’t been cheated on tbh

Lost someone special: yup, i’ve lost a lot of people special to me in the last few years

Been depressed: you mean, like, currently?? in the past??? in the future?? yeah.

Gotten drunk and thrown up: I don’t like throwing up, so no!

Made new friends: I did make friends recently and I’m glad we are because they’re so great???

Fallen out of love: multiple times, with multiple people.

Laughed until you cried: only a couple times, especially if I haven’t gotten enough sleep.

Found out someone was talking bad about you: uhhh, so you mean my whole high school life and my last relationship? right???

Met someone who changed you: tbh, i wouldn’t be where i am without @scribbledstars @novice-heartbreaker @iesousdeasous and @old-qrow

Found out who your friends are: Yeah, I think I know who my real friends are now.

Kissed someone from your Facebook list: no, but I kissed a friend of a friend, lol.

Kissed a stranger: kinda?? kissed someone i barely knew one night.

Drank hard liquor: haha no i’d die.

Lost glasses/contact lenses: i don’t lose them necessarily, more so i pull a velma for like 10 mins in the morning.

Turned someone down: yeah, it sucks doing that because i hate hurting people but i don’t wanna hurt people

Sex on the first date: uhhh, i don’t recall ever having sex or going on dates that were in places where it was ok to do that lmao

Broken someone’s heart: yeah, a couple times.

Had your heart broken: haHAHA, HAVE I EVER???

Been arrested: nope

Cried when someone died: I cried when I lost my grandma, both my cats Midnight and PJ, and when my grandpa Gilson died along with my great uncle Rick (and a couple other family members I was close to died). I also cry when people die in tv shows.

Fallen for a friend: well, i’m bi and i’ve known straight friends that didn’t feel that way back along with friends who did so yeah

Kissed on the first date: nope!

GENERAL

List 3 favorite colors: orange, pink, purple

How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: huhhh, well, to give an actual number... 28 of my 36.

Do you have any pets: four cats and a dog!

Do you want to change your name: I used to want to change it to Jade since that’s my middle name and I got upset about people saying it wrong, but people i love saying it made me change my mind tbh. it feels too good when they call me my name

What time did you wake up: ... 1pm!

What were you watching at midnight last night: I don’t think i was watching anything at midnight last night huh

Name something you can’t wait for: traveling to California and New Zealand to see my friends!

When was the last time you saw your mom: last night tbh because she hasn’t tried to come into my room today yet

What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish I could be over a certain somebody rn.

What are you listening to right now: As If It’s Your Last by BLACKPINK!

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: there is probably a customer i’ve met named tom but i don’t ask names, so i’m gonna go with PROBABLY.

Something that is getting on your nerves right now: knowing someone I wanted a future with threw that shit away like immediately.

Most visited website: this hellsite

Mole/s: a couple, but none that are raised or like bad.

Mark/s: huh, i have like a birth mark on my neck that’s very faint and i have some acne and old wound scars. (i used to skin pick so the scars are from those)

Childhood dream: teacher or social worker

Do you have a crush on someone: @old-qrow

What do you like about yourself: I like how I’m always trying to find ways to make things work and how I’m never ready to give up.

Piercings: I have my ears pierced, but I want a monroe.

Blood type: uhh,, probably O?

Nickname: Kas, Kasumi, Yang, Ghost, Milk

Relationship status: uhhh, technically single, technically with someone? it’s hard to explain, haha

Zodiac: gemini

Pronouns: she/her

Favorite TV show: FRIENDS, like honestly if people don’t know this by now i swear lol

Tattoos: one on my right ankle that is a heart that says daughter under, and i want a couple more.

Right or left hand: left

Surgery: none!

Hair dyed in different color: I’ve had black, red, and blonde.

Sport: i only like soccer and hockey

Vacation: I’ve been to Hawaii, Japan, and some other places for vacation but I don’t have any I’ve been to this year. I miss going to Pentwater in the summers :(

Pair of trainers: nope?

Current and all-time best friend name: Jeff

Eye color: emerald

Favorite movie: Jurassic Park, babbbbyyyyy

WHICH IS BETTER?

Hugs or kisses: oh god, kisses, yes.

Lips or eyes: that’s a hard choice,, but I’m gonna go eyes

Shorter or taller: neither?? i don’t prefer one over the other!

Nice arms or stomach: ... stomach for sure uHHH

Sensitive or loud: ... sensitive?

Hook up or relationship: Relationship !!

Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker haha. (totally not because i liked acertain kpop duo)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

Yourself: I try to!

Miracles: used to, not sure I still do.

Love at first sight: that’s not real lol.

Santa Claus: I did when I was little.

i tag @old-qrow @iesousdeasous @etherqueen @non-binary-royalty and @kouhai-i you guys don’t have to do it but it’d be fun to read your answers

#yang speaks #text #long post #tag game

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laiguanlin · 7 years

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rules: once you’ve been tagged you’re supposed to write a post with eighty-two truths and then tag twenty-five people.

tagged by @the-actual-grim-reaper

name: soonhee blood type: idk ??? nickname(s): hui, soonhui, hee, (other more personal ones my family calls me) zodiac sign: taurus pronouns: they/them favorite tv shows: i....... havent watched like ‘actual tv shows’ in a while, but i guess b99, parks and rec, and sense8 ?? not including dramas/web series long or short hair: either honestly. i used to have like. rlly long hair but now it’s fairly short but !! still p cute !!!! height: 157.5-158 cm do you have a crush on someone: um. idk ??? what do you like about yourself: my near-future (at least rn) right or left handed: right list of three favourite colors: blue, white, yellow

right now: eating: nothing (im about to go to sleep !!) drinking: ^ i’m about to: sleep listening to: nothing (again, ^^) kids: none bc i m A Child get married: idk ?? ideally i would like some sort of relationship, particularly one that’s steady and dedicated, but marriage isnt like my life goal career: preferably something musically/artistically related, probably something in cybersecurity/software development

most recent: drink: water phone call: my mom song you listened to: another world - nct 127

have you ever: dated someone twice: nah been cheated on: ^ kissed someone and regretted it: nahhh lost someone special: does a hamster count ?? her name was izzy nd she was great !! been depressed: ha been drunk and thrown up: no alcohol for this underage pal kissed a stranger: nahhhhhhhh had glasses or contacts: both !! had sex on the first date: another nahh broken someone’s heart: i doubt it ??? mb disappointed them but idt it was anything more than that turned someone down: yea cried when someone died: if the hamster counts than yea fallen for a friend: nahhh

in the last year have you: made a new friend: i.... think ?? fallen out of love: nahhhhh laughed until you cried: ay yeah met someone who changed you: no one new changed me, just the people i already knew found out who your true friends were: dang true true (phi nd i have Discussed this recently so wow @ this timing) found out someone was talking about you: um nah but i wouldnt be surprised if they did kissed someone on your fb list: nope no kissing for me !!

which is better: lips or eyes: eyes eyes eyes theyre the window to the soul !!!! hugs or kisses: hugs probably !!! give them anywhere, anytime, no problem !! shorter or taller: taller, probably ?? romantic or spontaneous: ROMANTIC !! i legit almost had a breakdown bc an online site changed their brownie recipe sensitive or loud: sensitive sensitive sensitive hookup or relationship: relationship troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

first: best friend: phi !!!!! surgery: none sport i joined: soccer vacation: bahamas i think ??? or maybe florida to visit my uncle but idk

do you believe in: yourself: kind of ???? it’s very on-off miracles: yes love at first sight: mb ??? heaven: yea

extras: how many people from your fb list do you know irl: i dont use fb rip do you have any pets: YES I HAVE A DOG AND HIS NAME IS WESLEY AND HE’S 5 MONTHS OLD AND WE ADOPTED HIM NEAR THE END OF LAST MONTH AND I LOVE HIM do you want to change your name: i mean i already have two so im p satisfied what did you do for your last birthday: hung out w friends (which turned out kinda badly) and went out for lunch w my family what time did you wake up today: 7:30 what were you doing last night at midnight: sleeping something you can’t wait for: summer vacation last time you saw your mom: like 2-3 hours ago ? what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: be confident and able to pursue even the most obscure dreams and working to make them a reality !!!! have you ever talked to a person named tom: yea there are several ppl @ my school named tom so yea what’s getting on your nerves: disrespectful, lying people who don’t care about others and assume they know what’s right

tagging: @softgot7 @dujingxiu @yiumin @jonggdaes @princessxuanyi @studenthann @ilyseventeen (i cant remember any more mutuals i usually tag for these things but im sorry if i missed u !!!!!) @lunautilis @prince-rei @pierce-jay @lalabacca ("biggest fans” !!!!) @goshinvon @majestikino @jinkistarlight @jinhoshands @kyunjin @yutohs @c0smicg4y @qingdaosboy @purelypristin @bomirillaz @majestikino @achoonice @ddodaengg @kvungsoo (a bunch of other mutuals !! i hope it’s okay that i tagged you !!!!!) if u dont want to do this please dont feel pressured to !!! and if i didnt tag u feel free to do this anyways nd u can just say i tagged u :DD

