#he actually did think I was a lesbian for like the first six months of knowing me though

[gilettefusion5]

Being bi-ish with another bi-ish is really funny because you get gems like when we were hooking up I said “you know you’re not bad for a little gay boy” and he responded instantly with “you’re not bad yourself for a lesbian”

#he actually did think I was a lesbian for like the first six months of knowing me though #honey we are making out and having sleepovers I don’t care if I am ace I have to be at least a LITTLE attracted to you #storytime with lucy

[fancy-a-dance-brigadier]

🌿how does creating make you feel? and 💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

🌿how does creating make you feel?

I answered this question here!

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Ok you are going to regret asking this because there’s a Star Wars fic I’m working on at the moment that has been living rent free in my brain for several months now, and given the opportunity I will yell about it in great detail to anyone who asks. Only @nebulouscoffee can attest to how insane I am about this WIP (and shout out to them for helping me flesh out this AU, and for coming up with so many great ideas for it!!! Bugs bunny *our* self-indulgent Star Wars AU etc etc)

Basically, it’s a fic/fic series that’s set in an AU where Padmé is force sensitive and Anakin isn’t, and I’m planning on retelling the entire story of the Star Wars based on that premise (well, the first six movies + The Clone Wars, at least. But I am eyeing the sequel trilogy like a vulture let me tell you because I’m desperate to give those films the AU treatment). It also ends up as a role swap for Luke and Leia as well, with Leia being raised on Tatooine and Luke on Alderaan (Leia gets to be a Jedi too, basically). But other than those role swap changes, I’m also going to address a bunch of things I wish the films had explored more/done better. So, rather than writing paragraph after paragraph elaborating on these changes, I will now present you with a bullet point list of “Things about the Jedi Padmé AU that make Fancy go insane”

Excessive Padmé character analysis

Explorations of the ethical issues of Clone rights (feat. A Clone OC that I’m incredibly attached to, his name is Tatao and I’m love him)

Said Clone OC is GNC af and is kind of punk rock about it

Slavery on Tatooine is kind of a much bigger deal

Maybe Naboo’s political system is kind of messed up??? Did you ever think about that George?????

Padmé’s handmaidens are important now!!! Because my favourite hobby is plucking female characters with no lines out of sci-fi properties and giving them ✨Depth✨

The destruction of Alderaan has much more weight than in the films

Han Solo cringefail compilation

Anakin still has no father, he just has two lesbian mums now (one of whom is trans 🏳️‍⚧️)

Obi-Wan actually facing the consequences of his actions for once

Luke dressing like David Bowie, Prince, Freddy Mercury, Elton John, and all the members of ABBA combined. Think disco Mark Hamill on German television

Explorations of whether the Jedi Order is actually a corrupt organisation (spoiler alert, it kind of is)

Obi-Wan getting to raise chaotic bantha child Leia

Skysolo for real ☀️

Ahsoka getting to be the cool Aunty to the twins like she always deserved

Trauma and violence and blood and killing and darkness and torment and hatred and guilt and improvised surgery on your boyfriend

The power of a childhood lullaby is something that can be so crucial to saving the galaxy, actually

And, just for good measure, here’s a preview of the very first chapter (which I will put under a ‘read more’ because this post is long enough as it is):

She had first felt it long ago, in the dark, in the nighttime, when she had woken from a nightmare to the sense of a soothing energy coursing through the air and stroking her cheek and drying her infantile tears. Good - it was always supposed to be good, pleasant and oh so very helpful, to reach out and make itself known to the little girl who lived so lonely with only her ambitions to guide her. Secret, a lovely secret, all to herself. If she shared it, it might leave her, and so she hid it in her heart night after night and day after day, even as she felt it in her blood and her bones and in all the little cracks and crevices of her thoughts.

Everywhere. The feeling is everywhere. And it is yours to treasure.

There were people out there in this wide world who shared her secret, or so she learned as she grew. The stories said that they were brave and strong and kind, good people with good powers and she could share her secret with them if she wished. So many times she had been tempted, to call upon the knights with their flashing swords and words of wisdom, to seek them out from their hiding place. Hiding place.

People suffered. People passed away. People rotted. People wept. So where were those knights with their flashing swords and their words of wisdom and their beautiful little secret now?

Nowhere. They will not come to aid you. Aid yourself, you do not need them.

Secret. A good secret. To keep it or not to keep it - yes, she would hide it. She learned that if she shared her secret the stagnant knights would find her, and now nothing could be worse than being drawn into their web of passivity. Yes, she would hide it. Keep it to herself. Grow her power inside of herself, practice and practice when no one was around to see her, in all the dark places that nobody would think to look.

Elsewhere. Find your power elsewhere. With me, my dear, plant the wretched seed and let it grow.

Someday soon, a beloved voice will call her name, and her secret will destroy the love and the life in him and return him to dust. Someday soon, a shattered heart will cry out vengeance and use her undead name as a battle cry for his own death wish. Someday soon, a girl of the sands will see the history inside her eyes and resurrect her withered and atrophied compassion.

All that would come to pass would be hers to create. But as that little girl settled back into sleep with a secret to keep her safe, all of it was a dream to her.

#ask game #Star Wars #fancyfics #Jedi Padmé au

[quodekash]

OKAY I HAVE ONE HOUR BEFORE THE OS2 MSP EPISODE COMES OUT SO HOPEFULLY I CAN FINISH THE ABAAB EPISODE BEFORE THEN, imma try to dial it down on the commentary so that its faster 

(also fun fact, i tried to do the mouthfuls of water when i mention how pretty anyone or their hair is thing that i suggested. and i had 48 mouthfuls of water and an immediate need to pee and i was worried that throughout the night i would suddenly become a 3 year old child and pee my bed. anyway.) 

AH SHOOT YEAH THE NOTE HE LEFT 

where the hell did cher go 

we’re probably about to find out but i wanna formulate my thoughts first 

(dang it now im thinking of first kanaphan bc i said ‘first’ STAY ON TRACK STAY ON TRACK STAY ON TRACK) 

presumably hes gone back to like his home town thingy 

but... why 

i have no idea 

we shall see 

OH, STUFF YOU 

VAFFANCULO TU OMOFOBO PEZZO DI MERDA 

LA DETESTO, DETESTO MOLTO 

LEI PUÒ MORIRE IN UNA BUCA FREDDA E BUIA ALL’INFERNO, PER FAVORE 

STRDYTCFUVJYHKB

“you two are not a good match” LIES, LIIEEEESSS 

NOOOOOO HE IS SADDDDDD 

HHHWHYYYYY 

“take care of your health” i love jack so much 

guys we’re nearly 6 minutes in and i havent mentioned jack’s hair ONCE 

okay well i just did BUT THAT DOESNT COUNT 

THIS IS A CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION 

I EXERCISED ✨RESTRAINT✨ 

“please tell him dont be too hard on yourself, and take care” AWWJRGKHB 

poor dude misses cher so much he keeps hallucinating him 

at this point the real cher is gonna show up and he’s gonna think its one of his hallucinations for goodness sake 

gun, go to therapy 

hes so pretty tho 

i love him 

and you didnt have a chance to say goodbye? because you didnt know it was a goodbye? and you desperately want to see him again but youre also terrified of that ever possibly happening because you know itll mean there’s going to be a goodbye, either that day or just at some point in the future, there will always be a goodbye, and you dont know if its worse to never get a chance to say goodbye or being forced to say goodbye against your own will? and youve had too many goodbyes in your life to know how to deal with it but you keep forgetting to bring this up with your psychologist when you see her once a month? 

whaaaat, me? projecting? no wayyyyy 

i love porsche 

porsche and gun are like lesbians 

that makes sense somehow 

porschegun are lesbians 

i will not elaborate 

“you, thyme, and cher. everyone left me. i have no one left.” jEEZ THAT ONE REALLY STABBED ME IN THE HEART SIX TIMES 

KILL MEEEEEEEEE 

whaaaat i have attachment issues? my psychologist said i have high signs of separation anxiety, like im a dog? noooooo waaaaaayyyyyyyy 

bro

DANG IT OF COURSE THAT WAS A DREAM 

“hes been drinking his old coffee for five days in a row” HOLY HELL HES NOT OKAY SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE OR SOMETHING 

i love him

and his hair 

sorry, i know i said i would dial it down but the episode is nearly over and it wouldnt be an abaab commentary post if i didnt mention and screenshot jack’s hair AT LEAST once. 

HES JUST SO PRETTY 

just. look at his face. appreciate his face. and his hair. 

JACK’S SAD LITTLE SMILE AND THEN HE LOOKS AWAY- IM GONNA CRY I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH 

CHER!! :DD 

and... yacht???? (seriously, IS that his name) 

HIS FREAKING BLUE HAIR IS SO PRETTY WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL 

second best hair in this show 

“without you, my tiny room seems tremendous” FIHREBGKJB 

GROUP MOMENT 

THREEZOOOOOO 

PLS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH 

“you’re making us horny” GIUERDBJSGOIRE THIS IS SO FUNNY WHAT THE HELL 

HE IS AMAZING 

AND ZO’S LITTLE FINGER SHAKE DSFDSGSGD 

MY BOI IS GRADUATINGGGGG 

MY BOI IS SEEING HIS BOY 

JRGFJFNGGFVC 

A WONDERFUL END TO THE EPISODE 

THAT WAS EXCELLENT 

I LOVE THEM 

aight time for msp in like. five minutes. 

#quodekash rambles about abaab #abaab jack's hair #jack's almighty curly hair #abaab #a boss and a babe #a boss and a babe series #a boss and a babe the series #chergun #guncher #forcebook #force jiratchapong #book kasidet #threezo #zothree #ohmfluke #flukeohm #fluke pusit #ohm thiphakorn #mike chinnarat #jack abaab

[undisputed-queer-a]

Lesbian Heel Shenanigans

As we continue our look at queer moments of representation in in 'our great sport' and as I continue to doubt that phrase I am brought to Survivor Series 2014. Obviously at this event Sting showed up in WWE for the first time, a shocking development that no one expected because of Sting’s long standing attitudes towards the company. Especially considering he had worked for both of WWE's biggest competitors (before AEW that is) WCW and TNA. Sting even turned down working for the Dub in the 2000s...but I hear you "What does Sting debuting in WWE have to do with the title?" really to be honest nothing I just didn't much want to talk about Nikki Bella Vs AJ Lee at the same Survivor Series. Was that funny? Probably not. Maybe it confused you because it didn't match the title idk. And I know I pick what I write about but like it's really bad. So to set the scene in August 2014 Nikki Bella turned on her sister saying and I quote "I wish you died in the womb." find the clip it's gloriously bad, and even though I feel bad making fun of her line delivery but it's...it's really something. So in the following moths they feud as you might expect. having a six minute match at Hell In a Cell in October and a two minute match on RAW in November. This feud I believe won the WON Worst Feud of the year for 2014 and universally panned by fans. I also think that one of their matches had the stipulation the classic personal assistant stipulation which made Brie Nikki's like servant for a bit. I'm one hundred percent sure this happened but I trust myself enough to mention it.

