#hey look it's my suffering

[bondilluns]

well, are you ready ray?!?!

btw!! i've been thinking about opening comissions for mcr mspaint portraits, so maybe tell me in the tags if you would be interested in that 👉🏻👈🏻

[ID: A MS Paint digital painting of Ray Toro leaning his head back and playing his guitar, which is out of frame. His eyes are closed and he is smiling. A spotlight illuminates him from above, casting a warm yellow light on him. It contrasts with the purple tones of the shadows. The background is green. End ID]

#the reference picture for this was the blurriest pic i could have picked #but hey #those four pixels looked hot as fuck #i also made a speedpaint of this but idk what music to put on the background so i wont post it yet #ok TAG BLAST #my art tag #mcr #my chemical romance #my chemical romance fanart #mcr art #mcr fanart #my chemical romace art #ray toro #mcr ray #ray toro fanart #ms paint #described #feel free to correct my image id english is not my first language i am suffering #bondilluns.art

[demonslayedher]

Things that ran through my head while watching this episode:

--Not as much to say in my write-up today, because I would really just like to bask in this episode. The way that flashback of the Tokito Twins unfolds is an example of why I am so hooked on anime. That is some good angst, and it's made even better with that lighting, pacing, and vocal direction. I love the subtle changes in expressions, and the pause as Muichiro and Yuichiro just find themselves looking at each other in the silence of the night before the violence explodes. Ufotable was on their A-game. But also, none of this is original--they just read all the elements of the manga panels very mindfully, right down to all the ginkgo leaves.

--Like, seriously, seeing this episode animated just got me so much more emotionally invested in this back story than just seeing it unfold in manga panels. It took Yuichiro from "background character" to "character I feel deep regret for." He's not just crabby, he's a grieving kid who rightfully feels abandoned and desperate to hang on to what he has left, and that desperation leaves him no room to be kind or gentle--despite how deeply he cares.

--Irony time! Muichiro's favorite food is furofuki daikon--it's usually made with daikon cut into rounds like Yuichiro cut at that angry moment, and they already had a pot simmering in the background. Despite his irritated exterior, was Yuichiro nonetheless making a dish he knows Muichiro likes? In the way he talks about Amane just being out to use them because they're helpless children, it feels like a protective parent forbidding a child who dreams of being an actor from being targeted by talent scouts. It's heartbreaking that the fallout in their relationship comes from a place of love.

--I said after watching this episode before that I want an AU in which Muichiro grows up to be a sushi chef. Nah. Gyokko can the sushi artisan, and Muichiro can open a dinky takoyaki cart right outside his fancy restaurant and be way more popular.

--I love how Muichiro, powered by the desire to save Kotetsu and therefore able to free himself from the water pot, suddenly sounds more like his old little-brother self. Part of that--a lot of that--is due to being in a bad state due to the attacks he's endured. Of course you don't feel good, little dude, that's a bunch of Upper Moon Five poison in you. Not to mention you're severely injured. Still, it's so sweet to hear him sound more like little Muichiro instead of Yuichiro in his tone and cadence, especially as he recalls more about his dad.

--Another shout out to Kotetsu and Kanamori for being such troopers. Once again, I am confounded by Kanamori's timeline of when Tanjiro would have asked him to be understanding of Muichiro, Kanamori looking up Tetsuido's way of smithing Muichiro's sword because Tanjiro asked him this, and Kanamori having started and completed Muichiro's sword. The only way it works is if Kanamori works at the speed of sound and somehow the steel keeps pace with him as he smiths, or if Tanjiro for whatever reason asked him very far in advance to be understanding of Muichiro (well before Tanjiro and Muichiro had the Yoriichi Type Zero incident), or if Kanamori did not present the order of events or the cause and effect exactly as they happened. Perhaps he looked at Tetsuido's records first, and was finishing the sword when he mentioned being nervous about it to Tanjiro, and then with Tanjiro's encouragement, he got deeper inspiration from Tetsuido's notes while making the extra effort to understanding Muichiro. Whatever case, it's heartwarming that even though Muichiro & Kotetsu friendship gets more attention, Kanamori was indeed laying the foundation to be a very supportive part of Muichiro's life--this not only would put Tetsuido at rest, but it would cement how reliant swordsmen are on their swordsmiths. Also, it would simply be very nice and sweet to see Kanamori being a caring, sturdy presence in Muichiro's life.

--Also worth noting again, Kotetsu pleads with Muichiro to save Haganezuka, in order to save that sword.

--RIP for now, Kotetsu

--Gyokko is actually fun and I love how expressive he is with this unique body language, like how his little hands go to his neck once he's been cut. He acts like his pants have fallen down.

--Haganezuka is indeed very cool and handsome and no I don't think he'd have noticed if Kanamori got killed.

--This was an episode with no Tanjiro. I think the last time this happened was... the Rengoku special???

--He's there in the Taisho Secret, though, because this aired around Mitsuroi-chan's birthday! The Kamado siblings are so star-struck they really do just spend all these Taisho Secret time they can get with her. (Meanwhile, Tanjiro's only impressions of Muichiro are "He's right but he's a meanie! Though maybe he doesn't mean to be mean? Also, wow, he's impressive. Haha, he grabbed my nose! ...Uh, did he notice Chachamaru or something... is he... okay? Oh, he's flying----" so of course Tanjiro is going to be confused when Muichiro is suddenly a huge fan of him and thanking him for stuff he didn't even do.) Anyway, I happened to have just finishing eating omuraisu (omelette rice) when I watched this Taisho Secret, so tee hee, ya~y

--As usual, I had a lot to say.

