#girls is gender neutral we can all be girls

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

going to format this like a reddit post because it’s the only way. i (transmasc) don’t know if i’m sexually attracted to the girl (transfem) im having sex with. i’ve known for a while that i’m asexual and fuck for fun, and when i see my friend who i’m fucking, i don’t have any immediate overwhelming desire to have sex with her, unless we’re like, in the moment yknow? like i totally forget that it’s even an option bc i could just sit there and talk to her for hours as my friend bc i love (platonic) her dearly and we have a lot of stuff in common. my only quip is that like, is that sexual attraction ???? being in her bed and having our hands on each other and kinda feeling it then? but not at other times? is sexual attraction constant?? maybe im bisexual and aromantic. or maybe i’m regular bisexual and i just dont like romantic relationships. makenzie why are human minds so goddamn difficult to parse the emotions of? i want to be her friend but im confused by my emotions towards her. how am i consistently having sex with someone im not literally sexually attracted to? and liking it? i mean that kinda has to be sexual attraction right? idk. help girl (gender neutral)

hi anon,

have a seat. drink some water. take a deep breath. we're wildly overthinking this.

what you call yourself - asexual, aro bi, bi but not into romance, whatever - that doesn't actually matter.

here are the things I'm worried about here: are you feeling at all pressured or coerced here? given the choice would you want to stop having sex with this person? do you feel comfortable setting boundaries and saying no when you have sex? you don't need to be overcome with raw sexual yearning for your sexual buddy, but do you enjoy and look forward to having sex with her? is this a positive experience for you?

it's fine to have sex even if you don't walk around thinking about it drooling like a horny cartoon wolf, whether it's because you're asexual or just allosexual without a particularly vigorous sex drive. (the line between those things can be pretty blurry and is pretty up to you to define, by the way.) sex can be fun and feel great; it's fine to want to do that even if you don't have a longing in your loins for it.

think of it this way? I don't particularly like most vegetables, but I like how my body will feel when I eat them, so I make a point of doing that as much as I can. and when I cook them they'll usually come out pretty tasty, and I'll enjoy or at least fell neutral about them. and still doesn't mean I like vegetables, or at least I don't particularly identify as someone who likes vegetables, but I did. eat those vegetables.

the sex is vegetables.

I can't tell you if this is sexual attraction. but also it doesn't matter very much as long as you're being safe and having fun.

#sex edventures 2024

[suprecorp]

*girls when it is literally eating away at their psyche* whatever

#girls is gender neutral we can all be girls #when your psyche is literally deteriorating bc of x thing. you guys get it #my x thing was yellowjackets. like all of them. all of it #500 #1k #5k #10k

[drabblingman]

Mephistopheles shut their diary in one hand with a "snap", and rushed off as fast as he could. His steps mixed with the rapid clacking of his cane, and his old injury screamed at him, but that didn't matter right now.

He had to find them. To set the record straight.

But what exactly was the truth? Wasn't his whole reason for snooping because he disliked them? Hadn't he been trying to unearth dirt on them? To write a scathing piece in the R.A.D. Times on? To sully their reputation, and prove they weren't as honest as they appeared to be?

Stupid.

They always told him the truth. He had tried time and again to catch them in a lie, but he never could. They never lied. Even when they knew what they said could be misconstrued, or twisted against them, they always spoke the truth. Their truth.

Why would their diary be any different?

He was so stupid.

It was one of the things he liked about them. But if he disliked them, why would he like something, anything about them?

Why would it hurt that they thought he hated them?

He liked a lot of things about them. Their honesty. Their quick, yet cutting, wit. Their ability to get in and out of the most frustrating and precarious of situations, always with a new story to tell. Their humor. Their laugh.

He liked them, damnit, so why did they think he hated them? Why did he think he hated them?

He gritted his teeth, and clutched their diary tighter in his free hand.

God above and Demon Lord below, he was so stupid.

He turned a corner, and found them exactly where he knew they would be. He had, after all, had to plan for the optimal time to go looking through their most personal of belongings, and it'd be a rookie mistake to not know where your target was at the time of infiltration.

