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jemmo · 3 months

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Making sense of love for love's sake: the game

Despite all the things i absolutely adore about how the plot unravels and expands in love by love's sake, upon first watch, there's some things i couldn't piece together, which @lurkingshan echoes in their post:

'The way the author was messing with Myungha and forcing cruel choices on him really does not track with a desire to help him find happiness.'

And to preface, this is not something i fully get yet either. I think i'll need a good month and a sizeable reading list of relevant resources to understand just what/who this author/sunbae is and what his role is and how he is associated with myungha. But as always with the best shows for meta (aka bad buddy), as a plot unfolds, you can always find a better understanding by looking backwards and re-contextualising what you've already seen. so i watched ep 1, specifically the scene between myungha and his sunbae at the bar. And i will talk about how everything said in this scene has a whole new meaning now we know the full story, but for now i wanna focus on that question that they keep coming back to; "Then... will you change it for him?".

When you watch the show for the first time, your brain follows the simplest, most obvious version of the story you're being told, one where myungha has been pulled into the world of his sunbae's novel that's being turned into a game and given the opportunity to fix the thing he didn't like about it; making yeowoon happy, and thus you just think the rules of the game are imposed by the author, and so when these cruel choices first come up, you see them as the difficult roadblocks that are nevertheless necessary to any kind of game, forcing the player to make an impossible choice so that the game can continue in a certain direction and its only after that you learn whether it was the right choice or not, or there is no right choice, it simply changes the game you are playing.

And when its revealed what this game actually is, at first i tried to interpret these cruel choices, namely the choice between yeonwoon and myungha's grandma, and at best i could come up with the concept of this being a choice between staying stuck to the past aka choosing his grandma, even though he knows that choice doesn't mean she's safe bc he knows the future where he loses here, its an inevitability, but thats the small happiness he knew before it was taken away and thus that happiness is known and safe, theres no risk, versus choosing to pursue a new happiness, a love of yeowoon and thus himself, which he doesn't know, he hasn't experienced yet, and could be risky. Its a happiness that isn't guaranteed like his grandma, but its a happiness that looks to the future and has hope in it that he can find a new happiness to pursue despite what has happened in his past.

And that fits nice, okayish. But then i watched ep 1 and heard that question "Then... will you change it for him?" And watching through the rest of the eps, we come back to this scene at the bar and each time we get a new run up to the author asking this question, either new dialogue is added or we hear a different piece of the conversation entirely. It starts at the beginning of ep 1 as:

"Because Cha Yeowoon is the only one who's miserable." "It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that" "The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile."

Then a bit later in ep 1 we go back and its expanded.

"It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that" "The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile." "Why? Do you think you'd write it differently?" "Yes, definately. Someone like Cha Yeowoon, or someone like me with an awful life, can also be happy."

And then all the way on in ep 6, we get this new dialogue.

"I don't like talking about destiny." "Why?" "Because it means everything is predestined." "Then do you not believe in fate?" "Fate and destiny are the same. My grandma likes to say that. She said life is like a written book, and how you'll live and die are written in it. (...)I don't like things like this. Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying." "Really? Then Myungha..."

And while we don't hear the author ask the same question, I feel like him getting cut off like that insinuates that the conversation leads to that same ending point. All that is to say, every time we hear this question being asked, its like we learn more and more about what this whole thing is, what the game is, what myungha is saying he will do by agreeing to do what the author asks. And every time, we see myungha being more defiant against the idea of yeowoon being resigned to his miserable ending. He starts off thinking that kind of life is destined, and while it's miserable, its not something he can fight. Then he says he'd want to write the story differently, bc yeowoon, or even him, could be happy. He challenges the idea that yeowoon, and thus himself, is fated to be miserable, and opens up the possibility for happiness for them both, but doesn't yet have the means or resolve to do it, its like he knows its possible on a fundamental level, but doesn't see it as something he can actually achieve. But then we circle back to the idea of destiny and books, both of which came up in the previous quote, and seems incredibly pertinent seen as this whole thing is about a novel this author has written. Myungha talks about how he hates the idea that life is a book where everything written is predestined to happen, from the moment you live to the moment you die. He says "Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying." That vile way of life he described before that he said was destined, he is now saying it can be changed, and that possibility is now something he's holding onto, its what he sees hope in so that he can keep trying, bc now he finally is trying, he has the resolve, he's trying to realise this thing, this impossibility of rewriting the life he thought was destined through the way he loves yeowoon.

