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ilikelookingatthings · 2 months

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The Person I Loved Asked Me to Die in My Younger Sister's Place

I got some thoughts about this shoujo I'm reading recently.

Its got a interesting situation where the main character is 20 years old at the begining of the story. She was adopted by GENUINELY kind and loving people who have a younger daughter and has a childhood friend name bright(who seems to have silver hair and gold eyes).

She was researching Miasma which is a energy that filters to become magic that she has some resistance to with the plan to make a breakthrough to achieve multiple things. first is to gain honor which she could gift to her loving adopted family (they seem to be fairly high up but not too high up)since there is a hierarchy which could affect people. Second is to help her friend Bright(who can't use magic) to be able to use magic.

With her third Goal where is she helps Bright in this way and gets achievements she could proudly confess her feelings...as despite being close friends she doesn't have the confidence to admit her feelings to him when she feels the hiearchy might get in the way.

Her sister was then chosen to go to this side realm called the Dawn before time as a guardian(sacrifice) to put a dragon tree to sleep which is a guarnteed death sentence. Where as you guessed it our character goes in her sister's place but ends up surviving for 23 years where we REALLY begin our story...where out of the blue a portal opened up where Bright walks through...only its not Bright...its Bright and her sister's son Llyod.

I think what I find most fascinating is the people aren't strait up evi; people. Its a cliche at this point that to up the tradgedy the story would have her adopted parents be terrible people, and her sister a brat who would willingly sacrifice our main character because isn't biologically related to them, or Bright being our main character's lover who chooses the sister over her.

But it allows the situation to be genuinely complex because her adoptive parents genuinely care about and love our main character. The mom did impulsive wonder why it couldn't be Elaine(our MC) but its clear the mom is desperate and not thinking strait and the dad immediatley shuts that down and there is immediate apologies. Not to mention it was also influenced by the fact our main character who has Miasma resistance has a better chance of survival rather than the guarteed death the younger sister would face.

Though I will not excuse the fact that everyone still saw it as a death sentence because too much exposure will certianly kill you regardless of your resistance. Its still messed up....but at least the mom didn't impulsively say it with nothing in Wisteria's favor.

They all had looked for alternatives to try to save the sister from going for ages. exhausting all the options for what seemed like a while even though they can't refuse the royal request as their daughter had been chosen due to age, a low amount of magic and because they were the lowest rank of the canidates.

We can't blame others for refusing to volunteer since its a death sentence and it seems without a sacrifice going the miasma would cause alot of death.

and the younger sister is GENUINELY a good person. She gets upset on Elaine's behalf when people all her a witch and talk bad about her. had cried in her place when someone broke a hair clip that was important to Elaine. She clearly admires Elaine who is a composed lady with good manners and picked fights with others when they talked smack about her. and it seems she had to be distracted and was not aware that Elaine was going to volunteer in her place and seems to feel such sorrow her memories got fuzzy. often praising Elaine her eldest sister as well and roasting/bantering with Bright at times.

Even Bright who I assumed was trash is more complex than I though. Elaine doesn't like him for shallow reasons...he's genuinely not a bad guy. He complimented her eyes when he first saw her and when we see her get insecure about being called a witch due to studying magic, or being too tall he makes sure to compliement her and distract her. He seems fairly socible and seems to have a strong sense of justice. He was willing to put himself in danger to protect a stranger(luckly Elaine saved him in time by sucking up the Miasma).

When her parents thought they could just get her a new hairclip...he noticed she was hurting emotionally becuase its what teh hairclip represented to her that was important and he picked a fight to defend her feelings and honor even if it could get him in trouble since the other guy was higher in hiearchy over a hairclip that no one else took seriously.

while I could see why she could feel led on since he did compliment her alot and why some people reading it could feel like he used her....its pretty clear they ARE friends. and he doesn't owe her to return her feelings which she never told him about since she feels like she can't proudly say her feelings as a adopted daughter who's family is lower in the hierarchy than him. He clearly loves her sister who he banters with and who doesn't hold back with being blunt with him...compared to our Elaine who wanted to help fix his issue with magic and tip toed around it since she knows it a sore spot...her sister is direct in saying he'd get a bigger ego and doesn't pity him for it.