--I'll just state again, THAT FLASHBACK IS SO GOOD. LIKE, DANG.

#KnY Rewatch #my art #tokito muichiro #tokitou muichirou #tokito yuichiro #tokitou yuichirou #my recap art has been suffering for these last few episodes #I am starting the drawing too late at night #but it was nice with those last few self-reblogs to be like HEY LOOK #I CAN DRAW NICE THINGS when I bother

[okkennymay]

Kenny! Como estas? Tiene mucho que no te veo por Tumblr y me preocupe un poco :(

No exijo nada, solo deseo que estés muy bien!

Abrazos abrazos! 💖💖🤗❤❤

I'm sorry to worry yah, Thank you so much for your sweet words and art 💖 I've been quietly shuffling about in the shadows, still putting one foot in front of the other (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) Interacting with people and posting online still takes more out of me than I have to give, but I've made progress using Tumblr messages! It was my new years resolution to be online more, continue to fight my fear of people and the curse of my bodys health failing every time I talk to someone or post ( •̀ ω •́ )✧ and Now month 3 I have managed to finally answer an ask, so more progress has been made! Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for your ask and art, I'm saving it forever in a little folder to stare at when I need courage 💖

#I'm crying a lil #THis is so sweet [SOBS] #I lose my absolute mind when ever anyone draws my kens i feel so loved #look out kennys rambling in the tags again #I didn't quite make it to a 5 month streak no major health episodes and it's been taking forever to recover from the damage done #I was so spoilt by going so long without one and I was so so so so so so hopeful I was never going to have one again #but hey almost 5 months is a miracle in itself that i never thought could happen- shit made me sob in my backyard like a baby #Not being terrified of severe pain and suffering and potentially death every single month is really nice-my bodys still hecked but i'm happ

[sluckythewizard]

BUT IM NOT A WRITER. something strange possessed me to write my first proper fanfic in maybe a decade. be niceys to me but also grill me so i can get stronger. this one is a stupidly self indulgent bit between Soda and Emizel, a day or so after emizel was sired. CW for gore descriptions, but thats about it i think. image below is a snippet of the start. the rest of the whole dang thing will be under the cut. ive never posted fanfic ever in my life. read my tags for secret behind da scenes commentary

"Oh shit… I think hes dead…" It was another night, another patrol, another fight, and another win, for Emizel and Soda.

Under moonlight, under street light, under interwoven wires above, the two stood here in a quiet and damp alleyway. The air was drenched with the smell of a previous rain, and the puddles of said storm remain huddled in corners and pot holes.

One splashed as soda found himself stepping forwards into one. The residual adrenaline of the fight had left his body shaking, his heart still pounding, his wounds still throbbing. They had still won; or more-so, Emizel had won. A particularly nasty blow to the side had Soda reduced to the side lines for most of the fight, left to watch as his newly vampiric comrade had absolutely eviscerated the competition.

Emizel had only been turned a day ago, but it was impossible not to notice how it had changed him. He already acted so goddamn confident, so on top of the world, and this newfound power, newfound speed and strength, only built upon his insane ego.

The Fangs that they encountered here on this night stood no fucking chance. Emizel was too quick, too strong, and he easily chased off the rivals. It was only now, as the final unfortunate opponent had turned to flee, a clean clock in the jaw sent the human tumbling to the ground with a dull thump, and it did not move afterward.

Soda shifts his shoe out of the puddle, the cold seeping into his sock being one of the few things keeping his mind in his body in the moment. Is the guy breathing?

A low laugh bleeds from Emizel as he stretches his arms, licking his sharpened teeth as he stares off in the direction the remaining Fangs went. Soda knew that look on his face, the look of a tiger pondering on its next kill, he knew well that Emizel wanted to chase them.

But the guy on the ground.. It was one punch to the face, and the wicked crack sound that came from it had planted a seeding dread within Sodas chest.

As he steps forward, around the puddle, the resulting sound made Emizels attention click back over to Soda, the snap of his gaze making Soda flinch.

The two lock eyes, and Soda weakly gestures to the limp body on the floor. "The uh.. I think.. Is that guy dead?" He finally asks, having a hard time keeping contact with Emizels intensely red eyes.

Emizel turns his attention to said body, tilting his head as he goes to kick at the thing, turning it over. "Man no way hes dead, I punched him once." He mutters.

"Well, yeah, but his head almost twisted all the way around when you did.." Soda steps up to stand beside Emizel, the two boys standing with their hands in their pockets, down at this unfortunate, limp body.

"Should we hide it?" Soda asks, glancing back over at Emizel, who had.. An odd look on his face. He was clearly pondering something, but Soda could only guess whatever was going on in that brilliant head of his. He knew and trusted that Emizel was smart. If anyone could figure out what to do about this, it would be him.

But the lack of an answer had anxiety chewing at the back of Sodas rib cage, and after a second, he speaks up again, compelled to fill what he perceived as a tense silence. "Like.. I dunno, I've never uh... killed a guy..." He shrugs, prompting Emizel to let out a big sigh.

"He's not dead man, just out fuckin cold." Emizel kneels down next to the body, putting an ear up to its chest, and pondering on that for a moment. An uncertainty twists his expression, as he decides to instead place a hand on the victims throat, checking for a pulse. A moment passes, and seemingly finding nothing, he pulls back.

"Uh... Okay, so he might be dead."

