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aleksa-sims · 2 years

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My RL gameplay (18+)

CW addiction, drugs, withdrawal

From now on, it won’t be that.... nice for me & not only for me unfortunately! What I’ve never told you before, my sister! She will be in the same trouble I’ve had. 😞 😢 Not because of me!!!! You’ll see anyway. But before I get to that, something happened, which actually was the trigger for everything else that will happen afterwards with Ana & me, when P. leaves. But just by the way! Ana won’t get as badly as I did! She was lucky because she went to college, and that distracted her. She’s so strong! She did it all by herself without help 🤍 😭 & without.... any pills! I was so impressed by Ana’s willpower!

After P.’s Baby-thing, the next day, I started feeling really bad! I ran out of pills, and I had two more days to get through, before I could get back to the addiction clinic. I had a really bad withdrawal. I tried to reach Sofia, to get something, but Sofia has suddenly... disappeared? Her phone was always off. That morning I lay desperately in bed, tormenting myself to death with withdrawal. I thought about, who could help me?? And the only person I could think of was....D.! 🤷‍♀️ But how am I supposed to do this? Philip’s gonna kill me, if I meet D.! But, I didn’t give a shit! I just couldn’t take it anymore! 😩 So Philip was totally pissed and mad at me, understandable! But he will help me. He knew I was going to do it anyway! And he couldn’t let me go alone! He just didn’t have a good feeling about this whole thing..... CW!!⬇

Philip: What’s wrong A.? 🤷‍♂️

Me: .............😞 I’m really fucked up, P.!

Philip: Did you dream about Nico again? As always when you’re here? 😒

Me: Damn, NO! 😠 😠 I’m out of pills! My whole body hurts like hell! I can’t take it anymore! I’m going crazy! I-.....I have to go and please don’t stop me!

Philip: You’re not fucking going anywhere! I promised your Dad, as long as you’re here with me, you’re not gonna fuck up, A.!

Me: I screwed up days ago, Philip! And I don’t fucking care, what you or my Dad want from me! I’m dying rn! 😩 I can’t help it. Sorry! 😢

Philip: Come on, I’ll drive you to this addiction clinic! Let them give you your damn pills.

Me: I only get pills again in 2 days! I can not show up there now!! My doc isn’t there & they will keep me there! Do you want this? 😨

Philip: No! But maybe it’s best for you, A.! You’re totally out of control! 😠

Me: I can fix this !! When I see my doc & I’ll just get a higher dose. And I’ll stop cheating on the durg test. 😕

Philip: You get tested there every 5 days! So how the fuck did you cheat?

Me: This shit I take is only detectable for 4 days! But if I really drink a lot and drink certain things, then it is out of my body within 48 hours. Pls, Philip! You gotta help me! 😢

Philip: Take my painkiller I got for today, A.! I mean, it’s just one pill, but maybe it works? And tomorrow you can take the next one, until we can get you to your doc in that clinic.

Me: This damn pill you’re getting is like....aspirin to me! This shit doesn’t work on me anymore Philip! Don’t you check this?😠....I’ll get dressed and then..... I’ll be gone for two hours.

Philip: This will certainly not happen, A.! You’re not going anywhere without me! You understand?

Me: But I have no choice! I just can’t help myself! I won’t survive this for 2 fucking days.😩 😨

Philip: Where are you going to go? And what are you gonna do?

Me: I wanted to meet Sofia, but she just won’t call me & Idk where she is!? So I only have 2 options! Either I go to this really bad place and get this shit myself, or I call...D.! 🤷‍♀️ I know, that’s the last thing you wanted to hear, but I’m sorry P.!I just don’t have the patience right now, for your fucking jealousy outbursts.

Philip: You’re not gonna mee D.! If you do, that’s it for me with you, A.!😠

Me: But, P.! I have NO fucking choice! 😩... Nico would NEVER have done such a thing to me. 😞 He always helped me, when I was in this fucking situation like now!.....I wish he was here now! 😭 😭

Philip: I’m sure Nico would never have driven you to D., and you can’t compare that to today! Back then it was just pills, now it’s fucking junk, A.!

Me: Stop it, stop it, stop it!! 🙉 .... And you don’t know EVERYTHING Nico & I did! In any case, he never let me suffer like this and he always knew what to do. 😭... I also helped you! Just a few days ago and I would do it again!

Philip: Get dressed and let’s go! 😠 😠

Me: You’re going with me? But...I can go alone! Just let me! 🤷‍♀️

Philip: No, A.! I have a really shitty feeling about this whole thing! And I don’t want you to fucking die! Now call him! I want to know where we’re going.

Me: He’s not in his apartment, but in his parents' house, where my grandparents live nearby. I know how to get there.

Philip: And he wants to give you drugs in his parents' house? 🤨 This thing sounds totally strange to me A.! 😠 You’re not going there alone!

Me: IDK why he’s there? But D., would never seriously endanger me! I must beg him to help me. But he also said that there is a problem that he has to take care of, so he can’t come to me or here at his apartment.

Philip: I don’t trust this guy at all! 😠 And why is it so easy for him to get all these drugs? I mean, he can just get you something like that? 🤷‍♂️

Me: He just told me once, that his friend Z., is doing all this. He’s some connections? Idk? But...I’ll ask him later.

Philip: And that leaves you completely cold and you don’t give a shit with what kind of people we’re about to deal with?

Me: Uhm, yeah! 🤷‍♀️ It’s just D.! I know him! And tbh P., I’ve been dealing with worse guys before. How do you think, I got all these pills a year ago?😠 That’s why I called D. Otherwise I would have to get this stuff from somewhere else, and trust me! You certainly don’t want to go there, to that fucked up place & people! 🤨

Philip: I swear A.! You have to stop this shit, or I’ll be gone! Just like Nico!🤷‍♂️....Your parents were right! We screwed up in the last few weeks! I should never have let us go that far! And that’s the only reason I’m helping you now! Because I had this fucking headache! After this action, it’s over with drugs & pills! For you and for me! For both of us! Did you understand me? 🤨

Me: Yeah, I think I got it! 😟... Can you please help me with my pants? I can’t get this fucking button! My hands are shaking like crazy!

Philip: Damn, A., stay still!.... My fucking brain! Slowly my headache’s coming back, I can feel it! You’re driving me insane! You know?

Me:. Agh, P.!.........I- I can’t anymore! 😩 🥵

Philip: Just stay focused & breathe....Are you ok?

Me: No! 😰 ...... I’m so sorry!... ..Hold me tight, as hard as you can, to stop this tremor!!! Philip: Sure.

Me: Tighter, P.! You have to squeeze tight!....It doesn’t work! 😩I can’t take it anymore! This fucking tremor hurts me.

Philip: I can’t tighter! I’ll breake your bones, if I do!

Me: Can we please go now? My pain will get stronger!

After that, we went to D. and waited outside his parents' house. Philip had a really bad feeling about this whole thing. We were somewhere in the middle of nowhere, that drove him crazy! But I not really. My body was totally freaking out! Worst of all was the nervousness I felt in my stomach, it really hurt! And my arms and legs could not stand still. I had this painful tremor. It was just unbearable for me! That’s why I got really impatient!

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#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #my rl with my simself #simself #myrlgameplay #18 content #cw addiction #cw drugs

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ladyideal · 3 years

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Ficmas~ Day 22

Pairing: John Kennex x Detective!Reader

Word Count: 1365

Warnings: Uh. Mild jealousy.

Summary: You and John go to a party hosted by the Captain.

Requested By: @writerdee1701

A/n: wow 22nd already. December really flies by fast.

"So how was Angry 101?" You asked, greeting John as he stepped out of his group therapy session.

"I feel good, better. All thanks to you," The detective planted an affectionate kiss on your cheek.

You grinned, avoiding Dorian's curious glance. "Come on. We've only got half an hour to change, and get our ass over to the Captain's party."

"Thirty seven minutes and forty two seconds," Your MX piped up.

"Thanks Sofia, but you might want to shut it. John here is known for blowing up MXs," You shook your head, trying not to laugh. "Your suit's in the back. We can change at my place."

"You've thought of everything."

John was like that. After losing his girlfriend and betrayed, you understood he was a lot more careful with romantic relationships. So it was quite a surprise when he came up to you with a gift:

His phone number and a piece of bubblegum.

No one said that in the precinct that co workers couldn't date one another. Clearly, the Captain didn't mind either. Secretly, you wondered if she too was rooting for you and Kennex. But he took it slow at first like you wanted.

"So how do I look?" You finished the last of your makeup and hair.

"Beautiful," John adjusted his tie one more time before putting on his blazer. "You sure this isn't a casual event?"

"Yes, I'm sure," You nodded. "I don't think the captain would appreciate us going there with jeans and a t-shirt."

"Correct," Dorian emerged, looking the same as he's always been. "We should get going, John."

"Don't forget the wine!"