And coming back to those cruel choices, given this fresh context, it made me think. bc this isn't actually a game that myungha has been put into where the rules are dictated by an author completely separate from him. He said himself, he'd rewrite it, he'd change things for yeowoon. And when you start to think of it less as him fighting against a rigid, removed system and more like him being a character in a story he is trying to rewrite himself, that has both the author and his own limitations, or just his own if you're in the school of thought that the author is some figment or part of myungha himself or his conciousness, then you can start to see where these cruel choices might come from. They could be myungha, the author making edits to this new story, imposing his own doubts and limitations on himself. When he says he has to pick between Yeowoon and his grandma, what if that's the new author myungha seeing this story unfold and thinking no this isn't right, he can't have it all, i'm not deserving of this much happiness.

And what makes me like this idea even more is that when we get that second choice between ending after 14 days or getting 100 days back at the cost of resetting Yeowoon's affection to 0, that whole conversation happens in what I think the bar actually is which is this frozen moment in time where myungha is in the water with this extension of a voice in his head that is talking through these things. That conversation in itself needs its own post, but when you look at it both as a decision to break up or not or a decision to hold onto life or not, you can see how the author is just this soundboard relaying the decisions myungha is going through in his head. The author's voice is his own, weighing up his decisions. And if he is the author here, it only reinforces that the person making the rules of this game is him. You can even extend it further to the idea of the debuffs, where he puts in place this thing that makes it so he causes harm to yeowoon when he's around, and its only by garnering affection that he can prevent it. He gives himself a reason from the get go to stay away from yeowoon and reason it as him doing it for yeowoon's safety, when in fact the only way to make yeowoon safe is to increase his affection, which he can only do by being near him. Its a system that at first gives myungha a reason to stay away aka not like himself, but ultimately says the only way you're going to make yeowoon like you, or the only way you can like yourself, is if you accept risk. And that in itself screams to me of a myungha writing in these game systems that are trying to encourage his own-self love while falling at the hurdle of his own lack of self-worth.

The idea is still messy in my head even for me, but i just really like the idea that myungha could be trying to fix this thing both as a character and game master, and that both these versions of him have these flaws that manifest in their different ways to cause the events we see. It kinda is the definition of being your own worst enemy, the idea that in order to work towards loving yourself, the biggest obstacle you have to encounter is yourself, bc we are the ones holding ourselves back, making all these rules that make it harder to like ourselves and pursue our own happiness. The voices in our head telling us that we aren't good enough and aren't deserving are our own, and while the things that happen to us can inform what they say, we're the one's reinforcing those words. And what this show teaches us is that, if we're the one holding that pen all along, we can choose to change what those words are. If we make the rules, you don't have to create a game with concrete ultimatums, you can create a game where rules don't control you. Instead, you make the decisions, and you can make the ones that make you happy.

#wow look at me writing actual kinda thought out meta #also something something about how the pen being in his pocket wasnt a pen given to him by the author its a pen that was his the whole time #look even if this isnt the right interpretation as intended by the author i just kinda adore this headcanon ive come up with and i cant wai #to rewatch the show again through this lens and see if it holds up #i just adore the idea of this whole thing being this manifestation of a flawed doubtful person trying to navigate through their own messy #nonsensical thoughts to find their own happiness #bc yes thats what triggered me thinking of this whole thing. me seeing that post and thinking yeah that doesnt make sense7 #but then again when you tell yourself things an put your own mental blocks in the way they dont make sense either but you still have to fin #the ways to work around them in order to find happiness #like those things dont go away we just find the loopholes or the ways to overcome them that mean we can be happy #the game is your own mind - deal with your own existential crisis as you wish #anyway this is only part 1 in what i hope will be a very extensive meta analysis of this show - stay tuned #love for love's sake

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shepscapades · 4 months

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Hey! i’m really into the dbch story and i was wondering if doc and xisuma ever tell bdubs the specifics of why etho lost his memories, cause if they do that is prime self blaming angst for bdubs

I’m inclined to believe they don’t. Actually (and maybe I should do a small comic for this so more people see it) I imagine, once a month or a few pass and they finally return etho to bdubs as reset, I imagine they are VERY serious about warning bdubs not to try to force Etho to re-deviate— they don’t go into specifics, but they probably tell bdubs that whatever happened had to do with something that was emotionally overwhelming, and that forcing him to redeviate/not letting it happen naturally could trigger the same error. They have no idea what could happen so bdubs needs to be very careful and let Etho find himself again on his own.

