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moldisgoodforyou · 3 years

Text

on my mom's grave

wordcount: 3.7k

warnings: n/a

______

“How drunk do you think we’re going to get tonight?” Sophie asked, tipping back the last of a lemon White Claw as the two of them got ready for the night in her room.

“Dunno. I’m not really feeling it tonight.”

She paused, glancing back at him. “Do you not want to go?”

He shook his head and took the can from her, disappointed to realize there was nothing left. “No, no, it’s fine. I’m cool. Probably just won’t drink.”

“Is this about the phone call with your dad earlier?”

Rafe sighed, gritting his teeth. “It’s not - I’m fine, Soph.”

She crossed her arms and eyed him over, trying to get a read on his body language. “You’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” After Rafe tugged his shirt over his head, ready much faster than Sophie, he paced around the room for a few seconds before speaking up. "Hey, so...Sarah's getting presented at the annual deb ball in spring."

Sophie seemed unbothered, turning her back to him as she wrestled her way into a crop top to get ready for the night. "Those are still a thing? Cool, so you're going home for it?" She paused, glancing over at him in his polo. "Undo another button."

He did so, then rocked back on his heels with his hands in his pockets, trying to figure out what to say next.

She slowly turned back to him, realizing he was still tense across his shoulders. "What?"

Rafe rubbed the back of his neck, a tell-tale sign he was nervous and Sophie wasn't going to like what he was about to say. "Yeah...my dad wanted you to come home for it too."

"What? Ward? Why?"

"He, kinda, uh, wants you to be presented too?"

She just laughed, turning back to the mirror with her brow furrowed in slight concentration as she applied another coat of mascara. "Okay. Sure." But when he didn't elaborate, she turned back to him again, lips pursed. "Cameron. Tell me you told him no."

"...I didn't not not tell him no."

"Rafe."

He cracked under her stare. "I'm sorry, okay! Look, it's easy, all you have to do is throw on a pretty white dress and gloves -"

"A dress that costs thousands of dollars -"

"Hundreds, but - I'll cover you, obviously -"

"No." She turned back to the mirror, shaking her head. "Fuck no. I'm not going."

"Sophie." He nearly begged, stepping closer and running his hand through his hair. "Baby. C'mon."

"Don't call me that. No. I don’t fit into that part of your world.”

"Not even for me?" He pleaded, giving her a half-hearted grin. He ignored her last sentence, knowing any argument he had for her point would be dismissed in two seconds. "I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important, you know that."

She turned back to him with crossed arms, fixing him with a glare. "Do I know that?"

"Soph."

"Don't, Rafe." She warned, holding one hand out, but he stepped closer anyways.

"Angel. Please. For me." He forced a smile, tried cracking a joke. "I really don't want to have to call him up and get read the riot act."

She furrowed her brow and Rafe reached out and smoothed out the lines in between her eyebrows before he could stop himself, making her soften just a little. "If I were to say yes. What would I have to do?"

"Just wear the dress, attend a dinner, party the night before and party that night." He paused, thinking. "And stay at my house for the weekend. Be civil to my dad.” At her eyeroll, he fixed her with a more serious gaze. “Meet my grandparents. Hang with my sisters. C'mon, Wheezie adores you."

"You're lying."

"I'm not. She thinks you're cool. Sarah too, but she’s less likely to admit it." He kissed her forehead, hands going to her waist. "Please?"

"It's that important?"

"I swear. On my mom's grave."

Sophie frowned immediately, reaching up to fix his hair. "That's not necessary."

"You'll do it?"

"...Yes." When he made a small fist pump, she fixed him with a glare. "Only because I love you."

“I'll go down on you every night for the next two weeks -”

She rolled her eyes at his promise, shoving lightly at his chest. "You basically already do that anyways, Rafe -”

"Okay, fine, I'll tie you up, something, anything, god, thank you, Soph. You don't know how big of a favor this is. I mean it." He sighed in relief, the tension draining from his body.

She ignored him, turning back to the mirror to apply lip gloss, carefully smearing the wand across her lips. “Why does he want me to do this? I don’t understand.”

“Is that the sticky stuff? I hate that stuff, it gets all over me when we’re kissing -” He started, then quickly shut his mouth as she flipped him off without looking. “Uh, ‘to integrate you into our society.’ Direct quote.”

“Oh god.” She groaned, setting the lip gloss aside after applying it, then started searching through her jewelry case. “So I’m gonna have to be on my best kook behavior?”

He snorted. “Sophie Flint, a kook. Not likely.”

“Watch it.” She pointed a warning finger in his face. “You don’t see anything weird with this? Your dad hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you.”

“Rose does.”

“That’s not true either.”

Sophie raised her eyebrows, challenging him.

He shrugged, relenting with a sigh. “You’re not her favorite person, no, but neither am I.”

“You think this was more her idea? For Sarah to do it too?”

“Nah, actually, pretty sure it was my grandparents’ idea. Probably Granddad. My mom went through all this, so…”

She turned her back to him and gathered her hair, offering the clasp of her gold chain to him. “Your mom was a debutante?” She questioned with interest.

_______

Rafe rarely ever talked about his mom - Sophie had only found out how she died from a newspaper article in the online archives, and hadn’t wanted to bring it up since. All she knew was that Mrs. Cameron had passed away in a car accident when Rafe was fourteen.

Both Sophie and Rafe’s schools shared a building, despite them going to private academies, and overlapped for certain advanced placement classes. In freshman year, they were together for AP chemistry, with Sophie sitting proudly at the front of the class while Rafe sat in the back with a group of his friends, often cracking jokes at inappropriate times or throwing wads of paper at each other. Freshman year Sophie was the epitome of stuck-up - she resorted to insults instead of making friends and kept to herself, terrified someone might find out that she was on scholarship and wasn’t truly meant to be there.

The day after the car accident, Rafe was unusually quiet. Sophie hadn’t heard the news yet, it was barely second period and she wasn’t looped into the trail of gossip like the rest of the girls at Greenville. They were partnered for an experiment that day - Rafe had groaned when he heard Sophie’s name after his from the teacher, and Sophie barely suppressed a roll of her eyes. She took charge right away, getting all the supplies and set up their work station without even addressing him. After a few minutes, she slid the small glass of solution to Rafe, raising her eyebrows. “You can do the work too, you know.”

He was completely spaced out, only glancing up when she said something. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

Sophie rolled her eyes, lifting a beaker and extending it to him. “Yeah. I know. Just drop in 10 milliliters of the solution, it’s not hard.”

Rafe sighed as he rested his elbows on the edge of the table, rubbing his temples. “Look, can you just do it?”

She finally took note of the dark circles under his eyes, the way his shoulders were slumped, but misinterpreted it all. She smirked, taking on a taunting tone. “What, you’re still drunk from last night or something?”

He gritted his jaw, his entire body growing tense, and tugged at the collar of his polo. “Fuck off, Flint. Not in the mood today.”

She recoiled immediately, setting the beaker down with a little too much force. “Don’t be an asshole.”

“Don’t be a fucking bitch.” He spit back, standing abruptly. She winced as the stool squeaked across the floor, drawing everyone’s attention - as if they hadn’t had it already. Kelce stepped over and went to grab Rafe’s arm, possibly pull him away, but Rafe just wrenched his arm out of his grip. “I’m fine.” He growled, storming out of the classroom without looking back.

After a few moments of stunned silence, with Sophie on the verge of shocked tears, their teacher cleared her throat and redirected everyone’s attention, pointing one of the girls over to join Sophie instead. Molly made her way over, occupying Rafe’s seat in the space across from her. “Poor Rafe,” she murmured.

Sophie frowned, pulling her jacket tighter across her chest like a shield of armor. “Poor Rafe? What?”

Molly nodded, lowering her voice a little. “Yeah, you didn’t hear? I’m surprised he’s at school, honestly.”

“I didn’t...what happened?”

“Oh.” Molly frowned. “Um. You know that winding road, the one that goes downhill toward the ballet studio?”

Sophie didn’t, she didn’t even have a clue - the ballet studio was on the entire opposite side of the island from where she lived, the height of Figure 8, and she hadn’t ever had a reason to even venture that way. “Yeah? What does that have to do with Rafe?”

“Um, well, it was pouring last night, and his mom was driving down that road. I heard she lost control of the car and wrecked it. There was, like, a drunk driver that swerved into her lane, but she tried to avoid him and hit a tree.” Molly told her, careful on the details.

“I’m pretty sure the Camerons can replace a car.” Sophie replied, not wanting Molly to confirm where she thought she was going with the story. She dug her nails into the skin of her thigh anyways, feeling anxiety bubble up in her chest.

Molly shook her head, slowly. “Mrs. Cameron died, Sophie.”

Her heart dropped and she bit the inside of her cheek, hard. “Oh.”

“Yeah. I’m surprised you didn’t hear the sirens last night, I saw like eight police cars last night headed toward his house. I heard Sarah was in the car too, I think -”

“Is Sarah okay?” She couldn’t concentrate on anything but her ears ringing, her heart pounding in her chest.

“Oh, yeah, I think so. But god, how awful, right? The funeral is next weekend, Ward Cameron told my dad this morning. Is your family going?”

“Um...I don’t know.” Sophie glanced toward the door, hoping to god he would come back through the door and Molly would confess that it was all a joke, that she hadn’t just started something with Rafe on that day of all days.

________

Rafe nodded. “Yeah. ‘Course she was. I think she really enjoyed it, actually, she’d always tell Sarah when she was little about how pretty she would look in the dress, how important it was to learn the right etiquette and -” He cut himself off, realizing he was sharing too much, and deftly fastened the clasp before pressing a kiss to the top of her head, letting her step away. “All that.”

“Huh.”

He smiled to himself, thinking about how his mom would let little Sarah play dress up in her old ballgown with gloves that went up to her armpits, wobbling around in high heels twice the size of her feet. His mom would tell Rafe he’d have to watch out for Sarah with her escort, keep him in line, and that when he was in college he’d be presenting a girl as well. But he was nine and didn’t think of girls in that way quite yet, so he always scowled and left the room.

“It’s kind of cool, I think. The tradition of it all.”

“The ball? Have you been?” She caught his eye in the mirror as she adjusted her top, not wanting to push for too much information before he’d shut down altogether.

“No...I was gonna present Brooklyn at the one here in Columbus, sophomore year’s normally when the girl gets presented, but. Yeah. No, I meant, it’s kind of cool that you’ll be doing something my mom did.” He rubbed the back of his neck, meeting her gaze for a moment then looked away.

“Yeah?”

“She would have liked you. I know it.”

Sophie perked up a little, cocking her head. “You really mean it?”

“Yeah. She would have liked that you have an attitude with me.” He grinned when she turned back around and took his hand, tugging him over to sit on the bed next to her. “She was always saying I needed to find someone to match my energy, keep me in check. I wish she could have met you.”

“I did meet her. Once.”

He perked up, cocking his head. “You did?”

“Yeah, I served her when I was working at the restaurant at the country club once, I was only fourteen. I remember she made some comment about me being too young to work and I told her I liked it. Then she asked my name, and I remember she seemed like she knew already when I told her.” Sophie nodded. “She was really nice, left way too big of a tip and wrote my name on the bill. I always thought that was funny.”

Of course she knew, Rafe thought as he smiled to himself. She knew, because Rafe had come home and complained about a girl getting on his nerves every single week since seventh grade. She knew, when the complaints turned to “why won’t just be nice to me” and his mom had quipped that Sophie probably liked him - he had scoffed and walked away. She knew, because his mom had come home from the country club and told him Sophie Flint was a much nicer girl than Rafe painted her to be, and Rafe had immediately turned bright red and been embarrassed that his mom sought her out.

“I like that.” She leaned into him, taking his hand to play with his rings. “Will your grandparents be there? At the ball?”

“Oh, yeah. They sit on the board, I’m pretty sure, it’s this gigantic charity event. I’ll introduce you, but don’t worry, they’re chill. Nothing like my dad.” He adjusted himself so she was comfortable, then pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

She chewed on the inside of her lip, treading carefully. “I thought your dad grew up on the Cut.”

“He did. But my mom, no way. Kook through and through. That’s, uh, where a lot of my trust is from. After she died, um. She wanted to be sure me and Sarah were set.” He shrugged, ears turning red as he felt his throat getting tight.

Sophie frowned, feeling him closing off, and leaned closer to hug him, arms wrapped tight around his waist. “You know you can talk to me about this stuff whenever, Rafe? I’d like to hear more about your mom. She sounds like an amazing woman.”

“She was.” He nodded, settling his arms around her shoulders and rested his chin on the top of her head, closing his eyes for a moment. “Thanks, Soph. This is a really big deal to me, that you’ll go. I know it’s not your scene.”

“Love you.” She murmured. “You’d better buy me a pretty dress.”

He laughed, leaning back just enough to tip up her chin with one finger and kiss her. “You’ll be the best looking one there. I swear.”

“Oh, I already knew that.”

“Okay, okay, big head -”

She swatted his arm, laughing as she ducked out from under him. “Watch it, or I won’t go -”

“I was kidding!” He exclaimed, wrestling with her for a moment before grabbing both her hands and pinning them above her head.

Sophie sucked in a breath, caught off guard. “We are going to be late.”

“We’re already late.” He pointed out, taking a moment to realize the lack of innocence in the position, then slowly smirked. “We could be later. They’re not gonna miss us.”

“Rafe.”

“Sophie.”

“No.”

“You’re positive?”

She just gave him a look, staring him dead in the eyes and willing herself not to react when he leaned down with a grin and kissed the bridge of her nose.

“Please?”

“Fine. The ball or sex right now. You choose.” She raised her eyebrows, arching her back a little on purpose, pressing her hips up against his.

“That’s not fair.” He frowned, immediately shifting his hips away and moving so both his knees were on either side of her instead. “This is blackmail.”

“Your choice.” She reminded him, biting her lip for good measure.

He faltered, sitting back on her thighs and letting go of her wrists. “Soph, it’s - it’s for my mom. I swear. Not for my dad, Rose, anyone else.”

Sophie dropped the teasing act right away, propping herself up on her elbows. “Right, right, sorry. I won’t push it.”

“It’s alright.” He climbed off her, standing, and offered his hands. “Five bucks James makes some joke about us being late because we were having sex.”

“I’m not taking you up on that.” She rolled her eyes, accepting his hand and pulled him into a hug. “Love you long time, Cameron.”

He smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Love you too, favorite girl.”

“What do the dresses look like?”

“Uh...white?” Rafe shrugged, tugging on her hand to get her to follow him downstairs. “I dunno. When we go home for Thanksgiving I’ll book you an appointment to get fitted, I think it’s at some bridal shop on the mainland.”

“Sounds expensive.” She muttered, shaking her head.

“It’s…yeah. It’s not cheap.” He admitted, then shrugged as she followed him out the door, starting their walk toward the bars. “I’ll take care of it though. All of it. By the way, have you booked your flight home for Thanksgiving yet?”

“Um...no. I was going to look this week, it’s probably too late now though.”

“Hm.”

“Hm? Why, are you going home?”

Rafe nodded, not looking her in the eye. “Taking the plane.”

“Oh. Of course.”

“The plane...that no one else will be on...and it’s kinda ridiculous for you to waste money and carbon emissions on a separate flight…” He tried convincing her, a small smile playing on his lips as she rolled her eyes.

“You need to learn how carbon emissions work if you’re going to use that as an argument with me.”

“So that’s a no to sex on the plane?”

Sophie stopped in her tracks, confused. “That wasn’t - Rafe, what?”

“You, me, alone on the plane. Sorry, was I not clear enough?”

“I didn’t even say yes -”

“Oh, so you’re going to leave me all by myself on our one-year anniversary -”

She raised her eyebrows, challenging him. “When’s our anniversary, Rafe?”

He raised his back, stopping on the sidewalk to face her. “On my terms or yours? Because if we’re going with mine, it’s Halloween -”

“No, I had to ask you to be my boyfriend, it’s November 18th -”

“That is such an arbitrary thing, Sophie -”

“Hey! Stop stealing my vocabulary.” She interjected, pushing at his chest. “It’s the 18th, because I had to ask you out.”

“Okay. Whatever story makes you happy.” He shrugged, laughing when she shoved at him again. “Come on the plane with me.”

“...Fine. Only because I don’t want to miss our class reunion party on Wednesday night, I’m pretty sure some people still don’t believe we’re together.”

Rafe laughed loud at that, looping his arm around her shoulders and started walking again. “Pretty sure Topper still thinks it’s all an elaborate lie.”

“Does he know that we nearly hooked up in his room last winter break?”

“No.” He grinned. “Are you forgetting that you had to sprint into his bathroom right when I was about to kiss you because of some tequila thing you had?”

She tilted her head slightly. “You’re remembering wrong. That was sophomore year, before we were dating, I barely drank last year...you almost kissed me?”

“What? No, I think...remember, we were arguing over something, then you whispered in my ear to go up to his room and left. I went up a couple minutes later.” He shook his head. “I wasn’t going to make a move, Brooklyn and I were together then.”

Sophie scowled at the mention of Brooklyn. “I must have been hammered, I don’t remember any of this.”

