#did you just assume my gender

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone #yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post. #writeblr #ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person #and on this blog we support workers. #at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going. #when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens #have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists #and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like. #it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases - #at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory. #it was what i had seen. #and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference #we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol' #so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender #and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID. #he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different #i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.

[spoonstrek]

RIP House would have loved the phrase "did you just assume my gender?!" and variations thereon to dodge actually responding to someone trying to get his attention

#I imagine the biggest ones would be “Sir!”/“Did you just assume my gender?!” and “Doctor!”/“Did you just assume my job?!” #but he would absolutely do it to Wilson with like “House!”/“Did you just assume my name?!” #hatecrimes md #house md #hate crimes md

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

Um, okay so some adult dipshit with a cartoon avatar with blue hair and a description implying they have an alter who's like a little kid or something (? I don't know) just posted that EXACT "u cant ship Al bc ASEXUAL!!!!!!!" video I was ragging on a couple days ago made by that turbovirgin brony with the brony dating profile DIRECTLY into main tags right now AND I'M REELING...

Don't let a DHMIS and Fnaf fan with a brony dating profile who sounds like Kate Micucci tell you anything about asexuality, fandoms or shipping especially if they label Al as a "Tumblr Sexyman" because they're so poisoned by their own bad taste I can't.

So much for keeping her anonymous.

The person who unironically posted that shit bronyscold video to the main tags too ... Like fandoms control your own cringe, self loathing and self flagellation and stop telling talented fanartists doing the most through fandom work and commissions what to do with their art for five minutes? Impossible!

#Hazbin Hotel #hazbin hypocritical #Alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #the radio demon #radio demon #alastor hazbin #hazbin alastor #undescribed #media comprehension #media literacy #They're always the most obnoxious nitpicky little shits about gender to like they're the first to keep on causally referring to femmes and #girls with 'man' and 'bro' always ... But the *SECOND* you might use the wrong pronoun for these people by mistake it's always unironically #like... 'Did you just ASSUME my GENDER'?!' #And I'm not even joking about that ... #tenderqueers #tenderqueer #ace discourse #Anyway ... the next time I see that bronyscold in the main tags I'm blocking the person who posts her on sight ... #And these shows are definitely going to be my 'Last Hurrah' with fandoms after they're over ... <3

[mikesbasementbeets]

just here to say again that gay people can and very often do experience “crushes” on people of different genders, particularly when they’re young and don’t understand the difference between romantic and platonic love, and that doesn’t make them any less gay

stranger things has done a fucking phenomenal job of displaying this through mike wheeler, whose entire romantic arc has been about discovering what that difference is, specifically through his two major relationships, will and el. he mistakes the platonic feelings for romantic ones and the romantic feelings for platonic ones before (VERY gradually imo) realizing that he’s had them mixed up the entire time

#i used to make up crushes to tell my friends bc i thought I was weird for never having crushes #(i just didn’t realize same gender crushes were a thing despite DEFINITELY HAVING THOSE) #and whenever I did or whenever friends assumed I had a crush on someone I convinced myself it was real #like for YEARS I could do it #i had long term relationships bc I found out someone liked me and assumed my platonic feeling must actually be romantic #it’s EXTREMELY common and I genuinely applaud st for the way they’re portraying it with so much nuance and complexity it’s incredible #again: this isn’t a story about someone choosing between two equally likely romantic prospects. it simply isn’t #it is not portrayed that way at all and ESPECIALLY if you think mike is an oblivious character (i don’t) it makes way more sense that his #journey is about REALIZING the true nature of his feelings for both el and will #that they WEREN’T what he thought and assumed they were but rather that his feeling for el have ALWAYS been platonic #and his feeling for will are surprise surprise…. ACTUALLY romantic #*I somehow mistyped ‘feelings’ as ‘feeling’ three separate times wtf lmao #beets posts

[girls-and-honey]

.

#okay so random tag post even though it's been ages #me thinks the current place i work is actually decent a la accepting-queer-ppl so?? miiiiight. consider actually putting my #pronouns in my email signature (which hardly gets used but shh) but like. the actual ones not the society/people assume anyway ones #idk i attended a virtual tech focused event for trans dov (yes early but they didn't want to put the event on sun) and you know when #everyone is just sharing their stories and experiences and it's just like... an overwhelming sense of community? anyway that #and since it was hosted by a professional org the topics were all workplace focused and mayhaps that's something i'm thinking abt for #this year. at least within our pride group I might be ready? wild bc for a long time tumblr has been the only place I feel comfy being 100% #myself. but hearing real people's stories makes me feel like that kind of community would be nice to have elsewhere too #and the whole looking to others also turns around into the leading by example thing bc then we had some breakout groups at the end for #networking which is not my favorite but! i did my intro and said I use she/her for work but will use she/they for this group and #then the next person said he/him at work but for this group he/they so that made me wonder if it was bc of me saying so first? #which if it was is kind of like oh. the way I'm looking for those people for me.. I can also be that for someone else #anyway this sounds dumb typed out but irl/professional me has always separated out queer identity so it's new to me #i'm allowed to be giddy okay. just a little. as a treat (is tumblr still using 'as a treat' i really hope so) #oh shit is this what gender euphoria feels like #alright that's it for now i think #gah emotions and whatnot #missed you all btw i'll start actually being online again soon #personal

