#fuck i wish i could do something!!!!

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage... #...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them... #...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent... #...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us... #...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long... #...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL #the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate #be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough #recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage' #i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself #and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was #i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want #don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please #and just... give yourself space

[sketchy-tour]

ALRIGHTY! Time to formally reintroduce yall to my silly idiot OC Dandy!

and by that I mean, I redid their ref art, tweaked their bio, and finally made a ref for their stupid pajamas! Wanted to do other fits for them but aa another time. Brain is mashed potatoes.

Anyway, Dandy is my silly WH oc who's main theme is self care/self love messages shown through the imagery of gardening! Meant to be a sort of "garden of the self" sort of deal. They go by ANY PRONOUNS! She/her or He/Him, or They/Them are all correct and okay to use when talking about them! (I just tend to default to they/them) Putting their full bio under the break!!! So you can read it all there!

"Resident gardener of Welcome Home, Dandy Leon is a curious but careful presence among the others in the neighborhood. They enjoy the quiet and spending their time tending to their various flowers. While a little shy around their fellow neighbors, they open up quickly when asked about their garden. Despite their more introverted disposition, they're always determined to make every day just dandy!"

It’s presumed that Dandy makes appearances only in the later episodes of the show’s run. But in old scripts found with them, it's shown that they moved to Home specifically because they were interested in the local plant life there. The episode that featured their move in seemed to focus on them slowly warming up to the others in the neighborhood, as their shy nature made it difficult for them to properly meet everyone. When asked as to where they lived before moving to Home, Dandy mentions living in a farm town far away, simply deeming it "far more south from here!" A lot of their dialogue also mentions their father, though he's never named but instead mentioned passively as Dandy would often use phrases like "Well it's like my pop always said-" when speaking to the other puppets.

During their short time on the show, Dandy's segments seemed focused on care for their garden, the language hinting that the flowers were more a metaphor for taking care of oneself and well being. Other characters can be found pointing out how much better Dandy’s garden looks when they’re feeling happy, but also comment how wilted it becomes when they’re shown to be a bit more downtrodden. They feel strongly about how important it is to be kind to yourself, even if it’s a skill they’re shown to still be working on themselves. Their confidence is something they also struggle with, seemingly a character meant for shyer audience members to attach to and grow alongside with. Dandy is often depicted in illustrations with Frank, getting along quite well in the show, often joining him and Julie on small escapades. Before the show's end however, most of Dandy's screen time is with Wally as he tries to get Dandy out of their shell more to spend time around others.

Interestingly, what pronouns were used for them seemed to change between the show's episodes and illustrated materials. While neighbors would refer to them as 'he' during the show, most art pieces seemed to refer to Dandy as a 'she'. Whether this was simply a miscommunication between teams or a printing error is unknown.

#welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home arg #welcome home oc #welcome home original character #dandy leon #my art #PHEW! Been chipping away at this for a few days now! #Wish I could redo the cute sketch pages I did with dandy's old ref but that is...a lot of time and a lot of effort i do not have right now #oh well! I'll leave those with the old art #I think thats okay #Dandy is slowly becoming less rOUND AAklfdjkdfsdf #STYLE PROGRESSION! Had to get used to the new ref art I made and had a small moment where I worried I lost their old charm #but here we are! Fuck it we ball! I put this much effort into the new art #Dandy was GONNA also get phone art but DESIGNING A PHONE IS HARD #also just...something I will do another day aha

[13eyond13]

The thing I respect most about Griffith Berserk is actually how ridiculously unsubtle with his hitting on Guts he is. Just IMMEDIATELY going up to him and literally grabs his face like "I realized I WANT you, now let me tell you exactly why." Like this isn't your typical suggestive homoerotic innuendo, this is just what he actually says. To the point Guts is just like, oh you mean like, in a gay way? And Griffith's just like... "*gay silence*" like idk you certainly can't blame the frustrating star-crossed lovers mutual piningness of their relationship on him being a bit too ambiguous about things or too cowardly to shoot his shot lol

#i mean #is his forcefulness ALWAYS admirable ahaha no certainly not #but whenever i first met him i was like dang i wish i had the gay cojones to do that #and this is why im not speaking to the 1997 anime by the way i dont know her #they ruined this moment by making it the regular kind of homoerotic subtext that can be read multiple ways... #like if i were Griffith i can just imagine thinking something like HOW COULD I POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN ANY FUCKING CLEARER #when it comes to so many of his golden age interactions with guts #berserk #berserk spoilers #griffguts #p

[sluckythewizard]

YOU JUST HƎARD IT FROM [HIS MOUTH] FOR SURƎ!!!

