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1-800-deactivatednearu · 9 months

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woag character design notes

[i.d.: a drawn line up of the half life vr ai characters, from left to right, gordon, dr. coomer, tommy, bubby, gman, and benrey. /end i.d.]

yeah i skipped some guys , i dont draw some of them enough to have much unique designs and some of them are a png of a dog

trust me i am just surprised as the rest of yall that i am doing hlvrai art . design notes below (very long, mind your step)

gordon:

wow this guy dont got no head

i didnt want to give gordon a face because of how unexact the person is as the fandom engages with it. is it wayne rtvs? (well as presented to an audience, yes) is it gordon freeman? (well as seen from an in game perspective, yes) is it a whole new guy entirely? (well as

i cut the confusion and took it a whole new direction: guillotine

hlvrai being treated as a very broken game is fun to me as a design perspective, so if you (the audience) are not supposed to see his face, what happens when you see it anyways? missing texture time

there are eyes drawn over because i did not have confidence in my expressions at first and then it grew on me

i think if i were to draw (and i have drawn) an actual person under the mask i would still censor the eyes because that is where the vr headset sits!!

(i do not like putting an actual flesh to gordon though)

though i really like seeing how other people interpret gordon hlvrai it is not . my gordon ? we are talking about the same guy . but this is my gordo . i made this one . this guy my guy . maybe i should draw other gordon designs

i can draw the hev suit from memory and it is also the entire reason why i can render metal confidently

i liked how people changed the lambda to read ai :] i also have no clue if i wrote the lambda correctly

(i did, i just checked)

dr coomer:

as much as i draw/drew him i find it more fun to not stick to one set design :)

so a lot of my takes on dr coomer tend to jump from idea to idea, especially from what other people are doing, though they could be fitted to the left and right designs!

the left design is mainly based off what i saw in fandom spaces

we see rounder shapes, making for a more friendly and welcoming appearance

i think of this as straying from the more professional uniform of the actual scientist models

enter swimming shorts and bright yellow socks, for some reason

so now he kind of looks like a cool science teacher :)

it might be the lab coat

the right design is mainly based off thumbnails for hlvrai itself

these use a more angular appearance

i want to push how comically buff he is because of strength he shows at times, especially since his left design seems to completely down play it as a comically not buff man who is still very strong

the shadows on right design coomer get so much more harsh and exaggerated because i have comic books on the mind :)

he really does look like a dehydrated comic book character huh

tommy:

stick bug (he gets it from his dad) (this thought process is explained at gman section)

i pushed a lot of the saturation of colours in her design because i think tommy gets to be a little silly with it

fun art story of the day! when you color, try messing with hue! you might notice you can get away with a lot as long as your values are about right

i like pushing this with white because you can get away with a lot of things reading as “off white”

old faithful for me is cool shadows with a warm transition colour to keep things visually interesting

i keep making white objects the trans flag

happy pride

tommys design looks a little like a school boy, with the tucked in button up shirt+suspenders+shorts+jacket tied around the waist . and the primary colours . but like it is really fun to dress up so brightly

i actually was strongly inspired by medieval babies if that is a weird descriptor? i wanted him to both be a middle aged man but also a young adult

do not be like tommy, who has their finger on the trigger of the gun while not even looking at where it is pointing and good god he is squeezing the trigger . top ten firearm safety of all time

bubby:

the absurd part is that i think bubby is tall . he is just between tommy and gman who are exaggeratedly lanky .

i wanted to make bubby a pointy kinda guy, so he is the only one actually wearing the lab coat proper . and the only one actually wearing dress socks but not even wearing dress shoes

i wanted to give him a novelty tie but i was running low on ideas and running high on boreds so we dont get a tie

he does have crocs though!! in attack mode!!

i do think we all kind of saw his model and collectively decided it works for him because i have honestly not seen major divergences from his model?

gman:

stick bug

i wanted to stress the more spooky and unknowable nature of him and took it in the dark souls direction of “make bigger than player character”

maked too bigger

he cannot walk through any doorways but you will have to crane your neck to look up at him

in the opposite direction of tommy, i pulled a lot of the saturation in gmans design

it feels important to make them both not fully match the rest of the slightly less broken npcs because there was so much work to make them look cool so i have to respect that

actually a lot of gmans and tommys designs are made in opposite to one another

gman has a largely stationary face and very stiff line work

while tommy is pushed to expressive as possible

thats pretty fun, way to go me

benrey:

benrey also has two designs

and in both of these i keep getting too lazy to use a reference so the vests are super plain (forgetting the badge and black mesa logo) . i think the helmet is supposed to be darker actually .

the design ethos of benrey was “built like a brick shithouse”

a friend of mine took this cooler and interpreted it as a shield/wall/barrier as a physical (and narrative) obstacle

again the first uses fandom designs

most notably the overcast shadow (seen in video thumbnails but i never noticed it or understood why so many people did it until someone pointed it out to me)

i think hlvrai is such a great medium because it acknowledges it is a game and is able to play into that to great effect! i think the shadow is fun to imagine as solid black as a small reminder of the impossibility of the space :]

benrey is a smug cat in the body of a human . to be honest . and this is the full range of emotion i have ever drawn him with

the second was mostly because as fun as taking creative liberties are, i just really wanted to see benrey as is: the half life security guard model in all its slight wonk :]

i actually do prefer this design . it is a little more uncanny because i choose the worst translations of the model . i like it because it is a little more uncanny !

that can be said for like . every single design in this line up huh .

#hlvrai #my art #gordon feetman #dr coomer #tommy coolatta #dr bubby #gman coolatta #benrey #half life vr but the ai is self aware

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earl-grey-orange-tabby · 3 months

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my aftg fan cast

disclaimers:

a lot of these, especially in the next part, aren’t actors, so this is less a fancast and more of a “i have a horrible imagination and need to visualize characters so they feel more real to me” list

if they don’t look like what you picture, agree to disagree! i love seeing other ppl’s perspectives of what the characters look like and i hope you do too

without further ado,

neil josten - benjamin wadsworth

okay listen just because i picked the most used neil fancast DOES NOT MEAN THE REST OF THIS LIST IS BORING!!! he’s just so neil-coded to me in deadly class! i even put him into a photo editing app to change his hair and eye color and he still fits!!! plus the top right pic is exactly how i imagine a nathaniel smile.

andrew/aaron minyard - vlad konoplev

i’m gonna give credit to @kalu_aftg on tiktok for this, because i saw this actor in their tik tok. he’s in a russian series called my biggest secret (i watched a couple clips but i haven’t seen the show)

but come on!!!! this is andrew minyard!!!! and always with andrew fancasts it’s difficult to see them as aaron but i feel like this could go both ways, especially in the bottom right pic. identical, but different vibes, yk?

dan wilds - kiersey clemons

i first saw kiersey clemons in new girl as kc and she feels so dan! then i saw the pic on the top left and i was like YES! this. is. dan. she seems very sweet and friendly but i know she could give a great game face.

nicky hemmick - conor husting

even his pics give off major nicky vibes. he also has a very similar hair length to what i picture nicky with. fun fact: he’s also half-mexican on his mother’s side which is strangely accurate lol!!

allison reynolds - jessica lord

i’m gonna be honest i just searched up “blond actresses 20’s” and that top left photo popped up and it was just so so so allison!! i included a couple pics of her in the ballet movie “find me in paris” because i couldn’t find a lot of pics of any of these actors in active wear and this felt close enough.

kevin day - nicholas galitzine

honestly i got this idea from an instagram live he did where he was yelling about being 6 foot and my brain was like “that is kevin day IN THE FLESH”. i originally saw him in bottoms and he totally cracked me up.

matt boyd - daniel ezra

like come on!!! his smile is so bright and inviting, it gives off such strong matt energy. he played spencer james in all-american and i haven’t watched it but ive seen ppl say good things. bonus: he’s the only one i could find with any form of a face guard (even tho nick galitzine also played a football player in bottoms lol)

renee walker - sydney park & lana condor

okay SO my criteria was soft-looking people that can look sharp in other pictures, and i came up with these two! it’s kinda hard to picture renee without the pastel/white hair but let’s suspend disbelief.

seth gordon - young david beckham

speaking of suspending disbelief, LMAOO. just hear me out, okay. seth was a fifth year, slightly older than the rest of them, so i was looking for that + blond buzz cut and this is the result!

and that’s all! i have more so i’ll probably make a part two, but im having trouble finding a nathan because it’s so hard NOT to picture nathan as a redhead but that means he probably won’t look like benjamin wadsworth.

#aftg #all for the game #andrew minyard #neil josten #dan wilds #matt boyd #renee walker #seth gordon #kevin day #allison reynolds #nicky hemmick #foxhole court #fancast

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animehouse-moe · 3 months

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A Sign Of Affection Episode 4: What Kind of Voice

Boy oh boy there is a lot to talk about with this episode. Incredible production, incredible boards, incredible plot and character developments- it's got it all. So much so that it's hard to really put it all into words, but I'll do my best.

First off, let me talk storyboards. Yuta Murano has been insane with this series, boarding every episode so far- and he's been killing it, hell, even carrying it on his back (since he's the series director as well).

Anyways, point being that Murano has been incredibly intelligent in regards to boarding with this episode. How, you might ask? Spacing. The whole episode really hammers home the idea of space, both around characters but also between them. Murano leans heavily into the wider layouts like you can see above, but similarly uses first person perspective to create a strong awareness of the space between characters to help provide more feeling to Yuki and Itsuomi's relationship.

One super easy example is Kyouya and Itsuomi's late-night interaction. The combined use of first person perspective between the pair, as well as the wider shots between to show the empty space around them, really highlights their nature as friends incredibly well. He also really likes using doors and whatnot to frame the characters, and I love it.

Hell, I'll take it a step further too. See how Itsuomi is able to see Kyouya's face, but Kyouya can't see Itsuomi's? That's intentional, and shows how open Kyouya is vs how closed Itsuomi is. Very very great work.

And then there's this example with Shin and Emma. It's really subtle, but we never get a first person shot from Shin within. Even with Emma's singular first person shot he's slightly off center. The whole interaction is framed as Shin being there for a reason other than what Emma feels he's there for. His body language and demeanor, the way he reacts to Emma's words, there's considerable distance between the pair, and that gets illustrated very easily with the table in front of them.

Of course, my favorite pieces of this are with Yuki and Itsuomi. No barriers, no space between the pair, all of their shots really sell the idea of the empty space that exists around them as a pair.

I also just love that Murano has Itsuomi's personality down so well. He always strikes the exact same pose when focusing on talking with Yuki

Speaking of him, I love how catty he got with Oushi earlier on in the episode. Really fun addition to his very playful but reserved personality.

But lets rewind and dig a little deeper into that whole sequence.

Oushi, once again, really shows off his true colors a little too blatantly when talking with Yuki. The easiest comparison to make is the fact that Oushi is hitting Yuki's head while Itsuomi only ever pats it. Combined with the sign language for "cute", you really get a grasp on the challenges that face Oushi. Does he not pat her head because he knows what it means in sign language? It's hard to say, but paired with how he plays with her hair I think it's pretty easy to say that he does have some awareness of those things, and it probably comes from Itsuomi.

Anyways, moving forward again. While questionable behavior that does highlight Itsuomi's more... challenging side, I might say, the interaction between him and Oushi is really really great.

Firstly, because Oushi tries to use his familiarity with Yuki and sign language to put down the people around her so that he can take the top spot, but also because Itsuomi claps back and completely destroys him.

Of course, when it rains, it pours, so there's plenty of other character interactions in this episode.

Really, it's something that I'm incredibly critical about with my slice of life and romance series. The world itself is very wide, and people have more than a few friends. Being able to express that while preserving the core intent of the series can be challenging, but it makes a massive difference in overall quality and breadth.

And A Sign of Affection aces that aspect. Kyouya and Rin, whatever Emma's got going on with Itsuomi, then of course Oushi as well. There's a solid cast of characters that exist to surround Itsuomi and Yuki, and even more that exist in the periphery. It makes it feel so much more alive, and creates far more interesting dynamics that can ebb and flow based on which characters appear and where.

Though obviously, the main focus is Yuki and Itsuomi here, so that's where the majority of the effort goes, and it's entirely worth it. Just even simple things like Oushi only being seen in a crowd today vs Itsuomi being isolated when with her.