[geoffrey]

the seperation of lesbians and gay men is a travesty. "why are there so many historic gay bars and only like a handful of lesbian bars in the whole country" why are being gay and lesbian not the same thing in this context. you dont need to fuck everyone at the bar and it is a problem that needs to be addressed if these spaces arent mutually hospitable. and this applies to most gay/lesbian spaces imo

#its just wrong to assume gay spaces arent for women and if any gay men are reinforcing that it needs to be stopped lol #but a lot of it seems like very gender-biased willing exclusion bc they dont wanna associate with men #which um. grow up to you too #gender segregation is just evil period #other than intimate circumstances if you refuse to hang around people you perceive as x gender #its a problem you need to work on it's not just a right you've earned #now yes of course there are able to be specific cases of bars that are more explicitly lesbian or gay #but assuming if a bar is a ''gay bar'' its just for gay men is a fallacy... do you even go to these places? #''buh buh buh if theres a drag show drag is insulting to women cis and trans'' its not. address your revulsion #i know i come across harsh toned im actually more being flabbergasted that weve got to this point rather than saying hey you in particular #its just so strange to have grew up in the gay climate i did where the only lesbian flag was just lipstick lesbian and the girls didnt like #if you assumed every lesbian fell under it and to just use rainbow #and now people act like gay and lesbian arent synonyms because of gender seperatism. which disproportionally hurts members of the lgbt #community because they are more likely to be gnc lol #also a lot of individual opinions you just see the terf hand guiding. #and i HATE THE TOOTHPASTE FLAG!! #no pink flag for girls so blue flag for boys get the fuck out of my face #i dont want to superficially share my experiences with gay men i need community with gay PEOPLE

[punctuation-completionist]

you don’t have to answer this ask but wow how are you supposed to be the bad guy fucking apologizing for reacting badly to being told to kill yourself?? i hate this website

well okay hold up i never said i was the bad guy. i said there were misunderstandings on both sides and that i was sorry for an issue in one part of how i handled it. just one.

#ask tag #not counting #like um. i do understand that maybe this person's sense of humor is way different then mine okay #but like. they said that they didn't mean it legitimately and once they saw it was haarmful they apologized #for me to say ''i am glad i understand your side of the story and you understand mine'' i am not saying i'm the bad guy #there's really no ''bad guy'' in this situation as i see it because the world is more nuanced then that y'know #like. sometimes people have a sense of humor that you can't pick up on. it doesn't mean you shouldn't state your point of view #and say ''that wasn't how i want people to talk to me and i also won't let you do that'' #also the only part i really ''apologized'' for was that i used a term for them that was uncomfortable #i assume for gender reasons. and i understand where that comes from. if someone called me ''girl'' while arguing i wouldn't like it #whenever i said sorry after that i did my best to try and word it in a way like ''i am sorry this happened but it's not my fault'' #like how when. idk. someone's grandma dies and you say ''sorry for your loss'' you're not saying that you killed their grandma #you're just saying that you feel bad that the thing happened but not that it's your fault #and yes. i do agree that the situation may have been fixed if they just said it was a joke but hindsight is 20/20 right? #anyways. that's my take on the situation. #and like. idk. if they apologized and told me how they saw it. i'm gonna believe them because i have had WAY more malicious people here #like idk. there have been anons who have said wayy worse and there's no discernable reason for why they would #like that one anon who told me that i should get my arms chopped off or something. idk. i deleted it before i could commit it to memory #and that was on purpose #but like. my point is. there's worse people. and if i focus all of my energy about being mad over a person who made one joke in bad taste #idk just seems like a waste of time #at least that's my perspective on the situation. never said i was the bad guy. just sorry it happened #also sorry it happened so late at night for me! i need an ibuprofen and a bagel now

[area51-escapee]

One of the many hills I’ll die on is my defense of the Girl Scouts if you hear the “girl” in Girl Scouts and immediately assume “well, clearly all they’re teaching them is how to bake cookies and manage a household and become a good wife and mother who stays home and cooks and cleans” then that shits on you yeah some troops aren’t going to be as good as others it all depends on the leadership and resources available but that doesn’t negate the fact that at it’s core it is there to teach young girls valuable skills and it can provide unique opportunities and a nice community for people who may need it

