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peach-the-owl · 3 years

Note

Maybe one with Kima and Allura? The reader is an artist and one day they start to leave little notes with sketches for them in random places where they can find them and it's just them being a good friend trying to make them smile during the day.

Aww, I love Kima and Allura so much, their relationship is just so precious 🥰 I hope this turned out well

Also might’ve let myself get carried away with the idea, it’s a bit long 😅

Little Notes

Allura & Kima & Artist!Reader (Platonic)

You were making your way over to Allura's for a visit knowing she had been stressing out over Kima being missing from her mission in Kraghammer and hoping to calm some of those nerves. You walk up to the doors of her tower and give a knock, after a small wait the door opens to reveal the arcanist herself.

"(Y/n)! It’s been awhile, how are you?" She asks slightly surprised by your sudden appearance.

"Hello Allura, sorry about not informing you of my arrival." You sheepishly scratch at the back of your head in apology. "Do you mind if I come in? If not I can just-"

"No no, it’s alright." She stops you and steps out of the way for you to enter the tower. You welcome yourself in and go to sit in your usual spot whenever you’d visit. "I’m actually glad you decided to pop in, I’ve needed a distraction what with everything going on." Allura admits. At this point you pull out your sketchbook and pencil you always carry with you and start to add some fine line work to a piece you’d been working on for weeks now, never seeming to get it quite right.

"I know you’ve been stressing over this, which is exactly why I wanted to come over. So why don’t you tell me about what you’ve been up to recently." You suggest, not looking away from your drawing. You knew this wouldn’t bother Allura because for the years you've known each other, while it looked like you weren’t paying attention to the conversation you actually were, listening very carefully to every word being spoken to you. Allura went on to tell you about her work with the council and some of the worries she has for Kima, you adding in your own thoughts to the conversation every now and again. She then told you about her allies, the adventuring group known as Vox Machina that she asked to help find Kima, you knew about this group and what they did for the royal family but didn’t know them as personally as Allura did.

"I just hope nothing terrible has happened." Allura finally concludes after her long rant. You give an amused hum and sigh, taking proper notice that you’d wandered away from your project and had several random doodles covering the page. However instead of hindering you this placed a wonderful idea into your head.

"Relax Ally, if these people are as capable as you say then they’ll find Kima in no time. Just relax and breath, alright." You look up at her this time seeing her nod and take a few deep breaths. While she was distracted with that you carefully tear out some of the doodles, writing little messages of encouragement on the back of them and stand up. You sneakily slipping one of the notes between the cushion of the chair having it stick out just enough to be noticeable but not too obvious. "It’s been lovely, thank you for having me over but it’s getting late. I should really be making my way home."

"Allow me to walk you out." Allura offers which you happily accept, sneakily hiding the little drawings along the way in various places for Allura to hopefully find later. "I really appreciated the visit, helps to confide in a friend. You’re welcome back anytime." Allura gives you a quick hug that you return before the two of you part ways until next time.

It had been a while since your little visit and felt it only fair to check in and see how everything was going. When you arrive you’re relieved to see that Kima had returned in one piece, while Allura was occupied with thanking Vox Machina for their efforts you quietly shuffle over. You then watch as Kima and Allura share a small moment by staring at each other before they run into each other’s arms, you smile a little at this before deciding to quickly jump in.

"No it’s fine, just pretend I’m not here." You joke gaining everyone’s attention, you walk over to the two and without missing a beat Kima gives you a playful punch in the arm. "I swear to Bahamut Kima, you’re gonna break my arm one of these days." You slightly hiss from the pain.

"Nah if I meant to do that, it'd already be broken." Kima says slyly, you roll your eyes before properly hugging your friend, slipping a little note you’d made into her armour.

"Well now who’s this one?" The red Dragonborn asks. After some proper introductions with the group Allura invites everyone into her tower for tea, you hang back a second unsure if you should join them or just head home early.

"Don’t just stand there, the offer stands for you too." Allura gives a warm smile and ushers you inside.

"I know I just didn’t want to feel like I was overcrowding the place, plus I’m sure you’d like to catch up with Kima." You say meekly. You make your way up and automatically go to sit in your usual spot, pulling out your sketchbook as both a distraction and to continue on a commission for a client you’d received. Enjoying some tea and listening to the conversation between everyone else, Kima leans over your shoulder to look at your work.

"The hell is that supposed to be?" She asks quietly, staring at your drawing.

"Art." You reply cheekily. You catch her rolling her eyes at the corner of yours.

"I know what it is, but what is it?"

"The client asked for something abstract, so this is the result so far." You precede to erase and redraw a few of the lines you’d made until you felt satisfied.

"I don’t get it." You stifle a laugh, Kima didn’t really have an artistic eye but you appreciated that she at least tried to understand your craft whenever the two of you got to interact with each other.

"Shouldn’t you be involved in this conversation? Not to be rude or anything but it sounds important." You look up at Kima now to which she scratches at the back of her head, you can now see the blush on her cheeks.

"His questions were making me a little uncomfortable." She gestures over to the goliath, Grog. You give a reassuring pat her on the shoulder, sneaking another note into her armour before you realize something.

"Sorry to interrupt but what time is it?" After some fumbled reply’s Allura gives you her best estimation. "I have to go, I’ve got client to meet today and sooo much work to do. Thank you for the tea Allura, it was lovely to meet you all and thank you for safely bringing Kima back." You give a bit of a rushed goodbye as you gather up your things and hurry out of the tower, pausing briefly at the door to hide one more note for Allura to find later.

Time came and went, work piled up leaving you busy to no end, the only contact you had with your friends being the letters you��d write each other telling of what you’d been up to. However once the dragons came your world went crashing down, you had longed for a break away from all the work on your shoulders but not like this. Your home was in shambles, your hard work that took you months to complete destroyed in seconds, you considered yourself lucky to have made it out alive. Now you were but another refugee in Whitestone praying for a miracle while doodling in your sketchbook, the only thing that survived with you albeit slightly charred at the corners.

"Oh my gosh! You’re alive!" You hear a familiar voice call, looking over to see Kima run up to you. You give each other hug and once you let go Kima punches your arm.

"Every time I swear." You sigh with a small laugh, rubbing your arm.

"Gotta keep that arm strength up for your art stuff." Kima jokes, trying to lighten the mood a bit. "Anyways, do you know where Ally is?" You shake your head.

"I don’t, but I assume she’s alive, that woman’s a tough cookie." Kima nods in agreement.

"Would you like to help us?" Keyleth asks.

"Me? No I couldn’t, I’ve never really been the adventuring type, I much prefer swinging around a paintbrush over a sword." You politely decline the offer. "But I would like to advise one thing," you pat Kima's shoulder, once again slipping in a note you’d made into her armour in hopes of bringing encouragement. "Don’t do anything rash that could get you killed." Kima gives a quiet "yeah I know" and with that you watch the party continue on their way.

