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alexjcrowley · 1 year

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Hi, it's me, the author of the fucked everything au post, this one

I wanted to add some things, feel free to make your additions

-Sherlock is a firm believer in the Doctor, but he think Crowley is the Doctor, just disguised. He tried to nonchilantly pull his "red wig" from his head. (He has never run into the Doctor for some reason)

-Morpheus and Crowley talk shit about Lucifer when they're drunk.

-Watson and Wilson have a bet on whose partner will break the most law in a week. They're always very close wins.

-Dirk Gently and Aziraphale have become great friends, they take tea together every Thursday and they talk about all sort of stuff. Aziraphale finds Dirk captivating in his weirdness, he thinks he is a very interesting human.

-Scooby Doo is afraid of Dog (Adam's dog)

-Gregory House thinks paralibulites is made up, he steals a couple of Todd's pills to analyse them and see if they're like allucinogens but they're not. He forms an alliance with Sherlock to find out what the fuck is there in those pills.

-James Bond can imitate Benoit perfectly but Benoit can't imitate James, he can't get rid of the accent. Q finds James's impressions very amusing.

-Aziraphale and Philip talks about sweet recipes, they also exchange culinary creations, but, while Philip actually makes them, Aziraphale miracles them because he is shit at cooking. Philip always tells him that he is such a great baker and he feels like a beginner compared to him, Aziraphale smiles patting his arm and saying practice makes perfect. When Philip starts asking for details on how to make the perfect sponge cake or a mousse that won't melt, Aziraphale just miracles someone calling him because oh boy he doesn't know the first thing Philip is talking about.

-Both Sherlock and House tried to get Shaggy to sell them marijuana, unsuccessfully.

-Crowley loves to hear House going on and on about how God doesn't exist. It's hilarious for him. He has to physically stop himself from laughing. He pretends to agree with him.

-Dirk is the only one not fazed about Scooby Doo being a talking dog. When Crowley and Aziraphale are weirded out. They're trying to remember if it's one of their old miracles.

-Ascots were invented by Crowley, because they're simply an insult to style, and also he knew Aziraphale would have loved them. He is proud to see Benoit and Fred wearing them, they release a small but effective amount of evil into the world.

-I saw a post on Tumblr, I don't remember by who, that said if Benoit Blanc is with Hugh Grant it means at some point he had to choose between him and Colin Firth, you know, like in Bridget Jones Diary. This is now canon for me. Philip won Benoit Blanc's heart over Colin Firth and Philip hates talking about Colin, the idea that he could lose Benoit over him is just terrible to remember. Also Colin isn't really called Colin his name is Harry Bright. You were fools if you thought I'd leave Mamma Mia out of this.

-Dirk has heard Matthew the raven talk and Scooby Doo talk and now he is convinced he can talk to animals, that's a skill the universe granted him.

-Benoit Blanc and Aziraphale talk about fashion, obviously.

-If Q and Newton Pulsifer ever met all the computers in the world would explode.

-Also here's a small fic I read some time ago that I really love (and it's a House/Good Omens crossover) on how House and Wilson are alive and well in this au

-Dirk actually somewhat counts amongst the supernatural individuals so Crowley and Aziraphale and Dream and Hob started inviting him and Todd to their dinners. The point is Dirk and Todd haven't understood Ineffable Husbands and Dremling are supernatural individuals yet and they just think they're very eccentric folks.

-Dirk stole Crowley's Bentley once because The UniverseTM and Crowley has been trying to kill him ever since, but the Universe won't let Dirk die. This does not interfer with the Supernatural Dinners Aziraphale insists on hosting and the angel made him promise he won't try to kill Dirk at their house.

-He tries not show, but Sherlock is feeling the competitions with all of these other private detectives showing up. Especially Dirk, because he has no idea how they guy does since he looks like an idiot but he is always on top of the cases.

-Aziraphale unsuccessfully tries to buy the old medicine book Wilson gifted house for Christmas.

-Lestrade tried to stop the Scooby Doo Gang from interfering with a police case but ended up talking about cars with Fred and just...forgot he was supposed to stop these guys. He opted for closing an eye. It wasn't even his division, anyway.

-Q and Mycroft have been trying for years to obtain information on Hob Gadling, Aziraphale, Crowley and Morpheus at MI6 because, like, they're weird. They all come from families in which people always had roughly the same name for some reasons, their documents seem legit but there's something wrong about them. Also why is Crowley financing a witch hunting agency. Like yes he looks weird but not let's hunt witches in 2022 weird.

Dirk: "Your name is Sherlock? I have a friend named Sherlock!"

Sherlock: "It's not a very common name."

Dirk: "His name is Sherlock Hobbs."

Sherlock: "...Interesting."

Todd: "So you're like...you're Sherlock...and Watson."

Watson: "There are our names, yes."

Todd: "But, like, just like... Sherlock and Watson?"

Watson: "Yes. Again, these are our names."

-Benoit and Philip are very proud of Fred, they're only worried about his well being always travelling and having to deal with bad guys (especially Philip, he's scared for his son🥺), but luckily Q installed a tracking device in the Mystery Machine

-Sherlock is secretly fond of Steve McQueen the rat and will go to House's house (my God what did I write) just to pet it. House allows it.

