#drafted after the 250 tho

[greymoon]

100 posts!

#100 posts #tumblr milestone #greymoon milestone #in drafts since #4 august 2022 #drafted after the 250 tho #no idea when i hit it tho #g queue #let's celebrate more ! #can you tell i wrote these tags after the 250 one lol #but gonna post them the other way around #tehe

[schnozzbun-art]

I hope this is okay to ask, but any potential drop times for the next chapter? so excited for it!

Short answer: soon-ish!(?)

Long answer: Have you ever heard about Zeno's Paradox of the Dichotomy? I learned about it in a vsauce video when I was a teenager. Basically, a runner in a solo foot race is presented with a track she must run across, except there's one rule: she must always run half the distance she has left to reach the finish line. So after she reaches half way she has to run a quarter of the way, then an eighth of the way, than a sixteenth, a thirty-second, and so on and so on and so on. And due to there being an infinite amount of subdivisions, theoretically, she never crosses the finish line.

That's a little how it's felt writing this upcoming part 😅 Just when I see the end in the horizon, I get struck by a new idea I really want to include. I've managed to come up with at least four brand new 250-1.5k word ish scenes that weren't in my last full draft of From Parts Unknown that I've included to expand on character interactions or deepen themes I want to explore (this also includes a BIG chunk of writing that was like, 500 words at least that I ended up deleting wholesale because I was extremely bored by it and realised I could just skip entirely to get to the interesting bit, but unfortunately I sank a lot of time writing it).

It's both very fun and very annoying. I'll think I'm close, then suddenly come up with an idea for a new scene that has me like OHHHH BUT THIS WILL MAKE THE THEMES RESONATE SO MUCH BETTER or THIS WILL FILL IN THIS PLOT HOLE THAT'S BEEN NAGGING ME or OH THAT WORKS SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT I ORIGINALLY HAD. It ended up being so much I've had to split this upcoming part in half, which will make FPU 10 parts instead of 9. All these additions has also made me jump a lot between Writing™ mode and Editing™ mode, the prior tending to take a lot longer than the latter unfortunately.

Currently I've been chipping away at this new quite ambitious scene that was originally summarised in two paragraphs, and which I always got the sense I was glossing over too much. For around a week I was very blocked on how to expand despite having researched the topic on and off for close to a year and a half. So after doing a lot of research by watching a ton of youtube videos and buying a memoir exploring that Certain Topic i've felt a lot more confident in the scene's trajectory. I'm in the second draft of that scene now, and am pretty confident that once that's done, all that's left is editing a few parts, showing it to my betas and gammas for feedback, and then I can post the thing. And again, I'm always trying to work on the fic in bits and pieces, and I also dedicate a two-hour block per week where I do my best to do focused writing dedicated to the fic (if I don't have uni work taking precedent).

Again tho, I appreciate these check ins, as its nice to know people are still curious about the fic. Know that its pretty much constantly on my mind, and I post about more granular bits of process on my Twitter. I hope you have a nice day!

#ask #anon #fpu #asal

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Wednesday 6 July 1836

6 10

12

no kiss heavy thunder rain in the night but all dry and fair this morning tho’ dull - F62° at 7 5 am wrote out a rent list to give Mr. Washington till breakfast at 9 in about ¾ hour - then had Mr. SW- till 11 had sent for him to go with Robert Mann and Frank Day and take the bay horse with 2 little hampers full of manure, and break down Mr. Wilkinson’s wall and shew my right of road along the top of my top Wellroyde wood - but SW- begged me to let him speak to Mr. Wilkinson 1st and I consented saying that if he could not bring Mr. Wilkinson to keep his promise and put up a gate for me to have a key of (I would not trouble him much but could not be shut out) I would send and pull the wall down on Saturday - took A- out - to the Lodge and about till after 12 - then had A- in my study - looked over her copy of new drain-agreement with Mr. Outram - sat with her at her luncheon - and with her till Mr. Harper came about 1 ½ - then after Mr. H- had luncheon with him looking about and at the rock-bridge, and the Conery till 3 ½ from where he set off to Halifax to go home at 4, and I staid with Matty Pollard - saw old James Greenwood’s house and John Booth’s - the windows (stone mullions of) wanted for the alterations at the hall, laundry etc - Matty to do what she could in getting James G- into the front cottage at Mytholm - shall not have much more to pay Booth in a/c of the Lodge - he is to begin about the house tomorrow - the alterations in the house and out-buildings to be done immediately, and the west tower and back Lodge and part of terrace wall - Mr. Gray to leave St. P- the 27th of this month via Hull, and be here about the 2nd week in August - Mr. Harper will be here during the week Mr. G- is here, and try to get all done - all under the beeches, near the glen-bridge, to be walled up and made safe before winter - a temporary common old gate to be hung at the Lodge before the centre is struck - Mr. H- to get the housekeeper’s bedroom done (the present phaeton house) to be ready for Mr. Gray to sleep in, and he to have the parlour for his sitting room - A- to order Messrs. Briggs to honour Mr. Harper’s drafts to the amount of £750 i.e. £500 for Water Lane mill and £250 for the 4 Hatters fold cottages - I to order the Yorkshire District bank to honour Mr. Parker’s drafts under the orders of Mr. Harper to the amount of £3000 - he Harper thinks £200 will carry Booth on till Xmas - Long talk about the Northgate hotel - H- heard at Skipton of the large hotel building for Carr - repeated what I had said to Mr. Adam that in my present mind, I thought Godley road would be mine before C- had the hotel - H- says everybody thinks (even Mr. Parker) that Carr would only be a temporary tenant - would not well pay the rent, but nobody else to set up and manage the  hotel - said what I should like best would be to get a good tenant quietly, so that when C- did apply, it might merely be said he was too late, the hotel being let - Mr. Harper to manage it - I would not object to a lease of 5 years - there is a Mr. Leaver in London law agent to Lord Grosvenor very likely to help us - H- to send me a sketch of the hotel on a foolscap sheet of paper -a little while with A- sketching and tinting the rocks again with Mr. Horner - a minute or 2 with my aunt - wrote all the above of today till A- came in at 6 25 at which hour came also Mr. SW- sat by us while we dined and took coffee