You did what you could with what little resources you had to build up and regain some normality to your life, starting a little side business of making motivational cards for anyone needing an extra pick me up. Folks seemed to really like it, each card having a personalized picture and message written on it, doing what you could to help keep hope alive in these trying times. When you met up with Kima and Allura again Allura was relived to see you were still alive and standing strong. They invited you over to the abode they were staying at together, which put a new idea into your head. Before you arrived for your visit with them you had made more of your little notes for them, this time making a few that you hoped would help spark the romance between the two you’ve seen since day one (secret wingman). When you arrived they gave you a quick tour of the place, leaving opportunities for you to slip the notes into various places around the house, making you wonder if this time they were doing it on purpose having finally caught on to your little gimmick. You all sat down and sipped away at some tea or coffee while talking about the actions going forward, as the evening came you bid your friends a goodnight and made your way back to your temporary living quarters…

More time flew by, the Chroma Conclave was since defeated and Emon was slowly rebuilding itself, a time of peace finally setting in and you had a lot of work ahead of you if you were ever going to be able to buildup your home from scratch. The only downside was you didn’t have the gold to pay for everything, your work as an artist didn’t always pay a lot but it was enough to keep you stable but having to pay to acquire materials for the house and art studio was another story entirely. Your then approached by two very familiar people.

"Allura! Kima! So good to see you both again. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to write or visit often lately, been quite busy trying to re-establish myself." You greet your friends and notice the large bag Kima's carrying.

"It’s alright we’ve been rather busy ourselves with everything going on. We actually wished to talk with you." Allura gives you a gentle smile.

"Well I’d normally like to welcome you into my home, but as you can see it’s… not much of a home yet." You half-joke gesturing to the still ruined state of your house, the broken paintings you once had all having been stripped away when the Cinder King still ruled.

"That was actually one of the things we wished to speak with you about, Kima if you would." She turns to Kima who in turn hulls the bag over her shoulder letting it clatter to the ground, and you can hear the jangling of coin inside. "I believe this should help accommodate everything you need for your home and work." You stare jaw dropped at the bag filled to the brim with gold.

"I-This is very generous of you. I simply can’t just take your money." You say out of shock at the large gold pile in front of you.

"Think of it as payment for all you’ve done for us." Allura smiles and gives you an expectant look.

"All I’ve done? I haven’t really done anything to help."

"Sure you have, back when Kima was missing finding those papers with the little drawings and messages really helped keep me calm and cheer me up through all the stress." Allura explains.

"Yeah, or the ones you managed to slip into my armour. Little distracting at first but invigorating when I was in a tough spot in battle." Kima jumps in. You just smile, all you were doing was trying to be nice and encouraging to your friends unknowing of the effects it apparently lead to.

"Still, not all is from us." Allura suddenly cuts into your thoughts, you look at her confused. "That was the second thing we wanted to talk with you about. Some of this is a sort of upfront payment for a few commissions from our friends, half now to help you and half later once you've completed their requests."

"There’s more!?" You were almost lightheaded from the information, but shake it off and refocus yourself. "I’d love to, please fill me in on all the details."

"First off Keyleth asked for a landscape piece of her home in Zephrah, Keyleth will easily help bring you to and from her home whenever you’re ready. Next Percy wanted a portrait made for castle Whitestone, he said he’d fill in the rest of the details upon your arrival. Finally," Allura gives a bit of a sigh, "there’s Taryon… he wants a, and I quote, 'self portrait made with nothing but the finest oil paints you can get your hands on for the Slayer's Cake.'"

"So basically the plan is to visit Whitestone once my home's rebuilt. That should be fine, one question though, who’s Taryon?"

"Trust me, you’ll know who he is when you meet him."

"Sounds like quite the character." You say with a hint of nervousness. "Well if that’s everything, I should get to work. Thank you again for everything." You go to collect the heavy bag of gold only to pause when you hear Kima speak up.

"Ally did you still wanna… you know ask about the thing?" She had leaned closer to Allura to ask but you still heard her.

"What thing?" You question to which Allura perks up a bit in realization.

"I almost completely forgotten. Right, there was one more, very special request." You look at the two in silence, Allura walks up to you and takes one of your hands in hers. "(Y/n), Kima and I have a very important and special request of you." You just nod and wait for her to continue. "We were wondering if you could make us something special for… for our wedding." You stare wide eyed in awe.

"You two are getting married? That’s amazing! About time too." You cheer.

"Not so loud please, we just want a simple and private wedding you know, a few eye witnesses for the event. You don’t have to make anything grand, if anything we’d like what you make to be similar to the notes you’ve always left us." You press your hands together and hold back the urge to just scream to the heavens in happiness for them. When you manage to calm yourself enough you look back that the couple and give them a large smile.

"I’d be honoured to make something for your wedding." You give them both a hug and reset your sights on your shambled home. "Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a house to get built."

"Hold on, I still have one more thing for you." Kima interrupts this time. Before you can ask you feel a punch impact your arm, you suck back the pain as you rub the spot she hit. "Alright now your free to start." She gives you a smug look.

"Every. Single. Time." You playfully glare back. You had a long road ahead of you and you were certain it’d only be a matter of time before the peace is disturbed again but for now you wanted to focus on the present. Like you said, you had a lot of work to do.

#critical role #critical role & reader #vox machina #vox machina & reader #allura #allura vysoren #kima #kima of vord #allura x kima #allura & reader #kima & reader #npc appreciation month #nothing romantic here

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soda-drabbles · 4 years

Text

Doodle Break | Arin x Reader

Request by @nonsense-on-main : Tiny lil x reader thing where Arin finds a drawing of him that you did and you get super embarrassed about it but he absolutely loves it (and possibly gets a lil flustered but like in a good way)?

Type : Fluff

Pairing : Arin x Reader

Art was always your passion. Growing up, your sketchbooks and pencils were your best friends. During recess, instead of playing with other kids on the slide or playing tag, you sat on the ground with your pencil and paper and doodled whatever you liked. Nothing about it has changed much since then other than you just don’t draw as much since you’re an adult now and working a full time job.

That still never stopped you from bringing your sketchbook and a pen during your spare breaks, drawing whatever was on your mind. The break room was your preferred and perfect place to get some good sketching done while you ate. You even had your own special spot, one farthest away which worked well since you were a little insecure about others seeing your art.

Thankfully, the room looks fairly empty today. You assume your co-workers went out for lunch this time and with a ding on your phone, your suspicions were correct. A message notification was staring you back in the face, from Jory specifically.

‘We’re gonna get some McDonald’s so let us know what you want. ‘

With your free hand, you type out what you want and hit send. Afterwards, you place your phone back in it’s pocket. Although you’ve been to the break room plenty of times, it never ceases to satisfy you with how peacefully quiet it can be. Which is honestly laughable, considering that rooms over Dan and Arin were probably giggling themselves shitless right now.

Thinking about it now, your mind drifted to Arin. Nothing that unusual nowadays, as he took over most of the thoughts.

His name pops into your head and you can’t help but sway a little. As cheesy as that was, nothing was cheesier than the fact that you actually ended up drawing him more. It sounds like it’d be better suited for some high school Disney movie. Yet here you were, flipping through many already drawn pages to a new clean one.

Your pencil traces out the features you can remember. His broad nose, those delicate eyes, his warm soft smile. Things that for some reason you can’t forget, the little details. Sometimes you found yourself getting annoyed after drawing, as if somehow drawing him over and over will make you forget about him. Of course it doesn’t, and sometimes you’re glad for that.

“Holy shit, where is everybody?”

Speak of the devil.

“Uh, I, they-“ Your words nearly trip over themselves, an underlying guilty tone in them as if you were caught doing something you weren’t supposed to. “They went out to grab something.”

“Shit, really?” He groans, as if he’s been betrayed. Your eyes watch as he brought his hand through his hair in a frustrated manner, the blonde streak and brunette being pushed back. Your throat dries, the muscle under his arm clenches and you notice. “You didn’t go with them?”

“Nah,” You clear your throat, tapping the table repeatedly with the eraser of your pencil. “Jory texted me like, five minutes ago, asking me what I wanted. I thought he would’ve texted you or something.”

