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nostradamus0 · 1 year

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little daughter, jabbing your finger at the moon

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Ray meets his daughter somewhere between East Berlin, 1962, and Memphis in 1954. He’s never been to Memphis yet. He’ll meet Elvis there in a few days. First, he meets Ruth. And just as quickly, he forgets her.

Wait, back up. Everything’s out of order. (Time travel is confusing.)

Blackbeard, 1700s, Bahamas, Earth totem. Pirates. Kidnapped. Nora. East Berlin in the 60s. Time stones are not bulletproof. Cold fusion, torture is not the answer, torture is not the answer—the hammer hits the table. (Why does Nora keep smacking him?) I was supposed to have you home by now. Damien Darhk lets his daughter fall: his life over hers. The totem turns. There’s a hole in the Berlin wall. (Oops.)

He’s back on the Waverider. Things are not quite as he left them, but there are dishes to do, so everything else can wait. (Except Ruth, but he hasn’t quite met her yet. We’re almost there.) Now that we're up to speed and in the right order:

She appears in a swirling cloud of purple smoke. He’s in the kitchen, stirring that cup of coffee with grass-fed butter, dishes eagerly awaiting him in the sink, and a few of his teammates are scattered around the room in the aftermath of lunch. Ava’s at the table, attempting to fill out a mission report with Sara and Nate on either side of her, tossing almonds at each other to catch in their mouths. Sara hasn’t missed a single one; Nate hasn’t caught any. Zari’s lounged sideways in an armchair, knees hooked over the armrest, still in her pajamas despite the early-afternoon hour. Mick is drinking beer in the corner, as is his way.

She appears in the dead center of the room, little shimmers of violet lingering in her dark hair. The last of them fade and left behind is a small girl blinking owlishly, standing strangely still for a child so young. There are barrettes with little stars holding her hair away from her eyes. Light-up sneakers and a windbreaker zipped to her chin. Ray’s first thought is that she looks so very familiar; he must have met her before. Those eyes, he knows those eyes. His second thought is of 2017, of an insane asylum and a frightened girl, of a coffee shop and a demon, and that this kid looks just like that girl, just like—

“Nora?”

Her head tilts. No, this isn’t Nora; there’s something slightly different about the shape of her nose, the curve of her forehead, the way her eyebrows furrow together as she breaks free of whatever confusion or surprise was holding her so still and reaches out, stumbling over herself as she barrels into him. “Daddy!”

It’s solely instinct that has him extending his arms out to catch her as she crashes against his legs, not even tall enough to reach his waist. She can’t possibly be any older than five. He is certain he does not have a daughter. Nevertheless, there’s one here who says he does, and she’s got her chin tilted all the way back to look at him as she holds up her arms, making grabby hands, and he realizes she wants to be picked up. Awkwardly, he bends down, lifts her up, and she settles on his hip like she’s been doing so her whole life. (Perhaps she has, he thinks. Perhaps time is acting out of order again. It’s been doing that a lot lately.)

She’s staring at him, wide blinking eyes—still Nora’s eyes. Ray tries, and tries a little harder, to just see grey. Some random grey, one he didn’t just spend a few days getting to know, gazing into more than he should’ve with the enemy. (An enemy who, for a little while, didn’t feel like one. She grabbed his hand and clutched the time stone and suddenly they were in a bathtub in East Berlin and he was tripping over the shower curtain, hitting his head on the bar, and they bickered but it was different. She was different. Maybe he was different, too.

But then her father found them, and they were enemies again.)

“Daddy?”

He’s pulled back into the world, back into the present—a loaded word for a time traveler to use, when he thinks about it—and tells himself that the world is full of grey-eyed people. And then he realizes: he doesn’t care. Something inside him just knows: this is his daughter, looking at him like it doesn’t even scare her that she’s appeared in a strange place in a cloud of smoke because he’s here and holding on, and it really doesn’t matter where she came from.

Well, of course it matters, but not right now. Not in a way that changes how his chest expands when she smiles, teeth a little crooked, tag sticking up out of her jacket, bent back against the hood. Ruth Palmer, in handwriting he doesn’t recognize. His daughter’s name is Ruth. (His grandmother’s name was Ruth.)

What does a person say when confronted with their child from the future? His stomach flips.

“Hi,” he says, suddenly feeling more awkward than he has ever before. But she just giggles, echoing him: “Hi,” and wiggling like she’s changed her mind and wants to be put down. It’s only once she’s back on the ground and he looks up that he realizes he’s got four people staring at him. (Mick still has his head back and his eyes closed, completely uninterested [or possibly asleep]—an emotion Ray is incapable of fathoming, considering that his world has just flipped on its head, but we must digress.)

He clears his throat in an attempt to also clear his head. His eyes follow Ruth as she bounces over to Zari and clambers up onto her lap, onto the poor chair barely big enough for one, given the way Zari’s sprawled across it. He watches, rather frozen in place, as Zari attempts to haul herself into a more sitting position before the child lands on top of her with a quiet oof.

“Careful, Ruth,” he says weakly, and she shoots him a dazzling, unchastised smile. Sara catches his eye and mouths Ruth? so he reaches back to pull the tag of his sweater up from the collar and gestures to it. She nods like she understands, even though he’s never been more confused in his entire life.

“Um, hey,” Zari says, having rather unexpectedly found herself in a staring contest with a small child. “Ruth, was it?”

She looks affronted. Looks down at Zari like nobody has ever said anything more ridiculous, and says: “No, Aunt Zee-Zee.”

Aunt Zee-Zee? Ray thinks. Next to him, Sara snorts, and Nate, fist still full of almonds, says quietly: “That is so cute, oh my god.” (Zari glares at them both, but her expression softens when she looks back at Ruth and he figures she doesn’t actually hate the nickname.

It is pretty cute, after all.)

His daughter (his daughter!) taps Zari on the chest twice and says: “Aunt Zee-Zee,” and then taps her own chest and says: “Roo.”

“I thought her name was Ruth?” Ava says, still holding her pen, but her hand is limp and there’s a streak of black ink across the paper. The girl looks at her, tilts her head, and says: “Only when I’m bad.”

“Right. And the rest of the time, you’re . . . Roo?”

“Like from Winnie the Pooh!” Ruth agrees cheerfully.

“You’re the baby kangaroo?” Nate asks, (only sort of rhetorically), to no answer.

Ray looks back at the armchair, at Zari awkwardly holding herself up on her elbows, braced on one arm of the chair, and Ruth plopped happily on her stomach. She’s got her hands cupped together like she’s hiding something inside, holding them out to Zari as if to show her what.

“I gotta show you my trick,” she says, waving her hands dangerously close to Zari’s nose. “I’ve been pra’ticing.”

