are you ever going to create another podcast other than Hello From The Hallowoods? Or is that your main podcasting focus for the forseeable future?
It's going to be a very long project - according to the current plan, over ten years of audio storytelling, and around as many books.
After that, I expect I'll take a sabbatical from podcast production, although I may continue to write in the Halloworld for bookshelves.
If I return to audio production after that, it may be to produce a spinoff by other writers, or it may be something entirely new - but either way, I won't make it a one-person art project the way HFTH has been.
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Halloworld Mysteries Presents: The Hunt for the Horseman’s Head
I’m not going to be able to finish this today, but at least enjoy the campy pastiche of the typical “how we solved the mystery” segment of stories that I’ve laid out for the first part. Marked as sensitive for mild shamelessly smutty references, I’m sure you can handle it.
Part 1: Mystery solved
Two men wrestle on the floor in a house decorated in pictures of black cats, and people in black cat costumes, some less safe for work than others. The black and white detective gains the upper hand for a moment only to lose it to the milk man. The milk man once on top smashes a bottle of milk in the detectives face and dashes towards the back door while lamenting the loss of his milk, “Farewell my tasty treat, C’est la vie!” As the milk man grabs the door knob to abscond he gets a jolt of electricity that stuns him giving the detective enough time to cuff him.
The detective escorted him to someone’s home and knocked on the door. A girl in a black corset made of belts and buckles answered the door, her eyes widened behind her gothic make-up, she gasped as she put her hand to her blackened lips, and her black bunny ears perked up. “You mean the culprit was the milk man?!”
“That’s right,” the detective begun his fast-talking explanation, “My first clue was that your milk bottles were empty every night when you’d wake up, but it was only the milk in front of yer house, and it happened repeatedly. It made no sense, who’d wake up during the day before the sun even sets just to drink your milk specifically? But because of that, you decided to give the milk man a key so he could get into your house to leave the milk there. It solved the problem for a few days, then one night you woke up and found that not only had someone drank yer milk anyway, but stolen your candy as well. What you di’n’t notice ma’am is that the candy and milk weren’t the only things missin’. You had a spare key to your neighbor’s apartment that was also missin’.”
The bunny asked, “huh? But how did you know the key was missing or that I even had it?” The detective replied, “Well I asked yer neighbor a few questions to rule her out as a suspect and she mentioned you were such good friends she trusted you with a spare key. She said it was cat shaped, when I looked through your keys I noticed there was no such key in your things and I knew you di’n’t just hide it somewhere else due to it’s importance because even the bunny shaped key to your bunny safe wasn’t missing. So why take that key specifically? It’s simple, this milk man had the hots for yer friendly neighbahood kitty cat. As sneaky as could be, he snuck into her house during the day to steal photographs of ‘er. His biggest mistake was texting pictures to himself from her magic mirror and yours. He deleted the texts after, but I used a little magic of my own to dig the evidence back up from your magic mirror and tracked his mirror back to his house and caught ‘im.”
The bunny asked, “Well what I don’t understand is that he’s been my milk man for over a year, why wait ‘til now to do something like this?” The detective answered, “Well you see sweetheart, yer milk man wasn’t in heat until now, or should I say your milk maid”, as he finished the sentence he ripped a mask off the milk man revealing a girl in black cat ears.
The bunny’s ears perked up and she gasped again, “Furonica?! What the hell?! You’re my brother’s girlfriend, we’re practically family! So it was all a ruse to break into my house?!”
The detective responded, “Not entirely, your brother’s a black cat too. But she wasn’t half as hot for him as she was for yer neighbor. She would’ve just stolen the key while in your house for a family visit at some point, but there was just one problem, you never invite anyone to your house because you don’t want them to see your mess and you never clean it up. I bet she tried to convince ya to invite her over anyway di’n’t she?”
“Yeah, yeah she did! She tried relentlessly!”, said the bunny furiously accepting the truth. The detective continued, “When that plan failed repeatedly she resorted to something more tricky. She used the milk man double life she was leading for the purposes of getting the best deals on milk, to trick you into giving her access to your home.”
“Alright so how did she know I had Clawdia’s key?!” The detective replied, “Simple, she bugged yer house.” The bunny gasped, “That’s what those little insects I found were, and when I called an exterminator to get rid of them they were gone because Furonica heard me call the exterminator and called her bugs back to her!”
The detective replied, “That’s right ma’am, I got yer candy, the key and the photos, but you know what they say, there’s no use cryin’ over spilt milk. Especially since I also brought you a bunch o’ milk.”
