#god this is actually a mess but i am way too tired to deal with it

[lizthewriter]

Hi! I love your fan fictions! I was wondering (First time requesting ever) if you could do a FIC for Mattheo or Theodore based on exile and the readers dealing with self hate,anxiety, autsim, adhd, Depression, and they feel so alone and push him away because the readers scared to accept her feelings and afraid she’ll get left, and no one loves or cares about her?

AUTHOR'S NOTE Oh my God, thank you so much for sending in a request! This is actually the first request I have ever received, so this is a first for us both! By exile, I'm assuming you mean the song exile by Taylor Swift. Here's a little blurb just for you anon! And thank you for the compliment, I'm glad you love my fanfics! Sending love and good vibes your way

Honestly, I tried my best with this. I've gone through depression and self-hate, and I am currently dealing with anxiety and ADHD. I don't know too much about autism, but I really tried my hardest to convey what you've requested. I hope this is satisfactory!

exile / mattheo riddle

PAIRING Mattheo Riddle x fem!Reader

SUMMARY Everything in your life feels like it's going wrong and there's nothing you can do to change it. What once brought you joy only leaves you numb. What once excited you now only bored you. What you loved only saw you as a friend.

Taking shelter in an empty classroom during a panic attack, Mattheo Riddle finds you a sobbing mess on the stone floors. You find out that he likes you more than you think he does.

TAGS Mattheo Riddle x fem!Reader, angst, hurt/comfort, self-hate, depression, anxiety, stress, ADHD, autism, exams, panic attack, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, fluff, happy ending, kissing

"All this time, / we always walked a very thin line, / you didn't even hear me out," - exile, Taylor Swift feat. Bon Iver

WORD COUNT 2.0K

WRITTEN 23.08.2023

pt. 2 here, karma

You sat in Transfiguration, leg bouncing nervously as you stared down at the test questions. You have always been a terrible test-taker - all the pressure of having to get good marks in such a limited time period and all this weight on your shoulders with the upcoming NEWT's made you more than nervous. Your brows were furrowed in both concentration and confusion. As you were gnawing on the end of your quill, McGonagall announced that it was time for you to place your quills down and pack your things. You let out a shaky sigh, placing down your quill. How could you not answer a simple question? Everyone else seemed to be finding the material easy, why couldn't you? You sat there, beating yourself up as you quickly packed your things away and left class.

You left Transfiguration by yourself and headed back to your dorm. Not only were you doing poorly in your classes, you also happened to be insanely in love with someone in your year. And, of course, you had to fall in love with the most unavailable person. Not only was he not interested in girls, he would never be interested in someone like you. I mean, why would he? What made you so special? And he has referred to you as a mate on so many occasions that if you had a nickel for every one, you'd surely be drowning in an ocean of them. Oh, and not only that, but you didn't really have friends. Most of the people you knew were dating and had at least one best friend. But you? No, you may know a variety of people but you couldn't call any of them a good friend, even. You didn't understand what you were doing wrong. Why was everyone else living happy, productive lives while you were stuck being miserable, alone, and depressed?

I mean, you lost all interest in everything. You couldn't find the joy in reading or taking walks about the grounds anymore. Your schoolwork was taking a turn for worse and you found yourself and bored and tired of your classes. Your grades were slipping, you had no friends, no partner, no nothing. Everything just felt wrong, wrong, wrong. And all you could do was sit there and blame yourself.

You knew you wouldn't be able to make it to your dorm to find the privacy to cry- you quickly ducked into the nearest room, curled up into the corner, and burst into sobs. It was all just too much and too little at the same time. You just felt like you couldn't deal with all this anymore. If you didn't deserve to be happy, than maybe you didn't deserve to be at all. Your hands bunched up into fists, lightly hitting your head at your temples. You hated your thoughts, the way your brain worked. You hated how you could think about everything all at once. You just wanted it all to stop, all to end.

You didn't hear the sounds of footsteps passing the classroom - Mattheo had only been walking by, skipping out on Potions, when he heard you. When he glanced into the classroom and saw you crying there, he couldn't help himself.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

You froze, sniffling, your chest heaving for air. You hadn't heard him and was caught off guard. Quickly, you wiped your face with the edge of your sleeve, collecting your bag from the ground and hiking it up your shoulder. "Nothing - nothing's wrong."

He ducked his head, his lips set into a thin-line as he observed you. "I'm not stupid. I can see that you're crying."

Great. Now you had offended the only person, perhaps, that even cared to talk to you for more than five minutes. He must hate you right now. Depise you. Think you to be cruel. "I didn't mean to say you were stupid." It was hard to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over the threshold. You wiped your eyes with the end of your sleeve again. Why should he care about you? He must be pitying you now, surely he would have no other reason to act so concerned. Even if he did, he would one day realize that you were never as good as he thought you.

His gaze softened, the edges of his lips curling up slightly. He approached you, raising his hand to wipe away a tear that had collected in the inner corner of your eye. "'S all right, darling. Don't cry. Just talk with me about it, hm?"

Your chest heaved as you took in a shaky breath. "W-why do you care? I'm sure you have better things to do." You let out a weak laugh, backing away from his touch. "I mean, come on, don't you have Potions right now?"

"Why do I - I care about you. Do you need a reason why?"

"Yes, I do, actually," you responded, cringing at how snarky you sounded.

Mattheo let out a sigh. "I care about you because you're beautiful, inside and out. I care about you because you make me laugh. And you make me feel better when I've had a shit day. I care about you because no one makes my heart flutter like you do." His voice got smaller as he took a step towards you, and gradually raised his hands to cup your cheeks. He drew your gaze to his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes. His expression was rather serious, as though he were trying to affirm his words. "I care about you cause you're the only person who's ever really cared about me."

You trembled beneath the soft caress of his knuckcles, meeting his eyes for a short moment before shoving him away. A brief moment of hurt echoed through his eyes as you shook your head, backing away from him. "No, no you don't. I don't. And even if you did . . . " You found your voice trailing off. You hiked the strap of your bag up your shoulder again, having slipped down your arm. "I should go. I have History of Magic soon and I don't want to be late."

Mattheo glanced at you and then down at the floor, his jaw clenched. "Fine. I won't stand in your way then."

-

You spent the majority of your time avoiding Mattheo, but you knew there'd be a day when you would run into him and you couldn't do anything about it. Today was that day, almost two weeks after the aforementioned incident.

You were curled up in the Astronomy Tower, late at night, lying on top of a blanket as you glanced up at the stars. It was perhaps the only moment of peace you had found in a while - maybe it was the whistle of wind or the glittering of the stars.

You should've known he'd be up here. He's always sneaking off places late at night, the highest points of the castle. You heard your name being called and turned around to see a surprised Mattheo. He stood but a few feet from yourself. You weren't exactly sure what to do - in your panic, you did nothing.

"Erm - may I sit down?"

You didn't say anything for a moment, drawing your legs into your chest and resting your head upon your knees. You nodded ever so slightly, glancing away from him as he plopped down next to you. His shoulder brushed up against yours and he leaned forward to try and catch your eyes, mimicking your seated position.

"Hey, I'm sorry about the other day. I should've stayed there with you . . ." His voice trailed off. He let out a sigh as he leaned back on both palms, now spraying out his legs across the blanket. He stared put at the stars, his expression neither upset nor particularly happy. "I don't think you really meant it when you said you didn't care about me. I know you do. I just want to know why you're trying to convince yourself that you don't." He paused, hesitating. "Is it because you think I don't feel the same way about you? 'Cause you can erase that thought from your mind. I like you - really, really like you. And I don't know why exactly you keep pushing me away, but I want you to know that I'm here to listen."

He bathed in your silence, not necessarily perturbed by it. He finally decided to test the waters, raising his hand to gently touch yours. He seemed fascinated with you as he ran his fingernail gently across your skin.

You didn't know whether you wanted to tell him or not. You didn't know if you could trust him. If he wouldn't just laugh in your face, call you a fool, and leave you a pitiful mess. But Salazar, did you want to spill your heart out to him. And in the mental state you were in now, coupled with your fatigue, you didn't even care anymore.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't have any friends. I'm not particularly close with my family. And everytime I did start to make a friend or - or something more, they'd just leave." You wrapped your arms tighter around your legs. "I always wondered, what's wrong with me? Do I say the wrong things? Act the wrong way? Am I really so despisable that people actively go out of their way to ignore me?" You scoffed. "Guess I must be some kind of horrible person then."

"That's not true," Mattheo said immediately, surging forward in anger. "You're an amazing person. Whoever has just left you or treated you like that, they're arseholes. I won't do that to you. Never. I don't care how many times I have to say it 'til it gets through that pretty little head of yours, I like you, I care about you, I want to make you happy . . . and if leaving you alone and pretending like I never admitted that to you makes you happy, then that's what I'll do." He waited for your response, painfully hoping for a verbal one. However, you remained silent. Mattheo felt his heart sink. "Right then. Well."

He began to push himself off the floor to get up, but you quickly grabbed his hand. "Wait!" you exclaimed in alarm, finally meeting his eyes. "I - I lied before. I do care about you. Please don't go. Please."

Mattheo sat back down with an easy-going grin, like he knew he had you right where he wanted you.

"You really like me?" You asked, both breathless and doubtful all at once.

"Do you need me to prove it to you?" His grin grew smug.

"Yes, actually."

"All right then." Mattheo raised his hand to rest under your chin, tilting your head slightly to the side so you were facing him directly. Your eyes widened as he drew closer, his eyes glancing between your eyes and your lips. Breath growing shallow, you tensed as you could feel his humid breath on your lips. "I can prove it to you right now, if you let me."

You wasted no time in smashing your lips against his, hands coming up to cup both of his cheeks. Your eyes were shut tight as you relished in the feeling of his buttery smooth lips running against yours. He was a bit more passionate tha you had expected, but he had been waiting for years to do this. And whatever his imagination could try to conjure, it was nothing compared to the real thing.

Mattheo was the one to pull away but he was soon back to give you a quick peck, sming against your lips. "You're amazing - I don't think I'll ever be leaving you after a kiss like that."

You finally grinned, a true grin, gor the first time in a long time, and brought his face back down to yours to kiss under the stars.

Thank you all for reading! Be sure to like, reblog, and comment! I really appreciate it ^^. If you have any requests, by inbox is open but make sure to check the list of characters I write for here. If you want to be tagged in any upcoming fics/headcanons of mine, let me know. If you want to see more from me, go ahead and check out my masterlist here!

#— [ glizzy posts ☆ ] #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle #mattheo x you #mattheo riddle headcanons #mattheo riddle headcanon #slytherin boys #fanfiction #my writing #my fanfiction #my fic #writing #harry potter #fanfic

[yesttoheaven]

SETTING SUN - joel miller x f!reader

"setting sun" describes the brooding and possessive thoughts of a man who is angered by his lover, a girl who is spending time with a boy she calls her friend. he is sickened by her perceived lies and says "the time to forgive is gone" as he believes she is cheating on him. the man ends the song with the ambiguous line "I'll be taking a life this evening when the sun sets" - it is not clear if he intends to kill the girl he is singing about, her friend, or perhaps himself.