“You wanted me.” He smirked, trailing his fingers along her collarbone. “One might say desperate.”

“No, no. All I remember is waking up in Topper’s bed feeling like shit, I had some crewneck on from your academy.” She ignored the blush creeping up her neck.

“How do you think you got there and got the sweatshirt?” He frowned. “I took care of you, Sophie. You really don’t remember?”

“I think I blacked out.” She confessed, shaking her head. “You took care of me?”

“Of course I did. Plus, I thought I was about to get some, I would have done anything for you.” He grinned, laughing when she shoved his shoulder. “Really thought that was the night I’d finally win you over.”

“Yeah, well, you can blame Sarah for her heavy pour that night.” She shook her head, smiling fondly. “I really wish I remembered that.”

“I wish you remembered too. Maybe you would have given me a chance before then instead of setting me up with Julia.”

“I - no! She asked to be set up with you, no, I did not instigate that at all.” She defended herself straightaway, cheeks flushing pink. “She said if I wasn’t going to make a move, then she was going to.”

“Sure. Whatever you believe.” He teased, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as they arrived at the bar. “Hey, Soph.”

She rolled her eyes, going to get in the winding line outside until he tugged her wrist back, pulling her to his chest. “What?”

“Thank you. I mean it.”

Sophie softened, smiling as she rose up on her toes to kiss him. “Of course, baby. I’ve got your back.”

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falcor-thee-luck-dragon · 4 years

Text

Klaus x Powered Reader

Summary: Reader is part of the umbrella academy but came when they were 12 due to parents needing help for them, ya know controlling powers and whatnot. They can shapeshift into any animal and their senses are heightened n such.

Warnings: bloody, fighting bad guys, bit of Klaus fluff

You know that moment in a movie where they freeze frame and then the character says something like “you’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.”

Yeah with Klaus you have those moments more times then you could count. In fact, if you had a dollar for every time Klaus has gotten you into a freeze frame moment. (And you’ve thought about this often.)

You could probably afford a real nice apartment with actual food in its fridge. Instead of living at the Academy with some apples and Klaus’ latest alcoholic beverage.

But alas, here you are in a back alley as Klaus’ bodyguard waiting for some Italian mafia members to come get their money that he owes them. Well that’s what you’re assuming but Klaus insists they’re just some moody tough guys. Okay sure.

You watch Klaus as he paces back and forth in front of you counting his cash for about the 50th time in the past 10 minutes.

Klaus stops abruptly and turns to you with a smile, “You know what I love about you, Y/N, every time I think things could get worse I look at your pretty face and I know you got me.”

Sighing in knowing annoyance you look up at him, “Are you short.”

Klaus snorts, “No actually I’m pretty long.” He says with wink.

You look up to the sky trying not to crack, you couldn’t give him the satisfaction even if it was funny, not the time or place. Especially considering his dumbass is short some cash he definitely owes very soon.

You look over to Klaus again and raise an eyebrow.

“Alright how much?”

He twiddles is fingers while avoiding your curious gaze. “Oh you know...a couple hundred or so.”

“So that’s why I’m here, emotional support my ass”, You say rolling your eyes a bit amused nonetheless.

Klaus may be an idiot but he’s funny and kind and you love him. Also you do enjoy beating up gangsters or whoever these thugs of the hour are.

Folding your arms while giving Klaus a smirk you tell him, “Well your friends better get their asses here cause when they do. I’m gonna knock their teeth in for making us wait in this shit ally. I’ve been suppressing the urge to vomit for 10 minutes.”

He nods in agreement, glad you’re not about to rip him a new one for his latest antics.

“Wait, does it really smell that bad, I mean the dumpster is at the other end of the ally.” He says in confusion.

You put your hands on your hips glancing at the dumpster and then focusing on Klaus.

“I’ve got the whole animal kingdom inside me Klaus, I know you can kinda smell that dumpster from here, but listen. For me it’s 1000x worse and let me tell you it doesn’t smell like a bath and body works around here.”

Klaus laughs scratching the back of his head, “Right, right, sorry.”

Suddenly a sketchy looking black car rolls into the ally, coming to a halt as three angry looking men walk out. Clearly hiding something within their coats, the “leader” it seems steps up and speaks.

“You betta have that 1,000 you owe us right fucking now you little theif, I don’t appreciate you takin’ my mother’s gold necklace, rest her soul.” He growls.

Klaus raises his hands up, “Listen buddy, you stole that from your own mother at her funeral...and let me tell you she’s not to happy about it.” He says looking to his left where you assume this guys dead mother is standing.

The bald guy behind him shakes his head and says, “So fuckin what? We needed that shit for other important purposes raccoon eyes.”

Klaus now lost as to where this situation is about to turn looks over at you clearly needing assistance. While mouthing “help me”.

Walking past him you hold your hands up showing you have nothing to hide, “Now that’s not very nice, a real shit personality, your mother would be very disappointed in how you’ve turned out. Cause let’s be honest it’s not like your looks are doing anything for you either.” You say snickering trying to see how they’ll react.

The first guy smirks reaching into his coat to pull out a nasty looking knife. “See this right here, I’m a good old fashioned man, I don’t believe in guns.”

You raise your eyebrows at him, “Oh well in that case we should all be quite relieved then.”

Looking behind him you notice as his two friends pull their own weapons out, which consists of a hammer and some type of meat hook.

“Klaus couldn’t have picked an easier bunch of idiots to fuck up then these psychos.” You thought.

The bald one begins to move brushing past the first guy looking like he’s seeing red.

“Jesus, man I didn’t mean to offend, I’m just making friendly conversation.” You muse.

Baldy begins to charge holding up his hammer ready to strike. “Come here you bitch, that’s my husband you’re talking to.”

He swings as you side step him, tripping him as he falls directly onto the concrete. Conveniently dropping the hammer in the process. Klaus being the ever troublesomely fantastic sidekick, picks up the hammer and throws it at you.

Gripping the hammer tightly, baldy rises from the ground faster then you’d expected mouth bloody and boiling with rage.

But in a hot second his bearded buddy in crime sprints towards you with his meat hook seemingly out of nowhere.

Klaus yells for you to watch out but you didn’t even need to look, this guys heart beat is louder then a firework and you’re faster then a viper, your senses on overload. As you turn around in record time to grab the guys right arm with the meat hook.

With your left hand tight around this guys beefy one you hold on and push his assault giving him more power. Effectively fulfilling your plan and leading the hook right into baldys chest. Who was fortunately running towards you.

A split second later with the hammer in your right hand you swing it forcefully into the guys shins. Hearing a sweet sickly crunch sound and the wild howls protruding from your assailants throat.

“Sorry I didn’t know you were married.”

“Fuck you!” He screams.

You look up hearing the sting of metal being swung in the wind, to see a knife heading straight for your throat.

With lighting reflexes you grab his wrist, the knife inches from your vulnerable skin.

Klaus gasps in the background terrified and relieved at not getting your throat slit.

You turn your fingernails to sharp cat-like claws that dig dangerously into his flesh, causing hot blood to drip out. The man drops the knife and grimaces in pain.

“I don’t know about you but I don’t think my boyfriend owes you three motherfuckers shit.” You growl, eyes beginning to glow an electric blue while the whites of your eyes shift to black, something that happens when you start to use your power.

“Fuck you, and fuck that thieving piece of junky shit crying in the corner.”

Your mood darkens, “Wrong answer.”

Letting go of his bloody wrist you grip his throat with your left hand lifting him off the ground. He begins to choke and struggles against your tight grasp.

“I know you’ve heard of me from other friends of yours, so listen very closely. If you touch Klaus again or anyone else around here who’s just trying to survive in this city. I won’t be so generous next time. Or maybe I should rip your fucking face off right now.” You squeeze tighter drawing blood.

“Y/N.” Klaus says softly.

“Let’s go home.” He asks with pleading eyes and you snap back to reality smelling the iron scent of blood on your hands.

Sometimes you can get carried away feeling the rush of the hunt, a taxing side affect of your power, one you’ve always struggled to control.

Letting the man go he slumps to the ground coughing and sucking in straggled breaths.

“ Alright, me..me and the boys...won’t do nothing....you have my...my word....no bullshit nothing....I swear.”

“Good cause your friends are gonna need more then some stitches.”

You quickly leave the ally and start walking down the street towards the Academy.

Breathing heavily, you look up at Klaus who’s at your side as you start to feel a bit embarrassed that he saw you lose it a little.

He holds onto your arms stopping you, “Don’t worry, we’ll have a bath and watch some movies...hey you like that Museum one?”

“The Night at the Museum.” You say smiling still feeling off.

Klaus’ face lights up, “Yeah that one, with the big T-Rex skeleton and President Roosevelt on a horse.”

He links your arms together and you both begin walking again.

“Y/N, I’m not afraid of you, you know. I never have been, I actually find it pretty sexy of you to beat up bad guys for me and keep the neighborhood safe-er. Ben thinks so too, minus the sexy part of course. Only I get to enjoy that.”

You relax more into his side and once again start to feel a bit more at ease with yourself.

“Oh wait a second, here put these sunglasses on, your eyes are still playing mood rings with us. Don’t wanna freak out the civilians” He laughs.

“Thanks, I did wonder why that kid back there looked like he just saw a ghost.”

Klaus winks, “Maybe he did, cough cough..Ben...cough cough.”

“You’re an ass.” You say while rolling your eyes

“Yes indeed my love but remember I deal with the supernatural of all sorts, from ghosts to monsters, nothing phases me.” Klaus states proudly.

You laugh, “ Okay Van Helsing, this monster wants a bath with her hunter then.”

Klaus kisses your cheek, “That can be arranged my dear.”

Smiling up at him you hold him tighter and think to yourself how weird your life is, but you wouldn’t change it for anything.

- okay wow alright, first story ever I hope it’s good or at least some people like it. It was honestly fun to write ngl.

#the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy x you #the umbrella academy imagine #the umbrella academy x reader #klaus hargreeves imagine #klaus hargreeves x you #klaus hargreeves x reader #klaus hargreeves #number 4 #the seance #ben hargreeves #falcor the luck dragon stories #good enough hashtag to find my stories to right

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moeyy-writes · 3 years

Text

Here and Now - Part 6

Zak Bagans x Reader

Warnings: Playful teasing/pranking, fluff, brief hint at sexual acts (if you squint).

Word Count: 1,897

Series Master List || My Full Master List

Rage boiled through your veins as your stared at the flashy pink glitter on the floor. Your eyes moved along the shiny nuisance, following it to the river of red and pink heart-shaped confetti that led into the rest of your home. More hearts littered the walls, poorly-cut pieces of paper with love quotes, and red and pink streamers criss-crossed overhead. As you took a step in, you heard music playing from a back room, most likely from your television.

“It’s like… Valentine’s Day threw up in here,” you mumbled as you slowly stepped towards the living room. The confetti faded into another substance, deeper red. “Rose petals? Really Goodwin?”

You phone buzzed in your pocket, jolting you from your rage-filled cloud. It was Jay.

(9:45pm) Jay: I’m just glad you had fun.

You stared down at the text. There was no doubt this was Aaron’s work, no one else would go this far out. But, how did he get in? The only person other than you who had a key to your place was…

Jay.

You closed your eyes and let out a long sigh. Sure, betrayal stung, but karma was a bitch.

(9:47pm) Y/N: I want my key back, and I hate you.

(9:48pm) Jay: ????

(9:48pm) Y/N: You know.

You snapped a picture of the carnage and sent it to Jay with several angry face emojis. For several minutes, he didn’t answer. Figures. He knew what he did, or at least what he allowed to happen.

You let out another long sigh. This was going to be a bitch to clean up. But, you thought Zak might get a kick out of it. So, you sent him several photos, hoping to at least get a laugh out of this catastrophe.

“Hey, I can’t lie, he did go all out,” Zak admitted as he laughed. You stood your tablet up in front you as you munched on your breakfast. You were happy to have a surprise breakfast with Zak, even if it was virtually. He was gradually getting ready to spend his day with his mom, which made you smile inside.

“Yeah, he did, but now I have to buy a new vacuum. That glitter ruined my brand new one! One hundred dollars down the freaking drain,” you whined. You took a bite of your oatmeal, then leaned back in your chair. “And I don’t know how that asshole passed kindergarten. I’ve never seen more lop-sided hearts in my life!”

Zak’s nose scrunched as he laughed. “Yeah, paper art isn’t exactly his thing. Or, he did it on purpose knowing you would notice and it would piss you off that much more.” You rolled your eyes. Knowing Aaron’s actual incredible artistic talent, Zak was probably right.

“Well, I’m out a vacuum. And, I’ll probably have to disclose that there is a never-ending glitter infestation when I sell this place.” Zak’s face froze at your words.

“Wait, you’re selling the place?” You cocked an eyebrow.

“Uh, not right now, but I’m sure I won’t live here forever. Or, maybe I will. I don’t know.” The air around you felt heavy for a moment, but Zak’s laughter broke the silence.

“I still can’t believe Aaron trashed your place like that. I mean, I have to give it to him, it’s pretty well done. Although, the glitter is pretty fucking cruel.” Zak grinned, making your heart skip. God, he was handsome, and funny, and just, well, everything you were looking for.

And, now, everything was really sinking in. The man on the screen was the man you were dating, Zak Bagans, the man you never thought you’d have a chance with until a few days ago. You were still pinching yourself.

“Yeah, glitter is the bane of me existence—” your phone buzzed beside you, cutting you off. You rolled your eyes at the name on the screen. “Speak of the devil. I never texted him last night, so he’s probably wondering if his ‘brilliant’ plan worked.”

Zak chuckled again, slipping his glasses on. “Well, I’ll leave it to you to rip him a new one. I’ve got to get over to my mom’s pretty soon.” You nodded and shook your phone.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m already planning my payback.”

Zak leaned his head back as he cackled. “Well, if you need an accomplice, let me know.” You raised your brow. “It would only be fair. You know, since Jay was obviously in on it.”

“Oh? Have you chosen a side?” You giggled, taking a sip of coffee.

“I may have picked a side. Or, maybe I’m a double agent.” He winked, but you just narrowed your gaze.

“Traitor.” You laughed with Zak, admiring his gravelly laugh.

“Alright, well, I’ll text you later, okay? Have a great day, beautiful.” Your heart nearly burst out of your chest. But, you held it together with a smile, and nodded.

“Have fun, handsome. Say ‘hi’ to you mom for me.” Zak nodded, then blew you a kiss before signing off.

You sat in your chair for a second, allowing your mind to settle. Then, you picked up for phone, ready to rip Aaron a new asshole.

You glanced down at your phone. 1 New Text Message: Aar Bear

(10:03am) Aaron: How was your date, Lovebird? Did you make it home? ;)

(10:08am) Y/N: Oh, yeah. I made it home just fine. I had a blast yesterday. :) Oh, by the way, I fucking hate you.

(10:10am) Aaron: What? Why would you say something like that? I’m one of your best friends!

(10:11am) Y/N: Well, first of all, you owe me a new vacuum. That glitter completely fucking ruined it. Oh, and you aren’t allowed at my place ever again. Oh, and I know you had help. All threats will be neutralized.

(10:13am) Aaron: Uh, oh. We’ve been had. xD

(10:14am) Y/N: Karma’s a bitch, Goodwin. Watch your back.

*Two days later*

Packing for an investigation was something that took you days to finish. Sure, it was only three or four nights from home, but it wasn’t anything like packing for a vacation. You obviously needed clothes and toiletries. But, you also needed your gear.

You slipped your laptop into its case and stood it next to your open suitcase. Then, you grabbed your still camera, an extra memory card, several rechargeable batteries, and your share of video cameras. The fact that your equipment suitcase was twice as big as your clothing suitcase never failed to make you laugh.

It was important to make sure every piece was properly charged and working properly. So, you followed the routine that Jay had taught you when you first started. You took a couple of shots with your still camera, which worked perfectly, then placed it into the protective pouch in your suitcase. Next, you tried out your video camera, testing a good minute of video, then placing it in its spot.

A knock at the door spooked you, nearly making you drop one of you night-vision cameras. Ah, they were early. You launched from the floor and shuffled over to the front door.

The crew all decided that it would be a good idea to meet the day before you left, as usual, to make sure there was a game plan for departure and for the first day of the investigation. So, Billy, Aaron, Jay, and Zak were all going to meet at your place to go over what needed to happen. Of course, that meant actually letting Aaron and Jay back into your home, which you promised you wouldn’t do until you got then back for their stunt. But, if you played it cool, you could get them back when they least expected it.

However, the timing worked perfectly, because your date with Zak would start after everyone left.

You opened the door, where you greeted Zak. He lived the closest to you, so you weren’t surprised he got there first, and twenty minutes early.

“Hey, you,” you greeted with a smile. Zak stepped inside, lugging two small suitcases of equipment. They obviously weren’t his clothing suitcases, yes plural. He had two, and each were twice the size of yours.

“Good morning, or I guess afternoon—” He stared down at his fancy watch. It was ten minutes passed noon, and your stomach was telling you it was almost lunch time.