Something about the confirmation from Emizel made a shiver run up Sodas spine. That, or maybe it was just the breeze agitating the cold water in his shoe.

"Huh… Damn.." Was all that Soda could really get to leave his mouth. Which was hardly a splash compared to the torrent that was slowly churning in his head. They just killed a guy. Or, Emizel just killed a guy. And it was so easy. They had to hide the body now, right? That was the usual progression here? Getting caught for murder was way more extreme than getting caught for breaking mailboxes with soda cans. It was so, so disturbingly easy. It really was just one punch. It's not like the Fangs are weak by any means, so just one punch? And this guy is dead? Forever?

Or, perhaps by human means, their rivals were fairly tough. But Emizel was on a whole other level. No mortal could stand up to him now...

"Hey, are you okay?"

The question had pulled Soda back from his head, his gaze flicking back over to Emizel, who was looking up at him with those eerie, piercing red eyes. Soda felt another shiver.

"Uh, ieah man, I'm all good." Soda nods, swallowing down whatever anxiety was bubbling up in his throat.

But Emizel didn't seem satisfied by his answer, standing back up and staring down his human comrade. Soda couldn't meet his eyes, his gaze instead traveling downward, and pausing on Emizels red, cut-up shirt. There was something off about the color, the way it seemed darker in some spots, brighter in others.. Wait, wasn't Emizel wearing a white shirt before all this?

The vampire boy seems to pick up on Sodas expression, following his eyes down to his shirt. "Oh, yeah! While you were on the floor, the knife guy got me a little" He says, a stupidly simple smile on his face. Soda was about to let out a laugh at how unbothered his friend seemed by it, but it gets caught in his throat when Emizel goes to pull his shirt up.

The sound of the bloodied fabric peeling away from skin made Sodas own skin crawl, but that wasn't nearly as bad as the sight of the intense gash running from his collar bone, down to his stomach.

"Oh, fuck dude!" Soda gasps, but Emizel laughs it off. Even despite knowing Emizel well, Soda was still surprised by just how much Emizel could shrug off. "Shit, doesn't that hurt, dude?"

"Oh yeah this fucking hurts!" he says with a laugh, his smile big and toothy and proud as he presents this egregious wound. Swollen and angry, pulsing with a slow heartbeat, and still oozing with thick, dark blood.

The sight of the split flesh, and the glints of bone beneath the dark, dark red all tugged at Sodas gag reflex, and yet he couldn't pull his eyes away. So Emizel's just been walking and talking so normally this whole time with his chest just cleaved wide open? Soda felt just as impressed as he felt horrified.

It wasn't until Emizel reaches down to poke at the abhorrent wound that Soda snaps out of it. Watching his friend press his fingers into the bloodied flesh, and slowly pulling it apart, allowing more ichor to seep from the gash, it was too much to watch at this point.

Soda reaches up to put a hand on Emizels wrist, the vampire boy stopping, and looking up at his friend.

Soda found himself freezing again when he locks eyes with Emizel. He was going to say something now, right? "U-uhm.." Is all he really chokes out, giving Emizels wrist a gentle tug. "D-do you. Uh. I suppose a hospital Isn't a place you can go anymore..?"

Emizel just smirks at that, letting Soda pull his hand away from the wound. "Oh, yeah no, but it's fine. I mean, I don't think it's gonna kill me" He shrugs. It was so, so impressive just how unphased Emizel was by all this. Fuck he's actually so cool.

"Well yeah man but it's like, still a bleeding hole. Like you're soaked in blood dude, I'm pretty sure that even a vampire needs that stuff on like, the inside." Soda rubs the back of his head, still unnerved by the sight of it all. "Vampires have like, super healing, don't they?"

"Oh yeah like, regeneration powers. I know I heal faster sometimes but I dunno how to just, activate it on command.." Emizel hums, his eyes narrowing down at his own injury, as if trying to will it into mending. Soda looks away, unable to watch that vile gash ooze any longer.

"I dunno man, how do they do it in like, video games?" Soda tosses the question out, trying to click together some sort of solution in his own head.

"Uhhh.. Huh, video games.." Emizel repeats to himself, chewing on the thought while idly poking at the laceration; until an idea audibly flickers to life in his head. "Oh, I just gotta refill my blood meter. Or whatever."

"Oooh yeah, blood meter!" Soda perks up, "Of course, see this is why you're the brains, man" Soda smiles, glancing back over to his cool friend, but immediately needing to look away again when the sight of that egregious gash tugs bile back into his throat.

While Soda averts his eyes, Emizels eyes wander back over to the body, and that classic 'Emizel has a bad idea' smile creeps across his face.

"Well, if this guys dead, I'm sure he's not gonna need all that blood.." He grins, kneeling down next to the body again.

The word 'wait' had hardly gotten the chance to crawl from Sodas mouth, before Emizel lifts up the arm of the unfortunate body, pulling the sleeve back, and immediately sinking his teeth into the exposed wrist.

The sound and the sight of blood gushing around Emizels teeth made Soda cringe, his hand impulsively coming up to aide his own wrist. An empathetic phantom pain made his wrist ache, his imagination simulating the feeling of shark teeth cutting into skin, sinking deep into the flesh, and clacking against bone. That was a lot of blood, that was streaming down the arm of this fodder.

A low growl bleeds from Emizel as he adjusts his teeth, cutting into more flesh, opening the wound further, and allowing a pulsing torrent of red to stream down his chin, onto his coat. It was an annoying thing, to clean blood out of clothing. Most of the Demons deemed it easier to just let the stains remain. But the night that Emizels throat was torn open, and liters upon liters were granted freedom from his human form, the unbelievable mess had practically changed half the color of Emizels iconic coat.