You might say that's just how the visuals shake out, but obviously a Costco isn't ever going to be that quiet so the idea is that because of Yuki, the focus is on Itsuomi so we don't really see much of any background characters.

Add on top the incredible sound design, and in this episode voice acting, and it's just a flawless experience. We as viewers experience the world in a surprisingly different fashion to Yuki, and the episode highlights that with things like the tone of Itsuomi's voice.

Incredibly simple and small details pepper this episode and the story at large, but they end up insanely important to comparing and contrasting the viewer's experience against Yuki's, challenging us to think and view things through her (very cute) eyes.

Anyways, let's put the icing on the cake here with animation and other work.

We know that this production is hand-obsessed due to the sign language, but that quality extends to other aspects. Being a very reserved and casual series there's not a lot of room for impressive animation, but the episode still finds way to show off with cuts like Shin cutting hair here.

Similarly, 2D vehicles? It's really a whole other flex. The requirements for keeping such a detailed object on model, all while in motion is really really incredible. And there's a surprising amount of those cuts in the episode.

Overall, A Sign of Affection continues to hit home run after home run with each episode, and delivers an experience that is only possible because of the medium. Creative to the max, it does everything in its power to elevate the source and create and entirely unforgettable experience. Saturdays really have been great this Winter season.

#a sign of affection #yubisaki to renren #ゆびさきと恋々 #yubiren #yuki itose #nagi itsuomi #anime and manga #anime #anime reccs #anime recommendation #anime review

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nightswithkookmin · 10 months

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SEVEN BY JUNGKOOK PT1

Disclaimer: this review is from a shipper's perspective and it's objective is to rebut a few misconceptions about 7.

When I first heard the song was gonna be titled seven, I rolled my eyes- like how many times are these boys going to pander to Army with the whole 0T7 agenda right? Here they with yet another song about how much they love eachother like come on! I love BTS, I do but- I mean yall had the tattoos and the cute meet ups, and heart wrenching sappy goodbyes- isn't that enough why yall gotta make yet another song about your bond and friendship WHYYYYYY yall don't have nothing else to talk about? I thought season two was yall on tour grown grown shit- how is this growth if you singing bout the same thing over and over- right? BOY WAS I WRONG ABOUT THAT!

It's a good thing I didn't come out here to rant about that cos that would have been the biggest embarrassment of my life and I would be eating my words right about now while penning several apology letters to Jungkook- anonymously.

Seven thus, to me, is surprisingly good. Not at all what I had thought the song would be about so when I tell yall I was screaming up and down in my living room surprised and amazed clapping and cheering on as if this was the best thing I ever heard- yall wouldn't even understand.

It is why the first thing I love about the song is the title and how creative it is in as much as it doubles as a play on the word and teases out his connection to Bangtan- say whatever you want but I think that was hella genius and creative and reflects Jungkook's personality for someone who has always been creative in this way from his use of color contrasts in his GCFs to tell a story right down to choosing ABCD as his IG handle.

The MV had Jungkook written all over it- playful, goofy fun yet delightfully hot- it's the memes for me.

It was nice to see him be himself in a music video- nothing felt forced and contrived to me nor seemed out of character and that's what gave the song the flair I think it has. Jungkook pulled this off smoothly.

His acting was spot on- I loved the female character in there (in spite of yall saying they didn't gat chemistry) that's just because she's my type so thank you for that Jungkook. Mean cold emotionally unavailable, physically intimidating- yea no, I'm in love with her not gonna lie🤧

And I don't know what it is but she reminds me of Park Jimin too. And I sorta kinda like Jimin soo🥴

Is it the cheek bone?

Or the neck and shoulders

Either way, she invokes the same feelings I get when I look at Park Jimin- strong alpha female😌 may be it's because they both give off masc/fem androgyny energy and I like that shit- eat it up nom

She played her role very well and helped sell the story.

Those saying they lacked chemistry yall never seen BTS around girls huh cos it doesn't get better than this😩😩😩😩😩

Don't know if yall were expecting them to be flirting and shit- at least this female lead played center I'm still trying to find the female lead in JMs MV😭🤣🤣

I'm actually surprised how good Jungkook's acting turned out in this MV. Whatever they were doing in the restaurant- I'm sold.

And I know alot of people aren't too enthused by the plot of the MV- a young man hopelessly in love with their partner to the point of clinginess and obsession- look, may be if I were looking at this concept from an outside in perspective I would find issues there with that narrative too but as some one who has been following these men almost through out their music career and have had the privilege of consuming content beyond the music they do- I kinda find it hilarious 😂

Hilarious because it's everything fans, and BTS accuse Kook of- it's giving me war flashbacks to the perila leaf conversation they had, to all the times he and Jimin have been caught sneaking into each other's hotel rooms because CLINGY, to Jimin complaining he comes into his room at 1am just to sit on the bed and do nothing, to all the theories about Kook being the clingy one in Jikook- hate to say I told ya😆

It's almost as if he's saying we'll folks yall are not wrong I kinda is clingy and I'm not ashamed🤣🤣🤣🤣

He's a hopeless romantic and he hasn't made that a secret at all. To me, what this is is he's owning the narrative- that is if this was a conscious decision and artistic choice by him.

I had to look up the director of the MV and this is the first time in my life I've genuinely cared about the director behind any project for that matter cos how much of a coincidence is this to cast characters who complement each other so well and craft a narrative which is not a narrative at all!

Their website says they blend "youth and pop culture with high concept storytelling." Well they pulled that off. The plot is simple and easy to follow and reflects pop culture. I wouldn't say this is exactly ground breaking though, because it's been done over and over again- but I think Jungkook rejuvenated the concept by adding his own take and personality to it. It was done well and I must give him high praise for this.

If you are a fan of pop culture and pop music this is consumable as fuck. The song is really catchy. And that's just the thing, there is a market for this genre of music whether you like it or not and he doesn't have to cater to everyone's taste all at once. However to me, this is a step in the right direction for his career especially if he is to position himself as a global artist.

People may know BTS but not everyone knows Jeon Jungkook and this right here is him carving a niche out for himself. He is not trying to ride on the success of BTS. He is not trying to be the solo version of BTS. He is trying to be JEON JUNGKOOK.

His music is gonna play in every teens living room, every adults bedroom, in the club on the streets- he's reaching places even BTS struggled to reach and that's the power of his brand.

He's making waves and he's only just begun. And it's about damn time too!

I don't have much to say about Latto other than give that bae some grammy just for the titties😩 the explicit version of the song makes so much sense why she was so freakylicious up on a BTS song😭😭😭😭

First I was like gurl what? Slurp what??? Then I heard the fucking you right version- I said carry on. My mistake chilee. Jungkook ma n*ga you wild.

It's refreshing to see him step into his power and own his image and his brand and control the narratives- if not capitalize on them.

Overall I think this was a great pop song and Jungkook carried it so well. He's gonna go places. It's high from here and nothing less.

While on the subject, let me address some of the remarks people have been making about the song. To anyone complaining this is yet another pop song- with all due respect, he is not Beethoven he is not an Opera singer he is a freakn pop artist 😩

If yall are tired of pop music just say so and go but don't come for a pop artist doing what a pop artist is supposed to do- and don't let a lie slip out of your mouth it's a great pop song that bops. Seven freakn days a week.

No other kpop artist have come this close to breaking into a western market much less come this close to dominating it. And to some of us, this has always been the dream. I have spent so many sleepless nights meditating and praying for BTS particularly Jikook to gain a strong foothold in the western music market, beyond Korea and Asia and when finally they are making attempts and moves towards that goal yall want to tear him down- fuck yall opps HE IS FREE BITCH.

At this point I really don't care whether people like the song or not because we have moved past that stage where their in their progress in their career was contingent on people liking their shit. How are you gonna like a song if you've never even heard it? Now more than ever, what's important is reaching as many listeners as possible and to that end I think they are all on a right truck.

Jungkook is out to make a name for himself and solidify himself as one of the top pop artist in the world and I don't think his language or country should hold him back- asking him to stick to Korean songs is holding him back from his full potential. Faulting him for for branching out and reaching for the stars is equally holding him back and putting him in a box- well burn that box would you.

I really hope seven is the first of many English pop songs he will make because we want to see more of him, all of him and especially what he can contribute to the genre he dabbles in. His best is yet to come.

And for those complaining seven is nothing new- understand IT IS NEW FOR JUNGKOOK. It is new for many of us who are seeing him do this for the FIRST TIME AS A SOLO ARTIST.

His English keeps improving with each new song, his delivery gets better and better- yall just leave him alone please and thank you.

My final thoughts, as the main vocalist of BTS HE SURELY LIVED UP TO HIS REPUTATION WITH SEVEN. HIS PERFORMANCE WAS AMAZING, COSTUME LOOKED GREAT, SET WAS FANTASTIC AND HIS VOCALS WAS FLAWLESS.

If this is the start we are off to a good start.

The MV to me gave him opportunity to showcase more of his goofy personality, to show people he really doesn't take himself too seriously and has a great sense of humor.

As a performer he nailed his role. Definitely understood the assignment. And it's a good thing they casted a strong female lead cos them damsels in distress be getting on my nerves.

Do we need more of this? Yes AND YESS AND HELL YES!!!!

Between Jimin's Angel and this, you guys have no idea how excited I am for their journey. I want to see more collabs, I want to see them take more risks and build their individual brands.

Jungkook should definitely consider acting. A cameo in a popular American series wouldn't hurt his career.

In fact, the entire maknae line should.

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rafesproactiveprettygirl · 1 year

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can u do headcanons of joel miller x male reader where they end up living in a farmhouse like how ellie and dina did? (ellie is with them ofc)

Joel Miller x Male reader - Headcanons

a/n: ofc!! thank you so much for requesting! i apologize if this isn’t what you want considering i’m a biological woman myself and don’t understand a biological males perspective! and since you didn’t specify biological or trans male i just tried to blur the lines and make it to where both could read! hope you enjoy:) i’m sorry this took so long to get out 😭

• Obviously as Ellie herself is a lesbian, when she found out Joel was dating a man she was ecstatic! She didn’t feel scared to hide her sexuality and she knew Joel nor you would judge her. That brought you guys closer together!

• She wasn’t very happy when you two gave her the chore of feeding and watering the animals but she was more they happy to start once Joel told her she could clean up the animal shit if she wanted to complain.

• Dinner was always great, and most the time you and Ellie would have mini food fights, using your spoon as a sling shot to shoot your peas at each other! Joel would often groan and call you both childish and demanded you to pick up your mess. You both snickered followed by a “Sorry babe”, “Sorry Joel”.

• A lot of the times you two wanted to give Ellie the childhood she never had so you let her ride the horses whenever she wanted, stay up pass her bedtime, have family movie nights, eat candy for dinner, etc!

• You’d also give Joel back massages whenever he wanted and he’d complain about him getting old, but if you ever called him “old man” he’d scowl at you.

• Most the time when your grooming the horses he’ll be behind you, arms wrapped tightly around your waist, his head on your shoulder so you could feel his hot breath against your ear and he’d make small talk asking about your day.

• He was the one that did the hunting most the time, sometimes taking Ellie with him and you stayed home to relax. Sometimes the roles would switch and Ellie would teach you how Joel taught you.

• Joel always let you sleep in no matter how much you begged him to wake you up early, he wanted you as well rested as possible.

• He loves you so much that when you begged him to build a swimming pool for you in Ellie in the middle of winter he got his ass out there, in the freezing cold, and started digging for place to build the pool.

• The seasons with the Millers were always fun! Winter would be a bunch of playing in the snow, snowball fights between Ellie and Joel (most the time they ganged up on you), snow angels, etc! Summer you had swimming, sometimes Ellie would tan, you got to see Joel without a shirt on half the time so it was a win. Autumn was Ellie’s favorite, she liked the way the leaves changed color and when they fell of the street she’d make piles of leaves to jump in. The crunch also satisfied her. And the bunnies came out in spring.