— Do you know the best part of being here with you? And I'm not just talking about the sex... – Joel says, his voice low and husky as you trace patterns on his chest; the tips of your fingers sending shivers wherever they go. — I'll wake up tomorrow and look at you to admire your raw beauty in your most delicate and fragile state, and think to myself how much I love you. Because God... I really do. – He closes his eyes, letting out a long sigh.

You just absorb his words in silence for a long, long moment before resting your chin on his chest lightly and licking your lips, ready to say something, but then his eyes are open again and meet yours. For years he'd looked into those same doe eyes and found nothing but love, but now that's gone. Love evaporated from your pupils and was replaced, taken by someone else and he hates every second of it.

— You know what I admire? The fact you could take me as I am. You learned to deal with my bullshit. And sometimes I wonder how someone like me can deserve someone like you... I wonder because I'm this mess of a human being, and you're this beautiful person with this lovely smile and a million of unravel stories while I'm just this closed book you decided to open and discover.

— Joel, why did you...

— Hear me out now, you're gonna listen to me, like it or not. – He snarls, his face lined with disappointment and anger, but he never pulls away from you. He keeps his arm wrapped around your lower back, trapping your naked body against his. His other hand then comes up to your cheek, the rough tips of his fingers stroking your skin so tenderly. You were always the softness that Joel sought so much in this broken world. And you have him, heart and soul. — I knew that you were going to leave one day, but I thought I could make you stay... You were the one that told me to live in the moment, and I guess that I was trying to do just that. I didn't want to think about the end.

— There's no "ending" happening, Joel. – You leave the comfort of his arms and sit up in bed, your firm, stern voice echoing through the bedroom.

— I just wanted to think about what was actually in front of me. – He admits, looking at your bare back before running his hand down your spine, loving the way you squirm under his touch. — And you're in front of me right now, but not completely...

— How many times am I going to have to tell you that Richard is nothing but a friend or even less? I go on patrol with him sometimes. That's all.

Something snapped inside him. Hearing the other man's name leaving your mouth seems too much for Joel to handle, so he grips your jaw, his fingers digging into your cheeks as he brings your face close to his, your noses almost touching. You fall silent, caught off guard by his change in demeanor, but you still hold his gaze.

— Don't you dare lie to me. – He hisses through clenched teeth, looking deep into your eyes. Every frown line, every scar on his tired face seems all the more prominent because of the rage that consumes him. — After all we've been through, will you throw away what we've built? If that's what you really want, well then answer me darlin'... Would he face a damn bloater with his bare hands just to protect you? Is he ready to die for you?

At first you didn't know how to react, so you remained motionless and still, only an involuntary sigh leaving your lips. In this godforsaken world, you could easily count on your fingers how many people would put their lives on the line for you. And Joel Miller tops that list. Even knowing that you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, at the slightest sign of danger, he will always, without hesitation, do everything possible and impossible to keep you safe. This also includes fighting a bloater.

However, Richard would never put himself in the danger zone that way.

As if he can read your mind, Joel releases your face and looks away. He's losing you, he can feel you slipping out of his fingers, like a small bird being caught up in the wind. He tries to speak but no words will come. He wants to tell you that he still loves you, that you two can still make it work, but how can he say those things when the trust is so shaken? Does you even care anymore?

Maybe it's all too late.

His eyes narrow and he scowls, looking down at the bed in frustration as he tries to hold his annoyance in. When he speaks again, his voice is cold and bitter, and he looks up at you disdainfully:

— Have I been that terrible to you the last few years and you're finally ready to start looking elsewhere?

— No... – You mutter under your breath, then you clear your throat and shake your head eagerly, repeating with more intensity: — No, of course not. Where does all this distrust come from, Joel?

— From the fact that you don't seem to love me anymore! There is an age difference between us, it's true, and that does make things more complicated. But that's not the whole story and you know it. The way you talk to him... It's the way you used to talk to me. And you never act that way towards me anymore. You used to be so loving, so affectionate, but now I feel like you've pulled back. Like I'm just another person to you. – There is a pain in his voice unlike any you've ever heard come from him before, and it's painfully obvious that he's hurt to his very core. — I'm getting old, and I'm jealous. I worry that I can't make you feel the way you deserve to feel... – His voice catches in his throat a little. Joel sighs, and there is a look of shame on his face now, as if he knows what he's thinking is irrational, and he's embarrassed about it.

— So the problem is that I'm talking to a guy a few years younger than you? You can't be serious!

— Oh, so I'm just imagining it then? – He rolls his eyes and sighs loudly. — What do you expect me to think when you're practically flirting with a man half my age? What am I supposed to think when you act like you hardly even care about me?

That was enough.

You had listened and listened. He spoke and poured out his heart. His accusations.

In one swift movement you got out from under the sheet and climbed into his lap. Your hands touched his bare chest, harder this time, as you pushed his back against the headboard. A look of surprise passes over Joel's face when you do that. He stares at you, drinking in the intensity of your gaze and the warmth of your body against his. Your bare skin in full view now.

— You speak with such confidence. And you accuse me with that same confidence. – You lean in close to him and puts your nose to his ear, breathing lightly and softly whispering the last part. — Now that we're in Jackson, I know, I have a wide range of options, but... If I wanted to be with Richard then I wouldn't be here with you right now. I wouldn't go back to your arms every single night. And I wouldn't let you fuck me any way you want.

He sighs and closes his eyes, thinking carefully about the words that left your mouth. After a minute or two, he opens his eyes and looks at you sternly, and his hands move up to your hips, squeezing your flesh, feeling you. His gaze moved down your body, admiring every single curve, always enthralled by your raw beauty, until he found the watch on your wrist. A ghost of a smile crossed his lips at that moment. Joel never imagined taking that watch off his wrist one day, but he had his reasons for doing so. Whenever you were out on patrol without him by your side, Joel would put the watch on your wrist. That watch kept him alive for so long. Now he would be keeping you alive for him whenever he couldn't be there for you.

He holds you close in an embrace that is part affectionate and part desperate: almost as if he is afraid that you will suddenly disappear from his arms. He holds you close, and you can feel his chest rise and fall with deep, slow breaths. Joel slowly leans forward and brings his mouth to yours in a passionate kiss. His lips are firm and warm, and the pressure of his lips against yours is urgent and hungry. The kiss lasts for a long moment, and as he pulls away he looks at you with wide, haunted eyes. There is an ache in his chest, and a deep and desperate hope behind his eyes. You can sense the intensity of his emotions, all compressed into the brief moment that you two shared. Joel feels this heat in you, and he feels his heartbeat quicken once more.

He wants more.

But more of what? More of your love? More of your kisses? More of the way you make him feel? His body aches just from the feeling of you in his arms. He craves your touch, your warmth. His love for you feels like fire, burning hot from within him. He is overwhelmed.

— I don't know where I'm supposed to start, but... I'm sorry for the way I acted, hun.

Joel is all you have in this godforsaken world. Living in Jackson with him and Ellie is almost like a dream. So you really hope he's telling the truth and that from now on things will be better, after all, you're not going anywhere. Everyone has their ups and downs. He just needed some reassurance. That's all.

He reached around and put a hand on the back of your neck, leaning in to speak softly into your ear:

— I'll take care of it. You trust me, don't you?

You sigh with so much relief and hug him, resting your chin on his shoulder. You feel safe with him. He has you, heart and soul. You complete each other in different ways. Maybe that's why, as he holds you tightly in his arms, Joel has his eyes fixed on the armchair in the corner of the bedroom or more precisely on the gun under his jacket.

Now that the deed is done, he's just waiting for the night and the fading light of the setting sun.

Joel knows what to do.

a/n — i love this song with all my heart and i needed to write something so here it is. 🧡

[english is not my first language. I am getting help from google translator and he is not always a good ally, so I apologize for any typos or grammar errors]

#joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel the last of us #f reader #tlou #tlou hbo #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal #fanfic #joel tlou

[yoongisleftearring]

part twenty-two: the disappointment I feel is immeasurable

D O N ’ T T E L L !

pairing: Oni!Seungmin x Werewolf!reader x Siren!Hyunjin

-> in which after witnessing something you shouldn’t have, a particularly intimidating Oni forces you to keep his secret only to tangle you up in their mess

word count: 1.5k

a/n: okay NOW we're getting somewhere

no warnings

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You had agreed to meet with Seungmin, but for some reason, Hyunjin decided to walk you into their shared dorm room and walked out, locking the door behind him. 

And so, you stared at a fidgeting Seungmin, his thumbs twirling around each other as he tried to look at you but ended up darting his eyes around every surface in the room. He sat on his bed, knees crossed. His hair was messy, and he just looked tired.

"You spoke with Hyunjin?" he spoke first, breaking the silence.

"Yeah," you offered.

"Do you want to sit down?" He asked, and you could hear the apprehension in his voice, that little tremble.

"I'd rather get this over with," you sighed. He nodded curtly. A heavy silence hung in the air until Seungmin sucked in a breath, finally ready to explain himself.

"I didn't really like you, at the start," Seungmin begins, and you suck in a breath. Hell of a way to start an apology. "I just saw you as a threat, I guess, that I had to deal with," he shrugged half-heartedly. "Hyunjin knew there was something up from the start."

"What?" you reply, growing closer to sit on Hyunjin's bed opposite him. 

"I may have been slightly obsessed, hence the blackmail folder," he grimaces. "But as time passed, I somehow forgot why I was doing this in the first place, and I actually wanted to be with you, hang out with you."

"But, you kept it."

"I did. And I shouldn't have, but would you believe me if I told you I forgot I even made it?" he questions.

"You forgot I was basically in love with your boyfriend?" you reply, unconvinced.

"Well, no. Not that part." he chuckles slightly. "I didn't feel like I needed it anymore. I knew I could trust you, so it was just another unimportant thing," he continues. "I never meant for it to get out. I would never want to hurt you." His words startle you. Those were words to be uttered to someone you loved and cared for, not you.

"So," you stutter out. "How did it get out?"

"You're gonna think I'm stupid," he groans.

"Humour me."

"I left my computer unlocked in the library. Someone must have jumped on and seen it, then sent it to the gossip sites." You stared at the man, unblinking, trying to process the words that had just escaped his lips.

"You have to be joking?"

"Unfortunately, I'm not. Look, I know it's unbelievable, but I'm smart. You don't think I would come up with a better excuse if I were actually lying?" He tries.

"I'm starting to doubt that whole smart thing," you mumble just loud enough for him to hear.

"Yeah, well, me too." He comments. "I'm sorry," he says, looking directly into your eyes now. "I really am. I care about you and never wanted to hurt you." Again. The way he spoke. It conveyed a deep fondness that you weren't sure you deserved. It confused you, and you weren't sure if you were imagining things. Or maybe, people normally speak about their friends that way?

"Okay."

