#god. this is what the terror does to me. bc i attach to weird things | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

square-blunt · 3 years

Text

You're in my heart, in my heart, in my head.

The normal empires fic in which shit goes from 0 to -100 to 100 and back to -100 in like, 2000 words. Scott ruins shit bc he's a dumbass in love. Jimmy watches him die. Y'know, the normal fic you'd see on the empires tag. This is a Minecraft Roleplay.

TW- MCD (major character death), Gore, (blood. and like, big knife mention). Angst. there is so much angst- emotional mental physical, it's all that shit. Sacrifice, screaming, crying, and they kiss so that's fun but y'know.

WC: 2009

Ao3: :) Second Chapter: :)

Scott knows something is wrong. He feels that pit in his stomach- familiar emptiness that clouds his vision and his mind. His feet start to move forward. He knows- he knows something's happening.

He knows Jimmy is in trouble.

He hasn't been in Mythland much- but somehow he cuts through trees and knocks over stands almost like he knows exactly where he's going and nothing was gonna stop him from getting there. It's getting dark- that's weird it was just noon-

Scott looks up to see where the sun is. 'This can't get any worse,' he thinks. You're never supposed to fight a demon when there's a solar eclipse, everyone knows that-

Scott hears a scream. It sends his heart up into his throat- that's Jimmy. Scott sprints forward and bursts through the treeline and he's at Sausage's summoning circle- no- no no no-

The sight is terrible. Sausage- his body is practically decaying under the weight of corruption- of possession. Xornoth's possessed the man he once saw as a friend. And Joey's by his side, a book in hand, chanting in elvish. They've crafted an obsidian altar- and writhing in chains, desperately trying to free himself is Jimmy. Tears are streaking down his face, his terror radiating off of him in waves.

Xornoth raises something above their head as the moon fully covers the sun- its last light gleaming off the object- it's a ritual knife.

They're going to sacrifice you- I don't want to lose you. He can hear Jimmy’s voice as clear as day.

Scott screams out a time-shattering “Stop” before he can get a hold of himself.

Everything does stop. Time, space, reality- it feels like Scott’s heart has stopped, too. Sausage looks at him with eyes that aren’t his own; Joey looks at him as well, but his eyes hold no rage or fear, only smugness. His eyes are drawn away as he catches Jimmy’s face. It goes from happiness to confusion, to heartbreak, back to confusion, and then to pure fear.

“Stop,” Scott says it a little quieter this time. His voice rings out against the stilled breeze. There are no birds, no nature, everything around them is either dead or too terrified to make a sound. Xornoth tilts his head, slowly and concerningly calmly. “Step away from him.” Scott’s hand finds itself on the hilt of his sword. Not like there’s much that could do, but he has to do something.

Xornoth laughs. It sounds like Sausage.

“Scott-” Jimmy says, and immediately cries out in pain. Scott looks up- Joey was the one to twist his arm. Under any other circumstances, Scott would have lunged forward and sunk his sword into Joey’s skull, but since Xornoth is still holding a very painful-looking ritual knife, Scott stays put.

“Jimmy, don’t say anything-” Scott begins, his voice tight with panic. Xornoth speaks up before he can continue, Scott’s heart dropping in his chest. His voice sounds like Sausage, too.

“Brother, have you come to replace your lover from another life?” Xornoth’s voice is suffocatingly rich with sarcasm and fake pity.

Scott can’t answer. He opens his mouth but no sound comes out. He doesn’t- he can’t look at Jimmy.

“I know you remember, great champion of Aeor, I know you do.” Xornoth grins, their face contorting.

“I do, and I have,” Scott says, finally getting over the lump in his throat. The lump comes back tenfold as Xornoth’s grin grows impossibly wider.

“Scott- no- what-” Jimmy begins to say, but Joey quiets him with another yank on his restraints. Xornoth puts a hand out, and Joey drops the ropes.

“You know what I need, brother,” Xornoth says, their voice eerily emotionless.

“Scott- don’t do this-”

“Jimmy, please,” Scott says, closing his eyes to keep the tears at bay, he can’t give Xornoth his own humanity.

“Scott-” Scott winces as Jimmy’s voice breaks. Jimmy doesn’t know, he can’t remember-

Scott takes a deep breath, and once again, speaks before he can tell himself to stop.

“I, Ellinair, take the place of this man so that he might live free of pain or suffering for the rest of his life.” Scott needs to make sure that Jimmy gets off free, with no strings attached. So Xornoth can’t hurt him after he’s gone.

“No- Scott, what have you done- why-” Jimmy sits up, some of the ropes have disappeared but he still can’t leave the altar.

Xornoth laughs- it doesn’t sound like Sausage anymore.

“A great elf with a great future who was stolen in the night and thrown into an arena for the devil’s delight. And you fell in love. How cute!” they snarl, “Unfortunately, as you died, you were whisked away from our grasp. I had to find you again, and wasn’t I lucky that I found your husband instead? And, better yet, without your protection! It was so easy, brother, to just come in and take him. To use him. Sweet, dopey, stupid Jimmy. Why would he be the one tied to that dragon? I kill him, and nothing will happen other than a shortage of slimeballs and a few tears. The only use for him was that he was close to you. He’s nothing but a pawn to get to you. And you, in your blind devotion, played right into my hand. I was never going to kill him, it would honestly be too much effort to do so. I was never going to kill him. I was only threatening to kill him so you would change places with him, so Exor could finally triumph over his brother. You are weak, Ellinair, in your love, in your loyalty- or lack thereof. You always were weak. And now I’ve won. Exor has won because you fell for a mortal. Because of a flower. It’s sickeningly amusing, I must say. But unfortunately, it seems that your time is drawing to a close. Lesser, you may release the ‘bait’.” Xornoth ends their monologue with a direction Scott takes a moment to realize is for Joey, who follows it immediately. Jimmy, now free, lurches off the altar like it was burning him alive. He rushes over to Scott, questions bubbling up and out of him. His hands move to hold Scott’s, but Scott isn’t exactly... present. But he can still hear Jimmy. How he wishes he couldn’t.

“Scott- Scott what’s going on- I thought you- what’s going on? Why did you- Scott- why did you take- what-” Jimmy asks, clutching at Scott’s hands. Scott hangs his head, Jimmy immediately stops and lets him talk.

“Jimmy... you don’t know what you mean to me,” Scott says, tears threatening to fall, he can’t make eye contact with Jimmy.

“I think I can guess, at least,” Jimmy says, voice tight, cupping Scott’s face. Scott still can’t look at him.

“They’re right-” Scott begins to say- before Jimmy tilts Scott’s head to face him and kisses him. It takes Scott a second for his heart and his head to catch up to it- but Jimmy’s kissing him. Finally, after what feels like eons apart, he’s kissing him again. Scott kisses him back like he’s the air he’s gone without breathing for so long- Scott’s been without him for so long- and just when he’s got him back... he quite literally sold his soul for this. Time stops again- this has happened way too many times for it to be normal but Scott wishes it would stop forever. Seconds turn into minutes and it’s like the gods have finally taken pity on him and given him time to give everything he can. He’s sold his soul for Jimmy, and he’s never gonna get to see him again. The tears become too much, and they fall- but Scott would rather die now than break the kiss, so Scott’s tears stain both their cheeks. The kiss tastes the same it always did, like Jimmy, and it was heart-achingly familiar.

Scott can’t live without it.

Funny.

He won’t live much longer anyway.

He is hyper-aware of Jimmy’s grip on him, on his face, in his hair, holding him close like they would melt together if they could.

Maybe Jimmy needs him as much as Scott.

And fuck, he needed Jimmy.

He needs to feel as much of Jimmy as he can before all he feels is a knife through his chest.

But right now all he cares about are the hands on his chest where the knife will go- the hands that are gonna be gone soon- Scott hasn’t been counting the seconds how long has it been- how long has Jimmy been kissing him- how long has he been kissing back- how long do they have left? Scott wraps his arms around Jimmy, trying to become inseparable- and Jimmy just holds onto him tighter. One of them sobs into the other- and all Scott can think is I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you- and he hopes Jimmy can hear him.

They both can hear a sickening crunch, instead.

As time crashes back into Scott's reality like a freight train, a number of things happen in rapid succession.

