#dunno why but i wasn't feeling v good today...

[todayimgonnaplay]

Today I'm Gonna Play: Spider-Man Remastered (PC)

This is a game I've been wanting to play for a good while. Spider-Man's (will shorten to SM or Spidey as I write) my favourite superhero (but I can't call myself an expert about him, I'm still casual in comparison), but anyway I finally got my hands on it!

It's been a long time since I've played any Spidey game. I've tried a couple, such as The Amazing Spider-Man (TASM) for Android, TASM 2 on PC, Web of Shadows, Edge of Time, and the PSP port of SM2. I may revisit one of these games in the future to compare with Insomniac's version, as my memory with most of these games are a bit muddy.

But if there's one thing that really stands out, is the traversal. I don't think I recall ever playing a SM game that has this much of fluidity. It's realistic where the webs actually stick to surfaces and not the sky, and there's a great use of momentum to build up speed and keep it going. I can see why I heard good things about this part.

There's a great amount of detail put into the city of New York apart from just swinging around and going to story markers. You do have lots of collectibles to get which helps upgrade skills, suits, or gadgets (which is a really neat system that's been in other titles too), and there's always some crime fighting time to keep your hands busy. It does make the city feel alive, and it also made me realize just how busy and exhausting being a superhero must be. There's also some neat features like taking pictures of landmarks, or being able to interact with the citizens, which I really loved!

One unexpected but interesting thing was that I wasn't expecting the gameplay to have variety. Most games, if not all from what I remember, just let you play as Spidey himself, and maybe sometimes as Peter. But this one does both, AND more! Although you can only play as one superhero, the others either offer puzzles or mostly stealth missions to take on, which really put me at the edge of my seat. I've developed an attachment to these characters so them being in danger really got me concerned for them!

Onto cons, I can only say that the game relies way too much on collectibles in terms of game content. Although they offer different game modes, they tend to be too similar to the random crime events that occur, like going on a chase, or aiming your camera towards something. It would be nice to add more variety, or decrease the amount of collectible challenges going on. For those that love collecting, this game is a gold mine. To me, it's quite overwhelming and same-ish. Maybe adding some choices like Web of Shadows, or doing smaller tasks that a superhero would do (like, I dunno... maybe something is about to fall on a random citizen) would add to the realism of the game rather than fighting crime all the time, similar to what Spider-Man 2 for the PS2 did with pizza deliveries, interestingly enough. Open world games like this could reference Rockstar's games such as GTA V and Red Dead Redemption 2 on how to create a living world (that does not have to be big, because size shouldn't be an indicator of quality).

Apart from that, I did encounter some bugs where an enemy would get stuck and the button prompt wouldn't appear, or some QTEs wouldn't register, and this forced me to restart the mission. It was quite annoying but fortunately, it occurred just a handful of times.

Overall, I greatly enjoyed playing this, and would even consider it to be one of my all time favourites! I'll be taking my time with the DLC, and I'm looking forward to when I can play Miles Morales!

#game analysis #game reviews #game review #gaming #spider-man #spider man #spiderman #insomniac games

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary65

11/15-16/2023

wednesday - thursday

it's so quiet right now.

i showered just now, or like, at 11, and i've gotten out an hour ago maybe, 1 hour, 30 mins, maybe, i dunno. i had to do the rest of my working out in the bathroom tonight which meant no hip thrusts but i did bring my phone into the bathroom and that made me look at all my old pics after using it as a timer. it made me cry a little, seeing all that. the fan is off and it's so quiet. it's so weird. i can hear myself breathe, the apartments around us are creaking. i hear my keys. it's a long time since i've reckoned with silence like this. then after looking at all the old pics i took pics of myself thinking if i could get a photo of myself, a mirror selfie, where i get myself as front on as possible, with as many features exposed i guess, to try and understand what i look like. to see if i could compare it to the bad picture of me, and see if that one is lying to me or something. but i don't know. i don't know why i look better in the mirror, does that mean i look better in other human eyes too, or is it only because i am seeing myself at eye level. is eye level always flattering? i can't tell. i don't know. i don't want answers from the internet because they're always crushing. it feels intentional. people on quora and body dysmorphia forums want you to feel terrible so you have to stay near them, it feels like. i guess saying things are really as bad as you imagine, and every detail you've invented is actually real, is a good way to keep yourself from being lonely.