#cw gore #cw blood #jrwi fanart #jrwi suckening spoilers #jrwi suckening #BEEN VEHEMENTLY SCRIBBLING THIS THING ALL DAY #IM SO FUCKING IN LVOE W THE NEW EPISODE #VIV N VEX ARE LITERALLY EVERYTHING I COULDVE EVER WANTED. I LOVE BLOOD AND MEAT AND BLOOD AND MEAT #THE SCRIBBLE IS KINDA ROUGH SO DONT LOOK AT IT TOO HARD BUT EHEHEHEEEE THE FACE THAT I CREATED UNNERVES ME #AND IM VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT. I LOVE CREATING SOMETHING AND HAVING IT EVEN SLIGHTLY PHASE ME #I LOVED ALL THE TOOTH RIPPING NOISES IN THIS EPISODE. AHVE U EVER HAD A TOOTH REMOVED? #SHE USED A BLUNT METAL TOOL TO PUNCH IT OUT. IT REMINDED ME OF THE SPLINTERING OF A TREE. THE WAY IT TORE. #SUCH A SPECIFIC SORT OF CRUNCHING AND SPLINTERING AS A MOLAR WAS RRRRIPPPEEDD FROM THE SOCKET. OHH I LOVE IT. #GOING IN FOR A ROOT CANAL NEXT WEEK AND IM VERY EXCITED. ALL THE DENTISTS LOVE ME N ARE SO NICE TO ME #WHAT A GREAT EPISODE. I HOPE THE URGE TO DRAW MORE STRIKES ME LIKE THIS AGAIN. WEEEE!! #I WANNA ANIMATE EMIZEL GETTIN HIS EYE RRIPPED OUT. BUT. IM ALREADY COOKING 3 OTHER VIV N VEX ANIMATIONS #THERES NO WAY THEY WILL ALL BE FINISHED HELP!! HELP MEE!!!! I HAVE TO MANY IDEAS AND NOT ENOUGH HANDS. DO U GUYS REMEMBER HTF? #OR HAPPY TREE FRIENDS. THE CUTE ANIMAL SHOW W ALL THE BLOOD AND GORE AND TERRIBLE TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPENING TO THE CUTE ANIMALS #in elementary school i would show the 'eyes cold lemonade' to other kids and tell em thats how they make pink lemonade. #hope that helps you undertsand. i wish i could make a lil cartoon w just viv n vex doing what they do best #LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. IM GOING BACK TO MY LAB. DONT EXPECT TO HEAR FROM ME IN A MILLION YEARS

[renjaminnifer]

the last post i made like this isn't relevant anymore but guess whose family got fucked over and has no bill money!!! its confusing but somehow a bunch of money got yoinked from us and the only thing we've been able to pay is the light bill. rent, internet, and everything else is fucked unless i get some help

i'm gonna set up my commissions again and then link them here but for now here's my p*ypal and kofi bc jesus christ. and for the love of god ignore my deadname

125/600

#fuck my whole LIIIIIIIFE #everytime we are doing okay for even a second #something like this happens #oh hey ur car battery died oh hey ur windshield got shattered #hey we took all ur FUCKING MONEY!!!!!!!!! #i wish i could work but my stupid fucking body is like. glass bones and even worse muscles #whatever man

[gentlemanjuniper]

ed: "let's go slow"

fandom, probably right: the boys are being healthy and communicating well

me, lover of drama: nah Ed's just fucked up by what Mary said that once the mystery and spark is gone all that's left is resentment and fury so he's trying to draw it out bc some part of him still believes stede will leave again and prove once and for all that he is eternally unloveable

#our flag means death #our flag means death spoilers #ofmd #ofmd spoilers #do i actually think this is where the show is going? no #do i sort of wish it was? yeah kinda #moreso something i hope fic explores #ed desperately trying not to fuck stede #in the hopes it will further delay their inevitable decay as a couple #i do not believe edward teach could accurately assess a healthy boundary to save his life #gentlebeard

[dailypokemoncrochet]

Okay so we're at 623/1025 Pokemon done right now that's 60.78%, and did you know that each 1 (one) new unique crochet brings us .09% (NOT EVEN A /TENTH/ OF A PERCENT) closer to 100%. That's 402 more Pokemon to go (currently) (not including ones that have different variants/forms). That's so many. Whoa. Wow.