"Okay?" he parrots.

"Call me stupid, but I can forgive a stupid mistake. But by god, Seungmin, if I ever find out you actually did this or you do something stupid again? I'll tear your oesophagus from your throat with my bare teeth."

"That's hot," he says, but he smiles sweetly, his grin wide and eyes sparkling once again. You stand to offer a hand out to him.

"Shake on it," you explain. He quickly stands and looks down at your outstretched hand before he grabs your wrist and brings it back down by your side, pulling you into him in one swift movement. You were shocked, Seungmin was never one for skinship, but you wouldn't begin to question him, especially not now when he was so warm. His arms wrapped around you, and your face sat in the crook of his neck. It was relaxing, really. It was all him. All you could smell. All you could feel. He pulled away slightly to look into your eyes, and you felt your breath hitch. His eyes were so beautiful, a dark ocean of brown that seemed to glimmer in the dim light of the dorm. His lashes looked so soft, so delicate. Your eyes flickered down to his lips. They looked so soft, so-

What were you doing? This man had a boyfriend.

You pull away from him further, peeling your body away from his. His cheeks seem to be a shade warmer than usual, but you choose to ignore it. 

"You don't need to be scared, you know," you speak in an attempt to get your mind off him.

"What?" 

"They'll accept you. How could they not? You have an amazing group of friends, and they love you. They just want you to be you," you voiced. He nodded slowly, and you could see that he was thinking deeply, but you could see that he was starting to believe it. You could see it in the way he talked to Hyujin. You could see it in the way he held himself. It was like he wasn't as scared anymore.

"Hyunjin!" you exclaim loudly, startling Seungmin and making him jump and stare at you with wide eyes. He was well and surely snapped from his thoughts. The dorm door opened then, revealing a sheepish-looking Hyunjin.

"Please don't tell me you were standing out there listening this whole time," Seungmin groaned.

"I won't say anything then," Hyunjin replied. Seungmin sighed, obviously not overly surprised by his boyfriend. "Someone had to make sure you didn't fuck it up again!"

"I'll kill you."

"I'd like to see you try."

▪︎▪︎▪︎

"So, what now?" Jeongin asked as he shoved a whole bagel inside his mouth, endless crumbs escaping his lips as he did so. You grimaced. You hoped nobody else inside this cafe was subjected to the atrocity that was Yang Jeongin attempting to whole in one a breakfast bagel.

"What do you mean 'what now'?" You sipped on your smoothie as you looked at your best friend like he was stupid.

"Seriously?" He looked at you with wide eyes as his mouth hung open, now thankfully void of food. "Hyunjin knows you have feelings for him. Seungmin is not hiding his crush on you that well, and, honestly, you aren't baring too well on that front either."

"Seungmin- He what?" you laughed as if your best friend had just told one of his best jokes. But he wasn't smiling. 

"This is getting old," he rolled his eyes. "Seungmin has been like non-stop simping over you since you gave him another chance, and you're telling me the man doesn't have feelings for you?"

"That's just friendly stuff because he feels bad," you shake your head. Jeongin huffs.

"So, are you still fake dating?"

"Well, we haven't really talked about it, but yeah, I think so," you reply.

"Oh god, the disappointment I feel is immeasurable," he groans. "When are you going to stop? On their wedding day? At the altar?"

"Now you're just being dramatic," you chuckle.

"Nope. That's it. I've finally had enough of your dumbbitchery," he exclaims, and you gasp. "You never even tried to deny you having feelings for Seungmin."

"We've been over this," you sigh.

"Yes. Which is exactly how I know you have feelings for Seungmin," he counters.

"Well, even if hypothetically, I did have feelings for him, which I don't, just so we're clear," you offer. "Even then, it wouldn't mean anything because I don't know if you realised, but they're kinda in a relationship."

"Ever heard of gangbanging?" he says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. You let out a shriek and let your head drop into your palms.

"Remind me to make Chan regulate your internet usage, please."

"No, but I have a point," he continues.

"What?"

"You have feelings for the both of them. Seungmin has feelings for you, so... the next step is to get Hyunjin to fall for you, and suddenly, you're a throuple." He smiles, so proud of himself for coming up with a solution for you. You laughed it off as another crazy thing the boy says, but you can't help but think over his words as you lay in bed that night. 

It's unconventional, but everything about you and the rest of the people here was unconventional. The question of whether you should bury your feelings for Hyunjin, which had been ruminating since your first year in this school, and ignore your newly established feelings for his boyfriend or somehow try to seduce the two into making you a part of their relationship hung heavy over you. It was crazy. It really was.

From beside you, the screen of your phone lit up. 

A text from Hyunjin that simply read, 'We'll see you tomorrow'. 

Your mind was made up.

#stray kids #stray kids smau #skz smau #stray kids au #stray kids x you #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #stray kids x y/n #skz x reader #skz x y/n #skz x you #fem!reader #skz au #stray kids changbin #kim seungmin #hwang hyunjin #poly!skz #seungmin x reader #hyunjin x reader #don't tell!

[arcplaysgames]

If the Fortune Arcana is literally a fortune teller, I am going to slash some tires. Especially since, like, the point of the fucking Wheel is that you are not in a position to see where it will turn.

Some journalist I've seen for like five minutes makes a deal with Reverie. She'll give a name of the criminal running the scams in Shibuya but she wants access to someone at Shujin who suffered under Kamoshida's abuse.

Which is a shitty deal, so calling it: Devil arcana.

Morgana suggests Mishima for the deal, so, uh

I hate Mishima but this feels terrible. 8C Come on, he's gonna think it's a date and instead someone is gonna ask him about the volleyball coach beating him. This sucks, Persona 5 Royal!!!! I hate this!

And Ryuji gets accosted by... drag performers??? Or are they just queer people? I am literally looking through my screencaps of this scene and I frankly don't get what it's trying to imply here???? I feel like it's a joke at my people's expense but I'm missing context, so. SHRUG.

Kaneshiro's palace seems to be the entirety of Shibuya's central street. Which made me think they just didn't want to make new assets but I'm proven wrong in a bit.

Seeing people as walking ATMs doesn't make sense to me, like, you withdraw from your own account with ATMs, not from the magical ATM fairy. I don't get this metaphor. Whatev!

TURNS OUT THE ACTUAL PALACE IS A FLYING BANK. Alright. That's sure a thing.

I feel like this was an incredibly valid question. Unfortunately, Morgana cannot turn into non-car things. Which really begs a lot of questions about why he can become specifically a van.

Ryuji when was the last time you were useful, homes, you are the one who got us into this fucking mess with Makoto because you kept screaming about being a Phantom Thief, you absolute dunderfuck. Don't insult Morgana.

Dinnertime at the Nijima Household.

This is a totally inappropriate reaction but I started laughing in disbelief because like. This turn is SO hard and SO sudden and came out of nowhere???? Sae, bruh, what the fuck, are you having a bad day?

OH MY GOD SHE IS LMAO THAT'S HER EXCUSE. And then she says she's going to stop coming home for dinner from now on???? Holy shit?

lmao as the main caretaker of a very frustrating person who drives me batshit, I am judging Sae so fucking hard right now. Remember the halcyon days when we first met Sae? God, I barely remember. Now she's interrogating our card collection and making Dojima look like Parent of the Year.

The Thieves meet up to talk about how to reach the Palace and Makoto just invites herself along again, and Ann happens to call her "useless" and oh my god is this like her trauma trigger?

ATLUS

WHO THE FUCK WAS YOUR SCENE COORDINATOR FOR THIS SEQUENCE

AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY?

YOU JUST FLASHED BACK TO A SCENE THAT LITERALLY JUST HAPPENED 40 SECONDS AGO.

Makoto completely loses her shit and is like "okay fine I will go find you Kaneshiro" and storms off

Gets shoved into the back of an unmarked car by two thugs

Everyone very reasonably flips their shit too and chases after her, including Ryuji throwing himself into the path of a speeding car to make it stop

which: is the most Chariot shit any Chariot has ever Charioted, but also if he got hit doing this, I would have deleted the game in a rage-blackout, i'm so furious with Makoto

and oh she leads them to Kaneshiro! and he immediately snaps a photo of them all for blackmail purposes. he wants 3 million yen in 3 weeks.

HEY YUSUKE?

THANK YOU

Everyone gets a shot of sympathy for Makoto because she's like super sorry that she flipped her shit and ran off and confronted some mafia dudes and got in their car and wound up needing a rescue and then got everyone on the hook for 3 million yen, which is about what I make in a fucking year (roughly)

whatever, they bring her into the Metaverse, she pops her Persona, it's a motorcycle, which is way more fucking cool than she deserves

you know what, same here. same here.

I think I feel comfortable saying, yeah, this is worse than Ryoji. If anyone is hoping I turn on Makoto later, do not hold your breath, because this is a staggeringly bad prolonged introduction to this character. I am to a point I want to sit down with the writers and just ask them to explain to me what impression they intended to leave on the player, taking a character who has thus far only been a stalker and harasser of the protagonists turned outright blackmailer turned into oh now someone else is blackmailing us bc of her? and then handing her off like "here's a new teammate"

what

the actual

fuck

thank you and good night. I'm going to bed.

#p5 #persona liveblog #can i just skip this palace #she is permanently on the bench i want nothing to do with her #holy SHIT

[iheartmomochi]

Momochi CR released wiretapped recording “The Fateful August 8th 10PM” translation

Important: as always i DID NOT make this translation. I commissioned currytantou on twitter, so all credit goes to them! here is their carrd in case you also want to commission them! please do not repost this translation anywhere or use it for re-translations into another language.

you can listen to the cd here

[0:05]

[phone vibrates] Hmph, you answered quickly. Were you waiting for my call? I see. If you’re behaving like a good girl, maybe I should let you know some good news later?~ Wanna know? Then, wait and look forward to it. I’m on my way home. Huh? Me? Well, I can’t say I’m not happy but actually, what makes you think that way?

[0:48]

Huh, what the heck? Are you trying to say that you can tell how I’m feeling from my voice tone through the phone? Can you not get cocky just because I praised you a little? Anyway, make sure to behave until I’m home. Okay, I’m gonna end the call. [phone ends]

[1:15]

(sighs) Alright, I gotta hurry h- Whaaaa..! Owww...! Hold on! What’s wrong with this place? It’s flooded??! Isn’t that dangerous?! What’s the deal with this office, seri- Ah. Judah messed up the tank of this water dispenser...Aggh, seriously?! How ridiculous! It’s his fault! Ugh. Actually, where the heck is that guy Judah? I totally forgot about him because of the PR problem. In the first place, the talk about that matter is still not- (sighs) Nobody’s around too. Ahh, seriously. He’s gonna get a piece of me next time I see him. I’m never gonna forgive him! (sighs)

[2:18]

Anyway, how am I supposed to deal with this? I’m gonna stand out and it’s gonna be difficult to grab a taxi. Ahh, seriously. I want to go home soon. This seriously sucks! Do I have something I wear in the locker?

