#couldnt cross all the way obvs

[sirenthestone]

Santa Elena Canyon

#big bend national park #big bend #scenery photography #photographs #santa elena canyon #rio grande #taken standing in the river #couldnt cross all the way obvs #but i didnt need to for these shots #vacation photos

[a-deadly-serenade]

nocturne review, ramblings

obvs spoilers for the show down below.

so, i'm gonna be real with y'all; i dont think i would have watched this if not for one of my mutuals spilling the beans about alucard making an appearance 💀 s4 was ok and a fine conclusion to the og castlevania that started this animated franchise, but i dont think i will ever get over the absolute fumble and frankly, insulting way they wrapped up s3. even s4 had its cringe moments, like lenore getting a peaceful sendoff and carmilla getting to kill herself. but, i digress. i was going into nocturne with an already negative mindset and that may have made me more critical of the show. can u blame me though? lmao

i had seen a few clips and screenshots on twitter when they dropped the first 3 eps early and... they only helped solidify my decision to remain skeptical of the staff's writing capabilities. shit was already a little hazy and wishy-washy with their portrayal of isaac in s2 and how they treated hector thruought the show (not to mention the two asian-coded characters in s3). let's just say, the netflix castlevania team doesnt have the greatest track record when it comes to writing poc characters. so, when i saw screengrabs just outright stating that this show was going to deal with historically accurate racism? hm.

obvs as a white woman, i can only go so far on this criticism of the writing, but i dont really understand why they needed to include this? the comparisons and allegory of freedom from indentured servitude to the french revolution, was very weak and bare bones at best. you can keep the motif of the church existing on exploitation and blood of the people-- a whole cross section of the world was involved in the crusades, which is the priests & his entourages whole deal--but, why couldnt annette just be a witch? why did this "historical accuracy" need to get involved with the time period? bcuz the french revolution was name dropped? your main villain is a hungarian countess from the 16th century that made a pact with an EGYPTIAN goddess to become all powerful. like.

and also..... why the FUCK are vampires getting involved with the intercontinental slave trade bro??? 😭 theyre immortal beings that have seen the rise and fall of empires and can do whatever tf they want and go wherever tf they want and they choose to..... own a plantation? give af abut the economy? with selling goods??? okkkkk. also, this line of dialogue is insane to me:

you cant have a central theme of your story be standing up against the oppressors and then make said oppressors fantastical monsters. what kills me is that they've delved into the monstrosity of humanity in s1 and s2, and yet, when you bring in one of the most monstrous things humanity has ever done in its history for the sake of historical accuracy, you turn the very perpetrators into something mythical, and evil that the common folk had no chance of ever defeating even if they tried. its just overall, very messy and they certainly were not the creative team to try and tackle something like this.

speaking of, the writing, again, it definitely left something to be desired. there are moments that are good, don't get me wrong. episode 6 is a particular favorite of mine, shining through with its wonderful character moments b/w annette's soul searching with her ancestors, richter and juste's heart to heart, and olrox's confessions to mizrak. tera's sacrifice to ensure maria's safety is also really well done, as well as maria's final confrontation with her father in the church. however, these were fewer and farther between than i would have liked. a lot of the scenes that played out just fine, were ultimately sullied by this series' incessant need to insert swearing into every other sentence. its something that bothered me nearing the end of s4 especially, and i've just grown tired of it. it honestly takes me out of the scene to constantly hear fuck thrown out every 2 seconds for literally... no reason. i promise y'all can write meaningful and impactful dialogue without having your characters swear lmao

the writing itself is what unfortunately makes the first half of the show kind of drag a bit. the story doesn't really know what it wants to do. none of these new characters are really given time to breathe and be really fleshed out, bcuz every time things settle down and we're given the chance to learn more about their motivations, its like they're almost scared they'll lose your attention and any down time is immediately followed up with an intense action sequence. which, dont get me wrong, if theres one thing they dont disappoint with--its the action. but, i dont think that was ever up for debate to begin with. however, i believe that the characters really suffer bcuz of this. if you've never played the games, which, i believe most people tuning in to watch these series never have, you would have no idea who maria or richter are, and, i really don't think they were given enough time to be fleshed out. half the time, richter's dialogue just ends up being naive, walmart trevor belmont sarcastic one-liners and poor maria ping-pongs b/w the blandest, generic, wonderbread toutings of 'revolution' or calling richter a dick, wanker, or anything in b/w. episode 6, one of the better episodes as mentioned previously, is where we really get to see some actual growth around richter especially. there were moments where his trauma could have been further explored earlier, but they kind of got shoved to the wayside in favor of dragging out the interworking bw all the villains. which.....

if i'm gonna talk about the villains. my initial thoughts were that nocturne was going to be a one-and-done, standalone series with its own self contained story that would be wrapped up in these 8 episodes. i was wrong. and i really dont know how they're going to keep this story going. erzsebet is already a very weak and uninteresting and, honestly, confusing ? villain? for more than half of the series, she's talked about as the mysterious and all powerful Messiah and theyre gathering all these sacrifices for her to bring her back and create an army of night creatures. why is she considered powerful? bcause she made a pact with Sekhmet, an egyptian goddess. why did she do this? who knows! why does she have such a devoted cult of loyal followers when she hasnt done anything but kill a lot of people? again, who knows. why did maria's father think that a VAMPIRE would keep him in cahoots during this whole plan and not immediately fuck him over once she got what she wanted...? who fucking knows. olrox is the most interesting of the villains but even he isnt fully explored. the motivations are just not really explained very well and the buildup to erzsebet's arrival was so sudden that i literally thought i missed an entire episode. one minute, shes hiding in the shadows and the next ? waltzing in on a golden chariot and being heralded as the people's savior?? so damn messy and honestly? i really could not have cared less about her. which is insane to say, bcuz shes literally based off of a real countess who's case and life were a special interest of mine. i just... why an EGYPTIAN goddess?? shes from HUNGARY. were there no goddesses in europe to pull from she could have made a pact with? idk man it just makes no damn sense.

i am definitely more than a little peeved that this wasn't even the complete story, bcuz they did such a poor job establishing erzsebet as a villain, that i really dont give af what crazy shit they come up with to extend the story. you show her being a big badass in the very last episode. ok, you as an audience member, are immediately shown why dracula is so feared within the first 10 minutes of the first episode. and all of that wasnt even HIM fighting!!! the worst thing i've seen miss countess bathory do over here is summon a crazy orb and turn into a furry. like, where is the story going to go from here? they fight tera? save edouard and have a night creature alliance? make maria or alucard (yes, i'll get to him) summon the portal again? which btw... machine from HELL? im not even gonna touch that can of worms. somehow bring olrox back to.....? help kill bathory? idfk

and man...... i was hoping against hope that when i found out alucard was going to make an appearance, that it was just going to be some neat little cameo at the v end of the series after the main story had concluded. a little nod, a little treat to the audience that the next series would be encompassing the events of symphony of the night. maybe we'd even get a depiction of maria and richter when theyre older, i dont know, anything but throwing him in there as an overpowered hail mary to save the day. we couldnt just let these new characters figure it out and triumph in their own way? we had to drag him into this, now? i cant even tell you how disappointed i was when i saw that sword pierce drolta. ME! the resident alucard fan since i was like mf elementary school!!! ugh.

i think this is it for me and netflix castlevania lmao im a grumpy old man and miss when it was mainly fun easter eggs to the games, like how they brought in juste or how olrox turns into a big green monster and has an attack that sends flying skulls your way, or the REMIX of RICHTER'S THEME!!! but its just gotten so silly and the writing hasnt gotten any better..... from now on, im going to simply stick to the games that made me fall in love with this series in the first place & let this be the last time i ever feel the need to bitch about new 'netflixvania' content.