Okay so Survivor Series, Nikki beats AJ Lee starting her historic 301 day Diva's title reign (I wanna do a whole post on that belt. It's not got much to do with LGBTQ+ stuff but eh who cares.) but you wanna know how she won this match? Brie kissed AJ which distracted her, Nikki hits the 'Rack Attack' (not a great name IMO) and wins within 33 seconds. F*cking b*llshit (still not dure if the censoring is a good idea/whether I should do it or not.). Now I don't know why this happened. Like any of it but why did they book them to kiss? Why is Brie basically committing sexual assault kissing someone wo doesn't want to be kissed? And why are Nikki and Brie cool with each other again with no explanation? Nikki said she wished Brie died in the womb and then made her life hell why are they allies again? AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

It's genuinely maddening why was a couple of months of story telling (admittedly not good storytelling) undermined by strange Lesbian Heel Shenanigans. It's stupid and weird and it also kind of alludes to the predatory lesbian stereotype. It's all around awful and I honestly have spoken on this topic for too long.

Anyway this has been a....I don't actually know

This has been Undisputed Queer-a.

Slay The System, Shock The Cis-tem, and see you next Monday.

#wrasslin #wwe #survivor series 2014 #lgbt #lgbtq #blog #queer stuff #queer representation #undisputed queer a

[felicityphoenix5]

I have. No Goddamn Idea what the otterverse is so uhhhh,,,,,, infodump me? /nf

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you have given me the greatest gift ever i am vibrating rn sasdfghjhgfdsadfghj

i could take the easy way out and link you to some posts explaining this wacky gay story, but i have been rotating this in my mind constantly for the past three (THREE??? GOD .) months so i am not goign to do that (here and here they are if u want tho)

SO. The Otterverse is a semi-ongoing improv roleplay story that began as a funny little bit over on @lifesteal-headcanons and then somehow spiralled into....... all of this. ("all of this" including but not limited to; lesbians, hamilton quotes, tma references, more lesbians, ✨trauma✨, the apocalypse, even more gay people [everyone in this is queer in someway], tragic backstories and much, much more)

it is currently on its third and probably final (unless we do some spin-offs 👀) season. Season One (Aug 27ish to Sept 5ish) featured me as c!Felix, an immortal phoenix avian, Divorce Anon (aka Divorce and/or Divanon, played by @wallace-marte) a sort of human who kidnapped c!felix and was the antagonist of that season, and c!Paci (played by @pacificseaotter) an otter hybrid(?) and the resident cheater chaos creator. (there were other characters, but we were the main ones)

Season One was (IMO) the best one so far but I digress. It ended with death and grief and unhappy endings for the characters, as well as shock and general "wtf was that week of our lives man" from the actors.

---------------

Season Two came barely two days after the first one, and timeline-wise takes place about six months after the events of s1. I wasn't as involved with the beginning of s2, but the apocalypse Happened somehow. no idea How or Why but there's cosmic horrors goin to wendys and blood rain now. a day in the life ig .

I brought back c!felix for s2, and I think I was the only returning character? wisp (@wisp-exe) might've brought back theirs too idk. anyways, the cast basically tripled in size, mostly because of Captain "otterverse georg" @wlttebane playing a whopping 7 different characters. (shoutout to captain fr he slayed hard with that)

Wallace expanded its lore with three new characters, all connected back to Divanon. (Marri, Leon K [not shown] and Carmin). Mist (paci) created a new character, c!Otter.

Stickynote (played by @cats-thoughts) also joined, after making some absolutely banger fanart for s1 (also shoutout to cat its art is so sadfghjklkjh /vpos)

(and here is where you might want to read that first post i linked, as mist summed up this season more concisely than i ever could. zyr really amazing like that <3)

S2 ended in the same way as the first, with death, pain and destruction, a cruel imitation of the past. funny how that happens /silly.

---------------

and now season three....... ahhh......

s3, due to being in the unfortunate position of starting just when all the actors are Properly Starting School, has been ongoing for about two months now sdfghjklkjhgfds.

not much has happened yet, but I got to work on my flirting skills /silly (they still suck ass [hah.] but yknow) and tensions are on the rise.... so stay tuned for more (when will the "more" arrive? fuck if i know my best bet is christmas break)

---------------

if this seems vague on the actual details, thats cuz it is. i didnt really want to spoil it for you if you did somehow end up reading it in order (which reminds me i need to start archiving the otterverse again... anghd) so lemme know if you have any follow up questions :DD

#sorry this took so long to answer #ask #the mutual ask tag #the otterverse

[thescrapbookingscientist]

Bimonthly Media Roundup

-Hatoful Boyfriend (Video Game) - Hatoful finale and wow what an ending it was. I really have to applaud this game on turning a silly bonkers premise into a genuinely unnerving psychological horror while actually having interesting characters and emotional moments. I wouldn't say I connected enough with any of them to buy merch or anything but they had more depth than I was expecting from dating sim characters (and birds at that) with exiting little twists. The true ending was the culmination of all the routes and somehow delivered the most impactful story line of all, with a sort of fucked up but true case of "yeah minus the birds thing this is kinda how humans react to sudden and unexpected political shifts huh?". I'd definitely recommend giving it a playthrough/watch, it may seem a little slow at first but boy is it an experience.

-Face Off (TV) - Seasons 4 and 5 are on Netflix so I've been putting this on as background noise while I work. Really fun to see the neat challenges and designs, especially as I like to think how I would approach them myself (though more from a drawing/writing standpoint than crafting obviously). Too bad the whole show isn't available, I haven't found an archived set of all the designs and challenges online so I feel like I'm missing out on some fun ones.

-Suzume (Movie) - Okay so I had typed a whole big review on this out that glitched and did not save. I don't want to type it again so short version is that I respect the animation and themes or equating grief over the loss of a person with the loss of a location and community, but didn't really vibe with the lack of character or tension in the story. Also I feel bad for the little gremlin cat and think he deserved way better, justice for that cat that twink guy should've stayed a chair.

- Campfire Cooking (Manga) - A quick reread of the whole manga when I just wanted a self-indulgent relaxing cooking series. It's still very wholesome, though I will say that I think this is one of the rare ones where the anime is better than the manga due to the visuals really enhancing the appetizing meals and cute mannerisms of the familiars. Season 2 will be coming out soon which I am now fully prepared for, bring me the tiny dragon and loser elf.

- Six of Crows (Books) - Left without internet I was forced to listen to the pre-downloaded audio books I had bought months ago. It's actually pretty interesting so far, I do love heist stories, but I don't feel like talking about it until I'm farther in.

- The Apothecary Diaries (Anime) - I'm too tired to talk about how incredible this was right now but believe me it's really really good. I love MaoMao, this setting is amazing, the characterization of everyone is grounded enough to feel like unique people while leaving room for silly comedy, and the mysteries and twists are so compelling that I could barely stop watching. Highly recommend, might even rewatch it again soon.

- Dungeon Meshi (Anime) - Y'all weren't kidding about those lesbians huh? Good for them, Good for them.

- One Piece (Anime) - Arrived in Wano, the new art style is charming and so are Otama and Okiku.

- Genshin Impact (Video Game) - Making my way through Sumeru.

Listening To: How Did You Love by Shinedown, Give Up Your Dreams from The School of Rock, Everything Goes On by Porter Robinson, All the Boys by Panic! At The Disco, Willow by Taylor Swift, Rose Colored Boy by Paramore, Her Diamonds by Rob Thomas, Stray Italian Greyhound by Vienna Teng, Hey I Don't Work Here by Tom Cardy, Pierrot by Kei, and Can't Catch Me Now cover by Annapantsu

#weekly roundup #my posts

[wujico]

first post.. wow hello void. this is a little more awkward than i thought. i know i should treat this like im writing on paper again in my little taco journal i got from my friend back in elementary, but... idk maybe its the thought that somebody might read this that puts me off. and also the fact that i just.... havent written anything in any sort of journal since i was 16 and making goodbye letters (ToT) what a life

anyway today is a saturday... well its sunday morning at 5am but im riddled with anxiety and cant sleep so :,) im trying to keep my thoughts busy. i work again tomorrow, only six hours which is usual for me, but its fucking -50⁰ where i live rn and I REALLY dont wanna force myself out of bed..... ugh

but ive been really good at never skipping work unless im throwing up all over the place so :,) speaking of that, i just got done being sick with the flu for the SECOND TIME within two months !!!!! i have a horrid immune system.. most of the time when im sick i spend hours rotting away in my bed and on the bathroom floor... these two times were no different

i genuinely was up at like 5am unable to sleep sobbing in my bed because it hurt so much !!! i gen wanted to die lmfao i hate being sick

but its whatever... at least i got to talk to 🍀 while i was high on meds and a 39.8⁰ fever... i said some funny shit but he just entertained me... i love looking back at our messsages.. he really seems to care for me.... crazy

neway yes saturday.. today.. what did i do- well i had work. i was stressing the entire day over being able to get my hw done for uni classes on time but then i just.. decided not to work on it at all. idk.. work was okay. i love working. even though its a a gross fast food restaurant with shady people coming and making a mess 24/7. all that bad cancels out when it comes to my cowokers. ive had so... so so so many people ive loved at this job. people ive loved more than i should and who have left me (WHATS NEW) BUTTT thats a story for another day

well anyway i got to see one of my besties who is always talking about her boy troubles ... i think everyone still thinks im a lesbian there since im not out to them as trans and have a gf 🙃 its kinda funny.. especially with all my male coworkers

who can just goof off and be close to me without the added stress of thinking its going to go anywhere (for the two of us).

wow this is already becoming so long shksjjsskjslk i have a feeling each post is gonna be like this... just a ramble about my life

anyway. i went home and immediately one of my headmates made himself know... his names nikki and hes... newish? hes been around since august 2023 but just recently showed himself. well we played sky together for a while, just the two of us. i sorta.. soft called out 🍀 on my discord status saying something like "chill cr w/ nikki!! anyone can join!" hoping theyd join my game LOL

well it was a call out to any one of my sky friends on disc (my new friend mochi actually ended up seeing it and we got to talk propery on sky for one of the first times... i was so happy)

i felt bad for 🍀 at first because he couldnt see mochis chat messages while we were having a whole ass conversation with 🍀 piggy on my shoulders... but they added each other a little later and i think the convo went well :)

🍀 's sky friend actually joined us as well.. i dont know her... nor do i really care that 🍀 seemed so close with her (well that was definitely a lie i told myself)

im so jealous LMFAOOOO definitely problems related to being stuck in a toxic friend group for 12 years BUT AGAIN thats a story for another day

anyway i was a bit sad at first because there are just things you cant say in a chat with your queer platonic partner when theres a random who you sort of know but have never personally talked to... so i shut off a bit... nikki tho bless him wtf was like- urging me to stop being so closed off towards sky friends sjhdksjsk especially because this person was really nice and even asked if she could tag along (which i said was fine because i cant say no to anything, no matter how hard i try)

it got better tho, when mochi joined

i really am a horrible person, because i felt i finally had equal grounds on 🍀 by being able to talk to mochi while they couldnt

curse being literally delusionally attached to 🍀 because he is my o n l y true friend !!!