anyway, i don't want to keep imagining what angle produced my fucked up face in picture v. why my face seems (in my eyes from my skull from my brain and eye spacing and all the seconds and whatever making the perception add up to "a face" (can you tell i really feel insane because of this)) okay. i am tired, it is late.

today i recorded vocals and it felt good, and i exported 2 of the songs i redid vocals on, and i do like the vocals a lot more. one needs them to be quieter, the other needs them a touch louder + brighter. anyway, i need to get the mixing re-done on the third. tomorrow i will do that. honest. i think i said so already but this freakout is at least productive for writing.

i am unpleasantly sick in my stupid head. this song makes it feel better. i like how the song turns kind of evil at this speed. when they play it slow, it's scared, when it's fast it's evil. there's something so meaningful in that, something about fear turning to cynical abandon, crashing your car, jumping into the street, off buildings, your body reduced to something you are performing velocity functions on to see how far it could go or whatever. being freaked out makes that happen. somehow that's cool. i guess it's the abandon part. something about 'abandon' and the abandoned right beside eachother, infinite growth and overfed expectations + excitement into total failure, dead office buildings are a kind of manifestation of the death drive, right. don't mind me i'm just free associating, feeling bad makes that always seem more important than it actually is. that's how mark fisher got to be anything. he was so depressed he didn't realize he wasn't really that bright. i don't want to be mark fisher. he's not too stupid either. i just don't want to ever be as obvious as he was. it would wound me to be that obvious. i figure, though, everyone thinks i am, just like everyone thinks that's me in that picture, and it is but it isn't, and maybe i am but not like that. maybe not at all. i refuse it, that isn't me, and i can make myself not that obvious, right? now i'm just pleading with god or something. it's all nonsense anyways, mindvomit. tomorrow i promise to be more lucid, i promise to be happier and maybe i'll be prettier too. my selfies were good, i think. that's the scary part. in the mirror, i reached a point where i though, i look okay. but then it felt wrong again. i can't tell. i saw myself a little bit just now, i couldn't tell, was it okay, was i ugly, i didn't linger, i couldn't. why is this so overpowering for me. it's eating all my head, it's really bleach on a pattern, splash and then blankness forever. i need mouthwash. i am going to see myself again. i'll report back and say what i saw. it's like blair witch.

maybe i've come closer to understanding if something went wrong, or not. i can't tell though. i can't tell if i'm blind to my jaw, or if i see it too harshly. it looks okay, i think, when i relax in front of the mirror more.

i started crying, i think i see myself, right now, or i hope, i don't know, i'm treating my face like mars, i'm also the probe. anyway i started crying, i don't know, there were more thoughts, i can't keep doing this to myself but i feel like that really isn't my face but i'm too tense or i keep moving things around weird or something. i dunno. i can't tell. it's 4 am now. yay so fun i love being crazy lol.

anyway:

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#Youtube

[kandyrezi]

it’s been a while...

#homestuck #nepeta leijon #karkat vantas #nepkat #katnep #genderstuck #genderbend #karkat x nepeta #kraus stuff #really quick doodles... #dunno why but i wasn't feeling v good today...

[aquafinha]

buddie have u been watching UK v The World? thots on that and/or S14?? (I've got my faves on each but don't wanna put in the ask in case it might be spoilery since it's technically mid-season for both)

Hi!! I've been watching both and I DEFINITELY have thoughts but I've been lazy about expressing them here more than vaguely. I have time, so let's get into it :) Sticking it behind a read more obviously due to spoilers!

OK, UK vs the World first....before it started I wanted Lemon to win...well lol, back to the drawing board I guess. (for the record I think her being in the bottom was BS, but I am biased, so...)

As of now I'm pulling hard for Pangina, I love her, she's a gem. Please don't send her home anytime soon, y'all...

