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rappaccini · 4 months

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the ultimate gwenship tierlist made up of all the people and creatures she has kissed, dated, flirted with or had a hint of vibe with is complete at last.

in this essay, i will--

NO GOD NO PLEASE NO: the ships that'll wreck her character

miles warren / the jackal (earth-616): the clone-crazy professor who was obsessed with gwen-616, transferred those feelings to gwen-65 and wanted to put her in a barbarian basement. handled right in the mcguire run, since him being evil was the point, as was how gwen being in 616 only leads to her living in gwen-616's shadow (🧂). he's in this tier because even though his execution was excellent, his motives were reprehensible.

peter parker / spider-man (earth-616): the gwiles of 10 years ago. no matter how kind he is, peter will suck her into his orbit, turn her into his sidekick-girlfriend and always treat her like a replacement goldfish for his gwen. and gwen will always be trailing after him, comparing him to her peter. terrible terrible ship that wrecks all their character development.

miles morales / spider-man (earth-1610): the gwen/peter of today, but the one that stands a strong chance of happening thanks to the sv movies. a boy she has no chemistry and nothing in common with, who she's too old for, who'll take away her independence and girlfriendify her because of his sheer popularity. if the best case scenario for them is gwen giving up her personality, loved ones, world, interests, dreams and her purpose to become a spider-wife and mother to kids she would never want to have, then don't fucking do it. terrible terrible ship that makes miles more shallow and drags gwen kicking and screaming back into the male gaze.

peter parker / the lizard (earth-65): he had an unreciprocated crush on his best friend, turned to villainy out of insecurity and misogyny, and decided to pull a quiet-kid-takes-a-gun-to-prom to punish her for going with another guy instead of him. the point of his character is that this boy wanted to possess gwen so badly that he decided to eat her and everyone she cares about alive when he couldn't have her. it's that in order for spider-gwen to be her own hero, she had to claw peter and the expectations of a relationship with him off of her and beat them to death first. making them a couple fucks up those themes. the only reason it's top of the list is that if gwen had a crush on/relationship with him and moved on, it still works, because he still wouldn't let her go.

shouldn't happen, fun to shoot the shit about: terrible in canon, fun in fanon.

kosei (earth-616): fun chemistry with gwen but forgettable personality, in this tier and not the one above because he was originally going to be working with jackal to hand gwen to him. could've been neat if they ended up dating and we got a betrayal arc.

benji jones (earth-616): sassy aussie classmate-turned-friend who's secretly a rat monster planning to lure gwen to jackal? dope. they didn't need to also be girlfriends, but hey, it could've been fun.

cindy moon / superior silk (earth-65): i simply think that cindy's hateful obsession over the teenage girl she used as a lab rat and thinks stole her destiny is intriguing and a dash of murderdock-style psychosexual obsession would make it spicier.

jesse drew / agent 77 (earth-65): if jesse weren't a family man i'd kill for him and gwen to team up to take cindy moon out. they'd have a gwen-kaine vibe minus the you're-wearing-the-face-of-my-dead-best-friend baggage. nice! oh well!

sue storm / invisible woman (earth-65): no chemistry here whatsoever but the concept of gwen getting a hot power-hungry female villain to make out with is strong.

matt murdock / kingpin (earth-65): top of the list because it's canon that he's attracted to her and the implications are horrifying and fascinating. they should never reciprocate it in canon, but MAN his psychosexual love-hate fascination with gwen is a treat. gwendock is what migwen shippers think they're doing.

harmless but pointless: if you do it, it's fine, if you don't we won't miss it

mateo (earth-65): the guy with the cardboard personality gwen went out with in shadow clones. far as i'm concerned, she hit it and quit it. good for her. i hope he never returns.

betty brant (earth-65): they just do not give me any romantic vibe whatsoever and their friendship is fantastic. we simply don't need it. but if it happened it wouldn't, like, wreck anything.

horny disaster. please do it: they'd be a terrible couple, but a hot situationship with interesting story potential.

kitty pryde / shadowcat (earth-65): unstable older girl with rage issues who's homicidally protective of her father figure and constantly being forced into shitty situations by powerful men? i want gwen to try to fix her. they have nothing in common except similar trauma which will be bad for them but great for the drama. give us a dash of that ultimate spider-man/kitty pryde romance with a toxic queer twist.