Jimmy is torn away, crying out in pain. It's familiar. Scott's tears break their dam and his vision is blurred- but he can still see Jimmy, sweet, dopey, beautiful Jimmy.

As Jimmy gets jerked backward, his and Scott's grip tightens on each other, and Jimmy's screams of agony make Scott want to throw up.

It takes everything Scott has to stay in place and keep Jimmy with him.

"'Scott something's on my back- something's hooked into me-"

"Jimmy- don't let go- please, please don't let go- I love you, please-"

"I won't- Scott- don't- I love you, too, I love you, too-"

Something cold sinks into Scott's shoulder, sending searing hot pain across his body- and making his arm go limp.

Scott and Jimmy are ripped apart from each other.

Scott screams for Jimmy and thrashes around, trying desperately to free himself, sobs ringing in his skull and fear and pain and regret raking through his body- but he refuses to stop looking at Jimmy, and Jimmy still looks at him. He catches a glimpse of what’s hooked onto Jimmy's back- it’s a massive tendril of corruption, and now it's holding Jimmy suspended in the middle of the air- it looks like it hurts him to breathe, much less call out Scott's name, but it's all in vain.

Scott knows he's going to die.

He gave his word.

But that doesn't mean he's not going to try and get away.

He needs to get away.

He needs to scream and cry and writhe and brace himself against the altar that whatever's hooked into his shoulder is trying to drag him onto.

He needs Jimmy to know how sorry he was because he’s gone and fucked it all up now. He thought he’d be able to play it off to Jimmy as ‘you don't deserve to die in my place' but when Jimmy looked at him with pure heartbreak and fear in his eyes he knew that he was doing it to save him.

Not the world.

Jimmy was his world.

Scott loses the fight and is dragged up onto the altar, where tendrils of dark crimson threaten to bury him alive, and one-handed he tries to swat them off. He can feel his power draining, he knows Joey's probably chanting again, but all he hears is Jimmy. He looks back, and Jimmy is still struggling and sobbing and Scott has to keep fighting to stay alive as long as possible just to be able to see Jimmy for as long as possible.

But the tendrils are growing in number, and Scott can’t keep all of them at bay and slowly he’s overtaken and restrained. The metal hook still sits painfully in his shoulder as his energy drains with his blood, he’s lost the power to scream.

Jimmy hasn’t.

Scott hangs onto that.

Scott hangs onto Jimmy’s screams, his sobs, his ‘Please stop’s, his ‘why him’s, Scott hangs onto the feeling of rage- at his brother and their tool hurting Jimmy like this- but the rage stays heavy on his chest. Rage and fear and pain swirl in his mind and every other emotion drains out of him.

All he knows is terror.

All he knows is Jimmy’s sobs.

He knows that he has seconds left- Xornoth’s probably already gotten the knife back up above his head.

All Scott can offer to Jimmy, all that he has left, is a weak smile of comfort before every sense he has cuts out.

Scott can’t see Jimmy.

He can’t hear Jimmy.

He’s failed everyone he’s ever known.

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in-tua-deep · 5 years

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How do you think things would have changed if Five has come back even younger than in canon? Like if he came back as 7 or 8 or even younger? Also, I love your writing. You’re an amazing writer and I love reading your stuff.

first of all that would be hilarious because as much as media has tricked you into thinking older child actors (who are easier to work with) are younger (I mean case in point, Five is supposed to be thirteen but the actor is fifteen and those two years can make a big difference at that age) or animated movies can’t decide on a size for their character, but for real seven-year-olds in real life are BABIES

that’s like. the equivalent of a second grader?? I think i was about to go into year three living in the netherlands. I thought the year six kids were ancient. I didn’t care about bodily harm and would just hurl myself into cartwheels and handstands (nowadays not so much)

That was about the age I was losing teeth for the Very First Time and also the age I almost gave myself a concussion playing on the playground equipment (I blacked out and woke up in the nurses office lmao) and I thought the singing talents of Sandy from Hamtaro were the greatest in the world (the twirling ribbon song was formative for me)

seven was also the age for me that i realized that romance was The Worst because my best friend george decided that the pulling pigtails version of bugging me was a sure fire way to get my attention or something like that. but like,, george and me had chicken pox together. we pretended we were cheetahs in our treetop bunkbed nest together (we had a very loose grasp of the difference between cheetahs and jaguars and other big cats, admittedly). He was my best friend he didn’t need to pull my hair or anything rip

like can you even IMAGINE if five came back as a second grader?? yeah like maybe someone would serve thirteen-year-old Five black coffee but no one is going to just hand this baby child anything with caffeine are you kidding me

his feet wouldn’t even be able to reach the peDALS OF THE CAR

wow this would inconvenience him so much

i can’t even find a picture of my brother that young smh but here’s him and me when he was? probably about nine or ten and I was actually probably about six and smiling with a closed mouth to hide the fact that i was missing teeth or something smh

that is TWO WHOLE BABIES right there i’m just genuinely dying at the thought of Five popping out and he’s just. a gradeschooler. that suit would have been swimming on him and he’s got little chubby cheeks built to absorb shock and whatever atrocious child haircut he had at that age

(i have posted before about my genuine shock that five was ten in the comics. ten!! that’s a whole baby! a child! W H A T)

but?? does he pop up from jumping through his portal and look in the mirror and find that he’s missing some teeth? Can he whistle air through the gaps? i’m just picturing seven-year-old five getting socked in the face and losing some teeth or something and diego is right there to patronizingly tell him that it’s okay they’re probably just baby teeth and five is about to punch diego’s teeth out in a second if he keeps that up by jove

imagine five jumping and standing on the counter and he still can’t reach the marshmallows because they’re on the top shelf of the cupboard do you know how angry that would make him?? he would have about 60% less time for his siblings bullshit than normal because his small stature can only hold so much emotion at any one time and he has decided to go with seething rage for the foreseeable future

can you imagine how difficult that would be for Allison though?? Five at thirteen was bad but Five-at-around-Claire’s-age??? a billion times worse and she’s probably going to either be super avoidant because it’s painful or full on protective mama bear

it would definitely change a lot of plot stuff because i mean. no one’s going to let this tiny child drive. he can’t reach the pedals, duh. however, he might persuade one of the siblings (diego and klaus, probably) to drive him to griddy’s instead? Because with the options being “so help me i will walk there myself. alone. at night. as a small and innocent looking child” and driving him and keeping him company i think the latter wins out

(i’d nix griddy’s altogether but i’m way too invested in hazel and agnes getting together tbh)

hey wait does being that young mean that five doesn’t have his umbrella tattoo?? huh. well regardless if diego and klaus accompany him then the plot point of agnes telling the assassin squad about the tattoo can still happen so i guess it’s a moot point

but honestly the drama of having this tiny child just. completely annihilate the hit squad is hilarious to me, and it would also hit home the fact that hey! five might be telling the truth about everything and isn’t messed up by time travel! i mean whomst the fuck else would walk into a room and zero in on the seven-year-old no one else knows exists or is assumed dead by literally the whole ass world (and even if they didn’t he’s supposed to be 29) and demand he come with them and shit like man

Klaus: hey five what do you have

Five, stabbing his own arm to take the tracking device out: a knife

Diego: NO

other fun points include: the siblings bodily picking five up and five behaving like a very aggressive small breed of dog while simultaneously being super touch-starved and secretly appreciating being carried but would never admit it (whilst sober that is)

either they kept the old uniforms and five wears that or they have to scrounge up whatever they can find which means that five is dressed in some of claire’s clothes allison found stuffed in the bottom of her suitcase until they can go shopping and i’m not sure which is better tbh

hazel and cha-cha assuming that five is actually either diego or klaus bc those were the two adults in the coffee shop with the umbrella tattoo and eventually being confronted with the fact that their legendary adversary is a gradeschooler

five just being. so tired. all the time. my bedtime at seven years old was probably like. 8:30PM. kids need a lot of sleep!! so just five trying to keep himself awake because he has important stuff to do!! but doing the nod and bob because he can’t keep his eyes open

the trying-to-be-helpful but mildly-condescending strangers who stop five or talk down to him increase by tenfold. Teenagers out an about on the street along? eh. a seven-year-old? five is going to get so many concerns “where are your parents, sweetheart?” that he IS going to snap and kill a well meaning middle aged woman in the middle of the street

in a similar note the number of people who assume that he is the child of whatever sibling he happens to be in proximity to also increases tenfold and five does Not Appreciate This (and neither do half the siblings tbh bc now they have to pretend that they are responsible for this tiny feral child)

“FUCK” five says, loudly, prompting gasps from the delicate natured passerbys.

