#good grief how old am i

[mings]

Reliving my younger years just recently. It occurs to me that this (and many others on my playlist) was released before most of you were born. What really drives it home is that I saw many of these groups live on the tours that promoted the release of these albums...

Anyhoo, Wishbone Ash was an English rock group that, unusually for that time, had two lead guitarists, which made for interesting solo breaks. Argus, released in 1972, won awards for its cover design. Throw Down the Sword segues on from Warrior, the preceding track, and features one of their most memorable solo duels.

The lyrics of this particular track seem especially fitting for a young lady (ykwya) and her beau who have been fighting their own battles of late, and this is for them.

#wishbone ash #argus #rock #guitar solos #ancient history #good grief how old am i #Spotify

[ride-a-dromedary]

[I'm sorry for your loss.] It was a long time ago. The wounds don't heal, but they become more bearable.

#Baldur's Gate 3 #Halsin #bg3edit #otheredits #my stuff #you ever seen halsin's expression after you express sympathy for his dead family? now you have - pain be upon ye #missing is the dead eye he has afterwards before the animation loop #halsin is a good example of no matter how old someone is they were someone's child once #they were someone who lost family they loved #grief like that never goes away - this is an original hurt that is buried beneath a hundred others - but it is the one that aches the worst #that's why halsin doesn't like keeping someone's mother away from them as a taunt even if it's an evil bastard #it's why he sympathizes with ketheric's decline in spite of the fact that he is the cause of such a massive weight on his conscious #he looks in the mirror and sees his father's face centuries later - he talks of his mother still #side note - it's why i think halsin would be *very* upset with wyll's daddy drama (on ulder's side of what he did to wyll) #and in spite of his rocky start with shadowheart he would be happy she could be reunited with her parents #because he'll never have that chance #anyway i am...sad #the point of this post is his expression destroys me because i felt it

[teobug]

Barely slept because my very old kitty is sick and this might Be It for her since we do not have the money to take her in and even if we did, it is more likely than not a complication of kidney failure which we have known to be an inevitable end for a while now

#i am feeling. hmmm. not good #she's like 16 to 17 years old at this point. ive had her my sntire teenhood to adult life #she is small and frail and sneezing and exhausted and i dont blame her #its like age hit her all at once so fast #i am so tired and sad and i dont know how to. process or think about it #how do I think about the idea of her life coming to an end. how do i consider if i need to allow the unthinkable #if her suffering is too great for her little body how will i know. how will i know she needs to go #im so scared of making her hurt or suffer longer than she needs to but im also scared of taking away her life out of selfish grief #she deserves a kind and gentle death when the time comes but i dont know how to make that happen for her or when and im scared #sorry if you read this far im just. exhausted and. scared and sad #i dont want to lose another staple of my life so soon after my grandma #vent #delete later

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Spoke to someone I don’t know over the phone, 11 dead, 32 injured

#I’m all flowery on here but in real life conversation I am the driest most uncomfortably pragmatic person alive #I’ve been scolded for being so task-focused that I forgot to say hello to the secretaries in high school when I went to do a task #or for having an “attitude” with my parents (often when I was purposefully trying to appear humble with an “idk” voice) #so I’ve amended that by fake laughing at everything and keeping my customer service voice on All The Time #0/10 it works flawlessly but I’ve also made myself into a socially anxious doormat #I’ve been the one to break it to people that their friend died on more than one occasion and I always feel bad about how I do it #I usually just blurt it out because I don’t know how to lead up to it other than saying “maybe you should sit down for this” #it would be wrong if I knew and didn’t tell them #so it has to be me… you know? #I’m so disconnected from any feelings of grief (I’ve never felt bereavement in my life) that it feels wrong for it to be me #because I’m physically incapable of sharing in their pain and emotions; I literally don’t understand it #but sometimes I’ll cry reflexively if I see someone else crying even if I don’t have any actual feelings for them or their situation #I’m more disturbed by knowing of people who are alive going through pain than I am by knowing someone died #because death is natural; suffering isn’t #unless the person is a child or otherwise very young #but if they’re old and lived a fulfilling life I recognize they’ve had a fulfilling life and hope that my life #is as fulfilling as theirs was when I go #I’m not afraid of death; I’d just like to not go before I’m good and ready #When I go away I hope that I WANT to go away; you know?

[septic-dr-schneep]

Jackieboy’s birthday is in four days and with all of the recent potential for Seananigans, I’m not sure whether to be excited or incredibly nervous about that...