#the agony of wanting to talk about castlevania content with ppl and a majority only going to be familiar w/ the show #spoilers #this is v long but. it's all my feelings #if any one else wants to chat about this show feel free :) #always down to help host a free bitching session

[sleepingcatemojis]

okay so,, this might sorta end up being a long list?? and im really sorry if its something youve already done or its already on the to-do list (im dyslexic and unfortunately couldnt be bothered to read the whole thing :() and youre also obviously not obligated to do them All At Once or even do them at all i just. dont wanna send these all in separate asks,, sorry aaa

a drinking from a baby bottle emote with light pink, light blue, and light yellow cap variants?

baby bottle emotes that have the text “bottle empty,” “bottle full,” and “want bottle”? (if you can manage with the same colors as above?)

pacifier emotes with those colors? both like. paci in mouth and pacis on their own (maybe with “want paci” for the latter)

the hoodie stims but with like. a black/dark gray winter coat with a fluffy white hood?

clapping hand stims?

maybe some biting emotes? could be biting people, blankets, stuffies,, im not totally sure a lot of us are just Bitey people we like biting things

a like. nuzzle emoji? like rubbing your face against someone. maybe with puppy ear variants?

puppy kisses (licking) if that isnt too weird?

/neg stim emotes that are like. head hitting, chest hitting, crossing arms and gripping them, hitting a pillow?

crying into a stuffie? specifically a gray wolf stuffie with a white belly/underside/legs and brown muzzle also w a white underside if u can (hyperspecific i know but its our favorite plush,, its a wild republic wolf plushie if that helps)

giving a plushie a forehead kiss? again specifically the above if u can

emote of someone trying to eat a crayon? our littles do that a lot and i think they would love an emoji for that

flower crown emotes? w blue flowers but u can do variants if u like

purple octopus tentacle stims? where like. the lower half of the body is replaced by tentacles

hugging a heart plushie? maybe w color variants if u can

puppyperson chewing on things they shouldnt maybe? just the face w puppy ears specifically. could be phones, paper, pencils, just. whatever bc our dog hybrid folks like to put things that they absolutely Should Not in their mouths

idk if this is weird but emojis to indicate being blind, deaf, etc? im not sure how to describe it but yeah

wheelchair emote(s)?

velociraptor tail stims? i know u dont do character reqs but if u could do one based on blue from jw thatd be awesome!! obvs not forcing u,,

maybe a person surrounded by stuffies, blankets, pillows, etc? with and without the word “nesting” underneath if possible ^^

again i am sososo sorry for how long this list is, we just have a lot of difficulty finding emotes like this and we adore your style and how much variation ur emojis have ^^" if u dont know how to do some of these, dont feel comfortable, or dont want to, you obviously do not have to. im super sorry if this bothers you at all, id hate to do that,, thank you either way!!!

- 💗🎶

like i did with a previous very long request, i’ll be queueing all the emotes i made for this separately!!

i do already have a biting someone emote here (link) and a "puppy kisses" or licking emote here (link)!!

also, i did not make a wheelchair emoji YET because i need to practice drawing wheelchairs more before i put out an emote that i won’t be satisfied with and that could possibly be inaccurate. i WILL be making them, just at a later date!

#requests

[elevenfifths]

i’m taking what i think is the only risk ive really taken in 3.5years and am seeing The Used in an open air arena in like two weeks and I remember when i first met my wife and was trying so hard to get into them (because that’s the only way my autistic ass knows how to flirt—get really into a fav person’s music interest*) and, at that time, I couldnt do it. The cackling in In Love and Death irked me and i didn’t touch them again for another like two years until i was working some shit mail pushing job where i was filled with such rage and malice that the only thing that was keeping me sane was Lies for the Liars and it was all down hill from there. then my wife started tattoo school and needed the adrenaline kick of their old favorite band to get through the bigotry and mistreatment they were facing, so we ended up listening to a lot MORE music by The Used. and it just kept growing and now this band that like i didn’t really like has grown on me like english ivy on a wall and I Am Foaming At The Mouth To Fucking See Them Perform I COULD THROW UP i’m literally so fucking hyped i could die. i’m terrified of c19 but fingies crossed that a) open air arena, plus b) obv gonna fucking mask helps mitigate most of the risk.

if it’s the last thing i get to do before bouncing to canada, great. it’ll be worth it.

*they did the same and our first “date” was seeing mal blum perform in downtown together *cries in t4t*

#bird rambles #this post brought to you by: waking up for the last month with a different Used song stuck in my head each day #today it’s I Hate Everybody #(which has cackling and is why i was thinking about it)

[want-to-be-that-girl]

Tw: a bit mean, rant, numbers

I will never forget any of my "losing weight" trips.

First one was certain summer when for month (yes, only month) i was eating as little as possible (but still eating), drank so much red tea and rode a bicycle everyday for 2-3h. I didnt know much about weight loss i just wanted to reach a goal and be ok with it. I did reach my goal and lost sth like 8kg and stopped and obv bounced back. Didnt know about jojo effect yet. All of that was right in front of my family. They had their own issues to care about, also i still ate so it was fine.

My next one was when i went working in factory before starting college, to save some money. Also in month i lost 10kg because i worked physically for 8h everyday and didnt had time to eat anything more decent than a choco waffer, sandwich and some rice with ketchup. It only noticed after 3 weeks that my tight clothes were not tight anyomore. Obv i bounced back.

Then i gained and gained in exchange hating myself and also saying im enough the way i am and can enjoy food. Then during one summer i saw myself in photos and i couldnt believe how awful i looked. Not only i didnt know how to dress my fat body, i felt like pig, and looked like one walking on two legs. I weighted 70kg and i know that if only i had been skinny, even if my clothes were bizzare, i would at least look decent.

I went to uni and decided to start again but this time more serious. I didnt had physical job, and i didnt had a bike anymore so instead i started walking 2-3h through city everyday and working out. I started IU diet which was really bad and promised myself a burger set once im done. I did the diet and lost 3kg. I got the burger set, which was disappointing, and decided to keep going. Next was Suzy Bae diet which was much better than IU but still i was hungry and the calories i ate then became my daily limit. I ate different stuff, sometimes i ate more or junk food when meeting with people but mostly didnt cross 700kcal and lost a lot of weight.

All of these times had me with motivation for a short period of time which is why i cant sustain my progres. Im also constantly living with fear that food will disappear, that people will be disappointed with me not eating their food, that i will never again eat something. The fear of disappearance is always whispering in my ear causing my anxiety which then i try to numb with spicy food and alcohol.