To her credit, Zari does an excellent job rolling with the punches. “Alright, show me whatcha got,” she says. Ruth’s nod is one of intense determination. Her nose scrunches up and her eyebrows furrow, and her shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath.

Then, her hands glow. It’s a soft, shimmery purple, just like the cloud she appeared in, and when her hands fall open, Ray watches something appear in her palms, piece by piece, like atoms are being pulled out of thin air to build it together. When the glow fades, there’s a donut sitting in her hands, held out to Zari like she’s presenting her with something priceless. Magic. His daughter has magic.

Ruth giggles at Zari’s expression: wide-eyed and slack-jawed, gaze darting between the donut and Ruth’s face like she’s not sure which should take precedence: her love for donuts or the display of magic. The donut wins, but as she reaches for it, Sara snips: “Zari, no,” in the tone one would use to scold a misbehaving cat, and she retracts her hand with a disgruntled huff.

“Ray,” Sara starts, her voice uneasy, and he interrupts because he doesn’t want to hear her say it: “I know.”

They’ve been fighting magic for months. Magic has nearly killed them all a dozen times over; magic held him up by the throat yesterday. It makes sense this would alarm her. But Ruth is just a little girl—his little girl—and none of what they’ve been suffering is her fault.

“She might not be real.” Ava’s words are slow and careful, like she’s trying to keep her voice steady. “She could be a trick, some type of trap.”

“Seems pretty real to me,” Zari says, but her eyes are still jumping between Ruth and the donut, and Ray wonders briefly which she’s talking about. When Ruth moves to scramble off her lap, the donut falls and she frantically reaches out to catch it. (And Sara is no longer looking at her, so she shrinks low in her chair and takes a huge, quiet bite.)

Suddenly Ruth is back in front of him, holding up her arms, and he knows what to do this time. He heaves her into the air and she settles on his hip, burying her fingers in the soft wool of his sweater. She is real. She must be real. Her breath is warm on the side of his face as she whispers loudly against his ear: “Why does Aunt Ava think I’m tricky?”

It’s quite possibly the biggest failure of a whisper he’s ever heard, and everyone else definitely hears it as well. (Somewhere off to the right, Aunt Ava sputters at the way Ruth has named her.) Sara pushes back her chair and stands, her fingers grazing Ava’s shoulder as she moves gracefully around the table to come stand in front of them, clasping her hands together.

“Aunt Ava’s just being silly,” she says, offering Ruth a bright—and fairly forced—smile. Glancing up at the ceiling, she prompts: “Gideon?”

“On it, Captain,” Gideon says, her smooth, monotonous voice filling the room. After a brief silence in which Ruth begins to rub her thumb up and down his cheek through his stubble like his face is one of those double-sided sequin pillows, reminding him that he really needs to shave, Gideon returns. “Ruth Palmer is no trick, Captain Lance. She is very real—born in late 2021 in Ivy Town, where she lives with Dr. Palmer and her mother, along with a cat and a younger brother.”

Ray’s heart skips in his chest. This is real; Ruth is real. In less than four years, he’s going to be a father. Living in the town that raised him, creating a family of his own.

“Fucking hell,” Sara mutters, swiping her hand over her face. Ruth leans dangerously forward with a cupped palm outstretched: “Swear quarter, Aunt Sara.”

The fearless Captain of the Waverider stops in her tracks and Ray watches her brain reboot itself, completely confused at the notion of a small child asking her for a quarter like there’s a swear jar on their ship. She blinks. Her hands hover awkwardly in the air as if she intended to pat down her pockets to see if she might have a stray quarter, but thought better of it.

“I’ve gotcha covered, don’t worry,” Nate says, leaning back in his chair to rummage deep into the pockets of his jeans before triumphantly pulling out a coin and tossing it to Sara, who, upon catching it, makes a weird face and mutters: “Is there melted chocolate on this?”

Nate shrugs, and she just sighs and hands it over to Ruth, who turns the quarter over in her palm happily and clutches it against her chest.

“Spend it wisely,” Nate says, and she nods sagely, tells him: “Gumball machine.” Her voice is so solemn, so serious, that Ray almost chokes on the laugh that bubbles up in his throat. There’s so much warmth in his chest that he worries he might explode from the pressure of it all against his ribcage, straining against the confines of his heart like he can’t fit all the love inside. His daughter smiles down at her quarter before pushing it into the pocket of her jacket and tapping his shoulder.

“Daddy, where’d Mommy go?”

“Oh, yeah, great question,” Zari says, tipping sideways as she hauls herself up from her chair and nearly falling on the floor. “Who’s her mom? I bet that’s where she gets her magic.”

Sara snaps a finger and points at Zari: “Yes. Hey, Gideon—”

“I’m sorry, Captain, but I’m afraid it goes against my protocol to reveal too much information about the futures of the Waverider’s crew.”

“We’ll have to forget this anyway,” Ava bargains. “I have a memory flasher—every agent does.”

Silence. Ruth goes limp against his side, head drooping against his shoulder, and he runs a hand up and down her back as she sighs: “Daddy, I’m hungry. Goldfishes?”

“I’ve got a jumbo-size box of the rainbow ones,” he tells her, carrying her over to the cupboards and sitting her down on the counter. For a moment, the room is weirdly quiet as he digs into the back of the tallest cupboard, the one no one else can reach, for his giant box of goldfish. (His one unhealthy indulgence.)

“So, Roo,” Zari says, leaning against the fridge as he fills a snack bowl and passes it to his (future) daughter. “Cool magic trick. Excellent donut.”

Ruth sits up straight, preening, but the gesture is slightly undermined by her cheeks puffed out with goldfish. It’s utterly adorable, and Ray swears he can feel his heart exploding like little fireworks in his chest.

“Where’d you learn how to do that?”

It’s like sliding one of those fancy dimmer light switches to full blast. Ruth beams, her smile a bit goldfish-y, and wiggles in place, kicking her legs back and forth. She holds out the bowl to Zari, offering her some of her snack. Surprised, Zari glances at the crackers, makes an eh, why not face, and grabs a few, shoveling them into her mouth.

“Mommy’s teaching me,” Ruth says cheerfully. “It’s hard ‘cause her magic’s different now and she can’t jus’ show me, but she’s really patient even though I’m not good yet. Seamus would be way better than me ‘cause he learns fast except he’s not interested in magic, but it’s okay ‘cause he knows a lot about dinosaurs.”

Ray blinks. Gideon had said Ruth had a brother. He has a son. (Not yet, he reminds himself. In a few years. Not yet.)

“Seamus is your brother?” Sara asks. As she approaches the counter to snag his goldfish box, one of Nate’s missed almonds crunches under her shoe. Ruth nods—“we’re going to the dinosaur museum for his birthday!”

One of her barrettes is falling loose. Shoving his nerves back as far as they’ll go, Ray reaches out to undo it, and she goes still to let him brush her hair back from her face and push the clip back into place. The little star on top glitters at him.