“Just chuck those into my office. That’s where the rest of my equipment is right now. Do you want anything to drink? I was thinking about ordering lunch for everyone in a few minutes. I don’t have a lot of food around since we’re leaving tomorrow.” Something about having Zak in your home felt so natural. Sure, the guys liked to meet at your place and drop off the equipment with you the day before leaving. You were, after all, they main AV tech now, and all of the equipment should be in one spot where you can triple check it all before you left.

“Nah, I’m good gorgeous. When are the guys gonna be here?” Zak asked. You tilted your head.

“I told everyone, including you, to be here at twelve thirty, but I’m sure Aaron will be here closer to one. You know him.” You rolled your eyes and laughed.

“Well, my mom always taught me to be early,” he teased, shooting you a wink. “So, what’s the plan for tomorrow?”

You shrugged, leading Zak to your office. “I don’t know yet. Billy is going to tell us when he gets here. He always has the master plan.” Zak nodded, approaching you.

Zak placed his stuff beside your equipment bags, then turned to you. He reached out, curling your hair behind your ear, before allowing his hand to rest on your face. His thumb gently stroked your cheekbone.

“You excited for tonight? It’s not going to be as thrilling as our first date, but it will be fun.” You nodded, offering a blushing smile. “Good, me too.”

Zak leaned in and brushed his nose against yours. It was you who closed the distance, gently planting your lips on his. The moment you made contact, Zak hummed and smiled against you. His other arm slipped around your waist, pulling you closer against him. Your hands smoothed up his shoulders, then your arms found their place hooked around his neck.

His lips danced with yours, slow and soft. His hot breath tickled your cheeks as he pushed you backwards, stopping when your ass gently met with the edge of your desk. He wasn’t forceful or aggressive, but firm as his fingers curled around the fabric along your back.

“Ah-hem,” you heard a higher pitched voice clear their throat. You and Zak launched from each other and turned toward your office door, where you met the gaze of Billy and Jay. You really needed to get your key back from Jay.

“Uh, hey guys, you’re early.” Zak stared down at his watch again.

“Yeah, sorry if we’re interrupting anything,” Billy teased.

“Good thing we got here before they got too far,” Jay poked. You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. You caught Zak and me making out. Good for you. Can we just get started please?” You snapped playfully. The guys laughed, including Zak. Then, Billy and Jay tossed their gear onto the floor and plopped down on the floor beside it.

Thanks for reading. Feedback is appreciated! <3

#zak bagans #zak bagans x reader #zak x reader #zak bagans x reader series #zak bagans x y/n #zak bagans and reader #zak bagans reader insert #aaron goodwin #jay wasley #billy tolley #ghost adventures

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eclectic-earth · 4 years

Text

I went to Michaels & Dollar Tree today! I came out with some craft stuff, both art craft and witchcraft, as well as room decor!

Haul post coming later / tomorrow!🌾🌿✨🌻🐺🗝🧝🏼‍♀️🥀

I don’t want anyone to think this is intended to brag. I have seen some other “witchy haul” posts get negative comments, claiming it’s a “brag”... I want to do a haul post so YOU, yes, you my awesome follower, can know where you can find ~supplies~ without breaking the bank!

The last thing I want is for any baby witches, beginners, or “witchcraft curious” people here to be deceived by the pressing “necessities” of a very expensive “witch aesthetic” altar/life.

*For closeted witches- I feel like these “haul” posts could be very beneficial. If you had to drive 30 minutes away, to a place you’ve bever been, just to look around an “occult shop”, chances are your parents could get skeptical... (at least mine probably would have been)! You can go to a LOCAL CHAIN STORE, that will not be a suspicious charge (on anyone’s banking statements, if parents see)... You could have bought just about “anything” there. It’s a safer bet than ordering something online if your bank account is supervised

*$10 (and a handful of change for taxes) at the Dollar Tree can get you: 2 packs of candles (2-4 candles each) 2 candle holders (always new varieties available), a book of shadows (office supplies) a pack of miniature jars (craft isle), a mason jar for a spell, and an offering plate... Those are just TEN ITEMS FOR A DOLLAR that I could ramble off the top of my noggin! ~they also have an entire herb isle~

*Meanwhile, occult shops sell ~leather bound book of shadows with the Triple Goddess symbol~ (that are always idolized by online witch communities for their aesthetic), for upwards of $30-70? Or you could get a notebook for a dollar, some stickers, marker, and some embellishments... (a dollar each)... decorate the pages/cover, and BOOM, you have a beautiful, home made, book of shadows! For only a few dollars!

There is no shame in indulging in some BEAUTIFUL, timeless pieces for your altar! But this is directed towards beginners who are just finding their witchy feet! You do not need 30 crystals, an entire completed altar, a fancy Book of Shadows or 9 published witchcraft books to practice. You do need personal power, a little time, probably a pen & paper, and your will power. Some salt wouldn’t hurt either. I too once thought I needed a fancy cauldron, occult shop athame, embroidered altar cloth with a symbol, spell candles FROM a witch shop... But the truth is, your magic comes from WITHIN. However you decide to practice it is your own beautiful path. I just know sometimes baby witches can feel that in order to walk this beautiful path, they need to spend hundreds of dollars on books & supplies.

*There is NOTHING WRONG OR LESS POWERFUL ABOUT CHEAPER PRICED/THRIFTED/HOMEMADE WITCHCRAFT SUPPLIES! The price tag or “aesthetic” does NOT determine the power of your magic.

all magic is valid!

#green witch #wiccablr #witch community #beginner witch #baby witch #eclectic witch #cottage witch #eclectic wicca #green wicca #wiccamagic #witch altar #witchcraft #witches #book of shadows #book of spells #simple spells #candle spells

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gumnut-logic · 4 years

Text

The Fight (Bit 18b + Epilogue)

Bit 1 | Bit 2 | Bit 3 | Bit 4 | Bit 5 | Bit 6 | Bit 7 | Bit 8 | Bit 9 | Bit 10 | Bit 11a | Bit 11b | Bit 12 | Bit 13 | Bit 14 | Bit 15 | Bit 16 | Bit 17a | Bit 17b | Bit 18a | 18b + Epilogue

It’s finished! All 18,380 words of it :D Writing every day before work and at lunch seems to work well :D Though I usually need a weekend to wind up the ending - needs more concentration :D

So many thanks to the wonderful @onereyofstarlight for all her help throughout this fic and for a final read through of this bit :D You is amazing and wonderful.

Also, so many thanks to everyone who has commented and liked and cheered me on. You guys keep me writing these crazy things. ::hugs you all so much::

From here, it is onto the Kermadec fic ahead of Fandomversary ::eyes the date:: Oh dear, I better write fast. It will be a miracle if I finish it before 17 July.

As for Anna....I don’t think this is the last we will see of her :D This is the second story in a new series, apparently. :D

-o-o-o-

“There were some concerns regarding the MacIntyres and their connections to organised crime.” Jack’s voice was matter of fact. “You are a witness and/or a victim of both incidents. The Tracys were concerned for your safety.”

She hadn’t noticed anybody following her. Of course, she had considered the possibilities. Thoughts like that had kept her awake at night. But her conversations with the police had been reassuring.

“The police said there wasn’t anything to worry about. That the MacIntyres were in custody.”

Scott’s voice was quiet. “We have traced a connection to a worldwide crime ring. John, in particular, is concerned.” He held out a mobile phone. “We would like you to have this.”

She reached out and took it from him. Latest Tracy phone, worth a couple of thousand dollars. Completely outside her price range.

She looked up. “Why?”

“It has a direct connection to Thunderbird Five and we will be able to track you.”

“You could follow me?”

Scott’s voice was quiet. “Yes.”

He left it as a simple fact.

“Why?”

“For your safety.”

“What could you do from space?”

“We have security in the vicinity and can respond immediately.”

“So, you are following me anyway.”

“Yes.”

She held his gaze.

“We protect those we care about and Alan cares about you. Virgil, in fact, threw a fit after you left the hospital. He demanded we provide security.” A snort. “If he had given me a chance to answer, I could have told him that I had already spoken to Kyrano.” He didn’t look away, his eyes as challenging as hers. “The threat is there. We want to negate it.”

She hadn’t seen any security following her. She hadn’t seen Kyrano since the incident. Not that she had been looking. The thought that there were people watching her, hiding behind buildings...

“You should have told me.” An indrawn breath. “I work in a school surrounded by children. If I am a danger to the kids...”

“You’re not.”

“How do you know that?”

“We’re monitoring the situation-“

She shot to her feet. “How can you possibly guarantee that nothing will happen?!” The thought of a MacIntyre with a gun in her classroom was absolutely terrifying. “I have a responsibility to my students. How could you let me return to work when you knew that was a possibility?”

Scott stood up, his hands out obviously in an attempt to placate her. “Anna, you are not a danger to your students. Kyrano has you under surveillance, you’re safe.”

“I’m safe? Like Alan was?” The words were out of her mouth before she could think and she regretted them immediately as the man in front of her paled.

“That hole in our security has been plugged. I’m sorry we were unable to prevent that incident.” His voice was still strong and determined, but there was an uncertainty, a guilt in his undertones. This was a man trying to do the right thing.

“An apology is not necessary. That was not your fault. The point I am trying to make is that International Rescue is not omniscient. If there is a threat, I should not be in this school. How could I face the parents of my students should something happen? How could you?”

She grabbed the paperwork on her desk and shuffled it into a pile, her mind going through all the things she would need to do to resign from her position. But then, where would she go? Where would she be safe? She found her handbag in her hands and stared at it a moment. Looking up, she found both men calmly staring at her.

“Anna, I’m sorry.” And there was the young man who had lost his father only a matter of months ago. The suit suddenly seemed too big for him, the blue in his eyes just that touch unsure.

The door to the classroom was pushed open, no knock, no hesitancy. Kyrano strode in as if on cue. Dressed in loose black pants, a grey polo shirt and runners, his hair tied back at the nape of his neck, he appeared insignificant, a dad at the school to pick up his kids.

Only the sharp green of his eyes betrayed that he was anything but.

“Ms Kent, you and your students are safe. You have my word.”

He spoke as if his word was a certainty.

Anna sat down, thoughts swirling around her head, her whole body wilting. “How can I risk it? With so much at stake?” Her career, her life, was not worth those that filled this room, this building, on a daily basis.

And her family...De, her partner, hell, even the dogs. Her flatmate...

Her elbows hit the desk and her head fell into her hands.

The scuffle of footsteps. A tentative touch on her shoulder. She looked up to find Scott crouched down beside her, blue eyes intense. No longer towering above her, now looking up at her. “You are safe, Anna. I promise.”

He held her gaze. He was the commander of International Rescue. He was asking her to trust him.

Trust him.

“You. Are. Safe.”

So many questions. How could they monitor her at all times? Her family? Her friends? Her students? It wasn’t humanly possible.

But this was International Rescue, they dealt in miracles, they made things happen.

A lump caught in her throat.

Voice small. “Okay.”

Those eyes softened just a little and his hand squeezed her shoulder.

His voice was gentle, no doubt the same voice he used on frightened people he was rescuing.

She was frightened people.

Could she be rescued?

A flicker of steel in those eyes answered that question.

“Kyrano is in charge of your security, John is monitoring from orbit and Jack is tackling the legalities. We will find those responsible and remove the threat. International Rescue has resources across the globe and we are mobilising. You need us, that phone will have a Thunderbird on your doorstep in minutes.”

She stared at him. “All for one small town school teacher.”

He unfolded and straightened up to his full height, looking down at her. The confident and certain young man returned and steeled his stance. “It is what we do.”

A blink and she found herself believing him. It was little more than faith. Hope.

“Okay.” This time her voice was stronger. “Tell me what I need to do.”

That suave smile curved his lips again.

-o-o-o-

Epilogue

“Okay, class, pull up page 58 in your grammar text and read the first two paragraphs. I want you to write an expressive piece using first person and present tense. One hundred words minimum.”

She didn’t miss the twin groans from the holoprojector on her desk. She had to smile, they often forgot they were in a class of twenty-odd students and their reactions were obvious. “Alan and Rory, I heard that.”

“Sorry, Ms Kent.” Alan had his head in one hand and appeared thoroughly bored. Rory didn’t even bother to answer. He was doodling on his tablet.

An arched eyebrow. “Alan, I didn’t say what the topic had to be. Perhaps you could write about flying a rocket into space?”

That caught his attention. “I could?”

“You could. And if you finish quickly enough, you could illustrate it.”

Gemma was bouncing in her seat, her hand in the air. “Ms Kent, can I write about a rocket, too?”

Anna smiled. “Of course, you are all welcome to write about subjects that interest you. You have the next forty-five minutes to complete the exercise. Make it yours, make it into whatever you want.”

She didn’t miss the grumble from Jonathon about making it into a way to get out of here. He was overdue some special attention. She wrote a note on her tablet.

All the heads in the room bent down to read.

All except Rory.

She eyed her dejected student who was still doodling. A touch at her own screen and she pulled up what the boy was drawing.

A number of words scattered over his screen, all angry and understandable, interspersed with abstract figures and angry lines.

He was having one of those days.

A sigh and she touched her headset to confine his audio to her alone. His holofigure was removed from the classroom and confined to her screen.

She didn’t miss Alan’s sudden raised eyebrow as he looked up from his work.

Rory received the notification that he was on privacy mode and looked up at her sullenly. “What have I done now?”

She suppressed another sigh. Voice quiet so the class couldn’t hear. “Nothing, Rory. I was just going to suggest that you could write this piece of text using whatever is on your mind today. You don’t have to present it to the class, it can be a private piece.”

“Don’t wanna.”

Her lips thinned. Definitely one of those days. “Do you need a break? Should I speak to your mother?”

“No!” His eyes were alarmed. “Leave Mom outta this.”

Her heart lurched. There was only so much she was capable of doing to help Rory. But she would use what little reach she had to do the best she could. “Want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

Still doodling. Apparently, he had forgotten she could see what he wrote on his tablet. Bloody leave me alone was certainly clear enough.

“Okay, Rory, try to write something. It might help.” So much anger. Understandable, but it needed to be managed. She would speak to Rory’s counsellor later today and see if there was another strategy that could help. Rory was slowly working through it all, he just needed a little help.

As for her other long distance student...

“Gordon, getoff!”

The class burst into laughter as Gordon Tracy suddenly appeared in Alan’s stream and gave the younger boy a thorough noogie.

It didn’t last long, as a red flannelled arm reached into the feed and yanked the fish out of receiver range.

Alan, hair now sticking up at all angles, glared at something the rest of the class couldn’t see. “Serves you right, fishboy!”

Blue eyes widened as Alan reacted to something Anna couldn’t hear, but its contents were obvious as the eleven-year-old snapped back to attention, guilt under her gaze. He hurriedly returned to reading his tablet.

Someone in the class snickered.

Anna raised an eyebrow at the room and all heads ducked back to work.

Rory started writing a story about a boy who was scared.

Alan was describing Thunderbird Three...another paper she would have to save to the locked server John had provided for all such possible technology breaches.

The wind rustled through the rosemary bush outside the schoolroom window.

Her phone flashed up with an apology from Virgil regarding Gordon. Apparently, he was sentenced to cleaning the bilge pumps of the family boat. An unusual punishment task, but then the Tracys were an unusual family.

A glance at the room’s security camera. It had become a nervous habit.

An internal sigh.

Unusual indeed.

-o-o-o-

FIN.

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds fanfiction #thunderbirds #Alan Tracy #Scott Tracy #Gordon Tracy #Anna Kent

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xtruss · 3 years

Text

The Forgotten Tale of the Confederate Spies Who Invaded Vermont

In 1864, Southern soldiers plotted to take tiny St. Albans, rob its banks, and change the course of the Civil War.

— By Michael Tougias | July 16, 2021 | Boston Globe Magazine

Captives, including students from St. Albans Academy, under guard by Confederate raiders. FROM THE VERMONT HISTORICAL SOCIETY

ON OCTOBER 10, 1864, Bennett Young stepped off the train from Canada, and into the train depot at St. Albans, Vermont, 15 miles south of the border. Young, a handsome, clean-shaven 21-year-old divinity student, took a room at the Tremont House on Main Street and spent the next few days familiarizing himself with the town. But Young was not what he seemed. He was a native of Kentucky, not Canada, and a Confederate officer recently escaped from a prisoner-of-war camp. He was here in this bustling railroad center of about 4,000 residents to change the course of the war.

It had been fewer than five days since Young received a message from C.C. Clay Jr., a former US senator from Alabama. Clay, sent to Canada in 1864 by Confederate President Jefferson Davis to build a network of secret agents, had written: “Your suggestion for a raid upon the most accessible towns in Vermont, commencing with St. Albans, is approved, and you are authorized and required to act in conformity with that suggestion.”

Davis himself had approved the bold series of raids. The South was clearly losing the Civil War. Atlanta had fallen to General William T. Sherman a month earlier. General Ulysses S. Grant’s forces were hounding Robert E. Lee’s Army of Virginia. The port of Mobile, Alabama, had been blockaded by Rear Admiral David Farragut. The hope was that several dramatic raids from Canada into the North would at the least force Union troops north to defend the border, easing pressure on Lee. If Union troops chased the raiders into Canada, it might help draw neutral Canada and Great Britain into the war on the side of the Confederates. And if things went really well, it might demoralize Northern voters so much that they would elect a Democrat as president instead of the Republican incumbent, Abraham Lincoln. Plus, the Confederacy needed cash.