Being skinny is not going to repair my personality, but at least people who dont know me wouldve been kinder to me in everyday life. And i know that because i have been there a few times. Funny that i was only invited to friends meetings when i looked the part. Even if my charcter was not there, and make up was sloppy, at least i didnt cover the entire frame in photos.

[videostak]

also there was a scene removed from the return of the dragon releaase that i do clearly remember watching as a kid when i saw the movie with my family. well not a kid kid like this is when streaming was still a thing but i mustve been like 12 or 14 but this funny scene where nora miao’s character is telling bruce lee to be more kind to strangers and then this woman puts his arm around him and he does the same to her and nora miao gets upset and leaves and then it goes to bruce being in that womans apartment and her coming out of a room naked and then he freaks out and leaves awkwardly lol. in the return of the dragon version it doesnt show the apartment scene and jsut ends when nora miao gets upset by it obv since the apartment scene has nudity they probably thought it woudl be better to just cut it. i clearly clearly clearly remember him getting invited to a womans apartment and being weirded out/running away when she like comes onto him or smthn but also dont remember the nudity which is weird since u’d think i would since i was younger and watched it with my family lol. but also i dont remember the earlier scenes in the movie that were cut from the return of the dragon release like bruce having trouble ordering at a restaurant. and i also dont think i watched it in the original language with my family like im p positive it was still an english dub. so i dont kno what cut of the film i saw lol. but like the first few times id watch it on vhs id be like “hmm i wonder waht movie that scene was from” since id always expect it to happen since its leading up to it but then just skips lol. it never really occured to me  that it would be cut lol. well actually i remembered rn the reason it never crossed my mind that it would be cut is cause around that time the only reason my family all watched way of the dragon is cause it was when we were all watching bruce lee and jackie chan movies cause my dad loves those especially jackie chan ones so like i always assumed it was from a jackie chan one that i couldnt remember the name of. liek we would watch some random obscure ass movies of his like some of his not even martial arts ones and more serious ones for some reason just cause we just watched anything w/ him in it. i think the only real great ones we watched were drunken master 2 and project a. like aside from that it was just rush hour and stuff like that and just later career stuff lol. the only bruce lee movie we watched was way of the dragon/return cause i think that was the only one on streaming at the time aside from game of death and when we put game of death on and saw it was all reused footage we just turned it off lolll.  i clearly remember the game of death opening credits being dope as fuck even back then i remember being blown by like i think it was the way the dice looked or smthn like the lighting on them and then when i did eventually watch it on my own years lateer i was like correct since the opening is the best thing abt the movie aside from the original game of death footage at the end of it.

[sparklingdust4612]

Sta wars Revenge of the Sith reviews!

So i didnt realize that I'd get so emotionally invested in Padme that I'd start ugly sobbing when Vader force-strangled her. I did and it felt like shit because the one person whose protection made him turn to evil, the same person he claimed to love was the one he hurt with his own hands. Like he was so warped in evil he didnt think his wife, one who Mind you, he sorta forced into a relationship with him, manipulating her to act on her feelings, was the person whose love he believed but ended up doubting in the time when she needed him the fuckin most. She warned him he was breaking her heart, she told him his love was all she needed but ofc he was shrouded in dark power he couldnt master in such a short time...when he threw her away, i thought she was dead! It felt like Obi Wan was having a dilemma, wanting to save him but knowing he shouldnt. Poor thing had to decide between heart and mind! Remember his nightmare where she kept saying 'i cant'? Well that prolly was what she was thinking while unconscious, pleading him to help but knowing it wont work. She, in a way, died in childbirth but we all know she was killed by Vader the minute he broke her heart and the reason she didnt die right there was the babies. So his nightmare, the one wanted to avoid became a fuckin reality, following nearly the entire dream sequence! Like i said previously, Shmi's death was the catalyst for Vader's loyalty switch while the premonition about his wife finalized his decision. He became evil for the two women he loved more than anything... It seems Padme passed down some info to her newborns... Remember Leia saying she remembers her mother? That she was very beautiful but sad. I think this refers to when she held baby Leia who was staring at her. Leia always remembered... And then there's Luke who even despite his nonexistent age remembered he words 'there is still good in him'. Luke subconsciously followed his mothers pleas and ofc he didnt magically know Vader was redeemable even thought he saw proof later... And ofc Vader would hesitate to follow the order where he had to kill his son, the little part of his beloved wife that was still alive, the little part who was one of the reasons he converted in the first place, because admit it or not, he loved his wife and kids😭😭 In a funny way, it came full circle. He changed sides for the love of his wife and unborn child and he ended up killing Palpatine for his children, sacrificing his life for the good of his children and ending the reign of evil. It was so twisted, evil yet beautiful and its why  I'd call Anakin and Padme 'star crossed lovers'... So is this path of immortality the transformation into force ghosts? And i cant see how Anakin became one when he didnt know the Jedi knew that...i cant find the connection I found between Yoda and Obi-Wan. Those two died and their bodies disappeared. Vader's body was cremated, he didnt vanish like the other two yet he became a force ghost...i really dont get this part...🙄 What i dont know is how R2 and 3PO survived everything, especially R2, he literally got out nearly unscathed! I like to think R2 was the smartest being in the series since he had no force, was slow in moving and barely had any weapons yet he knew what to do. He helped Qui Gon, Obi Wan, Anakin and even knew how many messages he had to show Luke, not revealing anything except something that'd lead him to Obi wan. I wonder if obi-wan pretended not to know R2 since he obvs fought many battles with his assistance. Also explains how he knew to get the complete message... I love R2! He passed down to people fighting for good like a fuckin prophecy! A true fuckin legend. Whats ironic is how 3PO was in Leia's protection, the robot her father built with his own, kid hands! I'd say my mom and @vittra88 are 100% right. Revenge of the sith was the best movie from the prequel trilogy. The editing was fuckin badass!! And the story it portrayed was the most interesting!! P.S. R2 is my fave chara from the original and prequel trilogy! And iI cant wait to start watching

sequel trilogy since it was the series i desperately wanted to see...*takes a deep breath* guess i gotta brace myself for a shitton of more pain and heartbreak... i am relying on you, fanfic authors, to get me through the shit i have fallen in. Reylo authors, help me escape the pain through your fics... P.P.S JarJar's face in Padme's funeral was so fuckin gut-wrenching 😭🥺

#Stella watches #Sparkling reviews #Star Wars #Revenge of the Sith

[dragqueenpentheus]

Okay no one has to read this but i DO have to write it:

PYROC VS FATHER PAUL

Ya bitch needs an art break bc im getting angry about voices existing as i try to keep myself entertained. Today is NOT a god one for sinking into repetitive line work and that’s just about all i have on the table atm

SO! Im gunna do a little thinking about my little meow meows all fucked up by religion. Just a comparison for my sanity and interests. Pyroc is my baby i wrote him for the first time years ago. Five?????????? Whadda hell. Going on six.

ANYWAY john joined religion because of his trauma. His sister died and he felt lost. He was unmoored in this fishing village and looking for reason looking for hope. Hed had his heart broken and trying to make sense of tragedy on his own was totally beyond him. Thats why his interactions with riley in AA are SO good like. He knows that confusion and he knows the rhetoric that’s supposed to combat it. Only it dooesnt work for riley.