#jacksepticeye #jackieboy man #e_e #i am suspeesh #he's gonna be SIX YEARS OLD? #good grief #how time flies

[mobbothetrue]

What the hell, that’s actually a really funny line

#mobbtalks #I think the fact I’m working on the five dragons again has like. flushed my brain back to a lot of old unfinished projects #this is from a take on the adventure zone balance where Taako can see Lup’s ghost the whole time #but the have No Way to communicate so really it’s a lot of frustrated charades #I’m also being fucking. haunted. by Voltron. I am not doing it I am not writing it but there was an au idea I had years ago #that had decided to move back into my head WITHOUT permission #basically at the start of Voltron they show up on the castle or w/e and wake up allura and. other guy. right #well the idea I had was what if they don’t do that #it would have picked up multiple years later when Pidge(? I think) managed to reconnect some faulty relay and the pods come back online #I think they were like stasis/healing pods? rough getting around w/o those #and essentially it would be like. a real deep dive onto allura and other guy #if I remember right they essentially are the last survivors of their whole race. a desperate last hope #how would they feel waking up to find that a group of people have done it without them? people from a planet that doesn’t even know Voltron #it was gonna have a lot of focus on grief and the lions and change #and i refuse. not doing it. nuh uh can’t make me Get Out Of My Head #a real big focus on team as family which as far as I can recall the real Voltron never really did NOT DOING IT NO #anyway this taz fic has a lot of really good lines actually but this is my favourite

[butraura]

20 questions for fic writers!

tagged by @watchyourbuck <3

How many works do you have on AO3? > 17 (and a ton on fanfiction.net)

What's your total AO3 word count? > 158,720 words

What fandoms do you write for? > If we're just talking AO3, I've written for Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The 100, Girl Meets World, Teen Wolf, Shadowhunters, and 9-1-1. Right now, I am only writing for 9-1-1 and I have a WIP I SWEAR I will get back to eventually. On FanFiction.net, I've written for Austin & Ally, Sailor Moon, and possibly some I've forgotten.

What are you top 5 fics by kudos? a. anchored (30,000 words) (9-1-1) (527 kudos) b. for your life, for your love (7,410 words) (9-1-1) (320 kudos) c. electrify me (8,625 words) (9-1-1) (168 kudos) d. the silent treatment (2,493 words) (9-1-1) (156 kudos) e. cracked ribs (9,99 words) (9-1-1) (148 kudos)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? > Sometimes. I don't ignore people on purpose, I just often get overwhelmed and/or forget. I do ignore hate comments because they're not worth my time.

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? > I think all of the stories (that I've actually finished) (on AO3) have had good endings to counteract the angst in them.

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? > Maybe "for your life, for your love".

Do you get hate on fics? > I never used to lol. But that's changed in the last two weeks. It's pretty rampant now and it's trickled over to Tumblr. My philosophy is: if you don't like the plot, don't read the story.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? > I have... it's not a thing I do often lol. I give myself the ick when I do it lol. It's pretty vanilla though.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? > I don't think I ever have actually

Have you ever had a fic stolen? > Not as far as I'm aware

Have you ever had a fic translated? > I don't think it's ever happened, but someone did reach out to me once to ask if they could translate and post one of my fics in Russian. Unfortunately, I didn't see the message until literally over a year later. I would have said yes but I don't know if it was ever done.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? > Never

What's your all-time favourite ship? > It's extremely difficult to answer that because I am well-rounded girlie that grew up on TV. But; I'd say probably Buck and Eddie (Buddie) and Bellamy and Clarke (Bellarke).

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? > The only WIP I can think of that I care about this much is a Shadowhunters fic called Empires. I will do it but I just honestly don't know when.

What are your writing strengths? > Dialogue. I try really hard to make the words my characters say sound exactly like the way they'd speak in their original media.

What are you writing weaknesses? > I put such a heavy hand into dialogue that I feel like I forget to build the rest of the story. Also, finishing something. The amount of WIPs I have is atrocious.

Thought on writing dialogue in another language? > If you want to, go for it, but don't rely on Google Translate to do it for you. I typically only put Spanish or Latin in my fics and I have the help of fluent people so that the languages correctly translate. Use the tools at your disposal.

First fandom you ever wrote for? > In general, it was Austin & Ally when I was newly 14 years old lol. On AO3, it was Teen Wolf (Why Are You Half Naked?)

Favorite fic you've ever written? It was definitely anchored. It's a newer one but I am so proud of the work I put into it.

tags! (I'm sorry, I had a list of people that specifically asked to be tagged and I fricken lost it... please let me know again if you'd like to be tagged in my random fic-related posts).