#text #mind boggled again about the numbers #because like. literally if there is one thing i want to do in my lifetime that i am one HUNDRED percent SURE of. it is this project #and i know that i can do it. it is a feasible task. gargantuan. monumental. long. tedious. but doable. #and also what the FUCK i have made over #SIX. HUNDRED??? OF THESE?? #AGAIN NOT EVEN INCLUDING DIFFERENT FORMS #at some point i will make an extended sheet with the different forms counted out too #but i don't think i want to do that just now or on my own because oof that's gonna be an even biiiiigger number #but oh my god i am so in disbelief of my own self. how did i do this. how do i do this. how will i do this. what. what. #i know some of yall get tired of seeing these moments but just like. this is insane. im insane. #if i had just a single dollar for every one pokemon i have done. that would be over 600 dollars. i could get a nice treat with that. #i wish this was like in school where people would pledge a penny or something for every mile you walked/ran. except for my crochets. #why cant this literally be how i make a living. why cant the universe hook me up with that. universe do you hear me?? manifesting

[keymintt]

life doodles

#art #me #comics #my art #doodles #in regards to that last one there are mats on the floor i'm not getting slammed into like. concrete #oughgh i need to dye my hair blue again that doodle's old #but also i need to cut it hdsgklhdfl that's gonna be tonight's task #using my clippers for the first time wish me luck #i've cut my own hair before but to the effect of like. trimming a haircut to what i /actually/ wanted #went to the barber months ago like 'hey can you cut my hair' and when he was done he was like 'i gave you something more feminine!' #like! i appreciate the time you took! that's not why i came here though! i kinda want to curl up and die abt that! #he also gave me an undercut. which. i don't look /terrible/ with an undercut but imo the line between a bowl cut and an undercut is razor #fucking thin. also i asked for the length to be blended and showed pictures but who knows i could just be a dumbass for all i know #gotta do it yourself if you want it done right. queer rite of passage or smthin idfk #ANyways hope y'all are doing good

[fckedupnerd]

Mathew Baynton in the Dodges and Feints music video for DM Stith

Video here:

#mathew baynton #mat baynton #his ARM in that third gif #the little muscle and that SHARP freaking tendon or whatever there connecting it to his elbow #you could CUT yourself on that (/pos /affectionate) 🔥 #his body is so fucking tight and flawless it drives me crazy looking at him #he’s gotta be like 0% bodyfat for real omfg 😭 I wish I looked like him so bad y’all #perfect perfect human wtf #also his face is so pretty #those HUGE EYES #oh my goodness #and the most expressive #aaaaaah just too pretty #also James Corden posted the music video to his story which… 👀 I’m hoping means he has a reason to be publicly consorting with Mat again?? #pleeeeease say they’re working together again soon now that James is back in the UK #I know a lot of people dislike him #and it’s not like I’m a huge fan of James on his own #but I am NOT above admitting that I always liked them together and I always thought James genuinely liked seeing Mat shine which he deserves #anyway have some shitty watermarked gifs of Mat being sexy in black and white #because I hadn’t seen any yet and sometimes if you want something done you have to do it yourself 🥰 #bbc ghosts #wonka 2023 #tagging for Mat-related visibility #Youtube

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

TG: do you think former president ronald reagan smacks rats

EB: sssmacks…rats?

TG: yah do you reckon he smacks rats

EB: oh yeah he TOTALLY smacks rodents—what in GOD’S NAME are we talking about

#submission #homestuck #incorrect homestuck quotes #dave strider #john egbert #mod terezi #i'm with john here but i totally agree that reagan smacks rats #but only if that is meant as an insult #anyways i'm bopping to rush rn i kinda wish music on the radio wasn't so regimented #sometimes i wanna go from ajr's karma to rush's freewill to heart's barracuda and back to lil nas x's old town road #the media could stand to be a little more eclectic and delineated is all i'm saying #it's not gonna kill anyone if we have some fucking variety that makes no sense to the advertisers #but exposes people to enriching experiences that they may not have experienced otherwise #like a while ago i was talking with mod kanaya and they've never heard of blue oyster cult before #and i was like wtf you need to listen to it #if only the once for no other reason than just for something you've never heard before #maybe i should start a vinyl collection and do amateur djing out of my room #anyways if you're following us and are under the age of twenty go listen to blue oyster cult right fucking meow #this is my one command to you