"Can I take a sip from it before we leave?"

"Don't you dare, John."

The car ride was mostly silent. It had been a great eight months together, and you honestly hoped that he would be the one. Yet despite all the honesty and transparency within the relationship, something was being held back. Understandably so, John was very reluctant in talking about the day when his team went down, and he himself rounded up in a seventeen month coma.

You wanted to help him as much as you could, as a partner and now significant other would. However, you trusted him. There must be something deeper connected to the attacks that he was keeping you in the dark.

To protect you? Probably.

Children sleeping

Snow is softly falling

Dreams are calling

Likes bells in the distance

We were dreamers

Not so long ago

But one by one

We all had to grow up

"Have you always wanted to join the force as a kid?" You asked, shutting the car door behind you and bundling your scarf tighter around your neck.

"Fight the bad guys," John nodded, stepping in front of the front door.

Knock knock.

"Detectives! So glad you could make it. Come in, come in. It's freezing out there," An unfamiliar man opened the door.

With a round of thanks, you and the group trudged in, making sure to keep the snow out and not into the house. Once within, you rubbed your hands together, taking in the grandeur of the entryway and the chatters from within.

"Detectives, Dorian, Sofia, hope the drive wasn't too bad," A rather proud looking Captain Maldonado appeared by her husband.

"Happy holiday, Captain. Thank you for inviting us," You greeted as your boyfriend handed over the bottle of red wine.

"Oh! A present, you shouldn't have," Her husband turned it over in his hands. "Look at this, sweetie, pinot noir. Perfect with finger food and snacks."

"Please make yourselves at home," Maldonado smiled, thanking you for the gift and leaving to greet the next set of guests that walked in from behind.

"Wow, look at that. At least half of the precinct is here," You mumbled.

People and their MXs milled about, most with a glass of alcohol in hand. With a glance, you recognized some. The Christmas tree stood in the distant corner, quietly flickering through its light sequence. The dining table was filled with snacks of all sorts from crackers to fruit. Furthermore, you swore you could smell hot chocolate, eggnog, and an assortment of other festivity drinks.

"Want something to drink?" John darkly spoke, frowning when he saw Richard among the crowd.

"Yeah. A hard apple cider if they have some. If not, hot chocolate works too," You mumbled, greeting some of those that waved at you.

"Oh Y/L/N, I didn't know you got invited too. Come here by yourself?" Richard swaggered up to you.

Taking a step back, you shook your head. "Not quite. John came with me."

"Kennex?" He laughed. "Did you not hear? His whole team got killed, while he survived. Don't you think something fishy happened there? You could do so much better. What do you say we go, fish some fish?"

"No thanks. I'm here with my boyfriend. Enjoy the party, Paul," You roughly brushed past him, ignoring his surprised squawk. "And maybe grow a pair, jerk."

He was interested in you, way before John did. Despite his good standing as an officer, his personality was nowhere near as nice. When John returned to the force, his jealousy inflated his ego. You didn't quite like him. He was just a dick.

"Paul giving you troubles?" Your boyfriend reemerged by your side, handing over your mug of cider and eyeing the other detective.

"No more than usual. He's been crabby ever since you started taking interest in me. Didn't help that Stahl started giving me the stink eye every time I mention you in anything." You snorted, taking a long draught.

"And speak of the devil, here she comes," He indicated at the detective approaching.

"Detective Kennex," She smiled, then falling slightly at you. "Detective Y/L/N. Good to see you two here. How's the eggnog?"

"Bland, rum could be stronger," John answered.

Before the blonde could answer, the White Elephant gift exchange was starting. Politely excusing you and himself, John practically dragged you away from her after watching you give her death daggers.

"Jealous much?"

"Hmph. Being a Chrome, genetically modified won't give her all the upper hand," You grumbled, placing your presents into the center and drawing two numbers.

Fourth and ninth.

"Let's see what's in store this year."

As more people gathered around, Maldonado cleared her throat. "White Elephant rules are still the same. 3 steals, and the present is out. Understood?"

All heads nodded.

"If you may start, Jenks."

You watched with a smug grin as the first person chose yours, before being stolen by the second, and then stolen again by John who went fourth. Good thing you bought the present while on a grocery run, or he would've known what it was. When it was your turn, you gave everyone a death glare, clinging onto your present, daring anyone to challenge you.

Wisely, no one did.

"Not giving it up?" He teased as you teared it open, revealing an advent calendar full of chocolates.

"Fuck no."

He laughed. "Save some for me alright?"

"No promises."

As the party dwindled and people left, you and John thank the Captain once more before heading home. "That was fun."

"Sure was."

As you got out of the car, you realized that you forgot to grab John's gift on the way out. "John?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you grab your advent on the way out? I can't find-. Oh here it is," You fished out the gift and frowned at the lack of chocolates within. "Who ate all the advent calendar chocolates?"

In the silence, you turned to him, jaw dropping at the sight in front.

"What chocolate?" The detective quickly swiped away the last remnant of chocolate on the edges of his mouth. "I didn't see any chocolate."

You rose an eyebrow, and grinned. "So you, Detective Kennex, is saying that despite the incriminating evidence on your hand and face, that you've not seen nor tasted any chocolate."

"Yes, Detective Y/L/N. That is correct."

"And that you are knowingly lying to an officer of the law."

"Sounds right," And before you could retort a smart ass reply, pulled you in for a kiss. "Happy Holidays."

Believe in what you feel inside

And give your dreams the wings to fly

You have everything you need

If you just believe

Eats Everything: @asraime @aspiring-ginger @bluesclues-1234 @mournthewicked @ladylizzieofdarbyshire @lykxzandlove @also-fangirlinsweden @keijibum @groovyfluxie @mysoulshideaway @fandom-imagination-ss @mayday1284 @supergeekfangirl @sayanythingcreations @your-sparklywinnercollection

Urban: @yueci @fandomsfeelsandfamily @justa-traaash

#john kennex #john kennex x reader #almost human #detective kennex #x reader #x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #gender neutral #31 days of ficmas #ficmas2020 #deb writes

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justjessame · 3 years

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The Deal Chapter 60

I was walking with Daryl when the call came through about a longer run to DC. Arat, the Savior who had killed Olivia and another named Justin were trying to use a walker as a scarecrow. I sighed, thinking that being well meaning and yet stuck in the past were both going to get these people killed by one of the men I loved. Sure enough, Daryl put it down, and warned them, again that this wasn’t how things would run from now on.

Laura, another Savior, yet a far more malleable one, had warned us and that’s what brought us outside to the crops. Eugene and Rosita were working inside on something very science oriented, and I hoped that Daryl understood more of their ramblings than I did, because science was not my strong suit. As we’re making our way around the perimeter, enjoying a moment to ourselves, quiet and without a demand on either of us, he lets me know that a run’s planned.

“We gotta head to DC.” I nodded, this run had been mentioned before. Seeds, farming equipment, things that were necessary for survival in this harsher new world. “You comin’ or-”

Ah, he wanted to know if I was going with or would I stay behind here? “Someone has to keep Eugene in line.” I smiled, knowing that Eugene could get ahead of himself if no one was here to temper his more rash impulses. “Unless you want me to go?” Maybe he’d prefer I head out with him.

He huffed a big breath and a sliver of fear ran through me. “I thought if ya wanted to, ya could go to Alexandria and stay with Judith.” Oh, wait, what?

“Alone?” I asked, confused. Daryl hadn’t let me go out on my own since I came back to him. Aside from the few times I had bow practice in Hilltop, he found time to go with me, or keep me by his side. Being with him at the Sanctuary was disturbingly similar to my time here with Negan.

“Gotta meet them at the midway point, figured ya go ride with me there, then ya could head on to Alexandria while we go on.” I nodded, yeah, it sounded simple, but this wasn’t what I had learned to expect from Daryl Dixon since I’d returned. “I trust ya, Jessi, I know it don’t seem like I do-”

I smiled up at him. “I know you do, Daryl.” I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him down to my level. Brushing my lips against his, I felt him relax. He was so tense. “You’re just really really protective.”

He chuckled against my mouth and then dipped in for a more passionate kiss. Our inspection had taken us to one of the more private outdoor spots, and no one was around, which is why I didn’t mind when his hands ran down my back and started pulling up my shirt. Tossing it onto the ground next to us, I had his unbuttoned and added on top of mine in no time with his vest tangled in the mess. My hands fell to his belt as he went to the button of my jeans. Suddenly it was an urgency of need. The need for his skin on mine, the need for my mouth on his chest.

He pressed me against the building we were standing next to, and then he was inside of me and our mouths were locked together tasting one another like we couldn’t get enough. Since I’d come back, since I’d chosen him, love making between the two of us had become more frenzied at times, and we didn’t pull away anymore when Daryl was about to finish. We’d found it, I supposed, as he rocked into me, pulling his mouth from mine to bury his head in my neck to nip and suckle at my skin. We found the safety and security we’d wanted before trying to start our family.