i really am selfish for wanting to have all his attention. i am such a shitty human being

anyway... we went to eden (i lead everyone) and then sat and talked for a bit. being on equal ground with mochi about our interest in skz was super refreshing. its been a while since ive talked to anybody... but i recently joined the sky server and mochi and a few others dmed me

half way through i saw me and 🍀 's mutal friend come online.... ill call him 🌟 on here.... i only recently got to know him because i was online on sky alone and decided to join him.. he was doing quests by himself so i got some 1 on 1 time with him and omg hes so cool

i always have this habit of putting everyone else in an "untouchable" catergory, because everyone compared to me is just so much better. i guess i idolized 🌟 in a way because i never got to talk to him... he was only mutals to me through our sky friend group

anyway after that 1 on 1 i immediately felt so amazing and i wanted to talk to him every chance i get... so after mochi left and he hadnt joined our game (which was suprising because i was with 🍀 and the other person who are close to 🌟 and he likes them a lot better than me so i thought hed join one of them.... but he didnt) so i just went and joined his game immediately

i kinda ditched 🍀 but its whatever, i was still in a bad mood from earlier

i was kinda upset and sad all day so.... i was distant in my head and wasnt talking to anyone.. but that wore off the moment i got the chance to talk to 🍀 again

which was when my dad suprised me with mcdonalds !!! i really felt gross after eating it- and still do- but it helps sometimes. to eat that garbage.. ive always been a binge eater

where the hell even was i

yea i teleported to 🌟 to hang out with him and 🍀 warped to me... i didnt really mind because theyre both super cool and my idols but i got a dry ass greeting from 🌟 wheres as 🍀 got a enthusiastic one !! so yeah immediately i was like aight i see how it is

but 🍀 left to do a cr so i got more 1 on 1 time with 🌟 WHICH WAS SO NICE!! i feel like we are getting closer and closer everyday... anyway he was playing some music and i offered to stay and listen and it was gen so nice... i wanted to fall asleep just listening to him play hehe and after every song id complement him and we'd talk about what hed just played (if it was from a game or a movie) .... and well he seemed gen grateful for the compliments which made me fill up with pride

eventually 🍀 came back but i didnt really mind since i got my 1 on 1 time and i enjoy talking to both of them anyway

we had a nice convo going then 🌟 left

i always feel so prideful when i can make people laugh, even though it might even just be a lol or hahaha

then me and 🍀 had one on one time... which is what brings me to writing this

he mentioned he had a secret tumblr diary. this isnt the first time he mentioned it- back when we met irl he said if i could find it i could read it.... i tried to find it lol but couldnt so i just gave up

i didnt even think about it again until tonight.... i thought about trying to find it again but then i was like- yk what would be a better idea !!! make my own !!

so yeah i got the idea from him... a little secret vent diary place that i hope nobody can find (especially him, but if you do find it, im sorry LOL)

really i kinda wanna go looking for his but.... idk after making my own im just like how fucking awkward would it be for him to find mine and read it 😀😀 LIKE THAT WOULD BE SO BAD

so ive given up again

im gonna wait until he shares it with me.. idk when that'll be, but maybe when he does ill have wrote a lot on here and can share this with him as well

after all, i am kinda crazy. ill tell him every little secret about me if he asked.

i have so much to say but no brain power left. oh well

- ji

(1 / 13/ 2024)

[elaine4queen]

I’m going to have porridge. I don’t eat as much on Elvanse, obviously, but if I’m having a day off then I deserve a proper breakfast. It’s a risk cooking on the hob. Last time I did it was to make spaghetti and it caused a small fire. You can’t stand over spaghetti, it takes too long, but you do have to change the temperature of the ring a few times to keep it on a rolling boil. At one point I’d put the back ring on full instead of turning the front one a notch down, and I didn’t notice, so the plastic container I’d put there with some food in it melted. The whole flat stank for days and it was really upsetting.

When I saw the first GP he did bloods, and it seems that taking the normal amount of testosterone for a woman had given me rather high readings. He suggested I halve my dose and get bloods again in a month. The thing is that the numbers, while high for a woman, are nowhere near what a man’s would be, and in this day and age of transitioning between genders what if that number was just right for me? 

Hazel did an experiment when she was doing her psychology degree where she measured the testosterone of lesbians on their way into a bar and then as they came out. Their testosterone went up while they were in there. I think about this. I think about what I was doing before I had the bloods done. I’d had a medical appointment where I didn’t feel patronised and did feel heard, and then I’d sat in the park with a friend while I waited for the bloods appointment with the nurse. I wonder what my readings would have been after the encounter with the HRT doctor?

They don’t usually do bloods with women my age - it’s too unreliable because your hormones vary wildly over the course of a day, and, it would seem, sometimes an hour. They do bloods for perimenopausal women because they might have enough of everything. Older women are generally allowed to have a suck it and see approach.

***

I was hoping that having cut the chronic migraine so drastically I could get a jump on my life and have my 40s in my 60s. I’ve been living so badly, really most of my adult life, but particularly the past couple of decades, with the pain, that getting the top layer of it dealt with was encouraging. I’ve now joined Facebook groups about CGRP Antagonists, the formal general name for the drug I’m on and it seems that some people have side effects, but more frighteningly, some people suddenly stop responding to the drug, so anything that trips me back into migraine territory is terrifying. That can happen, for me, when the atmospheric pressure changes, which there isn’t much I can do about, the hormones, which should be under my control but which is only partially, and the TMJ which has been treated recently with deep, painful injections into my jaw muscles, but the treatment is not offered as often as I need it, and the clinic is really random about seeing me. That, I could go privately for. I also get pain in my neck, and it’s flared up recently with the damp. I went to a neurologist because my neck and lower spine cause my fingers and toes to be numb and I was a bit worried about it, and then when I got an appointment I told the consultant that I didn’t want an operation or nerve blockers. He said he could keep the referral open for me so I could phone his clinic directly in the next six months if I changed my mind. I think what I don’t want is to end up like last year, going down to gym once a week and only doing gentle rehab. If a nerve blocker could allow me to power through the winter that’d be a plus.

***

I hope it’s not raining or windy tomorrow. I want to write outside again. I can’t believe the difference it makes. 

I had a terrible night last night. I hoped the migraine could be slept through but when I woke up in the night I decided to take a triptan to see it off. I’ve never had so many constant days of migraine since I started the CGRP I’m on and I’m frightened in case it’s stopped working. I actually blame having come off testosterone and I’d resolved to book an appointment with the GP in the morning, but when I woke up in the night, with reduced brainpower I reached for the dosette box instead of the sumatriptan and took all my night meds again and when the alarm went off I managed to get the site up, but sat and stared at the options so long they all disappeared. I’m a total zombie this morning and the only good thing is that Lola has Rooddogs so I don’t have to walk her. 

I feel like writing about my ailments like this has to be boring to read, but if I’m going to write honestly about my reality it’s a fact that I both rely on meds and have problems with them.

Yesterday went well, though, despite my temper. Various things happened that made me feel like things were finally cracking on in general. The tree guy turned up to look at the rogue poplar in my garden, and this is an outsourced contractor so it’s finally going to be dealt with. We both said we didn’t like killing things, but this tree is massive and is only going to get bigger if left, and it was planted right next to the listed bungeroosh garden wall, and has already taken some of the concrete cladding off the outside of it with its roots. Given time it’d take the whole wall down. Someone from my housing association rang, as well, to sort out the saga of the leak. Tomorrow afternoon a surveyor will come, and they will follow the whole process all the way through from the leak to the making good. Matt texted while I was doing yoga, and he says he’ll look at my broken tumble drier. There aren’t many more line drying days left now.

I’ll miss the tree even though it’s a thug. It’s my view from my bed and it shows me what’s going on with the wind, and when it’s a sunny morning I get dappled sunlight because of it, which is very pretty.

#actually adhd #actually autistic #original writing #writing #chronic illness #invisible illness #medication #migraine #chronic migraine #HRT #hrt testosterone

[thissugarcane]

qaf rewatch, 1x11

wait, is this the birthday party episode? am I here already?

first, before the ep even gets going, let's mention my very fave part of this episode and it is nothing to do with brian or mikey; it is actually J Taylor and melanie drinking tequila in the background and being catty as shit. luv those drunk fools

ted's 33 which means he's 3 and a half years older than brian and 3 years older than michael

michael tryna pretend he doesn't like sex with the same person, but actually he really doesn't seem that unhappy he isn't moving in with david

"hey busboy" -- justin is a very bad busboy, his fingers in the fucking water glass. wonder if he's terrible at this from the beginning? or just with the guys that made him get the job?

otoh, him flicking water at brian in faux irritation while being very swishy is hilariously cute

awww, ted and emmett and the HIV scare - I forgot this is at the same time, what Em's got going on while brian and michael are fighting (I also forgot Ted had the original HIV scare / had unsafe sex, which makes his "dump Ben" even more mean)

Michael bitching about turning thirty to Brian and then six months later he gives brian a coffin cake? jesus

also, brian points out that michael shouldn't break up with david on account of him -- as much as brian is jealous and doesn't like david, I also think he realizes david isn't a good guy for michael (in a weird way, I think probably david isn't right for michael because he's too like brian, too controlling, etc)

Emmett's "You're too important to me!" awwwwwwww. emmett and ted, the healthy michael&brian.

petition to get more fanfic about emmett and ted's friendship. <3

in one moment, deb is all "michael you're thirty, maybe grow up". then in the very next moment she treats him like a child by insisting he call david and apologize for whatever michael did wrong. and then, when michael makes a very good point -- "david and I had *nothing* in common other than pantene shampoo and conditioner, and I had to give up my entire life" -- she ignores it.

like sure, we know he broke up with david because of brian, but there were ALSO GOOD REASONS. idek, deb. you can't tell him to grow up in one second and then coddle him the next

oh jesus, deb yelling at brian again for ruining michael's life. I just-- brian is too smart to know that deb's blame is partly unfair

"it was then I knew I was trouble. and you haven't disappointed me a day since." "you've been there too much." -- deb's emotional maturity is extremely, extremely nonexistent

hahahahaha mel and ted in the sex toy store, luv this Mel.

"the minute you start telling your friends your relationship problems, it's the beginning of the end" - hi ted, you nailed it, linds and mel are indeed in the death throes, they just don't know it (for the next. five. years.)

mel: [to ted's muttering "i'm negative"] "oh that's okay. happy people can be really annoying." oh mel. <3 so true.

this emmett storyline is one of the most difficult to watch.

ugh, david, why are you still around

love ted's inability to coddle michael's drama queen moment over aging and is just like "get off your ass and come to your surprise party"

these lesbians are such terrible parents; why did they bring gus to the party? like sweet lordt

justin taylor, hottie in the background

you know what this definitely mirrors? the rage party at the end of 2x20 *weeps* why must brian cut his heart out in such public ways

the rage party: the second worst moment of brian's life, or the second worst moment of brian's life? ...maybe the third? in recent memory at least.

david's present is something *he* wants, not something michael wants. why do you even want this guy back?

ted challenging brian to let michael go, and brian challenging ted right back -- even here they're actually. what each other needs. interesting that they don't like each other very much but still, this

also while Ted is accusing him, brian just folds his arms and hunches his shoulders, makes himself smaller. (of course then he goes on the offensive but still)

note to self: Vic's speech to emmett - come back to this if you write about the cancer, because it could be similar to how to cajoles brian into being less reactive

there are a shocking number of women in this crowd, all things considered (aka more than melanie, lindsay and deb). where'd they come from? are we to assume they're friends of michael's? they can't be brian's friends, brian doesn't have any friends *G* maybe they're Ted's friends

Mel being annoyed and jealous of Linds and Deb bonding over motherhood, also mel being annoyed at Lindsay for "i'm being innappropriate. lindsay's never inappropriate". these two are really... I mean they're not as badly suited as david and michael but they're still pretty damned unsuited to each other

Ted and Michael: ted finally accepting the two of them aren't gonna get together and his wanting michael is, like, a fantasy. mirrors brian's drunk psychotherapy in S2 where he tells ted "you got exactly what you wanted, which was nothing" while so shitfaced he's actually slurring.

aww, also, Ted's "love someone for real, Michael". how sad is it that it takes Ted four years and five seasons to realize how that feels

also oh my fucking god, david punches brian out at a party and everyone is pissed off at BRIAN, and then two years later at Mel and Lindsay's party brian punches michael and everyone is STILL PISSED AT BRIAN? what the hell

like yes, brian deserved it. but why did they assume it automatically? those fuckers.