The same sort of thing happens for pyrc, only inverted. Loss urns him away from god and religion because its SO strong in his family and not only is he loosing trust in god, but his kin as well. He’s suspicious there’s mre they arent telling him, at the point of his fathers death. And he agrees to, on the surface, absolutely wholly throw himself in to being the second the family and the village need. But he’s keeping his treachery under wraps.

That’s one of the coolest things about father paul imo is like. That slow unraveling of what is. Frankly. An awful half assed plan, driven by fear and loneliness and desperation and dementia and love. Even VERY obvious things like. Taking down the newspaper photo of his young self ‘slip’ by him. I think, on some level, its DEEPLY intentional. He wants people to CHOOSE this. He wants people like bev. He wants people who see him and are in aw of him beating god. Of killing death. He wants to be worshiped and adored and for people to come to him willingly, no tragedy driving them to his arms.

Pyroc also wnats to be worshipped, but he ALSO wants to do the worshipping. He really longs for an element of almost????? But not quite??? Subjection?? He wants to be shown something and for a Great Voice to tell him, unquestioningly and unerringly that it is GOOD. Full stop. And then he wants to spend his life worshipping it. But this booko is an exploration of how….. no such thing exists. And more importantly no great voice exists either. There is nothing wholly good, nothing wholy evil. His lack of faith in himself once he becomes god is him starting to understand that as well. Thats on purpose baked into the lore. The starting point was ‘what if god was a position and in order to get promoted you had to be a murderer. No matter what’. He understands things are not wholly good, at that point. I onder how long it will be for him to realize they are not fully evil as well?

Bc pruitt does hm hm hm an interesting move. Where he takes something the narritve is very sure to communicate is EVIL no wiggle room just fact. Even if its driven by animal instinct its. Evil. And he makes it, not just good, but HOLY. And god i LOVEEEE that for him i ADOREEE that what a MOVE. Driven by desperation and dementia and relief and ‘if god saved me than maybe i can be good despite loving and sinning and maybe if i defeat god then i will be Thee Good’. SO sexy of him. Im really fascinated by his morality. He seems to have an understanding of the shades of grey in some respects??? But if he had a BETTER one with more forgiveness in his heart i feel like hed have left the church anyway after sarah was born??? Even if millie didnt ask him??? That might just be my own sensibilities creeping in but ….. like he culd have seen her on the weekends. He can do other jobs. Hes straight (??? Not totally convinced of this) he could have just dated her that makes me crazy. LIKE OBV HE HAD LINES HE THOUGHT THAT WOULD CROSS AND HE HAD INTERNALIZED THE CHURCH AND THE RULES AND SHE WAS MARRIED AND ECT ECT i know he couldnt have really but. Thye were straight. They coulda.

Im not gunna do fantasy homophobia bc i think its …………….. Boring. But i think some element of??? The vindlegaurd line MUST be passed along and for that particular rules must be applied. But thats also boring as hell :/ maybe i can work in my parthenogenesis lore?????????? I bet pyroc would love building that spell in any universe. That’s the sequal when he goes to magic university in helsin. But yeah i do like the concept that. Anyone can have a baby thru magic its just a time and energy commitment. Just a matter of wanting it enough together. Every baby is so deeply wanted and its mere existence is proof. Thats dope i love that. HMMM to be decided at a later date when im deeper into the story i think. I still havent figured out fully how and where and why orion is going to be invovled and if???? Pyroc and orion are even going to be romantic??????? Im torn im TORn…….

Thikns about john bonding w sarah over science and learning and starts wEEPING…. Like theres some surity beloved. Its just a matter of uncovering. I think sarah felt that same thirst for answers and hunted them differently. Her faith is in logic and science. I loveeee her god. Every scene w her and her dad absolutely RUIN me like!!!!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW LOVED SHE IS!!!!!! I hope at hte very end she saw the blood as the gesture of love it SO clearly was and not him trying to poison her. God i love that she spat it out. GOD. Thats about being gay, btw. Spits the religious offering that could save you across the gasoline soaked church floor like BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we as a collective should talk about the possibiites around sarah/erin more. Bc their defiance combined would be. Earth SHATTERING for crockett.

In the future pyroc gets a kid. Ever since that campaign where Enemy ended up playing his daughter im like. How did i NOT know this idiot wanted nothing more in the entire world than to travel it with his daughter. I dont care how or why hes getting a kid. Hed be so doting and awful abut it. He would need orion as a co-parent for the kids self esteem to be normal levels. thINKS ABOUT PAUL GETTING TO RAISE SARAH AND JUST ABSOLUTELY GASSING HER UPPPPPPPP HANGING EVERY DOODLE SHE EVER MADE ON TEH FRIDGE. BOASTING ABOUT HER SCEINECE PROJECT OT ANYONE WITHIN EYESIGHT EVEN THOUGH ‘WE K N O W JOHNWE WERE ALL AT THE SCEINCE FAIR’!!!!!!!!!!! Let these fuck ups be doting fathers im fucking begging. That scene where paul is like. You take ccare of everyone on the island sarah. Its more than being a doctor. You comfort them.

HM HM comfort is such a thing for Miss Bitch like!! He sees it as a Good Thing. He tries to bring it for riley by asking to hold the AA meetings on island ((also manipulation. Obvously also manipulation. I wouldnt have bene shocked if he was slipping the vampire blood into the coffee every meeting either. But thats just a theory. A game theory.)) ANYWAY he sees comfort as hly. The church gave it to him when he needed it. The angel gave it to him in the cave. Feeling safe and warm is HIGH on his list of priorities and what makes him hand over respect.

I think pyroc has lived a very comfortable life in SO many ways, but in none he. Activly recognizes. A key part of his character arc his him…. Opening his eyes to the world around them. Seeing the privilege he has and being like. Wait. This isnt Right. We have to change thi. And when no one agrees ti shifts to I have to change this. With Violence. A little revolutionary <3 it only costs the life of his whole ass family

Thats more fun comparison ground like…… paul is SO much about I know whats right and there is a cost but i AM ignoring it. Like HE KNOOOOWSSSS he knooooows he just doesnt want o See. I’m not sure if im going to surprise yroc with the ……megadeath of. His whole family. Or if it’s a choice he has to activly make. I think a choice makes it more compelling, more layerd. It has to be in the moment though, becaus ei think thats. A key difference between them. Pyroc wouldnt do it.. hed just leave hed peace out and do what he could in small ways. But he wouldnt do his big stand off with god. Hed shrink his goals in order to not hurt his family. Out of love?? Intimidation?? Some instinct wihtin him that balks at the idea of disobedience??? I think even he doesnt know. But i LOVE john becaue he jsut decides to lie. He closes his eyes and says i am being stupid on purpose. I think thats PERHAPS more compelling than good guy coward pyroc BUT!!!!! Thats who he is rip to ths little man. Cant change him now hes a whole ass child in my head. The PLOT i can change. Him….. not without massive character development <3

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MM set my brain on FIRE!!!! Im so glad nano is coming up. I love sharpening pyroc against the comparison of other AMAZING characters. Father paul hill my beloved millstone <3 anyway sorry to anyone who reads this its literally me unhinging my jaw and emptying my brain out. I had to write stuff that wasn’t novel or fic. A little character time down and dirty. I wil NOT be editing this love and light to future me trying to decode this

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #pyroc #midnight mass

[hollandarling]

hey so you know that gif you posted about making tom mad?? could you write a lil blurb about that where you’re either trying to make him jealous on purpose or it just happens accidentally??

being a brat and getting THIS look??? oof you said LITTTLE bUt I couldnt stop alskdkdj I love this concept with my whole chest and did BOTH accidental and purposely so you’re in for a ride

((obv warnings for jealousy plus some sexual themes and swearing as per usual))

*********

“Harder! Faster! Give me all you got! Don’t go easy on me!”