My nails were biting into the skin of his shoulders as my climax roared through me, and his moan as his own rushed out of him made my skin tingle where his mouth was attached to my collarbone. He held me tight, feeling my legs shaking and knowing me well enough to know I wouldn’t be steady enough on my own. I felt as he grew limp within me, slowly leaving my body. My head fell back against the bricks of the building behind me and my hands brushed his flopping hair away from his face. I leaned forward and kissed him slow and sweet. I loved Daryl Dixon. If only, if only I didn’t love Negan too.

We dressed not long after, and Daryl’s hand met mine and our fingers linked automatically. Walking back into the building, I wondered what had brought on this newfound respect for my independence. I didn’t ask. I was just happy he understood that I could and would take care of myself and that I was WITH HIM.

The plan for the run was simple enough. Seeds, farm plow to use as a prototype for Hilltop’s blacksmiths, and whatever else could seemingly come in handy for our continued survival. I could sense that Hilltop’s relationship with the other communities, or at least with the Sanctuary was growing strained. Our fuel production wasn’t as high as our need for food supplies seemed to be. Add in the fact that Maggie and Glenn wanted Negan dead and buried, and well, there was some strain.

I hopped on the back of Daryl’s bike, knowing that Dad would bring me a horse to get to Alexandria from the meeting point. Leaning into Daryl’s body, smelling the leather of his vest, feeling the hard muscles of his stomach under my fingers made me remember leaving the CDC. Before our first time together, before Sofia, before the Greene Farm. Before.

“Remember,” Daryl started, and I smiled against his back. “No ticklin’.” I giggled. He took one of my hands from his stomach and drew it to his mouth for a kiss on my knuckles. “Love ya, Jessi Grimes.”

“Love you, Daryl Dixon,” I yelled over the roar of the engine as he kicked it alive. And we were off.

I didn’t have a long parting with Dad, Daryl, and the others. I wanted to get to Alexandria and Judith. So kissing Daryl soundly, and promising to be safe while getting his own back to me, I hugged Dad and Michonne and got on the horse they’d brought for me.

“I’ll come pick ya up,” Daryl started, and I smiled down at him. “Don’t wanna steal one of Rick’s horses, would ya?”

“Wouldn’t be the first horse either of us stole, Daryl.” Which made Maggie chuckle, and I smiled down at her in return. “Y’all be careful!” And then I turned and headed back the way Dad and Michonne had come.

I made good time, the horse being far quieter than the bike meant that I didn’t get sidetracked by many walkers. And the ones that came too close for comfort were easily taken down by an arrow from my seat. I enjoyed the peace of riding alone into Alexandria. The guard at the gate barely sniffed in my direction, so I supposed I could count that as a win. I made way to Dad’s house, not the same house we’d lived in together as a family, since it wasn’t there anymore. The horse was left with the people that Dad had put in charge of them, and I walked alone through the streets of Alexandria.

In eighteen months time, they’d rebuilt the community. When I first visited after they started to build it back up, I was shocked by the damage. Houses burnt, or fire damaged. The gazebo that Carl had hidden himself away at, torched and charred in places. So much destruction, and for what? To prove who was a bigger man? To be king of a mountain that no longer existed?

I’m sure Dad, and Daryl, not to mention the rest of our people, would have thought that seeing the carnage that Negan and the Saviors had inflicted would turn my heart from him. It hadn’t. Not even slightly. There were no rights or wrongs to this ‘war’. It was two groups of people led by two men who kept hitting and hitting. It was bound to go this way. I should have seen it in the clearing. I should have known somehow that me offering my life wasn’t going to be enough. I hadn’t, and that was something that I couldn’t take back. Nor would I.

I climbed the steps up the porch of Dad’s house, smiling at the easel that Michonne had set up in the corner for her and Judith to paint on. A painting still attached that had Judith, Carl, and me in her tiny scrawl. I took a moment to smile over it before I opened the door and walked inside.

“Hey!” I called out and my grin grew as I heard her tiny feet beating down the hallway to launch herself into my arms. Judith, my little sister, a tiny blonde angelic dynamo. The woman they left her in the care of smiled at the two of us on the floor, and I nodded as she said goodbye. “Now, baby Jude, what are we gonna do today?”

We spent time playing. Painting was something she and Michonne shared, so I played games with her. Finding a deck of cards and playing a version of memory, I laughed at how smart she was, clever. After lunch, she pulled me toward the door and asked to take a walk. Walks with Judith meant that she got story time, and that she got to tell me stories. I listened at her story about the birds who flew up high and smiled when she asked if she could fly too.

“I think, my little Jude, that would be a bad thing for a little girl to try.” She pouted and I giggled. “Want me to give you a piggyback ride?” Her grin returned with a nod and I crouched down and let her climb on. “You’re heavier than you look,” I grunted, standing up and swaying with her.

We walked along the streets, and when we got close to Negan’s jail, she pulled my braid. Ah, she wanted to visit the boogie man. “Go.” She demanded, and I saw her little fist pointing at the building.

I rolled my eyes, but went along with her demands. I planned on visiting him anyway, and she’d come with me plenty of times before. The guard gave me a look, and I sighed, but they didn’t stop me. They couldn’t. I didn’t have a key. I couldn’t have freed him if I wanted to. And Dad had let them all know that I was granted the right to visit. So screw you, asshole, I thought. I knelt down inside the house, letting Judith get on her feet, and take my hand.

When I came into the room where his cell was, the cell that Morgan had built, I had to let my eyes adjust slightly. There was light, but it wasn’t complete. And there he was. Sitting on the mat on the floor with a ball in his hand. My heart lurched. Even down here, looking like the prisoner he was, his power still radiated off of him, his pull still strong.

“Oh my goodness, I’ve been granted the pleasure of seeing TWO princesses today.” He smiled and stood up. I walked to the bars and my free hand reached for his. “Missed you, sweetheart.”

“I know,” I answered, looking down at Judith. “She wanted to come visit. Demanded an audience.”

Judith was smiling up at us. “You did?” He let my hand go so he could kneel in front of her at her level. “Well, I feel very special that you wanted to come see me, Princess Judith.” She giggled and he reached his hand out to touch her silky blonde hair. “You are an angel, aren’t you?”

She sat on the floor and he knew exactly what she wanted. What she wanted every single time she came with me to visit him. They started playing ball through the bars as I sat down with my legs outstretched around her. Saving the need to run after a batted ball.

They played and he talked to me. “You look beautiful, Jessi.” His eyes flicked to mine. “As always.”

“You look tired, Negan.” I said, feeling the worry creep into my voice. “No one has-”

He shook his head. No attempts had come on his life yet. “Floor’s hard as hell, but I’m fine, don’t worry.” I bit my lip. “Give just about anything to be the one doing that to your lip, sweetheart.” I felt my chest flush. Jesus.

“I think Daryl’s going to ask for us to be allowed to leave the Sanctuary.” I knew he was. He hated it there. Hated walking the same path as Negan with me by his side. “Not sure if he’d want to come back here.”

Negan nodded, smiling when Judith caught the ball perfectly. “Good job, princess.” His eyes met mine. “Where do you think he’d want to go?”

I shook my head. “Hilltop, probably.” I cringed. I had no fond memories of Hilltop. “Either spot is further away than-”

“I know.” Further away from him. A longer trip. Longer time between visits. “I know, Jessi.” His eyes were soft and I wanted nothing more than to hold him. To sit on his lap as he was playing with Judith, to take comfort from him and give it right back. I missed it. His casual touches, how it had been getting so natural between us. Until. I sighed.

“I should go,” I said, and Judith looked up at me with a pout. “I promise we’ll come back,” it was a promise to both of them. To two pieces of my heart. I stood and took her hand. Moving closer to the bars, Negan stood and pressed his face into one of the spaces, and our lips met. Not close enough, not nearly enough. “Bye.”

“Bye, sweetheart.” And then, quiet so Judith couldn’t hear, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I whispered. “Jude, can you say ‘bye’ to Negan?”

“Bye, Uncle-” I stopped her.

“Jude, you know you can’t call him that.” I admonished, pain flashing through me at the thought of it. “Just say ‘bye’.”

“Bye,” she looked confused, and I knew she was. She was a child, but she knew what she saw. Her big sister and this man in a cell had the same thing that she saw her have with Uncle Daryl. Shit.

My eyes met Negan and his smile was sad. He wanted it. To have the title. To have the same standing as Daryl, with me and my family, but without losing himself for it. We’d talked about it a few times. Going in circles. “Bye.” I said, fighting against the urge to scream.

Judith and I spent the day playing. She told me about the races her and Dad had, and how she won. How Mom would help her hide, how much fun she had with them. She chattered and I listened, loving that she wanted to share everything I missed during the time between visits. I missed her so much when I wasn’t here, but I also loved the fact that I got to JUST be her big sister now. Not a parent, just what I’d been to Carl.