The human exchange student was alone, after class, at a table outside of the school. They were packing up after working on their homework for exactly 58 minutes, so they could make the late bus that left exactly an hour after school. Something he had planned meticulously for.

Too bad all of that planning had gone out the window. (Which was, ironically, how he had planned to make his daring escape.)

He approached them as they were placing their books in their bag, not yet noticing him.

"How dare you write such accusations!" is probably not the best thing to shout at someone while holding their diary.

Which is why Mephistopheles preferred the written word. Preferably, articles. Then, he could go back and forth and rewrite anything that came out too harshly or just plain wrong. Here? Oh no. He couldn't backspace a single letter from what he said here.

They looked up, bewildered.

And then he saw it. The dawning realization that in his left hand he held their diary, replaced quickly by the shock and betrayal that he had alluded to having read it.

It was like they had frozen in front of him, yet he was the one who felt cold from his own thoughtless actions.

Had he mentioned how stupid he was? Because he really was quite stupid.

"Why do you have that?" They asked him, their voice low and serious.

"I-! Well-!" He spluttered, unable to think of a perfectly valid excuse for breaking in to their house, their room, and their locked and magically-enchanted diary.

"You know me! I'm an investigator! And I must investigate you!"

They stared at him, then at their diary, still clutched firmly in his hand.

"Give it back."

Mephistopheles blinked at their outstretched hand, processing, for a moment too long, what they had requested of him.

They made a grabbing motion.

"Oh-" he finally realized, quickly dropping their diary back into their palm.

They packed it in their bag with the rest of their books, silently, as Mephistopheles watched.

"We- we really must talk!" He managed at last, stumbling on his words.

Their head snapped up, and the glare they threw his way he would've sworn gave him physical damage. Even Lucifer, king of the death glare, would have quaked in his stupid fancy shoes.

"What's. There. To. Talk. About?" They asked him, enunciating each word carefully.

"About what you wrote-"

"-You mean my private thoughts?" They cut him off. "You mean my private thoughts that you violated? That you read without my permission? That I wrote so I wouldn't have them running around my head? So that I wouldn't speak them out loud? Those?"

He winced.

This was not going well.

And he was probably digging his own grave.

Which he assumed they would then dance on.

And then they'd probably raise him from the dead, just to kill him and dance on it again.

But still...

He had to know.

No matter what, he had to know.

"...Do you really think I hate you...?"

They stared at him, as if he was completely stupid. (A sentiment he was really truly beginning to agree with.)

"Why would I lie to my diary? Of course I do. What other proof do I need after this stunt you just pulled?"

Ouch. That one stung a little.

Ok, a lot.

"Then, what about the other things you wrote about me?"

They held his gaze for a moment, before looking down at the table, quiet.

"...What does it matter?" They asked bitterly, sadness tinging the edges of their words as they avoided eye contact with him.

He approached the table from the other side, placing his white-gloved hands on it's filthy surface, leaning forward to try to catch their gaze.

"It matters a lot." He said gently, reaching out cautiously to their face to comfort then, or at the very least get them to look up at him once again.

"At least, to me it does." He withdrew, suddenly anxious his touch was unwelcome. "Because I don't hate you. In fact, I've come to enjoy your company."

The human's face shot up once more, their eyes wide, searching his own meticulously for any trace of sarcasm or untruthfulness.

"What?"

He felt his heart thud in his chest when their eyes locked with his. He hadn't even meant to say that last part, it had just come out of his mouth without thought, but now, he was forced to address it. He was forced to confront his feelings about them. Or, rather, his feelings for them.

Why hadn't he noticed it before? Had it happened too slowly for him to perceive the changes? Had all of their late night "investigations" into Lucifer and even later night editing sessions together caused them to rub off on him? All of the teasing they did of each other? The back-and-forth quips they exchanged as if they were playing tennis? The compliments veiled as insults? The insults veiled as compliments? Had they completely flipped his opinion of them without him even knowing?

Or had it happened all at once, when he had read confession note after confession note in their diary, crossed out and marked up and edited, not unlike how he wrote his articles, and felt his chest swell with each word? Each little thing they claimed to admire in him? Each piece of evidence that showed how much effort they had put into trying to make everything perfect? Had he been swayed in that instant, convinced, finally, that they weren't always nearby just to be a thorn in his side?