I just want Baga to go home, tbh - I don't have a problem with anyone else but her. I remember on her season, I thought she was funny....now I'm wondering why I thought that. The "Oh, it's totally ok for me to pay someone from a foreign country to do my work for me" thing was...really super cringe to me.

I'm wondering if Jujubee is playing the long game or what? (not that the show is too long, but you know...) I love her, I don't want her to go home but I feel like it might happen soon (no, I haven't read any spoilers for today yet so IDK who goes home this week lol we watch it at 9 PM on Tuesdays).

Mo has been stunning (obligatory to use that word for her, hello) and I hope she finishes high!

The only UK girl I was really pulling for was Cheryl and now she's gone too :( (nothing against Blu, I just wasn't actively rooting for her)

I didn't watch any of the Holland seasons so I hadn't seen Janey before, but....idk. She's beautiful! But the attitude...I dunno.

And Jimbo is...well, Jimbo is Jimbo. I never know what to expect, lol.

As for S14....ok! I have ✨opinions✨I don't completely understand the "send people home the first two episodes and then bring them back" concept but whatever... I get wanting to show everyone off in smaller groups, though.

I'm not doing the greatest with my favorites! I love Alyssa, she's gone, I love Kornbread, she's out, I love Maddy, she's gone too...I hate to ask who's next, lol (also I would never ask because I hate spoilers!! Thanks to the person who replied to Maddy's Instagram post and let me know a week ahead that she would be going home, ugh.)

Willow is my absolute favorite though and I feel like she really has a good chance of winning! Angeria is amazing too and I'll support anyone from my state (well...except for Tamisha Iman last season...anyway) so I hope she keeps up the pace she's at! She's amazing.

I like Daya (more than her sister...sorry, unpopular opinion, I know) but I don't get getting upset because you asked for critique and got it??? I completely understand wanting to hear some critique if you're safe a lot, but don't be upset when you don't hear what you want to hear.

Still baffled that Lady Camden didn't win the challenge this past week because her look was gorgeous! And she sold it so well in my opinion! I like Jorgeous but I wouldn't have picked her as the winner.

I don't get why things got so...whatever between Maddy and Jasmine on Untucked, but it appeased the people who hate when the girls get along, so good for them I guess 😐

I know there's more I could talk about but my brain is fried from all that thinking, lol! We'll see how much of this is invalid after watching UK vs the World tonight...

#ask #answered #talking about drag race #drag race spoilers #uk vs the world #rpdr season 14

[rogue-durin-16]

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part II/VII)

"candy floss"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @sarcasticallywitty15 @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @leovaldez37 @missmulti @weasleywh0r3s

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: grief, feels, brief mention of Fred x Reader ig?

A/N: I decided to name the parts bc why the fuck not so keep an eye on the titles 👀. This story is based off this convo and these headcanons. If you wanna be tagged in the next parts tell me, and enjoy <3

Prologue :the aftermath

Part I : sleepless nights

Part III: shock therapy

Part IV: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VI: the downfall

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

The moment the last group of customers decided it was time to call it a day and exited the shop, I left the till counter and grabbed my wand from my pocket, instantly turning the sign in the door so it could be read from outside 'closed'.

A sigh escaped my lips as I leaned against the multicolored wooden rail.

I was drained.

The shop helped our minds to get distracted and stray from the grief, yes, but it was also exhausting.

We had been subconsciously overworking ourselves to the point where it was borderline self-destructive.

It didn't help that I was throwing myself into comforting George, either. I could not be blamed for doing that, though; he was broken.

A part of me, the rational one, knew he would pick up the pieces and build himself up again, it would just take a lot of time.

There was another part of me, though, that depressed, drained part, that was beginning to think he would never heal by himself —maybe he wouldn't heal at all— but still held onto the hope that, if I tried hard enough, I would be able to mend what had been broken in him.

A terrible idea, really, because I started to dismiss in its entirety my own miserable, damaged state.

And George, ever the caring, sensible one, would have noticed that; he would have made me realize I was not doing nearly as well as I thought, he would have talked some sense into me, but he wouldn't— he couldn't, because George was lost in an ocean of grief, trying so hard not to drown that he wasn't able to notice I was trying to aid him from my very own sinking boat.