SH:7/ML/E/19/0072

with us staid settling with me after the rent day and reading over A-‘s Outram drain-agreement till 8 - then had Thomas Greenwood (who had been with my aunt  sometime) to pay his rent and he sat talking till 10 ½ pm F50° now at 11 ¼ pm fine day but coolish

[clevercatchphrase]

2020 Year Review~

2020. Pretty unique year, don’t you think? It’s the first year since 2002 to have only two different digits in it. After 2022, this won’t happen again until 2111. Yep. Absolutely nothing more interesting than that.

Anyway! It’s time I reflect on my 2020, look back on my yearly goals and rant about things that happened to me this year. I made a post like this last year, where I went over my 2019 goals and talked about what I accomplished and what I didn’t, and it’s only fitting I do the same again this year. Read more under the cut for a random stream of consciousness ramble!

So, first things first, let’s look at my 2019 goals;

Finish paying off that last student loan

Put more stuff on my redbubble

Illustrate my own fan fics

Sew at least one stuffed animal

Make an enamel pin

Read one new book a month

Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic

Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make

Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch

Boost my patreon

 Paying Off My Last Student Loan: Going down the list, I am proud to say that I FINALLY paid off all my student loans! (and not a moment too soon. The last payment I made was literally days before the first quarantine rolled out). It took me roughly 4 years on my part-time paycheck to pay off all my loans, and once I finished, I had no money to my name (literally; I had less than 1k as emergency money in case of car troubles or health issues). Heck, I’m STILL living at home as a save up for a place of my own. Finally paying off all my student loans DID activate my secret 2020 new year’s resolution, which was to adopt a cat! I did this too, literally a week later! She is the best thing that’s happened to me this entire year and I love her so much and she is the snuggliest cuddle bug I’ve ever met. I’m so happy she’s in my life now~

Put More Stuff On My Redbubble: ah ha ha ha… I thought I did this, but then I went and checked, and it turns out-! I did not. I made art I intended to go on my redbubble, but haven’t put there yet. They are all drawings of some OCs from a game I want to make, but because I haven’t progressed on making the game this year, I never got around to putting more stuff related to it on my redbubble. At the time of writing, there are 7 days left in December, so I guess I could go and put it up on my redbubble right now, but without context on where the characters are from, there wouldn’t be much point, now would there?

 Illustrate My Own Fan Fics: Another goal that I was so stoked to actually do… and then just didn’t. Gee, I wonder why I couldn’t find the energy or motivation to do it this year? Truly a conundrum. (Hey, you know what? If Ghost Switch counts as a fan fiction in a visual form, then I am doing GREAT on this goal. 2.5 years in, 1 of ~4 arcs done, and still going steady~)

 Sew At Least One Stuffed Animal: Okay, I have a valid excuse for not doing this one. I even knew which stuffed animal I wanted to make, and had the pattern drawn out and everything, but I had no money for materials because I had just paid off my student loans. And then, by the time I did have enough money again, quarantine was in full effect and I couldn’t go out to the fabric store. I’m still trying my best to stay out of public places even if the rules are laxer now, because I don’t want to catch the plague even if everyone in my goddamn city thinks and acts like the problem is over already. Even if they’re all wearing masks, even if they’re staying 6 feet apart, I still don’t want to risk it. I will stay inside until health experts give the all clear, and when that day comes, then I will buy some fleece and make a plush.

 Make An Enamel Pin: I ACTUALLY DID THIS ONE. TWICE! Halfway through quarantine, I was feeling anxious and depressed about my job and how they were planning to have me work with the public despite climbing infection rates and positive covid cases. I didn’t quit then, but in a desperate move to try and become self-sufficient, I went to madebycooper and made two enamel pins based on some butterfly dragons I drew last year. They’re on my etsy store now! I even went out of my way to open a P.O. box just to start a small business! I haven’t sold a single pin yet, and I’m actually really nervous to sell my first because I don’t trust the efficiency of the postal system thanks to the actions of the GOP that really screwed them over this year! (If you would like to see my enamel pins, click here!)