Whether or not bdubs gets impatient or can only go so long before he doubts it would be that bad if he tried pushing Etho in the right direction is another story.

But yeah. I don’t think Xisuma or Doc really… tell anyone that this happened. Etho’s error seemed like a very specific one-off scenario, so it’s not something the other hermits should be trying to avoid or be careful about happening to their own android friends, and the only thing telling people would do is make them worried about the situation. All they need to know is that etho was broken and that they need to be careful with him. I don’t agree with their decision to keep what happened to themselves but I understand it I think. Xisuma “i don’t want to worry the hermits” Void and Docm “eh this isn’t the first time I’ve replaced this arm, people won’t question it” 77

#that’s a lie actually I think xisuma ends up telling Cleo :>#but only because Cleo is very smart and I think they should be close in this au :]#but no she would clock Tired Overworked Existential Crisis Xisuma in an instant #Cleo calls them both idiots and gives them big hugs and tells them they need therapy. also that they’re welcome by her place anytime to talk #it’s very sweet and healing to me #this is where “all things end’’ on Xisuma’s playlist comes in actually #oh my god I got so off topic #BDUBS IS GOING TO FEEL GUILTY NO MATTER WHAT THOUGH #like okay. technically #the reason etho shut down is because he was freaking out that everything was his fault #(last life—not giving bdubs a heart— trying to win for bdubs and then losing— coming back to s8 feeling like he can’t face bdubs—>#ending up leaving him alone when the moon hit #and bdubs was hurt by these things. no doubt #but bdubs just wants his friend back and maybe he’s a little reckless about it #bdubs hides his emotions behind cartoonish frustration and complaining but he feels bad #he feels like he should be doing more to ‘save’ etho and bring him back even though he was to #told* he shouldn’t #dbhc ask #dbhc #dbhc bdubs #dbhc etho #dbhc doc #dbhc xisuma #ask #anon

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spread-the-influence · 4 months

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Wait, so you created a virus that had a chance of killing literally EVERYONE and didn’t think ONCE THAT “HEY, a virus of this scale could backfire TERRIBLY! Maybe I should make a failsafe, or, JUST SPITBALLING HERE, TEST IT OUT??”

-Exhausted Anon

"W-what a great idea, Anon! I didn't think of also building a virtual world from ground-up so advanced that it literally transports people inside of it! That even its own developers couldn't code in an exit and thus had to abandon the project entirely, which are all something I can't do without getting a lot more victims trapped in the game—and for sure might cause me to also get trapped before I could finish it!—

"—WHAT OTHER OPTIONS DO I HAVE?!" She gritted her teeth. "This may not be entirely... ethical, but it's better than staying trapped here!"

#[ asks ]#[ to: pomni ]#fyi these aus follow the 'they're actually transported into the game' theory #as much as i love the existential horror of decaying bodies with headsets the ending of the pilot made me doubt it #( also something about pomni being morally gray feels so right to me ...)

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3eanuts · 9 months

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December 19, 1955 — see The Complete Peanuts 1955-1958

#peanuts #comics #humor #existentialism #lucy van pelt #linus van pelt #santa #santa claus #christmas #belief #religion #spirituality #faith #doubt #skepticism

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gojonanami · 4 months

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do you ever feel like you're fighting with your fic to get it onto the page?

no? just me?

#sab speaks #i am sincerely doubting my ability to englishhhhh #also wondering if this fic makes any sense or if the pacing makes sense #or if anything at all makes sense #ok sorry existentialism popped off real quick

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timelinemh24 · 6 days

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What are glasses like when a monster with dog or cat ears wears them!!???

I'm trying to draw Clawdeen and I want to add lenses but I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY STAND!!!

#It's an existential doubt #monster high #mh #I'm adding all the characters with animal ears!!#clawd wolf #clawdeen wolf #howleen wolf #clawdia wolf #toralei stripe #purrsephone #meowlody #catty noir #romulus #barkimedes

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praisethesuuun · 2 months

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So, like, I was thinking about stopping writing and starting to draw small drabbles instead. All of you can request me small drabbles/sketches and I'll be more than happy to accomplish :)

It might even help me with practice for my comics course☀️

#help me with my existential doubt

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shinyelectracey · 2 years

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A small existential doubt before sleeping

ㅤㅤ

To create Toodles, Zach relies on the fact that the color red is the opposite of green... or did he just put it that way because he likes red?

