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chaithetics · 4 months

Note

yes yes yes i wanna see the barbie fic!!! i know im gonna love itttt -barbie anon

Porcelain and the Shark: Barbie Hosseinis

Pairing: Stewy Hosseini x f (Roy) reader

(reader has anxiety, no use of y/n, physical descriptions or other names but does have the nickname Porcelain/Porce - due to family viewing her that way not because of complexion)

Word count: 2.6K

Prompt: porce forcing stewy to take the day off to take her and the kids to see barbie… he buys the kids a new barbie toy each and buys porce some cute barbie merch… porce relates to barbie’s existential crisis…. and gets just a touch sad at the parts about mothers and their daughters… stew cheers her up by reminding her that she’s an incredible mom to the kids and she goes and sees oppenheimer with him the next day as a thank you. that’s all xo 🫶

Chapter/content warning: 18+ MINORS DNI, established relationship, wholesome fluff, existential crisis mention, some not great Roy dynamics are alluded to. Not beta read sorry!

Authors note: thank you so much for sending this through Nonnie and your patience, you're an angel! i really hope you enjoy this, please let me know what you think! There's a slight change, I actually don't think Stewy would be super into Oppenheimer for a few different reasons. I hope that's okay?! I hope you all enjoy this, I am sorry for the absence lately, enjoy and let me know what you think, I love engaging with you all via comments, reblogs, and asks! Live for them! Lots of love to all you tumblr hotties (you're all hotties) let's pretend the gif is a barbie reference lol.

********

You’re kneeling on the floor in Tillie’s room as you help your young daughter change into her outfit. It was cute but you hadn’t expected it to be so complicated to put on. Mainly because Tillie was so excited, wriggling and bouncing as she chatted, she couldn’t stay still for very long. After a couple of minutes you’d been able to finish up her outfit and kissed the top of her head as you finished putting her hair in the neat bun she’d asked for to match her new but beloved doll sitting next to her.

“Wow! You look amazing and you’re both matching! How cool!” You excitedly say to Tillie who giggles and nods.

“We’re both ready for space now!” Tillie exclaims as she grabs her astronaut Barbie doll.

“You can play with your toys now that you’re dressed, practice for space. I’m going to check on dad and Jonathan now, okay sweetie?” You place another kiss on top of her head and she nods, happily focusing on her toys again. It makes you chuckle how quickly she goes back to playing now that your interruption of dressing her is over.

You start to walk towards Jonathan’s room but pause when you hear Stewy’s voice coming from his home office, you think it’s odd that he’s in there as this was a day that he was meant to be completely offline from work and just for family. Changing the route to Jonathan’s room you walk to his office until you’re leaning against the door watching him. Stewy’s pacing back and fourth in his office as he continues his call with an earphone in. He looks at you and with a small smile before taking a sip from his morning cappuccino in a ridiculously tiny cup as he hums along to whatever is being said on the opposite end of the phone.

“Uh-huh, yeah, well yeah, we’ll just need to circle back to that later. Uh-huh, I’ve gotta go. Mmm, yeah, sure, bye.” He quickly ends the call, removing the earphone and placing it on his desk before turning to look at you as he carefully places his coffee cup down on the desk.

“You’re not in pink-” You start.

“Neither are you.” Stewy immediately quips back with a small teasing smile as he looks you up and down adoringly.

“Well no, I haven’t changed yet. I was getting the kids ready.”

“Okay, go get ready I’ll finish up whatever needs finishing up and then you can head out.” He says as he comes over giving you a kiss on the forehead.

“We head out.” You correct, emphasising the word as you’re already not a fan of the direction this was headed in.

“Honey…” Stewy says with a sigh and it’s clear that something has come up, he needs to cancel. The guilt is written all over his face like a ghost came up and tattooed it on as soon as you walked into the office.

“You promised.” You say rather bluntly. The work-life balance is important to you and after experiencing all that your childhood had to offer in terms of swinging between sheltered neglect and highly-criticised surveillance. You refuse the notion of having your children growing up without a father or experiencing the wonder and insult of what it’s like to have a father miss out on what’s meant to be memorable and special family days. You know Stewy isn’t like that, he’s just busy and he’s always there but you still can’t help but take it personally.

It almost feels like a childhood defense and you feel your lip quiver a little as you look at him, knowing he had promised this and now he was going to break the promise to you and your children.

“I know baby, but something’s come up at work and-” He continues with wide eyes, trying to diffuse the situation as he can see how upset it’s making you.

“I’m not happy about… I’m not happy about this Stew.” You admit quietly as you look down while leaning against the wall more.

“I know. I know. I’ll make it up to you and the kids, we’ll do something later on. I’ll buy them some more toys.” “You’re not becoming that father who uses money and presents to make it up to children.” You say softly.

“I won’t do that.” He chuckles and comes over to you and wraps his arms around you softly. “I love you and you’re so pretty, you know that right?” He presses a few soft kisses to your jaw and neck.

“You’ve said it before…” You whisper back, as he holds you in his arms.

“Mm… Good. I just wanted to remind you.” He whispers against your neck and you feel his breath and words tickle your neck.

“If you’re not coming, you’re the one who needs to break that news to their cute faces and you do owe them. And me.” You can’t help but sigh in his arms as you relax into him, finding comfort in his presence as you always do despite how you’re annoyed with him over this.

Stewy nods as he listens to your words, and caresses your back gently. “I’ll try…” He whispers, you know it’s less likely that he’ll actually end up working through the day and bailing on the much anticipated Hosseini family event of seeing the Barbie film with your young children.

Tillie then calls out for you and Stewy, you smile at him, squeezing his hand and walking with him, hand-in-hand into Tillie’s bedroom. Tillie jumps up when she sees her dearly loved parents walk into her bedroom and runs over with her doll. Some children had dinosaur phases, or princess phases but Tillie was one of those children who became obsessed with space as soon as her eyes could take in the moon and what it was. She had an astronaut Barbie in her hand which had become one of her most prized possessions since Stewy had recently brought it for her. It was in her hand at every playtime, bedtime, and seated next to her at each meal.

As Tillie jumps up to hug her parents, it is then that Stewy sees her outfit in full… Tillie is wearing an astronaut costume in pink. One that you’d spent a lot of time trying to find the right person to commission it and they had excelled. She was a cute little astronaut just as she wanted to be and it was perfectly in theme with the Barbie film that she was excited to see as well.

She ran over to her father and Stewy quickly picked her up, you could see his heart melting as he took in the sight of his precious daughter in her outfit, she looked adorable and Stewy loved how she was so young but already had dreams that were so out of this world.

Stewy swayed slightly while holding Matilda, he kissed the top of her head and smiled widely at her.

“Oh my God, look at you… this outfit is amazing….” Stewy said to Tillie with a smile. He pressed another kiss to her head and held her a bit tighter as he kept swaying with her. “Oh my…. Look at her! Look at her!” He said with the largest, most loving eyes to you and you couldn’t help but smile widely and nod. She was always cute and precious but this was an exceptionally cute look of Matilda’s. You also always appreciated seeing this moment between Stewy and Tillie, he was so in awe of her and she was in equal awe of her father as well. A polar opposite to what you and Shiv had known but it was what you wanted for your children, it was what every child deserved.

“How could you say no to that cutie, Stewy? You tease playfully, already seeing him mentally cave by her.

“I can’t… I can’t… I’ll make a call and then we’ll see Barbie, huh?” He says to Tillie and gives her a little nose bop which makes her giggle loudly and excitedly.

“Go change, dad Ken, not work Ken!” Tillie says with another giggle as she tries to boop her father on the nose in return. Stewy smirks and nods, kissing her forehead again as he swings her gently with a smile.

“What am I going to wear though? I need some pink, huh honey?” He asks Tillie and she smiles and nods.

“I brought you a pink turtleneck, it’s out in the room honey.” You say softly with a happy smile as you look at him, you couldn’t resist the chance to get him in theme and you always had a weak spot for Stewy in a turtleneck so this was just as much a treat for your family as it was for you. All just for different reasons.

“You’re a prize, babe. Thank you. Isn’t your mommy the best? I mean look at you and soon look at me and I’ll be just as cute huh?” Stewy kisses Tillie’s cheek and then puts her down and gives you a soft, loving, grateful kiss on the lips to say thank you for organizing that.

Stewy goes off to change and he looks so handsome in his pink turtleneck, you feel your cheeks immediately heat up as he comes back out. He kisses your cheek and whispers a sweet thank you.

************************

You, Stewy and your little Hosseinis all watch Barbie, everybody dressed up in theme in pink and looking like charming Barbies, Kens, and Allens. The children are all thoroughly engaged in the film and its bright visuals, there’s plenty of humor as well that’s sneaked in to appeal to adults which gets genuine laughs from you and Stewy.

You’re not quite surprised but you struggle for a moment as you feel quite touched, sensitive and yet vulnerable throughout several scenes of the film. This concept of identity, and having an identity that is separate from the men in your life, along with one that is separate to your identities as a wife, a mother, a sister, and a daughter. You can’t help but get teary at many of these scenes and think about what something like this means for your children, especially sweet Tillie, and the relationship between mothers and daughters. You love Tillie with all of your being, is that enough you wonder? It certainly wasn’t with your parents but that wasn’t the right love and you know it’s different with your children, you don’t let the thoughts in that your parents probably felt the same at some stage in. You’re already getting teary-eyed in this film, surrounded by those dearest to you, you don’t think you can quite handle an existential crisis right now.

Stewy notices your eyes becoming glassy with tears during these scenes and he snuggles a bit closer to you, pulling you into him more to gently kiss your cheek and squeeze your shoulder and hand. He caresses your arm gently from the first scene that brings you to tears and then throughout the rest of the picture.

“Hey, you’re a great parent… They love you more than anything, I’m in awe of you. You’re such a great mom.” Stewy promises as he whispers into your ear. You smile at him and tilt your head to kiss him softly on the lips.

*******

The children loved the film and it was a great family day that didn’t end in terms of quality time right after the movie finished. The children were all now tucked in bed and you were lying in bed now and Stewy had just finished brushing his teeth and was coming to lie in bed.

“Hi.” He whispered as he laid on the bed and looked up at you.

“Hey.” You smile back at him and can’t help but feel your cheeks heats up again, you loved him in the pink turtleneck but you also loved him out of it and any tops, just as much.

“And thoughts on the film that made all the men so angry?” He asks.

“I mean, it was a bit gentle on men, huh?” You say as you tilt your head to look at him.

“Uh-huh, far too gentle. It should’ve challenged my masculinity more than it did.” He says softly as he kisses your cheek and then your jaw gently with a smirk. “Ken did kinda feel like that incel-pipeline justification, right?” He says as he pulls away and looks at your face, Stewy starts to caress your arm gently as he leans back on the pillows.

You nod and smile. “Exactly! And you picked that up!” He chuckles at that and his cheeks heat up a bit as he continues to caress your forearm. “It still had some good stuff in it, Tillie really enjoyed it, ‘Yay space!’ Is going to be a new catchphrase for a while.” You say with a smile as you gently caress his cheek in return and giggle a little at the thought. That line alone and the acknowledgement of a Barbie in space was more than enough to make the day for Tillie and seal it as a classic for her.

