#giving me cognizance was a mistake

[snackugaki]

.... i have been so normal about wanting to draw tactical!Venus and tactical!Jennika.

hey. HEY. y’all need to go check out @donathan ‘s artwork, and if you are the proper age, go throw some money into their patreon for some... some real, real good art. 👀👀👀 ...but do not if you are a minor, that shit ain’t for you.

some IDW TMNT comic spoilers... and.... I guess... Next Mutation ssspoilers? I know some of you kids haven’t turtled up and watched my beloved childhood iteration yet.

alright, so, y’know, completely normal expenditure of my energy and skillset, amirite? big big thanks to @/donathan for allowing me to play around in their AU’s aesthetic because I have severe, terminal VenusAndJennikaDeserveEverythingoccocal SoIWillManifestItMyselfitis.

and tbh, all y’all’s fics have been, mwah, chef’s kiss. but SOME of you put LORE. delicious, tasty, appetite-inducing lore.

and i am nothing but the littlest hoebag for lore.

okay so, quick rundown for those who both A) are immune to spoilers B) also do not know Venus or Jennika’s origins-- bulletpoint time~!

So Venus de Milo, the “girl turtle”, the “fifth turtle” (not counting April’s extremely brief stint as a white-bandana’d turtle in the Archie comics run) was introduced in 1997′s Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation

An episode of “The Toys That Made Us” touched upon Venus’ creation so idk it’ll cover what I won’t deign to acknowledge.

her backtory is interesting (just her show was a trashfire /affectionate)

Master Splinter’s frolicking around in the dreamscape where all the cool enlightened old people hang out away from teenagers, right?

but oh no! dragon lord, a bad dude with a widow’s peak to rival Vegeta Dragonball’s widow’s peak; is there too! stomping around, ruining shit!

Splinter’s dreamscape buddy Chung I warns Splinter to stay out of the dreamscape ‘cuz Dragon Lord’s around

And like in true old people fashion, just ignores his friend’s admonition and tries to investigate himself

bad choice, womp womp

Splinter gets trussed up and rendered “stuck” in the dreamscape

cue the catalyst for Venus to make the 10+ flight from China to the U.S

don’t worry about what the boys were doing, just literal surfing in sewer grey water, breaking their little turtle skulls on cinderblocks, and picking fights in warehouses with Foot clan goons

tl;dr Venus still has Sixth Ranger mode on, so naturally she whoops all of their asses in the dark, ties them up (like how some of y’all enjoy writing Leo does huhu nudgenudge winkwink)

venusistheoriginalshibarienthusiastandteadrinkerfightme

and then, y’know, it’s still the 90s and children’s television so blah blah the usual “oH My gOd a GiRL tURTle???/?? AWoooOOogaaa ga ga ga” 

it’s.... I mean, i’m 38 so it no longer strikes me as bad as just really fucking embarrassing... for them. to be written saying. fuck, at least they didn’t make her bandana color pink.

so fast forward to Venus teaching them to dreamwalk so they can go rescue Splinter from Dragon Lord’s clutches in the dreamscape.

unfortunately, Dragon Lord offscreen murders Chung I so Venus is narratively anchorless post-rescue, so she’s invited to stay with them. thus ensues wacky hijinks with their new pal, Venus Boom Boom de Milo.

I glossed over the urge to write a cumulative review of Next Mutation. Just, take my word as the target demographic of the show during the last gasps of 90s Turtlemania that TNM was a trashfire overall but... y’know... if you ever needed a palette cleanser after some grimdark or angsty TMNT content, give TNM a whirl. The slapstick was intentional and The Point in the show. Venus’ circumstances for coming was as serious as it would get.

... Also, yes, they made them not related in TNM, preteen snackugaki didn’t clock why because I watched a lot of wuxia as a kid so brotherhood is a term beyond blood ties to me (and if I’m being honest, martial brotherhood is fkkn metal) and later I heard tell that it was to lure more girls into the franchise with both a girl turtle and romance options. which idk whatevs man. 

I also have to clear that, actually no, Donatello and Venus did not fight EVERY episode. Donatello, despite sprinkling a little too much barely disguised snobbery, did defer to Venus’ expertise in “the supernatural” when the situation called for it, and Venus would commend Donnie on his scientific ingenuity. They even teamed up skillsets to create surveillance drones! She essentially casted Calm Emotions on him while he tried to hack the controls of the Astro Megaship back for the In Space Rangers. They breached the divide between STEM and Humanities! They only had one “real fight" near the end of the season-- because Donnie was playing his containment breach elevator mid trash copyright strike immune proto-EDM too loud while she was trying to meditate. and that’s just being bad roommates tbh.

...christ I know it’s gonna come up too, but also NO, there was not constant advances made toward Venus during the show. At most was Mikey pulling his ol’ “I work out every day~!” schtick for like 2 episodes of the 5 spent to introduce Venus. And then after? A shipper’s desert, you’d have to dig and peer behind like 8 curtains for any viable fodder. 

...OKAY NOW FOR JENNIKA’S ORIGINS: Jennika is an IDW character specifically so, naturally why she isn’t in (or would’ve been, AHEM) a lot of iterations yet (or at all, COUGH) (but to continue in honesty there’s a lot of legal tape to cut through since Jennika is IDW’s while TMNT overall is Nick’s) Introduced as a Foot Assassin, her place in the Foot Clan shifts when Splinter takes over from Shredder (Saki), eventually she forms actual bonds with both the turtles and Splinter to where it’s implied she also saw him as an important figure to her if not an outright surrogate father figure. And because TMNT is mess and drama the other 50% of the time, Karai takes over the Foot from Splinter and shenanigans compounded by Karai’s then-current machinations for the Foot-- results in Jennika getting shanked in the stomach by Karai during a clandestine meeting to resolve clan rivalry. She’s losing blood fast, Donnie works to save her and it’s Leo who volunteers for blood transfusion to keep her stable mid-transit. 

SURPRISE!

Leo’s blood mutates Jennika into a mutant turtle. And then Casey ghosts/dumps her. My poor daughter. She has a real rough time of it before fully integrating with the boys. Raph falls in with Old Hob, gets hoodwinked, and now they live in Mutant Town. Jennika slowly finds herself again, as a mutant turtle, a Splinter clan ninja, a girlfriend, a guitarist in a band she started, a sister in a found family, and a constable to a very little town.

okay! we’re all marginally informed about my two wonderfull daughters, Venus and Jennika~!

so if I can indulge further, I’m going to use my cognizance and make it everyone’s problem because I have beem quietly foaming with ideas for bg lore for tactical!J&V, more bullet points!

ok so, donathan mentioned a bit about their tac! Leo and Donnie being the snipers, Mikey and Raph spotting for them while also being demolitions and heavy ordinance specialists respectively

I would think, then for Vee and Jen, they’d be classified as close quarters combat specialists, complicated extraction? compromised area? call them to clean up and clear out~

give or take “magic” being a thing used in donathan’s AU, or anyone’s AU of this AU, Vee would probably be a close combat specialist along with Jen.

Vee, I feel, would, barring a ...”tactical fan”, (even though in TNM it was just her fists and her little wizard components but her toy came with a fan so.) probably use batons, Jen in lieu of her tekagi-shuko would... most likely use tactical karambit. not that large of a leap really.

for my personal lulz, Vee and Jen are... accurate, height-wise. Raph gets to be the biggest brother since alligator snapping turtles are, in fact, the largest motherfucking freshwater turtles on the north american continent. no getting around it.

my Vee in all Rise AUs is a softshell since the messy hanzi used to write her first given name, Mei Pieh Chi (美鱉气) has the hanzi that’s most commonly translated as softshell turtle (鱉). eh ‘di wow talaga

snacku what do you mean ‘accurate’???? tl;dr female turtles are usually the larger ones in most species.

and listen, I love and I mean LOVE, how some of y’all have written the tac!boys, mwah; but god I’m a professional turtle bully. I need to see them get dunked on. for nutritional value. and if it comes to it, I will provide that food for myself. brb laughing at eventually drawing Venus just offhandedly tossing Donnie into the air to skeet shoot his ass for fun brings me the greatest joy.

they absolutely dote on Mikey, as is the natural order of things. 

and even tho I stated TNM Donnie and Venus got along in the show, and depending on the existence of magic in this AU; I just really love dichotomous rivalries (in as much “science” and “magic” exist as a dichotomy, much less as “diametrically oppose” fields-- just, opposites man. i’m a simple girl with simple trope needs)

Vee’s arms (and legs) are absolutely covered in burns, scars, and missing flesh divots, just as close to swiss cheese limbs as you can be

Jen and Donnie debate tracks that go into their joint “On Our Way To Commit Murder” playlist

if Vee’s tactical look seem very familiar, and you’re wondering if-- yes, you’re correct. and you can “call her ms. de milo if ya nasty”

Vee was actually pretty calm and rational in TNM... but for this AU, she can be a little unhinged, as a well-deserved treat. (and ‘cuz that specific anime unhinged facial expression is fun as fuck to draw, which is my treat)

#giving me cognizance was a mistake #letting me learn to draw was another #I love Venus and Jennika #a HEALTHY amount I'd say #totally healthy & normal #:) #fuckin' turtles man #3 months into this new year #and it's turtles all the way back #this is why I trained for visdev #just chewing on things absently #and wondering how things would work In This World #figuring out how to fit something into an environment #a context #a situation #is my enrichment activity #not unlike #giving tigers huge slabs of meat in 3 feet of ice on a hot day #just sitting there gnawing away #until I get to the meat of it #both literally and figuratively #it's like a puzzle #that you can design the pieces themselves #but have I updated my visdev portfolio? #HAHAHA NO #TOO BUSY DRAWING FKKN TURTLES MAN #h elp #i listened to so many baddie playlists drawing this #i needa start a fight #get this extra energy out of my system

[the-doomed-witch]

COME HOME TO MY HEART

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: You rekindle with a childhood lover, now on the other end of the world. The love is still passionate, vibrant, but just far away. So you go back to meet her. // based on Supercut by Lorde

Word Count: ~4.0k

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, MINORS + MEN DNI. phone sex, masturbation, long distance lovers meet up, fluff, a littttttleeee angsty, oral (both), fingering (both), strap-on (n receiving), squirting, light bondage, mostly reminiscent

Author’s Note: i’ve written a similar drabble with wanda before, but i wanted to write a complete one shot with infinity war nat bc why not 🤭

MASTERLIST // NAVIGATION // REQUESTS CLOSED

— ✦ —

The room is dimly lit, almost completely dark, when you get a call from Nat at 3:00 a.m. There’s obviously nothing else she could possibly be doing right now, so a little sigh leaves your mouth as you prepare yourself to pick it up.

“Hey baby, w-” you attempt to ask her, but she moans loudly. Yes, she’s doing exactly what you thought before picking up her call.

“Y/N, I need you… your touch, your tongue… Ah-!” you listen to her closely, with a hint of redness flushing over your cheeks. You could vividly imagine the mess she would be making around her.

The sounds of her fingering herself stopped, and she asks you, “Wouldn’t you join me detka? Come along with me? Let me hear you say my name? Won’t you, Y/N?”

Your mouth was already dripping at the thought of her wanting your tongue, but a pool of slick formed on your cotton panties at the thought of touching yourself to her sounds. You’d never done anything of the sort before, but ever since Nat reconnected with you, it was hard to resist or deny the offer she just gave.

You put your phone aside, on the bedside table, as you take off your clothes. You make her listen to your own sounds of pleasure, all the way in a different country. You can hear her overflowing pussy, and her fingers. Dip, spread, and rub, and again. Every moment or so, she pleads your name, as if you were right there, next to her.

Realising that mere touching is of no use for you to get yourself off, you introduce a toy to the moment, conveniently handy inside your bedside table drawer. “God, Nat, I wish you’d be taking this right now, I’d be pounding into you. You would take me so well…” you narrate to her, fantasising her touch, as you align the toy inside of you.

On the other end of the line, Nat is already reaching her climax. Her breathing is staggered, and her hole sounds as heavenly as her chants of your name. She screams loudly as she comes, hopefully making a mess around herself.

Just listening to her has been giving you chills all over your body. And no sooner than you sense her releasing herself, you do it too.

After moments of mutual silence filled with panting and whining, the question slips out of your mouth,“Why are you so far away, Nat?”

“Why did you move away, Y/N?”

You have no answer that is satisfactory. “I almost forgot that it’s morning for you, you really wanted me to come over and take care, didn’t you?”

“Isn’t it obvious Y/N? I ache for you, crave your touch every single night, hoping you’d come back here someday. We could go on dates, kiss each other, fool around all day in my apartment…”

“Oh my sweet baby… I promise I’ll be there soon. And when we go out on dates, I’ll hold your hand, always. Okay?”

“You’re going to make me come again with all your sweet talk. But this time, I mean it. I want to be able to do everything with you, just how lovers do. I miss you. I miss you so much.” You don’t need her to explain, you become cognizant of how her fingers slipped inside of her again. “Y/N, I’m so wet for you, I wish you were here to see it, do something about it.” she says shortly before cutting the call.

You think it’s by mistake, so you ring her again. She doesn’t pick it up.

With a heart full of longing, you recall your brightest memories with her. Right from coming out to her, to stealing moments alone after the day at high school ended just to give each other a kiss. The time both of you went to prom together, despite all your classmates thinking that both of you did so because “you couldn’t get a nice guy”. But nobody except you two knew the joy of being together.

Natasha Romanoff was your whole life before you left the goddamn place. She was so sure of a future together, before a silent and apologetic breakup came along, followed by you moving out to an entirely different continent. You still remember the tears pooling up around her emerald like irises, and then you attempting to calm her down. Breathe in… 2,3,4. Breath out… 6,7,8 you taught her before leaving as a naive teenager.

A flashback of every subsided memory in your mind filled up your thoughts for the rest of the night. Your heartbeat increases as you think of what you have done for the two of you, and how it was only the most reasonable option given your circumstances. As a young love, you were wild and fluorescent.

But it’s been a few months since you found Natasha again, thanks to an exchange student in your university who turned out to be a mutual friend. And you wouldn’t commit those same mistakes this time.

— ✦ —

After three days of a monotonous routine, you call Nat several times abruptly. Of course, she is busy on the other side of the world, but there’s nothing more prime than your excitement today.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up!” you repeat to yourself till she actually picks up your call. “Y/N! You’ve been calling me aggressively, care to consider I’m at uni? What’s going on, is everything okay?” She sounds impatient. Not the impatient that you are feeling, but a rather frustrated one.

“Honey! Natty! I’ve got the best news for you!”

“Get to the point quickly! I cannot hold this call for long, my professor will be breaking my neck in half.”

“Mark the date Natty!! I’m just about to scream, oh my God! I love you! So much. Tell me that you love me too when I meet you at the airport, don’t forget to pick me up. I’m sending you the details of my flight, we’ll be walking around the town hand in hand in a few days!”