 Read One Book A Month: I did this! With dragon books I bought a couple years back! In fact, I read FOURTEEN dragon books, and still have more books for next year to read! The 14 books I read this year were:

 The Hive Queen

The Poison Jungle

Wings Of Fire Legends: Dragonslayer

Dealing With Dragons

Searching For Dragons

Calling on Dragons

Talking to Dragons

The Bronze Dragon Codex

The Brass Dragon Codex

The Black Dragon Codex

The Red Dragon Codex

The Silver Dragon Codex

Dragon Strike, and

Hatching Magic

 To be honest, I had read The Red Dragon Codex years ago when it first came out, but completely forgotten what it was about. I remembered liking it, and I knew the reading level was on the lower side, but the whole dragon codex series was pretty good! So far, the Silver dragon codex was my favorite, and black dragon codex was probably the worst! Hatching Magic was also really slow and bad and had plot points that went nowhere, but the book was written in the 80s, so I don’t know what I expected. The Dealing with Dragons series was very charming and great for the most part, save for one line in the last book that really rubbed me the wrong way, and all the Wings of Fire Books go above and beyond in this third arc. The second legends book could be a little tighter, though (sky and wren are the best duo and I want a book solely about them, but I honest to god do not care about leaf and ivy’s stories.)

 Write one Page of any story every day/ complete at least one fic: I… did this? Okay, I kinda cheated near the end of the year. I was keeping up the one page a day thing for the first four months, but then the world went to shit and my schedule and habits got disrupted and I fell off my good track record. I completed 7 out of roughly 12 one-shots I had planned for this year (my goal WAS supposed to be one short a month, but… you know how it happens) I kept trying to catch up on this goal all year, but the days kept piling up…. Until November hit. I managed to write over 250 pages for Nanowrimo, and I consider this goal a win. 365 pages of fiction in total, which averages out to about one a day~. SHUT UP IT COUNTS.

 Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make: Another goal I didn’t have the mental energy to commit to this year. Truly a mystery to where all our willpower went in 2020.

 Fully Finish Scripting Ghost Switch: still haven’t done this one yet! The Snowdin arc is completely planned, but I just haven’t gotten around to getting the other areas. I’m not worried, though. I know all the major plot points I gotta hit, it’s just weaving them together in a way that flows nice is the final task. I’m not too worried though. I don’t expect to finish the Snowdin arc for another year and a half, at the bare minimum.

 And my last goal of 2020, Boost My Patreon. I did this at the beginning of the year, but then very intentionally stopped about a third of the way through. It didn’t sit right with me to tell you guys to donate to me when suddenly EVERYONE was financially strained from layoffs or being furloughed. I told my patrons the same, and if you ever need to stop donating to me to take care of yourself first, then by all means, please do. I would feel much better knowing you’re using your money to see yourself fed and housed instead of given to me (where it is pretty much only used to buy gas for my car, honestly)

 Welp! That was all my goals for 2020! I achieved 4 out of 10 goals plus 1 secret goal! Pretty much the same ratio as last year, but now this time I can blame all my failures on the pandemic! I don’t feel so bad about myself anymore~

 ON TO 2021!

 I have 11 goals for the new year, again some rolled over from this list, and some from even older years. They are, in no particular order;

 Read 12 new books (roughly 1 book a month)

Finish the first draft of 2019’s Nanowrimo project and rewrite it

Script TDV

Finish Scripting Ghost Switch

Build A Comic Buffer

Sew 1 Stuffed Animal

Finish 1 Song Comic

Make another Enamel Pin

Finish 2 short original comics (this one counts as 2 goals)

Finish the 5 remaining one-shot fics

 Now to go into depth on each one, more for my own sake, really. I want to know exactly what I have planned for each goal this year, and sometimes just looking at a short list doesn’t capture all the smaller details.

 1)Read 12 new books. Same as last year! I The only difference is I might not be able to make it all dragon-related books. (I try my hardest not to buy from amazon anymore, but half-price-books doesn’t always have the obscure stuff I’m looking for)

 2)Finish 2019’s nanowrimo project. If you read my 2019 year reflection, you’ll notice I said I wanted to do some original writing. And I did! The story I wrote for nanowrimo back then was a story I’ve been toying with since 2017, but it was only last year I finally got pen to paper. Now, you may find it odd that the keyword says “finish”. You may think, “but isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for nanowrimo?” and to that I say, WRONG! I wrote 50k words for nanowrimo, but the draft was only about halfway complete. I was kinda discouraged about what I had written last year, because I didn’t like how it was coming out, but I did manage to get it half done. Now it’s time for me to bite the bullet and just finish the thing so I can finally revise it and make it into something I DO like. (It’s still gonna be hella long, tho. That’s what I get for trying to write an epic fantasy, I guess.)

 3)Script TDV. TDV is the abbreviation of the game I want to make. I… still need to do so much for this project OTL… In addition to getting the story solidified, I still need to draw art and game assets, and learn how to code for it, both of which are no small task. I keep having some sort of new year’s goal related to this on my list, and every year I just don’t hit this one. Will 2021 be different?

 4)Finish Scripting Ghost Switch. (Or at the very least, get the waterfall arc completely written out). I have a plan to break this down into simpler steps, by focusing on just one arc for a month or two. Every major arc has 2 to 3 parts, broken up by flashbacks, and if I can just finish one section a month, then I should have the entire thing scripted by the end of the year. It’s not a difficult pace, but seeing if I stick with it will be the real challenge, as it is will all my goals it seems.

 5)Build a Comic Buffer: I’m actually working on this one right now! Since I paid off my last loan and got a new job this year, my current Patreon goals are kind of out of date. They had all been centered around me paying off that last loan, and working towards full-time employment, but those are both completed now! So instead, I would love to get to a place where my patrons could read pages at least a week ahead, and to do that, I need to build a buffer. And since I’m working 5 full days a week now, I can’t afford to fall behind. But you can’t fall behind if you constantly stay ahead! I would like to have… a 10 to 12 page buffer. That’s roughly 3 months’ worth of pages to always have on hand in case I get swamped with work, or something. Right now I currently have a buffer of 3, which will cover me for half a January, which is better than not having anything at all, but still not the best. (ultimately, I would love to have a buffer so big, I could queue them up for the whole year. Wouldn’t that be something?)