“Astronaut Barbie was my favorite. Tillie and I have that in common now.” He says playfully and you can’t help but chuckle some more at that.

Stewy then leans back to grab his phone to do something that his mind has just thought of, you can’t help but feel curious.

“What are you doing?” You as with a smirk.

“I’m going to get one of those ‘I’m Kenough’ hoodies delivered to Kendall’s.” He says with a smirk as he taps away at his phone. You can’t help but laugh.

“That’s so thoughtful of you, he definitely needs it.” You laugh.

“Exactly, he really does.” Stewy says playfully, he finishes up, showing you an order confirmation email and then puts his phone down and kisses you softly on the lips.

“Since you’ve seen Barbie, does that mean I have to be your date to Oppenheimer now?” You ask as you look up at him. Stewy immediately scoffs and then laughs.

“No!” He laughs.

“No?” You ask with a small chuckle.

“I’m a dad, I’ve been exposed to the magic and art of Barbie and Bluey, why would I need to see Oppenheimer? Also it’s three hours long? It’s not for children, why would I go through those three hours?” He asks.

You smile and nod as you caress his cheek. “Very good points.” You whisper.

“How boring and convoluted must a film be to be three hours long? And if I have that much time for something shouldn’t I spend it with you and our angels?” You can’t help but smile widely at that.

“Isn’t it mandatory bro viewing now? What on earth will you talk about in the office on Monday?” You ask playfully before kissing him softly on the lips.

“I won’t watch a film because of peer pressure, if I felt insecure, I’d just read the Wikipedia plot and honey, I don’t get insecure.” He says proudly right before leaning over, closer to you in order to kiss your lips. The kiss starts off soft at first but Stewy quickly deepens it, he playfully nibbles on your lip as the kiss deepens on both your ends and Stewy steals a moan from your lips as you run your hands through his hair.

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sakosai · 5 months

Note

could you do a list of names (preferably feminine or unisex, if that’s okay) related to dolls? and could you do some pronouns related to dolls?

Doll themed pronouns:

Doll/dolly/dollies/dollself , dress/dressup/dresses/dressupself , frill/frills/frillself , patch/patchwork/patches/patchworkself , joint/joints/jointself , pose/poses/poseself , porc/porcelain/porcelains/porcelainself , bow/bows/bowself , figur/figurine/figurines/figureself , toy/toys/toyself , vintage/vintages/vintageself , play/plays/playself , dis/display/displays/displayself , pretty/prettys/prettyself , kyu/cute/cutes/cuteself

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sugarmasonmearii · 11 months

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[C] Porcelina's Steaming Hot Scald

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"At one moment, you might find Porcelina the shiny Vaporeon pampering herself at the local spa with her fellow Eeveelution sisters / teammates. The next, she would be fighting against the toughest pokémon she can get to challenge her, all the while listening to her favorite rock and metal tunes that she loves thanks to her trainer's musical tastes. And finally, at the end of it all, Porcelina will tell you to have a good day that's as splendid as a refreshing glass of water on a hot Summer afternoon. Don't let this smooth and girly fishy's cute looks fool you, she's by far the toughest battler in my Eeveelution team from Pokémon Go, the Five Magics!" - Layne (client)

Ah, again with a fast one-day commission, and I really enjoyed making this art for Porcelina. Dirty Sketch style is just really good with dynamic and action artworks like Porce's Scald demo here.

---

If you're interested in a commission from me, [do check here] for details. Or you can check my [Carrd art commissions.] Or you can DM me too.

You can support me via [Ko-fi] and/or [Patreon] too!

---

Client: LayneTheVaporeon

Pokémon belongs to Nintendo, Gamefreak and Creatures. Art by me.

This is a paid commission and the only the artist and client have the rights to repost this art. Do not trace, copy, use, steal or distribute!

#art commission #pokemon #pokemon fanart #pokemon oc #eeveelution #illustration #vaporeon #shiny vaporeon #shiny pokemon #scald

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les-degustations-ugo · 9 months

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🇫🇷❓❓Hello les amoureux du tire-bouchon. Et vous, connaissez-vous les Côtes du Roussillon Villages❓❓🇫🇷

🍇🍷Aop Côtes du Roussillon Villages rouge 2020 cuvée Alchimie du Domaine La Part Des Anges 🍇🍷:

🍇 :

Syrah

Carignan

Grenache noir

🏺:

Production 8000 bouteilles par an

💰:

Non communiqué par le domaine

👁️ :

Un robe de couleur grenat soutenu

👃 :

Un nez expressif sur des notes de fruits noirs, épices.

💋 :

En bouche, on a un vin aromatique, élégant, ample, généreux. Sur des arômes de fruits compotés, murs, cassis, pruneaux, le poivre en grains fraîchement moulus. Une belle longueur en bouche avec une finale sur des notes de cigares et de chocolat en poudre.

📜En résumé📜 :

J'ai vraiment adoré cette cuvée d'une belle justesse. Du plaisir à chaque gorgée. Un gros coup de cœur, je dois bien l'avouer.

🧆Dégusté sur un magret de canard saignant 🧆.

🍷Quelques accords mets et vin possible avec cette cuvée🍷 : Colombo de cabri, Coquelet à l'estragon, Cuisses de canard rôties, Filets mignons de porc, Jarret de porc braisé......

📌N'oubliez pas, boire un canon c'est sauver

un vigneron. Allez voir le site internet du domaine pour voir toutes les cuvées et promotions du moment📌.

🔞« L'abus d'alcool est dangereux pour la santé, à consommer avec modération »🔞 La plupart des vins ont été dégustés et recrachés. Dégustation non rémunéré.

#lesdegustationsugo #wine #winelover #vino #winetasting #winetime #winelovers #instawine #redwine #winestagram #winery #beer #wineoclock #vin #sommelier #love #vinho #foodporn #winelife #instagood #whitewine #cocktails #drinks #wein #foodie #wineporn #drink

___________________________________________

⏬🇫🇷Français dans les commentaires🇫🇷🇮🇹Italiano nei commenti 🇮🇹⏬

🇬🇧❓❓Hello corkscrew lovers. And you, do you know the Côtes du Roussillon Villages ❓❓🇬🇧

🍇🍷Aop Côtes du Roussillon Villages red 2020 cuvée Alchimie from Domaine La Part Des Anges 🍇🍷:

🍇:

Shiraz

Carignan

black grenache

🏺:

Production 8000 bottles per year

💰:

Not communicated by the domain

👁️:

A deep garnet color

👃:

An expressive nose with notes of black fruits and spices.

💋:

On the palate, we have an aromatic, elegant, ample, generous wine. On aromas of stewed fruits, blackcurrants, prunes, freshly ground peppercorns. A nice length in the mouth with a finish on notes of cigars and powdered chocolate.

📜In summary📜:

I really loved this cuvée of a beautiful accuracy. Pleasure in every sip. A big crush, I must admit.

🧆 Tasted on a bleeding duck breast 🧆.

🍷 Some food and wine pairings possible with this cuvée 🍷: Colombo de cabri, Cockerel with tarragon, Roasted duck legs, Cute pork fillets, Braised pork shank......

📌 Don't forget, drinking a cannon is saving a winemaker. Go see the domain's website to see all the vintages and promotions of the moment 📌.

🔞 "Alcohol abuse is dangerous for your health, consume in moderation"🔞 Most of the wines have been tasted and spat out. Unpaid tasting.

___________________________________________

🇮🇹❓❓Ciao amanti dei cavatappi. E tu, conosci i Côtes du Roussillon Villages❓❓🇮🇹

🍇🍷Aop Côtes du Roussillon Villages rosso 2020 cuvée Alchimie del Domaine La Part Des Anges 🍇🍷:

🍇:

Shiraz

Carignano

granato nero

🏺:

Produzione 8000 bottiglie all'anno

💰:

Non comunicato dal dominio

👁️:

Colore granato intenso

👃:

Un naso espressivo con note di frutti neri e spezie.

💋:

Al palato abbiamo un vino aromatico, elegante, ampio, generoso. Su aromi di frutta cotta, ribes nero, prugne, pepe in grani appena macinato. Una bella lunghezza in bocca con un finale su note di sigari e cioccolato in polvere.

📜In sintesi📜:

Ho davvero amato questa cuvée di una bella accuratezza. Piacere in ogni sorso. Una grande cotta, devo ammetterlo.

🧆 Degustato su un petto d'anatra sanguinante 🧆.

🍷 Alcuni abbinamenti enogastronomici possibili con questa cuvée 🍷: Colombo de cabri, Galletto al dragoncello, Cosce d'anatra arrosto, Filetti di maiale carini, Stinco di maiale brasato......

📌 Non dimenticare, bere un cannone è salvare un enologo. Andate a vedere il sito del dominio per vedere tutte le annate e le promozioni del momento 📌.

🔞 "L'abuso di alcol è pericoloso per la salute, consumalo con moderazione"🔞 La maggior parte dei vini è stata assaggiata e sputata. Degustazione non pagata.

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quiveringdeer · 1 year

Note

Porc Bowl Cutlet. Porc and Beans. Porc Chop. Porc Rinds.

JFJFBFKDBDJFHF Nonnie YES!!!

gods I adore coming up with puns and cute things with Porco's name in particular! Please send more if you think of any!!

#porco galliard #porco prompts #nat talks aot #aot shenanigans #nonnie #answered asks

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francescabassignana · 2 months

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Color: Color as Brand as Meme

"Porc Mal Cuit" is poorly cooked pork in french, I wanted to create a fancy name instead of just putting "raw pork", so I translated it to make it sound better, I also got this name really quickly because i've been watching masterchef lately and I immediately thought of something food-related:D

The name "Patita" has a story. I couldn't thing of anything when I naming the white so I called my boyfriend to help me and we just started talking about the cars around and I said "Siento que los carros tienen las patitas muy cortas".

Sick Oak: I saw that the color is a little off, it's like a dead, sick color but it also reminds me of wood, so it's basically like the wood is sick because it's not vibrant like always.

Pascal: Tangled is one of my favorite movies of all time, so I saw that cute green color and I decided to name it as the pet and best friend of Rapunzel, which I find to be so adorable so it fits perfectly.

Nelson mutz: When I see yellow I always think of The Simpsons or Spongebob so I wanted to name it after one of the characters

Honey Corny: I saw this color and thought of honey mustard, but I didn't wanted to put something too common and literal, so I put honey corny instead :D

Sky Stone: When I went to Punta Cana last year, I bought a necklace from the Dominican Republic stone, the larimar, also called "piedra del cielo".

Handsome Squidward: I feel like this doesn't need further explanation. Handsome squidward...

Pretty Patties: That color reminded me of the episode where spongebob makes colorful crabby patties, so I looked up the name of that episode and made it the name for this color.

