#changing the intent doesn't change what happened. good intent. mental illness. doesn't change what happened.

[im-still-a-robot]

Alright only dsmp fight I'm starting: eret's reasoning for betrayal was not retconned for this stream. Straight up, flat, completely untrue. If it has differed from their original reasoning it is not a recent change. Besides, I want you to quote your reasons for your actions 2 years ago verbatim, the ccs and the characters are people with limited memories, calm your tits

#wacky watermelons #dsmp #eret #lol main tags i want to start shit i can't finish #i love both of them btw #c!eret and c!wilbur i mean. it comes with the position (official connoisseur of betrayers) #anyway there are very good watsonian and doylist explanations for this #from a character perspective literally everything that happened yesterday makes sense #not only is c!eret out of the loop on things c!wil has been doing #but the 'youre not a good person'? not only is it fuckin true but it was preceded by an argument! #yall are telling me youve been completely level headed during every argument you've ever had #given by some of yalls wording i dont think so <33 #plus who does it hurt if details are changed to better fit the story they want to tell? #intentions cannot be the start and end of the conversation. this goes both ways #changing the intent doesn't change what happened. good intent. mental illness. doesn't change what happened. #content vs context. baby its cold outside still feels weird even in context of social customs of the time. #context can change interpretation but we don't live in bubbles. our intents affect our actions and its actions that affect others #anyway love yall im not touching the dsmp until august lol

[monsterblogging]

I think people would have fewer bad takes about characters if it was more generally understood that:

Somebody can be right and be an asshole about it.

Somebody can be nice and be totally wrong.

Somebody can have the best intentions and still do severe harm; it doesn't mean they should be punished, but it does mean that they should change how they're doing things.

Someone can be fully justified in Conflict X, and be the bad guy in Conflict Y.

Someone can be justified in their immediate actions, and have a disastrously bad comprehension of the bigger picture.

Nobody, literally nobody ever, no exceptions, none whatsoever, is right 100% of the time, or wrong 100% of the time.

It doesn't matter how bad somebody is or what they've done, they don't deserve ableist, misogynist, racist, queerphobic, etc. hate or violence, because these things should never be wielded as punishment, ever.

Stress makes it hard to be your best self, and stress isn't the reason bigoted language/rhetoric is part of anyone's vocabulary.

Many protagonists are casually bigoted because that sort of behavior is normalized in society. Many antagonists are disabled, mentally ill, queer-coded, etc. because these traits are associated with Badness. It doesn't necessarily mean that the antagonist is Actually Good and the protagonist is Actually Evil. It does mean that we need to have more conversations about why we consider X acceptable and associate Y with badness.

"Holds bigoted attitudes" does not mean "ontologically bad."

"Was kind to some people" does not mean "ontologically good."

"Did some bad things" does not mean "ontologically bad."

"Did some good things" does not mean "ontologically good."

Nobody is ontologically good or ontologically bad. Everybody is capable of doing good or bad.

Self-improvement is a human right; nobody gets to decide who does and doesn't deserve to access education, mental health care, etc. Nobody can know with absolute certainty who will and who won't until it does or doesn't happen.

"I think the kind of person this character represents deserves access to support and care" does not mean "I think you personally should have to care for this kind of person and put up with all their shit."

Punitive justice appeals to our Scared Angry Creature Brains and is often cathartic to see in fiction, and it's something that should never be institutionalized in an actual justice system.

Forgiveness and redemption are different things, and they aren't even inherently desirable.

Clear communication of personal needs and boundaries would solve many problems, one way or another. These are good skills to cultivate. It's a dang shame how few people (including many writers) are really aware of this.

Attraction is a feeling, and feelings have no moral value. You don't have to feel ashamed of or justify feeling attracted to an antagonist or literally any character at all. The people who say it's wrong to feel attracted to the "wrong" character are doofuses. The people who tie themselves into knots in denial over the character ever doing anything wrong are also doofuses.

#fandoms #fandom #characters #character analysis #media analysis #literary analysis

[sophieinwonderland]

I think the r/system cringe discord server has the right intentions, but are doing things in the wrong way. In the end it seems both sides (You/People with ideas like you and the r/system cringe server) want to end the spread of misinformation, but both have different ideas of what said misinformation is and how to go about it. I have not been in the server longer and have been observing, I think attacks against each other should cease and you should talk things out. You both give interesting POVs on the topic of endogenic/mixed origin systems and it would be interesting to see a (civil) debate happen. Thoughts on this?

I and many others have tried to speak in r/systemscringe, and the result of speaking politely with sources to back up what you're saying has traditionally been getting mass-downvoted and banned.

Some people in the server have said they want civil debate, and I'm sure they do. It's a controlled environment where any pro-endos will be outnumbered. If they say the wrong thing, they can be banned from the server. And meanwhile, server members can namecall and toss slurs at them with no repercussions.

And unlike Reddit which anyone can see if they happen to be there, it's a private server and the only people whose eyes will ever be on the conversation are members.

I don't feel a debate would be worthwhile or productive.

As for having the right intentions... I think you could say that about a lot of groups.

Anti-vaxxers legitimately believe vaccines cause autism, and their intentions are trying to protect children from developing a potentially debilitating mental disorder. Their intentions are very noble. Protect children from big pharma. It doesn't matter that their research is debunked, has failed to be replicated by any studies, and that their actions will actually lead to deaths of children from diseases. Their intentions are good.

Many Pro-Lifers honestly see pro-choicers as baby killers. Many TERFs see trans women as a threat to women's rights. Many xenophobes are totally convinced people immigrating across the border are violent invaders. You can defend a lot of hate and bigotry with "good intentions."

Some members of these cringe communities probably do have good intentions too. (Although some are just bullies and want to mock people for being different.)

For example, some of these cringizens have experienced ableism first hand from the medical community who has denied their experiences. And who do they blame for this? "Fakers." They believe there is a mass number of evil fakers in the world who are pretending to be plural, and that it's those people who are responsible for all of their ills and the ableism they've suffered.

It's easy to point blame at other marginalized people for what you suffer. In fact, it's more rewarding to be able to mock the little guy than to truly take on institutions that are so much more powerful than you are.

And that's a huge reason that these people are going to be resistant to the correct information too. If you spend all day looking for "fakers" to the point where you start deriving joy from mocking anyone who presents slightly different, you become disincentivized to change.

In the end, I can make a post with quality academic sources disproving popular talking points from r/systemscringe...

And the sad truth is that it's unlikely to change a single mind.

Because their beliefs are so entrenched that no amount of evidence or sources will be able to convince them that they're wrong.

#syscourse #pro endo #pro endogenic #sysblr #multiplicity #systemscringe #r/systemscringe

[morus-god-of-doom]

Swap Underverse Asylum Sans

Alright, I know I'm not on here often, but hear me out.

In the swapped universe where Dream ate the apple, Ink now has Error's job, and Nightmare is trying to stop all of this with the help of a maker Error Sans, I haven't seen much in ways of the other bad guy sans getting swapped counterparts. It seems that having them stay the same, except when Swap replaces Dust or Killer.

But Swap doesn't fit well with either of them, so I think he's more like Cross in the swapped AU, but I digress, he's not who I wanna talk about.