“What do you mean, her magic is different?” Ava’s voice drips with hesitance and wariness, but Ruth seems unconcerned. She just shrugs. “She’s a fairy godmother, now. Her magic’s only for wishes.”

“I’m sorry—fairy godmother?”

Through a mouthful of goldfish, Ruth says: “She doesn’t get wings, though.”

“Sure,” Sara says, like everything is totally and completely normal. She glances over at Ray. “You don’t happen to know any fairies, do you?”

“Mommy’s not actually a fairy, Aunt Sara.” Ruth’s expression twists like it’s totally ludicrous to suggest such a thing. “She just has a pretty fairytale dress and a wand and took the curse so she could save Aunt Mona. Can I have more goldfish, please?”

Hands working separately from his—deeply overwhelmed—brain, Ray takes the box back from Sara to refill her bowl. (And, for his sanity, ignores Nate as he quips: “She wears a fairytale dress as a part of her job. I’m sorry but that is so on-brand for you, Ray.”)

“Thank you, Daddy.”

“So,” Zari says, clearing her throat. “What’s your mom’s name?”

After rolling with their ignorance for so long, Ruth finally pauses, looking confused. She lowers her bowl, held between both hands, to her lap. “Are we playing a pretending game?” She asks. “I don’t know the rules.”

There it is, Ray thinks. Finally, she’s realized something is wrong and doesn’t know what to make of it. He wishes he could pull a page from the book of his future self, who knows how to be this girl’s father and would know what to say. He’d have an explanation for why everybody’s asking questions they should know the answers to.

“No, sweetheart,” he says, trying to keep the shakiness of his heartbeat out of his voice. She’s started tugging on the zipper of her jacket, so he reaches out to help her pull it off. (Her t-shirt underneath is covered with stylized ocean creatures: little whales swimming across the cotton, jellyfish shooting down her sleeves, an octopus on her shoulder, tentacles curling by her collar. Clearly, she’s a marine biologist in the making.) “There’s no game.”

Ray pauses, cupping the side of her face and brushing loose flyaways off her forehead as a way to bide himself a few seconds to come up with something to say. She blinks up at him, all big grey eyes, wide and wondering, as he just looks at her. This little girl, this marvelous and shining glimpse of a life waiting for him, meets his gaze and he can hardly believe that in only a few years, he’ll get to be her father. The thought of admitting to her that he doesn’t know her yet makes him feel ill. Still, he has to say something.

“Have you ever heard of time travel, Roo?” He tries, and she nods, shooting him a look that screams ‘duh.’ (Deep breath, Ray, he thinks. You can do this.) “Well, it seems you’ve had a bit of a run-in with it. And here, in my time, you haven’t been born yet. We’re very happy to see you, but there are some things about your life that we don’t know because they haven’t happened yet.”

“Oh,” Ruth says, staring down at a single green goldfish clutched between her thumb and forefinger. She scratches at it with her nail and it cracks under the pressure, crumbling into her palm. (That moment of silence, he thinks, is one of the most stressful moments he has lived thus far.) “Has Mommy not been born yet, too? Is that why Aunt Zee-Zee keeps asking about her?”

“That’s . . . a really complicated thing to ask a time traveler, kid,” Sara says, her voice the slightest bit strangled, like she’s trying not to laugh. Zari, who has, in fact, not been born yet in his time, pushes herself away from the fridge with her elbow and suddenly her gaze on Ruth is incredibly heavy, and Ray’s stomach climbs up into his throat. Somehow, he already knows what question she’s going to ask, and she looks like she already knows what the answer will be. He studies her face and something sharp and anxious spins in his stomach. (He refuses to call it hope.)

Ray remembers his first thought when Ruth appeared: She looks like Nora. Shiny dark hair, clear grey eyes, the subtle arch of her brow. The same small dimple in her chin; the same straight curve of her jaw.

She looks like Nora, he’d thought. She still does. He’s been trying not to think about it. (He’s been failing at not thinking about it.)

Zari opens her mouth and he knows what she’s going to say. After all, they were the ones who sat with Nora at that coffee shop in 2017, played Heads Up and saw her smile. A smile that, however brief, was so much like Ruth’s is. He catches her gaze and knows he isn’t the only one who thought Nora when she first arrived.

“About your mom, Roo,” Zari starts, cautious but gentle, “is her name Nora—do people call her Nora?”

The room goes silent. Ava stops tapping her pen anxiously against the table; Sara’s breath hitches; Nate’s chair falls back onto four legs from where he’d been tipping it back on two. Shifting her weight on the counter, Ruth looks up at him, and he knows. Without a doubt, he knows that she is his daughter, and that she’s Nora’s, too. He doesn’t mind. (Perhaps he’s even a bit pleased, though he’s definitely not going to say so out loud.)

The familiar whoosh of a time courier portal sounds across the room, right where Ruth had first appeared. He turns just in time to see it finish opening, to see a blur of soft blue and shiny, dark hair fly through.

“Mommy!”

Goldfish slosh sideways in the bowl, close to spilling over the edge, and he just barely catches it as it tips out of her hands. Ruth is stretching out her arms, dangerously close to tipping off the counter, and Ray awkwardly hovers, ready to catch her should she fall. Everyone had been loitering around the counter before, but now, as the blur heads straight for them, they scatter like waving a hand through smoke.

It’s Nora. He recognizes her almost in slow motion. She comes into focus as she slows down, nearing the counter, and suddenly she’s less than a foot away from him, scooping Ruth off the counter into her arms and he sees her standing before him like he’s seeing her for the first time. By and large, she looks the same as she did yesterday. Or several years ago. (Everything’s in the wrong order, again.)

But there are differences, small things like the faint wrinkles around her eyes and the length of her hair, cut just below her shoulders in waves that seem to glitter in the light, that he suddenly has to fight the urge to reach out and touch. She seems softer in baby blue.

He remembers only a few days ago, how she stood in front of him in that warehouse, frustrated and hurt that her father didn’t trust her, and he’d realized that she wasn’t actually all that scary. Suddenly, those dark clothes had just seemed like playing pretend. (Dressing in black is basically a Bad Guy requirement, and being just barely over five feet tall with a glare that said ‘disgruntled and occasionally hostile house cat’ more than it did ‘vessel to an ancient time demon,’ she needed all the help she could get.)

This Nora seems warmer, less weighed down by the gravity of her own existence. (He imagines the knowledge that you are being raised for sacrifice would not be so easy to bear.)

Her palm cradles the back of Ruth’s head, fingers curling into her dark hair, and there, glinting off the kitchen light from her third finger—wedding rings. Two thin, silver bands slotting perfectly together; a glittering diamond. His heart sputters in his chest and sure, his present is her past and it’s kind of a battlefield at the moment, but she’s also his future. And it looks wonderful.