Starbust: Every time someone mentions starbust, I think of this light pink color, it's also one of the best flavors of starbust ;)

#colorasbrandasmeme

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chaithetics · 7 months

Note

porce forcing stewy to take the day off to take her and the kids to see barbie… he buys the kids a new barbie toy each and buys porce some cute barbie merch… porce relates to barbie’s existential crisis…. and gets just a touch sad at the parts about mothers and their daughters… stew cheers her up by reminding her that she’s an incredible mom to the kids and she goes and sees oppenheimer with him the next day as a thank you. that’s all xo 🫶

hello lovely!

i absolutely LOVE this wholesome little prompt, and i started to write it and then it dropped off with a lot of stuff happening atm. (i'm just over 500 words in)

i know barbie came out almost 3 months go so it's not as relevant so i just wanted to ask if you'd still like this? would people like/want to read this? happy to finish it! (it's very wholesome i swear)

thank you so much for sending this in nonnie, i adore you 💗

#chaitheticsasks #chaitheticsrequest #stewy hosseini #succession #stewy hosseini x reader #stewy hosseini x roy reader #stewy hosseini x roy!reader #porcelain and the shark #requests

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bigoudibouclebrunes · 7 months

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Bigoudi Bouclebrunes et le Grand Débat

« Bonsoir! Bonsoir, mes amis! Bonsoir ti-guy! Ça me fait plaisir de vous voir tous ce soir, toi la première, Véro! Bin là, si tu commences ton gala en disant « J’veux un scandale! »… t’as besoin de moi! Alors j’ai un message important. Que vous le vouliez ou non, nous sommes tous des influenceurs au sein de la communauté hobbite. Et je veux ce soir nous encourager, simplement et avec le plus grand respect, à voter de façon massive. Ne serait-ce que pour donner l’exemple à la prochaine génération, qu’on se préoccupe de ce qui nous entoure. Les gens vous aiment, les gens nous aiment et on dit qu’on aime les gens, alors on va s’occuper tous ensemble de pouvoir célébrer longtemps des soirées extraordinaires comme celles-là. Cela dit, tout le monde ne peut pas voter! Rappellez-vous des règles! D’abord, il faut être hobbit! Non, mais c’est vrai! Il faut regarder comme il faut le programme! Mon âge… la plateforme électorale! Alors donc… alors je vous dit, votez en grand nombre, célébrons en grand nombre la culture hobbit et sauvons l’honneur qu’il me reste, euh… qu’il nous reste en me laissant prendre subitement la parole lors d’un segment de gala dédié à des documentaristes, pour la majeure partie féminine pour que je puisse pousser mon agenda politique! »

Bigoudi replia la page où se trouvait la retranscrition du Gala des prix Gémouille dans le journal du Hobbit Matin en regardant d’un air absent le mur de sa chambre d’auberge. Pendant un instant, il pensait que son cerveau fondu et couler de ses oreilles, pourtant fines et élégantes. Une espèce de sensation bizarre l’avait envahie alors qu’il avait lu les premières phrases… une sensation… pareille à celle que le corps produit lorsqu’il rééquilibre les oreilles, un genre de scillement sinistre et étrange. Il avait tout compris dans les demi-mots du sieur hobbit Truitillaume Lejuin-Thiguidoune. Il avait alors encourager les gens du gala à aller voter… mais pour le bon candidat… le seul qui, selon lui, pourrait fournir du changement dans la Comté. Le Trumpiste des hobbits, le Roi-Sorcier d’Alma, l’autoproclamé « dernier gay de la Terre du Milieu »… Delric Duhaime-Pas… Et nul besoin pour Bigoudi de se demander pourquoi… Truitillaume oeuvrait pour le Roi-Sorcier depuis que ce dernier avait découvert le faux-pot-aux-roses post-vérité sur les chemtrails de Numénor et les vaccins hobbits. D’ailleurs, il y avait peut-être une raison pour laquelle les hobbits ne faisaient pas vraiment de vaccins rapidement… Bigoudi savait qu’il allait à l’encontre de son raisonnement scientifique, mais il se dit que Truitillaume avait peut-être eu un effet secondaire beaucoup plus grave à un des vaccins hobbits de la Comté… Et tout cela, sur du temps d’antenne pour des documentaristes, des personnes importantes dans la culture de la Comté et, le plus souvent, des femmes, de surcroît. Bigoudi pensa furtivement à l’adage des plus jeunes… « This is not a cute look. »

Il regarda pensivement ses victuailles qu’on lui avait donné dans l’Auberge nommée Batifolons dans le Thym et le Serpolet, jolie petite auberge en plein cœur de Minas Truite. En effet, Grandoulf le sagicien et lui avait fait le chemin depuis Sauge-sur-Rôties, petit village près de Bourg-L’Aïeul, dans le but d’aller porter des fleurs sur la tombe de feu la Dernière Reine du Gondor. À sa table, il avait fait venir : de jolies croquettes de légume au cheddar fort ainsi qu’un pain aux herbes fines, une soupe de champignons crémeuse, une petite soupe aux oignons, une petite salade de saison avec pommes de terres de saison, carottes, panais et zucchinis avec une petite vinaigrette sucrée et acidulée, suivi d’un plat de ratatouille fraîche, un médaillon de porc à l’érable et au romarin, une poitrine de poulet à la sauce au miel et au thym, ainsi qu’un petit pavé d’esturgeon avec sauce au caramel, les trois plats sur lit de légumes vapeurs, carottes, broccolis, choux fleurs et petits pois mange-tout. Il y a avait une poutine au fromage salé-grillé et aux oignons verts, un steak vieilli et cuit sur copeaux de bois d’érable avec un petit coulis à la mayonnaise épicée, suivi d’un plat de shakshuka aux légumes et au bœuf haché. Bien évidemment, il y avait aussi des fruits frais, un gâteau au citron et à la meringue ainsi qu’un gâteau glacé de la Reine laitière Aux Réos (qu’il avait rapporté de Sauge-sur-Rôties), mais il y avait également une tarte aux cerises noires, une pointe de gâteau au fromage et aux figues ainsi que deux moëlleux au chocolat et aux framboises. Cela constituait son petit encas léger du midi. Grandoulf entra dans la chambre de Bigoudi.

« Bigoudi! Allez sur votre balcon, il y a un débat sur la place publique!

- Un débat?! Oh! N’êtes-vous pas allé voir la Dernière Reine du Gondor?

- Si, si, mais après, j’ai flâné dans les rues et j’ai aperçu des gens s’attrouper pour entendre un débat des chefs! C’est pour les élections, mon cher Bigoudi.

- Et c’est directement sous mon balcon? Demanda Bigoudi, incrédule.

- OUI! Venez, pardi!

Bigoudi déplaça sa chaise et se pris une petite assiette de victuailles afin de manger pendant la joute verbale… ou, au pire, lancer quelques raisins sur le pire des candidats ou l’animateur.

L’animateur se présenta. Un bel homme à deux prénoms, semblait-il.

« Un gondoréen! Dit alors Grandoulf. Un descendant des hommes de Numénor.

- Ah, dis alors Bigoudi, la bouche pleine. »

« Bonsoir, chers spectateurs, dis le bel homme. Nous sommes ici pour entendre certains candidats sur les grandes questions électorales. Alors. Je souhaite le bon soir à M. Lançois Flegault, premier ministre de la Comté et chef du Parti Opportuniste de l’Est Mordor, M. Peepoodopalapatapa Pamonnom du Parti Comtois, Madame Ganglade, du Parti Capitaliste du Mordor, M. Gadriel Nabôt-DansL’Bois, du Parti Comté Solidaire et Delric Duhaime-Pas, du Parti Réactionnaire de l’Ouest Mordor. »

Une salve d’applaudissements polis suivi.

« Alors, reprit l’animateur, je vous rappelle les règles : le respect est de mise et on ne traite pas les autres de « viles sangsues putrides ». Parce que c’est pas fin.

Comme vous le savez, cette année, plus de 600 ménages se sont retrouvés sans toit le premier du mois de Germinal, le mois du déménagement pour tous! Qu’avez-vous planifiezvpour enrayer la crise du logement en Terre du Milieu? Demanda l’animateur.

- Vous savez, nous ne sommes pas en crise, répliqua Lançoit Flegault. On sait qu’à Minas Truite, les loyers commencent à 500$! Alors ce qu’on va faire, c’est d’augmenter la construction de chaumières abordables… mettons, 10 000 en 5 ans.

- 10 000! Mais on est en manque de 100 000 cette année! S’étouffa Gadriel Nabôt-DansL’Bois. Nous, à Comté Solidaire, on promet 50 000 logements en 3 ans. On veut aussi mettre en place un registre des loyers pis on veut faire en sorte que ça soit aux propriétaires de soumettre leur augmentation à la Régie du Logement au lieu que ça soit au locataire de la contester!

- Nous, au Parti Comtois, on pense 50 000 logements en 4 ans, c’est pas mal la même logique que Comté Solidaire, mais ça sera NOS logements!, dit M. Peepoodopalapatapa Pamonnom

- Bêêêêêêê. Répliqua la déléguée du Parti Capitalisme du Mordor.

- Et vous, Delric Duhaime-Pas? Qu’est-ce que le Parti Réactionnaire de l’Ouest Mordor? Demanda l’animateur.

- Quelle crise du logement? Honnêtement, si les gens ont pas de logement, qu’ils s’en trouvent un! On est pas pour aider le monde qui, clairement, s’aide pas! Ils ont juste à avoir des locataires, comme tout l’monde!

L’animateur et tous les autres participants regardèrent alors le Roi-Sorcier d’Alma comme on regarderait quelqu’un qui allume un pet en feu, mais dans un contexte sobre.

- Bêêêêêê, répliqua Mme Ganglade, fâchée.

- Eh! Les insultes, madame Ganglade… reprit l’animateur. Alors, prochaine question… Comme vous le savez, l’environnement tiens à cœur à la jeunesse hobbit et devient un enjeu majeur des prochaines années. Qu’avez-vous l’intention de faire pour aider l’environnement?

- Vous savez, commenta M. Flegault, nous, au Parti Opportuniste de l’Est Mordor, on va faire les choses pour prévenir les crises environnementales. On va passer dans les forêts en criant « TENTION! Y’A UNE CRISE QUI S’EN VIENT! » pis on va voir si la nature va répondre à notre appel.

Gadriel le regarda, sidéré. Puis prit la parole : « Monsieur Flegault, ce que vous proposez est INSUFFISANT. Au Parti Comté Solidaire, on va taxer les industries qui poluent, on va planter des arbres, on va faire des constructions avec une emphase sur les énergies vertes et on va prendre le virage vert à fond la caisse.

- Bêêêêêêêêê. Dit alors Mme Ganglade

- Eh bien nous, au Parti Comtois, nous allons nous assurer que tout soit nationalisé. Notre énergie verte, nos constructions vertes, nos chemtrails, notre pollution. Comme ça, on va avoir LE CONTRÔLE.

- Et vous, au Parti Réactionnaire, M. Duhaime-Pas, demanda l’animateur.

- Bin… on va simplement demander aux gens qui pètent de s’excuser. C’est toutte.

- Et pour l’économie… que voulez-vous faire pour amoindrir les écarts entre les riches et les pauvres?