#my posts #text #tag game #that was #long #but fun !!!!#i lov these kinds of things

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blurrybethny · 7 years

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Diary entry #1

So hi since I don't really have a true best friend irl and I don't wanna bother my internet best friend with the same stuff every time, I thought I'd use my tumblr blog as a diary to let my thoughts out. I hope you don't mind. To make it easier for me to describe situations with people I'm just gonna call them by their first letter of their name. November 2016 I finally started getting closer to my friends. I finally started having fun. I was hanging out a lot with my guy friends. We even had a little road trip and it was honestly so much fun. It was a bit awkward for me because I've been friends with M and S for a longer time now, I've also known F for some time now but we never really talked much. So so I was a driver and when we drove back home we switched passengers and F drove with me this time. Honestly he talked so much about his dreams and his life and his feelings and I enjoyed listening to that a lot actually. He also told me about the tattoo he wanted. He wanted some kind of snake around his arm. So overall I really enjoyed this road trip and I started to like F. After that trip F was messaging me a bit about tattoos because I already have one. And I honestly don't know why but I decided I wanted to try and draw his tattoo so I actually did and it turned out pretty good. And I showed it to him and he liked it as well. December 2016 So F messaged me from time to time. On one weekend the prom for the 10th graders was happening (I'm a senior btw) and my friends wanted to go there but I was not sure if I would go too but F actually messaged me and said that it would be cool if I'd come as well. So I actually did and I was a driver so I drove with three of my guy friends to that prom. Overall we were a bigger group of friends with 3 other girls but they always kept running off and I stayed with the guys which I always do. However, most of them ran off from time to time as well and they always left me and F alone. The funny thing on this evening was though that F literally was by my side all the time, wherever I was going he was there. Whenever I was sitting somewhere he sat next to me, whenever we were standing outside he stood next to me and sometimes came even closer to me. Also btw he looked really good with a tucked in shirt and nice pants. I just thought I'd let you know. So we were about to leave and I had my car parked quite far away so F said to the others that they should join me so I wouldn't have to go alone to the car. After I got home he messaged me asking if I got home safe. So after that he literally messaged me everyday and I started developing a crush on him. However, it was pretty difficult for me to keep up a conversation with him because we barely have anything in common and I never knew what to say to him. So he decided he wanted to get his tattoo in a city an hour away. So he asked me if I wanted to join him when he drives there for the first time to make an appointment and then afterwards we could go to a restaurant or something. But my parents didn't let me. So I stayed home. I still regret it honestly I wish I would have gone anyways. I wanna know what would have happened. A day after I was hanging out with F, S and two other guy friends. F came really close to me like twice. And S said as a joke to him that in that prom this girl wanted to flirt with him because she probably has a crush on him. So what do I hear two days later? He went on a date with her. Like what the hell. He seemed so interested in me and then he goes on a date with that girl? I was so jealous and I thought they wouldn't work out anyways. But they went on another date and S (who is F's best friend btw) kept telling me about all the stuff F and the girl did like they slept together in a bed and massaged each other like wtf. I finally accepted that it was stupid to think that he would like but I still had a little crush on him. So there was this Christmas concert at my school where me and my friends decided to go. F was in a really bad mood the whole evening because the girl he liked didn't talk to him. And because of how stupid he is, the same evening he asked her if she wanted to be his girlfriend like bro. But she said no and apparently F cried about it. I honestly laughed when I heard that. After that he was really crushed but he didn't wanna give up yet. But after like a week he kind of accepted it I guess. So S got a new tv and a big sofa so him F and S and me decided to have a movie marathon the whole night. Me the only girl with 3 their guys. Totally normal I know. So we watched movies all night and F kept falling asleep. But at one point we all started having a pillow fight and literally all of them hit me with the pillows and especially F kept grabbing my legs and arms (oh btw he was shirtless the whole time). By that time I still had a crush on him. Stupid I know. So two days after that another friend celebrated his birthday and New Year's Eve the same evening. I was hoping that it would be fun. Well. F was already getting drunk by like 10pm and honestly I drank quite a lot as well. One cocktail after the other. Then two girl friends on mine told me that S has a crush on me and honestly I kind of knew it but I was hoping that it wasn't true. That ruined my mood so much I swear. So after that one girl told me that F would talk to me about this. So I went outside and we were both already super drunk. So he told me that S has a crush on me and that he feels bad for him because he's his best friend and yea. We went back inside and I honestly kept drinking so much. I