Ruth is like magic. (No pun intended. Well. Pun mildly intended.) She’s bright and happy and she likes goldfish and her hair clips have stars on them. She smiles and it’s like nothing bad can happen. She has a little brother who loves dinosaurs. She’s his.

His and Nora’s. He’s going to marry Nora.

“Ray? You okay?”

He blinks. She’s standing in front of him, head just slightly tilted toward Ruth, who’s perched on her hip and slumped, boneless, against her side like she’d done to him earlier. Her face is buried against Nora’s collarbone, fingers curled into the billowy fabric of her blouse.

Worry shines in Nora’s eyes—concern laced into the clear grey of her irises. For the first time, he allows himself to think: Wow, she’s really pretty.

“I’m okay,” he says, voice airy like he’s not completely there inside his own words. “You’re really pretty.”

Ah, rats. He did not mean to say that. (Somewhere nearby, Ava makes a strangled noise and Zari chokes on a laugh—very rude of her to find amusement in his suffering.)

Smooth, Ray, he thinks.

But Nora just laughs, bright and shiny like fairy bells or the stars, sparkling off the water from a new-moon sky. She is beautiful and suddenly it is incredibly easy to imagine falling in love with her. (It probably wouldn’t take very long.)

Still, he feels his cheeks flush, and when her laughter fades, she presses her lips together in an upside-down smile that says she’s trying not to start laughing again. His heart expands so far that his chest aches with the effort of containing it.

“So,” Sara starts, shifting into her ‘I’m the Captain and I Mean Business’ pose: arms crossed, stance wide. “Your kid time traveled into our kitchen. Why?”

It’s a question, but only grammatically. Really, it’s a demand for information.

“My best guess? She wasn’t doing so hot in hide-and-seek, and tried to use magic.” Nora looks down at her daughter, traces of mild amusement flickering across her expression. “Am I close?”

Unintelligibly, Ruth mumbles into her shirt.

“I can’t hear you, kangaroo,” Nora says.

(“Kangaroo,” Nate whispers, terribly unquietly, stressing the word so hard his voice sounds strangled. “Because of Roo. That is so cute.”

“No, it isn’t.” Ava whacks his shoulder and he whines pathetically, considering he’s literally made of steel.

“Sorry, babe, but it definitely is,” Sara says. Ray ignores them all, far too hypnotized by his future wife and daughter.)

Ruth’s face slowly emerges from Nora’s collarbone, and the hair on the side of her head is all tousled from being pressed against her shoulder. With a gentle, light touch, Nora brushes it out and tucks it behind her ear.

“I couldn’t find Daddy,” Ruth grumbles, her bottom lip jutting out in a dramatically grumpy pout. “I only tried to use magic a little bit.”

“Well, you’ll be happy to hear that I found him behind the couch, and now he’s having a hard time finding your brother.”

Ruth perks up, squirming a little in her mother’s arms. “I can help! Seamus always goes in the hamper.” Nora’s lips quirk up before she straightens her face.

“I’m sure he’d appreciate your help. But no magic, okay? You could get hurt.” Her hand moves up to brush against Ruth’s cheek, her thumb stroking at the skin over her temple. After trailing the tips of her fingers down her hairline, Nora tips her head forward to bump her forehead against Ruth’s. She murmurs: “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“I’m sorry, Mommy,” Ruth says, sweet and sincere.

“It’s alright, baby. We’ll just be more careful from now on, yeah?”

Nodding seriously, Ruth says: “I promise,” before reaching out to press her thumbs to the corners of Nora’s mouth and pushes up, trying to make a smile. “No worries, Mommy. I found Daddy and I got goldfish and a swear quarter ‘cause Aunt Sara said ‘fucking hell.’”

From just behind Ray’s shoulder, Zari barks a laugh. Sara makes a choked sound of distress, and Nora just blinks, eyes wide and startled.

“I love this kid,” Zari says, and when Ray turns to glance at her, she’s grinning.

“I love you too, Aunt Zee-Zee,” Ruth beams. After a brief pause, she starts to wriggle. “Down now, please. Gotta find Seamus.”

Nora bends to set Ruth down, and after pressing a messy kiss to her mother’s cheek, the girl darts off toward the still-open portal, her light-up sneakers shining off the floor. With a sigh, Nora calls after her: “Don’t check the hamper first! Let your father keep some of his dignity.”

Turning back to them as Ruth disappears through the portal, she reaches for a flasher sticking out of her pocket that he hadn’t noticed before. She takes a deep breath, like she’s not particularly enthused about this part, and says: “Who wants to go first?”

“Not it,” Nate says immediately, raising his hands in a ‘no, thank you’ gesture and stepping back. Sara steps forward; “I’ll go.”

She reaches for Nora’s wrist and drags it up until the flasher is level with her face, and moves closer until it touches her forehead. She presses the button herself, and the flash of light can barely be seen with it pressed against her skin. Stumbling back a step, hand falling away from Nora’s wrist, Sara blinks a few times and her brow furrows in confusion. Ava reaches out to her, gently taking her by the shoulders and leading her to sit down at the table in the chair she’d been in earlier, before everything.

“What happened?” Sara asks, dropping into the seat, letting Ava move her.

“Nothing special. Don’t worry about it,” Ava says. “Look, almonds—why don’t you throw some at Nate? I bet he can’t catch them.”

Sara’s eyes widen and she pulls the half-empty bowl toward her on the table. With Sara still a bit dazed but occupied, Ava crosses the dining area toward Nora. Smoothing out the nonexistent wrinkles on her pantsuit slacks, she says: “Okay, wipe my memory.”

The overhead glow of the kitchen light catches and glitters on Nora’s hair as she nods. The silky fabric of her blouse flows like rippling water, moving with her body as she reaches out, aiming the flasher at Ava.

Ava blinks, the past few minutes gone. Zari. Nate. Mick is left alone, as he is, in fact, asleep. (But Ray does delicately extract the beer bottle from his hand lest it slip and smash on the floor. Mick snorts and his head lolls to the side, but he doesn’t wake.)

“And then there were two.”

Nora’s voice is soft and warm. Ray turns back and she’s standing near the portal with the flasher in one hand, the other tucked into a deep pants pocket. The same soft shade of blue as her blouse and the same lightweight linen, he’d first thought she was wearing a dress. She’s just as pretty as he remembered her being, but she’s alive in a way that his Nora isn’t. (Not his Nora, obviously. The version of Nora from his time, that’s all. Present-day Nora. Whatever. Shut up.)

Holding up the flasher, she asks, in a kind voice that suggests she knows he isn’t ready: “You ready?”

He nods. “Yeah. Yes. Not really, actually. But yes. Wipe my memory.”