-Sometimes Sherlock and House play together, violion and piano. They found out they have more in common than they'd like to admit and that they enjoy eachothers company, even if they'll never say it out loud.

-(btw I think it was @thesaltofcarthage to headcanon that House is Sherlock's biological father and yes it's far fetched but also I am not opposed to this at all, I like it a lot, I vibe with it so I leave this here and give her the due credits).

-The Them ask Morpheus if he is a new Horseman of the Apocalypse. Morpheus simply smiles at them and then tells Adam "My sister likes you" before going his way.

-Aziraphale dislikes Mycroft a lot because may I remind you Mark Gatiss played one of the two Nazis in the church who played Aziraphale for a fool with the book deal. The rest you know yada yada yada Crowley comes to the rescue.

-House often dreams of Fiddler's Green since he is played by Stephen Fry and he and Hugh Laurie are very close friends.

-I like to think Shaggy actually is an failed attempt at an Antichrist that didn't work out and yes he is...someway Lucifer's son. And kind of Adam's brother. But he doesn't know. Also Scooby Doo is an infernal hound like of course. And Shaggy wished for Scooby Doo to be his best friend and like food and be as scared as him of horror stuff so there you have it.

-Aziraphale knows Wilson. He knew John Keating, great professor, and he went to visit him at Welton Academy once. He remember Wilson when he was young, talentex actor, shame he went for medicine in the end, he could really have a future in the arts. Wilson tells himself his mind is playing tricks on him, the weird man he saw with Mr Keating once must be dead at this time.

Last thing I wanna add I didn't expect this whole everything-I've-ever-watched-au to resonate with people and I am happy you like it, I have fun writing but it's even better to share it with someone, please keep adding ideas and crossovers to this. All the comments and reblogs I had under my last posts were brilliant and all together we make a big brain of mind-blowing ideas.

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thedreadvampy · 4 months

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btw on the tangent of end of history ass bullshit I put my finger recently on why adapting Good Omens as a modern-day story bugs me

bc I Have Known. bc I was a comedy-fantasy afficianado in the 90s/early 2000s. that GO is one of many examples of a very specific genre of British comedy-scifi-fantasy popular in the 90s I would term "millennial apocalypse farce".

you know, they're a mix of biblical eschatology, Fortean Times conspiracy theory, cult tropes, and Y2K Rise of the Machines stuff, smashed together into an Adamsian comedy where a group of hapless protagonists bumble around while the world falls apart in comically overblown ways. imo, though a lot of authors bring their own spin to it, they're all heavily stylistically influenced specifically by Dirk Gently, which isn't Millennial Apocalypse Farce but I think did inspire a lot of it. Robert Rankin is on the edge of it, Good Omens is the most lasting example, but I read like 20 of these and most authors only wrote one afaict.

but the thing I was saying the other day is I honestly cannot think of a genre of popular English-language fiction that's more rooted in a specific time and culture. I tried for a while and really couldn't.

It just doesn't translate well away from the turn of the millennium, purely because the millennium was such a fevered touchpoint for Apocalypse Stuff. two things there I think.

Obviously, Y2K looming. Millennium Approaches. The turn of every century has often been accompanied by an uptick in interest in apocalypses and end times, but this was the BIGGIE. It's only happened on this calendar once before. People in the 1900s were talking about how close they were to a new millennium. The approaching millennium dominated the whole 20th century, and especially with how apocalyptic a lot of the 20th century felt in terms of war and technology, apocalyptic fervour really kicked up in the 90s. And there was a smorgasbord of apocalypses to choose from; divine, nuclear, digital, cosmic, alien, all stuff which on the millennial scale had really only just shown up in the last century or so. I was 7 in 2000 so pinch of salt but I remember all of us sort of holding our breath leading up to Jan 1 2000, not just bc of Y2K but bc it felt like something momentous HAD to happen.

The end of history. The cold war had subsided, and so had the economic depression of the 70s and 80s UK. There just was not a Singular Apocalypse hanging over a group of people who'd spent their whole lives in the shadow of a Singular Nuclear Apocalypse. I think stuff really rushed in to fill that gap, and Millennial Apocalypse Farce is a response to that sudden glut of possible apocalypses all clamouring for attention.

I think as well American end-of-days right-wing evangelism was really loud in the 80s-90s and that plays a part, cause the generally lefty and consciously self-effacing British comedy author milieu found that off-putting in a very mockable way

but the point is that glut of apocalypses was a real flash in the pan, the same way the End of History was. it was a like 10-15 year timespan where the world was definitely ending but nobody could say why or how, and it began around the fall of the Berlin Wall and ended on September 11, 2001.

