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heroictoonz · 14 days

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king I've been putting off a rewatch of s15-17 for ages do u think its worth it

My instinct is so say no save yourself but like jokes aside I think that’s up to you like, I always said that they gave the RvBs a “bad ending” and that they ruined Tucker’s character post Chorus however, that was back when season 16 was literally first coming out

Flash back here but so when s16 was coming out I was just getting more and more upset with the writing of the show especially and honestly almost specifically Tucker. Somewhere near the end of s16 I stopped watching (didn’t even finish the season) and then after a bit I heard that the next season was gonna revolve around whole new characters

Now this, I only recently learned was weird miscommunication. See I’m trash ass shit at keeping up with news of shit even shit that I like so for the longest time I thought the story of this group I’ve been following since I was a teenager ended at s16 which KILLED me inside so I swore off the rest of the show and vowed to never watch it. Instead I mostly just rewatched Chorus or s1-s13 if I wanted to rewatch the “whole” show. Basically just watching till the end of Chorus and stopping. Every time I tried to go rewatch s15 to mmmaybe finish the show I kept remember how bad things got and kept running away

I’m gonna give some vague spoilers from here on out but it’s cause I do genuinely wanna talk about how I feel having literally only a few minutes ago finished s16 and s17 for the first time

I decided to finish RvB LITERALLY last night like no joke and it’s cause I saw spoilers out of context for s19 and I was like fuck it I need to see what the hell that is show is over anyways might as well finish it. So I am doing that now

I rewatched/finished s16 and fucking hated it. The good parts were Wash being cute and silly and my favorite guy ever of all time and forever. There’s also Grif and this character named Huggins they’re like on god one of my new brotps of all time damn RvB writes some good ass season specific supporting cast cause holy shit man. Also! I liked that Kai was in it! I enjoy Kai so so so so so much! I’ve always wanted more of her in the show! UNFORTUNATELY!

Tucker is so hard to watch. It’s so honest to god painful to watch. Maybe that’s what they were going for I don’t know. But, having now seen season 17 I get what they were TRYING to do I just don’t fully like how they did it.

In s17 Tucker admits to himself that the reason why in s16 he was acting so weird and gross and toxic masculinity “I have to have the biggest and most talented dong in the room at all times or I’ll kms” character ever is cause he was trying to be a leader

It’s sounds stupid and personally I think it IS stupid but now that I know what they were TRYING to write it makes these post Chorus seasons more bearable.

Basically, Tucker spent all that time in Chorus forced to be a leader. Once he finally got comfortable in the position of one Chorus no longer needed them. He wanted to keep being a leader keep feeling like a leader and it went to his head. He tried acting cool and tough and macho cause that’s what he thought a leader was and he says this! Out loud he admits all this to himself in s17! And honestly? That’s SUCH a good fucking concept it’s super fucking interesting and I really dig it plus with Tucker FAILING at being the leader it gave Donut well deserved character growth. I’ve always hated how sidelined Donut got compared to the others cause I’ve always liked him but s17 is definitely Donut’s season and to see him finally get screen time and respect and also have genuine moments of connection with the others was honestly really fucking awesome

So, do I like s16? God no. Do I recommend it watching it? Hard to say. You have to watch it if you wanna finish the show. Is finishing the show worth it? Honestly I dunno yet I haven’t seen 18 or 19 so it’s to be seen rn. But s17 where not perfect was definitely better than 16 and gave better insight on what they were trying to do. I don’t like the execution I don’t think it was as done very well but I like the ideas I like what they were attempting

S15 I admittedly do not fucking remember at all cause again it’s not a season I’ve rewatched more than maybe twice cause I kept stopping cause I just did not wanna deal with what I knew was coming. And I know me I know myself I know if I tried rewatching the show from the start or even s15 in an attempt to finish it I’d ever fucking do it so instead I just started from s16 and went forward

I don’t remember out right hating s15 but similar to the above I think there were good ideas and not all of them were perfectly done in writing. Also there’s this like really cool interesting thing that is about Tucker that then ends up being a stupid child support payment joke and that sucks so much it makes me so burningly livid I don’t even have a joke here it just makes me mad

But! It brings in the concept of other reds and blues other soldiers that were left in the rubbles of project freelancer which is super interesting again I think they coulda done more with specific parts of it and the “Tucker doesn’t pay child support for the buncha kids he fucked into existence” joke sucks especially when they CONSTANTLY SHOW HIM AS A VERY DOTING AND LOVING FATHER it’s fine I’m not mad I’m not bitter I promise

But uh yeah honestly if you like the show a lot I say watch it even if it sucks. Some of my biggest special interests are GARBAGE shows with writing so bad it makes me wanna commit actual arson. But, I love the characters I love the settings and I love what could have been maybe that’s why I always keep sticking around in stuff like this lol even if it sucks I like to imagine what could make it better cause I love it! And if I didn’t love it I wouldn’t care to put as much energy into wanting it to be better as I do! That’s the same with RvB! I wish it was better I wish SSOOOO BADLY that it was better but it’s cause I love it so fucking much not out of any sort of hate if that makes sense?

Idk tldr it’s up to you and you might suffer a bit but if you love the show I say go for it

Aaaand it’s 2am and I read ur ask wrong I thought that said “watch” not “rewatch” but? Points still stand I’m the kinda person that will rewatch even the seasons I hate to remember why I like the ones I love (I’m looking at you Ninjago season 3 you hot fucking garbage that I’ve sadly seen more times than I would like)

#rvb #red vs blue #toonz talks #toonz asks #ancient-romes

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fleshdyke · 1 month

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its honestly starting to feel like im never going to get hired. the job market in ontario is absolutely abysmal already and it's just extra bad in my area bc i live in the depths of the suburbs and there's exactly one place (a tims) within 3 kilometres of here that will hire random teenagers (so not family owned/specific required experience). and most of my neighborhood is around 14-20 years old so obviously all the kids of families who moved here when they were young/not yet born are looking for jobs and there is ONE tims for every single teenager in the neighborhood to apply to. there's only 3 more places within 6 km, and obviously no one wants to walk six fucking kilometres to work bc most of us can't drive and none of us have our own cars, everyone's parents are working, and no one has any way to get to work anywhere other than that one tims. and all the teenagers have school to go to so we're not available for the week, my school bus doesn't get me home until an hour after school ends and unless i get a job at that one tims i need at least an hour to walk to work, and no one wants to hire someone whose working hours are 5-11 and weekends. and the worst fucking part is that for a teenager im crazy overqualified and no one wants to fucking hire me. i have nearly 5 years of continuous volunteer experience (WORKING WITH THE PUBLIC), did a paper route for like four years, have several clubs and extracurriculars on my resume, and ive gotten two interviews. TWO. and one of them was only because my brother's girlfriend already works there (but that didn't even get me the job). like any minimum wage job that's hiring teenagers should be goint CRAZY trying to hire me bc what 17 year old has 5 years of volunteer experience???? and i get NOTHING. and like idk how to say this without sounding mean or whatever which is not what im trying to do at all but like half the ppl in my classes who have jobs i know for a fact dont have any experience in anything and are shitty workers and yet they get hired at exactly the same places i apply to!!! when im objectively a way more desirable employee!!! like im not saying i deserve the job more than them or anything but like i just genuinely do not understand why i'm not being hired. i was always told my whole life that extracurriculars and volunteering would look great on a resume and make everyone want to hire me but it's not fucking true. and i'm exhausting every option available to me. like genuinely i don't know if i'm EVER going to get a job at this rate. i dont really have a point here im just rambling but things are looking absolutely fucking bleak for teenagers rn.

#rambles #vent

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gayforrenee · 1 year

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My ratings on how emotional some of my favorite EAH duos would make me if they played marbles (the thing from Squid Game!!!) (also I just kind of want to give everyone my take on how I think it would all happen and who would die)

Before I go any further, mb for just dipping on y'all. I just left the EAH fandom and then got back into it. And I actually HAVE started writing All I Want again (weird that it was so sudden but whatever)

This is from the least emotional (still cry-worthy fs tho) to the most emotional (literally screaming and sobbing). 1 and 2 are actually tied because I couldn't decide which was worse. I struggled rlly bad on some of these so just because I put one higher doesn't mean I wouldn't fucking lose my mind for the lower one

8. Daring/Rosabella

Y'all. I'm sorry. I do love them. Don't get me wrong. They're just at the bottom. They were actually the only duo that I was even close to being sure about. I genuinely like them and if they had to play, I would be shedding tears. I feel like a lot of people would instantly go for Rosabella because of her like savior type of attitude sometimes, but I'm gonna be fr with y'all. I think Daring would actually lose. I think he would find a way around letting her lose. I know he's made out to be selfish sm, but then in the last season he kind of has that redemption arc and I actually start to like him. I think that Rosabella would try to fool him into winning, but he would possibly see through her playing with him and end up ultimately losing. It would definitely be emotional, but I feel like he would take it bravely. That might not be quite the right word, but I can't think of another good one rn so whatever.