- Ah, nous, on veut donner aux familles des bonus. Plein de bonus, dit M. Flegault.

- Nous, au Parti Comté Solidaire, on croit qu’il faut taxer les riches et on impôsera un nouveau pallier d’imposition pour les héritages de plus de 1 millions de piécettes.

M. Duhaime-Pas regarda Gadriel comme s’il était une vermine et dit : « Nous, au Parti Réactionnaire, on croit pas à ça, les pauvres. Si les gens sont dans la misère, c’est de leur faute! C’est parce qu’ils ont fait quelque chose de MAL. On va tous les brûler. »

Cette dernière phrase scandalisa l’assistance. Personne ne voulait d’une solution aussi drastique. Cela faisait penser aux idées de Sauron et plus loin, encore… de Morgoth-Plessis.

C’est alors que retenti une voix tonitruante… TADROS! TADROS! C’était Conspiragollum. Ce dernier s’élança vers Duhaime-Pas qui avait compris sa bévue et l’enlaça de tout son petit être vil et chétif. Puis, les deux disparurent dans une nuée de boucane noire, dite « de kémion de la libârtée ». Un vulgaire chemtrail venu des États du Sud…

L’assistance resta médusée.

Grandoulf dit alors « Eh bien, ce débat était des plus singulier! Mais il me fait peur, Bigoudi… tout tend trop vers la droite, ces derniers temps…

- En effet, Grandoulf, répondit Bigoudi… et c’est pourquoi il nous faut être vigilant et retrousser nos manches… »

Fin du chapitre

#bigoudi bouclebrunes #grandoulf #middle earth #fanfiction #recettes

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emtstruck · 1 year

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Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Vintage Porcelain Doll.

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fruits-that-suit-us · 1 year

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madeintayot · 4 years

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Oink ❤️

#oink #oinkoink #pig #porc #jam #animal #character #characterdesign #characterdesigner #farm #pretty #cute #littlestpetshop #cartoon #cartoonist #cartoonart #cartoonartist #cartoonify

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sleepysnk · 3 years

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Hello can I request a Porco x fem reader Modern Au where they are in high school and Porcos like the bad boy football kind of guy and reader is just sweet and an adorable angel but they are good friends and Porco has a huge crush on reader but won’t admit it and their friends try to get them together but one day someone’s flirting with reader and she’s really shy and uncomfortable with it and Porc comes to the rescue and ends up confessing and they end up together

omg i literally LOVE this request 🥺 this was super fun to write and i hope you enjoy! thank you for requesting love ♡, Porco is definitely one of my favorites to write 💗!

What If I Told You I Love You?

Pairings: Porco Galliard x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None

Porco sat at the lunch table with his friends, the voices of his friends and other students filling his ears. The crowded lunchroom didn't distract him from what he was staring at, nothing could distract Porco from watching (Y/N), one of his closest friends.

He had met (Y/N) in middle school, she was being picked on by one of the rude popular girls and he came to rescue. He defended her that day and ever since then the two had been attached to the hip; he never left her side, and he even brought out a side of her that nobody else even knew existed. She was such a sweet girl, she had a heart of pure gold and Porco found that to be one of the many reasons he stuck around her.

Now being juniors in high school, things didn't really change. Porco was on the football team and (Y/N) was more into her studies; she was always doing her own thing. Even if her and Porco weren't as close as they used to be, they still talked on a daily basis.

Being friends with her for so long was something Porco cherished, he always cared for her no matter where he went. She would always clean him up after a football game or if he got into a scuffle with a guy, she was always there to help him, even if Marcel didn't ask her to.

While being friends Porco began to feel something more than just a friendship with her. He would always find himself being annoyed when a guy came around, or when she would mention a guy, he'd roll his eyes.

He fell for her, hard.

But he was too scared to ever go and admit it, fearing loosing her and the friendship they shared for years.

Here he was, clenching his jaw at the sight of a guy talking to her. The blonde was talking to her and they seemed to be having a conversation, considering how she kept giggling at his jokes and the way she would smile whenever the guy told her something.

It irked Porco so badly.

"Pock, you're staring again!"

His gaze ripped away from the sight before him to look at Pieck. She was nodding her head.

He scoffed, "Yeah whatever... that guy is clearly someone that looks like trouble," he said before crossing his arms.

Pieck giggled, "That's just Armin Arlert! He's a nerd and he would never go for (Y/N). He's a shy guy Porco," she said.

He rolled his eyes, how did she know that?

"Come on Porco you can't keep hiding it forever! You've liked her for so long, eventually you're gonna have to come clean." Colt said, shrugging his shoulders.

A blush crept onto his face thinking about her. It was something only (Y/N) could do to him. "It's fine! I'll do it eventually, I just need more time." he said.

"You said that four months ago, we've all heard that excuse!" Marcel replied, looking at his brother with annoyance. Marcel was the first one to know about his crush on (Y/N), he encouraged him to tell her, but Porco was too stubborn to admit it.

He fixed his jacket, "Just shut it! I'll do it when I want to.." he mumbled.

"Well she's coming this way," Pieck said.

Porco's head snapped up to see (Y/N) walking over to his table, she waved at him before stopping at the edge of the table. "Hey Porco.. I was wondering if you could walk me to the library?" she asked, smiling a bit.

He blinked for a moment, she always had a pretty smile. It could cure diseases, "Y-Yeah! Totally! I'm down," he replied. "I'll be back guys."

Marcel and Pieck exchanged looks as the two left the table. "He's such a stubborn ass.." Marcel mumbled.

(Y/N) and Porco made their way up the stairs, the library wasn't a far walk. She'd often find herself there during lunch to study for exams or tests she had coming up, Porco would always call her a nerd, jokingly of course.

"So, how's football been going? I know you almost got into a fight the other day with the rival team," (Y/N) asked, nodding her head.

Porco looked down at her, "What? You know about that? Ugh it was nothing (Y/N), but football has been fine. How are your classes?" he replied, rubbing the back of his neck. (Y/N) disliked the many fights he got into, sometimes she'd be the one breaking it up.

She giggled, "People talk Porco, even if I'm shy and quiet I always hear others talking. My studies have been okay.. I'm just a little stressed is all," she said.

Porco stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets, he saw a few students passing by seeming to be ditching. "Porco! Ooo! I see you with her!"

(Y/N)'s cheeks suddenly grew hot at the comment, Porco rolled his eyes annoyed with the boys in front of him. "Mind your own business," he mumbled before opening the doors to the hallway.

"What were they trying to say, Porco? I hope they weren't making fun of me.." she said, looking at the floor.

Porco furrowed his brows, "Oh! No, no! They do that sometimes.. that's all," he replied trying to reassure her.

The last thing Porco would ever want is someone picking on or making fun of (Y/N). She isn't exactly the type to stand up for herself, she's a quieter student and she's always been a nicer girl. She never talked back, always got assignments done, never got into trouble, she was overall an innocent girl.

That's why people found her friendship with Porco to be an odd pair. He was a jock, a bad boy, he got into trouble before, he was surprised (Y/N) even stuck around to be his friend.

'Opposites attract' as Pieck would say.

"Well we're here.. thank you by the way for walking me here. I kind of miss talking to you all the time," she said, her eyes avoiding him.

He chuckled a bit, "Yeah, yeah me too.. but I'm always here when you need me (Y/N). I'll always be your friend," he replied, putting his hand onto her shoulder.

"Could you maybe drive me home tonight? I have a club meeting after school and I don't think I have a ride back.." she said, nodding her head.

Porco shook his head, "Of course! I have practice until five, so it works out perfectly."

She smiled, "That sounds great! Thank you Pock," she said before hugging him.

His cheeks dusted pink from her touch, his arms going around her. "Yeah! Don't mention it," he replied with a smile.

She broke the hug, "See you later!" she waved before entering the library.

Porco stood there for a moment, his mind totally lost in what just happened. God did he yearn for her touch, her touch was almost intoxicating. She always smelled good too, like a vanilla and fresh baked cookies, it was one of the many reasons Porco loved being around her. Her aura always lit up his life.

If only he could just confess.

Practice ended fairly quickly that day, Porco was pretty exhausted. His muscles were sore from working out and all he wanted to do was go home to rest.

"I'll see you tomorrow Porco," Reiner said, patting his shoulder.

He looked up from his phone, "Yeah! See you, Reiner." he replied before walking down the hall.

His mind began to wander to where (Y/N) was. She told him her club meeting was over and she was waiting on him; maybe she was at her locker? He decided to send her a text and walk around for a bit, even though it wasn't exactly allowed.

He turned the corner and was met with an unexpected sight. There was (Y/N)... but there was a guy next to her, more specifically, Eren Jaeger. He played soccer and Porco hated him with every inch of his body, he was a stubborn asshole who got away with everything.

Porco listened in to the conversation, curious as to what was going on. Did they know each other?

"(Y/N) you're really pretty.. we need to go out sometime," Eren said, taking a piece of her hair and playing with it.

She didn't know what to say nor do, Eren had this grin on his face which made her nervous. "U-Um.. Eren I don't know.. w-we don't really know each other," she replied.

"Please? You're so sweet and cute, I just wanna treat you to something," he said, a pout visible on his features.

She avoided his gaze, she didn't know what to say or do. Eren clearly wasn't giving this up and she couldn't exactly walk away, it was Eren Jaeger for Christ's sake.

"Eren I-I.. um.." she mumbled.

His brows furrowed, "Come on (Y/N)! What? Do you think I'm going to do something? Pretty girls like you deserve the best," he smirked.

Her face clearly showed discomfort, Porco clenched his jaw watching the situation unfold. That's when he began walking forward.

"Hey (Y/N)."

She turned and looked at Porco making his way over, relief washing over her. "Hey Porco," she said with a smile.

Eren narrowed his eyes, "Sup Porco.." he said, looking at him with annoyance.

(Y/N) walked over to Porco leaving Eren by her locker.

"Sup Eren? I didn't know you two talked but uh.. we gotta get going. I'm driving (Y/N) home," Porco said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Eren clicked his tongue, "I see.. well my offer still stands (Y/N), see you later."

The two watched the way Eren walked down the hall and disappeared behind the doors.

(Y/N) let out a sigh of relief, "Thank you for that.. I didn't know what else to do to turn him away," she said.

Porco smiled, "Yeah! Don't worry about it, we should get going before he comes back," he chuckled.

She laughed and began to follow him down towards the exit of the school. It was dark out, it was October and the wind blew around the leaves on the ground; a few crunched under their feet. The air smelled crisp and fresh, just the way she liked it.

Getting into his car, (Y/N) noticed the way Porco was acting. He seemed more nervous and his body language seemed off.

"Pock?" she asked. "Is everything okay?"

His honey eyes peered over towards her, "Huh? Oh, yeah! I'm good. Why?" he replied.

She chewed the inside of her cheek, "You just seem a little off, are you sure?" she didn't necessarily believe what he had to say. She knew Porco like the back of her hand and she could tell when he wasn't telling the truth.

A sigh escaped his mouth, "If I tell you what's up will you be upset?" he asked.