had like 4 shots and like 6 cocktails. And F even was like "oh I know why you're doing this" but honestly I didn't even know myself why I was doing this. So I kept getting more drunk and dizzy. Most of my friends already left only one girl and also a lot of classmates were left. So I sat next to guys I usually don't talk to hin school. L was sitting right next to me and his hand was on my thigh basically the whole time and I did not care at all. I even laid my head on his should the whole time. And then I just threw up out of nowhere. I threw up on myself. Isn't that fucking great. I'm still so embarrassed because of this. So K and L walked me outside and held me because I could barely walk on my own anymore. And I kept hugging L and K and then my dad finally picked me up and so that night ended at like 5am with me and my vomit all over my clothes and my dad laughing at me. I couldn't sleep all night because I felt so sick. January 2017 The next day I was still kinda sick. F messaged me again. We talked a bit and then in the evening he called me but I'm so awkward so I didn't pick up. Literally 2 minutes later the fucking door rings. I'm like "no way that's him". So I hear my dad opening the door and I hear Fs voice. I was so shocked I swear. So I ran downstairs to let him in and we went to my room. Like why did he do this. Why did he drive all this way to my house. Honestly I thought about this a few times. Like him in my room but not because of the reason he was actually there. So he asked me how I was feeling and he wanted to talk with me about S and yea. Then he left again. I think he wanted to hug me but I didn't get it so we didn't hug. So S didnt know that F and this other girl told me that he has a crush on me before. But then he did and he was so pissed at F and the girl that he wanted to cancel our trip to Croatia (which I fought so fucking hard for but that's another story). And I was pissed that he was being such a bitch about this. Then a few days later he calmed down again and they were friends again but then the girls was being a bitch. And our vacation was on the line. And she kept being stupid and giving stupid reasons about why she wouldn't be able to join us on the trip to Croatia. So finally we're only 5 people driving to Croatia however I'm the only girl with 4 guys. And I had a crush on one of the guys and the guys best friend has a crush on me so that's fun. Also me and S talked about the situation between us and he said that he still wants to be friends with me and I also wanted that. However he asked me why i would not give him a chance, if I liked somebody else, if I liked F. And I just had to deny it. If I said I liked F the real drama would have started. And I knew spending between me and F would never work out anyway so I just want to get over it. So since the drama from New Year's Eve I've actually been messaging with L (the thigh guy) and I started to like him a lot because he has really good music taste, doesn't look too bad, is interesting and talkative and just fun. Then like from one day to the other we've messaged literally all day and he even started talking to me in school in like every break. It was kind of awkward because I always sit with my friends in my breaks and S (the guy that has a crush on me) is there as well. So whenever L came up to me to talk to me I could literally feel his looks. So on Thursday F actually fucking messaged me asking what's going on between me and L. He even was like "does it not bother you that he flirts with other girls?" Like honestly what the hell. They act like I am not allowed to talk to anybody else. Like that's so unfair. February 2017 So on Friday I actually went out with L and went to the cinema. At the afternoon S asked me if i would drive to one of our friends to like hang out and i said that she didn't invite me and i didn't know about this (which is true). Then when I parked at the cinema I fucking saw S's car and B said hey to me. Like wow what kind of bad timing is that. So i said hi to L and we went into the cinema. And who the fuck do i see coming in? B went in saw me with L and went out. Like what the actual fuck. They stalked me. They have no fucking right to do that. I have the right to hang out with everybody anywhere and anytime I want. And then F even had the fucking nerve to ask me "what I'm doing tonight" I was just like "I'm pretty sure you already know". So me and L watched the movie. I was supposed to drive him home that night so we walked to my car. And he actually tried to kiss me (short backstory: I've never kissed anyone). But I rejected him and hugged him instead then he tried again and I just turned away and was like "it's okey". I was so anxious and uncomfortable and just confused. I didn't want that. Honestly I imagined it with him actually because I started to like him but at that moment I did not want that at all. So we sat in my car and I just wanted to get him out as fast as possible. And it was just awkward we barely said anything. Then I finally dropped him off at his house and I swear I'm so lucky that I did not crash because I was so emotionally unstable and it was raining so hard and yea. So I finally got home and L even messaged me again but I just went to sleep. The next day I just ignored him. Then in the evening I said I was sorry but it's not the right time. And since then we barely talked. Today in school I've been avoiding my "friends" because what they did on Friday was so fucking unfair. And I also avoided L. But he still messaged me everyday and said that he wants to be friends with me but it's difficult because apparently he kind of has feelings for me and that he'll just wait for them to go away. So that's the current situation right now. I'll give an update again soon xoxo