Over the next nine days, some 20 more men from Canada arrived in groups of twos and threes. Like Young, they were also Confederate soldiers posing as Canadian civilians in St. Albans for business or relaxation. These men, only two of whom were older than 30, made polite inquiries about horses they could rent and guns they could borrow for a bit of hunting. Some took day trips to nearby towns, to play out the ruse and scout other targets to raid. Others wandered into the town’s banks, striking up conversations with the locals or inquiring about the price of gold. Their real interest was determining how many employees each bank had. Some occasionally met with Young clandestinely at his hotel, to share information and discuss the outlines of their mission.

Young, meanwhile, played his part with flair. He courted a woman staying at his hotel, impressed the villagers with his conspicuous Bible reading, and visited the home of the governor of Vermont, railroad magnate J. Gregory Smith. Smith was in Montpelier at the time, so his wife, Ann Eliza Smith, showed Young around the grounds. She thought Young “a nice mannered man,” not realizing he intended to burn the mansion down as retribution for the burning of Southern governors’ mansions.

Young had determined two potential escape routes for the bold plan, which would turn out to be the northernmost action of the Civil War. But he also saw a threat: Just a couple of blocks west of Main Street was a busy railway station and foundry, employing dozens of men who might leap into action. Still, he was confident — the raiders were going to need 30 minutes, at most, to rob several banks, torch the town with bottles of an incendiary liquid called Greek fire, and run. In the commotion, Young hoped to also set fire to the governor’s mansion, then raid Swanton, another town, on the way back to Canada.

He fixed Wednesday, October 19, as the day of the attack.

A Confederate raider shoots at E.J. Morrison outside Miss Beattie’s Millinery on Main Street in St. Albans.FROM THE VERMONT HISTORICAL SOCIETY

AT 3 P.M. ON THE 19th, St. Albans’ church bells rang to mark the hour. Under leaden skies that threatened rain, Young strolled down Main Street, then climbed a couple of steps onto a hotel porch. Reaching inside his coat, he pulled out his Navy Colt revolver and raised it over his head. “I’m an officer of the Confederate Service,” he shouted. “I am going to take this town and shoot the first person that resists!”

At first, St. Albans residents within earshot thought Young was joking. They stared at him until he pointed his gun at them and other raiders herded them onto the village green. Other Confederates went to get horses, and three groups of them headed to the town’s banks: Franklin County Bank on Main Street, St. Albans Bank at the corner of Main and Kingman, and the First National Bank on Fairfield. They were barely more than a block apart, all near the town common.

Young climbed on a horse and trotted up and down Main Street, overseeing the roundup of prisoners and monitoring his men’s assault on the banks. He knew his two revolvers had only six shots each, and would be difficult to reload while on horseback. So whenever he saw someone emerge from a building, he’d point his gun at them and tell them to get back inside, intimidating them before they made trouble.

Collins Huntington, though, on his way to pick up his children from school, ignored Young’s threats, thinking he was drunk. Young leveled his revolver and shot at him, inflicting a glancing wound along Huntington’s rib cage.

Inside the Franklin County Bank, a cashier saw a neatly dressed man named William Hutchinson approach the counter. Assuming Hutchinson was a customer, the cashier, Marcus Beardsley, asked how he could help. Hutchinson pulled a revolver from his coat. “We are Confederate soldiers,” he said. “We have come to rob your banks and burn your town. There are a hundred of us here. You must keep quiet and hand over all your money.”

A customer nearby made a run for the door but stopped when the raiders threatened to shoot. Two raiders pushed him into the vault, then began filling their haversacks with bills. Hutchinson, meanwhile, told Beardsley to give him the money from the counter, then locked Beardsley in the vault, too. The four raiders left the bank with approximately $70,000, the equivalent of about $1.2 million today.

Down the street in the St. Albans Bank, Cyrus Bishop stood, terrified, as raiders on either side of him pointed revolvers at his head. “If you make any resistance or give any further alarm, we’ll blow your brains out,” one told him. One of the raiders pointed his pistol at an assistant cashier and told him, “Not a word out of you. We are Confederate soldiers, we have come to take your town, we shall have your money.”

Then the raiders took the time to do something unexpected: They made Bishop and the assistant cashier swear allegiance to the Confederate States of America. While three more raiders entered the bank and stuffed as much money as they could fit in their pockets and satchels, one of the Confederates guarding the two bank employees lectured them on the destruction of the South by Generals Sheridan and Sherman.

The cashier was having none of it. He said if the robbery was an act of war, he should be allowed to take an inventory so that the bank could be reimbursed by the federal government. “Damn your government, hold up your hands,” hissed the raider.

At that point, someone knocked on the bank’s front door, which the rebels had locked behind them. One of the raiders opened it. In walked Samuel Breck, a merchant looking to make a deposit. A rebel grabbed him by the collar with one hand, pressed a revolver to his head with the other, and said, “I take deposits.” He took $393 from Breck and shoved him in the room with the two bank employees.

Suddenly, the sounds of gunfire erupted outside the bank, and three of the raiders ran out. The last two raiders left the bank more slowly, walking backward with their guns raised. They had been in St. Albans Bank for 12 minutes.

Inside the St. Albans Bank, a clerk is threatened at gunpoint by a group of Confederate raiders. FROM THE VERMONT HISTORICAL SOCIETY

YOUNG DIDN’T KNOW where the shots were coming from. There was at least one St. Albans local, possibly more, firing at his raiders from buildings on Main Street. No one had been hit, but Young hadn’t planned for armed resistance.

He had already fired his revolvers three times — at Collins Huntington; at stable owner Sylvester Field, who’d objected to the theft of his horses (the ball passed through Field’s hat); and at Leonard Bingham, a local who had tried to charge him when Young was climbing onto a horse. Young had hit Bingham, but the ball had been stopped by Bingham’s heavy silver watch, and Bingham had escaped. Young had only nine bullets left, but he was going to have to do something to regain control of a situation that was spiraling out of control.

Leonard Cross heard the commotion and stepped out of his photography studio. “What are you trying to celebrate here?” he asked Young.

“I’ll let you know,” Young said, and shot at Cross, barely missing his head. Eight bullets left.

It was time, he thought, to start setting the town on fire. His raiders began throwing their bottles of Greek fire at buildings.

An old editorial illustration depicts William H. Blaisdell of St. Albans accost a raider outside of the First National Bank as another Confederate raced toward them. Blaisdell, like others that day, was taken at gunpoint into what today is Taylor Park. The First National sat at the southeast corner of Main and Fairfield streets, across the street from what is now Taylor Park. CREDIT: VERMONT HISTORICAL SOCIETY (these images originally appeared in Frank Leslie's magazine)

Over at the First National Bank, the third group of robbers had gathered $58,000 (nearly $1 million in current dollars). The four of them left the bank, escorting an employee toward the common, where they were going to put him with the other captives. As they were leaving, they saw a local business owner, William Blaisdell, approaching the bank. Blaisdell quickly realized what was happening and grabbed a raider, throwing him down onto the boardwalk. But other raiders pointed their pistols at Blaisdell’s head, forcing him to surrender.

Buildings should have been burning by now, Young must have realized. But they weren’t — the bottles of Greek fire had hit their targets, but they merely smoldered. Nothing was burning.

More townspeople had realized St. Albans was under attack. Nearby, at the governor’s residence, a neighbor’s servant girl rushed in to tell Vermont’s first lady, Ann Smith: “The rebels are in town, robbing the banks, burning the houses and killing the people,” the girl exclaimed. “They are on their way up the hill, intending to burn your house.”

Smith and a Scottish servant girl sprung into action, calmly closing the blinds and shades of the house and bolting the doors. Then, Smith found one of her husband’s pistols. It wasn’t loaded, but she hoped the raiders wouldn’t realize that. She carried the gun to the front steps, to stand and wait. She wished she had raised an American flag, so if they went down it would be with colors flying.

The Confederate raiders set fire to the bridge over Sheldon Creek, but it did not fully burn. FROM THE VERMONT HISTORICAL SOCIETY

BACK IN THE CENTER of town, Erasmus Fuller, a livery owner, grabbed an old six-shooter, pointed it at one of the raiders, and pulled the trigger. Click. Young burst out laughing. “Fetch me some spurs!” he yelled.

Fuller had other ideas. He ducked into Bedard’s Harness Shop and ran to the back door. He started shouting that the town was being attacked, hoping the men who were building a large hotel nearby would come and help him. E.J. Morrison, a Manchester, New Hampshire, man overseeing the hotel’s construction, heard Fuller’s shouts and ran to the stable owner.

Fuller, with Morrison now trailing behind, returned to Main Street. He saw Young, lifted his pistol again, and took aim.

“Look out Cap’n!” shouted one of the raiders. Then he and Young both fired at Fuller. Fuller ducked behind an elm tree, evading their shots.

Not so Morrison, who dropped to the ground, mortally wounded. He would be the raid’s sole fatality, leaving behind a widow and five children. (What the raiders didn’t know is that he was also likely the only man in town sympathetic to the Confederate cause.)

George Conger had heard the gunshots and come running. Young saw him, and asked, “Are you a soldier?”

“I am,” Conger replied. He had been a captain in the Union Army and had been wounded at the Second Battle of Bull Run.

“Then you are my prisoner,” Young said. But Conger dashed into the American House hotel, next to the Franklin County Bank, ran through the back and then down Lake Street toward the foundry, yelling, “There is a regular raid on St. Albans. Bring out your guns and fight!” Workers at the foundry and at the railroad grabbed weapons and followed Conger back to the center of town.

Young realized his plot was quickly unraveling. He began to move his men north, shouting, “Keep cool boys, keep cool!”

An old editorial illustration depicts cashier Marcas W. Beardsley and Jackson Clark, a woodsawyer who happened to be in the Franklin County Bank, being freed from the vault where they had been imprisoned, even though Beardsley had pleaded with the robbers explaining it was airtight. The men, who understood the Confederates planned to burn the town, feared for their lives either by suffocation or fire. J. Russell Armington and Dana R. Bailey heard their shouts and came to their rescue, however. CREDIT: VERMONT HISTORICAL SOCIETY (these images originally appeared in Frank Leslie's magazine)

Conger, gun in hand, tried to shoot at the raiders, but his gun would not fire. The Confederates started firing on him and yelling the rebel yell, but this riled up their horses, which were not used to battle. Over the din, Young was hollering, “There is too great a crowd gathering round here!” He knew they had to get out of town, and quickly.

Spurring his horse around those of his men, he told them to throw their remaining bottles of Greek fire at the closest buildings. Again, they failed to ignite. It was time to go. Once Young was sure his men were all accounted for, they were off at a gallop, occasionally turning to fire pistols behind them.

Conger shouted to all those nearby, “Bring on your horses, men, and arms and we will follow them. If you can’t get arms there is no use, they are going to fight hard!”

On the steps of the governor’s residence, Ann Smith saw a man galloping to her. The hour has come, she thought, the invaders have arrived. But the man on horseback turned out to be her brother-in-law, Stewart Stranahan, who was home on sick leave from the Army of the Potomac. Stranahan told her the raiders had robbed the banks and killed a man, but failed to set St. Albans ablaze. He had come for any weapons he could scrounge.

“Here, take this pistol, it is all I have yet found,” Smith said, feeling rage build inside her. “And, Stewart,” she added, “if you come up with them, kill them! Kill them!”

Soon, Conger and a posse of some 50 men were in pursuit of the raiders, followed quickly by 40 more men led by Stranahan. The Confederate party split up before it reached Canada, to increase the odds of escape. Conger’s militia reached the border and kept going, joining with some Canadian constables. They were able to capture about 13 raiders, including Young, and some of the $208,000 ($3.5 million in today’s money) that was later determined missing.

THE PLAN OF THE St. Albans group was to bring their prisoners back to town to face charges of murder. But as they neared the border, more Canadian authorities arrived at the scene and demanded charge of the rebels. Conger reluctantly agreed. The prisoners were first brought to St. Johns and then transferred to Montreal on October 27. The raiders were well received by a contingent of Canadian Confederate sympathizers, cheered as they were brought to jail.

They gave Young and his men food, clothing, and even liquor. Some of Montreal’s finer restaurants sent over meals and scores of citizens visited them at the jail, where they had been given a large room rather than cells. A relaxed Young wrote to the St. Albans Messenger requesting two copies of the paper be delivered each day. “Your editorials are quite interesting and will furnish considerable amusement to myself and comrades,” he wrote.

Young’s taunting infuriated many Vermonters, and for a short period of time it appeared that the Confederates might succeed in dragging Canada into the war against the Union. The St. Albans Messenger editorial page stated that if the prisoners were not handed over, “The sooner we declare war on our neighbors to the north, the better.” Lincoln’s secretary of war, Edwin Stanton, later called the St. Albans Raid “one of the most important events of the war,” with the potential to draw both Canada and Britain into hostilities.

But over the next few months, a series of contentious court proceedings went against extradition, as Canadian judges ruled that the raid was an act of war, not murder and robbery. All the raiders were eventually freed.

Some of the Confederates in jail in Montreal. Bennett Young is seated at right, William Hutchinson is at left. FROM THE VERMONT HISTORICAL SOCIETY

But Bennett Young’s gambit had failed. Perhaps if the Greek fire had worked and more damage had been done, it would have enraged Vermonters more. Or if there had been follow-up raids on Swanton or other towns. But the St. Albans citizens had forced them to abandon those plans. No Union troops were diverted to the border, Canada and Great Britain did not enter the war, Lincoln was reelected, Sherman reached the sea in late December 1864, and on April 9, 1865, Lee surrendered at Appomattox Court House. The Canadian government even reimbursed the Vermont banks for the amount of money it found on the raiders, approximately $88,000. The other $120,000 was not accounted for.

After the war, Young was specifically excluded from an amnesty for Confederates. He fled to the United Kingdom, where he studied law. He returned to the United States after a full amnesty was granted in1868, becoming a successful lawyer in Louisville, Kentucky, and was regularly applauded at Confederate reunions and parades.

In 1911, when he was 68, Young took his wife on vacation to Montreal. He contacted the people of St. Albans, saying he would like to meet with them. The town sent a four-man delegation to the Ritz-Carlton, where he was staying. Young put on a Confederate uniform for the session, and told his visitors that “the raid was only the reckless escapade of a flaming youth of 21 years, steeped in patriotism for the South.” Perhaps it was something like an apology. The get-together was friendly and lasted well into the night.

— Michael Tougias is the author of more than 30 books for adults, most recently “The Waters Between Us,” and five for middle readers. He is currently working on a book about the St. Albans Raid. Send comments to [email protected]. In addition to reporting and eyewitness accounts from the St. Albans Messenger and other periodicals, significant sources for this story include materials from the St. Albans Historical Society and The St. Albans Raid, Complete and Authentic Report by L.N. Benjamin.

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bobasheebaby · 4 years

Text

200 Brooklyn 99 Prompts

Rosa

1 “Talk to him, that's what friends do.” “Nope. I'm gonna wait 'til I'm on my deathbed, get in the last word and then die immediately.” “That's your plan for dealing with this?” “That's my plan for dealing with everything. I have seventy-seven arguments I'm going to win that way.”

2 “I'm already seeing somebody, NAME.” “Oh, and just like that, things got interesting.” “And just like that, I left.”

3 “NAME is even wearing his/her formal leather jacket.” “It's the one without any blood on it.”

4 “Right, that's the guy/girl you said the lame stuff about. Like he’s/she's a good listener.” “Sorry, what do you look for in a guy/girl?” “Real stuff, like the shape of his/her ass.”

5 “Sorry I'm late. I had to go back to the deli and return my Everything Bagel. In what world does everything not include beef jerky?” “All of them.”

6 “He/She also likes to look up recipes online and go, "Who's got the time?"

7 “Thank you, NAME. Your entire life is garbage.”

8 “NAME , tell us about your family.” “I have one.”

9 “Anyone over the age of six celebrating a birthday should go to hell.”

10 “I am dating his/her nephew/niece. Now we are hanging out on weekends. What is next? Oh! Small talk.”

11 “Wait, is that a smile I see?” “Possibly. My immune system is too weak to fight off my smile muscles.”

12 “Whoa, what happened? You know what, forget it. I'll just read NAME’s notes.”

13 “NAME? Are you stuck in there?” “No, I'm in here by choice.” “Oh, 'cause I hear some banging noises as if someone was struggling to open the door.” “No. That was the pipes.” “Or, is it the sound of you learning how to ask for help? You know, you can't spell ‘independent’ without ‘dependent.’” “And you can't spell ‘Go [bleep] yourself’ without ‘[bleep] you.’”

14 “I've said "excuse me" more times this morning than I have in my entire life. Twice!”

15 “Oh, nothing better after a long shift than coming to BAR NAME. It's like Cheers, where everybody knows your name.” “A place where everybody knows your name is hell. You're describing hell.”

16 “So, what is this? Casual, serious? I need to know how to make fun of you.”

17 “NAME and I broke up. He/She ate soup too much.” “What, like every day?” “It happened twice.”