Survivor: Rosabella

7. Darling/Daring

I KNOW. COME AT ME. This one would definitely be rough. The first thing I thought of when I saw this was that Daring would try to be the brother in the situation. He would try to protect, but I think he would fail. Darling can do anything she puts her mind to, and if she really wanted herself to lose, she would make it happen. That's just the tea y'all. I feel like there would be a moment where it looks like Daring's going to lose, and then Darling swoops in and takes that spot right out from under him. I think he would be really hurt, and I think he would feel a lot of guilt afterwards because he let that happen to his sister. There's a possibility that it could be him instead of her, which would take the path of him acting like the brother and taking the fall for her, but I just feel like she would end up losing.

Survivor: Daring

6. Cupid/Blondie

People don't talk about this ship enough, so I'm going to. Anyway, I love them. I think they're adorable and would've made a great couple. Thinking about them playing the marble game makes me want to kms bc I think it would constantly be them going back and forth and trying to get the other to take their marbles. I think Blondie would eventually convince Cupid that she needs to lose and not Cupid, and despite Cupid trying to beg her not to, Blondie lets Cupid take her marbles and she loses. It would honestly be hard to watch even though I have it at six. I would for sure cry a lot, and it would be really heartfelt. They're both just so soft when you take away their sassy and sarcastic moments. One of my favorite underrated ships.

Survivor: Cupid

5. Holly/Poppy

Just want to say how much I love these two. I love their personalities and just everything about them. I do feel like both would try to save the other. Again, it would be a back and forth battle between who's going to lose. I think that Poppy would end up being the one to lose. Holly would just give up because she sees that she's getting nowhere with Poppy. It would be extremely bittersweet and she would be nonstop crying. She would try to reason with her, but it wouldn't work. Poppy would be determined to let Holly live, so she would let herself lose.

Survivor: Holly

A/N: Here's the good shit y'all. Everyone is going to fucking HATE me. I'm so sorry in advance. My imagination really said fuck you once I got to like 3.

4. Apple/Raven

...

So. I feel like it would be giving Dragon Games LMFAO. No bc like it would be super angsty and sad. They would be fighting for each other to survive until the very end. There would be a lot of tears and a lot of just meltdowns over it. Despite the whole thing about how Raven is portrayed as the more selfless one in the friendship, I'm just gonna say it rn. Apple stopped being selfish (... only partially because she DID get herself killed to save Raven which only hurt her more but it's fine)

APPLE LOST.

She definitely lost. Raven didn't see it coming, and it just happened. Apple accepted it and that was it. Raven definitely walked away from this with guilt for the rest of her life. She would never be the same. I think she would always feel like a part of her was missing.

Survivor: Raven

3. Darling/Apple

I'll just start by saying that Apple dies. I'll explain why. LET ME EXPLAIN. PLEASE.

My take on this is, of course, that Darling loves Apple more than she will ever realize (literally no fucking shit). Everyone is made to believe that Darling is going to be the one who loses. Even Apple believes this. It makes sense that Darling would be the one to die. She's the knight in the relationship. Literally. Anyway, it just makes sense. How she is would just make complete sense. You're made to think that in the end, it's going to be Darling. It almost is. Apple really has her mind set on it being herself, but she just has a feeling that it'll be Darling. She thinks that Darling is going to find a way to lose her marbles. Then they start to get close to the end, and it clicks in Apple's mind that she can't let Darling die. She refuses to let her go. So she does what any good girlfriend would do.

Apple lets Darling get all of her marbles before Darling even realizes what Apple was doing. The minute that Darling has Apple's last marble, she just stares at her. I think she would silent cry and Apple would try to be optimistic. It would be so fucking emotional. I don't know how well I would handle it.

Survivor: Darling

2. Maddie/Raven

Banging my head against a wall because the way I would cry. I feel like everyone knows who would die. Let's just be fr. It's Maddie. Y'all can come at me, but it's Maddie. I know she's like goofy and crazy most of the time, but when it comes down to it, she absolutely loves her friends to the ends of the universe. She would do anything for them. I love her relationship with Raven, and I feel like going into it, Raven would already know that Maddie was going to lose. She would try to deny it, but she would already know. It would be gut feeling that she couldn't shake. She would try to draw the game out so that she had more time with Maddie, but it wouldn't matter because Maddie was going to die sooner or later. I think Maddie would be cracking jokes and trying to make Raven smile until she was finally killed. She would definitely know as well from the beginning that she would be the one. It wouldn't be that Raven didn't want to do it, because she really did, it would just be that Maddie felt like it should be her. Maddie wanted to let Raven live even if meant that she couldn't. This would make me bawl fr.

Survivor: Raven

2. Kitty/Lizzie

I actually just put this one on the list of ships to do, so here we go. This would be super fucking angsty. Both of them love each other a lot and don't want to watch the other one die. They know that one of them will have to die, but they want it to be themselves. It would be horrible to watch because I feel like, and don't get mad because I actually struggled to think about who would die, it would be Lizzie who lost. I can see it being Kitty. I definitely can, BUT, there's just something that makes me believe that it would truly be Lizzie in the end. I think both of them would hold it together for the most part until the end. Kitty would finally win and completely lose her shit. Lizzie would accept her fate but continuously apologize to Kitty for letting this happen. I think Kitty would tell her "it's okay" and just try to make her feel not guilty. Kitty wouldn't come out of this okay at all. I feel like she would actually go insane after watching the love of her life die.

Survivor: Kitty

A/N: GOD I FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR DOING THESE LAST TWO. I love y'all but here comes, in my opinion, the ones that would make me want to break shit and kms. They're the full-on mental breakdown ones.

Ashlynn/Briar

I'll start this one by apologizing because I'm going to be dead serious right now. I would literally have a meltdown over this. I wouldn't be able to handle it. Their friendship is wholesome and they love each other so much that it hurts. And for the love of FUCKING GOD I AM SO SORRY BUT ASHLYNN LOSES.

I'm leaving that there.

This one is bad. It's definitely a lot of crying and "I love you's" because who doesn't lose playing a game where one of you has to die and the other has to live with that guilt for the rest of their (very possibly short) life. Briar definitely goes into the game convinced that she's going to do it. She prepares herself the entire time. She loses her mojo a few times because she feels bad that Ashlynn is crying so much and is just an emotional mess. It just reminds her of how Ashlynn would be if Briar actually lost. This one would be hard to watch. I think there would just be constant crying on both sides if I'm being completely honest. I think that everyone would seriously think it's Briar, and then you realize that it's going to be Ashlynn. There would be that moment of "wait, what the fuck did she just do?" It would be gut-churning honestly. Ashlynn was honestly always too nice, and this would be the moment when she needed to not be. Briar would tell her she needed to just let her lose so Ashlynn could walk away from this, but Ashlynn wouldn't want that. I think the second that Briar realized that it wasn't going to be her that lost, she would try to push herself harder to get rid of her marbles. In the end, it would be Ashlynn that got killed. Briar would take it really hard and she would struggle afterwards with the death of her best friend.

Survivor: Briar

A/N: ON GOD THE ONE I'VE BEEN WAITING TO TELL EVERYONE BECAUSE I WANT TO CRY RN THINKING ABT IT

Briar/Faybelle

Shaking. Crying. Screaming. Throwing up. Sobbing.

This would be really bad.

Absolutely fucking horrible to watch.

Writing the part of how this happens, I'm still unsure as to who I'm going to go with on losing, so we'll see as I keep going.

