#god I don't want to cry again

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again #the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys #saw #well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand #know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows #your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman. #there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn #thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down #something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness #the transformation of a man into a monster #and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption #sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this #do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind. #the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore #it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating #fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn #i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him #until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else #well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God #where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium #anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus #maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man #i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed #if only he hadn't been weaponized first #god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already #but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there #rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts #ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly #cat chat

[fangerine]

headcanon that obi-wan and satine say things like "i adore you" instead of "i love you" during their year on the run because if they said those last three words, they would have never separated-

#fUCK #I AM ONCE AGAIN CRYING OVER THIS GOD DAMN SHIP #obitine #obi wan kenobi #satine kryze #star wars #i just imagine their goodbye going something like #“ben i lo-” #“satine please don't or i won't leave” #AND HER NOT WANTING TO HOLD HIM BACK FROM HIS DESTINY TO BE A JEDI #it's so over for me rn

[beanghostprincess]

My current favourite crackship that I just created myself is Hiyori×Alive!Kuina. Just because if she can't get Zoro she'll just go for his cousin instead.

You're a genius. Your brain is huge. Please, let me kiss your brain. This is just amazing. I love lesbians. You're SO real-

Hiyori is easily one of my favorite characters and I love her SO much and people won't stop reducing her to her ship with Zoro. I think she doesn't need anybody and if she did want somebody it should be a girl. Because I say so. And Kuina is just,,, She would've been such a great character. Can't stop thinking about this fanart I found because it has changed my life for the better. She's in Wano to train to become the world's greatest swordsman and I'm just thinking about what if Kuina had been there to help them out too and she had been the one to save Hiyori all those times instead of Zoro.... Thinking thoughts. Like, of course, Hiyori and Zoro also have their moments because I do actually like their dynamic and I think she admires him a lot!! But you know. Kuina saves Hiyori a couple of times (when Zoro was going to do it, actually, she just appears like a second before him and ruins his moment) and Hiyori just melts. Because who wouldn't? Kuina would be so tall and strong and a sizeable woman, and I would personally die if she helped me save my country. Besides, I think they'd understand each other because both are women that have been reduced to that role specifically instead of their ambitions and their power and they're so much more. Hiyori was helpless when she had to see her country turn into this mess and she couldn't so anything else but to pretend,, Like-- If somebody knows how being a woman in the world works is Hiyori, and Kuina would understand. She'd admire Kuina so much for her abilities and her personality and ambitions!!!!!! And Kuina would absolutely love Hiyori's kindness and strength for being able to put up with so much!!!

Not to mention that Kuina would be taller than her,,, And bigger,,, And Hiyori would have to look up,, And this is now just the aesthetic part but God they'd look so different. That's Hiyori's guard dog. Wouldn't it be funny if Kuina were all serious and teasing with Zoro and like "*raises eyebrow* seriously?" type of masc girl, and the second Hiyori is around she turns into the happiest person in the world and extremely protective of her? Zoro judges her but he can't say shit because he's literally the same with Luffy (and Kuina teases him even more because she always has the upper hand and it makes him so angry). They're both down bad. Hiyori is just so nice to her and keeps saying she trusts her to become the world's greatest swordsman but even if she doesn't, she'll always have her heart and a place to stay in Wano. And I am weak, guys, I am so weak for lesbians.

Aghhh this is SO good. Somebody make them kiss. I- This is great. Oda could just say "ah yes Kuina actually escaped her hometown on her own and faked her death and traveled to Wano" and I'd believe him wholeheartedly because I want her back. I also want Hiyori back. I miss Wano sometimes a lot.

Also, Kuina sees Zoro with Enma and she goes:

Kuina: Oh cool, you got Hiyori's sword. Good luck with that one. Zoro: Do you want it or what? I am not giving it to you. You'll have to fight for it. Kuina: Nah, when I win our fight I want to win against the king of hell. Nothing less. Zoro: Where's the 'I can't win I'm a girl' bullshit now? Kuina: Stayed with the girl. Now I am a woman and I am going to beat your ass.

And Hiyori looking at them having the biggest lesbian moment in the world kicking her feet and blushing and Momo is next to her like "hehe you have a crush-" and he doesn't get to finish what he was saying because Hiyori hits him so fucking hard he faints. Don't tease her. Poor girl. She's in love, leave her alone.