[mokeonn]

I fucking hate the tetris effect so much. Like oooh lemme play this funnie little card game rogue-like, ooh it's so fun it's gonna be the only game I play for weeks now, oooh what do you mean I'm fucking duplicating multi-card holographic sevens in my dreams

#simon says #yeah this is about balatro #i think it sorta taught me that I do in fact really enjoy roguelikes and i am pretty decent at them #at least I think I am #i only have 3 more card decks to unlock and the black deck is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE #i am not going to 100% this game because I hate the black deck so fucking much #that -1 hand is gonna be the death of me and has been the death of me #it's like I either fumble my first round and have to start over because I keep forgetting I have 1 less hand #or I get a nice groove but lose around round 5 because the boss bind was too tough #anyways I only really watch 1 youtuber play it so I have no clue if im actually pretty decent at the game or if im like #okay or something #idk all I know is that I am going to do my damnedest to beat that black deck #also I wanna try to unlock all of the collection because it's very annoying that challenge mode doesn't count #and I wanna do challenge mode but it is just annoying that it doesn't count anything towards the collection #but yeah im REALLY vibing with this game and every time I play it while high it makes me wanna stream again #anyways I have it on switch (because I could use the nintendo coins to get it at a discount) but I looked at the achievements on steam #i wish cross platform saves existed because if I had it on steam I would have all but like 4 achievements lmaooo #anyways im just autistic and really like card games and roguelikes so this is like the perfect game #plus big number go up

[otaku553]

Hello! I saw your recent art of sabo, and in the tags you mentioned the big 3 of Shounen. I know it’s One piece and Naruto, but what’s the third? How come you like the character? Lovely artwork, it’s candy for the soul!! Thank you •u•

Ah thank you!!! The big three of shonen (for I guess the previous generation?) are Naruto, One Piece, and Bleach. Naruto and Bleach have already ended but it seems like One Piece is still going quite strong, despite the new generation of shonen anime (including Hero Aca, Demon Slayer, and the third spot is still debated! Probably JJK is my guess though that falls into its own sub genre of shonen dark fantasy I suppose)

Here are my favs! I’ll put the reasons why I like them in the read more because it’s quite long :)

Despite watching Naruto first I could never actually finish it because it was so long so I kind of just osmosed the later parts of shippuden through fanfics and other such media ^^; I think it’s pretty difficult to pick a definitive fav for Naruto because I feel like it tends to fumble a bit of its character writing? I think if I had to pick one maybe young Kakashi but still kind of eh. Maybe I just didn’t watch far enough to get attached

As for Bleach, I picked it up years ago around middle school and then dropped it after the first hundred episodes or so because filler got boring for younger me but then I picked it up again in high school and managed to at least get past aizen! And then I dropped it there because I wasn’t interested in any continuation after what seemed like an already pretty strong ending.

Toshiro is my favorite because he falls into all niches of character tropes that I enjoy including but not limited to: child genius who acts responsible but is still somewhat immature, cold personality along with ice powers but fierce loyalty to close relationships. I especially enjoy child genius characters for the contradictory dichotomy of what is expected of them in terms of maturity and knowledge and the amount of pressure these kinds of characters face and how they handle it! That said, I enjoy him more for the tropes that he falls into and my personal interpretation of him rather than canon writing for him. I think that though canon is an alright base, he doesn’t get much time to shine (character-wise instead of combat-wise).

And Sabo. Oh my goodness I am brainrotting so hard over Sabo right now. The ASL siblings in general have a vice grip on my heart and really are not letting go. There is so much tragedy in the way that they are written, that works because there are three of them. Ace and Luffy spend so much effort trying to save the only brother they have left in the world not realizing that if they go they’ll be the first to go actually because Sabo is still alive, and Sabo could have done so much and changed so much if only he had regained his memories sooner. Why didn’t he remember sooner? I can only assume it’s because he didn’t want to remember, because he grew out his hair to cover a scar he wasn’t proud of, because he was running away from his origins when he lost his memories and maybe that stuck with him. I don’t even remember when Sabo was introduced as a character because I don’t think he was mentioned during Marineford? But he’s such a compelling character because he does so much to save the world and yet is unable to save his own brother! And he’s written to fit with Ace and Luffy incredibly well, being the voice of reason where they can’t be.