“Oh my God, Y/N. This is the best news I’ve heard, like ever! Fuck, I’m so going to cry, gosh. I lo-”

“No Natty! Say it when you meet me, I want to hear it in person. I can go for a week. Oh my God, there’s so much I need to do, bye! Take care.”

“Take care moya lyubov! See you soon.”

There’s a week left for you to catch your flight, but there's too much stuff to do. After all, it’s your home country and you will inevitably have to meet your family after years of no contact. That’s a fear, yes, but having Natasha by your side seemed soothing in a way.

Over the seven days, you cause havoc in your own apartment. Random calls with Nat throughout the day, going to university for the selected number of hours, bunking a few lectures to go and relieve yourself with what only Natasha could give you the best.

Definitely, there’s financing trouble to do, calculating the amount you’ll be spending, but you balance it all through with the help of your colleagues pursuing finance related majors.

From the depths of your wardrobe, you select the best pieces of clothing you have. Some bright, some in Natasha’s favourite colours, and some just a little provocative. There are an endless bunch of other things you want to carry but obviously, there’s a restriction on the weight of your luggage.

— ✦ —

“Babe, where are you? I can’t find you here. I’m at Gate 3.” you speak to Nat on call.

“Then what the fuck am I doing at Gate 2?! Wait I’ll have to run over to the other gate, I’m so fucking dumb!”

She turns to the other side, preparing herself to run off to the supposed gateway to find you. Suddenly, two arms grab her waist from behind, kissing her neck as you hold her in a tight embrace. “I was messing with you, love. I’m right here.” You whisper while planting kisses on her whole face as she giggles through your affection.

In the fullness of time, she pulls your face closer into a long awaited, and pined for kiss. Her tongue travels places inside your mouth as soon as you let her in, her hands pulling you impossibly close to her body.

Your hands stay gripping her back, entangled in her now-blonde hair. Your lips don’t depart till you’re both completely out of breath. “Before I forget to say it; I love you too Y/N! With my whole heart.”

“Seven years. Seven fucking years and you just taste the same kind of sweet, Natalia.”

She gives you a gentle smooch before replying, “And for seven fucking years I’ve waited for this. You’re here, you’re so here malyshka, my dearest!” Her muscular arms help you carry your heavy luggage, full of stuff you want to share with her.

She drives you around the city, reminiscing about places you both used to go to. “Wait, here comes the school! Can we please go inside? I want to take a look, it feels like I’ve missed years of stories I need to catch up with.”

You meet a few teachers from your childhood, many others have either left or retired. You meet Mrs. Agatha Harkness, who taught you history. She was the first adult you ever came out to, because you had met her wife Mrs. Wanda Maximoff several times in school.

She looked just the same, as if she were immortal. Agatha greeted the two of you with a cheerful glin, “What a lovely surprise have I got here! The two ladies; the secret high school sweethearts!” Both of you tensely blush at the addressal, and she teases the two of you again, “Your cheeks still redden just the way they did about a decade ago, oh my God!” She adoringly laughs at your innocent faces.

You find your secret spots in hidden staircases, near humongous trees, and the girls’ restroom. In the light of echoing your earliest happy moments, you kiss Natasha every time you find one of those places. The school is empty, since summer holidays are around.

Among other places in the city, you visit parks, cafeterias, and other sites you’ve been to with Nat ever since your childhood. From time to time, you recreate the past photos of the both of you.

You sit in the car after yet another round of wandering, tired of all the travel you’ve done today. You let out a sigh in the sharp afternoon sunlight. You haven’t rested in the last sixteen hours, but it’s been all worth it.

“I can’t imagine I get to say this today - Take me home, baby.” you tease her, tugging on her leather vest. The jacket you don’t understand for what godforsaken reason she still has on, in this summer heat.

Her apartment is a little cosy space, with hints of boldness here and there. Though there are spots recognizable from video calls and pictures, you’re surprised at the bigger picture that you hadn’t yet seen.

You never imagined her to be someone to hang artwork, but she has a few sapphic based paintings along the entrance corridor. You comment on the decoration, “Wow, I love how these are hanging by the entrance door. Someone could walk inside and just go like, ‘Natasha Romanoff. Badass, smartass, and girlkisser.’”

She chuckles at your little quip. Her bedroom is simple, not filled with many things, just some regular personal effects including photo frames. There were mainly pictures of her and Yelena, but some of them also had you photobombing the sisters.

“How’s Yelena?” you ask her, taking a seat by the bed.

“She’s alright. Like you, she doesn’t live here anymore. She goes around the world, teaching women about vigilance. I’m proud of what she does, but I wish she were here.”

“I was hoping I could meet her, we haven’t spoken in almost a decade. What about Bucky? Or Carol? Tony? All of our friends, you know.”

“Most of them left the city, and some, like you, left the country wholly. Bucky’s still here, he’s engaged to Sam. Bruce and Tony went to a science oriented institute. Carol comes around from time to time, to meet us. And well, Steve joined the military like he always wanted to. Everyone’s still in casual contact, except we miss you so much.”

“You know, we should be having a reunion someday. Not this time though, I think I’ll just meet a few people. Mostly, I want to be with you.” Your palm rests on the top of hers, fingers interlocking.

You let out another audible sigh, pushing yourself back into the bed. “You sound really dead beat, you don’t breathe out like this often. Do you want me to get you something Y/N?”

“I think I’m just facing jet lag, I’ll be fine in a day or so. But I could really use relaxation right now.”

She straddles your waist, moving strands of hair out of your face and tucking them behind your ears. “Then let me help you, detka.” Your lips part softly, signalling her to lean in. Instead, she places her thumb on your chin, making you suck on it. You close your eyes as they flutter, enjoying the feeling of her touch.

After a few minutes, she withdraws and gets her weight off your body. “May I?” she seeks your permission before proceeding. You nod at her in response.

She doesn’t pull down your pants immediately. Instead, her hands touch you over your pair of trousers. You cannot feel it as a direct contact with your skin, but it does tingle. A light tickle-like movement of her fingers traces your body, sending literal quivers and twitches from head to toe. Impatiently, you pull up your t-shirt and throw it away into a corner of the room. She unzips her shiny leather vest, only to reveal that there was nothing underneath this whole time. However, she doesn’t take it off her shoulders.

One flick of her hand, and your bra is unhooked. She covers your tits in her saliva with her sucking, biting and licking. You turn into a whimpering mess underneath her.

If she hadn’t cupped your core by pushing her hand down your trousers, you were sure you could’ve leaked your wetness onto the bed. “Fuck Y/N, who thought you’re going to be a dripping pool for me? You want me to fuck you so that you forget how to walk? Leave your legs sore? That’s what you want?” With every question, she spreads your juices up and down. She presses down on your clitoris harshly, “Answer me Y/N.”

“Mm” You give a string of incoherent mumbles as a reply. She unbuttons your pants and helps you take them off, to meet a sight of black lace barely covering any of your pussy. Natasha groans at the view, and decides not to pull them down.

She bends down to get to work as she lets two of her fingers hold the cloth aside. Her tongue rolls up and down and side, experiencing the full taste of your cunt. Every now and then, she pauses, leaves kisses, and moans into your slit, giving you shivers.

The room is filled with your screams, and sounds of your entire body heaving. Nat could sense the walls of your pussy clenching on her tongue. With a soft graceful tug on the bud, you squirt on her face, leaving you utterly embarrassed. “Oh my God baby, I didn’t know you were a squirter!” she says, excitedly. You get flustered as you misunderstand her words and push her away from your body. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Shh. Give me one more, I love it when you do it.” She interrupts your whole line of thought with a kiss, and simultaneously pushing her fingers inside of you, ultimately curling them. Your legs writhe against her touch, as her hand moves faster.

You separate yourself from the kiss to scream when she touches a deep spot inside of you. Your response is enough for her to do it again, and again, and once again, till you release your juices. As soon as you do, she goes down to swallow it all, licking you and your pussy clean.

Throughout the climax, you leave scars on her body in the heat of the moment. Scars on her shoulders with your tight grip, on her back, and bites on her lips till they bled. “Look at me malyshka, look me in the eye when you come. You’re so tight for me, so good.” she says as she rides you through another orgasm, staring into your eyes with nothing but adoration.

You let your panties slip down, exposing Nat to an unfiltered heat. She slaps it hard before spreading it wide with her digits, rolling her tongue inside once again.

When she’s done abusing your poor clit, she massages your sweaty body, helping you relieve all the stress you’ve been facing with the jet lag.

“Nat,” you say, rubbing fingertips on her head in circular motions, “I love you. Let me return the favour, please?”

“Tomorrow. You’re so tired dorogaya, you should sleep. We can continue anytime.”

“Now.” you demand, rolling one of her nipples between your fingers. Her grip on the bed sheet intensifies as you stimulate her gently. “Y/N…”

You shred her of all her garments till she’s left only with her panties. You rub them over her drenched core, and pull them out too. You use them to tie her hands above her head, so that you could have the space all to yourself.

Her holes expand and shrink, waiting to be fucked by you. So you dip your fingers inside her, and pull them out fully, sucking on them for a taste, a nice and loud slurp. Your eyes meet hers, fingers still in your mouth, her hooded glaucous sight connected to yours.

Carrying a string of saliva on their way back in, you penetrate her once again. Pump in, pump out. Your thrusting gets more quick with every moan she lets out with your name on the tip of her tongue.

Something sparked your mind, so you get off the bed and poke around in your luggage. Back in the bed, hands tied, Nat screams at the lack of friction, squeezing her legs together for some sort of relief.

“I’ve wanted to use this on you since so long, baby.” you say as you return with a strap adorned around your waist. “Wouldn’t you like to take my big dick? Make a mess on it?”

You don’t give her time to answer and linger on her top before deciding to fuck her throat. You shove the toy inside, practically gagging the woman beneath you. When you find it satisfactory, you align the tip against her hole, slowly inserting it till you bottom out.

“Ah… feels so full Y/N-”

You start pounding into her vehemently, evoking the loudest of noises from Natasha. “You’re so fucking pretty Nat, taking it so well.”

The words of affirmation made her come hard, almost tripping her over. Beads of sweat roll down her tummy, the dimmed lights giving them a different glow. Just the sight of her was seductive at its finest.

Your movements keep going mercilessly, till you turn her around and plunge into her even more rapidly from the back. And just before she is about to come undone, you pull out and put your mouth to work.

She keeps on grinding against your face even after coming, just to feel you in the places she always needed you the most. The panties tied around her wrists tear apart with a single attempt from her, just because she wants to push your face further inside. You moan and occasionally breathe deep inside her pussy, driving her wild. A little pressure on the clit and she’s coming again. You lick her thoroughly clean, not letting a single droplet get to waste.

“Y/N… too much… please.” she begs you to stop and so you do, with one last taste of her delicate sweetness. You lay down next to her, on bed sheets covered in the liquids of pleasure and lust. While staring at the ceiling, she utters, “That was the best experience I’ve ever had and you’re the worst tease.”

“Can you really blame me though?” You wheeze at her comment, and turn towards her, the weight of your right leg on the top of her. Fingers find their way through her blonde hair again, scratching her scalp. “When did you choose to get rid of my favourite redhead?”

“You know it’s your favourite. What would have been the point if I never saw you again? I changed it a couple of years ago.”

“Not that I’m complaining, you look really hot as a silver blonde. If I didn’t know you and you walked up to me I think I would literally do whatever you asked me to.”

“Except you know me, and still do it.”

After what almost felt like an hour of comfortable silence, she cuddles you like a big spoon, which is highly unlikely of her. But you are not whining, you love the warmth of her body, and her soul.

— ✦ —

Fast forward to the last day of your stay. The two weeks you’ve spent with Nat have already come to an end, and you find it difficult to believe. You struggle to pack your belongings, in a reluctance to leave the place. But you need to prioritise some things.

On a long session of scrutiny with Nat, you decided not to visit your parents. You’ve had your fair share of trauma already.

She smiles at you throughout the day, but her eyes clearly convey, “Please stay.” You’re convinced that the departure is going to be harder than you imagined it, but you had no choice.

Before leaving her at the airport, you don’t stop kissing her. She’s almost out of her breath, but doesn’t spare a single moment. Evidently, she’s trying to hold on to every bit of you that she could keep with her.

There are tears in her eyes, on her cheeks, as she cups your face even more close. “Don’t leave, malyshka. I can't beat this pain again. Please stay.”

“You know I can’t, honey. You know that if I could, I would.” you begin crying yourself, too scared to forget what it felt like to hold her in your arms.

“Shh. Breathe in… 2,3,4. Breathe out… 6,7,8.” you teach her again, exactly how you did years ago, when you broke up with her.

She didn’t have it in herself to let go of her grip on you, but a warning announcement for the passengers had to do it. She tastes your lips one last time before letting you go, unsure of when she will ever get to do it again.

But she doesn’t ask you about you coming back. Natasha is, in all respects, confident that you would. The ring on her finger does it for her, as she waves goodbye.

On your flight back home, you’re sure you’ll be permanently moving back someday, the ring on yours does it for you.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff smut #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha romanoff x you #black widow

[adhdanalogbrain]

so, question: adhd and dyscalculia are pretty well linked; was reading an additude mag article that about 20% of adhd folks also have dyscalculia. one of the listed things that could be dyscalculia is "difficulty reading an analog clock". does dyscalculia -- can it be a grab bag of stuff?? like I just tested into an advanced math class, but 10 years ago I got a nice analog watch to force me to learn to read it. still not very good at it. any of y'all have trouble with analog clocks?

Analog clocks are the WORST.

Yes, you're exactly right that dyscalculia is very much a grab bag of stuff. Importantly, dyscalculia =/= bad at math. I have terrible dyscalculia and I'm a successful professional statistician.

Here's a short list of the grab bag of symptoms that indicate dyscalculia [source: wikipedia]:

Difficulty reading analog clocks

Difficulty stating which of two numbers is larger

Inability to comprehend financial planning or budgeting

Difficulty with mental arithmetic

When writing, reading and recalling numbers, mistakes may occur in the areas such as: number additions, substitutions, transpositions, omissions, and reversals

Poor memory of math concepts

Ability to grasp math on a conceptual level, but an inability to put those concepts into practice

Problems with differentiating between left and right

Difficulty with time, directions, recalling schedules, sequences of events, keeping track of time, frequently late or early

Difficulty reading maps

Difficulty working backwards in time (e.g. What time to leave if needing to be somewhere at 'X' time)

Difficulty reading musical notation

Difficulty with choreographed dance steps

People with dyscalculia aren't necessarily bad at math. My personal take is that it's more that we have trouble perceiving time the way neurotypicals do. And that gives us trouble with sequencing, i.e. what comes before or after something else. This can affect us in weird ways, that can seem really uneven or unexpected.