That was the first time Soda had ever seen that much blood from one person. And well. This would probably be the second.

The sight was unnerving, but it was impossible to look away. The alley was quiet, save for the distant bustle of a distant city, which made the noisy squish and squelch of teeth gnawing on flesh all the more apparent and nauseating.

Emizel had become a monster for sure, and watching it feed on something was… thrilling, in a way. It reminded Soda of feeding a pet spider, or lizard. A mouse for a snake.

It's a heavy thing to witness, the end of a human life. The fear of death is a primal thing, and Soda was no different from any other living thing. He figured everyone else feared death just as much as he does. Well, maybe except for Emizel, of course.

It made sense. Emizel was such a cocky and noisy kind of guy, but hes always had the power to back it up. Even when he lost, or seemed at his lowest, Soda still saw this sort of fire in him, one that Soda admired.

Of course Emizel would be the one to become something like a vampire. Something that Soda had always figured was just a fantasy creature thing. He wondered; if vampires were real, what else was real? Werewolves? Zombies? Unicorns? Are there real demons? Like from hell? Is hell real? Is he going to hell?

The sudden ttteeeeaaaaarrrr of flesh rips soda from his wandering thoughts. Emizel was tugging his head away from the arm of his kill, his teeth clamped down into the chewed meat, and pulling it apart. Soda had seldom seen so much of the inside of a human arm, and the sight of spilling threads and squirming veins was hardly something he ever wanted to stomach again.

"Oh fuck, dude, hey-" Soda steps forward, raising a hand, but the way Emizel snaps his head back over to him, twisting to an unnatural degree, Soda cant help jolting back.

Reddened teeth glint menacingly in the low light, a threatening growl thundering from its clenched, dripping jaws. Emizels eyes were focused, yet wild, glowing with whatever light they could reflect.

Sodas eyes were wide, and his body was frozen in the thick, electric tension within the air. It was like staring down an angry dog.. Suddenly a light bulb in his head flickers to life. It was kind of like an angry dog, right? One hunched over a meal it didn't want to give up. Memories of old encounters and unfortunate dog bites resurface in Sodas head, and with that experience, and with those lessons learned, he gathers the courage to react.

He shuts his eyes, keeping them closed for a few seconds, as he slowly pulls back his arm, and slowly steps back. It was an eye contact thing, wasn't it? Eye contact makes dogs angry, right? That was how you dealt with an angry dog? As he pulls back, and takes in a breath for composure, he finally dares to peek at the angry vampire before him again.

Its snarling had died down, but its eyes were still trained intently on Soda. After a tense, and agonizingly, slow pause... It blinks back, lowering its head back down to its meal, but keeping its anxious stare on this potential threat.

A relieved sigh falls from soda as the tension finally melts. He didnt realize he was holding in so much of his breath. "O-okay, man.. It's yours, you uh.. Earned it.." Soda mutters, stepping back further, until he was standing in a sufficiently dry enough space to sit down in. Now that he wasn't standing, he was finally taking into mind just how much his hands were shaking.

It's odd. Soda couldn't really describe this feeling thrumming in his chest as something like fear.. Nausea? For sure. Disturbed and rattled? Oh absolutely. This was certainly a sight he would have a hard time scrubbing from his eyelids when he sleeps tonight. But he wasn't scared. The memory of the night that Emizel was sired still coated the inside of his mind like an unwashable film. Even in that moment, when the unnatural teeth from the unnatural maw of an unnatural thing hovered over his throat, he couldn't say with confidence that he was scared.

Emizel really is his best friend in the world. And he knows with his whole heart that Emizel feels the same. He knew and trusted that his best friend would never hurt him. Not too badly at least. He loves Emizel, and would give anything to support him.

Like a mouse to a snake.

This really is an incredible power that his comrade had come across, and Soda especially felt a sort of pride in his friend. He felt it was worth it to help him feed it.

The bile in his throat had made its point, and Soda agreed, that watching someone die, and get torn apart and drained might be too much for him. Despite how much he hated the Fangs, the end of any human life seemed like such a jarring thing. To have such an intense fear finally get confronted. Would he go to hell?

Maybe he couldn't just feed people to his friend. So an alternative could be donated blood, right? Soda wouldn't mind giving up something like blood. His body makes it for free, after all. Maybe some other Demons would agree to give up some blood too. But they shouldn't have to take on such a burden. Soda wouldn't mind being the only one. The only one. The only one.

His hand comes up to rub at his neck, as his imagination conjures up what it might feel like to have teeth sink into his flesh. He's been stabbed before, is that sort of what it would feel like? Would he have to get stitches? He didn't really want to get stitches, so maybe there could be a more effective way to get the blood out of him. And there was so much vital stuff in his neck too. There's' a vein that's safe to cut into somewhere, right? He would have to look that up later.

A STARTLING RINGING;

Splits the moment,

Prompting both Soda and Emizel to jolt in shock,

As the phone in Emizels pocket rings away.

Acting as if nothing abnormal had taken place, Emizel pulls out his phone, and answers it.

"Heyy, Johnny! Yeah we chased em off, I don't think those bastards will be infesting this street again anytime soon. Yeah, ieah we'll be heading back soon. Oh fuck yeah dude, save us some!"

Emizel covers the speaker of his Nokia, turning back to Soda with a big smile on his violently bloodied face. "They got some pizza waiting for us back home, dude!" he whispers out to him.