Millennial Apocalypse Farce novels did keep coming out after 2001 but like everything else, the culture has changed really radically, and also, like, we were past the millennium. Those infinite possibilities of apocalypses hadn't paid off. Not saying that the public interest in apocalypse went away - 2012, obviously. The LHC. But the full on fervour for any and all crank apocalypses kind of petered off a bit bc the turn of the millennium was so much a flashpoint for it. and anyway we had really concrete apocalypses again - terrorism, totalitarian governments, plague, and of course the main 21st century apocalypse, Oh Shit We Really Fucked This Climate Change Thing Up.

and I really love the Millennial Apocalypse Farce genre. I really love stumbling on books in that genre. because it's such a time capsule for an incredibly specific period in recent cultural history.

but it does not translate into a 2020s setting. It's so 90s. it's so rooted in a really specific landscape of cultural anxieties and abstractions. it just doesn't make sense to me to translate it to the modern day, it's like setting Angels in America in 2023. it's just the wrong type of apocalypse. apocalypses are culturally generated and they change fast based on how a culture sees itself and the world. you can't pick up a 1990 apocalypse and put it unchanged in 2023, it's Wrong. if you're going to do that you have to be in conversation with it, you can't just update it.

like ok example of thoughtfully recontextualising an anachronistic apocalypse for a modern setting. War of the Worlds 2005. Why is it War of the Worlds? Because it wants to say some things about the relationship between post 9/11 America and colonial England, and how the specific common anxiety of invasion affects them as people in a nation of invaders. Idk if it's a good film cause I didn't like it when I watched it but that was a long time ago. But the intent makes sense.

what does putting a Millennial Apocalypse Farce in the 2020s actually. say? about the commonalities between now and then? I mean. Based on the TV show of Good Omens, to me, not a lot. It's pretty beat for beat in that sense, and we're not really far enough away from 1990 for it to have the obvious impacts that saying "now is very like then" does with, say, War of the Worlds, because the world of HG Wells was distant enough for a 2005 audience to go 'oh, Victorian colonialism, that's Not Like Us.' whereas like. I remember the 90s. It's not recent but it's in continuity with now. saying "then it's like now" is a) kind of Incorrect imo, the cultural anxieties are Very Different, and b) not...striking?

idk like. The genre is dated. The nature of that specific apocalypse idea is incredibly dated. And that's good actually. It's fine for art to be a time capsule of a specific cultural moment and to not make sense divorced from that moment. That's good! That's a good use of art!

#red said

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asgardian--angels · 3 months

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Pouring one out for all of the groundbreaking shows I've loved over the years that were canceled after 2 seasons: Pushing Daisies, In The Flesh, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, Galavant... I'm sure you all have others.

Let's make sure that Our Flag Means Death isn't one of them. Support our #SaveOFMD campaign for all the series, especially the queer ones, that were axed before their story was told in full. Whether or not you watch the show, this fight is bigger than one series - it's for the industry thinking it can get away with this over and over again.

Take just one moment to sign our petition and send it to some friends:

#saveofmd #renewasacrew #our flag means death

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bracketsoffear · 5 months

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End: Bart Curlish (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency) "The Holistic Assassin, the Universe's Delete Key. Bart goes where the universe sends her, killing who needs to be killed in ways that range from the mundane to the hilariously macabre. Bullets miss her and end up killing her target, people flee from her and end up directly in the path of traffic… you get the idea. She represents the inevitable, and she always hits her target in the end."

Corruption: Clara/The Changeling (Pathologic) "Clara does not exist until the game begins. She takes on the role of a healer in this town with an emerging plague, but the first person she attempts to heal dies. She is told that someone who looks exactly like her is committing crimes in the town, so she has to actively work to maintain her reputation throughout the game, or else citizens will start to attack her in the street.

Though she does have healing abilities, the game purposefully misleads you on how they are used. She doesn't understand it any more than you do. She is also aware that she is a character in a video game, and knows that she cannot exist outside the framework of the game. Because Pathologic is about a town dying to the plague that you are trying your hardest to prevent, and then mitigate, and then destroy at any cost, Clara comes to believe that she is the cause of the plague. After all, she cannot exist in a world without one. She comes into being as the game begins, and will likely stop existing after it is over, as what more is there for her to do? Kill an already dead town? Save an already healed town?

Each character you can play as can choose their own ending, and hers involves asking people to sacrifice themselves to her routinely to keep the town alive. Even when you make the correct choices and try to heal the town, the plague is still a constant threat and will never truly go away, and Clara is indeed responsible for this looming threat, as her healing hands are the ones people are blindly following into a routine of self-sacrifice and reminder of the plague that almost destroyed their town. In a way, it is fully possible to interpret her character as the true source of the plague, and the game allows you to believe this. There isn't really anything to contradict it, after all."

#the magnus archives #poll #winners' bracket #the end #the corruption #dghda #dirk gently #pathologic

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thedemonofcat · 11 months

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Lately, I've delved into the series Dirk Gently (a show I wholeheartedly recommend). Within its episodes, there exists a fascinating fictional ailment known as Pararibulitis, a nerve disorder that induces excruciating hallucinations, so vividly real to those afflicted. Surprisingly, this concept seems underutilized in fanfiction, sparking the gears of my creative writer's mind. And thus, here's what emerged from its depths.

Throughout Jaskier's formative years, he was incessantly reminded of an affliction that plagued him—a condition that caused vivid hallucinations, so tangible and lifelike in his perception. As a result, Jaskier's parents became overly cautious and overprotective, their concern suffocating him as time passed. Feeling trapped by their well-meaning yet stifling sheltering, Jaskier ultimately resolved to escape his confined existence and embark on a journey as a wandering bard.