They stared at him expectantly.

"I- I..."

He suddenly couldn't find the words.

Well, that was a first. He almost laughed out loud at the ludicrousness of it. Him. At a loss for words. The very idea had never crossed his mind before. Sure, he had sometimes had to look up different ways to get his point across more eloquently, his thesaurus was sometimes his best friend, but he had never been so completely devoid of words before.

He pursed his lips, dumbfounded.

"Mephistopheles...?"

They managed to shake him out of his reverie, their voice gentle, and quieter than he had ever heard it before.

Their voice. He really liked their voice. When had that happened? They had just said his name. His full name, with their clumsy, human voice. He was supposed to hate human voices. They tended to trip over his name. But this one didn't. Why didn't they? Had they practiced? They must have. But why would they? Why had it mattered to them? After everything he had put them through, why did they even bother giving him the time of day, much less recite his name over and over to themself until they got it right?

His hands, seemingly of their own accord, drifted to their face once more.

The human, a flustered expression plastered to thdid own face, could only splutter as he brought his forehead to theirs.

"What I mean..." Mephistopheles stated, so close now to them he felt he his heart might burst, "...is this."

The last thing he saw before closing his eyes and locking his lips with theirs, was a look of pure wonder.

He burned it into his memory forever.

It was like he was desperate; the second he had given in and kissed them, he couldn't get enough. But the way they was responding to him, it seemed as if they felt the same. Their hands had hooked around his neck, pulling him as close to themself as they could with a table in between the two of them.

They tasted so sweet. Like the berries they ate throughout the day that he would poke fun at them for, seemingly the only healthy things they'd eat with regularity amidst the snacks and junk foods they enjoyed.

Their hands were exploring now, fingers combing through his undershave. But his were no different. Running up and down their neck before slowly making his way back to their face.

He wanted to stay in this moment forever, but alas, he knew they couldn't. After all, they both sadly needed to breathe.

As they parted, he realized he was the last out of the two of them to open his eyes.

They were staring at him, panting, stars in their eyes. It was enough to make his own breath hitch.

"What... Was that...?" They asked, breathlessly.

"That..." He stopped, panic creeping in. What was that, indeed? It was unlike him to suddenly lose himself like that.

He scrambled internally for a reply, some kind of excuse, a way to claim temporary insanity, anything except the truth...!

The truth.

It suddenly smacked him.

The truth, the one thing he knew he could always count on from them. His MC. His wonderfully human MC.

He loved them.

No matter how hard he tried to bury it away from himself, there was no hiding from the truth. He should have known that.

He loved them.

"...That was my own confession." He finally managed, looking down in embarrassment.

"I read page after page of yours... Which I know was wrong...!" He added hastily, "but after reading all of those kind words, and then... Reading how much you thought I hated you, I..."

He locked eyes with them again, scared of how they would react, but determined to vocalize his feelings.

"I don't hate you. MC, I adore you. I've come to realize I am absolutely smitten with you. I was just too stupid to figure it out until now."

#YEAH SO THIS IS INCREDIBLY SELF INDULGENT #MEPHISTO IS LIKE ONE OF MY ULTIMATE FAVS #I HAD TO WRITE SOMETHING CRINGEY AND SELF INDULGENT OK #Also this was originally written with my MC who is a girl in mind so I had to go back and change all the pronouns to be gender neutral #let me know if I missed any! #but yeah anyway #mephisto brainrot #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me mephistopheles #obey me mephisto #obey me x mc #obey me fluff #obey me nightbringer #obey me Memphis #lol #drabblingman drabbles on again #can you tell I'm very normal about this character #so normal #also i figured out how to do it he read me thing finally

[magentagalaxies]

fucking love it when one of my professors brings up kids in the hall in giving me feedback, not in a pandering way but in a "this is an observation i've made about their work and how you could channel this aspect in your own comedy to get yourself out of your comfort zone and play with new things"