God, this is fucking hard. I can imagine it and I don't want to. It would be super angsty. Like screaming and fighting. A lot of crying. I know Faybelle normally hides all of her emotions on the show and whatever, but this would be that time that she just lets go. Going into the game, they both wanted themselves to die. It's hard to think about because on one hand, you have Briar who is the more soft one in the relationship and wants to let Faybelle survive because she loves her, but then you have Faybelle who feels guilty about how she's treated Briar in the past and she doesn't believe at all that she can continue her life without Briar. It's mostly the latter, but those are just two major points. I think that the idea of the other dying would be the fuel for wanting to lose their own marbles. They would be going back and forth the whole time. I just feel like the angst would be what hurts everyone. It would be so much screaming and crying of how they can't live without the other. We would also see a side of Faybelle that's never even been grazed, and I think that would hurt even more because the fact that Faybelle would let herself act so desperate and be so vulnerable would be an eye-opener. It would be like "oh shit, Faybelle actually fucking loves Briar and literally is about to let herself die just so she can survive." And then you have everything from Briar's pov which is "I can't live without Faybelle so I'm going to lose and she'll learn to live without me. She'll be okay." Both would have similar outlooks on it, but in the end, I genuinely believe that both would die.

Briar would let herself lose first and Faybelle would just fucking lose her mind completely. I think Faybelle would literally be on her knees and begging them to just kill her. If they didn't, she would find a way to do it herself because she can't live without Briar.

Very sob-worthy if you ask me.

Anyway, they both die. End of story. Not really but I don't want to actually write something abt this bc I would cry before I even got one paragraph in

Survivor: Neither bc I'm a bitch

#eah #briar beauty #faybelle thorn #ever after high #bribelle #dappling #clondie #ashlynn and briar #rapple #kizzie #maddie and raven #darling and daring #rosabella and daring #holly and poppy

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chronicbloodynoses · 3 months

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honestly mbikmb is actually me rn

the drum - i feel such a depressive cycle everyday and im not getting fucked up bc i cant w my situation but if i could i prob would b!

happy news 4 sadness - my ex lied 2 me constantly + my perception of love is actually so fked up after him and i constantly tried 2 change myself and use sexual stuff for him 2 love me (he treated me like shit and then convinced me i wanted too much from him)

sunburned shirts - honestly i see this as a nostalgia where it ends up not being what you remember, he used 2 look at the sun and he thought of it fondly, but it hurt more than he remembered

stoop kid - its me! im stoop kid! ive been so conditioned to my mother's baby-ing and when i try to be independent im not allowed and then i get yelled at for never helping out and im terrified to leave bc shes constantly saying that i'll fail completely on my own! also in my later "growing up" yrs i watched hey arnold LOL

something soon - i feel so strongly abt this song. trying to do things to keep from losing it + cutting off my hopes bcuz i feel incapable, i feel like the only way i'll ever b seen is to cause problems! break shit! my mother talked a whole bunch of shit about my dad so now i'll never ever see him the same despite him never actually doing anything to me! i both fear and hate him and miss him and wish i had a dad!!!!! treating what im going through as the past to keep myself from focusing on my problems so i dont kms!!!! wanting to hurt myself to have some reason to be upset!!!! wanting to express my emotions but never being able to!!!! if i cant feel better soon then im actually gonna lose my shit GENUINELY! i am completely unable to tell my mother anything bc either it has to do w her and she can do no wrong or its my fault how i feel! (fun fact- i got yelled at in eighth grade 4 listening to help let me go danny gonzalez bc of the kidnapping a girl part and my music is "too dark" LOL (she threatened to send me to a mental hospital on the same car ride to school)) this town is freezing cold!!! i need out!!!!!!! im not allowed to do laundry and my mom barely does it and acts like if i literally have no underwear then its the hardest thing in the world and i have to wait til bc shes constantly too tired (girl i just wore my last pair and im NOT wearing the ones with holes in them) wanting to be somethig more and never feeling content. ignoring my problems w content and procrastinating to complete guilt, i want to leave n sneak out (i literally could ive snuck someone in multiple times b4 LOL), if i dont romanticize what im going through i'll ACTUALLY fucking lose it (im already inching toward a breaking point xP) i hate this house!!!! ive grown up in the same butt fuck nowhere town in the same horrible traumatic house!!!!!!! i need!!!!!!!! to escape!!!!!! so bad!!!!!

guys we're halfway through the album LOL

no passion - this song is actually so depressed dancing 4 me but i honestly dont really listen 2 this one much n think abt the lyrics so no comment VERY EXTREMELY sorry for no passion fans i WILL think of u and listne 2 it more

father, flesh in rags - i love/hate this song honestly, like it kinda reminds me of my ex (scoliosis! his relationship w his dad was a big problem of our relationship!) thats all u get it kinda hurts LOL not in a way of missing him but i get really upset thinking abt all the shit i put up w and forgot abt bc of my SEVERE case of rose coloured glasses

strangers - im actually wanting to create are 4 this song LOL anyway this song is less specific 4 me (honestly i burnt out from something soon LOL) but i too am not gonna last much longer! im sofa king sick of it!!!! all of it!!!!!!

lawns - its okay will my dad left too <3

pow - fun fact my great grandpa was a prisoner of war! he was taken while he was in a plane over russia and there he learned the language in his 3 years there n idk if he escaped or was let go but hes honestly such a cool guy like! love him but he died when i was really young so i didnt get much of a relationship w him but if i was a great grandparent i'd be really happy 2 meet my great grand kid so im really happy i got to meet him

open-mouthed boy - i too call god a SHIT and then scamper off

ne way im so obsessed w car seat even if i dont have much to say and im just saying a bunch of nothing burgers i have so much appreciation for everything car seat headrest has done even w the songs i dont like (im looking at you hymn and famous) i know somewhere other people like them n are also so affected by car wseat and its just like wowzerz! love this band sofa king much! cant wait to see them live in june!!!!!

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flufferanian · 4 years

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#OKKOMovie I can't belive my life is fucking ruined cause of you guys!1!!!!! 😩 Killing Myself: A Thread Let me just say, the whole "shut the fuck up about the OK KO" is completely ironic... well, almost. As much as I want there to be new material for OK KO, I'd always figure I would've be able to prep myself up as a fanartist before working my way into the industry but I guess I'm not even good at that. One of the few opportunities I took the time out of my day to set up for myself, something I looked so excitedly for, something that gave me a brighter tommorow, is fucking GONE rn (if I don't kms as soon as this is posted then I'll be glad to come up with at least special of some sort to make up for it and rewrite a bit if needed) all these ideas about bringing change to the table really stuck in my head, I felt like I could get somewhere somewhere with them given than I had the artistic training and experience. But the hard truth is that reality doesn't fucking wait for you. If your one of the "r*tarded ones" then your only purpose on life is to continuously be fucked over if it ends up being an actual thing right now, I'm probably gonna kill myself as soon as news is posted about so I don't have to live in shame of broken promises. You might go ahead and ask "Can't you focus on your original content instead? 'Unsolicited pitches' are illegal you know"... But the thing is, even as a showrunner, ideas and concepts could go wrong or into development hell. I still want to push forward with these concepts even if they never make it to the final screen (if at all!). By envisioning myself genuinely TRYING to work with media I was the least bit with (or for fuck's sake, someone else's idea to put it bluntly), not only would that give me the chance to hone in social, team-working skills critical to life itself, this incredible vision made me felt like could actually live up to my therapist's wishes and actually prove once for all that I'm in fact, NOT a deranged sociopath that thirsts for the thrill of modern bloodshed. But rather an autistic adult filled with kindness, wonder, and the passion to make the world a better place through the art of visual media. One who desperately needs a full-blown support system and immense psychiatric help before it's too late. I cackle at the thought of all this fucked up shit. I don't laugh cause it's funny, I laugh cause I'm in pain. My mind let's out a giggle that cries, one that says "this can't be fucking real" while accepting the fact that it IS and there's nothing you can do to make it out, all because the privledged people around you don't give a fuck about your 'lazy ass'. I could bow down give these bitches manicures day and day out and they'd STILL go on about how everything is my fault and how I'm such a bad person, all cause I'm way too deathly afraid to follow through with that same-old classic bullshit they always throw back at me. Releasing the OK KO movie at a time like this wouldn't calm my nerves but rather, make me more relentless and self-aggrivated more than ever before. not because things didn't turn out the way I thought but because this wouldn't be just another cute movie anymore to me, it would serve as a painful reminder that no matter how far you reach for the stars, no matter what your end goals are there will always be something to shred your dreams to pieces. And if you don't craft that glue just right then you'll end up in a bigger mess than before. Sometimes, reality hits you so hard that you might actually never be able to get up again. If you can say "you can try again later" or "there's always tommorow", consider yourself privledged for not being forced to view this as a fact of life. Cause for some people, that's all they ever get. It's not that they're "lazy" they gave up, it's because the society they live in deliberately chose not to care. It isn't the dumb hashtag thats making me suicidal, you can have your fucking goddamn film if you want to (and trust me, it's well-deserved!) It's a build-up of sustained abuse that I continuously