 6) Sew one stuffed animal: same as last year. ASSUMING the plague gets under control in 2021, I don’t expect to get to this goal until the summer at the earliest.

 7)Finish 1 song comic: I have 7 song comics planned. One is a gift, one possibly for wandersong, one is a collab that’s currently in the works, but I’m waiting on a friend to do their part before I can continue mine, 2 are UT related, and 2 (well, technically 3, but one is the collab) are KH related. It’s one of the UT ones that will probably get finished, if I’m being honest. It’s completely story boarded, and now I just need to ink and color it. I would like to get it done for UT’s 6th birthday, since I made a song comic on the fly for the anniversary this year, and it was fun, and I’d like to do it again! So, look forward to that next september~

 8) Make another enamel pin: I have a dolphin design I’d like to make because dolphins are cute, if not little murder machines. (need to save up some expendable income first, tho. THESE THINGS AIN’T CHEAP TO MAKE.)

 9 and 10) start and finish 2 original short comics: I’ve got some comic ideas I want to do, but I need to get them written out first. I don’t think either would be too long. Each maybe a couple “episode’s” length, if envisioned on a website like webtoons or tapas. They’d both be heavy in allegory, but not overly drawn out (hopefully)

 11)And lastly, Finish the 5 remaining one-shots I had planned for this year but never got around to. I’m going to try to write one every other month. Pure self-indulgent shipping fluff. If I finish these 5, then maybe I’ll ask other people for more prompts and ideas, which I’ve never done before. We’ll see how it goes~

 Also, Like last year, I’d like to look at everything that’s happened to me this year, though to be honest, I’m not sure how much I remember/how accurate it’ll be. God, I don’t even remember what January was like. Who was I back then? Who were we all back then? I guess I’ll start my yearly retrospective in march because, heh, god we ALL know what started happening in march.

 Firstly, I paid off my last student loan! Then a week later on March 18th, I drove half an hour out of my city to adopt a cat and I love her and it was the best day of this year for me. Spring break is just beginning this weekend, but the attendance at the zoo is shockingly low this year. Apparently, a lot of people watch the news, and they’re all taking precautions about social distancing. I wasn’t too disappointed. Fewer people at the zoo, the easier my job is for me. I was looking forward to getting some free overtime on spring break, since I’m broke after paying off that loan, and I’m a cat parent now and have a furry child to feed. Monday rolls around. My manager calls me and tells me that the zoo is going into lockdown until further notice. I worry for the birds I take care of, but understand it’s for everyone’s safety.

 For two months I sleep in and watch way too much YouTube. I join a couple writing discords. I have nightmares about my birds escaping their enclosure and I dreamed one of the security guards I really like at the zoo gets covid and has to go to the ER. I woke up really upset.

 I started and finished BBS for the first time. I also replayed and finished KH2 final mix for the first time. It had been about 5 years since I last played KH2 before my PS2 died, and it was like coming home~ I also finished tearaway, and played and beat Ryme for a second time (which I can’t remember if I did that last year, but it was a fun experience regardless)

 Mid-June, and I’m allowed to start going back to work, be it on reduced hours. The zoo is still closed to the public, but I’m loving it! I get to work with full-time keepers and do full-time keeper things. It’s so much fun not having to deal with the public. August starts to creep up and there’s a rumor that the zoo will be opening to the public again, which I’m not stoked about. I don’t want to go back to standing in one exhibit all day, talking to guests who don’t listen to the rules or to me. 2 of my younger coworkers (who had both only been there a couple of months) get chosen for full-time positions, while I get passed up which really pisses me off. My other 2 coworkers quit when they think we might be reopening because they cannot risk catching the virus due to at-risk family. I am now the last keeper in the interactive bird exhibit.

 I keep working, the zoo slowly opens, but with me as the only interpreter in our interactive bird exhibit, we can’t open because I can’t run the entire exhibit by myself. So my exhibit stays closed. September comes and goes, and then October starts. Now there is more serious talk of opening my exhibit before the end of the year because the zoo expects to bring in larger crowds for the Christmas lights event in November/December. I ask if I get hazard pay or health insurance since I’m doing full-time hours until they hire more staff. They say no.

 I immediately start searching for a new job feeling incredibly indignant/hurt/slighted/insulted/used/abused/ALL the negative feelings at my job. I had been there for 4 years, but never got a chance to work full time, while the two newest hires who had only been there 2 months both got moved up. I can’t help but feel they were holding one mistake I made two years ago against me and never wanted to give me a chance. (that, or they knew I was reliable when it came to showing up for work in such a volatile position that sees a lot of new faces, and they didn’t want to bother going through the process of hiring someone new) I don’t want to risk my life working around guests who don’t wash their hands and don’t properly distance. I don’t want to gamble with my health when they won’t offer me health insurance because I’m part time.