Who I want to talk about is Asylum Sans, or Bandy for short. The little schizophrenic that is obsessed with colorful bandaids, stickers, and sometimes plushies. From what I know of him, his past is mostly a mystery but something happened to his Papyrus, causing him to take on a ghost-like form and hang about the little skellie.

He'd be a perfect parallel to Dust sans, yet being a schizophrenic wouldn't be enough to make him a bad guy.

But what if something happened that made Bandy go off the deep end? Like a certain therapist that recommends putting him on pills to solve the problem of Bandy's schizophrenic episodes. Now, this would absolutely be fine if the pills were correct for his mental illness, but that is not what happens to the little guy.

Instead, they put him on something else; magic suppressors.

From what I have seen, Bandy doesn't use magic in the ward because Mrs. Toriel and Dr. Alphys told him it would be dangerous. He understands that it wouldn't be the best of ideas for him to teleport out of the ward where he can't get the help he needs. So when they suddenly give him little, pink pills, he takes them without question since they had promised him more bandaids if he did.

But they have a negative reaction to the poor skeleton like most things would happen if you take away a person's ability to do something.

Bandy faints due to the effects and hits his head on the floor, causing another change. Of course, Dr. Alphys gives him a check-up and heals the wound, but when the schizophrenic wakes up, his ailment is worse. The new therapist waves it off, of course, giving him a white pill, Bandy's normal prescription, but when the skeleton sees him, he screams due to what he sees in the human, their true intentions.

This would be an everlasting effect as a result of the suppressors they give him with his normal treatment. Anytime Bandy sees someone enter his room for food or check-ups, he stares at them, scooting backward, so they double his prescription.

But what does Asylum see?

Well, he'd see the quote-unquote 'demons' hanging about people, or for a better way to put it, their intentions. Now, with good people like Mrs. Toriel and Dr. Alphys, the demons are small, barely considered a threat in his eyes. Yet when he sees the other doctors and patients, he sees all sorts of monsters, some fusing with their hosts, like when he shrieked upon seeing the new therapist. He saw all of the malice the man had turned them into a creature from nightmares.

Now, as we know with most bodies, they will build up a tolerance if exposed to negative factors. So over time, Bandy's body slowly adapts to resisting the suppressors, causing them to increase the dosage until it eventually stops working on him.

But Bandy still acts docile on his prescription, right?

Wouldn't you know it, one of the employees forgets to order the medicine that Bandy so desperately needs. It would take 2 days for the emergency order to come in.

No big deal, right? Bandy is always friendly to people, even before the new 'prescription', surely nothing bad will happen, right?

Well, Milo Murphy's law states that anything that can happen will happen.

On the second day, Bandy sees the bad Therapist and finally snaps. The suppressors on his magic had ceased working since his body had too much of it. It needed to be expelled.

And what better than the man who had started the torment?

It was all a blur to the skeleton, but it was bloody and brutal. The schizophrenic came to when he had cornered Dr. Alphys and Mrs. Toriel. A bloody pair of scissors in one hand, and a sharp bone in the other. He stared at the weapons before giggling, a manic grin on his face. Asylum knew a lot now, and the two women in front of him had let the therapist do whatever.

So, he finished the job before skipping off to the medicine cabinet.

He needed answers.

It would be quite a sight for the next victim, the person who delivered the medication. Seeing bloodied halls, corpses and dust everywhere.

And just like that, the deliverer would fall by Asylum's hands, and he gets the prescription he needed. So a win-win for him.

I feel like Swapped Dream and Ink would stumble upon the AU by chance and find Asylum playing with the corpse happily.

It's just a thought I had though, just a simple idea since I was bored. Just wanted it to be recorded a bit.

#Asylum Sans #this is fine #rant post #kinda rambling #don't mind me #dust sans #swap sans #killer sans #dream sans #error sans #ink sans #Swapped Underverse Idea

[zeeph-containment-zone]

begging people to understand that explanation for actions =/= condoning them. You can say why something happened without defending it. People have gotten so caught up in calling people out that they just assume explanations are an automatic defense of the thing that somebody did, even when you explicitly say "just because that's why it happened doesn't make what happened good." I can do self destructive things because of my anxiety. That does not make those things good, but it doesn't change that I did them because I was anxious. Both of these statements can be true at once. People can start a conversation with malicious intent by parroting an edgy joke of the time period in 2008. Does not make the malicious intent good or excusable, but it sure does explain why op wasn't blocked on site and why the other person continued to talk to them before the malicious intent showed itself. Both of these statements can be true at once.

also begging people who DO think that people should get a pass due to these things to not do that either. Bad things are bad regardless of what caused them, whether it be lack of understanding, mental illness, or otherwise. both of these statements can be true at once.

#this is about chugga discourse btw #bitches real mad that I said to read the 48 page gaia online conversation with a 2010's lense #because so many zoomers were asking “how tf can he just say that to someone” #because in a time period where pedobear and edgy YTPs were running rampant you could start a conversation by quoting the meme #and people would assume you were just quoting the meme #clearly that was not the case and I cannot stress that enough yet people are ignoring that and trying to ratio me anyway #chuggaaconroy #rant post #mini rant

[thatsadfem]

Spencer Reid. genius. agent. convict. addict.

TW: Suicidal thoughts, discussion of weight gain, SH and SA

Ralvez, angst-comfort, post reid-jail arc

(I am aware that the SA from Lindsay was a lie told by Cat, but Spencer could vividly remember it, so I'm going to mention it like it happened)

Everyone cared about Spencer when he left jail, but nobody cared like he needed them too. When he finally left his mother at the nursing home, Spencer realised he was empty. He walked into his apartment and crumpled to the ground, the man he once was was gone. Stolen. Cat Adams had taken the know-it-all, bright, childlike prodigy, and turned him into a mentally ill, burned out convict. He could never be the same, and they killed him.

Lying on the floor of his apartment, Spencer contemplated the worst. If he killed himself, Emily risked her career for nothing, everyone spent hours trying to prove his innocence for nothing. But it hurt. The distant memory of her hands on his skin, his voice in his ears. It didn't matter whether it really happened, he could remember it like it was yesterday. The comforting memory of Maeve's voice was corrupted. He had nothing and nobody that really knew his pain. Suicide sounded like a release from whatever hell he was in.

Spencer knew it was wrong to consider it, his team cared about him. He knew Penelope would crumple, he knew JJ would forever be damaged. He knew what he wanted was implausible if he cared about his friends and his mother, but a small part of him, hidden deep within his bones, doesn't really care. Every cut he made on his wrists, on his thighs, brought him closer to and closer to considering it. A cut for abandoning his mother, a cut for not finding a way to help her, a cut for causing Emily so much stress, a cut for Garcia almost quitting her job, a cut for Luke, a cut for Tara, a cut for a cut for JJ. He knew, he was a genius after all, that if it continued,they would notice, but maybe he wanted them to notice. Maybe it would be better for them to see the cuts then to see his dead body. Maybe they could help. But he didnt want to put them through that.

His apartment is cold. Empty of life and personality. His books, his chess board, his photos, felt like somebody else's. A knock on the door woke him from his nightmarish thoughts.

"Reid? Are you in there?"

Luke. Why would Luke be there?

"...yeah, I'm in here."