#like. my experience wasn’t even the /best/ #I wasn’t bullied by the other girls by any means but I also wasn’t liked I was just. there and kinda outcast from them #and my troop was on a military base we didn’t have a lot #but we still did fun arts and crafts projects and we went camping ALL the time #I wasn’t allowed to do much of anything so it was a chance to get out of the house #and spend time with people my age outside of school #even the cookie selling is often used to teach about managing money and businesses ect #and lots of people get experience with first aid and STEM projects in it #when my sister was signing up after we moved they were talking about doing #lots of conservation and environmental clean up projects #which is cool!!! #from what I hear the Girl Scouts keep up with the fucken times besties #it’s been a long time since I was a part of it but I still think it’s a great thing #and I hate when people dunk on it and reduce it to just selling cookies #and assume that because it’s for girls it only teaches old fashioned misogynistic standards #also things like knowing how the basics of how to cook and shit like that are still important??? #they don’t teach that in most schools anymore except as an elective #it’s not that young girls /shouldn’t/ learn that it’s that it should be taught to people regardless of gender #you need that shit to survive damn #we support Girl Scouts in this household

[thisbibliomaniac]

I'm so tired of parody as a form of criticism. Some people might have found it funny for a while, but now it's just wearying. And no matter how many times I tell facebook I don't want to see men in dresses in daily wire parody ads, there they are.

#''did you just assume my gender?!?'' has literally never been funny #none of it has ever been funny

[aro-culture-is]

aro culture is wishing you could compliment people on their appearances without worrying that they'll think you're into them :/

.

#Anonymous #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod phoenix #generally speaking i find that people are less likely to assume it's about 'liking' them #if you say it in a bubbly tone #like... 'oh wow! i adore your hair color - can i ask if you did it yourself?' #or 'can i just say your makeup is super cool? i really like the shimmery green eyeshadow' #like... bubbly and give a detail + a question or opportunity for them to talk about it #ie 'where did you get that / did you do it yourself' #if it's about like. a body feature ig? that's a little more complicated imho #it really has to come up in a natural way and honestly i'm cautious to draw attention to that which isn't changed easily #because personally ppl compliment me a lot on my body shape that gets me misgendered #and things like that #so i personally am Not fond of complimenting body parts unless it's like. gender neutral features at least. #in terms of how ppl usually perceive it #i do think complimenting laughs/smiles is usually easy enough and most ppl genuinely are happy to hear that #also if you're a cis white woman for the love of god stop touching what you compliment without asking

[revengeromance]

how much bigger of a hole can dunes dig themselves into before I write a second article about them

#nothing really new happened it’s just that Twitter is mad that Dublin dressed up as a stereotypical Dunes fan #for that Halloween party thing on his story #and then posting an attempted ‘did you just assume my gender?!?’ joke on his story idk

[spitblaze]

ive never in my entire life heard a trans person get angry about someone assuming their gender but i have seen on numerous occasions reddit atheists get very mad about people assuming they have a religion, so.

#spitblaze says things #at least once verbatim 'did you just assume my gender' without a single shred of self awareness

[vamptastic]

i just tire of having to listen to every therapist and medical professional present a tired and obviously untrue hypothesis in regards to my own life, desires, and identity. like ok my dad hit me im bisexual and i have what some consider an intersex condition. i think you will find many people with a similar background that feel like their body in its natural state is their own and have not spent a lifetime plagued by dreams (like literal zzz sleepytime dreams) in which they have the opposite secondary sex characteristics. i am simply like this.

conversations about the nature of gender, whether transsexuality is defined by the desire to change ones sex or by a desire to occupy a different gender role or both, these are things i do not mind discussing in terms of theory. it's interesting.

it is however extremely annoying when people immediately make an assumption upon hearing some fact of my life that they have cracked the code and identified what made me trans (and presumably what would make me not-trans if it did not happen). i find it to be far more often an expression of the person's own complicated feelings on their own gender than an accurate analysis of my own. it's a lot of projection quite frankly.

