#entirety of shakespeare where you at

[belle-keys]

it's a male character from a work of english literature ain't it

#including that hoe from the secret history btw #bunny corcoran #tsh #and all the gothic bois #mr rochester #jane eyre #heathcliff #wuthering heights #don't forget that man from p&p #mr collins #bitchass hoe from white american dream: the novel #jay gatsby #the great gatsby #entirety of shakespeare where you at #macbeth #hamlet #tybalt capulet #the friar too #books #english literature #english lit #english lit memes #books and literature #book blog #gothic lit

[rallentando1011]

Valentine’s Day With Donnie

(rise Donnie x gn reader)

Saint Valentine’s Day: a fickle holiday that celebrates even more fickle emotions, a day that forces the formation of many a precarious bond that statistically would not last

At least, that’s how Donnie saw it for the entirety of his life

Until you came along

Now, don’t get him wrong, he still thinks it’s stupid, but maybe something could be stupid and enjoyable

He means, he enjoys his brothers’ company, right? (/j… maybe /hj)

Either way, for you, he doesn’t mind giving Valentine’s Day a genuine go

So, when you come over on the holiday, Donnie’s ready

“As you know, I think Valentine’s Day is an example of rampant consumerism devouring the meaning behind holidays and people’s wallets, but there is something special about a day in which one can express their admiration for each other.”

“Wait… you got me something?”

“Correction: I made you something.”

The man proceeds to hand you a new phone, the insignia on it implying it was made, or at least modified, by his hand

You’d been complaining mentioning that you needed one that actually works

You smile and thank him eagerly

“It’s fine if you don’t have anything, I wasn’t really expecting-”

“Au contraire, Don, I made you something too!”

He looks baffled for about 20 seconds as you hand him a small gift bag containing red velvet macarons, lavender tea bags, a small, smooth rose quartz, a miniature turtle plushie

“Well, me and Mikey made the macarons together. Gotta give credit where credit is due.”

He barely registers your comment, too absolutely enamored by your consideration of him

Donnie doesn’t know where his mind is at, but it definitely isn’t in this solar system, perhaps not even the surrounding stellar systems

Bottom line, bro’s ecstatic

The huge grin on his face and brightness in his eyes effectively gets his point across

Not only did he give a heartfelt gift, he received one?

Okay, maybe this Valentine’s Day had something to it

Watching rom-coms solely to trash on them is a mandatory tradition

Every other Valentine’s Day he’s spent by his lonesome has mostly consisted of hours of mercilessly ragging on romantic comedies

Yep, definitely just to criticize them

No sadness and/or yearning involved

But now, with your company?

He’s still criticizing the ever-loving heck out of those movies

If you genuinely enjoy rom-coms, be prepared for this little pessimist to rain on your parade, grumbling questions of the logic and flow of the film

However, if you, too, find them stupid, you’ve found yourself the perfect, cynical viewing buddy

“You can tell just from the cinematography of that one guy catching her that he’s the secondary love interest.��

“I swear on Galileo’s heliocentric model itself- how many love interests can one main character have?”

“I think that’s the challenge that was going on in the writer’s room - to see how many variations of a love triangle they could make.”

“The challenge in the writer’s room was that they had too many people slamming on keyboards, yet none of them wrote Shakespeare.”

“Was that an infinite monkey theorem allusion?”

“And a simultaneous dig on the foul writing - zing!”

Following the festivities of movie-binging and gift-giving, he turns to you with a rather uncharacteristic diffidence in his demeanor

Glance askance, slight perspiration on his forehead, fidgeting hands, stammering words

As you start to ask what’s wrong, Donnie quickly, almost unintelligibly so, asks if you want to dance

If you feel so inclined, you nod, take his hand, and offer a dance

If Sinatra is playing (Nancy or Frank or both), you know some slow dancing is going down

Bill Withers or Kitty Kallen, maybe even Dean Martin, something classic, whispering in the background, a hand or two on your hips, yours on his shoulders, chins tucked cozily on the crook of each other’s neck or crown of the head, just the two of you gently swaying together to the rhythm sounds perfect

Normally when he dances, it’s fast-paced boogie or groove (he didn’t get the name Bootyshaker9000 for nothing), but for today, for you, he’ll keep the dancing slow, smooth, sweet

Keeping you close and spending time with you has certainly made this his favorite Valentine’s Day thus far

The macarons you gave him also significantly improved his verdict

(Happy Valentine’s Day gang ‼️ HERE are some accompanying sketches with this!)

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #save rottmnt #save rise of the tmnt #unpause rottmnt #rise season 3 #save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #unpause rise of the tmnt #rise donnie x reader #rise donatello x reader #rise donnie #rise donatello #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt donnie x reader #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt donatello #valentines day #100

[amplifyme]

George R.R. Martin on Writing TV's "Beauty and the Beast."

The show has a devoted cult following. What do you think draws them to it 30 years later?

It was such a literate show and such a smart show. Vincent may have been a beast but he was highly read and always fond of quoting poetry and citing Shakespeare and dropping in a sonnet from one poet or another. That had an enormous effect. We would get letters from librarians across the country about all the people who would come into the libraries on Monday after we’d aired on Friday saying, “What was that poem Vincent read?” They were going back to Shakespeare. 

I was able to do an episode called “Ozymandias” where we had Ron Perlman read the entirety of the poem by Shelley. To be able to do that kind of thing was amazing, to work in some of the classics of English literature that way. Vincent was an intellectual who loved words and stories and poems. He was not by that reason like a geek or a figure the other characters made fun of but was in fact a classic, Romantic, Byronic hero. Being able to bring that to television, to a mass audience, was great.

The production values were also pretty ambitious for the time. 

It was a gorgeous-looking show. There was a beautiful, lush look to the whole Underground world. By the standards of 2017, television has come so far in terms of its cinematography and its look. But if you compare Beauty and the Beast from 1988 in terms of the other shows that were on, the photography was so lush, the sets and costumes, the Beast makeup created by Rick Baker — it took Ron four hours to get in and out of it. You could stand next to him at the craft services and not tell he was even wearing makeup, it was so brilliantly done. (x)

#beauty and the beast 1987 #george r. r. martin #hollywood reporter interview #i really wish more people would seek out this show #all 3 seasons on paramount plus

[writtenjewels]

Wrong Number part 5

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four

Jason confessed to reading Shakespeare; what he failed to mention was he memorized entire passages of those plays. After doing a tour of the Globe, Jason caught Salim's eye and proceeded to rattle off the entirety of Marc Antony's “Friends, Romans, Countrymen” speech. Salim could only gape in awe. When Jason was done, Salim felt like he should applaud.

“Even more nerdy than I thought,” he teased. “How can you remember all that?”

“I donno,” Jason shrugged, a pleased smile tugging at his lips. “I just do. You impressed?”

“Very,” Salim confirmed, his heart fluttering when Jason's smile grew wider. Without meaning to, Salim dropped his eyes down to Jason's lips. He quickly looked away again with his heart pounding even harder. “I don't really know a lot about Shakespeare,” Salim admitted.

“We had to learn it in school,” Jason told him. “It's wild: I read all those plays, and now here we are where they used to perform 'em. Maybe they still do,” he added as an afterthought.

“Too bad it's being renovated,” Salim mused. “We could have literally seen history come to life.”

They chatted for a bit more, then Salim asked another tourist to take a picture of them standing in front of the stage. Next they took a bus tour of other famous buildings in London – there were far too many to see in one day – with Salim snapping pictures, sometimes getting into the shot when Jason took the camera.

“You'll wanna show your kid these later,” Jason assured him.

“I'm meeting with him tomorrow, actually,” Salim mentioned. He hesitated, his heart pounding as his next words were forming on his tongue: Would you like to meet him?

“Good to know you'll still have a tour buddy,” Jason said. “I gotta be at the airport tomorrow to head on home.” Salim never felt his heart plummet so fast. He knew from the beginning that Jason's stay here in London was temporary, but he still somehow took for granted that the man would be around a while longer.

Initially, Salim wanted to take an evening river tour of the Thames that would include dinner. It felt strange to do it now, so he went instead with Jason to a pub where the other tried meat pies for the first time. The American's reaction was priceless… and cute. Though Salim really didn't want to keep thinking of how cute or charming Jason was.

This great sense of loss felt so silly considering the fact they just met, and he wouldn't have even known Jason existed if the hotel hadn't made that mistake with the room key. How did the prospect of saying goodbye to a man he barely knew for twenty-four hours feel more painful than finding out his own wife left him?

All too soon they were back at the hotel in front of their respective doors.

“Will I see you at breakfast tomorrow?” Salim asked.

“Don't think so,” Jason sighed. “I gotta check out pretty early. Hey, before I forget,” he mentioned. “I got you something.” He opened his bag where he had souvenirs for all his friends and family. “I noticed you weren't gettin' yourself anything,” he explained, “so I did it for you.”

“Thank you.” Salim took the gift, a little mystified. It turned out to be a box containing a coffee mug. “I feel like I should give you something now,” he remarked wryly. For a brief moment he envisioned pressing Jason against his hotel door and kissing him. Salim dismissed the thought and hoped Jason wouldn't notice his blush.

“You kept me company,” Jason shrugged, and Salim thought maybe those fair cheeks were a little red, too. “That's plenty.”

“All right.” Salim swallowed. “Good night and have a safe flight home.”

“Take care,” Jason returned. There was a moment of awkwardness, then he stuck his hand out. Feeling a little deflated, Salim shook Jason's hand.

The next morning, after showering and dressing, Salim went to Jason's door just to check if the American was already gone. There was no answer to Salim's knock. He held out hope that Jason would be at breakfast, after all, but there was no sign. Eventually Salim had to get back to his room to do his own check-out. The last thing he packed was the coffee mug Jason gave him. He opened the box to get a better look at it.

To his surprise, Salim found a piece of paper inside the mug. On one side was a string of numbers. He flipped it over and saw a written note.

Just in case I wasn't the only one who felt something. ~ Jason

Salim's heart fluttered and he turned the paper back over to the string of numbers. Jason's phone number.

#jason x salim #jason/salim #jason kolchek x salim othman #jalim #salim othman #jason kolchek #house of ashes

[odessa-castle]

Nothing Like the Sun: Questions! Answers! Prompts!

I mentioned this in the endnotes of the last chapter of Nothing Like the Sun, but since tumblr is where I do most of my fannish social media stuff, I figured it was worth an official mention here, as well.

Now that Part One of NLTS is finished, I can finally lift my self-imposed gag order about that part of the story! (The number of times I had to hold myself back from spoiling things in the comments, I swear.) Therefore, because I genuinely do like talking about all of this, let it be known that my askbox is open for the following:

questions about the first half of this fic, either in terms of the story itself (like "what was Cazador planning to use his trading company for?") or in terms of behind-the-scenes planning and process stuff (like "how far ahead did you plan X twist/reveal?") -- or any other kind of question, really! You can ask me things about part two, but my answers will probably be annoyingly cryptic. Sorry!

prompts for fics of about 500 words or less (I will try to hold myself to this >>) set in NLTS's universe. I may or may not get around to all of them, but I haven't taken prompts in like, a million years, and I'd like to try my hand at doing it again! They can be as general (like "I want to see more of Astarion and Wyll hanging out in the Jasmine Garden") or specific (like "if that cloud of mist in Chapter 11 was actually Cazador, what did he think about what he saw?") as you like. SFW and NSFW are both fine.

Here are a few fun tidbits about NLTS to kick things off:

NLTS was always going to lead into (a version of) the canon timeline. For some deeply dumb reason, I thought at first that the story in its entirety would only ("only") run about 60-80k. I sure played myself with that one.

I've talked about Moulin Rouge's influence on NLTS before, but I also self-indulgently packed NLTS full of nods to Shakespeare (including, obviously, the title itself). See how many of them you can spot!

I'm an outliner, but my outline for NLTS underwent some significant changes over the course of me writing the story. For example, did you know that Iskalia, the madam of the Jasmine Garden, was originally Mizora in disguise? This would have been a very cool twist that would have completely fallen apart after, like, three seconds of thinking about it (how tf does Mizora have the time to run a brothel, anyway), so it got axed. The reveal would've been great, though.

Wyll's fighting style during his duel with Lord Andoril is based on destreza, which is basically an early modern Spanish school of fencing. It was a bit of a stretch for me, because my HEMA knowledge is more about armored Germans beating the shit out of each other, but it was ultimately a lot of fun to write.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #wyllstarion #bloodpact #wyll ravengard #astarion #nothing like the sun #is this self indulgent? yes. but hopefully i can indulge other people as well

[shakesqueers13]

Hi there!

This might seem odd, but I wanted to ask something as a fellow Shakespeare fan. It’s more on my behalf, truly.

Next year I will be going to a school in England (don’t know which yet) to focus on acting, specifically classical acting if I can. I love Shakespeare and classical works immensely, and I would just love to dedicate my life to it.

Not to reveal myself, haha, but I’m only 18 years old. While I love Shakespeare, and I think I can generally understand what one monologue says, it does take me multiple readings of the text to understand the plot and even longer to analyze the text within the entirety. It makes me feel kind of stupid, because so many other Shakespeare fans seem to be able to pull this texts out, with great analysis (yourself included) and for me, it takes an embarrassing amount of time.

I have an opportunity to maybe direct a show, and I’m stuck between Richard III and Cymbeline, but fear I’m too dumb to understand the text properly.

I know this is probably just my insecurity, but the reason I wished to ask at all is to wonder if that’s just me? Do other Shakespeare fans struggle to get it, and have to work at it? Even when I watch productions, I have to really really focus to understand each bit or I get lost (though watching is easier to comprehend)

Perhaps I’m just not intelligent enough to get it quicker, and not as a dig but a reality. Regardless, I love the work and I strive to understand it though I fail.

Hope this isn’t too insecure/pick me!! Just thought it was worth the ask. Thanks for keeping the stories alive :)

Hi!

It’s funny you sent in this ask because just last night I was thinking I should make a post about how there’s absolutely no shame in struggling to understand Shakespeare. I think it’s one of those things where every Shakespeare student secretly thinks they’re the worst at understanding/reading Shakespeare, but that’s totally not true. Everybody struggles, myself included. Shakespeare wrote in such an elevated level of voice that not even most Elizabethan citizens would’ve been able to understand a lot of what he said when they were watching his plays — he was making up words left and right.

I think everyone has to read the text multiple times to grasp the full meaning, and if they don’t, they’re probably missing out on a lot of important stuff. People wouldn’t still be getting PhD’s and publishing research about Shakespeare if we already knew exactly what he meant by everything he wrote.

I definitely struggle to understand Shakespeare a lot of the time. I’m dyslexic so reading the words off the page can be really difficult for me - I almost never read any Shakespeare for the first time off the page, I always try to watch a version while I read. Some other practical tips are to use the OED (Oxford English dictionary) to look up words from the year the play was published because it tells you what archaic words meant at the time. You can also just Google passages you don’t understand and often an explanation will come up. Finally, if you can afford an annotated edition of the complete works, like the Norton edition or the Folger editions, that will be very helpful as well.

I would also caution you if you’re getting the majority of your Shakespeare information from tumblr because a lot of people on tumblr sadly post misinformation, or theories with no textual support. It’s unfortunate but I see it happening a lot with Hamlet. If someone posts something that throws you off and doesn’t seem quite right, either ignore it or triple check it. You can use Google Scholar to find reliable articles—just type in Google Scholar and search articles from there with whatever subject you want, like “Ophelia’s death” or “Shakespeare’s late romances.”

Also, from your ask I’m guessing you’re still in high school? Unfortunately it’s quite hard to learn a lot about Shakespeare without taking specific, focused classes in university. My knowledge and love of Shakespeare grew about 1000% my first semester in college when one of my professors taught Richard III and I actually got the opportunity to study with a professional. The thing is, there’s really no substitute for studying with a professor who you can ask questions and who can explain exactly what they mean. The more you study Shakespeare, the more sense things will start to make.

All in all, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Just take the texts line by line and work away at them until it makes sense. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to learn this stuff while you’re still in high school or about to start college. Watching the plays while you read will be your best asset.

Lmk if you have any more questions. Good luck!

#shakespeare #ask #william shakespeare #academia

[vaguelyhumanshapedbeing]

Fun fact! There is nothing stopping you from posting the entirety of Shakespeare plays on Tumblr.com!

Exhibit 1 — The Comedy of Errors:

ACT 1

Scene 1

Enter ⌜Solinus⌝ the Duke of Ephesus, with ⌜Egeon⌝ the Merchant of Syracuse, Jailer, and other Attendants.