• No matter how little or how much you guys have, you’ll always be a happy family:)

#ficsandfun #joel miller x male reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller #joel and ellie #joel miller x plus size reader #joel the last of us #joel tlou #joel x reader #joel x you #ellie miller #ellie the last of us #ellie williams

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gabessquishytum · 7 months

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Had a funny idea that hit me while writing out my last warprize hob ask, of an incident when an envoy of foreign dignitaries arrive for a visit. 😁

The kingdom this envoy is from is very prudish, and vanilla. Clothes cover everything, any and all sex stays firmly behind closed doors, and there is very little information available about anything particularly kinky. The hedonism and practice of sex pets in Dream’s kingdom is incredibly shocking and vapor-inducing for these dignitaries, but Dream doesn’t really give enough of a fuck about them to change or hide any of it for them, so he and everyone else carry on like normal.

The dignitaries are all having quiet conniptions the whole time (though some of them are also having quiet sexual awakenings simultaneously), but none of them say anything on the grounds of 1) it would be incredibly undiplomatic and improper to speak out against the normal practices of another culture, and 2) Dream’s reputation as the Nightmare King is incredibly well-deserved, and it would be incredibly stupid to provoke him. So they all try to ignore all the sexual activities happening in front of them and power through, and try not swoon in shock about it.

There is one young and green member of the envoy who is rather taken with Hob at first sight, and is therefore utterly horrified on Hob’s behalf all the public humiliation and degradation he is clearly forced to go through. Not only is he made to service the king’s dreadful lust in front of all and sundry, but he is also locked with or stuffed full of toys (that to the dignitary’s untrained eye must be torture devices), touched and groped by any passing stranger (the horny part of his infatuation is guiltily very tempted to take advantage of the situation and also touch, but the romantic part nobly refuses to add to the poor man’s humiliation), and his exposed hole is spanked raw until he cries (through his rose-colored glasses he feels that Hob’s tears must be a direct appeal to him for help). Clearly he was meant to be Hob’s knight-in-shining armor, and he will whisk him away and they will live happily ever after (and make love behind the safety of closed and locked doors)!

So he somehow manages to arrange a moment alone with Hob, and dramatically declares his intent to rescue him from this life of depravity, only to be interrupted by Hob breaking character to glare at him and tell him to piss off. He’s got a good thing going here, his entire purpose here is to essentially have his every sexual need catered to, he is in fact utterly devoted to the king, and even if he wanted to leave it is incredibly presumptuous of him to think Hob would want to run off with some kid he doesn’t know instead.

Somehow Dream finds out about the conversation, either someone was eavesdropping and informed him or he happened to be looking for Hob and overheard himself. Normally he would be seeking revenge against the interloping upstart for the insult, or maybe use the incident to start a war if he was feeling particularly bloodthirsty, but he’s too distracted by the overwhelming need to fuck Hob hard against a wall or into a mattress with hearts in his eyes. He also makes sure to fuck Hob at least one other time in front of the dignitary, and both Dream and Hob look him in the eye as they do so, both with a smug look on their faces.

-🪽anon

Omg this is great. How fun to look at the whole situation from an outsider's perspective.

'Cause. All the sex pets at Dream’s court, they're all kind of acting? Obviously they're not pretending to get sexual satisfaction, that's all genuine. But they've got "roles" that they play, when they're on display and working. While they're relaxing, they might act totally different. For example, Hob tends to act a lot more helpless than he really is, because he likes to emphasise the power-play between Dream and himself. He's a totally different guy when he and Dream are just hanging out.

But the stranger from the foreign land doesn't know any of that! He's totally convinced by Hob’s acting, and thinks that he'd better hurry and rescue this poor man. Deep down he thinks that Hob is probably a chaste and shy person who has been terribly wronged by the king. He's sure that Hob will gratefully take the chance to escape and live a proper, moral life.

When he gets Hob alone, the stranger finds a very different person from the scared, weepy sex pet he's used to seeing. Hob laughs so much he nearly falls over. And then he pulls out a knife, seemingly from nowhere and he's like "Do not ruin this for me, I'm finally in a job I enjoy, I get the best food and the king likes me a lot. I will cut your balls off if you fuck my life up."

Dream also laughs a lot where he hears about this encounter, and of course it only makes him love Hob even more. He even invites Hob to share his private apartment on a permanent basis, not wanting him to be so far away. So really the foreign dignity kind of did Hob a favour? The poor kid is so humiliated and honestly a little bit heartbroken, but it's his own fault for trying to be a white knight!

Hob is more in love with his king than ever, and he's quite happy to prove it be bouncing on his cock in front of the assembled crowds. Afterwards he lies over Dream’s lap, having his over-sensitive dick and hole played with by both Dream and the other courtiers, and for the first time he just can't stop grinning. It's very gratifying to know that the king clearly loves him too.

#🪽anon #the sandman #dreamling #nsft #warprize hob

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polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 5 months

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Hey there! As always, I have Sea Glass Gardens on the brain, and I was wondering if there are any moments or details you've written that you really like, but people haven't noticed/pointed out yet? Or that they have, but you still have a lot of thoughts on. (this is free license to ramble about anything you want!)

I think I probably would have to say the Maki/Tsumiki confrontation in chapter 5.

Writing that was really fun because it was like an iceberg to me. There was so much buried in both of them that just sort of lingered outside where Yuuta could see.

I have a sort of love hate relationship with limited povs. On one hand, I love making up lore for shit. I love having a bunch of silly little details that don’t exactly feed into the story but build the world.

(As a total aside, I wrote pez dispenser debris while in a burnout fueled feverish haze while studying for the bar exam and 90% of what enthralled me with it was giving myself permission to just fucking. Let loose on cramming in all the little backstories. It was my fun silly story I was allowed to make technical mistakes on just to make something that made me happy. It was like splatter paint art to me. Probably half of that fic is scenes that are completely irrelevant to the plot or but that was the fun of it).

On the other hand, I love having to sort of climb around inside a story that has the inherently skewed view that comes from having a limited POV. It feels like stained glass in my head. I don’t know how to explain it better. The entire story is just colored by the glass of the character perspective. It makes for a very pretty and fractured story, even if it comes at the cost of a lot of the background.

Whenever I’m working with limited POV, I just sort of bury details that I feel like it would make me go nuts if I saw it.

A lot of my fic writing is just sort of playing connect the dots with stuff canon leaves behind? A lot of the conflict in sea glass gardens comes from one line in the second Toji v Gojo throw down. Gojo has some throw away line about how the good thing about inheriting a technique was that you got a playbook, but the bad thing was that so did everyone else. Toji was Zenin, so he knew Gojo’s technique, but the gojo clan had kept hollow purple as a carefully guarded secret.

That led to:

The initial conflict, with Megumi having partial custody with the Zenin. If clans have secrets they keep with their techniques, then it’s a tactical disadvantage to not have access to that information. It’s a huge selling point for letting the Zenin have partial custody. It’s an actual advantage the Zenin could give him.

The primary conflict, which is that the Zenin are keeping secrets around megumis technique which means 1) that they don’t know what the Zenin did to megumi 2) why they did it or 3) how to fix it.

The fact that gojos teaching megumi from the gojo playbook on his technique, which is incomplete, which lends to his own lack of understanding of the capacity of his own technique.

Some of Maki’s uncertainty around her own clan’s technique. When talking with gojo, she seemed uncertain of whether some of the details were legend or fact. She’s mentioned before that she only knows the basics, and everything else is kept in a guarded book that only the ten shadows and the clan head can access. She didn’t know what Megumi’s domain expansion would manifest as, if he was able to use it at all, and seemed surprised to know gojo knew the details. The clans are keeping secrets from their own members about these techniques to maintain tactical advantages the way the gojo did with hollow purple.

A lot of the underlying atmospheric tension around Megumi’s adoption and the motive that everyone else has read into it. Taking Megumi in childhood allows Gojo to 1) cut off the user of the Zenin clan’s most powerful technique from his knowledge base and 2) observe his technique as it develops and get a chance to uncover its secrets. He’s seemingly crippling megumis knowledge around his own abilities while cementing the gojo’s understanding of it. Of course no one thinks it was a genuine adoption. It has all the makings of a tactical move.

The future difficulty in resolving the conflict. It’s not as simple as “well at the end of the day no one wants megumi dead, just tell Shoko how to fix this.” The clans gain a discernible tactical advantage from keeping secrets from each other. They aren’t going to give up secrets if they think it’s going to go straight into the Gojo clan archives. Especially considering he’s already got unprecedented access to information on the ten shadows simply by watching megumi grow up.

A few other plot points we haven’t gotten to yet so I won’t discuss them.

It’s stuff like that. A lot of my fanfic is just kicking around what canon already gives and having fun with it. So I like just implanting the details that I know I’d have fun playing with, and tsumiki and maki’s conversation was loaded with that.

A lot of the conflict in Tsumiki and Maki's conversation is sourced in the fact that they start it off playing an unknowing game of verbal whackamole. They keep stumbling straight into each other's biggest insecurities and touchy points and not realizing it.

To start off, they both have pretty ample reason to be off kilter and high on emotion. Maki was picked up out of a pool of her own blood a couple days ago. Out of all of them, it was only her and Yuuta that Geto was actually going to kill. Geto himself said that Gojo knew he wouldn't have killed Inumaki and Panda, and that Gojo sent them to set off Yuuta. But maki was the monkey. She was wounded the worst. And she was the only one who fought Geto alone. She's still shaken and doesn't want to admit it.

Tsumiki, meanwhile, has been on the brink for days. The last time she saw her family, she was being told by gojo that a genocial maniac that wants her specific demographic dead had just declared war. Then, her fourteen year old brother disappeared. She then immediately lost contact with every single person in her life and social network.

Is Megumi dead? Did he do exactly what she thought he was going to do and camp outside her school to watch for genocidal cultists? Did he get himself killed because she wouldn't skip school? What about everyone else? Are they okay? Why has she lost contact with her entire family?

She didn't have any working phone numbers. She didn't have any way of finding them. It's directly stated in canon that Tengen's barriers are directed to deterring and concealing it from non-sorcerers, so she's not even sure if she'll be able to get into the school without Megumi or Gojo. And then all of her worst fears were confirmed, and Megumi was actively bleeding out and visibly terrified when she finally got him back. He just died in front of her. She had to personally pump his heart to try and get him back.

As a result, they've both got a shorter fuse and are a little bit more reactive than they'd normally be going into the conversation.

So of course the absolute first thing they do is ram straight into sensitive points.

Maki is the first one to do it. She calls Megumi the "Ten Shadows" instead of his name. And that sets off Tsumiki, who is willing to rip out throats over this at the best of times, and who is sitting there with her brother's blood still on her.

The thing is, Maki genuinely meant no wrong by it. It's just what they always call him in the clan. She didn't know he hated it. She barely remembered him, and the clan leadership wasn't exactly advertising how much megumi hated everything they did. And it had never had a negative connotation for her growing up--fuck, it was the biggest term of respect you could get from her shithole family.

Except Tsumiki didn't have the context of "it's basically a title and also a bigger honor than Clan Head." All she knew was 1) that they refused to call Megumi anything else 2) no one else was called by their technique instead of their name and 3) (to her knowledge) there's nothing special about being the Ten Shadows that would cast this in a more positive light. I've discussed this in another post, but Megumi thinks of being called the Ten Shadows like being called "Excel spreadsheet" by a boss who hired you for being microsoft proficient. To his knowledge, the Zenin bought him because he was a sorcerer who inherited a technique, and there's nothing deeper to it. They're just calling him that to constantly throw in his face that he's just a technique to them.

And Tsumiki knows her brother well enough to be able to say when something legitimately got under his skin. This was dehumanizing. It was another way the Zenin abused him. Without the context of "it's an ancient honor in my clan to be called that," she thought that a member of the family that abused her little brother didn't even have the decency to lay off now, when he's still struggling to keep his heart beating in his chest.

Of course, she didn't realize the mere fact that pointing out that Maki was Zenin and looked Zenin was a sore spot, because she had always sort of worried she'd never escape being the Zenin clan reject when everyone can see the Zenin in her appearance.

What Tsumiki doesn't know is a huge driving source of the continued misunderstandings in the dialogue--namely, the fact that she doesn't know the true importance of the Ten Shadows technique to the Zenin clan. But I tried to imply throughout that she had really, really good reason to think that she did.

I feel like it's a trope to sort of have the non-magic/superpowered member of the family to be sort of clueless about the inner workings of the magic world or whatever, but I didn't want that for Tsumiki. It didn't fit with the version living in my head. This a world her brother's hurtling towards joining fully. It's her family's world. She doesn't want to be locked out of it.