#please i know i am the first one to explain the meaning behind kuina's death but the way op treats women is just not it and i want her again #also hiyori is the love of my life she's precious to me idc she's my princess i am in love with her #i thought this post would be only about a silly crackship but they're actually consuming my brain oh my god #and when kuina has to go away from wano because she has to go achieve her dream and she goes 'i don't expect you to wait for me but-' #and hiyori just holds her hands and says 'my mother waited. i've waited. and i will keep doing it as long as you come back to me' #or something like that. and i want to cry- #i am vibrating in my fucking chair god please i love them now i need more of them so fucking bad #one piece #kozuki hiyori #shimotsuki kuina #hiyoku??? kuiyori??? #i have no idea what to call this ship tumblr do your thing somebody should choose the name for me i suck at this thing #roronoa zoro #zolu #bc zolu mention there and in my head it's a very common topic between kuina and zoro okay she won't stop teasing him about it #+

[hopeinthebox]

tagged by the fabulous @cordiallyfuturedwight and @jimin-gaon <33 here's the december list

apologies for being late again new year same me: @aprylynn @jiminsproof @pauls-mccharmly @thvinyl @visionsofgideontheninth @btsbs @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @eoieopda @monismochi 💜 and anyone else who feels so inclined MWAH p.s. please do tag me anyway if you've already done it

#superfluous commentary in the tags as per usual: #i feel you - ADORE THIS TRACK i can't even explain what it does to my psyche except that it initiates a beach episode. #noso is a phenomenal queer artist and you should check them out #smoke and mirrors - ms faith back in action on the rotation i loved this album in 2009 and it still hits. for the love of GOD take me back #loving you - i am a paolo nutini stan if nothing else. exceptional #love is all around - i am in my frazzled english woman era hence the romcom soundtrack #and tell me who could possibly embody that frazzled english spirit better than four weddings hugh grant #boys don't cry - it's the cure by name and the cure by nature for one listen and i am FIXED!!! #she's always a woman - now billy joel is a great name for a cat or hamster but i digress. the stranger album of the year 2023 (again i fear) #little bird - was annie lennox in the last one?? i still have this on repeat. #googling the lyrics and it thinks i want the jonas brothers and it makes me want to sit right down and cry cry cry i'll tell you that much #jenny - paolo again can you blame me? i cannot express how much i adore his entire discography. #these scottish italians... deadly combination for my mental health. peter capaldi sit down #white flag - dido save me.. save me dido... my jihope anthem because i WILL go down with this ship #eternal flame - banger after banger it's almost as if i made this playlist myself!! can you feel my heart beating??? i apologise #as for the artist list #norah jones and jamie cullum christmas albums on repeat lord forgive me for i have listened to jazz #hozier and abba seem to make it without fail every month. for those who aren't familiar hozier is like if abba were irish. and bitchless. #NOW I'VE SAID TOO MUCH #the rest of the artists are fab of course but does olivia dean know i would die for her? #anyway. insert closing statements #tag #receiptify #MWAH

[vvitchy-succubus]

.

#please for the love of god #i need people to stop telling me to “just be strong” #in response to me saying I'm not ok with my brother being dead #im not ok with how he died #not ok with never seeing him again #absolutely feel like i am walking around in the worlds slowest nightmare #one of my “aunts” actually tried to tell me that maybe this was a blessing #because maybe this car accident saved him from cancer or something #im sorry what? #you want me to be thankful that my 27 yr old #perfectly healthy and strong baby brother is dead #because maybe someday he could have possibly died of cancer instead? #i know people just want to help and make me feel better #but i don't need to feel better right now #i need to cry and rage and miss my brother #who was unfairly taken from us by an unfair and random universe #it was not part of some grand scheme of gods #it was just a horrible accident #i just want to be sad and grieve in fucking peace

[spacemancharisma]

.