EGEON   Proceed, Solinus, to procure my fall,  And by the doom of death end woes and all. DUKE   Merchant of Syracusa, plead no more.  I am not partial to infringe our laws. 5 The enmity and discord which of late  Sprung from the rancorous outrage of your duke  To merchants, our well-dealing countrymen,  Who, wanting guilders to redeem their lives,  Have sealed his rigorous statutes with their bloods, 10 Excludes all pity from our threat’ning looks.  For since the mortal and intestine jars  ’Twixt thy seditious countrymen and us,  It hath in solemn synods been decreed,  Both by the Syracusians and ourselves, 15 To admit no traffic to our adverse towns.  Nay, more, if any born at Ephesus  Be seen at Syracusian marts and fairs;  Again, if any Syracusian born  Come to the bay of Ephesus, he dies, 20 His goods confiscate to the Duke’s dispose,

p. 9

 Unless a thousand marks be levièd  To quit the penalty and to ransom him.  Thy substance, valued at the highest rate,  Cannot amount unto a hundred marks; 25 Therefore by law thou art condemned to die. EGEON   Yet this my comfort: when your words are done,  My woes end likewise with the evening sun. DUKE   Well, Syracusian, say in brief the cause  Why thou departedst from thy native home 30 And for what cause thou cam’st to Ephesus. EGEON   A heavier task could not have been imposed  Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable;  Yet, that the world may witness that my end  Was wrought by nature, not by vile offense, 35 I’ll utter what my sorrow gives me leave.  In Syracusa was I born, and wed  Unto a woman happy but for me,  And by me, had not our hap been bad.  With her I lived in joy. Our wealth increased 40 By prosperous voyages I often made  To Epidamium, till my factor’s death  And ⌜the⌝ great care of goods at random left  Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse;  From whom my absence was not six months old 45 Before herself—almost at fainting under  The pleasing punishment that women bear—  Had made provision for her following me  And soon and safe arrivèd where I was.  There had she not been long but she became 50 A joyful mother of two goodly sons,  And, which was strange, the one so like the other  As could not be distinguished but by names.

p. 11

 That very hour, and in the selfsame inn,  A mean woman was deliverèd 55 Of such a burden, male twins, both alike.  Those, for their parents were exceeding poor,  I bought and brought up to attend my sons.  My wife, not meanly proud of two such boys,  Made daily motions for our home return. 60 Unwilling, I agreed. Alas, too soon  We came aboard.  A league from Epidamium had we sailed  Before the always-wind-obeying deep  Gave any tragic instance of our harm; 65 But longer did we not retain much hope,  For what obscurèd light the heavens did grant  Did but convey unto our fearful minds  A doubtful warrant of immediate death,  Which though myself would gladly have embraced, 70 Yet the incessant weepings of my wife,  Weeping before for what she saw must come,  And piteous plainings of the pretty babes,  That mourned for fashion, ignorant what to fear,  Forced me to seek delays for them and me. 75 And this it was, for other means was none:  The sailors sought for safety by our boat  And left the ship, then sinking-ripe, to us.  My wife, more careful for the latter-born,  Had fastened him unto a small spare mast, 80 Such as seafaring men provide for storms.  To him one of the other twins was bound,  Whilst I had been like heedful of the other.  The children thus disposed, my wife and I,  Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fixed, 85 Fastened ourselves at either end the mast  And, floating straight, obedient to the stream,  Was carried towards Corinth, as we thought.

p. 13

 At length the sun, gazing upon the earth,  Dispersed those vapors that offended us, 90 And by the benefit of his wished light  The seas waxed calm, and we discoverèd  Two ships from far, making amain to us,  Of Corinth that, of Epidaurus this.  But ere they came—O, let me say no more! 95 Gather the sequel by that went before. DUKE   Nay, forward, old man. Do not break off so,  For we may pity though not pardon thee. EGEON   O, had the gods done so, I had not now  Worthily termed them merciless to us. 100 For, ere the ships could meet by twice five leagues,  We were encountered by a mighty rock,  Which being violently borne ⌜upon,⌝  Our helpful ship was splitted in the midst;  So that, in this unjust divorce of us, 105 Fortune had left to both of us alike  What to delight in, what to sorrow for.  Her part, poor soul, seeming as burdenèd  With lesser weight, but not with lesser woe,  Was carried with more speed before the wind, 110 And in our sight they three were taken up  By fishermen of Corinth, as we thought.  At length, another ship had seized on us  And, knowing whom it was their hap to save,  Gave healthful welcome to their shipwracked guests, 115 And would have reft the fishers of their prey  Had not their ⌜bark⌝ been very slow of sail;  And therefore homeward did they bend their course.  Thus have you heard me severed from my bliss,  That by misfortunes was my life prolonged 120 To tell sad stories of my own mishaps.

p. 15

DUKE   And for the sake of them thou sorrowest for,  Do me the favor to dilate at full  What have befall’n of them and ⌜thee⌝ till now. EGEON   My youngest boy, and yet my eldest care, 125 At eighteen years became inquisitive  After his brother, and importuned me  That his attendant—so his case was like,  Reft of his brother, but retained his name—  Might bear him company in the quest of him, 130 Whom whilst I labored of a love to see,  I hazarded the loss of whom I loved.  Five summers have I spent in farthest Greece,  Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia,  And, coasting homeward, came to Ephesus, 135 Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought  Or that or any place that harbors men.  But here must end the story of my life;  And happy were I in my timely death  Could all my travels warrant me they live. DUKE  140 Hapless Egeon, whom the fates have marked  To bear the extremity of dire mishap,  Now, trust me, were it not against our laws,  Against my crown, my oath, my dignity,  Which princes, would they, may not disannul, 145 My soul should sue as advocate for thee.  But though thou art adjudgèd to the death,  And passèd sentence may not be recalled  But to our honor’s great disparagement,  Yet will I favor thee in what I can. 150 Therefore, merchant, I’ll limit thee this day  To seek thy ⌜life⌝ by beneficial help.  Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus;  Beg thou, or borrow, to make up the sum,

p. 17

 And live. If no, then thou art doomed to die.— 155 Jailer, take him to thy custody. JAILER  I will, my lord. EGEON   Hopeless and helpless doth Egeon wend,  But to procrastinate his lifeless end. They exit.

⌜Scene 2⌝

Enter Antipholus ⌜of Syracuse, First⌝ Merchant, and Dromio ⌜of Syracuse.⌝

⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT   Therefore give out you are of Epidamium,  Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.  This very day a Syracusian merchant  Is apprehended for arrival here 5 And, not being able to buy out his life,  According to the statute of the town  Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.  There is your money that I had to keep. ⌜He gives money.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, handing money to Dromio⌝   Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host, 10 And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.  Within this hour it will be dinnertime.  Till that, I’ll view the manners of the town,  Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings,  And then return and sleep within mine inn, 15 For with long travel I am stiff and weary.  Get thee away. DROMIO ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Many a man��would take you at your word  And go indeed, having so good a mean. Dromio ⌜of Syracuse⌝ exits.

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ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   A trusty villain, sir, that very oft, 20 When I am dull with care and melancholy,  Lightens my humor with his merry jests.  What, will you walk with me about the town  And then go to my inn and dine with me? ⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT   I am invited, sir, to certain merchants, 25 Of whom I hope to make much benefit.  I crave your pardon. Soon at five o’clock,  Please you, I’ll meet with you upon the mart  And afterward consort you till bedtime.  My present business calls me from you now. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  30 Farewell till then. I will go lose myself  And wander up and down to view the city. ⌜FIRST⌝ MERCHANT   Sir, I commend you to your own content.⌜He exits.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   He that commends me to mine own content  Commends me to the thing I cannot get. 35 I to the world am like a drop of water  That in the ocean seeks another drop,  Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,  Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself.  So I, to find a mother and a brother, 40 In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.

Enter Dromio of Ephesus.

 Here comes the almanac of my true date.—  What now? How chance thou art returned so soon? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Returned so soon? Rather approached too late!  The capon burns; the pig falls from the spit; 45 The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell;  My mistress made it one upon my cheek.

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 She is so hot because the meat is cold;  The meat is cold because you come not home;  You come not home because you have no stomach; 50 You have no stomach, having broke your fast.  But we that know what ’tis to fast and pray  Are penitent for your default today. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Stop in your wind, sir. Tell me this, I pray:  Where have you left the money that I gave you? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  55 O, sixpence that I had o’ Wednesday last  To pay the saddler for my mistress’ crupper?  The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   I am not in a sportive humor now.  Tell me, and dally not: where is the money? 60 We being strangers here, how dar’st thou trust  So great a charge from thine own custody? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   I pray you, jest, sir, as you sit at dinner.  I from my mistress come to you in post;  If I return, I shall be post indeed, 65 For she will scour your fault upon my pate.  Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your  ⌜clock,⌝  And strike you home without a messenger. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season. 70 Reserve them till a merrier hour than this.  Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   To me, sir? Why, you gave no gold to me! ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,  And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.

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DROMIO OF EPHESUS  75 My charge was but to fetch you from the mart  Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner.  My mistress and her sister stays for you. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Now, as I am a Christian, answer me  In what safe place you have bestowed my money, 80 Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours  That stands on tricks when I am undisposed.  Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   I have some marks of yours upon my pate,  Some of my mistress’ marks upon my shoulders, 85 But not a thousand marks between you both.  If I should pay your Worship those again,  Perchance you will not bear them patiently. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Thy mistress’ marks? What mistress, slave, hast  thou? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  90 Your Worship’s wife, my mistress at the Phoenix,  She that doth fast till you come home to dinner  And prays that you will hie you home to dinner. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, beating Dromio⌝   What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,  Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  95 What mean you, sir? For God’s sake, hold your  hands.  Nay, an you will not, sir, I’ll take my heels. Dromio ⌜of⌝ Ephesus exits. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Upon my life, by some device or other  The villain is ⌜o’erraught⌝ of all my money. 100 They say this town is full of cozenage,  As nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,

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 Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,  Soul-killing witches that deform the body,  Disguisèd cheaters, prating mountebanks, 105 And many suchlike liberties of sin.  If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.  I’ll to the Centaur to go seek this slave.  I greatly fear my money is not safe. He exits.

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ACT 2

⌜Scene 1⌝

Enter Adriana, wife to Antipholus ⌜of Ephesus,⌝ with Luciana, her sister.

ADRIANA   Neither my husband nor the slave returned  That in such haste I sent to seek his master?  Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock. LUCIANA   Perhaps some merchant hath invited him, 5 And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner.  Good sister, let us dine, and never fret.  A man is master of his liberty;  Time is their master, and when they see time  They’ll go or come. If so, be patient, sister. ADRIANA  10 Why should their liberty than ours be more? LUCIANA   Because their business still lies out o’ door. ADRIANA   Look when I serve him so, he takes it ⌜ill.⌝ LUCIANA   O, know he is the bridle of your will. ADRIANA   There’s none but asses will be bridled so. LUCIANA  15 Why, headstrong liberty is lashed with woe.

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 There’s nothing situate under heaven’s eye  But hath his bound in earth, in sea, in sky.  The beasts, the fishes, and the wingèd fowls  Are their males’ subjects and at their controls. 20 Man, more divine, the master of all these,  Lord of the wide world and wild wat’ry seas,  Endued with intellectual sense and souls,  Of more preeminence than fish and fowls,  Are masters to their females, and their lords. 25 Then let your will attend on their accords. ADRIANA   This servitude makes you to keep unwed. LUCIANA   Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed. ADRIANA   But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway. LUCIANA   Ere I learn love, I’ll practice to obey. ADRIANA  30 How if your husband start some otherwhere? LUCIANA   Till he come home again, I would forbear. ADRIANA   Patience unmoved! No marvel though she pause;  They can be meek that have no other cause.  A wretched soul bruised with adversity 35 We bid be quiet when we hear it cry,  But were we burdened with like weight of pain,  As much or more we should ourselves complain.  So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,  With urging helpless patience would relieve me; 40 But if thou live to see like right bereft,  This fool-begged patience in thee will be left. LUCIANA   Well, I will marry one day, but to try.  Here comes your man. Now is your husband nigh.

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Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Ephesus.

ADRIANA   Say, is your tardy master now at hand? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  45Nay, he’s at two hands with me,  and that my two ears can witness. ADRIANA   Say, didst thou speak with him? Know’st thou his  mind? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear. 50 Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it. LUCIANA  Spake he so doubtfully thou couldst not feel  his meaning? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Nay, he struck so plainly I could  too well feel his blows, and withal so doubtfully 55 that I could scarce understand them. ADRIANA   But say, I prithee, is he coming home?  It seems he hath great care to please his wife. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Why, mistress, sure my master is horn mad. ADRIANA   Horn mad, thou villain? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  60 I mean not cuckold mad,  But sure he is stark mad.  When I desired him to come home to dinner,  He asked me for a ⌜thousand⌝ marks in gold.  “’Tis dinnertime,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he. 65 “Your meat doth burn,” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth  he.  “Will you come?” quoth I. “My gold,” quoth he.  “Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?”  “The pig,” quoth I, “is burned.” “My gold,” quoth 70 he.

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 “My mistress, sir,” quoth I. “Hang up thy mistress!  I know not thy mistress. Out on thy mistress!” LUCIANA  Quoth who? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Quoth my master. 75 “I know,” quoth he, “no house, no wife, no  mistress.”  So that my errand, due unto my tongue,  I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders,  For, in conclusion, he did beat me there. ADRIANA  80 Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Go back again and be new beaten home?  For God’s sake, send some other messenger. ADRIANA   Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   And he will bless that cross with other beating. 85 Between you, I shall have a holy head. ADRIANA   Hence, prating peasant. Fetch thy master home. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Am I so round with you as you with me,  That like a football you do spurn me thus?  You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither. 90 If I last in this service, you must case me in leather. ⌜He exits.⌝ LUCIANA   Fie, how impatience loureth in your face. ADRIANA   His company must do his minions grace,  Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.  Hath homely age th’ alluring beauty took 95 From my poor cheek? Then he hath wasted it.  Are my discourses dull? Barren my wit?  If voluble and sharp discourse be marred,

p. 37

 Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard.  Do their gay vestments his affections bait? 100 That’s not my fault; he’s master of my state.  What ruins are in me that can be found  By him not ruined? Then is he the ground  Of my defeatures. My decayèd fair  A sunny look of his would soon repair. 105 But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale  And feeds from home. Poor I am but his stale. LUCIANA   Self-harming jealousy, fie, beat it hence. ADRIANA   Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.  I know his eye doth homage otherwhere, 110 Or else what lets it but he would be here?  Sister, you know he promised me a chain.  Would that alone o’ love he would detain,  So he would keep fair quarter with his bed.  I see the jewel best enamelèd 115 Will lose his beauty. Yet the gold bides still  That others touch, and often touching will  ⌜Wear⌝ gold; ⌜yet⌝ no man that hath a name  By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.  Since that my beauty cannot please his eye, 120 I’ll weep what’s left away, and weeping die. LUCIANA   How many fond fools serve mad jealousy! ⌜They⌝ exit.

⌜Scene 2⌝

Enter Antipholus ⌜of Syracuse.⌝

ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up  Safe at the Centaur, and the heedful slave

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 Is wandered forth in care to seek me out.  By computation and mine host’s report, 5 I could not speak with Dromio since at first  I sent him from the mart. See, here he comes.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.

 How now, sir? Is your merry humor altered?  As you love strokes, so jest with me again.  You know no Centaur? You received no gold? 10 Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner?  My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad,  That thus so madly thou didst answer me? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   What answer, sir? When spake I such a word? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Even now, even here, not half an hour since. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  15 I did not see you since you sent me hence,  Home to the Centaur with the gold you gave me. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Villain, thou didst deny the gold’s receipt  And told’st me of a mistress and a dinner,  For which I hope thou felt’st I was displeased. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  20 I am glad to see you in this merry vein.  What means this jest, I pray you, master, tell me? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth?  Think’st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that and that. Beats Dromio. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   Hold, sir, for God’s sake! Now your jest is earnest. 25 Upon what bargain do you give it me? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Because that I familiarly sometimes  Do use you for my fool and chat with you,

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 Your sauciness will jest upon my love  And make a common of my serious hours. 30 When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport,  But creep in crannies when he hides his beams.  If you will jest with me, know my aspect,  And fashion your demeanor to my looks,  Or I will beat this method in your sconce. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  35“Sconce” call you it? So you  would leave battering, I had rather have it a  “head.” An you use these blows long, I must get a  sconce for my head and ensconce it too, or else I  shall seek my wit in my shoulders. But I pray, sir, 40 why am I beaten? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Dost thou not know? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Nothing, sir, but that I am  beaten. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Shall I tell you why? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  45Ay, sir, and wherefore, for they  say every why hath a wherefore. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  “Why” first: for flouting  me; and then “wherefore”: for urging it the second  time to me. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  50 Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season,  When in the “why” and the “wherefore” is neither  rhyme nor reason?  Well, sir, I thank you. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Thank me, sir, for what? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  55Marry, sir, for this something  that you gave me for nothing. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  I’ll make you amends next,  to give you nothing for something. But say, sir, is it  dinnertime? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  60No, sir, I think the meat wants  that I have.

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ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  In good time, sir, what’s  that? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Basting. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  65Well, sir, then ’twill be dry. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  If it be, sir, I pray you eat none of  it. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Your reason? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Lest it make you choleric and 70 purchase me another dry basting. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Well, sir, learn to jest in  good time. There’s a time for all things. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  I durst have denied that before  you were so choleric. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  75By what rule, sir? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as  the plain bald pate of Father Time himself. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Let’s hear it. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  There’s no time for a man to 80 recover his hair that grows bald by nature. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  May he not do it by fine and  recovery? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Yes, to pay a fine for a periwig,  and recover the lost hair of another man. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  85Why is Time such a niggard  of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Because it is a blessing that he  bestows on beasts, and what he hath scanted ⌜men⌝  in hair, he hath given them in wit. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  90Why, but there’s many a  man hath more hair than wit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Not a man of those but he hath  the wit to lose his hair. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Why, thou didst conclude 95 hairy men plain dealers without wit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  The plainer dealer, the sooner  lost. Yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity.

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ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  For what reason? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  For two, and sound ones too. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  100Nay, not sound, I pray you. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Sure ones, then. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  Nay, not sure, in a thing  falsing. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Certain ones, then. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  105Name them. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  The one, to save the money that  he spends in ⌜tiring;⌝ the other, that at dinner they  should not drop in his porridge. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  You would all this time 110 have proved there is no time for all things. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Marry, and did, sir: namely, e’en  no time to recover hair lost by nature. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  But your reason was not  substantial why there is no time to recover. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  115Thus I mend it: Time himself is  bald and therefore, to the world’s end, will have  bald followers. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  I knew ’twould be a bald  conclusion. But soft, who wafts us yonder?