We’d just started making dinner when I heard a knock on the door. Opening it, I saw Aaron standing there smiling. I liked Aaron, he and Daryl had easily become friends early on, and he never seemed to show as much animosity toward me as some of the others.

“Daryl and your dad wanted me to tell you that they’ll be back tomorrow.” I must have looked concerned because he hurried on. “Nothing bad, well, nothing overly bad.”

“What happened?” I felt Judith’s arms wrap around my legs and my hand absently went to her head and brushed through her curls.

“The bridge is out.” Shit. That wasn’t good. “They wanted to go back to the Sanctuary while we pushed on.” I let out a breath I was holding and nodded. “I’ve got to go home and see Grace.” My smile came back. “Have a good night, ladies.”

“Night, Aaron, thanks for letting me know.” And as Judith offered her own goodbye, we went back inside. “Guess we’re having a sleepover, baby Jude.” Her giggles carried me through the night.

#The Walking Dead #negan x ofc #daryl dixon x ofc #rick grimes daughter #OriginalGrimesDaughter #Smut

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finderskeepersff · 5 years

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51. Part 3

I am actually happy to be home, this is where my heart is, this is where I left my heart and I am happy to be back. My son is not well and I want to see him, you never know whoever is after my ass might eventually get to me but I rather it be me. I don’t want any of my family or loved ones to be killed, I don’t want that. I rather be the person they get so everyone is safe, my heart is heavy but I rather it be me. My heart shattered to know my mom could have been in there, she could have died and it hurts “what you thinking bro?” Kyle asked me “a lot, things like this I account for. I always catch the people within my team that want to get to me but this, this I didn’t know. I don’t know where it came from, you know. I am just waiting for my time to come, I am scared but I rather it be me. Don’t put yourself in danger, if I can fight it I will but I need you and Myles to be here for the clean up. I am just thinking on how scared my family is, how scared Jordan would have been. It is fucking me up so much Kyle, but I am glad to see my home. I want to see Sofia and hold her so tight, see my son, he is not well so yeah. You get to see Amira I guess” looking over at him “I do but Cassius, I will be with you. We came into this game together, we go out together you hear that. I will go down with you. I think my regret is not marrying Amira, If I am being real right now” I chuckled “I ain’t do that either, only engaged. It’s never too late to do it by mouth, just be like I would marry you if I could. And then regret it after when we still here” Kyle busted out laughing “you know my ass would have, but hey. Who would have thought we got this far, three dumbasses in high school that was in the game. You did it though, like when you said you killed the boss, I was like shit but look at us. We did it, we in the books, but we will figure something out” I have been trying that “I hope so” I mumbled resting my head back on the headrest of the car.

Stood in the spot where I think the picture was taken of Sofia and my son, it was right here. Looking down at the picture and then looking back up, turning around as I looked around the area “they was stood outside your home somewhat Kyle, the picture was taken here from the angle. Your camera doesn’t pick up shit but your neighbour may have cameras, you need to ask them ok? Let us see them” I have had a few of my people escort me home, I said a few and there is like ten of them “y’all can just stay outside and around ok?” I said to one of them, I am feeling so tired but I can rest when I am dead. Pointing my remote key at the gate to open “I was saying to Amira we should get this done, it’s dope” Kyle said at the side of me “you been too damn lazy, I was like this needs to be secure and then I look at your house and you have gate that anyone can open” Kyle is dumb, he just laughed “I am dumb, right” the gate closed behind me as I walked up the drive “I feel choked up a little not going to lie” I am glad to be home.

Pushing the door open “hands up nigga” Wheezy said with a gun to my face “seriously nigga?” I said looking at him “I just wanted to test it out, cool right” he moved the gun back, punching his arm “you dumb” he is a big idiot “good to see you niggas again, it’s nice being here. Sofia cooks good” Kyle closed the door behind him “like you need feeding, where is she? I don’t have the time to be stood around?” Wheezy pointed down the hall “she is sat there with the young king and Amira” nodding my head walking off, I can’t wait to see the boy “god, you boys are back” Amira shot up, seeing Sofia with Cartier. I paused staring at her, Kyle walked by me to Amira. Sofia got up from the couch turning around to me, I told Kyle I felt choked up and I am feeling it even more “my poor baby” Sofia said, putting my head head down “you boys came back quick, y’all run?” Amira said, walking towards the couch and jumped over it, I can’t be bothered to walk around “he’s not well so I came back to see him, I got to go back. I told you I would do anything for you” placing my hands at the sides of Sofia’ face “I know Cassius, I missed you so much” looking down at Cartier asleep and then lightly wrapping my arm around Sofia “I missed you too Sofia, you both ok?” looking over at Amira “we are scared, Sofia I can’t. I am telling the truth, this is too much” Amira said, looking at Kyle “you trying to be strong huh?” resting my head atop of Sofia’ “for you” Sofia strained out “I appreciate that” closing my eyes.

Even though Cartier is asleep I still want to hold him “he looks different every time, for him to be in peace means a lot. It brings me joy but I don’t like that you are worried. You are ok, it’s fine” I pray she is, it is something I can’t promise and not sure about “all I do is hold him, I don’t put him down. He is my life and I want to protect him, I am hurting so much Cassius but I lied to you, Cartier is fine. He is not ill but I needed you to come ba-” my phone started ringing, my burner phone that is. Digging into my side jacket pocket, looking at the I.D “it’s Myles, you did tell him yeah?” I said to Kyle “not exactly” answering the call, I said for him to do it “yo” I might as well tell him I guess “where are y’all? I thought you was meeting that nigga?” he said “erm no we didn’t, I turned back around. I needed to see my family but I am glad I did because we had some niggas outside my home, my family nearly died” Myles let out an oh “so where are you now? You left me out of the loop” that is on Kyle “home, Atlanta, my son is not well. I am going back soon though” I shouldn’t exactly be here to be honest “you know what, I am in Atlanta too. I had to come back, Isabella been threatening on telling our business. I will come down, we can leave together” nodding my head “aight cool, speak soon” disconnecting the call “what was you saying Sofia, Cartier is ok?” is that what she is saying “I needed you to come back to me Cassius” so she lied to me, she knows this is not a joke.

Frowning at Sofia “this is not a joke Sofia, I came back in good faith that my son is not well. You know I am fucking going out of my mind and you out here telling me to come back for nothing? I have my family in Brooklyn near dead and you lie to me? Come on” she has got to be kidding me “I am just going to put it down to the fact you are upset about things, but just relax” passing Cartier back to Sofia “upset? I am fucking going out of my mind Sofia, I am fucking going crazy about shit!” getting up from the couch “Cassius, you may want to relax and hear her out” Amira said “hear Sofia out for what? All I said was for you to be here for me not add to my shit” I shouldn’t really be here at all “Cassius just please stop kicking off with me, I lied to get you back home. I need to tell you something, it’s serious” it’s irritating that she is getting herself involved “speak” I said “Isabella is the one that stopped you from going there, she told me some things” rolling my eyes “I am about to kill that bitch” walking off “Cassius!” Sofia spat, I am about sick of hearing she got involved with shit “Kyle please, stop him” Wheezy smile at me “you on something today boss” he said laughing “I am killing anybody that gets in my fucking way” unlocking the door “Cassius, yo! Bro. Just relax for one second, Amira says it’s serious. Just please” Kyle shut the door on me “let’s just speak to them” looking at Kyle “they are our women, they ain’t about to dog us. Just let’s calm down, I know you out to get anyone” shaking my head “I don’t want them involved, not Sofia. Isabella is playing a dumb game” it’s annoying me.

I decided to just calm down “I am sorry” I said as I walked into the room again “there is a lot going on Sofia, I just kicked off because I have so much happening. Kyle is right. I know y’all wouldn’t do me like that” I am still going to kill Isabella for getting Sofia involved in the first place “Cassius and erm Kyle, I mean this is to both of you actually. When I called you Cassius you was going to your own death, you was getting played. And it looks like they was going to kill your family too, there is no Burke in New York, he is actually in Atlanta, he was here” my face softened in confusion “ok genius and how do you know that?” I had to laugh “because the person is Myles” I sniggered, I had to laugh because this is funny “Myles? Sofia, you crazy on this because Myles is my best friend and he would never do such a thing. Isabella is bitter about him not wanting her, I know that and so does Kyle?” this is the stupid “you not wrong on that” Kyle piped up “what!?” I spat “you always said Kyle and Myles was the duo but we wasn’t always together Cassius, I am not saying it’s true but you know” staring at Kyle dumbfounded “are you listening to yourself? You are believing a bitch? Huh, a woman that is not wanted” maybe Kyle is turning “then why is Myles never there when your ass is always on the line of being dead? He is never there and you know that, he is our friend but right now he is suspect” gripping Kyle’ collar “he is our friend” I said through gritted teeth “that’s acting shady” pushing Kyle back.