 Mid October, I get an interview for a full time job and get hired on the spot. I peace out at the zoo 2 weeks later, literally 3 days before they planned to open my exhibit to the public. It was a close call for me to escape before they opened to the public (and pettiness was only partially the reason I dipped out so close to opening). Sorry new hires who are now in charge of the bird feeding exhibit. I taught you the best I could in the short time I had. If the managers are struggling with what to do with one less person, I can’t say I feel bad. I can only hope they delayed opening/closed you down again for your own safety. You are not lightbulbs. I really hope the higher ups stop considering you as replaceable as one. Will I go back to the zoo to visit? Probably. But not for a year at least.

 I started my new job the very next day after I quit the zoo, and have been there ever since, (which isn’t that long yet, tbh. Christmas day was my 2 month anniversary). It’s full time, but it’s also a small business, and everyone’s hours this year have been on the short side due to the plague. I understand, though. They don’t want us to work if they can’t afford to pay us. Everyone is nice enough, though some people smoke and it’s hard to avoid them with how frequently we have to go in and out, and I really don’t want to get lung cancer, sorry not sorry, please and thank you. Also, with such a small team, gossip is certainly harder to go undetected, so it’s a relief knowing people don’t talk behind one another’s backs.

 I participated and beat my 4th nanowrimo in a row, I made TWO apple crisps on thanksgiving, and made baklava on Christmas and both of these recipes were my first time making them, and they both came out adequately! I voted the first day of early voting, and I did an art trade/collab with two of my friends for my birthday! (normally we would have done monthly “art days” where we get together and do art projects for fun because we’re adults and we can spend our time together however we want, but the plague said otherwise this year) We drew pokemon and it was fun! (hopefully I can show you all the results soon. At the time of writing, I’m still waiting for the last two colored parts to get back to me)

 I reached 100 pages on my undertale comic, and finish the first arc out of…! (im not sure. It’s either going to be 4 or 5, I haven’t decided yet)

 Over all, I managed to stay healthy as far as I know. I wasn’t as productive as I wanted to be this year, but then again, who was? (don’t answer that. I don’t need that kind of comparison in my life right now)

 Will 2021be any better? Honestly? I don’t think so. Not right away, at least. Just because a new year is about to start does not mean the slate is completely wiped clean. The change of the calendar year doesn’t magically make all our current problems disappear. Covid will still be here and cases will still climb when January starts. Small business will still be strained when the month rolls over, police will still go on murdering innocent civilians and getting away scot free, amazon and disney will still be monopolizing all consumer goods and media, and I can’t help but feel like there’s an impending shit show about to go down on inauguration day. I do hope things will get better, though. It’ll be arduous and unpleasant, but I do hope things will improve, because sometimes hoping is all you can do.

 Good night.

#long post #new year's resolutions #year review #year retrospective

[veryfineday]

Wednesday 23 January 1833

7 1/4

11 50/..

Vc  U  L+

Fahrenheit 40º at 7 35/.. fire had been lighted 20 minutes – fine morning – rather hazy tho’ while frost – had Taylor to measure for stove fender – some time with Ch[arle]s H- [Howarth] laying library floor – breakfast at 9 40/.. – expected william Keighley junior at 10 but he has never come – by bit and bit before and after breakfast till now 2 p.m. wrote out the whole of Friday Saturday Sunday Monday yesterday and so far of today –

off to H-x[Halifax] down the old bank at 2 50/.. to mr. ParKer’s office – an hour there – the road by Birdcage to Southowram will never be made by the godley road commissioners – must have a bond of indemnity from matthew Booth to make the title secure enough – mr. P- [Parker] advised my letting them settle the matter with mrs. Ferguson and I at once desired him to do so – perhaps I shall get rid of this tiresome trust-money – advised my letting the upper brea water business remain as at present – do as well as I can with the old man, and then fight it out afterwards with the young one – 20 years gives a right – but the paper signed by my grandfather is against us – mr. P- [Parker] will pay Wilkinson his February coal payment and get a proper receipt for all paid hitherto – will let me have £200 or £250 or twice that till midsummer on my merely giving him a memorandum of having received it – Keighley’s window already closed – tooK bacK the rough draft of coal-lease and settled about it – thought I ought to buy an opening from my northgate land into waterhouse street or Broad street – asKed him to get to Know at what rate this could be done – told him what price I had lately asKed mr. Holroyde –

called at the door and inquired after mrs. Saltmarshe – had had a good night – better – then went into waterhouse street – saw that there was an opening from my land into Orange Street and no other required – returned by the godley road and went to PicKels and his 2 men worKing at the deep cutting – about 60 yards cut – above 1/2 hour with P- [Pickles] and home across the fields at 5 3/4 – dinner at 6 1/4 – Ch[arle]s H- [Howarth] says he will have done the library the weeK after next – Came to my own room after dinner and wrote the last 13 lines till 7 20/.. –

PicKersgill came at 7 25/.. for 1/4 hour – told him washington’s measurement and valuation of his haystacK – said I had let the farm to Greenwood, and he might see him, and agree with him – he (Greenwood) meant to cover the land with manure, so that I had given him leave to do what he would with the hay now on the premises, and he might give PicKersgill leave to sell it off or not just as they could agree – P- [Pickersgill] seemed well enough satisfied and we parted very good friends – then went into the little sitting room and staid talKing till 8 1/2 when came to my room – reading and cutting open Hooper’s medical dictionary –

very Kind letter (1 full 1/2 sheet and 1/2 page of envelope) from Lady Stuart Whitehall – thanKs for the blocK game – much pleased by my attention – read to mr. James Wortley what on the subject of his losing the election – ‘he is very sensible of your exertions, and assistance’ sorry my journey is put off, sorry on her own account and Vere’s – V- [Vere] well and well amused – uncertain whether they shall return for her confinement or not – Donald will not leave her – to direct to her (Lady S- [Stuart]) under cover to captain Stuart – the girls delighted with the ball at Hatfield – Lord and Lady S- [Stuart] still in town? – will write to Lady S- [Stuart] and Lady S- [Stuart] de R- [Rothesay] soon – SKimmed over the courier till 10 3/4 – fine frosty day – Fahrenheit 48 1/2º now at 10 3/4 but fire now and all the day –