[2:50]

Thank god I have a change of clothes. Although I don’t remember why I have shirts for training sessions? This outfit should be fine since all that’s left is to grab a taxi and go back home. Anyway, finally I can go home. Actually, what’s with today? I’m so tired! Survival’s reunion is the only good thing- Huh? (gasps) Those voices..? Are they still around? Wh-what should I do? I have to hide! I’m gonna be in another trouble if they find me!

[3:54]

(sighs) ...Hm? You guys are still around? It’s Saturday anyway, so I thought you’ve left... Huh, this? Uhh, things happened and I had to change. Ah! Y-yes..! Actually, I trained afterwards. I mean, look! An album is coming so I don’t think it’s a waste of time to train...! Ah. Uh. Uhm. Actually, I don’t know many details yet either. Ahahaha..! Yeah, maybe. So, I think you guys should wait for the follow-up report too. Huh?! To-together?! But I’m already- Uhh... Again, they’re not listening to me..!

[5:36]

[door unlocks] (sighs) I’m back... I see. You’re worried because I’m late. Obviously something happened! What other reasons could explain why I’m this late! Each and every one of them! Nobody can read the room! Enough is enough. You too, you sure got some audacity to say that first thing first! Hm. I know. Perhaps you wanted to get hurt after a while? Which reminds me, you were being so conceited on the phone earlier. You pretended to behave but you were actually provoking me. Nghh..! Hehe!

[6:50]

How’s that? This is what you wanted, right? Hm, am I wrong? Then, what do you want? If it’s not something suffering, something painful? Or are you saying both? But, right. You were waiting the whole day after all. This is not enough, right? Hehe! What a helpless girl. Ngh!!

[7:34]

Sure, I’ll keep you accompanied tonight. Once Survival reunites, I’ve no time to pay attention to you anyway. Just in time.

Apparently. Besides, it’s an album this time. Just Veronica. Which means, I’m gonna be busier. Keep that in mind. Hey. You seem to be lost in thoughts. What’s up? Hurry up and come over- Well, of course. With an album, we’ll have three new songs. What? Are you that happy you could hear me singing again? I see. Then, how about you try to be on your best behavior and don’t make my motivation drop. (pecks) Hehe!

[8:51]

Now what should I do? Tomorrow is the day off that I've been eagerly waiting for. I have all the time we need. Bear it no matter what I do to you. Don’t even think of shrieking. We had a tough time moving into this place. You, too, will be in trouble if people think weirdly of us. Hm? Can you do it? I see. Now come over, quick. I’ve had the worst day but finally I could have some fun. Hehe!

#dear vocalist #dearvo #momochi #im smiling so wide rn #momochi cd translation

[fateinthestars]

If you could become one of the zodiac gods, which one will you be? Why?

Hmm... well I think I'm gonna rule out all of the Department Ministers straight away because that feels like way too much responsibility and absolutely stressful: Not only one wrong move could send the Earth and the Heavens into chaos but also you've gotta keep control of all the other morons in that particular department.

Also to be fair I think aside from Karno I would have ruled them out anyway: I don't want Leon's power and I think I'd find Scorpio's specific special divine power rather awkward. Zyglavis... well controlling shadows is interesting but yeesh his position is terrifying.

I'm going to rule out Huedhaut at this point too, even though that is my own star sign. All his knowledge and books would probably be nice but getting glimpses of the near future seems pretty stressful in itself.

It's tempting to go for Teorus and try to push away his more negative attributes but having time control sounds dangerous.

Aigonorus is probably the easy cop-out answer to this question because laid back, able to sleep anywhere, but does actually help when it's really needed. However - I wouldn't really want to be constantly tired like that. You seem to be losing a lot of the advantages of becoming a god by becoming Aigo.

Hmm... it seems the only one from the Wishes side I haven't ruled out entirely - and it does feel like I'd be somewhat less conflicted with granting wishes over dealing out punishments - is Tauxolouve. I can see that actually.

If we were insisting on Punishments then I'm now gonna immediately rule out another two of those: Krioff and Partheno. The thought of such destructive power potentially going out of control is nearly as bad as how I'd feel being Leon. As to Partheno... where in his timeline are we talking? 😉

That leaves Ichthys and Dui...

It'd take a while to change people's opinions of Ichthys wouldn't it? And I think I would want to use his healing power regardless of the consequences. I don't think I'd last long as Ichthys unless that issue has been resolved.

Dui... hmm... kind, gentle, helpful to a fault... when he's in his more usual mind. If the personalities issue has already been resolved and they're fine with each other, the usually calm and collected but press far to far and he'll switch and let you damn well know... I think I could argue that I already am Dui. I also feel like you could utilise his divine power of speaking in people's heads to try and warn them off performing something that would constitute being on the punishments list before they actually do it. (That's another thing with punishments actually - if the others expect you to continue in the same manner as before, I think I could only handle how Ichthys and Dui deal out punishments, not so much the others).

So overall it's either Tauxolouve or Dui. I think if you insist on picking one, it is gonna be Lou though - Wishes rather than Punishments, gentlemanly even though lost in his own head rather, and whilst arrows of light probably mean his divine power is used more when there is a major emergency on, it'd probably be kind of reassuring to have that kind of protection and be able to help the others.

(Hopefully this mess somehow made some sense 😅 )

#star crossed myth #scm

[that-was-anticlimactic]

actually, no. you know what? i am so sick of this “marinette is just a friend” bs. okay. cool. adrien said she was just a friend a few times. whatever. it’s not that big of a deal and everyone in the mlb fandom like. hyperfixates on that??? idc if it’s a “just a joke” because it’s utterly ridiculous at this point. i have literally seen people go on heated rants about how stupid or clueless adrien was during the umbrella scene because he called mari just a friend. are you kidding me??? y’all are really going to take away that moment for him? he just made like his first ever friend in nino and when he called her a friend, he looked so excited because this boy has only ever had one friend before. of course he’s going to call mari just a friend because he just met her and the only time she’s actually spoken to him outside of the suit at this point is to yell at him like... y’all...

and this is not me hating on mari because i love her so so so much. i just hate how passionate and heated fans get about this. i mean... y’all... adrien didn’t even think mari liked him??? like, in puppeteer two, he is literally upset because he came to the conclusion that mari hates him. also, of course he’s not like in love with or crushing on her when she’s barely spoken actual sentences to him! again, not me hating on mari and her nerves because like i get it, it’s hard. and also this is like adrien’s first time interacting with people as peers, so 1. of course romance is not his main priority 2. he doesn’t understand social cues or situations very well At All which is made abundantly clear in the show 3. i don’t... i don’t think adrien knows what affection is??? i mean, he’s definitely learned some over the course of the show, but he’s used to a neglectful / abusive father, his stoic assistant, his bodyguard who doesn’t really talk like at all, chloé being chloé, and hoards of fans declaring that they’re in love with him, hanging all over him, acting like he’s a shiny thing rather than a person, etc... so like. how is adrien supposed to actually comprehend that mari likes him???

and okay no my last point: so so so sick of the double standard. i have seen countless people rant and rave and scream and shout about how stupid adrien is for not returning mari’s feelings or knowing he has a crush on her and then these same people will turn around and berate chat noir and say things like “gosh ladybug isn’t obligated to return his feelings:/” like... hELLO??? why is ladybug not obligated while adrien is??? it’s ridiculous and disgusting and i’m so so so tired of “just a friend” jokes on tumblr, in art, in fics, in youtube compilations... like... can’t we be normal about this? and i don’t mean normal as in “casually enjoy” i mean normal as in can we stop being so aggressive and harsh and hostile towards literal fourteen year olds my God they’re children they’re allowed to make mistakes and mess up and my God the way y’all talk about lila is disgusting, too like i hate her but i don’t want her tortured and killed??? and the way people characterize the classmates as physically and verbally assaulting mari because of lila??? like... my God they would never??? they would all honestly side with mari chameleon is a bad episode and is poorly written and everyone is out of character please use your critical thinking skills and understand that chat noir is not harassing ladybug anymore than mari may be harassing adrien (aka they are not harassing each other at all my God) and stop insulting and demonizing fourteen year olds so your otp can get together thanks

#i have. feelings. #sorry y'all #this may be harsh but i am so beyond sick of it #i've been going through the classmates tag on ao3 and filtered out all the s.alt fics for all the characters and the majority of the fics #i'm seeing are aggressive lila takedown fics or like unproperly tagged s.alt fics #where the classmates are still rude and aggressive and bully mari when even lila doesn't really bully mari that badly??? like yes it is #awful that she tried to get her expelled and lied a bit about her but lila has never been physical nor tried to kill mari and nor would any #of the classmates actually turn against her like. they may disagree with her or think she may be acting on her crush and yes lila did #threaten mari in the bathroom but like... what has she done since then? try to get her expelled and then... nothing. like. this is Not me #saying not to take bullying seriously but people take it to the extreme with lila and how she treats mari in fics and i am so so so sick of #it!!! i just want to read mlb classmate fics where they're all silly and being teenagers without mari being unreasonably and uncanonically #bullied and without the tags 'alya/adrien/classmate redemption' HELLO??? WHY DO THEY NEED TO BE REDEEMED??? THEY AREN'T VILLAINS??? THEY ARE #FOURTEEN??? as a rule of thumb i refuse to read fics with those tags like sorry but if you tag fics like that then you obviously don't know #the characters. i'm sorry if this sounds mean or harsh it's just exhausting trying to find fun or sweet or found family mlb fics because so #many of them are so negative and ooc and involve like extreme hatred towards fourteen year old fictional children... like... how do we not #see the problem with that??? like... am i overreacting??? please someone tell me they agree with me!!! i've been working on this really #stressful assignment that determines whether i graduate my future career and also costs three hundred dollars to take so i've been really #stressed and every time i try and take an mb fic break i end up more stressed because the fandom is so cruel to children ahhhhhhhh #okay i am. done. maybe i'll delete this later... i just need to see if someone agrees with me because i am. :))) on the verge of losing it #lol #mlb

[quetzalpapalotl]

Disorganized rambles about Earthspark under the cut, short version is that it was literally perfect and then it did a Thing and I'm weird about it

As I said after watching the first ep, I'm way more interested in the not-kids, than on the kids. That being said they didn't get annoying or boring at any point. Mo and Robby are okay, they're cute, but I truly love seeing Twitch and Thrash exploring their unique identities. The children have some dialogue that feels off to me and the emotional link makes me a bit uncomfortable at time but eh, i can live.

Twitch is my favorite, there is no contest. She is my daughter and I love her. I love thay she's the "goody two-shoes" but she's still fucking unhinged. Bless her.

I did not expect to become so endeared to Alex but he is also great. He's so earnest and tries so hard to connect with his family and his interactions with Bee are fantastic. I loved seeing their relationship develop.