18 “So, what are you drinking?” “I'll have a margarita. But, like, a skinny margarita. So, like, tequila, lime, and a tiny splash of agave.” “Mm. I refuse to order that.”

19 “What are you looking all wistful about?” “Just thinking, about relationships and love, and how I'm way better at them than I thought I'd be. Should I do a TED Talk on it?” “Doesn't seem any dumber than all the other TED Talks.”

20 “Why didn't you tell me? I had no idea things were getting that serious.” “Yeah, it's very embarrassing having feelings.”

21 “So are you bringing someone to the wedding?” “No, I'm taking a break from dating for a while.” “What?” “I'm sick of asking people how many siblings they have. Oh, is it somewhere between zero and two? How fascinating.”

22 “I grew a goatee and it looks amazing, and I know you can see it.” “Of course we can see it, NAME. It's horrible.”

23 “It feels like you're being a little harsh.” “Thanks, good note. I was going for extremely harsh. I'll turn it up.”

24 “Are your senses heightened?” “I think I might be pregnant, not bitten by a radioactive spider.”

25 “You're what sneezes are!”

26 “Seriously, you guys should stand up once in a while. You know, for your hearts.”

27 “NAME, this is dumb. I'm just gonna go.” “No, no, no. You promised me more time. I still have seven minutes.” “I really don't want to miss my flight, and I cannot physically stand the way that room smells anymore.” “Just breathe through your mouth.”

28 “You know, some people say, ‘Mo money, mo problems,’ but those people are idiots. Money's amazing.”

29 “Dude, just admit you ruined everything and turned our lives into a living hell. No biggie.”

30 “We don't want anyone getting alcohol poisoning, so if you throw up, you're disqualified.” “I never throw up. I just tell my stomach to deal with it. My body is terrified of me.”

Jake

31 “I also have a hairline fracture in my thumb. Mankind's least important finger, am I right?”

32 “I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.”

33 “How much could I possibly owe you? Fifty, sixty bucks?” “Two thousand, four hundred and thirty seven dollars.” “Dollars?! Wait, of course dollars. Why was that the part I was surprised by?”

34 “So, I'm going to grab a healthy breakfast.” “Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?” “Breakfast burrito, but yeah.” “I pity your dentist.” “Joke's on you. I don't have a dentist.”

35 “I'm talking to my credit card company. I tried to get an online subscription to the New Yorker and they declined me. Apparently, based on my previous purchases, they assumed it was fraud. That's crazy. I'm fancy. One time I had coffee-flavored ice cream.”

36 “Rules are made to be broken.” “They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.” “Uh, piñatas.” “Glow sticks.” “Karate boards.” “Spaghetti when you have a small pot.” “Rules.”

37 “Hey, can I ask you something?” “Mm-hmm.” “If the toilets drain into the ocean, does that mean a tiny shark could swim up and bite me in the butt?” “No, not at all.” “Psh, lame.”

38 “NAME, super important question. Which one of these shirts should I wear to dinner with your dad/mom tonight?” “Those are exactly the same.” “I have a signature look, NAME.”

39 “Hello, good sir, I'd like your finest bottle of wine, please.” “That will be $1,600.” “Great, I'd like your $8-est bottle of wine, please.”

40 “I am straight-up depressed. NAME’s been doing her best to cheer me up. He/She gave me this sticker this morning just for waking up.” “Ew, it's like you're dating your teacher.” “I know, it's so hot.”

41 “Wait. Before you say anything, I want to guess what happened based on your face. Someone died. No! You won a prize. I'm not getting better at this.”

42 “What is the bandwidth on the wifi here? We have much content to stream.”

43 “Oh, you sweaty, chair-spinning morons. You're gonna get us out of here.”

44 “Sir, I think I speak for all of us when —“ “He/She doesn't.” “He/She doesn't.”

45 “So, your brother/sister's a bit of a nightmare.” “I wouldn't say that. I mean, at most, he’s/she's a daymare.” “Those are so much scarier.” “Yeah.”

46 “Look, NAME, I burnt two hundred calories.” “That's your heart rate.” “Yeah, that checks out.”

47 “I don't slump, people. I opposite of slump. I pmuls. That's slump backwards and it's what I do. I pmuls all over this bitch.”

48 “Excuse me. We were just looking for a place to —“ “Boink.” “Yes, boink. That's my preferred term for it, too.”

49 “Thank you for doing this. I love you.” “Noice. Smort. I love you too.”

50 “Adult parties? I believe they're called orgies.”

51 “I have a sexy voice!

Champagne.

Mountain range.

Hugs.”

52 “Has anyone ever told you you look just like a statue?” “Yes.”

53 “NAME, you're smiling. It's very weird. Like seeing a turtle out of its shell.”

54 “You look happy. Let me guess. Your egg sandwich fell on the floor, and they gave it to you for free.” “No. Can you do that? Why doesn't everyone just drop their sandwiches on the floor?” “I was trying to insult you.” “And instead you gave me an amazing life hack!”

55 “So, we gonna talk about what happened back there? I haven't seen someone cry that much since NAME heard they were remaking ‘First Wives Club.’”

56 “Hey, there, NAME. Everything okay?” “No, I'm having a meltdown.” “Props. That was amazing.” “Thanks. It was a lot of work.”

57 “Almost makes me wanna take things seriously all the time. But then I'm like ‘boobs, farts, boobs, whatever’.”

58 “Ahh, babe, this is so nice. There are hot stones on our butts for no reason.” “Not on mine. My butt stones keep falling off, because I'm so tense about NAME being here and ruining everything.”

59 “Okay, don't shoot! That's how people get shot.”

60 “Rule number 3: Let's not have sex right away.” “Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool. No doubt, no doubt, no doubt. Good rule. No sex. Good rule.”

Charles

61 “Okay, but I thought since you were in charge, maybe I could be your right hand man? Your Tinker Bell?” “Tinker Bell?” “Let me tell you something about Tinker Bell. Tinker Bell is a loyal lieutenant and a real thorn in the side of Captain Hook.”

62 “NAME, why don't you show Danger what a fax machine is.” “Okay. Imagine a letter had unprotected sex with a phone.”

63 “Hey, NAME, are you ready to go streaking?” “What?” “That's what my dad/mom and I called getting blonde streaks in your hair. We used to do it to our ponytails on road trips. You just take a little lemon up top, and let the sun do the rest. We called it giving each other road head.” “You just said you called it going streaking.” “It had a couple names.”

64 “So we have good news, and we have bad news.” “My Nana always said, ‘Bad news first because the good news is probably a lie.’ Fun fact: she made me cry a lot.”

65 “What about me? What if something happens to NAME, and he never gets to meet my baby? I don't want to hang out with some stupid baby who's never met NAME.”

66 “Oh, you're right. I'm gonna tell him/her. It might not be today. It might not be tomorrow. It definitely won't be later than tomorrow. So pretty much today or tomorrow then.”

67 “No! I was eavesdropping. I'm always eavesdropping.” “I don't like it.” “Look, I didn't spend the last seven years watching your love ripen, only to have it sullied by a city hall wedding. You're getting married right here, right now.”

68 “I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like him/her a little bit.” “You doodled your wedding invitation.” “No, that's our joint tombstone.” “My mistake.”

69 “How many times have I smacked you in your face?” “Lost count.” “And you still have no fear of me.” “I'm trying to read your womb vibe.” “Exactly. Knock it off.”

70 “Okay, first of all, NAME, you look amazing. Secondly, I made an appointment at the salon with Nikki, for you, under the name Gabriella Fuentes de San Miguel Estrada. I had fun with the name.” “Clearly.”

71 “He’s/She's got a type, which is really any one but you.” “Yeah, that was my ex-husband/ex-wife's type, too.”

72 “Sexy train is leaving the station. Check out this caboose. Later, sluts.”

73 “I can't wait to see you, my luscious little breakfast quiche. I just want to draw you a bubble bath and spoon-feed you caviar. I think we should open up a joint checking account. I love you. [pause] What am I doing?” “It's okay. I hung up right after ‘Chucklebunny’.” “Help me. I've gone Full NAME.”

74 “Do you desire a crispen potato?” “Oh, don't mind if I do-ble. Wait a minute. Crispen potato. Why are you fancy talking.” “How dare you, sir/madam. I speak the common tongue.” “There it is again. You only do that when you're lying or hiding something.” “Hiding? Ha. Pish-posh.”

75 “Hey, donut holes. Don't mind if I do. Eurgh! Fish? Fish donuts, NAME? What is wrong with you?” “It's takoyaki. I'm drowning my sorrows in octopus balls.”

76 “Put on a T-shirt for all I care. It doesn't matter what you wear.” “Of course it matters. He has to wear the smaller checks. Big checks wash him out. Where are you, NAME?”

77 “Ooh, if they have your phone, we can track where they're going. I have ‘Find My Phone’ set up to track you. What? I do that for all my friends, not just you.” “Show me.” “There's no time!”

78 “You okay?” “Yeah, no burns. The doctor said I was lucky my body was so damp.”

79 “You guys have been down here for two hours. What, did you have sex forty times?”

80 “What? You don't need closet space. You have, like, one outfit.”

81 “You just graduated pie school, bitches. [pause] Sorry I said bitches, I'm just really worked up.”

82 “So, I know you're NAME’s best friend, and —“ “Did he/she say that? Did you get that on tape?” “No.” “No, he/she didn't say that or no, you didn't get it on tape? Doesn't matter. Either way, you screwed up big time.”

83 “What you did is the culinary equivalent of unprotected sex.”

84 “That's right. Boom. Just kicked Santa in the testicles.”

85 “No, there's no one in my life. [wink] Sort of a sad thing to wink about, I realize now.”

86 “NAME! Were you dreaming about NAME again?” “Why did you wake me up?! I told you never to wake me up!”

87 “You used all the touching time, NAME. I get 100% of the goodbye touching time. 100%.”

88 “Do you wanna know why he/she went out with him/her and not you?” “Yeah.” “Because he/she actually asked him/her out.”

89 “NAME, will you taste this batter?” “Mm-hmm. Hmm. I think it's a little off.” “You know what's off? Your mouth! Why NAME lets your stupid tongue anywhere near him/her I'll never know. Nope, I forgot the sugar. That's on me.”

90 “There's no need for NAME to see me unleash the beast.”

Captain Holt

91 “Look at you. Always working. What happened to my fun big/little brother/sister?” “Fun? I was never fun. You take that back.”

92 “It's the most fun day of the year. Something you wouldn't understand because you're not programmed to feel joy.” “Yes, but my software is due for an exuberance upgrade.”

93 “Sticks and stones, NAME.” “Describing your breakfast?”

94 “NAME, how are you feeling?” “Better today. I even managed to eat some plain toast this morning.” “Smart. Something bland.” “That's my favorite breakfast.”

95 “Joining us for lunch, Sir?” “Oh, no, I've already consumed the required calories for this day period.” “Yummy.”

96 “You all right, NAME? Tough weekend?” “I went to Barbados with my husband/wife. We wove hats out of palm fronds and swam with the stingrays. I've never been happier.”

97 “Maybe I should wing it. Love, it sustains you. It's like oatmeal.” “Okay. Okay. Not bad for winging it.” “I lied. Took me two hours to write that.”

98 “I do not have a problem. If I want to play Kwazy Cupcakes, I will play Kwazy Cupcakes. Kwazy is a difficult word to say in anger, but I think I've made my feelings clear.”

99 “This place is so romantic.” “Yeah, and so intimate.” “Don't worry. I'm not listening to you. I'm just thinking about how this sea bass is cold but not as cold and cruel as the hands of fate that have thrust my entire life into darkness.” “Ah, damn it. I just ordered the sea bass.”

100 “Yeah, and your new shirt is very aggressive and confusing. Is the pineapple the slut, or is it calling someone else a slut?” “Clearly the pineapple is the slut.” “Huh.”

101 “Oh, I've caused a problem. I think I am getting a text message. Bloop. Ah, there it is.”

102 “So nice of you to greet us, NAME. I thought surely you'd still be crushed under that house in Munchkinland.”

103 “So, do you NAME --“ “Yes.” “And do you --“ “Yes. Yes. We do. We're married.”

104 “I mean, don't people call you NAME?” “How dare you.”

105 “So you lied to me? Out of pity. You pity me.” “I wouldn't put it that way.” “I would. I am offended. I am angry. I am very tired. So I'm gonna take a nap, but when I wake up, oh, you are in for it.”

106 “Look at that. You've helped me find my smile.”

107 “Huh. Meat from the street. Sounds like a fun treat. Hah. I'm a poet and ... I didn't even know I was rhyming those words. But it happened anyway.”

108 “Oh, look at that. An alert. I'm probably trending already. What? My account has been deactivated?” “Twitter thinks you're a bot.” “Why? I am a human. I am a human male/female.”

109 “Care to sit? I'm sure you'd like to take some weight off your cloven hooves.” “Call me the devil, NAME? How original.” “Actually, I was calling you a goat. You goat.”

110 “NAME! I'm coming with you.” “Thank you, NAME.” “I'm also coming.” “Not necessary.”

111 “Spot checks are done. Needless to say I'm thoroughly underwhelmed.” “Huh. From your expression, I would have guessed constipated. Or chilly.”

112 “NAME, you have a pretty low bar for what you consider drama. Once, I used an exclamation point in a email. You called me Diana Ross.” “I assure you, in this case, I do not exaggerate.”

113 “I know they say it's not good to have a TV in the bedroom. Which is why I don't.”

114 “NAME, did you just laugh?” “Uproariously.”

115 “You know when you play along with the robot jokes, it kinda ruins my enjoyment of them?” “Yes, I know.”

116 “And what do you hope to get out of this, NAME? Let me guess revenge on Dorothy for killing your sister?”

117 “It was a good game though for a dumbass.” Okay, you're kinda overusing that one. Maybe switch it up a little bit.” “Oh, good note. You dick.” “That landed good.”

118 “Dancing over. Situation defused.” “No!”

119 “All right, NAME, I'm sick of you wasting time. So, yes, I spilled some minestrone on my pants and I'm sitting in my underwear. Happy?”

120 “You found me. Drinking seltzer in the shadows.”

Gina

121 “It's a sloppy Jessica. Mac n cheese, chili, pizza on a bun. Its everything I've wanted to eat for the last 48 hours.” “What happened? I thought you were gonna 'last forever bitches.'” “Turns out I gave up easy. You hear that bitches? I gave up so easy.”

122 “If NAME had a twin, he/she would have eaten him/her in the womb.”

123 “Wait a minute, I think I just figured something out. I got to go.” “Aren't you forgetting something?” [person a gives Person b a kiss on the forehead] “Uh no, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?”

124 “The English language can not fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts. So I'm incorporating Emoji into my speech to better express myself. Winky face.”

125 “All right, gang. Diet day 4. How's everyone holding up?” “Honestly, I'm going to last forever. You hear that bitches? I'm gonna last forever.”

126 “If I die, turn my tweets into a book!”

127 “The only reason I didn't tell you is I don't value you as people, so why be honest?”

128 “Breakups are a cartoony thumbs down. They make people feel face-with-Xs-for-the-eyes.”

129 “I'm sorry. I just don't think this is something you're good at.” “What? The only thing I'm not good at is modesty, because I'm great at it.”

130 “Click. I just captured the exact moment you realized you had failed. I guess we all got something out of this.”

131 “It's so addictive, right? I play so much that when I close my eyes at night, I just see cupcakes instead of my normal dizzying array of flashing lights.”

132 “Forget your ex with meaningless sex. It rhymes because it's true.”

133 “NAME. NAME. NAME, I screwed up, big time.” “NAME, given your daily life experiences, you're gonna have to be more specific.”

134 “So, talk to me, goose. How are we looking?” “Sexy, but not like we're trying too hard. Like, sure, we're trying, but it's almost effortless.”

135 “Give me the ring.” “You sound like Gollum.” “That means nothing to me. I don't see those movies, I'm too pretty.”

136 “Oh no, six drink NAME isn't fun. He’s/She's just sad. Damn it!”

137 “I never have second thoughts. That's the luxury of having great first thoughts.”

138 “Ugh, constantly getting NAME’s approval is the worst.” “Yes. I can only imagine.”

139 “You think you can just bully people, but you can't. It's not okay. I'm the bully around here. Ask anyone.”

140 “This just might work out after all.” “You're damn right it will, 'cause we're a ragtag, scrappity, fart-dumb, moron parade, smart-ass team!”

141 “Okay, NAME, stop freaking out. I have the day off. I can step in and help.” “Yeah, me too. I'm not off, but I come and go as I please. It's part of my charm. I'm like an outdoor cat.”

142 “Gina, please keep an eye on NAME today. He's/She’s gonna say something to the wrong person and get himself/herself punched.” “Sure, I'd love to see NAME get punched.” “Try again.” “I will stop NAME from getting punched.” “Correct.”

143 “Oh, I want him/her out. But I'm too scared to tell him/her. “ “All right, listen. I know that your spirit animal is a caterpillar that's been stepped on —“ “Mm-hmm.”

144 “What are you creeps doing? You made me look away from my phone. You better pray I didn't miss a text.” “In the two seconds you looked away?” “Seventeen texts. All of them important.”