"Can I come in?" "...ok"

The doorknob turned as Spencer forced himself to get up off the floor.

"...Reid. Are you ok?"

He was not. Spencer came face-to-face with Luke in his doorway.

"....um.....i dont think so"

It was unlike 'boy-genius Spencer Reid' to honest about his feelings, but he was no longer 'boy genius Spencer Reid', he was 'felon, recovered addict Spencer Reid', and this Spencer Reid had lost his dignity, and his sense of self-preservation.

"I know"

Luke took and step closer to Reid, shutting the front door behind him, like cornering an injured bird who got into your house; it was too terrified to understand your intentions.

"Spencer. Can I hug you?"

Genius Spencer Reid was not expecting that. He was expecting a soppy speech, about how the BAU cares about him, and that he is still a good person, and bla bla bla. But not that. Something deep within him screamed, begged for him to say no, but for once, Spencer Reid, the genius, didnt listen"

".....please"

Taking a few steps forward, Luke took the Spencer into his arms. The hug was close, warm, almost intimate. Luke noticed how different Spencer changed to how is old photos looked. He filled out his tall frame, still slim, but he seemed at a healthier weight. His hair was curlier and completely wild. His eyes, sunken and sick, but still enchanting.

".......Thank you, Luke"

Spencer murmured into the Luke's shoulder. Luke's strong arms were wrapped around him, his face rested in the crook of Spencer's shoulder. The intimacy of the hug, how it felt like hugging a lover rather than a friend, should have made boy-genius Spencer squirm, but this was not boy-genius Spencer, this was burn-out, adult Spencer, and this was what he really needed. He could have a gotten a hug from JJ, or Emily, or definitely Penelope, but this hug had a whole different meaning to theirs.

"please tell me whats wrong. And don't tell me what you told Emily, or Penelope, or any other member of the BAU, because I know it's not true, I know you need to protect them, but you don't need to protect me. Tell me everything"

Luke whispered into Spencer's ear, his voice empathetic but strong. A tear left Spencer's eye at the thought of letting it all out, having somebody finally know without them freaking out. He needed to care for himself and not others, he knew that, and Luke was the one to let him do that. He was so thankful it was Luke at the door and not anybody else, he needed Luke.

"ok"

#criminal minds #spencer reid #ralvez #luke alvez #emily prentiss #angst #angst comfort #tw: sucidal thoughts #tw s/a #fanfic

[practicalmagicintuitions]

Hi PMI! I think comments were turned off on your question about a Harry/ MM reading so I couldn't reply direct. NBC news in the US doesn't seem to be biting on this car chase story. They even went as far as interviewing the cab driver who picked them up from a police station and said there were a couple cars following but he didn't think it was anything at all. The news story was posted as "Car Chase?". Most people in the US don't care about them. I know for myself I was very supportive in the beginning when they announced they wanted to step away for their mental health. It was presented as we aren't going to be royal anymore and seemed they were going to attempt a quiet life outside of the public eye as much as they could. I thought good for them but they have done everything but be quiet. The NBC story commented on this as well. They have been very public since the exit. And what happened to not using the titles? It was in bold on a screen behind her head for the speech she gave. It's getting more and more ridiculous at this point. Anyway, with the news story scoffing at their car chase claims I would be curious how they feel about the American press not going in their favor? Or was it an intentional trick for monetary purposes or do they really believe their own story? I guess at least on harry's part. Is this mental illness, he's still playing out what happened to mom in his head even if that's not the reality before him or is he in on the manipulative side of things and using his mom's death as a launching point to make money? I hate to think so low of the guy but people do this all the time now so it's hard to discern when people are being genuine. They don't seem to have any kind of game plan though outside of pay us money for existing and showing up at public events. Basically, trying to be American royalty. Maybe this question is to personal for us to have permission to see but he's the one that claimed it was for mental health reasons and I supported him for that. I support anyone who says they are going to take a proactive step to removing something from their life that negatively impacts their mental health. But it just feels like they are intentionally engaging in these activities which makes ones empathy diminish. I see a reality TV show in the future.

Hi!

I cannot believe people still believe them. How? I went to Celebitchy for the comments but her stans are just the worst. One comment said they were British paps and they wanted to k*ll her just like they did with Diana. Seriously, this level of deranged mentality is not funny and very dangerous for everyone! Do we remember that she said "allegedly" that she is just a plane crash away from being Queen? This woman is sick.

It's very amazing that you were able to change your mind when you saw they don't want a quiet life and you questioned them. This is amazing. Unfortunately, many people feel if they change their minds or proven to be wrong that is the end of the world and don't see the opportunity to grow in it.

"And what happened to not using the titles?" Unfortunately, I think that was only about the HRH titles that they cannot use and marching the Sussex name. Do you remember their original plan was to sell Sussex merch, pens, socks and everything in the world? But yeah, this lifelong feminist is a nobody without her husband... She is indeed ridiculous but she and her minions don't care. They hate TBR but they cling to the title they give to her because of her marriage. Ladies and Gentlemen we are living in the Twilight Zone.

But no real organization or awards take her seriously. A few prominent people already said they would never work with her. They were not invited to the MET or the Oscars, no matter how they pushed this "We were invited but we are to famous, we don't want to distract..." I mean this woman was grinning in the middle of her "near fatal" car chase and I suppose to believe she passed on the MET gala? LOL.

Harry definitely has a serious mental illness, unsolved trauma but MM made it worse. On purpose. She is praying on this. Harry also has an ongoing security lawsuit in England so they needed a public event to prove they are not safe without security paid by the British taxpayers. Their arrogance is mindblowing. And the cherry on top is that they could recreate a Diana moment to draw parallels between her and them (MM).

"They don't seem to have any kind of game plan though outside of pay us money for existing and showing up at public events."

If you read, they (throughout Scoobie and Shola) demand a reaction, a statement from Buckingham Palace. That is their plan. Make BP react to everything. Anything. They have nothing without the BP connection meanwhile they are just thriving, living their lives as usual. I bet the new Wales media strategy made MM angry and annoyed.

"Basically, trying to be American royalty."

And this is the insane part because they could have been that. In my opinion, there is 2 type of American Royalty. One is the old money. Kennedy, Rockefeller, Vanderbilt etc, people you heard their names before but you don't really have an idea what they do, how they look because they are not for publicity. They already distanced themselves from MM.

The second type is the self-made, Hollywood, influencer types of "American royalty" who are very public, giving interviews, frequently photographed etc.

They already have this in Britain and they could have this in America, but they are greedy and stupid. MM wanted to rule a world, a society she knows nothing about. She made a laughing stock of herself. Catherine needed almost 20 years to achieve that. From a ridiculed middle-class girl to becoming the queen of British society. And just because she married the heir she didn't get this automatically. She needed to work hard for respect. And she is okay with this because she married for life to the man she loves deeply. She doesn't have to rush anything. MM on the other hand wants everything and wants it now. Because she doesn't love Harry, he is just a tool for her. That's why she will throw him away eventually.

[ellie--rambles]

I do see how I misunderstood your original post, apologies. However, that doesn’t change the fact that you’re assigning motives and connections where there are none. Angus says very clearly what he’s packing and why, his motives are explicitly laid out and doesn’t offer any sort of clue that he might not be telling the truth. He doesn’t make any mention of the draft before, during, or after this scene— in the case of the restaurant scene, he says that he’ll be sent to Vietnam as a result of attending Fork Union, not because he was drafted.