#I don't know how to do this #I don't know how to fucking do this #I had a fucking Hours long crying breakdown after my parents left today #bc i'll never be fucking good enough for them #but if I say anything then we're acknowledging it and maybe it's better to not acknowledge it #maybe we just go back to ignoring the distance #if I say anything then I’m the bad guy again #I don't want to have to do this I don't want to have to keep being the one who steps forward first #I just want to stop trying and let it be what it is and let it hurt in a dull distant way #i've started crying again just from thinking about it #and I don't cry. I haven't cried more than like a light sniffle in three years until today #(bc of antidepressants) #I don't know what to do #I don't want to make it worse I don't want to hurt her feelings I don't want to be the one that starts shit #and I knoowwww I’m gaslighting myself bc she trained me to do this and I Cannot ignore the. two hour bathtub sob #but god what if I *am* the problem what if I *am* instigating and actually we had a good day #what if I’m expecting too much from her and this is better so maybe this is as good as it gets #do I bear it? do I bear it because she can't? #I know it's not fair and I know i'm hurting but maybe that's better than her hurting #do I just carry it for both of us? #I’m not a kid anymore I don't have that excuse #maybe this is womanhood. carrying it so your mother doesn't have to #she's carrying it for my grandmother. maybe this is just it. #I don't know. I don't know what to do. #I’m so fucking tired and it hurts #whatever. #vent #sad kids with bad moms club

[froggyrights]

are you leaving? sorry for asking :/

Not sure yet :') being in this fandom takes such a huge toll on me when shit hits the fan that i cant really justify to myself staying and being invested in the same capacity as I have been. However I love my mutuals and this community too damn much to just up and leave completely 😭 for now im gonna take a break from tumblr and just give it some time. I could never leave tumblr fully though I fear I'm a yapper at heart so maybe I'll just end up posting about whatever. I really don't know ! I'll figure it out !!

#Don't really want to talk abt the whole situation on here I'm not the person for that #But yeah you all will hear from me again god knows I am incapable of shutting the hell up #And I want 2 say i truly consider dtblr to be my favorite fandom I've ever been in despite all the (very low💀) lows #You all are so incredibly funny and creative and kind and I really am so thankful I got to be a part of it all #When I think abt the friends I've made I could rlly just cry I love u all so much !! #Okay now it sounds like I'm writing a fucking eulogy DORRY ITS NOT THAT DEEP IM JUST NOT LOGGING ON THIS WEBSITE FOR A BIT GODDAMN #Like for all I know tomorrow I'll be like damn it wasn't really that serious and reblog dnf sucking cock or whatever #I'm joking^. It would probably be a frog picture #OKAY whatever I'm rambling I'm just gonna go and log out of my account on here CIAO #asks

[lone-berry0]

I think I figured out why this line felt so familiar

#ok so i guess they don't say the exact same thing #but they are both kids who have had way too much pressure put on them and they just want to see theur dads' again #also brrr the voice acting is so good! #i cry #give them back their dads' god damn it #toh #the owl house #for the future #toh for the future #willow park #su #steven universe #adventures in light distortion #toh spoilers #the owl house spoilers #for the future spoilers #toh for the future spoilers #toh season 3

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me

#rant #i guess #it really fucking annoys me how i have to cut off my share in everything that comes in this house ever #like always stay on alert for your food and stash away your share or its gonna be gone by morning #i dont even know why its making me frustrated enough to cry #its just. nice good food has always been a treat and motivator for me and my brother has a habit of always grabbing my share too #it sounds so silly out of context but like. ive had a lifetime of going through a bad tiring day with nothing to look forward to but #a nap and something i like to eat. and always opening the fridge to an empty container #or worse the box is there but then i get in bed with a book and open the damn thing to find half a spoonful inside. #it would be annoying once or twice but its just. all the fucking time. #i hate this survivalistic shit #its not long before i move out thank god but still #he always did it when i was young and my mom hardly ever said anything #like now if i want i can get myself some treats but when i was younger i didnt have much choice. #i havent had the time to bake in two years and prep plus baking the layer cake took two days. i put so much work in it. #and he ate half of it by the time i came back from fucking peeing. i cant even say anything because he gets fucking angry and aggressive #at the drop of a hat so im. crying in my room about it. look my feelings are not as drownable and consuming now. i generally dont #let things like that affect me too much. but i feel so young again and like the entire world is so unfair. i don't know #writing my feelings out on a tumblr blog is so much better than journalling they should recommend this shit in therapy

[bbbrianjones]

um guys........ i think u need to understand i'm going fucking insane over this picture