145 “What is my favorite soup?” “Chicken noodle.” “Potato leek.” “Corn frickin' noodle. I mean, chowder, damn it.” “You're all wrong. I've never had soup.” “Don't bother. They all suck.”

146 “Okay, so that plumber was useless. But we are two smart and capable people who can definitely figure out how to fix a toilet.” “Of course we can. The internet will tell us what to do. She always does.”

147 “It's crazy how much he/she flirts with me.”

148 “Good morning.” “For whom?” “For you-m.”

149 “So he/she didn't say what happened, which can only mean one thing.” “He's/She’s in a fight club.”

150 “What's up? How can I help?” “Well, when I was a kid, I invented a magnetic flashlight clip so I could read under the covers. This clip and I went all around the world together the Shire, Sweet Valley High, Terabithia.” “But never to a friend's house, huh?” “Uncalled for.”

Amy

151 “That stuff with us is in the past. We talked about that.” “I know, but that was before you saw me in this dope ass tux. I mean you must be freaking out.” “Oh, I really am. I'm really into rented clothes. I love how many butts have been in them.”

152 “You know, we're birds of a feather, you and I.” “I hate cliches.” “Cliches are the worst.”

153 “And now I don't know what to do.” “I think you do know what to do.” “Thanks, NAME.” [leaves the room] “I have no idea what he’s/she's gonna do but that's the safest way to give NAME advice.” “Yep.”

154 “Insult me all you want, for I have only this to say —“ “Victory shall be mine!” “I heard you practicing in the shower. You can't surprise me. Letting me into your life was the worst mistake you ever made.” “Cool, fun take on our relationship.”

155 “NAME, where you at?” “Four drinks.” “What's four-drink NAME again?” “Why don't you come over here and find out?” “Right, Horny NAME”

156 “I'm sorry. We only excluded you because you're kind of an over-texter.” “Over-texter? That's not even a thing.” “Oh really? So you don't remember the time you sent 97 unanswered texts in a five-minute span?” “My phone vibrated itself off the desk. I think it was committing suicide.”

157 “What the hell? I used NAME's exact recipe. I know I'm not a great cook, but I love following instructions.”

158 “What's going on? Is this a dream? No, I'm not holding a label maker.”

159 “My power went out last night and my alarm didn't go off.” “Your alarm is power dependent? You brought this on yourself, son.”

160 “I'd also like to apologize for my friend. His /Her parents didn't give him/her enough attention.”

161 “I'm in! A bet which improves someone's manners? Double score.”

162 “He’s/She's scared.” “He’s/She's not scared. With all due respect, NAME, NAME has no feelings.”

163 “I'm so cold even my fiery dance moves aren't keeping me warm.”

164 “I'm sorry. I tried to be myself and they hated it.”

165 “All right, someone's gotta go out there and kill that feathery bastard. NAME, you're always looking for an excuse to behead something.”

Sergeant Jeffords

166 “It was like taking candy from a baby.” “Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place? Don't give candy to a baby! They can't brush their teeth!”

167 “I was raised on disco. Little NAME loved to hustle.”

168 “Or is your favorite artist really Taylor Swift?” [Scoffs] “No.” “Lie.” “All right, fine, she is. She makes me feel things.” “She makes all of us feel things!”

169 “Urgh, what's in these?” “Potatoes, butter, a little milk. Oh, and I ran out of salt, so I used baking soda.” “Why wouldn't you? They're both white powders. Of course they're interchangeable.” “Yeah.”

170 “I warned you against using donuts. They're my trigger food.”

171 “Hey, NAME, you know how you're really good at doodling?” “I know you think you're complimenting me, but calling them doodles is an insult. You a big fan of Picasso's doodles?”

172 “Your tone's braggy but your words are real sad.”

173 “See, NAME? Tough love works.” “Damn it! NAME proved the wrong point.”

174 “Now, be respectful and grieve your asses off.” “I don't know why this is happening.” “NAME, I love it. Everyone follow his/her lead!”

175 “Everything's spoiled. My lunch is ruined. My chicken, my potatoes, pasta, my meatballs, ham, my yogurt.” “Wow, that's a lot of yogurt.” “I love yogurt.”

176 “Kind of seemed like you were gonna get up and leave after saying all that.” “I was, but I think I hear NAME.”

177 “You better look cute in this picture, or no one's gonna want you. Do something with your damn paws!”

178 “My tolerance has really changed since I had kids!”

179 “I'm hungry!” “Oh, you're in luck; the fanny pack is filled with granola.” “Mmm! Loose granola.” “I don't want fanny granola! I want steaks and whiskey!”

180 “You probably can't tell, but I'm flexing my brain like crazy right now.”

181 “What's that smell? That's lavender. NAME loves lavender.”

182 “Okay. Excuse me. Can we please eat? My body is starting to digest itself. NAME needs nutrients!”

183 “Don't look at me. NAME wastes all that time building muscles, make him do it.” “Oh, come on, you all know these are just for show.”

184 “Sorry? You bumbling son of a bitch. You just ruined my life. I hope you get hit by a truck and a dog takes a dump on your face.” “Nothing to see here. Just a little hypoglycaemic rage. Move along.”

185 “I feel like a proud mama hen whose baby chicks have learned to fly!”

Hitchcock

186 “NAME, why do you have your shirt off?” “Can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one.”

187 “What bet? What are you guys talking about?” “Seriously? The bet? They've been keeping score all year. It comes up all the time. What are you doing all day?!” “Nothing. Why, you want to hang out?”

188 “So you just want us to lie on the ground and do nothing like a bunch of losers?” “Yes, precisely.” “No!” “Jackpot!”

189 “I don't like it. Something stinks.” “Well, I'm sorry, but I refuse to mask my natural musk with a bunch of chemicals.”

190 “My God. NAME, are you the only person still making sense?” “Yeah. It's bad.”

191 “All right, food is ready, decorations are set, guests should start arriving any moment, and the chairs are still perfection.” “He/She said they're perfection. I'm so proud of you, buddy.” “It was you. You made this happen.”

192 “Who do you think it's gonna be?” “I've no idea.” “I bet it's me. I just hope I'm ready.”

193 “Okay, look, this was maybe a weird way to start the night, but the good news is, we can still make our dinner reservation and no one got hurt.” “Actually, I cut myself real bad.” “Of course you did.”

Scully

194 “Oh, so your plan is to not take this seriously at all?” “Oh, I am as serious as a heart attack. No offense, NAME.” “Nah. Mine are never that serious. I call 'em ‘oopsies’.”

195 “I miss my home chair.” “You miss a chair?”

196 “Are those thumbtacks? What the hell, NAME?” “I thought they'd make good confetti.” “Why?”

197 “All right, anyone else have questions? NAME, NAME, you've been weirdly silent.” “We didn't want to say anything that would get us uninvited.”

198 “Okay, first of all, I want to say that this was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. There is so much talent in this room.” “Just tell us, bitch. Act as if you already have the role.”

199 “I'll be back. Don't move.” “Not a problem. I hate moving.”

200 “Where should we begin? Do you have any experience with puzzles?” “Yes. I've never solved one.”

#brooklyn 99 prompts #brooklyn 99 quotes #jake peralta #rosa diaz #amy santiago #gina linetti #captain holt #sergeant jeffords #terry jeffords #charles boyle #scully b99 #hitchcock b99 #bb 99 prompts #bb 99 quotes #quaratine sucks and making these keeps my mind busy #i live in covid 19 hell

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joeyarnoldvn · 3 years

Text

2021, February

Biden Law, Five Years Lockdown Monday the first day of February of 2021. Canada Kidnapping Themselves Tuesday. All About Hive Blog Wednesday. Alex Jones and DR. STEVE PIECZENIK Thursday. Are you ready for Weapons of Mass Distraction Friday. Amazon Spies Saturday.

Instagram Rising

I was banned on Bittrex Sunday the 8th. My Cash App is $joeyarnoldvn Monday. Cronyism Sucks Tuesday. Gold-Backed Crypto Wednesday. Protonmail problem on my 36th birthday Thursday. Just kidding. Brother Joined Hive Friday. Shoveling Snow Saturday.

Ice Killed Texans

Happy Valentines Day Sunday the 14th. President's Day. Party at Five Monday. Texas Freezing Tuesday. Vietnamese pho dinner was yummy. Travel Post Banned For Not Being a Travel Post Wednesday. Photoshop Funny Thursday. We Need County Coin Friday. Why is Sweden banning masks Saturday.

Can't Disrupt Commerce lol

Strung up pea strings. The Healthy American Sunday the 21st. Pho dinner. Musical chairs. Weekly Oatmeal Show - Episode 001 Monday. Gina Carona Interview with Ben Shapiro Tuesday. Digging up potatoes. Bible study revived. Being Dead Due To Birth Wednesday. Captain Biden Flying Around Zapping Brown Kids Thursday. My-Body-My-Choice No-Mask Sign Friday. Cleaned Out a Chicken House Saturday. DEADLY-ALLERGIC to YOUR-OWN-BODY Sunday.

February of 2021

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My Autobiography

History | Future | 1900s | 2000s | 0000s | 1000s | 2000s

About Me

February of 2021

Oatmeal Monthly - 2021-02 - February of 2021 Published in February of 2021

I enjoyed watching season 1 of Tell Me Your Secrets

By Oatmeal Joey Arnold

Contact Me

Biden Law, Five Years Lockdown Plan

2021-02-01 - Monday

Hello Pocahontas

Americans to be placed under Extreme Lockdown House-Arrest for at least 12 months, that is the plan. You will be stuck in your house like they did in China. You will starve to death and die. The plan is to begin this before 2022, as in as soon as possible. Your loved ones will die from Covid Vaccines which is already murdering hundreds to thousands of people. This is a hole straight down to the pits of Hell.

Canada Kidnapping Themselves

2021-02-02 - Tuesday

Biden, Harris, Napoleon Dynamite Voting Meme

When Canadians return to their home country, Canada, they're federally kidnapped, imprisoned in Covid Concentration Camps for many days, and then charged at least $2,000. Wow. Justin is so liberal. Let's all move to the Land of the Moose. 2 masks at least says CDC. Go to their website and read the article.

Try To Withdraw Money

If you try to take your money out of your bank, they'll flag you, stick the IRS up your butt. Just try it, I dare you. When you try to withdraw cash, watch what happens, and don't get me started with if you ask for gold when you try to cash out. Paper money was supposed to be an "I-Owe-You" check which is supposed to be exchangeable for actual gold, a place-holder.

All About Hive Blog

2021-02-03 - Wednesday

Picture of Joey Arnold

Hive is like Facebook except it pays you to post. Did you know Covid is also called SARS-COV-2? Wait a minute, whatever happened to SARS-COV-1? Did we have a pandemic for the first one? How are we already in the second one? Was I sleeping while the first one was going around? How many years ago was the first one? Is China stealing oil from Texas? Why was Joe Biden refused a Pentagon security clearance? There has been documented cases where people were missing over 90% of their brain tissue but where still able to function like a normal person. One person to even had just a thin layer around the inside of the skull. Literally an empty head and yet could still function as a human. They are destroying the second amendment right now. You have no idea.

Alex Jones and DR. STEVE PIECZENIK

2021-02-04 - Thursday

Trump Terminator

Big interview between Alex Jones and DR. STEVE PIECZENIK today, 2nd hour of the show. The dollar could lose over 20% of its value under Lord Biden before 2022 and much more the following 12 months. It is likely the dollar will die sooner or later meaning you must convert your dollars into something else while you still can. This is financial advice. You have been warned. Your money is on fire but not in a good way. You're leaking value each day. You might as well give me your money as you're losing your money each second. You're wasting your money as you let inflation destroy the value of fiat. Was the Burma Election stolen like it was in America? If you think Biden won, then you do NOT know who won in Burma. I don't care what military is doing. Who won the election in Burma? I'm asking who got the most real votes excluding the fake votes. I want to know who really won. Please let the REAL WINNER be the leader of what you call Myanmar. Whoever actually won should be allowed to run that country, period. Military should help whoever got the most legal votes in that nation. Period. I don't know who won. I am just saying let the real winner have the power, good or bad.

Fall or Rise of Empires

This is what Mike Adams said today. He said something bad could happen over night, that is to the extent the dollar crashes, they'll try to blame the crazy Redditters, the conservatives, for destroying the money, they'll come up with crazy excuses, conspiracy theories, and then say how they saved us by giving us Biden Coins or whatever they want to call it. They are trying to have one centralized global digital currency, no cash, no decentralized cryptocurrencies. So, I agree this could happen at any time, especially if three or more stimulus checks come out in 2021, as they spend more and more money, as people demand silver, gold, etc. The centralized banking system could fall in the next few years or sooner. As that happens, either the good guys or the crazy globalists and baby eaters can take over as that happens. So, in other words, we are in a major transition in global history similar to the rise or fall of other great empires like that of Rome, Babylon, Persia, England, China, etc. But I can't say if we are in the middle of the fall or the rise of an evil authoritarian regime.

Are you ready for Weapons of Mass Distraction?

2021-02-05 - Friday

Alex Jones

Happy birthday brother. Are you ready for Weapons of Mass Distraction? In order to buy guns in 2021 in America, you either have to right now or potentially soon will have to pay too many taxes, additional taxes, including gun related taxes, and pass a test which includes questions relating to if you want to own a gun. If you answer you want a gun, you fail the test because only crazy bad guys want guns. If you want a gun, pass a test. The only way to pass the test is to answer you do not want a gun. Once you answer you do not want a gun, then the genie in the bottle comes out and says in the voice of Robin Williams in Disney's cartoon movie, Aladdin, "As you wish." There were at least two 2020 USA General Election court cases which heard evidence meaning the other dozen or more cases were unconstitutionally dismissed by compromised judges. There is one case in Arizona which is leading towards potential ballot auditing. There may be other legal cases pending in other states in the United States of America. New court cases may rise. Others are ongoing. Some may be, if they haven't yet, potentially, refiled or retried. In some cases, you can do that. It's not double-jeopardy in some cases. It depends but you can sometimes do this depending on the details. A federal case for example could be then tried on the state level. That is not double jeopardy. You can pressure your local counties to call for ballot audits today. Join the revolution.

Nullifying Federal Executive Orders

North Dakota is planning to nullify (on a state level) unconstitutional federal executive orders. If you're not living in this state, you should either go there or encourage your state to call up North Dakota. Hello Texas, Idaho, Wyoming, Arizona, etc. In the world of rock paper scissor, you can see state and federal power. However, never underestimate the power of the county sheriff which trumps over them. You should make friends with your local sheriffs and talk to them about the rule of law regarding what you have to do in your county, legally speaking. Don't go against the sheriffs. Find out what they expect from you as a citizen of the county you're living in.

Amazon Spies

2021-02-06 - Saturday

Trump

Amazon vans have cameras actively spying on people, as in anybody and everybody as they drive around delivering packages, not just their customers but also neighbors and everyone else as well. They collect the data in order to develop a China Social Credit Score Database. Even if you're not on Facebook, they'll still have your data. If you do something that our overlords deem not right, your social credit score begins to go down and down. A lower Social Credit Score means you will not be able to buy and sell, travel, have food, have protection, have safety, have a job, have schooling, have a house, have children, have parents, have organs, have water, have power, have Internet, have apps, have trash, have doctors, have hospitals, have health care. When you call 911 and say somebody cut off your arm and you are bleeding to death, the operator will answer the phone and say, "Sorry, your social credit score is too low, please raise it to an acceptable level and try your call again. Have a good day. Good bye."

I was banned on Bittrex

2021-02-07 - Sunday

I was banned on Bittrex

Banks and big tech companies are making special cities all around the world. Covid to End on the 31st of March of 2025 according to WorldBank.org.

My Cash App is $joeyarnoldvn

2021-02-08 - Monday

Facebook Restricted

My Cash App is $joeyarnoldvn and what is yours? Let's have a party before the dollar dies. Let's come up with backup plans and come together in local communities while we still can. Now is the time.

Cronyism Sucks

2021-02-09 - Tuesday

Cronyism Sucks

George Washington did NOT say, "My fellow Americans, read my lips, I hereby grant you some rights which we can then take away if there is a pandemic or if you feel a little unsafe regarding your neighbor's cannons." You can either help your state leave the United States of Satan or you can leave that state. A woman in Vancouver, Washington went to a hospital. Nurses and doctors tried to stick a needle in her arm against her wishes. She said no. The hospital called the police who came and kidnapped her for not breaking the law. No crime. The hospital and the police committed crime against her. And believe all women. And what if I told you she was black and black lives matter. And police are bad. The police might as well sell her to sex trafficking. Don't we want to defund the police? And I am Pro-Choice too. My Body My Choice. And none of your business. Thousands of people go to Oakes Farms Market in Florida daily without masks in 2020 and many of them go there seven days a week because it's the new Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, even some of their staff are 80 years old or older and yet are not getting sick. But if you do want to wear a mask, have at it. Hundreds of new customers come in each day from out of state, some come as far as like New York. You can tell they're new because when they enter the store, their jaws drop like as if they're cartoon characters.