As a statistician, I don't do math by hand; I write computer code to do the math for me. I've managed to figure out a lot of workarounds for when my dyscalculia interferes with my work. Instead of looking at two numbers and trying to figure out in my brain which one is bigger, I write code that will flag the bigger number for me. I also write code that will do any arithmetic I need done automatically (because hey, even neurotypicals mess up manual steps sometimes too).

In general, I've stopped trying to force myself to be not bad at sequencing, and instead just accept that it's a part of my life that I need to be cognizant of. When I look up directions on G maps, I use the "arrive by time" feature that will tell me when I need to leave the house in order to arrive on time. I stopped trying to force myself to read analog clocks, and just switched everything to digital. Etc etc.

tl;dr - yes dyscalculia is a common thing. It doesn't involve your ability to math so much as your ability to comprehend time. As such, it can feel like a random grab-bag of symptoms, and the analog clock thing is definitely one of those.

#adhd #dyscalculia

[gravehags]

feathers in our bed

Pairing: Transfem!Sunshine x f!Reader

Rating: Explicit

18+ ONLY MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Tags: lingerie, edging, PinV sex, improper use of a ghoul tail

Words: 3,115

Summary: There's more to Sunshine than her sweetness. You're excited to find out exactly what.

a/n: THIS IS A TRANSFEM SUNNY LOVE AND RESPECT ZONE BABYYYYY, part whatever in the ghoul bicycle series

~~~

Rain walks you to the library the next day, like a gentleman.

After spending the night entwined in his arms, feeling his soft breathing blowing against your hair, you’re positively enchanted. He’s got his hand on the small of your back - rubbing gentle circles as the two of you proceed down the halls - garnering peculiar looks from your fellow siblings. When one makes the mistake of eyeing you too boldly, the hand on your back slides to cup your waist. Rain growls low in his throat, too low for the sibling to hear, but the look on their face says it all as they scurry in the other direction. You smile to yourself - in any other situation you would have found the possessiveness of the ghouls irritating or concerning, but the way you feel cherished and protected more than makes up for it. As you both continue to the library, you nuzzle your head into his side as he moves his arm from your waist to drape over your shoulders. You’re sad once you reach the big wooden doors of your destination, and from the downward curve of his lips so is he.

“Thank you for accompanying me,” you say with a shy smile, squeezing his hand. His tail sways behind him and he returns your smile, cupping your cheek with his hand.

“Of course,” he murmurs, thumb caressing your jawline. When you reach to give him a soft peck on the lips you don’t notice the eyes that follow your every move. He walks away, glancing backwards as you disappear behind the door into the library.

Your day goes by normally, once again on reshelving duties. Wheeling one of many large carts around the room you stop at a bookcase every once in a while to replace a text. When you see that the next book you have to reshelve, a huge tome with the gilded lettering on its cover chipping and faded, you heave a dramatic sigh. Of course it goes on the top shelf, you think as you drop it on the nearest desk, making a not insignificant thumping noise. Dragging the rolling ladder over you precariously balance the book on your hip as you climb. You’ve fallen off one of these things before and Satanas wasn’t that embarrassing - you’re not eager to repeat the incident. You’ve made it to the rung you need to be standing at and when you attempt to lift the book over your head with a grunt, you feel yourself begin to fall back. Panicking, you drop the book and it falls to the ground with a sonorous boom but you’re no longer falling. Something, someone, has their hands under your ass cheeks to support you and you’re able to lean forward again clutching onto the ladder. When you look over your shoulder you’re met with the wide grin and short curly hair of Sunshine.

“Hey doll,” she says, fingers still kneading into your ass. You’re frozen in place for a moment before you unsteadily begin to descend and she relinquishes her grip on you. 

“Nice catch,” you say when your sensible boots are firmly on the ground. “Oof…thank you.”

“No problem,” she says airily, rocking back on her heels and gazing around the room, her tail wagging slowly back and forth behind her. “You’re lucky I wanted to ask you something.”

Now you’re intrigued, and you cock your head to the side.

“Yeah? What’s that?”

When her lips open and she shows her sharp teeth in a vaguely sinister grin, your stomach does a cartwheel. At this point you know what it means when a ghoul gives you that look.

“Wanted to ask if it’s my turn–” she says, stepping forward and forcing you back against the ladder. “--to have you.”

Her turn. For the first time you’re really cognizant of the fact that you’re just running through ghouls like you’re paid to do it and your flush stretches across your face and down your chest. Sunshine picks up on your uneasiness and steps back slightly.

“Don’t be embarrassed!” she says in a quiet rush, fidgeting with her hands. “I’m sorry, I just–the others are always talking about how soft you are. How pretty you look when you come undone. And I wanted to know if you would be that soft…for me. I wanted to know what you would let me do to you.”

Your flush deepens, though no longer out of embarrassment. Your mind is spinning out, imagining all the things the ghoulette in front of you could coax out of you with her beautiful hands and mouth. In an instant the shame washes away and you close the gap between the two of you, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. When you pull away, you see that she’s the one blushing now and she bites her lip while looking at you from under her lashes.

“Sunshine,” you say in a low, steady voice. She begins purring when you say her name and idly traces the length of your arm with her claw. “I would let you do anything to me.”

It’s a broad statement, you think, but ultimately entirely true. You trust all the ghouls and at this point, you know you’re only in for immense pleasure.

“Anything?” she breathes, wrapping a lock of your hair around her finger. “Would you let me ruin you?”

Her lips are on the shell of your ear all of a sudden and you feel a rush of heat in between your legs.

“Would you let me bring you to the edge over and over again until you’re begging me for release? Begging me to fill you up with my cock?” When she nips at your earlobe you let out a low moan.

“Yes,” you sigh as she lowers her head to mouth at the juncture of your neck and shoulder. “Please, Sunshine.”

You can feel her smiling against your skin and all of a sudden she pulls back with a bright grin.

“My room. Tonight. Second door on the left. Wear something pretty for me?”

As you nod, your mind fills up with possibilities. Sunshine presses a swift kiss to your cheek and bids you goodbye, bounding down the aisle with an extra spring in her step. As you continue reshelving the rest of the books in your cart, your mind wanders. Shit, what are you going to wear?

—

Your shift finally comes to an end that evening and you make your way back up to your quarters. Wear something pretty. Alright, you think, opening your door and turning on the lights, let’s see what we’ve got. Divesting yourself of your clothes and shoes, you stand before your mirror naked and contemplative. You could wear a dress…you have that nice slinky black number. Or perhaps…

Your lips curve into a grin as you move to your dresser and begin rummaging through the top drawer. A few months ago you had bought yourself a special little ensemble, something that at the time was meant just for you to build your confidence and make you feel pretty. With a triumphant grin, you pull out the strappy black playsuit with its daring cutouts. Quickly and inelegantly you step into the garment and pull everything in the necessary directions. Your stomach flips when you finish and look at yourself in the mirror once more. It was beyond daring, it was downright lewd with the way your exposed breasts and cunt were framed. With a little delighted squeal you run to grab your bathrobe and step into your slippers before heading out the door.

Very few siblings are wandering the corridors right now, but those that are once again give you funny looks as you tighten your bathrobe around yourself. After a few more hallways you’re in the ghoul den and you hear a voice behind you call out your name. Mountain comes sauntering down the hallway and corners you against the wall.

“Well, well, well, what have we here?” he purrs, caging you in with one arm and stroking the neckline of your robe. Normally you’d enjoy this, but you have a date and you’re about to tell him so when–

“MOUNTAIN!” Sunshine thunders from her doorway, face flushed and eyes wild. “She’s mine tonight. Leave.”

For such a small ghoulette she is deeply intimidating. Immediately, Mountain backs off of you with his hands raised in a gesture of compliance. He gives Sunshine a solemn nod and you look at him with a sheepish grin as he winks at you and leaves. You’re watching him depart when out of the corner of your eye you see Sunshine approach you and grab your hand, tugging you into the safety of her room.

“Sorry about that,” she says after she shuts the door behind the two of you. “The boys forget their place sometimes.”

“Oh?” you ask as you gaze around the room. It’s delightfully cluttered with trinkets and various instruments. The sheer curtains on her four poster bed are tied up neatly, and the covers are a pretty pale blue. “I’m uh…not well-versed in ghoul dynamics to be entirely honest.”

“Well traditionally,” she begins as you watch her remove her boots. “The ghouls answer to their female counterparts. We’re kind of in charge around here.”

You nod, fingers running along her duvet. She cocks her head at you as she tosses her boot behind her.

“What’s underneath that, doll?”

Whipping around to face her you blush and smile.

“Something pretty,” you say, brushing the lint off your fuzzy bathrobe. “Like you asked.”

Sunshine unbuttons her shirt and removes her suspenders, letting the garment hang open so you get a view of her chest. When she slowly stalks over to you, your grin gets wider.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” she murmurs, undoing the knot at your waist and pushing the robe off your shoulders. When she gets an eyeful of your brash outfit her eyes darken and she licks her lips.

“Get on the bed,” she says hoarsely, caressing your hip. With a little panache, you crawl onto the duvet and display yourself for her. From a drawer she pulls out a length of pretty red silk before removing her bra and climbing on top of you in only her trousers. Slowly she drags her pert breasts over your belly and chest until she’s eye to eye with you.

“Beautiful,” she says quietly, stroking the side of your face. You’re dying to kiss her but when you lean forward she stays just out of reach.

“Anything?” she says and you realize she’s referring to the conversation you had earlier.

“Anything,” you whisper, body already tingling.

“Hands up, sweetheart,” she orders and you comply. She takes a moment to enjoy the way the movement thrusts your breasts forward before reaching upwards and weaving the silk between the headboard and your wrists. When it’s nice and snug she looks at you for confirmation and you nod, absolutely delighted with this turn of events.

All of a sudden she pulls back with that sinister little grin she likes to wear and she’s off the bed entirely. You’re pouting, wanting desperately for her to put her hands on you when she opens a drawer and pulls out a pale purple vibrator. You squirm, cunt clenching around nothing as you anticipate what’s to come. She’s back on the bed in an instant, settled between your legs. With a flick of her finger she turns it on the lowest setting and begins tracing your inner thighs. When it first touches your skin you jump before letting out a rush of breath. Sunshine drags the vibe up and over your mound, teasing at the hair there before bringing it down and resting it on your clitoral hood. She’s so close to where you want her to be and you let out a little whine, bucking your hips.

“Look at you,” she laughs, continuing to trace your cunt with the vibe, “already so desperate. You’ve got to be stronger than that, baby. I’m not going easy on you tonight.”

With that, she ramps up the strength of the vibrations and spreads you open with two fingers, running it flat against your cunt. When the device finally makes contact with your clit you moan loudly and your hands flex in their bindings, needing to clutch at something - the sheets, Sunshine, anything. Relentlessly she presses the vibrator against you as you thrash against the covers.

“Sunshine,” you whine, twisting your legs, “Sunshine please, fuck!”

She responds only with a smile as she brings the vibrations up to their maximum strength and you let out a sob. 

“You gonna cum?” she says with a teasing lilt to her voice.

“Yes, yes, yes fuck, I’m so close, I’m so–”

And in an instant she pulls the vibe away, making you cry out.

“No! No, no, no please, please don’t stop,” you whimper, causing her to giggle.

“Told you I’m not going easy on you,” she says in an almost sing-songy voice. “But keep begging so prettily like that and maybe next time I’ll let you win.”

She waits a moment for your breathing to even out before pressing the vibrator against you once more. Again, she brings you all the way to the edge, tears streaming down your cheeks, and again, she stops. 

And again.

And again.

And again.

You’ve lost count of how many orgasms she’s ruined at this point, lying on the bed feeling delirious. Sunshine just laughs and pets your thighs, watching you gasp for breath.

“Sunshine, I can’t,” you say hoarsely, voice absolutely fucked, “please Sunny, I need you. Need you so bad please, please, please.”

She leans forward and rests her chin on your belly, watching you with pure adoration.

“I know, baby,” she says, reaching up to brush her fingers against your nipple. “And you’ve been so good for me.” She presses a brief kiss against your stomach and pulls back entirely. Your eyes well up with tears, thinking she has abandoned you, when you look down and watch her strip off her trousers. You let out a euphoric laugh when she stands before you in only her lace underwear with the head of her stiff cock peeking out.

“Thank you,” you cry out, “Sunny please fuck me.”

She peels off her final garment and kneels on the bed, trailing kisses from your ankle up your leg. Her lips briefly brush against your cunt before moving reverently up your belly, tongue tracing your hardened nipples before she slips one and then the other in her mouth. You can feel the drag of her cock against your stomach as she settles on top of you. Reaching up she deftly unties the silk knot restraining you and when your hands fall loose you let out a heaving sigh. You flex your hands a few times to get the feeling back in them and then you’re on Sunshine immediately, dragging her down for a feral kiss. She nips and bites into you even as you slide your tongue against hers, rutting against your belly and moaning into your mouth. As the minutes go on, your kisses become messier, simply content to lick into each other sloppily as she pinches your nipples and cups your breasts. When she pulls back to get air, she lets out a little laugh and hangs her head.

“You have no idea how difficult it was to watch you like that over and over and over. Wanted to give up after the first time and fuck you into the mattress right away. The others were right, you know? You’re so very pretty when you come undone.”

You swell with affection and reach up to stroke her cheek, causing her to nuzzle into your touch. 

“Gonna make you feel so good, doll,” she says, gripping her cock and dragging it against your clit. You buck up into the sensation and once again she spreads you open and positions herself at your entrance.

“Sunshine,” you breathe and in one swift thrust she’s buried inside you. In an instant you wrap your legs around her slender form, your arms around her neck. She fucks you slowly, intimately, deliberately, and watches you intently. Your eyes begin to slide shut in pleasure when she speaks.

“D-don’t,” she murmurs, “don’t close your eyes. Please look at me.”

So you do just that.

You’ve experienced a lot over the past few months. But something about watching this beautiful ghoulette gaze at you with such affection as she fucks you leaves you open and bare. Her eyes dart all over your face, from your eyes to your lips, drinking in everything about you. When your cunt spasms around her, her pace increases. She’s close, but you’re not quite there and she knows it. Her tail wraps around and slides in between your bodies, the spade resting against your cunt. Within seconds it’s stroking against your clit with vigorous movements, causing your back to arch off the bed. Sunshine continues to fuck into you as her tail brings you over the edge, crying out with sweet relief. The tears are once again flowing freely down your face as your legs tighten around her, repeating her name again and again like a prayer.

“Fuck you’re perfect,” she pants before jerking her hips against you once more, twice more and coming inside you with a drawn out moan. Her body twitches above you as the both of you come down from your high. Before she pulls out of you she leans forward and presses her forehead against yours. The two of you stay like that for a moment, the only sound around you being your respective heaving breaths, simply content to be in the presence of one another. When she finally moves away you whine a little at the loss of contact.