It also seemed to be working; he was more animated, slept more soundly, and his smile was a bit brighter even —at least the one he had for me.

"Rough day?" My eyes, which I didn't know I had closed, fluttered open at George's voice.

"Very."

He walked to me with a tinge of guilt in his face. "You know we can switch places, right?" I had been working as the public face of the shop since we had reopened, and George had taken on the task of doing the paperwork and shippings instead, showing up from time to time to help me and to let people know there was still a Weasley running the business.

I had been the one to suggest this, since I knew George had compromised with reopening only because of me, and he was clearly not ready to put up a sociable, positive attitude for dozens of people every day.

"Nah, it's fine like this." I assured him with a reassuring smile.

He measured me with his eyes for a second; I couldn't really tell if he saw through me or not. "So I was preparing the today's shippings," he rocked a tiny purple basket I quickly recognised in front of me. "I found this in the back of the stockroom."

"Are those—?"

"Candy floss cupcakes, yes." A year and a half ago we had bought five baskets of candy floss cupcakes from Honeydukes per George's request in order to unsuccessfully try and implement them.

"Are they even edible anymore?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"I hope so?" He chuckled too, tearing the film covering the sweets. "Thought we might as well finish them."

My eyes travelled from the basket to him and viceversa before stating, "well I'm hungry so..."

"Same here." He was the first one to pull out a pastel colored cupcake, though he handed it to me. "Wanna get food poisoning together?" Laughing, I gave him a nod as he grabbed his own cupcake. "At the count of three?"

"One"

"Two"

"Three." We said in unison right before taking a bite of our respective madeleines.

I frowned at its surprisingly good flavour. "Am I delirious or are they actually edible?"

"Dunno," he shoved the rest of his cupcake into his mouth with a shrug. "maybe we're just starving."

"Go big or go home, I guess." I finished my cupcake before leaning on the basket to pick another one. My head snapped up with my brow quirked when I heard a soft chuckle. "What?"

"Nothing." George shook his head, motioning at the stairs. "Shall we sit down?" I followed his lead, sitting on the stairs and waiting for him, who had stepped towards the drinks aisle to grab a couple of juice bottles, to do the same.

We stayed there, eating and drinking in a comfortable silence until the basket was empty and our eyelids threatened to shut.

"I think we should head back to the flat." He spoke, leaving the half empty juice aside so he could stretch.

"I'm gonna learn how to cook." I stated, getting up. "We can't get by based on most likely expired sweets and whatever is in the Leaky Cauldron menu."

"Aight." He mimicked my actions, picking up the stuff we left on the stairs. "We will learn the basics tomorrow." He got behind me and began to gently push in the flat's direction. "But now we're gonna get some sleep, miss."

I would be lying if I said my heartbeat didn't pick up when his hands landed on my shoulder blades and made their way to rub both my arms reassuringly.

I would be lying if I denied I leaned back when he did that, letting myself get closer to his chest.

And I would definitely be lying if I said I didn't crave going back to my room so I could cuddle him all night.

One Week Later

"—right in the cauldron, love." I pointed at the cauldron besides me, giving a sweet smile to the kid in front of me, visibly going to be sick thanks to the free sample of Skiving Snackboxes.

"Y/n!" I spun around at the loud calling of my name above the shop's racket. I was able to discern a long, red mane flowing fast towards my position right on time for the owner to wrap her arms around me.

"Glad to see you too, Ginny." I laughed, trying not to lose balance due to her enthusiasm. "How come you're here?" I questioned, pulling away.

"We heard you were open." Harry walked up to me, appearing from behind the girl, "And thought we'd pay a visit to our friends, right?" Ginny nodded, looking around while Harry gave me a quick, yet comforting hug. "Where's George?"

I motioned up to the small office, redirecting the couple's eyes to the second floor. "Doing paperwork—AH!" I jolted when a pair of hands tickled my sides, my head snapping to see the towering ginger standing behind me. "Speaking of the devil."

"I thought I saw Gin through the window," George explained, his hands lingering on my waist for long enough to his sister to stare, before pulling Ginny into a tight hug. "And came down to check if she was distracting my employee."