Cash App

My Cash App is $joeyarnoldvn and what is yours? Let's have a party before the dollar dies. Let's come up with backup plans and come together in local communities while we still can. Now is the time. I will invest in a gold-backed cryptocurrency, as much as I can. Is there such a thing yet? Sign up to be a First Responder today, just call, not toll-free, at 1-800-Get-A-Gun-Duh. Don't kill your chickens, wait until they die of old age, say a little prayer to remember the wonderful life Chicken Little had and then get out your knife and prepare for a feast in honor of the life of the little guy. Study shows over 80% of Covid-19 Patients have vitamin D deficiency. Nurses stick stuff inside babies causing hearts to stop. After that, they try their best to restart the infant's hearts. Too many do die. It is covered up. You don't hear about it. Most viruses die in the air within seconds. Over 85 percent of child trafficking related things seem to be happening on Facebook Messenger.

Gold-Backed Crypto

2021-02-10 - Wednesday

Find me on Instagram at Joeyarnoldvn

Gold and silver are accepted as legal currencies in Utah, Oregon, Colorado, Oklahoma, and Missouri. Before 2030, globalists will most likely murder over 6 billion people. The good news is, number one, we can try to stop some of that, and, number two, regardless, you don't have to be one of them, you don't have to die, there may be only a billion people left on our planet soon. Come join me and survive this coming Holocaust. The greatest Holocaust ever. Save as many people as you can. But at the same time, you don't have to die. Get out of the big cities. Find a farm while you still can. You are running out of time. Find a community of like-minded people and get a room, I mean a community, a neighborhood, a state where you can find like-minded people. Do it while you still can.

Genocide Coming

Because there may be over 7 billion people who support the globalist agenda, they will end up dying most likely in the next few years. You must be prepared for this probability or worst case scenario. Every day you're still not dead yet is precious. You get what you promote. Justice is coming. There are consequences and rewards for the actions we take in life. Will you buy smart underwear which will be connected to the NSA? How do we detox from the lead which is in the soil? I have a friend named Tim Osman. Please don't Google his name. You can make money posting to blockchain social networks, I can help you sign up for free, no credit cards, no money required. I post on these websites and I make money. I did not put any money into them. You can take the money out. You can wire the money to crypto exchanges, banks, wallets.

Protonmail Banned Me on my 36th birthday.

2021-02-11 - Thursday

Protonmail Banned Me on my 36th birthday.

Protonmail Banned Me on my 36th birthday. Step one, find out how many people died annually for the last ten years in your country. Step two, please post those statistics for each individual year including 2020 in your report. We will copy and paste what you find everywhere. Thank you very much. Leftists say you have to say chest, can't say your baby is sucking on your breasts. You have to say human milk. You cannot say it is the milk of the mother. Oh My God. Russia killed the ALL-MIGHTY DOLLAR! I hate you RUSSIA! Are you happy America is becoming Venezuela in the next few years or much sooner because you do nothing, isn't that really cool that you're helping this republic and the world crumble? Are you excited as millions of people die? Do you wake up each morning happy that you don't care about this? Covid Vaccine has over 5 different viruses which it programs and mass produces in your cells to eat up your body from the inside-out, to attack the proteins, to kill your babies, to give you HIV, to kill your immune system and cause you to die from the common cold within months to the extend you're lacking enough essential vitamins.

Regarding Gold-Backed Cryptocurrencies

But the idea of a gold-backed cryptocurrency could at least in theory become a 2-in-1 deal where it might be backed by gold and yet as a fail-safe if all else goes wrong, if governments and others come in to confiscate the gold, you would still have something like Bitcoin or whatever type of cryptocurrency it may be. I see that as a potential two in one deal. Of course the risks, liability, privacy risks of having governments seek to imprison people for having gold which might be connected to a cryptocurrency, I understand that might be too big of a risk in some situations, it may be harder to be anonymous if police were to spot you holding some gold. Finding ways to stay as anonymous online in the mist of tyranny is a worthy cause and that is why I value the 4th amendment of the U.S. constitution. Cartoons and other children shows are actively singing songs and otherwise encouraging toddlers to wear masks, to not shake hands, hug, or get close to other people; to simply not be humans at all, this will scar these kids for the rest of their lives, deep intellectual abuse.

Brother Joined Hive

2021-02-12 - Friday

My brother joined Hive - When I Was Young, Busted Knees, No Helmets, No Limits

Mother cries as insulin for his son who could die without it costs more than $500 even as it only costs pennies to make. Biden did this. Watch the video of this mother in her car video. Listen to her passion as she speaks truth. They say even after everyone on the planet is vaccinated, we still must have lockdown globally, even in ten years from now. Are you happy for living on Planet Wall-E as Fat People stuck in The Matrix? Over ten million starved to death in 2020 thanks to people staying at home and being safe. We kept ourselves so safe, we ended up dying because we had no food. We are so scared, we make the problem worse. The odds of coming up with the exact numbers of the 2020 U.S. General Elections, Mathematician Expert Edward Solomon says there aren't enough stars in the known universe to have it come up by chance apart from electronic manipulation, statistically, it's astronomical, he went on to say there aren't even enough atoms in the universe. Biden won exactly the same percentage points across multiple precincts at designated times a day just long enough to put him in the lead. One example in Fulton County, Georgia on starting at 12:54 AM on Wednesday, the 4th of November of 2020, the percentage was set 5.5555%, and every 30 minutes to an hour plus a few times on Thursday, that is eleven separate times, each time it was exactly 5.555% percent, and that is humanly impossible to replicate by hand without the help of voting software.

Elmo Vaccine

Elmo got the vaccine and people on Sesame Street are locked in their homes like as if they were living in China. Children are being brainwashed. This is worse than sexual abuse. Green means you can travel. Different colors means different things under the Chinese Credit Score which is going to Europe, Australia, Canada, and is also slowly getting into America. If the centralized powers don't like you or your friends, then you can't work, school, travel, buy, sell, have your kids, have Internet, have a phone plan, health care, police care, fire care, water, sewer, garbage, food, etc. There is an alleged James Clapper interrogation audio tape which I'm listening to right now.

Shoveling Snow

2021-02-13 - Saturday

Michelle Obama, "Joe Biden, get your hands off my dick."

Before getting the Covid Vaccine, read the ingredients, the insert. And tell yourself, oh, I am putting this thing in my body, that is awesome. And oh, I am putting this other thing in my body. It is not a vaccine. Ignorance is Bliss. It's cool when you don't know you don't know something. It's cool when millions of people are likely to die or very close to it in 2021 because of Covid Vaccines.

Money is Dying

Cannot wait for the dollar to die. A study found that over 80% of those who got Covid were vitamin-D deficient. And the Flu magically disappeared during the winter. If you're going off the CDC website, you should make a list of the exact numbers.

Happy Valentines Day

2021-02-14 - Sunday

Joe Biden in like 2003

Happy Valentines Day. America has been dead for 209 years. They try to kill people via nano bots which goes into the body to cause flu like symptoms. That is fused with 5G, geoengineering, chemicals, waves, a variety of things working together. You must actively try ten times harder to counter as much of it all as you can, your ignorance is bliss, your children will suffer to the extent you try not to counter things you are yet to know. I repeat, things you are yet to know. Apple cider vinegar, 2 tablespoons a day but broken up gradually throughout the day, can help you. Encouraging healthy pH blood level balance minimizes cancer, detoxifies the liver, dissolves viruses, and helps the heart. The brain-gut connection. Is it true the last U.S. President to take the oath for the united states for America was back in around 1812? Has America been dead for over two centuries now? Did you know there is a star inside our earth? Biden is telling Americans to wear masks until 2022.

Reducing Zombism

Candida is a type of fungus which helps decompose dead bodies but the problem comes when the people are still alive while Candida is excessively growing and eating up your body even before you are actually dead. Therefore, you want to look at fasting, at starving those little guys at least once every ten years if not as often as you can to minimize how much of them you have inside of your biology. Borax detoxes fluoride from the brain. Inside your body are the bad guys, the fungi, which wants your body to die, and the good guys, which are the bacteria which wants your body to live, that is the civil war within your chemical makeup. The pineal gland in our brain is a spiritual window into the Supernatural Internet which transcends space and time, it truly is the third eye, but fluoride blocks it. Does the earth have two moons?

Party at Five

2021-02-15 - Monday

Star Wars Luke Kenobi Father Vader Anakin Floor is Lava Game Sucks He Was And Died Hahaha Meme

Party at Five. RINOs are Republican In Name Only and PINOs are Patriots In Name Only. Thousands of refugees are being allowed into California and Texas from Mexico but without being tested for Covid, no masks, no safety. But if you want to go anywhere or do anything, you have to get tested. When immigrants come in, as they do right now, they are NOT being tested for anything really, they can pass on diseases to you and you are not allowed to do anything period.

Texas Freezing

2021-02-16 - Tuesday

Girl from Firefly show

A 28 YEAR OLD WISCONSIN MOM DIES DAYS AFTER SECOND PFIZER SHOT. Why are kids sneaking out of the White House? Is Tom Cruise part of an off-planet corporation called Umbrella? You can find really old videos on the Internet of really tall people, some of them may be 14 feet tall or taller as you can see people and horses almost reach the height of this man's knees. Did you really think those videos were fake? Many times you'll find truth hiding in plain sight. Truth is often lying underneath your nose all along. This takes the Mandela Effect to a whole new level. Is the South Pole actually the North Pole? It's below zero degrees in Texas right now, they refusing to turn the power back on as people freeze to death, they're shutting down stores as people starve to death, and they're refusing to plow roads. You can literally watch videos of giant semi-trucks crashing into other trucks, at least three giant trucks, one which was going at least 70 MPH and the others were going pretty fast too, several people died in just that pile up alone.

Who is Oatmeal Joey Arnold?

I am single, 36 years old, I live in Shelton, I am Christian, no kids, I live with my parents, I don't wear a mask ever, I listen to Alex Jones, I love Trump, I am a little bit crazy, I don't work. I don't have a job. I just sit on a computer all day writing on my blog and that is it. Was the inspiration behind the Star Gate movies and shows stolen from the Native American Indians? Weather manipulation meetings at your local town hall in a county or state near you, why are you not there to ask them questions? Things got so bad in India that they created a task force and then ended up banning the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. That's how EVIL India is. Hey folks, how could India keep out our SAVIORS? We all know Bill Gates is the second coming of Jesus Christ. Kissinger wrote a report back in the 1970s regarding how to control the African population.

Travel Post Banned For Not Being a Travel Post

2021-02-17 - Wednesday

White Culture Dont Have Any Joke Yes We Do

Texas Dark Winter to last for weeks, people are freezing and starving to death, people are so excited as the globalists take over the world, Biden said the Dark Winter was coming, he was right. Be prepared for a new biological weapon, a new Covid disease, coming either this year in 2021 or at least before 2025. It will kill at least 4 billion people. Don't tell me I didn't warn you. I'm on record trying to tell you how bad things are. If you're reading this, you're guilty of not caring. Please, do something. The clock is ticking. Will China be aiming nuclear weapons at 24 targets across the globe, will it be real, will it be staged, will it be an excuse to lockdown the world, what is going to happen? Will it be exactly 24 different places in different countries around this planet? Will this be a good thing or a bad thing? Will the good guys or the bad guys be able to take control of whatever that might happen in February of 2021? Will it be any day now? Will people fall for false flags? Is there anything we can do right now?

Bill Gates Over Biden

Biden won't speak to world leaders. Boris Johnson said Bill Gates is really the head of the G8. This is how globalism works. They're getting the general population used to the world being run by technocracy. In a secret video, Mark Zuckerberg told his Facebook staff he didn't trust the Covid Vaccine. So, why isn't Mark telling his 2 billion users this? Why keep such a thing a secret? In the 1960s, America asked Russia to start a world war against China but Russia declined. That was declassified.

Photoshop Funny

2021-02-18 - Thursday

1776 Put Mask On Americans No Way

Funny story today, somebody used photoshop to try to fool me ahahahahhaaa! Biden is taking over the Texan Power-Grid, red alert, warning warning. We know their plan. We know the patterns. They'll say deadlier strands are out there now. This will likely be by the fall of 2021 if not a lot sooner. The strands will generally be less deadly. But it's extremely coordinated, scripted, they will all try their best to make you gulp down this Kool-Aid of Death. Shifting into Techno-Scientific Dictatorship, they're phasing the general public to accept this shift in world history globally, most people are stuck in a trance and they do NOT even know it. Even if you tell them, they will say to you, "You are crazy." THEY'RE PUTTING CHEMICALS IN THE SKY THAT MAKES THE SNOW GAY. The power grid was an attack on water-power devices, especially in the 1930s. Some people had water-powered devices. They didn't need electricity because they water-powered devices.

Scaring Children to Death

A ten year old was admitted to the hospital because he was losing weight because he was refusing to eat for so long because he was afraid he would get Covid and die. Sergeant Major said they don't call it a Lie-Berry for nothing. Did you know they used to have water-powered mechanical devices? You were not told real history. A lot of stuff covered up. Why not get back to water power? Aren't you even just a little bit curious? People had free electricity thanks to tap water in the early 1900s. So, why would people give that up? What happened? Why trade that in for a monthly electricity bill?

We Need County Coin

2021-02-19 - Friday

Lauren Chen was on Friday Night Tights

Steele mentioned the idea of CountyNet. Also, he mentioned an idea of a CountyCoin which loses value the farther away from the county the coin moves in order to incentivize investing back into the same community as opposed to going excessively and obsessively overseas aggressively, as in too much and too often. I confess I fell for fake news when I thought Babbit died. I was wrong. Steele says Wall Street and others stolen 100 trillion dollars. People in power plants in Texas were ordered to lower down, to power down to zero percent in most cases, the documents are here, you can read the documents, they were ordered to do this on purpose, this is KILLING PEOPLE, and YOU DO NOT CARE. Do you have no friends or family in Texas? 2021-02-14 - Sunday - 08:51 PM EST - The 14th of February of 2021 - DOE Order Number 202-21-1 was issued for Texas (ERCOT), for more info, go to Energy dot gov, their official government website.

Texas Being Murdered

The Department of Energy (DOE) was ordered to turn off the power in Texas which is causing people to die. They're literally murdering people and nobody cares. The evidence is right there, we can all grab and share it. But nobody cares that thousands to millions of Texans are starving and freezing to death. I said, to death. The Department of Energy told Texas they CANNOT produce more energy, that is why people are dying. DOE Order Number 202-21-1 mentions ERCOT (ISO), this document can be read on their official government website, you can go there, you can read it, you can pass it on to your friends, or you can let your friends die in the cold in Texas with no power. Texas electricity bill for your power, just this week now, went from $50 per Megawatt to over $9000 per Megawatt. Breaking News, Megan Fox is an Anti-Masker which means she is Pro-Vitamin, we are all going to die.

Why is Sweden banning masks?

2021-02-20 - Saturday

Alpha Heater

Why is Sweden banning masks? Many times, they ban people from YouTube but then let other upload the same videos or similar videos and profit from them. The Covid Vaccine is not a remedy but an operating system.

The Healthy American

2021-02-21 - Sunday

We Stole It Fair & Square

Stores are not legally allowed to discriminate or disrupt commerce which comes from even the customers who refuses to wear masks. Stores can say it's private property. However, because the stores are open to the public, thanks to the 4th amendment, thanks to other things as well, prohibiting customers is discrimination among other things as well. The maskless buyer is not trespassing if he or she is not disrupting commerce. Moreover, when you prohibit customers from stores, then you are engaging in the disruption of commerce which may be illegal among other things as well partly because the customers are part of the free market exchange system which we call commerce. Stopping customers means you are disrupting commerce. That is illegal. You should go to jail for disrupting commerce. It may be many different things, not just that. Stores and states must be held accountable for violating laws. Stores are public. They cannot enforce masks. Churches however are legally considered to be private and can enforce masks.

Weekly Oatmeal Show - Episode 001

2021-02-22 - Monday

Coco Cola White Polar Bear Fired For Being Too White

Sound of Freedom is a great movie. The only preparedness that counts is the preparedness that happens when you don't yet need it. One day without notice, you will wake up and you will go to an ATM and it will not work. You will have no food in your house for many weeks to many months or longer. It takes less energy to walk on two legs than it takes to run four legs. The majority of suicides are from white male adults. Second spot is held by black male adults. Why was Bill Gates thrown out of 32 countries? New monthly vaccines for the virus of the month. Are you excited? He said now we have to difficult work of "Untying this knot," that is code for crazy people have to be sent off to re-educational FEMA camps where they will either recant or be murdered.

Gina Carona Interview with Ben Shapiro

2021-02-23 - Tuesday

Gina Carona Interview with Ben Shapiro

Gina interview. Why did NASA stop looking for life on Mars in 1976, why did they transition after that to geology, to looking for rocks? Trump got over 80 million votes while Biden got less than 40 million. Why are so many world leaders saying Covid-19 is permanent? They refuse to test it on animals because it kills animals or worse. No animals were harm in the making of this post. God save the animals. I'm glad we skipped animal-testing.