Enter Adriana, ⌜beckoning them,⌝ and Luciana.

ADRIANA  120 Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown.  Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects.  I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.  The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow  That never words were music to thine ear, 125 That never object pleasing in thine eye,  That never touch well welcome to thy hand,  That never meat sweet-savored in thy taste,  Unless I spake, or looked, or touched, or carved to  thee. 130 How comes it now, my husband, O, how comes it

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 That thou art then estrangèd from thyself?  “Thyself” I call it, being strange to me,  That, undividable, incorporate,  Am better than thy dear self’s better part. 135 Ah, do not tear away thyself from me!  For know, my love, as easy mayst thou fall  A drop of water in the breaking gulf,  And take unmingled thence that drop again  Without addition or diminishing, 140 As take from me thyself and not me too.  How dearly would it touch thee to the quick,  Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious  And that this body, consecrate to thee,  By ruffian lust should be contaminate! 145 Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurn at me,  And hurl the name of husband in my face,  And tear the stained skin off my harlot brow,  And from my false hand cut the wedding ring,  And break it with a deep-divorcing vow? 150 I know thou canst, and therefore see thou do it.  I am possessed with an adulterate blot;  My blood is mingled with the crime of lust;  For if we two be one, and thou play false,  I do digest the poison of thy flesh, 155 Being strumpeted by thy contagion.  Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed,  I live distained, thou undishonorèd. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not.  In Ephesus I am but two hours old, 160 As strange unto your town as to your talk,  Who, every word by all my wit being scanned,  Wants wit in all one word to understand. LUCIANA   Fie, brother, how the world is changed with you!

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 When were you wont to use my sister thus? 165 She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  By Dromio? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  By me? ADRIANA   By thee; and this thou didst return from him:  That he did buffet thee and, in his blows, 170 Denied my house for his, me for his wife. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman?  What is the course and drift of your compact? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   I, sir? I never saw her till this time. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Villain, thou liest, for even her very words 175 Didst thou deliver to me on the mart. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   I never spake with her in all my life. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   How can she thus then call us by our names—  Unless it be by inspiration? ADRIANA   How ill agrees it with your gravity 180 To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,  Abetting him to thwart me in my mood.  Be it my wrong you are from me exempt,  But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt.  Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine. ⌜She takes his arm.⌝ 185 Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine,  Whose weakness, married to thy ⌜stronger⌝ state,  Makes me with thy strength to communicate.  If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,  Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss, 190 Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion  Infect thy sap and live on thy confusion.

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ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, aside⌝   To me she speaks; she moves me for her theme.  What, was I married to her in my dream?  Or sleep I now and think I hear all this? 195 What error drives our eyes and ears amiss?  Until I know this sure uncertainty  I’ll entertain the ⌜offered⌝ fallacy. LUCIANA   Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner. ⌜He crosses himself.⌝ 200 This is the fairy land. O spite of spites!  We talk with goblins, owls, and sprites.  If we obey them not, this will ensue:  They’ll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue. LUCIANA   Why prat’st thou to thyself and answer’st not? 205 Dromio—thou, Dromio—thou snail, thou slug,  thou sot. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   I am transformèd, master, am I not? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   I think thou art in mind, and so am I. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   Nay, master, both in mind and in my shape. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  210 Thou hast thine own form. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   No, I am an ape. LUCIANA   If thou art changed to aught, ’tis to an ass. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   ’Tis true. She rides me, and I long for grass.  ’Tis so. I am an ass; else it could never be 215 But I should know her as well as she knows me.

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ADRIANA   Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,  To put the finger in the eye and weep  Whilst man and master laughs my woes to scorn.  Come, sir, to dinner.—Dromio, keep the gate.— 220 Husband, I’ll dine above with you today,  And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.  ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,  Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.—  Come, sister.—Dromio, play the porter well. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE, aside⌝  225 Am I in Earth, in heaven, or in hell?  Sleeping or waking, mad or well-advised?  Known unto these, and to myself disguised!  I’ll say as they say, and persever so,  And in this mist at all adventures go. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  230 Master, shall I be porter at the gate? ADRIANA   Ay, and let none enter, lest I break your pate. LUCIANA   Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late. ⌜They exit.⌝

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ACT 3

Scene 1

Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, his man Dromio, Angelo the goldsmith, and Balthasar the merchant.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all;  My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours.  Say that I lingered with you at your shop  To see the making of her carcanet, 5 And that tomorrow you will bring it home.  But here’s a villain that would face me down  He met me on the mart, and that I beat him  And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,  And that I did deny my wife and house.— 10 Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know.  That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to  show;  If the skin were parchment and the blows you gave 15 were ink,  Your own handwriting would tell you what I think. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I think thou art an ass. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Marry, so it doth appear  By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.

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20 I should kick being kicked and, being at that pass,  You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   You’re sad, Signior Balthasar. Pray God our cheer  May answer my goodwill and your good welcome  here. BALTHASAR  25 I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome  dear. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   O Signior Balthasar, either at flesh or fish  A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty  dish. BALTHASAR  30 Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but  words. BALTHASAR   Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry  feast. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  35 Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest.  But though my cates be mean, take them in good  part.  Better cheer may you have, but not with better  heart.⌜He attempts to open the door.⌝ 40 But soft! My door is locked. ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Go, bid  them let us in. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Maud, Bridget, Marian, Ciceley, Gillian, Ginn! DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝   Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch!  Either get thee from the door or sit down at the 45 hatch.

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 Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for  such store  When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the  door. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  50 What patch is made our porter? My master stays in  the street. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝   Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch  cold on ’s feet. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Who talks within there? Ho, open the door. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝  55 Right, sir, I’ll tell you when an you’ll tell me  wherefore. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Wherefore? For my dinner. I have not dined today. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝   Nor today here you must not. Come again when you  may. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  60 What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I  owe? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝   The porter for this time, sir, and my name is  Dromio. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my 65 name!  The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle  blame.  If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place,  Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name, or 70 thy name for an ass.

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Enter Luce ⌜above, unseen by Antipholus of Ephesus and his company.⌝

LUCE   What a coil is there, Dromio! Who are those at the  gate? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Let my master in, Luce. LUCE   Faith, no, he comes too late, 75 And so tell your master. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   O Lord, I must laugh.  Have at you with a proverb: shall I set in my staff? LUCE   Have at you with another: that’s—When, can you  tell? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝  80 If thy name be called “Luce,” Luce, thou hast  answered him well. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Luce⌝   Do you hear, you minion? You’ll let us in, I hope? LUCE   I thought to have asked you. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝    And you said no. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  85 So, come help. Well struck! There was blow for  blow. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Luce⌝   Thou baggage, let me in. LUCE   Can you tell for whose sake? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Master, knock the door hard. LUCE  90 Let him knock till it ache. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down. ⌜He beats on the door.⌝

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LUCE   What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the  town?

Enter Adriana, ⌜above, unseen by Antipholus of Ephesus and his company.⌝

ADRIANA   Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝  95 By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly  boys. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Are you there, wife? You might have come before. ADRIANA   Your wife, sir knave? Go, get you from the door. ⌜Adriana and Luce exit.⌝ DROMIO OF EPHESUS   If you went in pain, master, this knave would go 100 sore. ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome. We would  fain have either. BALTHASAR   In debating which was best, we shall part with  neither. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  105 They stand at the door, master. Bid them welcome  hither. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   There is something in the wind, that we cannot get  in. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   You would say so, master, if your garments were 110 thin.  Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in  the cold.

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 It would make a man mad as a buck to be so  bought and sold. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  115 Go, fetch me something. I’ll break ope the gate. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝   Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s  pate. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   A man may break a word with ⌜you,⌝ sir, and words  are but wind, 120 Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not  behind. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝   It seems thou want’st breaking. Out upon thee, hind! DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Here’s too much “Out upon thee!” I pray thee, let  me in. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜within⌝  125 Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no  fin. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Dromio of Ephesus⌝   Well, I’ll break in. Go, borrow me a crow. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?  For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a 130 feather.—  If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow  together. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Go, get thee gone. Fetch me an iron crow. BALTHASAR   Have patience, sir. O, let it not be so. 135 Herein you war against your reputation,  And draw within the compass of suspect  Th’ unviolated honor of your wife.  Once this: your long experience of ⌜her⌝ wisdom,

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 Her sober virtue, years, and modesty 140 Plead on ⌜her⌝ part some cause to you unknown.  And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse  Why at this time the doors are made against you.  Be ruled by me; depart in patience,  And let us to the Tiger all to dinner, 145 And about evening come yourself alone  To know the reason of this strange restraint.  If by strong hand you offer to break in  Now in the stirring passage of the day,  A vulgar comment will be made of it; 150 And that supposèd by the common rout  Against your yet ungallèd estimation  That may with foul intrusion enter in  And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;  For slander lives upon succession, 155 Forever housèd where it gets possession. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   You have prevailed. I will depart in quiet  And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.  I know a wench of excellent discourse,  Pretty and witty, wild and yet, too, gentle. 160 There will we dine. This woman that I mean,  My wife—but, I protest, without desert—  Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal;  To her will we to dinner. ⌜To Angelo.⌝ Get you home  And fetch the chain; by this, I know, ’tis made. 165 Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine,  For there’s the house. That chain will I bestow—  Be it for nothing but to spite my wife—  Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste.  Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me, 170 I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me. ANGELO   I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense. They exit.

⌜Scene 2⌝

Enter ⌜Luciana⌝ with Antipholus of Syracuse.

⌜LUCIANA⌝   And may it be that you have quite forgot   A husband’s office? Shall, Antipholus,  Even in the spring of love thy love-springs rot?   Shall love, in ⌜building,⌝ grow so ⌜ruinous?⌝ 5 If you did wed my sister for her wealth,   Then for her wealth’s sake use her with more   kindness.  Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth —   Muffle your false love with some show of 10  blindness.  Let not my sister read it in your eye;   Be not thy tongue thy own shame’s orator;  Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty;   Apparel vice like virtue’s harbinger. 15 Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted.   Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint.  Be secret-false. What need she be acquainted?   What simple thief brags of his own ⌜attaint?⌝  ’Tis double wrong to truant with your bed 20  And let her read it in thy looks at board.  Shame hath a bastard fame, well managèd;   Ill deeds is doubled with an evil word.  Alas, poor women, make us ⌜but⌝ believe,   Being compact of credit, that you love us. 25 Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve;   We in your motion turn, and you may move us.

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 Then, gentle brother, get you in again.   Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her ⌜wife.⌝  ’Tis holy sport to be a little vain 30  When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Sweet mistress—what your name is else I know not,   Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine—  Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not   Than our Earth’s wonder, more than Earth divine. 35 Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak.   Lay open to my earthy gross conceit,  Smothered in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,   The folded meaning of your words’ deceit.  Against my soul’s pure truth why labor you 40  To make it wander in an unknown field?  Are you a god? Would you create me new?   Transform me, then, and to your power I’ll yield.  But if that I am I, then well I know   Your weeping sister is no wife of mine, 45 Nor to her bed no homage do I owe.   Far more, far more, to you do I decline.  O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note   To drown me in thy ⌜sister’s⌝ flood of tears.  Sing, Siren, for thyself, and I will dote. 50  Spread o’er the silver waves thy golden hairs,  And as a ⌜bed⌝ I’ll take ⌜them⌝ and there lie,   And in that glorious supposition think  He gains by death that hath such means to die.   Let love, being light, be drownèd if she sink. LUCIANA  55 What, are you mad that you do reason so? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Not mad, but mated—how, I do not know. LUCIANA   It is a fault that springeth from your eye.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by. LUCIANA   Gaze when you should, and that will clear your 60 sight. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night. LUCIANA   Why call you me “love”? Call my sister so. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Thy sister’s sister. LUCIANA   That’s my sister. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  65 No,  It is thyself, mine own self’s better part,  Mine eye’s clear eye, my dear heart’s dearer heart,  My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope’s aim,  My sole Earth’s heaven, and my heaven’s claim. LUCIANA  70 All this my sister is, or else should be. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Call thyself “sister,” sweet, for I am thee.  Thee will I love, and with thee lead my life;  Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife.  Give me thy hand. LUCIANA  75 O soft, sir. Hold you still.  I’ll fetch my sister to get her goodwill.She exits.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse, ⌜running.⌝

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Why, how now, Dromio.  Where runn’st thou so fast? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Do you know me, sir? Am I 80 Dromio? Am I your man? Am I myself? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Thou art Dromio, thou art  my man, thou art thyself. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  I am an ass, I am a woman’s  man, and besides myself.

p. 77

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  85What woman’s man? And  how besides thyself? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Marry, sir, besides myself I am  due to a woman, one that claims me, one that  haunts me, one that will have me. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  90What claim lays she to thee? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Marry, sir, such claim as you  would lay to your horse, and she would have me as  a beast; not that I being a beast she would have me,  but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays 95 claim to me. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  What is she? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  A very reverend body, ay, such a  one as a man may not speak of without he say  “sir-reverence.” I have but lean luck in the match, 100 and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  How dost thou mean a “fat  marriage”? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Marry, sir, she’s the kitchen  wench, and all grease, and I know not what use to 105 put her to but to make a lamp of her and run from  her by her own light. I warrant her rags and the  tallow in them will burn a Poland winter. If she lives  till doomsday, she’ll burn a week longer than the  whole world. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  110What complexion is she of? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Swart like my shoe, but her face  nothing like so clean kept. For why? She sweats. A  man may go overshoes in the grime of it. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  That’s a fault that water will 115 mend. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  No, sir, ’tis in grain; Noah’s flood  could not do it. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  What’s her name? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Nell, sir, but her name ⌜and⌝

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120 three quarters—that’s an ell and three quarters—  will not measure her from hip to hip. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Then she bears some  breadth? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  No longer from head to foot than 125 from hip to hip. She is spherical, like a globe. I  could find out countries in her. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  In what part of her body  stands Ireland? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Marry, sir, in her buttocks. I 130 found it out by the bogs. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Where Scotland? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  I found it by the barrenness,  hard in the palm of the hand. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Where France? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  135In her forehead, armed and  reverted, making war against her heir. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Where England? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  I looked for the chalky cliffs, but  I could find no whiteness in them. But I guess it 140 stood in her chin, by the salt rheum that ran  between France and it. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Where Spain? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Faith, I saw it not, but I felt it hot  in her breath. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  145Where America, the Indies? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  O, sir, upon her nose, all o’erembellished  with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires,  declining their rich aspect to the hot breath of  Spain, who sent whole armadas of carracks to be 150 ballast at her nose. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Where stood Belgia, the  Netherlands? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  O, sir, I did not look so low. To  conclude: this drudge or diviner laid claim to me,

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155 called me Dromio, swore I was assured to her, told  me what privy marks I had about me, as the mark  of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart  on my left arm, that I, amazed, ran from her as a  witch. 160 And, I think, if my breast had not been made of  faith, and my heart of steel,  She had transformed me to a curtal dog and made  me turn i’ th’ wheel. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Go, hie thee presently. Post to the road. 165 An if the wind blow any way from shore,  I will not harbor in this town tonight.  If any bark put forth, come to the mart,  Where I will walk till thou return to me.  If everyone knows us, and we know none, 170 ’Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack, and be gone. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   As from a bear a man would run for life,  So fly I from her that would be my wife.He exits. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   There’s none but witches do inhabit here,  And therefore ’tis high time that I were hence. 175 She that doth call me husband, even my soul  Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister,  Possessed with such a gentle sovereign grace,  Of such enchanting presence and discourse,  Hath almost made me traitor to myself. 180 But lest myself be guilty to self wrong,  I’ll stop mine ears against the mermaid’s song.

Enter Angelo with the chain.

ANGELO   Master Antipholus. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Ay, that’s my name.

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ANGELO   I know it well, sir. Lo, here’s the chain. 185 I thought to have ta’en you at the Porpentine;  The chain unfinished made me stay thus long. ⌜He gives Antipholus a chain.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   What is your will that I shall do with this? ANGELO   What please yourself, sir. I have made it for you. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Made it for me, sir? I bespoke it not. ANGELO  190 Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.  Go home with it, and please your wife withal,  And soon at supper time I’ll visit you  And then receive my money for the chain. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   I pray you, sir, receive the money now, 195 For fear you ne’er see chain nor money more. ANGELO   You are a merry man, sir. Fare you well.He exits. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   What I should think of this I cannot tell,  But this I think: there’s no man is so vain  That would refuse so fair an offered chain. 200 I see a man here needs not live by shifts  When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.  I’ll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay.  If any ship put out, then straight away. He exits.

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ACT 4

Scene 1

Enter a ⌜Second⌝ Merchant, ⌜Angelo the⌝ Goldsmith, and an Officer.

⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Angelo⌝   You know since Pentecost the sum is due,  And since I have not much importuned you,  Nor now I had not, but that I am bound  To Persia and want guilders for my voyage. 5 Therefore make present satisfaction,  Or I’ll attach you by this officer. ANGELO   Even just the sum that I do owe to you  Is growing to me by Antipholus.  And in the instant that I met with you, 10 He had of me a chain. At five o’clock  I shall receive the money for the same.  Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,  I will discharge my bond and thank you too.

Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Ephesus ⌜and⌝ Dromio ⌜of Ephesus⌝ from the Courtesan’s.