She approaches him silently and slowly—like one might approach a skittish animal in flight-mode. He’s expecting her to hold up the flasher and be done with it, but she doesn’t, and he thinks he should’ve known better than to think she would. Instead, she slips her hand into his and squeezes and he feels a spark—

(“When I gave her the time stone, our hands touched and I felt a spark,” he will tell Zari soon, and she’ll make a depressing metaphor about Nora being a unicorn who will eat him alive, but that’s not for a while yet. First, he has to forget his future and then, in the semblance of peace in the aftermath of the war, he will feel that spark again and think it’s the first time, but it’ll feel familiar, and he won’t remember why.

But that’s all out of order. None of it’s happened yet and there are a few more months to wait through. Then, a few more years until Ruth. For now, though��)

Her skin is soft and warm against his. She smiles and the corners of her eyes crinkle.

“How long do I have to wait?” He asks.

“Not long. And you’ll keep busy.”

All he can do is nod. He’s not ready to forget—he’s always been so unlucky in love, and the knowledge of what’s waiting for him is like a beacon in the dark. But he focuses his attention on the warmth of her hand and the soft grey of her eyes, so bright and clear with love, and swallows the nerves that sit like a stone in his throat.

As though she can sense the feeling of unreadiness in his chest, Nora tilts her head, gesturing toward the portal, and says: “Right through there, my husband is playing hide-and-seek with our children, and he is you. This isn’t goodbye. You’ll see me soon.”

There’s nothing he can think of to say, so he just nods again and glances down at their clasped hands, squeezing gently before letting go.

Nora’s arm wavers as she holds the flasher up to his forehead, and Ray’s last thought before the past hour fades away is that he can’t wait to fall in love with her.

#legends of tomorrow #darhkatom #nora darhk #ray palmer #legends of tomorrow fanfic #fanfiction #also featuring!#sara lance #ava sharpe #zari tomaz #nate heywood

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avasharpe · 2 years

Text

Maternity and Sorority

Chapter: 1/1

Words: 5351

Summary: Nora goes to book club feeling sick and discovers that she’s unexpectedly pregnant. So the women of the Waverider and Charlie talk about their experiences with uterusis, unwanted pregnancies, and abortion.

Fandom: DC's Legends of Tomorrow

Relationships: Nora Darhk/Ray Palmer and Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe.

Characters: Nora Darhk, Ava Sharpe, Sara Lance, Mona Wu, Charlie LOT, Zari Tomaz, Ray Palmer, Gideon LOT.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences.

Additional Tags: Woman’s health, Uterus, Pregnancy, Infertility, abortion, and Discussion of abortion, non-binary Charlie.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

AN: In light of recent events this feels like an important story to tell. Everybody's decisions around pregnancy and abortion is different and everybody should be allowed to make a choice that fits them and their situation it is a deeply personal thing to choose to get an abortion it is the right of people everywhere. The only person who should be making this decision is the pregnant person.

The reason I wrote the story is that abortions and being pro-choice are not discussed enough in fandom circles. Whereas I have read numerous stories about an unexpected pregnancy that are blatantly anti-abortion. The writers have chosen to use language such as referring to abortion as an unthinkable act, an act of murder, making the woman a murderer, it being heartless and callous to even consider it, and so on, but the reality is that the decision to have an abortion is a deeply personal one. You can’t judge someone for their decision, you can only make your own decision. Everyone's story and everyone's reaction to an unexpected pregnancy is different, and whether you have chosen to keep it or not is your choice and this is the choice that I have made for these characters.

Takes place in season 4.

……………………………………………………………………

“I feet like shit,” Nora announced as she walked into the lab holding her stomach with a grumpy expression.

Mona and Ava both looked up from their spots on the couch where they were setting up the wine and cheese platters for book club. Ray was out with Nate and Behrad for some bro time, and Nora was looking forward to some girl time of her own. She loved book club, but right now all she wanted was a nap.

“Come here,” Ava said, gesturing to Nora from her spot in the pile of pillows on the carpet.

Nora slowly made her way over and laid down next to her as Ava scooted closer and Nora moved to lay her head on Ava’s chest.

“Cuddle party, I want in,” Mona said, dropping the book she was holding and running over.

“You’d better take Nora’s other side or Sara will be jealous when she and the others get back with the snacks,” Ava added even though Mona had already moved to be Nora's big spoon.

“She can share,” Nora pouted, nuzzling Ava and relaxing as Mona held her.

“What's wrong?” Mona asked as she started to run her fingers through Nora’s hair.

Nora sighed, she wasn’t sure what it was. “I’ve just been so tired and nauseated and my stomach is cramping so I think I'm getting my period, but this has been going on for a couple of days now.”

“Oh my god, what if you're pregnant,” Mona said, sitting up and staring down at them.

“You always go straight to pregnancy. You even thought Sara was pregnant a few weeks ago after she puked while cleaning out Mick’s month old leftovers and she’s dating a cis woman!” Ava said, giving her a look and throwing up her arms while gesturing to herself.

“You never know what could happen and we all got our periods last week except for Nora. You've admitted to occasionally forgetting your birth control and no one else has the flu.”

They both looked at Nora who shrugged, but her mind swirled with the possibility. A pregnancy? A baby? It did make sense and it was all she could think about as she stared off into the distance.

Ava looked like she was about to say something else, but cut herself off when they heard the door to the lab open. Nora buried her face in Ava's chest even though it was just Sara, Charlie, and Zari. As Nora was getting used to expressing her emotions, she always ended up wearing them on her face and she wanted to have time to process this alone.

“Hey, my Ava!” Nora heard Sara shout.

“You can share,” Ava said, taking one hand off of Nora's back, probably to offer it to Sara. “Come here.”

Nora didn't have to look up to know that Sara had an adorable little pout of complaint; it brought a smile to her face knowing how ridiculous her friends were. She didn't hear Sara's response, but did feel it when she laid her head next to Nora’s. Ava moved Sara’s head away so they could each settle on Ava’s chest. Once Sara was settled they all started talking about whether they wanted to read or just talk and watch a movie. Nora secretly hoped that it was the latter. She half listened to the conversation and thought over what Mona had said.

Nora knew two things for sure. She was late and she was sick, and not just a few days late, a whole week late. Even though her period hadn’t always been regular for her, she hadn't skipped it since she had started birth control and usually, it was only a few days late. Nora quickly looked up pregnancy symptoms on her phone and found that she had almost all of them: morning sickness, lightheadedness, frequent urination, abdominal cramps, fatigue, and breast changes.

There was something inside her that just told her that this was a real possibility, she could take a test, but Nora knew there was another way she could know. She closed her eyes and focused on her magic as she explored her own body. Sure enough, she felt something, the tiniest of changes, a little something extra, an extra part of her growing inside her. As soon as she felt it, she knew. Nora set up quickly, which was a mistake as it made her dizzy and nauseous, but she pushed it away and looked over at Mona and Ava.