His hand falls from his face to his pocket, the once held up ball of hair falling back around him. Arin’s once frustrated expression settles into a relieved one, one that is also a little annoyed with himself. “My phone was on silent,” Another Arin groan. He quickly texts them back and his phone returns to his pocket. The attention is back on you now, as he walks over. “What’s on the drawing menu today?” He takes it upon himself to lean over the table some, elbows resting on the table. It wasn’t unlike him to ask something like that. Working at the Grumps office for nearly a year brought you guys close, a lot closer since video games and art were something you had in common.

Still, in this case, this art was on the secret menu for your eyes only. Your arms were over your work nearly instantly, cheeks feeling like they’re on fire. You can’t imagine how red you must look right now.

Arin’s eyes slightly widen and he teases, “Dude, if you’re drawing hardcore porn, at least let me give an opinion on it.”

A soft crack fell on your flushed face, lips curving into a bit of a smile. Maintaining your serious look was hard, especially when Arin decides to crack jokes like that. Jokes that were meant to fluster you. “It’s not porn, Ar. It’s not really anything bad but..”

He laughs and puts on a dramatic scrunched pouty face that made you snort. “Not even if I say pretty please?”

“Especially not that. God, don’t ever make that face again.”

His face falls back to a neutral yet pouty face. Your heart is practically heaving in your chest but the relief settles in. You think that you may have ceased his curiosity or at least put it off. Now though, his eyes were practically setting on you and the gears in his head were turning. Problem was that they’re looking more curious than before.

“Ah!-“ A light feathery poke near your side was all it took for your arms to jolt downward, drawing a sharp gasp from you. You were hugging yourself at this point, to defend yourself from any new attacks. “Arin!-“ Your scolding falls short, eyes landing on your now bare sketch of Arin for all to see. Your eyes fart away and the heat that fills your cheeks is immaculate.

Thankfully, with your head turning the other way, it was impossible to see how he looked right now. You really weren’t sure if you want to either. Sure, he was a popular Internet personality and yeah, you were sure he’s seen his fair share of fan art (some dirtier than others) but still, this held a much more deeper meaning to you. Especially since you have a crush on the guy. At some point, you gather to courage to finally look at him. Instead of the look you expected him to have, Arin was seemingly stunned. About what is something you’re unsure of.

“When did you draw this?” He asks, bringing the sketchbook a bit closer to him. “Is this me?”

“I don’t know. Maybe five minutes ago.” You find yourself murmuring now. “Yeah, it’s uh, it’s you. Why?”

Arin breathlessly chuckles, in awe. “Dude, this is fucking amazing for five minutes. I also gotta say, I look hella handsome in your style~.” Although he’s teasing you right now, you turn to get another look and he looks sort of, what’s the word, flustered? It’s a look you’ve only seen Arin have once or twice.

“So you like it?” You ask, awkwardly rubbing the back of your neck. “If it’s weird, you can tell me. Seriously, I-“

He shuts you up by giving your shoulder a firm pat. “I think it looks awesome. Seriously.” He smiles, a light tint of pink dusting across his face. A part of you knew he wasn’t lying and the relief dawns on you once again. Another part of you knew that you probably shouldn’t worry as much as you do, as things usually went the opposite from what you assumed they were.

“McDonald’s train coming through!” calls Jory, who comes bustling through with a bag of McDonald’s that holds yours and Arin’s order.

Arin’s hand leaves your shoulder to grab the bag, leaving the spot warm and tingly. “Thanks, Jory.” He says, sitting the bag on the table.

“Woah, that’s really good, (Y/N)!” Jory exclaims upon seeing your ‘doodle’. “I knew that you drew in your free time but— wow.”

You awkwardly laugh, not being as flustered as you were when Arin got to see. Arin smiles again, sounding like a proud dad. “They’ve got talent. No other artist has been able to capture the Hanson essence like (Y/N)~”

“...Anyways.” You say after letting Arin’s cocky comment sit a moment of silence, which brought the burliest of laughs from him. Your heart sort of flutters. The fact that you can make a man like him laugh like that kind of brings you hope about your little love situation.

#arin x reader #x nb reader #x male reader #x reader insert #game grumps x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #fluff fic

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yukiobeyme · 4 years

Note

Hi! I saw your hc of the brothers reacting to a mc playing the harp. Do you think you could do hc with an skilled painter mc too? I study art, but due to a depressive episode i stoped painting, i started painting again a few days ago and remembered how much i enjoy it. Maybe due to the studys of the devildom she didnt have time for a while? Its ok if you dont want to or feel uncomfortable:)

Sorry, it took forever but hopefully, this suffices. It’s the longest thing I have ever written for Obey Me (5.6k words) The picture that is included is drawn by me, which is a painting that is featured in Detroit Become Human. It was in chapter 6 for Marcus, and the painting is human- hope. So, yea I hope you all enjoy and it’s just as good as the harp fic I did.

This is also like how the brothers try to help you with depression too because I need it lol. The first half is them noticing that you aren’t doing art anymore then you randomly paint then its the brother’s reaction though I don’t know if their reaction is long enough.

I am behind on requests but feel free to send stuff, I’m doing online classes so I have more free time and on my computer constantly. I think I’m finally gonna catch up on everything.

Trigger Warning for Depression and not necessarily Eating Disorder Otherwise Nonspecific but MC struggles to eat while depressed.

Art was something you always did. It was started as an innocent hobby, then you started to doodle on your assignments and notes. If there were paper and pencil around, there was bound to be one of your drawings on it eventually. In high school, you decided to take Art as your elective of choice, and during that time you learn what your favorite medium was and what your art style is. You found out you like paints the most; acrylics were the easiest for you, it was the most forgiving of the paints, watercolor you loved but it took work and concentration to do, and oil paint you practiced loved to hate. Oil was always so hard to work with, at first you always overworked the paint and left it looking dull and sad looking, but you were determined to get it right. Your final project was a huge oil painting, you took your time to plan and layout that painting. The topic you chose was the fall of angels, which you didn’t know much about. You knew about the Celestial Realm and Devildom, everyone does but it’s not like humans can walk freely in either of the realms. You debated back and forth if you should do a generic angel or if you should have more fun with it and recapture the fall of a true angel. Your research led you to learn about six brothers that fell around the same time. You recognized the first name easily, Lucifer; he was prideful and what everyone refers to the most powerful demon. He fell from Heaven after he became so impressed with his own beauty, intelligence, power, and position that he began to desire for himself the honor and glory that belonged to God alone. This pride represents the actual beginning of sin in the universe—preceding the fall of the human Adam by an indeterminate time. The other names, Mammon, Leviathan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, and Belphegor didn’t seem to ring any bells, but you took the time to try and research each on. You decided to capture all their falls in one painting, they fell in the order of power. Lucifer would be the furthest one down the canvas and that’s why Belphegor would be at the top still within the clouds. The painting ended up looking amazing and still hangs on the wall in your living room, it was the first decoration piece you ever put up.

Fast forward to when you were whisked away to Devildom to be an exchange student. They were nice enough to give you time to pack things, only 15 minutes to pack a year's worth of things. You grabbed random clothes and stuffed them in a bag, you grabbed your favorite stuff animal and went immediately went to your desk where you kept all your painting supplies. You made sure to grab as many different colors as possible, all different brush sizes and your two sketches that could handle the paint medium. You decided to grab your phone and its charger though you knew it probably wouldn’t work in Devildom. With one last glance around your house, you paused and looked at the oil painting before telling the demon that you were ready to start this adventure.