#fic things #author things #embarrassing #i can't even begin to explain how horrified I am to think about my old work lol #also #i probably have like 100 wips across all my fandoms #i hate me tremendously #9-1-1 #buddie #bellarke #the 100 #don't even fucking talk to me about cracked ribs bc i will not respond #it's an exaggerated from canon type of story and good fuckin grief eddie violent #get over it #he's violent for like one chapter and then lives the rest of the story hating himself #anyway #ao3 #meme? #idk how to tag this

[starlooove]

Y’all have got to stop recording and sharing every damn thing with the fucking internet.

#in what world is it appropriate to post a vid of u telling ur sibling ur dad was murdered #like genuinely what the hell #call me old fashioned or close minded or whatever but what the actual hell #Ur not a character. ur a human being. every aspect of ur life doesn’t need to be put out for everyone to see so they can analyze and fix u #i am speaking from experience bro that validation u get from ppl online calling u a good person or feeling bad for you #It’s not worth and it quite literally rots ur brain #the situation above is obviously more extreme but I feel the same way when y’all make custody battles into online beef #or call bigotry ‘discourse’ #like can we be serious #and idk I feel like the difference to me is when u do it #a video recounting how u handled a situation is fine to me #but smth grosses me out about taking the time to record edit and post a video like that as the situation is happening #in the middle of this grief you decided to record ur siblings grief out sad music behind it post it and like the comments saying they’re sad #whats going on

[primussavethesemechs]

Making this bcuz I forgot how hard I went in the tags for my post about the turtles species facts, those were GOLDEN and I feel like it deserves it’s own post (with slight adjustments bcuz I’m feeling like causing widespread suffering)

Context for original post: if the boys were to die naturally of old age -unlikely, I know- Raph would significantly outlive his brothers, with Mikey dying the youngest. (Estimations including human dna bumping up their lifespans: Raph- 110, leo & donnie- 80, Mikey- 60)

Something something, Raph’s compulsion to protect his loved ones would mean nothing in the end, for he cannot fight death itself.

He would have to watch his family bury his baby brother first and know there was nothing he could have done about it. How would he cope with his savage side once his family dwindled out one by one?

He would live out the last of his life as a guardian with nothing left to guard.

#anyways how are you all doing? #having a good day? #not anymore! 😃 #i hope y’all are as tainted with this knowledge as I am #i can’t be the only only one mourning this possibility #April would last pretty long #longer than the twins at least #which would make her death all the more painful #the last of his siblings gone #yes she counts she’s his older sister shut up #even if he technically still has family (with the way the Yamato’s tend to adopt anyone in range) #all the people he grew up with would be gone #he’d be the grief struck old uncle that doesn’t talk much anymore #but he’d still do his best for whatever family he has #it’s all he has left after all #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rise of tmnt #tmnt

[betterbekind]

x

#sometimes i think im selfish that i moved out and left the state and got a girlfriend and our pet cat and made my own little family #and then i think #i still calls my parents and my grandparents and i still visit home and i still text my brother (not as much as i should) and #i am still part of my origional family i just made a new one too #because no offense but my old one sucks a little and for a long time they made me feel very afraid and very unwanted #so i made a new one and just because they never kicked me out didn't mean i wasn't prepared for that and planned accordingly #and now my brother is being passive agressive and texting me about our family being together on the holidays #like bro if our family being together meant so much to you you'd answer the phone when i call #and i know its hard #because our stepdad is dying and our family is never going to be together again on thanksgiving #and the grief is large and hard and i dont know how well my brother is doing handling it #but ill be home for christmas and we can be together again #or maybe he'll die before then and we wont be and my brother can hold that against me however long he wants to #but i am with my family #and i had a good day even with the sadness and the grief and i am okay #and i fought too hard to be okay to go crawling back just because he wants to play happy family #it was never a happy family #it wasnt all bad but im done pretending everything was sunshine and roses #me and my brother both almost killed ourselves playing that game and im done playing #i hope one day he is too #i wish i knew how to help #but i dont #and i genuinely think i am as okay with that as i can be

[raspberryjellybrains]

Infinity Adds Up

characters: magnus chase

fandom: mcga

words: ~500

warnings: discussion of graphic violence, existentialism, depressive topics

description: an action, once done enough, loses all meaning. death is like that, or at least magnus hopes it is.

I am on mobile and the cut post feature does not work. if this will trigger you, now is the time to scroll super fast by.