BEE!! My boi, I adore him. He still feels younger than Optimus while clearly contrasting with the terrans as someone more adult and a war veteran. It's a good look on him. I feel like I liked his dialogue best, it flows really nice. I wonder what's going on with him. The fact that he has to be hidden from GHOST and that he wants to be a hero "again", makes me think he may have messed up an caused human casualties. Or maybe is a situation like IDW1 Jazz shooting a cop in live television. Either way, I'm excited for more of him.

Dot, the star of the show. Everything about her is so interesting. She steals the show every time she's on screen. Her interactions with the Cybertronians are the best. I want to learn everything about her adventures with Megatron. Really, giving him a human companion was the most galaxy brain thing the writers pulled.

Megatron is fucking perfect oh my god. He has all the presence and charm and he cares about his Decepticons SO MUCH. He truly just wants them all to live in peace and knows the only way for that to be possible is to get along with the humans. It makes sense why he is so concerned about their image. This man has his priorities straight unlike all the others Megs sqvbdysd The other major difference with them being that he clearly sees humans as people, as his relationship with Dot shows.

And omg Nova Storm (or was it Skywarp) asking if it's too late to be Autobots and Frenzy (she's a girl!!!!!!!) saying they're free and don't have to follow Soundwave. Megatron is not off, it shows the Cons are also tired and want peace.

Optimus, my beloved!! He's great in this, so earnest and awkward. He truly just wants to do the right thing, but struggles with what the right thing is and how to live in peacetime. I always love that on him. He's trying his best but needs a check sometimes and dear lord, GHOST sure are sketchy.

The megop is ofc great, I am being fed. Love their banter. Love how they feel so familiar now. Love how Megatron spoke high of Optimus to Dot and still takes any chance to make fun of him. Love that you can see what Megatron has learned from Optimus, but that he still has room to set him straight. I was telling Squiggle I low key regret not pushing the megop gift exchange further so that people could ask for ES prompts, but we were already so late with it sshjdhe.

Absolutely adoring jock!Elita. With this and the Go Go Go manga it feels like a theme now and I hope it continues. As I suspected, she's not actually OP's love interest and I'm glad she has now escaped that role to be a character on her own. Hope she gets a focus episode later on cuz she had relatively few screentime.

I am so so happy with Arcee. Flavour-wise she feels like a mix of IDW and Cyberverse, which is truly not something I ever expected to see. But like that time I ate a blue cheese chocolate, it is a unique and interesting flavor.

Wheeljack was fucking adorable.

Mandroid is a good villian. He reasonably hates the robots for bringing their war here and he's gonna deal with that by causing more war. The hypocrisy is nice and it makes a good contrast with Megatron. Doubt he's actually dead since he still has to fill some narrative potential. That is, they wouldn't allude to his past with Alex if that's not gonna come up later.

But oh man, with Mandroid, GHOST and cons like Soundwave and Starscream, there's seems like there's a lot of antagonists to deal with. I hope that means the show will run past the first 26 eps.

So I was having the time of my life and then we got to that episode and I was like "they aren't going to create more Terrans right now, are they?" And they did, and it didn't get better. And I felt so viscerally uncomfortable I considered stopping watching altogether. Because I have weird issues and they're always children related.

It's something about the carelessness of creating new life deliberately, coupled with the fact that these Terrans are being created explicitly as memebers of the Malto family and no one asked Dot if she wanted more children and how Twitch and Trash inclusion to the family dynamic had felt so organic up until now, and now it all feels like, like, ugh, Milan Kundera, you're the only one who understands me. It's feel like it's too soon. The dynamics had been so well-balanced until now and I worry how they're gonna handle these 3 new additions.

And I know this is just me being weird (ok, I do think giving Dot more kids without asking her is not fucking cash money). And this choice makes sense narratively. The Terrans are the way to take the Transformer-human relationships where they need to go so more would have to come eventually, and the Terrans are still a secret, so given the status rn there can only be more if they are also members of the Maltos. And really the show has been so good at handling every other dynamic, it can be trusted to manage the newer inclusions to the main cast.

I do hope I can get over myself because I like literally everything else about the show SO MUCH and I don't want to stop watching. But it was hard to sit through the last parts. Shsshgwhd is that thing Polyhexian makes fun of about how I will read their most uncomfortably personal sex trauma fic but I won't touch their robot children with a pole. Why am I like this?

#quetzal rambles tf

[themarcspector-hasmovedblogs]

wip wednesday

tagged by: @multiverse-of-themind (thanks! 🥳🤠)

tagging: @gothamrains / @moonsaints / @deathlessfable/ @thelittlestspider / @theaisstillhere / @elizabethtaylors / @fayelistic and anyone who wants to share whatever they're working on too. say i tagged you!

note: i am doing fic//tober & fl/ufftober this year and these are excerpts from stuff i'm writing for both as a challenge to post my work instead of hoarding it. some things will likely be edited before i post it properly. it's all fandom x oc influenced stuff, cause i am still trying to figure out which prompts i wanna use for my original works. characterizations might be choppy cause they're all first rough drafts.

1) cloud x matt

Claudia smiles a bit, brushing Matt's cheek with her gloved left hand.

“The Man Without Fear? Scared?” she teases, using the same hand that comforts him to pinch his cheek and make him give her that infamous Matty smile. “You’re fucking with me. Clowning me, really.”

He chuckles. “Maybe? Maybe not.”

“You’re full of shit, then.” She says in a way that says she doesn’t believe he actually is full of shit, and that she's messing around. Then, right after that, she pulls him by his tie to kiss her.

It’s not a long, passionate kiss but it is enough to prove she means what she says. Because, if she didn’t, he would have to deal with her walking away and leaving him with nothing. “But scout’s honor…which, I realize you can’t see...But, I'm swearing on thin mints, and you know I don't fuck around when it comes to thin mints."

2) cloud x marc...she is attempting to bond...lmfaoooo

“You know, I doubt anyone’s ever told you this, but you bring a whole different meaning to 'what would you do if you had God in a box?',” Claudia had told Marc one day, taking a sip from her coffee cup as she looked at him with her very tired eyes.

“How did you answer that question when you were asked?” Marc asked, diverting the question away from his own response, as he typically did when they talked about things that revealed a little too much.

“I always said I would throw it, once it reached my hands. It sounded like too much responsibility -- too much I wouldn't want to know." Her shoulders shrugged and she made a face. "I guess that said - and still says – a lot about me,” she replied, taking another sip of her coffee. "And truthfully, I don't get how you do it, honestly. It sounds like a headache."

"Do what?"

"Walk around with a God in a box..."

3) sidney x matt (crack ship potential! accidental thing that happened due to one of the prompts giving me an IDEA!) but sid is dreaming. this isn't a real confession.

Matt let out a slight chuckle. “Nobody warned you about me, huh?” he asked, teasing. “I thought you knew when I hired you. I thought you knew the rumors?”

“That you’re a blind guy who falls down stairs a lot and has the most excellent hearing ever?” she asked.

“That I’m Daredevil,” he said seriously.

Sidney scoffed. “That doesn’t make any sense though.”

“That’s because you wear rose-tinted glasses.” He said right back.

“You literally wear red glasses, Matt,” she replied dryly.

4) cloud x elektra tw: violence, but it's kind of cartoony sjkdfhksjdf I HATE THEM LOVE THEM

"You two really need to stop playing this games of kill or be killed," Matt says to both Cloud and Elektra sternly, as they sit on the couch.

Cloud's got her leg draped over Elektra's legs, and Elektra's arm is wrapped around Claudia, and they're both holding in laughter because they're being lectured over their ridiculous little game.

"Why though? I looooove pushing Claudia off buildings, and she thinks it's incredibly funny when she comes back to life. No one's actually getting hurt here, Mathew." Elektra argues, before letting out a laugh.

Claudia laughs back. "And Elektra's a fun challenge. Do you know how hard it IS to kill her? I'm pretty sure she took on gh.ost rider once...Killing her is kind of a little ego boost for me. Like, who else can say they killed The Elek//tra Nat//chios 44 times and lived to tell the the tale?"

#noswipstuff #sjfsldsd the elektra one makes me laugh....the god in the box idk how i feel about it. might edit it a lot. and the sid x matt one #is actually sid asleep on her desk and putting pieces together in a dream LOL #and cloud and matt are just being cloud and matt

[bedlamsbard]

1K written today...SUPER distracted because of the whole furniture situation plus other IRL stuff.  It is extremely inconvenient; I would like to be chill for five minutes, which I haven’t really gotten since end-of-term went on and on and on and in some ways is still going on because I’m dealing with stuff that should have been resolved months ago.  (This is mostly out of my control; it’s not a case of me not doing something.)  We’re also at the stress level -- mostly because of the furniture thing because it is a Looming Deadline -- where I’m not, like, one hundred percent happy with how I’m putting words together, which is just annoying.  Cleared out the sideboard and started on the dining table today, made bread dough, watched the 2000 X-Men (it’s honestly very weird coming at this one almost straight off CACW), feeling generally pretty SCREAM.  I am tired and annoyed, actually; I do want to take a vacation; I do want the stupid deadlines hanging over my head that a month ago I didn’t know I would have to deal with not be there, you know?  (And then the general mild annoyance from, like, restaurant stopped carrying a thing I like, upcoming film is doing things that I’m not happy about, house is even more of a mess than usual, it’s summer in Atlanta, read some fanfic I didn’t like, you know, little pinprick stuff.)  Also...world bad.

Snippet from The Horizon Line Natasha flashback 3 (may or may not be used).

Bruce got up to peer out the window as Carol landed on what was left of the lawn.  Natasha glanced after him, already wondering if it was worth it to go tell Loki that Carol had come back empty-handed again.  Then Bruce said, “Oh, god,” and flung himself towards the door.

Natasha exchanged a startled look with Steve.  She knocked over her chair in her rush to follow him out onto the lawn, where Carol was standing with a slightly wind-blown stranger.  She was human-looking, dark-skinned and wearing white armor and a blue cloak; there was no sign of any kind of spacesuit, even the force field ones that Rocket and Nebula used, but she had a sword sheathed at her hip.

“Val!” Bruce shouted, and she turned just in time to catch him in an embrace as he fell on her neck. “Oh, thank god, thank god –”

Carol grinned tiredly at Natasha, Steve, and Rhodey as they approached. “Got ‘em,” she said. “Rocket and Nebula are on their way there now with relief supplies.”

The Asgardian endured Bruce’s embrace for a few minutes, then disentangled herself gently and said, “Good to see you too, big guy.”  She took a deep breath.  “Now break my heart.”

Bruce stood back and wiped a hand across his face, hesitating before he said, “Thor’s dead.”

#daily fic snippet #roleswap endgame au concept

[hawks-dabi-levi]

Unjustified- hawks x reader- part/chapter 3

“Well,” said Recovery Girl. “ You have nothing physically wrong with you except the light scratches and stretch marks from your wings. You do, however, have new parts to your quirk. Much like your mother, you have Elemental control and are able to control atoms as you see fit. Adding that to your fathers quirk, you are also able to manipulate the mind with both verbal and internal commands. That gives you a “god-like power” that makes others somewhat wary of you, am I correct?”