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orderuponthe99prettygrimmdiaries · 4 years

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Show the same compassion you show others. And also, carpe the bloody diem!

I just come to realize that despite writing multiple posts in the past couple days, I still never actually talked about what actually went down these past.. well, weeks? Months? Past year, maybe? Where do I even begin?

Well, maybe let’s start with a rehash of last year. I did a post about this on instagram, but I guess that led me to neglect tumblr. So anyhooo..

Gotta say, last year was pretty good overall. There were definitely some truly shitty times - I was conflicted a lot (same goes with now tbh, so I guess that’s comforting?), I trusted the wrong people, I was stressed and overwhelmed, and oof I cried so much for a period. Even in public.

But I learnt so much. I also learnt how to balance things better, put myself as a priority, being open with myself and others, and seeking help when I needed. Yes, I’ve lost friends, but I’ve also gained many. Last year was especially plentiful since I joined Bottled, which honestly really helped me gather more courage and confidence speaking with guys irl. I mean maybe it’s actually not that huge a problem, but I definitely feel much more comfortable talking to guys these days, and I’ve made so many guy friends over this past year. 3 close online guy friends, and now even a couple irl. Though sometimes my insecurities does make me wonder if we’re friends, but i do think we are, to some extent. Also got to rekindle a couple friendships too, unlikely ones especially.

Okay but yeah, my point. Yes I realize I digress a lot. And this is actually a problem irl too because there’s been times that I was talking and lost track of my entire point because of my lovely backstory.

So anyhoo, back to this. Guys. Yep, over last year I did come across many guys. Guys that made me realize what I want. So first up... Well, this was soon after my short-lived online sorta “trial” relationship, I suppose. And this guy.. it was actually the day he drove me for a company dinner. We talked so much during the ride, and it hit me, how much I really enjoyed being able to talk to someone like this without being so stressed out about what I gotta say or how to act or anything. This was where I realized it was truly comfort I’d prefer, over the butterflies feeling. But yeah, I knew this wouldn’t be a thing since we have a huge age difference, but it was a nice discovery to have about myself and what I wanted.

And next, our freelance designer. This was also unexpected. But wow he was truly nice. Giving me a favour already and it’s only the second time we spoke. He was a huge help, and also, the comfort I feel when speaking with him. We finally met a couple times later, and it was great. I realized I might have liked him, but well, he’s unavailable. Which I’m happy for him, and I’m also glad that we’re still speaking these days and I can ramble on to him about work.

Thereafter is when I started Bottled. Well, wait, actually this was before the designer. Yes, got bored one day, downloaded the app. Started talking to many online strangers and all, made a couple friends. Met another 2 guys, an Italian and towards the end of my Bottled days, a German. Also felt so at ease talking to them, but also different types of ease. One would allow me to be as sensitive and emotional; and the other would be upset about it, but he understands it too. One’s too seemingly perfect, while the other, well, we’re somewhat broken. So yeah, we both also realized there was something special, but it wasn’t something we’d pursue. Not yet at least, especially not without meeting first.

So moving on.. We finally had a work event and I got to meet this guy. Gotta say, he was real entertaining during those couple hours. It was nice having him around and it sucked without him on the last day of the event. We did exchange contacts, but we barely speak now. But also, exchanged contacts with this other guy who was real helpful and kind during and after the event.

And then this is when/where I met shipment guy. I might have seen him before during previous shipments, or maybe not. This is still pretty hazy. But November was the first time we spoke. It was funny seeing him sitting behind our lobby desk, and him teasing me when I was just pacing around the storeroom. Yet another guy that made me feel the great sense of ease when talking with him.