#suicide tw #okkomovie #I can't take this shit anymore #I fucking hate everyone and everything now #Self harm tw #goodbye bitches

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for2buns · 4 years

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SOOOO DIRU RUINED ME LMAOOOO not as sore as I thought I'd be but I'm rly suffering from post concert depression bc I had such a great time even tho the pit was absolutely brutal. I noticed a lot of odd comments and happenings about the ny show ( a fight broke out?? ppl upset that we didn't get the final?? Lol) but honestly lmao I don't care I got my whole life and met some fun cool ppl in line and I got to be in front of Kyo for utafumi (my FAVE song on the album it was 10000x better live) and his fox kisses at the end, that's a dream come true 😭😭😭😭😭 I hope they come back soon bc it was the most fun I had this year,,,,also Kaoru riding the edge of the stage all night then pretending to throw his picks and full on laughing when his section of the crowd was shocked was SO good, he think he got jokes lmaoooooooo. I almost caught shinyas drumstick but it landed right behind me and 5 ppl jumped on it and I was like.....anyways....Also Toshiya and Die???? I felt attacked by their looks all night like HOW do you just look model pretty??? Full peacocking on the stage all night I loved it. I had a rosary I wanted soooo badly to throw on stage but I was like if I hit kyo with it I'll kms rn so I still got it lmaooo. But it genuinely felt like a religious experience watching him perform like gooooood......his projection is insane like pulling the mic away from him but you can still hear him murder those notes like ugh KING LET ME LIVE. I left my phone with my friend in the deck so I got no pics but honestly I'm perfectly fine with it I truly lived in that moment and wouldn't want it any other way uwu ❤️🖤 that's my shitty recap , sorry if my boobs were on ur back the whole night like the venue was PACKED truly sold out and that pit was fucking WILD it was my first metal concert ever so I'm lucky I had such a great first time. But this album is so special to my now since I got to hear it live like ughhhh listening to it is gonna be so emotional for me now :')

#diru #dir en grey #gramercy theater #PLEASEEEE COME BACK UGHHH

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talk-refined · 6 years

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5 0 s asks All of them

This isnt all of them but h e r e

billie jean: what do you notice more in a song - the drums or bassline?

Hmm really depends on the song.Usually the bassline though, especially in my favourite songs.

africa: favourite 80s music video?

Probably Take On Me cause I saw ita lot on rage as a kid and I thought the mixed style was really cool.

every breath you take: who’s the first person your mind goes to whenyou hear a love song?

Whoever I’m too far gone on at thetime when I hear it akbsfkd

should i stay or should i go: how many languages do you speak?

Just the one fluently. I’ve learntItalian in the past, and still have a semi working knowledge of Indonesian forbasic conversations. I hope to get better in Indonesian at some point in thefuture.

don’t stop believin’: what’s the longest journey you’ve been on?

The car trip from my home town towhere I live currently. It takes roughly 10 hours to drive, depending onroadworks, and I travelled it often when we were in the process of moving. Thatwas staying in the same state, but it’s the longest time wise. I travelled through(over?) two states for another trip but it was only about a two-hour plane journey.

i wanna dance with somebody (who loves me): who was the last person youdanced with?

A friend of mine at a bush dance Iwent to with a small group of friends! It was very good fun.

maneater: where did you spend your last friday night?

At home working on an essay andthen cooking myself dinner to celebrate submitting it

jessie’s girl: what would you do if you found out your best friend wasseeing your ex?

That wouldn’t happen so I’m goinghypothetical, I would be fine with it unless there were specific circumstances.

born in the u.s.a.: what’s your home town like?

Hot weather, familiar, bigass riverin the middle of it. I haven’t been back in a while now so a lot of myperceptions of it are the thoughts of a child distorted from time. I identifymore with my current town sometimes, as I’ve been here since I was eleven. Butwhere I was born & spent my first eleven years is still an importantelement of my life to me.

wake me up before you go-go: how did your last date go?

Ask me on one and I’ll let you knowin real time lmao. I’ve never been on an official date.

never gonna give you up: how old were you when you joined the internet?

Uhh… I know I was thirteen when Ijoined Tumblr, but I was on the internet via other platforms long before that.Maybe eleven? That’s as far back as I can remember being on the internet butidk.

faith: when was your first kiss?

Bye I haven’t had it yet

i’m so excited: where was your first kiss?

See above lmaoooooo

take on me: could you reach the high note?

I have bad singing habits when notpaying attention, so I often sing from my head and let it get too high. When Itry I can get my voice up but it cracks all over the place on high notes.

footloose: favourite musical?

Ooooo maybe Rocky Horror? Or LittleShop of Horrors. I’m a softie for Grease too though.

9 to 5: do you like country music?

See I’d normally say no to this,and I don’t really actively seek it out in my listening habits. But my sister likesit and played it a bit when I was growing up so there’s a nostalgic elementbehind country music. I do genuinely enjoy a lot of country songs. There I saidit.

material girl: are you sentimental?

Extremely, yes

you shook me all night long: are you seeing anyone at the moment?

Nope. I’m crushing pretty heavily though(please ask me about him if you want before I talk my friends to death sdsbgdbf)

i want candy: chocolate or sweets?

Chocolate. I don’t eat sugar orprocessed stuff very much but I do love chocolate (then again… those fruit chewthings could sway it to sweets dsgdfb)

the power of love: does true love exist?

I think, through respect andcommunication, true love can be built. I don’t hold fantasy concepts of truelove because I don’t think people only have One Person and One Chance at it.But I believe in that deep & true love can exist in relationships. I’m rightinto forming meaningful human relationships of all kinds cause we’re socialbeings and it’s crucial to our wellbeing.

hungry like the wolf: what’s your crush’s favourite music genre?

My last crush (who I’m good friendswith) likes sorta indie folk music. I haven’t gotten to know my current crushwell enough yet to know his though.

walk like an egyptian: favourite song currently in the charts?

I don’t know what’s happening inthe charts rn but as for new music, I really enjoy Humanz. Strobelite is one ofmy favourites off it, brings me back to the heavily creative space I was in atthe end of 2017 :D. (and ofc if I’m speaking of new music I gotta mention how much I love Cool Patrol)

i’m gonna be (500 miles): how far apart do you and your best friendlive?

15,235 km

you spin me round (like a record): favourite modern cover of an oldersong?

Both Under the Covers albums gottatake this one. If I had to pick one song from them I’d probably go with WishYou Were Here cause Pink Floyd is damb hard to cover but they sure did that.More Than A Feeling and Rocket Man deserve mention bc of childhood reasons, andhell just. All of both albums. Thanks for tuning in I love NSP. Oh also though!I forget their name but I found a band who did a very very clean cover of OneOf These Nights that I appreciated so much cause I fucking adore the intro onthat.

how will i know: do you believe everyone is deserving of love?

Coming from my social work studentperspective, yes. Everybody is inherently worthy of respect and love. However.....my angry little protective heart would sometimes argue that a lot of people inthe world don’t deserve love.

come on eileen: have you ever written a song? if so, what was thegenre?

Well I wrote several songs withlyrics & sheet music when I was learning piano. I was only young so theyweren’t super long but they were sweet and very nature focused. I preferwriting poetry now.

living on a prayer: which was the song of your childhood?

God there were so many. Music is asuper integral part of my life, the stuff I grew up on and what I listen to(pretty much 24/7) now is something I could go on about for paragraphs. HorrorMovie was one of my favourites when I was little, the Skyhooks are one of me& my mums favourite bands.

eye of the tiger: favourite 80s movie?

I have a lot but lets go with Backto the Future

in the air tonight: do you enjoy flying?

I don’t love it but I’m not scaredof it or anything. I enjoy the excitement of new destinations it’s associatedwith, and I haven’t had bad flight experiences. I do love looking out thewindows! I think I’ll always be a bit of a kid pointing at shit I can see.

tainted love: thoughts on synthesisers/electronic drum kits/technologybased music?

I like it! Not my favourite genre,but I don’t have the strong stance against it some people take. It can producesome really cool sounds.