“I’m right here,” she says softly, nestling onto the bed next to you. “I’m not going anywhere.”

She drapes her arm around your waist and weaves her legs into yours, pressing sweet kisses to your shoulder. You feel as if you’ve been running for miles as you stroke her arm and you tell her so.

“Yeah well,” she chuckles against you, “I went pretty hard on you tonight.”

“You did,” you concede, leaning over to kiss her curls, “but I did say ‘anything’.”

“Was it worth it?” she asks quietly as she looks up at you. You look back at her with equal affection.

“You’re worth everything,” you murmur, wrapping your arms around her tightly. The two of you nod off, bodies entwined, in the warmth of Sunshine’s room.

In the warmth of Sunshine.

#sunshine x reader #sunshine x female reader #transfem sunshine #sunshine ghoulette #the band ghost #the band ghost fic #rachel writes

[dangermousie]

What the hell, broccoli? You have met the guy for a total of literally three seconds where he said hi and walked off and have also observed him goofing at a date with ZY for an additional minute a week before. That's a...unique ability to form any sort of opinion about a person from that amount of interaction.

Any time anyone starts a convo by saying "pardon my frankness" type of intro, nothing good can come. But seriously, wtf! YOU DON'T KNOW HIM, THIS IS INSANE! She's never gonna bang your broccoli self, give up.

She is so much more polite because if anyone who wasn't my BFF of 10 years had the presumption of saying they know better than me who is suitable for me - good god. That would come better even from her mother who is, at least, her actual mother!

I literally started clapping. The thing is, LX may not be everyone's cup of tea (frankly, wouldn't date him myself, would brain him within an hour) but ZY clearly knows him inside out and sees him clearly and likes what she knows and sees - she is not some Victorian ideal wanting to change him into a better man for love - she likes him just fine the way he is and that is why that relationship can succeed. Going into any relationship, friendly, working or romantic, hoping to change the other person, is futile. But if you know what you are getting and like it, then there is every chance. Broccoli, like her mom, can't really see ZY for the grown up she is, who may make choices they disagree with or wouldn't themselves, and who has different tastes than they do. Broccoli's whole basic assumption is that she's fallen for Li Xun being attractive or w/e and has overlooked his personality and/or hopes to change it, he genuinely cannot get that ZY he knows, the good girl, can genuinely like the personality of a feral cat x human hedgehog crossbreed. But she does and honestly, she's allowed to and it is only her business. The only time people should intervene in a relationship is if the other person is abusive or an addict or some other similarly terrible stuff. Otherwise, butt out. Even if she were a misguided naif falling for an immature domineering jerk, guess what - her business and college is the perfect time to make those mistakes.

AAAAA! How is he so annoying? What kind of an answer is that? 50% is a failing grade for a reason! How can you make any relationship judgment when you don't know one half of said relationship aaaaaa!

That was GLORIOUS!!!! And she does not consciously realize it, but an epic slam of her own mom who she equates this dude to. (Broccoli is another one of those born on third base thinks he hit a triple people. Her mom, broccoli and ZY all come from privilege but honestly only ZY is cognizant of the same.)

Broccoli winding down the convo with "I hope you are right" made me want to stab him with a fork because that is so what people say when they mean "you are WRONG but I am too mature to continue and I am making that clear."

#cdrama #zhang jingyi #lighter and princess

[indiaalphawhiskey]

Hi, India!!

I’m writing my first fic for a fest and I was so excited about it. But I reread what I wrote so far and it’s just soooo bad 😭 I can’t think of anyone reading it, specially because english is not my first language and I fear my writing is not natural or fluid enough.

Do you have any advice on how can I take my mind out of this though and just write for pleasure as I used to? 🥲

Hey, love 💕

I’m sorry this took me awhile to answer. (I’m also not the most eloquent right now, I’m sorry.) Honestly, it’s a little funny that you chose to ask me this question, because I’m notorious for being very, very in my head about my writing and being consistent about quality.

To be fair to that, and to you, I’m going to try and give you a handful of answers, from different perspectives. They can be taken together or separately or not at all, whatever suits.

First, most importantly, and most pragmatically:

1. Get a beta you trust.

I know the face of this fandom has changed, I know content creation has dwindled and that less and less people are able to support writers this way, but honestly, for me, this is more important than almost anything about the writing process, and especially so if you’re writing in your second, third, fourth language. There are just too many nuances to language and verbiage, and it helps so much for someone to say “I know what you meant here, but it doesn’t read like that.”

(I don’t believe in ever letting my work go unbeta-ed, no matter how confident I feel in the raw work or the language, because of course I know what I meant to say — I’m the writer. I need some to firmly (but kindly) check that the audience understands it as well.)

Betas also help in terms of managing self-criticism, because being hard on yourself is just not always something you can change, especially if you care about the story and skill-building. A good beta will help by either saying “it’s not bad, you’ve just read it too often, put it down” or “why do you think it’s bad exactly” and help you improve it.

Second, on the concept of writing for pleasure:

2. Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s not fun.

People often mistake “fun” for “easy”; I don’t think it’s the same. I think when you enjoy something and are passionate about it, it’s going to cost you and force you to push yourself. There’s no such thing as “low-stakes passion”, that’s just incongruous. (Marathon runners don’t keep running races that are easy for them. They progress because they like it — process, challenges, rewards, everything.)

Similarly, you clearly write because you love it. But if you’re getting to the point where you’re cognizant enough to be self-critical, that means you’re improving. It means there are things you want to convey that your skill doesn’t allow you to yet.

Hold on to that, because that’s motivation. It means that you love something enough that you’re consumed with doing it justice. That tension is not a bad thing; that’s where a hobby turns into a passion and the solution is not about regressing back to something low-stakes — it’s about finding out how to bridge the gap between your skill and your ambition.

And third, focused on the output:

3. Focus on how much you want your story to exist.

Most of the time, writing is a long game. It’s about consistency and effort and focus and discipline, and all of those things are tiring as fuck.

It’s so much easier to bang out a drabble and get the validation, and move onto the next “fun” idea. And that’s totally fine, except for when you want this particular story to exist this particular way.

I’ve found that’s the only thing that pushes me to stay motivated and devoted to writing — the thought that I just want this story to exist and I don’t want to live in a world where it doesn’t.

My boss always says this thing: “let the content lead”, and I think that’s true of writing. If you’re focused on weaving this idea into something tangible, if that’s mainly what drives you, the relationship stays between you and the story (not the story and it’s external reception) and that can alleviate the pressure a lot, because you shift into writing to fulfill an internal goal, and as long as that story exists, you’ve achieved that.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I think all of your concerns are valid. You have a very practical issue: the language barrier, that needs a very practical solution: a beta. But you’re also hitting a moment of growth in terms of your writing, and I don’t want you to look at that hurdle and assume it means you need to turn around. Things can be hard and also fun, and I wouldn’t want the fandom to miss out on this version of this story that can only be written by you just because you’ve outgrown your current skill set.

Lastly, and I think this is really important: remember that this is never going to be your last fic. So if it’s not perfect — if it’s not exactly the way you want it to be at the end — write another one that’s better, and another, and another. There’s room in this fandom for every version of you as a writer, and your chances to improve and represent yourself better are infinite. Write what you can write now, and then write something better later. 🩷

#iaw ask #iaw anonymous #writing thoughts #writing for fun

[mesillusionssousecstasy]

The Fall of the House of Usher : Quotes

"- And if anyone, anyone comes after us, we will exhaust our arsenal until the threat's neutralized. - By neutralized, do you mean sued into oblivion, taken out of the Board, out of the will, on the streets... - Neutralized. Like dead. (Episode 1)

"- Algorithms aren't high tech. They've been around since antiquity. An algorithm is just a finite sequence of all defined instructions to solve a problem, or perform a computation." (Episode 2)

"- Nothing worth having is ever easy." (Episode 2)

"- It's better, I promise, in the moment just before than in the moment after." (Episode 2)

"- We need to talk because when people ask, there are some things you absolutely cannot say." (Episode 3)

"- That's why we've a charity wing, so you paste someone's face on it." (Camille - Episode 3)

"- We remember that he did it, so he did it." (Episode 3)

"- Because opportunity doesn't give a fuck what you're going through." (Episode 3)

"- That's why they hate us. Not because we grabbed the opportunity, but because they didn't." (Episode 3)

"- Like, I make video games, you know? (Leo) - You don't make video games. You give money to people who make video games. No, no. An idea is nothing. An idea is fart that your brain makes. But if you patent an idea, well, then it's an asset. (Camille - Episode 3)

"- You're gonna do the smart thing and go back to your crossword puzzle or else I'll have you fired and sued." (Episode 3)

"- What's a six-letter word for "fucked"?" (Episode 3)

"- I'm gonna need you to tell me who the fuck you think you are." (Episode 3)

"- I can hear Camille's voice in my head right now. "Satin is silk for poor people, no one should wear it to a funeral, unless they died in it." Fuck's sake." (Leo - Episode 4)

"- The other go-to coping mechanism in my family. It's when you direct your more intense reactions towards something or someone that doesn't feel threatening. So you get to react and be angry, be abusive, be violent, even, but you don't risk significant consequences." (Episode 4)

"- Denial, displacement, projection." (Episode 4)

" - But see, I wanted something better. Something better for him. For all of them." (Episode 4)

"- A trait of mine that seemed to skip them somehow... sublimation. That is something that is one of the few coping mechanisms that's considered positive. Sublimation is when a person chooses to redirect strong emotions into an object or an activity that's appropriate and safe. So, instead of lashing out at your employees, you pour your energy into kickbox..." (Episode 4)

"- You drive a car like that, you make a statement. About who you are, where you're going, and how you get there." (Episode 4)

"- Now, let's get a drink, huh? It's gotta be noon somewhere." (Roderick - Episode 4)

"- Something in coke for you? You don't want the designer stuff. It's too dangerous." (Leo - Episode 4)

"- Are you mistaking me for a civilian? I'm not a fucking civilian." (Frederik - Episode 4)

"- You're not who I thought you were. Smart girls are only sex until they don't wanna fuck you, and then they're competition, and then what do you do? You take them down a peg." (Episode 5)

"- It's an opportunity. He's underestimated you. That's a gift. A failure of imagination. He sees you as formidable, he locks down, closes ranks, shuts the doors, battens the hatches. You are a face, you're not a mouthpiece, so just smile and shut the fuck up." (Episode 5)

"- Look, I'm shit at preambles. I made a life by getting to the point, so..." (Episode 5)

"- Why is this happening? - Life is insane. It is madness. The sooner you understand that, the better off you'll be." (Episode 6)

"- Reality's not what it used to be. All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream. For example.... As those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. (Roderick) - Grandpa, are you okay? (Lenore) - I am. I'm fine. I'm just... It's been quite a week." (Roderick - Episode 6)

"- Men have called me mad But the question is not yet settled. As to whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence." (Episode 6)

"- Shut your mouth, get your shit together. The fuck is wrong with you?" (Episode 6)

"- I don't know anything about anything." (Episode 6)

"- Men are as stupid as they are simple. You're better off. Oh, my God, my first husband. I thought I missed him, but that was just this temporary insanity. This burp your heart goes through. He was fun to ride. Boy. Men, when they think they're immortal, all they want to do is fuck. When they figure out they're going to die, all they want to do is fuck. (Madeline - Episode 6)

"- You don't have to be a tyrant, but if you don't want to be consistently cruel, then you have to be sufficiently brutal at least once to establish authority." (Episode 7)

"- Everything has a price. Every negotiation's a point of entry. Every deal is simply an expression of will. Mutual will." (Episode 7)

"- You're a collection of impeccable, elaborate masks in orbit of a stunted heart. And I understand. You find an adversary, you kill them. You find a hurdle, you jump it or dismantle it. You find a locked door, you pry it open." (Episode 7)

"- Don't be stupid. Can you imagine what that would look like? My own wife trying to get off my own drug. It's a PR nightmare." (Roderick - Episode 7)

"- All soaked with feelings of absolute desperation and dread." (Episode 7)

"- Basically, the closest analogy I can think of is a fish being pulled out of water, only at least the fish gets to die." (Roderick - Episode 7)

"- So, I will take there years of hell over a lifetime with you." (Juno - Episode 7)

"- He and I share that as well. We both understand that... language in its highest expression is musical. What's a poem, after all, if not a safe space for a difficult truth. So there is a limit. (Verna) - No, it's not a limit, it's a standard." (Episode 8)

"- I don't want it, any of it, if it involves serving at some man's pleasure." (Madeline - Episode 8)

"- One of my favorite things about human beings. Starvation, poverty, disease, you could fix all that, just with money. But everyone loves something. And that love there's collateral. (Verna) - No. I have no collateral. Collateral is leverage. And I won't be leveraged. No man or woman has leveraged me in 70 years of life. And I'm not going to cede that ground, not this close to the end." (Arthur Pym - Episode 8)

#the fall of the house of usher #the fall of the house of usher quotes #quotes #citation #house usher #roderick usher #netflix #netflix series

[janfraiser]

bruised like violets

post-4x08 "the first ones". after that utter wreck of a mission, Jack refuses to take up infirmary resources when so many of his men are worse off than some chewed-up wrists. Sam won't let him get away with his silent self-punishment. TW for minor injuries, self-loathing, mentions of minor character death

The white bandages around Carter's wrists keep peeking out from under the sleeves of her BDU jacket. Jack keeps frowning down at them while he watches her, carefully disassembling her weapons and cleaning the rest of her gear. He's working on his own P90 right now, but it's slower going, when every snap of his wrist burns his skin, makes his eyes water a little. He doesn't mind though. The pain he'll sit through while the zip tie burns heal won't be anything compared to the soldiers who lost their lives to Goa'uld and Unas and the fire of friendly semi-automatics. Fraiser and her team have their hands full enough already; he can suffer a little until his cuts scab over.

He's returning his gun to the armory rack when he becomes cognizant of the presence at his shoulder. "Sir. You haven't gotten checked out yet?"

He looks over his shoulder at Carter. Big mistake, her blue eyes are searching and a little worried, and something hurts in his chest. "I got checked out enough to know I'm not a Goa'uld. They're busy down there, I don't need to be in anyone's way."

"You need to get your injuries seen to," Sam retorts, one eyebrow lifting.

Jack pulls back his sleeve from his left wrist, the fabric rough against the irritated skin. It almost feels like he's looking at someone else's arm, despite the fact that he can feel the tightness when he moves his wrist, the sting that's settled under the skin.

"I'll be alright," he mutters absently.

"Not if those cuts get infected," Sam says, her eyes boring into his. "I mean, really, sir, we were crawling around in the dirt on what is likely the home planet of the Goa'uld. D'you really wanna risk it?"

Jack stares at the floor. She can be downright pushy sometimes. "I'll live, Major," he grunts.