Soda does his best to crack a smile, and to suppress the look of unease that probably stained his face, as he stares at the literal murder scene that's been splattered about in front of him.

"Oh, yeah, hell yeah man.." He swallows down the bile again. "What kind of uh.. Soda did they get?"

Emizel ponders that, before turning back to the phone to ask Sodas question.

"Sprite and a big pack of that one strawberry mountain dew" Emizel tosses the answer back over to Soda, who gives a nod, and thumbs up.

Mountain dew is so neat, Soda really liked all the wacky flavors those guys come up with. The thought of going home and opening a can of soda was certainly a comfort. After witnessing all this blood and gore and viscera, Soda absolutely needed to get back home and get a nice cold glass of something bright red .

As Sodas mind wanders off to soda, Emizel wraps up the conversation on the phone, before hanging up, and standing up.

The movement had pulled Sodas mind back into the moment, enough for him to timidly voice a concern he's had since the start of this debacle.

"Uh, hey, so.. The body, should we… Uh.." He gestures vaguely to it, and Emizel grants it a nonchalant glance.

"Eh, I can toss it into a dumpster or something, I dunno. I'm sure its fine. I'll handle it."

The vampire boy goes to pick up the corpse, the wound in its mangled arm no longer even dripping with blood, the flesh pale from the absolute absence of red in its veins.

"Go ahead and meet me by that one mailbox, the one with the bullet hole in it." Emizel casually instructs, tossing the drained body over his shoulder. "I'll catch up."

"Uh, yeah, okay.." Soda musters up a nod, and the strength to rise back up to his feet, wincing as that bruise on his side makes itself loudly known again. He still felt anxious, but even despite it all, he knew he could trust Emizel to take care of things. He always does. "Just stay safe man, I'll see you there." Soda assures with a smile, and Emizel matches it, tossing him a wink. And then suddenly- -He's gone! If Soda had blinked he would've missed it, but he was fortunate enough to just barely catch the glimpse of Emizel darting off at an inhuman speed, probably looking for a place to dump the body. Right, he would take care of it. Emizel always makes sure his crew is taken care of. Well... Guess all that's left for Soda is for him to walk back to that meeting spot. He looks around the alley for a moment, taking in the sight of that enormous pool of blood in the middle of the concrete. Or whatever the floor of this alley is made from. He ponders on the present moment a little longer than he meant to, the shock of it all leaving him aimless for just a few, soothing moments of just, decompression. The night is quiet, vast, and cold, but the stresses of just the past 5 hours had left his body radiating with fiery aches and pains, so the chill of the occasional clawing breeze was welcomed. Except for when said breeze agitated the cold water still soaked into his sock. He should step in another puddle on his way back to even it out. The smell of rain still rested heavy in the air, heralding another storm on the horizon. There was that, and then, well, there was also the blood. The stench of it felt far too intense to just ignore it, the metallic miasma making itself maliciously unmistakable. Maybe the impending storm will wash this mess away... He looked forward to putting this unfortunate night behind him. With one last rattled, but deep breath, he stuffs his hands in his pockets, and turns away, strolling back over to the mailbox that Emizel had described.

He couldn't wait to get home and drink some soda with his friends.

#NO TAGS ON THIS ONE BC WELL. IM SHY. IM TAKING A BIG LEAP JUST BY ALLOWING U TO REBLOG THIS. IF IT BREAKS CONTAINMENT THATS UR FAULT. #i unfortunately suffer from the disease of 'i hate everything i write the day after i write it' BUT IM GETTING TREATED #I WILL NOT BE HAUNTED BY THIS WEAKNESS FOREVER. AND HEY LOOK THIS IS THE FIRST ACTUAL FIC BIT IVE EVER FINISHED.. #ITS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!! AND BY JOBE I WILL BE PROUD EVEN IF I HATE IT. #i dont always need to be the one who likes my art bc i know Someone out there will always enjoy it. #and to that someone i say: omg thankyou i LOOOOVEE YOUUUUUU!!!!! #JUST DELETED A WHOLE RAMBLE I JUST HAD ABT NERVOUS DISCLAIMERS FOR MY ART BUT I DONT NEED EM!! #GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT. ANYWAY. so emizel and soda huh #THEYRE SO CUTE TOGEEHTERRRR TEEHEHEHEHEEEE they are the homies that kiss eachother goodnight like CMON #but uhh so hey your bestest friend in da world just got turned into a freaky creature thing that eats ppl #ieah yknowthe guy that u care about alot that u had to watch get bled out by another freaky creature thing in an alleyway #yeaaah and you were super hurt and weak and stupid and u couldnt do jack nor shit to help him #what was i talking about again. RIGHT so hes even cooler now bc he cant die n hes super strong n his arms can be knives. sometimes. #but also he can eat people now. and sometimes he cant stop himself from eating people. and thats kinda scary. but in a cool way. #but also in a disturbing way. but also in an interesting way?but also in a freaky way.the feelings ARE MIXED!!!ATLEAST I THINK THEY WOULD B #okay again i havnt listened to the suckening ina bit. so its been a minute since i absorbed their personalities. i could be misreading or #misremembering or misconstruing or mischaracterizing or WHATEVER. i think the confusion carries its intended effect #LOSING MY TRAIN O THOUGHT. anyway i love soda n emizel i hope they get locked in a saw trap together or somethign. for enrichment. #TALOS GRANT ME THE STRENGHT TO POST MY CREATIONS ON LINE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGHHH!!!!!!!

