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tossawary · 2 months

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I finished Volume 3 of SVSSS, which encompasses the main story, and currently have my bookmark sitting at the first chapter of the Airplane Extras in Volume 4. I took a bunch of quote pics but have yet to review them and add thoughts.

Every time I read SVSSS, I forget how... incredible... the inside of Shen Yuan's head is. He's fascinating.

Like, he's misogynistic (even while criticizing Airplane's own misogynistic writing), he's homophobic, AND he's transphobic. Not in a way where I think he thinks anyone deserves fewer rights than anyone else (I think he's generally a nice person, although, holy shit, I would not trust this man to craft policy of any kind) or would prevent anyone from living however they chose to live, a lot of his problematic bullshit stays inside his own head as he tries to understand the world around him using the stallion novel formulas he was given, but he's carrying around SO MUCH unexamined bias that supports his refusal to examine himself and his own desires.

Some of it reads (presumably intentionally) a LOT like the kind of conflicting, problematic bullshit a lot of queer people carry around inside their heads as they struggle to untangle themselves and their beliefs.

And while I do wish that Shen Yuan had been forced to confront and address his misogyny and transmisogyny even further than it does come up (in part because it is DEFINITELY affecting the way he thinks about gay men as well, including and especially Binghe), I do kind of... appreciate on some level that he thinks this way? From a character standpoint? Because I think it's probably realistic for a privileged young man spending a lot of time on the internet reading shit like PIDW to look at the world this way. And it's clear even through his own narration that his blindness in certain areas is causing him a lot of trouble. While I do have criticisms and personal wishes, I do appreciate the depiction of personal character development that is just... a cringeworthy mess of internalized bullshit the whole fucking time.

Also, it's SO funny to me that he reads as SO aro-ace-spectrum to me (probably gay, but generally detached from sexuality and possibly also partially from gender) AND he actually knows... the word asexual, I don't think he has a very broad understanding of asexuality... but he knows the word and yet doesn't personally identify that way. He mentally accuses both Luo Binghe (main story, before finding out Binghe is into him) and Liu Qingge (Succubus Extra) of being asexual for showing no interest in women, only to fail to reflect on how he ALSO demonstrably has no lasting personal interest in the women around them, which doesn't read as very genuine to me.

(EDIT: Again, I am not against a bisexual Shen Yuan interpretation either! I am willing to be persuaded by any author who wishes to tell a particular story. But Shen Yuan's attraction towards women often reads personally to me as very shallow and possibly insincere.)

"I willingly read PIDW, that proves I'm straight!" he sincerely thinks to himself, even though his favorite wife is the one without explicit sex scenes and he also admits to skipping over a lot of them.

"I'm able to tell when women are beautiful, that makes me straight!" thinks the guy who mentally censors nudity whenever demon women lose their clothes, and keeps telling us how "the average reader" of PIDW would react to these beautiful women instead of conveying his own attracted reactions. His actual reactions are generally centered on a woman's narrative significance. The only people he personally seems to find attractive are Luo Binghe and maybe Liu Qingge.

Though my interpretation was that he does probably experience sexual arousal and have a sex drive (see his username), which probably helps with his conviction of straightness, I'm not sure that there's any mention of Shen Yuan even masturbating at all in the entire main story of SVSSS? He never tried to hook up with anyone. Sex is apparently not a priority for him.

(EDIT: He does seem to enjoy sex with Binghe in the "Bing-mei vs. Bing-ge" Extra. He loves Binghe and likes the closeness and the physical pleasure. I appreciate the indication that they're working on moving on from the AWFUL intercourse pushed by Xin Mo's possession and possibly also the System's Scenario Pusher.)