OFFICER   That labor may you save. See where he comes. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Dromio of Ephesus⌝  15 While I go to the goldsmith’s house, go thou

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 And buy a rope’s end. That will I bestow  Among my wife and ⌜her⌝ confederates  For locking me out of my doors by day.  But soft. I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone. 20 Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me. DROMIO ⌜OF EPHESUS⌝   I buy a thousand pound a year! I buy a rope! Dromio exits. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Angelo⌝   A man is well holp up that trusts to you!  I promisèd your presence and the chain,  But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me. 25 Belike you thought our love would last too long  If it were chained together, and therefore came not. ANGELO, ⌜handing a paper to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   Saving your merry humor, here’s the note  How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,  The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion, 30 Which doth amount to three-odd ducats more  Than I stand debted to this gentleman.  I pray you, see him presently discharged,  For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I am not furnished with the present money. 35 Besides, I have some business in the town.  Good signior, take the stranger to my house,  And with you take the chain, and bid my wife  Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof.  Perchance I will be there as soon as you. ANGELO  40 Then you will bring the chain to her yourself. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   No, bear it with you lest I come not time enough. ANGELO   Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?

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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   An if I have not, sir, I hope you have,  Or else you may return without your money. ANGELO  45 Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain.  Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,  And I, to blame, have held him here too long. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Good Lord! You use this dalliance to excuse  Your breach of promise to the Porpentine. 50 I should have chid you for not bringing it,  But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Angelo⌝   The hour steals on. I pray you, sir, dispatch. ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   You hear how he importunes me. The chain! ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money. ANGELO  55 Come, come. You know I gave it you even now.  Either send the chain, or send ⌜by me⌝ some token. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Fie, now you run this humor out of breath.  Come, where’s the chain? I pray you, let me see it. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   My business cannot brook this dalliance. 60 Good sir, say whe’er you’ll answer me or no.  If not, I’ll leave him to the Officer. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I answer you? What should I answer you? ANGELO   The money that you owe me for the chain. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I owe you none till I receive the chain. ANGELO  65 You know I gave it you half an hour since.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   You gave me none. You wrong me much to say so. ANGELO   You wrong me more, sir, in denying it.  Consider how it stands upon my credit. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   Well, officer, arrest him at my suit. OFFICER, ⌜to Angelo⌝  70 I do, and charge you in the Duke’s name to obey  me. ANGELO, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   This touches me in reputation.  Either consent to pay this sum for me,  Or I attach you by this officer. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  75 Consent to pay thee that I never had?—  Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar’st. ANGELO, ⌜to Officer⌝   Here is thy fee. Arrest him, officer.⌜Giving money.⌝  I would not spare my brother in this case  If he should scorn me so apparently. OFFICER, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝  80 I do arrest you, sir. You hear the suit. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I do obey thee till I give thee bail.  ⌜To Angelo.⌝ But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as  dear  As all the metal in your shop will answer. ANGELO  85 Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,  To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse from the bay.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   Master, there’s a bark of Epidamium  That stays but till her owner comes aboard,

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 And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir, 90 I have conveyed aboard, and I have bought  The oil, the balsamum, and aqua vitae.  The ship is in her trim; the merry wind  Blows fair from land. They stay for naught at all  But for their owner, master, and yourself. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  95 How now? A madman? Why, thou peevish sheep,  What ship of Epidamium stays for me? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope  And told thee to what purpose and what end. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  100 You sent me for a rope’s end as soon.  You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I will debate this matter at more leisure  And teach your ears to list me with more heed.  To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight. ⌜He gives a key.⌝ 105 Give her this key, and tell her in the desk  That’s covered o’er with Turkish tapestry  There is a purse of ducats. Let her send it.  Tell her I am arrested in the street,  And that shall bail me. Hie thee, slave. Begone.— 110 On, officer, to prison till it come. ⌜All but Dromio of Syracuse⌝ exit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   To Adriana. That is where we dined,  Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband.  She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.  Thither I must, although against my will, 115 For servants must their masters’ minds fulfill. He exits.

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⌜Scene 2⌝

Enter Adriana and Luciana.

ADRIANA   Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?   Might’st thou perceive austerely in his eye  That he did plead in earnest, yea or no?   Looked he or red or pale, or sad or merrily? 5 What observation mad’st thou in this case  ⌜Of⌝ his heart’s meteors tilting in his face? LUCIANA   First he denied you had in him no right. ADRIANA   He meant he did me none; the more my spite. LUCIANA   Then swore he that he was a stranger here. ADRIANA  10 And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were. LUCIANA   Then pleaded I for you. ADRIANA   And what said he? LUCIANA   That love I begged for you he begged of me. ADRIANA   With what persuasion did he tempt thy love? LUCIANA  15 With words that in an honest suit might move.  First he did praise my beauty, then my speech. ADRIANA   Did’st speak him fair? LUCIANA   Have patience, I beseech. ADRIANA   I cannot, nor I will not hold me still. 20 My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.  He is deformèd, crooked, old, and sere,  Ill-faced, worse-bodied, shapeless everywhere,

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 Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,  Stigmatical in making, worse in mind. LUCIANA  25 Who would be jealous, then, of such a one?  No evil lost is wailed when it is gone. ADRIANA   Ah, but I think him better than I say,   And yet would herein others’ eyes were worse.  Far from her nest the lapwing cries away. 30  My heart prays for him, though my tongue do   curse.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse ⌜with the key.⌝

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   Here, go—the desk, the purse! Sweet, now make  haste. LUCIANA   How hast thou lost thy breath? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  35 By running fast. ADRIANA   Where is thy master, Dromio? Is he well? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   No, he’s in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.  A devil in an everlasting garment hath him,  One whose hard heart is buttoned up with steel; 40 A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough;  A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;  A backfriend, a shoulder clapper, one that  countermands  The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands; 45 A hound that runs counter and yet draws dryfoot  well,  One that before the judgment carries poor souls to  hell. ADRIANA  Why, man, what is the matter?

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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  50 I do not know the matter. He is ’rested on the case. ADRIANA   What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   I know not at whose suit he is arrested well,  But is in a suit of buff which ’rested him; that can I  tell. 55 Will you send him, mistress, redemption—the  money in his desk? ADRIANA   Go fetch it, sister. (Luciana exits.) This I wonder at,  ⌜That⌝ he, unknown to me, should be in debt.  Tell me, was he arrested on a band? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  60 Not on a band, but on a stronger thing:  A chain, a chain. Do you not hear it ring? ADRIANA  What, the chain? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   No, no, the bell. ’Tis time that I were gone.  It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes 65 one. ADRIANA   The hours come back. That did I never hear. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   O yes, if any hour meet a sergeant, he turns back  for very fear. ADRIANA   As if time were in debt. How fondly dost thou 70 reason! DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   Time is a very bankrout and owes more than he’s  worth to season.  Nay, he’s a thief too. Have you not heard men say  That time comes stealing on by night and day?

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75 If ⌜he⌝ be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the  way,  Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?

Enter Luciana, ⌜with the purse.⌝

ADRIANA   Go, Dromio. There’s the money. Bear it straight,  And bring thy master home immediately. ⌜Dromio exits.⌝ 80 Come, sister, I am pressed down with conceit:  Conceit, my comfort and my injury. ⌜They⌝ exit.

⌜Scene 3⌝

Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Syracuse, ⌜wearing the chain.⌝

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me  As if I were their well-acquainted friend,  And everyone doth call me by my name.  Some tender money to me; some invite me; 5 Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;  Some offer me commodities to buy.  Even now a tailor called me in his shop  And showed me silks that he had bought for me,  And therewithal took measure of my body. 10 Sure these are but imaginary wiles,  And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse ⌜with the purse.⌝

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Master, here’s the gold you sent  me for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam  new-appareled? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  15 What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?

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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Not that Adam that kept the  Paradise, but that Adam that keeps the prison; he  that goes in the calf’s skin that was killed for the  Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil 20 angel, and bid you forsake your liberty. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  I understand thee not. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  No? Why, ’tis a plain case: he  that went like a bass viol in a case of leather; the  man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives 25 them a sob and ’rests them; he, sir, that takes pity  on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he  that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his  mace than a morris-pike. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  What, thou mean’st an 30 officer? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band;  he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his  band; one that thinks a man always going to bed  and says “God give you good rest.” ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  35Well, sir, there rest in your  foolery. Is there any ships puts forth tonight? May  we be gone? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Why, sir, I brought you word an  hour since that the bark Expedition put forth tonight, 40 and then were you hindered by the sergeant  to tarry for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that  you sent for to deliver you.⌜He gives the purse.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   The fellow is distract, and so am I,  And here we wander in illusions. 45 Some blessèd power deliver us from hence!

Enter a Courtesan.

COURTESAN   Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.

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 I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now.  Is that the chain you promised me today? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  50 Master, is this Mistress Satan? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   It is the devil. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Nay, she is worse; she is the  devil’s dam, and here she comes in the habit of a  light wench. And thereof comes that the wenches 55 say “God damn me”; that’s as much to say “God  make me a light wench.” It is written they appear  to men like angels of light. Light is an effect of fire,  and fire will burn: ergo, light wenches will burn.  Come not near her. COURTESAN  60 Your man and you are marvelous merry, sir.  Will you go with me? We’ll mend our dinner here. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Master, if ⌜you⌝ do, expect spoon  meat, or bespeak a long spoon. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  Why, Dromio? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  65Marry, he must have a long  spoon that must eat with the devil. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to the Courtesan⌝   Avoid then, fiend! What tell’st thou me of supping?  Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress.  I conjure thee to leave me and be gone. COURTESAN  70 Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner  Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised,  And I’ll be gone, sir, and not trouble you. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Some devils ask but the parings  of one’s nail, a rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin, a 75 nut, a cherrystone; but she, more covetous, would  have a chain. Master, be wise. An if you give it her,  the devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.

p. 109

COURTESAN   I pray you, sir, my ring or else the chain.  I hope you do not mean to cheat me so. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  80 Avaunt, thou witch!—Come, Dromio, let us go. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  “Fly pride,” says the peacock.  Mistress, that you know. ⌜Antipholus and Dromio⌝ exit. COURTESAN   Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad;  Else would he never so demean himself. 85 A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,  And for the same he promised me a chain.  Both one and other he denies me now.  The reason that I gather he is mad,  Besides this present instance of his rage, 90 Is a mad tale he told today at dinner  Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.  Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,  On purpose shut the doors against his way.  My way is now to hie home to his house 95 And tell his wife that, being lunatic,  He rushed into my house and took perforce  My ring away. This course I fittest choose,  For forty ducats is too much to lose. ⌜She exits.⌝

⌜Scene 4⌝

Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Ephesus with a Jailer, ⌜the Officer.⌝

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Fear me not, man. I will not break away.  I’ll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,  To warrant thee, as I am ’rested for.  My wife is in a wayward mood today

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5 And will not lightly trust the messenger  That I should be attached in Ephesus.  I tell you, ’twill sound harshly in her ears.

Enter Dromio ⌜of⌝ Ephesus with a rope’s end.

 Here comes my man. I think he brings the  money. 10 How now, sir? Have you that I sent you for? DROMIO OF EPHESUS, ⌜handing over the rope’s end⌝   Here’s that, I warrant you, will pay them all. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  But where’s the money? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  15 I’ll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   To what end did I bid thee hie thee home? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  To a rope’s end, sir, and to that  end am I returned. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜beating Dromio⌝   And to that end, sir, I will welcome you. OFFICER  20Good sir, be patient. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Nay, ’tis for me to be patient. I am  in adversity. OFFICER  Good now, hold thy tongue. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Nay, rather persuade him to hold 25 his hands. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  Thou whoreson, senseless  villain. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  I would I were senseless, sir, that  I might not feel your blows. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  30Thou art sensible in nothing  but blows, and so is an ass.

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DROMIO OF EPHESUS  I am an ass, indeed; you may  prove it by my long ears.—I have served him from  the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have 35 nothing at his hands for my service but blows.  When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I  am warm, he cools me with beating. I am waked  with it when I sleep, raised with it when I sit,  driven out of doors with it when I go from home, 40 welcomed home with it when I return. Nay, I bear it  on my shoulders as a beggar wont her brat, and I  think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it  from door to door.

Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan, and a Schoolmaster called Pinch.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Come, go along. My wife is coming yonder. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  45Mistress, respice finem, respect  your end, or rather, the prophecy like the parrot,  “Beware the rope’s end.” ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  Wilt thou still talk? Beats Dromio. COURTESAN, ⌜to Adriana⌝   How say you now? Is not your husband mad? ADRIANA  50 His incivility confirms no less.—  Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;  Establish him in his true sense again,  And I will please you what you will demand. LUCIANA   Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks! COURTESAN  55 Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy. PINCH, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜striking Pinch⌝   There is my hand, and let it feel your ear. PINCH   I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,  To yield possession to my holy prayers, 60 And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight.  I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Peace, doting wizard, peace. I am not mad. ADRIANA   O, that thou wert not, poor distressèd soul! ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   You minion, you, are these your customers? 65 Did this companion with the saffron face  Revel and feast it at my house today  Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut  And I denied to enter in my house? ADRIANA   O husband, God doth know you dined at home, 70 Where would you had remained until this time,  Free from these slanders and this open shame. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   “Dined at home”? ⌜To Dromio.⌝ Thou villain, what  sayest thou? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  75 Were not my doors locked up and I shut out? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Perdie, your doors were locked, and you shut out. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   And did not she herself revile me there? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Sans fable, she herself reviled you there. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Did not her kitchen maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

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DROMIO OF EPHESUS  80 Certes, she did; the kitchen vestal scorned you. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   And did not I in rage depart from thence? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   In verity you did.—My bones bears witness,  That since have felt the vigor of his rage. ADRIANA, ⌜to Pinch⌝   Is ’t good to soothe him in these contraries? PINCH  85 It is no shame. The fellow finds his vein  And, yielding to him, humors well his frenzy. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Adriana⌝   Thou hast suborned the goldsmith to arrest me. ADRIANA   Alas, I sent you money to redeem you  By Dromio here, who came in haste for it. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  90 Money by me? Heart and goodwill you might,  But surely, master, not a rag of money. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Went’st not thou to her for a purse of ducats? ADRIANA   He came to me, and I delivered it. LUCIANA   And I am witness with her that she did. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  95 God and the rope-maker bear me witness  That I was sent for nothing but a rope. PINCH   Mistress, both man and master is possessed.  I know it by their pale and deadly looks.  They must be bound and laid in some dark room. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Adriana⌝  100 Say wherefore didst thou lock me forth today.

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 ⌜To Dromio of Ephesus.⌝ And why dost thou deny the  bag of gold? ADRIANA   I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   And, gentle master, I received no gold. 105 But I confess, sir, that we were locked out. ADRIANA   Dissembling villain, thou speak’st false in both. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,  And art confederate with a damnèd pack  To make a loathsome abject scorn of me. 110 But with these nails I’ll pluck out these false eyes  That would behold in me this shameful sport. ADRIANA   O bind him, bind him! Let him not come near me.

Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives.

PINCH   More company! The fiend is strong within him. LUCIANA   Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks! ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  115 What, will you murder me?—Thou jailer, thou,  I am thy prisoner. Wilt thou suffer them  To make a rescue? OFFICER   Masters, let him go.  He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him. PINCH  120 Go, bind this man, for he is frantic too. ⌜Dromio is bound.⌝ ADRIANA, ⌜to Officer⌝   What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?  Hast thou delight to see a wretched man  Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

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OFFICER   He is my prisoner. If I let him go, 125 The debt he owes will be required of me. ADRIANA   I will discharge thee ere I go from thee.  Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,  And knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.—  Good Master Doctor, see him safe conveyed 130 Home to my house. O most unhappy day! ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  O most unhappy strumpet! DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Master, I am here entered in bond for you. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Out on thee, villain! Wherefore dost thou mad me? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad, good 135 master.  Cry “The devil!” LUCIANA   God help poor souls! How idly do they talk! ADRIANA, ⌜to Pinch⌝   Go bear him hence. ⌜Pinch and his men⌝ exit ⌜with Antipholus and Dromio of Ephesus.⌝ Officer, Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan remain.  Sister, go you with me. 140 ⌜To Officer.⌝ Say now whose suit is he arrested at. OFFICER   One Angelo, a goldsmith. Do you know him? ADRIANA   I know the man. What is the sum he owes? OFFICER   Two hundred ducats. ADRIANA   Say, how grows it due? OFFICER  145 Due for a chain your husband had of him.

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ADRIANA   He did bespeak a chain for me but had it not. COURTESAN   Whenas your husband all in rage today  Came to my house and took away my ring,  The ring I saw upon his finger now, 150 Straight after did I meet him with a chain. ADRIANA   It may be so, but I did never see it.—  Come, jailer, bring me where the goldsmith is.  I long to know the truth hereof at large.

Enter Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.

LUCIANA   God for Thy mercy, they are loose again! ADRIANA  155 And come with naked swords. Let’s call more help  To have them bound again. OFFICER   Away! They’ll kill us. Run all out as fast as may be, frighted. ⌜Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse remain.⌝ ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   I see these witches are afraid of swords. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   She that would be your wife now ran from you. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE  160 Come to the Centaur. Fetch our stuff from thence.  I long that we were safe and sound aboard. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Faith, stay here this night. They  will surely do us no harm. You saw they speak us  fair, give us gold. Methinks they are such a gentle 165 nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that  claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to  stay here still, and turn witch.

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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   I will not stay tonight for all the town.  Therefore, away, to get our stuff aboard. They exit.

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ACT 5

Scene 1

Enter the ⌜Second⌝ Merchant and ⌜Angelo⌝ the Goldsmith.