Tracy saying 'you're a liar, Mike'. oh so true. michael is a liar

hehehe. mel being vicious makes sense since she's drunk and mean. emmett's not that mean, lindsay is a bitch

Brian waiting for justin to leave too <33333 "you're gonna need someone to help you clean up this mess" <33333333 J TAYLOR FOR THE WIN *inarticulate screaming*

also, let's talk about how justin a. stayed over after the party (where we can sort of assume that, peut etre, brian either had an orgy or did copious amounts of drugs to forget his pain); b. slept in the clothes he was wearing, so c. stayed over and they didn't fuck??

like, justin was allowed to stay / decided to stay / brian didn't kick him out even though they didn't fuck, because he wanted the company and was all right with justin being the one to give it? and there's no trick in the loft so nobody else stayed??? <3

give me the fic for the end of this night.

it's shallow but. i don't find michael and david have any chemistry whatsoever

let's also talk about brian drinking in the morning

let's NOT talk about how much of a cunt debbie is to brian because I can't handle it

so brian gets angry and tells justin "get up!" but, is he really mad or just defensive?

"I finally figured it out" -- Deb, you TOLD HIM TO DO THIS and now you're STILL MAD AT HIM?!?! you bitch

justin: "I'm brushing my teeth" and then Deb's "you loaned him your toothbrush?!" are you seriously going to give brian shit for treating justin like a friend/a boyfriend?

justin doesn't want to leave while deb's still talking to brian -- good, taylor. you remember, she's not on brian's side. she never has been. ... if only brian would remember it.

my dislike of how everyone venerates deb and doesn't-- actually, you know what it is about deb (and michael) I don't like, narratively? and lindsay (though there are other reasons there). it's the Willow Rosenberg / Xander effect. the main character(s) do things that are shitty, and bad, and whatever -- and people call them out for it, their friends and family support them and love them but don't let them pretend like shit they pull is okay or whatever.

but willow and xander (almost) never face anyone being like "hey, actually, the shit you did just then isn't cool with me." like, I'm not saying every bad thing people do has to be dealt with, but as a pattern of "being let off the hook by friends and family / never being told 'that's shitty behaviour" bugs me, narratively. a lot.

and that's deb in a nutshell. almost no one talks back to her -- especially not the people who really should -- so she never has sto face when she's treating people badly.

#queer as folk us #qaf

[sporksaber]

Scooby doo but they're highschoolers vibing on school breaks and free weekends when they have them together.

I like them all being good students, but trying to figure out how they'd rank is hard. I cant quite decide if velma would want to take classes with higher weights just to be valedictorian. Like, she'd find them easy but may see them as a waste of time. Although honestly I like the idea of her being valedictorian.

They all seem like they'd be at least honour role(85%) to me, but while taking different levels of classes. Shaggy sticks to the basic classes, daphne and freddy each take a few advanced ones in their own preffered subjects, Velma's all advanced courses with every possible AP.

Freddy making sets in the drama club is one of my favorite things. Same with track and field shaggy.

Other ideas:

They all met through a mystery club in middle school.

I'm keeping the original ages, shaggy and fred are 17 (like a month or two apart), daphne is 16 (a few months younger than the guys), and velma is 15. But they're all in the same year (at those ages they're juniors, velma skipped a year).

Shaggy got his liscence first but fred got a car first. Daphne got her liscence exactly six months after turning 16. Velma didnt get hers until 17, and prefers not to drive.

They go on their first trip to a haunted place the week before their junior year.

Freddy introduces daphne to colored contacts at some point and she switches her normal ones for purple ones after. Freddy tells people who.comment on it that they were always pu ry please, no one can figure out if he's joking.

Daphne chooses a new random club every year, but also helps freddy in the drama club. She slowly gets more involved but doesnt actually participate until her senior year.

They all first met in a mystery club in middle school. Shaggy joined accidentally but he really enjoyed it.

The orange turtleneck pleated skirt combination is definitely velma's safe outfit. She wears it most often as she's the most comfortable in it.

Shaggy owns exactly one pair of non ripped pants, and only baggy shirts (as far as he knows. His parents keep clothes in a spare drawer for when he needs them).

Shaggy collects useless skills constantly.

Velma fears nothing. Freddie thinks nothing.

Daphne wears a different outfit every day.

Sometimes they go on mystery solving adventures without eachother. And sometimes they forget to tell eachother about whatever wild things happen for fun confused reactions to call backs.

Daphne borrows scooby for scary dog privileges.

Velma is a lesbian, I stand by that.

Velma is fairly confident in dealing with people but doesnt always read situations correctly and acts too confident.

Daphne and Shaggy's parents are Rich rich. But the gang didnt realized that until they went to their homes. It was not expected. Daphne seemed very well off with how she dressed but they didnt pin her as growing up as extravagantly as she did.

#scooby doo #this is messy but its been in my drafts for months

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Lessons Learned

Spencer Reid x (female) Reader (but reader doesn’t actually appear in the scene, that’s more of a postscript thing) 

Word Count: 1225

Warnings: Non-explicit discussion of sex, in an oddly sweet and wholesome kinda way. 

A/N: In which Emily gives Spencer some advice! 

Inspired by @softspence​ / @homoose​ and this ask / this fic! Because it’s been a while (or, y’know, a week) since I wrote about the importance of communication during sex, and then I got to thinking about the whole “men being threatened by vibrators” thing, and... fic happened. 

“I swear to god, Kevin’s eyes just about bugged out of his head when he saw mine,” Penelope is saying, as Spencer slides back onto his chair. 

“They get so threatened, right?” Emily exclaims. “It’s a tool, not a competitor.” 

Penelope sighs. “God. Men. No offense, Spencer.” 

“None taken?” he says tentatively. “Um… what are you talking about?” 

“Vibrators,” Emily informs him, and Spencer chokes a little bit on absolutely nothing. “And the time a man told me female ejaculation is a myth, and all the other reasons I prefer having sex with women.” 

“Maybe I’ll just — um,” Spencer mutters, looking around desperately for an excuse to be somewhere else. For a second he considers joining JJ and Derek on the dance floor, but that’s its own kind of hell. 

“Which part of that statement made you uncomfortable?” Emily asks, laughing. “C’mon, Doctor Reid, I’m sure you have some statistics on the female orgasm.”

Spencer grimaces, but offers, “Women orgasm during heterosexual intercourse roughly sixty-one percent of the time, compared to eighty-six percent during lesbian sex.” 

“There you go,” Emily says, slapping her hand on the table with a grin. “And I bet it’s only that low because women don’t always expect reciprocation. Sometimes I just want to go down on a chick, you know?” 

Spencer just looks at her, wide-eyed, feeling like a deer caught in headlights. 

“I’m gonna go get another drink and get my dance on,” Penelope interrupts with a giggle. “Be back in a bit. Spencer, try not to die of embarrassment while I’m gone.” 

“I should probably switch to water,” Emily muses, draining the last sip of her drink. Once Penelope is out of earshot, she adds, “I’m sorry, Spence, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”  

“No, it’s not that, exactly.” Spencer frowns down at the table. “It’s just — never mind.” 

Emily is studying him, uncomfortably sharp even though she’s way past tipsy. “You still haven’t, have you? Gone down on a girl, I mean.” 

Spencer’s entire face is hot. “That’s… you’re correct.”

“You’ve had sex, though,” Emily says. 

Either Spencer’s been saying some embarrassing things in his sleep during jet naps, or she’s… well, a profiler. Right. 

“She wasn’t —we didn’t — once, and it was a… perfunctory experience.” He sighs, dropping his face into his hands, and admits all in one breath, “Idon’tlikebeingbadatstuff.”

When he looks up again, Emily’s smiling at him, not unkindly. “Are you looking for some advice?”

“I know the theory, but —”

“Not something you can learn from a book. Yeah. Believe me, Spencer, I am happy to talk about this stuff,” Emily says. She’s obviously sincere, and Spencer feels some of his embarrassment melt away. “Not enough men want advice, and that’s part of the problem.” 

Spencer shrugs. “Then… yeah, I’m asking you for advice.” 

Emily nods and folds her hands, sitting up a little straighter; she means business. 

“Lesson one: make sure your fingernails are clipped and filed and clean,” she says authoritatively. 

“That makes sense.” 

“Second: take your fucking time. Okay? Don’t just, like, faceplant tongue-first onto the clit.” Spencer almost chokes on his drink at that, and Emily smirks before continuing, “Women are beautiful, right? Seems obvious to you and me, but a lot of the time, they don’t believe that they’re beautiful, and when they’re naked, they tend to worry about whether you think they’re beautiful.” 

“Huh.” 

Yeah, none of the books ever mentioned that. 

“So take your time getting there. Appreciate the rest of her body. Kissing, touching, licking, just — looking, and exploring, and letting her know that you like what you see. That you like all of her, and not just what’s between her legs. If you can make her feel comfortable — not just comfortable with you, but comfortable in her own skin — that’s going to make it a whole lot easier for her to enjoy herself. Got it?” 

“Got it,” Spencer says softly. 

Emily takes a sip of her drink and clears her throat. 

“Okay. Here’s where a lot of dudes get tripped up: fucking communicate. Just ask her what she likes, and then actually listen to what she says. There’s nothing wrong with not being confident. It’s a whole lot better than being over-confident.” 

“Yeah, I don’t think over-confident will be a problem for me,” Spencer says wryly. 

“Good. Because way too many guys go into sex assuming that they already know how to blow her mind, or whatever, and that this is a chance for them to, like, amaze her with their moves, and a lot of the time, they got their moves from porn and they suck.” Emily’s getting a little rant-y. She takes a deep breath and continues. “Anyway, just — just ask her. She might not be comfortable, at first, saying it bluntly like that, so listen to her body, too, right? Touch her in different ways and pay attention to how she responds. Fingers, tongue… suction, penetration… everybody — every body — is different.” 

Spencer nods, and hesitates before saying, “I’ve heard a couple men talk about it, and they always make it sound — intimidating? And not necessarily… enjoyable.” 

“Men are fucking weird,” Emily says bluntly. “It’s awesome. Not like jizz tastes like chocolate and strawberries, anyway. But, like, it’s… human, you know? There’s something hot about it, even if it’s not what you’d usually enjoy. And the wetter she gets, the longer you spend down there, the better she’s going to taste.” 

Spencer’s cheeks are burning again. He rubs his eyes, trying to cover his discomfort. “And how — I mean…” 

“You’ll know,” Emily says wryly. “And also, when it’s over, she’ll be sensitive, and she’ll push you away, because it’ll be too much.” 

“Oh.” 

“And it’s not — it’s not necessarily comfortable, you know? Feels like you’re gonna fucking suffocate, sometimes. You’ll have her thighs around your head, and she’ll be all trembly, trying to move her hips, maybe pulling your hair, but —” Emily’s smiling now, equal parts dreamy and smug. “— feeling someone just fall apart like that, feeling their whole body shaking — making them feel good — it’s amazing.” 