“you can’t fucking say that, dude, you’re like. a baby.” klaus says, equally loudly and making everyone in earshot 70% more scandalized

“I am not associated with them” diego informs the masses with an edge of desperation

luther is just. so massive next to this tiny version of five. he could hold him in like, one hand. and maybe luther at one point was really good with kids but with his new body he’s awkward and it’s very sad

no one bats an eye at child Five toting an Entire Half of a Mannequin that is probably as big as he is around. Billy’s kid is currently emotionally attached to a brick he found in the alley behind his school. Gertie’s granddaughter refuses to leave the house without an old sock filled with pebbles tucked under her arm. Gary’s stepkid found a piece of driftwood on the beach and now it’s in their bed every night. Kids are weird and at least Five’s has a face for him to talk to i guess??

instead of luther threatening dolores he just looks at five with this gun that is way too big for him to have a hold of really and just. reaches out and scoops five up under his armpits and he’s just furiously wiggling and growling and luther is like “nope not putting you down until we agree that murder is not a solution”

every interaction with the handler is probably about 112% more creepy honestly but also what about the job?? either five a) gets an appropriately child sized desk like the ones you find in an actual gradeschool or b) he gets some kind of boosterseat for his chair and just has to sit at this desk that is comically oversized for him

the squad go to a restaurant and the server brings over the menus and hands five a children’s menu. without a word klaus just plucks it from five’s hands and substitutes it for his own because they have been kicked out of six whole restaurants and he is willing to eat the children’s chicken nugget meal if he had to god damn it

the apocalypse doesn’t happen because vanya is literally incapable of hurting a grade schooler right in front of her regardless of how pissed off at her family in general she is. that is a whole child. vanya works with children for her job. she can’t hurt an entire child in front of her?? like she can destroy the world and all the abstract children but this one child right in front of her? who is also her long lost brother and former sole confidant as children who wasn’t there for any of the general bullshit she just went through?? not so much

but like. even after the stop the apocalypse there’s still the issue of what to do with this entire child. like at least as a teenager five would be able to be somewhat independent but seven-year-old five can’t reach the sink to wash his hands without a step stool

just the squad coming together to look after five without quite letting five know that’s what they’re doing because they don’t want to wake up to a knife in their chest or anything smh

five and claire meet and become an unstoppable duo of terror. patrick is an actually competent parent who is so exhausted 24/7 from raising his daughter that he just accepts five immediately because?? his brother-in-law being a time travelling 58-year-old in the body of a grade schooler who is partially feral from over forty years alone and probably has untreated ptsd? okay might as well happen

patrick “i didn’t trust allison with a child and yet i still trust her way more than the rest of you so i’m going to schedule five a doctor’s appointment or something because god knows he’s probably not up to date on his vaccinations and he’s hanging around claire and i doubt any of y’all even thought about that” hargreeves

the hargreeves all go to an amusement park as a family bonding activity. the mistake becomes clear when it’s revealed that five is too short to go on half the rides. the resulting meltdown gets them all kicked out and Diego just has five tossed over his shoulder still hurling insults at the ride attendant as they hoof it out of there

the family has to figure out everywhere they can go within walking distance because there’s still a cold war going on between allison and five over whether he has to be in a booster seat for any car rides or not

it’s basically just shenanigans with the family and five trying to figure out how to coexist and compromise and also look after one another when it’s been every man for themself pretty much all their lives

#this post is a mess tbh #far tua long #tua #the umbrella academy #five hargreeves #number five #i think seven might have been the age i learned to ride a bike without training wheels #but i also had one of those little seats on my mum's bike for when we actually had to go somewhere at some speed #to be fair i lived in the netherlands which is like the bike capital of the world or something #i rambled so much but like #seven is a CHILD #i feel like movies and tv shows and animated stuff messed up our perceptions on how child a child is but here we go

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tempestshakes01 · 5 years

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happy and anxious.

happy because i love my apartment and i love Lil Cup of Joe. he is a terror and the sweetest boy ever, and i feel so much love for him. this is why i can’t be around an animal for an extended period of time. i will die for any creature i get attached to and lil joe is now my baby.

but i am anxious because i put of working when my brother brought home a puppy. he didn’t ask me to, but he’s an idiot who’s never home and bought a puppy to make him come home. i gave him 3 days and when his habits didn’t change, joe was being left alone and untrained, and i needed a running buddy--well, i took over. joe’s now potty-trained and knows a few (one) command. i take him everywhere to socialize him. he’s mine. but i’ll never say that to nick. who still needs to go therapy. i don’t know him. i don’t know what goes on in that head of his. it’s like we switched personalities in our 20s. i went from the quiet, serious type to basically a manic 13 yr old boy. he went from a wildly charismatic clown to a brooding hipster. what makes him laugh? what is he thinking? what is he passionate about? how does he talk to other ppl for hours but he can barely speak to his family for more than half of one? what did we do?

i got really angry the other night thinking about the fights i’ve had with my parents this past year.

1) washington d.c. - mom and i got into to it in front of the fuckin white house at dusk. i was so emotional and upset at being there, right there where trump fucks over our country, and my mom was being...well, the woman fox news molded. i was furious and trying to keep it nice, so i asked if we could just stop. stop talking. i was gonna blow up. and my mom was like, “why do we stop when you say stop, but when i ask to stop, you continue?” which...is it true? i didn’t think so, and because i can’t keep my mouth shut, i argued until i walked away. i walked into the crowds and then i kept walking. i kept walking. i kept walking.

it was terrible. i texted her “i’m gone” and i left.

i forgot the details but i wandered that area of d.c. got a coffee. tried not to cry. and then...remembered how much trouble my mom’s phone was giving her, that her gps apps weren’t being accurate, that she wasn’t confident at the metro, and that it was now dark. that she was alone in an unfamiliar city with a camera bag strapped to her screaming “i’m a tourist!”

i felt like utter and complete shit. it was one of the most despicable things i’ve ever done. later, i told some people and they were like “she’s a grown woman! you were both upset!” but no. i can’t make excuses like that. i knew that my mom was scared. i burst into tears. a crazy sobbing girl in the middle of d.c. i immediately texted her and told her to get back to me when she got to the hotel.

an hour later, back at the hotel, my mom couldn’t even look at me. couldn’t speak to me. i knew i had to apologize and i did, wording it carefully because i walking on a minefield. i again blocked out most of the conversation, but it quickly dissolved into a mess of confessions. i was wrecked. at first because of what happened, but as our conversation turned into an argument, i became furious again. over how she interpreted some of our interactions. over how i “blamed” her for my anxiety and anger. i told her i got my anger from her. that i was slow to it like my father, but when something lit inside me it burned bright and hot and deadly like her. that her grudges and cold shoulders hurt me so, so badly when i was a kid (which she then explained wasn’t a grudge, just her processing her anger...but that was way, way into the night). oh god, it was so bad. so bad. she confessed how she felt about all us kids. told me about her problems with andi and nick. told me she wanted to move away from us. told me she didn’t want a relationship with me or them if it was going to be like this.

i didn’t sleep. just cried and cried. like i did when i was a kid. sobbed in the bathroom and then under my covers. we barely talked the next day, but it slowly became okay. i didn’t know how to explain how much i loved her, so i tried to show her.

in the end, we were ok enough.