[merlinemrys]

sorry but, out of everyone, merlin having the only remaining parent is honestly a flex on his part. ESPECIALLY a mother and especially HUNITH

#rip arthur gwen elyan morgana they’re suffering fr #shows #bbc merlin #merlin #hunith #text #tais toi lys #merlin: im taking a week off to visit mum. #arthur and gwen already packing: you mean OUR mum. #merlin: don’t you have a kingdom to run? #arwen (gives each other a look before nodding) and says together: leon can handle it. #merlin: she’s MY mother. i need a break from you lot. #arthur: HEY. #gwen: 😢🥺🙁 #merlin sighing: okay… only for gwen i’ll allow this visit 🙄 #gwen: ☺️ #arthur: this is incredibly rude *mer*lin. #merlin: you’re right. (turns to gwen) invite elyan as well. #arthur: MERLIN! #*

[lustsansfans]

Finally made some art to contribute of our local cutie✨ I mean just look at him isn’t he just so ahhh💖💖💖

Yes I’m a bad sucker for “lust has pink freckles head canon” it’s my favorite

-Mod Veil 💖

#lust sans #underlust #lusttale #look at him #isn’t he just so cute #I love him #I should draw oc x canon actually #this is actually just a doodle #since I’m currently suffering art block #haha #I’m suffering yippee #but hey #if u like my art #maybe visit my blog #self promotion ✨✨ #I’m sorry that was cringe #lololol #Mod veil #Veiled rebel

[very-lost-hobbit]

Seeing so many people I once respected and even adored/admired prove themselves mask off antisemites when given the chance and an "appropriate" enough reason is so incredibly heartbreaking. So many left leaning and supposedly empathetic people apparently do not hear themselves right now.

#my entire heart to the jewish community because MAN. I know it's never GREAT but the last few months have been ROUGH. #Obligatory of COURSE I care about the people suffering in Gaza too but. I should not have to qualify this post by saying that. #My empathy contains mulititudes I can care about multiple things at once. #Anyways. I can't imagine how much harder all of this in its entirety is for people actually affected by it <3 <3 <3 #also it's very easy to criticize the current Israeli administration without being antisemetic because FUCK Bibi he's an enemy to peace #just as much as Hamas is! They both suck! Hey look at that I just did it! #Wish things could hurry up and get the two state solution activists in the region have been calling for & an end to the cycle of pain. #Also. INCHERESTING how it was ''poor poor Russians they can't help where they live :('' vs ''ALL JEWS ARE COMPLICIT IN THIS ATROCITY'' #really really INTERESTING 🤔🤔🤔 (not to make everything ever about my main mantle- BUT. lol) #I also think some North Americans esp are projecting their own guilt for living on stolen land onto this conflict #but that's a different conversation #antisemitism #kat gets personal #me

[polaroid-petals]

I'm this close to writing a fic where a few weeks post-confession, Hero has a dream where he gets the option to stab Basil in order for Mari to have never died, only for his knife to stab not this fictional dream version of Basil, but the real twelve-year-old one, whom he then slowly watches die as he's unable to save him from the gash in his stomach.

To his horror, as he wakes up four years after the murder with no memory of what happened afterwards, he learns that he covered up the murder, and he has no idea how or why he did it.

#polaroid posts #hey when the note of for science said that pain is reserved for all my other fics this is what i meant #i am a hard angst writer usually this fluff is a fluke #anyway #it's not exactly that hero mirrored basil and sunny's actions #when basil died hero decided he'd turn himself in #he wouldn't make the same mistakes that sunny and basil did #he understood why he had this dream and would face punishment and offer his friends closure in this dream #only for his memories to cut out and for him to wake up four years later in mari's arms and learn that basil one day disappeared #with no idea what he actually did in those four years #what he did between basil's death and now #everyone's lives have been torn apart afterwards #and this dream is starting to look a little too real and last a little too long… #i have the entire thing mapped out but grrr no time #i'll already say that aubrey got the shit end of the stick here #babygirl is suffering horrendously #might just write it

[vellichorom]

so close to pushing your silly man into the glue trap. he better watch his back (evil)

i am literally approaching at high speeds

GET HIM GET HIM GET HIM

#marimarimar1 #inbox #TSP blogging #Gluetrapped #me pushing you toward him like HEY BESTIE I HEARD YOU LIKED MURDER & MISERY & SUFFERING WELL LOOK UNDER UR CHAIR #ALSO HI MARI MY BEST FRIEND MARIIIII i LOVE the doodle <3

[wesavegotham]

Obviously I have no idea where Tom Taylor will be going with his Dark Knights of Steel elseworld, but the first book pushes the idea that Bruce, despite being a bastard (he's the illegitimate son of late Queen Martha and Jor-El in this) should inherit the throne one day since he's the only one related to the original monarchs of the kingdom, and I can't help but imagine Bruce sitting one the throne one day and he swears to himself to only sire "trueborn children" so no biologically related child of his would ever suffer from growing up as a bastard like he did...and then Damian is introduced to him.