"You got her all bored here, mate." Harry pointed out, a light joking tone in his voice.

"And you're the one supposed to help with that?" George rolled his eyes dramatically. "Pfft... What a world we live in." With the said, he gave the boy a side hug. I heard Harry murmur an 'We missed you' before they pulled away with a pat on the shoulder.

My gaze landed on the youngest Weasley, whose welled up eyes were trained on her older brother's half smile. I only averted my eyes and waited for her to discreetly wipe away the unspilled tears while Harry and George catched up.

By the letters she had sent me, I reckoned the last time she had been near George, he had been lifeless; seeing a glimpse of who was once one of the most cheerful, funny and charismatic people in her life, was probably poignant to Ginny.

I hadn't realized she had moved closer until I didn't hear her soft voice. "Thank you." I offered her a confused smile, though deep down I knew what she meant.

Two Days Later

George was having one of those days.

We both knew it was coming soon; it had to happen sooner rather than later, since he had been in a surprisingly good mood for almost a week. I suspected seeing Harry and Ginny had brought back the events of the Second of May.

I suggested to close the shop for the day, since he was unable to move out of bed; he refused to do so, but I convinced him to stay in the flat and rest —it was Tuesday, anyway; I wouldn't have to handle many customers.

Due to that, when I saw Hermione, Ron, Bill and Fleur entered the shop, it was understandable that I hadn't become the happiest person in the world.

I greeted them, there were hugs, kisses, and even a joke or two, and when Bill asked about George, I excused him without giving much detail.

They understood.

Fleur was the one to restart the conversation, lightening a bit before requesting a tour for the shop, since she had not yet been there.

It was when we reached the love potions that Hermione, using the fact that Fleur was very much interested in the product, held my hand and pulled me aside.

"So... how are you doing?" The frown in her face, the fact that she was whispering, the squeeze her hand gave mine, let me know she had read me the moment her eyes met mines.

I sighed with a shrug.

"You can tell me." Could I? "No one's asking you to put on a happy face, Y/n." The girl assured me, her eyes digging into mines. "It's not just George, we all lost—" she shook her head at her own words before correcting herself. "you lost him too."

I lost him too.

I bit my lower lip to stop it from quivering.

The memory of Fred's broken smile as his corpse laid on the stretcher, that memory that haunted my dreams, appeared vividly before my eyes.

My lips started to burn with the ghost of that kiss he gave me before we split up, him with Percy and me with George; it hadn't been meant to be a goodbye kiss. It was meant to be a good luck kiss.

I covered my mouth to muffle a sob, and Hermione's arms were quick to be wrapped around me, reassuringly rubbing my back.

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

I saw them entering from Y/n's balcony; I wasn't emotionally ready to face them all at the same time, but when I didn't see them exit, I figured Y/n hadn't been able to dismiss them.

I decided I owed to them all to bite the bullet, so I threw on a shirt and the first trousers I grabbed, cleaned up a bit and left the flat.

With a deep breath, I made it to the second floor and mentally prepared myself to go down to the first one.

As I began to climb down, though, I noticed Hermione and Y/n talking in private, closer than the others to the stairs.

I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but all my senses were automatically focused on Y/n whenever we were in the same room; she just stole me away from reality.

"You lost him too."

Hermione's words visibly triggered something on Y/n.

'Something', as if I didn't know what they had triggered, as if I didn't know what— who was on her mind.

I guess he was always on her mind, though.

What was left of my heart shattered in a million pieces when she broke down to tears —for several reasons—. "I miss him." She whispered in Hermione's shoulder. "I miss him so much."

If I had any tears left, I would have cried my eyes out right there. Had I been so selfish that I had disregarded how she was feeling? So blinded by the light and love and warmth she was constantly giving me that I had forgotten about her grief? Was I that bad of a person, that I would have rather live in the illusion that she had not lost the boy she was dating?

My mind told me I didn't want any of those questions answered.