“ Yes, others feel as if I would control them, but they warm up to me after a while.” I replied. “ How does that have to do with me sprouting wings all the sudden?”

Hawks sat at the side of the bed and spoke, “ Well kid, your wings are able to retract into your body, making you able to blend in with the crowd and from what it seems like, you basically got a quirk upgrade.”

Recover Girl had added on to hawks inquire, “ You see, you're not really human Y/n. Your mother and father had not conceived you. A case that was investigated of a new being that could be either a savoir or bring down humanity. You are that new being.”

I looked at them, eyes bulging in disbelief. “ No, no way can I assure you that I am one hundred percent human. I may have an over powered quirk but there is no way in actual hell that I'm some goddess bred human thingy.” my arms waved all over the place.

Recovery Girl had held an open file out to me, in which I read.

“ People around the country have been talking about your birth for years now.” Aizawa spoke.

“Legend states that every few millennia, a creature is born. One that can blend with the human race with unspoken power that can make or break humanity as a whole. A pair of people are chosen by both the gods above and the devils below to conceive this creation. The creation has free will, deciding the fate of humanity with emotion, cause, and environmental influence,” I read from the file.

It didn't make sense, I was human. I had to be. I felt human, I looked human aside for the wings. The more I read, the more confusing it got.

“ Think about it kid, Eraser said that your family had been basically hunted to extinction. The man over the phone had said ‘ the goddess will never rise again.’ everything seems to connect to the legend that people go on and on about. Legend or not, it's the real deal here kid and whoever that man is seems to know it too,” Hawks said.

“ Ok, so I have some type of weird goddess connection thing with my quirk. How do we stop the man or whoever is in charge without innocents getting hurt in the process?” i asked

“ That's going to be taken up with the commission,” Aizawa stated.

Hawk's eyes darted to Aizawa. “ They won’t help. If they think that she's any danger to the citizens of the city, they will put her down,” Hawks said, his lips pressed in a thin line.

I looked down at my lap. ‘ I couldn't be that dangerous, right? I just have to show that I can control it.’I thought.

Aizawa looked at hawks with a tired glare, “ The fact of the matter is that she has no control over her new assets-”

“ I can try,” I cut him off, my gaze and head still held low. My fist curled the sheets of the hospital bed I was sitting on as tears dripped into my lap. “ I can try to control it. The last thing I want to do is become a danger or worse…” I said as I raised my head.

Aizawa had looked at me for a moment. “ Ok,” he sighed. “ If you say you can, then we'll give you a chance to show it, but mess up once…” he paused and glared. “ The commission will take you in, '' he finished.

I nodded and looked at Recovery Girl. “ Angie… My guardian…” I said.

“ I’m aware of your situation. Seeing as you're only a few months from your 18th Birthday, you should be able to take care of yourself.” She said as she sorted out medication, presumingly for other patients.

“ UA will provide living quarters for you until you're able to financially support yourself. Though, it won't be ready till tomorrow after the sports festival, ” said Aizawa. He backed off the wall that he was leaning against and headed towards the door. “ Just make sure you are careful of other students,” he waved his hand dismissively as he reached the door.

“ Oh and Hawks,” he called.

“ yeah?” Hawks replied.

“ You'll be the one to train her, she probably doesn't know how to use her wings yet.” Aizawa said as he stepped out and headed down the hall.

My eyes blinked once… then twice…

“ Hold on, WHAT?!” I screeched. My eyes still on his retreating form as he disappeared.

“Don’t worry dearie, with the sports festival coming up, you’ll have all of this off your mind.” Recovery Girl says as my gaze shifts from the doorway.

“ Yeah, I highly doubt that. Internships don’t start till after the sports fest,” I scoffed.

“ It isn't that bad kid. Normally I don't take interns but Erasers right. You got wings now and don't know how to use them. Someone needs to safely teach you and I just happen to be the one for the job kid,” Hawks said as he stood up.

He walked towards the door and stopped at the frame. “ be careful getting home. See ya.”

“ Yeah, see you,” I sighed and dropped my head into my hands.

HAWKS POV

As much as I’d like to brush this off, this kid needs my help. I get that she didn't mean for her quirk to get out of control, she was overflowing with pain, but that can be a weakness if not kept under the right eye. The commission would use that against her. For some reason, I have this urge that's pushing me to help her. If Aizawa hadn't said anything about UA housing her, I would have let her stay at my place.

Thinking of it now, it would be totally inappropriate but part of me still wants to. With the Commission, I'm not sure how I'll find time but this isn't something I can just push away.

I got back to my agency and greeted the receptionist as I headed to my office.

‘For now, I'll just have to continue to work it around my schedule.’

…

Y/N POV

I looked over to Recovery girl, “ please tell me that this is a dream, no, A nightmare.”

“ no, this is very real,” she sighed. “ It will be ok dearie. Hawks will make sure you are ready for tomorrow and I'm sure you'll do splendidly. You just need to be careful to not do too much.”

“ But why does it have to be him? He literally was right there when Angie…” I paused. “He saw me break down. I think that is my most embarrassing first impression I ever had ``I groaned as my head fell into my hands.

“ It will be ok,” she said as she patted my back. “ Now, you need to get going. You have an early morning tomorrow and the sports festival so you need plenty of rest.”

“ I guess you’re right but I don't have anywhere to go yet.” I raised a brow.

“ You'll have to stay at your home tonight, I'm sure it will be ok for the night.” she said as she turned back to her desk and wrote something down. She then came up to me and handed me a note of dismissal. “ You're dismissed for the rest of the day. Make sure you rest” she shooed me away with a wave of her hand.

I hopped off the hospital bed and picked up my bag that was against the wall next to the heart monitor. “ See you tomorrow then.” I said and started to walk off.

“ Hopefully not too soon, dearie” I heard her call out as I passed the door frame.

…

I got home and saw police tape around the house. A male officer was talking to another female officer before he saw me.

“ Sorry, you are not allowed on the premises till everything has been checked for evidence,” the officer said with his hand out.

“ But sir, I have nowhere else to go.” i said

HAWKS POV

I had finished my patrol and decided to take a detour. I flew over the city and into the suburbs.

“ But sir, I have nowhere else to go” I heard distantly. I came to a slow stop on top of a rooftop and peered over the edge.

“ That's not our fault, so please leave” Said an officer. He seemed to be talking to Y/n. “What a polite way of saying ‘ Piss off’” I sarcastically said to myself as I continued to listen in.

“ Sir, please, I have to get something from my room and then I'll be out of your hair. This is my home and I'd appreciate it if you'd let me at least get some clothing.” Y/n said. She had nowhere else to go and this guy won't even let her get clothing?

“ Again, that's not our fault. You could sleep on the streets for all I care. Now get going kid” the officer sneered. It seemed like he gave up on the idea of politeness.

I stood up from my position and floated my way down, flapping my winds to create a small breeze to make my presence known.

“ Now is that any way to treat someone? Especially being part of law enforcement.” I said. I had a smile on my face but my eyes were narrow. My blood was boiling, probably more than it should have been.

The officer and Y/N had looked up in sync. The officer visibly paled while Y/n stood there, her face twisted in a mix of shock and relief.

“ P-Pro Hero H-Hawks,” the officer stuttered and awkwardly bowed. Y/n has yet to say anything as her eyes drifted between me and the nervous officer who was sweating profusely.

“ Why don’t you let the young woman get some things from her home? I'll monitor her to make sure no possible evidence is compromised,``I said. I felt my eyes grow more narrow by the second, my expression slowly changing. This guy pisses me off. He had no decency to let her at least get clothing then told her that she could sleep on the streets. Not to mention that he seemingly knows that he fucked up by the nervous, gultiy arua he was givng off.

“ I can’t allow that-'' he paused as his eyes met mine. My orbs glared daggers into his.. He visibly shook and he straightened himself into an upright position, arms stiffly at his side. “ Of course, yes, go ahead.”

“Thank you,” Y/n’s voice cut in softly as she passed him and under the police tape. Moments later she came back out with a duffle bag. It looked to be filled to the brim. She bowed politely to the officer “ thanks, now I will leave,” she said and started to walk down the street, away from the cop and me.

[so-cio-pathetic]

I just don’t even know what to think or feel or do anymore. I’m looking at my life and it seems like a jumbled mess that I don’t know if I can sort through. I try to believe that everything happens the way it’s supposed to, but maybe I really am supposed to just off myself. Even feeling that way fills me with so much guilt and shame because I know my life is relatively good. I get to do a lot of things that most people don’t. I have a good amount of freedom. By all means I should be the happiest person, but I can’t shake this feeling of dread that I have carried with me for decades. Every little thing that happens is just a tally mark on the side of why I should go. It’s really starting to outnumber the reasons to stay.

Even thinking these things has me feeling so fucking weak. I have met people that have been through insurmountable traumas and they made it through and became even better. And here I am with the most minor of issues in the grand scheme of things, and I want to give up. I want to let go of everything I’ve built and everything I have just because I’m too goddamn weak to handle the life I have made for myself. I want to take the easy way out and I use it as a back up plan to hold me back from ever doing anything actually significant. I’m exhausted. I’m tired of trying. I swear to god I am one of the weakest humans on this earth and I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know how to be better or make myself feel worth the effort. I just want to disappear.

#personal #depression #bipolar

[lone-changelings-journal]

16/1/1495

I’m so tired. It’s taking every ounce of my energy just to stay awake right now but I just… Tired… Last night was a total trainwreck, I got almost no sleep. Doesn’t help that I stayed up late writing too. Literally right as I finished yesterday’s entry things kicked right up again. As much as I want to sleep right now I’m not going to. It’s only 4 o’clock and if I go to bed now my sleep schedule is going to get all messed up and I don’t want to deal with that again. So I’m sitting here writing instead, trying to focus on anything aside from how tired I am. Which clearly isn’t working because I’m writing about it. Ghh moving on.

So like I’m about to fall asleep when I hear a knock on my bedroom door. I assumed it was Morr but honestly I had no clue what to expect. With yesterday’s whole talk about cults and pacts and magic I was already on edge. Thankfully it was Morr and not some crazed undead fanatic person. Well, I’m glad it was her and not the alternative, but at the same time I really wish last night hadn’t happened at all. I’m pretty sure my back is all bruised because of it. She might have stabbed me with her claws too, but there’s not really any way for me to check. At the very least it’s sore.

She knocked on my door and I peeked outside just to see who it was. Once I saw it was her I let her in. Her mask makes it REALLY difficult to tell what she’s feeling, and her voice really doesn’t help much either, but I could see panic in her eyes. Believe me, I know panic when I see it. Wolf could sense it as well, she seemed on edge the second Morr walked in. She very quietly asked if I was willing to do a quick task for her and as per my contract I said yes. Reading over it again I don’t think I can say no, actually. Unless it goes directly against my morals, but how do you even quantify that? If I’m being honest, I don’t even know what my morals are. Like I don’t think I’d ever kill anybody, but if someone was a really REALLY horrific person and they were attacking me, maybe? Ugh, I’m just confusing myself here, nevermind.