#shoutout to my improv teacher fr #we were talking about how i don't use dynamic physicality and movement as much in my characters #and she brought up how so much of their characters are very physical and encouraged me to play with that #and also specifically character temperament and emotions and stuff bc i have a specific range i play in #and it's funny even tho i personally think my comedy style is most like bruce #and scott in a lot of ways has these uninhibited moments i wish i could throw myself into #in terms of character range/voice/temperament/emotion? i'm playing heavily in the scott zone rn #and my professor was like ''that's great but also i wanna see you play a bruce girl'' #we also had a whole conversation about gender and kith and how gender plays into my improv or is absent from it a lot of the time #and holy shit erin my improv teacher wins cis ally of the day award she was so respectful while also having good feedback #(her feedback was low key ''be more overtly trans even if it makes cis people uncomfortable'') #bc like. i'm very overtly trans in my standup rn like you know how aubrey is #but in improv? sure i play many characters regardless of gender but that's the thing. it's ''regardless'' of gender #so i sort of default to being neutral so that others can project onto me. it's sort of ''idgaf i'm chill'' which in itself still is radical #but it gives ''cis allys'' who don't want to deal with gender an outlet to just project onto me in a way that i could own much more #anyway the way i process feedback is often by repeating it to someone else so like. this didn't need to be a post this is for me #but idk if you're following along with my comedy journey (or even if you just want to hear my professor reference kids in the hall!) #maybe this is of interest to you. in any case i'm very excited to play with all this stuff much more #and i definitely feel confident in my comedic identity and trans identity and most of all my trans-comedian identity #and i'm excited to see how i grow from here

[murphywilling]

Kid: Come on, you tiny little boy

Me: Tiny little boy?

Kid: Yeah, you're a girl but some girls are girl-boys

#i mean you can't really explain it any better can you #i rarely talk about being a parent on here but we've been trying our best to be as gender neutral as possible #we never even explained the “difference” between girls and boys or defined gender at all #just goes to show little kids have the capacity to reconcile what they learn from their parents/tv/school and form their own conclusions #gender

[dangergays]

if people dont start tagging gendered listeners in their fucking art and fics im going to LOSE MY FUCKING MIND

#i hate to say it like this but #NOT ALL OF US ARE GIRLS. #NOT ALL OF US ARE FEM ALIGNED OR PRESENTING IN ANY FUCKING WAY. #THE AUDIOS ARE FUCKING GENDER NEUTRAL!!!! #TAG YOUR OCS!!! TAG THE GENDERS!!! I DONT CARE JUST FUCKING TAG IT #and i hate to call out the girls/feminine people in the fandom #but its extremely disheartening and dysphoric as a trans man to go into a tag of my favorite character and see only feminine listeners #whether it be in art or fics its fucking everywhere #please god can we make this a more inclusive space im going insane #shut up lucas #negative #redacted asmr

[merriclo]

writing chapter one for my au rn and. what if i made Loft very confused abt Wild’s pronouns

#wild’s like ‘oh what’s a girl ought to do-‘ and loft’s like ‘ok so she/her’ #and then someone at the stables goes ‘hey son’ and then Loft’s left just insanely confused #wild’s getting some stuff to make dinner and Loft’s just standing there w the most rapid mental thought process #‘are they a girl? a guy? neither? all of the above?? are they like pipit? but then why would they refer to themself as a girl— #—and then be perfectly ok with being called a son? is son gender neutral here? should i ask? are we close enough to ask?’ #he’s thinking so hard other ppl can practically hear it #meanwhile Wild’s having the time of her life chopping up some vegetables completely forgetting that Loft doesn’t know they’re genderfluid

[short666bread]

hot girls love to be facing eviction

#hot girls gender neutral #sry for all my personal posting a lot of stuff happening at once #and i keep making drawings abt it and I don’t have anyplace else to post them rn #and also I like my drawings and want to share them? #like i don’t actually think they can evict us but girl we were late getting you the documents bc you were late asking for them #there are laws abt this #??? #it’ll be fine #even in my worst case scenario I’ll be fine it’s just chaotic #and stressful but #fine #bugthots

[katnissgirlsmakedo]

that was a lie my parents won’t ruin THIS episode by coming home. unfortunately i will probably watch a third episode