"George!" As Ron yelled my name in surprise, Hermione and Y/n pulled away, the latter rubbing her eyes while both of my brothers jogged upstairs to hug me. "Ginny told us you're open—"

"But Y/n said you weren't feeling well." Bill finished, squeezing my shoulder. "We only stayed a little longer for Fleur to see the shop."

"Yeah, we'll come back tomorrow," Ron assured me. "So you can rest and..."

My brother's voice sounded further and further with each word; I felt myself drifting off, getting lost in my own mind and gravitating towards the same thought over and over.

She deserves better.

#george wealsey imagine #george weasley #george wealsey x reader #fred and george #george weasley x y/n #george weasley x ravenclaw!reader #george weasley x hufflepuff!reader #george weasley x reader #george weasley x slytherin!reader #george weasley x you #george x reader angst #george weasley x gryffindor!reader #george x reader #george x you #george x hermione #george weasley fluff #george weasley fic #george weasley fanfiction #george weasley fanfic #george x angelina #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley angst #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter #deathly hallows #harry potter and the triwizard tournament

[0tivez]

Akiteru- his brother va is geto??? I- I have to finish haikyuu ffs. I love that kuroo's va is also gojo's

I WAS NOT WATCHING PORN IN MY FAMILY CAR I SWEAR TT

I was watching porn in my room which is close to the garage so im always within the car's bluetooth range I don't think I have the balls to watch porn in the car lmfaoo

pls share the crappy drive versions TT I'm really excited that cinemas are opened to the public again tho, I missed the over expensive cinema popcorn :(

I WANT VOLUME 0 SO FREAKING BAD BUT IT SOLD OUT IN LIKE A DAY WHICH FAIR NGL I think I might buy vol 8 today bc there must be a reason why I keep finding that specific one every time I go out?? I might be going insane but im pretty sure its a sign for something. GETO'S FAT TITTIES IM SCREAMING

I saw a post a while ago that said smth along the lines of "you think gojo ever sees Megumi walking around with his hair all down and gets very violent flashbacks?", I think about that post constantly.

OH! I started reading csm yesterday and for some reason I didn't think the main character was gonna be an actual chainsaw...man. I don't know why I was so taken aback by it LMFAO also, denji's obsession with boobs?? like FAIR ig?? I like boobs as well but I dunno, its kinda funny but kinda 👀 I also made the mistake of checking the comments under each chapter and Jesus fuck the men commenting under it actually make me want to barf :D

I refuse to learn punctuation. Its definitely not bc I don't seem to get it at all whatsoever, its bc I refuse. I don't want to so I won't, and it says nothing about my capabilities to English (help)

My YouTube recommended is reading this convo im certain of it, look: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVqUJu9my5c&list=WL&index=79

I don't know why the title cracks me up :p

OH AND BEFORE I FORGET!! I just read a take on Toji's character and im about to sob, I have a headache TT here's the link if you'd like to check it out! https://twitter.com/luheasy/status/1361032992702013443?s=12

We'll miss you a lot! be sure to take care of yourself and I hope school stuff gets better soon :D

gl with everything and have a good one! <3

-🥳 anon

KWANEDLKANWE THATS LITERALLY MY WORST NIGHTMARE i check my headphones like 100 times even if i'm home alone 😭

ngl i kinda forgot the geto scene was in vol 0 so i panicked when that scene came up lol

he definitely flinches when megumi enters the room a lil too fast

like imagine gojo asking little megumi to walk in slowly and alert him before entering and megumi not understanding anything

csm fans are the worst, welcome to hell 🥳

WAIT yuzuru has ABS?? he has ABS???? what the FUCK

what THE FUCK?????

(jjk manga spoilers under the cut)

i don't believe toji was the worst and that he left cause he wanted to. his last words were great proof. a man doesn't forget his child's name like that, especially not after naming him himself. obviously he had to leave, especially if the theory about mamaguro being killed by the zenins is true. marry another woman, get her surname and hide the kid for as long as possible. if mamaguro was indeed killed, he must have walked away to push megumi away from him- or, maybe the zenins put it in their agreement. no need to romanticize it tho, this obviously wasn't a great decision. but toji cared about megumi enough to not waste his potential, even if it meant making megumi hate him. i feel like toji forgetting about his family was a trauma response. he just focused on forgetting about his family. i was 100% sure he was just being a dick in that one panel but no lol he really forgot about him

i feel like i'm repeating myself lol overall imo toji isn't as bad as people make him out to be. incredible analysis as usual, istg jjk fandom has 530000 iq

thank you! i'll miss you too 🤧 for now, it seems like the worst is behind, my schedule is a little more relaxed! i should be able to check in every now and then <3

have a good one babe!