#The idea that Damian might not actually be Bruce's son goes out the window the second Damian starts to scowl exactly like him #Actually this scenario would create a good opportunity for Bruce to reflect on how he was treated by his family #Legitimizing Damian might be controversial both because of Damian's connection to Ra's #And because being a bastard who became king should already put Bruce on politically shaky ground #If he recognizes Damian as his firstborn son and heir it would also become difficult for him to find a political alliance through marriage #Since any wife of his and her family would want to see her children on the throne after Bruce and not Damian #But Bruce suffered deeply from being a bastard and from Jor-El only revealing to him that he was his father when he was an adult #So treating Damian as a bastard or denying the paternity might be emotionally difficult for him because he knows how that feels #Btw in my head Talia only reveals Damian to Bruce to protect him from Ra's or another threat #Not to mess with Bruce #And hey #Maybe we can even solve this problem by having Bruce fall in love and marry her #Even if marrying Ra's daughter would probably be frowned upon #Idk I just want Bruce and Talia to have a love story again #Plus Talia would look amazing as queen

[skinreflectsthesun]

.

#my coworker was reading on her kindle at work #and I just 👀👀👀👀 #like hey whatcha…reading there #and she looks at me all sad and says my husband told me to read this book about archaeology #and so she’s currently suffering through that #and I just looked her dead in the eye and said #kindle is not meant for educational purposes #kindle is for smut and I don’t care what anyone says #the way her face lit up lmao #she was like oh thank god I agree totally but my husband told me to read something with intellect #and now we’re exchanging book recs #I told her I need a baseline for what to recommend to her #she said I promise you won’t scare me #I’m like alright just don’t judge me too harshly if I do lmao

[ultramarine-spirit]

WMMAP's Season 2 now completed on Tapas

WMMAP's Season 2 has come to a close on Tapas, and a brief hiatus has been announced. Now it's the perfect time to catch up with the manhwa! Check it out here. You can also read the completed translation on Tappytoon. On Tapas you can read a free chapter every 3 days (excluding the latest 24 chapters), while on Tappytoon you can read a free chapter every 24 hours (excluding the latest 20 chapters).

#nobody asked but while there are some particular scenes where i prefer Tapas' TL... I like Tappy's way better most of the time LOL #the problem I have with Tapas is that... their quality has dropped a lot? and WMMAP is mostly fine. But other manhwas? Oh boy... #Tapas' TL of wmmap suffers from. while never being technically incorrect... being worded in some strange or unnatural ways #that make certain plot stuff harder to understand than Tappy's straightforward TL. Wmmap doesn't have very flowery prose at all #so i dont understand their decisions. Their image resolution is just a little better than Tappy's. Tho the typesetting looks cleaner #anyways that's my review LMAO oh and also it sucks that a lot of Tapas' stuff is region locked #seems like SEA and Europe suffer from this the most. So Tapas only works as intended in America? Probably a distribution rights issue #(Mari after shitting on Tapas) hey everyone go read wmmap on Tapas! #who made me a princess #suddenly became a princess one day #i suddenly became a princess #wmmap #sbapod #sbap

[deus-and-the-machina]

ffxiv garlemald discourse is so funny because people will go "ugh people just cant stand it when things aren't black and white" and then you look at how the empire are portrayed in stormblood and shadowbringers and its like hm. that seems like a pretty intense and accurate display of violent imperialism to me! Wow I wonder why people in this day and age may find it hard to feel sympathy for them or even hate them on principal. god its such a mystery.

the games like 50/50 to me on how it tackles these themes because I actually like the garlemald arc in EW, I think it has a lot of horrific and powerful scenes depicting how self destructive fascist propaganda and beliefs are, but I also think it doesn't go far enough on some fronts. the garleans' xenophobia is most notably and obstacle to getting them to accept the contingent's help, which is what they're there to do,

but there's never an admission of harm from any garleans on the uuuuuuuuh massive amount of war crimes the nations around them are still suffering from they're just kind of like "we misjudged you...but you actually wanted to help us all along" like yeah thats great now can we get you all some deprogramming because you keep talking about returning to your prime and glory days and I think we need to unpack some stuff you really SHOULDNT return to. im not even really talking about EW proper but the patches where things are a bit more chilled out and people are recovering.

It feels like they wanted to have their critique of imperialism and also have things end with the beauty of human connection and reaching out and these things just don't mesh well because hey a lot of your modern day audience is not gonna like having to treat people yelling xenophobic things at the cast and your character with kid gloves after you showed them hours and hours of the awful things these people's beliefs have done. especially in the present day hoo boy.

#im kind of torn between 'no characters dont need to be 'punished' to be redeemed but also the characters just being so lenient with the #colonizers after we see far too many people being lenient if not supportive of the colonizers irl. well. it really blows afslkjfalkf and #yeah you can argue if they'd gone through with the garlemald expansion they would've had more time to go into this but the fact is that its #absent from what they did do and I especially think the patches when we go to garlemald and the EW role quests going 'hey maybe the #provinces can help us rebuild' as if they'd have any goddamn right to ask that just make me feel like they didnt stick the landing #seeing all the characters who have suffering time and time again bc of the garleans or seen the results of their actions having to clamp #their mouths shut every time someone said something xenophobic in EW isnt satisfying and it leaves so much unsaid! #also some people feel like the narrative didnt blame emet enough but ngl I think thats reductive even with his micromanaging scheming littl #ass and the intention of garlemald turning out a shitshow that doesnt make anyone else less complicit. most governments like this exaggerat #and lie and spread propaganda but I dont think most people here excuse the actions of a bigot because 'they were raised that way' #this is also my issue with gaius' writing. hes primarily upset that ascians were behind what he thought was his good old fashioned natural #conquering ideology :( and doesnt it suck so much he killed people for it. like yeah he seems pretty aware what he did was wrong but his #ideology remains bizarrely intact and unchallenged by the characters around him. no dude it wasnt just the ascians the system is a lot more #complex than that by this point aaaaaugh #final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #siren says #I hope people are nice to me about this I dont think I said anything particularly controversial to the Tumblr crowd (twt maybe but fuck em) #ig my main point with this post is that the game isnt perfect at writing this and also that look. I actually liked the main arc in EW and I #like quite a few garlean characters but I completely understand why others didnt like it or any garleans esp if they have their own persona #experiences with colonialism and I dont get to tell them they're invalid for that. too many people get judgmental about this understandably #upsetting topic and you just gotta accept that this is a big line for many people