If you want to talk about draft dodgers, that’s cool and a very good and worthy thing to discuss as far as American politics go, but this movie is not about a boy who is actively trying to dodge the draft. He’s 17, he’s not at risk of being drafted until at least his 18th birthday, so he wouldn’t be preemptively preparing for something like this— what good could wearing a swimsuit like that on vacation do in terms of being drafted? He’d have to wear it to his assessment; just owning that piece of clothing isn’t enough proof that he intended to use it for that purpose. Also, as far as draft dodging techniques go, there are ways that were much easier for someone like Angus to do; a big, popular choice was going to college, or faking a medical condition— hell, with the trauma history to his shoulder, he might not even be eligible for the draft in the first place, depending on how it healed and what functionality he’s capable of (which, to be fair, in the film, it seems like he makes a speedy recovery).

Anyway, my point is, claiming to be gay to avoid the draft, whether true or not, was a very extreme choice, and there were things he could have done that would be easier and less damaging. In 1970, when the bulk of this movie takes place, homosexuality was still classified as a psychiatric disorder. People were hospitalized and criminalized for being gay. In America, it was still classified as a mental illness up until 1973, began being decriminalized in 1961, and wasn’t until 2003 where all the laws left that were anti-gay began to be invalidated (of course, recently, we’ve seen discriminatory laws being put back into place, but I digress). There was a very big stigma around being gay back then, and, if Angus showed up to his drafting station and claimed to be gay, he wouldn’t be sent to Vietnam, but he also likely would not be going home to Boston either.

Again, it’s great to discuss the ethics of the draft and dodging it, but this movie doesn’t talk about it because that’s not what this movie is about. Angus dodging the draft is not brought up, because this movie is not the story of a troubled boy who is dodging the draft, along with other hardships in his life.

If you want to watch a movie about the draft/dodging the draft, I suggest The Boys Who Said NO! (2020, dir. judith ehrlich) which, while not fiction, does paint a very good picture of what the environment and conversation around draft dodging was at the time, and gives a tidy little retrospective of the implications of these actions.

First off, you sound like that person who sent that weird essay to maia crimew. Second off, please take a film studies or film analysis course. Just because the film isn't ACTIVELY about something doesn't mean it's not a theme. Third, Angus is a junior who repeated a grade. Fourth, (this list is out of order with your ask) gay men fully could not join the military. It wasn't just if they were drafted. It's also very silly to me that you're acting like you know a lot about Vietnam drafting but using dodging instead of resisting. I'm a queer woman who has studied prep schools during the Vietnam era very intensely. Just because something wasn't popular doesn't mean it didn't happen. I am a film student, the curtains are never just blue. The filmmaker's intention ultimately doesn't matter. There is an underlying theme of Vietnam War fears throughout that movie and I literally just identified one. Grow up <3

#the holdovers #vietnam war #this is so funny to me #im not actually pissed just bewildered #like if you're gonna yap at least dont be anonymous #coward bitch lol #angus tully

[darkfictionjude]

[Singer MC]

How would the family and RO react to listening to MC's entire album and which ones would get stuck in their head due to how catchy they are.

Track list:

1. Fun House: it's about their arrival in the asylum and all the horrible experiences they lived while there.

2. Cursed: it's about MC's birth and how their parents and people around them have always scorned and hated them for being ill.

3. Mad House: its about their family life and how messed up it was for their siblings and themselves.

4. Damnned: its about their mental illness and how they dont care about people expectation and how hard it is for someone with mental illness to live without having assholes annoying you or pressing your buttons.

5. Birds of a feather: its about their meeting and eventual friendship with Nia.

6. Blame it on me: it's a prelude to the start of Orla and MC's deteriorating sibling relationship and the battles with their worsening mental health.

7. Bad Blood: MC sings from Orla's perspective and showcases their uncanny ability to mimic voices to perfection mimicking Orla's voice, How Sal failed them Aswell As their Mother treating her like a doll and the impossible expectations forced upon her and how much she Hates MC.

8. Mister Sunshine: Its about Sal and their toxic positivity where MC verbally violates him with vicous bars using his own mindset against him and showing how much he ends up hurting them and making things worse instead of helping them and how he forsake Percy and Orla because he thinks they can't take care of themselves.

9. Money can't show Love: it's about Percy and their dependency on money that makes their heart hurt and how much loves and hugs they would give them and how if he wasn't there they would have received fathers beatings and how much it eats them up inside and how ironically he's a better brother than Sal even do he's a dick because he doesn't make them feel like their being choked.

10. Loverboy: MC sings in Lorcan's perspective mimicking his voice, it's about Lorcan and Orla's relationship and how obsessed he is to Orla and how much of angel she is to everyone including him while roasting the shit out off him and highlighting how he would bully MC and how he would be blinded from the truth.

11. Summer 92: MC sings about the event that got them that scar and how much they which Orla was gone from their life [leave this one out due to possible spoilers].

12. Haunted: Its about them dealing with Orla's death even do they didnt have a good relationship they cared about her and how they feel haunted because even if she's gone the pain she inflicted on them are still there.

13. Dementia: this one is about how fucked up they feel their mental state and their memory problems is.

14. Return to Hell: it's about their return and recent experiences and how much they hate being treated differently and how everyone seems to lack basic human decency being up in their case abouttheir mental health as if they cared and threatening the girl who was saying they where bald and wearing saying they where going to make her bald if she didn't leave them alone.

15. Pretender: it's about how they feel about Irme and how they feel fake even if their being truthful but they don't mind him being a pretender since they do it to so people leave them alone.

16. Birdcage: it's about how they feel about Nia and how they feel she betrayed them even do that doesnt chage the fact she changed her friend to birdcage and how she doesnt talk and MC unleashes a verbal butchery on how she should talk to them instead of pretending to be in a birdcage.

17. Migraine: it's about how they feel about Lorcan and how sorry they feel for him even do he's an asshole who gave everything to Orla and didn't get anything back for his troubles.

18. 3 Way Street: this one is about the quests and what happened in them.

19. Green Card [yes the name was intentional]: it's a Savage Diss track aimed towards the mayor for being useless as a mayor the delivery is delivered in a mocking manner and it's aimed to get under his skin which it does.

20. Bad comedy: this one is about the revelation of MC's parent at the end of the current game and how they feel they have been lied to and how their life feels like a joke.

Wow you put some thought and detail into this damn but also who does mc think they are releasing 20 tracks on a debut album💀 in celebration of the milestone I will answer this full cast ask but no others because I’ve expressed my dislike for them

Regarding 19. Actually the mayor didn’t get into the country on a green card. I can’t say anything more about that but yeah no green card especially since I’ve never specified if the town is in the US or Canada and that the mayor came to English-speaking North America before the creation of the green card as we know it in the 40s. Also that man doesn’t listen to modern day music nor would he be angry at anything like a diss track, he would find it childish if he let a child anger him.

Imre finds his song very funny, and completely inaccurate in his motives. But is it the most catchiest to him.

Nia thinks her song is incredibly stupid and is surprised that mc seems to know her so little. No song gets stuck in her head but does like birds of a feather.