#anne lister code breaker #1833 #lady stuart #vere hobart

[wtcrs-blog]

South of the border west of the sun

Once i spent 6 wonderful weeks stydying english in New York. ‘Wonderful’ cause those 6 weeks were mostly not about studying english and not even about New York itself, as i expected it to be, but about people who surrounded me there. One of them was a 15yo Colombian guy who was into reading and writing and who gave me a book which turned a whole bunch of stuff in my life upside-down. Here’s the letter i sent to the guy after reading the book. So, meet and greet, “South of the border west of the sun” by Murakami. 

So, firstly, I guess I need to tell you about my relationship with literature in general. I’ve told you already that I love russian literature and that Murakami is far from being my favorite writer. There’s a simple explanation to all of this: tho I read for pleasure mostly, I like to have a feeling of gaining smth while reading a book, and I feel like ‘gaining’ when I read stuff which is written in kind of a sophisticated way and which has smth more than just a cool plot in it. To make it a bit more clear, imagine reading ‘War and peace’ and some teenage stuff like ‘The fault in our stars’ or ‘The maze runner’ (have no idea if u know these two but the point is that it’s just simple stuff for teenagers). All of these books might have a thrilling plot and you might enjoy reading all three but what’s the difference between ‘War and peace’ and ‘The fault in our stars’? To put it in a simple way: ‘War and peace’ is a real piece of literature with not only a fun plot but with all that language and style stuff because of which we call it classic literature while ‘The fault of our stars’ has nothing except the plot and is so freaking easy to read that you’ll probably read it in one day cause you don’t have to make ANY effort to read it as it’s written with the simplest words, with the simplest style and the simplest language you can imagine. So, what I’m driving at is that I do not like reading simple stuff because I do not feel like gaining anything from reading a thing which does not require any effort to be read.

Getting a bit closer to the subject: I haven’t read much from Murakami (to be more specific: ‘Norwegian wood’, ‘The wind-up bird chronicle’ and a few short stories only) but all the stuff I read was pretty simple. I’m not talking about the meaning here, just about the way all of this stuff is written. Obviously I’m not implying that Murakami’s books are written as ‘The fault of our stars’ is written, for god’s sake no, but anyway Murakami’s style is not that sophisticated. And that’s why I can’t say I liked it much cause here’s the main point of Polina-literature relationships: no matter how much I like the plot, I need to like the style to say that I enjoyed the book. And I haven’t read anything from Murakami about which I could’ve said that I liked the style.

Getting to the point exactly (God bless me here cause I have no idea how to put all of this into words). All of those Polina-literature-relationship things which I’ve just told you about went freaking down and do not work anymore because of your book. It just somehow destroyed all the principles I had.

It’s the first book I’ve read in my life which had nothing similar to what I call ‘a sophisticated style’ but which is surely one of my favorite books now regardless of how it is written. I can’t explain it to myself but anyways it doesn’t matter much I guess. Just real fun to suddenly find out that I’m capable of liking smth that has nothing to do with being sophisticated J

Soooooooooooooooo the book itself. Goddamit Pablo GODDAMIT what’s wrong with the ending? How am I supposed to go on with living my normal life after reading this. I feel the same as I felt when I read your ‘Crisantemo’. I have a couple of interpretations of the ending but I’ll never know which one is correct. And maybe it really should be so cause as you’ve told me once, it’s important what I think of it myself and I should find the meaning which kinda fits my own personality and sometimes it’s not that important to know the correct interpretation cause there’s no correct one. It’s just different for everyone.

1.      The first and the most simple interpretation which came to me first was that Shimamoto committed a suicide. So she’s dead and there is not much to think about actually. But if I stick to this interpretation, I have a whole lotta unanswered questions. For example: what for did Murakami put that episode with Hajime following Shimamoto and then that strange man grasping his elbow and giving him that envelope with money? What for did all of this happen? What’s the meaning of this? Who was the man? What was the money for? And why did it disappear at the end of the book? Why don’t we know anything about Shimamoto’s life? Actually there’s no end to these questions. And if you stick to this interpretation you’ll realize that actually we know NOTHING at all. We don’t know anything about anything except Hajime’s life. Just think about it for a second: how strange it is to know all the details of his life and not to know a single thing about Shimamoto’s life, how strange it is that everything in this book is a question except Hajime’s life. All of it looks like a real bad book written by a random person who has nothing to do with literature: someone just sat down with an idea of a trivial romantic story and started writing. He or she wanted to make the story look like a real book and put so freaking many events and so many characters into the story, but this person is not a writer and he knows nothing about writing, that’s why he was just not capable of leading all of this to the end: he invented all those characters and events but put no meaning into them, gave no answers and all of this led to nothing at the end. Those characters, those events led to nothing, the book could easily exist without them. Practically all books arise a whole lotta questions. You read and you wonder why this or that happened but you always get all the answers at the end. This book doesn’t have a single answer. No answers at all. Is it a good book? Is it even literature? Putting random, meaningless stuff? Looks more like a draft to a book, not a real book. But this is a real book, there’s nothing more except those 250 pages. Just a book with no answers, a book by a real bad writer? No, can’t be so, I thought. I might not like Murakami but I’m not that crazy to refuse acknowledging that he’s a writer with big ‘W’ cause the whole world knows him. It means smth, right? So, then, what’s wrong with this book?