#like for a doctor it's oh you're (depending on ones definition) intersex. you must have been inherently born differently #and for my mother it's oh you like me have a complicated relationship with your dad and that's why you don't want to be a woman #and for some cis woman friends it's oh you must just not want to deal with misogyny (if only transitioning actually did that lol) #it's just way more about whatever bothers THEM about being a man or woman than my actual feelings about it #also my parents genuinely made a concerted effort to not raise me with gendered expectations #i think a lot of people are assuming things due to their own parents not doing that #like ngl ive never had a strong sense of what exactly differentiates a man and a woman in terms of idk personality #so i feel like that did not play a significant role in wanting to transition

[grimark]

not that anybody asked but i do think terms like "cis+" or "cisn't", which i've seen thrown around in relation to the prev post, are a bit unnecessary. to me, it just seems like excessively atomising a fairly common experience, which is the desire to not be subject to the more uncomfortable and restrictive aspects of socially constructed gender roles. and sure, it might never even occur to a lot of cis people to do this kind of introspective analysis of their gender identities, and they might therefore be lacking some of the additional perspective of someone who has, but i don't think we necessarily need need a special new category for it. when you get down to it, "cis person who has previously questioned their gender" and "cis person who has never felt the need to question their gender" are both still cis, which in theory is a value-neutral description and a perfectly fine thing to be.

#this isn't meant as a criticism of people who like those terms or find them valuable or validating #it's more just. i don't get it and i don't really see the point of them but that's fine because they're not aimed at me anyway. #if you're cis but you want to add a modifier to encapsulate your gender journey then you do you. #to me just seems a bit patronising to tell cis people they're actually cis+ or whatever #like. aww you did such a good job thinking about your gender! here is a star sticker for you that says 'more evolved than other cis people' #instead maybe we can just trust that 1. people are the experts on their own identities and experiences #if someone says they're happy to continue identifying as the gender they were assigned at birth we can probably take their word for it! #and 2. accept that we all probably have a lot more in common than we might assume #it seems like a mistake to think 'this experience (gender discomfort and introspection) is exclusively a trait of x category of person' #'so if someone from y category has experienced it they must not actually be y‚ they must be something else instead' #which allows you to comfortably continue to paint people from y group as a wholly separate other with fundamentally alien experiences #and no possible point of overlap or common ground. #i see this a lot with the eternal thorn in my side which is posts about how The Neurotypicals Do This Thing #and also with a certain flavour of ace discourse #which presumes that 1. anyone who doesn't choose to identify under the asexual identity umbrella must necessarily be allosexual #2. there is a single unifying allosexual experience which can be equally applied to the rest of the human population #and 3. no allosexual person could possibly have a complicated or fraught relationship with sex and sexuality. #or if they did have any experiences in common with asexual people they'd naturally choose to identify as ace instead. #therefore these two identities must be wholly separate groups with no experiential overlap. #like idkkkkk clearly these hyperspecific labels are useful to some people! #but to me they often just seem to generate feelings of division and othering #or they're used as a way to claim a particular experience as exceptional to one group #when it's actually a pretty common feature of the human condition.

[phantaseaz]

Just because a octo have curls doesn't mean they're automatically a girl. :(

This goes to any fem hairstyle in the game.

#the ghost speaks #Splatoon #I had my octo with curls be called a girl #like okay thank you for assuming the gender but did I ask #I really love long bangs but I wonder how many people assumed I was a girl #I guess guys can't be a lil fruity #that's just my two cents

[snekdood]

anyways tired of this mean spirited ass website

#maybe im the only trans person who actually hates being reminded of my anatomy idk #its fine if a trans girl says 'you just want a penis!!' but if i say the same thing but w vagina im sure i'd get a million ppl yelling at m #hmmst. #i kinna just think we let ppl slide by w that shit toward transmascs too much. everyone else can be transphobic #towards us directly or even indirectly but if i inched anywhere near the same shit yall say suddenly its an issue #its the same shit w the fucking theyfab shit. doesnt matter if it negatively effects transmascs to some ppl at all apparently #but if i start goin around calling people femmab we'd prolly have issues huh? #can we explain this? are we just doing the whole reversing gender roles to feel woke and Not transphobic #bc its not any better just saying trans girls are the uwu ones who need to be protected and you cant make them cry instead of having that #thrust upon us- ya dont just get to reverse them and act like you're Doing something #anyways you dont get to protect trans girls from any perceived harm and then leave trans guys in the dust sorry idc #fuck off and die ig idk. or be better. #and no- obligatory: im not saying trans women oppress trans men. #if me critiquing your actions = me saying you're 'oppressing me' every time then you're #probably an insufferable person to be around anyways. but assuming good faith from some of the ppl possibly reading this #and whom i wish would assume good faith on my part as well- i do think we let trans women get away w shit that if trans men #did the same shit in reverse everyone would get in a pissy fit about it #and i dont think the solution is to let us do it too i think the solution is some of yall need to check yourselves and internalize the whol #'would you like it if someone said that to you' shit and changing things where it applies like. would you like it if i said to you that #'you just want a vagina'? probably the fuck not! so maybe fuckin check yourself and you wont lose transmasc friends.