Lorcan thinks your full of shit of you think you know anything about his relationship with Orla. She might’ve hated you but she didn’t hate him. She gave him more than you can ever think. Nothing gets stuck in his head because he refuses to listen to anything else.

Victor & Prudence: hell will freeze over before these two ever sit down and listen to an album, apart from the fact they think it’s idiotic for mc to do this they also bemoan the state of modern music. Back in their day…

Sally: goes in one ear and out the other. He takes the songs at face value and doesn’t really listen to the lyrics, consciously or obliviously? Who knows. Mister sunshine gets stuck in his head, he actually does think it’s a happy song.

Percy: ridicules the songs about him. More than that, actually he verbally insults you and says that if he hears that album in the house the rug will be set on fire

Orla: laughs just laughs and laughs to the point of wiping tears. Tells you to find an career because clearly this isn’t for you. Also because you insist on talking about her trauma with no right she’ll expose things about you, it’s only fair right?

#1.000 questions #singer mc #we wretched creatures

[buffyspeak]

That Lily post you reblogged has me thinking, and it’s honestly kind of insane how categorically bad almost all of the parents on Gossip Girl are, even the ones we’re supposed to like!! If we take all of the various anecdotes from Serena and Eric seriously, then Lily - despite otherwise being an enjoyable character - is nothing short of a negligent parent. And variations of the same can be said for most of the other parents with significant storylines!

Like, as much as the show tries to gloss over it later on, Eleanor’s casual cruelty towards Blair and the seemingly intentional provocation of her bulimia despite KNOWING how severe it was throughout season one was actually genuinely awful. Harold, while more sympathetic given his backstory, still chose to relinquish primary custody of his daughter to move halfway across the world and barely see her, even though she was a 15 year old struggling with a serious mental illness. Alison, despite being oddly beloved in this corner of the fandom, is honestly just as bad - she too fucks off except with the added pretense of it being a temporary separation, and then makes little effort to maintain any contact with her kids outside of holidays, leaving Rufus to effectively single parent. And Rufus, despite being the most involved and least “objectionable” parent on the show, still consistently treats his son significantly better than his daughter, to the degree that said daughter at one point muses that her dad “basically hates her” and seems to believe it.

And that’s without getting into William van der Woodsen, Bart Bass, or the Archibalds, who were actual villains!!! Like it’s no wonder that all of the kids grew into fucked up adults when that was the standard of better parenting on the show.

i originally wrote that i had very little to add but then all of this happened! lmao. but still: you're spot on, anon.

one thing i will say is that wrt alison - she does get quite a bit of leeway in this corner of the fandom, hm? i'm not saying that i hate her or that i think she's as bad, as, say, bart bass (but literally who is), but i think what gets me most about her is that she leaves and upon briefly returning, doesn't let there be any space for the fact that the lives of her children have changed while she's been gone. when jenny tells alison she would have been able to go if she wasn't here, it may come off a little bratty, but it's not hard to sympathize with for me. because she's not wrong! her mom has been gone and now that she's back she's supposed to not have changed at all or stop caring about the things she cares about? (note: i know allison was upset about jenny missing her art show for the debutante ball, but it seems like it speaks to a larger issue of allison not liking who jenny has started to become while she's been gone... even though she's the one that left and jenny's allowed to have interests that deviate from hers.) i think the reason alison gets more grace from some parts of the fandom is that we see way less of her than most of the other parents, so there's room to imagine she's a Perfect Mom (TM) whenever jenny and dan go visit her on the weekends or holidays or when jenny leaves for hudson. but i doubt that's the case. (nor should it be! no one's perfect and i tend to prefer characters who are more complicated than that. but the idea that she's this flawless ideal of a parental figure seems... strange, to me.)

there's something really interesting about the lines being drawn between who the 'good' and 'bad' parents are. because I fully believe that lily and eleanor are on a pretty similar level to the archibalds, yet the narrative turns more in their favor. we still see their bad sides but we get their perspectives more and are Supposed to sympathize with them to some degree. the show never quite shies away from lily's negligence (the way it does from being consistent about eleanor's emotional abuse toward blair tbh), but it also never fully condemns her for it. the narrative wants us to forgive her, i think, in a way that it doesn't really care if we forgive, say anne. there are absolutely parents that are designated firmly in the villain category (#mafia boss burt bass circa season 6), but none of them come out looking to be shining examples of heroes either.

i think the show WANTS rufus to look that way but he just... doesn't. i don't hate him or think he's an absolute monster, but it's incredibly frustrating for him to get put on a pedestal (more by the fandom than the show itself, i'd say, though it depends on the circles you run in). a thought i had when i was trying to wrangle my thoughts in response to this ask jdjsjsjs was that... idk it almost seems like, prior to season one, rufus was used to getting to be The Fun Parent? and part of what alison leaving triggers is him having to figure out how to have a more authoritative role in his children's lives while still showing his care for them. and he gets a lot of that wrong! which makes sense. i think that when you're not used to being the authority and you start to try, you might hold on too tight and be harsher than you mean to be at first. which is what he does! especially with jenny. and that makes sense! i don't have a problem with that in and of itself - it's that it doesn't really get better? he refuses to see jenny's point of view throughout every conflict they have and never really tries to have empathy for her struggling to find her role in the ues (despite insisting, according to the pilot, that the only way both his children will be succesful is going to private school) or for her dreams of being a designer. it's hard not to chalk up his often controlling and judgmental attitude toward jenny as misogny (on his part, maybe, on the writers' part, definitely) because he DOES tend to make more) because he does tend to give dan more grace. but if I'M trying to show any grace, i think part of it likely stems from insecurities and fears from his own musical aspirations - he knows what it cost him and that he's not considered much more than a washed-up musician at this point, that he had to choose between his family and his music and he's chosen them, full stop. he knows dan is passionate about writing, but dan's more cautious, more hesitant, less sure of his craft or how much value he puts on it over everything else. (there are multiple story arcs about this!) i think jenny scares him a lot more because she's burning with pure ambition. she's not hesitant or unsure about it; she knows what she wants and she's going to risk whatever she needs to get it. i think i would be remiss to act like that doesn't play some role in how suffocating their relationship becomes.

tl;dr you're so right anon! i had lots of thoughts about it.

#gossip girl #gossip girl meta #anonymous #gg critical // #ask to tag // #thanks for sending this anon!! #i LOVE talking incessantly about media analysis #people should always feel free to send me asks like this because i love reading them and answering!! #even if we disagree as long as you're respectful i'm always happy to engage!