As Jaskier embarks on his travels alongside Geralt, he endeavors to conceal his affliction, a challenging task when unpredictable attacks can strike at any moment. One fateful day, as their campsite serves as the backdrop, Jaskier finds himself ensnared in an attack where a gust of wind transforms into a swarm of buzzing bees. Overwhelmed and distressed, Jaskier's screams fill the air, leaving Geralt desperate to find a way to soothe the bard or, at the very least, cease his agonized cries. In a moment of quick thinking, Geralt employs the power of Axii, casting it upon Jaskier, gently coaxing him into a peaceful slumber.

Upon awakening, Jaskier realizes the need to disclose the details of his condition to Geralt. However, to his astonishment, Geralt reassures Jaskier that he isn't sick, as the witcher's keen senses would have detected any ailment by scent alone. Instead, after witnessing Jaskier's distressing episode, Geralt discerned a different essence in the air. Rather than the odor of illness, he detected the unmistakable presence of magic lingering in the aftermath of the bard's attack

Jaskier, attempting to counter Geralt's assertion, insists that he lacks any trace of magic within him. However, Geralt counters, suggesting that Jaskier's true nature may be that of a magical being rather than a human mage. Intrigued by this possibility, they embark on a shared journey to unravel the mystery of Jaskier's identity. Their path is far from smooth, marked by numerous highs and lows, including a heartbreaking separation atop a treacherous mountain.

Eventually, fate leads them to Kaer Morhen, where a pivotal moment unfolds. Jaskier falls victim to a vicious attack as he consumes food tainted with maggots attempting to burrow into his flesh. To his astonishment, he discovers that everyone else present can see the vile creatures as well. The revelation of Jaskier's true nature appears imminent, as the secrets of his existence are on the verge of being unveiled

It is revealed that Jaskier is, in fact, a changeling, and his seemingly debilitating attacks are manifestations of his untamed magic. As a Fae, Jaskier possesses the extraordinary ability to manipulate nature according to his desires. However, being a changeling, he has long been unaware of his true potential and lacked control over his powers.

Recalling his earliest attack, Jaskier vividly remembers feeling overwhelmed and frightened, while his mother, aware of his true nature, attempted to reassure him that the illusions he witnessed were not real. It becomes apparent that Jaskier's parents swiftly discovered the switch between their child and the changeling but, despite this revelation, they continued to deeply care for Juilan (Jaskier) and decided to keep his true identity a secret. To shield Jaskier and prevent anyone, including Jaskier himself, from uncovering the truth about his fae lineage, they chose to fabricate an illness as a cover-up, preserving the façade of normalcy

As the truth about Jaskier's fabricated life sinks in, a whirlwind of emotions engulfs him, leaving him unsure of how to process the revelation. However, Geralt steps forward, extending a heartfelt promise that shatters Jaskier's doubts. Assuring him that he has never been a lie, Geralt's words embrace Jaskier with a newfound sense of comfort and acceptance.

With this reassurance, Jaskier resolves to embrace his true identity and seeks to master his extraordinary powers. Determined to gain control over his abilities, he sets forth on a journey of self-discovery and growth. In a touching display of unwavering support, Geralt pledges to stand by Jaskier's

#the witcher netflix #joey batey #geralt of rivia #jaskier the witcher #the witcher #henry cavill #the witcher jaskier #geralt x jaskier #geraskier #fic ideas #fae jaskier #changeling jaskier

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windvexer · 1 year

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Fractal Tiles: My Dirk Gently inspired custom divination system

This post is for people who are into creating and developing personal divination systems. Sadly, it has very little to actually do with Dirk Gently.

Readings are performed by drawing tiles, sight-unseen, and placing them down in a random or pre-determined order (such as in a square or line).

Each tile has a directional stripe of paint which indicates its element. When a tile is placed face-down (as some of them will be by chance), the tile is carefully rotated on this axis so the direction of the stripe doesn't change.

(Because the tiles are hand-made, there are small differences in the stripes from front to back).

The stripes are important because they indicate one of the three main factors in the system: Direction. The other two factors are Element and Profile.

This system uses four Elements (earth, water, fire, and air) and numerous Profiles. Profiles include concepts such as Agent, Boon, Home, Prosperity, and Defense.

Each Profile has four tiles; it's a key word fractalled out into the elements. Pictured below are two profiles, Attack and Agent. The Attack profile contains the tiles Onslaught, Subterfuge, Insurrection, and Intervention.

The Agent profile contains the tiles Ally, Opposer, Enemy, and Friend.

Each element has ongoing themes. For example, all fire tiles share themes of passion, intensity, single-mindedness, and consumption to fuel action.

The tiles are not read intuitively. Because they're inspired by a show that has a lot of synchronous balance, I use a spreadsheet to carefully develop a set of meanings for each tile. When I develop meanings, I especially focus on movement and intention.

For example, consider the Agent tiles Opposer and Enemy. Their movements are very different - Opposer is slow, steady, mostly unmoving, and waiting for you to cross it so it can shove back. Enemy is rapid, flickering, following, and opportunistic.

However, their intent is also very different. Opposer is a guardian, defender, and morally neutral agent who may act as a gatekeeper or protector, and by doing such halt your progress or ruin your plans.

Enemy is a bad-faith actor who dislikes you personally and will act against you in any way they can, regardless of what it is you're trying to do.

So even though tiles like Ally/Friend, Enemy/Opposer, and Income/Dividends may seem very similar, there are always key differences.

With the use of the "official" meanings, and paying careful attention to the direction of the tiles, detailed readings may be obtained with relatively few tiles.