ANGELO   I am sorry, sir, that I have hindered you,  But I protest he had the chain of me,  Though most dishonestly he doth deny it. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   How is the man esteemed here in the city? ANGELO  5 Of very reverend reputation, sir,  Of credit infinite, highly beloved,  Second to none that lives here in the city.  His word might bear my wealth at any time. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   Speak softly. Yonder, as I think, he walks.

Enter Antipholus and Dromio ⌜of Syracuse⌝ again, ⌜Antipholus wearing the chain.⌝

ANGELO  10 ’Tis so, and that self chain about his neck  Which he forswore most monstrously to have.  Good sir, draw near to me. I’ll speak to him.—  Signior Antipholus, I wonder much  That you would put me to this shame and trouble, 15 And not without some scandal to yourself,

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 With circumstance and oaths so to deny  This chain, which now you wear so openly.  Besides the charge, the shame, imprisonment,  You have done wrong to this my honest friend, 20 Who, but for staying on our controversy,  Had hoisted sail and put to sea today.  This chain you had of me. Can you deny it? ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   I think I had. I never did deny it. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝  25 Who heard me to deny it or forswear it? ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   These ears of mine, thou know’st, did hear thee.  Fie on thee, wretch. ’Tis pity that thou liv’st  To walk where any honest men resort. ANTIPHOLUS ⌜OF SYRACUSE⌝   Thou art a villain to impeach me thus. 30 I’ll prove mine honor and mine honesty  Against thee presently if thou dar’st stand. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.They draw.

Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan, and others.

ADRIANA   Hold, hurt him not, for God’s sake. He is mad.—  Some get within him; take his sword away. 35 Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house! DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   Run, master, run. For God’s sake, take a house.  This is some priory. In, or we are spoiled. ⌜Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse⌝ exit to the Priory.

Enter Lady Abbess.

p. 133

ABBESS   Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither? ADRIANA   To fetch my poor distracted husband hence. 40 Let us come in, that we may bind him fast  And bear him home for his recovery. ANGELO   I knew he was not in his perfect wits. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   I am sorry now that I did draw on him. ABBESS   How long hath this possession held the man? ADRIANA  45 This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad,  And much different from the man he was.  But till this afternoon his passion  Ne’er brake into extremity of rage. ABBESS   Hath he not lost much wealth by wrack of sea? 50 Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye  Strayed his affection in unlawful love,  A sin prevailing much in youthful men  Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing?  Which of these sorrows is he subject to? ADRIANA  55 To none of these, except it be the last,  Namely, some love that drew him oft from home. ABBESS   You should for that have reprehended him. ADRIANA   Why, so I did. ABBESS   Ay, but not rough enough. ADRIANA  60 As roughly as my modesty would let me. ABBESS   Haply in private.

p. 135

ADRIANA   And in assemblies too. ABBESS  Ay, but not enough. ADRIANA   It was the copy of our conference. 65 In bed he slept not for my urging it;  At board he fed not for my urging it.  Alone, it was the subject of my theme;  In company I often glancèd it.  Still did I tell him it was vile and bad. ABBESS  70 And thereof came it that the man was mad.  The venom clamors of a jealous woman  Poisons more deadly than a mad dog’s tooth.  It seems his sleeps were hindered by thy railing,  And thereof comes it that his head is light. 75 Thou sayst his meat was sauced with thy  upbraidings.  Unquiet meals make ill digestions.  Thereof the raging fire of fever bred,  And what’s a fever but a fit of madness? 80 Thou sayest his sports were hindered by thy brawls.  Sweet recreation barred, what doth ensue  But moody and dull melancholy,  Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair,  And at her heels a huge infectious troop 85 Of pale distemperatures and foes to life?  In food, in sport, and life-preserving rest  To be disturbed would mad or man or beast.  The consequence is, then, thy jealous fits  Hath scared thy husband from the use of wits. LUCIANA  90 She never reprehended him but mildly  When he demeaned himself rough, rude, and  wildly.—  Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?

p. 137

ADRIANA   She did betray me to my own reproof.— 95 Good people, enter and lay hold on him. ABBESS   No, not a creature enters in my house. ADRIANA   Then let your servants bring my husband forth. ABBESS   Neither. He took this place for sanctuary,  And it shall privilege him from your hands 100 Till I have brought him to his wits again  Or lose my labor in assaying it. ADRIANA   I will attend my husband, be his nurse,  Diet his sickness, for it is my office  And will have no attorney but myself; 105 And therefore let me have him home with me. ABBESS   Be patient, for I will not let him stir  Till I have used the approvèd means I have,  With wholesome syrups, drugs, and holy prayers,  To make of him a formal man again. 110 It is a branch and parcel of mine oath,  A charitable duty of my order.  Therefore depart and leave him here with me. ADRIANA   I will not hence and leave my husband here;  And ill it doth beseem your holiness 115 To separate the husband and the wife. ABBESS   Be quiet and depart. Thou shalt not have him. ⌜She exits.⌝ LUCIANA, ⌜to Adriana⌝   Complain unto the Duke of this indignity. ADRIANA   Come, go. I will fall prostrate at his feet  And never rise until my tears and prayers

p. 139

120 Have won his grace to come in person hither  And take perforce my husband from the Abbess. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   By this, I think, the dial points at five.  Anon, I’m sure, the Duke himself in person  Comes this way to the melancholy vale, 125 The place of ⌜death⌝ and sorry execution  Behind the ditches of the abbey here. ANGELO  Upon what cause? ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT   To see a reverend Syracusian merchant,  Who put unluckily into this bay 130 Against the laws and statutes of this town,  Beheaded publicly for his offense. ANGELO   See where they come. We will behold his death. LUCIANA, ⌜to Adriana⌝   Kneel to the Duke before he pass the abbey.

Enter the Duke of Ephesus, and ⌜Egeon⌝ the Merchant of Syracuse, bare head, with the Headsman and other Officers.

DUKE   Yet once again proclaim it publicly, 135 If any friend will pay the sum for him,  He shall not die; so much we tender him. ADRIANA, ⌜kneeling⌝   Justice, most sacred duke, against the Abbess. DUKE   She is a virtuous and a reverend lady.  It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong. ADRIANA  140 May it please your Grace, Antipholus my husband,  Who I made lord of me and all I had  At your important letters, this ill day  A most outrageous fit of madness took him,

p. 141

 That desp’rately he hurried through the street, 145 With him his bondman, all as mad as he,  Doing displeasure to the citizens  By rushing in their houses, bearing thence  Rings, jewels, anything his rage did like.  Once did I get him bound and sent him home 150 Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went  That here and there his fury had committed.  Anon, I wot not by what strong escape,  He broke from those that had the guard of him,  And with his mad attendant and himself, 155 Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords,  Met us again and, madly bent on us,  Chased us away, till raising of more aid,  We came again to bind them. Then they fled  Into this abbey, whither we pursued them, 160 And here the Abbess shuts the gates on us  And will not suffer us to fetch him out,  Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence.  Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command  Let him be brought forth and borne hence for help. DUKE  165 Long since, thy husband served me in my wars,  And I to thee engaged a prince’s word,  When thou didst make him master of thy bed,  To do him all the grace and good I could.  Go, some of you, knock at the abbey gate, 170 And bid the Lady Abbess come to me.  I will determine this before I stir.⌜Adriana rises.⌝

Enter a Messenger.

⌜MESSENGER⌝   O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself.  My master and his man are both broke loose,  Beaten the maids a-row, and bound the doctor,

p. 143

175 Whose beard they have singed off with brands of  fire,  And ever as it blazed they threw on him  Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair.  My master preaches patience to him, and the while 180 His man with scissors nicks him like a fool;  And sure, unless you send some present help,  Between them they will kill the conjurer. ADRIANA   Peace, fool. Thy master and his man are here,  And that is false thou dost report to us. MESSENGER  185 Mistress, upon my life I tell you true.  I have not breathed almost since I did see it.  He cries for you and vows, if he can take you,  To scorch your face and to disfigure you.Cry within.  Hark, hark, I hear him, mistress. Fly, begone! DUKE  190 Come, stand by me. Fear nothing.—Guard with  halberds.

Enter Antipholus and Dromio of Ephesus.

ADRIANA   Ay me, it is my husband. Witness you  That he is borne about invisible.  Even now we housed him in the abbey here, 195 And now he’s there, past thought of human reason. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Justice, most gracious duke. O, grant me justice,  Even for the service that long since I did thee  When I bestrid thee in the wars and took  Deep scars to save thy life. Even for the blood 200 That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice. EGEON, ⌜aside⌝   Unless the fear of death doth make me dote,  I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.

p. 145

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there,  She whom thou gav’st to me to be my wife, 205 That hath abusèd and dishonored me  Even in the strength and height of injury.  Beyond imagination is the wrong  That she this day hath shameless thrown on me. DUKE   Discover how, and thou shalt find me just. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  210 This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me  While she with harlots feasted in my house. DUKE   A grievous fault.—Say, woman, didst thou so? ADRIANA   No, my good lord. Myself, he, and my sister  Today did dine together. So befall my soul 215 As this is false he burdens me withal. LUCIANA   Ne’er may I look on day nor sleep on night  But she tells to your Highness simple truth. ANGELO   O perjured woman!—They are both forsworn.  In this the madman justly chargeth them. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  220 My liege, I am advisèd what I say,  Neither disturbed with the effect of wine,  Nor heady-rash provoked with raging ire,  Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.  This woman locked me out this day from dinner. 225 That goldsmith there, were he not packed with her,  Could witness it, for he was with me then,  Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,  Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,  Where Balthasar and I did dine together. 230 Our dinner done and he not coming thither,

p. 147

 I went to seek him. In the street I met him,  And in his company that gentleman. ⌜He points to Second Merchant.⌝  There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down  That I this day of him received the chain, 235 Which, God He knows, I saw not; for the which  He did arrest me with an officer.  I did obey and sent my peasant home  For certain ducats. He with none returned.  Then fairly I bespoke the officer 240 To go in person with me to my house.  By th’ way we met  My wife, her sister, and a rabble more  Of vile confederates. Along with them  They brought one Pinch, a hungry, lean-faced 245 villain,  A mere anatomy, a mountebank,  A threadbare juggler, and a fortune-teller,  A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch,  A living dead man. This pernicious slave, 250 Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer,  And, gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,  And with no face (as ’twere) outfacing me,  Cries out I was possessed. Then all together  They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence, 255 And in a dark and dankish vault at home  There left me and my man, both bound together,  Till gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,  I gained my freedom and immediately  Ran hither to your Grace, whom I beseech 260 To give me ample satisfaction  For these deep shames and great indignities. ANGELO   My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him:  That he dined not at home, but was locked out.

p. 149

DUKE   But had he such a chain of thee or no? ANGELO  265 He had, my lord, and when he ran in here,  These people saw the chain about his neck. ⌜SECOND⌝ MERCHANT, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine  Heard you confess you had the chain of him  After you first forswore it on the mart, 270 And thereupon I drew my sword on you,  And then you fled into this abbey here,  From whence I think you are come by miracle. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I never came within these abbey walls,  Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me. 275 I never saw the chain, so help me heaven,  And this is false you burden me withal. DUKE   Why, what an intricate impeach is this!  I think you all have drunk of Circe’s cup.  If here you housed him, here he would have been. 280 If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly.  ⌜To Adriana.⌝ You say he dined at home; the  goldsmith here  Denies that saying. ⌜To Dromio of Ephesus.⌝ Sirrah,  what say you? DROMIO OF EPHESUS, ⌜pointing to the Courtesan⌝  285 Sir, he dined with her there at the Porpentine. COURTESAN   He did, and from my finger snatched that ring. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜showing a ring⌝   ’Tis true, my liege, this ring I had of her. DUKE, ⌜to Courtesan⌝   Saw’st thou him enter at the abbey here? COURTESAN   As sure, my liege, as I do see your Grace.

p. 151

DUKE  290 Why, this is strange.—Go call the Abbess hither. Exit one to the Abbess.  I think you are all mated or stark mad. EGEON   Most mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word.  Haply I see a friend will save my life  And pay the sum that may deliver me. DUKE  295 Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt. EGEON, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   Is not your name, sir, called Antipholus?  And is not that your bondman Dromio? DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Within this hour I was his bondman, sir,  But he, I thank him, gnawed in two my cords. 300 Now am I Dromio, and his man, unbound. EGEON   I am sure you both of you remember me. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you,  For lately we were bound as you are now.  You are not Pinch’s patient, are you, sir? EGEON, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝  305 Why look you strange on me? You know me well. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I never saw you in my life till now. EGEON   O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last,  And careful hours with time’s deformèd hand  Have written strange defeatures in my face. 310 But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice? ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  Neither. EGEON  Dromio, nor thou? DROMIO OF EPHESUS  No, trust me, sir, nor I.

p. 153

EGEON  I am sure thou dost. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  315Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not, and  whatsoever a man denies, you are now bound to  believe him. EGEON   Not know my voice! O time’s extremity,  Hast thou so cracked and splitted my poor tongue 320 In seven short years that here my only son  Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares?  Though now this grainèd face of mine be hid  In sap-consuming winter’s drizzled snow,  And all the conduits of my blood froze up, 325 Yet hath my night of life some memory,  My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,  My dull deaf ears a little use to hear.  All these old witnesses—I cannot err—  Tell me thou art my son Antipholus. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  330 I never saw my father in my life. EGEON   But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,  Thou know’st we parted. But perhaps, my son,  Thou sham’st to acknowledge me in misery. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   The Duke and all that know me in the city 335 Can witness with me that it is not so.  I ne’er saw Syracusa in my life. DUKE   I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years  Have I been patron to Antipholus,  During which time he ne’er saw Syracusa. 340 I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.

Enter ⌜Emilia⌝ the Abbess, with Antipholus ⌜of⌝ Syracuse and Dromio ⌜of⌝ Syracuse.

p. 155

ABBESS   Most mighty duke, behold a man much wronged. All gather to see them. ADRIANA   I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me. DUKE   One of these men is genius to the other.  And so, of these, which is the natural man 345 And which the spirit? Who deciphers them? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   I, sir, am Dromio. Command him away. DROMIO OF EPHESUS   I, sir, am Dromio. Pray, let me stay. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   Egeon art thou not, or else his ghost? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   O, my old master.—Who hath bound him here? ABBESS  350 Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds  And gain a husband by his liberty.—  Speak, old Egeon, if thou be’st the man  That hadst a wife once called Emilia,  That bore thee at a burden two fair sons. 355 O, if thou be’st the same Egeon, speak,  And speak unto the same Emilia. DUKE   Why, here begins his morning story right:  These two Antipholus’, these two so like,  And these two Dromios, one in semblance— 360 Besides her urging of her wrack at sea—  These are the parents to these children,  Which accidentally are met together. EGEON   If I dream not, thou art Emilia.  If thou art she, tell me, where is that son 365 That floated with thee on the fatal raft?

p. 157

ABBESS   By men of Epidamium he and I  And the twin Dromio all were taken up;  But by and by rude fishermen of Corinth  By force took Dromio and my son from them, 370 And me they left with those of Epidamium.  What then became of them I cannot tell;  I to this fortune that you see me in. DUKE, ⌜to Antipholus of Syracuse⌝   Antipholus, thou cam’st from Corinth first. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   No, sir, not I. I came from Syracuse. DUKE  375 Stay, stand apart. I know not which is which. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  And I with him. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Brought to this town by that most famous warrior  Duke Menaphon, your most renownèd uncle. ADRIANA  380 Which of you two did dine with me today? ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   I, gentle mistress. ADRIANA   And are not you my husband? ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  No, I say nay to that. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   And so do I, yet did she call me so, 385 And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,  Did call me brother. ⌜To Luciana.⌝ What I told you  then  I hope I shall have leisure to make good,  If this be not a dream I see and hear. ANGELO, ⌜turning to Antipholus of Syracuse⌝  390 That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.

p. 159

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE   I think it be, sir. I deny it not. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to Angelo⌝   And you, sir, for this chain arrested me. ANGELO   I think I did, sir. I deny it not. ADRIANA, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   I sent you money, sir, to be your bail 395 By Dromio, but I think he brought it not. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  No, none by me. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Adriana⌝   This purse of ducats I received from you,  And Dromio my man did bring them me.  I see we still did meet each other’s man, 400 And I was ta’en for him, and he for me,  And thereupon these errors are arose. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, ⌜to the Duke⌝   These ducats pawn I for my father here. DUKE   It shall not need. Thy father hath his life. COURTESAN, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   Sir, I must have that diamond from you. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS  405 There, take it, and much thanks for my good cheer. ABBESS   Renownèd duke, vouchsafe to take the pains  To go with us into the abbey here  And hear at large discoursèd all our fortunes,  And all that are assembled in this place 410 That by this sympathizèd one day’s error  Have suffered wrong. Go, keep us company,  And we shall make full satisfaction.—  Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail  Of you, my sons, and till this present hour 415 My heavy burden ⌜ne’er⌝ deliverèd.—  The Duke, my husband, and my children both,

p. 161

 And you, the calendars of their nativity,  Go to a gossips’ feast, and go with me.  After so long grief, such nativity! DUKE  420 With all my heart I’ll gossip at this feast. All exit except the two Dromios and ⌜the⌝ two brothers ⌜Antipholus.⌝ DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard? ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS   Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embarked? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, ⌜to Antipholus of Ephesus⌝   He speaks to me.—I am your master, Dromio. 425 Come, go with us. We’ll look to that anon.  Embrace thy brother there. Rejoice with him. ⌜The brothers Antipholus⌝ exit. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE   There is a fat friend at your master’s house  That kitchened me for you today at dinner.  She now shall be my sister, not my wife. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  430 Methinks you are my glass, and not my brother.  I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth.  Will you walk in to see their gossiping? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  Not I, sir. You are my elder. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  That’s a question. How shall we 435 try it? DROMIO OF SYRACUSE  We’ll draw cuts for the signior.  Till then, lead thou��first. DROMIO OF EPHESUS  Nay, then, thus:  We came into the world like brother and brother, 440 And now let’s go hand in hand, not one before  another. They exit.