Tom catches himself almost running around the corner of the gym’s wall at the man’s words—sneakers squeaking and all—coming to find you…boxing?

“Come on, push!”

You’re shifting your weight from one foot to the other, throwing sharp, loud hitting punches to a guy he’d never seen before, who, if you were asking his opinion, was far too into it.

You were glistening with sweat, in only a sports bra and a pair of spandex that Tom has never minded until this exact moment in time as he watches your “assets” bounce near some other dude’s face.

His jaw clenches. “Y/N,” he calls, voice anything but sweet, as he tries to grab your attention.

Your head whips around towards his direction, a big smile spreading across your face at the sight of your boyfriend and completely losing focus from your workout.

A pair of strong arms wrap around your body, forcibly pulling you flesh against them and into a headlock.

“See, this is what can happen when you let your guard down!” Your trainer teases, lightheartedly, but you know he’s got a point.

“Alright, alright. I tap out,” you half-choke while smacking his arm in three short bursts, getting released at the motion and feeling your lungs expand fully again.

You’re laughing, thanking your coach for a “wonderful” session, a descriptor that was not missed by Tom as he stood there with his blood boiling while you hand off your gloves—trying not to cause a scene in front of Mr. “Don’t let your guard down” after he blatantly pressed an arm into your chest and had your ass pressed against an area that he’d be lucky to keep after today.

You jog over to Tom, water bottle now in hand and you crash into him with a tight hug, on a high from the workout and wanting to hug his pouty face out of him.

You give him a quick peck on the lips, smiling big. “I’m so sorry, thanks for picking me up! I didn’t mean to keep you waiting, I wasn’t paying attention to the time—”

“—Clearly—”

“—I’ve just got to get my bag in the locker room and I can meet you out front, yeah?”

“No! I mean, no I can come with you, its no big deal.” He cringes, coming off all kinds of strong and miserably failing at acting casual about the situation.

“Alright…” You give him a quizzical look but don’t say anything else on the matter as you lead him to the co-ed locker room, rambling about the PR you hit today.

It’s not that Tom wasn’t proud of you, he was, he just couldn’t get that guy out of his mind and he’s interrupting you before he even realizes he’s speaking.

“So you got a new personal trainer, huh?” He glances around the deserted room, making sure no one else was around to hear.

“Oh yeah, his name’s Adam!” You chirp back, too pre-occupied with inputting the correct combo for your locker to notice his less than pleased expression.

“Huh. Adam.”

Now that got your attention. The typical short responses he saves for the occasions when he’s trying to be careful about what he says.

“Oh my god, this is what’s got you so worked up?” You roll your eyes over your shoulder at him and proceed to pull your belongings out of their safe space.

“He was all over you!” he defends, knowing he has a damn justifiable reason for being upset.

“No, he wasn’t! He’s a professional, Tom,” you argue. You know a creep when you see one and Adam was not that.

“Oh please, that was not professional!”

You turn to face him, eyes narrowing. “Do you not trust me?”

“Of course I trust you,” he assures. “But he was ogling you, I watched the whole thing! and you—you’re just—”

“I’m what, Tom? I’m half dressed, so what else are people going to look at?”

“NO—that’s not what I’m—”

“Then what? Is it bothering you that I was getting all hot and sweaty with him?”

Intended as being sarcastic, you quickly realize it was not taken that way as you watch him tightly cross his arms across his chest…you’ve struck a nerve. Tom is seething, biting into the inside of his cheek and doing everything he can to compose himself when you’re putting a mental image in his head like that.

You press, gaining a smirk as you speak. “Is it bothering you that he was holding me so close to him while I could hear him panting in my ear?”

Alright, bitch move, you’ll admit it. But watching his jaw shift forward as he steps closer to you lights a fire inside you that you can’t help but continue to feed.

Before you can even blink again, Tom is picking you up by your thighs and slamming you against the lockers with a loud clatter of metal shaking. Your gasp is swallowed by his mouth engulfing yours in the roughest kiss you’ve ever shared. You squeeze your legs tighter around his waist, fingers threading through his hair as he moves to nip at your neck. You yelp at the contact of his teeth, feeling a rush of adrenaline working its way through your body making each touch even hotter.

“Tom,” you breathe, only half convinced that you should even be saying anything in case this all comes to a screeching halt. “I’ve got to tell you—”

“Then you better fucking tell me now,” Tom growls, rattling you to your core and god does it feel good but your guilty conscious is a bitch.

“Adam—”

He stops, coming up for air, nose against yours and his black eyes remaining in extremely close proximity to your own. “You’re going to talk about him right now?” He was raging.

“No, no, you don’t understand.” Your chest is heaving, and you can barely get the words out. “He’s…not into girls. Like…at all.”

His eyes widen, growing softer. “You mean—”

“Not at all.” You feel his entire being light up and suddenly your back has left the lockers and he’s spinning you around with your legs latched tightly onto his hips.

He kisses you again, but this time, its an overwhelming amount of love and passion that’s fueling the kiss.

You can’t help but melt a little as the butterflies erupt from your stomach. God you love your jealous boy.

Tom breaks away reluctantly, and puts you back down on your own two feet. He reaches behind you and grabs your duffel bag off of the bench before leaning in close to your ear.

“I hope you know that we’re finishing this at home.” His voice low and raspy, sending shivers down your spine. Stated as a fact and not a question and shiiit were you into that.

He turns on his heel without another word and you can’t help but follow him out, giddy like a child and skipping along to catch up to him knowing you were going to get it good tonight.