The point is I said yes and then she hit me out of nowhere by asking if I could “embrace her”. She specifically used that word, which immediately made me question what exactly was going on. In the end she just wanted a hug, I guess, but if that was the case from the beginning why didn’t she just… Say that? The word “embrace” threw me off a bit. Honestly, I thought it was going to turn into something WAY different. She prefaced this question by asking that I keep an open mind and not judge too, so like how else was I supposed to interpret that?! I’m glad she wasn’t coming on to me in the end though, because given the contract that would be… Uh. I’d rather not think about it.

Anyway she was slowly devolving into a panic as I questioned why and told her she was freaking me out and she just kept asking; begging. She refused to tell me why she wanted this and while I knew I had to do it I couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. Like, was she making a move? Was she dying? Did something happen, was someone here? With how panicked she was getting she could have said the world was ending and I would have believed it.

But I did as I was told and I hugged her, really awkwardly mind you. She promised she’d explain afterwards but then she grabbed me back and squeezed. Hard. Like a snake trying to choke the life out of a mouse hard. At one point I thought I was going to pass out. That’s where the bruises came from. Assuming I did actually bruise, I still don’t know. Maybe wolf can tell me. I know she could if I asked her. Though at the same time I don’t know how I feel about taking my shirt off in front of her, since she is basically a human in the body of a wolf. She might actually be smarter than a human.

She held on to me for way longer than I would have liked, and again. I couldn’t move and I could hardly breathe. Good gods, she’s such a small woman but she could rival a barbarian with those arms. She kept holding on to me and I could hear her breathing quicken. Kind of like she was hyperventilating, except when I listened closer I could hear her saying something. “Help”, over and over and over again. That REALLY freaked me out because this woman is supposed to be my teacher. She’s this super powerful ancient being who’s allegedly so old her species doesn’t have a name, and I’M supposed to help HER?!

I legitimately thought she was dying for a solid ten minutes she was panicking so bad. I kept pressing her for more information because clearly something was very, very wrong but she either couldn’t process what I was saying or didn’t hear me at all. She just kept muttering “Help” “I can’t” “It’s happening too fast” “not now” and on and on with things of the like. Eventually I got it out of her that she wasn’t sick, injured, or dying. Instead she was “losing control”. In the moment I had no idea what the hells that meant which only freaked me out further, but she was gripping me so tightly I really couldn’t do anything but just stand there and wait for it to be over. It was awful. I felt so… Powerless. In the sense that I couldn’t escape her grasp even if I wanted to AND in the sense that I couldn’t calm her down. She just demanded I didn’t let go, so I didn’t.

The whole ordeal only lasted maybe fifteen minutes. Twenty at most. The whole time she was totally unmoving aside from a slight tremble and muttering incoherently. Wolf didn’t offer much in terms of assistance. She was definitely feeling tense, but as it was all happening she had no care for my wellbeing at all. The only thing that mattered to her what Morr. She was watching her like a hawk the entire time. I know it was only twenty minutes but it felt like an eternity, and me being exhausted didn’t help in the slightest.

Eventually she calmed down enough to let me go and explain what happened. I really don’t know what to make of her explanation. Demons and devils and creatures of the like are usually the ones to curse people, not get cursed themselves. Although I’m still not sure if she even is a devil. She says she’s LIKE a devil, but I don’t know if it’s literally like a devil or more metaphorically. If it is metaphorically I certainly don’t see it. Maybe she was a little rough with me last night, but it wasn’t out of malice. She was terrified. If I’m going to be working under Morr I think it’s important that I remember everything she told me last night. I really, REALLY don’t want it to happen again. Next time I’m going to be prepared.

So basically the mask Morr has on is cursed. There’s no way to take it off as it’s “melded with her very being”. It’s as much a part of her as she is of it. When she was younger (how much younger and how long ago this was she didn’t say) she was reckless in her studies. In her words, she had a gift for arcane magic unlike any other. She could use magic in a way nobody else could and no one else ever would. All this lead to her being gifted this mask and being told it could amplify her powers further. Well, it didn’t.

I don’t really understand the specifics of her curse. Even after she explained it I just… Don’t get it. The mask has a will of its own and it “feeds on her desires”. Usually she can fight them off, but particularly strong desires cause the thing to totally take over. It feeds on her desires and magnifies them until they turn into obsessions. That turns into a feedback loop that makes regaining control hard. She didn’t really go into what happens when the mask DOES take over. She briefly mentioned that if it did she likely wouldn’t recognize me, but that didn’t give any insight on anything.

The whole reason she came into my room at all was because having someone close gives her something to focus on other than her desires. Uh, she never explained what “desire” caused this episode in the first place. I don’t really want to know, either. Or maybe it’d help if I did know so I could help her avoid this happening in the future? But yeah that entire time she was squeezing me to death and muttering to herself was her trying to fight the mask’s influence on her. I’m wondering if getting her to talk when this happens would be better or of just letting her do what she has to do in silence would be better. Wolf has no idea, and I don’t want to ask right now in case it triggers this to happen all over again.

Once she was calmer she went right back to her old self. She apologized for freaking me out and forcing me to deal with that side of herself, then she bid me goodnight and went back to whatever she was doing before. Then I went to bed.. Sort of.. Not really, honestly. After that ordeal I was even more on edge and every howl of wind or creak of the cabin had my hair stood on end. My body wanted to fall asleep, and I slept for a few minutes at a time before I’d hear a sound and wake back up again. Gods… It sucked. I’m so tired.

At least today has been uneventful. Aside from the very start of the morning it’s been a normal average day, I think. I don’t really know what a “normal” day is for most people. Normal days for me really aren’t normal for anyone else. Morr was outside talking to someone this morning. I don’t know who really, but it’s not my place to pry. I did go outside to see what was going on because after all that not seeing her in the house was worrying. But no, she was just talking to someone. The conversation was confusing and hard to follow. 

I’ll admit I was curious and maybe I eavesdropped a bit before making myself known. Nothing overly interesting aside from the fact whoever she was talking to only replied in whistles. But from what I could gather she and they were talking about her episode last night and Morr was trying to convince them she was okay. Then I walked over and this other person disappeared into the shadows. I think it’ll be a LONG time before I’m acquainted with all her friends, if I ever am at all.

Now I’m just sat here with my own thoughts trying not to fall asleep. Like what the hell kind of situation have I gotten myself into here? So far it’s been better than my life back home but still, it’s been SO stressful. I can only assume this was an off day for her. I hope this was an off day, because I don’t know if I can handle another meltdown. My back certainly can’t, that’s for sure. I want to lay down so badly but it hurts laying on my back.

I really hope things turn out alright. They have to, because if they don't it means I've ruined my life for nothing. If I end up having to break this pact I'm screwed. If I go back home I'm screwed. And I know for a fact I won't survive by myself. Maybe I should get some sleep. Who gives a damn what time it is? It's better than sitting here panicking over things that haven't even happened yet. Besides, Morr says that my training is going to start tomorrow. I'd rather not try and cast spells for the first time in a state like this. That's just asking for trouble.

#lonechangeling #remythechangeling #dungeonsanddragons #faerun #roleplay #lonechangelingsjournal #creative writing #journal entry #fiction

[d-lissa]

Liveblogging TMA - Season 2 - MAG 79-80

"That was very stupid."

SEASON TWO FINALE :

I fucking hate this series, actually, what do you mean Leitner is here now ? I just. I am. So fucking tired. I hate everything, why can't we go back to anthologies and stuff where everything and everyone was nice and happy and having fun.

Shit.

Oh, and look at that ! Now Elias killed Leitner and framed Jon ! Well ain't that just wonderful !

I hate this fucking series, I just. I am.

Urgh.

Whatever, let's just make this post so I can go on to season 3 because I am very close to a mental breakdown and will probably fucking die if I don't know what happens next.

Same deal as the last season finale I did, since I think it worked well enough.

HIDE AND SEEK :

Catching up from when we left off but from another point of view. I did think that Tim's compliance was just too easy, and I was right, he was planning to come anyway and apprently ready to catch Jon doing terrible stuff and willing to send him right on his way to the police.

Man, he really got fucked up this season, didn't he ? Someone needs to make him high again.

"Because something tells me we’re going to need evidence by the end of today. I don’t want to wind up in court without something to back me up."

Just. Absolutely no trust in him. Which is fair, the man has been a total trainwreck but yeah.

It hurts to see this.

"I used to. Now I think it’s worse."

Oh, Martin is so lost. He came because he was probably worried of Jon hurting himself or something, which is fair, and now he is being hit on the head with just everything.

Tim at least is genre savvy. I don't really like the lack of loyalty, but it is fair, I would never argue the opposite. But he is very much caught up in himself and struggle to realize that whatever it is, whatever forces are at play are messing with everyone, Jon the worst of all, and that he isn't the only one suffering.

Though he does talk big for someone who would still go into the tunnels in the end. I think he is just frustrated at knowing nothing and not being able to do anything about it.

Meanwhile, Jon took the door, which led him to the tunnels rather than the corridors, which is ... Good. Yes. Better than the corridors, if you ask me, at least there's something down there other than the thing eager to hunt him down and skin him to wear his identity.

"God, I’m an idiot. Smash the table, kill the monster, stupid! Lazy, sloppy assumption. Of course the table was binding it. The table is webs and spiders. Spiders are something else. They don’t help each other, they oppose, they… they weaken. It was caught in a web, and I… All the pieces were there. And I just… I couldn’t see it."

Honnestly, on this one he is right to beat himself up. I mean, I get it, he has spent months barely sleeping or taking care of himself, while being paranoid about everyone around him, only to realize he was right, and that not only was someone out to get him, that someone killed his friend and he never even noticed.

He could only play the tape he found on Sasha obsessively for so long, listening to her screaming before snapping and making a rash decision, not thought out on anything but feelings.

But that didn't make it less of one fucking hell of a stupid decision. I want to throttle that guy.

(To be fair to him, he was working with very little information all things considered. Had the actual statement of Dekker himself been there, things would've been probably much more clear.)

Back on the wonder duo, they're both deep in denial about Not-Sasha and Martin finally snaps a little, which felt damn good for once.

Of course, because this fucking story can't ever give me nice nice things, Michael shows up, breed even more confusion onto everything, and trap them to hunt down for a little fun.

"I don’t even remember what she looks like. Even now that I know, now I’ve seen it twisted and… I still don’t remember her. The only face I can picture is…"

At this point Jon, you don't even need a weapon. Your words are enough to straight up murder me. Fuck this hurt. Even through all of this, he is grieving the friend he was forced to forget.

And of course, when Not-Sasha taunts him with Sasha's suffering is when he shows himself. The heart on this man, this absolute fucking dumbass, I can't. He just cares so much, despite how hard he tried to hide it.