And the thing is? She exhibits a pretty good command over knowledge of the jujutsu world--and, specifically, the Zenin clan. She had glasses imbued with cursed energy like Maki's. She knew enough about cursed energy to come up with a theory about why Megumi seized--and Shoko later confirmed that she was probably right.

I also tried to have her display understanding of Zenin custom and action that an outsider wouldn't have.

She knows enough about them to know that they're a tradition-obsessed, ancestor-obsessed group of weirdos obsessed with maintaining lineage. She knows they prefer inherited techniques. She knows they've got a pretty large population size. She even knows that they practice incest, because she takes a crack at Maki with it and calls them inbred.

And that's one of the details that I think can be really fun to play with, as a reader-- why does she know that? Yuuta's been living fully in the jujutsu world for months, and he doesn't know that. That's a really random, specific detail to know about a family she doesn't spend any personal time with. How did Tsumiki learn about it?

Did someone bitch about it one day and she found out about it in passing? Or was there a deeper story behind why she learned that? It was meant to sort of dovetail with something Maki said later in the same conversation--Gojo had kept the Zenin from marrying Megumi off. Not "Your brother's a literal child and too young to be married, no one would have even considered it"--no, she was relying solely on the fact that Gojo was protecting Megumi, which implies that the Zenin would have at least considered it.

And it's one of those things where there's no single "correct" meaning to it. It's open to a lot of reader interpretation and it makes it fun to play with. Maybe she did only learn about it in passing, and the two comments were unrelated. Or maybe the Zenin already broached the topic of when Megumi would be procreating and with which of his cousins, and Tsumiki found out from that.

The Zenin are bloodline obsessed, and I personally headcanon that all major sorcerer clans are because their techniques are basically trade secrets to them. They're specific to each clan and they are practically the currency their world runs on. If a member of the Gojo clan runs off and marries someone from the Kamo clan and joins the Kamo in the process, and their child is born with the six eyes and limitless, they've basically lost their most valuable asset to their rival. If someone leaves the clan and that child is born with, say, the most powerful technique in their bloodline--well, then you've basically set your most valuable asset off into the crapshoot that is the wider world's genetic lottery.

Say Megumi stays outside the clan, has a kid with someone not affiliated with any clan, and keeps that kid outside the clan. That kid has a kid. That kid has three kids. Those three kids have eleven kids total. So on and so forth, until a few centuries have passed and the ten shadows is being inherited again and there's some random nobody out there from a family who doesn't even remember having jujutsu sorcery in their bloodline but who is, technically, of Zenin blood, and descended from the last ten shadows. What happens if they get it?

Megumi's proof of concept--call it fate, call it destiny, call it random chance, but his existence suggests that whatever designates who's going to inherit the shadows next doesn't care about actual clan membership. Megumi has Zenin blood, but he had no contact whatsoever with his family before this. The Ten shadows technique is something that can be lost.

Yuuta, too, is oddly a proof of concept as well, now that the jujutsu world knows he exists. He's a random descendant from a major sorcerer line, connected distantly to the Gojo clan no less, so far attenuated that there's no one in his family that even remembers their connection. But he's one of the most powerful people on the planet. The Ten Shadows could be inherited by a distant, attenuated member of the Zenin line.

I included those lines as a detail that really could be stretched as far as the reader wanted to take it. Maybe it doesn't mean anything of importance. Maybe it means that the Zenin tried to negotiate some kind of advance rights to any kids that Megumi had. Maybe it means they took it farther, and tried to negotiate for an arranged marriage and a schedule for when he'd be expected to reproduce. his bloodlines important to maintain, after all. Maybe it was something else entirely.

Tsumiki also has a laundry list of examples that suggests she's had a front row seat to them disrespecting Megumi's boundaries over the years. They kept trying to take custody. They tried to force him to change his name. They did something so terrible to him when they had visitation that he wanted to go no contact. She's got a body of experiences eating at her that make her view the Zenin as a threat that megumi needs to be protected from, and he needs protection now more than ever, which is a lot of what feeds the tension behind the discussion with Maki.

With all of that knowledge in mind, Tsumiki has great reason to think she knows what she's talking about when it comes to Megumi and the Zenin clan. Like, this isn't her talking out her ass or condescending to people who know better--she has more reason to think she knows what's going on with the Zenin than Maki. Maki actually grew up with the clan, but Tsumiki grew up with Megumi. She knows this world. she knows what the zenin are like. And unlike Maki, she actually knows what the Zenin did to him all those years ago. The only thing she doesn't know is what Gojo purposefully hid from her, which is the truth of what the Ten Shadows really is.

And it's pretty reasonable to think that your guardian would have mentioned "by the way megumi is like magic jesus reborn to his psychotic relatives" at least once in ten years, right? Like Tsumiki isn't a character who knows nothing and just talks down to someone actually in the loop--she's a character who's spent the past decade of her life in the loop, who exhibits independent knowledge of the facts, and who has every reason to think she knows all the relevant information, being blindsided by a very important detail that gojo didn't even tell Megumi. Even Maki initially assumed that Tsumiki had the information and was blindsided by the fact that she didn't. And it's that gap in knowledge that sows the seeds of their initial conflict--and eventually brought them together.

For the first part of the conversation, I really wanted a lot of the conflict to be actually "they're having two different conversations and neither are technically wrong."

Maki's conversation was centered around what the Zenin would do. She was talking about how they're absolutely obsessed with Megumi and will never give up. And that fits within her world of experience, that's what she knows--she's not wrong about anything she says.

But Tsumiki's talking about Megumi, who's in her realm of experience, and she's saying that Megumi's never gonna want to be in their family Christmas card. Neither are wrong. Maki is totally correct in saying that the Zenin aren't just going to give up and wait for another Ten Shadows to be born. But Tsumiki wasn't saying that they would--she was saying that Megumi was never going to love them or want to be with them. The misunderstanding isn't in what either are saying, it's what the actual conversation is about.

The next time they accidentally ram into each other's sore points is when Maki says Tsumiki's the reason why he refused to join the clan.

Tsumiki's the unwanted kid in the world's most aggressive custody battle. She remembers the Zenin and Gojo were at each other's throats over custody, but nobody was fighting over her. It was her brother who the Zenin wanted. And we know from her later conversations with Yuuta that the Zenin have gone so far as offered to have her boarded at a school on the other side of the planet to get her away from Megumi.

"You're the reason why Megumi won't be with his family" was an accusation that was constantly lobbed at her as a kid. The Zenin fully blamed her for Megumi not coming near them (when they weren't blaming gojo), and I imagine Tsumiki was always very defensive about it. Because the thing is, at her core, she could have been completely uninvolved and megumi would want nothing to do with them. They were fucking insane. why would he ever want to be near them?

Tsumiki was a very little girl who was all alone in the world, and then she had her megumi, and she finally had a real family. And he was all alone too. They got to save each other. They got to give each other someone in the world to hold onto. They were each other's safe harbors and lighthouses and there was no one in the world who took care of her brother before she did.

It was incredibly hard for her to learn that there was this clan of people who had money and power and actual blood tying them to him, and they wanted to take him and leave her behind. Giving him a family was something she counted as almost a source of pride, and suddenly she was turned on her head and the selfish brat keeping him from having a family.

She didn't want to be alone again. She didn't want to let him go. And she spent a long time thinking she was selfish and just keeping him from having more family, until they found out just how bad the zenin were.

It's also an unfair accusation to say that Tsumiki's trying to keep Megumi from his family. The second she finds out that Maki left the Zenin clan, she tries to get her to form a familial relationship with Megumi. She wants megumi to have other family than her--and then Maki immediately hit back with "oh so you're the reason he's not with his family." It was like a slap in the face.

Except Maki didn't mean it like "so you're the one who took him from the clan the way the rest of the Zenin did, she meant it like "so you're the one who saved him from the clan."

Maki didn't even know Tsumiki existed. The clan leadership wasn't advertising that the ten shadows picked his non-sorcerer step sister over them. The entire jujutsu world thinks that Gojo snatched him away as a child, borderline brainwashed him to keep him from joining his clan and realizing his true power, and did it all as a power play against his enemies.

Except Maki's spent the last year with Gojo. And she's been wondering what the fuck actually happened, because what everyone says about him didn't match up at all with the man who welcomed her with open arms and who had done nothing but support her and the other students. He was fucking annoying, but he wasn't someone who seemed like he would do what people said he did all those years ago.

Every single time she thought about truly trusting Gojo for this past year, she thought about Megumi. She thought about the little boy who never had any time to play but still found the time to protect her sister. She thought about how they played together and how Megumi said they could be friends when Mai begged him and how they all got beat like hell for it, but it still made Mai happier than she had been in a long time.

Megumi was safer wherever the zenin weren't, but Gojo wasn't supposed to be doing it to protect Megumi. He supposedly had been manipulating Megumi for the past decade, keeping him weak and under his thumb so he could be a pet on a leash that Gojo could parade around.

She didn't want to believe that Gojo would do that to megumi. But she also didn't want to fall for someone who was just manipulating her. If he had really done that to Megumi, she wasn't ever going to trust or forgive him.

Tsumiki's existence made it all click for her.

Tsumiki would have never, ever been safe in the Zenin clan. Maki knows what it means to not be safe there, to have a sibling who isn't safe there, to watch them suffer underneath her family's thumb. If megumi had a sister he didn't want to be separated from, a sister who couldn't ever be near her family safely, then what Gojo did wasn't a powerplay--it was a rescue. He was keeping the ten shadows with a sister he could never stay with otherwise. Tsumiki is the reason why Megumi refused to join the clan, and the reason why Gojo helped him do it. It actually was Megumi's genuine refusal all this time. Maki wasn't blaming her--she was just struck by the fact that she really, genuinely could trust Gojo all this time. that it hadn't been a power play--Gojo was just saving Megumi and Tsumiki the way no one saved her and Mai.

Of course, Tsumiki didn't know any of that. She only knew the Zenin clan that had blamed her for years. So she didn't understand that Maki was saying it out of relief, not anger.

To shift a bit farther in the conversation, in my mind, the reason why Tsumiki got in a blow out fight with Megumi about going to school is because she wants him to have a life outside of the jujutsu world.

The jujutsu world purposefully tries to take away options from you as a manner of control. That was a big part of Yuuta's conversation with the higher ups--they didn't want him doing anything that could give him options outside of jujutsu sorcery. The terms of his binding vow were ludicrously strict about how he spent his time and education. And Tsumiki has actually seen this first hand, because she watched how the higher ups went after the teen parenting squad during their adoption.

She cares if Megumi goes to school because she desperately wants him to have the option to one day leave the jujutsu world. The higher ups and the Zenin don't even want him to have a modern middle school education--if they had their way, he'd be in full time jujutsu training, and she knows that because she and megumi were both in the loop when Gojo was fighting them over it.

Megumi's going to be going to high school soon. That means he's going to lose his main connection to a world outside of jujutsu sorcery. She wants him to have friends. She wants him to go to school and have favorite subjects and hobbies and passions. She wants him to have ties other than a profession that eats its workers alive. Megumi leaving middle school is a ticking time bomb in her mind--she didn't want him to lose a single day of normal life, especially not for her sake. The fact that he's in this stupid deal to work off his debt to the school as a sorcerer for her sake has been eating her alive for years. She just wanted him to go to school and have another day of being a normal kid.

She regrets it, later. If he has to be in this world, she wants to be in it with him. She wishes she was with him when the Zenin came.

For the most part, I'm not going to discuss the undertones of the conversation about the phone, because we actually will get into that in the fic. But the last part in the story she tells about her and megumi as kids, about how she had to hold on tight to his hand as a child because he would always try to wiggle free and she would lose him if he did? That's supposed to be their entire relationship dynamic in this: Megumi keeps trying to wiggle free, and she keeps trying to hang on to him as tightly as she can.

There's a lot of little "iceberg" details after that in quick succession.

(And, to be clear, I don't consider these details explicit or "canon" within the fic itself. It's a bit like method acting, I guess?