#ask #one piece #sabo #toshiro hitsugaya #bleach #sabo’s round bug eyes are so silly to me #I’m not going to ever be able to draw him like that but. it’s really funny to me when people give him the narrow ikemen eyes #he’s such a dork…. a doting older brother……… amnesiac…… what a little meowmeow truly #I think I enjoy Toshiro because gifted kid burnout makes me relate a lot to the pressure and I wish I could handle maturity as well as him #Sabo on the other hand is just. hghgehhfhfh no concrete personal reason he’s just cool #i think anyone who goes into battle wearing a top hat and tailcoat and cravat is awesome #but then he goes and brings out the PIPE and it’s such an endearing little callback to how he grew up among trash heaps and asfnaenfaenf #I didn’t think he was that interesting at first because it felt a bit cliche for him to be a runaway noble #but then they hit him with the amnesia and hit him with the need to help others escape from evils that he can’t even really remember #and then they hit him with fucking……. returning his memories too little too late and his breakdown at being overwhelmed with not only the #memories of his brothers but also the knowledge that one of his brothers has died while he forgot them and was off doing something else and. #ashnasfnaenfeafhhaefh

[navree]

"as the black council sat to consider how to strike back, a raven arrived from harrenhal. ‘an eye for an eye, a son for a son,’ prince daemon wrote. ‘lucerys shall be avenged.’” ( insp. )

#hotdedit #houseofthedragonedit #hotdsource #hotdcentral #gotedit #targaryensource #gameofthronesdaily #aemond targaryen #alicent hightower #aegon targaryen #helaena targaryen #my edits #my stuff #i'm gonna go so feral i'm gonna go so fucking insane you guys have no idea #@ hbo i need you guys to understand this #i need you to understand that something horrible is going to happen to aemond's family #his mother's going to be attacked his nephew's going to be killed his sister's going to be psychologically tortured #his other niece and nephew are going to be traumatized and his brother's going to be broken beyond repair #because of something he did *that he didn't even mean to do* #wish we could have gotten a shot of him with the kids to round it out #but at least now y'all get to suffer as i have suffered

[rolandapostatize]

cannot get over how theodore 7th time loop is written actually. 13 year old's suicidal tendencies resolved by having polite conversation with the person he loves most and whom he was doing all that for, and who has never before in his life clearly communicated with him at all, and who due to his own emotional immaturity decided that the best way to protect his desperate younger brother is to never talk to him and act as terrifying as possible around him. one unwell child eliminating another unwell child's problems, that he was contributing to, in a single conversation

like i cant get over how quickly the conflict was introduced and resolved.

#v*ncent n*ghtray is crying in my brain as i write this #not to say that that was his exact situation he just lives in my brain so that subplot reminded me of him #i just wish 7th time loop was more fucked up and better written. like arnold is gonna commit patricide in a few years #youd think thered be some atmospheric tension regarding the complete absence of his father in the plot (when we know hes right there in the #same palace) #im just imagining a version of it thats more fucked up and better written and also with less generic alternate-europe worldbuilding #generally when i fing myself wishing a story was more fucked up i do stop to consider that maybe thats my fault and im expecting it to be #something it isnt. and that fair on its own #however the writing IS bad - disregarding my own preferences #and i suppose its just that when im thinking of how it could be better my preferences affect my ideas #however if i WAS well written - just not to my tastes - my brain would not be complaining about it #also the economics in this show are so nothing. like again no effort put in. i struggle with understanding money related concepts #all the time but even i can see that

[silveredsound]

How you go from harry styles to hockey I will never understand.

I was going to make a little joke, as I do, (would have been v hilarious, best joke ever pls know this) and leave it at that. But like, it's been raining for over 24 hours, it's 2am and it might be good for me to reflect a little.. So sorry anon I am going emote all over your ask (which (the ask) sounds a bit judgey tbh but the written word is NOT a great conveyor of tone so that might be on me.)

On one hand it's just fandom. And, I think it's been pretty clear that as much as I love Henry Stars, I'm not like, a 'Harry is the be all and end all of all music creation and creativity and actions.' I like him for the good and the bad, and I don't leave critical thinking at the door. (Not saying I'm the only person to do this, just that it's hard sometimes in fan spaces and Stans definitely do..)