“I’m pregnant.”

“You’re pregnant?” Charlie asked, sitting up and looking over at her with wide eyes.

“I think so, I just felt something with my magic and...” Nora trailed off hardly believing what was happening.

“Nora.”

Ava’s voice brought her out of her head as Ava put her hand on Nora’s shoulder. Ava sat up and Mona moved behind her and placed her arm around her. “Why don’t we go to the Med-Bay and have Gideon scan you, okay?”

“Okay.”

……………………………………………………………………

All four of the women and Charlie piled into the Med-Bay. Nora sat down in the chair and after a quick scan from Gideon, she confirmed the pregnancy.

“From the date of the last day of your menstruation, Miss. Darhk, you are five weeks and 2 days pregnant.”

“I wanna see it,” Nora said, the process of actually being pregnant was so foreign to her and she wanted to see indisputable proof.

“Would you like a comprehensive full display scan, a 3D scan, or a 2D black and white ultrasound?”

“The black and white is fine, thanks, Gideon.”

Gideon started the scan over her abdomen and displayed a grey image with a black spot in the middle. It was so tiny, Gideon zoomed in a little bit more so they got a better look, but it was just black with the little grey outline of a bubble that was supposed to be the baby, but it wasn't really much of anything. Certainly, not a baby, or at least Nora didn't think so, but Nora didn't really want to think about it being a baby. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be pregnant at all, but she was.

“I'm pregnant,” Nora said, the words finally sinking in as she sat up and swung her legs around to sit over the side of the chair.

“It's going to be okay,” Mona said, coming over as she and Ava sat down next to her. Each of them put an arm around her, making her feel a little bit better because she knew she didn't have to face this on her own.

“But what am I supposed to do?” Nora asked, looking between them.

“You can do whatever you want to do,” Ava reassured her.

“And how do I know what that is?” Nora asked as she began to freak out.

“I don't know,” Ava said, squeezing her shoulders. “I'll never be in your position, you know I don't have a uterus, so I can't offer much, but I know that you are not taking this lightly and that you'll figure it out.”

“But how?” Nora said, getting up and pacing the length of the room. “This isn't exactly planned and I don’t really want to be in the situation right now.”

“So don't be,” Charlie said, letting the words hang in the room.

“So I could just have an abortion, right now?”

“If you wanted to,” Charlie said, looking around at all of them before continuing. “I was pregnant once. A long, long, time ago, way before I stopped having a uterus in whatever form I chose. I think that was the last time I had a uterus, after that, I just didn't bother with it.”

Charlie gave a little shrug before continuing. “For me it was easy. I just shifted my form into one without a uterus and it all went away, so I continued on with my life. If I would have kept it, it would have been a demigod. I know it was the right decision because I wasn't ready for that responsibility and I don't think I'll ever be ready. I don't want kids and it sucks to be brought into a world and raised by someone who doesn't want you. I wouldn't wish that on anybody, let alone my own offspring.”

Nora thought about what Charlie said, she didn’t want any future children to ever feel unwanted. For now, she felt she could go either way. Nora looked down at her stomach and imagined it ballooned out with a full term baby. “And what if I wanted to keep it? What would that look like?”

“I don't really know,” Zari said, looking over at Nora in a tone that was more serious than she had ever heard from the influencer. “But you could talk to my mom if you wanted to. I was not planned. Both of them were really young at the time and newly married. They hadn't quite figured everything out in their own lives, much less trying to figure out how to raise a child, but they made it work. They were lucky enough to be able to buy a house and they took all sorts of baby related classes and read books and lots of my family members helped out. It wasn't without its sacrifices, my father worked extra hours and my mother put her own career on hold. If it was me, I would keep it. I just don't think I could go through with an abortion. I've always wanted kids and regardless, I'm emotionally and finically ready for them, but that's me, and you have to make your own decision about this.”

Nora looked up at Zari and thought about what she said. She and Ray could make it work, Ray would love to be a dad and he would adore their child, but it wouldn't be without sacrifices.

“We wouldn't be able to stay here on the Waverider and I don’t know if I could continue to be a fairy godmother. We’d have to settle down. I don't know if we could continue to time travel. I know how much Ray loves this life and I’m constantly being pulled away as a fairy godmother to help out other kids. I love working with them and think of them as my own kids temporarily, but it’d be different if we had an older kid. They would be in school and we could do the nine-to-five thing and then come home and have a family. With a baby, you'd have to find care for them and they need you so much. I don't know if I want that.”

Nora looked around at all of them, but none of them looked at her with pity or with sadness. They all nodded and she knew they would support her decision.

“If you want to have an abortion you can have it here. Gideon can provide you with either a medical abortion or with the pills. It's hard either way, you're going to want to take some time off, trust me.” Sara said as she looked over at Ava. Ava reached out for her and Sara took a step towards her. She took Ava’s hand and Ava gave her a little smile before Sara continued. “I know because I had an abortion when I was 23.”

“You did?” Nora asked, looking up at Sara who looked away from Ava, and back at Nora, with a nod. “What was it like? I mean, are you okay sharing?”

Sara nodded again and Ava pulled Sara in to sit in between her legs and wrapped her arms around Sara’s waist. Sara smiled as Ava kissed her shoulder and she relaxed against Ava.

“A few months after being taken in by the League of Assassins, I got pregnant after a one night stand, this was before I was with Nyssa. I didn’t want to be pregnant so I got an abortion. There was no room in my life for a baby and I was in a dark place, but I do sometimes think about what it would have been like to have a child back then. Lord knows the League of Assassins was no place to raise a child, but if I had gone back home and kept it, who knows what my life would have looked like? I knew then, that I wasn't in the best place to raise a child. I knew then that I didn't want to keep it and looking back, I know I made the right decision,” Sara said, looking up from where she was staring at her and Ava’s hands to look at Nora.

Nora nodded, taking in what Sara said. “What was the abortion like?”

“Nyssa and I went to China where I was able to get the abortion. There were two abortion pills, I took the first at the clinic, but I didn’t start bleeding until I took the second medication a few hours later after we got back to the place we were staying. Then I passed the pregnancy. The abortion itself was painful, like a heavy period with a lot of cramping and I was really sick and nauseous. The pregnancy came out in chunks of blood and tissue, it was hard, but it was over in a few hours and then, I just bled like I would have with a normal period. It took me a couple of days to recover and even then, I took it easy because I was still bleeding. I had a follow up appointment to confirm the abortion and to check that I was okay and after that, it was all over…”

Sara trailed off, closing her eyes for a second and relaxing against Ava before looking back over at Nora and continuing. “I just felt so relieved, so relieved that I didn't have to worry or figure out what to do and all those things that come with having a kid. I don't regret it, I know I made the right decision and that’s what you have to decide. What is the right decision for you? The choice to have an abortion is one you have to seriously consider, but so is the decision to have a kid. The kind of changes you would have to make to have a kid, they're big ones, your whole life changes.”