Yuuta finding out every single detail isn't realistic. It would drown the fic in way too much detail and be a little off if he found out that much. But having this sort of hidden base in what the character's experiences and desires and motives are helps me write them more consistently throughout, and it enhances my own understanding of the story. Yuuta will never find out that Tsumiki got in the fight with Megumi because she wanted him to have a life outside of jujutsu sorcery, but it can feed into her actions throughout the story if I understand that. Only the tip of the iceberg is visible, but the rest is still beneath the surface and affecting the flow of the story's currents. But, since it isn't explicit, members of the audience are free to have their own interpretations and experiences with the art and it makes the art much more changeable? I like the idea that no story is the same for any two people. What I read as their motives doesn't necessarily have to be everyone's reading. It's a different story through the lens of every person. I dunno. It's just cool to me.)

Some of the iceberg details that follow in the conversation, in short form:

Megumi kept trying to take off the kimono when Tsumiki found him because he was convinced he was dying and didn't want to die in the clothes the Zenin dressed him in

I talked about this in another post so I won't break it down in detail here, but when Maki's talking about how her father used to always take her to see the ten shadows kimono, it's because he wanted her to inherit the technique, once upon a time. The clan had been waiting for the Ten Shadows technique to return to the bloodline since Gojo was born. Her father was important in the clan, close to the clan head, from a powerful bloodline, and she was only a year older than Megumi. In my mind, the Ten shadows is the antithesis of the Six eyes and Limitless, so while you can clock the six eyes from birth, the Ten Shadows is notoriously hard to spot until they summon the dogs. Maki went from the clan's biggest hope to its biggest shame, and the Ten Shadows is a source of a lot of bitter memories. It wasn't until she saw the state of Megumi that night that she fully appreciated how lucky she was to not get the technique.

Then, the conversation takes a total tonal shift, and it's the definitive shift in Maki and Tsumiki's relationship. Because it's when Maki overrides Nanami to tell Tsumiki the full truth of her brother's technique.

Tsumiki has rapidly become a slightly painful person for Maki in the span of this conversation, because she's maki's foil, and Maki is realizing that. Maki had to let go of Mai to become who she is today. that was one of the hardest choices of her life, but she had to do it. The Zenin would have killed her if she stayed. She knew how big she could grow if she just had the space to do it.

Tsumiki is someone who's braving her family to not let go of her sibling. She made the opposite decision as maki, and Maki knows that, and she respects the shit out of Tsumiki for it. Telling Tsumiki the truth of the ten shadows is both a sign of respect for her and an acknowledgement of her as her brother's protector. Tsumiki can't help her brother fully if she doesn't know what the hell is going on. Maki's trying to arm her so she can keep making the decision that Maki didn't, because she knows just how painful her family is going to make this for them all. They didn't even care about Maki, but they still destroyed mai when she left. Megumi? He's the most valuable person in the world to them. They'll make everyone bleed. And she thinks Tsumiki deserves to know that if she's going to stay by megumi's side.

The last little iceberg moment is Tsumiki tearing the robe. And that was meant to be a reflection of tsumiki's entire outlook on life.

At the end of the day, Tsumiki is someone I've decided is selective about what she cares about. I've talked about it more in other posts, but I don't see Tsumiki's entire "I'd rather think about the people I love than curse people" schtick as a sign she's a perfect good person who doesn't succumb to bad thoughts--I read it more as she's someone who knows she only has so much she can devote her time and energy to. Tsumiki has very specific priorities that she will actually devote labor towards, and Megumi is her biggest. She doesn't get tangled up in things like appearances, or blood, or tradition, or politics, or revenge--she has the people she won't let go of, and she will let go of absolutely everything else.

The kimono is symbolic of centuries of tradition and a borderline religious obsession for the Zenin. Megumi himself is secondary to what the Ten Shadows represents, and the Zenin show that by disregarding his desires and safety again and again for the sake of their traditions around his technique. Tsumiki figuratively (and literally) tears through that because Megumi himself is paramount to her. It's an irreplaceable, priceless, centuries-old heirloom to the zenin. Most people would be wary of damaging it even if they didn't have any personal attachment to it, but Tsumiki just fucking rips it, because it legitimately means nothing to her.

She doesn't care if Megumi's borderline a figure of legend to them. He's her little brother. So they can wait another five hundred years for the next ten shadows. And they can get a new fucking robe.

#sea glass gardens #this was such a fun ask thank you for sending it #i love tsumiki soooo much #there was just so much /story/ beneath that scene for me and it was so fun to write #also maki and tsumiki went from enemies to the the most attractive people possible for the other in record time #maki because she was completely honest with tsumiki and tsumiki finds that hot #tsumiki because she fucked up the zenin's priceless heirloom and that is the most attractive thing maki has seen in her entire life #she stopped breathing a little when it happened #how long is a respectful time to wait after someone's brother dies in their arms to shoot your shot #does the fact that he got better change the time requirement

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leprosycock · 10 months

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pls educate/ advertise f0b / peterick yaoi to me. i know nothing about it but i want to.

uhhhhh okay this is gonna be really fucking long and deranged because i've been into them for like? nine years and i promise you from the bottom of my heart that nothing i will tell you is exaggerated or made up, their relationship really is this twisted and intense and insane. a lot of this is gonna be under the cut for obvious reasons

faII out boy are officially formed in the summer of 2001 when p4trick stump overhears joe tr0hman talking about music in a boarders bookstore and feels the need to jump in and correct him because patrick is extremely pretentious and insane about music, having grown up around it due to his blues-performing dad. joe is personal friends with pete w3ntz, a legend in the chicago music scene that patrick has personally admired for ages. joe invites patrick to come try out for a band that pete wants to start on the side next to his other projects, something just for fun. patrick intends on just becoming a drummer- until he meets pete. then his life is changed forever.

to really put things in perspective, pete is 22 years old and patrick is barely sixteen when they meet. pete is an unstable college kid with unmedicated bipolar disorder and kind of a huge sex freak who's very mean to girls and patrick is a loser virginal high school kid. pete is short and covered in tattoos and his hair is buzzed and he has whiskey-colored eyes and bright big teeth and a smirky smug pouty mouth. patrick is shorter and pasty and a little chubby and he has choppy strawberry blond hair and a big pink mouth and big baby blue eyes. both pete and joe show up to patrick's house to hear him audition and patrick is wearing shorts, black knee-high socks, and an argyle sweater. we know this because pete has repeated this story of their first meeting many, many times.

patrick insists that he wants to play drums and has never thought about singing before, but pete bullies and pokes and prods until patrick finally gives in and sings for him and joe as long as pete promises to be the actual frontman and lets him sink into the background because he's unbelievably shy and insecure. pete is immediately taken with patrick and calls him "the kid with the voice" and a "golden boy" and he gives him a knit cap so he can hide his face in front of the microphone. patrick is wearing this same hat on the cover of their first official debut album, take this to your grave.

their tentative first album, evening out with your girlfriend, is a rushed slapjob full of embarrassingly delightful fruity pop punk hits that patrick today is ruthlessly ashamed of. this was recorded with two other former members, tj and chris, who eventually leave in pursuit of other projects that they believe will be more successful. they continue to be friends with the other boys for a while until pete tries to convince chris' girlfriend to use sex dice with him and this causes a rift and leads to chris cutting pete off and, by extension, the band. after these two leave, pete brings in a permanent drummer, andy hurley. andy is a pacifist and a vegan and has a voice like a kitten and is an all-around good guy and well-rounded adult who's around pete's age. they record take this to your grave. during the summer, pete takes his pet high schoolers and his fellow hardcore music scene buddy around on tour in joe's mom's shitty old van so the boys don't have to miss school. (or, more accurately, he has joe do it, because pete does not have a valid driver's license at the time.)

one of the singles on tttyg is called saturday. pete and patrick write a lot of lyrics together for this album and saturday is another joint effort. here are some lyrics:

and here is the description for the music video:

The video features all of the band, but particularly frontman Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz. Pete is killing the other band members and their friends, leaving a Queen of Hearts playing card with each of the bodies. Patrick is a detective tracking the "killer". During the bridge of the song, Patrick and Pete are seen in the same position, sitting on a bed with a wall of pictures of Pete's victims in the background, suggesting that Patrick and Pete may be the same person. In the end, Pete kills Patrick, but because Pete and Patrick turn out to be the same person, Pete dies as well.

they perform this song at the end of every show and they have since 2002. pete spent their entire tour in 2015 grabbing his dick during this song for some reason ?? idk but i have pictures:

during the tttyg era, pete and patrick become VERY fast and VERY intense best friends. patrick is extremely temperamental and impatient and has a short fuse and pete has routine breakdowns and is a general violent, obnoxious asshole who likes to torment patrick for fun, so a lot of their interactions tend to ignite like throwing a match on gasoline. he once famously strangled pete with a gas pump, has thrown punches at him in the studio, and cursed him out over small disagreements. for those curious, this feisty little sweaty golden firecracker of a boy looked like this:

just so you know what we're dealing with.

the rest of them looked like this ^ andy, pete, patrick, and joe respectively. patrick did that gay little wrist flick in photoshoots a lot for some reason

it's important to note that pete was a genuine creep around patrick and was VERY WEIRD WITH HIM. during this van days era, pete tried to carve a peephole into his bedroom door when they all shared a shitty apartment together in roscoe village and never left his side. he talks about him frequently on livejournal and their website and i will quote some of these incidents here: 04/16/05: patricks birthday is tommorrow. i am in love with him so give him presents. 06/09/05: when i want patrick to sing in my ear i call him on the phone and he does it 06/16/05: that kid is my best friend and the rest of the world could blow up and fall out boy can break up and he still will be 10/11/05: i dreamt him. q&a incidents from the official fob website:

pete fucking adores this kid with everything in him. patrick is routinely frustrated with pete and his inability to grow up, but he's still just as maddeningly in love and still maintains a sense of hero worship for him and considers him a tragic figure that needs to be protected. they become very codependent.

during van days, they record and release an acoustic album called my heart will always be the b side to my tongue. they also release a dvd called release the bats, which is a hideous nightmare clusterfuck involving a lot of pete doing really gross shit for attention such as vomiting on the floor, pissing in garbage cans, and hurting himself and his friends alongside showcasing some of their live shows and performances with other friends in fueled by ramen, a borderline incestuous record label where everyone knows each other and is constantly collabing and doing shows together. included on this dvd is a short film that pete and patrick make called bedussey. they film this while sharing a dirty disgusting mattress in an even smaller apartment than the last during their writing sessions. it's fucking awful, watch it

just before the release of their second studio album, pete overdoses on ativan in a best buy parking lot while hallelujah plays on the radio. the first person he calls is patrick, who doesn't pick up, and then he finally tries his mom and his doctor. he writes two songs about this, 7 minutes in heaven and hum hallelujah. he also talks about this incident in his book, grey, but that comes much later. not terribly long after this, his nudes get leaked and it's ambiguous for a while as to who posts them, but it's theorized that it was actually chris or a friend of his. i can't honestly remember how much of this was confirmed. pete's life is surrounded by tragedy and flashbulbs constantly popping in his eyes and it's a mix of him bringing it on himself and not finding the help he needs and having terrible, terrible luck in love and in himself.

during this time, he's in an incredibly twisted and unhealthy relationship with a seventeen year old named jeanae white. she cheats on him five million times and vise-versa and they're very mean to each other. she also plays a pivotal role in his book later on. they break up for good in 2006. there's also a vague theory that he had a brief fling with mikey way in 2004 which is referred to as "the summer of like" by those invested. it may very well be true but i couldn't give a fuck about that if i tried; i'm a peterick loyalist. he marries ashlee simpson in 2008 (most likely due to her unplanned pregnancy, even though he was pretty in love with her at the time) and has a baby boy named bronx with her. during this era, patrick is in a committed relationship with a girl named anna who eventually cheats on him and it tears him apart.

jumping back a bit, from under the cork tree is their third official studio album (if you count b side, which i do) and it contains a lot of very interesting music.

the original lyric was meant to be "just friends" and for some reason, patrick changed it to "best friends" in the final cut. the name of this song is 'i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth (summer song)'. pete LOVES to use the idea of summer in his music, which is so interesting, because fall out boy's first tour was in the summer, he and patrick have spent the fourth of july in a beach house together (REMEMBER THIS), and their biggest projects have been produced over summers. it's also worth mentioning that pete has kissed patrick on the neck more than once during shows. even more worth mentioning that pete is REALLY fucking clingy with patrick on stage.