“Am I just a bitch also Cassius? You wouldn’t believe me?” I shouldn’t smoke with Cartier in the room but I can’t help it “he held it down for me, he does shit for me and you Sofia, can you hear yourselves” they are all talking crazy “Cassius, you need to stop being blind to Myles, you are acting blind. Sofia saved us, she called us and you think she would lie. Isabella could be speaking truth, let your wife speak!” Kyle spat, blowing the smoke in his face “I am listening” I mumbled, this is not right “Cassius I wouldn’t lie to you, if I felt this was bullshit I wouldn’t do this to you. I am for you not against you. I love you too much, I want you to know this. I am going through this with you, remember that” nodding my head as I looked up at her “she said that he wishes that I was crazy, he makes out their relationship is a mess and he is trying to fix it but it’s lies, they are fine. She admits she is doing wrong by knowing this but he pushed it, he is doing too much and he is out of control. Cassius, Myles has been using your product and distributing in Miami, he is Burke and some boss in Miami but using you to do this. She said that he started hating you from when you came out from being locked away, he felt you favoured Kyle because you would make Myles do the shit jobs of doing bad things, he felt like he was the Lamar of the group. She said” Sofia paused “what made her break away from him was that he got Jordan killed” my cigarette dropped from out of my fingers and onto the floor, I quickly stepped on it “he got Jordan placed in an holding cell, you said you was protecting him but” Sofia wiped her tears which is making me want to cry “it’s hard to say to you because you’re here, I didn’t cry when she said it but she said more to the Jordan thing before she left. He’s been using your people, you gave him that power, he used your people inside to kill Jordan. That is why she wanted to come to you but she knew you wouldn’t believe her. She said he died thinking you did it because” feeling my heart break “Jordan would go with them” I said “he would go with them” I said again “carry on” wiping the tears that fell “so they stabbed him to death” putting my head down feeling my lower lip quiver “this is heartbreaking” Kyle said as he sniffled, taking in deep breath “and what else” I need to hear it all.

“She said I told him stop this, that is your best friend. He turned around saying friends don’t kick you to the side, Myes has been playing Cassius right in the face. He has been playing him, he was going to have Cassius killed and looks like the rest of you but it failed and that is because of Isabella, Myles has got your people in his team Cassius this is why it’s playing out well, this is why nobody is seeing it come. It kind of plays out because they both are never around, he wanted you gone” I need some air, I can’t stay in this room “I need air” I walked off “don’t” I said to Kyle, he was about to touch me and I don’t want that. This is too much to process, this is my best friend. You don’t get many of those niggas, my best friend was going to get me killed and my family and he has killed my brother and he died thinking it was me, this hurts so much because I wouldn’t do that even if he would do me like that I wouldn’t do that to him.

I don’t understand why I didn’t see this coming, why didn’t I see Myles drifting away from me when it was right there. There has been times where he was quiet or different but he said it was his relationship, I believed him and he is the one destroying my life “Cass” feeling a hand on my back, looking to the side of me as Sofia walked around me “I am so sorry” looking up at the sky biting on my bottom lip trying not to cry “I haven’t even mourned my little brother, I loved Lamar like a brother so how can he think that Sofia? I was never bad with him, he is a fucking liar. To know Jordan thinks I did it, I fucking hate him” Sofia nodded her head “I know you do, I am just happy I got to stop you. I was so close to losing you, imagine that Cassius. I could be without you” Sofia hugged my body “I love you” Sofia said, I am so fucking angry “I am going to kill him myself” I am going to get him myself “Cass! Yo!” looking behind me “Myles is here” instantly my blood is boiling, moving away from Sofia “Cassius, please calm down. Don’t do it here” I don’t care right now.

Staring at Myles in my home, he is in my home “I heard what happened, is the family ok?” I can’t even bring myself to speak to him, I am dying to kill him “yeah, just barely” nodding my head, his cards are marked “y’all are ok? Sofia and Amira” turning around “they good, just Cassius is stressed” Kyle is answering for me, he better because I am about to snap and fucking kill him on sight “I can imagine” I am so angry, turning back to face him “so Miami ok?” I asked him, him a fucking boss. He is thick as fuck “good, just this Burke nigga, he is a big time guy. Nobody will speak on it” seeing my son asleep on the couch “why don’t you put Cartier to sleep in his crib Sofia, he looks cold” I said to her, I want Sofia to move “he grown ain’t he” Myles is about to get beat “ok, I will be back down” I rather she don’t be “you know what Myles, I think we should go for it. Get Burke, we can do it what you think?” I can’t even look at him .

I don’t know if he can feel it but I can, this is intense “I think we can do that, we could lure him to New York, you know” grabbing my gun from my holster “I think we should too bro” looking at my gun “I think I need a new gun you know, before we go and get this guy” cocking my gun back “you should, you had them for a while. I am telling you now I know you can get this guy in New York. Then we can ask him the fuck he think he is” he is fucking irritating me “I agree we can do that” Kyle said, Myles smiling at Kyle like things are ok. Standing in my fucking house, squinting my eyes at him wanting to restrain myself to not do what I want to do but I can’t stop myself “maybe we can ask the guy now” aiming my gun at Myles abdomen and shot the gun, cocking the gun back again knowing he had a bulletproof vest on and shooting his kneecap, Myles fell forward screaming out, seeing Sofia stood behind him with her mouth open “I mean what the fuck, but Cassius that was smooth” Amira said, cocking the gun back and shooting his arm so he fell fully on the floor “you can thank your bitch for this” placing my gun back in the holster, Sofia has not moved she is froze in one spot “couldn’t wait?” Kyle said “he’s here, I am not letting him go. He can bleed out, get the boys to get him out of here” I need him to speak, I want to know why “you know Amira I am smooth too with my shooting, just Cassius does it without even having to pause to aim, he is smooth. He dope with it” I sniggered “practice bro” I feel Sofia probably hates me now, but I couldn’t let him leave this home.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanic #Fanfiction

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ivesundlillies · 7 years

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A Viking’s Vow: Part I

Okay, i don’t fucking know about this one: @persephone-is-here-omg got me into Alex Hogh Andersen, which got me into Vikings, which got me into Ivar so, yeah… Then I started writing about Ivar’s wedding night with a Spanish princess and came up with this mess. There might be a part two; let’s see how things go.

Sophia sat on her wedding bed, her hands shaking with nervousness and her stomach rolling in fear.

This was not how it was supposed to be. From a young age, the Spanish princess had been warned of an arranged marriage, possibly to an English or French royal. The marriage would be nothing more than a political move, an alliance between nations that would move toward the greater good of the people- and for this Sofia had prepared herself. The stunning royal was schooled in both the English and French languages and dialects, she had learned their customs and habits and did her best to mold herself into a prospective queen fit for a king of either land.

And yet, God had seen to send her on a different path- a strange path that none of her tutors could have braced her for. Marriage to a Northmen, a savage and a cripple at that. Upon news of her betrothal, every servant in the palace had sought out some news of their mistress’s future husband- though none of what she had heard put her mind at ease. By now Sophia knew everything; the story surrounding his birth and the curse of his ‘broken’ legs, his difficult childhood, his sadistic tendencies, how he killed his brother, how he ENJOYED killing and what seemed worse, if just for the moment; how he could not bed a woman.

A rumor, no doubt spread by his enemies and yet, the thought of it being true somehow frightened the princess more than the stories of him in battle.

‘Men are like beasts, dear Sophie’ her brother had told her when she had first witnessed soldiers raping a slave 'Desire builds up inside them, eats them up, destroys them and everything in their wake- it is not until they have release that they may be like men again’

'But not every man’ she insisted, her eyes wide 'The English monks and our priests take vows of celibacy, perhaps-’

He shook his head. 'It is only through the strength of Christ, our Lord, that men might have the strength to resist… and sometimes, not even then. You are not naive, hermanita; you have heard the stories of the men of God having illegitimate children’

'Yes, of course. But, if a man can not- does not find relief, then what?’

'Then he remains a beast’

Tears rose up into the princess’s eyes and she did her best to hold back a sob; what kind of wedding night would this be? What kind of marriage was she going to have?

Arms wrapped around her shaking shoulders and Sofia leaned into the embrace of her maid. “There, there; everything will be alright, princess. Just remember what your mother told you; keep as still as possible and it will not hurt so much, try your best not to cry out and if at all possible, attempt to enjoy it- that will please your new husband greatly. For I’m sure these Northmen are just the same as any man”

“And- and if he enjoys hurting me?” Sophia asked, attempting to regain some semblance of control “If my new husband is the savage that so many men speak of? Then what?”

“Hush now! Do not believe the stories you have heard from the court; they had probably never seen the man for themselves until the wedding and you know how stories grow with each ear they are sent to. And as far as being a savage, most men are when it comes to the battlefield; I reserve my judgment on this Northman until I hear from you.”