She could see the seriousness in his eyes, "No of course not! Porco have I ever judged you?" she asked as her fingers brushed against his arm.

Sparks danced along his arm from her touch, it made his mind cloudy. "W-Well.. I'll explain the best I can," he said shifting around in his seat.

She nodded, "Go on.."

Porco's heartbeat began to pick up, he could feel it against his chest and his cheeks began to grow pink. This was it, he was about to confess.

"(Y/N).. we've been friends for awhile, and I enjoy hanging and talking with you; you never fail to make me smile and you impress me everyday with the things you do. What I'm trying to say is.. I like you. I like you more than just a friend and I want to be yours," he replied. "I know you don't feel the same.. but I really do like you (Y/N)."

It was silent for a few moments, Porco felt the worst coming for him. He knew she didn't feel the same, and he was okay with that.

"Porco.. that's really sweet of you," she said with a smile.

Her fingers ghosted over his hand which was on his lap, his heart quickening at the feeling of her skin touching his.

"I-I understand if it's weird... we don't have to be-"

"Porco no, no! I-.. I feel the same way about you. I like you too," she said, her voice coming out a bit quieter. Her cheeks now hot and embarrassment rushing onto her.

Porco's eyes grew wide after hearing her words, he wasn't exactly sure if she was bluffing or lying, but he knew she would never lie. That was something (Y/N) would never do to Porco.

"Y-You..? You like m-me back?" he asked.

She smiled feeling bashful, "Of course! You've always been nice compared to other guys... and I couldn't ask for someone better."

He opened his mouth to say something but he remained silent, taking in all the information.

"Hey.." she said, turning his face to look at her. "I want to be yours.. I trust you Porco and I like you so much."

He cupped her cheek, running his thumb along her skin. "I want you to be mine.." he said, looking into her hues.

Her fingers wrapped around his wrist, her eyes staring back into his honey ones. Porco leaned in and placed his lips onto hers, the kiss made sparks flow along his body. Her hands went to the skin underneath his jaw, tilting his chin up a bit.

A smile appeared on his lips as he pulled away to see her bashful face. "Let me make you mine, please, be my girlfriend (Y/N)." he said, taking her hand into his. He rubbed circles into her knuckles.

She looked away feeling her cheeks growing hot again, "Yes, yes of course Porco," she said, smiling at him.

He chuckled a bit, his heart swelling and his mind in a frenzy realizing what just happened. She actually liked him back, (Y/N) was now his and he was going to make the best of being her boyfriend.

"Porco.. we need to head to my house," she said, breaking him out of his trance.

He shook his head, "Oh! Yeah right.. my bad, you're just so amazing and I can't believe you're really mine now," he said, kissing her hand.

She giggled, "I'm glad I have you as my boyfriend.. you're all I ever wanted," she replied.

He turned his car on, "I could say the same to you."

The drive to her house was fun, the two talked about when their feelings developed and things they wanted to do together now being a couple. Porco felt as if a weight was lifted off his chest and he couldn't be happier, he couldn't wait to tell Marcel and the others.

He slowed the car in front of her house, "Well.. we're here," he said, looking at her.

She grabbed her backpack, "Thank you for the ride.. and thank you for being honest about your feelings. I'm glad," she said.

Porco rubbed the back of his neck, "It was nothing.. I'm glad you were honest too. I can't wait to show you what I've been wanting to do for so long," he replied.

She looked down feeling bashful again, "I can't wait to see that.." she smiled.

She leaned in and pressed a kiss onto his cheek which made his cheeks grow pink. "See you tomorrow," she said before exiting the car.

He smiled as he watched her head into her house, (Y/N) was now his girlfriend and he couldn't believe how well tonight played out. He was excited to start a new chapter, with her.

#anime #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot x y/n #aot x reader #aot imagines #aot fanfiction #snk x y/n #snk x reader #snk imagines #snk fanfiction #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #porco galliard #porco x reader #attack on titan fanfiction #anime fanfic

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fidjiefidjie · 4 months

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Petit jeu 🧍‍♂️😁 🐖 entre amis !

Source: Yog

👋 Bel après-midi

#funny video #petit jeu entre amis #cute animals #animal #porc #pig #pork #funny pig #cerceau #cute pig #hula hoop #funny animals #bel après midi #fidjie fidjie

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chaithetics · 10 months

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HIIII and yeeeeeah another amazing chapter and it couldn't be different! 🥰🥰🥺🥺

porce and stewy are so cute and it was great to see more of their beginnings, with logan thinking there was another puppet in the family (cough cough tom) but it's just stewy waiting for an opportunity to get her away 🤭 and shiv is sooo jealous but i can't even be mad at her because it's just the result of logan and caroline's upbringing and i'm glad porce doesn't take it too seriously either though. aaand talking about caroline lol i know she had kids with logan and probably was a trophy wife but since she just "left" everyone i can see her both disappointed that porce is becoming a "trophy wife" too but at the same time time tells this was exactly what expected from her :( we know it's not just that and that with stewy porce can finally - and she found it!! - finding the love and peace that she would never have with her family so I also imagine that despite the comments she doesn't care because she knows it's much more than that and stewy himself knows and treats her much more than that <333

so I'm the anon who asked a million questions last time so please get used to my comments being this long HAHAH

(and YESSS studio ghibli is the BEST, (I'm not the person who sent it, as I said before, just nosy hahah ) and if you want to watch it, I'll tell you my top 3 🤭:

howl's moving castle ponyo spirited away

and I just realized that I didn't know how hard it was to come up with a top 3 because the movies are sooo amazing lmao

have a good day!!! ❤😊

Hello lovely Nonnie! I love a return Nonnie and I'm glad to see you back! Should I mentally, affectionately call you Curious Nonnie?! I'm sorry that this one reply is a bit late but it's here!

Ah, I'm so glad that you enjoyed that chapter! They're absolute cuties! Stewy will never deny the claims that he wants the Roys out of that haunted house! Yes, Shiv is just a product of that environment and it's quite sad, oh trauma.

Yeah, I think no matter what any of her children do/or did. It would just never be good enough or the right thing to Caroline. She's just that kind of parent. I saw a post recently on here, I can't remember who the OP was but it said that Kendall is to Caroline what Connor is to Logan, Shiv is to her what Kendall is to Logan and Roman is to Caroline what Shiv is to Logan. I think they're right and it phrases it so well and it shows the sexism in their parenting as well and because it's sexism, Shiv doesn't "win" in either scenario. So I think Caroline would be very critical of Porce as well and no matter what she did Caroline would be disappointed and passive aggressive. The piece I'm finishing up to post next doesn't really touch on Caroline but it is a dynamic that'll be explored in the future. She's really interesting and I think she's an experience that us girlies with traumatising and gaslighting mothers can relate to. I don't know if you've read my other Stewy fics that aren't Porce and the Shark but one of them has Caroline in it for a smaller scene and while writing it I was kind of like "this is exactly like talking to my mum if she was rich and British". But yes! They have a healthy relationship that the others do not get.

You're welcome to send in as many asks as you like and for them to be as long as you want! I love words and length and am so happy that you enjoy my writing and care enough to think about this and actually take the time to send these in!

Thank you! I watched Howl's Moving Castle and it was sooo pretty! I've heard lots about spirited away so I think that might be next! Adding Ponyo to the list now! Oh I know it's so hard to choose favourites! Thank you for sending those recs and your thoughts in! I really appreciate it! I adore you 💗

#chaitheticsasks #porce and the shark #porcelain and the shark #stewy hosseini x reader #succession #stewy hosseini x roy reader #stewy hosseini x roy!reader #stewy hosseini #arian moayed

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chickensarentcheap · 3 years

Text

Never Gonna Be Alone -Chapter 13

Title: Confrontations

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @tragiclyhip, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @alievans007

“How big does my ass look in this?”

It’s the age old question: does this outfit make me look fat? Men for centuries have been making the mistake of actually answering; aware that it’s a trap but freezing up in the moment and choosing a response instead of just a vow of silence. It’s a slippery slope. Answer honestly and find yourself banished to the couch for six months to a year, tell a very obvious lie and find your sex life become barren and obsolete for the rest of your natural born life, or say the honest to goodness truth yet have it taken as bullshit and never get to sleep in the matriomonial bed again. Tyler considers himself one of the lucky few. The question isn’t posed often and when it is, she knows he speaks the truth; believing his words and accepting the compliment and having her whole day run smoothly and happily because he’d taken mere seconds to say something nice. He’s never seen her in the negative light she often paints herself in; the extra pounds and the stretch marks, the wrinkles by the corners of her eyes and the strands of gray in her hair. It all makes her who she is; hips wider because she’s given birth to HIS children, the lines by her eyes only showing when she’s smiling and adding something even extra adorable to the mix, those silvery strands in her dark dresses sparkling in the light and making her even more attractive.

Maybe she ISN'T the same person she was twelve and a half years ago. The tiny, incredibly fit and toned little thing that had shown up on his doorstep; tattooed and pierced and full of confidence and swagger for someone so small and seemingly fragile. Walking in there like she owned the place and not even batting an eyelash at the crude and rustic living conditions or the amount of booze littering countertops and almost every open space or even the countless bottles of OxyContin sitting on the kitchen table. She hadn’t even been put off by his initial less than hospitable welcome. Ignoring both his grumpy mood and his leeriness at having a stranger in his space and serving up that beautiful, bright smile; offering an impossible small, soft hand that had been engulfed by his.

If he’s totally honest with himself, it was then that he knew shit was about to change. The way she didn’t shy away from prolonged eye contact and how their hands remained clasped a little longer than normal. When Nik had left them alone to begin the ‘getting to know your fake spouse’ process, she hadn’t been easily intimidated by either his size or his gruff nature. Laughing at his off handed remarks and not seeming the least bit nervous or awkward when he offered her a drink; downing it quicker than he’d ever seen a woman do before and not refusing when he poured her another. He’d learned in those few minutes just how deceiving looks can actually be; assuming by her petite stature and that fresh faced, ‘girl next door’ look that she was way too pure and innocent to be caught up in a world like his. What in the hell would a woman like THAT being doing getting herself mixed up in the job? Someone with so much light still remaining in their eyes; happy and bubbly despite the fucked up situation they’re so willingly throwing themselves into. He’d never come across that in the past few years as a merc; someone who hadn’t been traumatized by the things they’ve seen, heard, or done. And it had been a breath of fresh air; liking the sound of that tiny little voice and the beautiful smile and the way she’d so intently watch him and cock her head to the side while listening to him talk.

She’d been different than anyone he’d ever met. Even outside of the job. A mere thirty minutes more than enough to discover that she wasn’t a push over; feisty and headstrong as opposed to meek and mild. And that’s what he’d been the most attracted to. The fact she hadn’t been turned off by him or her surroundings in the slightest; not afraid to engage him in conversation and push him -in a very smooth and effortless way- to keep up with her. Finding himself talking more to her half an hour than he’d spoken to anyone in the past few years. His instincts had been on high alert; assuring him that she was trustworthy and accepting and that her queries and curiosity were her being genuinely interested in him, not looking for things to judge him on. And when she’d left he’d actually found himself feeling happier and lighter than he had in a hell of a long time. Anxious about seeing her again.