And Shen Yuan seems to view women as being and behaving Fundamentally Differently from men and gay men as behaving Fundamentally Differently from straight men (as soon as he learns Binghe is into him, he thinks about how Binghe isn't behaving like the characters in his sister's gay, non-con, BDSM erotica novels), seeing everything through the lens of novel tropes, such that he seems to view sex and sexuality and gender as being deeply mixed with a person's personality. So he can't be a gay man, because he's too "Normal", in his mind at first, because he doesn't behave like his own mental image of "How Gay Men Behave" (or "How Women Behave / A PIDW Wife Behaves"), while also demonstrably not being anything like "the average reader" of PIDW and also apparently not caring too much about his own masculinity? Like, I do think he likes being the gentleman scholar of Qing Jing Peak, he does like appearing dignified and strong and cool, he doesn't like losing, he doesn't really like playing "damsel in distress" roles, and I do think he likes being gallant towards women, but he's not too concerned about seriously competing with figures like Luo Binghe or Liu Qingge? He's happy enough to back down and let someone else take the lead if necessary. He puts up with being put into the roles of female leads even if it embarrasses him and he rolls with the punches to his pride easily enough. He seems to have decided his Sexuality By Default, so it does make me have a lot of thoughts about whether or not he's potentially going with Gender By Default / Convenience as well.

Someone get this man some amateur and academic literature on gender and sexuality (and a lot of other stuff), stat, so he can ignore it, probably.

#tossawary svsss #shen yuan #shen qingqiu #tossawary rereads svsss #shen yuan versus asexuality fic

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raayllum · 10 months

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random writing question:

what’s your experience with writing romance (scenes, characters, dialogue) as someone on the ace spectrum?

That's a good question (and I'm always happy to talk about aspec experiences/perspectives)! I've been writing romance, more through fanfic than original works (which are mostly politics/found family centric), for much longer than I've know I was ace, since I started writing around age 11, started questioning if I was ace when I was 16, and accepted/been identifying and out as ace since I was 18. So I've never really thought about it consciously, even if my perspective undoubtedly affects the way I write and enjoy romance/life partner dynamics (romantic or not).

My perspective is also, as always, coloured by the fact that I'm fully asexual and sex repulsed, which is not the case for all aces or all people on the ace spectrum, and I'm also on the aromantic spectrum, so I do experience some romantic attraction. I just know it's not quite the form that allo people experience in the how or the why or the feeling, either.

But basically, I treat romance like any other kind of bond, which is that I filter it through what the characters bring to each other, and each of them need. I also think about their histories and especially their personal compatibility and like, what they enjoy? I'll talk a bit about crafting OC/OC romances cause I think it's useful

For example: in my OG works I have two sort of main 'ships'. One is between a pair of childhood best friends; they always have each other's backs and while the whole group they're in is very close, they're particularly close / have a soft spot for each other. Much more tender hearted than roasting one another. This lends them a sweetness and a steady acceptance that's in contrast with well, the horrors they're going to go through because war is a bitch, as well as a "the whole world can change but we won't let it change us / tear us away from each other" notion. One of the characters in the ship (who's aspec himself) is also very much a "I want to take care of everyone" type of character, whereas his counterpart is caring but also very rightfully selfish and "I never asked for this". A "they take care of everyone and I take care of them" type bond that neither really share with anyone else.

The main appeal of this sort of ship dynamic, I think, is the steadiness and intimacy and a gentler, sort of very constant love. Some drama, not a ton, and very much "you and I against the world" type thing.

The other ship falls into the other main category of 'ships' I think, which is the Transformative Ship, or Mirrored Ship, where they are two very different characters who meet as strangers, comparatively, on opposite sides of a war, and because of those circumstances, they change each other radically. An often painful but poignant process, and one that helps them to work through their differences, yes, but also to acknowledge their similarities. One of the appealing aspects of this kind of ship is the way it can make the characters 'Better' / grow into more self actualized versions of themselves, and the inconvenience of having feelings for someone it would be much easier to not have those feelings for and/or or during a time when you should be focusing on other things.