Being Dead Due To Birth

2021-02-24 - Wednesday

Tell Me Your Secrets

The only time your name is written in all uppercase capital letters is on your tombstone and yet that is how it's formatted on birth certificates, when parents sign it IN CURSIVE LETTERS when you are born, that is necromancy. When they say you can't leave the hospital with your own newborn infant baby without signing it, that is theft or worse. Legally speaking, it is a literal death sentence as you are literally selling away your baby. You need to live in groups of at least ten people. Zombies will be coming from the big cities. Protect your family from the walking dead. Why are so many big people being arrested around the world each day? Why?

Who Controls The Military Right Now?

Was an executive order or other items signed officially in 2019 authorizing a former (allegedly incumbent) U.S. President full control of the military even up to 60 days after an alleged inauguration of a alleged new administration (that is the new but fake President of the possibly defunct United Corporate States of America) which would end in or around, approximately, on the 20th of March of 2021? Please let me know such things were not signed. Please let your friends know nothing at all happened in 2019 at all. I'm only asking. I have no idea what happened.

Captain Biden Flying Around Zapping Brown Kids

2021-02-25 - Thursday

Captain Biden Flying Around Zapping Brown Kids

My gender is oatmeal. That is the kind of sex or gender I am. In India, doctors are saying women who get the Covid Vaccines are showing signs of the beginning stages of sudden breast cancer. Wow. This is amazing. Sign me up. Now we can all be Booby-Free Angelina Jolie. Please stick ten of those things in my arms today. Quick, this cannot come fast enough. Make boobs not great again. Please tell your friends how awesome this is. Learn To Say No Just For One Day Article. Tree Court Article.

Globalist vs Brazil

In Brazil, they're trying to force the government to not only waive all liability for the Covid Vaccines but also to sign over military bases over to them as well, it's insane but crazy things happen daily if only you knew the half of it. Back to American news. The Supreme Court has committed treason against the constitution and the republic of these American states. They've ruled saying whoever cheats the most in an election gets to be the alleged president of this defunct fake corporation which we illegally call in all caps THE UNITED STATES OF [not 'for'] AMERICA. Cheating is not only allowed but now also endorsed by the highest court of the land.

My-Body-My-Choice No-Mask Sign

2021-02-26 - Friday

My-Body-My-Choice No-Mask Sign

Masks Causes Bacteria Pneumonia. My-Body-My-Choice No-Mask Sign. Their goal is to make all humans unable to naturally reproduce by 2030. Why is South Africa cancelling the Covid Vaccine? There is also related news in Brazil, India, etc. See, people are dying from vaccines. They've been spending billions to trillions of dollars covering up vaccine deaths for decades globally. They murder people who expose this or worse in most cases. You have no idea how bad it is. Bill Gates and others are involved in giving vaccines to people around the world. That is why Bill Gates is banned in so many countries. In other news, there may be someday selling cloned synthetic children meat to encourage people to eat. Hell, they may have it ready already. Celebrity meat actually. The only we defeat this invisible enemy is to decide our own destiny. 80% of people who died of Covid in Canada were in nursing homes. 101 Pocketball Journal Scans Uploaded.

Covid Vaccines Are Murdering People

Why are over 75% of U.S. military troops refusing the Covid Vaccine? Because vaccines kill people. But more than that, the Covid Vaccine is not a vaccine. It utilizes mRNA which turns your cells into virus factories. That is what mRNA is. See, the M on mRNA means MESSENGER. This is Basic Biology & Science 101 For Dummies here. The vaccine literally sends messages or mRNA into the cell nucleus to tell it to make specific items. Covid-19 and the alleged vaccines in response to it are both GMO-like chimera monsters. They're a combination of different viruses, different things, I'm talking Frankenstein on a microscopic level. I've been talking about this many times. That is why so many people and so many countries are saying no to the vaccines. And again, the Covid Vaccines are not even vaccines to begin with. I wouldn't even be surprised if nano-tech is involved among other things in regards to these things which are murdering people right now. Sadly, they're blaming the mRNA deaths on Covid. So, they're trying very hard to make you think that you need to take monthly vaccines. And the more people die, the more they'll say, "Hurry up, you need even more vaccines, etc." Remember, they have spent billions to trillions of dollars covering up vaccine deaths. They murdered many people who tried exposing them. Fake news would never tell you all of this because they're fake news.

Cleaned Out a Chicken House

2021-02-27 - Saturday

Alex Jones Predicting Covid-19 Back in 2010

Wear a mask or I'm calling the cops. Alright, call the cops. I'm suing them. In 2020, over 40 million alleged votes for Biden were fake. In 2008, it was reported that HAARP was learning how to steer hurricanes via high-atmosphere heat injection, kind of like guiding a kitten with a string. Watch out for Bioterrorism says Bill Gates. Which reminds me, kind of funny how Texas was suddenly colder than Montana. Wow. Out of nowhere. What happened on this day in 1933? Reich Fire. Hitler. Germany. Klaus Schwab says you will ONLY ONLY ONLY eat bugs and will love it.

What is in the Covid Vaccine?

Some of the ingredients for the mRNA Covid Vaccine includes some of the most commonly consumed things including vinegar, salt, sugar, plus a few very common preservatives found in so many food items. Too many people buy processed foods which includes preservatives in them. So, why are these commonly consumed items in the vaccine? It is there to trigger autoimmune responses in your body's immune system. It may takes years for your body to get there, but slowly over time, your body will begin to develop allergies to salt, sugar, vinegar, etc. These allergies may spiral out of control into even worse problems over time. Now, that is just the tip of the iceberg. But it is a good thing to start with and share with others. Don't believe me. Don't take my word for it. Go get a list of the ingredients to these vaccines and post them here. I will wait for your awesome responses. Thank you so much in advance for responding with the real list of ingredients. Prove me wrong. Easy to do. Just show me the ingredients. Show me these items, like salt, is not in the vaccine.

DEADLY-ALLERGIC to YOUR-OWN-BODY

2021-02-28 - Sunday

Covid Vaccine Ingredients

Your body will become DEADLY-ALLERGIC to YOUR-OWN-BODY. Why is Pfizer giving their customers one thing but their staff a different thing? Pfizer got a new drug out which is going to help people deal with one of the side-effects of their own vaccines. So, they make money trying to fool you into getting one and then even more money when you have to come back to take some of their drugs to deal with the deadly side-effects. Have fun, kids. You WILL swell up like a balloon. I warned you. Why were thousands to millions of 2020 ballots had computer-printed vote marks as opposed hand-written vote marks all for Biden and none for Trump?

Trump 2024 is Retarded

Downvote because Trump won in 2020. See, they can steal it from Trump in 2024 too. We have to call for FORENSIC-STYLE ballot audits in each county each day. Call people. Email people. You can make a difference. Call the military. Call Congress. Call judges. Write letters. Protest in person. Make videos. Write articles. Share things everywhere. Do something. If you are reading this and you are doing nothing, then you deserve Biden and the Chinese takeover of America.

Who is Oatmeal Joey Arnold?

Telling The Truth in a World of Lies

Biden Law, Five Years Lockdown Plan

Canada Kidnapping Themselves

All About Hive Blog

Alex Jones and DR. STEVE PIECZENIK

Are you ready for Weapons of Mass Distraction?

Amazon Spies

I was banned on Bittrex

My Cash App is $joeyarnoldvn

Cronyism Sucks

Gold-Backed Crypto

Protonmail Banned Me on my 36th birthday

Brother Joined Hive

Shoveling Snow

Happy Valentines Day

Party at Five

Texas Freezing

Travel Post Banned For Not Being a Travel Post

Photoshop Funny

We Need County Coin

Why is Sweden banning masks?

The Healthy American

Weekly Oatmeal Show - Episode 001

Gina Carona Interview with Ben Shapiro

Being Dead Due To Birth

Captain Biden Flying Around Zapping Brown Kids

My-Body-My-Choice No-Mask Sign

Cleaned Out a Chicken House

DEADLY-ALLERGIC to YOUR-OWN-BODY

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justfandomwritings · 5 years

Text

Urban Legends (Part One - Chris Beck)

Pairing: Chris Beck x Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: i don’t think any apply.

Summary: (Y/n) Watney was something of an urban legend at NASA. Commander of the Ares I mission, (Y/n) was the first human to set foot on another planet. She heard names like Neil Armstrong and smirked. She was on her way to being the most famous astronaut in history, and she was determined to bring her brother along for the ride. She recommended Mark to Vincent Kapoor. She helped him get on the Ares III mission to Mars.

Her brother was stuck on Mars because of her, and she was determined to bring him home.

After all, if he was the first human to die on another planet that would thoroughly steal her thunder; and she couldn’t have that.

Notes: This story is being simultaneously posted to AO3 as an OC story if you’d prefer to find that version. Also of note, Beck won’t be in the first few chapters, but I promise its coming.

There’s an urban legend about NASA.

In the 60s, the Soviet Union and the United States were deep into what is now called the Space Race. When the Soviets launched Sputnik 1, the first manmade satellite, Americans were wracked with panic. If the Soviet Union could launch a radio satellite into orbit around the Earth, who’s to say they couldn’t launch a gun?

The space program, NASA, became every Americans top priority. It was a nuclear deterrent, as well as a matter of national pride. If the Soviets had satellites in space hovering over American soil, then America needed satellites in space over Soviet soil. But America couldn’t just equal the Soviet Union; America needed to beat the Soviet Union.

When the first astronauts went into space, Soviet-born Yuri Gagarin beating out American-born Alan Shepard by less than a month for the honor of being the first man in space, they encountered a dilemma.

The ballpoint pen was pattented in the United Kingdom during 1938 as an alternative to the dip pen. It was a simple design. The new pen utilized a cartridge of ink attached to a metal ball over which the ink rolled out, allowing the user to write. There was only one problem. The ink was drawn down and fed out of the cartridge over the ball by nothing but the force of gravity. Meaning, in space, there was nothing to draw out the ink; leaving all modern pens effectively useless.

The United States invested $12 million of its funding into designing a pen that would function in zero gravity.

The Soviets just used pencils.

The truth isn’t quite as amusing as the legend, but it isn’t far off either.

When the United States realized that ballpoint pens were effectively rendered useless by zero gravity, they contracted a company called Tycam Engineering to order a set of 34 mechanical pencils for their next mission. Tycam Engineering charged NASA $4,382… for 34 mechanical pencils. After extensive criticism from the public and within their own departments about the wasteful spending, NASA canceled their order.

The Americans just used pencils.

Eventually, in the late 60s, a privately owned firm called Fisher Pen Company would indeed design a pen that worked in zero gravity. It became known as the Fisher Space Pen. The pen replaced the usual pull of gravity by installing a pressurized ink cartridge that functioned in any environment.

NASA paid $6 per pen for the privilege of writing in ink.

The Soviets paid $8.

(Y/n) tapped her Fisher Space Pen against the edge of her desk.

The amount of work that had been put into this moment, put into her sitting here now, was incalculable. Sure, she could add up the amount of hours she’d put in training. She could find out the amount of time she’d spent out on missions. She could factor in time doing research for her thesis or working on related projects. She could even calculate the opportunity cost of lost wages elsewhere in her field. None of it would give a definitive answer, though.

This moment was so much bigger than her effort and her work, and nothing symbolized that more than her pen. It had a history that went well past her, well past Alan Shepard, well past NASA. This pen spanned the Ares Mission, the International Space Station, Project Apollo, Project Gemini. Every astronaut before her had held one of these pens. The minds at Fisher Pen Company had put hundreds of hours and millions of dollars into designing it, and they had built their work on the minds that came before them.

The Fisher Pen Company could not have pressurized the pen cartridge if countless men and women before them had not perfected the cartridge pen’s design, if the Biro brothers who patented the first ballpoint pen in 1938 had not thought to innovate on the dip pen.

The giants of every field today rested on the shoulders of those who came before, and the Fisher Space Pen was no exception. (Y/n) was no exception.

It might be a bit of a stretch to call Fisher Space Pen a giant, but (Y/n) was self aware enough to know that she, in fact, was a giant.

(Y/n) twisted off the pen cap and set it aside with a deep breath. Eight years ago, in 2027, (Y/n) had picked up the very same pen and signed her name to a contract, and now she was doing it again. She couldn’t decide if she was more impressed that she was back in the chair or that she’d managed to keep track of one pen for eight years.

“You understand the full personal, professional, and legal ramifications of the contract you are about to sign, Miss Watney?”

(Y/n) looked up at NASA’s in-house attorney sitting across from her. He was a feeble man with a bald patch slightly to the right of center atop his head that perfectly matched the shape of the Tycho lunar crater, right down to the tiny tuft of hair that coincided with the peak at its center. They had only met once before, eight years ago, and understandably she didn’t remember him very well.

Back then, he had given her a full lecture, two hours long, about the document she was signing, the commitment it entailed. He’d clearly gone lax this time around. Perhaps he wrongly assumed she remembered any of what he’d said.

She couldn’t even recall his name when she first walked in the door minutes before. Back in 2027, she was practically shaking with the anticipation of putting her name on the dotted line. Back then, he was all that was standing between her and Mars. How could she be expected to pay attention.

“Don’t worry about me, Mr. Levinson.” (Y/n) falsely assured him. “I know what I’m getting myself into. I’ve been here before.”

“That you have,” Mr. Levinson wheezed out a laugh. “I was excited when they told me you would be leading this new program. It’s always good to see some familiar faces on the cover of my cereal box.”

(Y/n) chuckled to herself. Her brother had given her hell for those cereal boxes. Whenever NASA forwarded her inbox along to the Hermes, there were always a handful pictures of Mark with the cereal box strategically placed in various spots (Y/n) should have been.

Her birthday? He put it on the table with a cake in front of it. Family beach trip? He covered it in sunscreen and set it in the sand. Dad’s retirement party? He brought it along to a black tie event tucked under his arm. Mark somehow managed to talk some of the techies into letting him put the box in the seat next to him while he did his takeoff simulations. He even took the stupid thing as one of his personal items into his isolation chamber for 10 days.

Gem that he was, Mitch Henderson had sent along the video of Mark talking to the picture of her on the cereal box cover because, as Mark explained, ‘What? I got bored of talking to myself.’

(Y/n)’s eyes scanned over the contract. She wasn’t really reading it. Mr. Levinson knew that, but she needed to pretend for the sake of protocol. “The cereal box was all Annie. She thinks putting us out there in the public eye will increase awareness of NASA programs, and increased funding will follow.”

“It’s not a bad idea.” Mr. Levinson hedged. “It might be good for kids to have successful, intelligent role models for once.”

Role models. They’d certainly tried to make (Y/n) into one of those. Weeks upon weeks of PR training. It was worse than the actual astronaut program!

...That was probably an exaggeration, but it felt like it.

(Y/n) was the Commander of her mission, the face of the team. A face that was everywhere, and not just for the moment. A face that wouldn’t just be in history books, but would be on the covers of them.

A face that Annie refused to see dropping the f-bomb during any of the over 100 interviews (Y/n) had been expected to do before take off and certainly not during any of the countless hundred she had done since her return.

(Y/n)’s pen paused over the line she was supposed to sign, and a smirk tugged at her lips. “Wait, you were eating the kid’s cereal?”

Mr. Levinson spluttered for a moment, but his embarrassment was saved by the door bursting open.

“Mitch?” Mr. Levinson questioned.

(Y/n) turned when she heard Mr. Levinson say the name. The Hermes Flight Director stood in the office doorway looking absolutely terrified.

A cold chill ran up her spine. He didn’t need to say anything. Mitch’s eyes did all the talking, and she shoved away from Levinson’s desk, ignoring as the lawyer shouted, “Miss Watney, we’re not done here.”

Mitch led her through the halls down into the control room where the usually mild-mannered scientists were in frenzy.

(Y/n) didn’t frequent the NASA control room. Her eight years in the program had mostly been spent in training facilities or research labs, but she’d met the staff working the room before. She knew procedure well enough to know that this was unusual, and something was going very wrong.

“What’s going on, Mitch.” Her tone left no room for questioning.

“We had to scrap the mission earlier today. The winds got too strong. MAV was tipping.”

(Y/n) narrowed in on the readouts scrolling up the side of the screen. The wind speed was far too high. “Have they left the surface yet?”

“They haven’t yet, and the last updates from the communications system indicate the MAV was tilting too far. They were running out of…” Mitch never got to finish explaining the situation to (Y/n).

A crackly voice came over the loud speaker, indicating a transmission from Hermes to mission control. “Hermes, this is Commander Lewis. We have successfully docked the MAV and are beginning to route our return to Earth.”

(Y/n) felt intense relief fill her only to be washed away by sheer horror.

“Mark Watney was hit by debris en route to the MAV… He… He died on impact and didn’t make it to the MAV.”

A loud cry split the air, and (Y/n) only realized it had come from her when pain shot up her knees as they gave out and hit the ground.

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Next Time on... Part Two

Taglist:

Forever Taglist:

@maybe-a-fangurl / @libbymouse / @geeksareunique / @deathbyarabbit / @spilltheearlgrey

#chris beck x reader #chris beck #chris beck imagine #sebastian stan x reader #chris beck fanfiction #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan fanfiction #chris beck x you #chris beck fluff #the martian imagine #the martian fanfiction #chris beck drabble

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