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cassyapper · 3 years

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loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)

dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough

anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:

special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3

track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!

1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place

2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:

3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh

4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...

5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them

6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh

7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck

8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL

9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO

10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers

11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld

12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):

13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass

14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...

15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them

16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah

17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6

but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!

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drawlfoy · 5 years

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Friends p.1

masterlist request guidelines

pairing: draco x slytherin!reader

request: yes! thank you!

summary: draco and reader break up. slytherin family vibe with blaise, pansy, and theo. will they get back together? hmm probably because this i have a mad crush on him

warnings: nothing new from what i’ve written before. maybe if i’m feeling crazy i’m gonna add some makout scenes but idk i write these before i write the story like an irresponsible woman

a/n: this is actually really ironic because i’m starting to feel a little unsatisfied with my own relationship and realizing that it’s probably not going to last into college like we want it to because the distance and length of time is unreasonable, so i’m starting to peel myself away from my fantasy of spending the rest of my life with him since i don’t think it’s feasible, and plus, a part of me really wants to be set free so i can live for no one but me and travel and not be tied down and everything, but i can’t live like that forever. idek guys i’m listening to angsty songs for this fic and it’s putting me into feels. so enjoy this fic as i’m literally writing Y/N as me right now oops

music recs: don’t wanna be your girl by wet, the predatory wasp of the palisades is out there to get us by sufjan stevens, sweet disposition by the temper trap

word count: 1,755

“A break?”

The words left Draco’s mouth like they had been ripped from his throat.

“Yes, Draco, you heard me,” Y/N told him gently, her own eyes welling up with tears. “We aren’t...good together right now. I feel like...”

Y/N sucked in a shaky breath.

“I feel like I’m not treating you well, and I just feel so afraid of commitment, and it’s not you, it’s definitely me, it’s just that...”

Another shaky breath,

“It’s just that you deserve so much more than what I can give you right now, and I don’t... want you to resent me. I care too much fo-for you.”

There. It was out--the musings that had bugged her for so long, they had finally been solidified. There was no going back--no taking a shower and trying to brush it off, no crying it out alone and then pretending like it never happened, no crawling right back into his arms and kissing up his jawline, praying that the shows of affection would dismiss her feelings.

Before Y/N could manage anything else out, her eyes began blurring with the thickest layer of tears she had ever felt. It was uncontrollable, and while her poker face had years of experience, nothing could stop it.

“Oh, no, oh, no,” Draco began murmuring, stepping forward to gently cup her face. “You’re already so much, princess, please don’t cry, please don’t cry, we can work through this.”

His thumb began wiping away the tears that were cascading down her cheeks, but that hardly helped. Y/N could see his own eyes shining with the limited light in the common room and felt her heart break once more.

“Please stop touching me,” she whispered. “You can’t fix this. Only I can, I just need time, and if you want to...”

A sob caught in her throat, but she swallowed and pushed it back, just barely.

“If you want to see other people, that’s okay, I’m just such a mess and I need to figure it out...”

She had never seen Draco so hurt before as he pulled his hand away from her face, quickly wiping his own tears away.

“You’re sure?”

Y/N began shaking. She never thought that he would jump so quickly at the offer to date other witches, and oh, merlin, did it hurt.

“Yes,” she managed. “Yes. I hope you know how much I love you.”

She didn’t know what to expect. A part of her hoped that Draco would wrap her up in a hug and tell her that he loved her too and that he’d always wait for her, but instead, he just stared at her. She swore that she could hear something snap inside of him.

“I want to still be friends,” Y/N pushed. “I don’t want you out of my life, I love you, and I can’t imagine my life without you...You just deserve the world, and I can’t give it to you right now.”

This wasn’t real. Y/N felt like she was acting this out with him, like in a moment they’d both snap out of it and offer comments on each other’s acting skills, but once she saw Draco lower his head into his hands and heave, she was hit in the face with the fact that this was reality and she had just immeasurably hurt the love of her life.

“Can I be alone?” he asked between strangled breaths.

Y/N couldn’t take it anymore. She turned and ran to her dorm room.

♥♥♥♥

“Oh, no, Y/N, sweetheart.”

Pansy’s voice was paired with a pair of gentle hands on her shoulders, steering her towards her bed.

“I did it.” Y/N sniffled and wiped her runny nose with her sleeve. It was gross and would’ve made her cringe in every day life, but this wasn’t every day, and she was desperate for any comfort. “I told him how I felt, and he sat there, and now he’s crying out there, and now I don’t know what I’ve done, and oh my god what if I didn’t want this and what if I want him back and what if I’ve ruined this for us because it’s all my fault and it’s my problem and it’s me who’s the problem and he’s always so perfect and so good to me and it’s him who has to hurt because of my own mistak-”

“Y/N,” Pansy interrupted. “I understand if you want to talk, but it’s just making you feel worse.”

Y/N began to sob harder. She’d fucked it. She had completely fucked it. She’d thrown away her shot at getting married to not only someone she loved to the end of the earth but also someone with perfect circumstances--parents that adored her, an amazing trust fund if anything goes wrong, and such an attractive face.

And she’d just ruined it.

Pansy waited for Y/N to wail one more time before she wrapped her arms around her friend and rocking her back and forth, brushing her hair out of Y/N’s face.