------------------------- cut -------------------------

Magnus thinks that in 10, 20, 40, 100 years he'll get used to the feeling of a fight. The adrenaline will stop its blinding rush, panic fueled limbs flying through the battle field (kill revive tiptoe kill defend-) and he wil be able to regard battle with the cool logic and calculated movements of Valhalla's older residents.

He knows this is when he will become numb, everyone he loved and knew in life dead, and he is scared. He knows that the numbness will prevent him from hurting about it, and he is less scared.

There is an illusion of luxury in this place, the desperate scrabbling cover of immortals to make up for the fact that they're so fucking empty except for the times they get maim each other. The only thing that can pierce their fogged vision is wrath, sharp and unfettered, misplaced at those that slight them rather than the cruel march of time of time ending in a battle which renders everything pointless. Valhallans will see stars die, and they will be the ones with the dust of the universe spread across their hands like so many centuries of blood.

But at least the towels are soft.

Magnus knows all of this, knows it in the marrow of his undead bones, producing and rotating blood in endless circles until it is broken with the tip of a spear or a bullet or sometimes a silver garrote. Sometimes he thinks he knows too much for this place, thinks of Halfborn with all of his degrees and blind faith, thinks of Annabeth with her careful cynical hope, and he thinks of Alex and his 3am existentialism and knows he doesn't. Everyone knows as much, too, they just ignore it.

Magnus was never much good at ignoring things, never good at being numb. His emotions demanded to be felt, covering him in waves all encompassing feeling in way that made his skin crawl. This is why he panics, why he cannot fight.

Why, even after 400 years, he walks onto the battlefield of Ragnarok all the more mind fucking than in his relative youth, there is no sense of relief.

All he feels fear.

#listen. if its garbage let me know but i am feeling emotions rn. #there is a stunning lack of magnus angst in this fandom. so i must provide. #sorry if this comes across as a little tonally weird im used to spn flavor angst so its a bit of an adjustment #probably gonna rb when its not ass oclock #valhallas fucked tho #why would you give a 16 year old a minibar key. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT. #how many alcoholics are here. do they have ANY mental health support system? #no because anger is grief let sit and harden #good god theres so much to analyze about this depiction of valhalla this is just the tip of the iceberg #ppl will straight up fade out of existence from depression and everyones like #L. rip tho ig. #WTF???? #sorry #my angry brain is on #mcga #mcga fanfic #magnus chase #tw violence #tw existential dread

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

If I’m offline for a little bit that is bc my dog is having some health issues

#u know ur online a little too much when u say hey guys don’t worry about me if I’m offline for a few days #he’s pretty old he’s going on 17 years this fall #he’s got some sort of old dog kidney disease #so if he gets better he’ll be better within a few days. and if not then he probably won’t #thankfully I am not in touch with my emotions ever so I can just take care of him without looming grief #which is good considering I was taking care of vet things with my mother and she was a mess. someone had to be put together I suppose #i mean. everyone’s pretty upset. but like. it’s my dog and somehow I’m the one who’s doing the best #i did my emotional control training in my youth I’m so good at it #i can make myself feel fine about anything with enough work. I’m trained #something something miserable when I was young so I have my own home remedy where I simply stop being sad #also. fun fact. if I make myself stop being upset the back of my throat really really hurts #like. u know how u feel when u get choked up? it’s similar to that but like. painful #but! physical pain is better than emotional pain and one pain medication exists for #this is not meant to be a post that makes u worry about me all things considered I’m doing quite well #also I think it’s really funny I’m out here like might go offline😔 #like fundamentally my best emotional work is done online right here and it’s probably gonna continue that way #I’m not a person who can just. go offline. i so deeply have to be like omg here is what is new #soup talks

[youve-always-had-me-cas]

.

#hi hello yes i am twenty four years old i have known for the better part of half of those years i am not interested in #having sex with any possible permutation of being and yet every few months i wind up back here at the conclusion something #has to be Wrong for the concept to so viscerally disgust me #see disinterest is fine and good and ordinary straight people who dont have Issues to unpack are just very calmly not interested in the #concept of gay sex. great. this makes SENSE. i can even relate to this because im pretty middle of the road neutral on the concept of #having sex with women. dont want to. am capable of the normal human experience of seeing two women who want to be having sex with each #other doing so and thinking 'good for them'. so does it not follow that if i like men. want a boyfriend. want to hold hands with a guy and #do all those insanely sappy romantic comedy cliches #but can barely hold my downright revulsion at the thought of violating that happiness with... that. does it not follow that there is some #sort of issue that i have. that needs solving. what if this isnt right? what if theres a Problem and if i just find it ill be normal and #want all those normal things like everyone else. isnt disgust a bad reaction?? how can this be right? but by the same token. from where i #am sitting. how could i ever want different. different DISGUSTS me. i dont want what i dont have. im haunted by the idea maybe im #supposed to #hello i am twenty four years old and i am a sex repulsed asexual. over half my life this fact has given me nothing but grief.