#where is tom to act this out #the brat came out sjbdjd #i accidentaly wrote 1.2k hOw #my brain is half asleep but I couldn't put this down until it was done sdhjhgd #ignore me literally #wazzupmrstark #tom holland #tom holland smut #tom holland blurb #tom holland fan fiction #tom holland x y/n #tom holland one shot #jealous!tom #hollandarling #asks #requests

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

HIStory’s ranked (no one asked, but here i go)

so i was sittin here, talkin to myself about the HIStory series’ and was like ‘hey, i should rank them’ (which i’ve seen a few other people do, but mines a lot more rambling than there’s because i can’t shut up lol) 

so here’s my views lol (ordered from worst to best, imo):

6) My Hero (HIStory1) -

probably universally acknowledged as the worst episode, and i’d be inclined to agree with the masses on this lol... not only is the tone and humour of this series so weird and disjointed, but the entire story line literally makes no sense lol?? it’s unclear who the audience should be rooting for (especially as it goes out of it’s way to paint our protagonist as really unlikable lol, not to mention the love interest is the dullest character ever conceived like ???), as well as this the ending feels completely unrelated and bizarre... 

i think this concept /could/ have worked if the guy the woman was inhabiting (which sounds weird without context, but like she’s dead lol) was somehow also inside his head? or if she got to see his memories or whatever & tries to adjust her personality to match the guy’s, causing love interest!dude to fall in love with the guy... (like i could go into more detail, i basically hav an entire au written in my head lol, but yh...)... that way, her letting go of him in the end would feel so much more well set up? especially if she was generally more understanding and likeable.. 

i think overall this series just fails in telling a decent story lol... & the cringe is even beyond what i can handle lol

5) Obsessed (HIStory1) -

people might be surprised to see this one so low down, especially since i know a lot of people really love this series (& if u do, no hate to u btw, ur allowed to like whatever u want idc), but i realllllly don’t like this series... like at all ...

the plot is weird anyway, which isnt inherently a bad thing, but then u add on the really bad couple and it’s just...... bad lol... like everything about their relationship is built on lies and deceit, and even more so than that it’s built on a lack of mutual respect and fundamental trust for each other! tall guy (i don’t know names soz) feigns memory loss in order to get closer to short guy (btw, the scenes with them being domestic were really sweet, & i firmly believe this could have been an alright series for the actors if the story line wasn’t so bad), short guy’s whole existence in that universe was a lie lol (like i know there’s no easy way to tell someone ‘lol well i’m technically from the future’ but still), then there’s the whole resolution at the end & it’s just so ??? frustrating lol!

nothing bugs me more than seeing conflict in relationships (on screen or irl) that could be solved simply by TALKING TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT & isnt lol... my other issue with this series is the fact tall guy 100% forced himself upon short guy in the tent & like we’re just supposed to accept it cos ?? he’s saying no and pushing away but actually he wants it because he loves tall guy ?? like fuck no i’m not accepting that lol! 

basically, bad & bizarre story & characters, & gross tropes just makes this hard for me to watch and enjoy lol... i think, like in my hero, this could’ve done with being a different story altogether lol... (maybe tall guy actually did lose his memory & he falls for short guy all on his own with no predatory intentions?? idk something like that)

4) Right or Wrong (HIStory2)

this one & my number 3 are very much tied tbh, but this one is just slightly lower just because i’m not as big into the couple as i know a lot of people are... & it’s not necessarily the age gap, cos i dont actually mind age gaps in pairings (just as long as the younger one isnt a minor, obv... and also i think any gap that’s 30+ years is a bit weird lol..).. i think my big problem with this is i dont really see why younger guy (again, i have no idea of any of these characters’ names lol) would fall for the older guy? like the older guy is obvs going thru some issues, and hasnt been taking care of himself or his kid properly because of them, but like we dont rly see a lot of why he’s a great guy? like we get the sense young guy is attracted to him, but like love is more than just thinkin they’re hot lol... idk lol this might just be me tbh i just couldnt see why he’d be interested lol

i did like the whole family side though, and showing how a man who was previously with a woman can still end up with a guy (bisexualityyyyy (or some variation of that thereupon)) is something you dont always see in media, so i thought that was pretty cool! (even if the ex-wife thing was kinda lame lol...) 

i think overall i see what this series was going for, and that it actually did an alright job in some parts... the biggest problem is that it’s kinda just forgettable lol... maybe that’s why people like obsessed so much lol? maybe it was a train wreck but ohh boy at least u wont forget it in a hurry lol!

3) Stay Away From Me (HIStory1) -

i’m a bit torn about this one, cos there are parts of it i actually really like (them going from rivals/enemies to being good friends to being more), and other parts i really didnt (the stereotypical squealing yaoi fangirl friend)... & tbh, i kinda wish this had just been a show about the budding friendship between the 2 guys... it almost feels too forced to me that they’re made to ‘fall in love’ when i actually think them both becoming less selfish and learning to respect each other as step brothers & friends is actually already a really great story (& i know that it doesnt fit with the whole ‘HIStory’ thing, but stories of platonic brotherhood/’bromance’ are just as important as gay representation... isnt a /substitute/ for representation, don’t get me wrong, but it’s always so beautiful to see decently portrayed non-toxic friendships between guys... ok this is a rant for another day tho shhh)

i think maybe why i like this one more than the other HIStory1′s is because kinda nothing happens lol... it’s not overly complex with weird unexplained magic things happening, it’s just a simple story lol... is it still tropey as hell? of course lol! but i think the ‘realism’ of the world really helps, and i def think this was incorporated more into HIStory 2, which i’m really glad about...

overall, this is a relatively harmless series & is actually quite sweet at times... the kiss is awkward as fuck tho (there, i said it lol...)... it suffers the same forgetability as right or wrong tho... 

2) Crossing the Line (/Boundary Crossing) (HIStory2) -

ok, so here’s a series i 100% love & totally agree with the hype around lol! i hav no interest in volleyball (or any sports tbh), but the way this show handles the friendships and dynamics between the characters is really well done, especially for a series that’s only 8 episodes long! i also really love that none of the characters really fall into any stereotypes (which is a great improvement from HIStory1 i can tell u lol), and are given the space to actually have some growth & nuance at times?! 

(nuance? in MY HIStory series?? it’s more likely than you think!)

the main couple have really amazing chemistry, and the way they get together doesnt feel too out of place or that it’s going to fast, it just sorta flows really nicely... even the side couple are pretty well done (though i wasnt that big into them on my first watch, just cos the whole overbearing older brother thing was kinda annoying... i liked them more as the series went on tho...)

i kinda dont have any major complaints? which is bizarre cos i always hav complaints about things lol... maybe my complaint would be that they all look way too old and attractive to be whatever teenage age they’re supposed to be lol... (but tbh that doesnt take anything away from the story so i’ll forgive them lol...)... i think maybe i wouldnt consider it my favourite because the story line didnt grab me like the number 1... but i really cant fault it in terms of what it delivers lol, legit such a well put together series!

1) Trapped (HIStory3) -

lol i think anyone who’s been following me for the past few months aren’t in the slightest bit surprised this is my number one... i just love it too much lol!

from the incredibly well written and well acted characters, to the interesting and engaging (even if a bit ridiculous) plot, to the beautifully told romance , it really has it all doesn’t it!!! & i think even if this wasnt an enemies to lovers thing (aka one of the most godtier of all fanfic tropes), there’s so many things going for this series that make it worth watching! i have a few complains about editing choices and a few bad trope plot points which were just unnecessary (plus the fact we missed out on a lot of background info on some major characters lol...), but like despite everything this series rly struck a chord with me deep down in my soul lol

i could go waaay more into detail (and maybe i will one day lol... tho not rn, i’m v tired), but the gist of the matter is: i really love trapped lol

(conclusion)

Even though i’ve complained quite a bit here, i am so grateful for the HIStory series’ for bringing really interesting, and a little mad, stories with gay characters and story lines, with a big emphasis on happy endings! there are so many lgbt stories/characters in things that end up dying or just have bad endings, which just sends this horrible message that lgbt people aren’t worthy of having happy endings, which is completely untrue! 