^ they sing this at each other. i don't really know what else to say

their next album, infinity on high, is slightly more artsy and, in my opinion, a fucking masterpiece. one of the most valuable tracks on this album is g.i.n.a.s.f.s. (gay is not a synonym for shitty) and i will explain why

"trade baby blues for wide eyed browns" alongside literally walking in someone else's shoes and physically trying to become them or embodying them is just following a theme that pete and patrick have been portraying for years, about how the two of them are inherently the same person, two sides of the same coin. pete says they experience cryptophasia, an implicit, intimate language that can only be used by twins. their next album is even titled folie a deux, "the madness of two". pete later writes about a character named martin (patrick's irl middle name) in grey, who he talks about saving the main character's (pete's) life on the roof of a hotel. "some nights it gets so bad i almost pick up the phone" = pete has said multiple times that patrick has sang to him on the phone to calm him down or help him fall asleep because patrick's voice really is that healing for pete. also possibly another reference to pete's suicide attempt and how his call to patrick failed ?

lastly, here's a quote from pete's livejournal in 05 when he was babbling about patrick:

"i know i am sal and i feel damn lucky to have the wind blowing in the thru the windows as he keeps us at 80mph. make no mistake, there is a difference between a parlor trick and true blue magic. i will remember this til the day i die."

fuck you

2007-2008 is full of massive, massive drama. alongside pete's ongoing war with the media and his almost immediate marital issues with ashlee, he's ALWAYS fighting with patrick inside and outside the studio, both physically and verbally. the band is constantly getting called sellouts and posers and were heckled very badly during the tours they did to promote folie a deux. it's kind of the beginning of the end.

for folie, pete writes a song called what a catch donnie. this is a ballad that pete writes from patrick's perspective that he is very, very nervous to show to him and almost doesn't. showing him something so heartfelt and vulnerable is dangerous given the current nature of their relationship. this is that song.

the music video stars patrick as a sea captain who's lost and lonely and trying to get home and he's eventually rescued by many of his irl close friends through fueled by ramen. but pete never appears.

after the round of tours for fad ends, they release a greatest hits album called believers never die and the coffin lid starts to slide closed. the band is well and truly dissolving; the reception for fad was very poor and miserable and pete and patrick truly cannot work together anymore and both joe and andy are tired of trying to put up with them. pete tells the boys he's going to leave and the breakup is mutual, to say the least. pete has his head shaven on stage as a ritual of mourning during 'saturday'. pete says in interviews that he thinks his name and his marriage and all the drama that saturates his life became a hindrance to the band.

fob is on hiatus from 2009 to 2013. during this time, pete forms the band black cards and seeks out a female vocalist specifically because he doesn't want to "replace patrick". he writes grey, opens nightclubs, divorces ashlee, abuses prescription drugs, and wants to die. patrick loses a bunch of weight and produces a solo pop album called soul punk. it has a very poor reception and he's bullied and tormented by fans who go to his shows just to tell him he sucks and he wants to die just as badly as pete does. he also gets married, but whatever

he bleaches his hair and dresses like this the whole tour because he's a massive faggot:

i have this whole theory about how his song run dry is about gay sex. a lot of the album is about infidelity too. he claims that this is because it's a "concept album" but it .. really kind of isn't. patrick is not very good at lyrics. (SOMETIMES. we'll come back to this too.)

pete and patrick do not talk to each other for a bulk of the hiatus. pete says that the hiatus felt like a breakup and hurt just as badly. closer to the end of this painful spell, pete calls patrick to say "i helped buy your house and now you don't even know my kid, that's messed up" and they have to learn how to be friends again. there are vague statements from the band about how they had a series of work meetings before seriously discussing the idea of reuniting. patrick also sends pete a postcard, telling him he has music he wants to show him if he's willing to see it.

in 2013, out of fucking nowhere, like a couple weeks after pete assures the media that fall out boy will never reform, they drop an album called save rock and roll and the band is back for good. as they release this album, they also release a massive and incredible series of eleven music videos for the entire album called the young blood chronicles. essentially, fall out boy plays a group called the members of the faith and they have to essentially defend music from courtney love, who plays a nazi-esque dictator leading a group of leather-clad women who want to establish a dystopia where music doesn't exist. music = faith. the women steal patrick away and put a demon in him and chop his hand off and he turns evil and starts to murder the rest of the band, including pete.

the most important track on this album is miss missing you.

pete wrote a good chunk of the lyrics for this album, as he is wont to do (this changes later on but it's still mostly pete for now), but this song is all patrick. this was a song he wrote for soul punk, but he never recorded it because, in his words, "it sounded too much like a fall out boy song". this particular installment in the ybc involves solely pete and patrick, separated from the rest of the band after joe and andy have left. this entire music video is about patrick trying to kill pete and struggling to do so, at war with his own humanity that keeps slipping through the cracks. pete has said that this is his favorite music video that the band has ever made.

relevant quotes:

"pete's my best friend. i was the best man at his wedding, i love that man to death. i'd take a bullet for him."

"[patrick is] probably my best friend in the whole world. this is one of the only people in the world that i would take a bullet for."

also! summer! summer summer summer! summer never dies!!!

2013-2014 are essentially a honeymoon phase. fob do tons of interviews, immediately make plans for a brand new album to follow srar up with, and they record an insane ep on a whim called pax am days. they do it while ridiculously drunk. it's REALLY good and SOOOO underrated and some of the most interesting music they've ever made. pete and patrick record a commentary track for the ybc. they're best friends again- admittedly less physically clingy, but they're older and more grown up and pete is more secure in his relationship with patrick. they're easygoing and comfortable and they love being around each other again and they're irrevocably in love.

late 2014-early 2015 birth their next album, american beauty/american psycho. i have a lot of emotional attachment to it because i was old enough to witness this release in real time and this was the height of my obsession. there are a LOT of fascinating things to pick apart in this album, but here are my favorites (tumblr won't let me add more than 30 images per post for some reason ?? i didn't know there was a limit but alright. Sure):

And in the end I'd do it all again I think you're my best friend Don't you know that the kids aren't al-, kids aren't alright? I'll be yours When it rains it pours Stay thirsty like before Don't you know that the kids aren't al-, kids aren't alright?

very obvious. the kids aren't alright was more or less confirmed to be about patrick and pete tended to get very lovey-dovey on stage whenever they performed it.

Do you, do-do you remember When we drove, we drove, drove through the night And we danced, we danced to Rancid And we danced, we danced And I confessed, confessed To you riding shot-gun Underneath the purple skies And we danced, we danced With windows down And we danced, we danced (Spin for you like your favorite records used to) (Spin for you like your favorite records) You were the song stuck in my head Every song that I've ever loved Play it again and again and again And you can get what you want but it's never enough And I spin for you like your favorite records used to And I spin for you like your favorite records used to

And I can’t, I can’t I can’t remember just how to forget Forget the way that we danced We danced to Danzig And we danced, we danced And when you ask, you ask me how I’m doing Like you know, you know how much better off I am And when we danced, we danced With windows down And we danced, we danced (Spin for you like your favorite records used to) (Spin for you like your favorite records)

favorite record is a big one because of pete's "patrick is an ipod full of my favorite songs" and "you ask me how i'm doing, like you know how much better off i am", a possible reference to the hiatus and their inability to communicate. i'd also like to firmly call back to pete's quote about driving with patrick and remembering that day until he dies.

and, lastly, fuck me:

I'll be as honest as you'll let me I miss your early morning company If you get me You are my favorite what if You are my best I'll never know And I'm starting to forget Just what summer ever meant to you What did it ever mean to you?

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean any of it I just got too lonely, lonely, whoa In between being young and being right You were my Versailles at night

It was the fourth of July You and I were, you and I were fire, fire, fireworks That went off too soon And I miss you in the June gloom too It was the fourth of July You and I were, you and I were fire, fire, fireworks I said I'd never miss you, but I guess you never know May the bridges I have burned Light my way back home on the fourth of July

My 9 to 5 is cutting open old scars Again and again 'til I'm stuck in your head Had my doubts but I let them out You are the drought And I'm the holy water you have been without And all my thoughts of you They could heat or cool the room, and no Don't tell me you cried Oh, honey, you don't have to lie

I wish I'd known how much you loved me I wish I cared enough to know I'm sorry every song's about you The torture of small talk with someone you used to love

fuck!!!! fuck!!!!!!! summer again!!!! we're back to summer and back to the fourth of july i told you that would be important later. finding your way back home on the bridges you burned. memories of squandered youth trapped in these moments from years back and viewing someone as this grand monument worthy of worship and posterity. "my nine to five is cutting open old scars", pete's job, what he's been filling his life with for years, the music that he makes for a living. "i'm sorry every song's about you" = doesn't have to be literal. i believe it's more so about the idea that so many songs are about patrick and it's more tongue-in-cheek, despite how melancholy it is. i believe this song is a grand release for pete and a way for him to reconcile his feelings after years of confusion and longing and torment. but that's all just a theory

it's also worth mentioning twin skeleton's, which a lot of peterick truthers theorize is about pete and patrick having flings in hotels during tours throughout 06-09. it's not really definitive and it's very conspiratorial, but i do enjoy thinking about it

there's a three year gap between albums this time and then we get mania, which is by all accounts awful. people can defend this album all they want, but i think it's fucking terrible and patrick admits that it was rushed and he doesn't like it and he's right and he should be ashamed. i hate this album. it sounds terrible and there are very few good songs on it. they did a ton of promotion for this record and did a pop-up event where they had rooms you could go through based on each track of the album. they really, genuinely tried, but it was a miss. i was so frustrated with this album that i really don't have much to say about it peterick-wise, but this tour was the first time that i was actually able to see them live, so i can't really stay mad at them. they played thriller and opened with disloyal order <333 (which, by the way, is also about patrick, confirmed by pete himself! he said that "half-doomed and semi-sweet" is a literal description of himself and patrick.)

i do like young and menace, hold me tight or don't, and wilson, but none of them feel like fob. moving on.

they release the lake effect kid ep in 2018 and believers never die volume two. lake effect kid is a BEAUTIFUL fucking track and it made me actually ache for what mania could've been if they'd just returned to their roots. that'll come soon though.

Boomerang my head Back to the city I grew up in Again and again Forever a Lake Effect kid

Oh, I got the skyline in my veins Forget your nighttime Summer love on a gurney with a squeaky wheel And joke us, choke us 'Til Lakeshore Drive comes back into focus I just wanna come back to life Spark my crazy head to keep you warm at night

summer love :))) it never ends :))))))

2023 saw the release of so much (for) stardust. this is one of the strongest albums they've had since the hiatus and i really, really love a lot of it. as New as it feels, it's still very fall out boy at its core and it's full of heart and it's passionate and it's pure.

We were a hammer to the statue of David We were a painting you could never frame and You were the sunshine of my lifetime What would you trade the pain for?

^ love from the other side. pete has likened patrick to sunshine, sunsets, sunlight, and the color gold many, many times while talking about him. there are a lot of songs where he uses the sun as a metaphor for longing, something he can never reach because he's eternally eclipsed in shadow.

My moodboard is just pictures of you, but I'm not sad anymore So make no plans and none can be broken, no plans and none can be broken But I didn't take the love when I had the chance, but I swear I'm not sad anymore So make no plans and none can be broken, no plans and none can be broken

Do you laugh about me whenever I leave? Or do I still need more therapy?

Love is in the air, I just gotta figure out a window to break out Buried alive inside my dreams, but it was all a fake-out And I don't care, I just gotta figure out a window to break out Buried alive inside my dreams, but it was all a fake-out, fake-out

Oh-oh, we all started out as shiny dimes But we all got flipped too many times We did it for futures that never came And for pasts that we're never gonna change

fake out makes me want to die in the most intense way, mainly because there's something so utterly familiar about it. it's SO fob and it's one of the best tracks they've put out since the hiatus. it's also .. so ..... it's very similar to fourth of july for me. this is recovery from the pain and finally coming to acceptance while acknowledging the past, love that was never reciprocated. it's not something that ever really goes away. it'll linger, especially when you still see so much of that golden boy that you first fell in love with the second he opened his mouth and began to sing to you.

i will state emphatically that through all my speculation, none of this is meant to be taken at face value aside from the direct quotes and irl incidents. most music comes from anywhere and everywhere within an artist. artists draw from their real life and nothing has to be literal, but pete writes about a lot of real people. grey is about as subtle as a sledgehammer when it comes to his representation of people he knows irl. sometimes he's writing about exes and sometimes he's writing a story. sometimes he's writing about patrick. we never really know for sure. but it's fun to think about!

i'm really passionate about them and i adore their relationship inside and out. a lot of it is really fucked up and weird and twisted and crazy and a lot of it is genuinely so beautiful and tragic. even if they're not fucking and never have and have never thought about it, they're undoubtedly soulmates in any way you feel like interpreting that. they love each other massively and endlessly and it's a fire that has refused to really die for over twenty years. i love them a lot and i hope you enjoyed this essay!!!