#shakespeare #the comedy of errors #william shakespeare #english literature #its free and the government can’t stop you #english

[mindful-of-ideas]

“How about a play,” you asked.

“A play?” the Doctor said.

“Yeah, like theatre. I like theatre!”

“Sure, but theatre’s history is long. Shakespeare, Tennessee Williams, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Plautus, Albert Camus… when do you want to go?”

“Surprise me!”

“Surprise you,” the Doctor said, suddenly standing still, like he was in disbelief, “Well, hang on to something.”

You barely had time to get ahold of the railing before the TARDIS launched you forward.

You had been travelling with the Doctor for a few days now, and you already felt at home. Yes, this had been the most dangerous thing you had ever done, but it was also the most thrilling thing.

Soon enough, the Tardis landed and you regained your footing.

“So, where are we?” you asked.

“Go ahead and find out.”

You opened the TARDIS’ door to one of the most unique views you ever witnessed. The TARDIS had landed right by what seemed to be a fortress wall. You were so high in the sky that it felt like being at the very top of the world. The city below your feet didn’t give much information about where or when you were. You turned around trying to find some clue when you saw it. The Parthenon. Your heart skipped a beat. This was what you had been studying for the past year at university. And it was there, complete, in all its glory. The outside columns were all standing tall and followed the Doric canon in their number. And the metopes, oh the metopes they were all there, completely intact. From where you were standing, you could make out the scenes from the fight between the Centaurs and the Lapiths. You had to see the other sides, the ones that were destroyed. How did they represent the Trojan war on there? Or even the Amazonomachy?

“Care to take a guess,” the Doctor said, bending over your shoulder and cutting short your daydreaming

“Ancient Greece? Maybe Athens?”

“Precisely!”

He seemed so excited. You knew he was probably dying to show off what he knew and explain it in details to you. That’s what he always did, and you loved it. Seeing someone be so passionate about something they seemingly care about always brought a smile to your face. That’s why you loved school. And learning, learning is just so fun when it comes from the right person. Looking at him now, you knew it would break his heart a little if you told him you already knew a lot about this place. Still, there was one thing you couldn’t really guess.

“And when exactly?” you finally asked.

“Well… you know the Ancient times of Greece…”

“But like, month, year?”

The Doctor put on his sunglasses and turned three times on himself. He then suddenly dropped to his knees. You were sure he was about to lick the ground, as he had done already twice since you met him, but he looked like he was only listening very carefully.

“What are you…” you started.

“Shhhh! You’ll mess it up!”

He got back up and picked a fruit from the basket of an Athenian who was walking by.

“I’d say end of march, maybe begin of April, 405 before,” he said, throwing the fruit your way, “Well, that is based on our Gregorian calendar.”

“How did you know?” you said, barely catching the fruit.

He had a really shitty aim.

“Educated guess,” he said, “Oh and everyone is excited to see Euripides last tragedy. Should we get going?”

“We’re going to see The Bacchae?”

“Oh yes, he’s amazing, you’ll see.”

Together, you walked down to the Theatre of Dionysus. You couldn’t believe it. You were here, walking in Athens in Ancient Greece. A place you studied and loved for so long. You dreamt of going to Athens, the modern one that is, this couldn’t possibly be real.

You finally sat down, almost centred with the orchestra.

“How did you know it was The Bacchae?” the Doctor asked.

“Educated guess?”

“Right! So you see this place in the middle, it’s called the orchestra. This is where the chorus is going to stay for the entirety of the play. You see, once they’re on stage they never leave. They’ll get here by walking through the eisodos, well eisodoi, it’s plural, it’s those little passageways on each side.

You nodded and smiled as he said all that. Of course you already knew it, but he looked so happy.

“And right at the back, that building with the doors, is the skené, where the actors basically go and change costumes.”

“Well, it’s a bit more than that, but go on.

“And so you see tragedies are always presented in groups of three… wait, what did you just say?”

“No-nothing, go on. I’m listening,” you said.

You didn’t even notice that you had cut him off. You saw his smile fade away as you looked down embarrassed.

“Do you know about this?” he asked.

“You can keep explaining, I won’t cut you off again.”

“That’s not my question Y/N, if you already knew everything I explained, why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Because you’re always excited to talk about stuff you know and to explain it to me. I didn’t want to… to take that away from you,” you said, looking back at him, “And you seem happy when that happens… you rarely seem happy…”

“Oh… Y/N… I’m… you’re right, I love explaining things to you because I see how much YOU love it. You can explain it, it will make me just as happy.”

You looked at him, smiling softly. You knew this wasn’t true. You knew you could never make him truly happy. Something or someone tore a hole in his heart a long time ago and there was nothing you could do to fix it. No way you could patch it up, but you could always try to ease the pain.

“Right,” you said, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, please,” he said, putting a protective arm around you as more people were coming in, “I promise this trip will be just as fun if you do the explaining and I do the listening.”

You grabbed the front of his jacket. People around you were now pushing, trying to find a seat.

“You’re sure you’ll be fine, only listening?” you asked.

“Yeah, yeah don’t even worry a little bit.” he said, smiling at you, “And Y/N don’t ever compromise who you are for me. You’re one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. You don’t have to change who you are for anyone else.”

“I’ll try…”

“Thank you. Now, where did I go wrong?”

“Okay, so you see the skené is actually part of the play, it’s basically the backdrop. It tells us where we are and most importantly when the actors enter the skené, where they go. Because, yes they change costumes, but sometimes they leave because their character is doing something inside the palace for example. Most of the time, it’s dying because no deaths are represented on stage. Also, tragedies actually come in a group of four because the author also writes a satyr play. And we are so lucky to see The Bacchae! We rarely have a god as the protagonist, so this is exceptional but also you could say that at the end of the play when…”

“Maybe don’t spoil it for the people around,” the Doctor whispered, as the first tragedy was about to start, “we can talk plenty after.”

#mindful-of-ideas #doctor who imagine #twelfth doctor imagine #12th doctor imagine #doctor who #twelfth doctor #12th doctor #classics #classical studies #ancient greece

[emarasmoak]

The Rings of Power: Charlie Vickers on That Monster Revelation

This is probably the most insightful interview I have read about Charlie's understanding of his character' motivations.

Taking a break from Season 2 production outside London, Charlie Vickers discussed the big revelation about his character and what it means for Halbrand’s relationship with Galadriel (Morfydd Clark).

When he auditioned for the Amazon prequel series “The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power,” Charlie Vickers did not know he would be playing two roles: the conflicted human Halbrand and the ultimate deceiver, Sauron. But he began to have suspicions early on.

During his audition, he was asked to read pieces from William Shakespeare’s “Richard III” and John Milton’s “Paradise Lost” — “literally auditioning as Satan,” he recalled by phone on Thursday, just hours before the Season 1 finale dropped overnight, on Friday. “That was a bit of a clue.”

But it wasn’t until filming was about to resume for the third episode (after a Covid production hiatus) that the series’s showrunners, Patrick McKay and J.D. Payne, took Vickers to the set for an evil fortress, turned to him and said, “Hail, Lord Sauron.”

“That was a seminal moment for me,” Vickers said.

While he missed out on playing the spiky armored version of the dark lord in the show’s prologue in Episode 1 (“I wish that was me!” he said), Vickers went all-in on his Sauron studies, reading “The Silmarillion” in its entirety and combing through obscure passages in Tolkien’s Legendarium as part of his “subconscious work.”

How does it feel to be the answer to the question tormenting the internet? Or if you’re Sauron, maybe you enjoy tormenting the internet.

"[Laughs.] Exactly. Maybe there has been some kind of sick enjoyment that I’ve been getting. Luckily, I’ve managed to stay off the internet, but it’s been hard to avoid. I’ve had friends guessing and telling me I’m Sauron ever since the second episode, which I’ve not been able to confirm or deny. So it’s a relief."

"What’s been so interesting about the show is that it doesn’t shy away from the lore. For the people who know, there are little Easter eggs or hints here and there. When you look back to the second episode, you’re like, “OK, that makes sense in the grand scheme of things.” So I think it’s great that there’s been so much debate."

You once mentioned that you found useful things in Tolkien’s letters, although you didn’t specify which ones. I took that as a possible reference to the period in which Sauron sought redemption. But then the showrunners talked recently about another way to read Sauron-as-Halbrand: as a power addict. What was it that you found in Tolkien that helped shape your portrayal?

"I think the repentant Sauron is a really interesting thing. But I like to leave it ambiguous because it was ambiguous in Tolkien’s writing, such as in Letter 131, and in “Morgoth’s Ring,” in the History of Middle-earth series. He spoke of Sauron repenting “if only out of fear.” I think his repentance is fascinating — and this is why I don’t want to say necessarily how I interpreted it as an actor — because it creates two different [possibilities] for Halbrand."

"If you look at him as if he’s genuinely repentant, and he wants to escape this dark path and live as someone who’s been humbled, then Galadriel inadvertently draws him back to this power. She says to him in the smithery, “There’s no peace here,” and that scene illuminates this whole idea for him of: “Well, you’re right, there is no peace for me as a regular person. My peace is in power. I need to rule. I need to lead.” And she literally gives him the keys to the kingdom and sends him back down the rabbit hole. That is, if you view him as repenting genuinely."

"But, if you view his repentance as an act, then it leans more into his deception, and his deception of her, in that she’s a tool for him to get back to where he wants to be. You rarely see Halbrand alone before the finale, save for this moment when he’s in the smithery, staring at his pouch, making his decision. Otherwise, you mostly see him through the eyes of other characters."

And yet he’s about to cry in that moment by himself.

"I always like to think that in shape-shifting, the best way to deceive is to fully take on the form of what you’re trying to portray: thinking, feeling, living, breathing as a human man. Only through a wholehearted embodiment of his form could he deceive these massively influential figures. This is even when he’s by himself, because the gods are always watching. And we know that he fears the gods; we know that he’s scared. Because Tolkien says that explicitly."

"He can use Galadriel as a tool. She knows the right people. She gets into the right rooms. If he’s by her side, it can only lead to good things, as long as he remains undiscovered. So I made a decision as the best way for me to approach it, to make it real for me. And let people interpret it as they will."

Did you decide for yourself about a lot of little details? Like, what’s in his pouch? Why was he at sea? Was his injury was self-inflicted so that Galadriel would take him to the elves?

"I have a belief about what’s in the pouch, but I won’t share that. Him being at sea may or may not be explored farther down the line. The injury, yes, I think he wounds himself, because he was very aware of what was coming. He thought he had stopped it, but he knows there’s only one way to get out of this mess. He risks this Halbrand form to get to the elves because he understands that the only way he can be healed is through their power and magic."

Do you think he wanted Galadriel to figure it out?

"Yes. He’s ready for her to see him for who he is, and he thinks she’s ready to know it. He makes this pitch to her, and it’s so closely linked to the mirror of Galadriel in “The Fellowship of the Ring.” It gives it an interesting context, I think."

He offers to make her his queen. Is that a marriage proposal?

"That’s something I thought about a lot, but I don’t think so. W.H. Auden wrote an essay on Tolkien, and he said something along the lines of, “Evil loves only itself.” [“Evil, defiantly chosen, can no longer imagine anything but itself.”] So I think in his pitch to Galadriel, it cannot mean that he loves her or that there’s any kind of romantic relationship. There should be no ambiguity around the fact that Sauron is evil — he’s terrible, and he’s using Galadriel to enhance his power."

"Throughout the season, she shows him a different way of ruling and maybe illuminates some things for him. So in making that pitch, I think he’s saying, “Join me and we can rule, and I can coordinate everything and rehabilitate Middle-earth.” But having said that, I also think he would have gotten there anyway without her. He would have descended back into evil. It was inevitable."

Haladriel shippers will despair.

"[Laughs.] Shipping, by the way, is actually a word that Morfydd taught me! Hopefully people will see that any kind of romantic feeling, which couldn’t exist, vanishes into thin air."

What’s the plan going forward, given that Sauron is a shape-shifter?

"There are a lot of twists and turns coming with the character of Sauron. We know that [his disguise as] Annatar is such a massive part of this world, and the prospect of that is really exciting to me. I can’t say much more than that."

"I love that cloak so much! I didn’t get to keep it, unfortunately. I have one gift that was given to me by one of the stunt guys, Daniel Andrews, which is a T-shirt printed with an artist’s image of Halbrand doing the sword flip on the back. That’s Danny’s trick; he’s had it in his stunt arsenal for 30 years, and he’s been trying to get it into a show for 30 years. There’s been nothing released with Halbrand, so I haven’t dared to wear it, even around the house. But that’s the coolest souvenir."

Annatar is the lord of gifts. Did you get or give any gifts on set? Maybe that wonderful hooded cloak you wear to Mordor?

#halbrand #galadriel #haradriel #the rings of power #charlie vickers #trop #trop interviews #trop speculation #sauron

[dungeonsdragonstdelinquents]

Hii, saw your post about dps fics being really poetically written, do you have any favourites or recommendations? Have a good day!! :D

Hi thank you for the ask!! Oh goodness my favorite dps fics…I will include in general fics that I liked, but the ones that I have placed an asterisk with are pieces that had me–for lack of a better phrase–crying, screaming, shitting on the floor from how poetic they made me feel. Which really doesn't make much sense, but when i say poetry within me i just mean this strange feeling that is difficult to describe. Also these are all anderperry because i am a basic bitch, so apologies if you were looking for any other pairs! Maybe after finals I will look into some of the other pairs and put together a list for them too :) also I tried formatting this the best I could, I typed it all out on google docs so apologies for any fuck ups.

(in no particular order)

What We Stay Alive For **** by PiscesVanity on ao3, 18/18 chaps, 66,485 words.

Summary: “Do we get second chances in this life, Todd?” Neil asks him like he expects a negative answer. Todd doesn’t give that to him.

“Yes. we do. I know it.” 

“Do you?” Neil grins, playfully elbowing him. “Did you at least wait to take it? That second chance? Until the world was more peaceful? More kind?” 

Ten years after the death of Neil Perry, Todd Anderson wakes up with a second chance.

My notes: This incredibly crafted piece of art was the first dead poets fic I ever read. It honestly set the bar for me, for future reads. Also i didn’t have the chance to reread this one because this baby is long as FUCK and as much as I love long fics to read, I have to study for finals today so I can’t right now. I’m like 80% sure this is the fic where they confess by the lake and say something along the lines of “if you feel something even similar to what i feel…” but again i can’t be sure. Either way all I remember is that this fic is fricken good. Just for context, this is a time-traveling fic, but the type of time travel that happens in 13-going-on-30. Todd prays for a second chance on the eve of the 10 year anniversary of Neil’s death and he wakes up in his 17 year old body, on the day that he started school at Hell-ton. I think in general I just love the dead poets fandom because it combines some of my favorite tropes in any form of reading–50s/60s time period, boarding schools, and well…being gay. It is a fix-it so there is some angst, but there is a happy ending. But it will hit hard, especially since it comes close in the end so be wary. When I first started it, I was concerned about my own interest dwindling because the fic was going to cover the entirety of the movie, and since I have issues rereading or rewatching pieces of media when I know the end or the majority of it, I didn’t know if I was going to last. But the author of this stunning work (I know it sounds cheesy BUT IT IS) crafted it in a way that didn’t leave me bored. Even though several lines were pulled from the movie due to it being a time travel fic I still felt involved and captured by the story. It was comforting at the beginning to see how Charlie and Todd took care of each other after Neil’s death, and it was also intriguing to see how Todd almost started where he left off with Neil when he went back in time. He was more open than he had been prior, but eventually had settled back into his ‘old’ personality that he had before his first encounters with the poets. 

to be alone with you by wordshakers on ao3, 1/1 chaps, 3,602 words.

Summary: “Thursday evenings were, unequivocally, Neil’s favorite part of the week.

On the surface, the explanation for this was simple enough. It was his opportunity to turn his focus entirely to the topic that made him happiest: Shakespeare. He savored the time he was able to spend sitting out on the dock, overlooking the lake, reading and reciting the words he loved so much.

The other reason–perhaps the more prominent one–Neil wasn’t able to explain quite as easily. In fact, he could hardly admit it to himself. Thursday evenings…they meant being alone with Todd.

An anderperry first kiss fic, set in a near-canon universe of the film (minus the death). Fluffy mutual pining.

My notes: I can’t recall everything about this one because my mind has been scrambled the last few days, but it is fluffy, it is cute, and it has Todd and Neil practicing lines together–what more could you want? 

letters to my dearest beloved ****by UniversalSatan on ao3, 4/4 chaps, 34,162 words.

Summary: 

“My dearest beloved,

It is with great relief that I finally write to you. I think it doubtful for my words to ever reach your ears, but spare me this chance to lend you a piece of my thoughts–and only a piece, for I must write with caution lest I be discovered.

Neil, amidst his own internal emotional conflict, accidentally stumbles upon letters Todd had been writing in secret to an unknown recipient. Neil (an idiot) continues to intrude on Todd’s privacy by reading each new letter in secret, continuously agitating over their purpose.”