He does his best to find alternatives to try to save the sister who cried in his arms about not wanting to die who he loves.....until in his desperation he asks Elaine to take the place of the sister due to her having a higher chance of survival after exhausting all other options and in his desperation to save the woman he loved. No doubt he is still trash for asking someone else to die in someone else's place and implying he'd pick the love/her sister over his friend who's life is just as valuable. but he also clearly KNOWS what he is asking is unreasonable and fucked up and the surprise on his face in the manga when our main character agrees so easily!

Like he couldn't help asking because he loves the sister but wasn't actually expecting her to agree to sacrifice herself...how he's still messed up because he asked and how he could see her shaking even as she put on a brave face saying she knew this was one the only way to save the sister and that she feels bad that she needed him to say it instead of volunteering herself on her own. god when she asked him for at least a hug and how it parallelled the scene she saw when her sister was being held as she cried in fear earlier and teh contrast in how her feelings aren't returned.

just DAMN.

How despite herself our main character can't hate him for it because she never told him her feelings. How Elaine had felt dirty because she had for a moment felt she might have a chance with Bright if her sister was out of the picture. How everyone sees her as this great sister but she knows when seeing her sister cry over potentially having to die she herself was crying and upset because she saw how Bright dearly loved her sister and held her and hearing it fully confirmed. How she had tried rushing her research previously because she sensed Bright's feelings for her sister and just wanted a chance to grab him before the sister took him...even though she knows Bright doesn't owe Elaine his feelings. How she understandably doesn't want to die herself so had been avoiding the obvious idea of volunteering in her sister's place and she had so much to live for. and yet how she is so upset having to hear her crush ask her this....and we see her try to play up her doing it for her sister and not adress her hurt feelings....

yet I can't tell if Bright caught on or not since she asked for a hug and gave in so easily. How despite how she is clearly loved by her family she might have been putting pressure on herself to be a good girl and feel grateful.

And I'm pissed because she had tried to study Miasma specicially because of her feelings for Bright for a chance he could use magic...which had caused people to judge and look down on her due to the ominous stigma about Miasma...calling her Witch....so the guy asking her to go instead of her sister HURTS...but it was also her choice to study that since she had felt it was a requirment to try to ask him out...even though it seems she could have just told him.

Like..I'm pissed at Bright because Elaine deserves the world...but I also like how they don't make him evil or callous. He KNOWS what he is asking is unreasonable and horrible. that its selfish to ask a friend to die in the place of someone you romantically love.

Its also interesting because considering how he treated our main character...I can't help but wonder if maybe she could have had a chance if she had spoken up in the past to him about her feelings as he did treat her really well..and how we see Bright has insecurities was something she let affect herself as well...along with her own...

like Bright was always good to her and defending her...but she was good at magic (or at leats could use it) while Bright who was seen as perfect aside from the fact he couldn't use magic...so her study on Magic to some degree drove a small wedge because he was cearly upset that while he was incharge of protecting her...she was teh one who protected him with magic...and how he knows if she had been in his position he wouldn't have been able to help her. and while she was senstive and knew it hurt him...by not being blunt about it...it just made him more self conscious about it. and he didn't seem to know she wanted to help him gain magic. He never tried to make her selfconscious about it but ELAINE was definitly thinking it was putting salt in his wounds.

which contrasted her sister who was blunt and harsh and didn't pity him about it(even if it wasn;t REALLY pity on our main girls side).

Alot of the society seemed to judge her for being tall and it seemed Bright was on the short side of things and so she thought that he wouldn't be interested by herself.

it keeps a nice balance where I might not like Bright that much because he asked out Elaine to sacrifice herself....but issue that blocked him and Elaine wasn't him leading her on(aside from maybe being too nice), or using her, and he never tried to put her down/discourage her....but it was semi due to the society and Elaine projecting her insecurities as well as being sensitive/aware of his own. I want to be mad at him because she liked him for good reasons and was affected by him on her own due to her love for him.

I adore her talking sword which is a holy sword that when it sensed her choosing to sacrifice herself for her sister despite it meaning her own death chose to follow her.