Where the other ship type is inherently a chosen Narrowing of worldview and priorities, this one can be an Expansion of worldview and priorities. And, typically, this time of dynamic can eventually evolve into the first one as the transformative aspect is steadied into something more permanent and reliable.

This is, unsurprisingly, the relationship pattern I think Rayllum follows - moving from radically transformation to being transformative and steady - and one of the reasons why I think it's as popular as it is.

On the one hand, you have two kids with very different upbringings and personalities, but they also quickly and readily click because of their core, inverted similarities ("I've always been kinda bad, at well, everything... So when I tried that spell, I was sure I'd end up on fire or covered in spiders, but it worked" / "Well you are right, I am pretty awesome at everything. Right up until the moment it really matters... And the next thing I know, I've failed") but shared goals / good hearts. They can both grow and learn from each other, and also share 90% of their screentime with one another, and this leads to them developing a very intense and devoted bond with one another, able to withstand lies, heartbreak, two years of separation, interrelated sources of trauma, moral disagreements, and more.

But people can mean a lot to one another, and have a very meaningful connection to one another, while also not needing to be romantic. So why take a bond like this and make it romantic, if like Rayllum, it's rooted in platonic affection and soulmatism first and foremost? There's a few things:

1) The most obvious, but romance being something that a character actively wants - either just as an idea in general, or with a specific person, can typically be enough to sell someone on an idea. Kind of think the musical "I want" song - we're used to rooting for characters and their desires, particularly if the person they want is also seemingly interested and/or nice to them. For example, we know from very early on in the show that Callum does experience romantic feelings / has a crush on Claudia. It's also pretty clear early on that it's probably not built to last, and that his feelings are stronger / more evident than hers. This makes it feel uneven, and because we like Callum and/or Claudia, this makes us want to see it change; either in Claudia evening it out by gaining more feelings, or in Callum evening it out by losing those feelings. In the same episodes where he and Claudia fall apart, his and Rayla's bond is strengthened, putting the two in a clear contrasting parallel with one another. So for Callum's character, I think one of the main appeals of him in a romance is him getting a second chance and being the one pursued, etc. at least on a surface level.

2) However, there's also something really fun, and funny, about forcing a character into a situation or circumstance they don't really want to be in (+ dramatic irony to boot). This is why most romcoms will have one character who actively wants love and one who's sworn it off, because it gives them a very easy "pursuant and main character who gets a character arc by opening up their heart again". This is more where I think Rayla falls, as a character. We haven't and probably will never see her have feelings for anyone but Callum, and we don't know she has feelings for sure (although 2x02 and 2x04 definitely hint heavily at it) until 2x09. But what we do know about Rayla is that she's a character who heavily values being in control and keeping her composure. Love, and falling in love, strips her of all of that, and forces her to confront and express her emotions, something that her overall character arc in S1-S3 is pushing her to do in all aspects of her life.

This is also why it is exceedingly in sitcoms, particularly for female leads, to start off shows in an evidently unsatisfying relationship (The Office, Superstore, later on in S1 of Brooklyn Nine Nine, Abbott Elementary) because her leaving that relationship and realizing she deserves better or wants more (which eventually ends up being the male lead) is a really easy way to make an audience feel like there's progress being made while also offering up an default solution as to why the Intended Couple isn't starting to date right away while letting them interact consistently. And honestly, it's usually pretty damn effective because it allows for change and growth while also highlighting character agency (and we tend to root more for active characters than passive characters, although not always).