“Y/N, Y/N,” she cooed, wiping away her tears just like Draco had done moments ago. Tears pricked at the brunette’s face as well as she watched her best friend sob her heart out. Out of all the people at Hogwarts, Y/N was the least deserving of this amount of pain.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Pansy instructed her after about ten minutes of Y/N’s hysterical sobbing. “Come one, up you go.”

Pansy hugged her one last time before dragging her to her feet, tugging at her robes and pulling them off.

“I think this calls for some old sweats,” Pansy told her, going through her drawers in search of the baggy sweatshirt and fuzzy socks Y/N often wore when she studied for exams. During her search, she came across a particular oversized sweatshirt with the name MALFOY written on the back. Hoping that Y/N didn’t see, she shoved it under the rest of the clothing in the drawer. Y/N didn’t need that right now.

Locating the green sweatshirt, she held it out.

“Come on, change out of it. I’ll be right back, I need to get some things for you. Don’t go anywhere!”

Y/N nodded solemnly, flopping back on her bed to change into the ratty sweats.

♥♥♥♥

Pansy dashed down to the kitchens, praying that no one else would be out to see her like this--her hair undone, her robes ruffled, and her mascara smeared. She had a short conversation with a house elf and snatched a plate of cookies that she nearly dropped when she spun around and slammed into someone.

“Blaise?” she asked, covering the plate to seem a little more mysterious.

Out of all the people. why did it have to be Blaise?

“Hey, Pans,” he said, his deep voice a little shaky.

“What brings you down here?”

“Oh...you know.” Blaise shrugged and shifted uncomfortably. “I could ask you the same thing.”

“Oh, er, I’m sure you’ve heard about Y/N and-”

“Draco?” Blaise’s interruption confirmed her suspicion. “Yeah, I know. I’m trying to get him some food to get him to be quiet for one second. He’s been crying like a baby ever since he came into the room.”

“Same with Y/N. I’m bringing her cookies and praying it’ll calm her down some.”

“I never saw this coming. I don’t think Draco did either.”

Pansy nodded,

“Yeah. I guess the unexpected tends to happen, though, yeah?”

That didn’t make any sense, you’re not a poet Pansy scolded herself.

“I should get going and make sure Y/N is okay.”

“Me too. With, er, Draco, I mean.”

The two parted ways, Pansy sprinting back to her dorm room. What if Y/N wasn’t there when she got back? What if she was writing overly emotional letters to Draco and seconds from sending him? Oh, no, she couldn’t let that happen.

♥♥♥♥

Y/N was splayed out on the bed when Pansy returned, her face cleaner and her body still.

“Y/N? Y/N?”

Y/N sat up groggily, wiping her eyes and smiling sadly at her.

“I brought cookies,” Pansy said, setting the plate down on her bed next to her. “I’m here. For anything you might want to talk about.”

“Okay,” Y/N responded. “Can I tell you what I’m worried the most about?”

“Of course!”

Pansy leaned forward and grabbed Y/N’s hand, squeezing it encouragingly.

“Well, I told him that he could see other people,” Y/N told her. “And I guess I just assumed that he would immediately say that he wouldn’t ever do that to me and that he’d wait for me as long as I’d like because that’s the Draco I fell in love with but he just...”

“He just what?”

“He just asked me if I was sure!” Y/N’s voice had been calmer when Pansy had first entered the room, but now it was shrill and panicked. “Oh my god, oh my god! He’s going to date other girls! And I’m not ever going to be into someone as much as I’m into Draco--as much as I was into Draco--and I don’t know if I can see that happening!”

A fresh batch of tears overtook Y/N as she keeled over, letting go of Pansy’s hand and instead wrapping them around her midsection in an attempt to calm herself.

“I messed up so bad, Pans,” she gasped, swaying back and forth. “I messed up so bad. I never should’ve done this.”

“I know you probably don’t want to hear anything about him,” Pansy began, “But I saw Blaise while I was getting these cookies. He says that Draco was crying nonstop in his room. I don’t think he’ll be dating around any time soon.”

Y/N only sobbed harder.

“Hey, hey,” Pansy began again. “He cares about you! That’s all this means! He just cares a lot. And he isn’t going to stop right now.”

“But how do you know that?”

Pansy didn’t know what to say.

“He didn’t tell me it back.”

“What, girly?” Pansy sent Y/N a look of concern. Y/N had stopped rocking and was instead staring at her hands.

“He didn’t tell me he loved me back.”

Y/N curled up into a ball on her bed. Pansy was at a complete loss for words. A part of her knew that there was no combination of words out there that would make her friend feel better. All she could do was be there for her, whether it be physically or mentally.

With that, Pansy laid down next to her, wrapping her arms around her friend and holding her as she cried.(a/n: this is literally the exact moment in my life where i began to realize that i’m probably not 100% straight. i have such a crush on the pansy that i write wtf)

final a/n: okay so i’m stopping it here so i have an excuse to write this to be longer. i might do alternate endings, one where the reader ends up with pansy and one where the reader ends up reconciling with draco because oh my god my sexuality is suddenly being very questioned right now lmao. i can’t believe this happened in real time while i was writing a fic

#draco #draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco imagine #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy imagine #harry potter #pansy parkinson #pansy x reader #blaise zabini #slytherin #ravenclaw #hufflepuff #gryffindor #severus snape #pansy imagine

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