That had been the first moment of fear; the anticipation of once more coming face to face with her and getting to know more about her. Even an hour ago, he wouldn’t have given a shit; if a strange woman had been dropped at his feet, he wouldn’t have even bothered to feign interest and would have quickly dismissed them. But there’d been something about that cute little brunette. Those dark, soulful eyes and that sweet smile and that tiny voice. The way she’d looked at him when they’d first been introduced and how her palm had felt against his. It had been years since he’d felt any stirring of feeling towards someone else; convinced he was dead inside and that he’d live the rest of his life -if he wasn’t lucky enough to catch a bullet or drink himself to death- miserable and alone in that dusty little shack. Convinced that he was too much of a mess for anyone to take a chance on; an alcoholic hired gun with a checkered and fucked up past and pain killer addiction. Who in their right mind would want to take on someone like that? And did such a person even exist? Strong enough to deal with his shit and help him through it, yet compassionate and understanding enough not to judge him and condemn him for it?

He’d actually gone into the whole ‘fake marriage’ thing with cautious optimism. Staying completely sober for the twenty four hours until he saw her again; cleaning himself up and wearing proper clothes and suddenly feeling more confident and secure than he had in a hell of a long time. But it had all happened too fast, too soon; the feelings way too much to cope with and the fear of being a disappointment and a failure leading him to push her away that night at the hotel outside of Dhaka. He’d wanted to be with her; shocked by the amount of both sexual and emotional attraction he was experiencing towards her. He’’d come so close; mere seconds away from kissing her and giving in to unbridled lust and accepting her invitation to spend the night in her room. And it had been that same fear and worry that had caused him to react so badly on the job; grabbing her by the throat in an attempt to scare her away instead of having his heart broken when she could no longer put up with his shit and walked away.

It had been a complete and utter failure, of course. She hadn’t been the less bit scared. That had been an even bigger turn on; knowing how much she could actually take and just how strong she really was. And he’d known afterwards -both arms wrapped tightly and securely around her and her resting on his chest as she napped- that there was no chance of walking away. That no matter how bad the worry and the fear got, he wouldn’t be capable of letting her go. It wasn’t love. It was way too soon for that; it’s impossible to feel something so deep and profound THAT quickly. But he’d known he was well on his way to BEING in love with her. If he was lucky enough to live that long and get that chance.

Now, twelve and a half years later, he glances up from where he’s crouched in the front foyer, attempting to get the three littlest bundled into their winter gear. It’s an adventure to say the least; the climbing into snowsuits and boots and the constant search for hats and mittens that match. And it never fails; getting them completely ready and one -or more- announcing they need to use the bathroom. It’s happened twice already; Takota and Addie deciding they need to go and can’t wait until they get to their lunch destination. Brooklyn the lone holdout; smart enough to go BEFORE preparations to leave began.

“Be honest,” Esme says, as she stands at the bottom landing; a hand on the railing as she turns both sideways and backwards, enabling him to get a look at the ‘object’ in question.

She’s not clad in her normal every day attire; baggy sweatpants and oversized t-shirt replaced by a pair of black leggings and a charcoal gray sweater dress cinched tightly at the waist by a wide, plain black belt. Just hint of make up graces her face; nothing more than eyeliner and mascara and a tint of blush. Sides of her hair pulled back, the braided section hanging over top the remaining tresses. And when he pauses a tad too long in answering, a frown replaces the almost nervous smile. “That bad?”

“Not bad at all. I was just thinking how nice you look. Not that you don’t look nice all the time. Just you look different. In a nice way.”

“You look beautiful mumma,” Takota praises, as a knit beanie is pulled down onto his head and mittens tugged on his hands. “You’re pretty always, but you’re beautiful NOW.”

“You are the sweetest little muffin ever,” Esme declares, as steps off the landing and takes his face in her hands; pressing a kiss to each chubby cheek and then his lips. “And daddy is teaching you VERY well.”

“Gotta start ‘em young,” Tyler reasons, then reaches for the handle on the front door. “Out. Before you start sweating. Or have to go to the bathroom again.”

“My feet are already sweaty,” Addie complains, as she yanks a purple and pink striped beanie down over her forehead. “I don’t like sweaty feet. I don’t like boots. Or shoes.”

“I feel your pain.” He pulls the zipper of her coat up to her chin. “Outside. Tell TJ and Millie I’ll be out in a second. No going outside the gate.”

“It’s scary outside the gate,” Brooklyn says, as she falls in line behind her siblings as they stomp out the door and onto the front porch. “Too many cars. And noise. And people. I don’t like people.”

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” Esme remarks as playfully pulls her husband’s hat down over his eyes, then gives his shoulders a tight squeeze. “I wonder where she gets THAT from?”

He fixes the beanie; pushing it back off his forehead and then tending to the laces on his boots. “Why do you blame me for everything? The way they bitch and moan about the cold, the way they hate socks and shoes, this pout that they supposedly all have.”

“There’s nothing supposed about it. They all have the pout. Which they inherited from YOU.”

He shoots her a scowl over his shoulder. “I don’t pout.”

“Like shit you don’t. You DO pout. And I have more than one piece of photographic evidence, thank you very much.”

“I don’t care what any of those photos say. That is not a pout.” He grimaces as he stands, the tightness -and accompanying gnawing pain- in the knee and back a little more intense than usual. “It’s a frown.”

“It’s a pout. A very vicious one. One that says you might bite someone’s head off if they get too close.”

“It’s not a frown then, is it. If it’s mean. Pouts aren’t mean. Pouts are sad. I’m not sad if I’m wanting to bite someone’s head off.”

“We are going to have to agree to disagree on this,” she says, and smoothes down the front of his front of Henley style shirt before reaching for the zipper on his jacket.

A grin tugs at the corners of his mouth as she tends to him. It’s something he’s gotten used to over the years; her need to provide even the simplest level of care for the people that she loves. It’s the motherly instinct that runs strongly through her veins; unable to turn off the need to help and nurture, even when it comes to him.

“You know, I DO know how to do this stuff for myself.”

“I know,” she chirps, and then stands on her tiptoes to pull his beanie down further. “But I like doing it. I like taking care of you. You think you’d be used to it by now. I’ve only been annoying the shit out of you with it for the past twelve and half years. Your back’s sore?”

“And my knee.”

“Maybe when we get home you should call and get them looked at it. Better to be safe than sorry. They’ve been acting up pretty bad lately.”

“Just the cold weather. Nothing serious. You need to stop worrying so much.”

She stares pointedly up at him.

“I know. You can’t help it. But can you tone it down just a bit? I’m fine. It’s the weather. It makes the arthritis act up. Just like the surgeon said it would.”

“You realize we don’t have to come here for Christmas, right? We could save this place for getting away during warmer weather. We do NOT have to come during the winter.”

“The kids like coming here; the whole white Christmas thing. And so do you. I can deal with it. I’ve dealt with worse.”

“But you shouldn’t have to just ‘deal with it’. Your comfort is important to me, too. The kids and I would cope. With Christmas in Australia. It’s no big deal. If it’s that painful…”

“It’s not. It just acts up from time to time. More uncomfortable than actual pain. You’d know if I was in pain, trust me.”

“And you’re taking meds? You’re not trying to go without?:

“I am taking them the exact way they’re supposed to be taken. Take it down a notch, okay? I know you worry. I know you want to take care of me. And believe, I love you very much for that. But you also drive me a little fucking insane.”

“I happen to love you, you enormously stubborn pain in my ass. And if you’re that uncomfortable and it’s only getting worse…”

“Stop,” he gently orders, taking her face in both of hands and pressing a kiss to her lips. “And by the way, speaking of your ass…” Placing his hands on his shoulders, he runs them slowly down her arms. Fingertips drifting over the curves of her wrist and over the top of her hand; palms briefly settling on her hands before travelling to her butt. “...it looks fucking amazing in that outfit. And I think you should wear it more.”

She grins. “What happened to wanting me to wear yoga pants all the time?”

“Oh, those are still my favourite. But I’m okay if you wear this too.”

“Just for you, I’ll add it to my steady rotation of clothes. I’d hate to deprive you of any quality ass watching time.”

“You spoil me.” As he leans down to kiss her, she perches herself on her tiptoes and wraps both arms around his neck. Eagerly responding at first, then giggling when he brings his palms against the cheeks of her ass in sound, stinging smacks before aggressively pinching. “You do look beautiful, by the way. I mean, you always do, but…”

“Extra beautiful?”

“Very,” he confirms, and kisses her once more; longer and deeper, hands slipping from her ass in order to softly glide up and down her back. “Think I should lock the door? So we can have a quickie right here?”

“As tempted as I am, that’s definitely NOT a good idea. You’re going to have to be patient and wait for later. When everyone’s in bed."

“No sneaking into the pantry or the guest bathroom? These are some pretty shitty wifing skills on your part.”

“Just the most horrible wife ever. In the history of marriage. You poor, poor man. I am sorry you have go one day with getting one blow job instead of two.”

“That’s ground for divorce,” he teases.

“I’ve been way too good to you over the course of the last five years. You’ve come to expect these things. You don’t see me expecting to be woken up the same way every morning.”

“Bullshit. I’ve been waking you up the same way every day for nearly six years. You can’t tell me you don’t expect it. That you wouldn’t miss it if it suddenly stopped.”

“I would be extremely disappointed, actually. But seeing as you like doing it just as much as I like being on the receiving end, I know it won’t stop any time soon. I WILL make it up to you. You have my word. And I’m good on my word.”

“I have to admit, you haven’t disappointed me yet. Promise me that you’ll spoil yourself today? That you won’t buy me or the kids all kinds of shit we won’t need? I know what you’re like. I know you always plan on buying things for yourself and never do. Don’t piss me off. Don’t make me put you through a dry spell.”

“I promise that I will only spoil myself. Although I don’t see why I should bother. You do a good enough job. You’re the king of needless spoiling.”

“I spoil you because you deserve it. And because it makes me happy. That I can’t buy you shit just for the sake of buying it. Humour me, okay? Let me make up for all the times we barely had money for food and I had no idea how I was going to pay rent from month to the next.”

“Which was none of your fault,” she reminds him. “You almost died. You were in inpatient for two months. And even after you got home, you weren’t exactly well enough to work. Stop blaming yourself. It was way beyond your control. And we did fine. We managed. We didn’t have much but we were happy. All that mattered to me was that you were alive and we were together. And that our baby girl was healthy. Nothing else mattered.”

“I just like being able to give you things. Not because you need them or even necessarily want them. Just because. So shut up and let me do it, yeah? Let me spoil my wife.”

“I have a feeling this is an argument I will never win.”

“You know what? I will gladly die on this hill.”

“Speaking of hills to die on, you’ve picked a pretty big one. Taking all seven plus Alannah out at once? That takes some balls, babe. That’s some serious superhero shit. And you say you’re not brave?”