Which, can make it hard to participate in fandom as a lot of people are not great at irony, or accepting that someone else can say, god damn that is a terrible song - and that it's okay for that to happen. It doesn't mean that the person who expressed the neg opinion is not still a fan of the artist they were speaking about. Same with if the artist you are a fan of does something that gives you the ick.

I def learnt this when Harry went to Google Camp the first time. Like obviously I've been around 1d fandom in some way since 2012 ish I think it was - and it was my own reaction to Harry going to Camp Douchebags the first time that made me go, oh jeez Silv, you are a bit too involved in the parasocial relationship here. Like I was genuinely upset that he'd done something I thought was so dumb and wanky.

Anyway, clearly I still loved - love - him and I celebrated him and spent a fuckload of money on him and engaged in fandom and etc etc. But I just did at that point I think turn a little from heading in a very blinkers on version of fandom to one that's def more me - where you just get to have fun, make fun be creative, make friends! and have a bit of a perv depending on the silk cream vanilla ice cream outfit Harry might be wearing in Nashville.

I like RPF. I mean I like all transformative works and fandom extending and enhancing source material via creation, but I don't have an issue with RPF. I believe in 4th wall. And I clearly have written 1d fic. A lot of my good fandom mates, and real life best friend(s) are people I have met through sharing a love of writing in fandom spaces. Obviously all the best writers in 1d went to Hockey. And I stayed here. And I tried. I wanted to be where my friends where. I had fomo and I was lonely! My fandom had changed in a few ways all around the same time.

But Hockey is very confusing, (for starters as I often say to Angela or Joanna, snow is fake) and nothing clicked for me - it seemed large and I had no idea where to even start and I didn't really try.

But I think the change in some fandom fellow participants, and also anons being mean when they would get even a glimpse in their peripheral that I might have vaguely indicated that Henry did something that I thought was dumb or embarrassing, or just not that good, (it's no fun sharing a thought and feeling chatty about it, and wanting to engage with other people's thoughts if some random is going to anonymously tell you that you are a dumb c*nt and should delete etc etc so I stopped sharing any thoughts at all.) Of course Nick leaving breakfast and then R1 altogether - as well as obviously my whole life narrowing to a point that was just tend Mama- work - tend mama - work - tend mama - sleep - grow a tumour - tend mama left me not so much time for proper joyful engagement.

And then, in Jan/Feb this year, I think as I'd been looking at book reviews and as soon as you search for a book on tik tok they push book tok romance reviews into your feed and I think then that pushed an actual hockey clip (which is a really shite 4th wall issue as is the whole Kraken thing etc) and I can't even remember what it was but I know I then swiped through and watched other videos on the account and like 1d being adorable shites repeating stock answers and sitting on top of each other I was intrigued by what seemed to be very dumb and very entertaining.

But Silv, you cry, what about the emotions! You need emotions! Ah, yes, see, because I am nothing but devoted I had followed Angela and La's hockey blogs, and something La posted grabbed my attention and I followed a link and read an article and I was like. Oh, I want to read more about these kids. So I did. And after a little while I reached out to La and was like, um, I think I get it. And I posted something about the Fantilli Bros and then Max reached out and tbh I don't think anything says it better than my wide eyed enthusiasm reply. (You are probably by now thinking, Silv why is your answer to Max so short, why didn't I just get a paragraph? This is an endless essay with no conclusion or indeed a thesis statement, (that is if you have even made it down to here) & anon I can only apologise.)

I am really enjoying learning so many new things, being welcomed into a new space of connection and joy and silliness and emotional breakdowns. It's been so lovely to meet new people who are so excited to share their niche interest with you and no one minds how many questions I have and everyone searches out Primera and Important Past Instagram Posts from the archives - and of course reconnecting with people who I have always been friends with, fandom changes didn't change that, but it's delightful chatting much more often. The other day Angela and I watched an Avs game together via Tumblr chats, which was delightful, to learn about the team and to talk about random other things, and I've spent my last month of Saturdays watching umich with lovely people who La introduced me to, and having MANY EMOTIONS. (It's like hanging out all posting about a show's fits and one liners and if he's going to sing medicine but it's many pantomime gooseberrys. The performative homoeroticisim, wild hair, jokes, punching (only now during not pre show work outs ) and very goddamn impressive skill and physicality is actually pretty similar). Meghan and I have been able to chat through our very similar horrible experiences with cancer and mums with cancer and it's been so lovely and strengthening to be able to share that experience with a person who beyond gets it, and then also I've been able to announce to her that I want to write a fic about 5 ways Nolan saw god with the UMich Bible Study Group but didn't find faith. which is obviously a completely ridiculous concept but equally worthy of discussion. It's this that I love so much about fandom friendship - you share SO much because you are sharing something that gives you intimate joy, so the relationship always starts from a place of an automatic mutual understanding and empathy - and from there we make it our own.