#well. ruin is a strong word. i just don’t like how they don’t perceive stuff i like #ignore the second don’t #i’m the baby of the family so everything i like is automatically juvenile and it doesn’t help that i like a lot of things that are juvenile #but like no one in this house can conceptualize ‘family’ media. like if there’s no curse words or sex it’s just For Kids #like get serious y’all just watched harry potter with my sister and no one has ever acted like she’s childish for liking that shit #like i KNOW it’s just because of misogyny 85% of the time because especially in the fantasy genre girl’s stories are seen as more childish #simply due to being about and being written for girls. where boys stories get to be gender neutral because they’re the default #and then because i’m me and 80% of everything i enjoy is about women. the other 20% doesn’t make enough of an impression to not be lumped in #so even though THIS show isn’t about women it’s still something I’M watching and it’s fantasy and it doesn’t have curse words or sex so by #default it’s girly and childish. and that sucks already but sucks even worse because now my family is gonna go about their lives thinking #that bbc merlin is girl stuff. and therefore even remotely feminist. which makes me want to kill myself because i’ve never heard something #less true in my life. like YES i am the annoying girly feminist girl’s girl of this family YES i watch bbc merlin NO that show is not that!! #anyway. that’s annoying. i love how it’s only not stupid to like something in the fantasy genre when it’s harry potter or game of thrones. #like that’s awesome. #we should all kill ourselves. but before that we should publicly execute jk rowling and george rr martin #like i firmly believe jkr should be killed but not for the terf stuff just because she made up the most annoying franchise ever. #beth.txt

[orcelito]

I'm building up a rapport with the newest trans coworker. He's been here for a month or two now and he's pretty cool. Definitely in his sadboy era (judging by the music he listens to, which is SO me at age 20 ish. So like mood). Quiet, but with a wry sense of humor that's been coming out more lately.

I am very definitely out as Not Straight & he has seen this pretty clearly. Also since I'm in management I saw his birth certificate as part of paperwork stuff, so like. He's never upfront told me, but I know he's trans. I've never breathed a word of it to anyone, even to him tbh, so I hope he reads that as a good indicator that I'm Chill

I was complaining yesterday about how heavy the ginger juice was and he was just like "..Gender juice?" As in he misheard me and was genuinely confused what I was talking about. And I was just like. "Oh yeah. Gender Juice. Ya kno." Idk just one of those stupid things that purely cis ppl wouldn't joke about. So I rly hope he's getting not cis vibes from me. Bc I am not out as nonbinary at work bc Oof but like. We r Brothers, him and I. Maybe someday I can mention it. Idk

#speculation nation #like i can imagine him being nervous at me asking to see his birth certificate #it's part of identity verification and whatever. kinda stupid but Legality stuff. it's a business. #him handing me this paper that says Female. and me glancing at it like. Noted. but not saying it. and just passing it back. #if we were alone maybe i wouldve asked but we were out in the store lobby with other ppl around. of course i wasnt gonna say anything. #a few days later tho on his first shift. i kinda Subtly asked him?? but not outright #his name is kinda gender neutral in its full form. but for his training sheet i asked 'so do you want me to write it as [nickname] or...?' #the nickname being a shortened masculine form of the name. which i heard co assistant manager use but i wanted to make sure #and in that question was kinda the like. Very subtle. 'i know it said female on ur thing but say ur male & thats what we'll respect here' #i honestly feel rly glad for this guy that hes got me (y'all know) and now manager in training is also bi #it's honestly a really gay store lmfao. i really love it. #the owner isnt so great at respecting trans ppl. not in a purposeful disrespect way. he just does not get it. #messes up on pronouns like. All The Time if he knows someone is trans. he's never said anything transphobic. hes just kinda clueless #but he hasnt messed up on this guy's pronouns at all bc we havent told him ❤ #literally irrelevant. we've dealt with the paperwork and took care of it all. so as far as i know only me and her know about it #to the point where during the xmas party he was the only guy in attendance and smth about dicks came up #and one of the girls joked about how he looked a lil nervous in the like. 'oh no dont threaten my dick' kind of way #i cannot give proper context bc i honestly do not remember it. but it wasnt meanspirited or anything #it was in the way of her acknowledging him as a guy in that cisnormative way of assuming The Guy that is present #will of course be the one with the dick #and i didnt say anything about it then either. but i do hope it was a nice gender affirmation moment for him #that she so thoroughly thinks of him as a guy that she assumes he'd have everything that most guys do. if that makes sense. #she's a nice person so im sure if she did know he was trans she'd be chill with it. but ultimately she doesnt need to know. #i probably wouldve picked up signs of him being trans myself. but also. i am trans. #so i know the subtle kind of signs that cis ppl dont necessarily know. #so i clocked it. and i confirmed it with the birth certificate. but i have not told Anyone #i do wanna talk about it with him. someday #today we ended up talking about covid at one point & i mentioned how i got it at the start of june. #and i lamented it being the start of pride month & how homophobic it was #and he was just like. full understanding. idk i love the solidarity. gotta talk to him more about this sometime.