Here's an example reading. A practitioner wants to know if their planned spell to obtain a bonus at work will be successful. Three tiles are drawn and placed randomly, then flipped over on the axis so they are all face-up.

First, we can see that there's nothing wrong with the spell in and of itself. That person's Power neatly aligns with and points towards the Gift they want to obtain.

Unfortunately, it's the intervention of an Opposer which will cause the spell to fail. We can gain a lot of information from this:

The Opposer isn't pointed at Power or Gift. Whatever is stopping manifestation might not care about either the practitioner or the work bonus, but is nonetheless acting in its own best interest and causing the spell to fail.

Because the practitioner's tiles are both red tiles of fire, and the thing getting in the middle of them is directly oppositional water, simply adding more firepower (hah) won't help. Consider how the spread might be different if the watery Opposer tile was an airy Enemy tile, or if the fiery Power tile was actually the earthy Discussion tile.

Because the Opposer tile isn't directly in the middle of Power and Gift, there might still be plenty of opportunity for the practitioner to obtain what they desire. My final interpretation might be that the practitioner should reconsider their methods in this matter to ensure they aren't stepping on any unseen toes on their way to their goal.

Larger spreads can get intensely more complex and can include elemental patterns and groupings, and shapes formed by randomly placing tiles.

This system is far from complete. I have many profiles that I've never actually made into tiles, and there needs to be a lot more testing. However, from what I've observed:

This system excels in explaining energies, why they're doing what they're doing, and where they're headed. This system cannot easily tell you what your greatest strength is or what your god wants you to know, but it can very easily explain what's giving your bedroom those bad vibes, or what the hell your friend is up to.

I was going to make this a two-parter with thoughts on developing custom div systems, but it's feeling a bit long, so I think I'll nip it in the bud here and make a separate post for that.

#fractal tiles #divination #custom divination systems

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h3rmitsunited · 2 years

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playing mash the fandoms together and thinking about dirk gently in sandman universe and like okay thematically it makes more sense to have dirk and the holistic being the endless, like bart as death... mona as delirium... rowdy 3 as destruction... maybe Francis as destiny... dirk I guess would be dream because they're the main guy but like dirk isn't really dream esque...

And like if we're going brotzly about it right then we gotta stick them in dreamling which means it works so much better in that sense that dirk is hob and todd is dream (with Amanda as his knows too much sister) and dirk is this vibrant death defying kind hearted kinda stupid guy who wants to be this weird grumpy guys best friend and todd is like nah this is just to win a bet with my sister we're not friends and you're going to be begging to die once you realize how shitty being a human is so I'm not going to try anyways

Except dirk somehow, despite all the weird shit that happens to him (and it's a lot because he's still holistic and todd dream is like... destiny must have fucked over this one because I didn't have anything to do with any of that stuff) and the bad stuff he still wants to live and he still wants to be his friend and something happens idk they get into a fight a la 1889/pier scene and dirk thinks he has fucked everything up and something else happens and todd gets his dumb ass dumb brain rocked and realizes oh shit I can be friends with this guy and actually like... I kind of like him a lot

But then also also also if endless dirk... blackwing = burgess mansion right... like trapped 100 years in the basement with some assholes that want things from you that you can't give them and he's just waiting and waiting and waiting and like Dirk has the range, like yeah he's got his fun and wacky cartoon moments, but he's got anger in him, protectiveness, so much sad (smacks roof* this guy can fit so much trauma) and also then we could have the todd/hob saving dream fic trope where todd breaks dirk out of the mansion

Feel like I'm having big brain moment. So much potential

#dont expect a fic. i am so behind on every wip i have that i cannot do a sandman au #maybe ill get some art or something though. ive been on full art block writers block for like two months #it has SUCKED #um but also like if you add your ideas onto this i will love you forever. i just want to ramble about these two shows #i know its not a perfect mesh of them but like theres enough there that it is a fun concept i think #dghda #dirk gently #dirk gently’s holistic detective agency #the sandman #the sandman au #dghda au #brotzly

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davepetea · 4 months

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>Go ask your moirail how to get the Hyperbeam proxy to work.

Only partly because you can't work it out, but mostly because Sollux has been neglecting you to work on some big project and you're VERY high maintenance and he isn't giving you nearly enough attention. That being literally every single breath he takes should be devoted to YOU. Absolutely. You aren't being dramatic AT ALL.

When you slink up to his computer chair and sit next to it on the floor, and gently nudge your Steam Deck on his lap, he takes it without looking down at you and glances at the screen. You go to open your mouth to ask him to help but he figures out the issue in a millisecond and taps the screen a couple of times, then hands it back to you. You close your mouth, and look at it, tilting your head. "It's uh. Still-"

He turns it back to himself and 'tut's, tapping the screen again. "I forgot to refresh it." He hands it back again, this time the play icon is working.