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emotionalyodeling · 3 years

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Bruh I am legit so exhausted of having the “give me sexual attention” talk with my bf like. Ghf. basically what happened was he and I were like making out and doing stuff, tbf he had driven for like 4 hrs and also I was on my period and spotting, and then we like went to the bed and he was like can we just like fuck and it just set me off like ugh. Basically what he meant was can he put it in and that’s it and I was like u mean like no foreplay? And he was like I don’t need foreplay like bruh that is not the point? I do? No sexual attention unless it is a means to an end which that end is putting his dick in me and like ugh and then when we did stuff on vacay I was close but nope. This is becoming such an issue it’s genuinely just irritating like. And then he like halfheartedly tried to finger me after I went off on him like clearly just Bc he wanted 2 fuck and it’s just ugh. I literally just get disgusted with men like. Why are they so selfish sexually and such boundary breakers like. They’ll do anything, ignore all morals and their partners comfort to get what they want and it’s genuinely sickening I fucking hate it. Like what happened last week was just awful also got no attention then either. I just wish I hadn’t compromised that so much earlier in the relationship so I didn’t have to make it such a big deal now. And like last night I was basically going over how like, he upset a lot of my boundaries in the beginning with like using blue balls as an excuse, some pretty heavy manipulation, and also just generally ignoring my comfort levels to b sexually satisfied ugh. I literally just hate men so much they actually make me sick rn. That kevin shit had to happen and then fucking zach had to do that just ufugh. Kms.

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ofstaffs · 6 years

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steve steve was absolutely walking on air. the weather was amazing and he was enjoying it with the woman he loved. of course, it wasn't a totally perfect afternoon due to his endearing clumsiness. after his second time dropping the venue folder, they decided it was better if peggy carried it instead. other than that, it couldn't have been better. "i really like the meadow, if i'm being totally honest," he glanced at peggy as they walked under a cluster of trees in magnolia park. "but the park is fine too, of course."

steve: im screAMING

peggy: OM G CUITE

peggy: CUTIE

steve: the ghostbusters theme song came on while i was writing thiS

peggy: HAHAHAAHHA

peggy she didn't think it was possible for her to love him anymore. the bold and the brave captain america was stumbling over his own feet and dropping the folder each time he held onto it, papers flying everywhere, which required a ton of chasing. she hadn't laughed more in her whole life, and she was sure she had never been more infatuated with someone in her life. "i know, i do too. i just wanted to look around here to see if it was a backup choice," she explained, craning her neck to glance around.

peggy: lets just do them for a bit then ill bring rey in

steve: okie dokie

steve "you know, the first wedding i went to was out here." steve spoke, pointing at the patch of grass by the fountain. it wasn't exactly an enjoyable experience; they hardly knew the grooms and there was quite a bit of drama at the end of the night. he decided to leave out the fact that he brought a date to it. "you would have hated it. it ended in absolute chaos." he laughed quietly, knowing his future bride wasn't one to put up with people's shit.

peggy "oh, dear. maybe we shouldn't have it here, then. i don't want people to be reminded of bad memories when they come here," she said, biting her lip in concern. then she glanced up at him with a teasing smirk. "you know that if anyone tries to start /anything/ at our wedding that i'll deal with them myself." they couldn't exactly hire security; plus, they didn't need any. the groom was captain america, after all. "i don't think you'll let that happen, though," she winked.

peggy: omfg deans rper will not stop chatting me

peggy: like

steve: my ot4 tbh :,)))

peggy: actually

steve: im confused on how it all happened so fast

peggy: they kind of pushed it on kathryn and i

peggy: im convinced the mun is the same person

peggy: they're literally the SAME

steve: nO WAY

steve: mia's rper chats me a lot too so

peggy: yep

steve "i can only think of one person who'd be bothered." steve shrugged. that person was rey. she left early on in the ceremony and sprayed someone with beer when she returned. but at that point, he wasn't even sure if she'd show to his wedding. "i know you will." he grinned with a raised brow, tightening his grip on her hand lightly. him and peggy had already waited way too long for someone to ruin it. "hopefully everyone just keeps their issues to themselves."

steve: if somebody hijacks the steggy wedding i will take it ooc

steve: no shame

peggy: ya tru

steve: i feel like dia would tbh not trying to be rude

peggy "they better," peggy agreed with a firm nod, placing a hand on his cheek then slowly smiling again. "but i don't care if /everything/ goes wrong. as long as i get to be your wife at the end of the day. that's all i want. that's all i've ever wanted." she leaned up to kiss him softly, wrapping her arms around his neck.

peggy: BLESS

peggy: ok im gonna bring rey in]

rey joined the chat 2 hours ago

steve: yaaaasssssssss

rey getting some fresh air was nice, as her dispute with derek was still ongoing, and she felt like she had the opportunity to really clear her mind of everything. until she stumbled across a couple. as soon as she saw the red and blue clothes (did they plan that or did they always just coincidentally dress that way?), she knew exactly who it was. she clenched her jaw but let out a sigh and tried to walk past without her face being seen, tilting it away as much as possible.

steve: does steve stop her orrrrrrrrrrrrr

peggy: probs

peggy: i didnt know how else to bring her in lmao

steve "trust me, you'll be my wife no matter what. even if it means i have to become a minister and do it myself." he chuckled against her lips, gladly welcoming the kiss. naturally, he got too carried away, wrapping his arms around her waist and stumbling back slightly. he didn't even think about anyone else in the park until he felt his back brush against another person. "oh, geez. i'm sorry about that," the avenger apologized to this person behind him, before he quickly realized who it was. "rey?"

steve: i just did that instead whooops

peggy: nice

peggy peggy pulled away as soon as steve did, glancing at the person he had, literally, bumped into. uh oh. hopefully he wouldn't be recognized. she smiled apologetically and began to say sorry when steve said the girl's name. peggy's smile faded as she stared up at him, then chuckled softly. "is-is this a friend of yours?" she asked quietly, nervous about the expression on his face.

rey oh, great. clumsy steve, back at it again. she rolled her eyes and turned to him, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. she was sure she looked horrific, given she'd been bedridden for five days, but finally seeing peggy in person for the first time shocked her most of all. she really did look like her. at peggy's question, she just glared up at steve again before firmly replying, "nope."

rey: ouch

steve: damn steve, back at it again

peggy: i kept saying that in my head while writing jrc

peggy: jfc

steve "uh..." he stammered, glancing between rey and peggy. oh god, they looked so much alike he was getting confused. he genuinely did not know what to say. rey and him had a large falling out, sure, but they were so close. they were still friends in his eyes, best friends even. his eyes narrowed at her once she spoke. "no. she's tony's friend."

steve: yiggity yikes

peggy peggy's shoulders straightened at steve's words, and she stood protectively at his side, hand on his arm. "tony stark is no friend to us. it is obvious that steve doesn't want you around, so i recommend that you keep walking before i have to take action."

steve: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

rey rey couldn't tear her eyes away from steve. her expression was a mixture of heartbreak, anger, jealousy, and distress. she missed him, but seeing him with peggy angered her beyond belief. she clenched her fists at her sides as peggy spoke to her, then raised her eyebrows. "believe me, i think that's the best idea, seeing the last time i spoke to your fiancé, he threw a coffee table across the room."

rey: riP

rey: sry im replying so fast im like trying to do this fuc kn g study guide

rey: WHY DID I PORCRASITINA

rey: ETE

steve: UR DUMB

steve: WHAT CLASS IS IT FOR

peggy: US HISTORY

peggy: FML

steve: WRITE STEVE ROGERS FOR EVERY ANSWER

peggy: O K

peggy: ITS OPTIONAL TOO

peggy: BUT ITS 20 PTS EXTRA CREDIT

peggy: KMS

steve steve was stupid to think this day wasn't going to get ruined. he expected the cops would have something to do with it, not rey. not his /best friend/. he glanced at peggy once she spoke, but rey was already retorting before he could catch up. "that's enough." the expression on his face was enough to kill. no more clumsy, adorable steve. rey awakened the beast that was captain america. "so where's derek this lovely afternoon?"

peggy peggy's head snapped up to glare at steve slightly. "so /that's/ what happened? you threw a coffee table because you were angry?" she asked in disbelief. but the expression on his face was not allowing for any chastisement at that moment, so she turned back to rey, watching her carefully. obviously she had done something to make steve, sweet, kind-hearted steve, angry and she didn't like it one bit.

steve: http://66.media.tumblr.com/902d809ec25de... LOOK AT THIS

rey "he's at home. i wanted to go on a walk, so here i am." she'd only mumbled a few words to derek before leaving, but she didn't tell him that. she was too afraid he'd poke fun at her for having a failing relationship. two at the same time. just in very different ways. "oh, but i see you two are planning your wedding. you know, that's funny. the last time steve was at a wedding, he brought along a date. but i'm sure he's told you that."