“That doesn’t sound so bad,” Spencer mumbles.

“Really, though,” Emily says seriously. “The most important thing is that you take your ego out of the equation. Stop worrying about being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ at it. Whether it’s your fingers or your mouth or your dick or her fucking vibrator, ask her what to do, and then do it. Understood?” 

“Yeah. I understand.” He gives her a grateful smile. 

Emily studies him for a moment and then says, “For what it’s worth? Just knowing you as a friend, knowing how much you care about people, I think your future partners are in good hands.” It’s unusually earnest for her and it catches Spencer off-guard, but before he can think of a response, she flashes him a bright grin and adds, “If they want to thank me, though, my favorite flowers are roses.” 

Spencer laughs. “I’ll remember that, if I ever meet someone special.” 

“You will. Don’t worry.” 

“Thanks, Em.” 

Sure enough, he meets you a few months later. 

Your breathless, “How did you do that?” was meant to be rhetorical, but he tells you the whole story anyway. You have a huge bouquet delivered to Emily’s apartment, along with a bottle of wine and a card that says, “Can’t thank you enough.”

.

.

.

More CM fic here. If you enjoyed this, please reblog or leave a note here! 

#criminal minds #cm #criminal minds fic #spencer reid fic #spencer reid #emily prentiss #emily prentiss fic

[alicepire]

Some thoughts on the Supergirl finale:

-Alex I get that you’re ready to let the whole world burn to save your daughter, but your daughter is in the world. Why not spend a couple of minutes coming up with a plan?

-sure, I can buy that the US government has a special satellite that can harness the power of the sun. Go off. But that whole “the sun will take six months to recharge.” “But we need the sun for crop growth!” Conversation is one of the funniest things I’ve seen on TV all year.

-ok, so Kara spent 3:55 charging from the sun, a process that takes 4:00. But because she stopped it with seconds to spare before the end, she somehow didn’t absorb all the things that she already seemed to absorb, as implied by the brain CGI, and the sun no longer needs six months to recharge? None of that made sense and was a very weird bit of filler. Also why did she need to recharge with the sun over the middle of downtown? And why did it make the cars crash?

- ahh yes. I see we’ve decided that Kara doesn’t inspire hope and only solves things with her fists, disempowering people by helping them. How very “government handouts are bad” and “we didn’t watch season 1” of them.

-why did Lex and Nixly turn into Voldemort?

-so Brainy needs to go to the future to join with the big brain. Since the future is in the future, why can’t he live a long life with Nia now and then time travel to the right future moment to join with the big brain after 50 years?

-“Monel died on the way back to his home planet”. I love that he was included and that they shut down all possibility of Karamel. Actually good.

-nothing about the resolution of Lex and Nixly made sense, nor was it enjoyable. The whole thing felt like they made a list of phrases and themes they wanted to touch on, but didn’t think about how to cohesively include them so they made sense. I can understand wanting to pack a finale full of everything meaningful, but that needed a couple more rounds of edits.

-the wedding was beautiful and I love them

-if they couldn’t do Supercorp, then that was a good way to leave them

-why the fuck would a journalist who loves being in the field and investigating stories want to be an editor in chief? She’ll write an op ed during election season and times of great national crisis and nothing else.

-Cat’s first scene was awful. The other two were on brand.

- overall, the episode reminded my why the show needed to end, with the occasional glimpse of why I loved it.

-if Kara couldn’t end up with Lena (and have the requisite multi-episode arc to make it authentic) I’m glad she ended up being comfortable with herself and didn’t get stapled to some random dude. That was great.

-Lena can’t be in a relationship until she learns to not put her shoes on the furniture.

-why do all the lesbians get married outside now? I say this as a lesbian who got married outside, but it’s one hell of a trend this year.

#supergirl #supercorp #supercat #Supergirl spoilers #Supergirl finale

[autisticandroids]

anyway ok so lets talk about ruby SPECIFICALLY in my good s6 au. this ruby concept is almost the same as @lesbiansamwinchester‘s ruby lives au but has some key differences, mainly ruby doesn’t redeem herself in s5. lucifer raises her in sympathy for the devil because she really was the best of those sons of bitches and she deserves it but she spends all of s5 conflicted in her loyalties because while she really DOES want lucifer to win she is also In Love With Sam, Unfortunately, and gets more and more uncomfortable with sam being lucifer’s vessel and shit. and then she finally betrays lucifer in like, two minutes to midnight or swan song and he IMMEDIATELY kills her (very important: lucifer must already be possessing sam when this happens). then she’s brought back like. face down in a ditch 300 miles away. that’s how ruby ends season five.

anyway watch this video to set the mood. ruby stuff in season six:

- so at FIRST she is actually running around with a ragtag group of lucifer loyalist demons led by meg. meg kind of hates her for betraying lucifer for sam but also you know sam’s dead and ruby won’t do it again and most importantly they need EVERY pair of hands on board for this. so ruby is kissing huge amounts of ass mostly meg’s, like, meg is making her wait on her hand and foot in an apron. it’s comically villain homoerotic. you know. like ruby serves meg tea in a maid outfit for no other reason then as like. ridiculous humiliation that’s also intensely, weirdly horny. like the lucifer crowley dog stuff in s11. actually meg literally makes ruby wear a dog collar with a little tag that says like, “ruby. if found, please call 666 and return to owner (meg).” i cannot stress enough that this is just STUPID horny for NO reason. you guys know what i mean. it’s basically sorority hazing but up to eleven because demons, and also forever. also meg makes ruby kiss her hand at least once. or like no she makes her kiss her boot. i am having too much fun i’ve gotten distracted.

- ruby finds out sam is alive and immediately ditches. like she just fucks off to nowhere and they can’t figure out where she went. anyway this samruby reunion takes place like, before the first episode definitely, maybe a few months.

- i do like @lesbiansamwinchester‘s thing where ruby tries very hard to be sam’s moral compass but also imo she fucks up, very bad, and a lot. and soulless sam can’t really catch her at it so they end up doing a lot of very fucked shit actually. but she tries very hard because she cares about sam and she wants him to think well of himself y’know. and she wants to be someone who sam would think was worth following.

- re: that last point. many thoughts. head full.

- when sam and dean finally see each other again ruby is there and dean is like what the FUCK. like he did see that she betrayed lucifer for sam at the last minute but also he hates her and doesn’t trust her, and he actually kind of suspects that whatever’s wrong with sam might actually be HER fault. 

- this post is relevant.

- okay but i’ve decided that the cas/meg kiss DOES in fact happen in this au because i do kind of love it and also more importantly, with the addition of the insane meg being ruby’s shitty ex vibe that i am jamming into this au with both hands, it is just. chefkiss. ruby and dean look at each other in horror while sam is just like huh? i’m sorry but imagine being ruby and being forced to watch your horrible ex get kissed dommily by castiel. god this is funny i love this. again this is all in subtext because we are imagining cw censors and i’ve used up my one allotted gay kiss for the season by having anna make out with a random woman at an orgy to prove that all angels are degenerate pansexual hedonists, you know. (is this homophobic enough for the cw? i hope so!) also: an orgy which balthazar organized and cas refused to attend, to be clear. 

- dean is actually garbage enough about the whole ruby thing that sam and ruby fuck off by themselves for a good while like, maybe three or four episodes, leaving dean alone or sometimes with cas. during this time dean gets a little bit involved with the angel revolutionaries.

- anyway when sam gets his soul back he’s like, torn, between dean and ruby. he feels guilty for how he behaved towards and thought about dean but he would ALSO feel guilty just kicking ruby to the curb.

- HOWEVER when he gets his soulless memories back he does kick her to the curb because she has done some REALLY fucked up shit while trying to be his moral compass like she is BAD at it.

- once ruby is left all alone in the world, guess who shows up in a flutter of wings and ambiguity! it’s anna! 

- she is here to ask ruby if she wants to spy on hell for the angel revolution. ruby accepts because everyone else hates her right now. if anna wants to take her in under cas’ banner (and not tell the winchesters because they’re technically on the same side but what’s a little subterfuge between friends) ruby will take it.

- ruby and anna DO get to have some fun agent runner/agent lesbian subtext, as a treat! at least when anna isn’t busy eating food out of lisa braeden’s fridge like villanelle and other nuts things. 

- like i do wanna be clear anna just. appears in lisa braeden’s kitchen, slowly, wordlessly eats her leftovers while staring her down, and then flies away. this contributes to lisa’s impending mental breakdown. MY season six is about the madness of the suburban housewife, among many other various things.

- also i want to be clear that raphael’s side is actually like, funneling weapons to the lucifer loyalist demons to try and get them to defeat crowley but it’s all very hush hush, like, raphael would NOT want his underlings to know that he has organized this, like, they can barely stand to work with naomi. the fact that raphael had naomi organize help for DEMONS is unthinkable. anyway it’s basically celestial iran-contra.

- ruby is actually one of the last people to stick by cas even when like, anna and balthazar are betraying him, because like. whomst among us has never wanted to become god a little. and also, ruby is weak to authority figures we KNOW this she might be down to accept cas as her heavenly father a little, she’s NOT a rebel. but most importantly she sticks by him because, you know, i love sam and he’s mad at me for kinda betraying him and you [REDACTED] dean and he’s mad at you for kinda betraying him like we’re all winchester derangement syndrome patients here, and also like. i get it. sometimes they don’t know what’s good for them. sometimes in order to love you have to betray a little bit.

- ruby doesn’t turn on cas until he breaks sam’s wall. but by then it’s too late and there’s nothing she can do really.

- the parallel where it was dean who stabbed ruby in lucifer rising and it’s sam who stabs cas in the man who knew too much is actually intentional this time and WAY more aggressive. actually there are tons of cas-ruby parallels. i think meg should call ruby a whore like one episode before crowley calls cas a whore just to hammer it home. i think the thing where soulless sam runs away from dean’s judgement and is running around with ruby while dean is sulking about it but also running around with cas is super aggressively obvious. god i love that ruby’s existence makes it super obvious that cas is dean’s [REDACTED]. that’s so fun. 

- this has been an intensely hypertextual romp and it’s apparently nearly fifteen hundred words, good god. anyway, special thanks to @lesbiansamwinchester, @pietacastiel, and @seragamble, all of whom brainstormed with me

#spn #good s6 au

[vvienne]

SANGCHENG FIC RECS

flight of a one-winged dove by bloodletter

Talking at someone is only fun for so long. That's all being a sect leader is: talking and talking to people bound by courtesy to listen to you. It's so fucking dull. A relief, then, to face one’s equal, and no less an old friend who is inclined to interrupt you whenever you ramble. He likes it. It’s one of Jiang Cheng’s best qualities.

In the years after Guanyin Temple, Nie Huaisang attends to unfinished business.

whipped by reindeercolin

Jiang Cheng blinks. “Dammit, they do think you’re dating one of us! I hate it when Wei Wuxian is right.” “Excuse me?” Nie Huaisang gives him an incredulous look. “First of all, they think I’m dating you, and if anything, they’re getting more aggressive!”

(or, the one in which Jiang Cheng has too many relatives, not enough patience, goes through a brother-divorce and finds out he has a boyfriend - in that order, more or less.)

Ponder the Manner of Things by Pip (Moirail)

It's not that Jiang Cheng can't do a quadruple flip followed by a triple toeloop. It's that his mother seems to think that's still not good enough.