This holy sword is funny because it screams when its unsheathed like she got it naked X'D and pokes fun at her for being old(I think she is technically in her 40s when the main story starts since its been 23 years since she sacrificed herself and she was 20 at the time). and the holy sword is sensitive because she might have agreed to sacrifice herself for her sister...but she was still wronged for being asked...and she was influenced because the person she had loved asked her to do this. along with herself hatred due to her jealousy of her sister and wanting to get away from her broken heart....she wouldn't have been a bad person if she had said no because it was unreasonable...and I like despite her sister being a motive for her....the sword doesn't ignore her broken heart and how she was influenced by love

What I find fascinating is the people aren't simply bad or good. Our main character wasn't so sweet she could happily wish Bright and her sister happiness and had thoughts of if only her sister wasn';t around and being jealous. but that also didn't negate she loved her sister and her family. the family loved her but they impulsively treated her different in the heat of losing one even if they backtracked and hadn't realized her trying to be so well behaved was due to feeling like she had to be grateful for being adopted. Her sister genuinely loved and and defended her and thought the world of her and cried on her behalf...but also hadn't realized her obvious feelings for Bright and didn't realize that crying on her sister's behalf made her sister feel like she had to be more responsible. Bright was genuinely a good friend who did his best to cheer her up and try to support her...but he also didn't notice her feelinsg and how some of his insecurities might have influenced her and being to nice gave her false hope..and he asked her to go in the place on the person he was inlove with despite knowing thats unreasonable and unfair of him to ask of her to do...he still asked.

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Now the more Juicy Drama is now 23 years later the son of Bright and her Sister has come for the holy sword and he looks JUST like bright aside from the bangs and longer hair(he's got a pony tail!).

which is awakening alot fo mixed feelings in her understandable..she had been in love with Bright since they were kids and she had focused so much on surviving in the Land before Dawn....seeing someone who looks just like Bright is alot for her....like so much time has past the romantic feelings seem to have faded understandably...but it seems she stagnated a bit in that land emotionally to soem degree because it seems she does not age as she looks exactly the same as she did when she entered). which caused a misunderstanding as Llyod assumed she was a monster or a phantom taking the shape of her at first since she never aged and he had been warned of the possibility before entering...as no one would assume she would have loved that long.

(as she does have natural resistance and the holy sword is whats been keeping her safe as she foudn other ways like a special tea to handle the Miasma).

It seems they have a magical devise now that helps absorb Miasma as Llyod came for the sword but it might not last too long.

I'm having a interesting time with Llyod becuase he didn't make a great first impression and looking like her first love both does and doesn't work in his favor...but whats most fascinating is he doesn't seem that sociable..which is strange because both his dad and mom are really popular..they both smile easily and are good at talking and gentel...while our guy seems to frown, be nuetraul or smirks like a bit of a brat.

It gets even more interesting because his younger siblings are social and good at expressing emotions and are very expressive much like their parents unlike him...who seems to have a bit more of a pokerface as his nuetral face.

which made a interesting parallels with our MC as she felt like a outsider in her family due to her looks physically and how she was calmer than her sister and strugged to say her feelings as openly...

But then I actually think he is closer to his mom in his bluntness. He isn't the most tactful and definitly not a sweettalker but he is blunt and honest and we see while at first he seemed rude....he tends to be fairly straitforward in his own way.

He doesn't know how to feel about our MC because his parents don't talk to her much. aparently due the the nature of teh holysword leaving and someone volunteering in the sister's place...people decided to act like she was banished and that she had stolen the holysword(which is honestly a dick move). Its basically a human sacrifice that went around teh order of the royals since the peron they chose didn't go...and ist not a good look that a adopte daughter was sent in the place of the biodaughter...and it seems to truth was covered up by the royals....which is REALLY unfair...but does imply her family wasn't allowed to say the truth.