#LMAO??? WHAT THE FUCK ?? LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FAVCT???????????????????????? #you see the man on the right on your screen is probably the greatest man to have ever lived in my eyes #also known as riccardo patrese #i mean look at him!!! and his suit and tie and waistcoat??? #BABY BOY YOU LOOK AMAZING!! #actually breath taking stuff right there i mean full rights to him for looking that good #and dear god he looks so good #and other guy is walter rohrl whom i don't really care for. nice to see him there though :) #because wherever there is walter there is usually his codriver christian geistdörfer #who just so happens to be the second greatest man to have ever lived in my eyes #christian is this little beam of joy. i love looking at him. he has such a kind face. #like the sort of face you would feel safe asking for directions if you needed to #whcih would be fantastic considering that is like literally hiss job #ANYWAY #the faact that walter and riccardo are together meant that riccardo and christian probably have met and like shook hands or something??? #DO YOU UNDERSTAND THEN WHY I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #lord if there is a picture with those two i will literally go to grave crying tears of joy. maybe that is all a girl ever wants. #god i can't get over how much excitement this picture causes me. there is so much hope in the world!!!!!!!!! #also patrese................................. again. i think we should have kissed at least. utterly unfair.

[sga-owns-my-soul]

lol my mom just texted me merry christmas and asked how i've been and i'm about to fucking break down completely on public transit bc of it!!!!

#i've been live blogging the rest of this fucking crisis #so might as well continue the saga from hell #i spent 9.5 hours of hell at work today and i get free just to get blindsided by this text #fuck my entire life!!!!!! #i'm so fucking STRESSED #idk what to even say #like i don't wanna cut off my mom. she's my fucking mom #but also my family makes me feel horrible every single time i see them #and there's no way i'll be able to go to any family event ever again #bc there's not a chance in hell i can see my cousin after all of this #god i'm crying on the train #i hate this so much #i just want to be free from this #i'm so fucking tired. i'm so so tired #god fuck #personal rambles #stick live blogs her breakdown #don't mind me #ignore this #not stargate

[quick-drawn]

despite what the most recent posts on my blog will tell you, i did actually get some things done around here these past few days. mainly working on drafts. but i didn't manage to finish anything. head's been all over the place and i've been drowning that out with video games. mandatory overtime is supposed to start this week, but i got a message from the boss yesterday that demand isn't as high as they were expecting it to be, so we're working our normal 8 hour shifts. except for me. because i already had appointments booked for my 12 hour shifts. including monday ( which i don't normally work, but we were required to since we're getting thanksgiving off ). so i only got 1 day off to recoup from that horrid week i had last week. so here i am at 12am, fighting off a headache so i can get some sleep for this 12 hour shift i shouldn't be working, while everyone else either gets to stay home because they didn't book any work or gets to go home early. and, oh yeah, let's not forget that i STILL DON'T HAVE A HELPER —

#✯ — [ ʰᵒʳˢᵉˢ ᶤᶰ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵃᶜᵏ ] ⨯ ooc #sorry #i'm venting again. #but this week is just #god i already don't want to do this. it hasn't even started yet and i'm #i want to fuckin cry lmao #and it's like... #it's all just so overwhelming #i forgot it was even my birthday today LMAO #the only reason i remembered is because my sister just messaged me happy birthday — #so i guess happy fuckin birthday to me #time to go work a 12+ hour shift by myself in 5 hours. #anyway #take this as a semi hiatus until i either make it through this holiday season or...........we'll see. #basically i'll be around and probably posting things and replies sporadically #but i'm not actively seeking new threads. #i'll still send asks and stuff though because those are fun. #love y'all. take care of yourselves. #tbd

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

I think I understand Antigone and I'm making this no one else's problem but my own. I can deal with my own devices even if those devices always break. I'm not trying to complain. I'm not complaining. I know this has to be right but I'm still here laying on the couch. world's smallest violin or whatever they say. if you go know you go as one beloved although you go without your mind.

