There are no LBSCR E2s left.
Would anyone remember them? Would they be another piece of forgotten machinery, with few photos and even less video footage? And in the universe we live in, they are so easily recognizable to foamers and outsiders directed to them- saying “That’s Thomas. He was real.”
Real and made real again in storybooks and TV shows and wooden toys and Bachmann models. Those 10 E2s, faulty lumbering engines with a wheelbase too big for tight turns and water tanks too small to be good enough for the short goods trains they were designed for… became the most famous tank engines in the world. Can you imagine if we still had them? If we still had one? Like wistful lovers of recently extinct animals, we write, we draw, we try to bring them back to life.
Inspired By
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Had another wild dream
There was a festival, the biggest one of the year. Where everyone comes together to celebrate. Everyone in this world has a hidden ability, like a talent but a bit more magical. This celebration shows off the most magical of them all, like the one who can take reindeer by just touching them, or the dude who can play any instrument without ever seeing said instrument before, etc etc. some are simple powers like reading fast, or able to draw anything, or even just a very good worker, but apparently I don’t have an ability and am seen as worthless. Anyway, There are many people who are invited to this festival, but in this world there are monsters, who trap and kill people in many different ways. This is important for later. Each person invited to the festival, if they are related to one of the performers, must help out in some way shape or form. Last year I tried and failed to help, by being the end flag for the army race, where the soldiers who are invited, race to see who is the fastest. I was told to hold the flag and change it when 10, 20, 30, minutes have passed, while also stopping the clock when the winner passes me. However they never told me that last part and I got in trouble. So this year they want me to just hold a plate of mashed potatoes and hand it out.
So while we are waiting for things to start we need to find our seats. Me and my siblings are sat somewhere up higher, however there are only three seats. So I’m told to just “sit near them” on the ground, but don’t literally sit on the ground cause it’ll make the place look bad. After I join the walk with my mashed potatoes, about half way through I’m out and tell the Sargent and he says “we’ll go get more from up front” which btw this walk is like walking around a mega church building. So yeah, I get pissed and walk back with everyone looking at me. I get back and decide fuck it I’m going to just sit and not do anything. So I climb in the seats where my siblings are, get yelled at by a dude who I have to pass by when getting to these seats cause “you should know better than to walk on my seat” bro it’s literally the only way to the other seats, if you know another path please show me. He just grumbles and says that I should know of another path. I ignore him and get to the seats and stand nearby cause my sibs are sitting there. The show starts then and that’s my siblings cue to leave their seats so they can be carried away to perform. So I’m left in the middle of the path that also acts as the stage and I just quickly get over to the side cause wtf else do I do. Only to get reprimanded by my aunt and mother that “I should be in my seat and not basically on the stage” I just glare at them and say “well maybe somebody should make sure there are ENOUGH seats for us then” only for them to say that there were and that I’m being unhelpful and just want to complain. I finally snap and just walk along the path/stage, backwards. I’m heading to my car and just running away cause I can’t deal with these shits.
Anyway, Remember the monsters? Once outside I see a few roaming around, they are different sizes and different creatures. I don’t care and just keep walking. Apparently last year I ran into one, it grabbed me and I thought that was it, but it just rubbed my head and cooed before putting me down, chasing another person, and then eating them. So I didn’t care cause I felt pretty safe around them, which is saying something when the step on a car and it explodes.
I’m making my way to my car when I hear that apparently my family is looking for me already. I’m like “shit” so start running across the town/city to get to my car. But once again the town is being swarmed by monsters. I get to an area where this grass tentacle monster thing is sitting, and there’s a group of others trying to figure out how to pass it with getting caught. I tell them just don’t get hit by the end of the grass thorn tentacle thing, cause that’s what’ll grab you, as I start causally climbing over the already grown tentacles. A few tentacles have fallen apart and I grab a few and say “check this out” before chucking them into a body of water. The tentacle then grow and form another monster, the exact same kind of monster that we just passed. I rub it’s little head and say it’s a good boy and needs to stay there until it’s big enough to leave the pond. The group is horrified that I just made more monsters and most run away from me in fear.
The more brave parts of the group quickly joins me and hopes I can get them to safety and I mention that the house next to the library has a spell on it that repels all monsters, and that I’ll be walking in that direction anyway so they can join me. Anyway we continue walking through the snow and crowds of people who are scurrying off to do whatever when another monster appears. This one is a classic giant who is seen chasing someone, he sees me and for a brief second considers going for me before returning to his original target. I don’t get to see if he successfully catches them or not.