"How did you-"

He finally looks at you this time, almost sighing because he knows he's going to HAVE to give you attention eventually, so he puts the device back on his lap, turns his chair toward you more and pets your head, his thumb rubbing against one of your ears, and you purr as you lean your head into his hand. "There was a big banner across the top saying 'only available in the UK'... And, where are we?" He gestures around the room, with the hand not petting you, as if that means something. "Context clues. There is a little icon up there," he taps a blunt claw against the glass over a small, now green, Hyperbeam icon by the URL bar, "you click that, a little slider for the proxy pops up. I don't know where your server is located without digging but if you want to watch something from America then you will either need to use a VPN or have Dirk or someone proxy for you." He watches your face but you try not to show that you don't know how you would get a VPN to work on a virtual machine, or why Dirk would be able to do it since he lives just down the road, not in America. If you need to do that maybe it'll be straightforward... Or at least easy to look up online. "Anything else I can help you with?"

You stare into the screen for a second, going back to the situation at hand, then 'oh' quietly. Ok, either you're really stupid or he's really smart... Maybe both. "Oh! Um. Can you show us how to change the keyboard? It's doing the thing with the at and the speech marks?" You gesture by holding up your hands and crossing them over in front of you dramatically, a sign of 'swapped' or 'mixed up'.

He blinks at first, then works out what you mean, and you see him make the slightest movement where he's going to take it back and just do it for you, but thinks better of it, because you didn't ask him to 'fix it'. You asked him to 'show' you. So he does. He talks you through opening the settings and how to change the external keyboard layout for your Bluetooth keyboard, so instead of US it's in a UK layout, but there are different ones, so he shows you the differences and how to find all the layouts and that you can click 'preview' and it'll show where all the buttons are, so you can click them and they'll highlight.

Because you didn't bring the keyboard with you, you're not sure exactly which keys are where, so when you get back to your room, you'll be able to do it all by yourself!

#ooc post.#drabble.#readmore.#just writing this self indulgent thing bc I love them and it made me laugh when it was SO frickin easy to turn on the Proxy I stg #but Sollux is so patient and is just like “pass it here” when anything needs fixing. no questions asked. no mocking bc it was really simple #also making the Steam Deck Davepeta's device of choice bc I have one and it would totally be something they would use #it's Sollux's but they've stolen it bc he doesn't use it like ever

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infiniteelsinore · 8 months

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"Good morning, Dirk."

You groan just at the sound of Hal's voice. He left you absolutely fucked up last night- There's nasty marks on your arms from how he had you tied, your neck is bruised like you made a chump ass attempt at beheading yourself again, and you are just generally covered in spots of pain from his constant, incessant prodding with claws and tools.

Which, y'know. Is super fucking hot. Hal is a lot more intense than anyone else on your fuckbuddy roster, exploring the depths of your masochism isn't something you get much.

But on principle you are mad and you are angy and you volley a smuppet at him. He sidesteps it easily. And says nothing, for once in his life, doesn't goad you, doesn't try to cook up some witty remarks about his robotic superiority. He just silently crawls on top of you, and makes moves to kiss you.

Softly, gently- the exact opposite of the bitey nightmare kisses you got last night. He's also warm this time, human body temperature, something he was very much choosing not to use as to emphasize the difference between you and him. He spends a very comfortably long amount of time doing it, then slips away to give the same attention to your neck, your chest...

He's excessively careful to not put any weight on your sore spots, except for intentional ghosting kisses and licks that make you shiver. He absolutely laves over your hipbones and cum gutters, and pauses to look at you for a second before diving down further.

You don't have your dick right now. You are realizing, perhaps a bit belatedly, that you don't think he does either. He also had gotten a pair of briefs on you before he sent you off to bed last night, and you're starting to think that it was maybe just so he could mouth and kiss through the fabric right now the way that you love, until you'd almost be ready to beg him to go down on you if your voice wasn't so hoarse.

This is what you'd wanted, in a way that you would be too embarrassed to admit to anyone who didn't already know. You missed the absolutely goopy affection that you had with Jake, the stuff that made you so giddy you didn't care the world was ending. The few times you had sex, you were absolutely worshipping of him, and it felt good in a way that was so much deeper than just dispelling your dumb teenage hormones.

You'd always wished he would do the same back to you, but he didn't want to, and that was fine. None of it was meant to be. You wanted too much, were too much, and you weren't going to blame a guy for being unable to meet your needs through no real fault of his own.

But it still cropped up in your brain, sometimes, though. That maybe if you played your cards right, perfectly entered the cheat code to happiness, he would finally love you and fuck you silly the way you wanted. Obviously people didn't work that way, but you could never quite shake the feeling that you just had to try harder.

...Laying back and being a pillow princess until it fell out of your head again sounded like a good way to spend your morning.

#🟠[d].#🔴[h].#[action post].

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urlocallesbiab · 1 year

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I posted 2,320 times in 2022

That's 2,320 more posts than 2021!