[remcycl333]

this might be all over the place so im sorry in advance, but i really need help. i feel so lost and completely unmotivated to manifest my desires like i really just dont know what to do. ive been feeling depressed lately and i really just want to change my life to how i want it to be, but i have no direction. literally on tumblr theres blogs arguing/talking about how a certain to manifest is wrong so it feels like im running in a big circle over and over again. i also dont know how to stay persistant ill admit. i dont know if its because im being impatient or if i just dont have enough self discipline. but i am just so tired of living the life im living now im starting to lose hope. i thought manifesting would be my chance to finally be happy with myself, but i still havent managed to manifest any "big" desire such as physical appearance or even just manifesting to see a random car. ive known about manifesting since 2020 so i know its taking longer than it should, i also know its my own fault that im still stuck here but idk what to do anymore. the only thing i have manifested is seeing angel numbers everywhere but that wasnt even intentional so i dont even know how i did it. im so scared that ill have to live my life like this forever while everyone else on here is living their dream lives. i just want to be happy like i really dont understand why i cant just grasp this simple concept like everyone else

baby, work on your self concept. you'll feel so much better and confident, and manifesting will be easier for you. choose the way you want to manifest, and do it. and stick to it. if you like to affirm, then affirm. if you like visualizing, visualize. don't listen to any blog who tells you affirming doesn't work. that is bullshit, as most of the bloggers you see on tumblr manifested their dream lives by affirming. any way you want to manifest will work if you assume it will. but at the end of the day, you have to choose. you have to decide that you're sick of your current circumstances--sick enough that you will actually be willing to do whatever it takes to manifest. ik that in a strange, twisted way thinking negative thoughts can be comforting and help you feel like you have more control over things, but that is not true. nothing bad will happen if you simply decide to give manifesting your all. nothing bad will happen if you stop thinking about how much you hate your life and how hard manifesting is and how difficult it is. only good can come from that. put yourself on a mental diet and stay consistent.

nothing will change if you keep thinking about how awful your life is. absolutely nothing will change. you have to let those thoughts go. i know it can be hard, but if you really want to see change, you have to let it go and trust that as long as you persist, you are guaranteed your new life. you persist by continuing to stay faithful to your new story even if you see absolutely no evidence of it in the 3D. even if you see the opposite. you persist by not taking no for answer, and never ever saying "it didn't work." it always works, even in you haven't seen the evidence of it yet. every single thing you want already exists in your 4D: you just have to stay faithful to the 4D and persist in it until it manifests into your 3D. everything you want is possible, but you have to let the old story go. it is dead and gone. and it is perfectly safe for you to let it go and to persist in your new story instead.

but at the end of the day, you have to decide. you have to be your own motivation. you are responsible for whether or not you manifest your desires, no one else. all of us have seen people shit on the way we like to manifest, or have seen 500 different new contradicting techniques, but we all sifted through all the information and found what worked for us and ignored the negativity we sometimes see on tumblr. you already know everything you need to know. if you need to take a break from tumblr (and all manifesting content) until you manifest your dream life, do it. but you have to put your foot down and decide for yourself. everything i just wrote will be all for nothing unless you decide to listen and choose a better life for yourself.

you got this. you are god. stop saying you can't manifest and step into your power. give it you all. you won't regret it.

#asks

[dwn024]

i know this is probably gonna make you feel bad and i want to preface this by saying that's not my intent, moreso a side effect. but if you want things to get better - if you want positive attention and engagement and friends to talk to that you can rely on - you need to get out of that defeatist mindset of "oh i'm too scared/spineless/stupid/bad". if you keep telling yourself that and convincing yourself that it's true, then, yeah, that's how things will stay. nothing anyone in this world can do or say will change that unless you want it to change and seeing this happen so often makes me think that some part of you doesn't want it to, despite what you say. eventually, something has to give, or you'll never move forward and you'll be stuck with that shackle for the rest of your life. i know mental illness is a horrible opponent, and i know it's not as easy as just Being Better, but sometimes the only real option you have is to grit your teeth, brace yourself, and leave your comfort zone, no matter how scary that may be. quit putting yourself down and wallowing in self pity; it's an injustice to yourself, and it's unfair to the people around you, especially the ones that would be happy to be your friend. let people into your life. try and learn new things. speaking from experience, the world isn't as scary as it seems. it won't be a perfect ride - you'll have bumps and backslides along the way - but if you take that leap of faith, you'll find the landing is much softer than you'd expect.

i am aware of this that does not make it any less catatonically terrifying though

i do agree with you i just don’t know how to do any of that. because i don’t want to make a wrong move or come off as annoying or pushy or invading someone’s space when they would prefer if i did not do that or million of other reasons i can’t articulate right this second any time i think about sucking it up and attempting to go for it i can’t even take half a step in the right direction without freezing and then immediately turning back and giving up and whenever i even am actively thinking about how much not having friends sucks i feel too shitty and worthless to want to pursue anything right this second so i think i can just put it off till another time but by the time i feel good enough to do it i’m like “whatever i’ll just accept not having friends i am content with myself all alone even if i kinda hate it” yadda yadda self perpetuating cycle whatever i’m losing my grip on words articulation right now

sorry i don’t mean to sound like i’m trying to argue with you or anything like that because that isn’t my intent i think i agree with you on everything you said but me being aware of all that doesn’t make it feel any less impossible if no one is presenting me with any smaller easier start to the beginning of easing into a solution than “just go for it it can’t possibly be that hard you must be exaggerating just take the first step off the cliff” sorry that sounds like arguing again that’s not what i’m trying to do i agree with you but i need some way to ease into something like that first i Can’t just jump straight into it i will Freeze and then Give Up Forever

[redrum-district]

My philosophy on closure is there is no such thing as closure, or at least, something we define as closure ; the pursuit of these matters to attain the hopes that it'd give us a reason to forget, to achieve happiness, only to question what would happen if these events hadn't happened, an endless series of `what if's`, despite being the sum of our whole experiences — both good and negative. Now I'm not saying this is an excuse to abuse, or to be abused of course, nor is this a convoluted way to just blame someone for their abuse, because trauma does echo. It hurts, and leaves lasting wound, but like a wound, it heals and scars over — but it is never quite exactly the same. And that is ok, I'd like to think. Not that the experience happened, but that we can heal, for time's arrow marches on.

Some heal slower than others, others quicker than what others think is ok, it's all at our own pace . . . but I like to think that pursuit of closure can let wounds fester. It can bleed into unresolved trauma, which just continues to cycle, until the ouroboros chokes on its own tail, or finally lets go. I hope I can let it go.

A series of why's, over and over again, for an answer that can be as meaningless as `good intention`, revenge, outright malice, or just because. I had to learn those last two when trying to find closure, because in the end, there is just. . . no deep down.

You are just you. Others are just others. Changing faces constantly to adjust to the situation, when we aren't as deep or profound as we'd like to think we are — this is coming from someone who knows they're a glass that's pretty much empty, no half full or half empty. Maybe I'm just shallow, or maybe I'm just severely mentally ill — maybe I'm a mix of both ; a possible personality disorder, paired with trauma and illnesses makes it easy to think and overthink. Of course, it isn't bad being shallow ; you just fill with what you can, and manage as you are, but do you fill it with good? Or do you it with anger? A mix of both is good I think, we can't always be perfect. Of course, mental illness isn't exactly helpful, and complicates matters . . . Sometimes it's just like a leak in the shallow glass we hold, but it's with healing and support that it can plug the gap — not fully close it, and there are days it'll spill out. Closure is defined as closing something, which implies ending it, but we can't close the book on mental illness and trauma — we can only manage and heal to the best of our abilities.

Regardless. A stupid metaphor, but it makes sense I think. I hope I'm getting this point across, if I didn't lose anyone in this philosophical nonsense.