My notes: I’m not 100% sure how well this fic is known because as I stated in the post you mentioned I am extremely new to this fandom, I think I only watched the movie the Saturday before last. Let me tell you, my heart was beating all over the place during this. I cannot believe the audacity of Neil! I don’t want to spoil it because it’s literally a masterpiece, like this should be published and printed and given awards to–the letters and the imagery in them were so *shakes author like a squeaky toy* I LOVE YOUUUU RAHHHHH. Anything i have to say just will not convey how fucking amazing this fic is. Please go read it if you haven’t. And also Neil is an oblivious little man in this fic, the best type of Neil.

A Midnight Summer’s Dream: A Story of Hope (chapter 2 specifically) by cc tinselbee (thearchivistonmars)

Summary: (my words) an almost main au that will tear your fucking soul from your body. Beautiful, amazing, life altering, makes me cry in the best way. The bittersweetness of it all is POTENT. It is an Almost Maine au (I am scared to look into almost maine now from how heartbreaking this fic was. I have only read the SECOND chapter, I’m sure the first chapter is magnificent but as of now I am in the midst of finals so I will check it out when I am done.)

My notes: Someone printed out this fic, tied it to a brick, and threw it into the window of my heart, shattering my soul into pieces. How could you do this to be, author? This piece has me able to physically feel my brain putting up barriers to stop thinking about the ending that is implied. Nope, nope, nope. If you are one for incurable angst, please go ahead and enjoy. It’s a wonderful story and it evoked emotions in me that I couldn’t even stand. The author is very talented for this and I’m manifesting that alternative/possible happy ending they mentioned in their notes/comments. I haven’t read the first chapter, so this is specifically about the second one because up until a few moments ago I didn’t realize that there was a first chapter–I clicked on the link to the fic from the author’s tumblr and was sleep deprived and thought it was the beginning of the fic 🙂

Gentle Lover, Remedy ****by violet_sunset on ao3. 1/1 chap, 13,135 words.

Summary: “Todd’s first semester at Welton marks the moment he stops going to church. There are regular Masses offered in the chapel, but whenever Todd thinks about going he’s overwhelmed by nausea and has to hover in the bathrooms until he is sure he won’t vomit. When he was a kid and he thought God was just a pair of arms open in embrace, he would have jumped at the chance to attend, to sing from the hymnal and listen to homily and absorb the sacrament of blood and body. Now, God seems like a distant thing.”

My notes: HOLY FUCK, RELIGIOUS GUILT MY BELOVED. That’s one of my favorite tags to see in a work, and it isn’t often that I have seen it in some of the pairings that I like. Of course, with religious guilt comes internalized homophobia and period typical attitudes–the fic actually made use of words used in that time period that were used to refer to queer folk, so if any of those trigger you please be wary as well. I love, love, LOVE the usage of religious metaphors and words that are littered all around in this piece as well as the descriptions that show Todd’s pathway of his beliefs. As we know Todd has a deeply ingrained inferiority complex and WOW does it shine in this fic. It made me cry feeling the second-hand guilt that Todd feels. Also, the author tackled the controversy of appropriation in the film–meaning Charlie’s preference of the name Nuwanda–and expanded on his ethnic background which was really nice to read. They also touched upon Charlie’s relation to gender and (semi-canonical?) non-binaryness (it's a word because I say so) in a beautiful and delicate way that is very rare in most works that I have seen. In general there are very few fics that I have read that have included Charlie as being anything other than cisgender, so it was wonderful to see it included in this work. As well as this, Todd having a panic attack/sensory overload when a certain ginger starts being homophobic was incredibly well written and it felt like it captured those feelings that you have during an overwhelmingly stressful moment, though that is an understatement. Todd’s inability to realize just what the fuck is going on and being sort of spacey during it all–been there and done that baby. This author is so fucking talented, and this is probably my favorite dps fic of all time. I dont have the words to effectively describe how amazing it is, so if you are able to, I highly suggest reading it to experience it for yourself :)

It’s Rotten Work by cc tinslebee (the archivistonmars) on ao3, 1/1 chap, 2,774 words.

Summary:

 “I was hoping…” Neil peered back up at him with those fervent eyes before he broke his inconspicuous character and cracked a smile, “my favorite scene partner would help me test it out?”

In the midst of Todd’s continual crisis of what exactly Neil’s ‘no’ means, Neil asks him to read from a scene from Orestes. You know, for practice.

My notes: Short and utterly sweet. I love reading pieces that just show how much characters love each other whether it’s platonic, romantic, or somewhere in between. I’ve always been one for a slowburn, and it wasn’t until I realized that I was aromantic that the reason I love that trope is because in between the first ‘hello’ and the inevitable kiss, that love that I read about was similar to how I felt. Just a simple fondness that the characters had for each other that made them feel alive and safe etc. I could go on forever about that, but what I mean to say is that this fic captured that feeling of affection in a fleeting moment between Neil and Todd, and I think it’s lovely.

The Pepper Ghost Effect by Anonymous on ao3, 6/6 chaps, 19,472 words.

Summary: 

“1964. Todd Anderson, now a successful playwright, whisks away an old flame from a horrifying mental asylum. That old flame, Neil Perry, becomes Todd’s new muse.”

Notes: Beware of the tags. It is a very angst ridden fic that addressed Neil’s mental health and the possibilities of what could have happened if he survived his first attempt on his life. Key word, first attempt. There is period-typical homophobia, past abusive partners, and ableism and abuse stemming from the sanitarium that [spoiler] is placed in for some time. There is a happy ending, so it’s not just angst and I feel that this fic is severely underrated. There are like only 24 kudos on it right now and 4 comments which?? What?? It’s an absolute masterpiece, and effectively captures the feeling and emotion of hopelessness and depression of a situation. Neil’s emotional response and numbness to everything around him resonated with me and I felt like it described my own brush with darkness from the lower points in my life. Read at your own risk and don’t push yourself if any of the tags may be triggering, but if you are able to this is a wonderful read that will elicit all sorts of feelings in your heart.

In the Subjunctive by ghostlin on ao3, 1/1 chaps, 5682 words.

Summary:

“The night the play opens, Neil turns left.”

My notes: This is a sort of fix-it fic with Neil coming back to the dorms after his fight with his father. It leaves off sort of ambiguous–and I do adore a good ambiguous ending–leaving the reader to imagine a happy ending. I consider it a happy ending because Neil is alive, but he is less than well mentally as of what he has endured. It also centered some on Charlie and Neil in the aftermath of it all which I enjoyed because I feel that sometimes fics forget that they are all friends. Todd wasn’t the only one mourning Neil–they all were. Also I liked the way the author captured the surprise of Charlie’s acceptance of Neil’s sexuality amongst the blunt hatred of the time. Often I feel like some fics don’t try to keep the edge of fear or vulnerability that that time period called for–which is totally fine! You do you, boo. I just have a preference for it because I feel that it almost adds to an ambiguous read of a situation. I also liked how the author wrote about Todd’s perception of Charlie and how he perceives him–whether or not Todd is supposed to be unreliable (I think it’s made somewhat clear that Charlie likes Todd–he wouldn't be encouraging Neil to spill his feelings if he didn’t) in his narration.

Also as a side note i love your pfp ive been needing to read the picture of dorian gray but ive been so busy 🙁 and you have a good day too !!❤️

#ask #dps fic rec #anderperry fic rec

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

Reacting to Contemporaty Comics (Without Context) 10/?

Returning to completely no context. Pre-old Loki's death, pre-everything good about my boi, pre-MCU (technically. I think it's concurrent with The-Hulk-Movie-That-Will-Not-Be-Acknowledged)

Spoilers for The Mighty Thor: Lord of Asgard #64 (2003). Also quite a lot of religious (mainly Catholic) commentary. (Actually commentary is putting it lightly. I go on a couple rants about Catholicism as an institution and the hypocrisy of the Vatican. It relates to aspects of the comic, but I'm drawing a lot on real world history and my own upbringing in the Catholic Church when I react to it. So if that triggers you or even if you feel like that will bother you, you might want to skip this one.)

This is a long one.

Who in the shit are these people?

Just call yourselves pagans and have done with it, you pretentious idiots

Thor stop being Odin. I'm about to be rooting for Loki for more than just principle

Oh I do not like this art I'm sorry

Mmkay, Imma need JP 2 to sit the fuck down and chill

"The church is quite tolerant." I'm sorry, it's what, now? Y'all drove me out for being gay and trans 16 years after this comic came out, you dumb shit

Sorry my Catholic trauma is showing

Shut UP my dude. You don't own the world. Stop

Okay I'm back to rooting for Thor if it's gonna be Thor Tells the Vatican to Fuck Off

Like (sorry I'm not done) where the FUCK does the goddamn Catholic Church get off trying to tell Thor not to go all Imperialist on Midgard's ass??? The Catholic Church! How fucking unself-aware do you gotta be to still reap the benefits of your centuries' old terror fest on the entirety of the goddamn world and turn around and be like "But he can't do the colonizing, boo hoo, it's not allowed if he's not being Catholic about it. :((( " Fucking SHUT UP

Okay rant over for now. I'm sorry, the Vatican's real world hypocrisy pisses me off too much to not address it in a comic book

NORSE. PAGANS! VIKINGS!!! What the fuck is this dumb man

this dipshit really just used the "my son" shit on THOR. You condescending son of a bitch, that man is older than you by several centuries!

(Commercial break I guess lol) The ads in this comic remind me that unlike the comics from like 2013 or 2019, or the vintage 80s comics, I was in elementary school in 2003. I remember this flavor of Kool-Aid. I don't remember what this ad is actually for, the mad voice twister (with Kool-Aid points? whatever those were), because I didn't read comics as a kid, but the flavor it's promoting I sure as fuck do.

Guys! People training to be warriors don't use real, sharpened blades, you dumbasses!

Okay, I was gonna say I was leaning slightly toward the priest's opinion after two pages of the Thor cult, but then I remembered all Catholic everything was conducted in Latin prior to like 1960 for basically the same reason these guys think they're talking like Shakespeare and actually no, you're all fanatics.

I did not expect this comic to be Religious Commentary: the Comic, with Lord in the title referring not to a medieval/Asgardian title but drawing parallels to Lord Jesus/ The (Christian) Lord

I guess I should've seen it coming. I've picked up on a lot of Judeo-Christian (I know that phrasing is contentious and for good reason, bear with me) imagery in Thor comics. Hell (no pun intended), they've been drawing parallels to the Norse gods and Christianity since Snorri (and I've commented on his Holier than Thou bullshit before)

Is there no other religion in this comic world but Thorism and Catholicism? I feel like I'm gonna look up this author and he's either gonna be an ex-Catholic or a current Catholic

You know I looked it up right after I wrote that, and wouldn't you know it, I both maybe spoiled myself and couldn't find out his religion or lack thereof. It's an interesting angle, and at the moment it feels like either a) he's specifically going after just the Catholic Church on purpose because he's got personal beef (or reverence, if the Catholics come out on top), or b) he knows Catholicism from a personal perspective (either as a current or ex-Catholic) with a lot more confidence than any other religion, and rather than risk grossly misrepresenting other religions out of ignorance or laziness or possibly more sinister reasons like an upsetting number of other white people, he has chosen to focus on what he knows (a religion which has coincidentally done quite a lot of harm to people who practice or historically would have practiced those religions he is not as well-versed in). But we're very early in the book and I also didn't read anything before or after this, so maybe Jurgens explores how other religious people respond to Thor in later pages or issues, or maybe he already did.

Oh. Oh no. When WASPs pull the religious persecution card, you know they're doing this shit for the wrong fucking reasons. (I mean, using WASP loosely here, since at least one of them isn't ex-Protestant but ex-Catholic, but the other three criteria fit these men. The demographic becomes slightly more racially diverse later in the text, but the three guys talking right now are all white.)

I'm getting flashbacks to when the Knights of Columbus came to talk to my Sunday School class in eighth grade and the guy got progressively more irritated with my classmate because he kept asking questions about the sword that came with the uniform, which supposedly was not the point of the order. I mean, c'mon, Mr. B_____, look me in the eye and tell me with confidence that the majority of those old suburban white men in your order did not join exclusively to get a sword. For the record, my (unknowingly) transmasc genderfluid ass was also extremely interested in the sword, but I was already aware I was barred entry into the order, and also already pissed that I'd officially been confirmed and then told I was not allowed to be gay, trans, ordained, or a knight by Catholic standards, two of which I already was but as yet unaware, one I wanted to be now out of spite, and one I'd always wanted to be. (But that's a story for a different blog. The point being, half of these Thorists joined to get a sword and that's it.)

The least believable thing about this comic is these kids go to Catholic school and don't have to wear uniforms. I'm sure those schools exist, but even if they don't have to, there is absolutely nothing on Ginny's body that would meet a dress code aside from maybe that turtleneck that covers everything.

Trent, a lot of non-Catholics enroll in Catholic school. Though the Pope is real pissed with Thor at the moment, so maybe not going to Catholic school is a good idea

They absolutely would not delay Mass for two teenagers unless they were getting married (which usually isn't a thing the church necessarily condones I don't think) or one of them was the Virgin Mary herself

that portrait of Jesus has the longest hair I've ever seen someone give him

LOL oh my god this priest is still arguing with Thor

"You are on the cusp of destroying the Catholic Church, Thor." PROMISE?!

"Your church is part of the ruling class and has been for centuries." PREACH, THOR!!! Also, Jurgens is ex- Catholic, I'm calling it now

"What good have you done?" THOR ODINSON, GOING FOR THE FUCKING KILL! We STAN

Loki continues to be nowhere in sight, but you know what, this is cathartic, a balm on my ex-Catholic soul, I don't even feel the loss

"...while befriending some of the world's most heinous dictators." hahaha, Thor knows what you did in World War II, Pius. He wasn't even fucking here and he knows. I'll bet Steve told him.

...did...did you just admit that the Catholic Church still uses tithes?! I don't think you're supposed to mention it!

Baby, being a nun doesn't make one a steadfast believer. Having a sister who's a nun but not you means even less

Oh we're comparing our plight to Native Americans now, huh? You do remember you live in a (non-religious) Protestant nation, right? The Catholics have limited legal sway aside from being white, but guess what? Most of you are white, too. They're not gonna go Trail of Tears or Cholera epidemic on your asses. I'm begging y'all from the distant future of 2024 to learn your motherfucking privilege before it's too late.

I'm gonna need your source for your second religious persecution claim, guys. This smells an awful lot like "Christians are so oppressed because someone told me once how bad missionaries are, boo hoo, my rights are being infringed upon" bullshit

"You really think we'll be arrested?" No. No, dude, I really doubt it. I think you could walk down the street with your sword sharpened and unsheathed and you wouldn't get arrested. You know why? Because you're a white man and ACAB, that's why. You might run into an issue if you try to take it on a plane, because it's 2003 and if I remember correctly it still takes like 3 hours to get past TSA, but other than that, I think you're good, man. This is just good old-fashioned fear-mongering.

THE PRIEST JUST DREW A FUCKING GUN WHAT THE FUCK

Oh now Loki shows up

I cannot believe Loki just restarted the fucking Crusades. I mean, the Pope lit the match, but Loki stoked the flames into inferno.

Wait. Did both kids die? That's what these panels mean right?

Fuck that's the end. What an insane concept for a comic issue holy shit

Well enjoy my residual Catholic issues and cynicism about white men getting away with whatever they want, I guess. This is what you come to this blog to see, right?

#loki #loki comics #thor comics #thor comics spoilers #marvel comics spoilers #marvel comics #the mighty thor issue 64 #the mighty thor lord of asgard #the mighty thor lord of asgard spoilers #i hope you liked learning more about my ex-catholic views on the institution than you ever wanted to #i want to emphasize the institution and the vatican piss me off #not individual catholics #yall are fine as long as you arent homophobic or misogynist #but the same goes for anyone regardless of religion or lack of one #this issue was just so heavy on the catholic and religious intolerance i had to address it #and since i left the catholic church as a result of institutional intolerance i'm pretty sensitive to it

[ubejamjar]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

@gatheredfates Thank you for sending this to me ♡ 1. Autumn

It’s the anticipation of a new semester as the leaves change from green to gold and red. It’s the season of pumpkins, apple cider donuts, running through a corn maze— sometimes beneath a blue sky, sometimes in the dark. It’s the sugar high of Halloween night that reminds me of childhood. It’s the season I fell in love with a boy who loved heavy metal and hated classical literature but recited “To Be or Not to Be” in its entirety because he knew I loved Shakespeare.

2. London Fogs

My favorite drink— earl grey tea, bitter black with a hint of citrusy bergamot, sweetened with vanilla syrup (sometimes a touch of lavender) and steamed milk. The best mornings are the quiet ones just before sunrise, spent listening to rainfall with an owl mug nestled in my hands, the London fog steeping warmth into my fingers; a blanket over my lap; and the knowing there’s nowhere I need be but here.

3. Ink and Paper

When I draw with pencils, the knowledge that I can take it back stalls the process. I'll erase over and over and over again chasing a perfect line or curve that's never going to be as perfect. Ink forces me to slow down, to really think about what I see and how to translate that into lines. Ink demands that I am sure and even if I'm not, I press forward because every misplaced line is a lesson learned for next time.

4. Smiles

I'm always smiling because I love when a stranger smiles back. I don't know you and you don't know me; given the opportunity we might be friends or we might hate each other. In this moment, we made each other smile and that must be some kind of magic.