This is all very long winded in terms of Constructing a Romance, so I'm gonna take a briefer chance to talk about how to Write a Romance, execution wise:

a) Intimacy. This is arguably the most important thing. The trust, the knowing / noticing the little things, being able to respond to someone in the way they need, forgiving them quickly and letting anger go to work through things, having a grounded admiration and respect, etc etc. You'll notice that while the 'steadiness' ships are grounded in this, so are the transformative ships, as what they find is an unexpected intimacy in each other due to having shared experiences. However, partners being able to empathize and support in experiences they don't share is, arguably, even more important.

b) Banter. Quippy little back and forths, tiny harmless digs, dumb inside jokes, outright flirting, making sure these characters' conversations are just interesting to read. If you wanna sell people on a couple, you wanna make sure it feels like they can actually have a conversation about a variety of different topics and enjoy spending time together, even if it's in an "you're intriguing" kind of way at first > a "you're fun" kind of way

c) Unique bond. This one is hard to quantify, cause ideally every relationship a character has with another character should have some elements of uniqueness, and having a unique bond isn't exclusive to romance. However, what can make a romance - or life partnership - compelling is that the LI (love interest) gives something to the other character that they aren't getting from anyone else. Think of Callum and Rayla for example. Ez is the other most important person in Callum's life, and that's his little brother. That's an unconditional love most people can't touch. However, Rayla's unique bond with Callum means that she is his first peer - someone he can rely on just as much as he looks out for them, which largely due to his and Ez's youth, age gap, and Callum's personality, isn't always the case, and a Best Friend like that (Soren's bullying and his crush on Claudia keeps him at a distance from each of his other options) is something he's clearly fundamentally needed for a long time. And boom, a very nice and compelling foundation for a future romance has been laid!

TDP is also very effective with all of its elf-human couples since, sorely due to the nature of the story's conflict and worldbuilding, elf-human couples wanting to be together and live together (again, life partners) is always going to be a more narratively satisfying / interesting route than if these people wanted to live separately, since they're existing in a continent that was literally divided in two. Them being life/romantic partners is Harder, and therefore the better route, usually, story wise

A few more closing thoughts cause this got really (unsurprisingly, knowing me) long.

All this in mind: the way I write romance is almost entirely the same way I'd write a QPR (queer platonic relationship / platonic life partnership relationship). The only reason I tend to write romances > QPRs is because I think characters kissing is fun, and even that isn't exclusive to romantic dynamics, it's just exclusive to romantic dynamics to me. If I don't buy that two characters would be Good Friends regardless of any romantic feelings, or if romantic feelings overshadow a platonic foundation, I'm not likely to be very invested, and I have a hard time with insta-attraction as a result (attraction can be there from the start, but the ship itself can't be based on that magnetism - at least, not for me).

Anyway, hope this was helpful & that you enjoyed it! Always feel free to drop in random writing questions whenever, I love to talk about this sort of thing

More writing advice over here & more about my writing process / OG works here <3

#writing advice #shipping #thanks for asking #requests #aro tag #ace tag #long post #whoops #anonymous

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just-a-silly-boy · 1 year

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question, you know the boys are minors, right? do you not think it's concerning for 6-12 yr olds exploring their sexualities at such a young age?

Hello nonny. Thank you for your very important questions. I'll try to answer as the best way I could think of.

My answer is yes, I know the boys are minors, and no, I dont think it is concerning neither that children at 6-12 years old is too young to explore their sexuality.

Before you want to cancel me, please, take a deep breath, calm your heart, go drink water (stay hydrated!) and then continue reading.

Under cut because it is gonna be a long post and also there are subjective mentions of sexual themes. I really hope you read it with an open mind and if there are still any anxiety about the theme you (or anybody else) can message me and we can try to talk and get to an understanding.

When we talk about child sexuality, I believe that some points must be made very clear:

Sexuality is different from sexualization.

Children are not asexual.

And false-morality is just as harmful to a child as hypersexualization.

If you're worried about children between the ages of 6 - 12 being too young to explore their sexuality, let me tell you that, according to the part of psychology that studies child development, this is exactly the phase when the child is putting aside the interest in their own body and begins to to be interested in the world (and the world includes other people). This stage is when the child is more likely to explore the world and make friends and develop their personality and "role in society", but also about pleasure. And that's why I don't think it's wrong, or worrying/concerning, when someone has headcanons about Golding boys' sexuality and how being on a desert island (and previously on a world war) can influence that. Plus, depending on how you interpret that hunting scene, when the boys laugh when they realize where Roger hit his spear, you can see the sexual connotation of the "joke". The boys are not innocent and asexual at all.