 And at this point I came to the second interpretation.

 2.      He left Shimamoto at the age of 12 and he never saw her again. There was no man and no money. None of this ever happened.

At first I thought it was a pretty stupid way to interpret the ending, but then I found so many things to support this interpretation that I’m pretty sure that’s the right way to explain everything. Well, at least for me it is J

a)      There’s not a single moment in the whole book where it’s said that anyone except Hajime ever saw Shimamoto. We never see anyone talking to her, we never see anyone interacting with her in any other way, we never see Murakami saying that there was someone who even SAW Shimamoto. The only person who saw her was Hajime himself. Even when there were situations when there was no way for people not to interact with her, it didn’t happen. She sat in the bar and she wanted a cocktail. Did she ask the bartender for anything? Do we see the bartender saying anything to her? Never. It was Hajime who talked to bartender for her, it was him who the bartender replied to. Do you remember all those ‘soaked to the skin’ moments? She never took a cab, we never saw her interacting with a cab driver, with a bus driver, we never saw her in any kind of transport at all except for Hajime’s car. She never took a cab though it was raining as hell and she was wearing all those expensive clothes and from her description it was absolutely clear that she was not that kind of woman who would prefer getting all soaked and wet to taking a cab. But she never took one. What about Hajime’s night with her? How she disappeared in the morning, how Hajime could never figure out the way she got back to the city cause it was simply not possible: no cabs, no buses there. Moreover, she was wearing high heels. No way she could get back to the city on foot. It took them hour and a half driving to get there, how much it would’ve taken her to get there on foot, wearing high heels?

b)      The present Shimamoto gave Hajime disappeared with her in the morning. Okay, fine, I totally get the fact of her disappearance, but why would she take the present she gave him? She disappeared herself, she knew she’d never come back, so it was pretty logical to give Hajime something that would remind him of her. And she really did give it to him. But then she just took it back all of a sudden. What the hell.

c)      That money in the envelope which disappeared at the end of the book. How do we even know that envelope ever existed? Did we see Hajime taking the envelope out of that drawer? Ever? Somehow interacting with the envelope? Never. He got the money from that mysterious man, he put it in the drawer and then at the end he found out that the envelope was no longer in the place where he put it. We can’t be sure it ever existed. We can’t even be sure he ever met that man.

d)      Shimamoto’s medicine. (I’ll just put a quote here) ‘I looked at the packet. Nothing was written on it, not the name of the medicine, her name, directions. Strange, I thought, considering that such information is usually provided so you won’t take a medicine by mistake, or so others will know what to do’. Not much of a possibility Shimamoto had such a packet, especially considering that she had a really serious health issue (which is obvious cause she was literally dying in Hajime’s car) and she knew that such an attack (or whatever you call it) could happen to her anywhere at any time and she would need a person next to her to help her take the medicine, so the person needed to know exactly how to do this. Surely it was life and death matter to have all the information written on the package. But the information wasn’t there. Because probably there was no medicine at all.

And if all of this is not like that and I interpret it incorrectly then we need to look for an answer to the good old question which I’ve told you already about: what for did Murakami put all those episodes? What for was there that man and the envelope? What for did we see Hajime thinking about why didn’t the package have any information? And, finally, and most importantly, we need to answer this question: freaking why did Hajime ask himself at the end of each chapter whether what had happened to him REALLY did happened? Freaking why was he always searching for proof, for signs which would show him that he REALLY saw her, that they REALLY had that night, that the envelope was REALLY there? Is it even healthy from mental point of view to always doubt the events happening in your life? Do you ask yourself if you really met me? Do you ever try to find a proof of something that you saw with your own eyes?

 ·        ‘Sometimes I’d think it must have all been a delusion, from start to finish a fantasy I cooked up in my head. …… But it did happen. It really happened. It really did happen’

·        ‘Maybe I had had an illusion, I thought. But this had been no illusion. It really did happen’

·        ‘But once I acknowledged that the envelope had disappeared, its existence and nonexistence traded places in my consciousness. A conviction that the envelope had never actually existed swelled up inside me’

So here we come to a pretty obvious question: what the hell was wrong with Hajime? Was he a schizophrenic or what? Well, we’ll never know for sure, and there’s only a couple of things I came up with to support the idea but they are not very persuasive to be honest.

1.      From the very beginning I got that strange sensation of some kind of abnormality in Hajime’s relationship with the world. Something with his wife, something with his children, I still can’t make it out, but the center of all of this lies here: when it came to leaving everything and going to Shimamoto, he said to himself that he didn’t care about anything except Shimamoto. He clearly made a point that he didn’t care AT ALL about what would happen to his children after he left. How could that be? Not caring about two little daughters? At all? Absolute apathy? I’d get it if he felt it towards his wife but not towards his children. Moreover, he was ready to leave his business which he struggled so much about before, ready to forget about returning the money he lent from his wife’s father. It’s not even that he was ready to leave it all, no, he was ready not to care about it anymore. At all. And here it already looks like an obsession with Shimamoto in sake of which he was ready to throw everything away.