So i look forward to future HIStory’s, even if some of them are gonna be bad (& maybe none will live up to the trapped!shaped bullet firmly lodged in my heart lol)

fin~

#HIStory series #HIStory1 #HIStory2 #HIStory3 #(not gonna tag them all individually cos we'll be here for years lol) #review #rant #(not really) #gay series #taiwanese series #lgbt series #lgbtq #HIStory #i've not read it through lol... might make no sense... dont read this lol

[bythepowerof4]

bythepowerof4 hi hey hello

readmylipstick Hello, hey, hi.

bythepowerof4 haha hi hows everything

readmylipstick Not terrible, all things considered. How is your...everything?

bythepowerof4 i'd say, neutral? class sucks but damian got thrown on his ass so

bythepowerof4 well no ok also bad bc U Know so. if you wanna. talk about that. or we can not for a bit i don't mind

readmylipstick I guess I'm just worried about your feelings? Because it was really unfair for me to drop, well,  everything that I've dropped on you in the past couple months.

bythepowerof4 ok but no??? you like should tell me stuff if you want right not all at once and not when you're all out of it but . everything else is good not good cause it wasn't good stuff :/ but good that you wanted to tell me?? that's just a friend thing im not mad !!

readmylipstick You're not mad?

bythepowerof4 maybe?? i don't know i don't think so it doesn't matter the other stuff wasn't """unfair""" ok just. the other night. was a lot. idk

readmylipstick I feel like you dk, though. And if my feelings matter, than so do yours!

bythepowerof4 well yeah i guess im sorry i feel like i had things to say but i have no idea what they are lmao

bythepowerof4 that wasnt a good start huh. is there anything you really wanna say?? i wont be mad or weird or anything, promise

readmylipstick Just that like, I'm going to try and be better. Less...explosive. And I still meant a lot of what I said, but I don't want any of it to come between our friendship or make things weird.

bythepowerof4 ok well neither so thats a good start is there anything. i should be doing? or? not doing? and i mean. are you sure you meant it

readmylipstick Would it make you feel better if I said no?

readmylipstick Because it would be great if you weren't upset with me, but like beyond that there isn't really anything I can ask you to do?

readmylipstick So, just do what you think is best?? This is hard.

bythepowerof4 lmao very

bythepowerof4 maybe dont think about whatd make me feel better for a sec??

bythepowerof4 i did or didnt do something obv bc you felt like you couldnt tell me. that thing. and then got all upset

readmylipstick Oh, well...isn't that...how these things go like...I'm not supposed to...be super transparent...

readmylipstick Because the other party's feelings are an unknown!

bythepowerof4 ok if youre joking thats funny if not oh my god oh ok well. yeah

bythepowerof4 im trying to make it less unknown but this is still really hard and i hate it haha?

readmylipstick It's okay though I totally understand! I wasn't expecting you to do anything or feel a certain way, it was just a bunch of drunk blathering because alcohol eliminates my filter! Like, if I was going to breach this subject in the future I probably would have had a lot more tact!

bythepowerof4 its very much um, breached now haha so yeah. im sorry. really

readmylipstick Please don't be! My feelings are silly, and I'm sure I'll get over them! What matter most to me is our friendship, okay?

bythepowerof4 well yes that last part is definitely true but why do you keep doing that first part youre not silly i know i act like youre silly sometimes but thats not good and its not true??

readmylipstick Sure, but saying I'm silly makes it easier.

bythepowerof4 oh dude there are a lot of things that could make this easier but ive been instructed to not do like any of them :/ do i have to tell you youre valid cause i will i swear

readmylipstick Okay, okay! I'm valid! Wait, instructed? By whom?

bythepowerof4 not instructed i just got some advice which i assume is ok cause it also seems like you did the same :p

readmylipstick You can say you told Daisy, I'm not gonna freak out!

bythepowerof4 i didnt!!! i really didnt lol that wouldnt be very nice

readmylipstick Telling Nick is the same as telling Daisy...

bythepowerof4 no it isnt i had this whole talk with them about it once idk i swore him to secrecy you told ai. which is fine except for maybe sending her to talk to me lmao?

readmylipstick I didn't send her at all! I didn't even know she talked to you!

bythepowerof4 oh ok yeah i thought she might have done that herself lmao

bythepowerof4 can we get back to the important thing like how you are so valid and youre feelings matter and i think you need to maybe say them without editing based on what you think i'd say??

readmylipstick Well, I kind of already did that when I was wasted?

bythepowerof4 ok point

bythepowerof4 but feelings dont only matter when youre wasted and i think if u gotta be wasted to say important stuff, which is kind of a pattern now, thats probably

bythepowerof4 bad??

readmylipstick Well, that was an important thing but also an embarrassing thing, so it seemed natural just to keep it quiet?

bythepowerof4 but then like nothing woulda ever happened??? or like with that guy. you know. if you didnt get smashed and weepy and tell me about it would u just have kept it to yourself this whole time?

readmylipstick ...Okay, I see your point.

bythepowerof4 yeah so this was one of the things i was advised not to bring up but i think it might be important

readmylipstick I guess I could stop drinking then?

bythepowerof4 that is an option but there are lots of inbetweeny sort of options and also everything you do is entirely your choice and im not tryna like micromanage ur life!!!

readmylipstick I think there's a term for that, and it's called giving advice, right?

bythepowerof4 well yeah thats what i said!!! but apparently there is a line and apparently i like to cross it so im not gonna like tell you what to do or anything

readmylipstick Well, you don't have to tell me what to, but I think I might need some...help? To change, that is.

readmylipstick Because I don't want to keep making you uncomfortable and whatnot!

bythepowerof4 if you wanna change something cause you wanna change then i'll help you but don't do anything for my sake?? thats making me uncomfortable tbh??

readmylipstick Well, I figured it was a given that I would also be changing to avoid making a complete idiot of myself in the future!!

bythepowerof4 you dont have to though

bythepowerof4 i still like you i dont care if youre an idiot!! also youre not!!!!

readmylipstick Even if I'm not, it would have been nicer to handle rejection with a bit more grace! And, it would have made it better for the BOTH of us!

readmylipstick Is it really that bad that I'm guilty for what was an obvious and terrible screw up? Or that I'm concerned about the impact my actions have had on you? Because, I don't think so!

bythepowerof4 you handled it fine!!! i wasnt graceful either!!! the problem isnt how you handled it its how you told me cause if you told me sooner THEN it wouldve been better for both of us i think you feel guilty for the wrong thing maybe and also rejection is a very strong word can we just soften that

readmylipstick But, it's the truth! And, if I'm not allowed to outrun all my hard truths than you don't get to either! And, even if it's been as a drunk, at least I've been honest with you! Can you say the same? Like, "shrouded in mystery" is a cool look, but I feel like you've never opened up enough about yourself for ME to help YOU!

bythepowerof4 wait

bythepowerof4 no that is absolutely not fair ok just because i dont come to you with freaky magic stalker issues or weird nicholas sparks confessional shit doesnt mean im mysterious ok it just means im normal!!! and i dont need your help!!!

readmylipstick Clea!! Normal doesn't exist!!! And everyone had problems, including you!!!