[rosicheeks]

Cnc bisexuality kink?

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |

#honestly ANY cnc if I completely trust the person is so fucking hooooooot #but if I’m going to be honest #idk what you mean by cnc bisexuality #like I’m having fun with someone and then they blindfold me #and all of a sudden a girl is touching me? #cause uhm yes please? #honestly I do not give a shit what gender you are #if you can make me laugh and make me cum? #I’m a fan #i have no clue what my sexuality is but who cares #i know I usually say he and him and bf in my posts #but tbh it’s just cause I’m used to it #I’m trying to get more used to using they/them/ and gender neutral tags #we will get there soon folks #but yeahhhhh #also I’m sorry I totally forgot to answer these while I was painting! #not like I got a bunch #but still #thank you for sending me a kink to rate 🥰 #ask #anon #ask game

[seimei-chsq]

now hold on just a minute. how did we go from having illusion mesh everywhere, stitching extra fabric onto his LMEY costume to cover the neckline etc etc… to yuzuru going tits out at an ice show?

#does this mean we can stop with the unnecessary illusion mesh now. yuzuru please. #(this isn’t me trying to say he has to show skin etc etc. this is a silly little joke post. it’s not serious babes! #yuzuru hanyu #faoi 2022 #figure skating #rambles #‘we are going to take a brief intermission before yuzuru hanyu loses all of his clothing 😳' #yuzuru having his hot girl (gender neutral) summer as he deserves <3

[belfryprepz]

Wtf did I just watch.

#my friends and i had a girl night (gender neutral) #if i can be a girl guy then he can be a guy girl #anyway my card got declined at the ice cream shop 😭😭 but that's not the point #we watched she's all that (classic) and then cruel intentions #had to beg my friends not to tell people i made them watch st*p s*bling p*rn cuz that is literally a plotline in the movie 😭 #anyway we all hated it and i was lured in by Sarah Michelle Gellar cuz i think she's hot #turns out there is not a single good character in the whole damn thing #my bsf did not come (sad) so we could not get plastered together (double sad) #but it was still a great time #belfryprepz

[iidsch]

im playing hamsterz 2 and nintendogs bcs nostalgia and wow these games are uh, nowhere near as good as i remember them...... they are really cute but the range of engaging activities you can do each day is super limited, and they get repetitive quite fast :( it makes me wish nintendo would release remakes of these games for the switch with way more things to do, they had a lot of potential

#m #video games #i played nintendogs 2 and it was slightly better than nintendogs but it gets boring really soon too #speaking of this why does nintendo not release games for girls like these anymore #all the pet simulators the 'become a veterinarian a fashionista etc' simulators the horse games the barbie/bratz games are mostly gone? #most of the games we get nowadays for nintendo are from franchises that were mainly targeted to guys/games that are seen as gender neutral #but i dont see those super pink and cute games that often anymore........... a shame honestly #and not to get political but something something misogyny something something women can become masculine but men refuse to be feminine

[nbstevonnie]

well-meaning but ultimately misguided colleague when i mention i haven't done any work for my exam next week: but don't you want to be able to tell your supervisor that you did at least some studying? :/

me, unable to explain that i am so close to burn-out that using my free-time to spend 2-3 hours with a past paper will actually make me more likely to fail the actual exam: well, there's still this weekend and i've taken the day off before the exam so

colleague: oh, okay :)