The bunny asked, “Hey why is she so quiet? She hasn’t said a word this whole time.” The detective answered, “Because she’s still cryin’ over spilt milk.”
Furonica spoke, “It’s true. And not just my spilt milk, I’m sorry I would do something so despicable as stealing your milk and also your candy. I only did it to take attention off of the key I stole. But I must also confess. . . the milk was delicious. I know you’ll never forgive me but. . . one horny girl to another I hope you can understand the extremes a girl will go to for a good orgasm.”
The bunny asked, “Yeah, but if you really wanted to bang my neighbor you could’ve just asked her, she probably would’ve been happy to, but instead you went and violated the sanctity of her home and stole her photos to masturbate to, and you should know that’s only slightly attractive! You could’ve also bribed her with extra milk. You know what they say the fastest way to a pussy’s pussy is through her stomach.”
Furonica, “You’re right! There are much better ways to get someone’s attention. Like murder or bribery.”
The bunny asked, “So detective, is she getting arrested for this?” The detective answered, “Well we can prove beyond a reasonable doubt that she’s guilty of breaking and entering, stalking, stealing, assault, resisting arrest and spilling milk. So unfortunately nothing illegal. On the flip side, they might arrest ‘er anyway since cops don’t actually need a reason to arrest people in this town and they’re encouraged to abuse their power. Especially since people around here love escaped convicts.”
“Well, whether they arrest her or not at least I can murder her once”, said the bunny as she pulled a gun from between her breasts and aimed it at Furonica. She sighed and put the gun back, “Who am I kidding? Shooting her won’t satisfy my thirst for vengeance. Guns are so. . . impersonal. I need a butcher knife!” With that she pulled a butcher knife from between her breasts as well and raises it high above her before pausing. “Wait, what am I doing? I can’t just murder her without stealing her costume and other valuables.” So she took Furonica’s ears causing Furonica’s whiskers and cat eyes to vanish as she cried out, “No, not my ears! Those are what make me a kitty cat! Please, I’ll do anything!” Then the bunny took off Furonica’s leather suit leaving Furonica naked and replied, “Anything huh? I gotta admit you look pretty hot all naked there. There is something you can do for me.” Furonica nodded, “Anything!” The bunny whispered in Furonica’s ear, “Get dead bitch.” As she stabbed Furonica in the heart with her butcher knife. Then pushed her to the ground and stabbed her repeatedly furiously splattering blood all over her outfit and the pavement.
When she was done she was panting. She stood up and said, “That was so much fun, I’ve never had the chance to murder someone before. Hey, are you sure I won’t get in trouble for murdering her?”
The detective replied, “Nah, murder ain’t illegal either.” The bunny responded, “I know, just that even though everyone does it, with my luck somehow I’d be the only one to ever get in trouble for it.” “If that happens, I’ll personally vouch for ya. Here’s yer candy and photos and the key, the milk is in my car.” He handed her a bag and walked to his car, retrieved a crate and handed it to her. She said, “Thank you so much Detective Grey.”
Detective Grey replied, “Please, call me Nero. You’re quite welcome Black Bunny Belle.” She replied, “You can just call me Belle. Hey you want to come inside and devour her corpse with me? We could even molest her body beforehand, and you and I could have some fun to repay you for your hard work.” He replied, “I’m not really into necrophilia or eating people, you have fun though. If I had time I’d take you up on that last thing, but uh, I promised a friend I’d meet ‘im later for drinks.” She replied, “Oh? Must be some friend if you’re turning down my tits for her. I’m jealous.” He smirked, “It ain’t that kinda friend, just an old one. He’s one of the few film noir detectives I’ve ever met, we’re both usually busy with cases so I try and meet up with him when I can.” She replied, “Oh, how about a rain check then? I’ll give you my mirror number and you can let me know when you wanna have some fun.”
Detective Grey replied, “Sounds great to me.” She reached into her cleavage once again and pulled out a marker and wrote her number on his arm. She smirked and said, “Thank you again. I can’t wait for you to cash in that favor. My breasts’ll be anxiously awaiting your touch.” She said as she flashed him for just a split second.” He smiled, “Thanx for that, but I’m more of an ass man.” She said, “Oh, in that case. . .” She turned and walked back towards her home and bent over to pick up the corpse, giving him a nice view of her ass and fluffy black bunny tail. Then as she reached the threshold of her home she turned and winked at him. He waved goodbye and got in his car and drove off.
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