We see the issues a interesting dynamic between Llyod and his father Bright when it comes to Magic. Llyod unlike Bright was tall but also VERY talented at magic...so talented that prideful teachers would quite becuase he learned so fast...and his father seemed insecure about not being able to use it himself...so seemed to try to drive home that he shouldn't rely on it/use it...like we see how his mom had soothed Bright by loving him as a person and pinting out that the magic wasn;t what was important...its you as a person...but by doing so his parents seemed to discourage and not praise him for his abilities the way he deserved ebcuase he honestly was very talented.

and he tried to make a name for himself and work on his magic and swordmanship to differeintiate himself from his dad...but also to use this great talent he had.....so much so he joined battles and wars against monsters which most nobles would avoid...but he was looked down there as well because people would assume it was just a hobby, that he wasn't serious about it, and that he was only in there becuase of connections where they would ask like his talent was due to his fatehr or his family name anyway.......in fact he was so talented that he was compared to a monster even though he works really hard.

We also see him struggle with relationships becuase he isn't very expressive... as many girls like him...and if he sees something in the girl he sees as interesting or that he coudl like he will say yes and date them and do his best to treat them well even if the feelings are unbalanced at first...just for them to dump him because he isn't in love with them...not matter if he does like them and is sincerely doing his best...he feels like he keeps messing tht up.

WHats fasinating is at first we assume he came to get the sword becuase he has great love for someone...as we know Elanine's motives for a great feat had been to ry to get Bright;s attention and teh right/courage to act on her feelings...and how Bright had a love for her sister......and he seems to have planned to get the sword for the princess to prove his sincerity....

but whats fascinating isn't really romantic...he was drawn to the fact the princess seemed to see him and not a shadow of his dad and unlike the otehr girls who said they just wanted to be by his side and wanted him to give love which he did his best to give his sincerity which never got across. the princess wants something concrete to prove a feelings...a action that can prove his is of great merity and how far he is dedicated to try to be a suitor.

like...on one hand it feels kindof messed up to have someone have to PROVE their feelinsg by going on a dangerious mission...on the other...teh orinces and Llyod seem to be on the same wave length and she honestly seems pretty cool and she was straitforward with him.

If Elaine and Llyod aren't a couple I actually wouldn't have minded the princess and Llyod as they give of a practical relationship based on respect energy in a different scenerio...but then of course Llyod wouldn't get a chance to grow in that case.

Whats more interesting is while we could see Bright's issue with Magic is based on his insecurities...there ARE layers to it as well.....as it seems Bright and the sister are forever reminded of Elaine due to her magic and Miasma...it seems the mom got so sad afetr she went her her place she had a breakdown and they avoid mentioning her to not risk triggering a attack of her memories...and we know that people with magic were often prideful(like Llyod's other teachers) and how someone had attacked Bright before on purpose using magic. WE can also assume there is guilt from it on Bright's part becuase he has asked Elaine to sacrifice herself for her sister's sake.....WE know Bright had been a genuinely good friend to her before and had cared but the trauma to his loved one and that he is directly responsible for his wife's sister going in her place would have understandly caused some issues in the relationship.

So him telling his kids not to mention Elanine or ask about her around the mom does genuinely seem to be avoiding hurting the mom...but also feels convenient because how do you look your kids in the eye and tell them about a dear friend/their aunt who you convinced to go in the place of the mom? How do you tell them the truth when the royal family has a ruling and a story about her stealing the sword and being a criminial?

It fascinating trying to guess how others feel about eachother in this family? Does Llyod remind them of Elaine which is why they struggle with him? like how like Elaine he chooses to keep going into magic and going into a dangerious situation as he seemed to do things against his parents wishes.....

We can assume there is a shared trauma for the parents about losing their kid Llyod like they lost Elaine...as we have seen a flashback about how he had saved his younger siblings from going over the cliff but ended up falling himself...he had almost died infront of his parents eyes....He also isn't expressive like his siblings and even less so that Elaine who was able to show her care properly on her face and was expressive in her own way...

We know that Llyod has a complex because people keeping comparing him to his dad but don't praise the things he wants to go into(magic and swordsmanship)....or how they attribute him as taented de to his bloodline dismissing his efforts, and how he is VERY strong...where people comapre him to a monster becuase he is so talented.....even though they completely ignore the signs he has complex feelings...how he seriously struggled against and monster and instea dof automatically giving him help and feeling guilt since they didn't send people to help him...they try to sooth their guilt and bruised pride by acting like he is a monster just because his face isn't that expressive.

We saw his parents unintentionally imply that something was wrong with him/his personality just because he wasn't as expressive as others...and while it seems he DOES seem to struggle with emotions at times...it also feelings its due to how he could pick up disapproval from others.