#this is also just the tip of the iceberg i hope you know. this isn't even half of it .#i have so many fun facts about them locked away in my head forever and they're fucked up and sick and twisted.#bunnyaskz

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bluedalahorse · 8 months

Text

Unsolicited August backstory headcanons (plus a bonus tangent about Blue’s undergraduate initiation)

Ahahaha well, I left my work laptop at work by accident. I guess that’s my subconscious is telling me to take a break and post the August headcanons I’ve been drafting on the bus each morning so…

There are a few posts floating around my dash right now that ask questions about what August would have done in certain hypothetical situations. The discussion has all been worthwhile to watch, but I’ve refrained from jumping in as of yet, in part because work has been busy and in part because of personal headcanon reasons. The thing with personal headcanons is that they just kind of live in my head and influence the way I write fic. They’re not really the kind of thing I can prove or argue for, they’re just… vibes? But vibes are still worth talking about in one’s fandom spaces so I may as well ramble.

One thing I believe as someone who spends too much time writing from this garbage boy’s POV is that August did not show up to his first year of Hillerska as exactly the person we see onscreen in 1.1. He was a full two years younger, which is significant for a teenager, and he would have been more recently impacted by the loss of his father. Moreover he would have been entering as a first year and would not have been immediately afforded all the at-school privileges the third year boys enjoy. Now, this does not mean he was a morally perfect angel—far from it, given that being landed gentry with generational wealth can still do a number on one’s psyche. However, if I assume that August came to Hillerska as the very same Full Titled Asswipe he is as a third year, I don’t get to explore systems of privilege and how they radicalize young men into toxic and harmful behavior. Which is something I’m interested in as a writer, both in my fanfic and my original fiction.

With that in mind, here are some of my personal headcanons for August’s pre-Hillerska and pre-season 1 life, with some Horn family headcanons mixed in…

August’s relationship to the royal family—or not—was a big source of conflict between his parents. Carl Johan wanted him hanging out with the royal family and getting to know his second cousins while Louise did not. For the most part, Louise won this argument when August was a child. In August’s early childhood, Carl Johan would frequently go off to visit the palace on his own, and came back with fun stories and various presents and the like. I base this on the fact that August doesn’t seem to have hung out with Wille or Erik as a child, and seems to have some seemingly “insider” knowledge of the royal family, but with like, weird gaps about things. He also tends to idealize royal life in a way Wilhelm doesn’t, given that Wilhelm has lived royal life. I feel like this is consistent with a backstory where August was mostly told about the royal life from his dad’s perspective. Like he’s got a lot of details but he doesn’t have all of them and he’s still got rose-colored glasses.

August before the age of twelve or so was one of those kids who was pretty bad at interacting with kids his own age, but was “better” at interacting with adults. He’s an only child, so he wouldn’t have grown up around siblings, and would have probably had to play alone a lot. I don’t know if I believe school or his local area would have been an easy place for him to make friends given what @sflow-er was saying about children of the nobility and what it’s like for them when they go to their local schools. I wouldn’t go so far as to say August was bullied. (I mean, maybe he was, I don’t know. From my experience of working with young people, it’s not uncommon for kids who are bullied at one school to become bullies at other schools they transfer to. On the other hand, I think we’ve seen enough of August’s personality to know he could potentially be prickly and arrogant and push other kids away. Regarding that question, I think I’d go with whatever the fic needs. Anyway!) I also feel like, with the growing tensions in his parents’ marriage, he potentially would have coped by trying to put up a mature facade at a young age, which would mean lots of convincing adults he can handle everything. By the time he gets to Hillerska that all comes crashing down on him.

Because I’m such a gothic lit weirdo I insist that there were rumors Årnäs was haunted. Young August probably got asked about that a lot.

Maternal backstory headcanons: Louise’s parents were diplomats or in international business or something similar, so she spent periods of her youth away from Sweden, and sometimes away from her parents, often in international schools or international boarding schools. I have nothing to go on here canon-wise, except there’s that line where August says Louise is off traveling when the Headmistress can’t reach her. It’s very much an excuse, of course, but I like to imagine a grain of truth to it. Louise’s youth abroad gave her a yearning for international travel, and it’s her favorite way to escape the pressures of life when they get too great.

Paternal backstory headcanons: perhaps one of my more… spicy? controversial? … whatever… headcanons is that Carl Johan and Kristina were one another’s Unfortunate Romances in their youth. But Blue, you say. They are cousins! Ew! Which, yes, but they are also royals, and that sort of thing isn’t completely unprecedented I guess. There’s also a neat little chiasmus in my head where Wilhelm’s “unfortunate romance” shakes up the royal court because they feel like he’s trying to pull the monarchy into the future too fast, whereas in Kristina’s day she was that the monarchy needed to modernize, and that sort of thing was less frowned upon centuries ago but these days it Isn’t Done. ANYWAY Carl Johan’s feelings for Kristina remained sort of unresolved for most of his life, and this was something he ruminated on as his addiction got worse. Louise and Carl Johan never spoke about this piece of his backstory, but it was sort of always hanging awkwardly in the air between them. This also fueled Louise’s desire to keep August away from the palace and the royal family stuff, and the fights between her and Carl John about that. None of the kids’ generation knows about the Unfortunate Romance. Well, maybe Erik did, but he’s dead.

You may be asking, if Louise was opposed to August going to the palace and hanging out with his second cousins, then why did she send him to Hillerska? That, my friends, was an act of resignation, and of her not knowing what to do. I imagine puberty was already making August pretty irritable and difficult to deal with. And, with things growing worse and worse between his parents and his father’s addiction growing more problematic, August was probably just… not in a good place. No one in the family was a good place. I don’t see his parents as fully divorced in the year or so leading up to his father’s death, but I do think they were separated—maybe in an obvious way, or maybe they were pretending not to be. So, when Carl Johan took his own life, I imagine August’s anger and grief got even more explosive, and was often directed at his mother. Louise was not in a place where she knew how to deal with the situation, and sent him off to the school her husband had been pushing her to send August to. Sort of like she threw up her hands and went, “you know what? Fine. If this is his final wish, so be it.” And so August was sent away.

August showed up to his first year just sort of… quieter at first, with a lot of anger and grief simmering underneath. I mean why talk about feelings? He was also desperately, desperately in need of something that gave him a feeling of purpose. And then Erik found him. I think this was in part orchestrated a bit by Kristina behind the scenes; I imagine there was a call or text message where she nudged Erik to check up on her cousin’s kid, because even as complicated as the past was, Carl Johan was at one point Kristina’s favorite cousin. So what Erik did was appoint August as his first year lackey who takes care of everything for him—the one who knocks on his door in the morning, the one who pours the drinks at the party, and so on. Basically, August was in the Alexander role for Erik, and ended up taking it very seriously. This was the purpose he had been looking for, the sense of meaning.

I think August’s initiation would have played a role in helping him to feel a sense of purpose and community, too. Wait, what the fuck, Blue? That’s probably what you’re saying right now. Well… a lot of people talk about what the initiation sequence was or wasn’t for Wille, and how Wille’s initiation would have been worse than that of other students. And people usually only talk about that in terms of what Wille experienced. As someone who has attended a school with initiations (and who has even been initiated myself, albeit in a milder way because it was at a women’s college with traditions that differ from Hillerska’s) I actually don’t know if I think that’s true. I also think August’s initiation was probably a more… well, probably something he thought of as positive? Exciting? Seemingly helpful? (I mean, not helpful, but you know.)

EXTREME BONUS TANGENT: I can say that as someone who has been initiated myself, it’s certainly not a fun experience for everyone. That said, it was fun for me at the time, and remains important to me in a way. Speaking from the perspective of someone who enjoyed my initiation experience, it’s… well, it’s kind of weird. You’re in this strange state of torture for a while, like intense mental and physical discomfort, and everyone around you seems to be determined to contribute to that, and you feel very constrained and stretched to your limit. But then once you pass your initiation and you’re welcomed into your new community, it’s like this sudden switch over to an intense euphoria and a whole flood of endorphins. Like, I’m here, and they’re cheering me on, and I belong here, and these people are my family and I love them now. NOW, THAT SAID: initiations are not a good practice generally, because they are generally done en masse and there is a lot of potential for peer pressure and institutionalized abuse. I view my college’s initiation traditions differently now than I do when I was eighteen. That said, my college had also at least put some infrastructure in place as far as consent and contracts, to keep things from going wrong. You could opt out of any task at any time. Still—it’s not a perfect system, and Hillerska is far from perfect, so. You know. Personal memories I have complex feelings about.

Back to Hillerska… August seems to be someone who responds to extreme sensations, so I think he probably was someone who would have felt that intense endorphin rush from his initiation. (We frequently see him chasing other highs in the show, too.) And he would have gone through this at a time when he’d just lost his father and was Achilles-level angry at his mother, when he desperately wanted to feel like he was part of something and belonged somewhere. He probably came out of the ordeal worshipping Erik and ready to die for him, and I imagine Erik responded to that loyalty in kind. I expect that they grew close, but it was also definitely a relationship where Erik called the shorts and August followed his lead. This is, in part, why I struggle to buy into fanfics where August betrays or harms Erik, and why I can’t really sign onto the idea that August would have released a video of Erik. Or at least—he wouldn’t get there without multiple steps leading up to it, and multiple perceived trusts being broken, the way things were with Wilhelm. One of the steps, too, in August betraying Wilhelm, is Erik’s death putting August into a state of volatile grief. So there’s that. Like I cannot stress enough how much I don’t think he’d randomly turn on Erik like a mustache-twirling villain.

One more innocuous headcanon: Erik taught August how to dress, because August showed up to school with no damn idea, his first year. To be fair, so few sixteen-year-old boys know how to dress themselves, even when they can afford nice wardrobes. Some of August’s clothes are his father’s old clothes. I mean, definitely the outfit he went shooting in feels like something that could have belonged to his dad.

One less innocuous headcanon: August kept some pretty serious secrets for Erik. I still kind of think this is true in canon and that we could get a big secret revealed in season 3.

That’s all for now! I hope you enjoyed reading if you got this far. I don’t expect too much engagement but I am making an effort to be more real and honest about my YR enthusiasms in these posts.

#young royals #yr headcanons #august young royals #august horn of årnäs #formatted this whole post while listening to the fun home soundtrack #which despite being quite Midcentury Butch Lesbian is also simultaneously very August vibes at times #the same way Sara vibes are Into the Woods and my Felice writing soundtrack is all Jake Blount’s folk music

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mosneakers · 11 months

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Hiiii not sure if asking anonymously counts but... I am shy. I am a lurker who came across your story and read from the beginning, (yes the whole thing) and I can't get enough. My question is- with Coraleye being Yellow's youngest child, is he protective over her at all? Also, how does he feel about all of the boyfriends she's had? I am curious about his opinion on them all. Thanks :))

omg I love this question! First of THANK YOU SO MUCH!! It warms my heart to hear you read the whole story, I know it's a lot. Sorry it took so long to respond, I wanted to do something fun with this😁

It is true that Coraleye is Yellow's youngest child and only daughter, and of course he's generally concerned for her well-being, Yellow also takes pride in being a very progressive parent and has definitely always strived to give Coraleye the tools she needed growing up to make thoughtful, well informed decisions when it comes to love.

With that being said, that doesn't mean Lo hasn't developed some strong opinions on some of the characters Coraleye has found herself entangled with over the years.

I tracked down everyone she's actually dated (not including just flings or love interests) so let's go over her history from Yellow's perspective!

Duane

Duane Talla was Coraleye's first boyfriend, and she was absolutely enamored with him right from the start. This made Yellow very wary, since they were only just teenagers at the time, and Coraleye was certain that Duane was her soulmate.