Much to your surprise, you were met with faces that were familiar. Though it wasn’t because you had met them before rather it was because you studied their faces and bodies to paint them. You were flushed the whole time they introduced themselves and was even more flustered when you realized you would be living with them for the next year. If they noticed, they didn’t say much about it. You knew they noticed your stares though. You were studying their faces, trying to recall if you captured them right, if your references were accurate or not.

You tried to do some form of art every day, from doodles or painting. Usually, you would sketch something during your breaks and paint them once you were back at the House of Lamentation. The brothers knew you painted but you always requested to be left alone. This was the time you played the music you wanted and get lost in the brush strokes. It was your stress release, something you found joy in, the way you reconnected with your body.

But within a month of being an exchange student, your RAD work piled up and instead of sketching during breaks you had to start studying and doing work to ensure you stayed on top of everything. The mix of stress and not taking care of yourself led you down a spiraling depression. You gave up painting and daily self-care was sparse and very little. You stayed up late and woke up early to get as much work done as possible, food was on the small side and on the go food.

You had gone shopping with Asmodeus and grabbed canvases, the now gathered dust in the corner of your room. Somewhere still blank and others left unfinished, but you could never push yourself to pick up your paintbrushes. Sometimes you would pull out all your material and just sit and stare at the canvas until you gave up and left it alone. Soon the brothers decided to make a schedule so that you never alone and offer you different types of support that were unique to them. They never pushed you to pick up painting again, though they tried to encourage it and encourage you to take care of yourself.

Lucifer:

Lucifer noticed how your habits changed, while he never saw your finished art pieces, he saw bits and pieces. He noticed that you like to draw what was around you, he had seen you draw the RAD, the House of Lamentation, and even sketches of his brothers and himself. When you stopped drawing in the morning, he just figured you weren’t as inspired, but then the dark circles under your eyes formed, skipping meals or eating too little, and how you sometimes drifted in class.

He thought it should be his job to help you, but he didn’t know how. For the first time in centuries, he felt powerless. He decided whenever you skipped meals, he would find ways to get you to eat. In the morning if you skipped breakfast, he grabbed a fruit and a granola bar to hand to you. Or when you skipped dinner, he brought the food to wherever you were studying. He made the time to sit with you, while you ate, bringing work of his own to do. He would try to brush off as he simply wanted to work in a different area when in reality, he wanted to make sure you ate.

Finally, Lucifer would ask if you had drawn or painted recently. Your grimace told him everything, “No, I haven’t been inspired recently,” you shrugged it off hoping he would drop it. But instead, he poked and tried to get more information from you. You broke after a while spilling all the struggles you have been facing and how the stress-induced depression, you assured him you been through it before and you would be fine but right now it just felt like loneliness and darkness.

While Lucifer didn’t show it, it broke his heart to hear you say that. He figured you were stressed, and you seemed down, but he didn’t know it was too this magnitude. He did his best to support and encourage you in any way he could, hoping that it would help somehow. He offered to tutor you and help you with homework in hopes to lighten your load. He knew he should tell Diavolo, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. This felt too intimate to disclose to him, he felt happy and privileged that you shared it with him, and he didn’t want to break that. At least you were talking to someone.

Mammon:

Mammon was oblivious to how your schedule and habits changed. It wasn’t until Beelz mentioned that he hadn’t seen you eat yet today during lunch. Then it clicked how he hadn’t seen you as much or rather how he had to seek you out constantly to get the attention he deserved from you.

He started to pay more attention to you and something seemed missing from your stack of books but could never place it until he came to your room and say your sketchbook on the floor under all your books. It clicks he doesn’t remember the last time he saw you drawing or doodling.

He then noticed your tired eyes, your slow-moving, and you did skip a lot of meals or at very little. He totally increased how much he spent with you, even when you claimed to have too much work to do. He would simply sit at your feet and lean against you. You would occasionally drop your hand down and play with his hair. You noticed the increase of affection and time he spent with you and at first, you were annoyed with it but soon you enjoyed the quiet company. Once Mammon saw you were happy to have him around, he started talking to you about his random schemes; which never failed to make you smile and laugh. He soon made it his goal to make sure you were always laughing and smiling, he never wanted it to stop.

You didn’t disclose everything to Mammon, but you talked about your feelings to him. In some ways it was hard not too, having him so close but you couldn’t help but feel vulnerable. He comforted you to the best of his ability, sometimes he said the wrong things, but he tried and attempted to fix it.

He would surprise you with small gifts, one day at lunch he managed to get a yakisoba bread and you were surprised when he offered you the whole thing instead of just wanting to split it. You offered to split it with him and you wouldn’t take no for an answer. You both ate you halves outside, and you couldn’t help but cuddle up against him. When you finished your food, you gave Mammon a peak of the cheek. He flushed immediately and you hooked your arms together and walked to class with him. Needless to say, he bragged about it to the brother’s group chat and he was made fun of because of how he blushed for the rest of the day.

Leviathan:

Noticed the symptoms immediately, he had been through similar things. That there were times he stopped video games and anime or stopped finding the enjoyment from it. Though because he was constantly in his room, no one would notice.

He simply offered you silent support, making sure you were never alone or in one place for too long. He would try to drag you away for a quick game or anime or watch him play a game. You finally asked why he was spending more time with you and he would bashfully say while he didn’t know how you felt, he felt like he had been through similar things. It broke your heart to hear that and you pulled him into a tight hug. Later that night, you went to his room bringing tea for both of you and you both stayed up way too late talking to each other. It seemed like talking about it help life some of the pressure off you.

He said his door was always open to you, and while you didn’t always take him up on it, you occasionally when to study and watch him play whatever game he was currently playing. It was nice to have his company, even if you didn’t talk, it was comforting to be in the company that understood your feelings.

During class, he sat to your left while Beelz sat to your right. Levi made sure to nudge you if your attention seemed to diverge from the lecture and always offer you his notes if you missed anything. He also showed you places to hide in RAD, if you wanted to hide during lunch but his only request was you took food and ate it. He said he would prefer to hang out as well but respected your privacy if you truly wanted to be alone.

Would try and encourage you to paint or draw again. Asking you to draw him some character from his games or anime. You occasionally you would indulge in drawing whatever he wanted. Overall, Levi was your quiet support and you were grateful for it, to be able to sit in quiet and not to be asked what is wrong or must talk was a perfect escape sometimes.

Satan:

He was worried about you, he offered to take you to the library for a new place to study. He would read your textbooks to you. He would read it whether you were in his room, the library, or curled up on his bed. Though most times if he read to you on his bed, you would drift off to sleep listening to his voice. He would always smile whenever you managed to fall asleep, it comforted him that he was able to help you fall asleep.

Satan would find books about depression, but he was uncertain because it sounded to clinically and he doubted that it was really like how the book described. Though he continued to research, trying to find out ways to support you. Online forums and talking to the brothers about the things they were doing and what seemed to help you.

He would stumble sometimes but you couldn’t help but feel touched he tried so hard. When you say the help guide and books he had, you cried. You couldn’t believe someone would care this much about you and want to help you. He was there to comfort you and once you calmed down you thanked him and laugh, “I was wondering why your actions seemed straight from a self-help book, Thank you,” you kissed him on the cheek and gave up studying for the day to hang out and cuddle with him. He would ask what he could do to help, what things he did that helped or hurt you. You would drift off to sleep with a smile on your face.