Still frowning, Carter turns away, returning to her pack. Jack gets a moment of relief to think she'll finish what she's doing and leave him to his silent self-flagellation, but then she pulls her field first aid kit out, carrying it back over to him. She inclines her head toward the bench, pulling out gauze, medical tape, and some cleanser. "Sit down."

He does. "Since when do you give the orders?"

Sam doesn't answer, instead pouring the cleanser onto a pad of gauze. He hisses when she begins to dab at the dried blood and barely-healing scabs on his right wrist.

"Daniel is safe," she reminds him quietly.

Jack winces, his stomach knotting at how quickly she's caught on to the storm whirling around his head. "Yeah, well, how about Rothman? Hawkins? The rest of SG-11?"

"SG-11 was dead before we even got there, Sir."

"It was the Goa'uld homeworld." He closes his eyes. Whatever she's doing burns even more now that the wounds are open again. "We got too comfortable. Thinking they'd all moved on to become dictators across the galaxy. I should've been ready for some kinda bullshit to happen."

"And I'm the one who's supposed to be able to sense them," Carter replies, an edge to her voice. "Yeah, we didn't know exactly what we were walking into. We never do. We did what we had to do to get home alive... sir."

He opens his eyes again. Looks at her. By now, he recognizes the blank expression she wears when the other option is folding in on herself and succumbing to tears. Without conscious thought, he turns his hand as she dabs neosporin on his wrist, locking his fingers through hers.

Are you ever going to call me Jack?

But saying that out loud would definitely not be leaving it in the room.

"Hey," he says, his voice rougher than he realizes, "what's the point of me being in command if you're going to beat yourself up too, huh?"

Sam doesn't quite smile. He wonders if she gets lost in his eyes sometimes, like he always does in hers. "At least I let Janet bandage me up instead of running off and hiding." She gently pries his fingers away, delivering a soft pat to the back of his hand before she layers gauze over his skin. His stomach flips.

"Must not've hidden very well, since you found me."

She does the thing where her bottom lip pulls briefly between her teeth. Jack shoves his free hand into his pocket as the idea of brushing his thumb over that lip crosses his mind. "I think sometimes you think you need to be alone when it's maybe not the best idea after all."

"Well." The pain in his chest has turned into a familiar but terrifying warmth, always Carter-induced. "I mean, good ideas are generally your purview. Not mine." He's glad when she wraps the final bandage over his wrist and moves onto his other arm. The gentle precision she's using is doing something to him, to his brain-- he shouldn't be alone in a dark room with her much longer.

"I dunno," she offers, administering the stinging cleanser once again, "honestly, a better idea would probably have been to drag you down to the infirmary instead of doing this here."

"You're more than trained for this," he points out. "It's just band-aids, really." Her fingers along the inside of his arm make him jump more than the ointment on his cuts.

Carter hums. "Not what I meant."

He knows. "I'm glad it's you," he says, even though he shouldn't.

She won't look at him now. "Teal'c would've been rougher. Faster, though."

"Teal'c wouldn't talk, either," he says softly, knowing she knows he doesn't mean that as a good thing. "And he'd leave me here, too. To my own devices."

Sam sighs. "I'm heading back to my lab once we're done here. If you want to listen to me explain quantum physics while I try to distract myself from writing that damn mission report."

"Hey," Jack protests, "Hammond told us all to take the night off." He doesn't wait for her protests about physics being stress relief for her. "We should at least go see if there's blue Jell-o in the commissary."

Finally, a smile. She glances up at him before finishing the layer of gauze and grabbing the roll of bandages again. "Or pie."

"Or pie," he agrees. "I mean, come on, is there anything food doesn't fix?"

"Flesh wounds," Carter says pointedly, tearing the bandage and tucking it into itself.

His hand twitches as he stops himself from taking her hand again. "Well, that's what I have you for." He stands up, bumping his shoulder against hers as she packs away the first aid kit. "Hey, look at that. We match."

Sam brushes her fingers over the bandages, her own more visible since she'd pulled up her sleeves to work. She hums, her fingers moving from bandage to skin. Jack holds himself very still, waiting as her touch ghosts from his palm back up to his forearm. He's surprised when she lets her hand land there, squeezing his arm once. "That's better."

"It is." He lays his hand over hers. "Thank you."

She's staring at him, and his heart is trying to escape his chest, and he wants to close the distance and kiss her but he's just so tired. For the thousandth time, he reminds himself to be content just knowing that she knows. That she maybe even wants to kiss him herself right now.

"Come on." She takes his hand and leads him out of the armory, letting go once they're in the open hallway. "Jell-O time."

They're alive. Daniel's alive. And he still has her, in the ways that really matter.

He looks down at their matching bandages and finally starts to feel a little better.

#sg1 #stargate sg-1 #sam/jack #sg1 fic #sam carter #jack o'neill #sam/jack fic #otp: a lot more than i should #hurt/comfort #jack whump #injury tw #self loathing tw

[rinbowaman]

HHP - Chapter 15 part 4 (18+MDNI)

This part is a flashback piece reflecting Heethan's past ;)

The reference i used for "The Ghost and the Darkness" is actually a film based off real life events about two man-eating lions in Africa. Scary i know. But i thought the name was fitting, you'll see why. Also, the reference for the "hau" in regards to Polynesian legends, was based off research of actual mythologies in regards to their tales of spirits and ghosts, but if anyone knows of any mistakes or misunderstandings in regards to how i used the reference, please message me or send me an ask and correct me. I had to do lots of research for this part. Enjoy.

“Heeseung! Come in and clean yourself, dinner is ready.”

The man calls out to his son as he observes the little boy playing outside, admiring the small butterflies that danced around him.

The little boy doesn’t respond, just nods as he slowly makes his way to the door. After dinner, he goes upstairs and changes his clothes, remaining ever so quiet and calm. For a boy his age, Heeseung was always cognizant of his surroundings; observant, creative, and never stressed or cried about anything. His room was filled with lego models, figurines, and stacks of music discs along with an old CD player attached to a pair of headphones. His room was well furnished, clean, and situated in a wide-open space concept, lacking the traditional items that any other seven-year-old boy would have in his room.

There, he secludes himself in a calm manner. His parents and elder sibling never worried, at least not anymore, the boy had always been the type to remain aloof and spoke very few words. He was the type to listen instead, and always included his two cents during a time when he felt it was needed, such as the moment when he found his dear mother crying at the kitchen table, upon finding out that her father had passed away. Heeseung loved and admired his father, yet when it came to his mother, there was a special place in his heart for her. She was the first face he’d laid eyes on when he was born, the first voice he heard screaming into the air when she brought him out into the wide-open world, and the first smile to witness when he was held with the warmth and comfort of her arms.

She was the first….

Upon seeing her cry, at the time, little four-year-old Heeseung merely stepped over to her side and rubbed her back as she sat, leaned over, with her head laying on the table. Turning to look at him, she softens a smile at seeing her little boy comfort her with a soft and calm demeanor, not saying anything, just giving her an adorable smirk as he looks at her with love and sympathy in his eyes. He rubs and pats her, takes her by the hand and holds on to her for a moment or two. Her heart was healing at the sight of her little boy’s affection.

‘My little Heeseung…’

Now that he was seven, his age only enhanced his traits as he became more attentive and knowledgeable in human emotions, reaction, pain and love. He was so very different from all of the kids at his school, even the teachers, who enjoyed having him in their classes, had always preached that Heeseung was far beyond his time and should have been bumped up to the next grade level, which his parents agreed to yet refrained upon hearing his adamant request to remain in his current grade, where his best friend, Jake, shared all of the same classes.

Changing into his pajamas, which featured his favorite characters from Toy Story, he places his headphones on and puts on a song to listen to. Nodding his head to the beat, he smiles.

‘I like this song.’

‘……Me too….’

From afar, it would appear the boy was deep in thought, when unbeknown to everyone that knew hin, he had multiple conversations throughout the day with someone. All internal, yet there was a strong bond that he built since the moment he learned to understand, read, and speak the meaning of words. Since then, a connection was made with someone….someone who had been born the same time as him, and was cradled by his mother’s arms just as he was. Someone who also loved his mother, felt the joy and laughter of her voice as the first, her smile being the first one to set standards of what happiness really was. Someone…who was him yet different.

‘Ethan, what do you want to watch before bed?’

‘Megamind!’

‘Hahahaha.’

As the boy grew, so did his other side….

‘Hey, what do you feel like watching?’

‘Donny Darko.’

‘Why? I don’t like that movie, it’s so dark…’

‘That’s why I like it.’

By the time they turned fifteen, they had already dominated the features of themselves and learned to develop a delicate balance of having two personalities sharing one body. They mastered the effect of Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde.

‘Hey man, what do you want to watch?’

‘Anything that’s psychological or thrilling.’

‘Kay kay, let me look through the channels.’

…………………………………….

“Hey Heeseung! Over here!”

Heeseung turns and watches his best friend, Jake, running over to him. A large smile graces his handsome face as he waves over, breaching near his dear friend.

“Did you get a map of the school? Isn’t this crazy? We’re starting high school in a month!” Jake exclaims.

Being the younger of the two didn’t make a difference regarding the young man’s eagerness for adventure, excitement, and of course experience with girls. Heeseung on the other hand, had absolutely none. Much like when he was a young child, he remained reserved, calm, and composed, therefore he indulged himself in the exact opposite, such as his model figurines, music, or video games.

“Yeah, I’m excited too.” The older boy responded calmly, with an aloof expression on his face.

Once the school year began, the pair was always seen together, although people remarked how odd they would look like as friends, considering the handsome Jake always displayed a neat hairstyle, decent clothes, a wide smile and knew how to flirt with the girls.

Heeseung on the other hand, always wore hand me down clothing from his elder brother, had unkept hair that covered his eyes, and he was so tall that his elder brother’s attire would enhance his lanky and awkward limbs, which did not work in his favor considering when his elder brother was his age, he was of larger stature, yet not as tall as Heeseung.

Wearing assorted rings on his fingers, Heeseung displayed a liking to dark and mythological jewelry pieces with elven features. Along with the rings, he sometimes adorned a bracelet or a pair of wrist bands, yet the most notable of his attire and accessories, were his black, thick framed glasses. It never bothered him with how they made him appear less appealing, especially compared to his younger friend. Despite encompassing the zenith appeal of a nerd boy, or even the school dweeb or loser, no one dared to remark such words in his presence, because even though he may have looked the part, Heeseung’s demeanor and confidence was ever so present. The constant sway of attitude he had as he walked, not caring about the words or whisperings that occurred behind his back, he may have been the loneliest and least experienced when it came to girls, but there was something about his persona that they couldn’t help but notice and admire.

‘I wish they would try and say something to my face.’

‘If they do, I’ll fuck them up. I’ve watched enough dark movies and horror thrillers to build up a twisted side.’

‘Ethan…you ARE twisted.’

‘Yeah well, that’s because you’re not. You’re too soft, without me, these fools would eat you up.’

‘Yeah…okay.’

Apart from having Ethan to boost his confidence when it came to standing his ground and flaring off a nonchalant attitude, he also had Jake.

There wasn’t necessarily a dull moment in his life, he had a variety of conversations with Ethan, would enjoy moments in class with Jake, and had his music and video games. The young man was set. Of course he took notice of some of the girls who would frequent the pathways of the duo as they would always vie for Jake’s attention, some were pretty, some were even sexy, and while he would glance over as they flirted with his best friend, his conversations with Ethan only became more enhanced in discovering his hidden sexual nature.

‘You see that girl?’

‘Yeah?’

‘You think she’s cute?’

‘She’s alright. I like girls with longer hair better.’

‘Yeah, I can agree with that.’

‘But I hate the way they talk and sound. Like they’re trying to hard.’

‘Maybe…I guess I can see that. I don’t think I’d want to deal with the drama that Jake goes through anyhow.’

‘Yeah? I wouldn’t mind it. I’d just put her in her place.’

‘That’s so?’

‘Yeah. What would you do?’

‘Depends how bad it is. If it’s too bad, I’d ditch her. If it’s somewhat doable, I’d probably just makeup with her.’

‘Man, that’s so boring. Gotta add some pain in that ‘makeup’ part.’

Being a young man, when it came to sex, he was no different from his male counterparts, although unlike them, he felt content with the smut themed videos and magazines that he became so familiar with, all due to not knowing what he was missing out on. Perhaps it was the annoyance of how the girls displayed themselves, or how they seemed to lack any sincerity with the way they spoke, the man just couldn’t find himself to become interested to take a step up and interact or build a rapport with his female peers.  

The next couple of years, at the beginning of their Junior year, a moment of opportunity presented itself and caused Heeseung…and Ethan to change.

“Heeseung, let’s go to the party tonight, it will be fun. You’ve never went with me and the group, come out with us for once.”

As Jake emphasizes his request to his friend, Heeseung sighs as he looks down at him, noting how much taller he was now that they were a couple years older. He had always towered over his friends, yet it seemed he was nowhere near finished growing as he continued to reach a towering height and was even encouraged to be a part of the basketball team, which he declined as his glasses would have presented a problem while playing, not to mention he had no interest in contact lenses and still refused his parent’s in getting him Lasik surgery, much to their dismay. Instead, he took great joy in dribbling and shooting hoops after school hours by himself. He did enjoy the sport, much to his surprise.  

“Yeah sure, I’ll go.” He sighs a smirk at noticing his friend’s eyes lighting up with delight.

“Cool man! I’ll have to introduce you to everyone since it’s your first time going. This is going to be so much fun!”

That night, as Jake took his friend and mingled around, getting his awkward friend to interact with the boys of his soccer team was a bigger chore than he had expected. Yet it wasn’t as much of a headache as it was to get his best friend to gain some interaction with the girls, something that had never happened, and from the looks of it, it wasn’t going to. Heeseung just didn’t enumerate any vibe that was worth their interest.

Though he wasn’t scared of girls, he would peer off the moment a girl came into his presence. He may have been a little shy. All throughout the night, he continued to shift his glasses back up on the bridge of his nose, drink juice out of his cup while the others indulged in alcohol, despite being underage, and awkwardly stood off to Jake’s side while staring at the wall, listening into on the conversations from everyone around him.

Still, his friends all were eager for their elder friend to engage with some of their female peers. Jake, knowing how much of a recluse his friend was, desired nothing more than to have Heeseung come out of his shell. Despite his best efforts, Heeseung was just too stubborn in his manner that he was content with being left alone.

Alone.

Never having any aspirations into building relationships, or even the concept of being married someday or having children, the young man foresaw a future where he would be on his own and follow his career path. There were times where he deeply yearned for the love that he saw between his parents, but ultimately saw that as a spark that would never exist for him, or his friends, considering the amount of drama and heartbreak he witnessed Jake, and the others had went through.

“Man, why did you have to bring ‘Nerd-than’ to the party? He’s so awkward and quiet, he scares the girls.”

“Hey bro just give him a chance, that’s why I brought him. He needs to socialize a bit more, he’s like a brother to me.” Jake responds back.