2) driving 30 hrs across the country - my dad and i were talking and he told me how he didn’t get us, and that we were hurting mom by rejecting her or something. he was upset and my dad doesn’t get upset, so i got upset and moody. and he was like “why are you like this? just with me? just with us. you’re so cruel.” and i knew it was true but it still took me an hour to snap out of it. and i apologized.

but i feel sometimes angry bc i got the emo dump from both my parents. about both my siblings! and they don’t even talk to them about it! my parents don’t even touch nick anymore! they leave him alone because it’s easier that way and he wouldn’t listen even if they tried to talk to him! and my sister would get super huffy and feel judged and act out in some way and take the kids! so. i get it but i hate it!!! because i got the feelings dump! i got the tears and the hours of psychoanalyzing why we are the way we are! and i hate that i feel burdened by it sometimes?

i want to be there for my parents but sometimes i’m that petulant child that still wants a mommy and daddy, not two parents who are human and exist with their own emotional life. and that’s so unfair to them and wrong of me, but i feel that way because i’m the child that gets this brunt of this side of them.

but it’s because in my own way im the most difficult and this shit spills out when i push them.

my parents (mostly mom) are only getting more set in their ways and defensive of their opinions. my mom...my mom who taught me so much about art and the world and appreciating different cultures and music and lived life with such vigor and wonder...i can see that fading and hardening. she’s stubborn about what she like and doesn’t have much interest in anything new. she’s offended and hurt when i gently bring up her how she used to be.

my dad’s always been this way. very traditional, but kind. spoiled, but hardworking. likes what he likes. but he’s eating more greens. he’ll try what i make because i made it. we listened to latino usa and old radio lab podcasts that whole drive from wa to tx, and he loved it, and we discussed the episodes. and i loved him so much because he gave them a shot and we connected.

but my mom. my mom. i miss her and she’s right there, but she’s not. and i know i’m part of the reason she’s retreated into herself and her more ‘sturdy’ beliefs and the friends who share them. she’s so quick to judge and harsh about it these days. is it age? is it us? is it this horrible world?

i came home to this. i came home and how quickly people change bc i didn’t expect my mom to be so old. in spirit. she’s tired. she doesn’t trust me. we’re working on being gentle. i’m working on not being so quick to anger.

my dad and i...i’m thrilled we’re getting along so well after i treated him like shit during the ~separation years~ between my parents. i was awful to him and he knew why, but he never called me out on it.

my sis and i are fine. i’m so relieved she got out of that last relationship with that TERRIBLE PERSON and came to her senses, and somewhat grew up. we kick it. she cooks for me. we don’t completely jive cause she’s hood, but can code-switch between worlds, and i’m suburban through and through, so i’m not as cool or smooth as she is. i’m her dorky weird little sister and i appreciate her love for me.

my brother? a mystery. a complete mystery.

and i’m reminded of how he called me on my birthday and started weeping and asking about therapy and saying he’s sorry he never believed in my anxiety because it’s true--you don’t ask for, you don’t know why it appears, and it wrecks you. and he deals with it now for no discernible reason and he sounded so, so broken over the phone that i was shaking and crying when we hung up.

but now he’s as chill as ever and takes minimal care of his puppy because the 1st dog he got was pretty hands-off from the jump, but she was grown and pooed and peeded everywhere for months (he says no, but that’s selective memory), so now lil joe is mine and i need to get a job because the lack of structure is killlllllllllllllingggggg me. but i don’t want to leave lil joe :(

it’s funny how i never set out to write all this shit, but it comes spilling out.

huh. wait.

i left and i worked on myself but then i missed my family.

did i come back to work on the family? to work on my relationship with them? is that my purpose here and why i felt compelled to return?

went climbing with GA. i was totally afraid of falling and bouldering isn’t as fun to me as top rope, but i wanna keep at it.

trying to set something up with B and A. my buds. i love em.

gotta set something up with L because I have a feeling we’ll be good friends here. and weirdly, BG contacted me even though I haven’t talked to him since college? and even then we weren’t that close. he was just inching toward asking me out and never managed it.

fav emmy looks: zendaya (obviously. omg, whatta babe), maisie williams (whatta look, suits her perfectly, killed it), gwen christie (whatta jesus babe), that girl in the billowing mint green dress, anddddd clea duvall (a babe in a tux).

vm continue to make me sad and hopefully things go well with tour for them. it’s nice to see them getting along with charlie and tanith. with bby charlie and tati and max’s kid coming along...oh boy for scott’s emotions. he’s gonna ignore the HELL out of those sad feeling for what couldvebeen with tess and he’s gonna plan hard for his and j’s future offspring instead. (can i also predict that i think one thing scott’s gonna have trouble with in his marriage--oddly enough--is keeping the marriage a partnership and not bulldozing over his spouse with his wants and needs ...wait, that’s not odd lol)

anyway, gotta take joe out to pee. gotta get to bed soon because i wanna be on the trails by 7am and then maybe to the climbing gym. this face maybe a potato but my body can improve! (i’m thicc at the moment thanks to texas food 🤧)

#miranda this is your life

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ibroughtthisonmyselfpixels · 5 years

Text

SoS 22 Replies

First of all, that post I just reblogged before this? That’s what our Discord chat looked like this past long weekend. There was a LOT of talk about SoS 22, which I am so so so so pleased about, and I’ll embed some of the best parts into this replies post as we go. So, without further ado:

@tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “An extended cantata on a sacred subject.”

God

Three emphatic words of terror! An excellent start

@harmoniouspixels replied to the same:

/Oh shit/

I KNOW! I’m so pleased with how the shot came out, I was trying to replicate the other title ca-- oh, you mean oh shit they’re tied to chairs

@toxoplasmajuice replied to the same:

exsqueeze me?

Well, we all know it’s not exactly an ex squeezing them now,

@autistichatkid replied to the same:

....... ah

Lissa said on Discord in reference to “Lethe: “I’m SO glad you’re awake. We’ve only got a little of tonight...”

Lethe: Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there

autistichatkid said in reference to the same or thereabouts:

lethe: who wants to play a game

Show of hands, who wants The Jigsaw Killer vs The Dragonborn

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Lyra: “Now, what’s this game you’re talking about?” Lethe: *back to...”

Lethe you /motherfucker/

autistichatkid said in reference to “Lethe: “Two more people die tonight - but who isn’t up to me anymore....”

whoa im WHAT lethe you cant DO THAT lethe u cant make them choose,,,,, lethe stop murder maybe

Like I said, this Sadistic Choice is one I’ve relished putting into partial play since the beginning so I’m glad it had the Desired Audience Effect. and the desired In Universe effect too, of course

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Lyra: “Let me.” Lorelei: “–w-what?” Lethe: “What?” Lyra: *slightly...”

😬

That sure is the face Lyra is making

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Lorelei: *comprehension dawning* “…want you to go…” *leans back in her...”

👀

That sure is the face Lorelei is mak--*bricked*

@bountifulberries replied to the same:

ooooooh shit

toxoplasmajuice replied to the same:

oh SHIIIIIIIIT

Mesh the two together and you get “ooooooh SHIIIIIIIIT”, and that sounds like a barbershop quartet rendition

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Lyra: “I can’t lose Felicity either!!” Felicity: 60.73 Percy: 46.23”

Holy shit Feli!! (Also I'm still ?? if it's her so I can't really react one way or the other rn so I'm just :eyes:)

Feli won!! If she hadn’t had so much murderous baggage attached to that victory, it would be incredible. ...as it is, it’s still incredible, just with extra murderous baggage

Also, this is your second victory, right? After that - one project?

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Lethe: “…” Lorelei: *hand outstretched, waiting for another sound*...”

I'm??? Feeling things here??? (God if it really does end up being Feli my heart's gonna b r e a k)

💔

@melien replied to the same:

As usual I'm in awe because of your writing

??!!?! I’m so pleased!!

autistichatkid said in reference to the same:

okay so im leaning toward lethe being percy still but its gonna be Weird if lyra is like "yeah uhhhhh kill feli" and. lethe Is feli. i dont think it's feli but honestly idk i also dont think lyra is coming to a "decision", just killing time, but yknow weird hypotheticals

Me, literally, to Jack, when you said that hours after the fact: 😬

Jack: If this is about Kasper's current reactions I'm just like "Oh honey, you've got a big storm coming"

autistichatkid said in reference to “Lyra: “…Okay. Okay. I - ” *sighs, part in dread and part from...”

THEY FREE

They’re not the only ones getting free tonight........

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Lyra: *louder, to be heard over the crying* “Lethe? Something happen...”

*Vibrating with suspense*

NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FELT SETTING THIS ALL UP

@simstrations replied to the same:

Cliffhanger?!