readmylipstick Sure, I can be extreme. But, I can't remember you venting to be about anything that wasn't totally shallow!! And I know you' you're not a shallow person!

bythepowerof4 im totally shallow!!! and totally normal!!! i know theres the residual not normal of being here but thats not me ok???

bythepowerof4 do you seriously want me to get all big dark secret dnm on you so you can feel less guilty about doing it to me??? because i dont mind ok i promise you dont have to like, repay the favour

readmylipstick Then what would you have me be? Just some girl who cries on your shoulder?? You don't have to blow up like I have, but you could at least share a little bit?? Because, I have questions that I'm afraid to ask because I want to respect your privacy, but that also means you could be in trouble and you're hiding it! Like I was!!

bythepowerof4 of course not ok cause i like you all the time even when youre not crying on my shoulder but im also okay with you crying on my shoulder if you need to? according to some people im too ok with it which is bad but what the fuck ever i dont get in trouble and im an open fcking book and you can ask me anything go on!!! do it!!

readmylipstick Okay well I agree with whomever else you've been talking to (Nick and Daisy). You're too okay with it, especially because you're insisting that I do? Nothing?? In return??? And! If I get to ask a question! Why did you spend all that time in the math department in Spring? I know it wasn't tutoring because you definitely didn't get any better!!

bythepowerof4 im not insisting anything if i needed to cry on a shoulder then yeah sure id hit you up!!! are you calling me dumb???

readmylipstick No! I'm stating a fact!

bythepowerof4 ok well rude i was getting help ok. technically with maths

bythepowerof4 just like. personal maths and maybe getting better but it didnt work so it doesnt matter

readmylipstick Oh. I didn't even know you wanted to get better?

bythepowerof4 what?? why on earth wouldnt i

readmylipstick I don't know? I guess I figured 4D had it's perks?

bythepowerof4 what the fuck sort of perks

readmylipstick Alien senses???

bythepowerof4 not that useful, give me headaches

readmylipstick No one gets in your way on the sidewalk?

bythepowerof4 yeah cause no one wants to fucking touch me

readmylipstick So, it just sucks? All the time?

bythepowerof4 yeah pretty much. i can't just put a hat on and be normal again like some people lmao

bythepowerof4 some people are fine. you make it feel ok cause you think it's neat or whatever but i figured you were savvy enough to figure it wasn't all sunshiney all the time

readmylipstick It's not like putting on a hat just makes it go away, though! I get headaches too, actually! And, it's not like you really have let on that this is something that distresses you...hence my initial concern. But, thank you for sharing. I can't fix the problem, but at least I understand better?

bythepowerof4 well yeah you cant fix it so i didnt need to bother you about it. you getting it

readmylipstick But, I'm still glad you did! Even though I can't do anything to help now, what if one day I meet someone who can? Or at the very least, I can slip you a Tylenol when you need it?

bythepowerof4 no offence cause thats a sweet idea but its absolutely never gonna happen lmao

readmylipstick Why not? I carry around pain killers all the time!

bythepowerof4 i meant the first thing but omg youre such a girl scout thats not mean thats nice like haha i dont care if my head hurts ok its just when it makes other peoples and you cant give tylenol to every single person in the world so its easier to just ignore it when did this become about me also

readmylipstick When I decided we were going to have equality!!

bythepowerof4 itsequality.gif

readmylipstick sent a GIF

Exactly!! And your headaches matter just as much as anyone else's!

bythepowerof4 lmao nice ok but i dont need to tell you every time still lmao!! i can deal its chill and i have shared. are u happy

readmylipstick Happier than I was earlier, yes!

readmylipstick Thank you for sharing!

bythepowerof4 well that's good i guess

bythepowerof4 are we like, good?? is there anything else, while we're being all like, honest and awkward and stuff

readmylipstick Just that...what I said before doesn't change anything about what we've been through together, or anything that will happen later. It's just a thing, and I'll make it not a thing, and then everything can go back to normal!

bythepowerof4 ok. ok yeah for sure im sorry if i was mean about it. you're like you're really great!!! and i care about you a lot duh

bythepowerof4 did i make it weird again im sorry. necessary evil

readmylipstick hehe No that's not weird at all. Because, you know, ditto?

bythepowerof4 lmao yeah!! ditto ditto

bythepowerof4 just don't be embarrassed ok

readmylipstick Well, I'll do my best!

bythepowerof4 your best is absolutely good enough that was really cheesy huh

readmylipstick A little bit. But, I still appreciate it!

bythepowerof4 im glad

readmylipstick I am too!

#youre so valid no YOURE so valid no youre so valid!! #ooc #im #readmylipstick #they're.........still weird :(

[bblauuuuu]

I just cried for an hr, over a fcking Apple Update

When I went to go take a break at 2am, I didnt sense anything wrong. But when I came back, my iPad had spontaneously decided to update itself to iOS11.

Its the fucking scariest thing at 3am.

Of course, its probably lack of sleep or something else during the day that lead me to key in the passcode for the ridiculous backup which I did not have any recall for. Of course, its the impatience I must have had sometime this afternoon when I was transferring some files onto my computer. BTW, unless u have iTunes, the Internal storage space, all ur files, perhaps ur livelihood, perhaps ur existence is unviewable/doesnt exist in the Windows realm.

Because of the update, I can no longer use Goodreader 3 on my iPad, an app which when I bought it 5 years ago had no clue had service charges attached to signing up on Apple Pay. This time round, Apple didn't tell me beforehand that my 32x bit apps would be unusable. Its the fucking scariest thing at 3am.

I can't reverse this. To be fair, I've retrieved my files. (Thanks Goodreader and not Apple). I have my stuff moderately intact. I just got over the shock. But now I have no notetaking app for tmr's lecture, which sounds like a small deal, unless perhaps another unlucky soul out there faced this same problem and has a highly impt stressful work presentation lined up on his Goodreader. The files arent standalone.

I can't reverse this. Unless we invent time travel. What a strange concept that all these 1s and 0s that mean so much can be so irreversibly shifted and fundamentally changed in an hour (I dont actually know how long the update took, I was unaware it happened), the simple tap of a screen, but to go back would take an infinite amt of energy or whatev they calculated time travel would take.

What a strange concept, all these ones and zeros that mean so much could in an instant turn into gibberish.

Are we in charge?

P.S. I dont even like the new iOS like what are u trying to be Apple. I didnt update due to all the bad reviews abt it initially.

P.P.S. Whatsapp, you are also the worst. Retrieving messages and backing up and there is no way to get at a message that has been cleared by restores (which btw initiatied itself due to an old backup), even if its like less than a day old (which if you dont know whatsapp backups once a day at 2am on ur local phone storage). Lets not even talk about cross platform functionality can we pls just move to telegram christ.

P.P.P.S. Im obv not following the rules of distancing passion frm writing. this is a 4am rant/idk what to say but theres a point somewhere. Anw I literally cried when I googled and found out that I couldnt revert back to iOS 10. In the middle of doing my computing mod. Like if a young girl always on her devices girl can't control her devices, how the fuck are my parents and grandparents gonna do it.

I get that life is full of surprises and very little warnings but my painnnnnnnn