Jiang Cheng is grateful that Huaisang doesn’t have the same kind of family life that he does, all - messy with expectations and cravings for closeness and nothing but vague filial piety where love is meant to be.

a matter of time and organ donation by nev_longbottom

This is it. The call he’s been waiting for. His brother had ‘an accident’ or ‘died in his sleep’ or some other lie to cover up the murder.

“Please, Mingjue is missing. He got into one of his moods and he was gone when I came back from grocery shopping. He’s not answering his phone. I don’t know if he left or was kidnapped or if something else happened. Huaisang, please, if you’ve heard anything,” Meng Yao begs.

Nie Huaisang hunts his brother's killer.

no tip necessary by tattletold

With all the nervousness of a virgin in a whorehouse, Jiang Cheng closes the door behind himself and enters, sitting on the low seat across from the escort. The pretty young man keeps his face hidden behind the delicate fan, and Jiang Cheng thinks for a moment that he recognizes the design painted onto it now that he’s closer.

It’s only when he lowers the fan and opens his eyes, wide, does Jiang Cheng paralyze with realization.

They speak at the same time in equally horrified tones.

“Jiang Cheng?”

“Nie Huaisang?”

Your Place in the Family of Things by raisedbyhyenas

No matter what happens, no matter the circumstances, Wei Wuxian will always leave and Jiang Cheng will always get stuck trying to rebuild from whatever’s left.

*************

In which Jiang Cheng makes friends; gets a cat; begins to rebuild a relationship; and maybe, possibly, potentially, learns a little bit how to be happy.

sigh yourself to sleep by merthurlin

“Let me take care of you, A-Cheng.”

No one—no one has ever said that, not to Jiang Cheng. He wasn’t a very sickly child, true, but the few times he remembered being sick it was never—he had a-jie, and later on he had Wei Wuxian, for what it was worth, but he never—

halcyon days by serein

They're in a forest, it seems just the two of them.

"You have to be patient," Nie Huaisang says, "I once waited for three days to catch a sparrow."

"Three days?" Jiang Cheng replies, sceptical. He can't imagine Nie Huaisang having the attention span for that.

"It's not that hard," Nie Huaisang says, "if you know what they want, and find a way to get it for them."

[JC stumbles across an array and gets physically de-aged to be 16/17. NHS kindly offers his help to an old friend, but things... escalate.]

To Distraction by isozyme

It’s the third night of Yunmeng’s kite festival celebrations. Nie Huaisang has come visiting, eager to partake in the food, the arts, and Jiang Cheng.

-

Jiang Cheng wants to forget. Nie Huaisang has some new lube and wants to see if he can put his whole fist in somebody’s ass.

Lights, Camera, Kiss by MissMagus

When Nie Huaisang gets paired with straight porn star Jiang Cheng for a five-part series, he’s sure it will be an utter disaster. Until the cameras start rolling and their chemistry alights like wildfire.

(Or, the five times Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng have sex for their job, and the first time they have sex outside of it.)

Only the Shallow by hamburglar

When Nie Huaisang gets bored and convinces Jiang Cheng to make out with him, he’s probably not expecting to still be dealing with the guy 16 years later.

OR the story where Jiang Cheng goes into: the Cloud Recesses, denial, some bushes, the private porn library at the Unclean Realm, and subspace.

Blind for Love by manamune

Jiang Cheng is poisoned with an aphrodisiac and needs to orgasm repeatedly in order to flush it from his system.

The first person he thinks of going to for help is Nie Huaisang, who does what any good friend would do: he shoves his three decades worth of feelings for Jiang Cheng deep into the recesses of his mind, locks them up so he can pretend they don’t exist, and then fucks him so hard that he passes out.

Descending by lightningwaltz

“I want to… to not be embarrassed.”

“To not be embarrassed during what?”

“During sex.” There. Jiang Cheng can say it. “In general. Also with you right now.”

“Very good.”

“When did you become so authoritative?” Jiang Cheng wants to sound irked, but can’t quite manage anything beyond nervous curiosity.

dark water by Morgan (duckwhatduck)

There are words, somewhere, for this. Words that would put a shape to the thing that sits between them, would seal their understanding. There are words for sympathy, for friendship, for understanding, for that touch, for this feeling.

Jiang Cheng can feel them, somewhere, fluttering formless at the back of his throat, squirming under his ribcage, but he cannot grasp them. They swim beneath the surface, fish in muddy water - and like fish, they will dart away if he grabs for them incautiously, and leave him nothing but cold splashes and grit.

Or: Why talk about things when you could fuck about it instead?

never knew i was a dancer by isozyme

“What’s a stone butch and why aren’t they real?” Jiang Cheng asks, too buzzed to care too much about not being up on lesbian culture.

Huaisang pats Jiang Cheng on the no-man’s-land between her boobs and her shoulder. “You’re so useless, Jiang Cheng. A stone butch is a fictional hottie who doesn’t make you do any work at all, just wants to give head and fuck you stupid on her strap.”

“Fictional?” Jiang Cheng echoes, having - not a moment, per se, but sort of a problem where her thoughts are going too fast for her poor drunken brain to keep up with.

“Nobody actually wants to fuck a chick who’s too lazy to eat you out after,” Huaisang mumbles.

-

After leaving Wei Ying and Lan Zhan’s bachelorette party, Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang decide to experiment with some outdated stereotypical lesbian sex roles.

lights out by rynleaf

“Nie-zongzhu makes the most sense,” Sect Leader Yao nods sagely, to murmurs of assent across the Jin Sect’s gold gilded banquet hall. Jin Ling, clad in opulent robes that look somewhat comical on a boy of sixteen, inclines his head as his scribe makes a notation, and the noise rises as sect leaders pat themselves and each other on the back for a decision well made.

Jiang Cheng groans and downs his cup of wine in one go.

-

In which the Sect Leaders elect a new Chief Cultivator.

shadow eternal by rynleaf

“You want me to distract the Chief Cultivator from the Annual Cultivation Conference, so you and other sect leaders can… what. Sign contracts without adult supervision?”

“If Jiang-zongzhu is amenable,” Sect Leader Ouyang repeats with a nod.

Jiang Cheng pinches the bridge of his nose. The pressure he felt building behind his eyes all morning is swiftly coalescing into a bitch of a headache. “Just what do you all think I’m capable of?”

Sect Leader Ouyang bows with a cheerful smile. “We have utmost faith in Sandu Shengshou’s abilities.”

-

In which a night hunt ends in disaster, Jiang Cheng catches a glimpse of Nie Huaisang's heart, and feelings are discussed after a certain fashion.

Four Days in Lanling by halotolerant

Nie Huaisang looks at him. ‘You are confusing me, Clan Leader Jiang, perhaps I misunderstand, but…’

‘You didn’t misunderstand. You don’t misunderstand. You understand all of it.’ For six months Jiang Cheng has been mulling this over, and now with Nie Huaisang in front of him he can’t figure out if he most wants to knock him down or kneel at his feet. What he does is try and breathe. Clench his hands at his sides. ‘And now I am going to ask you to do something for me. You have to do something for me. You have to help Jin Ling.’

Lean for Love Forever by Pip (Moirail)

Having a crush on your roommate is really embarrassing, except that's apparently the opposite of a problem. Jiang Cheng can't deny that's pretty convenient.

Wei Ying holds it up, a series of straps and buckles and velcro and wow, really a lot of leather. It has absolutely no conceivable form beyond tangled.

Nie Huaisang opens the door at exactly the moment that Wei Ying holds the thing up to Jiang Cheng’s chest, as if he’s trying to imagine how exactly it would fit onto a person, and it falls into a tangled pile between them while they stare at Huaisang in mild mortification.

acquired momentum by mongrelmind

Had Madam Yu known that this is where her son would end up, she would have gouged his eyes out with her bracelet before he made the grave mistake of looking in the direction of Nie Huaisang.

-

in which Nie Huaisang has an art show, Jiang Cheng is begrudgingly topless*, and there are. Shenanigans.

*Nie Huaisang excluded.

#sangcheng #mdzs #mdzs recs #fic recs #jiang cheng #nie huaisang #ill probably add more fics when I read more fics

[everlarkficexchange]

Hold Me Up

Prompt 42. Group of friends. Economic disaster, no jobs; eventually in desperation someone in the group suggests making a porno for $, the idea takes off, as they work on a script and put out ideas, a lot becomes clear, like who has kinks, who has tried a lot, and that one is an inexperienced virgin. Does the writing experience have consequences to the group dynamic, will they actually film and sell it, will they stay friends? Are any couples or siblings part of the group? Are secrets revealed through brainstorming?

Submitted by @567inpanem

Author: JLaLa

Rated M

Summary: “What the hell are you suggesting?” Gale asked.

“I thought it was obvious,” the woman next to him said. “I’m suggesting we make a porno.”

Strapped for cash, a group of friends—plus two strangers—decide to go all out.

Multiple pairings, and of course, Everlark. 

“Hold me up in the palm of your hand Lying to you is a river of sin Your metaphors, your silent calls Your feelings are too real…”

                                                -Live

Hold Me Up

Part One

Katniss closed her eyes as the rush of hot water hit her face. It had been a hell of a day.

Her boss cut her hours at the record store due to the lack of sales. She had done everything short of offering to blow the man—wouldn’t have worked, he was gay—to get as many hours as possible. However, everyone was suffering due to Panem’s economic disaster and Heavensbee’s hands were tied.

All she wanted to do tonight was eat the leftover Chinese in the fridge, binge watch Bridgerton for the hundredth time and use her vibrator until she climaxed to the image of Simon Basset eating her out—

“Katniss!” There was a quick knock before the door opened. “Sorry, but I have to piss like a racehorse—”

She pulled back the shower curtain to the sight of her roommate and friend, Peeta, unzipping his jeans.

“Seriously, couldn’t you do that somewhere else? Like, maybe get a plastic cup or do it in the sink?”

“Last time I did, Gale totally flipped out on me,” her friend replied. “It’s not like you haven’t seen my dick before. You’ve seen it plenty of times, most of the time it was erect.”

The peril of living with two boys was that you always seemed surrounded by morning wood…any kind of wood really.

“Fine.” Katniss closed the curtain. “Try not to be loud about it though.”

“How am I loud while I pee?”

“‘Oooh fuck, finally…I’ve been holding that in all day!’ Katniss mimicked mockingly. “You’d think that you were doing something else instead of emptying your bladder.”

“Honestly, sometimes a good pee is better than sex,” Peeta retorted. “I don’t think that I’ll be able to stop it once it starts so just sing something really loud or you’ll be hearing me hitting the porcelain pretty hard.”

Katniss walked under the shower to rinse her hair and belted out the first song that came to her.

“I got a new life

You would hardly recognize me

I’m so glad

How could a person like me care for you?

Why, why do I bother

When you’re not the one for me

Is enough enough?”

“I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes…” Peeta sang along and Katniss giggled hearing his melodic baritone. “I saw the sign…life is demanding without understanding—”

“We should start a group,” she offered as she turned the nozzle and the water stopped. “Especially since I’ll likely be laid off soon.”

“Oh shit! I’m sorry, Katniss.” A hand peeked through the curtain, holding a towel and she took it, quickly wrapping it around herself. “We’re all taking it up the butt, aren’t we?”

She pulled back the curtain and stepped out. “What do you mean?”

“Haymitch and Effie will probably have to close down with everything happening,” he informed her. “The rent for the bakery space is just too much for them. I mean, we still have our regulars, but they’re not making enough to pay me to make a dozen danishes and scones.”