ಠ_ಠ

#wild kratts #kratt brothers #chris kratt #wk chris #zach varmitech #toodles #existential doubts #before sleeping #wk toodles #Theory of color #because if it comes to color theory.#we could assume Salutations is yellow #is this the first time i mentioned salutations on my own?#i guess #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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karamell-sweetz · 8 months

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you know what? screw it. a rui for this trying time

#project sekai #karamell doodles #rui kamishiro #when in doubt. rui scribble #my own tags aren't coming up anymore :(#idk how this one happened. had an urge to draw rui #feeling desolate? existential dread hitting you full force? draw rui! he gets it!#rui dress agenda

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rizaisthesuperstar · 6 months

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You know every so often, I think about how fma03 changed the Al’s existential crisis story (at least to my memory which is admittedly not always great) so that the conclusion of that arc, where Al remembers something that Ed doesn’t, no longer happens. And how that implies that unlike the manga/brotherhood, 03Al in fact DOES only have memories that he shares with Ed. And how when you put that next to Ed and Al’s relationship in 03, and how Al comes back exactly how he was *before* the transmutation (ie the last time Ed saw him, and therefore the way Ed remembers him), and how in the movie (AGAIN to my spotty remember) Al’s whole focus is just on getting Ed back and he’s almost built his life around this—

There are a few reasons that I can’t bring myself to rewatch fma03 but still spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about it, but the tragedy of Al’s character is maybe the biggest one.

#fma03 #alphonse elric #it’s just like in brohood the existential crisis is wrapped up neatly #Al is real and he never has to doubt that again #but then 03 Al is just left to continue to question this #and like it’s not even that I think the implication is that Ed knows this #it’s just as tragic for Ed that he gave up so much trying to save his brother #and all he might have accomplished is what amounts to a photocopy of how he sees Al #but as I said I don’t really rewatch 03 (my heart can’t take it)#so I could be very much misremembering/misreading

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camilledecussac · 2 months

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#illustration #drawing #camille de cussac #artists on tumblr #colorful #dog #dog of the day #cute dogs #existential question #keys #doubt #no doubt #did i lock the door

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princess-sungazer · 7 months

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god I wish this is what happened in the end

congrats on your new summon, Clive!

#Ultima and his existential terror at being reduced to a single body now forced to be under command by the very body he wanted to inhabit #i doubt we're ever going to get any more ultima content from any DLC unless it's stuff that's happened in the past #but a girl can dream #ultima #ffxvi ultima #ultimalius #my art

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lunaetis · 2 months

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eden doesn't trust anyone in penacony. not a single person. i wanted to say that she trusted firefly, but even her i feel like it's something more of a tug than trust. very much like what the dreamscape is supposed to represent. meeting firefly was like a fever dream. i think eden was drawn to her because it was the first time she's treated like a normal person. everywhere she had gone to, everyone is aware of the stellaron to a degree. they had known or heard of her one way or the other and have her associated with the stellaron or aeons in some way, shape, or form. meeting firefly was like a glimpse into what it's like to be normal ( as in meeting someone and bonding naturally / normally ), that's why eden quickly grew attached to her to the point that witnessing her death caused her to disassociate for a moment ( more on this in a different post. )

all in all, no one she had met gave her a reason to trust them. all of them have their own roles to play, their own agenda to accomplish, and eden felt like she's being used one way or the other despite being offered the truth. it's a similar feeling to what happened in xianzhou luofu where kafka and the stellaron hunters orchestrated everything according to the future they saw. in penacony, eden felt like everyone already knows what part they're going to play and the nameless ( including her ) being there is yet another puzzle piece for the story / destiny / truth to play out, and she doesn't like that feeling. even when she felt familiarity or connection with firefly, at the end of the day, eden still feels rather isolated from the planet itself and its people. she doesn't trust anyone's words, to the point that she's even doubting her own memory and experience at times. there is no guarantee if what she's seeing or remembering is even real, after all.

#.headcanon: eden | trailblazer #[ existential crisis is strong with her exposure to penacony #if she's quite cautious to trust ppl before #then this whole experience is giving her major trust issues and she knows she CANNOT trust anyone #i wonder if it'd be too far to say she's even doubting scenes with astral express members #bc rn what she had seen or heard are too mixed up that she has no true way to discern dreams from reality ]

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