2.      Before I came up with the second interpretation I wondered what is the scene with Izumi suddenly appearing in his life again doing in the book. What’s the meaning? But if we stick to my second interpretation, it would have a meaning. It was some kind of a tipping point. After seeing Izumi, Hajime started getting down to earth and all those Shimamoto stuff, all his memories and illusions started fading away. If it’s not like that, I have no idea why Murakami put this thing into the book.

So, everything adds up, right? Seems like I found an explanation for a lot of things and now the book finally makes sense, a whole lotta sense to be honest, but still there’s something going out of tune here.

Why did Murakami put the scene with Shimamoto telling Hajime about her baby’s death? If Shimamoto was only an illusion, why would Hajime need to imagine such an episode? Why would he need that baby in Shimamoto’s life? What does this baby’s death mean? Why would Murakami even bring the baby, the new character into the book? What is the point here? But here’s something which strikes me even more: literally a paragraph after this episode we saw Shimamoto dying because of some breath problems. What did the baby die of? Breath problems. Is that just a coincidence or am I missing something important?

And here we come to the final point. The last sentence in the book.

‘Until someone came and lightly rested a hand on my shoulder, my thoughts were of the sea’. Who was it? Was it Shimamoto?

 ‘probably is a word you may find south of the border. but never, ever west of the sun’

#haruki murakami #south of the border west of the sun #literature #book #review #japan #new york #quote #thoughts #english #notes #interpretation #Мураками #Харуки Мураками #к югу от границы на запад от солнца #книга #литература #рецензия #япония #америка #концовка #мысли #заметки #письмо #letter

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Wednesday 6 July 1836

6 10

12

- No kiss heavy thunder rain in the night but all dry and fair this morning tho’ dull - F62° at 7 5 am wrote out a rent list to give Mr. Washington till breakfast at 9 in about ¾ hour - then had Mr. SW- till 11 had sent for him to go with Robert Mann and Frank Day and take the bay horse with 2 little hampers full of manure, and break down Mr. Wilkinson’s wall and shew my right of road along the top of my top Wellroyde wood - but SW- begged me to let him speak to Mr. Wilkinson 1st and I consented saying that if he could not bring Mr. Wilkinson to keep his promise and put up a gate for me to have a key of (I would not trouble him much but could not be shut out) I would send and pull the wall down on Saturday - took A- out - to the Lodge and about till after 12 - then had A- in my study - looked over her copy of new drain-agreement with Mr. Outram - sat with her at her luncheon - and with her till Mr. Harper came about 1 ½ - then after Mr. H- had luncheon with him looking about and at the rock-bridge, and the Conery till 3 ½ from where he set off to Halifax to go home at 4, and I staid with Matty Pollard - saw old James Greenwood’s house and John Booth’s - the windows (stone mullions of) wanted for the alterations at the hall, laundry etc - Matty to do what she could in getting James G- into the front cottage at Mytholm - shall not have much more to pay Booth in a/c of the Lodge - he is to begin about the house tomorrow - the alterations in the house and out-buildings to be done immediately, and the west tower and back Lodge and part of terrace wall - Mr. Gray to leave St. P- the 27th of this month via Hull, and be here about the 2nd week in August - Mr. Harper will be here during the week Mr. G- is here, and try to get all done - all under the beeches, near the glen-bridge, to be walled up and made safe before winter - a temporary common old gate to be hung at the Lodge before the centre is struck - Mr. H- to get the housekeeper’s bedroom done (the present phaeton house) to be ready for Mr. Gray to sleep in, and he to have the parlour for his sitting room - A- to order Messrs. Briggs to honour Mr. Harper’s drafts to the amount of £750 i.e. £500 for Water Lane mill and £250 for the 4 Hatters fold cottages - I to order the Yorkshire District bank to honour Mr. Parker’s drafts under the orders of Mr. Harper to the amount of £3000 - he Harper thinks £200 will carry Booth on till Xmas - Long talk about the Northgate hotel - H- heard at Skipton of the large hotel building for Carr - repeated what I had said to Mr. Adam that in my present mind, I thought Godley road would be mine before C- had the hotel - H- says everybody thinks (even Mr. Parker) that Carr would only be a temporary tenant - would not well pay the rent, but nobody else to set up and manage the  hotel - said what I should like best would be to get a good tenant quietly, so that when C- did apply, it might merely be said he was too late, the hotel being let - Mr. Harper to manage it - I would not object to a lease of 5 years - there is a Mr. Leaver in London law agent to Lord Grosvenor very likely to help us - H- to send me a sketch of the hotel on a foolscap sheet of paper -a little while with A- sketching and tinting the rocks again with Mr. Horner - a minute or 2 with my aunt - wrote all the above of today till A- came in at 6 25 at which hour came also Mr. SW- sat by us while we dined and took coffee

SH:7/ML/E/19/0072

with us staid settling with me after the rent day and reading over A-‘s Outram drain-agreement till 8 - then had Thomas Greenwood (who had been with my aunt  sometime) to pay his rent and he sat talking till 10 ½ pm F50° now at 11 ¼ pm fine day but coolish