“That sucks.” Peeta was still wearing his apron around his waist, a red bandana covering his blond locks, along with his usual baking uniform of a fitted white tee and jeans. “I know how much you love that job. Not to mention, Haymitch and Effie are pretty kickass.”

“Well, at least we have Gale,” her friend replied as he opened the door, letting her step out first before putting a companionable arm around her waist. “Old reliable Gale—”

There was a cough and they found Gale sitting on their couch lighting up their emergency joint.

This was bad.

++++++

“My whole department was pretty much eliminated,” Gale explained once he stepped out of his daze. “They led us in, one by one, into that small office and gave us the whole spiel about making cutbacks before handing us our severance checks. This will hold me for about six months of my piece of the rent—”

“This is probably the worst time to tell you,” Katniss started. “But Heavensbee reduced my hours at the store and I’ll probably be getting the boot soon.”

“Effie and Haymitch can’t afford to keep me at the bakery,” Peeta told him. “They’re also likely to lose the business, too.”

Gale nodded, elbows on his knees and hands clasped together. “Well, we’re fucked.”

“Now there’s that positive attitude that we know and love,” a sharp feminine voice said.

The three looked up to find the rest of their friends stepping into the apartment led by Johanna, who lived across the hall from them. Madge, her roommate, followed in with a pizza box and the group was finished out with Finnick, who lived downstairs and was—until today—Gale’s teammate.

“Well, we’re fucked!” Gale repeated, his voice hitching up at the end. He looked to Johanna. “Good enough?”

“We’re all getting it,” Madge said, sitting next to him calmly. “The Forever 21 I’m working at is closing. So, I’m screwed, and I won’t even have severance like you and Finnick.”

“I have thousands of dollars in debt over the camera equipment I just bought,” Finnick told her. “I’m supposed to be working on my documentary.” Their friend was a budding director. “Now, I’ll be using the rest of my severance to pay it off.”

Johanna plopped down in their lone seat, putting her feet on the table.

“Not that I don’t love you guys, but I’ve been out of a job for months, so your sob stories mean nothing to me,” she said. Grabbing the joint, their friend took a long inhale and breathe out in relief. “The job market is non-existent at this point.”

“God, maybe I should’ve pushed on blowing Heavensbee,” Katniss muttered.

Finnick snorted. “What?”

“He’s gay, but probably not getting any,” she replied, next to Peeta. “If you close your eyes, it feels the same.”

“You might have something there,” Johanna suddenly said, her oak eyes contemplative.

Peeta glared at her. “Not funny. You really want Katniss turning tricks for rent?”

“Hardly,” their friend replied. “No offense—” Johanna looked to Katniss. “—you alone have no sex appeal, and this is coming from a full-fledged lesbian.” She turned to Madge. “She would—with the pouty lips and the big titties. Not to mention those golden locks. Put a little red hood on her and you’ll have those Fairy Tale freaks begging to see what’s underneath.”

Katniss crossed her arms. “Well, thank you for telling me that I’m undesirable.”

“I didn’t say that.” Johanna looked between Katniss and Peeta. “I said you alone would have no sex appeal but put you with him—” She nodded at Peeta. “—or her.” A hand waved over at Madge. “People will pay big money to see that. A nice little ying and yang.”

“What the hell are you suggesting?” Gale asked.

“I thought it was obvious,” the woman next to him said. “I’m suggesting we make a porno.”

++++++

Several beers in, the idea started to make sense.

“Babe, if this thing took off, we could pay off the camera equipment,” Annie, Finnick’s fiancée, said. She had joined them a little after the major freak out over Johanna’s idea. “Also, you could get some experience in handling the equipment and I could get experience with the boom mic.”

“That is true,” Finnick mused.

“Guys, do you know how many different types of porn there is out there? How would we make one that people would be interested in?” Gale asked. His voice had taken on a rough slur, five bottles in, as he leaned against a drunken Madge.

“Simple,” Johanna smirked. “We do our research. This neighborhood is full of not-so-reputable places; it’s why rent used to be freakishly low. We can ask what men and women would like to see. Also, we’re all decent looking.”

“What about the fact that you’re talking about us having sex with each other?” Peeta asked, eyes bloodshot. Katniss laid on his lap, singing along to the music on her phone. “No offense, but I don’t want to have sex with you. You scare me a little.”

“Well, who would you want to have sex with?” Madge asked with a buzzed grin.

“Easy.” Peeta looked at the giggling woman on his lap. “Katniss.”

“Really now?” Finnick leaned forward in interest. “Why her?”

“I’m comfortable with her,” he explained. “We were each other’s first kiss, granted we were only five—but also, she’s seen my dick plenty of times.”

Katniss drunkenly waved her finger at him. “I’m not scared of it…”

“Dude, why aren’t you together?” Annie asked.

Peeta shrugged. “Seemed better to stay friends.”

“Those two are such chickens,” Gale called out. “They just tiptoe…and tiptoe…and it’s all like ‘I think Katniss is beautiful’…or ‘I want to have Peeta’s babies’…and I’m just like why don’t you just fuck already?”

“Fine.” Katniss slid onto the floor and held her hand out, palm down. “We’ll do this. I get to fuck Peeta because everyone is so invested…but we all have to be in this.” She looked at the rest of the group, her eyes landing on Peeta. “Do we agree?”

Johanna placed her hand over Katniss’. “I’m in.”

Madge followed immediately. “Me, too.”

“Fine,” Gale muttered before his hand landed on the pile.

“We’re down,” Finnick said, adding his hand.

“But only as the filmmakers,” Annie added before placing her hand on top of her fiancé’s.

Katniss looked to Peeta; nervousness laced in her grey eyes. “And you?”

He examined her, almost losing himself in her gaze before placing his hand down to seal the pact.

“Let’s do this.”

++++++

“Do you like oral?” Katniss asked the scantily-clad waitress. “Giving? Getting?”

“Yes, to both,” the pretty blonde answered.

Johanna and Gale had gotten to work quickly, both making up the questionnaire that they were using for research. While that was happening, Annie and Finnick put up an ad looking for available actors and actresses to add to their production.

Two days ago, their questionnaire had revealed that threesomes, double penetration, and girl-on-girl were high on the list. Unfortunately, they didn’t know who would be doing what except for Katniss and Peeta.

“And anal?” Katniss continued as Peeta joined her at the table.

“Sure,” the woman answered. “I’m pretty open. Me and my ex used to film ourselves all the time.” She looked at the two. “You two looking for tips?”

“Maybe,” Katniss replied. She turned to Peeta. “Did you want anything?”

“Coke, please,” he told the woman. “I’m still recovering from the past few days.”

“Coke for him and a Lagavulin for me,” Katniss told the waitress.

“You like the good stuff.” She gave Katniss a saucy wink. “I’ll be right back with your drinks. I’m Delly, by the way.”

“Katniss.” Katniss gestured over at Peeta, who gave Delly a light wave. “Peeta.”

She nodded. “Nice meeting you.”

As soon as Delly walked away, Katniss turned to her friend. “What do you think?”

“Decent rack, sweet face, and she has experience apparently,” Peeta replied. “Thoughts on having her on the team?”

“Well, she seems friendly,” Katniss replied. She eyed him. “Would you do her?”

“If I had to…sure,” her friend replied. “How about you?”

“Me and Delly?” Katniss looked to the woman at the bar, awaiting their drinks. She was pretty with wavy, shoulder-length hair and wide eyes. Not to mention, her body was banging—the bejeweled bustier made her breasts look incredible—and her personality was easy. “Sure. Why not? I mean it will make me more…desirable.”

“Are you still pissed off that?” Peeta asked. “Johanna loves to rile you up.”

“I hate that she can.” Katniss sighed. “Are we really going to do this?”

“Haven’t you ever been curious?” Peeta’s gaze fell warmly on her. “How it might feel like between me and you?”

“Sometimes,” she admitted. “We kissed that one time, but nothing came of it. I thought maybe you didn’t like it…or me.”

“I do like you. I love you.” Peeta reached for her, pulling her onto his lap. “I guess we were just both too scared to explore what kind of love we could’ve had.”

Her arms wove around his neck as Katniss pressed her forehead to his. “I love you and I like you, too.”

“Your drinks, lovebirds.” Delly approached them, a bright smile on her face. “Anything else I can get you?”

“Actually.” Katniss stood up, pulling out the business card with Johanna’s number on it. “I have a proposition for you.”

++++++

“What are your special skills?” Johanna asked as she looked over Delly’s resume.

Delly gave the group a bright smile, her eyes landing on Katniss with a wink.

The group gathered the following day for auditions for the two additional actors at Finnick and Annie’s place.

Currently, Annie and Peeta were reviewing resumes and headshots in the hallway while the rest of them assessed the auditions.

The group had agreed to hold them at Finnick and Annie’s since it looked the most professional. The couple’s apartment was stylishly decorated thanks to Annie’s chic but budget-friendly taste—most of their furnishings from Target and IKEA.

“Can you look into the camera?” Finnick asked from where he stood in the center of the living room.

“Sure.” Delly looked straight into the camera, smiling into it. “Well…I can do a handstand and suck dick at the same time.”

“Can we see?” Madge asked from where she stood next to Finnick.

“The sucking dick part or the headstand?”

“How about we just see how it looks?” Finnick suggested. “Have Annie bring the next male audition in.”

Gale stood from his seat. “I’m on it.” He quickly came back, followed by a tall, dark-skinned man who flashed them all a handsome smile. “Everyone, this is Thresh. Thresh, why don’t you join Delly in front of the camera?”

“Sure,” he said easily and walked over to Delly, holding out his hand. “I’m Thresh.”

Delly shook it, her mouth widening in a grin. “Delly.”

“Okay, whenever you’re ready,” Johanna told the two.

Nodding, Delly bent over, pressing her palms to the floor. Then as she steadied, the woman easily lifted her hips…then her legs…before straightening them, her toes pointing in the air.

“Amazing,” Madge whispered.

Next to her, Gale nodded in agreement.

Katniss stood from her seat, going to Finnick, and looked at the camera’s viewfinder.

Delly and Thresh made a strikingly good couple on camera. They were at ease, chatting as if Delly wasn’t in front of the man’s crotch and at a perfect angle to go at his junk.

“Thresh, any special skills?” Gale asked, handing Johanna the man’s resume.

“I can get an erection on command,” Thresh told them.

“Okay, we all need to see this,” Johanna said. “Someone get Peeta and Annie in here.”

“Delly, you can get off your hands now,” Katniss said.

“Let me help—” Thresh held her hips as Delly eased down. As she did, the crotch of her leggings met his groin, and she wrapped her legs around his to steady herself.

“The perfect standing wheelbarrow,” Finnick remarked from behind the camera. “Bravo!”

Peeta and Annie stepped inside as Thresh helped Delly onto her feet. She smiled gratefully, kissing his cheek before dashing over to where the rest of the group was gathered.

“Even if you don’t hire me, I need to see this,” she told them.

Peeta joined Katniss’ side. “What are we looking at?”

Finnick signaled Thresh. “Whenever you’re ready.”

The man simply undid the top button of his jeans, unzipped, and holding the sides of his jeans lowered them down.

Taking a deep breath, the man closed his eyes, as the group watched his cock—a rather thick one—go from half-mast to full in less than a minute.

“Well, that deserves some applause,” Peeta told everyone and began to clap.

The group quickly joined in, but not before hiring both Delly and Thresh.