Nora nodded, taking in everything that Sara had said. Just hearing Sara talk about her experience and what the process was, helped Nora understand it. She looked over at Mona, the only person who hadn't said anything yet. Mona was one of her best friends and Nora valued all of her advice. Mona had been the one to help her develop a relationship with Ray and she wouldn't have the wonderful life she did without Mona.

“Mona, do you have anything to add?”

“Not really,” Mona said, with a shrug. “I got diagnosed with infertility when I was 15 so the pregnancy stuff has never been in my future and I've made my peace with that. If it was me and I was pregnant, I would keep it. I would feel like it would be my one chance, but this isn't your one chance Nora, and my decision wouldn’t be yours. You can have an abortion now and choose to have another baby later if that's what you want. I know that whatever decision you make it will be the right one for you, but I think that you should tell Ray. He loves you, and he will support you in whatever decision you make. You're gonna want him by your side throughout the process and you know that he will dote on you, he always has.”

“Mona’s right,” Sara added, putting her hand on Nora’s knee. “This isn't something you should go through on your own and having your partner there with you makes a world of difference.”

Nora knew they were right, she should tell Ray. The two of them were partners and the only thing that Nora wanted was to have him hold her and she knew that he would be there for her unconditionally.

Hearing all the women and Charlie's stories helped her know what would be the best decision for her right now. She had made up her mind. Nora stood up and turned around to look back at them. “Thank you guys for everything, for being here for me, and for helping me know my options. Right now, I think that an abortion is what’s best for me. I'm just not ready for a baby, and you're right I should talk to Ray. I want him by my side and I know he will support me.”

Mona smiled at her and pulled her in for a hug as Nora melted in her arms.

“Group hug!” Charlie shouted and they all pulled in. Nora got a little squished, but it was always worth it. She’d never gotten hugs like this before she stepped on the ship and she treasured every one of them. It was the little things that made her feel loved.

Once they parted Nora looked up at the ceiling, a habit among the crew when they talked to the resident A.I. “Gideon, can you call Ray and tell him to meet me in our bedroom?”

“Of course Miss. Darhk.”

……………………………………………………………………

Nora fidgeted with her hands as she waited for Ray to portal into their room. She had some idea of what she wanted to say to him, but she wasn't sure how to break the news to him without him initially being excited.

They had talked about kids a little bit and he was open to a future with kids after they got married. He talked about how excited he would be for a baby, but he knew Nora wasn't totally sold on the idea yet and they had agreed to keep talking. He respected her boundaries and agreed to wait. When they talked about the future Nora was sure that she wanted to marry Ray Palmer and she was open to the idea of one day starting a family with him. However, they hadn't been dating very long and she didn't want to rush into things because they had to. She wanted to take things slow and give herself and Ray time to plan out their life together.

However, she didn't have time to dwell on that anymore as the portal opened and Ray stepped through. Behind him, She could see the hallway of Constantine's house and hear the other guys laughing and talking, but the portal quickly closed. He had a concerned look on his face as he stepped towards her and the fact that her face mirrored his expression, caused the lines and his forehead to deepen.

“Hey, Gideon called and said that you had something you wanted to tell me?” Ray asked as he walked over to her.

“Um, yeah I do,” Nora said. She couldn't bear to look at him and look down at her hands, fidgeting with her fingers.

Ray put his hands over her, taking her hands and holding them as he gave them a reassuring squeeze. When she looked up, she saw that he had kneeled in front of her. “Nora, is everything okay?”

“No, no, it's not,” Nora said, shaking her head. “I’m... I have.... I'm going to tell you something, but I don't want you to get excited because... because we can't keep it… I don't... I don't want to keep it.”

Nora stopped to take a deep breath and tried to calm her nerves. Ray’s look of confusion only deepened. He tilted his head in a way that meant he was trying to figure something out. “Nora whatever it is, if it's making you feel like this then, of course, I won't be excited. I don’t want anything that makes you this upset.”

Nora just shook her head and decided just to tell him. “I’m pregnant.”

“Oh? Oh!” Was all Ray said as Nora looked down. “So you don't want to keep it, you want to get an abortion?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

Nora paused, unsure if she had heard him right. Nora looked up to see him still staring at her, still with a look of deep concern for her. He reached up to hold her face.

“Nora I know we’ve talked about having kids, but if you want to terminate it, then you should,” Ray said, his words were soft and gentle and full of understanding.

“So you’re okay with this?” Nora asked, still unsure. “You’re okay with us not having a baby right now? It’s just that I know that you love your life here on the Waverider and I love my work and we wouldn't be able to have both with a baby. They would need at least one of us 24/7 and we can’t give them that, without some big sacrifices.”

“Of course, I'm okay with this Nora,” Ray said, punctuating his words as he squeezed her hands. “If you aren't ready for this, then it's not something we have to do. Besides, I'm not ready for this either. I mean, our lives are crazy right now. I'm off chasing villains through time and you're constantly being pulled away to help your fairy godchildren. I mean, we don't even have a room for a baby, we haven't read any pregnancy books, let alone any baby books, and we'd have to change everything, we’re just not ready.”

Ray let out a deep breath and Nora could tell that he had gotten worked up just thinking about it. Nora pulled him in close and kissed his lips. She melted into him and let him pull her close and wrap her up in a big bear hug. His hugs always made her feel safe, and warm, and wanted. She felt at home in his arms. They shifted so that he could sit against the headboard and she could curl up in his lap with his big arms around her.

“For now,” Ray said, breaking the silence. “What are we going to do about this pregnancy? You said you wanted to terminate it, when do you want to do that?”

“Now, kind of,” Nora said, taking in a deep breath before letting it out. “I just, I don't want to be pregnant.”

“Okay,” Ray said, kissing her head.

Ray didn't make any signs to move and just kept hugging Nora, holding her close and Nora let herself relax for the first time since this whole thing started. Nora just breathed in Ray’s sweet scent. Eventually, they got up and made their way to the Med-Bay.

“Hello, Mr. Palmer and Miss. Darhk,” Gideon greeted them with her usual cheerful tone. “I'm aware of your decision and have everything set up for you. How would you like to proceed? As you are aware, there are two options for an abortion.”

“Can you do the procedure, Gideon?” Nora asked while staring at the chairs. “I just want it out.”

“Of course, Mrs. Palmer,” Gideon said as a drawer popped open to their left. I'll just have you change into a gown and I'll have everything set up for you in the chair on the left and the door to the Med-Bay has been locked.”

“Thank you, Gideon,” Ray said as he put his hand on Nora's lower back and led her to the drawer.