Again, sexuality and sexualization are different things. Adults have a diferent understand of sex and its interests differs from the interests that a child/teen have in discovering it (I'm not going deeper in this theme, I'll leave a link at the end). So, said that I see no reason to judge someone who writes fanfics developing the theme of sexuality and sexual interest (which starts by the age of 9-11) of the characters as part of the plot. I think there is a lot of prejudice at this point that ends up causing much more discomfort than it really should and ends up being more harmful than healthy for everyone (both those who attack and those who are attacked). I also understand that it is a topic that have be explored with extra caution to make it realistic and not erotized by the adult lens. But you can write about sexuality without necessarily writing an erotic story or eroticizing/sexualizing minors.

A quick example to think about: if you play violent video games and watch murder documentaries it doesnt make you a murderer. Writing fictional characters sexuality is a way to understand yourself and your own sexuality. Nobody needs a heavy morality censor to create more harmful anxieties and prejudices about this theme.

If you got to here I just hope you don't hate me but if you do, well, I cant do anything about it. Anyways I took a quick look at Wikipedia about the theme and it seems that it is quite complete there, so for those who are more interested in the development of child sexuality, I suggest reading this article.

#nonny ask!#tw child sexuality #child development #lotf fandom #lord of the flies #I know that i didnt need to elabore this much #but I felt like it was a good chance to discuss a sensitive theme to this fandom because #boy you guys need to chill and learn to dont take anything too personal #G ranting

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priropro · 2 years

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Parfum Nostalgique Q&A/ Ask me Anything, June 2022

Bonjour, my darlings. I hope you're doing well. I've been working on Parfum quite obsessively, and I realized that I've encountered a bit of a problem...

Well, maybe it's the opposite of a problem.

You know how lots of creative people with big ideas and projects they're enthusiastic about joke around and say they spend more time talking about their projects than actually doing them? I'm the opposite. I spend so much of my time working on this game, that I've never really written any legitimate information on it for people who are curious about the project.

So, I decided to ask my followers what they would like to know the most about Parfum Nostalgique, and answer the questions here.

I tried my best to answer all questions received in a way that reads like a fun little interview. If you asked me a question and you don't see it, it means that the answer was probably lumped into another question! I hope you'll enjoy this behind-the-scenes look at the thing I spend every waking moment on.

Disclaimer: I'm writing this after a day of very bad chronic pain. I am barely lucid. Do not take the way I write this as a reflection of how I write my work!

Q: Who is this game for?

A: This is a LONG one in my head, but I'll try and make it as concise as possible.

I don't think I can just say "cool gay people." Can I say that? I guess I can. But there's a few types of cool gay people I think might resonate with the story more than other cool gay people, and I'd like to address what I mean by that here.

All my characters are what I like to call "trans-ambiguous." This means that none of them have canon, set genders or sexes. If you ask me what Dashiell's gender is, not even I know. If you ask me what genitalia Lupine has, not even I know. I'm trans, and rather than trying to represent a ton of specific gender identities, I prefer for it to simply be understood that many of my characters are implied to be trans, and that you are allowed to assign whatever gender or sex you see fit to them. Gender is the least important part of these characters' development, but a very important part of their aesthetics. Their lack of gender specificity is partially on purpose and partially because I genuinely cannot comprehend how or why i HAVE to decide on a gender and sex for each character.

I'm asexual. My main character is definitely not. He is an unapologetically allosexual vampire dom. Being asexual doesn't mean I don't enjoy sex, it just means that I don't feel sexual attraction to people. There are definitely asexuals who are sex-repulsed entirely, but I feel like that isn't stated enough that sexual activity and sexual attraction can and do exist separately. Depiction of sexual activity for the sake of personal expression and aesthetics rather than attraction are a big part of this visual novel. Val's clients are more interested in using him as a medium to carry out their personal fantasies than they are attracted to him. Asexuality is a very diverse identity, but I'm hoping this recontextualization of sex is one that makes at least a chunk of my asexual readers feel a little more seen.