The pursuit of closure nearly drove me to the end, over and over again, because I thought I could finally be happy if I knew why. Then the just because and why's came. The goal post just kept moving further and further, all to find the true happiness I sought — until I just realized : happiness isn't a thing. Or at least, how we view it, like closure.

Funny how it ties together like that. It's just the positive and the negative, not happiness. It's the pursuit of it that kills us, because we view it as a lasting feeling, which just amplifies the negativity when it flees from our grasp. It's commercialized, sold to us, `till we're back at square one.

I'll never get closure, and that is okay — just as long as I march along. My abuse will never be justified, and the me that could have existed is just fantasy. I refuse to overthink it, all to answer some question with no true meaning.

Thank god for therapy at least. Just take care of yourself, and do what you can for you — but without entirely selfish pursuits. Be selfish enough to have boundaries, but treat others with kindness. It is balance. But remember, we're all healing from something ; I just hope that the pursuit of closure just doesn't consume you like it nearly did me.

#kni speaks #wow this is so deep (sarcasm) #but yea #i've been thinking for a few days after a certain situation.... thought i'd get closure coming out but #no #i still don't have answers #and that's okay #i don't need them so long as i can fill in the gap #actuallytraumatized #long post #text post #ramble #my philosophy

[lonelyvomit]

It's the anon from a few days ago that wrote about feeling lonely and forgotten. I just, I don't know, I want to say you are right. I know that I am the one causing this. But it is so hard to actually open up to people when all I have ever learned is that I am the problem. When I first opened up to my dad about my mental illness he actually said "How dare you to emotionally blackmail me with this". Then he went and told someone from the family about this, but I have never been asked about it. I also never told anyone about my self harming history but learned that they know from a worker at the youth welfare office (I google translated this so no idea if it means what I want to say). My mom told them this to make my dad look bad. Never once she asked me about it, or anyone else for that matter. My best friend who was the only person who I actually talked to about stuff like this, actually doesn't speak to me anymore, because they like you said that this is my fault. I really want to change, but I am so afraid of rejection.

first off, love, it's not your fault. I never wanted to say that, but I can understand why it might've come across that way and I apologise. I never wanted to put any blame about this on you, because it's not that you're doing anything wrong - you're doing what most humans in your situation do. I probably should've mentioned this in the previous ask, but I used to do the exact same thing myself. and I never realized the walls I was holding up were there until I learned to let them down, and I have since looked back and realized that during those years when I felt incredibly alone, I did in fact have people around me, I just didn't let them in. my intention was not to point fingers and make you feel guilty about where you are, because your situation is super common and what you're doing makes perfect sense. you're protecting yourself, I understand, and that's not wrong. but the ways in which we protect ourselves from getting hurt are rarely if ever easily split in right and wrong ways, because all of them have pros and cons and some are easier than other or fit our personal situation better. I just wanted to make sure you're seeing both sides of it so you can decide for yourself if this is how you want to go forward.

secondly, I'm so sorry your family has let you down like that and refused to listen to you or help you. you deserve a lot better, and you deserve to find people who care about you. and I know how terrifying that is, but that's the shitty part of life - you don't know who would be there for you until you trust them enough to give them a chance. and yeah, there's a chance someone will be hurtful about it. unfortunately it does happen. but the good people you can find who can actually make you feel like someone cares about you are worth it. in the end they will matter more and they will outweight the bad.

you have a valid reason to feel like you need to protect yourself when the people closest to you have failed you that badly. but that protective shield has it's down side too. you haven't done anything wrong - it's not that black and white. there is no right or wrong way to deal with these things, and I certainly am not the person to tell you how you should handle your life. your situation is much more complicated than the limited context I have, and out of everything I say I hope you're able to weed out anything that doesn't make sense or actually apply because of something I'm not aware of. you make your own decisions and I'm not trying to point fingers and pick out faults in any of them, I don't know your life and that is not my place. I can only offer a different point of view that may or may not help you.

and regardless of any of this, your feelings of loneliness are just as valid. where they stem from doesn't change the fact that they're real and hurtful, and I'm really sorry you have to deal with them. I hope you find a way to connect with people, even if it's scary. 🖤

#asks

[courier-nix]

2/3/7/11/52 for fallout oc asks?? 👀

Coming right up!!!

Super excited someone asked for some!!! Some Dead Money spoilers ahead but not much. Okay so here they are:

2. Which faction(s) did they join and which did they destroy? Why?

So far Nix has joined the Kings and the Followers of the Apocalypse. She loves everything they stand for and wants more people to receive the aid and safety they offer. She also has a growing soft spot for the King that helps. Although she's the NCR's favorite task girl, she was originally going to support Mr. House until she got pulled to the Sierra Madre. Now, she's an independent New Vegas believer, after seeing what rich "well intentioned" men who only care about what they want can do to the world. (She also would not be able to bring herself to kill the BOS despite the fact she doesn't really like them.) She refuses to join the BOS after what happened to Veronica. Nix loves the Boomers and is untrusting of the Strip families and the Great Khans, but can play them like the fiddle when she wants. She hates the Legion and plans to wipe them out with Boone.

3. What is their S.P.E.C.I.A.L.?

S 5

P 6

E 5

C 7

I 7

A 6

L 5

She got the strength implant from Usanagi so she had an easier time holding heavy guns.

7. Do they have any mental illnesses? How do they cope?

The two main things is PTSD and anxiety. For PTSD, it can vary from hearing an alarm go off and she thinks it's her bomb collar, to she gets flash backs to the terrible things she's done that she feels guilty about. Nix's anxiety mostly manifests through abandonment issues and being alone. She doesn't quite understand why she's that way since the shots to the head made her lose a good chunk of memory, but she does know her grandma had to raise her because her parents couldn't. She is an anxious attachment person who MUST be friends with everyone and MUST be liked by everyone otherwise she feels like shit. She's strongly affected by guilt and anxiety.

So this ties in strongly with The Hollow Men by TS Eliot, whose line I stole for the title of my fanfic featuring Nix (Not with a Bang). The poem discusses people affected by war who know that they are broken and lost souls but are unable to do actions to better themselves or the world. Nix is constantly trying not to be a hollow man and is trying to make sure her companions don't end up like one too (especially Boone). But that hollow feeling is persistent and a battle on its own she has to deal with.

The last thing I'll mention is she does get violent outbursts but they're few and far between and they cause her immense guilt and shame after. She doesn't know if she's always been that way or if the shot to the head caused it, which makes her more upset.

11. Their biggest flaw? Do they recognize it as a flaw?

Nix's biggest flaw is self-doubt and indecisiveness. When there is a clear right and wrong answer in Nix's mind, she knows what to pick. Morally grey areas tend to make her indecisive because "what if so-and-so no longer likes me because of this? What if I can't lead like I'm supposed to? Will this cause more harm than good?" Etc. She knows that it's a flaw, but as of now, she doesn't know what to do about it.

The Sierra Madre changes that!!!

She becomes a bit more hardened and decisive after she sees herself doing everything right, but still ending up with Dean dead. (She honestly thought everything went great with him and didn't realize how fragile his ego was.) She learns who she wants to back in the next Battle of the Hoover Dam. At this point, I haven't planned the next arch of her story much, but she does end up more violent and those violent outbursts more common.