But also, I really like the game. Like I love watching them play, all of them! It's fast (obviously - and oblig have to say - ice is slippery) and it's hard - and they make it look easy. When one of the special players (they are all special, but one of the ones who play almost with innate ability) makes a pass or a turn sometimes it's almost almost magic, like how the fuck did they see that gap between four players, and did you see how they kept the puck a moment longer so they could release it perfectly into the lane !! Hot.

The game can be all encompassing and it's SO SO SO silly. Like it's the dumbest sport. It's The Show. I'll put on ESPN and stream a match while I'm working during the day (the time difference is perfect for once) and I'm spending time cos I want to, learning the rules and the logistics and business side of it all. And of course, the differences between college hockey and the show. Idk. It just clicked on so many levels for me.

And so, I have no idea why it took me so long to transition from Henry to Hockey, but I am not surprised I did now that I have - it def wasn't something that I was bloody expecting. And Anon I will say this, the last few years of my life have been sad, hard, and tbh shitty. Now, I know what it's like to have fucked years, so I am not saying this to try to be and show off but 2024 feels a bit better. I feel clearer, I have started to lose some weight (15ish kg so far depending on the time of the month) and now I have a meeting w a PT on Tuesday as I actually don't care what I weigh but I want to get stronger and reduce my visceral fat as it will be better for hormones which is better for lessening my cancer reoccurrence %.

God knows it's (2024) not all roses, I literally had surgery again a fortnight ago and the cost of living in Sydney is giving me so much anxiety. I am still a terribly disorganised mess, my work is undergoing a complete restructure (thanks NSW gmnt) and my clean washing is NEVER folded and put away, it's always in the basket - but I feel so happy and entertained and creative - I am writing again! like it's joy. It's ye olde you are who you are at this moment but you are also the 4 year old you and the 15, 27, 34 year old you - girlhood (non gendered concept of not literal interpretation) and I love it. 💛🩵🌱

#sorry anon this is very much non con silv thinks about fandom and emotions and processes on main #there's a boy who has harry energy although more spoiled and sarcastic and this is delightful as i do actually think #which also i got a rude anon about once #that harry is not as nice as eveyone thinks #i think hes professional as fuck definitely #but i think hes a sarky little perfectionist and this delights me #but chemistry with everyone - thats the harry curse and blessing and the **** ****** one #sorry anon i know this was annoying #but i genuinely just really needed to get this out of me and acknowledge it all #fandom and fandom participation is something that is so important to us all #otherwise why would we have a little blog #let alone create posts of fic or gifs or edits #and god last year i said multiple times to shifty that i wished i had a fandom that i could wallow in as a happy place distraction #its very nice to feel engaged and delighted by something #i hope we can still be mates #i am a popstars and radio dj lover for life #i didn't even touch on teams i like and players and such cos not the point #tw: cancer #tw: death #tw: weight loss #sorry! i should have added those tw before!

[cassioppenny]

hey guys look at this girlie i stole from atlus hq since they refuse to bring her back FOR NO REASON even though her route is SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER and GAYER than the male protag's route and i'll fight for my fucking life to defend her and also her robot girlfriend is there

#persona #persona 3 #kotone shiomi #femc #aigis #IM SORRY FOR PERSONA POSTING GAMERS #fuck atlus forever i need to take aigis and kotone away from them #they're my ocs fuck you #god i wish i could recommend persona 3 i really do #it's one of my favorite games and the themes in it are something i know certain mutuals would really love #but man. atlus moment. they left out bisexual icon kotone shiomi in the remake #WHERE IS MY DOOMED YURI ATLUS. WHAT DID YOU DO TO IT