The maid wiped the tears from her face and stroked her hair for a few moments until the sounds of voices reached the outside of her chamber door.

“Stay strong, child”

Her maid released her, leaving her alone on the bed as the Cardinal walked in, followed by the dragging sounds of her new husband. Sophia said a silent prayer as the Northman- (no, Ivar; she must call him by his name now that they were married) crawled over to their bed. One of his brothers, (Ubbe, she remembered), attempted to help but he was pushed away with a surprising amount of force by her new husband.

“No! I am not a dog that needs to be set on the bed, I can manage” he grunted, holding onto the four poster bed and hoisting himself up to his new wife.

Despite their distance, Sophia’s heart began racing even faster as her new reality set in. She was now married to this man, this monster- in the eyes of both the law and land, they were bound by Christ and they were about to (or at least try to) consummate their marriage in front of an audience. The brunette felt light-headed and nauseous as she struggled to maintain control.

“Are you hungry?”

Had her new husband actually spoken to her? “What?”

“Do you not speak the common language?” he inquired “I asked if you are hungry; you did not eat much at the wedding feast and you look as though you are about to faint.”

Both her husband’s tone and his concern surprised the princess and before she could answer the Cardinal spoke up.

“My Lord, we are pressed for time and this is to be a consummation, not a-”

“I DID NOT ASK FOR ADVICE, PRIEST!” he shouted, drawing a whimper from his new wife “MY BRIDE IS CLEARLY HUNGRY AND SHE WILL EAT SOMETHING BEFORE WE BEGIN OR I WILL PUT YOUR HEAD ON A SPIKE FOR ALL TO SEE!”

A servant almost instantly appeared with a board of fruit and cheese as well as a flagon of wine, which was set on the table next to the cardinal and maid.

“How is my new wife supposed to eat when the food is over there, slave?” Ivar asked, gesturing to her “Bring it to the bed so that we may both have the energy to continue what we have begun”

A chuckle was heard from Ubbe as the servant moved the cheese board to the bed. The youngest Ragnarsson scooted closer to his new bride and reached for the knife, causing everyone in the room to draw a breath before he sliced an apple an apple and held it to the brunette’s lips.

“Eat” he commanded.

Sophia did as she was told, taking it into her mouth. Ivar watched as she chewed and swallowed then repeated the action, alternating between cheese and fruit.

“Thank you, I’m full now,” she told him in Old Norse.

The Viking’s blue eyes widened in shock. “How do you speak my language?”

“When my father informed me that I would be married to you when you reached our land, I began studying your customs and your language. Although, my lessons left much to be desired as everything I learned was told to me by second-hand experience”

Ivar grinned. “And what were you told of my people and our customs?”

The princess felt small under his gaze. “That-that you have free people and slaves, that honor is a large part of your way of life, that you have many Gods with many names and origins and that you are great warriors- feared by even the greatest armies.”

“And?”

“And…what?”

“You were not told of our savagery?” he grinned “Of how we sacrifice animals and men to appease the Gods? How we cover ourselves in the blood of those that we sacrifice?How we pillage on raids and how we rape the slaves that we take? How we hang the heads of the defeated from our ships? I am surprised that those little facts were left out of your lessons; or are you too pure to be tainted with such accounts of war?”

The brunette felt a wave of indignity rise within her. “I was informed, yes- however I sought to give you the benefit of the doubt before accusing you and your people of such atrocities.”

“Well they are true,” he informed her “Every story you have heard most likely has some measure of truth to it. Even the stories you have heard about me; I have killed many people, including my own brother, I enjoy killing and I will probably kill until the day that I reach Valhalla.”

Sophia’s stomach turned and she felt her small meal getting ready to make a second appearance.

“I do not mean to startle you, wife” Ivar insisted, his expression softening “I merely warn you of who I am, of the man that you are about to take to your bed and call husband. I have seen many marriages start on a foundation of lies and deceit only to crumble under the weight of truth; I do not wish for that to happen to us. Do you understand?”

“Y-yes, my Lord”

He shook his head. “You must call me, Ivar. I am your husband now”

“I-I apologize… Ivar”

The Cardinal heaved a sigh. “If the princess is finished eating, then perhaps we might move things along? The law says that the marriage must be consummated on the wedding NIGHT and the hour is getting late.”

“Leave them be” Ubbe growled “They are getting to know each other”

In that moment, Sophia decided that she liked her new brother-in-law, even his defense wasn’t aimed at her.

The princess pushed the board towards her new husband in offering. “You can finish the rest if you’d like before we… get started”

It must have been a trick of light, the blush decorating her husband’s cheeks. “May I ask you a question, princess?”

“Sophia, please. And yes.. Ivar, husband”

“Have you ever been with a man?” he questioned, popping a grape into his mouth.

His question offended her. “You were promised a pure bride, one untainted by the touch of another man”

“Yes, but a father does not always know his daughter” he chuckled “So I am asking you, without judgment or fear of punishment, have you ever been with a man?”

Your eyes darted over to your maid, though she could not assist your explanation as she did not speak his language.

“No, I am a virgin in every way” she said, not wanting to dive into the details of her marital 'education’.

Ivar had an unreadable expression on his face as he finished off the last of their food; had she said something wrong? He had been promised a pure bride, but had he wanted something different? Sophia kept quiet as her Northmen set their dish on the floor and scooted up towards the pillows. Nervousness overtaking her again, the bride’s shaking fingers undid the straps of her robe, leaving her only in a thin shift. Ubbe walked towards the bed to close the curtains of the canopy and whispered so that only she could hear.

“Just be patient, everything will be alright”

And then it was just her and her husband, figuratively of course; her maid, the Cardinal and her new brother in law waited just on the other side of the material. Witnesses, her father had told her, in case of a dispute about the consummation or paternity was ever raised. In this moment, Sophia hated her royal Catholic traditions more than anything.

“Are you afraid?” Ivar asked, sounding small.

The brunette did her best to cover her breasts with her hands before facing him. “Yes, I- afraid of the unknown, afraid of the pain that will come, afraid that I will not please you, afraid that I will anger you and you will hurt me even more.”

“I don’t hurt people who do not deserve it” he informed her “and you have done absolutely nothing to earn my anger.”

“But if I do-”

“Then I will inform you and expect you to change your behavior” he interrupted “But I will not kill you simply for accidentally elbowing me in the stomach while we are having sex”

His matter of fact statement made the brunette laugh, though she tried to hold it in; she didn’t want her new husband to think she was laughing at him. But Ivar was not upset, it gave him an unspeakable joy to see his new wife smiling because of him; perhaps he would make her laugh more often.

“Come up here so that we may talk without my brother hearing” he whispered.

The brunette followed his instruction, crawling towards her husband and sinking down onto the pillow next to him.

“We do not have to lie together this night” he breathed into her ear “They cannot see us and they do not know what we sound like when having sex, we could simply pretend.”

A flicker of disappointment sparked in the brunette. “Whether they know what sounds we make or not, I am fairly certain that both your brother and my maid have had experience in the sexual arena. They will know we are not truly copulating and the Cardinal will catch on; we must do something! Our countries alliance depends on it”

Ivar sat back against the pillows and crossed his arms. “And if I do not wish to sleep with you?”

He hadn’t said 'tonight’, Sophia noticed; simply 'if I do not wish’. It was as if her husband was quietly stating that he would never have sex with her. But why? Was it the rumor of his impotence? Could the rumor be true? Or could it have been spoken so many times that Ivar now believed it, much like the stories of their Gods?

“Is it because you are not able to lie with a woman?”

The anger she had heard so much about erupted in her new husband’s eyes and he reached for her throat, locking his strong and callous roughened hands around her neck.

“Who told you?!?” he hissed, only slightly releasing his hands so that his new bride could speak.

Sophia shook her head as she gasped for air. “It doesn’t matter, I don’t care. I don’t care about it if it is true; I only care about my honor and the welfare of my people. If you don’t want me to lie with you, then I will not- but I will lie to others to make them believe that we have. If you wish for me to brag about your prowess, then I will. If you ask for me to stay quiet about the activities of our marital bed, then I shall. I am your wife now, Ivar: I seek only to please you.”

“If you wish to please me, then stay quiet” he hissed, rolling the princess onto her back.

Sophia lied completely still as her new husband pushed her shift up over her hips; the princess closed her eyes at the sound of her husband’s rustling clothes and she braced herself for the pain.

But the pain did not come.

Although she could feel the warmth of her new husband’s flesh against hers, she could feel none of the sensations that her mother and handmaidens had warned her of. There was no pressure, no pain, no sharp feeling as Ivar entered her- in fact, he hadn’t entered her. The Viking was simply thrusting against her as if trying to will his body to work with him, though nothing happened. Sophia stayed limp for a few minutes, giving her husband time; Ubbe had told her to be patient after all.

“Agh!” he screamed in frustration, throwing himself down next to his new bride.