50 posts created (2%)

2,270 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@clockworkcheetah

@trainwreckgenerator

@generalized-incompetence

@geeneelee

I tagged 2,291 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#dghda - 1,158 posts

#dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016) - 1,146 posts

#miscellaneous reblogs - 907 posts

#image not described - 820 posts

#dirk gently - 752 posts

#art - 704 posts

#todd brotzman - 592 posts

#dghda fanart - 521 posts

#brotzly - 347 posts

#this post was queued; i may not be actually online - 343 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#people will literally say ''dirk is a sunshine soft boy，todd is a normal borderline-boring everyman，and farah is perfect and invincible''

My Top Posts in 2022:

late-night todd&farah thoughts/headcanon

having lydia and then dirk kidnapped from right under farah's nose probably was extremely traumatic to her, and combined with her canonical bad mental health and anxiety (which i headcanon to be linked to ocd), it probably made her extremely afraid for todd; i hc that she developed a compulsion to never ever let him out of her sight (because What If something bad happens the second she looks away!). todd wasn't perfectly fine with that, obviously, but neither of them was perfectly fine with just about anything at the moment, and both were nearly equally deranged

they didn't spend a day, an hour apart for weeks straight. this sort of total 24/7 intimacy & isolation was partially why/how she'd tricked herself into thinking that she was attracted to todd — and post-"breakup"/after figuring out they'd be better as friends she got better at recognizing this behaviour as unhealthy for her, though she still had trouble abstaining from it. and she and todd often joked that when dirk would be found and this mess was over and things were calm, the two would happily take the opportunity to ignore each other for a full week or so. and when this mess was actually over, they joked that "by spending some time away from each other i didn't mean that you should go fuck off into a parallel world!" and "by spending some time away from each other i didn't mean that you should go get shot and then stuck in a hospital for a month!"

60 notes - Posted October 18, 2022

a dghda s2/s3 theory: the universe meant for amanda to become an omniscient master of backstage knowledge, and friedkin took that place instead of her through a series of mistakes

(this post gets Very Long, but you can scroll right to the end for a TL;DR)

now, allow me to provide some context before i delve into an explanation

first, a precursory theory: if suzie boreton died like she was meant to, then lord triangle badevil would have became the mage's apprentice

in s2ep1 bart makes a choice not to kill suzie, even though she feels like she should; and then throughout the season the fact that suzie isn't meant to be a part of things is alluded to:

1) in the end of s2ep8 dirk gives his usual Case Solved speech where he explains how everything is connected, but he doesn't know how suzie boreton figures into things; she's not, technically, a part of his case

2) in s2ep10 todd asks her who is she and why is she there, and accuses her of being "some mom from montana", which further drives the point home

3) king francis has no knowledge of her either, even though he seems to be able to know relevant things that he could neither witness nor hear about (like farah and tina defeating the mage)

so, suzie's boreton entire character arc exists by mistake; and yet the prophecy (as foretold by wakti wapnasi, and as spoken by panto trost in s2ep3) makes a point about the great dark wizard finding his apprentice — that means that role was meant for someone.

lord triangle badevil is a mysterious figure who plays a significant role in the plot (his men kidnap farson and later amanda in s2ep4, he kills farson and thus causes a massive shoot-out in s2ep7, and he kills some people in his attempts to stop the prophecy in eps 9 and 10), and yet we know infuriatingly little about him, his goals and his views, like he was meant to be explored but got forgotten about.

he has markings on his face (pitch-black with negative-space geometrical figures) which are never discussed, but seem to be the same sort of marks that appear on arms of both the mage and suzie boreton from magic overuse, and that seems to suggest that he is, in some way, a magic user, or at least was exposed to magic somehow.

all things considered, i propose that lord triangle badevil, a mysterious actor of evil and supposedly a magic user, was meant to be the prophecied apprentice & the big bad, but got displaced by suzie, who wound up in the narrative by mistake.

next, an observation: wendimoor's magic, pararibulitis and backstage are closely linked

it's not much of a novel revelation, but i'm trying to be thorough, so here

— both amanda&todd and later friedkin could access backstage through the magical portals between earth and wendimoor

— most powerful beings of wendimoor (wakti wapnasi, the great witch; king francis) seem to be omniscient or close to, and omniscience is a backstage characterestic

(they both know things about earth they shouldn't be able to know, like wakti about amanda's name, or francis about farah&tina's win over the mage; and metaphysical things that are nigh impossible to be logically derived from facts, like holistics being the tools to fix the broken universe)

— pararibulitis expresses itself as tangible magic within wendimoor, and is tied to wielding the water/portals and to the visions

— visions are also a form of mystical knowledge, and thus could be sourced from backstage

(the exact reasons of how/why the connection between wendimoor and backstage could've happened have no bearing on this post, but so far my working theory is that the explosive creation of a whole new layer of reality pushed at the borders of the universe and stretched them/thinned them out, and that's why it's easier to slip from the material world of the universe to the immaterial not-world of the backstage when in wendimoor)

now, a couple of tidbits about amanda and the mandelbrot set:

— her name, amanda brotzman, is a pun on "mandelbrot set" (the showrunner talked about this somewhere; i don't know the source, i've learned about this somewhere in the ao3 comment section)

— mandelbrot set's visualisation is the shape that appears in people's eyes when they're backstage

— it's the same shape as on amanda's s2 jacket

— it's a recurring shape in her visions

(a tangent: now, i don't know much about mathematics so forgive me if i get the words wrong, but mandelbrot set's boundary is a fractal curve, meaning that if you zoom into the mandelbrot set's visualisation's border, you'll find more of the same shape, ad infinitum. this fun quality of the set has no bearing on this specific post and theories within it, but i think such a plot-important shape having this "as above, so below" flair to it could have meaning for the pontetial s3 plot)

— the prophecy mentions she-who-sees-all who was supposed to open a door into a dream, allowing through it dirk gently and the boy; that most probably references amanda, her visions and her ability to create portals through water

finally, the theory:

— amanda brotzman, mandelbrot set, visions, pararibulitis, wendimoor magic and backstage are all interconnected

— amanda was supposed to be she who sees all; backstage seems to have granted hugo friedkin omniscience

See the full post

84 notes - Posted October 25, 2022

dghda is a tv show about young women having older brothers. and dirk gently is also there ig

97 notes - Posted October 3, 2022

you ever think about season 2 brotzly....

every time todd is asked why is he here, why is he doing any of this, he diverts back to amanda — his love, his life, his reason to exist, his, to be frank, emotional contingency plan

"todd, why are you so hell-bent on-"

"no, farah, no! we won't give up! we'll find dirk, and with dirk we'll find amanda, and when i find amanda everything will be alright!"