Yellow watched Coraleye experience her first heartbreak when the convoluted Shelbi story arc came into play. Duane, being so young at the time, didn't seem to know what he wanted, and this really messed with Coraleye's heart and strung her along. Yellow doesn't hold this against him anymore, though. Coraleye has forgiven him, and they were both just kids after all. Additionally, Duane seems to have settled down and matured quite a bit since marrying Shelbi. He and Coraleye still remain friends and Duane and his family are even considered family friends of the Darlings, especially to Frieda and Charm in Sulani who see Duane and Shelbi almost daily.

Lark

Lark McCloud was a classmate of Coraleye's, and while things were off during Coraleye and Duane's on-and-off-again romance, Lark offered a reliability that Coraleye took comfort in. Lark was Coraleye's first prom date, and while that was interrupted by Duane, the two shared an unforgettable experience, worthy of the sappiest of teenage rom-coms.

Yellow could also appreciate this relationship. Lark was a good kid, aside from skipping class now and again. Yellow couldn't deny he didn't really see Lark as someone Coraleye would go for, but maybe that's what she needed. They went on lots of adorable dates and finally made things official, but Lark reluctantly broke things off with Coraleye one night, after Coraleye introduced Lark to her beloved swarm of bees, which they later discover that Lark is deathly allergic to. Yellow agrees that this (the break up) was for the best. Lark was nice, but if it weren't for the bees it would most assuredly be something else. Lark's life seems to be too tame for Coraleye, and he didn't believe the two would be compatible for very long.

Maarvin

Coraleye was just beginning her magic journey, when she crossed paths with fellow spellcaster Maarvin Stonehart. He had a charming demeanor, a captivating smile, and a barely comprehensible Henford-on-Bagley accent that Coraleye found absolutely irresistible. They shared an intense attraction for one another and bonded over their pink-adjacent eyes and hair colors. Immersing themselves in the Realm, and one another, they dedicated most of their free time to training together, quickly becoming a teenage power-couple of sorts. Yellow never had the opportunity to meet Maarvin face to face, but he could already see many red flags emerging from the situation. Maarvin often attempted (unsuccessfully) to manipulate Coraleye or seek to exert dominance. He was highly competitive, and a sore loser to boot. Their relationship ended fairly quickly, but it didn't take long for Maarvin to enter and even longer and more toxic relationship with Coraleye's rather vulnerable cousin, Robin, which only just ended recently.

Morgyn

Ahh, Morgyn. Coraleye's relationship with Morgyn Ember was passionate, long, and turbulent to say the least. I'll try to keep it concise. Morgyn was Coraleye's first YA relationship. With Morgyn being the Sage of Untamed magic, as well as Coraleye's mentor, their relationship was forbidden and they vowed to keep it a secret. Yellow clocked this immediately and didn't care for Morgyn because of the power dynamic their relationship created. Despite the secrecy, Morgyn was devoted to Coraleye and treated her with love and respect as the relationship progressed. Yellow noted this, and even gave his blessing to marry his daughter, despite still harboring additional personal grievances. Morgyn and Coraleye experienced break ups, and make ups and Coraleye happily remained by Morgyn's side as they navigated their childhood trauma, a gender identity journey, the loss of Morgyn's mother, and the most impactful, Morgyn's own brutal death, haunting, and eventual resurrection through vampirism. Coraleye figured these things only made their love stronger. Unfortunately, Coraleye was proven wrong one New Year's Eve night when Morgyn betrayed Coraleye, by cheating on her with fellow vampire Caleb Vatore.

Coraleye continues to deal with trauma inflicted on her from this young relationship, but she strives every day to forgive Morgyn and put the past behind her. Yellow, however, will never forget the pain his daughter endured by getting involved with the Sage of Untamed Magic.

Tycho

Yellow absolutely loves Tycho. He sees so much of himself in him, both being incredibly clumsy guys and devoted partners. The Darlings have known Tycho for so many years now, dating back to when he befriended Sunglo in college. He's had his screw ups, but Yellow can see how happy he makes Coraleye, and he thinks they'd make a good forever pair. Yellow does recognize that Tycho unfortunately doesn't fit into the criteria for a valid co-heir to the Darling family legacy. However, Yellow strongly urges Coraleye to not let that stop her from finding her soulmate. The family has lived without magic before, and they could do it again. Yellow knows that the legacy is important to Coraleye and he can see her apprehension when it comes to taking things further with Tycho. He worries about that a lot, and hopes Coraleye makes the right decision.

Thank you again for this ask! Memory lane questions are always so fun. Anyone who made it through this whole post, let me know, I'm sending you flowers!

#ts4 #ask #💌#this turned out so long #might at well be a piece of the story #MD4 #Coraleye Darling #Yellow Darling #Duane Talla #Maarvin Stonehart #Lark McCloud #Morgyn Ember #Tycho Curious #if you have follow-up questions about any of the boys feel free to ask!#they're all living they're little lives #it's a big universe ok #essential coraleye information

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shirajellyfish · 7 months

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So I'm taking this logic class and we're going over true, false, and nonsense statements. So now I have some "scary" questions for your Sundrop:)

1, What's his response to "this sentence is false"? Would it put him in a loop?

2, How does he respond to nonsense statements? (i.e. the round square sweetly kicked the blue yesterday.)

3, Does he respond differently depending on if an adult is telling him a nonsense statement vs. a child? because a child may say something nonsensical while fully believing it makes sense, while an adult is probably just messing with him.

Ok, that's all. I hope you're having a nice day!<3

Oooh those are super fun!

Sundrop's programming purposely takes the simplest approach to questions like that, to avoid any loops or snags. To him, those are very easy questions! He thinks humans only make them complicated by overthinking what is a very simple answer.

It is indeed false. You told him it was false, and he believes you! No need to think about that one any harder.

He would perceive that as [person] kicked [person/object] yesterday. Very rude! Kicking is not allowed in the daycare, he hopes Round Square went to time out for that. The fact that an shape cannot be both round and square and a color cannot be kicked wouldn't matter or even occur to him. He could even draw a round square if you asked him to, though the result wouldn't necessarily be something that made sense. Nonsense in, nonsense out.

He might respond a little differently since he might want to use simpler language when talking to a child, but that's about it. Children try to mess with him all the time as well, and he has gotten very good at telling "The game I'm playing is testing your reactions to nonsense" apart from "From my perspective, this genuinely makes sense." Either way, he does his best to respond! All is well as long as everyone is having fun!

Two makes me think of a really interesting glitch that happened in one of my favorite games, Sky COTL. In early beta, there was a certain situation where your view would get sort of flipped upside down and bugged out. Later I found out that the bug was caused by a coding error that accidentally instructed the game's camera to display a view wider than 360 degrees.

A human knows that 360 degrees is all there is, you can't show more than that. A human would get caught up on that. But a computer? The instructions said display more, so the game said "On it, boss!" And that resulted in a really buggy, weird view. Computer are like that. They do exactly as instructed, even when those instructions are nonsensical or even impossible.

I used that general idea for inspiration when it came to how Sundrop thinks of nonsense statements. It doesn't matter if it makes sense or not, he treats it all the same when it comes to thinking through the problem.

Bonus: The more than 360 degrees (according to a computer) view:

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letstalkwhump · 1 year

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Let's Talk Whump

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community! I’m Malice and I’ll be your host today.

Here today to talk all things whumpy is the fabulous @flowersarefreetherapy!

It’s an honor to have you here! Do you want to start us off with a fact or two about yourself?

Hi! I’m Marz, I’m a baby adult, and newer here to the whump scene! My favorite color is blue and I enjoy a huge variety of music. I have a Golden Retriever named Guinevere who is five years old and loves swimming, chasing tennis balls, and running through corn fields. Yeah, that’s about it!

Let’s get straight to the point. What does whump mean to you?

As much as I love the hurt part of it, whump to me is about healing. It’s about picking yourself up even after life has beaten you into the ground. It’s finding your people who will help you and stand by your side on good and bad days. It’s taking those little steps towards healing, then looking back one day and realizing just how far you’ve come and how much you’ve accomplished. The pain and whumping of characters is horribly fun, but it’s the recovery and knowledge that there is something to lose that makes whump for me.

How did you find the whump community and what made you want to join?

So, I found the whump community purely by accident by jumping through writing blogs on Tumblr about three years ago, I think?? It was around 2019-2020 and I was looking for writing prompts when I stumbled onto @ashintheairlikesnow’s blog and learned there was a whole community dedicated to the hurt/comfort plotlines I had been reading all my life. Really what made me want to join was seeing there was an audience for the whump I was writing and the acceptance of OCs I was struggling to find in other writing circles. So I lurked for a while and then made the decision to join!

Do you think that your view of whump has shifted since you discovered it?

My view on whump has stayed the same, but what I write about has expanded. I’ve been exploring the BBU sandbox with different characters and different perspectives. It’s been a good challenge and one I look forward to continuing!

Everyone’s favourite question: what are your favourite whump tropes?

Dehumanization and noncon are two of my favorites. What makes them so appealing to me is the loss of autonomy and the way it can fully break a character. Not only that, but it allows for some very fun power dynamics that I really enjoy in whump. Alongside that, those two tropes lead to the characters learning how to rebuild their world, their trust of other people, and what kind of life they want to make as part of their future. The healing that’s involved in both these tropes is messy and hard and something that is fought for, always with the support of those around them.

Would you mind sharing a favourite piece you've written? Hype yourself up, we want to hear it!

This is one of my favorite pieces! I love Thad’s breakdown here and while writing it, having that insight into how his past training impacts how he sees himself and sees the kids they’ve taken in. Another really fun piece I love is this one, mainly for the emotion and heartbreak of it all.

Aww Thad! So much emotion in “You Are My Sunshine” ! Do you have a standard writing routine?

Chaos!! *evil laughter here* Just kidding (mostly). I tend to write when the inspiration strikes and knock out large chunks of writing at a time. Sometimes I’ll write bit by bit, especially when life is crazy, but I prefer to have the uninterrupted chunks of time. Usually I have caffeine with me as well to help the writing process speed along, in which my poison of choice there is Dr. Pepper!

And do you find some things are easier to write than others?

Dialogue! I love writing every bit of it! Using the words to both reveal and hide characters’ motives, changing what they want to say into what they can’t, playing around with hidden meaning in the phrases chosen: all of it is so good and makes it so fun to write! If I could write scenes that are all dialogue I would

Is there anything you're working on at the moment?

Something I’ve been working on for a while is the next part of my Hold On series. It’s about to get sticky and complicated, so I'm working on how to get all the characters going the way I want them to. Of course, that’s not going to happen, but I’m trying to at least plot a path for the characters to run down.

Do you have a joke or pun you would like to share to spread some smiles today?

. . . . . . . wish I could be hilarious on command, but sadly I am cursed to not be.

That’s fine! Do you have any writing advice you’d like to share?

Love your writing, even the bits that seem weird or you think no one will like them. There are people who will love it and read it and scream about parts you didn’t even think were that good. You will find your writing groove and you’ll find your audience. Also, don’t delete anything! That is really important! You can always go back and edit a choppy scene or reuse a bit of dialogue, but deleting something means starting from a blank slate. Scenes can always be reworked, so keep them!

Shout out your favourite writing/whump blogs, bffs or people who've inspired you!

Oh man, oh man, there are so many people I could highlight! Seriously, this community is fantastic and wonderful and so welcoming! I had heard that about the whump community, but experiencing it for myself has been an honor. Okay, so people to shout out:

@for-the-love-of-angst (you know why. For everything, thank you <3) @eatyourdamnpears (chaos friend!) @whumpcereal (your writing! ah!), @winedark-whump (your responses to every one of my ramblings on discord always make my day), @ashintheairlikesnow (still in awe of your writing/characters) @pigeonwhumps (*waves*) @quietly-by-myself (your characters!!) @soheavyaburden (characters! Writing! plotline!), @blood-is-compulsory (screaming in the tags is always welcome!) and so many more I have probably forgotten (in which case you can yell at me in the comments)

Seriously, go check out each and every one of these people! They are amazing and so so so cool and you won’t regret it at all!

Finally, is there anything you'd like to add?

Thank you for this opportunity and to everyone for making this community so welcoming!

Thank you for joining us today, @flowersarefreetherapy !

And to all you lovely folk at home, have a whump-derful day!

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