52. Are they good at disarming traps or do they constantly miss them?

Oh, she sucked with traps at first. She wouldn't even see them. She'd hear beeping, look for the source, and then get launched. Bear traps were the only ones she could normally notice. Trip wires and landmines she would tend to overlook. Once she got to the Sierra Madre, she started to slow down and pay attention, especially since so many other people needed her to survive. By the time she got into the casino, Nix was a pro at disarming or stepping around traps (some may say she had a light step now lol).

Here's a quick doodle of Nix getting launched and Lily rushing to catch her since you made it all the way through!!!

#fallout oc asks #fallout new vegas #nwab fanfic #courier nix #fnv #fallout

[celllofane]

well, it's been a long time since i've done a personal post. just feel like i need to announce this somewhere other than inside my own fucking head. things are changing, i've changed. and i think a lot of people wont agree with me and that's just too bad for them. its my life.

:readmore:

I'm never telling anyone my future plans ever again. i have a few options for plans and i'm still considering them.

i have decided I'm choosing my own happiness and now will base literally every decision on whether it feels right and my intuition likes it.

i have gone through so many ego deaths and awakenings i can't relate to anyone i know anymore. i'm pretty sure most of the people in my life can't be trusted and i know they can't be confided in. i'm trusting myself from here on out.

what some may think of as "delusional" i see as driven. i'm going to start cutting heads off one by one (not literally i mean out of my life) for anyone i know doesn't support my goals and achievements. and best believe i have a backup plan for everything but that's cute and all because the main plan is truly the only option that comes to fruition.

i don't care if i have to lose everything and everyone to achieve my goals because i really don't have much to lose. i doubt that would happen but i'm willing to risk anything. i don't care what anyone thinks of me and the only reason i keep my plans private is not for fear of judgements but because i believe peoples thoughts and energies (including mine) affect the unfolding of reality. feelings and thoughts become hardened into actions and events, how could anyone say they don't change the world? it's preposterous.

anything that doesn't align with what i desire simply just doesn't exist to me. if i don't like it or find it unhelpful it simply just isn't real and won't be in my life. i have exactly what i want and i will use it to my advantage. everything i deliberately think and speak becomes my reality and it took me far too long to realize that. it doesn't matter "how" or "how long" it takes because time is an illusion that only seems to be linear when you inhabit a flesh body. everything is already happened and happening right now. people have much more control over things than they think they do. like toddlers wielding flame throwers and wondering why their house is on fire. i wont participate in such lack of awareness.

i see through people so easily now it's often horrifying and disheartening. even people who seem to have good intentions for you are still usually limited to what their ideas of "good" are and if you want or think or do something outside of that they treat you like youre crazy. even if it's something not harmful to you or anyone else they act like it's bonkers.

i'm tired of people, even people i don't even know, referring to the things that i go through as a mental health issue or "spiritual psychosis". there is literally no balance and its divided into 2 extremes: the religious fanatic who hates science or the science minded who degrade everything spiritual into an "illness". both lines of thinking come from western imperialist and colonial degradation and destruction of nonchristian beliefs and cultures from all over the world. they either want to put you down with a textbook or put you down with a Bible. even when science is starting to prove the theories I've had for years about quantum mechanics, antimatter etc. they will go back to science from 10 plus years ago to solidify how crazy they think you are.

how is it crazy if it always comes true? how is it crazy for me to see a very specific object in a very specific place in a dream then be able to go and find that object the next day. same with events and people. it takes years of studying and training to be able to develop this level of pattern recognition and skill of discernment and frankly I'm tired of not giving myself credit for it. it pisses me off.

how are people going to do things like beg me for tarot readings and spells then get surprised when it comes true. i'm not a beginner witch throwing lemons and rosemary into jars because i saw it on tiktok. i have spent years studying so many different practices my head spins trying to remember them all. i have done extremely serious and intensely precise ceremonial rituals that most people, even witches, simply don't have the patience or the gall for. i don't even really like to use the word spiritual bc of what all the new age starseed racist nutcases have done with it but idk what other word to use. you may say it's hypocritical for me to call them nutcases but i really dont feel bad for anyone who's in the alt right pipeline. it didn't take me very long to stop studying things rooted in n4zism because i have Google and a conscience and i know those mfs have Google...

i have seen so much, but i will never say it was too much. the only time i ever felt like it was too much was because i wished to be blind and stupid again like those i saw often around me. i probably seem angry and pretentious in this and the truth is i am angry. I'm tired of acting like i haven't done or learned much and I'm tooting my own horn because i deserve to. i hate living a life where i feel like i'm surrounded by npc's where some are just more advanced than others. I'm angry because they're real people with real souls and seem to be happy living like npcs. I'm not angry they choose to live that way because ignorance is bliss has a of truth to it, i'm angry because they want me to participate in their nonsense.

i feel like whenever people talk about those dreams they have where they say don't tell the people in your dream that you know it's a dream or they gang up on you or notice you don't belong there etc except in real life. ive literally never had that problem in dreams only awake. it's funny how so many people do truly hold beliefs like time is an illusion, death is not the end, i am not my body etc etc but still continue to live in contradiction to all their beliefs. not including what we have to do to survive under capitalism. ive noticed atleast in my experience that most peoples beliefs do not affect the way they choose to live their lives at all and they don't even care. why hold such beliefs if they mean literal dog shit to you?

i'm not doing spells or rituals for anyone else besides me and 1 other person ever again. i also most likely will not read tarot or do any other divination for anyone else either besides those i have already promised. the only way i can see myself doing that is if I'm getting paid a lot to do it. i've had my gifts exploited and taken advantage of too many times and it's all fun and games when premonitions i have that they enjoy come true but when it's about something for me suddenly it's delusional to them.

i'm going to be more isolated and private than ever and i dont regret it. i have no desire to make any new friends nor to make effort to keep most of the ones i have. i don't trust anyone not to see me through their own lense that doesnt understand me. i don't trust anyone not to disappoint me or let me down. i don't trust anyone to believe anything I'm going through. i don't trust people not to do a modern day actual witch hunt on me (not like on some Trump rapist whiny bs like bc I'm actually a witch) and try to get me committed.

my family has had these powers for years and anyone can have them if they actually just try and learn it. just like some people are naturally talented at sports, art, music etc so are we and anyone can get good at those things too with dedication. it's the same. even within my family its fucked up because all our interfaith has been lost and its all Christianity now and they externalize it and say it's powers from god. they are always correct and always come true, every last one of us that had the sight. we knew to be careful who to tell bc of people thinking we were crazy. but when you live in the Bible belt and say its bc of god most people don't doubt u.

im going to continue to follow my sight, my own power. i can make anything i want happen in one way or another and that scares and confuses people. this is my life's work and I'm done having anyone in my life that doesn't believe me or support me. i won't be involved with people who have fallen for the idea that anything not atheistic or external is mental illness. even when it is external and you have proof they try to explain it away or you just get 8 "damn that's crazy"s and then they don't give a shit anymore and want to go back to something mind numbing and soul crushing.

i hereby discard and leave behind anything that does not serve my interests and desires including feeling bad about doing so. i'd rather have no friends and have made my dreams come true than to have a bunch of friends who CONSTANTLY try to get me to think like them and be like them when it fucking disgusts me the way they see themselves and other people. that is all.