A creak of the floorboards warned the new couple of someone approaching, perhaps the Cardinal; Ivar’s exclamation must have given the wrong impression and he was now coming to inspect their bed sheets as proof of her virginity.

In a moment of panic, Sophia shouted. “No, your Eminance! We have not finished yet…”

There was a moment of silence before a put-upon sigh was heaved and the Cardinal sat back down. There was no way out of this, the princess now realized, they would have to consummate their marriage in some way or else all of this would have been for absolutely nothing and their people would suffer.

“Please let me try something” she whispered to the man next to her.

Ivar looked very unimpressed until his wife reached in between her legs. “What are you doing?!?”

“Shh!” she whispered, pressing a hand to his mouth “It is something one of my maids told me about, she said that if I rubbed a certain spot that I would begin to moisten and it would ease your way into me. And perhaps if, when I am ready and on top, it will be easier for you”

He removed her hand from his mouth and bared his teeth. “I do not need your help”

“Yes, you do” she retorted “As I need yours… now, hush”

The groom’s head hit the pillow and he closed his eyes, defeated by his own body and furious at the woman next to him who refused to give up. Without his interference, the princess was finally able to relax and focus on her actions; she had only done this a handful of times, mainly in the bath and with the courage of her maids who informed her that it was not only pleasurable for herself but something that her new husband would enjoy as well. Sophia touched herself and hardly held back a choked moan when she did it again, feeling a slickness form in between her legs.

“Why do you sound wet?” Ivar asked, trying to squirm away “If you have pissed on the bed-”

“It is not piss! It is just a normal gathering of moisture; it happens inside of a woman when she is enjoying what is being done to her. My brothers and cousins say that is the truest sign that a woman is getting close. And it… it feels good for a man, when he is inside”

Ivar turned his head, suspicious of her knowledge. “How do you know so much if you have never been with a man?”

“I have very, oh!, talkative maids. And very crass brothers who seek to make me blush at every turn. I have been, mm!, preparing my mind for this moment so that I would not disappoint my new husband when the time came ” she informed him.

Without asking, (And why should he have to ask? It was his marital right!) Ivar reached down and pressed his fingers with his new wife’s, jumping in shock when a loud moan erupted from her lips. Sophia’s green eyes widened in embarrassment but her husband smirked, doing it again and moving his fingers in small circles. She couldn’t help but whimper, now realizing how dramatically different it felt to have another’s fingers in the place of her own, learning and adapting to what gave her the most pleasure.

“Oh, oh I-Ivar!”

He sped up his movements in response to his new bride’s cries; he was having so much pleasuring his wife, he growled when she pushed his hand away.

“Why did you stop me?”

Sophia tried desperately to catch her breath. “Because we do not have time for that- I need you to press your fingers inside of me, husband. Two, three fingers if you can manage it; I am wet enough and you must pierce my maidenhead so that the Cardinal can come and inspect the sheets.”

Ivar was prepared to argue until he saw the desperation in his new wife’s eyes, her bright green orbs begging for his help. Sighing, the cripple turned onto his side and slid his hand down to his bride’s slick center; something snapped inside of him once his skin met the wetness of hers though Ivar couldn’t put a name on what it was. His fingers danced across her skin and he could have sworn that he felt a tightening in his groin, a strong and warm pull radiating from between his useless legs.

“Now, Ivar” she whispered.

Remembering his task, Ivar brought his fingers closer to the lips of her entrance and used his free hand to turn her head towards him.

“Bite me if you must, to quell the pain”

The Northman immediately shoved several fingers into her at once and Sophia’s teeth clamped down onto her husband’s shoulder as she shrieked in agony. Ivar stilled his hand, reveling in the feeling of her tight channel clamping down on him like a vise. It made him wonder how much better it would feel if his cock were in this place instead…

“H-husband, you must pull them out and bring them back into me again” the princess whimpered.

He shook his head. “But I am already hurting you. I don’t want to-”

“Just do it!” she commanded, now reaching out to squeeze his opposite shoulder.

Once again he did as he was told, moving his fingers in and out of her at least a dozen times before the beauty pushed him away for good. Sophia mewled in pain and rolled to the opposite side of the bed before pulling her shift down to protect her modesty. But Ivar wasn’t looking at her body, he was too busy staring at the circle of blood now decorating their marital bed and something in the Viking twisted until he felt the urge to vomit. It wasn’t the sight of blood per se, but the knowledge of where it had come from coupled with the thought that he had been responsible. There was so much blood, so much more blood than his brothers had told him about and he was ashamed of himself; he had done this to his new wife after promising that he would never deliberately hurt her. And he had hurt her, that much was obvious; if the shivering of her whole body and the stifled tears were anything to go by.

Ivar looked down at his hand, now stained with his wife’s blood. He wiped off what he could on the front of his pants before he sat up and called to the cardinal.

“We have finished now, priest. You are welcome to come in and join us if you would like”

He heard the sound of his brother snicker before the canopy curtains were drawn wide open, illuminating the mess before them.

The Cardinal stared at the blood on the sheet and gave a nod of approval, then looking at a shaking Sophia whose shift was now stained with her virginal blood.

“It appears that the marriage has indeed been consummated, though by what nature I am not entirely sure” he commented, his gaze honing in on the Viking’s hand.

“You did not tell me in which order she must be taken, priest” Ivar crudely joked, waving his bloody fingers “After all, is it not polite to break in a virgin before taking her completely?”

At this comment, Sophia cried out and curled up into a ball before she began sobbing hysterically. Ubbe stepped in to protect both his brother and his new sister in law from anymore prying eyes; both Ivar and Sophia had had enough torment for one night.

“That is enough! You said they must consummate their marriage and they have, you have the proof: we are all witnesses and you have the sheets as if my poor sister’s tears are not evidence enough. Now leave, before you get any more ideas.”

His Eminance said a short prayer blessing their marriage before closing the door behind him, leaving the brothers and the Spanish women to their own devices. Sophia was still crying, though for why she did not know; she just felt like crying for the rest of the evening, even if there was no real reason for her tears.

“Slave-maid” Ivar said, snapping his fingers “Take my new wife to her old room and prepare her a bath. Ask for some food if she is hungry and then put her to bed, though I don’t want you leaving her side this evening. She has had a trying day and I’m sure she will find more comfort in your presence than she will in mine. Now leave us.”

“Yes, my Lord” she replied, standing up and reaching for her mistress’s robe.

The blue-eyed prince watched as his new wife was swaddled up and led out, still crying. Ubbe raised an eyebrow but said nothing, simply bowing before his brother in mock respect and exiting as well, leaving his youngest brother to own thoughts and an empty, bloody marital bed.

That’s what I’ve got for now; lemme know if you’re interested in a part two

#ivar the boneless #ivar's heathen army #ivar ragnarsson #vikings #ivar imagine #ivar fiction #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #ivar fanfiction #ivar fanfic

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beyondthedreamline · 7 years

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Ladies of Legend: Helen and Cassandra

References: The Greek Myths Volumes I and II (The Folio Society, 2003) by Robert Graves, Mythology: Myths, Legends, & Fantasies (Hodder, 2013) by Dr. Alice Mills, The Greek Myths Volumes I and II (The Folio Society, 2003) by Robert Graves, Mythology: Myths, Legends, & Fantasies (Hodder, 2013) by Dr. Alice Mills, Eyewitness Companions: Mythology (Dorling Kindersley Ltd.) by Philip Wilkinson and Neil Philip, A-Z of Mythology (Bison Books Ltd, 1990) by Peter Clayton, Greek Mythology (Michaelis Toubis S.A., 1995) by Sofia Souli, translated by Philip Ramp, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassandra, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_of_Troy

Trigger warning: references to rape and incest

It all began with Eris, the Greek goddess of discord and the original bad fairy at the christening – or in this case, at the wedding, showing up at the nuptials of Thetis and Peleus to make everyone simultaneously regret not inviting her and remember exactly why they didn’t by riling up the three most powerful goddesses in the Pantheon and starting one of the most famous wars in myth and legend. She brought with her a golden apple (never ever trust a golden apple) with an inscription on it reading ‘for the fairest’. Zeus, who might be all kinds of terrible but was smart enough to realise that was a mess he wanted no part of, hastily foisted the role of judge onto Prince Paris of Troy. Thanks to an ominous prophecy made at his birth, Paris was living as an anonymous shepherd at the time, in ignorance of his birthright. All that was about to change.

The three goddesses who felt the strongest right to the apple were Hera, Zeus’s wife and sister and queen of the gods; Athena, goddess of wisdom and war; and Aphrodite, the goddess of love. Each offered Paris an appropriately extravagant bribe depending on her governance. Hera promised power and riches, Athena assured him of good fortune in battle, but Aphrodite swore that he would have the most beautiful woman in the world as his own and Paris awarded her the apple – thereby making himself two implacable enemies, and an ally as fickle as she was powerful.