Eventually we get to the house and I drop them off before going to the library cause it’s a bit closer to my destination. I get yoinked in by someone who is panicking cause there’s a monster running the library. I look over and it’s this little sand vampire lady monster. I recognize her cause a few years back she successfully trapped me in her sandpit. She started sucking out my youth before stopping and realizing that I wasn’t getting older, but she was still getting younger. She is confused and asks what’s going on and I just shrug and say that I have no idea but if she want she can keep trying until she feels she is at the youthful age she wants. She does and I still don’t age, I then tell her if she acts human and doesn’t attack anyone else, that I’ll help her maintain her youth…at least until I die. She agrees and starts to work in the library. She looks human but if you look closely you see her skin is actually sand. Anyway the person is freaking out and I just say hi to the librarian and ask how it’s going. She said fine and that she needs a little pick me up, so I allow her. Much to the horror of the other person.
We chat for a bit before another smaller monster runs in and grabs me and the shocked person shouting that another giant monster needs a sacrifice. He is this fur covered monster with horns and he rushes out, despite the librarian’s shouts. Then we see the a new monster, this giant tall skinny monster, their skin swirling with different darker colors (like dark blue, deep violet, black, and a hint of dark green too)
That’s when the monster carrying us puts us down and is about to shout at this bigger monster that he brought a sacrifice but freezes for two reasons, 1: monsters are not against attacking smaller monsters and mr fluff here was hoping to get on this big dudes good side but just witnessed the big guy rip another monster apart, and 2: he looks at me and says that I shouldn’t be there and that he messed up by bringing me. I’m still confused before it clicks in my brain. I’m not useless, I do have an ability and a very rare one at that. I have a monster ability, it’s why I don’t get attacked, it’s why I can walk by them, it’s why they hesitate and change their mind, it’s why their attacks don’t affect me and why I know so much about them despite not seeing some of these monsters. I stare at the monster who was holding me cause we both realized what I am, just then the giant dark creature is looking at us with bright violet eyes. I’m not scared and walk forward placing my hand in the middle of his face… I then wake up.
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decembhyur, day 15: childhood
"why can't you be like your brother?" they would bemoan. I heard that line my entire childhood. they always compared me to him, the brat who couldn't talk and would jump at shadows. I couldn't achieve anything without being snubbed by my relatives. my grandfather despised me; I was 'a blight to the family name,' as he so delicately put it. he said many awful things about me, things a child should never hear or internalize.
I was nothing.
I came from nothing.
I will amount to nothing.
do not taint your brother with your rot.
why couldn't I be like my brother... the golden child who escaped death, so beloved by my mother and stepfather? she was my mother, too. I deserved the same love as him, but she was ashamed of me.
everyone rallied around him when he returned unscathed from the tragedy that robbed us of my—our mother. the adults never let him out of their sights after that. my grandfather was quick to take him under his wing... and me, as well. the bastard child. what's so egregious is that I'm also alive. does my battle with this disease not warrant the same kind of praise? of course not, I was supposed to be in the ground long before now, but what keeps me going is pure spite.
I told myself as a child, during those hellish days in the manor, that I would prove the old man wrong someday, and all of my enemies would have to eat their words. sad thing is, my enemies are the ones who are supposed to take care of me, to guide me. instead they treated me worse than a dog.
there's always something with this family. not that you would understand. you're like my brother. everything always came easy to him. he's a prodigy in everything he touches, and everyone adores him.
my grandfather says he was born lucky—I was just lucky to be born. I don't need luck, though. I don't want it. I've always had to struggle and fight and that's made me strong... it's made me who I am.
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Wow. Sometimes I'm very lucky and my bipolar doesn't always affect me much. But no such luck lately. I'm worried that I might have to retake my modern lit course because I was so late with many of my assignments. I've been mentally messed up more or less with a mixed mood episode since last September. I'm currently on the line of passing and not passing the class (granted there are a few ungraded assignments, including my final so it's still possible that I'm overreacting). I'm usually a good student too so it's a point of pride for me. I went from the honor roll to this all due to me fighting with an illness... :/ (It is my fault for not managing things better so I'm not looking for pity here- just talking).
I cannot imagine how horrible this disorder is for people who didn't have the option of medication (I am medicated, believe it or not). I think about that about that a lot since I study history and look into many writer's and artist's biographies in my spare time. I feel very bad for them since they basically had to live with this disorder without the fixes I have simply because I was born late enough for treatments to exist.
Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath both haunt me. Other people too. Yes, Lord Byron was extremely shocking but consider- we don't actually know what he would have been like if he could have been treated. He wouldn't have died at 36, I'm almost certain of that. I am highly aware of what this disorder has done to people before me. It doesn't make it better. But I keep looking back any way, to see that many of them did incredible things, in spite of it all.
I just keep thinking that if they could do so much without any treatment- that I should be able to function with treatment??? I know: don't compare yourself to other people but I'm desperate to know that I can be successful even with this illness. That it's not going to force me to leave school (the one thing I have been historically good at) and waste my life toiling away for nothing.
So if it seems as if I have been hitting my head against something lately, you aren't wrong. The fall is not generally my friend, pretty as the leaves are. I have not been having a good time of it but we must go on any way because what other option is there? None, I tell you.
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