He has a fasinating desperation because he doesn't really feel accepted for being himself and due to how exceptional he is it causing other sto judge him quickly...even more because he isn't palitable socially compared to others. even more because he is genuinely pretty sincere.

while the Aunt nephew things is weird(not being related being a saving grace at least) let along the age gape....I'm not against shipping it eventually...and at the very least I can sense a interesting dynamic between Llyod and our main character because he isn't 'kind' like Bright is or sweet towards her like her sister but he has a bluntness that her sister had and a sincerity and firm drive when he has strong feelings about something..which are thinsg that drew Elaine to her sister and her crush in the first place...but he also acts a bit like a brat at times...but also pretty respectful at the same time.

and the drama is fascinating....Llyod can banter and get under Ellaine's skin and he is interesting in magic and genuinely respects her and can talk shop so to speak with her compared to others(like bright). His complimenst are just as sincere as Brights but even more about her skills which she has worked hard to survive on. He can be just weird enough that elaine is thrown off her kilter at times XD

the mixed feelings on her part becuase he looks so much like her first love who hurt her nd his direct connection that respresents that union as well as the connection he has to the people and family she had adored so much. YES! how when he gets her heart skipping a beat we can't ell if its becuase she isn't used to people, if its due to how he looks like Bright and she is projecting and when its actually due to a specific Llyod aspect.

How hi simularities to his dad drawns her in but also repells her...but we also see the bigger differences in him as a person due to the comparisons on her part which really makes me excited to see if they'll fit as the better couple.

ot gets even more interesting because we's seen her view on Bright and her sister which was from ages ago...and we get to know how they've changed and how Llyod knows a different version of them.

the excitment of how Llyod doesn't know the details yet of what happened...he doesn't know she chose to sacrifice herself for his mom...or that she did it more because his dad asked her to do it. How she is used as a scape goat when she is genuinely a good person...how the witch comment was them being assholes when her research was genuine and she is so smart and talented and how she probablycould have had breakthroughs if she had stayed. and he is already uncomfortable with the idea of people talking bad about her when his one good teacher(her old friend who was in her research lab) tried to tell him a bot more of the truth...the unfairness of how she doesn't get mentioned depite what she did for that family.

and if he falls for her...will she believe it? will he be seen properly or will the sins of the father block her from falling for him?

not in the romantic sense...I''m just SO excited to see what happens if she gets back home? will she be accepted with open arms? judged as some witch or monster because she didn't die? Dig up old wounds and guilt for her loved ones because of what they let her do.

and supposedly they could be there up to half a year as he tried to learn from her and try to beat her for the sword.

We know she already made an impression on Llyod for how talented and strong she is and all she's been through and how she is caring and saved him. She upset him by comparing him to his dad(which she doesn't know would be a bad thing but she picked up made him uncomfortable) while we know he has alot of complex thoughts about her because her family doesnt talk about her properly and how her being different is pretty refreshing for him...but was a sore spot for her since she was adopted and self-conscious about it. and how he seems so desperate to try to prove his value...but also doesn't value himself enough which pot calling kettle black on her part...she fell with him and assured him she'd catch him if he fell and properly scolded him but didn't discourage him from magic like his dad and mom does.

Elaine seems perfect for him who feels a bit off in a different way from his dad...and I'm even more curious because Llyod got to do this due to help from the princess...but how will the royal family being involved make his family feel? like his mom and dad lost elaine to the land before dawn and now their eldest son has gone to a dangerous place with no guarantee he won't die from Miasma(even if he has a device) let alone the monsters in that dimension...and we know how he is loved by his siblings...

its also kind of curious because both Llyod and Elaine are eldest siblings....the research alone though is going to be so interesting if they bring the info they know back!

and trying to guess how everyone would react if they go back....let alone if they don't go back...

let alone any mysterious involving the holy sword XD

will she see Llyod as his own person or will her feelings for Bright get in the way?

its So exciting!

#elaine #Llyod #Bright #brite #sister #manga #holy sword #miasma #witch #monster #first love #broken hearts #nuance #land before dawn #The Person I Loved Asked Me to Die in My Younger Sister's Place

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