++++++

“Okay, two things,” Gale announced, going to the easel and whiteboard that he had set up in their living room. He wrote out ‘Location’ and ‘Plot’. “First, location. Any thoughts?”

“We can’t just do it in one of our apartments?” Finnick asked.

“Would you want to sit on your living room couch thinking that Johanna ate Delly out on it?” Gale asked him. “Or Katniss and Peeta on your kitchen counter—”

“True,” Annie said. “Let’s not shit where we eat.”

“Maybe we can rent out space for very cheap,” Thresh said. “I might know some club places where I work security that might be in our price range.”

They learned that Thresh was a part-time security guard and a returning student at the local community college. He was trying to get his Business degree and planned to open a gym after he graduated.

“Great idea,” Gale wrote down, ‘Thresh-club spaces’. Anyone else?”

“That bar I work at might be willing,” Delly told them. “I might have to give the owner a boost—”

“No way,” Peeta interrupted. “We don’t want you doing those kinds of favors just to get us a workspace.”

“Definitely,” Katniss agreed, smiling at the girl. “We’ll figure it out together.”

“Okay, what about a plot?” Johanna went to the board. “Every porn needs one to entice an audience. Why don’t we do a round robin and everyone says one thing that turns them on? I’ll start.” She turned around and wrote on the board—‘A clean bush’.

“Doesn’t everyone like it to be clean down there?” Finnick remarked before looking to Annie. “I mean you keep it pristine—”

“No need to tell everyone about my cat, love,” his fiancée retorted.

“I mean, I don’t mind it being wild down there,’ Gale told the group. He took the marker from Johanna and scribbled, ‘Bossiness’. “I like a dominating woman.”

“Definitely a good BDSM storyline,” Madge remarked as she walked up to the board, writing ‘Rough play’. “I like manhandling and being manhandled. I worked with this guy and we use to hook up all over the office. Once after everyone left, we were going at it and he takes me and lifted me—” She mimicked her lover with her hands. “—onto the copy machine before pounding the living daylight out of me.”

Everyone stared in shock at the seemingly sweet blonde twirling a tendril of her hair.

“Come Monday, everyone was trying to figure why there were a hundred copies of someone’s bare pussy on the copy machine tray,” she said in a daze.

“Damn—” Gale swallowed harshly. “—thank you for your contribution.” His gaze went to the person sitting next to Madge. “Katniss?”

“I…I…” Katniss bowed her head. She wasn’t thrilled with everyone knowing just what got her going. However, at some point, they were all going to be seeing her being thoroughly fucked by Peeta. “I like…dirty talk.” She shifted in her seat, aware that next to her sat her soon-to-be co-star. “I don’t have any experience, but when I’m…masturbating, the voice in my head is usually whispering very depraved things in my ear.”

“Care to expand, sweetheart?” Thresh asked from where he sat across.

“Well—” Katniss folded her hands in her lap. “The voice will tell me how much he loves feeling his fingers being squeezed by my cunt, how drenched I am around his dick, how he wants to fuck me until I can’t feel my legs…sometimes he talks about fucking me in both holes…his dick in my pussy and his thumb in my asshole—”

Peeta suddenly jumped from his spot. “I’m going to grab some water from the fridge. Anyone?”

He quickly disappeared into the next room before anyone could even answer.

“You just gave Peeta a boner,” Delly cackled from her seat on the carpet. “Why aren’t you dating?”

“Because—” Katniss searched for a reason, finding herself unable to answer. “—let me check on him.”

She found him bent in front of the fridge.

He pulled back sans water and turned just as she stepped in.

“We ran out of water.” Peeta met her eyes fully, watching as she approached. “I didn’t mean to run off—”

“Peeta, what turns you on?” she found herself asking.

Katniss stopped in front of him and her gaze took her friend in—swept-back blond waves, a firm jaw, and blue eyes…hazed with arousal. They never really talked about the fact that they had admitted to their friends that they were curious about fucking one another.

To be entirely truthful, the voice in her ear, the one that spoke such deliciously sinful things—was Peeta’s voice.

She didn’t know when the mystery man had morphed into her best friend, but sometimes the image of him—in his usual uniform of a pair of jeans, a tee, and an apron—would cause a heat that threatened to burn her to the very core.

However, this precipice between friendship and whatever it was, scared her.

So, Katniss held back.

Peeta shook his head. “It’s kind of stupid.”

“I just told everyone that a mystery voice gets me wet with talk of double penetration.”

He laughed roughly. “That is true.”

Meeting her eyes, Peeta leaned back against the door of the fridge.

“I like sex in different places…the element of danger…of being caught.” His golden complexion tinged with pink. “It’s a major turn-on.”

She nodded, toeing in closer to him. “Have you ever—"

“No, just fantasies,” Peeta said. “Compared to the rest of our friends, I’m pretty daisy fresh.”

“Tell me the last place that you’ve fantasized having sex in,” Katniss said. “I won’t tell anyone.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” he replied, his hand reaching to cup her cheek.

His thumb grazed the corner of her mouth and she resisted the urge to take it into her mouth to taste.

“The bakery.” His gaze fell to her lips. “Specifically, against one of the ovens as it’s warming up and y—whoever and I just get so caught up in the smell of sugar…of rye…and one another that we don’t know where the heat is rising from—”

Katniss suddenly straightened. “Ohmigod…the bakery.”

“What?”

“The bakery,” she repeated.

His eyes widened in realization. “The bakery.”

END OF PART ONE

This will be multiple parts, not sure how many though.

Yes, before you ask, this is loosely based on Zack and Miri Make a Porno which I think is a hilarious movie with some great music.

Speaking of music, the title comes from Live’s ‘Hold Me Up’, which was used in the soundtrack of Zack and Miri. It also plays during a pivotal scene.

Other music used: ‘The Sign’-Ace of Base

I hope you’re enjoying it so far—as if now, I have just completed the second part.

Thanks for reading!

-JLaLa

#jlalafics #567inpanem #prompt 42 #Springtime edition 2021 #submission

[nonasuch]

Today I listened to the Rent cast album for the first time in... a number of years, and it sure does hit differently now that I’m an adult and not an extremely sheltered suburban tween.

(the first time I heard any of the songs was at Jewish sleepaway camp in the Poconos. yes, really. we sang it on hikes. the girl who actually owned the cast album was in a different bunk, so I exclusively heard the ‘as sung by 12-14 year old girls’ version until I got home. yes, the lyrics were bowdlerized)

anyway! some notes:

Mark’s mom is still very funny and her voicemail is, perhaps, the most realistic thing in this musical.

I was definitely well into my 20s before I noticed that a Tom Collins is also a cocktail? whoops

wow but Benny looks different to me that he did when I was younger. like. the things his friends are mad at him for are Very Different from the things he does that are actually bad?

actually let me break this down.

Things Benny’s Friends Are Mad At Him For:

leaving them behind to marry a bougie lady

gentrification

‘stealing’ Mimi from Roger

Things Benny Does That Are Genuinely Bad:

cheats on his wife with a 19-year-old HIV+ heroin addict

okay, yeah, gentrification, I’ll grant you that

Things Benny Does That Are Good, Actually:

lets his friends live in the building he owns rent-free for a year

pays for Mimi’s rehab

left what must have been an absolute nightmare of a living situation, to marry a bougie lady

seriously can you imagine what that apartment was like

an unheated squat occupied by Benny, Mark, Roger, Collins, and Maureen? nope, no thank you

also Roger has only been clean for six months at the start of the musical, so he was still a full-blown heroin addict when Benny left

actually I would bet that the sequence of events went: April kills herself (IN THEIR BATHROOM) -> Roger spirals even further -> Benny gets the fuck out of there

and tbh good for him

anyway

I don’t love that they make the same “Maureen is a lesbian now, lol” joke twice in the space of like five minutes

the timeline of “Maureen dumps Mark, keeps him as her production manager for a month, then replaces him two days before her show” is... bad. Mark, you have a noodle for a spine.

Joanne’s parents’ voicemail: also still funny. “and wear a bra!” is perfect.

btw Joanne and Mark are both clearly slumming so idk why it’s only bad when Benny does it

hey it’s actually very fucked up that Angel killed Benny’s dog???

not sure when I first noticed this, but Mark, Roger and Collins all use he/him pronouns for Angel, and Mimi, Joanne and Maureen use she/her. huh.

“I’ll Cover You” is still extremely good.

Collins and Joanne are the only adults in this musical.

“Over the Moon” is a perfect parody of bad performance art, so props for that

oh good, “La Vie Boheme” still slaps

I have a lot more sympathy for the Life Cafe waitstaff than I used to, though

btw please envision 13-year-old me, on a hike in the Pennsylvania woods, with 20 other 13-year-olds who are all word-perfect on “La Vie Boheme” but definitely don’t know what a dildo is and kind of mumble their way through the swears.

god I loved “Take Me Or Leave Me” so much as a kid but WOW Maureen would be a nightmare to date IRL

tbh everyone except Collins and Angel should just like. be single for a while. take some time to work on themselves.

you know what, my decision to skip “Contact” on most play-throughs was both correct and, in retrospect, a Big Ace Mood

unsurprisingly, the reprise of “I’ll Cover You” still makes me tear up.

“What You Own” isn’t bad, as such, but it does make me roll my eyes at both Mark and Roger. Especially Mark. my dude, you have by far the fewest problems of any of your friends, and you need to take it down a notch.

the little moment where Mark corrects “Muffy” to “Alison” is really interesting to me? the implication is that they know her well enough now to feel bad about the nickname. I choose to believe that Alison is actually way too good for Benny and his friends all come to recognize that.

aw, Roger. “Your Eyes” is very heartfelt. it’s not good, but it’s heartfelt.

I still like the finale a lot, but boy, these kids have a LOT of problems, huh.

hm apparently I have extensive opinions about what would happen to the characters over the next 25 years.

okay just right off the bat: I doubt that Mimi lives more than a year. sorry! but her odds are Not Good

I would like to think that Roger makes it a little longer than Mimi -- at least long enough to record an album

does Benny bankroll the album and get him a record deal, out of guilt? probably.

does Roger, when he dies, leave the IP and royalties to Mark anyway? also probably

his album reaches a Jeff Buckleyesque level of posthumous cult fame, which is nice for him

sometimes he is featured in listicles about 12 Artists Who Recorded Their Last Albums As They Died

assuming Alison doesn’t leave his dumb ass, I would like to think that Benny chills the fuck out and learns some empathy once they have kids

regrettably, he probably does manage to become a dot-com billionaire

Joanne is 100% married and living in DC by today, and she and her wife both work on the Hill. I can guarantee that they send their kids to either Sidwell Friends or the Maret School. maybe Duke Ellington for high school

Maureen has joined a cult at least once and has almost no contact with her friends from her New York days 

I bet she’s the only one who actually lives in the Southwest now

she goes to Burning Man every year without fail

Mark has never made a commercially successful film

he still lives in New York, though

mostly because the royalties from Roger’s lone album let him buy into a co-op before he could get priced out of Manhattan

some of his old footage has made its way into various documentaries, most recently on Netflix

in his free time he volunteers at an after-school program where he teaches filmmaking to at-risk youth

they keep trying to get him on tik-tok but he doesn’t understand what that is

Collins is happy, healthy, gainfully employed in meaningful work, and in love.

FIN

#rent the musical #rent #nona has strong opinions about things #if I tell you that this was one of the most formative pieces of media of my early teens #along with BtVS and HP #it will probably explain a LOT