"todd, why are you even here? why are you with me when it's so dangerous and horrible and i can't even promise you anything?"

"dirk, listen, i really wanna find amanda, and i have reasons to believe she is being kept in the parallel fairytale world to which you are the key"

but in the end? he chooses dirk.

and it's not like in s1, when amanda firmly pushed him away and had the kindness of her heart to say "cmon, that dude makes you a happier and better person, don't avoid him"

no, this time around she invited him to live with her — something he had seemingly been chasing all that time

but he just. shrugged. declined. nah, sis, but thanks. his place is by dirk. he knows that. dirk, on some level, knows that too. it's not spoken about, and i'm not even sure that todd has the guts to admit it, but it's something he knows. he no longer has the space to pretend that his beloved baby sister is the centerpiece of all this bullshit. in the end, he verbally, directly, openly chose dirk.

and it's not something that either of them will forget about.

117 notes - Posted September 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

amanda brotzman is a girl who's a she/her dude and dirk gently is a boy who's a he/him girlie. hope this helps <3

261 notes - Posted November 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag #damn yall LOVED the gender post huh

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newgameplus · 1 year

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for the ask game: nr. 8?

8. What’s an old project idea that you’ve lost interest in hmmmm.... its hard to say ive ever "lost interest" in a project bc of the circular nature of intrest of mine but i did originally intend to do all major arcana for the dirk gently tarot project i was doing back in what, probably 2016? goddamn. of course i never did, and dghda isn't something ive payed much attention to for a very long time. i do still love doing tarot cards though, and once i get the persona 5 protag tarot card off my old dead hard drives it'll be all over for .... my hand <-remembered i have to paint zinnias.

#clint speaks #no thumbnail of the p5 one bc thats a surefire way to make sure i never work on it again... knocking on wood #but i do tend to just start drawing a ton of shit and not finishing it at alllllll if that was also the question

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peninkwrites · 2 years

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Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

ohh these are good ones!

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

OKAY. This is an interesting one. I have aus I haven't posted yet that have LOTS of lore, but from what I am actively working on–

-in TDDD, the base in the mesa biome that they rescue Tommy from, is VERY close to Fundy's Drywaters. I didn't realize at the time, but Fundy was probably having nightmares just over the hill lmao.

-DreamXD's cool clock realm? Dream gets to suffer in such a pretty place <3 The suffering will remain unspecified. I suggest you think eldritch horror beyond your comprehension.

-Drista won't be back to see Tommy any time soon. She got in trouble with her brother for going behind his back, so she isn't allowed to "play with XD's toys anymore" and can't come back to the SMP indefinitely. :( She knew that going in. She didn't just save Wilbur to "fix" Tommy so they could play together, she'd never admit it, but it was just because she cared and understood him.

-In the Wake Up. au, all sorts of suspicious things can be explained by Punz. Dream getting to Wilbur's body so fast? Nope, Punz. Dream seemingly being in two places at once when they sighted him over by L'Manberg and he was actually waiting for Tommy inside? Punz reported the sighting. Dream Actually hiding underneath Tommy's bed and vanishing in an instant? Punz with a pearl stasis chamber. Dream's copy of the journal appearing in the house? Punz was on guard duty. Dream being in the woods right where Tommy went to try to talk to him? Punz told him where. Dream's omnipotence, his illusion of godhood, rests on the smoke and mirrors of his hired loyalty. Dream did his own menacing too, of course. Tommy swearing that his stuff was moving around the house when he wasn't looking? Yeah. Dream wasn't just threatening Wilbur. Dude was fully committed to some psychological warfare.

4. What's a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

Okay. I can't choose just one. But a few:

"Try." "Choice." "Love."

Just. Y'know. Themes that are vital both in life and in my work. You have to try: to live, to help, to do better. Choice is essential: chosen family, choosing to live, your choices, your autonomy, your sense of self, all belong to you. And love. Love is the point. Always. Not merely in the romantic sense or even the personal sense, but just. Walking into life with arms outstretched because the world is a place worth loving and there are people worth loving in it and the point of humanity is to take care of one another and Therefore Love Is The Point. Yes this is probably cheesy. I do not care. This Matters!!!

Although if I had to pick one obscure word which stands on its own: Sonder: noun. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.

What font do you write in?

This is such a fun question I was hoping someone ask me this one!!

I have a different font for each fandom. Comfortaa for the dsmp, Merriweather for Teen Wolf, Philosopher for Dirk Gently, and so on!

#good good questions #i am putting So much brain power into answering these lmao #ask games #long post #tranztommyinnit

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