“Out of curiosity, which kids are your favorites? Because I can’t promise all seven of them will make it back. And seeing as there’s no sharks to offer sacrifices to, looks like I’m feeding them to the subway trolls.”

“You’ll be just fine. You’ve done this before; taking all the kids out at once. And you lived to tell about it. You have some serious cajones, honey. No one can ever convince me otherwise.”

“You think way too highly of me. I better go. Before someone DOES have to go to the bathroom. And if I have go through that one more time…”

“You are a brave, brave man, Tyler Rake. I don’t want to ever hear you say any different. I’d say have a good time, but we’re talking about seven kids plus an extra, so…”

“Just keep your fingers crossed my sanity stays intact. Or what’s left of it anyway.” Laying a hand on the back of her head, he pulls her into one final kiss; her tiny frame once more perched on her tiptoes as she leans into him. It’s become their ‘thing’; never leave the home without a hug and a kiss and telling the other how you feel about them. Life is just too short and unpredictable; the incident five years ago reminding them just how quickly everything can change and be snatched away from you. And he pulls her close; a forearm along the small of her back and his lips against her temple. “I love you.”

Giving his neck a final squeeze, she runs her fingernails along the nape and then brushes her lips against his cheek. “I love you. Be good. No feeding any of the children to the subway trolls. I happen to quite like all of them.”

“I’m not making any promises. Remember what I said; about spoiling yourself. And about something sexy.”

“I still think I should get a hint. About your plans for after Ovi’s wedding.”

“I told you. It’s a surprise.” He reaches for the handle on the door. “I’ll see you when I see you.”

“Yeah…” she smiles, shooting him a wink as he steps out onto the snow covered porch. “...you will.”

*****

Even a simple two block walk is an adventure with eight kids in tow. The oldest leading the pack while the stragglers and the littlest ones follow; tiny legs finding it easier to navigate unshoveled sidewalks when they have much larger footprints to step into. For the most part they are an amicable and well behaved group. Millie and Alannah with their locked arms and their high pitched giggles and seemingly endless chattering, TJ with a protective slung across Tanner’s shoulders and always ready and willing to help him to either climb over snow covered curbs or carrying him entirely. Declan and Brooklyn are the ‘wild ones’; sandwiched in the middle of the group to avoid them running too far ahead and kept in line by a stern Millie threatening to clothesline them if they dare jump into the puddles of slush. Takota and Addie are the slow pokes; tiny bodies weighed down by heavy boots and layers of clothes, always stopping every few feet to make footprints in the higher banks or to ball up snow and toss it at each other. And while the frequent stops and the repetitive -yet calm and patient- requests to just ‘get a move on’ would likely be annoying to most parents, Tyler relishes in every second he gets to spend with his kids; knowing how quick everything can be snatched away and your life altered forever. Nothing makes him smile like the sight of those little faces turned up towards the sky; eyes closed and their noses scrunched up as they try to catch snowflakes on their tongues. And there’s no sound more beautiful than those shrieks and giggles; unleashed when he picks both of them up and tosses them into snowbanks. In the end the journey and the deeper areas of snow defeats tiny legs and he resorts to carrying them; one in each arm as they tightly cling to his neck.

They’re shown to a booth at the back of the restaurant; upholstered in red leather and large enough to fit parties of their size. It’s chaos getting everyone undressed; arms flailing as jackets are yanked off and the straps of snow pants pushed down, littles complaining about their feet being sweaty and not thinking twice of kicking their boots off, hats and mitts having to be fetched when they slip out of sleeves and hoods and have to be fetched from under the table. They’ve eaten in the establishment enough to be seen as regulars. The havoc and noise going on unacknowledged by staff and fellow diners; the occasional sympathetic or amused smile being tossed in their direction, a handful of compliments revolving aroundt how cute the kids are and their ‘charming’ accents, praises on how well he’s handling such a large ‘brood’ and how brave he is for taking them all out at once. Even a comment about how not seeing many ‘male’ nannies even in this day and age.

“He’s not our nanny.” Brooklyn is quick to speak up. Never backing down from what she considers something ridiculous or rude. “It’s our dad. We’re all related. Except for her…” she jerks her head in Alannah’s direction. “..but she might as well be. We love her like she’s one of us. And she likes our house better. It’s more fun. Her parents are assholes.”

“Language,” Tyler admonishes, and lays a hand on the back of her head and gently pushes her in the direction of the booth. “And you don’t have to tell everyone our business.”

“It’s totally obvious you’re not our nanny. We all look alike. Well, maybe not Declan. He’s the odd duck.”

“Hey!” Declan objects from his place between Millie and TJ. “I look like grandma Adeline. Which was dad’s mom. So that means I look like dad. Just a red headed version. I still look like him though.”

“You don’t even have blue eyes,” Brooklyn argues, as she slides onto the bench and wriggles her way across. “You don’t look like daddy at all. Well, maybe his nose. And his ears.”

“I don’t have blue eyes either,” Addie pipes up, as she’s helped out of her coat and shoves her hat and mittens into the sleeves. “Yet daddy is my daddy. I don’t look like him at all.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re adopted,” Declan says.

“I am not! I look like mommy! Daddy says so. That I look just like her. That if mommy got put into a shrinking machine, you’d get me. That’s what you said, right daddy? That I look like a tiny version of mommy.”

“You look just like her,” he confirms, and slides the straps of her snow pants down her arms. “A little version. Her mini me.”

“Like TJ is yours, right? Only TJ isn’t so little. He’s tall and big. I’m short and wee. Why am I short and wee? Why can’t I be tall like you guys?”

“All the good genes ran out,” Millie explains. “By the time mom and dad got to you, there was nothing good left. You got the spare stuff.”

“You’re full of shit,” Addie counters, then smiles sheepishly up at her father. “Sorry. Language. I know, I know. But sometimes it just slips out. You’re a bad influence.”

Grinning, he removes the elastic from her lopsided ponytail and uses his fingers to comb through the messy dark tresses. “You’re going to throw me under the bus, are you?”

“You swear all the time. Especially in the car. When people don’t use their blinkers or they drive too slow in the fast lane.”

“Or if people come too close to us when we’re in the crosswalk,” TJ adds. “Remember last year? When we were going to see mom at the store? When someone was going to run the light when we were crossing? Dad put his foot right through their front grill.”

“And said a whole lot of bad words,” Declan adds. “For everyone to hear.”

“For the record…” he gathers Addie’s hair in both hands and resets the ponytail. “...it could have been worse. I could have put my foot through his face.”

“I would have paid to have seen that,” TJ declares. “I’m almost eleven and I still haven’t seen you mess anyone up. I feel robbed.”

“I’d like to see him hand someone their ass,” Millie says. “I’ve just heard stories. I want to see it with my own two eyes.”

“You should totally beat the crap out Jacobi,” Declan chimes in. “He totally has a crush on mum. That’s not right. That’s someone else's wife. You don’t mess with someone else’s wife. Is nothing sacred anymore?”

“Especially OUR mom,” Tanner adds, as he rummages through his backpack for his weighted lap pad and noise cancelling headphones. “Has he not seen our dad? Like, hello! He’s ginormous. And he looks scary too. All the tattoos and stuff? And he has a scary voice.”

“He only looks scary when he’s mad. And his voice is only scary when he yells,” Brooklyn contributes. “His normal voice isn’t scary. It’s just deep. Like Darth Vader. And mommy’s voice sounds like a little elf. It’s a really weird combo. But you should, daddy. Beat up, Jacobi. He tries to get cozy with mommy. The other day while you were away, he brought her a caramel macchiato from Starbucks. A venti. Do you know how much those things cost? He must be in love with her. You should for sure punch him in the face. At least once. Twice if you want him to stay down.”

“Listen pipsqueak, I don’t need your advice on how to knock someone out. And no one is beating anyone up. Jacobi’s a kid. He has a crush. That’s it.”

“Naw, it’s totally love,” Declan argues. “No one with just a crush buys you Starbucks. Dunkin’ Donuts, maybe. Not the expensive stuff.”

“You all need to relax.” Sliding into the booth, he reaches for Addie and places her on his lap. She and Brooklyn have their own calendar they’ve created; keeping a very accurate and detailed log on the dates and times each got to sit with daddy in order to determine whose turn it is and avoid arguments. “I don’t think your mom has a thing for Jacobi. I don’t think you have to worry about him ever becoming your step dad.”

“Desi might,” Takota pipes up. “He likes mummy. They always spend a lot of time together.”

“That’s mum’s best friend,” TJ informs his littlest brother. “He’s like an older brother to her. She IS not going to leave dad for Desi. She’s not going to leave dad for anyone. He’d have to be the one to screw up and leave.”

“No one is leaving anyone for someone else. You guys are too much. Just decide what you want, okay? You’re giving me more gray hair here. Let’s play the quiet game. Everyone look at your menu and pick something. And don’t talk while doing it.”

“The quiet game doesn’t work,” Tanner says, and pulls a stuffed koala from his backpack and hands it across the table to Addie. “You almost forgot Fredrick at home.”

“You’re the best, Tanny! Thank you!” She rubs her cheek against the toy’s faded and tattered ‘fur’ and then snuggles him tight to her chest.

Frederick has seen his fair share of adventures; being carted all over Australia and Colorado by a much smaller and younger Millie, and his ‘koala napping’ in Mumbai five years ago. If he thinks long and hard enough about it, Tyler can still remember the terror of that initial night; the bedroom window open and an infant Addie screaming from the discomfort of the cool air. His instincts had immediately told him to fear the worst. That it wasn’t something as innocent and simple as one of Anil’s workers opening the window and forgetting to close it. And when that bear had shown up on the doorstep of the safe house in Dhaka, his worst nightmare had been in danger of coming true. Someone with a score to settle had gotten close enough to his daughter to potentially take her right from her bed; having to reach over her and likely coming in contact with her body. In all his years on the job and as many times as his own life had been in danger, he’d never felt fear quite like that. That chill of terror that seems to take over your entire body and settle into your bones. There was always a chance of someone tracking him down out of the need for revenge; a worry that his kids could be made a target as a way of breaking him. But that was the closest anyone had ever gotten.

He’d vowed to never let that happen again. And to kill anyone that posed even the slightest bit of threat.

The silence that ensues is a welcome change; a waitress bringing coffee for him and glasses of chocolate milk for the kids and then taking their orders. TJ, Declan and Tanner watching youtube videos on the latter’s Ipad while Millie and Alannah whisper and giggle at the Instagram posts they scroll through on Alannah’s phone. The littlest busy themselves with the baskets of crayons that the restaurant had provided; scribbling and doodling on the craft paper that covers the table. All in all, they’re good kids; polite and always minding their manners, careful not to make too much noise that will bother others around them, saving the majority of their arguments and insults for the street or at home. It can’t get wild; seven little humans all talking at once and vying for attention. Christmas morning is far the most chaotic; a living room full of presents and excited chattering and squeals of joy and excitement. It’s enough to take the sting out of the memories of his past. Seeing those cute faces light up and the tears of pure happiness over receiving a much sought after item and feeling those little arms wrap around your neck and the lips that press to your cheek; those tiny voices saying thank you and telling you how much they love you.