I also think that this story, whether you're gay or not, will be a smash hit with people exhausted with hiding their emotions, neurodivergencies, trauma, etc. from their friends and loved ones to avoid further pain. People who really want to blow the fuck up and express themselves, but know that it might cause them more harm than good when the people they value the most don't have enough empathy to understand. People who have too many feelings, but no access to an environment conductive to meaningfully addressing them, this is a story for you.

Q: Tell us about your writing process.

A: Hold on, I gotta put my ADHD on the phone:

"Yeah hi, this is Rose's ADHD. When Rose wants to write, she's gotta get through me first. I only allow shit I think is fun to make it through the gates. Anything that felt like a chore to write or render isn't making it into the game. If she doesn't keep thinks fun, fresh, and sexy 24/7 I will pull the fire alarm in her brain. The indoor sprinklers will go off, and her day will be ruined. I know I'm a drama queen for doing this, but it's all part of the plan."

That's pretty much it. I write and i write to my heart's content, but always try and keep things new and fun, because if the story is fun and engaging for me to write, I can run with it without a problem. If it isn't, it's simply not getting done. If this game is a chore, it's not getting done, so I'm simply always making this thing more and more fun for myself so I can keep focusing on it. It's very rewarding, and I highly recommend doing this. Even if you don't have a dopamine deficiency, like I do, imagine the power you can hold if you find fun in everything on a project you love.

Q: Talk about your main sources of inspiration for your characters.

A: Some people know this, some people don't, but my main characters are actually based off of ball jointed dolls I've accumulated since I'm about 12 years old. If you're unfamiliar with BJDs, they are often sold nude, eyeless, wigless, and paintless, with the collector being encouraged to customize their doll to their heart's content. I used these dolls as a physical way to create my own characters, or maybe, the more accurate term is "friends." I didn't have to draw or write these characters and spend a ton of time developing them to experience them and be in their presence, because they were physical "beings" that I could "bond with." I would sit and play games with them on my lap after a hard day, or hug them when I needed to feel loved, or take them out to photograph when I was lonely and bored.

I poured a lot of time and effort into these dolls that I no longer have the energy for, though I know that passion will come back someday. They grew and changed with me as a teenager, as I went through different phases and interests. Each doll has been painted and repainted, wig swapped, and style swapped so many times to keep these characters fresh for me, because I didn't want to lose the bond I had with my dolls.

I have made the conscious decision not to involve my dolls any further in this project because of this. My characters as completely separate entities from the dolls they are based off of, and though in my mind, they may always be linked, they will never be the same people.

I want these characters to be completely given up to the masses, and for people to interpret them in whatever way they see fit. That's something I'm GIDDY with excitement about seeing. I love it when fictional characters exist as much as little guys chilling in our heads as much as they do in the actual works they're in, especially when those two interpretations of the characters work together to make up a well-rounded, fleshed-out, much more real-feeling person. My dolls cannot be part of this experience. They are physical items that belong to me. I can't let them have any part of this.

Many characters look NOTHING like their original dolls, but I consider them to still be "born from" their original dolls in some way, because they would not exist without them. The biggest example I can think of is Saturday, who is a completely different gender, race, and age than the doll I originally based her off of. Saturday's doll is heavily yellowed and damaged from age, and I was having a lot of trouble separating Saturday the doll from Saturday the character, so decided it would just be best to take her name and whatever aspects of her doll's personality I felt would fit a completely new character, who is now only vaguely reminiscent to her in disposition. Saturday the doll and Saturday the character are now almost completely disconnected, with the only thread holding them together being that one would not exist without the other. Doll Saturday simply gave Parfum Saturday a referral.