peggy: DED

peggy: REY ST OP

steve "yes. but you should let rey tell you what she said to make me so angry." he spoke through gritted teeth. he could almost hear rey's angry outburst about peggy and bucky leaving him. his hand flew up to his nose, pinching the bridge of it as she continued to spill like an immature child. "i brought natasha romanoff, my colleague. interesting that you bring up the wedding, rey. recall your little beer incident?" two could play that game.

steve: steve rn: (ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง(ง'̀-'́)ง

peggy "yes, i /would/ like to know that," peggy snapped to rey, crossing her arms firmly across her chest. anyone who upset steve had to deal with her. "i understand. you didn't want to be alone at the wedding. i get it," she assured him then turned back to rey, furrowing her eyebrows as steve brought up one of /her/ issues.

peggy: omg steve should do like a rly low blow

peggy: and then rey will just strt cr ying

peggy: bc i need them to make up

steve: how low u talkin

peggy: as low as u want

steve: idk how low i can go

steve: damn is this limbo

peggy: truth

peggy: idk like her being abandoned by her family or smth

peggy: or her problems with derek

peggy: or her family issues

peggy: rey has a lot of things to use against her ok

steve: i'll talk about her trying to get derek to propose cause i got an anon bout it

peggy: make it bad tho

peggy: or else rey will just be angrier

rey rey's eyes widened slightly as her expression darkened. now /he/ was digging. this was bad, and was surely not going to end well. she wished she had derek here to back her up. if he even would at this point. "well YOU'RE the one who had feelings for me while you said you were in love with /her/!" she exclaimed, motioning carelessly to peggy.

steve "why don't you tell her." steve looked down at his friend demeaningly, unable to bring himself to repeat her words. "at least i don't have to beg the love of my life to get marry me. i know who i love, rey, and you're sure as hell not one of those people when you act like this." the captain spat, grabbing his fiance's hand. "let's go, peg."

peggy: shIT

steve: shawty got low low low low low low

peggy "is that true?" peggy tried to ask steve after rey explained how he had feelings for her. if so... that was shocking. extremely. but at steve's words, she froze. ouch. that was a harsh one. but it was necessary. so peggy swallowed thickly and held on tightly to steve's hand before turning and beginning to walk away with him.

rey no... he couldn't have just said that. had he? he /had/. he didn't love her. once upon a time they were inseparable, spending every day together. first he had used derek against her, and then he outright said he didn't love her. not even as a friend. her hands clasped over her mouth in shock as her eyes fell shut, not even acknowledging them anymore. silently, she began to sob as she slowly crumpled to her knees on the ground, slightly ripping the comfortable pajama pants she had on, decorated with stars. she hated this. she wanted her best friend back.

steve "it was." he admitted swiftly, avoiding her glance. it was before he knew peggy was alive. it was a mistake, all of it was. she had a boyfriend anyway. right as he's ready to turn on his heel, rey falls to the ground in front of them. at first he thinks she's hurt, so he accesses her body quickly until he realizes she's just crying. oh no. was it really that harsh? his jaw clenched as her scene attracted attention from civilians in the park. "rey... just get up, okay?"

peggy "steve," peggy gasped as soon as she saw rey fall to the ground. they were friends at one point; and she knew steve wouldn't want to see his friends hurt. even though it was obvious she was just crying, she knew steve would still want to help. maybe. so she stayed back but watched carefully as he approached her again, hoping things wouldn't get worse from here.

rey rey simply ignored them both, covering her face with her hands and tucking her knees to her chest as she continued to cry. after all they had gone through together... that was what he now thought of her? simply because she was jealous? sure she had said some things that went over the edge, but he knew she hadn't meant them. but his words... he meant each and every one. and she didn't care that he was now seeing her break down right in front of his eyes. she couldn't hide her sorrow anymore. she cried even harder as she leaned forward slightly, threading her fingers into her hair.

steve steve pursed his lips, sending peggy one last apologetic glance before crouching down next to rey. he wish he could comfort her like he used to, but it felt too unfamiliar to him at the moment. "c'mon, rey. get up." he curled his hands around her forearms, making sure to be gently while he pulled her to stand. he meant the words in the heat of the moment, but now he was beginning to regret them. "i didn't mean it, alright?"

peggy peggy nodded her head swiftly as her eyes saddened. she knew he had to take care of this. he needed as many friends as he could get here in magnolia, seeing as they had enough enemies. and she didn't want one friendship to be ruined because of some simple jealousy. she kept some distance, but watched closely with a sympathetic expression as he tried to apologize.

rey "no... no..." rey cried as he, literally, tugged her up to her feet. it took a few moments for her to get a stable stance on the ground, but when she finally did, she began wiping at her eyes as her sobs became almost completely silent. "y-you did- you-..." she tried to say, but only wept harder, wiping at her eyes yet again and trying to move out of his grip. she was beyond humiliated and ashamed now and just wanted to go back inside where no one could see her.

peggy: wtf im tearing up

peggy: this is rly sad but its also bc of this study guide LMAO

peggy: but mostly bc of this bc aw

peggy: i miss my bbs

steve: omg dont crrrrrrrrrrrry

steve: im sobbing this sad ass song just came on my shuffle i feel it

peggy: right omfg

steve: speaking of shuffle wdyt about the plot shuffle

peggy: what about it

peggy: did they post it

steve: no they just talk about it when they get clique qs

peggy: oh lmao tru

steve: ive never done one b4

peggy: idk ugh

peggy: bc i dont want rey or peggy to be stuck with chars they've never interacted with

peggy: fml

steve: same dude

steve: can u imagine if peggy and negan had to be 2gether

peggy: riP

peggy: steve would be freaking tf out the whole time

steve: steve would literally bust through every door in magnolia to get to peggy

peggy: i love him what a nerd

steve the expression on rey's face caused an ache to spread through his chest. "i didn't, i-i swear." he murmured softly, struggling to hold back the lump in his throat. he couldn't believe he let his anger get the best of him and cause this. the last time he saw rey this upset, it had something to do with snoke. she was right, he lost everyone he loved. he always did. he looked back at peggy with forlorn eyes, almost as if he was making sure she was still there.

steve: im cryin

steve: ldr just came on im gonna fight

peggy: whats ldr

steve: lana del rey

peggy "it's okay," peggy mouthed to him when he turned to look at her, making a silent promise that she wasn't leaving anytime soon, unless he asked for privacy with rey. she understood that she wouldn't understand their friendship, and she didn't try to. it was for them, and none of her business. unless steve was being hurt.

peggy: nice

rey "you /did/, you did," rey sobbed, beating her fist weakly against his chest two times then just crying again. maybe if she wasn't so weak from the concussion, bruised ribs, and all the medication she was on, then she would've run away by now. or maybe she just didn't really want to run away. she wanted to stay, to bring back what they once had. "l-leave me alone," she pleaded anyway, attempting to tug her arms out of his grip, to no avail.

steve he let her hit him once again, her fists rekindling memories from their last fight. "stop, s-stop!" he curled his hands around hers, pushing them away from him. "stop this! stop trying to fight me, rey. i don't wanna fight anymore!" who would have thought, steve rogers, the kid who would fight anything or anyone, begging to avoid a quarrel.

steve: im screAMI

peggy: riP

peggy "steve," peggy gasped when he raised his voice, immediately stepping to his side and placing a hand on his shoulder. but she didn't stop him from speaking to her. he wanted this solved, and she didn't blame him. so she let it continue, and would only step in if things got really bad.

rey "then why would you /say/ that to me?" rey sobbed in distress, trying desperately to tug her hands out of his, though, obviously, that was impossible. he surely wasn't even using half his strength and she was using everything she had in her weak body. "y-you don't want to be my friend, you-you don't love me anymore..."

peggy: im em o

peggy: r u here

steve: IM HERE

peggy: YEET

steve "i'm sorry," steve looked down, letting his head hang low. he was apologizing to both of them at this point for losing his temper and control. "yes i do, rey! i never said that," his eyes were wide in confusion, "do you even want to be my friend? every time we're near each other we fight!"

peggy "it's okay, steve. m-maybe we should take this somewhere more private, though," peggy whispered, noting how people were beginning to stare at the three of them. if steve was recognized... the location of the wedding would be the smallest issue.

rey "of COURSE i do! i-... i miss you..." rey admitted, her voice thinning out to hardly nothing as she said it, finally peeking her eyes up to look up into his own. then she sobbed again as she shook her head. "but-but not after you said that. n-no... y-you meant every word... e-every word..."