#who can FUCKING grow me a new brother pardon my language #it’s even WORSE than you guys know literally the only person with the context here is gurt and that’s bc she spent half a month visiting #like i literally cannot explain how much this hurts why can’t i ever fucking keep anything in my life #why do i always have to be the girl who loses things why is this what God has for me why can’t i just have something to hold onto #my sister in law is leaving WE'RE TAKING HER TO THE AIRPORT tomorrow TOMMOROW #and she's the ONLY person im this safe with the ONLY person who I have like this #I'm laying on the couch freaking crying. I can't imagine being in this house without her. I don't WANT to be in this house without her #and I didn't hug my brother before he left #I'm not going to see them again for over a year and I didn't hug him before he left and it's worse than you all know #and I just fucking want something to keep #again. pardon my language #Lu rambles #sometimes I think I could write poetry

[icharchivist]

Strength To Wield Cosplay Show from the Granblue Fantasy Festival of 2021, Recursion and Reunion

with subtitles (translation coming straight from how those lines were translated in game)

#sorry i'm having a moment #AND ALSO HAVING TO CHECK IT IN GAME AT THE SAME TIME #REALLY MEANS ///I//// PERSONALLY DIDNT HAVE THE LUXERY TO PAUSE WHEN THIS SCENE DOES IN THE COSPLAY SHOW #god StW is so good and for what? for me to cry over those kids non stop? #(also funfact to my a3folks following me those are Homare and Masumi's VAs you're WELCOME (and cameo from Tenma's va also)) #(cosplay shows are made with the cosplayers lipsynching to the game recording fyi) #(and for those who don't know the scene the cosplay shows ends on is Arthur almost killing himself) #(the power he unleashes is too big and it destroys him and he screams in agony for the whole time after that) #(you have to fight him and tell him Mordred is going to survive for him to be brought back to his sense and tame the power) #(what an event. i'm crying again and making it everyone's problem.) #ichablogging gbffest #ichatalks about gbf #ichablogging 4kishi #(sorry also i cut the whole Vane intro i really wanted to focus on the kids)

[ssolessurvivor]

that moment when I'm legit scared to go to work because our coworker who is leaving is making the environment so threatening and hostile...I'll be calling my boss this morning about it but damn do I not want to go in until she's gone on Friday...not even go in on Friday anyways cause my brain can't stop thinking she might do something violent.

#ooc #tbd #I couldn't sleep last night cause I kept waking up crying from nightmares #I didn't even want to go in today but it's my run day and I don't want her calling me lazy yet again #even if she doesn't speak to any of us anymore it's such a dangerous vibe #god I'm so scared #wish me luck #tw; workplace violence #tw; disgruntled coworkers

[that-was-anticlimactic]

there’s something so sacred about sharing what you love with others: whether it be a song or food or clothes, a show or a movie or pictures. it's just... such a deep and personal thing, you know? having someone carve out a little part of their heart and gift it to you with an abundance of joy and excitement and passion... yeah.

#i lowkey had an awful day today lol #and it was my first day taking over as teacher so that's a great way to start it #there are people in seventh period who literally despise me and maybe that's an exaggeration but i looked over their creative writing for #the day and one of those kids literally wrote about how he was having a good day but then it turned into a bad day when i started the #creative writing with them so that was great and other stuff happened idk and one of my tics was really... uh... present today and i was so #aware of it and i feel like everyone was laughing at me because of it even tho ik that was just me being self-conscious but God i wanted to #cry and i shared a piece of my heart with them today for the creative writing exercise and so many of them just. told me how awful it was #like someone straight up started with 'this song is terrible' and then proceeded to write a paragraph about how bad it was #idk. it made me feel like a young kid again - sitting by myself on the playground and reading books. like i was in middle school and #everyone was telling me that the things that i loved were stupid. like i was a kid getting teased just lowkey enough that the teachers #couldn't tell because it wasn't necessarily outright bullying but they were making fun of what i loved which Hurts and then i was in high #school having to defend what i love and then in college hearing 'you ruined this for me because you liked it too much' and it just. idk. #it hurts. i find sharing passions and what i love with others so sacred and important and it Hurts when they just tear it and you down and #ik they're juniors and ik there will always be people like that but it was constant and idk. i'm just sad lol #so anyways even if someone shares something with you that you don't like there is literally No reason to be rude about it. you're allowed #to say you dislike it but it's not okay to just tell them straight up it's stupid or awful or you'd rather get hit by a car than hear the #song again. hm. ig i have some unresolved trauma lol #sorry for the rant y'all i just. needed to rant ig idk