"You really aren’t even a shadow of your predecessor. You’re nothing. Even I would make a better Archivist than you. Maybe I will. You’ll miss the Unknowing, of course, but you wouldn’t understand it anyway."

I mean, his predecessor did have, like, several decades of knowledge and set up and things. Jon has barely been the Archivist for a year, and nobody ever told him anything, he just has been painstakingly trying to collect what little information he could.

Still, I wonder what the Unknowing is. Sounds ominous, and strangely targeted at The Eye that makes it a point to Know. Is everything that has been happening a set up for this ?

 "Please forgive me. If you’re still alive… if… if you hear this. Get as far away from the Magnus Institute –"

And so, his last words were targeted at his assistants, apologizing to them and warning them, to try and protect them.

Again, this man breaks my fucking heart.

THE LIBRARIAN :

And so enter Jurgen Leitner, who is basically just a pathetic old man with too much time and money on his hands. I know that he didn't create the books, but he really didn't have to gather them all in one place.

Sasha is confirmed to be gone for good, and I am crying at this point. This entire thing is too overwheling.

Jesus fucking Christ.

"That’ll be our Gerard."

I felt that one. You know what, I absolutely love this guy actually. Most valid of goths. i too would've tried to beat Jurgen to death.

After Jurgen tells his sob story, Jonathan calls him out on his stupidity and I feel validated by that, I have to say.

And Jurgen was apparently working with Gertrude. Who wanted to destroy the library and indeed was murdered by Elias for that.

Also, she had three assistants who all died horrible deaths, which is ... Not at all worrying for the remaining two, right ?

" But I suppose you are simply the observer, and making these connections is not your role. Gertrude could be much the same at times."

... God, that prick is so condescending. Again, the man has only been doing this for not even a year ! Cut him some slack, he was kind of busy. Urgh.

Anyway, the lore behind the concepts.

"The ‘gods’ were conceived of by humankind as a reflection of themselves, their motives and actions divinely powerful, but in essence purely human."

And I do so enjoy being right.

"The books are, I think, their essences in a purer form. The other things that stalk us, from what I know of them, they have varying wills of their own. All in service of the thing they’re a part of, but not directly controlled by the mind beneath them. At least, inasmuch as these entities have something we could recognise as a mind."

It is all absolutely fascinating. God, this is probably one of my favourite set up in a horror fantasy ever made.

"You belong to it, too."

And so, it is true. Jon is, like many of the people who's statements he read, at the very least marked by a concept. The Eye. The Beholding, hoarding knowledge.

Fitting. Here's to hoping this one doesn't come with holes in the skin à la Jane Prentiss.

"Well, he was always going to need to fly the nest at some point. Go out and see the world for himself."

Elias finally expose himself, and he is menacing in very delicious ways. I much prefer him like that, than like a moron with no idea of what is happening under his nose.

Still, the way he talks about Jon is kind of disturbing. He is talking as if he raised him, to be what he is now. Just how much control did Elias have on the events that happened, and how much has he let happen just to see what would become of Jon and to push him in a certain direction ?

This is disturbing to consider.

Elias kills Jurgen violently, and Jon flees the scene horrified. Which is fair. The man has been dealing with too much bullshit already.

In The Distortion, Tim and Martin leave behind someone who was probably Helen Richardson, which is good to know that she managed to survive so long, and escape themselves.

Only for, of course, to fall onto Jurgen's body and think Jon did it.

And of course, Elias walks away scot free. Again.

I am. So tired.

This story is tiring me.

OVERALL :

Rather than make the point on everything I think thus far, let's just have a list of all the possible concepts and who we know follow those "gods".

The Eye/The Beholding (The Institute, Gerard Keay (?))

The Stranger (The shapeshifter, the Not Them people, the Circus of the Other (?))

The Distortion (Michael, the anglerfish people (?), fractals)

The End (Mary Keay somewhat, the Deaths, The Dreamer maybe ?)

The Lightless Flame (Maxwell Rayner, the cult (?), Agnes, Diego Malina.)

The ... Dirty ? I don't know, but they're not very orignal anyway so you get me (Jane Prentiss, Amherst)

The Spiders (Also maybe the Dreamer either/or, Raymond Fielding, Anabelle Caine)

The Meat (?) (Jerald, Haan Family, Eustace Wick, Toby Carlisle)

The Big and Empty Spaces (The Lukas, Simon Fairchild, Michael Crew)

I don't really see much else to connect to each other, but also, my mind is a mess right now, so I definitely missed at least some.

The quote of the post will be :

"My name has become a curse."

End Liveblogging.

#tma #the magnus archive #liveblogging #liveblog-tma

[through-the-red-door]

Hope When It Hurts

Six months ago, I was hurting. 

I was in the midst of a recovery program offered through my church. I was healing in some ways - letting go of little offenses that I had hung on to for far too long and giving grace where it was needed, things like that, but it turned out that the things I thought I was going there for did not end up being the things that the Lord wanted me to deal with.

Instead, I was digging up things I didn't want to find and not knowing what to do with them. Things like, why my life ended up where it did, all the things I felt like I was missing out on, and all the hurts of the past tangled up in one big mess. Long and complicated story short, I ended up feeling worse towards the end of the program then I did when I entered it. 

*This is not a negative assessment of the program; I think it does a lot of good. This is just to say that I lacked the appropriate coping skills at the time.

On top of all of that, I was in a great deal of physical pain. 

Most of you know that I deal with chronic nerve pain related to my disability, but back in October I injured my back even further. I did this by simply sitting on a bar stool, hanging out with my friends for too long. This simple act inflamed the nerves in my lower back and put me in excruciating pain that I can't even describe. I've never felt pain like that. It hindered my movement and absolutely affected my mood. 

With all of these things piling up, I did what I was used to doing in hard times. I got mad. I started down a dark spiral of depression and anger. I felt like I was being targeted somehow, like this was just one more thing that I might have to deal with forever that would limit me and hurt me. I would look at other people’s success and the perceived ease with which they succeeded and think, “Why not me?” To be very very blunt, it got to the point where I wholeheartedly believed that God was screwing with me, dangling good things and then yanking them away repeatedly. 

By the time I voiced my hurt to my recovery leader and was sent to meet with a pastor, I was battling all-too-familiar demons of self-harm, intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation. 

In that first meeting, my pastor was very real with me. He told me that I had a faulty theology of suffering and that I would have to fight like mad in order to learn to believe true things about God, myself, and my suffering. He asked me if I was ready to fight. 

I told him no. 

I was tired. I was devastated. I was mad and I wanted to stay mad. I wanted to walk away because that felt easier. 

But something kept me there, hanging on to the tiny shred of faith I had left. By the end of the week, I was tired again; tired of fighting in my own strength. I decided to fight back. 

Over the past four months, we have been going through a book called Hope When it Hurts by Kristin Wetherell and Sarah Walton. It was a book that was not unfamiliar to me, but as I would learn, sometimes the familiar can appear in new ways when your heart is ready for it. Previously, I was gifted a copy during my darkest period, when my dad left. I actually began to go through it with some friends, but at the time, I was not ready or willing to hear what it had to say, so it sat on my shelf with all my other “someday” books. 

Now that I’ve read it and am continuing to absorb its contents, I wish I had read it sooner. I wish I had learned how to suffer well sooner. 

This book, which is written by women very familiar with suffering, is a commentary on 2 Corinthians 4 and 5. Each chapter focuses on a different portion of these verses, while pulling in other scriptures on suffering. One of those scriptures is another example of familiar-but-new. 

Growing up, my mom’s favorite verses were Romans 5:1-5. I’ve heard it a million times and I’m very familiar with what it says, but reading through it this time, I began to see it differently. I began to finally take it to heart. 

Now, I know that suffering does produce endurace (which He has absolutely done in me. If I have one thing in abundance, it’s perseverance), endurance produces character and character produces hope (which He is currently doing) and hope does not disappoint. 

I know that the Lord uses my suffering for my good, to shape me into His image, and for the ministry of those around me. 

I know that I need to have an eternal perspective in my suffering and that, whatever that suffering is, is a light and momentary affliction compared to the eternal weight of glory.

I know that He is not out to get me, but instead loves me more than I can imagine. 

This quote sums up how I wanted to walk away from reading this book: “I do not know how God will carry me through and what the outcome of the days to come will be. I do not know what tomorrow will bring or exactly how I’ll walk through it. But I will fix my eyes with confidence on my eternal hope and faithful Savior.” 

I fail, often. To be very honest, the past two weeks or so have been hard. Many of the things I have written in this review, while I know they are true, have not felt true. The shift in my attitude has felt like a regression back to the bitter, angry version of me who feels entitled to comfort and ease. I don’t like seeing her again. She leaves me miserable and ashamed of the harm I cause to myself and those around me.  But she is loved and she is learning. There are days that still feel hopeless, but I am able to more easily recognize that staying stuck in that feeling is often a result of my own inaction. I know where to find hope, I know what my heart needs to believe. It took work to get here and it will continue to take me redirecting my own thoughts and emotions, but I know now that I don’t have to move forward in my own strength. I get to rest, I get to surrender and I get to hope, even when it hurts.

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

Bruce's letters to Selina

by HelgaHeason

Bruce fell for Selina hard and fast before she left Gotham. Now she's gone, he can't tell her how he feels... Or can he? Over 60 letters, Bruce records how he feels about Selina, how he feels about Gotham; and the good, the bad, and the very ugly of being the Batman.

In life, you'll find that there's always something in the way. A stray cat, a random kid from a gang, an actual bat... What matters is how you choose to deal with it. If you're Bruce, the 'thing' might just stick around forever.

Words: 1330, Chapters: 4/80, Language: English

Fandoms: The Batman (Movie 2022)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/M

Characters: Bruce Wayne, Edward Nygma, Selina Kyle, Tim Drake, a cat named Robin, a cat named Vengeance, Alfred Pennyworth, The Joker, Bella Reál, Background Nightwing, Jim Gordon, the GCPD

Relationships: Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, two cats fall in love but it's a slow-ass burn

Additional Tags: Bruce is down horrific for Selina, Identity Reveal, Specifically Bruce's, The Danger Twins (Riddler and the Joker), excessive use of overtly abstract metaphors, demon / angel imagery, Bruce has issues of all kinds, good god Bruce please talk to someone, the Bat and a Cat, Batman and Robin but not how you think, Letters, Written as letters, Bruce is down bad for Selina and author is down bad for both of them, batfam, please don't expect frequent updates, Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight or maybe gimme some sanity, who the hell do I think I am? well I'm probably not 'Vengeance', tired Batguardian Jim Gordon, Batdad, there's quite a bit of Batdad, but mostly toward a cat, I gave Bruce a cat and I will not apologise for it, Catdad?, Tags Are Hard, these tags are a mess, There's somethin' in the way mmmmMMMMMmmMMMMm, oh yeah there's a bat too at some point, like an actual bat, I'm just as shocked as Bruce

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/44583910

#IFTTT #bruce wayne #batman #the dark knight #the cape crusader #gotham #dc universe #ao3 #ao3feed