[sociallyawkwardseal]

Okay, so not fanfic/writing stuff but do you ever think of how close Calla and Kody used to be? How sweet and bright and encouraging she was towards him when they were younger? How friendly and warm she was? How they smiled at each other? It makes me want to eat rocks.

#Lumine #Lumine webcomic #Lumine (webcomic) #Lumine (webtoon) #Lumine webtoon #And then ableism starts dragging Kody down. #Dozens of things that are either pinpricks or full-on bricks getting slammed into him (figuratively. I do not mean. Kody got beaten with #bricks.) #''It's not like he could have played anyway--he can't use magic'' #Kody's disappointment and heartbreak at not being able to use magic like the other witch kids #Him finding other ways of being a witch (potion making) to accommodate to his limitations #But still not being seen as a proper witch according to some (i.e. Calla's family; ''they could forbid me from seeing you/us being friends #if they found out'') #Anyways I don't really know where I was going with this but it just makes my heart Ache #I can't remember how canon it is (I'll find out soon) but I always imagined that Camille had a heavy focus on potions; #I feel like she really appreciates potionmaking and the uses/applications of it; how versatile it is and while it isn't as convenient as #general magic--having a potion prepped in-advance would be pretty useful and convenient. Especially if you got too tired to actually do #general magic or something was blocking it off. #It's why I think she would be a good parental figure or aunt figure or mentor or SOMETHING to Kody #Kody finding a way to accommodate to his illness and disabilities by trying potion making has always been something that's stuck out to me #That doesn't take away the grief or pain of Not being able to do it ''the normal way'' but it gives you SOMETHING. Any connection to what #you love dearly and want to do. #This was Not meant to be a rant on disability stuff whoopsie. And yet here I am. I'm gonna cut it off there. #If this didn't make sense sorry the migraine-hangover brainfog is eating my words alive #My heart just hurts over their old friendship and how sweet they were #Also forgot that Kody wanted to open a bakery when he's older... Aughhhh. Implodes into 500 tiny shrapnel forever.

[2003hondacivic]

some journal entries during an incredibly hard period of my life

#right before and the aftermath #this year has changed so much about my life #reading these old entires i am astounded at how i handled it all with a lot more strength than i realized #the pain was always there but i remained positive #i held myself accountable for my thoughts and actions #i recognized that i wasn’t in a good state of mind and i wasn’t always as emotionally mature as i thought #i had things i needed to say and i wasn’t taught how to in an appropriate manner #which is NO excuse. my parents’ lack was not my fault but it is my responsibility now #i am a capable adult thank god #i am forever grateful for the resources i have now #thank you for this year. thank you for the pain the strength the wisdom the love all of it #i hold so much love still #mine #i lost all my friends (completely all no contact) in a matter of days some time in April #it was involuntary isolation and literal abandonment that was honestly traumatizing for a while but thank god it happened #it hurt a lot going through it but i still love them all. i know things that i wish i knew now #i would have treated the situation completely differently #perhaps i could’ve given some insight & provided more grace and comfort if i knew what i know now #i can’t go back but i accept this. i forgave it before it even happened. no pain is worth the grief of a grudge ever #they all have my blocked but i wish i could say so much to them. and listen to them. so badly. #but that’s what therapy is for i guess #there is solace in knowing that they would have all acted differently had they known what i know now as well #this brings me peace #i love them in other planes. i love them in dreams and they know this. they might not realize it though. that’s okay

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

Who knows what the Siamese dreamt

That shit at the end had me fucked up though.

And yet, new beginnings and a life force I must conclude never perished

#that riahi thing with the light workers though #good grief you sent the light into their camp #how dat .... dat Lucipher right der #did you look cute #Obviously #pyt with a body to clamp my big ears #and the struggle when your arousal weaknes you into my little toy and you give in #I think I at least deserved to massage you for a few dry wet hard minutes to mirror #also so yeah sex is going to be top tier #and messy #and Smoky #and high and perhaps actually like high #perhaps a spectral glow through time ah but to bring in full form #you have your pretty orbs #I simply am the original orb #through the wire hit you with that wu tang slang #also that lady at the end of the hall is fucking nuts and it she reaks of death #I don't know what the deal is with old Johnny I only know who