He pulled out the gown and held it up for her. There was nothing special about it, just an ordinary white and blue polka dot hospital gown with a pair of socks.

Nora quickly got changed and sat down on the chair. Neither of them was sure how this would happen and Nora reached out and grabbed Ray’s hand. He put both of his big hands over hers and gave her a reassuring smile. A door opened in the wall and a machine came out and stopped at the end of the chair which split with stirrups as Nora’s legs dangled in between them.

“Alright Mrs. Palmer, please lay back and put your legs into the stirrups. I'll be giving you a light anesthetic and then we will begin, you will be awake throughout the procedure, and you will have to stay in the Med-Bay for a few hours afterward. It’s just until you're recovered from the anesthetic then you can go back to your room. I'd advise that you take it easy the next 24 hours and only return to physical activity once you feel up to doing so. Captain Lance has already asked Mr. Constantine to cast an anti-magic spell around the ship so you will not be pulled away during your recovery and rest assured Mr. Constantine is unaware of the circumstances.”

“Ready?” Ray asked.

Nora only nodded as he placed the medical cuff over her left hand and the machine buzzed to life at her hips. Ray gave her hand an extra squeeze and Gideon told her that she was staring.

……………………………………………………………………

A few hours later Nora was back in her own bed, cuddled up with Ray, and watching ‘Singing in the Rain’. She was still a little out of it from the sedative, and lazily watched the movie. The girls and Charlie had all stopped by to check in and deliver her favorite meal, a veggie pizza with fresh chocolate chip cookies and milk, all gluten-free of course. The nausea from the anesthetic still hadn't quite passed so she pushed the plate away and turned to roll back and look up at Ray who was spooning her.

“How are you feeling?” Ray asked, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead before she could answer.

Nora took a moment to enjoy his kiss, his touch, and his arms around her. It was the little things like this that she enjoyed most about being with him, how sweet he was with her, how kind and caring, and how he put her needs first. She's never really had someone in her life that did that for her before without expecting something in return, and she was so appreciative of it.

“Good, but tired,” Nora said, looking up at him. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” Ray nodded, pulling the blankets up to tuck her in. “Do you want to shut the movie off and take a nap?”

“Yeah.”

He nodded and reached for the remote, shutting off the TV, and asked Gideon to dim the lights. He took their plates and the leftovers back to the kitchen and then came back to cuddle in her arms. Nora rested her head on his bicep and curled her fingers into his shirt as they settled in.

“How are you feeling emotionally?”

“Honestly, I just feel relieved not to be pregnant anymore,” Nora said, letting out a breath.

“Good, I’m glad you're feeling okay.”

“We did the right thing,” Nora said as she closed her eyes. “Thank you for supporting me in this.”

“I’m always going to support you,” Ray said as if it was nothing. “I love you Nora and I want you to be happy and comfortable. I would never make you do something you didn't want to do or put your body through something you weren't 100% on board with.”

Nora teared up at that and hugged him tighter. “God I love you, Ray Palmer.”

“And I love you too, Nora Darhk,” Ray said, leaning down so he could give her a kiss. It was soft and she lingered on his lips before she settled back into his arms. Happy and content.

……………………………………………………………………

Nora walked up the steps of the parlor with Ray’s hand on her lower back. He had paused on the lower step and when she turned around they were now closer in height. Ray leaned in and kissed her cheek before taking a step back and waving to her. “Text me when you're done and I'll come to walk you back to our room.”

Nora heard some giggles from the others behind her but ignored them. Ray had been doting on her a bit more in the past week and honestly, Nora didn't mind it at all. She still wasn't feeling 100% back to normal and it was nice to know that he was there for her. So she just blushed and waved back to him.

“Sounds good.”

Ray waved one more time before walking away and Nora turned around to face the rest of them waiting for her for book club night. When she turned around all of them greeted her with hi’s and hello’s and rushed in to hug her.

It had only been a week since her abortion and all of them offered to postpone and made it very clear that Nora was under no obligation to attend. However, Nora wanted to get back to her life and was eager to see her friends. Nora was also looking forward to hearing one of Mona’s excited rants as apparently one of her favorite writers just dropped a new book. Mona had spent the last 24 hours reading and rereading it and was now overly excited to talk about it.

“I'm so happy to see you,” Mona said, getting to her first and pulling her in for a hug that was just a little too tight, but Nora wouldn't have it any other way.

As soon as she was done Ava pulled her in for a hug as well and soon all of them piled in for a group hug. When they all settled down Ava made sure to pour her a glass of wine and clinked their glasses together, like she always did. Nora relaxed back into her chair, happy to be around her friends again.

“How are you feeling?” Sara asked, reclaiming her spot on Ava’s lap.

“Good,” Nora said with a smile. “I wanted to thank you all for telling me your stories and helping me through this process. You never once told me what I should or shouldn't do and you encouraged me to do what was best for me and my situation and I want to thank you for it.”

All of them responded, that of course they were happy to help and Nora looked around at all their smiling faces. She had never had so many friends before and felt so lucky to get such great ones.

“Okay, but can we please talk about this new book?” Mona asked, practically vibrating with excitement.

“Yes, Mona, what did you think of it?” Nora asked, taking a sip of her wine.

“Well, first of all, I can't believe the author kept the fact that he was a vampire a secret for the first half of the book. It kinda felt like it just came out of nowhere, but then I looked back and was like, of course, he was a vampire.”

“And it's not like other vampire novels, which was a good relief,” Sara added, leaning forward so much that if not for Ava’s hands around her waist Nora was sure she’d fall onto the floor.

“Yes,” Mona said, jumping up.

“Okay, but if they were vampires then how did he survive the hotel fire in chapter 3. Because later in chapter 11, he said that the only way to kill a vampire was to either stab them or burn them?” Zari asked, gesturing wildly with her hands knowing it was the only way to get their attention.

Nora caught Ava’s smile as she gave Nora a wink as they watched Sara and Mona fuel each other’s excitement. They laughed together at their infectious excitement and drank more wine. Mona and Sara continued to talk over each other and excited voices about the book while Zari and Charlie occasionally chimed in with their own input and Nora let her mind wander.

She hadn't realized that she was still smiling until her cheeks began to ache. She was so happy and Nora knew that no matter what life threw at her, as long as she had Ray and her friends, she would be happy.

……………………………………………………………………

AN: This felt important to write and more so now. I was sexually assaulted when I was a child. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I fell pregnant. I’m so lucky that I didn’t need an abortion, but others aren’t as lucky and this story is dedicated to them. If you want to talk or receive support or help please contact

#nora darhk #ray palmer #darhkatom #avalance #ava sharpe #charlie lot #sara lance #zari tomaz #gideon #mona wu #dc #dc's legends of tomorrow #legends of tomorrow #otp: I love you ya goober #my work #my writing #my fanfiction

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