[corrose]

trials and tribulations of uploading chapter 3

uploaded post onto sideblog by accident. delete it. didn't save a draft so had to remake entire post on main

uploaded on main - notice ao3 link issue. go back and hastily edit html haha whew dodged a bullet there

three hours later, go into tag. see that the readmore isnt working on mobile and the entire 11k WORDS is just hanging out there in the open, clogging the entire fucking tag! have a small aneurysm. delete the post. didn't save a draft so had to remake entire post. again :)

nearly upload to side blog. again 🙃

anyways. it is done. don't ask anything of me ever again (until chapter 4)

#mytext #it only took me uhhhhhh looks at my wrist where im not wearing a watch. 15 months!!!!! YAAAAAYYYYY 🎉🎊🎉🎊 #yes im playing up my suffering for maximum effect but also. hey is it supposed to be this hard hahahaha #also like for real. is there an issue where readmore done on computer doesn't carry over to mobile? #i swear i checked the tag to make sure it looked okay (from computer) and it did and readmore was working #writing diary #d4d logging

[abstract-moth]

for once I would like to be struggling academically bc my brain actually struggles to comprehend the material and not bc I have some dumb*ss sh*t going on in my personal life

#I got club stuff eating all my time #had to become the RA at my dorm #all my friends dropped out of my program so all those relationships are evolving #one of my best friends for the past two years is acting badly and I may have to stop being his friend #have to address some long standing medical issues #ofc my family issues have not gotten better at all #need to start therapy again and ik my therapist and I don't click but hey she's covered by insurance and I'm tired of looking #stupid beginning of the year bureaucracy to deal with #ppl at my dorm went to a big party and now everyone is slowly getting sick #president of my club is assigning me more work and the only solution is to tell her to do it instead but then SHE will have too much work #so I guess we both gotta suffer #plus I gotta lead my own team this year and get back to some assignments I told them to do #missed my German class 2 weeks in a row and have my first class tomorrow REALLY BEHIND bc I haven't studied German since May #also haven't been keeping up with French #and I really gotta do well academically this year #and probably find a job #and go to the gym #and not end up in the hospital again #university shenanigans #original post

[whump-in-the-closet]

Raising Chaos.

(Chiar is on his own for the first time)

masterlist.

cw: past character death, blood mention, self loathing, inhuman whumpee

***

Chiar was alone. 

He stood in the field of grass, tall strands brushing against his hands.

The sun beat down without mercy but he kept Syl’s jacket on. It seemed wrong to take it off, despite the blood stains. 

Syl. 

Syl was gone. 

Chiar exhaled, blue shadows swirling out of his mouth, clinging to his skin. 

Syl was dead. 

Chiar's world fell apart around him. Underneath his skin, electricity surged in time with his racing heartbeat. Taking the shape of blue shadows, it warped around him, buzzing quietly. Waiting. 

He hated it. 

He looked down at his hands, at the blue nails and the darker shadows that wrapped around his fingers. 

He hated it. 

The hatred and the sorrow and the pain and the sunshine pounded down on him until Chiar dropped to his knees. The dirt smelled sharply of sunlight and Chair buried his hands in it until he could no longer see the pulsing light. Unlike sunlight, the dirt didn’t burn him. He wished it would.

“Never again,” he said. “Never, never, never, never…” The words didn’t need to make sense. He just needed to say them.

“I don’t want to be this way.” The statement sounded like a plea.  

The grass waved slightly but gave no answer. 

Chiar didn’t feel the tears on his face. No one saw them. No one knew how the cyptid cried silently for what he had lost. He cried with shaking shoulders and bent head, begging for mercy that he had never received. 

He had been human once.

Then he had Syl. And now Syl was gone. 

All he had was the blue light inside him. The pulsing, angry light that burned all it touched. 

“I don’t want it!” Chiar screamed the words. “Take it back!” He doubled over until his forehead touched the dirt. He sobbed into the unforgiving ground. The words were muffled, almost unrecognizable. “I want Syl back.”

There was no answer. 

There was no mercy. Mercy was for humans.

The tears dried on Chiar’s face, but he did not move. Something cold twisted inside him– an idea– forming against the electric burning. 

“I will never use it again.” 

The words sounded stupid and hollow. He repeated them, but that only sounded worse. The intention, however, remained. 

“Never again.” 

Chiar sat upright, taking a deep breath. Blue shadows rose off his skin and deepened to the color of night. The light trembled beneath his skin, burning at him, eating and tearing at his bones. He could feel it. He could always feel it. 

Chiar surged. One last time. 

It burned through him before he released it into the ground. The blue shadows vanished.

He was left feeling empty, Syl’s jacket weighing heavy on his shoulders. 

Chiar had never been more alone. 

taglist: @kira-the-whump-enthusiast, @pigeonwhumps (lmk if you want to be added or removed)

#hey look at that i updated raising chaos #who woulda thought #anyway here you go have some of chiar suffering #my guy chiar #raising chaos #whump writing #cws above the cut