peggy: midnight rip

peggy: and still working on this piece of shit.

steve: jesus h christ

steve steve nodded, instantly cooling down when he heard her voice. peggy was his happy place. any place, any situation; if peggy was there, he could do anything. "no i didn't, rey." his brow furrowed and his face fell once again. "let's go home, okay? come with us."

peggy peggy held onto steve's arm gently, though he was still holding a fragile rey up. she wondered to herself why she looked so sickly, but kept her thoughts to herself as she led them both inside, and up to their apartment. "i'll get some waters," she offered and stole a kiss when rey wasn't looking before moving into the kitchen to do so.

rey rey didn't want to go to their house, to where the two of them spent their time together. but the stress was overwhelming and she needed to sit down, but she didn't want to go to her home just yet. she still wanted desperately to fix things with steve. she let him practically pull her up the stairs and past the door, feeling too weak to do so at that point.

steve "okay." steve whispered quietly against her lips. he lead rey's weak frame to the couch, passing over the spot where the coffee table used to be. "-uh, are you alright?" he questioned, refusing to let go of the grip on her arm.

peggy "you don't seem too well," peggy agreed, bringing over a glass of water for each of them and setting it on the little makeshift table they had in place of the coffee table. she knelt before them and looked worriedly up at steve, silently asking him what was going on.

rey "yes," rey exhaled as he sat them down on the couch, closing her eyes and bringing her hands to her head. "i... d-derek and i were pushed down a flight of stairs... i hit my head and got knocked out. and bruised a couple of ribs... w-we went to the hospital and now i'm on five different kinds of medication..."

steve steve shook his head at peggy's questioning look. he had no idea what was going on. whatever it was, it was more than just her being upset. she looked horribly fatigued. "what?!" he exclaimed loudly. the floorboards in the house might as well vibrated at his staccato.

peggy: omg steeb my bb

steve: he cares so much about his girls

steve: peggy, rey, nat, wanda

peggy peggy's hands came up to her mouth at rey's admission, looking over at steve in shock. oh, no. she knew her steve; and she knew the guilt would hit him /hard/ after this. "i-i'll get some ice," she whispered immediately and jumped up, jogging to the kitchen to get some ice to cool rey down.

rey for some reason, she assumed steve had known about her injuries. but how could he possibly? they hadn't spoken in weeks. "i-i'm sorry, i thought you knew..." she admitted honestly, nodding in appreciation as peggy went to get her ice. then she moved her hair out of the way so steve could see the stitched up gash near her temple, with sweat-soaked bandages covering it.

rey: im emo

steve way to go, steve. he felt absolutely terrible for everything at this point. all previous guilt he had was superimposed at her admission. "o-oh, god, rey. i'm so sorry." his gaze fell to his hands, which he quickly retracted from her forearms and placed in his lap. once peggy returned with the ice, he gave peggy his best attempt at a smile.

peggy peggy knelt in front of them yet again as she finished wrapping the bag of ice in a paper towel, giving a small, hesitant smile back to steve. "back of your neck, darling," she said to rey, handing it over carefully. any friend of steve's was a friend of hers. she was choosing to look past their differences, as they obviously wanted to as well.

rey rey shook her head. "i-it's okay, i should've told you..." she whispered, feeling bad that she'd, accidentally, of course, kept him in the dark about it all. it was why she couldn't stand up when he told her to, why she couldn't leave when all she wanted to do was run away. but maybe it helped them reconcile in the end. "thank you..." she whispered to peggy and placed the pack on the back of her neck, leaning back against the couch pillow with a slow exhale.

peggy: LAST PAGE

peggy: ITS SO LIT

steve steve instantly sat up from his spot once peggy administered the ice. she didn't need to be on the floor anyways. "i don't blame you." after the whole coffee table mess, who would want to speak to him? he acted like a complete and utter fool in their apartment and in the park. "i'm sorry."

steve: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

peggy "no, no, no," peggy mouthed reassuringly, shaking her head and helping him to sit again. "you sit, i'm okay." obviously rey wanted, or needed, his support right now, and she was sure he needed hers as well. they had just come back together, after all.

rey rey opened her eyes and looked sorrowfully over at steve, shaking her head gently. "don't apologize, it's my fault too... i-i didn't mean anything i said either, i just wanted your attention again..." she admitted. speaking of... she looked down at peggy sadly. "i-i'm sorry i was so jealous... it led me to do things that i wouldn't usually do. bad things, and it wrecked my relationship with the best friend i've ever had. so i'm sorry..."

steve steve responded to peggy's refusal with a tight lipped nod. "you didn't wreck anything." he murmured with sad eyes. "i shouldn't have got angry when you told me what you did. i acted the same way when you were with derek."

peggy: omg wtf when did u get here

peggy peggy smiled kindly and nodded to rey, gently patting her knee. "it's alright... everything's all better now," she reassured her with a light, soothing tone. obviously she and steve were very close, and it made her sad to think that they'd spent so much time apart because of peggy herself.

rey right... derek. that was a whole other ordeal that she still had to sort through. her eyes closed slowly as she let out a heavy sigh, readjusting the ice pack on the back of her neck. "i don't know what's going on with us now..." she admitted quietly, peeking up at steve again. "i want to be married to him... /so/ badly, but... but he's still not ready yet. and it's been /two months/... we've known each other for three of them... he doesn't understand that i haven't had a real connection with anyone for fifteen years... i don't want to waste anymore time in my life..."

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brief-creation · 7 years

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Rules: answer 30 28 questions then tag 20 people you'd like to know better

tagged by the brilliant @sure-as-eggs (thanks btw, I was giddy to see my name after I finished reading your thing, surprised me and prbly made my morning)

1. Nicknames: honestly I don’t have any friends to give me nicknames. However, my childhood nickname was Roo (like from Winnie the Pooh, because I was bouncy we loved tigger). My actual name is Marley though! (I think) /yes like the dog

2. Gender: female?

3. Star sign: Taurus ♉

4. Height: 5'0"

5. 6:44 PM

6. Birthday: April, 30th (allegedly) /fun fact, this is also the day Hitler died

7. Favorite bands: I usually have favorite songs rather than favorite bands,,,, Imagine Dragons, Fall Out Boy, Arctic Monkeys, Flat Sound, Queenand probably many others

8. Favorite Solo Artists: I listen to a lot of P!nk (recently), Frank Sinatra, Ed Sheeran, Bon Jovi, uhhh,,, Sam Smith, Taylor Swift (recently) Marina and the Diamonds,,,idk,, yeah OH RICHARD WALTERS DEF

9. Song stuck in my head: I’m listening to music rn so this is sorta hard, but I hard Secrets by Pink stuck in my head earlier. Now I’m all about Toms Diner tho.

10: Last movie I watched: fuck uhh,,,, I think Princess in the Frog but I watch a lot of tv so that might not be accurate. (random movie related, I’m playing to do a batman / marvel movie marathon in a couple days when I’m on break, I’m super excited).

11: Last show I watched: lmao no idea I jump around too much. Probably Gotham, Girl Boss, or something else honestly who knows (hey recommend me some shows to watch I need something).

12. When did I create my blog: who,,, who knows man, , not me. Probably sophomore year. But I had another tumblr before this

13. What do I post: on this blog? Although it’s my main blog, it’s my junk blog. All my other blogs are themed and have certain things that are reblogged to them (I have a compulsive need to be so organized, everything needs to have a place), this blog is for the leftover things the don’t fit in my blogs; mainly memes, animals, and neat stuff. But whatever really.

14. The last thing I googled: good question, one sec; lyrics to Tom’s Diner (an aforementioned song, I heard Robin Lord Taylor singing it and I wanted to know what song it was so I looked up the lyrics he is singing). However have 38+ other tabs open bcs I am an animal.

15. Any other blogs: lol, yeppp. A lot. Too many really. I don’t necessarily use them all either. My Gotham one is my most actively, constantly using that one. Then this on I’d second most used, then the positivity one, then so forth. I honestly basically have a blog for most everything. (my personal-personal blog is beforethelion, I haven’t updated for a terribly long while but I plan to start using it again verrrry soon for photography, poems, videos, art, like basically whatever Im doing that day;; so like self promo I guess lmao)

16. Do I get asks: nope, neverr. however I leave them to others all the time. I genuinely enjoy complimenting people and spreading a good vibe.