And who, might you ask, was the most beautiful woman in the world? According to Aphrodite, at least, it was the princess Helen, whose parentage was as mysterious as it was regal. In one version, Zeus took the form of a swan and came to Leda, daughter of the king of Aetolia and wife of King Tyndareus of Sparta, who fell pregnant from the union and bore an egg with three children within: Helen and her twin brothers, Castor and Pollux. Helen also had a mortal half-sister, Clytaemnestra, the child of Leda and Tyndaerus. Another version has Clytaemnestra (also spelled Clytemnestra) as Helen’s twin, originally married to Tantalus and later claimed as a spoil of war by Agamemnon of Mycenae, the man who widowed her. In yet another version, Zeus pursued the goddess Nemesis, who changed herself into a goose to escape – not that it stopped him. In this story, she gave her egg to Leda, who raised the children as her own.

Whatever her true origins, Helen had the blood divine and it showed. Her beauty rapidly became her curse. Before she was ten years old, Theseus (he of the Minotaur incident) had abducted her for a mockery of ‘marriage’ and her brothers had to come to her rescue. As she grew older, the number of her suitors grew to a number between 29 andd 99, which meant – in a neat mirror of Paris’s conundrum – that whoever eventually married Helen would have a great many resentful rivals to contend with afterwards. A solution was proffered by Odysseus of Ithaca: all the suitors would be sworn to accept Helen’s choice and support that man should the need ever arise.

It’s a serious oath. It is also an interesting indicator of Helen’s paradox. She had just enough choices to drown in, and none of them were offered for her benefit. Various versions of the legend give her up to five husbands over the course of her life: Theseus (ugh), Menelaus, Paris, Achilles and Deiphobus.

In the best known version, Helen married Menelaus, Agamemnon’s brother. How much of that was her choice and how much was Tyndaerus’s influence is dodgy at best; Tyndaerus once gave the brothers his support in overthrowing their usurping uncle and after the marriage, gave Menelaus his throne. In reward for his good advice, Odysseus was given the hand of Penelope, Tyndareus’s niece. All very neatly settled for the king, except for a tricksy detail: Tyndaerus was not offering Aphrodite her due worship (or what she considered her due, anyway). That’s a lot of marriages to arrange when you’re on the outs with the goddess of love.

Helen gave birth to a daughter, Hermione, and three sons, Aethiolas, Maraphius, and Pleisthenes. Clytaemnestra also had four children: three girls, Electra, Chrystoethmis and Iphigeneia, and a son called Orestes. Both women lived as wives, mothers, queens – perhaps happy with their husbands, perhaps not, but untroubled by great events. And then, of course, Aphrodite happened.

She kept her promise to Paris. When he came to the Spartan court and met Helen there, the goddess of love smoothed the way for a wildly inadvisable love affair. Menelaus sailed to Crete during the (by now discovered and royally acknowledged) Trojan prince’s visit, and while he was gone Paris seduced Helen into returning with him to Troy. She took her treasures and her slaves – but not her children. Possibly it was Aphrodite’s influence again that caused the Trojans to consider Helen as Paris’s wife, though her husband ensured his existence could not be swept aside and before long Helen wasn’t popular at all. Only Paris’s brother Hector and his father Priam saw that she was not to blame for the devastation that followed in her wake. The gods were bad enough at their own relationships. When they got involved with mortals, it could get astonishingly ugly.

But Aphrodite was not the only one with a promise to keep, and Menelaus was quick to call upon the former suitors to fulfill their oath, with his brother taking charge of proceedings. A seer told Agamemnon that he could win over the will of the gods…by sacrificing Iphigeneia. Agamemnon sent for his wife and daughter, telling them that Iphigeneia was to marry the beautiful young Greek warrior Achilles. Then he slit her throat.

It took ten whole years to assemble the Greek army, since most of them either didn’t want to fight over a woman they weren’t actually married to or (very understandably) didn’t like Agamemnon. But assemble the army he did. It would be another ten years before the war reached its bloody end.

Meanwhile, in Troy, let’s meet a woman with spectacular relationship problems of her own: Cassandra, daughter of King Priam and Queen Hecuba and sister of Paris. She was the one to recognise him as a prince of Troy, after he won all the events at a funeral games and Cassandra’s other brothers were humiliated enough to murderously bad sports. Paris took refuge in the temple of Zeus, where Cassandra found him and brought him home.

She had a veritable horde of siblings, actually, well over fifty. Her sisters included Creousa, Laodice and Polyxene; her eldest brother was Hector, followed by Paris, Deiphobus, Hellen (Cassandra’s twin), Polydorus and Troilus. Cassandra was beloved of the sun god Apollo. He tried to buy his way into her bed with the gift of prophecy – which she accepted, but she changed her mind on accepting him. Apollo, it should be pointed out, was exactly the type of male deity to use the term ‘friend-zoned’. Unable to withdraw his gift, he went with the path of maximum spite and swore that whatever prophecy she made, no one would ever believe her.

Cassandra foresaw that Paris and his love for Helen would bring about the destruction of Troy. When the Greeks, worn down by long years of fighting and relying once again on the trickery of Odysseus, placed their notorious wooden horse outside the gates of the city, Cassandra told everyone exactly what would happen. When the warriors concealed in the body of the horse sacked her home, Cassandra took refuge at the statue of Athena. She should have been safe there. She was not. The prince of Locris, known as the Lesser Ajax, dragged her from the temple and raped her. Athena destroyed his ship on his way home from the war and Poseidon personally drowned him – but while it’s nice to know justice was done, none of that protected Cassandra.

As a spoil of war, she was claimed by Agamemnon, who took her with him on his return to Mycenae. Cassandra told Agamemnon they would both die there, only to have her desperation dismissed as ravings. Clytaemnestra had to wait a long time for her vengeance, but once the murderer of her little girl was within her reach, she wasted no time. Having once been taken as a spoil of war, you might think she would have fellow feeling for Cassandra. Instead, she murdered her.

Agamemnon had fathered two sons with Cassandra, twin boys called Teledamus and Pelops; neither survived the savagery of Mycenae, dying at the hand of Clytaemnestra’s lover and accomplice Aegisthus.

So, what about Helen? A Greek queen all in the arms of a Trojan prince, her heart would be broken no matter which way the dice fell. During battle, Helen would stand on the city walls and point out the Greek leaders on the field; but Odysseus entered Troy twice, disguised, and she let him pass by. Though Paris was still a favourite of Aphrodite and subject to her formidable protection, all the gods had a stake in the outcome of this war. He shot down Achilles in vengeance for the brutal killing of Hector, only to be slain by an arrow himself.

After his death, Helen took up with his brother Deiphobus, but he was no incentive for her to stay loyal to Troy. Odysseus slipped into the city to steal away the Palladium – a holy statue of Athene held in Troy, weakening the goddess’s partiality to the Greeks – and Helen told him exactly how to find it. Yet even after that, she was not Odysseus’s ally. When his wooden horse was brought into the city and the Trojans were celebrating what they believed was victory, Helen approached the horse and called out to the warriors within with stunningly accurate mimicry of each of their wives’ voices in turn. Odysseus, master of the underhanded trick, kept his wits about him enough to prevent his companions succumbing to Helen’s voice and emerging from the horse.

After the fall of Troy, when Paris’s family had been slaughtered or enslaved – Deiphobus among the dead – Helen retreated to the temple of Apollo. Menelaus found her there. The story goes that Helen did not speak a word in her defence, simply bared herself for him to run her through, but as soon as Menelaus saw her breasts he was helplessly hers again. Which strongly smacks of Aphrodite’s influence, bawdy and unpredictable and cunning as she was.

So Helen went home to Sparta. The versions of her later life vary wildly. Homer’s Helen became a model wife, insisting that Menelaus come with her when she was deified. In another Zeus rescued her from the vengeful attack of Pylades, lover of Clytaemnestra’s daughter Electra, who blamed Helen for all the disaster that came from the war. A much more fun alternative has Helen hooking up with an Achilles who did not die, the two of them enjoying immortality on an island getaway in the Euxine Sea.

Other stories take a harsher view. Helen became a sacrifice, or was murdered by Achilles’ despairing mother, or even committed suicide to escape the guilt of the war. Because beautiful women are always responsible for the pointless cruelties of grown men, you know, and ten years is not a long enough time for said grown men to recognise that no cause in the world could be worth so much bloodshed, least of all a spurned husband’s pride.

Helen and Cassandra are opposite sides of the same impossible dilemma. The capricious love of the gods gave both women extraordinary powers and extraordinary grief – but they have always been more than the beautiful tragedies of Troy.

These stories vary wildly depending on time and teller – I work with the sources I have to hand but if you know an alternative version I would love to hear it!

Originally posted on Wordpress

#my writing #ladies of legend #helen of troy #cassandra #mythology girls #greek mythology

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