When you weren’t reading together and Satan would play drama, especially Korean Dramas, something you introduced to him. He would play your favorite one, the one you have already watched together and that you have seen a million times, but still loved it and reacted to the story every time. Sometimes Satan would quote the show and act dramatically to make you smile and laugh.

But there were hard times with Satan, he was the Avatar of Wrath, after all, he would get annoyed at the situation, but never at you. He always made sure that you knew that, though occasionally he would say something that he would immediately apologize for it. He tells you; he feels worthless and helpless. He wanted to help you and make it all better, but he knew that isn’t how it works.

Asmodeus:

Much like Mammon, offered you comfort and affection. Whisking you away to get the newest coffee or tea at the café, shopping, bubble baths, and doing skincare with him. While you tried to protest, he was consistent, and most times was a success. He starts to offer to go the café to study for a change of scenery, offering to quiz you while you took the bubble bath, or doing face masks that you could put on and study for a bit while it dried.

“Stress isn’t good for your skin. Neither is not sleeping,” Asmodeus would tell you pointedly.

Never directly asked what was wrong, but constantly reminded you he was there for you if you ever needed him or wanted to talk. While you didn’t to it often, instead of talking to him you would seek him out to cuddle and of course, he never denied it. It was a guaranteed break for you and most times you fell asleep.

Whenever he took you shopping, he would drag you to the art store encouraging to buy art supplies, he ended up buying you new paintbrushes, paint, and canvas. Telling you there wasn’t any rush to paint anything, but it would just be there in case you hit inspiration. He would always joke that you could paint him or “paint him like a French girl,” and would flash you a cheeky grin. You would laugh and shove his shoulder.

Sat behind you in most of your class and whenever he had the change, he would give you affection. He would pass you notes constantly, sometimes it was drawings of his own. Sometimes they were beautiful and amazing other times he drew funny sketches. You quickly found out who drew Lucifer riding the unicorn and Diavolo in the dress. The funny sketches also included exaggerated drawings of the teachers or his brothers, which was so hard not to laugh in class so you could only turn around and glare at him, that didn’t last long before you broke out into a smile and shook your head at him.

Beelzebub:

Noticed you lack interest of food and lack of eating immediately. Was constantly bring you snacks and sharing them with you. He sometimes was sneaky with it, dropping it off fruit slices and sitting it beside you and leaving. Then coming back later to see the empty plate and he was beaming. Would study with you and sat near you in class, whenever he pulled out a snack, he would set it in between you, in hopes you would snack on his food.

Whenever it was his turn to cook, he would find out your favorite comfort food; whether it was something from Devildom or Human food. Trying to make sure the food was as appetizing as possible and mouth-watering in hopes to entice you.

Would always be proud whenever you ate and encouraged yourself to be a glutton sometimes. Beelzebub was also your teddy bear, always down to engulf you in a hug and study with you occasionally. He would also tell you stories and memories about Lilith, times in the Celestial Realm, or random memories that were simply used as a distraction or calm you down when you got too tense about your schoolwork.

Beelzebub would also be the one that read you bedtime stories when you couldn’t sleep, it always made you laugh. He would do the voices and everything, as you cuddle against him. It became a normal thing to wake up to see Beelzebub leaning against you bed, he would admit he was checking on you during the middle of the night and decided to stay just in case you needed him.

He always checked up on you and while he was the Avatar of Gluttony, he indulged you in other things than food. He gave you a lot of praise and even small trinkets he found while he was out shopping.

He was just always there for you and he had his alerts on specifically for you. He would always reply with lightning speed. He was also the one that came up with the idea to not let you be alone too long and create the shifts between the brothers. While it was annoying in some ways you couldn’t help but feel touched by their efforts

Belphegor:

Consistently offered and told you take a break and naps. He would drag you to the planetarium to study and while he offered to study with you, he would end up dozing off at some point. It always made you smile. You would go snag his blanket and tuck him in.

He would constantly wrap you up in blankets and cling to you like a koala, trying to make sure you were as comfortable as possible as you study. He even would offer you to use his pillow that he carried around. While you were hesitant, but you adored how Belphegor smelled and often found comfort in that. He would be able to help you learn about the stars and constellations. He could talk forever about it and often did. He knew all the stories behind them, what they looked like and could point them out.

Sometimes you would count the stars with him to fall asleep. Belphegor was known to tuck you in, he would kiss you on your forehead and whenever he found you asleep, he would join you. It was the simple things that made you feel a little better and loved. Never forced you to talk about anything, but whenever he noticed you were staring off into space, he would begin to ramble about everything and anything. Trying to ground you and bring you back to the present.

He knew where to find you whenever you couldn’t sleep, and you weren’t in your room and he told the other brothers but always told them he would go and comfort and hang out with you. You were in the planetarium, it where he went when he couldn’t sleep or felt restless. He would sit beside you and sit in silence, he usually had a blanket to drape over the both of you. You would lean again him and rest his head on your shoulder, bringing in his smell and feel some of your tensions melt away.

Finally, one random day, you had inspiration hit you. Asmodeus had bought you a canvas and it was huge, and you knew the painting had to be just right. You decided to paint it outside, thinking maybe getting some vitamin D would help as well. You gathered your art stuff before you headed out. You ran into Satan as you made your way outside, you flashed him a shy smile and he offered to help you carry out your things. You were in the garden and you slowly set up; Satan helped you set up before disappearing. You grabbed your pencil and started to sketch out your painting. You heard someone approaching you and it was Satan though he was carrying a book before finding a place to sit near you in the shade. You gave him a soft smile before you went back to work. Before you knew it, you were loaded up your pallet with all different colors and started to paint. You allowed yourself to get lost in the painting. Letting your mind go blank and allowing your hand to take over the paint strokes. You didn’t notice the crowd that gathered behind you, you were completely lost in the joy of the painting. Your smile only continued to go the more and more you painted, you remembered how much you loved painting; the tension in your shoulders started to release and you felt renewed. Once you were finished you stepped back to see the painting in the full picture. You looked behind you to see all the brothers behind you, looking at your painting.

“It’s beautiful,” Satan said setting his book down and the other brothers nodded in agreement.

“Thank you… for everything,” you started and continued when you saw the brothers confused looks, “For supporting me and reminding me to take care of myself,” you flashed all of them a small smile.

“It’s inspired by all of you. That you reached out to me and reminded me of the hope that it gets better, even if it takes a while or doesn’t feel like it ever would.” All the brothers looked touched, but your words and it was Beelz that pulled you into a hug first. Soon you were getting hugs from all the brothers except Lucifer who gave a nod, you knew that later in private you would get a quick hug from him later.

Lucifer:

Lucifer had a sense of pride in seeing you paint again. Seeing you so engrossed in your work and how confidently your paint strokes were. He loved watching how the colors swirled together and how the painting slowly came to life. He realized he could watch you paint all day; he would later ask if you were willing to paint him something for his office. He would let you in his office and look around to get an idea of the mood of the room and how much space you had to work with. When you finished the painting, Lucifer hung it up almost immediately. He whenever he was stressed and tense, he would find himself looking at it, following the swirls of the colors to calm himself.

He also adored to indulge you in more expensive paints, which always took your breath away. He would allow you in his office to paint if you wanted. Most times Lucifer was working on papers, but occasionally he would play the piano, soft melodies that were soothing. It became a tradition that once a week, you would go to his office to paint or draw. Asking his opinions on sketches and if you should follow through with them or change it up.