#🥳 anon

[imaginaryhuman]

July 4, 2021 - Usual

This one came in 3 phases. I did the usual walk. Something like a temp check whenever I head out to run so I know if I'm really up for it or if I should just take it easy until my mind eases to the situation of being outside. I love running! I really do but it doesn't mean that I'm always super psyched to head out whenever I have the chance to. Part of being in love with it is the discipline involved in really having it part of a routine so I allow a bit of grumbling- some honesty. "No strict rules", right?

It wasn't a really good start since I felt pretty...uhh... blank when the day started. I woke up to extremely devastating personal news that I couldn't seem to wrap my head around until later on. After that short walk, I figured I could get through the morning without many disasters and so I took the time to breathe and just feel the flavor of the day. There was a nice breeze, the sun was up, it didn't look like it was gonna rain and it wasn't too hot either. It's perfect even if my brain didn't take to it very well at first.

I was hauled to memories of my running place a few years back. It was the national highway by our old place before we moved and I remember it being a really nice windy road. There were some interesting people too! It's always taken me a while to get used to people so there were only a few I could really say hi to on the regular. There were four I remember quite well though! There was an old couple maybe a quarter of a mile from the bridge. They'd always walk together and they smiled and said "good morning" all the time. Around the same area was a teenager (maybe, she looked like it anyway) on a bike and whenever she was around when I ran, she'd bike on the other lane and we'd just be pleasantly alongside each other for a stretch of road until the downhill to this temple I liked visiting. Down that area would be the 3rd constant. The guy with the electric blue runners. He was fast alright and we never talked but this one time I saw him could have been a wake-up call of some sort. I always assumed that running in a public place meant maintaining composure at all times until this one time we were running diametrically and maybe a good 10 meters from when he passed me, I just heard this frustrated groan. It really sounded like sincere frustration and it was such a surprise cause normally, he sounded like he was clocking in every breath so anything that deviated from that was extremely strange! I looked back and we had really brief (and awkward) eye contact then he turned back and continued running.

Maybe I felt some form of relief that time because someone going at a pace I aspired could also be frustrated about something (That's kinda rotten but hey. It's honesty time! ). Maybe there's a bit of fear and a splash of reality. Fear that no matter how well I would be, I'll still have something to run from and that it would be a road filled with nothing but pipe dreams (okay, I'm not going there today. Stop V, stop. )

The memories were welcome this morning but the idea that it's all so distant was just horrible. Under normal circumstances, I would have gone there to that old road for old time's sake but I was assaulted last year and my assaulter lives in that area (hah, fuck, right?) so of course that unpacks some baggage and I took it out on myself a bit. Running helps and heals though, really. I was stomping to some Pacific Rim soundtrack at some point after really just following that train of thought but I did a good 2 km-ish at a good pace after I decided to just try and reset my brain somehow... by counting.

And that's phase 3. Counting. Just relying on numbers in intervals to keep a linear train of thought. It was an advise from an old friend! And it's still the very golden thing it is till now especially when I feel rather manic and I don't have a good grip on my impulse and irritation. Yeah, I counted 8 times I stopped myself from jumping into questionable waters. It's this man-made pond thing in front of the presidential summer mansion in our city. I once saw fish canibalizing another dead fish in that pond so I dunno. Why would I want to jump into that? But yeah, I had to walk on the outer lane and just dig my nails in my palms a bit then sprint away from it once I had the chance because! BECAUSE!

But the counting worked so I went back to it and when the inclination to just fling myself into it went away, I took that as a good sign and the pace improved too! So yay!

So that's that in today's nice morning 🌞🤗

#personal #running #thinking #bipolar problems #intrusive thoughts #self reflection