kaine / scarlet spider (earth-616): you can't convince me they didn't fuck in that car during clone conspiracy and decided not to tell peter about it. a secret fling with a gruff moody older man who has the face of the incel best friend you killed in self defense, a chip on his shoulder related to being constantly in the shadow of a 616 character you share a face with and a shitload of baggage with your common nemesis, the jackal? sounds like a mess! let's go!

has potential, needs more data: could either move up or down a tier but we need more material before i can pass judgment OR good! but mid!

cindy moon (earth-616): they've never given me that vibe but we could go there. both of them have Forced To Date A Spider-Man Trauma and chemistry with other female characters. could be interesting! (... still on 616 though)

glory grant (earth-65): i'd prefer for them to stay friends but i'd be curious about where this could go. a civilian girlfriend could be a nice change; glory's got a personality that could keep gwen down to earth. plus they could bond over being sick of em jay's shit. it would be very iconic of them to dump her for each other.

anya corazon / arana (earth-616): another obviously-queer-but-the-writers-wont-let-us-say-it dimension-hopping female spider-hero who gwen has good camaraderie with. it could be nothing. it could be fun. let's find out!

felicia hardy / chat noir (earth-65): another vengeful girl who hates murdock, loves music, has belligerent sexual tension with em jay and daddy issues? gwen could fix her or felicia could make her worse, either way sapphic spidercat is long overdue.

johnny storm / human torch (earth-65): sure he commits arson and burned his mom alive but the bitch had it coming and he's clearly not as into the villain thing as sue. let's give the spider-man/human torch friendship a twist by giving gwen a fire himbo to redeem or have a tumultuous trainwreck romance with.

need to get together, need to break up: they shouldn't end up together but they have to be a couple so we can get closure on their tension

em jay watson / carnage (earth-65): the best friend who was the first to catch on that gwen's a superhero, writes song after song dedicated to her, has chemistry off the charts... we've been waiting for this shit for a decade and we just need to do it already. resolve the sexual tension and let them be together for a while. she's strong enough to protect gwen from gwiles. when the danger's over break them up because at the end of the day, em isn't comfortable with gwen's superhero antics, which she can never give up, and she's got a toxic controlling streak that gwen Does Not Need. plus em and glory are simply better.

steve trevor potential: the love interest that'll be compatible with gwen and supportive of her heroing

harry osborn / green goblin (earth-65): they don't have much spice but it's more than made up for by the sweet connection, the angsty history and the fantastic buildup. the friends to almost-couple to enemies to almost-lovers trajectory is insane. there's literally nothing left for them to do but get together. he could be the supportive sidekick boyfriend who follows gwen on her adventures. he's technically the father of her symbiote. he's the troubled rich boy she fixes with her love. just fucking do it already.

holy grail: too good to be canonized

gwen's symbiote (earth-65): her soulmate if we're honest. this blob of alien spider goop, radioactivity, lizard scales, and gwen and harry's dna saved gwen from her nemesis, found harmony with her and is the source of her power. sure they had some growing pains learning to live together, but they make a great team. earth-617 had it right: happily single gwen living with her symbiote is a great outcome for her.

hobie brown / spider-punk (earth-138): spider-gwen should be able to fall in love with spider-man without it ending in tragedy or her loss of autonomy, and he's the only one it'll work with. out-of-universe, editorial will never break her down to build him up because she's a bigger character than him, and in-universe, it'd be too ooc for him to ever want that. beyond that, they already have great chemistry, they're a wonderful team, they're both counterculture musicians with creative friend groups who they're obviously queer with but editorial won't admit it, he turns into a big soft goofball around her and they have fascinating narrative parallels. he's the one but it'll never be canon.

#spider gwen #spider gwen meta #gwen stacy #ghostgoblin #gwenjay #ghostpunk #gwenya #gwendy #and now a ton of made up fucking ship names bc they don't exist anywhere but my brain and i have to file this shit somewhere #glorygwen #ghosttorch #ghostcat #shadowghost #scarletghost #gwendock #spider gwen thoughts

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