Mammon:

He was taken back by how beautiful you looked as you painted. You were so carefree and happy; it took his breath away. He watched how your body moved as you painted, how smooth and elegant it looked. It was angelic, he was the only brother that dared to approach you; he would sit down on the grass and watch you.

He never formally requested any paintings from you, but you ended up painting him something anyway. You bought a copy of the magazine he was on the cover of and recreated it for him to hang up in his room. He was speechless when you gave it to him, you decided to do it more of an abstract with lots of colors. He hung it up on his wall and whenever he looked at it, he would smile and blush, it seemed so intimate that you painted him. That you probably spend a lot of time looking at his face to recreate it. He was greedy and craved watching you paint; for some reason, it was soothing for him and it made you happy so in turn, it made him happy.

Leviathan:

He watched in amazement, seeing you so shy and in a shy to being confident and standing tall. HE was in awe; his mouth fell open at some point. He felt like a child again, recalling how he has memories of having similar reactions when Lucifer did things. He followed you paint strokes, watching the painting come to life. When you turned around, he gave you the biggest smile, he was so happy to see you so passionate and happy with your work.

Even though the memory of being chased by Henry 1.0 was fresh in your mind, you decided to recapture him for Levi. So he could always have him hanging in his room. Levi was speechless when he saw it, he would whisper thank you to you. His smile made it so worth it.

Satan:

He found it super important to text his brothers that you were painting in the garden or about to start. The chat blew up with excitement. He grabbed a random book; he had no intention to read the book, but he didn’t want you to think he was staring at you. He sat underneath the trees near you and opened the book and started to pretend to read. He was amazing and honored that he could watch the full process of watching your painting coming to life. From the rough sketch, then the base paint, and then watching you add more and more color. When he saw his brothers come out, he raised one finger to his lips, to ensure they stayed quiet.

He didn’t ask you to paint him anything but asked if he could watch you occasionally. Which you mostly agreed to, though with more intimate projects you would tell him next time. You ended up painting himself something anyways. It was an old-world map, Fra Mauro map. It was made in Italy and even included the Garden of Eden. When he first saw it, he was speechless, he was excited though. This painting would go so well in his room, it matches the old-world library setting he had in his room. He was even more excited because he has a book about old-world maps that Fra Mauro is featured in it. The hug he pulled you into took your breath away, but you felt so happy because of his reaction.

Asmodeus:

Asmodeus was excited to see you painting again. He would be lying if he said it wasn’t attractive to watch you get lost in your art. While he was watching you paint, he couldn’t stop thinking about what other things you could paint and wondered if you would be okay with painting him like a French girl. Soon he disregarded the thoughts and simply appreciate the art in front of him, though he decided that you were really the masterpiece here.

Instead of painting Asmodeus a picture on canvas, you asked him to take off his shirt and lay down on his bed. You had brought your paints and paint brushed, while he was confused, he complied.

“This is going to be cold, sorry,” you gave him a heads up before you painted the stroke on his back. Asmodeus love it, you were turning him into a piece of your art. It felt intimate and precious. Though it was cold, and he complained and shivered, he was excited to see the final product.

Once you were done, you took a picture of your painting on his and yours D.D.D. You told him you combined two of your favorite paintings by Vincent Van Gogh, Starry Night but instead of the yellow stars, it was Van Gogh’s sunflowers.

Beelzebub:

He was the most excited out of the brothers, he was so happy to see you painting again. Seeing it come to life right in front of him, gave him a new appreciation for art. He could have watched you paint forever, you looked so carefree and relaxed. He didn’t know how much he missed your smile. After you were done and the painting was dried, he would ask if he could trace the colors. He would pull you into a huge hug and spin you around, making you cling onto him and laughing.

Beelz would ask instead of painting him something if you could have a paint night with him. You decided to pull up a Bob Ross video and follow it together. The results were dramatic, yours look close to Ross’ but had your unique style, while Beelz tried his hardest and it did resemble the reference paint. You started to giggle at his painting and before you knew it, Beelz took his extra paint and flung it at you. You let out a shriek before joining in, in the end, you both ended up covered in paint and laughing at each other.

Belphegor:

Belphegor was napping when his D.D.D started going off like crazy, he was annoyed until he saw that it was about you were about to paint. It gave him a jolt of energy to rush out to the garden. He was the last brother to get there. Standing behind you, he watched how your brush danced across the page and how your body swayed. You seem in your element and lost in your work. It was so relaxing to watch you paint, how the colors swirled together and just seeing how relaxed and happy you were seemed to rub off on him.

You knew you didn’t have to paint Belphie anything, but you couldn’t help yourself. You knew exactly what you wanted to draw anyways. You set up in the Planetarium and went to work to capture the sky above you. Belphie ended up joining you, he grabbed his blanket and sat behind you before curling up and watching you paint. It wasn’t long before you heard his soft snores behind him. You chuckled at him before going back to work. When you were finished you saw he was still asleep, you couldn’t help yourself. You crept near him with a paintbrush in hand and touched his cheek with it. He woke up immediately due to the cold paint, you soon were fighting over the paintbrush. You didn’t stand a chance against him, once he had the paintbrush in hand, he gave your cheek the same treatment. You both began to laugh and once you had calmed down, you showed him the painting you did for him. He pulled you into a hug, rubbing his painted cheek against yours to smear the paint even more.

When it was time for you to leave Devildom, you gave the brothers the painting. They tried to refuse but you wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Please, it’s a way for you to remember me. You inspired me to do and it’s a reminder to have hope that I’ll be back soon,” you told them a little teary-eyed. You knew you were going to miss all of them so much, but you had a renew sense and passion for painting and the brothers and Devildom has inspired a lot more pieces as soon as you got back to Earth.

#obey me lucifer #lucifer obey me #mammon obey me #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #leviathan obey me #satan obey me #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #asmodeus obey me #beelzebub obey me #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #belphegor obey me #Yuki Writes!#yuki writes

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fan-fantasies · 4 years

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Hello 💕 Can I have a ship with BTS, Monsta X, ATEEZ, & Stray Kids? I'm 5'2, half black/half russian. I'm kinda chubby and I have long braided hair. I'm Taurus and INFP. I'm introverted but then I feel comfortable with someone I'm very open to them and veeery talkative and funny. People say I have resting bitch face. I love nature, play with animals and drawing. I also enjoy traveling and discovering new things. I'm vegetarian. My style is something in between kidcore and grunge. Thank you!✨

Hey anon! I’m so sorry about the wait! I’m trying so hard to write but things just seem to be just getting worse and worse. I knew that today, I had to get this done! I was determined! I also apologize while writing this, I really wanted to touch on your style but I literally know nothing about kidcore. I did some research so I hope I did okay. I apologize if I didn’t get it right but I really tried. So I hope you like it! <3 Breezy

BTS

Jungkook

So my first thought was to go with Jungkook mainly cause I could see cute days spent in together. I think it would be kinda adorable.

Now hear me out, Jungkook being your drawing model. He would be sitting at his computer, playing his video games, you would be bored out of your mind. You would likely really want his attention but he would be too focused on his game and yelling through his mic at Taehyung. So you would do something that would likely get his attention. You grabbed your sketchbook and pencil, drawing him seeing as though he hardly ever moved because his eyes were trained on the computer screen. You would take in every feature and detail, you would want to make it perfect to get his attention once you were done. In no time, you had a profile drawing of this handsome man. You would be standing up and go over to him, he would glance at you seeing as he felt your presence. You would show him what you drew and his jaw would drop at the amazing detail and such. This would cause him to exit his game, pull you into his lap, holding you close, and peppering kisses all over your face. Your giggles would make him smile more if that was possible. It would be the cutest thing ever.