But this.. I think I might have realized my feelings too early or just acknowledged them too soon. Talked about him to too many people and I guess that got my nerves up for the next time I saw him, which was basically 2 months later. And at the time since I had waited so long, I guess I had been picturing so many different scenarios as to how our reunion would finally be. The first time I saw him again was kinda off. I had to rush around doing other stuff instead of being in the storeroom with him like I had wanted, and when I finally cleared my stuff, I ended up being chased out by my colleague to help out with other stuff. Though, I did get to talk to him for a teensy tiny bit. Which was great, and gotta say, I’m proud I tried. And then got to see him another 2 times after that within 2 weeks, and it got better by the last one. It was a day where the boss was in a hellish mood and I had warned the guys to watch themselves. Also the reason why we all quickly cleared one shipment and all ran down to start on the second. It was a nice bonding moment I’d say. And then, well, the last time we met was on Monday. He actually remembered our convo from the previous time, or maybe he was just making convo, but I still appreciated it so much. And well now, he’s likely coming by tomorrow and I won’t be able to see him. And maybe even next week too. Wellll.. whatever happens, happens.

Oh and so while waiting for the next time I’d see him again, things actually changed up a little too with that first guy. He had given me a ride for another event and I’d say, we had a pretty good time talking during the long journey. And somehow things changed up even more and we started to text on an almost daily basis. We had texted before, but it was mostly work stuff or like when he was going to give me a lift, but not like this. It was different, and it was nice. It had been so long since I had actually texted a guy irl on such a regular basis. And I guess this kinda distracted me from shipment guy for a bit, and this was also what helped when the first meeting after 2 months didn’t turn out the way I was hoping. I guess it’s awful of me to be using the other as like a parachute.

But well, as time went by, the texting slowed down, then kinda stopped. Now it’s just mostly me trying to butt in a convo every now and then, something which I should really stop. I guess I just got attached a little too much. Or just that we got a little too close too fast. And now that it has abruptly stopped, it makes me wonder if I had done something wrong. This was one of the things I was super stressed about at the end of last month/start of this month, in addition to all the work stress I was already dealing with. There was that one time I asked him if he was alright and he said he was tired. He did try a little for the next day, but then it’s still different now. But in a way, it does make me think. Is it actually different? I mean, I’m still getting to talk to him irl at least. And he hasn’t yelled at me to stop texting him or anything. He might just be nice. But also.. idk. Maybe I just scared him away with being too friendly or something. And honestly, I really don’t think I like him that way. He just gives me the comfort of speaking to him like I do with my dad.

Which was why I was writing about distance previously. I need to learn to keep my distance from him a little, at least till I regain my balance again. Of what our new normal is. And I guess I did succeed, but then soon after I’d relapse and text him something somewhat work related. And today I finally got to talk to him for quite a bit irl, and it felt pretty good. But it also hit me that I just miss my friend. And I miss the way he used to laugh and smile and be carefree and chill. I just hope he’s actually doing alright.

With all these friendships, I’ve also come to realize that many guys really bottle up their emotions because they don’t feel comfortable with letting them show. And it truly sucks. Toxic masculinity sucks. Ugh, I wish I could give them all hugs.

But anyway, I realized I don’t really know what the point of this entire post is. I guess I just needed to write out what I’ve been feeling for so long. I’ve been confiding bits and pieces of this to friends, mostly with one of them, but it’s also tough when people try to tell you what you’re feeling. And also one of the worst things about this is that I’m hating myself for feeling so much and loving so much, but is it that bad to love, to feel, to care? I should appreciate myself for wanting to spread love and care and concern, right? I should be open and just allow myself to show that I care for them, even just as friends.

And as I was watching Supergirl yesterday, an episode where she gets to go back in time to make some changes. But obviously, butterfly effect and all. And there’s a part where someone (spoiler) reminds her that it’s okay to mess up. We all do. And she’s always compassionate and forgives others and their mistakes, and she deserves that compassion too. And since we can’t snap our mistakes away, we can just learn to live with them. Learn from them. Learn to move on. And learn to stop second guessing ourselves (and our instincts, like a friend has reminded me). Also, from the latest Legends of Tomorrow episode, as Constantine says, “life is too short to dilly dally”. So yeah, I just gotta learn to live with this. And well, I guess also probably should still find a way if I somehow made a mistake so I could apologise for it too. But yeah, just stop second guessing myself and “carpe the bloody diem”. I fucking love it when it feels like shows are speaking to you in the exact moment about stuff you need to hear.

#personal #ramble #post of the day #life #love #feelings #guys #friends #friendship #wow this was a whole ass ramble #carpe diem #life is short #be you #embrace you #learn from your mistakes #compassion #its okay to mess up

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