[3 days later]

me: hold the fucking phone. my supervisor literally didn't even know what paper he was turning up for when he took the exam. he couldn't say a fucking thing to me even if he wanted to

#job stuff #this colleague of mine is a lovely person but they are very. idk if there's a shorthand word for it #but they are so resilient that they can't understand that not everyone else is like that / that people shouldn't have to be that resillient #e.g. their mum had cancer while they were doing their a-levels (their mum's fine) and they didn't take any concessions or tell anyone #and came out with i think 3 A*s #but then anyone else who's going though / went though something is measured against their yardstick? #like 'well my mum had cancer and *I* just got on with it' etc etc #like girl (gender neutral)... you shouldn't have had to. #that's a sad story and i wish you could see that #and not everyone can get through something like that without a breakdown #which is to say i'm not going through anything as traumatic as that #but i have been so overloaded with work that the exam is the furthest fucking thing from my mind #and i hope my supervisors will appreciate that esp bc as i say one of them literally rocked up to the exam with no study themselves #(they passed which is sort of what makes it okay but. i will not apologise for not studying) #(esp as i did the studying last year and it meant fuck all 🙃) #anyway i knew she wouldn't get it so i just faked it #but the real ones know #(another colleague said to me as i was leaving the office 'good luck with your exam next week - i know you've put loads of work in ;)') #(and we laughed)

[inkskinned]

you spent hours in libraries and in art supply stores trying to absorb the artist tips from books your parents didn't want to buy you. on each page of every "how to draw" is a version of the same four things: this is how you shade a sphere. this is how you shade a cone.

this is what a man looks like. he is hard and angular and jutting. his chest narrows a triangle down to his sharp hip and long legs. his jawbone is a square. he is powerful, imposing, his hands are big and meaty. he is a leader.

this is what a woman looks like. she is soft and her hands tuck her long hair back behind a delicate ear. she is big-eyed and round (but not too round, she is skinny, here is the faint sketch of her abs showing), she is smaller and lighter and pretty. she has thick black lashes and her tits do not come with a massive ribcage to offset the weight we put on her - she has curves, but they are impossibly slim without giving her backache trouble. there is a large red hourglass outlined on top of her figure, the way there is a triangle outlined on top of the man. her face is a heart-shape, and her lips are pouting.

here is how you draw the woman and the man together. the man should be in action shots. the woman's ass should be in action shots. she should fit against the man to compliment his negative space - she should slot into his shadow so when they hug, they become one uniform space. here is how all the other artists have done it, see how good it looks when the man (angles, fire, passion, action) and the woman (roundness, water, emotion, supplication) complement each other? he begins the sentence, she is his ending.

do you want to kiss another girl? that is round-to-round. that is fitting the wire into the wrong socket! how would the faces look together? a single silhouette you sketch and then hide, scribbling over it.

do you want to look like a girl? by sheer genetic happenstance, you absolutely don't look like that, and you never have. you don't look like a man, either, though, do you. you don't feel like you truly belong to either gender, but there is not a "neutral/fluid" drawing in the book. there is male (triangle) or female (hourglass).

but you have a square jaw and square hands and "masculine" proportions. but you have curves and roundness and full lips and "feminine" features. someone online says, definitively, that any form of gender noncompliance is "a mental illness." this comment has over one thousand likes from people who agree.

here is how you shade a square. none of the clothes at the store look good on you, you always somehow feel like you're wearing a weird kind of costume. here is how you shade a sphere. your friend's mother calls the school because she's horrified you're in the same changing room. here is the neutral body figure: it is a wooden man. technically the wooden man is genderless, but that is because masculinity is the default, and everyone calls the figure "a wooden man." you must be small and posable and skinny and featureless, then you can be masculine enough to not have gender.

here is how to draw a person. begin with some shapes. choose the right shapes to get that person's gender correct. do not kiss her. shade in short, sharp lines.

when she laughs, look away.

#spilled ink #writeblr