Outside of their group, a lot of the boys from school watched with a disdainful expression on their faces as they watch the extremely tall and lanky young man standing off to the side of wherever Jake was, with either his back leaned against the wall or leaned over and resting his elbows on the countertop. He looked bored, and uninterested.

The girls all whispered and gossiped, with his unfashionable attire, his messy hair, and large, thick framed glasses, the boy was far from looking desirable, especially when next to his dashing friend. His somewhat shy and quiet personality did not help the matter.

Yet he was a good sport about it. Never once complaining or hissing at anyone, just observant and quiet like he always was and allowing Jake to drag him along to mingle with the party goers.

“Hey, Ethan. You see that girl over there?”

One of the boys exclaims, pointing over to a girl from across the room. She was pretty, skinny, and dressed in high class fashion.

“That’s Trina Meyers. She’s a Senior at our school, she’s dated all the popular guys and has a reputation for not being too picky, despite how’s she’s dressed. Go and talk to her, she’s checked you out a couple of times. I think she might have thing or nerds.”

Leaned over on the countertop, with his hands clasped together as his elbows remained propped, Heeseung doesn’t move right away, he just turned his head and looked over at the girl. Sure enough, she did glance over to him with a sweet smile, occasionally biting her lower lip down, yet he remained still in his spot next to Jake.

Seemingly disinterested, Jake encourages his friend, ultimately agreeing with the boys that he should go talk with the girl.

“Hyung, go on. You should go talk with her, just have a friendly chit-chat.” Jake issues as he pats on the older boy’s back, giving him a small smile as Heeseung adjusted his glasses.

Standing up, revealing the full height of his frame, which happened to be the tallest out of anyone in the party, Heeseung walks over to her.  

‘I think we should have stayed in tonight.’

‘…..’

‘Ethan?’

‘Talk to her.

‘You’re excited?’

‘You’re not?’

‘I don’t know…kind of shy I guess.’

‘I’m not…..definitely am not.’

‘Well, you’re not scared of anything Ethan.’

‘……….’

The moment he ended his conversation with his other half, he found himself already squared up to the girl. Right in front of him, she giggles while looking into his eyes through his wide lenses.

“Hi….whats your name?” The girl playfully asks. Regardless that Heeseung was inexperienced, and this was his first time talking to a girl, let alone being this close to one, he could tell that she was the exact opposite by her mannerisms. The girl had obviously slept with enough men to know what she was into by her suggestive gestures as she kept eyeing him up and down, biting her lip, and keeping her mouth open as she flickered her tongue while licking the inside of her cheek.

“….Ethan.”

Apart from Jake and a few other close and personal friends who were all Korean ethnicity like him, he didn’t like anyone else calling him by his birth name. That was something he considered a special privilege that only a selected few have earned to call him by.

 “Cute.” The girl remarks, giggling once more.

Looking around with a slight devious expression on her face, she takes a half step forward and grabs his hand. He was so much bigger with his height, his frame, his broad shoulders, and his hands; being that he was only seventeen didn’t mean anything, he went through a growth spurt and started to develop a manly build, that despite his elder brother’s clothing drowning him, once up close, it was evident that the young man carried some muscle.

She begins walking off to the side, dragging him behind by his hand. Confused and puzzled, he looks back at his friends who all either stood with an excited expression on their faces or just laughed. Jake looked almost somewhat concerned, yet he displayed a reassuring smile as he nodded towards his friend.

People issued out harsh stares that fully expressed their judgement on the pair as they made their way upstairs. It was odd to him at first, when he initially questioned at how the girl knew her way around the house, yet he was reminded of her promiscuity after they entered a room, and she sat him down on a lounge chair where her experienced with men came into light as she sat on top of him.

Straddling his lap, she kisses him. He didn’t know quite what to do, this was the first time he’s ever kissed anyone, so he did what any other young man would do in this situation….

“Aren’t you going to kiss me back?” the girl asks, looking at him with a faded smile and a raised eyebrow.

As shameless as he naturally was, Heeseung answered honestly.

“I don’t know how. This is the first time I’ve been kissed.” He answered in a monotone, with an aloof expression on his face. He was not at all surprised, shocked, nor was he smiling.

Scoffing, the girl looked at him and giggled yet again.

“Wow, I know you’re a nerd and all, but…I kind of figured you had done something with all the less than popular girls at our school.”

He didn’t answer or make any remark to her statement. It was quite shallow, and he didn’t care for the tone she had used.

“Well, that’s okay…I don’t mind. I kind of been digging the whole nerd vibe plus…you being a virgin is kind of a plus for me…. I’ve always wanted to see a horny nerd get off the first time.”

Once again, her tone was condescending, and Heeseung responded honestly, in his usual fashion.

“I’m not horny.”

The girl looked at him wide eyed. He wasn’t horny? Even with HER sitting on his lap?

Every guy gets horny for her, why wouldn’t they? She was pretty, skinny, and was dressed cute and sexy, giving off all the hints of what she wanted…yet he wasn’t horny?

Taking slight offense towards his honest remark, the girl rolled her eyes as she grabs on to his shoulders.

“Well…we’ll see about that once we get going.” she was quite irritated.

Yes, she did want to have sex with the prime candidate in front of her, yet, after his brutal remark, she decided to have some fun. With her intentions changing, she figured after getting a few knocks out of him, that it would be sweet revenge to leave him high and dry, as a lesson for offending her.

‘Nobody says that to me.’ She mentally scoffs as she displays a deceiving smile to the boy.

Kissing him, she begins to grind on him, cupping his cheeks as she conducts her movements with her hips.

For the first time, Heeseung felt the sensation of human touch and sexual tension. It started off feeling similar to whenever he got in the mood in the privacy of his own room and took care of himself with his hand, yet this was much more intense as he felt a separate being rubbing him, touching him, and kissing him.

‘This…this feeling.’

‘This is…not like when I….’

‘I can’t….I can’t control it…’

‘I want…I want to….’

Heeseung remarked towards himself, when suddenly Ethan’s voice emerged in his mind.

‘Fuck her.’

‘What?’

‘Ruin her.’

‘What are you saying? Ethan?’

‘I’m saying…lets fuck her brains out. Let’s fuck her hard and give it to her.’

‘I…don’t know if I can…be that rough.’

‘You can…you just don’t know it yet but that’s why you have me. Follow my lead, I’m everything you’re not and I’m about to show you just what I mean, Heeseung.

With both their voices in sync internally, Heeseung and Ethan speak with the sense of lust and sexual tension rising in their body.

‘Can we…?’

‘We can….’

His hands slowly rise, he grips the girl by her hips and begins to motion her movements that made him feel more of her, causing him to reach a peak of excitement in his groin. With all types of thoughts racing through his mind, Heeseung found it hard to focus on what exactly he wanted, he wasn’t sure just how to handle this girl...but the moment that he felt himself faltering, Ethan came out, sharing half of his being with him.

‘Its okay. I know what you want. And I am going to help you get there.’

Feeling the sudden tightness of his grip with his fingers digging into her hips, he shoves his face into the nook of her neck and sucks on her skin before re-engaging with the kiss.

Surprised by his gesture, the girl breaks the kiss slightly, only to issue out a smile of satisfaction.

“Hmm..well that was quick.” She giggles. This was too easy for her. Reaching into the pocket of her skirt, she pulls out a condom.

“Take it out.” She softly remarks, hinting at the boy’s growing hardness beneath his jeans.

Slowly, he looks down and does as she bids, fishing through his jeans and his briefs, he whips out his length, and there the girl, shockingly surprised by how enormously large he was, witnessed his massive girth and size as it remained extended, slightly tapping off of her pelvis and thighs.

“Oh…my God…you’re huge!” she exclaims.

The fluffy haired boy looked up with absolutely no expression on his face. He wasn’t embarrassed nor shocked. He already figured considering whenever he watched adult rated videos, he couldn’t help but noticed that the female leads would always praise their male counterparts for having such big talents yet didn’t seem like they were all that big when he compared sizes to himself. He would always wonder what they’re reaction would be if it was him fucking them versus the male actor in each film.

She slips the condom on him, watching as it barely fit, merely covering only half of his length.

‘Oh this is going to be fun.’ The girl merely mused herself, practically drooling over the sight of a largely endowed nerd boy, taking note that he was the biggest out of all the guys she’s had, to include the entire football team.

As she shifted, she scoots her thong off to the side of her folds, and begins to insert him in, slowly. Slightly wincing, she takes a slight pause as she felt an enormous pressure and stingy pain as she guided him deeper inside.

“God…how big are you?” she remarks as she furrows her brows, her eyes remained winced shut from adjusting to the painful stretch..

He didn’t answer, instead he merely watched as she remained stagnant mid entry. Though it was his first time, there was no question in knowing what to do, natural instincts kicked in as he held on to her waist, and pulled her down, causing the girl to yelp in shock and pain as he slid a few more inches of his muscle inside her, stopping just slightly above the ring of where the condom ended, leaving the raw half of his length out. Regardless, with half of him inside, the girl began to shake in pain and a rush of pleasure that was starting to build up in her gut.  

Looking at him, she was caught by surprised at what she saw, his face…he had a devilish smirk and his eyes looked somewhat different. They still had the roundness to their shape, yet there was a slight hint of narrowness to their lining, his brows appeared straighter, and his smirk was issued to her as he bit down on his lip, his eyes widening in a seemingly sinister gaze as he bears his teeth through a maliciously amused expression.

His face was…the same…but also different. It was like he had two different expressions into one.

“I know you’re a loose girl, but you’re clean, right?” he smiles maliciously as he asks in a condescending manner, in which the girl found herself speechless and nodded, not even offended by his question as she was stunned by his change of demeanor.

Overwhelmed with shock at the sight before her, her lips quivered and her eyes widened, with a hint of moisture coating her eyeballs as she felt a slight bit of cold chills traveling throughout her body.

His voice…

His voice was still a deep tone, yet there was something dreadful about it, unlike how he spoke a few seconds ago.

Scoffing at her response, he merely adds on, “Good. Then you can take it all in.” as he spoke, he adjusted her body by pulling her down even further. Feeling his hands pull her down by the waist, fully submerging himself inside her, she yells out from the painful stretch.

“Wa-wait! S-stop!” she issues out.

Whispering out a long-exhaled gasp, he presses his lips on her neck.

‘I’ll kiss her.’

‘I’ll grab her.’

‘I’ll push her.’

‘And I’ll pull her.’

Before she could fully relish the feeling of his hot breath on her skin, she felt her body bouncing up and down by his controlled movements.

He was hard, yet soft.

Fast, yet slow.

Rough, yet gentle.

As each second went by, she felt the sweet and saltiness of his vigor as she succumbs to the sensation of his thrusts, his touch, his kisses, his bites, and his licks. All of which she has felt before from other men, yet, the way he conducted them, the way he just knew what to do and when to do it, it was like…

‘I feel like I’m getting fucked by two different men…all at the same time….oh my God this guy…what is he doing to me? I…I can’t…it feels too good…the way he’s fucking me….it feels…too…good.’

The girl couldn’t help herself. Catching herself screaming out her moans, knowing full well that she should be quieter to avoid everyone downstairs from hearing her, even though the loud music was booming.

She noted how piercing her screams of pleasure were as she was relentlessly forced to bounce at a tremendous pace on the boy’s muscle. The way he would twitch it inside as he re-enters, or how his fingers would dig in when he thrusted out, all the while he would assault her neck and jawline with his mouth. He would go slow and steady, then switch it up to fast and hard.

‘It’s my turn.’

Alternating between the two sides of his being, he unleashes Heaven and Hell as he continued to fuck the girl relentlessly. For him, this was all new, yet he did exactly what his body told him to do. Whatever made him feel good, he did it. Whatever made her scream in pleasure, he did that too. He did everything that heighted her response and made him feel the explosion.

‘Time to switch.’

Fucking, pulsating, twitching, and throbbing, his stamina remained steady as he continued his act, all the while he felt the girl’s body going limp, shaking and quivering at every inch as he felt the lubricating moisture dripping down to the exposed parts of his length.

‘My turn again.’

Pulling, grabbing, pushing, thrusting, and bucking, he penetrates into the deepest part of her as she felt the tug of his grasp on her hair, while his arm wrapped tightly around her waist as he goes in further and further into her, parts of her that have never been touched by any man, yet he was able to reach it…and it felt so damn good, to the point that she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Oh my God….pl-please….oh my God I’m going to cum!!” she screams out in between exhausting and pleasurable gasps.

“Pl-please…cu-cum! Please cum!” she pleads.

Yet, in response, he smirks that same devilish grin as he continued each thrust.

“Nah…we still have a ways to go babe.” His tone was deeper now, it was chilling and though it carried the same softness that was present all throughout the night, there was something eerie about the way it sounded…

‘Did…did he just growl?’

Wide eyed and feeling panicked as the heightened sensation of pleasure builds up, she slams her hands on his chest, digging her fingers into the material of his shirt as she was rendered to the increase tempo of his thrusts. The feeling of being trapped in his grasp as he kept bringing her up and down, there was something so dark, twisted, and sexy about it. Yet he displayed a soft and compassionate side as he sweetly kissed her neck, coating his saliva over every bite as he licked over them, and gently nibbled along her jawline while whispering tender words into her ear.

She couldn’t tell how long she had been getting fucked. He had her reaching a stage of overstimulation as she already came multiple times, yet he still was fucking her with such immense stealth as she felt herself being loosened by his act.

“Pl-please!! Ca-cant take…..anymore!” she gasps out in between moans. Her breath was airless, her voice was lacking any tone as she reached a high pitch in her vocal cord.

‘Hmm…Do-La.’

Remarking the tone of her pitch with his natural born gift, he hardens his thrusts as he found himself becoming close.

‘This is….’

‘Like nothing…’

‘I’ve ever felt…

‘Before….’

‘I wonder…’

‘What this would be like…’

‘If….I was….’

‘With someone….’

In sync, their voices unite as they internally mused the last bit of their thought…

‘I loved...’

As both, Heeseung and his Ethan side became pensive over the sensation of having someone to touch, to hold, to grab, to kiss, to physically please while being pleasured himself, he finally understood the reasoning behind his friends yearning for companionship, such as Jake. For every second he was with this girl, the feeling was great, yet…it would have been greater if it was someone he cared about. Someone who cared about him. Someone that he could protect and love, while also being loved in return.

…………………..

After reaching his orgasm and releasing into the worn condom that barely remained on after the intense nature of his act, he sat still on the chair as he rubbed his hands on the girl’s back.

“Shhhh…” he whispers into her ear as she buries her face into his shoulder, breathing heavily, worn out with her chest heaving deeply trying to recover from the intensity of the multiple orgasms she had just felt.

His glasses were beginning to slide off yet again. All throughout the act, he had to keep pushing them up, which normally wasn’t an inconvenience for him, yet tonight, he found that it was.

‘Maybe Lasik wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all…’

Taking off his glasses, he places them down to the table next to the seat. He couldn’t make out much without them, yet it was refreshing to have them off as he continued to gently pat the worn-out girl who rested her entire limp weight on his frame as he remained composed and resting aback to the seat of the chair.

After a few minutes, she finally was able to regain some composure, raising her head slightly, she was caught off guard by his immediate action of kissing her lips.

‘Stick your tongue in there, Heeseung.’