5. My Darling

In eight years we’ve been through a lot together. We’ve been so poor we counted every dollar before we spent it at the Dollar Tree, that a luxury was a single frozen, chocolate banana we split together on a hot summer afternoon. We sat at bus stops in the cold together with when our car was spirited away. The good times are endless: love that sprouted the day we met; holding hands while we explored downtown; laughing, running in the rain into the arms of a local coffee shop where he had his first Irish coffee and the owner gave us the last of the pastries before he closed for the night. There's more I want to say, but I'll spare him the embarrassment of expressing my sappy adoration on the internet.

#i wrote this at like 2am in the morning #I'm not going to check my punctuation and grammar #i'm just going to send her along her way #im being spicy and not even checking my spelling #i'm such a rebel #because my heart can't handle leaving another ask in my drafts #jamjar #not ffxiv

[babybearsnz]

It’s so dusty in there

Sickie: Jungkook

Caretakers: Bangtan, mainly Tae

Relationships: Platonic

Jungkook’s pov:

The members were celebrating Tae-hyung’s birthday tonight… and my gift still hasn’t been delivered. I ordered him a Saint Laurent jacket he’s been talking about, but I checked on it yesterday and shipping had been delayed.

‘Great,’ I thought, ‘How am I supposed to get a new gift in such short notice?’

I trudged into the kitchen where the other members were already enjoying their breakfasts.

“Morning, sleepy head!” Jimin sang, patting me on the head. I gave him a smirk in return and walked over to my youngest hyung.

“Happy birthday, TaeTae.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and nuzzled into his neck.

“Thanks, Kookie,” he laughed, “Just woke up, huh?”

“Kook-ah, eat something and then we’ll go for a walk to wake you up.” Yoongi-hyung handed me a plate and I nodded, suppressing a yawn.

********time skip********

It was about an hour after breakfast. Yoongi was cleaning up, Namjoon was reading in his room, Tae and Hobi were playing a card game at the kitchen table, and I was kicking ass at Mario Kart against Jin and Jimin.

“There’s no way I just got 9th place,��� Jin groaned.

I stood from the couch and took a bow having gotten first place once again, laughing uncontrollably.

Yoongi entered the room. “Kook, you ready to go?” He asked.

“I’m not tired anymore, hyung.” I earned a raised eyebrow in return.

“Kookieeeee!” Yoongi whined.

“Alright, alright,” I said, turning to Jin and Jimin, “you guys keep playing without me.”

“Ya, maybe I’ll win one this time,” Jimin joked, rolling his eyes.

I set down my controller, quickly slipped on my sneakers, and followed Yoongi-hyung out the door.

Yoongi’s pov:

Jungkook hurried out the door behind me. “Hyung, why did you want to go for a walk so bad?” He asked.

“I have a plan. Follow me.”

Without questioning my intentions, the maknae obeyed, clearly confused but willing to find out what I was up to.

We approached a storefront and I stopped. “Do you know where we are?” I asked.

Jungkook shrugged, “some antique shop?”

“Look at the window display, Kook.”

He squinted his eyes, getting closer to the window. Behind the glass there were old notebooks. The insides were lined with vintage papyrus. The covers were a golden brown leather with beautiful patterns. And there was a brass hook to keep the book closed and locked. Jungkook looked back at me, I smile spread across his face.

“After you told me your gift still hadn’t come, I remembered this shop.” I told him.

Tae had been talking about notebooks like these. He said he would feel like a modern day Shakespeare if he got his hands on one.

“It’s perfect, hyung, thank you.” I messed with his hair and we stepped inside.

Jungkook’s pov:

I couldn’t help but smile as we entered the shop. The gift was perfect and much more heartfelt. Inside the shop everything was made out of mahogany. The wallpaper had tiny flowers on it. It looked like something out of a magazine. And the air was thick. I sniffled, smelling dusty wood.

There was a thin layer of dust on every surface. Everything was SO OLD. Yoongi and I were browsing around when it became too much for my nose.

“ESHHhuh!” The sneeze was dry and itchy. I desperately rubbed my nose, causing another to escape. “haESHH!”

“Ooh, bless.” I felt Yoongi pat my back.

“Thanks,” I replied. I put on a mask to try and block the dust from reaching my nose, though I knew it was probably too late.

“Is the dust bothering you?” Yoongi asked, a bit concerned.

I nodded. “haESHHhuh!”

“Bless you, Kook. Let’s get out of here, cha?” It was a rhetorical question. We were leaving.

We made our purchases and escaped to the street. I took off my mask, sighing in relief. I was sniffling and sneezing for the entirety of the walk back to the house, glad I had gotten Tae a gift, but utterly miserable.

Taehyung’s pov:

As soon as the front door opened I heard a flurry of sneezes. They sounded harsh and itchy and I immediately recognized it being Kook-ah’s allergies.

I ran over to him. “Aww Kookie, what happened?” I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and brought him over to the couch.

“Kook, don’t rub your eyes, you’re okay.” Jin rushed over with tissues while Yoongi went to find allergy meds.

“ESHHhuh! HESHHhah! ESHH!” Tears began flowing from his red and irritated eyes.

I wiped his eyes, “Aish, you’re having quite the allergy attack, huh?” I asked, unsure if the tears were from an irritant or if he was actually crying.

He pouted, “Yoongi-hyung was h—helping me get you a g—gift because mine wasn’t shipped a—an—and we went to that antique shop down the street.”

So he was crying.

“Kookie, oh no, it’s so dusty in there.” I cooed.

“B—but I got you this book.” He handed me a stunning leather journal, one with the old paper inside. I had always wanted one.

“Thank you, really, don’t cry.” I pulled him into a big hug, feeling his breath catch.

“heshhOO!” He tried his best to turn away as a sneeze ripped out of him.

“Bless you, bless you. Inchana?”

Jungkook nodded and relaxed into me.

********time skip********

The members and I took turns cuddling with the maknae and giving him meds and tissues, trying our best to make him laugh until dinner.

The rest of the night was filled with sneezes, becoming less frequent as the hours passed. Kookie fell asleep in my lap and I played with his hair, listening to his congested snores. I grinned as I dozed off with him. Cuddles were the perfect end to a birthday.

#kpop fanfic #snz #snzfic #bts #jungkook #ksnz #kpop boys #sneezeblr #kpopidol #idol sneeze

[gay-otlc]

Won't Fall In Love At The End- 2

I 100% did not abandon this story for two months, all accusations of me doing that are completely false.

Rana mostly forgets about Asher as she moves through the rest of the school day, the excitement of having a fake-partner lost as her focus shifts to derivatives and then Shakespeare and then the civil war. She barely thinks about them again until she passes them in the hallway on her way to the bus and they smile and wave at her. Once she finds her seat on the bus and puts on her headphones until the painful chatter of the students around her is mostly drowned out, she pulls out her phone and opens it to her group chat.

Me 2:12 PM

So... I have a date for homecoming!

The reply is immediate. Rana knows Eva has art club after school on Tuesdays, but she must not be paying much attention, because she responds faster than Rana can even type.

Eva S 💚 2:12 PM

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

HOLY SHIT

THAT'S AWESOME!!!!!!!

Aziza C 💙 2:13 PM

OMG

WHO IS HE

Eva S 💚 2:13 PM

Or she????

Me 2:14 PM

They, actually.

Do you guys know Asher?

Aziza C 💙 2:14 PM

Ofc i know asher!!!

All jews know each other lol

They're kinda hot ngl 👍

Rana exhales a small sigh of relief. She didn't know how much her friends' approval had mattered to her, but considering she'd only entered this fake dating mess because her friends were so invested in her love life, it made sense why she'd been anxious about what they thought.

Eva S 💚 2:15 PM

so proud of you <33333

our baby's all grown up 😭

Me 2:16 PM

I'm older than both of you.

Aziza C 💙 2:18 PM

How did it happen????

Eva S 💚 2:19 PM

omg yes tell us everything

Me 2:22 PM

We sit next to each other in study hall and we talk sometimes, and then today we started talking about homecoming, and they just... asked me out.

And I said yes.

:)

Aziza C 💙 2:23 PM

Love story for the ages

There. Nothing in her story was false. Sure, she left out the part where they agreed this entire relationship would be fake... but Rana doesn't want her friends to know this point. They're so excited that she's in a relationship. It would disappoint them if they knew it wasn't real. And Rana wants them to be proud of her. She doesn't want to go back to hearing them talk about how she should just get a partner already, because she was missing out on something so great.

She'll fake date Asher, and her friends will be happy, and then soon she'll know what it's like to date someone, but without the pressure of an actual relationship. This is the best possible outcome, she reminds herself; Aziza and Eva have stopped pressuring her, but she doesn't have to pretend to like someone she doesn't, at least not to their face.

But still, she doesn't like lying to her friends.

The bus arrives at her stops, which mercifully lets her stop texting her friends about her imaginary romance life, and she silently curses the weather for the entirety of her five minute walk to her house. It's October. Who gave it the right to be so warm in October?

She means to start her homework right after eating a snack, but mysteriously ends up falling down a wikipedia rabbit hole about lizards instead. In her defense, lizards are more interesting than physics. (At least, the rabbit hole starts with lizards. Specifically, bearded dragons. Eventually, the links lead her to reptiles, and then dinosaur evolution. All of those things are also more interesting than physics.)

The homework gets done eventually, although Rana spends the entire time wishing she could do literally anything else. At least once it's over, she can watch Netflix without the looming guilt of procrastination, and then she can sleep at a (semi) reasonable hour.

And then it's morning, and it's annoyingly dark as she walks from her house to the bus stop. And the bus is somehow even louder than usual, and it's crowded and all the people are packed tightly in this yellow vehicular hell, and when she finally does get to school she has a listening assignment in her first period Spanish class which she hates because she has to figure out what the people are saying without a transcript or subtitles or anything, which is hard enough in English let alone in a foreign language, so all in all, her day has been fairly shitty so far.

At lunch, the cafeteria is filled with noise, hundreds of students all talking over each other. The smell of overly greasy pizza is overpowering. Eva and Aziza don't have this lunch period anyway, so there's no need for Rana to be in this stupid cafeteria. She's on her way to the library when she notices Asher, pushing a door open. They wave at her, and she walks over.

"We're eating outside," they say. "Want to join?"

Outside. Outside is much better than the cafeteria. And it's probably better than going to the library, since if she goes outside she can actually eat. According to her therapist, it's "bad" to skip meals. Or whatever. "Okay," she says.

Asher smiles and holds the door for her as she walks through. It's still too warm for October, but Rana guesses she doesn't mind, since she wouldn't want to eat outside in the cold and she already decided eating outside was probably the healthiest option for her. The table outside has a few other people Rana knows. Abigail, Eva's long time crush. Daniel, who was Rana's lab partner in chemistry last year. Xavier, who Rana knows next to nothing about, but has been in school with since sixth grade. Everyone else looks familiar, but she can't assign them a name.

Asher finds a seat and gestures for Rana to sit next to them. "This is Rana," they say to the others at the table. "She's my fake girlfriend."

They told their friends it was fake, Rana notes. That's strange. It shouldn't be surprising, since most people are honest with their friends, but... she kind of expected Asher to be in the same "lying to your friends so they stop getting on your case about dating" situation as she is.

"You have terrible taste in fake partners," Xavier says, and Asher flips them off, and they all laugh.

By the end of lunch, Rana's day is considerably less shitty, and she's decided she likes Asher's friends. And Asher themself.

She's not totally sure why she doesn't like Asher in "that way," whatever that means. They're great. But actually dating them? She would really rather not.

Whatever. It's fine.

If she focuses more on calculus, she can stop thinking about the fact that her heart probably doesn't work like everyone else's.

#s's writing #aroallo #won't fall in love at the end #i'm excited about this wip :) i wrote a bunch of it in my head last night when i pulled an involuntary all nighter #so now i have many ideas and those ideas might become actual writing #crazy when that happens

[sevarix-blogs]

today is Prokofiev's birthday! he was born on April 23, 1891. here are a few of my favorite pieces by him

Peter and the wolf

this first one might be a bit nostalgic for some people! one of Prokofiev's most famous works is Peter and the Wolf, which is a story about a kid named peter encountering a scary wolf. it's meant to teach kids about different instruments in the orchestra, and associates different instruments with different characters. like the oboe is the duck, clarinet is the cat, flute is the bird, etc.

Dance of the knights

This is a piece from the ballet Romeo and Juliet! It plays during a very intense party between the warring families. the innocent sounding light theme that plays in the middle is Juliet's theme, and it's to show that she's roaming the party full of innocence. the intense theme builds up afterwards, as though drowning her out. over all it's such a fun piece!

also fun fact - when Prokofiev originally wrote music for this ballet, he wanted to change the ending from shakespeare's version where they all die at the end, bc 'dead people can't dance' lol. ultimately he ended up making a revision to it that made the ballet match shakespeare's ending

Symphony no. 5

this is probably my favorite piece by Prokofiev! i heard it live once too and it was incredible.

Lieutenant Kije - Romance

The entirety of Lt. Kije is very good, and might even have some themes in it that you recognize. but my favorite movement out of all of them is the Romance theme! it's very beautiful

#Youtube #var rambles about classical music

[septembersghost]

I was reading a thread about blonde and I saw someone say if they wanted to fictionalize her life, they could've made it empowering and changed the ending so she lived, like once upon a time in hollywood, but would that really be any better? why not make a fictional movie depicting these things at that point? why does Marilyn have to be the brutalized subject?

i mean, the director is blatantly obsessed with her death to the point where he said it's the whole purpose of the story and nothing else about her life matters, because he's a disgusting misogynistic ghoul (if you read any of the things he's said, his outlook on people who suffer addiction or die by su*cide is shockingly dehumanizing. which isn't even beginning to get into the fact that marilyn's death was most likely accidental and incorrectly ruled intentional by the coroner).

that said, would a version of her story where she lived be better? i don't know. it would be nice to live in the fantasy where that happened (and it has been done elsewhere, you mention sharon tate in ouatih, they did the same with john lennon in yesterday), it's dependent on how it's handled, i guess, and does raise the question of why not just tell a fictional story then? i have a family member who absolutely hates biopics and even historical fiction because he thinks it's unethical to embellish/fabricate/dramatize real people's lives, and we talked about this at length once. it gets tricky because no history or real life can ever be depicted in its entirety as a story, narratives have to be constructed to be interesting. and historical fiction is an ancient part of the form - i remember asking him how we reckon with shakespeare writing plays about real figures, for example - and there's not an easy conclusion. that said, what i do think matters is some measure of empathy and understanding for the subject so that a piece isn't blatant exploitation. blonde isn't problematic because it's fiction (my week with marilyn is fictional too, but at least she's treated like a person in it; smash fictionalized her a bit musically but was so special and meaningful to me), it's problematic because it's exploitative and traumatic for the sake of debasement.

the answer here being, of course, because it's more buzzworthy to exploit the real person and hideously fictionally degrade and abuse her, and draws more attention, than a fictional starlet would. marilyn is still incandescent and instantly recognizable and consumable as a tragedy. her rights are owned by an ad agency who only cares about making money off her image - hence countless products with fake quotes printed on them (and i admittedly have some mm things) - so they don't care how she's depicted so long as she gets a check, and the graphic fictionalized account of her life is only dollar signs to them.

marilyn exists in a particular section of pop culture that is very difficult to confront. her contemporaries would never be treated in this way, even though many of them had very sad stories of hardship too, or experienced abuse themselves. we're not seeing this done to audrey hepburn or grace kelly or rita hayworth or elizabeth taylor or vivien leigh or natalie wood (the list of talented, unforgettable and beautiful women from that time goes on and is long). even when any of those women have had biopics made about them, there's a very different intent. (ie: nicole kidman portrayed grace kelly and lucille ball in recent years to mixed reviews, and i don't agree with sorkin on the latter at all, but at least it wasn't exploitative. renee zellweger won an oscar for playing judy garland, michelle williams played marilyn and then played gwen verdon to moving effect). but marilyn is so ingrained in the public consciousness as a pinup and sex object that she gets reduced to it far more easily, as if that should just be the expectation for her. i remember there was a thing in the 2000s (which was just not a great time in discussions of women), where there was this idea that "trashy" girls liked marilyn and "classy" girls liked audrey, and you should always aim to be an audrey. (i love audrey too, this is not her fault.) and it was only looking at them as flat images to pit them against each other. hair color, body types, class backgrounds, these were seen as morally based differences rather than any appreciation of either actual woman. pop culture has been obsessed with this madonna/whore mentality when it comes to marilyn - she was poor, her mother was mentally ill, her father abandoned her, she didn't get a formal education, she modeled and (gasp) did a shoot nude when she needed money to survive, so doesn't that make her a commodity, a body we're allowed access to? forget that she pushed back against that very idea when she was living. the way her varying hardships are viewed as entertainment fodder has always been gross, even though she was far from alone in having those difficulties. (the world lost judy only seven years after marilyn, in a not dissimilar way). when marilyn said she was constantly running into people's subconscious, it's still true. so much has been projected onto her that frankly any telling of her story says more about the creator than it does about her. there's a mystique because she's seen as a creation/invention, painted over norma jeane, there's an ease to reducing her to a baby doll voice or to fragility or to desperation for affection. there's an oddly derisive air around her talent, the blame for which is the remains of the studio system that wouldn't take her seriously. there's an obsession with her lateness and her substance abuse and her medical care that erases context for how those things transpired. she's like a mirror reflecting whatever is desired, rather than a human subject. they're taking her personhood and soul away from her to render her this defiled, diaphonous thing.

besides the quotes i put in the other post, her pleading to not be made into a joke, i've been thinking about this a lot too - "hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. I know, because I turned down the first offer often enough and held out for the fifty cents."

#marilyn monroe #blonde #blonde 2022 #anonymous #letterbox