Fortunately it’s only a very shallow cliff... with a pretty deep pit at the bottom, so win/win

bountifulberries replied to your photoset “Lyra: “Felicity.”

nooooooooooooooooooooooooo

harmoniouspixels replied to the same:

FUCK

toxoplasmajuice replied to the same:

OH FUCK

autistichatkid said in reference to the same:

OH FUCK ME IT'S FELI

I AM STILL SO SORRY IT HAD TO COME TO THIS

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Felicity: *sobbing too hard to even speak* ”

FUCK I CALLED THIS

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to the same:

Jeez, I guessed it right

simstrations replied to the same:

I thought so. This is good

Well, it was her or Percy at this point. Not like y’all had a lot of options :P

melien replied to the same:

This is sooooo intense

Interesting thing about Lethe compared to my other murderers, as you may or may not have picked up on: the murders are a lot simpler in scope. No convoluted set-ups with electromagnetic bombs, no risin poisoning or hypnosis - not even a Wounded Gazelle Gambit. They’re all just things that anybody, with a disability of any stripe or without, can do - partly to make things less painful for the victims, partly to make it easier for Feli to believe she was being kind, partly so that it looks like anyone could’ve done it

...wait, did I already explain this? I’m flying home today and it’s kind of been long so forgive me if I’m repeating myself

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Lyra: *voice breaking as she stumbles over* “Feli- you’ve been - it’s...”

😭😭😭

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Felicity: “W- why’d you come in here? Yo- I - I was being Lethe. Had...”

😭

Jack is NOT even exaggerating here. Per Discord: “Y’all I’m starting to get tipsy and I’m Big Sad as this is sinking in [...] I had the first MMBC where the murderer won and now my contestant is the murderer who won. This is incredibly fitting tbh. Still gonna have a billion crying emojis on the posts tho”

Let’s put that to the test, in fact. Crying count: 4

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photoset “Felicity: “Hey! How-” “Felicity! Thank god, you’re awake. I’ve–”...”

hmmmmmmmmmm

harmoniouspixels replied to the same:

🤔👀

Did y’all doubt Elias

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Elias: “You, you’ve got to send someone up! I don’t even know if it’s...”

OH HELL NO

toxoplasmajuice replied to the same:

HMMMMMMMMMMMM

Y’ALL BETTER NOT HAVE DOUBTED ELIAS

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photoset “Elias: “O-ow–!” Felicity: “Who-?!” Cathy Baines: “Don’t push your...”

CATHERINE MOTHERFUCKIGN BAINES

harmoniouspixels replied to the same:

OH MY FUCJING GOD CATHH FUCKING BAINES

HEAD CHEERLEADER

HOMECOMING QUEEN

PART TIME MOTHERFUCKING MODEL

autistichatkid said in reference to the same:

oh hi cathy

Lisa, Lisa, you’re tearing me apAAAart!

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Cathy: “Felicity! Hi! So great to finally chat to you in person! I’ve...”

Holy fucking shit

yeah that about sums it up

Jack in Discord: I can only imagine reading this sober bc reading this tipsy is a trip

Clover: im sober but losing my mind so whats the difference

I’m teetotal and I was freaking out all days so here’s my stance on that

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Cathy: “You see… how do I put this delicately…? Oh! Have you ever...”

Oh my /god/. Oh my /*god*/

(Also may this just be the essence of Cathy, you are absolutely nailing her character here and I am Living for it)

I’ve already thanked you for thinking so, but thank you again for thinking so!!

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Cathy: “Anywayyy, I didn’t just call to let you know how things’re...”

Oh Cathy you conniving little despair being you

Well done, Cathybot, have a biscuit

Jack: Also I reread a bit and her saying Riverview isn't a swing state? Classic Cathy right there

Fun fact: took me a while when writing to remember what a swing state was called. I think I initially wanted to call it a ‘stem state’ or some shit like that?

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Felicity: “…s-so… so - if I do this… if I… you’ll let Elias go?” ...”

😭😭😭

Crying count: 7

Jack: Catch me get emotional rn like I’m trying not to cry like poor Feli and fucking Cathy being That Despair Btich

Doesn’t seem to me like you’re trying very hard /TEASING

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Felicity: “Y… you are, Elias. You are. You’re my brother, you’re -...”

💔💔

I only wish my brother and I had that kinda relationship

autistichatkid said in reference to “Felicity: “I t- I tried - I tried to pr- protect you as much as I...”

oh god....... oh god

I didn’t even ‘learn’ that Chadrick used his teeth until the actual writing process; I was operating under the assumption he’d used a knife too. Fuck you for giving me the worst ideas at the best times, Brain

oh jesus the first time i read thru that i read "im sorry for LIVING" instead of "im sorry for lying" and i. didnt even question it. jesus fuck

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Felicity: “–y- h- huh?” *realizes the hand in hers, looks up* “W…...”

😢

W......

Crying count: 8 (single tears count)

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Felicity, stumbling to her feet: “W- we are? You’re… really–?”...”

Lyra is? So good? I love her so much. And Feli (and Lor and her side)

THEY ARE ALL SO GOOD THOUGH. HOW DID I MAKE THESE

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photoset “Lorelei: “A- any luck?” Lyra: *through the door* “Yeah, there’s one...”

eden lee: you're all talking at once! / lorelei, lavandar, percy: *all talk at once again*

See, the difference is that that time they were all saying the same thing, which makes them much easier to be understood, and furthermore,

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Lorelei: “Lavandar!!” *grabs her hand* “We gotta go!” Lavandar:...”

!!!!

autistichatkid replied to the same:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

EVERYBODY IS SCREAMING

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Lavandar: “B-but what go- good will I-” Lyra, from inside the car: “A...”

😢

Crying count: 9

melien replied to the same:

It's heartbreaking and I want to give them a big hug but I had a feeling it would happen

I’M NOT GOING TO LIE THOUGH MELIEN IT WAS A VERY CLOSE CALL WITHIN THE LAST CHANCE ROOM FOR A SEC THERE. Eden Lee went first and their two Rant About Dark Rooms in a row bumped them up by six points per, and Lavandar did less interactions in the same amount of time but fortunately she was just ahead enough at the start of the day that a well placed Discuss SLR Cameras was enough to get her ahead, and I would’ve been happy whichever one of the two won but

but come on having the one Lorelei confided her Melody backstory to win was A GREAT BONUS

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Lyra: “-so that’s about the size of that.” Lavandar: “G- god… fuck, no...”

1) I’m feeling the suspense of this 2) The driver is a mood

I’ve been getting a lot of Lyfts over the course of this holiday, and in fact I was up here when they had that strike - I feel worse for Lyft and Uber drivers now than I ever have before, and I already felt pretty bad

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photoset “Cathy: “–it over to Safehouse F! “…no, I don’t care how, break it in...”

give her HELL lyra

harmoniouspixels replied to the same:

KICK 👏🏼 HER 👏🏼 ASS 👏🏼

Lyra: *kangaroo kicks down Cathy Baines with her leg, falls flat on her ass* CALLBACK HOLY FUCK

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photoset “Cathy: “I’ll be damned. Melody Buonarroti, back at last…” Lorelei: “C-...”

FUCK

harmoniouspixels replied to the same:

Oh shit!!

Bollocks!

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Lyra: “Enough!! Leave everyone else out of this!! If you’re gonna fuck...”

Cathy what does that mean...

Cathy: you heard what I said little boy

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photoset “Cathy: “Are you so atrociously naive that you think it’s possible to...”

hey "cathy" go *be a good girl* and spontaneously combust please :)

Would that I could make her, Clover, would that I could make her

harmoniouspixels replied to the same:

😬

Teeth Grits

Jack in Discord: Again, you nailed her characterization. It perfectly illustrated how Junko influenced my writing on her and I was living for it It was a tone shift, but like I said, perfectly in-character and I loved

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “*crunch* Lorelei: *gasp* Lavandar: “Oh god-!!”