I also think your style would interest him as well. I feel like its not something he sees a lot so he would want to see more especially if it’s on you. He would be so supportive of your outfits and I feel like he would wanna help you get dressed to. I just can’t help but think like one day your gonna go out to get something, he would see you dressed in a more grunge style and he would be so for it. He would think it suits you. Then the next day, you were going out to see your friends and see you in a completely different style. With brighter colors and a very cutesy look. It would almost like give him whiplash because it would just be such a different look on your but he would absolutely love it. He would love that you could be so different by the change of the day, it would keep him on his toes.

Monsta X

Minhyuk

I feel as though you and Minhyuk would get along so well, mainly when you get really close to each other, because of his joking nature and your talkative nature. I think both of you would just mesh so well together. I know you say you’re an introvert but the two of you would be the light of any party.

Like if you were hanging out with the group in their dorm. It had been a long day for them and you could tell that they were just exhausted. You would be curled into Minhyuk’s side as all of you watched a movie. At some point during the movie, he would snake his arm around your waist and then suddenly start tickling your sides. He would get so many giggles from you that it would instantly break the silence. The tense air would quickly shift and the guys around you would chuckle and just watch as Minhyuk tickled you. Honestly, I feel like one of them would totally betray you, Kihyun, and would help him tickle you. What does this have to do with you being talkative? Literally, nothing, because Minhyuk just does this thing where he can easily shift the atmosphere of any situation. You would be there if he ever needed back up? The guys are nervous for a show and his words aren’t getting to them? You bet you would be there to cheer them on and back him up. There was an argument amongst the group? You would be there as like another mediator and would likely also be able to cool everyone off.

I also think he would be interested in going places with you, experiencing things with you. Even if he himself had experienced these things, he would still wanna be there with you while you experienced it. Like, you wanna go to a concert of your favorite singer or group? He would wanna find a way to go with you so he can see the look on your face. Maybe taking a hike or a vacation to a new place? He’s so ready, plus I feel like he would just love being with you.

Ateez

Seonghwa

Seonghwa… Man this dude, this tall dude. I think he would love being around you and just spending time with you. This one was one that my gut just told me was totally right. I could honestly just seeing you two doing wholesome things together, as well as helping him and Hongjoong keep on eye out on the demons that are the other members of Ateez.

I could honestly see the two of you just randomly deciding to go to the shelter to see animals because adorable animals. He would just be so happy to see you playing with the animals, they seemed just as happy to see you as you were to see them. He of course would join you in petting and playing with them but like, hear me out, he would totally admire you from afar. He would love to see you smile, pout, and giggle at just everything going on around you. I could honestly see that as being a date because that would just be honestly amazing.

I could also see him bringing you to the dorm, you being hella nervous to meet his bandmates for the first time. Mainly cause he had told you how they were honest to god crack heads. You didn’t believe him until you actually got there. Seeing them mess around in front of you, almost as if you had been apart of their family for years. It was fun to watch. Then they would calm down, Hwa would likely leave for a bit to go make something leaving you in the room with the rest of them watching a movie. If you’re anything like me as an artist, you would have your sketchbook out just doodling away. These boys would be so still they would make perfect models to just sketch quickly. One of them would likely notice and would just sit next to you and watch, trying not to scare you too much. (Unless its Wooyoung or Mingi, those two would most likely make the biggest deal about it, let’s be honest.) Honestly, I just see so much wholesomeness in this scenario.

Stray kids

Han

So I’m still learning about all the members of Stray kids, but I honestly just get chaotic vibes from Han. From what I’ve seen of him, I think he would be the type to love you for literally everything about you. I think he would really like your introverted side, cause I’ve heard he just really likes to spend time in rather than going out, but would also really enjoy your talkative and funny personality.

I just picture the both of you just making jokes and being giggly. Like, if you’re trying to draw something, he would be trying to make you giggle at every waking second you weren’t giving him attention. Though I feel it would go both ways. He’s sitting in the studio with you, having been working for way too long? You best believe you’re gonna try to distract him to make him giggle. I also think he would just see that you have a resting bitch face and would make it his goal to break it. Like, would do EVERYTHING to make you giggle.

I also think he might take an interest in your style and the duality of it. Just how completely different the styles are. Then seeing those two styles together would just explode his mind. Like for real. A mix of bright colors and an edgier style. He wouldn’t know what to do with his life. He would likely just stare at you for a few minutes, trying to process how goddamn good you look. Then he would pull you into his arms, hug you close and just never let you go, he didn’t care if you had plans. He was gonna get at least five minutes of cuddles with you. If you argued, he would pout and just hold you tighter. That man is never gonna let you go, the more you argue the longer he will hold you. So get used to it.

#bts ships #bts imagines #jeon jungkook imagine #monsta x imagine #monsta x ships #lee Minhyuk imagines #ateez imagines #ateez ships #Seonghwa imagines #stray kids imagines #stray kids ships #han jisung imagines

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chinigan · 6 years

Text

Today is a special day!

28th March is a super important day for me, so indulge me as i tell y’all a story about 15 year old Chi. (It’s a big one cause i’m not good at telling stories so it’ll go under a read more)

6 years ago, I was in year 11, getting ready for exam season but still at a loss for what I wanted to study going into sixth form. At the time I was set on becoming a chef, but not certain, I had started doodling in science classes the year before thanks to a new found hyper-interest in youtube animation, specifically Eddsworld, I loved Edd’s animations so much, had a merch hoodie and everything. Anyway the it’s 8:30 and all the kids in the boarding house are kicked out to get to their registration rooms for 9am.

So I go to the English block with my best friend to meet up with part of my social group who’s registration rooms were in the same block and we would just hang out and talk for half an hour before the teachers arrived, typical day, nothing new happening.

But something’s off, my friends are all looking at me oddly, being quieter than usual, I ask about it and they refuse to tell me with “you don’t know? I won’t tell you” kind of responses, the only one not involved is my best friend who clearly doesn’t know either.

Then my friend T shows up (not gonna use names obvs). We had only recently become friends through our mutual love of animation and would give each other suggestions on the cool new things we saw each week. So she shows up and puts her hand on my shoulder and asks if I’m okay. Clearly something has happened that I should have known about. I ask her to tell me what’s going on and like the others she refuses. “I don’t want to be the one to tell you” and walks off along with the rest of us to registration and that’s that.

I keep trying through the first part of the day to get someone to spill and it’s halfway through my second lesson, English class. and my friend T is in my class, sat on the other side of the room and is giving me these sad glances and I can’t focus on my work at all. Thankfully we were working on assignments and our teacher was incredibly chill so everyone else was already talking to each other. So i sigh, and rather loudly tell T to tell me what the hell has happened and why all my friends keep looking at me and won’t tell me what’s happened. She caves, calls the teacher over and asks if we can step outside and he agrees as long as it’s not for too long.

So we get outside the classroom and she looks at me. And tells me that Edd Gould had died a few days ago, over the weekend. And my world just collapses. I knew he was battling leukemia for the second time. But the last video update he had put up he sounded like he was at the least not getting worse. And how did I not know? Obviously none of his friends and family would have made a statement the same day he died, so I understood why I was only finding out during the week, but how did all of my friends know before I did? What kind of a fan is oblivious to that?