*****

“Daddy?” Addie breaks the silence.

“Yeah?”

“Will you please help me? Will you draw a kangaroo for me? I don’t know how.”

Selecting a crayon from the basket in the middle of the table, he tends to his daughter’s request. He’d discovered at a young age that not only COULD he draw, but that he was exceptionally good at it; his mother nurturing and feeding the talent and always encouraging him by buying his pencils and sketchbooks and constantly praising his work. It was something he had enjoyed just as much as surfing or spending time outdoors, but had quickly learned to keep a secret from his father. The old man had viewed anything even remotely related to the arts as ‘girly’ and ‘pathetic’; preferring his son to pick up more manly pursuits and drilling it into his head that a ‘real man’ didn’t create. After his mom had died, his father had gone through his room and not only trashed every piece of art tapped to the wall, but burnt every sketch book and pencil in the fire pit in the backyard.

He hadn’t picked up a pencil since. Until Millie had started showing a very keen eye and skilled hand and had asked for an area in the house to be turned into her own little studio. A loft added above the new garage; a place filled with paints and pencils and easels and canvases and anything else that she could possibly need. And spending time with her in that studio and nurturing and encouraging her talent had been a way of rediscovering his own. Using it as a form of escape and relaxation when life gets too hectic and stressful or his mental health feels as if it’s spiralling out of control.

“Daddy?”

“Addie?”

“If mummy didn’t do the same job as you a long time ago, how else would you have met her?”

“I don’t know. Maybe she would have come to Australia. Maybe we would have met that way. On the beach or something.”

“Would you have still liked her? If you met her that way?”

“Why wouldn’t I? She still would have been mummy. She still would have been the same person.”

“Do you think she would have liked you? If she met you a different way?”

“I think so. I hope she would have.”

“What would you have done? If you didn’t do that job?”

He shrugs. “Maybe I would have stayed in the military. Or become a fireman. Or done construction. Or built houses. Something where I could stay busy and use my hands.”

“I think you would have been a good policeman. You would have been really good at catching bad guys. I mean, that’s what you were doing in the first place. Just you weren’t a policeman. What do you think mummy would have done? If she had a different job?”

“I’m not sure. I think she would have made a really good teacher. Or a nurse.”

“Like Auntie Riley and Auntie Shaena?”

“Yup. Just like him. She’d probably work with kids though. I think your mum is meant to be around kids.”

“I think so too. She’s a really good mummy. She always plays with us and she even does dress up and makes up different names and voices for all my dolls. She’s never too busy; to have fun with us. And she gives really good cuddles and kisses too.”

“She’s an awesome mum. I definitely picked a good one to have kids with.”

“So did mummy. You guys make a good team. And you make cute kids.”

“Yeah,” he agrees, and presses a kiss to her temple. “Really, really, REALLY cute kids.”

“I bet she would have still liked you. If she met you a different way. I mean, you still would have been daddy. You still would have looked the same. You still would have had nice muscles.”

“Is that what mummy says she likes the best?”

“She says it’s third on her list.”

“What’s number one and two?”

“Your eyes and your smile. Your voice is number four and your butt is number five.”

“She didn’t say anything about my hands? That’s weird. For your mom.”

“Your hands were number six. And your forearms were number seven. I don’t understand that one. Mum says it’s hard to explain. Why she likes them so much. She said when she first met you, she was attracted to your face. That you had a kind of a sad face. In a beautiful way.”

“She said that?”

“Yep. She said that you had kind eyes. And that she liked how they crinkled when you smiled. That you smiled at her and you made your insides go all funny. What does that mean?”

He chuckles. “It’s nothing you need to know until you’re older. What else did she say?”

“Just that you were really good looking and she liked your haircut and your beard. And that you shared the house with a chicken. Is that true?”

“It is. I did have a chicken in the house.”

“Can we have a house chicken? When we get home can we get one?”

“No. Chickens stay outside now. No chickens in the house. They poop too much.”

“Not even if I let the chicken stay in my room?”

“Not even then. Sorry, Peanut.”

“Can I have a kitten?”

“I don’t like cats.”

“How can you not like cats? Cats are cute. They’re all fluffy and sweet and purr and stuff. How do you not like cats? Can I? Get one? For my birthday?”

“How about I talk to your mum about that? She gets the last say.”

“That’s ‘cause she wears the pants in the family.”

Tyler smirks. “Did she say that too?”

“Don’t deny it, daddy. You know mum's the boss. She just let’s you think you are. Everyone knows she rules the roost.”

“I’m going to have a talk with her later. Is this good enough? Good enough kangaroo?”

“Best kangaroo ever! Looks like Charlie. Do you think he misses us? I bet he does. I bet he’s sad that we’re not there. Because no one is giving him peanut butter sandwiches and lettuce. What if he’s mad at us? That we went away? What if he doesn’t come back? I don’t want him being mad at us.”

“I had a talk with him before we left. Told him we’d be back in a couple weeks. And that we’d give him extra lettuce when we got back. And peanut butter sandwiches.”

“Was he mad? That we were going away?”

“Nope. He was a little sad. Said he’d miss you the most. That you make the best peanut butter sandwiches.”

She tips her head back to look at him; a smile stretching from ear to ear and her dark eyes sparkling. “He did? He said that?”

“He did. He said ‘tell Addie she’s my favorite and I’ll miss her and her peanut butter sandwiches’. He said he’d be there when you got back. First thing in the next morning.”

“He’s a good little Joey. I hope he never gets tired of us and that when he grows up and has his own babies, he brings them to our house too. And then we can feed them all peanut butter sandwiches and lettuce.”

Smiling, he curls an arm around her waist and pulls her tighter into him, then presses a kiss to her cheek and then the side of her head. She’s so much like her mother; the short and petite build, the dark eyes and the beaming smile and the freckle splattered nose. And their personality is shared as well; both bubbly and light hearted and willing and eager to experience new things and meet new people. Out of all the kids, she’s the one he babies; by far the tiniest and the seemingly most fragile. But it’s the similarity to her mother that drives his need to protect and coddle her the most; reminding him of Esme and everything his wife had gone through during the entire McMann fiasco to make sure Addie was carried and brought into the world safely.

Silence one more falls on the top when the waitress returns with drink refills and their respective orders. And it isn’t until halfway through the meal when he notices Millie look up from her plate of food and towards the front door; eyes narrowing and a scowl capturing her lips. She reaches behind Declan and smacks TJ upside the head; the latter growling in protest, but then following his sister’s gaze when she nods in the direction of the door.

“What’s up with you two? What’s…?”

“It’s that lady,” Millie grumbles. “The one that came to the house looking for you yesterday.”

“That’s her?” TJ’s nose crinkles in disgust. “SHE had the nerve to shit talk mum? Oh hell no.”

Tyler makes the mistake of glancing over his shoulder; greeted by a broad smile and a wave as Natalie nudges her daughter in the direction of their booth. He inwardly lets loose a string of profanities. There’d already been enough drama caused over a simple and unassuming conversation at the park. The last thing he needs is someone...especially another woman...dropping by his house and getting too close and comfortable. The women at the soccer park and on the playground are bad enough. But at least they’re not showing up unannounced on his doorstep.

“Hey,” Natalie cheerfully greets. “Imagine meeting you here.”

“My dad’s not the only one here,” TJ responds first “You do see us, right?”

“Do you mind if we join you? If everyone shoves down just a bit…”

“We do mind,” Millie speaks up. “Very much. We’re here with our dad. It’s a family thing. We don’t even know you.”

“Amelia…” he stares at her pointedly. “...settle.”

“Dad, it’s quite obvious what and who she wants. Someone has to stick up for mum. She isn’t here to beat her ass herself.”

“I said settle. Relax. This doesn’t involve you.”

“Fine,” she huffs, and leans back against the leather of the booth and crosses her arms over her chest.

“This isn’t a good time,” he addresses Natalie. “She’s right. This IS a family thing.”

Smirking, the neighbour nods in Alannah’s direction.

“She’s as close to family as it gets. So if you don’t mind…”

“I stopped by yesterday. To thank you for being so nice at the park. Met your wife.”

“Yeah, she told me. She also told me you weren’t the friendliest. Something about making fun of how she looks?”

“I wasn’t making fun. I was merely critiquing.”

“You can keep your critiques to yourself. My wife looks amazing. Just the way she is. And really don’t think it was appropriate; you showing up like that. It was small talk. That’s it. I wasn’t trying to make it seem like anything more than that.”

“I thought we had a little...connection.”

“No. There was no connection. None. Whatsoever. I was being nice. That’s it. I’m married. And not the type of married that you’re probably used to. I’m married as in I’m not interested and nothing is ever going to happen.”

“Our dad doesn’t cheat,” TJ informs her. “And our mom is way better than you. Like, a hundred times better.”

“Tyler, stop. I can handle this. I know you’re protective of your mum, but…”

“I must have misread the signals.” Natalia gives a sheepish, apologetic smile. “The way you were giving them off and the way you were…”

“I wasn’t giving off any signals. I don’t play games like that. If I was interested, you’d know. And I’m not. Interested. I have a wife. That I love more than life itself. So thanks, but no thanks. Not gonna happen. EVER. And if you don’t mind, don’t come to my house. That was way out of line. I didn’t appreciate it. There was no need for that. Unless you just wanted to ruffle feathers.”

“I never meant to cause problems. My visit was taken way out of context. I just showed up to be friendly and neighbourly. That’s it.”

“Something tells me that’s bullshit. And I’d really like it if you didn’t come around. Like I said, I’m married. Happily. VERY happily. I don’t know what kind of married men you’re used to, but I’m not one of them. So if I could get back to lunch with my kids…”

“I’m sorry to have caused you any issues. Or to have wasted your time.”

He watches her as she goes; the tightly clenched jaw and the rigid shoulders and the over aggressive way she shoves her daughter in the direction of an empty table. It’s the behaviour of a woman that is used to getting what and WHO she wants. Who isn’t used to rejection -especially public- and can’t handle being put in her place.

“I don’t know about you, dad,” TJ says, as he turns around in his seat after watching Natalie’s dramatic exit. “But I don’t trust her. She’s definitely up to no good.”

Nodding slowly, he lifts his coffee cup to his lips and takes a long, slow sip. His instincts tell him the same thing; it isn’t the last he’s seen or heard from the new neighbour. He’s witnessed that kind of behaviour before. She’s cunning and manipulative; refusing to take no for an answer and doing whatever she can to wreak havoc as a response to being shot down. But he’s faced far greater challenges and threats. Nik had learned the hard way not to fuck with his family. Being ostracized and shunned for years until she was ready to make amends for the trouble she’d caused and she’d finally moved on with Anil; getting married and having children of her own and settling nicely into a repaired and much healthier relationship with both Tyler and Esme. And if Natalie has to suffer the same embarrassing fate, he has no qualms about dealing her that particular hand.

More than ready, willing, and able to protect and defend the life he has.

#Tyler Rake #Tyler Rake fan fiction #Extraction fan fiction

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