‘Rub her canines, Ethan.’

‘Flicker it inside her mouth.’

‘Shove it deep into her throat.’

Gasping for air, she pulls back slightly only for him to forcefully bring her back in without so much as giving her a single breath for air. Placing her hands on his chest she pushes herself back and away and took in full deep breaths as she finally was able to replenish the lack of oxygen in her lungs.

Looking down, her hair a mess, her eye makeup staining her face from the tears that emerged out of pure pleasure with a slight bit of pain, her lips began to part as she finally took notice that the boy didn’t have his glasses on. Through the little bit of sweat that dripped from his forehead, at some point he had swooped all his hair off to the side and away from his eyes, revealing a little bit of his forehead exposed, as well as the black peepers that had laid beneath the strands.

She hadn’t noticed considering he had her on cloud nine the entire time, but now that she could see clearly, she found herself blushing. He was so handsome, much more handsome than she would have imagined had she pictured him without his hair covering his eyes, or the thick framed glasses decorating his face.

Gasping out of shock, just slightly, he tilts his head as he furrows his brows in confusion upon hearing her harsh breath escaping her lips, since his vision was somewhat blurred, he couldn’t make out her expression.

“What?”

“N-no…nothing….you just….look so different without your glasses…and your hair…”

Shifting his eyes to the ground, he smirks.

“Is that right?” He remarks in a teasing tone.

“Ye..yeah….you said your name was Ethan…right?”

“Mmhmm…”

“….Ethan……do you want to….do something next Friday night?”

Eventually word caught on about Ethan’s act. Girls were in disbelief, while the boys were both amused and confused at the prospect of Ethan being such a stud when it came to sex.

The entire school had become even more shocked after one week, while being excused and absent, Ethan returned looking like a different man.

He no longer had on the glasses. The weeklong absence was for his recover from Lasik surgery, which he finally agreed to let his parents arrange for him. But there was something else.

He no longer had on his elder brother’s hand me downs. Relying on his friend Jay, who took his fashion sense in a serious manner, he allowed his longtime friend to clean out and replace his entire wardrobe. Still opting for casual attire, Jay kept the honesty of Heeseung’s personality and true nature as he helped pick out a myriad of relaxed outfits, while also blending in some sophisticated pieces of high-end brands.

During one of Jay’s thorough shopping trips, a small tattoo boutique caught Heeseung’s eye. While waiting for his friend to check out, he decides to explore the shop.

Walking in, he was greeted by a Samoan man of very large stature.

“Hi there, what can I help you with?”

Heeseung merely looked around and mentioned that he was just looking as he was waiting for his friend to finish shopping.

“You Korean?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, there’s quite a few Koreans in New Zealand, that’s where I’m from.”

Raising his eyebrows, Heeseung noted the man’s nationality as he mentioned Jake’s place of birth.

“I have a friend who is from Australia, he says there are a lot of Korean’s over there as well.”

“Yeah, you’ll find a good amount of them here and there. Were you born there?”

“Yeah.”

“You plan on going back?”

“Eventually. I got plans after I do college.”

“Ah I see.”

As Heeseung took his time noting all the decorative photos and art of tattoo designs, he noticed a display of jewelry for piercings.

“You have any piercings? Or are those just clip on’s that you have on? ”

“No piercings. My friend got me these and told me to wear them.” Heeseung calmly answers back, noting a pair of fake earrings he wore on his left ear that Jay picked out.

“Would you like to get some?”

Looking up at the large man, Heeseung inquires of his opinion.

“On my ears?”

The man laughed at the vague openness of the young man’s question.

“Well, that would be the most appropriate for you, considering you don’t have any. Unless you had another spot in mind?”

“No…I don’t. Do you suggest both ears?” Heeseung smirks as he inquires.

“I do…because of these.” Bringing out a small wooden box, the man presents a pair of small loop earrings made of silver.

“These are made of Polynesian silver. There aren’t many like them, in fact, these are the only pair I’ve seen.”

“Why would you suggest these then? Aren’t they meaningful and rare?”

“Yeah well…they seem to be fitting for you. “

“For me?”

“Yes. You see, these pieces have a name, one is called The Ghost, and the other, The Darkness.”

“...Interesting. How does that make them fitting for me though?”

“Because I can see something within in you. It’s in my blood, you see, my people believe that the “hau” exists.”

“…Hau?”

“Yes. My people have always believed that humans who have double souls and share one body, exist in this world. Where one soul never forsakes man, and the other soul, the one that can be brought out and appear was the “hau” is the one that never went to continue on in the afterlife.”

Heeseung seemed interested in the man’s storytelling of a body sharing two souls, he questioned whether the man was referring to his Ethan side, seeing as how the meaning of his words was indeed fitting for him.

“There was a legend of a man who had double souls, they called him the Ghost and the Darkness, and they said that he wore earrings just like these, made of Polynesian silver.” The man finished, as he investigated Heeseung’s eyes, looking as if he was wanting to ask him a question.

Heeseung’s eyes shifted to the ground, he didn’t say anything, but it appeared the man was wise and had enough wisdom and foresight to see, what he assumed he was referring to through his story, was his Ethan side being the “hau” soul.

“You saying I have two souls then?”

“That’s exactly what I am saying. You, are The Ghost and the soul that shares your body is The Darkness.”

“How can you tell?”

“Oh…I can see it. I can see a sense of it in your black eyes, it’s faint because you haven’t brought out the “hau” yet, but I can see a glint of him, lurking behind your eyes.” The man pauses for a second, before he continued after taking a steady breath with a look of slight amusement and curiosity in his expression.

“But I’m sure if I asked, you would show me the hau, wouldn’t you?”

Closing his eyes at the man’s words, Heeseung merely stood still as he faintly opened his lids, still eyeing the ground.

“Please, show me The Darkness, now that I’ve already seen the Ghost.”

At the man’s request, Heeseung shifted his gaze and looked at the man straight on, his eyes grew darker and lost all luster, even while standing under the light. The coloration was matte black, and the shape that contained them grew narrower, much darker as if a shadow was casted over his lids. His smirk was less playful, instead, it showered a sense of malevolence and Hell, while his eyes were lined by the darkness of the Devil’s ink.

“Ah, there he is.” The man smiles. “These earrings were meant for you. Come with me.”

Leading Heeseung into the back room, he places on latex gloves and proceeds to pierce each ear. Delicately, he places on the earrings for him, reminding him to swab the area clean daily.

“They’ll probably sting here and there as you swab, but it should be healed in no time.” The man states as Heeseung admires the man’s work through the hand mirror, while displaying half of his Ethan side.

“You learned to develop a balance of your hau?” the man inquires as he notices Heeseung’s traits mixed with his Ethan persona.

“Yeah…I guess you could say that.”

“When did you first noticed the hau within you?”

“For as long as I can remember. I was born this way.”

“You were born with companionship. I wonder….if you’ll ever find someone who will understand both sides of you."

Heeseung placed the mirror down on the table and merely looked down.

"I’ve never cared about that…not until recently.” Heeseung calmly states before he continues after taking a slight pause.

“But now that you’ve mentioned it, I wonder if there is someone out there for me…it’s not like I can hide who I am.” Heeseung stared at the ground, becoming pensive as he finished his words.

“No, you cannot. But I believe that there is someone who will find you, and you will find them, you must be patient. Normally, it takes time for one soul to find someone, I can only imagine it would take twice as long for someone who has two.” The man spoke as he washed his hands and disposed the gloves.

“But in the meantime, let’s give you this.”

Taking a black cap off from hanging on the wall, the man sets it atop Heeseung’s head. It fitted him just nicely.

Gently pressed down on the bill, the man continued.

“To cover the hau, just a little bit so that people don’t stare and raise questions. I’m certain you’ve never told anyone about your double soul?”

Heeseung shook his head. “…No….not even my best friend.”

“Well then take this as a gift, along with the earrings. And carry on swiftly and strongly my friend, for you are the living legend of the tales from my ancestors.”

Heeseung thanked the man and walked out of the shop, adorning the new pair of silver earrings. Meeting up with Jay, he notes how his friend stopped for a moment and stared with wide eyes towards him.

“Hey, I almost didn’t recognize you with the hat on. It looks good on you man, if you grew your hair out just a little more instead of having a fresh cut, I think it look better.” Jay smiled, upon breaching nearer to his taller friend, he stood and paused for a moment after taking notice of the silver pieces that adorned his friend’s ears.

“…Heeseung? You got your ears pierced?” Jay stood as he admired the lustrous shine contained in the small loops of his friend’s new earrings. “These are nice...did you just get them?”

“Yeah, I did. Which…” digging into his pocket, he retrieves the pair of clip-on earrings Jay had given him.

“You can have these back, since I don’t need them anymore.”

Jay smirked as he took the clip-on studs back.

“You know, if I would have known you were bold enough to get piercings, I would have just taken you in the first place. I know a guy, he did mine.”

Heeseung smiled as he looked back at the boutique behind.

“It’s all good. It worked out, got myself a history lesson to go with it.”

#heeseung smut #heeseung x reader #enha x reader #heeseung hard hours #heeseung scenarios #heeseung fanfic #heeseung hard thoughts #enhypen smut #enhypen hard hours #enha heeseung #enha drabbles

[finalmoment]

Hey so I just saw you rt that Richard Siken post on twitter where equates writing fanfic/making fanart to AI's theft. I wanted to know if that's something you agree with? Of course you don't have to reply if you don't want to, I just felt curious

i think that Siken is pointing to the incoherence of using "theft" as an argument against AI, because a lot of things which we like and think are morally good are also theft. i don't read him as endorsing AI or condemning fanart

there's arguments against AI that I agree with, which pertain to the environmental costs of running it. but that's not the argument that people make; they say it's soulless, or that there's some essential difference between AI generated art (trained on data sets, etc) and human-made art (humans also learn by looking at other people's art)

automation has pushed a lot of people out of jobs, and many of those jobs were difficult manual jobs whose loss nevertheless left countless families in poverty. the fact that capitalism forces us to fear the loss of prospective jobs and livelihoods as an existential threat is the fault of capitalism. AI doesn't dehumanise artists, that is something the corporations and their underlying system are doing. being angry at AI is a distraction. you're mistaking the weapon for the hand wielding it. if you take away one kind of weapon, the people who want to hurt you will just go back to using the ones they were using before.

people who shill for IP because they hate AI are idiots

that's the sum of my stance.

i want to be clear: i don't use chatgpt or create things via AI generators, because i like writing and drawing and i don't want to give up the fun parts to someone else. i don't care if other people use it, unless it personally negatively affects me (like if a classmate uses AI in a group assignment and i am called up in front of the academic integrity committee). otherwise other people can do what they want, though i wish we'd be more cognizant of the environment costs

#asks #anon #discourse

[lunar-years]

I think it’s hard for me with defending Keeley because like on one hand don’t talk bad about her you losers… but also like her season 3 sucked and the shows insistence that she’s flawless and she’s a successful girlboss with no back up evidence makes me sort of meh about her

You’re very valid for this. There’s no defending her season 3 plot, like I will never, ever be forgiving them for that 😭😭😭

I’ve been trying to do more self-reflecting lately before shouting “bad writing” because of the whole “was this actually bad writing or are you just upset that what you wanted to happen didn’t happen” thing. A problem which is admittedly. Ahem. Somewhat rampant in this fandom. Butttt I’m gonna be honest I still chalk so much of Keeley in season 3 up to genuinely terribly writing. like??? Separating her for the majority of the time from all the other characters we’ve cared about for two seasons, making her inexplicably bad at her job (if it was meant to be imposter syndrome they needed to like. Actually dive into that? What.), making Shandy a(n extremely long-winded) gag character instead of someone actually meaningful to Keeley’s growth, giving her no voice in the ending with Roy and Jamie (having whatever she said to them happen offscreen sure was a choice), having Rebecca’s money swoop in and easily solve her work issues, like…WHAT was the reason??? They even ruined her sense of style like they didn’t give my girl a break my GOD 😭😭

I also totally get the flawless girl boss complaint because I fucking hate when shows do that women. Like ughhh?? But something interesting to me about Ted Lasso is that many of the things they set many things up REALLY well and compellingly and then lost their own plot in the last half, lol. I’m thinking, for example, of how they clearly knew how many people would view beard/jane, because they had their other characters recognize and call out their problems ONSCREEN! The diamond dogs have a full ass conversation about how none of them actually like or support this relationship but don’t think it’s their place to say anything, and then Higgins is like actually no I think that’s stupid and I’m going to talk to my friend about how I think this relationship is harming him! And then he does! Even beard ignoring the advice is like. Okay, that’s realistic. The setup is equal parts messy and compelling!! But then it’s never addressed or brought up again and suddenly they’re getting married?!

Similarly, I think a lot of the ~flawless girlboss~ thing going on with Keeley is a perception other characters have of her that I actually think makes sense for those characters (such as Roy and Jamie) but isn’t actually reflective of Keeley herself even in what we do get to see onscreen. And the writers weirdly seem at least somewhat cognizant of this at the same time as they give her girlboss immunity in weird places? Like, she DOES have flaws, she falls into the same patterns of bad behavior across all three seasons, the writers are actually extremely consistent in having her make the same pitfalls. Rebecca literally calls her out on her actions multiple times (in headspace, and in season 3…). This all would have been perfect setup for a season 3 plot where Keeley finally runs her problems into the ground and is forced to confront them, while the characters who put her on a pedestal realize she isn’t perfect but that they love her anyway. The threads for this are THERE but never go anywhere!!! Keeley just ignores Rebecca’s advice, continues to make the same mistakes with no accountability or reckoning and then her problems are magically solved at closure. EURGH.

This leaves viewers to fill in all kinds of gaps and make up their own backstories and reasons, which I’m more than willing to do as someone who was a huge fan of Keeley to begin, but I can totally understand why many fans don’t care to go through the trouble to fix-it. Like if you were not super invested in her to begin with of course you’re going to see her as meh after s3. Her plot was undoubtedly shit.

I only get pissed when people complain about the wrong things and/or are just being misogynistic or biphobic or both. Like, calling her bisexuality unnecessary or out of nowhere, only caring that she didn’t get back together with Roy…on the opposite side a new one I’ve been seeing is going on about how she was actually terrible for Roy and he deserves better than her?? HELLO?! I’m the first to say she wasn’t perfect in that relationship but good god neither was Roy? Calling out just Keeley is crazy crazy and also why do these people hate women.

#look at how they massacred my girl #Keeley jones #sorry anon for the rant I am very passionate on the subject of Keeley jones #ted lasso #asks

[septembersghost]