17. Why I chose my URL: for this blog, I just liked these two words so I put them together, then voila. But for my beforethelion one I actually have a significant reason, but if I were to talk about it I would ramble and make this thing 10x longer than it needs to be (like it already is) so I won’t explain. But if anyone does wanna know my ask box is open 😉as for my others, about half have reasons and half are aesthetic

18. Following: 1880

19. Followers: 241 for this one, 33 for my Gotham one (I weep because I want to be more part of and involved with the fandom but;; I don't know how to like do that''' I can't engage, ,,, then beforethelion has 54 (simultaneously surprised and disappointed)

20. Average hours of sleep: depends if I'm having "issues". Lately I have been so not very much, but majority of the time I have my full 8 hours

21. Lucky number ugh

22. Instruments: trying to grasp the piano, played saxophone in middle school, own 3 guitars but just don't

23. What am i wearing: black pajama bottoms and a marble tee ;))

24. Dream job: fuck.. Actor tbh but like yeah. Currently attending a career center because I wanted to be an animator/film developer buttt the entertainment industry is a mess. Love love to be a surgeon not school is expensivvvee and what if I suck. So I've lowered my goals to history professor (college grade is the dream but I might end up settling for high school).

25. Dream trip: god,,, I never travel oh,, honestly actually probably New York. I'd love to leave America and indulge km another culture and land of course but god, new york. I gotta go.

26. Favorite food: im hungry right now so, everything.

27. Nationality: American

28. Favorite song right now: no, no, no-nonon, we are not doing this, no. I,, have a lot of music. Whenever I see a song title/lyrics/artirst/whatever or hear something that's interesting I just gotta screen shot it/ write it down. I do this a lot (I screenshot other people's answer to this if that says anything). So I have a good amount of music I need to listen to. So t the end of the day I try to listen to a good chunk of it. Whenever I like one of the new songs, I save it. On average I approximately add 10ish songs every day. It's a lot of music,,,,, I refuse

Okayokayokay,, finally, here we are: the end. I was soso happy to be nominated for one of these things. I never pay attention to my existence/acknowledge myself/ever talk about myself/ever talk to anyone/ever talk/ever have done one of these before :) So really it was a lot of fun. I'd like to nominate people but, all my mutuals are on my Gotham blog and god, can you imagine that : engaging.

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starkissr · 7 years

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would u look at that I just had my first break down in a rly long time

today I honestly thought that things have never been worse for me. but u fucking know what? fuck my anxieties. fuck my fears. fuck every doubt and insecurity that's been replaying in my mind. I literally don't fucking deserve to put myself thru this emotional turmoil anymore than I already have. Friday started stressful. yesterday I relapsed back into my bad bad habit. I didn't even mean to but I couldn't stop it. I knew I was doing it and I couldn't care less and altho I just realized it but the level of dgaf I was abt it and how it got so bad literally so quick scared the fuck out of me. now I see it meant I didn't care abt myself anymore. I did see it was wrong but I rly didn't trust myself to take care of myself so my plan was to tell my most trusted friend n roommate here abt my problem so she could also look out for me and help me a little n yesterday I thought abt it but brushed it off. today I texted her and told her I needed to tell her something when were alone. I was so proud of myself for telling her that bc I was like ok now I can't back out of it and I rly rly have to speak up abt this. I guess I should've emphasized that it was v important to me but anyway she left before we got a chance to talk and that was yet ANOTHER thing that went wrong. I swear I've heard like just numerically more bad news today than I have in my life I think. everytime something else came up n I thought shit can't get fucking worse another thing would pop up n fucking emotionally destroy me all over again. but this one was so shitty bc this girl is MY GIRL n the only one I feel comfortable enough talking abt this and I even told her how I desperately needed a solid cry 2 n she wasn't fucking here for me when I needed her. I'm not mad at her like she's been thru v srs shit as of late too n ik she was stressed and why we weren't able to talk but it still fucking hurt bc all day when the hot tears would flood my eyes I kept trying to tell them and all my shit thoughts to sh go away. I would tell them at the end of the day u will come flooding out and I would stop torturing myself and not hold anything back and just say out loud every fucking last thing that's going wrong rn but then it would be ok bc at least it'd all be out of my head. so like I said I'm not mad at her bc that would just be selfish of me but I'm still hurt and i hate so much that I don't feel comfortable having that conversation w her anymore. I'm scared that no one here knows that I don't feel like I can take care of myself rn. I actually decided right now that it's ok that I don't wanna tell her anymore. I rly can't force myself to make myself feel uncomf and tell her something that deeply personal when I don't have the desire to anymore. but the only reason why I'm ok w that is I just compromised n I'm gonna go to talk to the psychologist at my school tm. even tho I rly can't afford to waste a fucking second of my time this week I literally have to go tomorrow or I'll never go. I've been telling myself for legit 4 years that I would start seeing someone but when it came down to it I would never go bc I would tell myself it's not like I have any like life or death problems anyway n when I would think abt making an appt since it would be scheduled in like 2 weeks I automatically would assume whatever the issue was would go away by then. but I fucking need to do this for myself so even tho I'm not planning on killing myself or anything I honest to fucking god need immediate attn rn and everytime I would consider doing the emergency mtg b4 I would be like oh I'm taking that time away from someone who honestly might wanna kill themself n since of c my problems aren't nearly as valid as that I would just be wasting everyone's time. but I need to be selfish this once. I need help I know I desperately fucking need it but I fucking can't stand myself that even tho ik that I still feel like I'm not worthy of going and getting the help I need. I'm still gonna make myself go but like shit man I should not be thinking that way abt myself. whatever idk I'll try to work on it

anyway I still rly did need to talk to someone even if it wasn't to tell my secret I still needed to vent abt all the other million things that had just gone to shit. I had a weird thing that wasn't a fight but like we never fight so it was just even weirder that happened w my best friend who I never have a problem spilling my heart and my soul to so that also was like ugh but I still woulda been down to call her until I remembered how she just started grad school n has more going on now than ever and that rn wasn't a good time for her. there's this other girl here who just within like the past couple of weeks I've gotten to know better n we just vibe so I thought abt dumping my shit on her but then I felt stupid bc I was literally just w her all day n of c now after she left I feel like bitching abt all my shit but I was like that's not a good enough reason to not talk to her so I decided to reach out

I honestly dk what I would've done if she hadn't been there for me. if ur actually reading this ridiculous thought process no like I said I wasn't gonna kms but that anxiety attack was sooooo bad n I've had my fair fucking share so I don't say that lightly but regardless I'm sosososoosososo grateful to her for being there n hearing out all my irrational concerns and being patient n eventually talking sense into me. I felt so vulnerable at first bc even tho she already knew abt some of what went down I honestly felt ashamed abt these problems I'm facing n it takes me a while to warm up to ppl and be THAT open even if it may not seem like a big deal to some I'm super private w somethings idk but she was so fucking amazing I even did kinda preface or hint or like not in as srs of a way but still did lightly bring up a lil part of my secret. she prob didn't even know it but that was so cool n felt liberating tbh. I'm so happy bc while we were studying earlier today, in a moment when those tears found my eyes again n I was tryna keep my cool n not bawl my eyes out in the library n just take deep breathes I drew this simple as can be flower at the top of my page with a cute smiley right in the flowers center in an effort to make myself feel better n showed it to her n when I was showing it off I decided i would want nothing more than to have this be my next tattoo. she laughed n we just talked n then I was like no but I'm not kidding I rly am getting it. to me it was so real that I was having a day from literal hell but that lil silly flower smiley lit up my insides n made me feel soooooo happy I can't explain n it was just a nice thing to try to redirect my thoughts to bc I already love flowers but idk this drawing is like literally a stroke of genius idc if it sounds crazy n anyway she looks at it longer n told me she honestly rly liked it too n said she would get it tatted n I told her again like I'm so srs this thing is giving me LIFE n she surprised me n said yeah me too n so we decided we would get matching tats n I thought abt all the past friends who I've had this convo w like obv abt diff tattoos but I was just asking myself if I rly would want to share this lil treat w her n I can't explain how but all the other times I've talked abt getting matching tattoos w good friends it just felt like a game and not real but this felt different. I'm so stoked were gonna do this together n the fact that I'll have one of my own doodles on my skin like I just love every bit of it. n I thought abt how it's gonna be so magical even when we graduate how the same smiley flower on me will go and see the world thru her eyes. she's from Dubai so even tho it's sad we can't live in the same city forever idk I genuinely feel like I'll be connected and there w her no matter where we go. it's unbelievable to me just how much of the same person we are n how close we've gotten so fast I'm so blessed to have her in my life

wow what an experience. hopefully tm is better

#mind

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