So naturally now I’m a mess, and T goes back inside, explains to the teacher why I’m still outside, and he get’s my bag, comes out the class room and hands me it with a note and tells me to go to the library (which also had private study rooms for those who were on report and not allowed to work in their classes) and give them the note and that I would be allowed to sit in one of the private study rooms for the rest of class and break time which was directly afterwards.

Edd was an inspiration to me, the reason I became interested in drawing and doodling, and made me feel happy at my most stressful times. And as I sat in my physics class, flipping through the school exercise book I had been using as a sketch book (which i totally didn’t steal). I was distraught, not only had I lost an inspiration, I didn’t know how I could be inspired by his animations if he wasn’t around to make new ones (an incredibly selfish and horrible thought but I was young and grieving and hadn’t experienced a loss like this outside of family) and it hit me.

I wanted to make animations, I wanted to do what Edd did, and bring smiles to kids faces like he did to mine. And it was an instant decision, I looked up across the table at one of my friends, L. He asks how I’m doing. I tell him I’m shit, but that I want to be an animator like Edd. He tells me that it won’t be easy, but it clearly didn’t look like I was set out for a career as a scientist, given that my sketchbook was filled more that my physics book.

So March 28th, 2012, marks the day I decided to become an animator.

And now 6 years later, and I’m half way through my final year project on my character animation course at university, and just barely on track to graduate with an honors degree (if I can work my ass off the next month). There’s a whole other story to how I actually pulled off getting into getting into A-levels and uni with no art GCSE but that’s for when I graduate.

Thank you Edd. For helping 15 year old me find my path in the world, and for continuing to be my inspiration through the traumatic times I had through sixth-form, and to help me find something I really love doing through your animations, even though it took such a great tragedy for me to realize my passion. I’m trying my best and I hope someday to be even a small part of the animator that you were.

#chi talks #personal #IT'S REALLY REALLY LONG I'M SORRY #this day just means A LOT to me

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mcrmadness · 4 years

Text

A bit about visual arts and drawing from someone who has been drawing since has been able to hold a pen. With lots of, sometimes really (even years) long, pauses too.

In 2018 I finally was done with schools and my almost 5 years of working in a row ended too. I wasn’t sure if I was ever gonna draw again because for years I had been feeling like drawing but the last time I had ACTUALLY drawn was in 2013. Apart from small doodles I did at school while bored, but those were really nothing because I hated every line of them.

But that Autumn in 2018 I finally had time for myself and I found my inspiration again and I started creating again - I started drawing and I started writing, too. I started having those plot scenarios in my head again - I had had none during those 5 years of work and school that made me so tired I pretty much every day nearly fall asleep while sitting in front of my computer. Since Autumn 2018 I have used over 27 sheets of my sketchbook, mainly it’s for plots and plans and practicing for comics but also some other stuff is in there - and just last week I went to buy another sketchbook and a sheet of paper for comics because I have already used over 10 sheets of this one I bought last year. And before I could barely finish even with one! The old sketchbook has 60 sheets and there’s a few left and I have had it for 10 years. But in less than 2 years I have filled over a half of it already.

My ability to create was destroyed by antidepressants - the biggest reason for me to stop eating them was because I needed to create again but with them I just could not do anything. Or when I did, it all was so shallow and felt like I saw so much effort to even do something so simple. Without the antidepressants it’s been like a totally new experience to draw comics. It’s actually fun now and doesn’t feel like I’m working so hard to get something out of my head, at least not every second.

There’s also been a major change in my attitude towards drawing. In my teenage years I was very lonely and very much bullied and I felt like all I could do was to draw. And even then I felt like I was cheating because I could copy photos with pencils - still not perfectly, but I had created a technique that worked for me. But if I tried to draw something without reference photos... I had terrible temper tantrums with myself because I felt like I had no talent and I’m just lying to myself, “as if I could actally draw, bullshit, I’m just copying photos and not creating anything”. That stressed the hell out of me because when I was drawing those “copy drawings”, all I had in my head was to get it ready so I can show it to people. And I was happy to get them finished but I didn’t enjoy the process of drawing. And then I’d again get inner temper tantrums (that I now recognize as symptoms of Rejective Sensitive Dysphoria!) because I wasn’t getting enough attention, people were not looking at them, I didn’t get comments, I didn’t get anything, and I felt like I suck at everything and “maybe I’m actually not even that good, maybe I just think I’m better than what I actually am”.

I mainly stopped drawing after my late teen years because I realized it was not bringing me joy. It was attention seeking. Drawing was no longer fun, it was just stressful attempt to be seen and to be approved and accepted. I felt like if I can’t be approved and accepted as a person, maybe people could compliment my art and I could feel accepted through that. And then I had the biggest realization ever that I was no longer enjoying any part of drawing and in the end it was just making me sad and angry because of RSD, and I stopped drawing portaits because my friend told me that she thinks “drawings that are copies lack a soul in her opinion” and I just realized that I was untalented, I just knew the techniques but I wasn’t actually good at drawing. (For me it was always either a copy or no reference photos whatsoever or it was cheating - but I know much better now.)

Somewhen in 2017 I felt like I want to draw but I had no ideas. Then I started to come up with ideas based on my own deep thoughts and I decided to create the most simple character ever that would not look like a human but would be human enough to act like a human (they look like ghosts, really, I drew the first one for one drawing in 2013), that I could use for self-comics. I had been DREAMING of a comic book diary or webcomic about my life but I never knew how to draw “myself” because I really hated the idea OF drawing myself. So I started drawing these very simple creatures and my main point was: draw AS SIMPLY AS POSSIBLE, do not focus on details, do not focus on lines, do not focus on how anything SHOULD be - just draw and let them be simple and easy to draw. Take everything out of it and don’t stress the outcome. And it really helped. I haven’t drawn too many of them but lately I have been having a lot more ideas for what to draw. There’s one comic on the way, actually. Maybe even two more in the future.

I want to go back to the “I didn’t enjoy the process at all and just wanted to finish with them asap” a bit because lately I have been drawing more again and I have finally reached that point where I enjoy the drawing process. I just love everything about it, I love to see how the lines get drawn on the paper and how the stuff on the paper evolve, how something doesn’t look good but it doesn’t matter, let’s draw there another line next to it, maybe it will be better, then erasing some of the extra lines to see if it looks better like that or if I should fix more things. Before I was always filled with rage when I did this because I tried to get everything right at once and I was erasing and redrawing so many times I was lucky the paper did not break yet. But not now, I’m just sketching and enjoying the whole process! Last night I actually started TWO different drawings and I never do this - I always want to finish every project before I start with the next one. But I did all the sketching for the first one and I was just on the mood for sketching a bit more so I took and started the second one. Which eventually made me feel like I really really need to go back drawing “portait copies of my favorite musicians”. Because I love drawing with pencils and unfortunately I’m gonna draw on these with markers and erase every trace of pencil from there because they’re only sketchings. But we will see, maybe I will choose a photo to draw with pencils and try to draw another one - haven’t done that in 10 years. Apart from one that I started in 2012 and thought I’d never finish, but eventually did finish it last year. It didn’t turn out that good but mainly because of the persons in the drawing don’t look like themselves that much. But hey, it was over 7 years that I did not draw at all so I guess it’s not that bad.

I still get the RSD aftermath feels everytime I post my drawings somewhere because I still feel like I don’t get enough attention nor approval and it makes me feel like I have no talent nor skills, but at least I’m again enjoying the drawing process the same way I did when I was a kid.

#mcrmadness’ art talk #drawing #rsd #adhd

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