another thing that's curious to me (i apologize, i swear i'll stop talking about this soon) is, while brba fandom now tends to be aware of the vile sexism that was aimed at skyler and how unfair it was (and is), certain contingents of bcs fandom tend to be far less cognizant of it in regards to kim. and i have to wonder if that's because she was given more agency and is more of a (for lack of a better word) "dominant" woman, yet also more of an insular/observing/introspective one. she's very differently shaped in the narrative and differently motivated, her relationship with jimmy is on far more equal and loving ground, often she even has a bit more control. but then, for years, if people weren't predicting her death at every turn, they expected her to betray jimmy. they expected her to be lady macbeth. they vilified her for her anger (her actions in response to that were wrong, but the genesis of her anger was justified. it's interesting how she gets blamed for it in contrast to some of the men). it was in the weird takes about how she should be with an "alpha male" like lalo or howard (lol). then, when she and jimmy's notably vindictive plan turned unspeakably horrific, she was blamed for it more than lalo, who actually pulled the trigger. she was called a sociopath even though that was clearly untrue, and ignored her very real hopes of doing good and her fixation on injustice, and those origins, while only seeing her as vengeful. comments rooted for her downfall and suffering. i will never forgive how many people there were in the sub hoping she'd face cartel captivity and sexual violence. there were people salivating at the idea of seeing her as hurt as possible, seeing her brought down, seeing her punished and degraded, in ways that even the actual murderous drug lords didn't get. then we had articles commenting how "boredom looked good" on her, and misreading her b&w life as somehow pleasant rather than tortuous, and saying her decision to flee and erase herself was somehow good, somehow redemptive/moral, rather than the tragic self-hatred/punishment/harm that it was. then came the refusal to see an empty shell of a life and a pointless, hollow relationship as seriously damaging.

of course a woman should give up all she is and all she had and all she accomplished and desired to atone for her guilt, right? of course she should suffer. even after we saw the nadir of her suffering, there were still comments rooting for her imprisonment and death. then came calling her weak, annoying, and a snitch. it's the exact same misogyny skyler faced, just in fancy new wrapping because kim had her own set of characteristics, strengths, flaws, triumphs, and mistakes. it doesn't make it any less harmful or insidious.

#bcs spoilers #it's 2 am and i am Bothered #sorry i've used the word insidious in every post. it's the best way i have to describe it

[downwithpeople]

finished counter/weight

it wasn't bad!

most actual plays do about 0.5 systems - they nominally use dnd 5e but mainly just do freestyle rp. it's wild to hear someone kitbash together what, 6 fucking systems? multiple groups of players operating at multiple levels asymmetrically? what a big swing! it's so fucking ambitious! i don't even know if it's a good idea!

the big downside of the variety in systems means that a huge chunk of the airtime is spent explaining, discussing and negotiating mechanics. the mechnoir portion was the absolute worst for this and i think part of what made the first session or two so rough was the players just not understanding the game or how to effectively use their characters. the benefit of this immense variety of systems is...i don't know? maybe it's fun to play? i didn't feel like the extended kingdom interlude was that interesting and i would have definitely preferred the events of that to be relayed to me in a 10-minute convo rather than negotiated through another system where the players seem barely cognizant of the stakes.

i found it very difficult to understand what was going on with the setting. a lot of setting names are thrown at you very fast and at this point i still don't know if i could confidently describe all of the big movers and shakers in the setting. still not 100% on who the rapid evening are, who diego rose was, who most of the big corps are and why they matter. i don't hate any of what i learned but i'm not sold on the divines in general. rigour is cool because i understand what rigour is and does. i don't get how righteousness works, nor any of the divines which aren't a giant robot. even at the end, when they were saying shit like 'ooh grace won't like that' i still didn't understand what that meant or why it mattered. maybe i'm just too stupid. that said, the parts that i did understand i thought were pretty decent.

i liked the chime and i liked the cast. audy was cool and had some great moments tho as i said, still don't know why their status as a divine matters. aria seemed like an insanely poor fit for the group but i like ali acampora as an entertainer so it balances out. mako was consistently delightful and the introduction of larry was my favourite character beat in the season. cass didn't make that much of an impression on me and it was too easy to forget they were royalty. i think austin should have laid down the law super hard in the first session and been like 'hey you guys are criminals, you are mercenaries, you do crimes for money, be on that wavelength' instead of like, however the fuck he described their deal with orth.

big fucking mistake: the custom XP triggers he worked out. podcast or no, do NOT ever give players a mechanical incentive to play suboptimally. players already play suboptimally; the mechanics should lead them by the nose into optimal play strategies. i would not recommend giving a player like keith an incentive to fuck up the mission with antics unless you want to ruin your friendships.

i think i would have enjoyed a less structured game along the lines of what is actually suggested by the rules of the sprawl. i guess this is just actual play podcasts in general but the thing is, most PBTA games make it pretty explicit that the game works best when you come in with a set of starting positions and assumptions instead of a predetermined storyline. austin can't help but come in with a big sheaf of predetermined storylines, down to specific planned scenes and even fucking maps. i would love to hear a podcast where someone plays the game as written for once.

i have no idea where to go from here. i'm sure as shit not listening to marielda because i know it will make me big nerd angry. i am not so invested in the setting that i absolutely must find out what happens in twilight mirage. if the hieron stuff is good maybe i'll listen to that next but i think i'm gonna give fatt a break for a while.

my OC for counterweight is the candidate of the divine antipathy.

[statusquoergo]

do you think donna just thinks harvey's mike thing is harvey's fear of people leaving him or do you think donna knows harvey's in love with mike? somehow everyone seems oblivious to it even though it's pouring out of him

Hm... Okay, I'm going to throw canon out the window here (c'mon, let's be honest with ourselves) and take for granted that Harvey is in fact in love with Mike in order to answer this.

Honestly, I think it depends in part on how willfully ignorant she is. She claims to be so all-knowing, especially about Harvey, but if that's the case, either she's incredibly selfish (see: "I'm sorry, Harvey. I just had to know." [s07e10]) or choosing to remain oblivious for some reason. Maybe the truth is too painful for her to confront?

First, if she does know Harvey is in love with Mike, I mean fully self-aware, up-front cognizant, no-holds-barred admitting it to herself, then her repeated insistence that Harvey just suck it up and get over Mike's departure is...incredibly mean. (It's mean either way, but looking through this specific lens for the moment.) Seriously, what reason does she have to do that if not to snatch Harvey up for herself at the first available opportunity? ("Harvey, Mike left... [The] reason he left is because he finally came to terms with who he is. And now that he's gone, who you are is a man who wants back in the game." [s08e01]) She's capable of being sensitive to his emotional responses, we know this from her kindness and supportiveness when his father died, but now that he's experiencing a similar kind of loss and grief (which is very much what this is, in no small part because Mike handled it so, so badly), she's suddenly turned so hard-hearted? Why? She's still in touch with Rachel, allegedly, so she isn't interested in cutting them out of their lives, but she wants Harvey to forget about Mike, because...that's the only way he's going to learn to stand on his own two feet? Give me a break, I'm sure. Rather than give Harvey the time and space to handle his devastation, she wants his emotional connection to Mike to be severed right away, and while she may claim it's so that Harvey can take his rightful place or whatever at the top of the heap, that is, to put it mildly, total bullshit. Mike only ever helped Harvey become a better version of himself, he wasn't holding him back at all. Donna just wants to be center focus in Harvey's personal life again, romantically or otherwise.

Alternatively, even if she doesn't take his love at face value, I cannot imagine that Donna thinks Harvey's Mike thing is his normal fear of people leaving him. She knows him too well (or so she claims), and there's no way she would mistake this for that. If she doesn't "know" that Harvey is in love with Mike, though, then what does she think this is? Again I say, willful ignorance. She doesn't want to label Harvey's feelings for Mike, for whatever reason; maybe because she knows she's in love with him and doesn't want to deal with Harvey's rejection, or Mike as a rival, or maybe because she doesn't want to think of Harvey as ever being out of her grasp, preferring to keep them both in the eternal limbo of will-they-won't-they; they never will, but until she finds the love of her life elsewhere, she needs to know that they could. Or maybe she just doesn't know how to think of Harvey in that way? In all the time she's known him, he's been singularly focused on his career and perfecting the image he projects to the world. Maybe the admission that he's capable of such a deep and unflinching love is too much of a shock to her vision of him.

See, this is just another reason Suits should have ended after Season 5. Mike's whole story arc gets the solemn and somewhat depressing but narratively satisfying conclusion of him going to prison, Rachel gets to keep at least some of her dignity, Harvey gets to maintain the facade of having a shred of emotional awareness, and Donna's character hasn't been thoroughly destroyed yet. Oh, well; corporate greed, it is what it is.

Thank you for the question! I hope this was a somewhat satisfying answer!

#anonymous #marvey #analysis

[archivallyfound09]

You Told Me Not To Think! pt.6

Here we go- let me know if you're liking any of this. And apologies about spelling/grammar- I'm doing this on the fly. (heh, plane jokes).

Don't steal or post people's things as your own-not cool. None of these characters are mine-just borrowing them to advance the plot.

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Reader (f)

Warnings: None yet, suggestive comments for now, makeout (barely..) :)

Thanks to @unicornships for the GIF! :)

---

"Oh come ON, Rooster!" Hangman yelled after him as he stormed down from the patio down to the beach. He looked at you and the rest of the group around him, hands out in mock-apology. "What? I just wanted to congratulate the guy!"

Phoenix scoffed, "Maybe if you were less of a dick, someone would believe that." You rolled your eyes in agreement, already anticipating the snarky comment from Hangman. He didn't disappoint.

"There you go again, Phoenix, another comment about my dick-"

"About you being a dick," she quickly corrected and realized her mistake. Hangman only laughed with a mumbled "but it's on your mind now" as he took a sip of his drink.

You had already started walking to your car, no interest in watching the word spar between the two pilots continue. You were almost at your car, while you stumbled with your keys. You looked out to the waves, anticipating an outline of the man who had just stormed out that way, but you didn't see him.

You had just hoisted your bag to put it in the backseat when someone whipped you around, your back crashing into the door frame, the metal cool through your tank-top. You let out a stunned "ow!" before someone's lips collided with yours. Your hands instinctively raised to fight off the assailant, but as you took a breath, your body exited its fight response.

Rooster.

After that, no thoughts. Your body reacted before you even were cognizant of what was happening. Any potential thoughts were jumbled as his soft lips pressed a bit harder on to yours, causing you to involuntarily open your mouth, his tongue sliding deftly between. He tasted like beer, salt, and something sweet.

Your hands wrapped around his biceps as he cradled your cheeks in his hand, the need clear in the desperate way he was kissing you. You felt the air being sucked out of your lungs and you and Rooster broke apart, panting and unsure of exactly what had happened. You both looked at the ground and then slowly back at each other, a healthy distance between you- as if something had forced you apart.

The intensity you both shared, staring at each other in disbelief, was broken by the sound of a motorcycle starting nearby. You both jumped. You were very conscious of your breath, as you forced yourself to breathe in and out, trying to keep your head from swimming. Rooster rubbed the back of his neck, red flooding his cheeks from the breathless kiss, and noticed your dropped keys.

"Hey, uhm....here," he said awkwardly, kneeling down in front of you and handing up your keys. Your eyes locked with his and you took in the whole scene: Rooster, on his knees, looking up at you, flushed and adoring...and-

"Uh, thanks," you said, lamely, taking the keys and brushing his knuckles with your fingertips. The touch was all the excuse you both needed. He jumped up and his lips were hungrily attacking yours. Everything slammed together- all your thoughts, any concept of a sentence, and, you noticed, his body against yours. He was engulfing you with his stature, his scent, his actions...everything.

The two of you broke apart a bit more ceremoniously this time. You gave him a sheepish smile and he tried to stop the wolfish grin that was appearing on his lips. "I'm gonna go home..." you started cautiously, he nodded.

"...talk tomorrow?" he ventured. You smiled and nodded hopping into the Jeep, putting the key in the ignition. You watched his give you a wink (not his usual style), and walk towards the patio, a skip to his step. He was handed a beer and walked into the bar, Phoenix and Bob behind him.

You laughed incredulously to yourself and shook your head, throwing the car into drive. You passed the motorcycle you had heard revving during your earlier escapades and recognized the man at the bar the night before. You hit your brakes and stared at him.

"Do I know you?" you asked him, tired of all the secrecy from Penny. He shrugged and took off his aviators with a permanent smirk stuck to his face.

"Just an old friend of Penny's. Do I know you?" he countered, stepping closer to the passenger side of the Jeep. You shook your head and smiled.

"Just a friend of Penny's too," you looked closer at the leather jacket he had on. Maverick caught your eye. "Aren't you a little old to be Top Gun?"

He snickered and sighed, looking down and then back at you. "Aren't you a little old to be making out in a parking lot?" You pause, shrugged and laughed.

"Fair point, Maverick."

He tilted a non-existent hat to you and headed into the bar. You put the Jeep in drive again and headed towards home.

"It's like a damn family reunion," you muttered to yourself, laughing and turning up the radio.

----

Pt. 1

Pt. 2

Pt. 3

Pt. 4

Pt. 5

#bradley bradshaw #rooster #rooster x reader #top gun maverick #bradley rooster bradshaw #maverick

[sarah-cam]

What do you think Belly and Conrad’s relationship would be like when they get married? Also, considering how family oriented they are, how do you think they would be as parents? Personally, I think Belly and Conrad would be good parents; however, I think Belly would fear her kid making the same mistakes she made when she was young and Conrad would fear the growing pains that occur when their kid becomes a teenager. Plus, if they have a girl, I like the idea that they’d name her Susannah Beck Conklin-Fisher to pay homage to their middle names and Susannah.

i feel like it would be so supportive and healthy, and part of the reason why is that they spend some time growing apart before growing together again. conrad clearly has a lot of unresolved issues surrounding the loss of his mother and his relationship with his father, and one of the reasons they broke up was the lack of communication. i feel like communication would be his top priority going forward, both with belly and with their eventual kids. belly has more issues surrounding trust but it would mostly be the same thing — communication!! i think that she would also be more cognizant of showing her kids a healthy, loving relationship. she told conrad about how she wasn’t surprised that her parents got divorced because they were never romantic, so i feel like she would make sure that her children grow up with parents who obviously love each other. we saw that belly helped conrad with writing essays/applying to stanford and helped him study for his exam, and we saw how he helped tutor her in trig, so i feel like that shows how supportive and encouraging they are together. the biggest thing as parents would be to not make the same mistakes that they felt their parents did.

tbh giving kids the same first name as a dead relative makes me sort of uncomfy?? like i would not want to call my child the same name as my dead mom, it would make me sad — but that’s just me!! maybe if they call her by a nickname like susie but i also just am not a fan of that name sorry 😂 i prefer paying homage with middle names

#the summer i turned pretty #tsitp meta #bonrad #answered #anon #also he ain't a cheater 🙊 #and that's why conrad fisher will always be famous 💅🏼