😨

toxoplasmajuice replied to the same:

SHIT

autistichatkid replied to the same:

😬😰

Lyra picked a fight with the wrong arch enemy

@tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “Cathy: “…fine.” *Lyra drops to the ground, wheezing, taking in as...”

go eat cottage cheese and saltines in the dark, you triscuit looking bitch

I should note that Vidcund was coming back from Greece for much of this rigmarole. It’s, perhaps, very telling that her first and only “on-site” reply to this was the kind of threat that an angry Zeus would make.

autistichatkid replied to your photoset “Lyra: “…alive.” Felicity: *burying her head in Elias’s shoulder,...”

😭

toxoplasmajuice replied to the same:

1. 😭😭😭 2. my poses!

harmoniouspixels replied to the same:

😭😭

Other people’s crying counts too! Crying count: 15

autistichatkid replied to your photoset “Lyra: “Hey, Lor, new plan. Can you guys go on without me for a bit?” ...”

flower, gleam, and gl

Lavandar is Rapunzel under UV Light

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Lyra: “…Feli?” Felicity: *covers face to hide a fresh wave of tears,...”

💔

I mean Felicity’s concern isn’t? Invalid?

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Felicity: “You… you didn’t have to do a- any of this. Not for me....”

Fuck 😭

Crying count: 16

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photoset “Lyra: “C’mere.” Felicity: *stiffens at her touch* “Lyra-?” ...”

theres somethign in my eye

harmoniouspixels replied to the same:

Oh fuck 💔😭

Hm. Do I count things being in Clover’s eye? ... eh, let’s do it. Crying count: 18

(I keep count, but I can’t talk - while writing this part I was fucking bawling)

Clover: im going to die because of this

Jack: Also Catch Troye Francis in the club obstructing Justice (But again, Cathy) I know I say that but Dub I’m living for this finale. It’s so good

Honestly if Troye HAD obstructed Justice and they had won the Francis MMBC a whole lot of shit might not have gone down and it’d be a worse universe

autistichatkid reblogged your photoset and tagged:

#YES BABY YOU ARE!!! YOU ARE IM AAAAAAAAA

autistichatkid reblogged your photoset and tagged:

#😭😭😭😭❤❤❤

harmoniouspixels replied to your photoset “Lavandar: “Lorelei, I’m home!! I’m home, y- you’re home, we’re -...”

❤️😭

autistichatkid reblogged the same and added:

THEY’RE HOME 😭❤😭

Crying count: 25

melien replied to the same:

This is freaking cute ;_;

melien replied to your photoset “Lyra: “Hey, lovebirds, heh - Eden Lee’s still here.” Lavandar:...”

❤

Thanks for being so understanding about this, melien

autistichatkid replied to your photoset “Lavandar: “Oooh, l- look at that one! It’s all sparkly, like your...”

😭

Crying count: 26. BRB building an ark

bountifulberries replied to your photoset “Lyra, as sirens rise in the distance: “You… sure did.” – End of...”

!!!!!!!!!!!!

harmoniouspixels replied to the same:

Oh shit 👀

toxoplasmajuice replied to the same:

AAAAAAAAAAA

SO MANY GHOSTS WENT UPSTAIRS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER THAT NIGHT

melien-simspiration (so basically melien) reblogged your photoset and tagged:

#yay birthmarks! #they look great and I love the naming choice

Thank!!!

harmoniouspixels replied to your post “Murderers, Expectations, and the Unintended Benefits”

I’ve just finished reading this and?? Holy shit??? I’m so impressed with all that you put into this and the fact you were able to guide me into doing things (releasing Elias, asking about Veronica’s exes), without me being suspicious at all. Granted Elias was asked via a disguised anon, but the exes question (at least back then) I didn’t bat an eye at, and just figured it would be a good point of Veronica’s backstory. I’m just still so shook, and you deserve all the praise for this!

Part of me still feels like I don’t, but I’m trying to shut it up because?? AAA??? All this reception???!!!

Jack: Also if I’m remembering the post right, I do agree with Cathy’s death in Baines being... lackluster, unfitting for one of her caliber. I think it was part to do with my mental state at the time and wanting to leave simblr, so squashing a loose end like that felt right at the time. However, as I re-evaluated my stance and stuck around, that decision still haunts me, and I so desperately wish she was still alive on the surface for me to do stuff with. (Especially given my political interests and my quasi-real world events interlaced with the MMBC-verse, I would’ve had a field day writing for Cathy had she lived and won the congressional seat she was running for)

However, the continued existence of her robots have given me some... ideas, to say the least >:)

I have already evil grinned back at you, but here’s one more for the road: >:)

autistichatkid said of the same:

finale / analysis thoughts: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA im. i loved that so fucking much oh my god

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#tiny-tany-thaanos #harmoniouspixels #toxoplasmajuice #autistichatkid #berriesandbrownsugar #bountifulberries #melien #simstrations #tosimornottosim #sos mm bc #spoilers

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astroellipse · 3 years

Text

waiting for duty finder penalty to run out bc I didn’t want the others to suffer with my garbo internet and lag spikes

I saw some of the fanfest news today mostly through my fc live commentating on it... a couple are already committed to switching to viera once 6.0 comes out and i am. Thinking about it. Doran could be a bunny boy. They are very cute and pretty. Also I’ve come to terms with the fact that Doran is at least a little bit of a self insert, just a tiny bit more than Secret who is more her own character and. As others on twitter have said they are very gender. At the very least I’m axing one of my retainers and getting a bunny man. I still have my msq fantasia on Doran. I could Fucking Do It. I am Thinking.

And there was the reaper reveal. Lots of people called it. I’m excited to see Zenos wield one. Oh I’ve also come to terms with the fact that I genuinely love Zenos. Terrible funny little man but also very pretty. The trailer that was released today was the first I’ve seen and was exposed to the semi-realistic art style and it just made him even prettier. Well. It fixed his face in any case I still stand by the opinion that his eyes are freaky but I think that’s intentional??? Still much too big. As Krile put it they’re the eyes of a monster.

I was giggling so much while watching the trailer. I had to start tuning out the lyrics because??? They hinted at some shit that I did NOT want to know yet??? Echoes fading like what the fuck!!! What! The! Fuck! And what did G’raha mean by what he said!!!!!! He had BETTER not try and sacrifice himself for a THIRD time I’ll fucking sob!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God! November can not come soon enough I’m so excited. i haven’t been this excited for a game release in a long while.

Oh. There was also the poster. I had it pointed out to me that the way the characters were positioned was just goofy anyhow with Tataru front and center but man... Zenos tucked in there all casual like with the Scions and not even Fandaniel in there anywhere..... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I have read enough fanfic synopses to know that that is very much a thing fans want. I wonder if fan response had any impact on them bringing back Zenos in full force. I finished SB msq today and I’ve been thinking about Zenos a lot. This game is really bad at developing its villains and making us care about them. Even Emet-Selch as much as I adore him... it always feel like they could do more. They really should have shown Garlemald’s oppression better or something, though... with the game’s rating... idk. I just feel like the story didn’t highlight it very well even if the maps themselves do. There’s just too much telling. Of course there’s every reason to hate Garlemald for their occupation of Ala Mhigo and the game does a well enough job of showing this? But we don’t see the effects that Zenos specifically has had on these places. We barely know any of his methods for, as he would say, priming his hunting grounds. There is some mention of him being a terror on the battle field, but how does he make the people desperate in the first place? We see with Yostuyu’s rule over Doma what he doesn’t want, but. What did he actually do? It makes his defeat feel empty, and not in the purposeful way. Like, past the fact that it appeared that he got exactly what he wanted in being defeated and killing himself.

At least he’s still better than the Heaven’s Ward. Anything’s better than them. I still hate HW and I only like SB more the second time around. I think my opinion’s flip-flopped since last time, and I like SB’s main story more than its post story. I still think Gosetsu surviving and Yotsuyu surviving is dumb. Amnesia is just so so cheap, and imo the game does a piss poor job at explaining or making meaningful the weird relationship between Gosetsu and “Tsuyu”. They explain at the veeeeeery end of that quest line that she reminds him of his daughter or something but before that his attachment just seems weird and inexplicable.

Oh. I do still like Asahi though I can’t wait to see him die again. He is another funny little man whom I like very much. Kinda weird for him to be the only gay coded sort-of-major npc but oh well. Wait. Well. technically Fandaniel is too but... they share a body and voice actor? And are also both villains. It’s still weird. I also adore Fandaniel he is the king of funny little men. His introduction had me laughing so hard like really? This is where the story is gonna go? Our villains just want everyone to die now??? What, he’s not under Zodiark’s influence like the others? Not even Emet-Selch could resist Zodiark... well now I’m actually thniking about things. I wonder if it’s just a big ploy, though idk why he would want to pretend about something like that, unless it’s to manipulate his fellow Ascians??? Also there has to be something for to his shitty little faux primal factories. The trailer shows him ascending one. h. I. I know how he /could/ use them... they’re... dotted all across the star and... if he could use them to make more he could, increase production and all he could... drain... the star’s aether making these beasts to kill everyone, recreating the final days like was shown in the trailer. Christ. Jesus christ I’m so excited.

I will not lie to you I’m also lowkey hoping they bring back Emet-Selch like they have every other character. i love that guy alright I just wish he wasn’t a thrall to Zodiark. The story’s so fucked man of course the first thing they do when they get back to Eorzea is figure out a way to undo tempering. I wonder how that would work with an elder primal? Another thing I’ve been wondering is what would happen if they did it to someone presumably not tempered. Like one of the Scions. i wonder if they’re tempered to Hydaelyn’s will. The WoL especially being her chosen and all and not really having a free will and all.

I am completely scatter brained rn. I just remembered that the trailer referred to the WoL using “them” and it made me so happy. Let people in the msq call the WoL them please I am begging.

hhghhhhhh brain mush now no more thinking only video games

#mmorpg hell

0 notes

theoraclehealer · 3 years

Text

Jung, mysticism and psychopomp signature.

Sept 28, 2017

chiron and carl jung

and the zodiac signs

taurus has to ascend. what does that even mean, right?

as i sat with this, i imagined somehow seeing a taurus - bull - rise up into the air and go up the heavens. I’m clueless.

so i sat with this some more and thought about the introvert, as she seems to be in need of the most help here.

there always comes a time when i have these breathing episodes and everything runs amok.

for example:

ok, how bad is this?

how bad will this be?

and then i have to sit with it and see if i reach a point where it will just stop or carry on for a bit longer. this morning’s episode was awful (i still blame the seroquel). there are many tricks that i will try - reasoning my way through it, sounds, rescue remedy, coffee, water, contemplation, whatever … but then ill even try talking to myself but out loud, pretending someone is there with me.

focus has been a BIG theme here … but now I’m realizing that its actually human connection.

so ill talk out loud and see if that works.

but this morning was difficult - it changed a lot but was also more stubborn until i started to realize just how bad this sheer terror is that i have around death.

i contemplated a couple of times whether or not i wanted to call 9/11 but that proved to be problematic for a few reasons - one namely, i was home alone and was stuck upstairs so i couldn’t really go all the way down stairs and then upstairs and then change my clothes, find my shoes, make sure the dogs were okay, etc.

but in my mind, it was clear to me that i just wanted someone around and sadly, other than my mom, EMS workers are my only shot.

how difficult is it to heal from all of this … on my own?

narcissistic abuse … emotional deficits all over the place … sheer terror … profound rejection

and yet no one to look to in the eye.

no one to “pull you out of it” when you need it the most.

so it could be that the introvert would have gotten hurt at any time because in the end, she’s the traumatized one. and now in order to get taurus to ascend, i have to find her and tell her it’s okay … but ask me if i believe that it will be?

theres a chakra component here though and as i started to type this, i felt the shift in my lower chakras rise. i saw a red/pink light in the distance.

i have lost the passion for life and living. because my life was taken from me. all of it. blindsided and then burned. you wake up and its ALL gone because YOU understand the gravity of the disaster that you will now have to face, its a sense of knowing.

the people around me are tired to me.

i was in love with something before. it wasn’t a man but it was … the air. the moon. the sun. and the stars.

isn’t it great? she thought.

and now the world around HER this time, not God … has grown dark.

its take a great amount of effort to get out of the house.

because i generally don’t care.

whats in it for me?

so i drifted off to the left, to look around and think.

i realized the contemplative aspect of me has also severely suffered. another I in NFP.

but it was then that i realized who she was and we reconnected.

morissey’s - how soon is now? ran through my head.

then out of the corner of my eye, i could see my phone lighting up but it wasn’t a notification - it was red, orange and yellow - and i heard “its a bird” and by the flames that encompassed this image, i could tell it was the phoenix. i smiled.

my left arm said “i want my life back”

and was happy for about a few seconds but then stopped because … life.

the magic doesn’t uplift me anymore.

i want to be concrete for a time and see that life can be mine again. but i feel like i am owed something … from someone and yet all avenues are shut.

chiron told me i had a job to do.

isn’t that always the case?

even if i found $50,000 and i moved out … my health is still bad. the nebulizer is the bane of my existence.

i have gone through so many phases where i THINK I’m going to ween myself off of it and then there’s a kick back … of something i don’t understand … but last time, i blame the sleep study. and again, even as smart as i am and as intuitive as i am … with my history, someone should have stepped in and said “no way … lets talk this out instead because you matter”.

everything comes … after the fact.

even the help.

—————

things worth mentioning bc it gets so sticky throughout the day - i have been having upper back pain and have had to lay on the floor and hearing some pops around my neck but the pain is around c4. i suspect the seroquel relaxed things TOO much and through this nerve into a mess. laying down doesn’t help but sleeping in the chair is causing numbness and tingling in my hands again. I’m getting pain in my infraspinatus - both sides. this can be the only thing that i can think of that causes weird and sudden attacks, randomly.

the episodes take forever to resolve. and the pain at SI9 gets worse when i have these episodes ... very local and sharp pain.

something else to note, i don’t know the stages in which the healing happens ... with the vertebrae ... passions and love ... C4 ... insane heartbreak and emotional neglect and lack of emotional support.

and then things calm down, after i get so angry because of the physical damage/repair thats STILL happening ... and you realize just how many layers you have to build UP and not work through ... to get to the emotional body ... and where intuition comes from as you’re doing acupuncture on a client and you see a blue/purple small round light appear on your left pointer finger and you hear “john lennon” is your intuitive guider of principles long forgotten like “love is all you need” because love makes you feel like you can overcome ANY of your demons. Victor said that when we were talking last year, that he felt more stable.

——

hindsight is 20-20 right?

Elizabeth Thorson told me that unless i get grounded, I’m not going to know what work I’ve done will stick.

That was …. about 8 months ago and THIS is how long its taking me … after her esteemed shamans all failed.

“love is all you need”

———————-

so at the end of the day, this has not been an uplifting journey. and i have a new definition of “enlightenment”.

but I just did a search online for remedies for herniated discs and came across st johns wort oil and elderberry.

i had been told by “myself” that i didn’t need the elderberry anymore.

funny enough, muscle pain and tension has been an issue ever since … and thats exactly what one website said it helps with.

pisces sabotage.

and where has the help from the other dimensions been for this?

and whats a firefly? and why was it getting in my way today?

this is all going to end up wrapping up and i have no say in anything. it has to happen and i don’t want to stay like this but there is no book or teacher that i have here on earth to reassure me that things are indeed winding down.

my entire life has been trauma. and many things happen suddenly. my death happened suddenly and has been MORE trauma.

I’m running into problems talking to some clients about things like … their grief bc instinctually, i pull from experience and can only be as “fake” honest as i can be, knowing they’re not going through what I’m going through.

but when the extra energy and interference is gone, what work is left for me to do? how quiet will life be? will it be a rough transition? and how much longer will i be alone? my mouth keeps saying … as if being fed words from the left … but think of how fruitful your life is going to be! and i go … prove it.

——

and as i try to just sit with what i just wrote, i also sit with one of my other selves who seems to be championing me … trying to tell me that she’s going to help me take melatonin tomorrow … and if she’s not here, to take it at 9pm.

THIS alone triggers my biggest fear but i should be allowed to …. SIT.

my eyes go to the keyboard … “christine’s biggest fear is coming up! meows!”

and now i have that on my mind … unless i just keep typing.

but is the electricity too much for me today?

FUCK.

spiritual awakening or spirit murder? this journey has been horrible.

————

lets talk.

so you’re all full of shit.

I’ve been astral traveling day in and day out to heal … myself.

taoist astral gods of healing.

i can call on whomever i need in a pinch.

but i “step outside” of myself to try and gain a different perspective right?

but she sees things i cannot.

i just wish there was more information because then i would have been more willing … and just allowed it to happen with an understanding.

theres other things going on that i am “feeling” out … and i suspect MY spirits are the ones swirling around, swiping shit away.

i started to become more and more suspicious of “the spirits reside within” … until you derail in the most horrifying way possible and they have to step in and do the work.

“we want our girl back!!!” - said to Petra who didn’t spend any time in exploring this with me. i dissociated but i didn’t black out. i heard the whole thing. she just watched …. and probably thought “ohhhh a case study … how freudian”

so who’s in my eyes?

I’ve already suspected a few things here … but i get the shen, liver, gall bladder and the bladder and the eyes.

i get that the shen scatter with trauma but something is a-miss.

——

earlier today, twice at least, i thought of arielle and her death. she died in her sleep. and i had been talking to a client about this tonight and said that we all have these experiences, day in and day out and while its not easy (she was struggling with losing her friend recently), its better to allow yourself the time to process it. i had shared with her the complications of dealing with my own death and coma, along with dealing and processing arielle’s. she died in her sleep and i fear dying in my sleep … and its two-fold because i now have a coma to contend with. its hard to figure this one out as its a lot of imagery more so than words attached to a feeling … and this could be the curse of an empath.

she was so young. when she initially came through, whether it was her or not, i was feeling something different towards her than others … i was shut down a bit and well, on some level, feeling at one with her.

“hey - hows it going - this shit is nuts right?”

“I’m sorry you’re dead, arielle.”

you’re DEAD.

#carljung chinesemedicine coma death dyng freud infj infp introvert jung myersbriggs psychopompsignature shamanism sigmundfreud theshen zodia

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huntingforsues · 7 years

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((Oh god the base ))

Civilian Name: Diana Ristau

Alter Ego Name & Why: Nightowl

She doesn't really know why, it was more or less “the other two are flying animals, and- I'm pretty much nocturnal, so. Yeah.” ((okokokokoko FUCKIN HOLD IT THIS IS SOME B U L L S H I T, Bruce got the name batman bc of thr batcave and such and Dick got the name Robin bc thats what his parents called him so BITCH-)) Affiliation: The Team ((Ok I know this is Young Justice and all b ut "The Team"? what the bullshit team bc I feel like you would belong there))

Birth Date [optional] + Age:

May 20th, 2000. She's 16.

Gender + Sexuality [optional]:

She is female but prefers to go by, they/them/it.

She is Asexual but is more Panoramic (combination of Pansexual and Asexual)

Civvie Appearance Description:

She doesn't wear skirts. Period. ((Don't just a damn she can wear a poncho for all I care)) She mainly wears jeans doesn't really matter the color as long as it isn't something she considers obnoxious such as white, yellow, and/or pink. Medium-Dark blues, certain shades of grey, and black are the “acceptable colors” to her. Of course she has to have her black converse, which she is almost always wearing when not in her her “hero costume.” To be honest she would have incorporated her converse into her costume if Batman hadn't stepped in and said no

Now finally, a crop top from her hometown's College, UNLV (this is a real Collage you can look it up-) ((Does it look like I give a shit sweetie this is DC)) though she isn't in her “hometown” she still wears the shirt, like,“in honor”.

Alter Ego Appearance Description:

She wears mostly black- Because, why not? ((Bc Zero originality and EDGE)) But most of the lining is done in red ((H HHHH)), that had it's own meaning to it that I won't spoil quite yet. She has a black on the outside, white on the inside type of Cape “because it came with the outfit”((hhHHHHHH)). She of course has a similar black mask as Robin does, which replaces her normal glasses. Along with a grey utility belt, her light grey/white fingerless gloves (that go up to her elbow), each glove has something on it. On the left hand side she has a mini gun that is attached to it ((The fUCK just a casual gun attached to her wrist)) , that can be swapped out for a grappling hook. On the right are more pockets, often where she keeps her ammo/knives. Finally she has her dark grey heeled boots, which she claims to be easier to fight in, (They aren't 10 inches, but they are a decent 2-3 inches). (Aka) Crush + Why they like them/What personality trait did they like:

N/A, She loves the team and all, but she considers them all as Family.

Personality [optional]: Despite what she might tell you, she is incredibly smart. Take a look at her Report card to prove it. She is a weird combination of a nerd and a geek, and will often try to make things from video games become real.

((Fuck, fucking fucking fuck cunt shit fuck me with a crescent moon that has a duck at the end))

Despite what she might show, she is caring, and cares for the team more than anything- She steals from the Fast and Furious in saying “I don't have friends, I have family.”

While all of this is fine and Dandy, she is slightly unstable, ((oF FUCKING COURSE)) she doesn't show it, but she has nightly dream terrors that after cause her to sleep during the day

Do they have powers? (If yes, must describe powers):

She doesn't have really any noticeable powers, she could be considered a witch because she has the ability to cast spells, though she rarely does so, thanks to her instability,

she doesn't trust herself with magic. Well at least the good kind. Her main/only noticeable power is her Accelerated healing ((i wANT TO BANG MY HEAD IN A WA L L)) , she can't heal as fast as deadpool, or come back from the dead, but her healing factor is higher than the average human. Depending on the injury, most times it can take a few minutes, up to a day or two at most to heal. (EX, small cut, a minute, maybe two, a broken bone, depending how severe, couple of hours to a few days.) Weapon of choice [optional]: She isn't too picky with her weapon choice, it mainly depends on the situation. Most of the time she will prefer her Gun.

((Then just say a fucking gun))

Strengths:

Thanks to her chaotic mind, she is immune to most psychic attacks, though it doesn't stop her from becoming nauseated or dizzy as a minor side effect.

Hand-to-Hand combat is another strength, while she isn't bad with a gun (almost any type) She is better when dealing with an enemy up close, even if they brought a knife to the fight. ((So you’re saying she’s good with a gun and hand to hand combat - mhm yeah - fuck you))

Weaknesses: I know this is probably cliche, but her family is her greatest weakness, depending on who you target, she can fight to the death for them, or practically become your slave (Family= Batman, Alfred, the team, and her biggest family related weakness, her best friend, I'll explain later) ((YES THIS IS FUCKING CLICHE AND JUST A LAZY THING TO ADD IN BC MOST PEOPLE WOULD DO THAT THEIR FUCKING FAMILY))

Her other weakness is of course her instability. She can just break down sometimes if she's under too much stress or something similar, this is why she spends a lot of time by herself, and at least a couple of days a month away from the squad where she just does whatever she wants. (The only people who know is Batman, Robin, and Alfred)

General background information:

Diana didn't know her mom, like at all. She died 7 months after Diana’s birth on December 18th, 2000 ((Ok, ok this is DC therefore this is fine)) Diana was left alone with her father and soon began having nightmares, demons told her that she was one of them- that she was a product of a demon and a human

That caused her to become more and more unstable, but she found ways of comfort in her closest friends, her family. More tragedy is still to come, Diana's father died when she was 10, ((GREAT)) and worse yet, her best friend was shipped away to some mental hospital on the east coast (Arkham Asylum).

Diana ran away and headed for the place that her best friend was located. Once she was in Gotham (Aged 13 going on 14), she had to do odd and… illegal… jobs (no prostitution. Absolutely not.) Given her young and innocent look, she was able to smuggle various items through security, and even became an assassin for a short period of time until Batman and his new sidekick, Robin caught her. After a short period in Arkham, she was released thanks to a “Mysterious benefactor”, who then took her in, Bruce Wayne. She knew who he was right away, but she was grateful nonetheless. She fights with him as part of her way of paying him back, and to protect her new family.

((Fucking why?)) Extra [optional]:

She knows Martial Arts, (she does because I do and I've been doing it since I was in first grade and I'm younger than her and I'm nearly a black belt).

((10/10 no self insert here none here ma’am))

I'm not sure what else to really put down....

((Fuck this I’m 100/10% done))

- Mod Ghost [Skip]

#Young Justice #young justice oc #mary sue #EDGY

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