On the other hand, her boyfriend, Lucian, is accurate to his doll down to the tattoos!

In case you're curious, yes, I did get Lucian when I was about 14, the same time me and my little friends lusted after some random alt guy who worked at the grocery store while we listened to The GazettE and Tokio Hotel. I'm glad that energy made it into his final form!

Many aspects of these character designs at least very vaguely reflect the phase of my life when each doll was acquired. Lupine's "floweriness," along with his love of gardening and tea, started while I was a classical lolita at 16, and I got Val smack in the middle of discovering the joys of Showa 24 manga and Takarazuka at 18.

God, does it show!

For the record, I read Eroica after I conceptualized Val. I can't look at Earl Dorian Red Gloria without thinking of him.

Dashiell's doll is the only one I didn't design myself. He was sent to me for free, when I was 14 years old, by someone who just needed the doll out of their house. Since then, he's had the same wig and paint, because I just didn't want to mess him up. It just felt like him to keep it for all this time. He was originally a very expensive doll, so it was an incredible stroke of luck to get him for free, but I also hear a lot about people giving up their expensive dolls after they learn about how spirits enjoy inhabiting small, hollow humanoid figures and feel that their dolls are possessed. I'm not worried about it now, though. It's already too late, and whatever spirit was inside him has already crawled through my ear and into my brain.

You'll notice in the game, Saturday wears exclusively kimono and yukata, because I started conceptualizing her while studying kitsuke and kimono sewing techniques. Modern kimono is very versatile, practical, and vast. People aren't just wearing the seasonal motifs you see on antique kimono anymore. It's the most fun to make outfits for Saturday because I get to experiment with pattern mixing and color combinations. Here's one of her cute yukatas I made with a watercolor pattern I found on Clip Studio Paint:

I love her so much, I could die.

Q: What's the sound experience going to be like re: music, voices, etc.?

A: I have a big, dumb jazz degree that I refuse not to use, which means that all the music IS being composed by me! I don't have money to pay anyone else, and the sound design I'm looking for is VERY particular, so it's best for me to do it myself. It's nice to make music when I need to keep things fresh. Sometimes, my brain is fried from writing and drawing, and I need to switch it up a bit.

This is the theme for Oberon, a character who wasn't supposed to make it into the main story, but... here we are! Those are his legs! I really hope you'll all enjoy his character. He's a little bit of a freak, so I know he's not going to be for everyone, but his theme and his overall vibe just has the sweetest, sexiest gothic essence...

You can tell from this theme that I've been listening to a lot of Buck-Tick. I made it after listening to Dress, Victims of Love, and Sex For You a few times so I could absorb their energy and infuse it into this song!

Here's another one for you. This plays during some of the more fun, candid scenes of the visual novel.

I've really been enjoying working with synthesizers. I've been channeling my inner Hisashi Imai!

My biggest inspirations right now are Buck-Tick, Miharu Koshi, and my beloved ACO, especially her album "Irony." I listen to it while I'm writing when I need to really, really get into a character's emotions.

As for voice acting, Parfum Nostalgique is only going to be partially voiced, and I mean VERY partially. Voices will only be used for a handful of lines, for scenes that could not otherwise be executed without them, and for things like laughs, scoffs, and screams that would feel half-hearted and wimpy to simply just type out. Originally, I wasn't going to have voice acting at all, but I soon realized that voices would be necessary to fully complete the experience. A casting call will be released once I finish preparing it.

After a lot of thought, I've decided to make the voice acting for this project volunteer-only. There are such small amounts of dialogue for each voice actor to say that I think it would be acceptable, as long as it is clearly specified that this is not a paid project to those auditioning. This game has no budget. I'm a chronically ill person who works as a bridal alterations specialist 3 days a week. I can barely afford my own life. If I don't manage to pull enough volunteers... I'll cross that bridge when I come to it! I don't want anyone to be under the impression that I feel entitled to free voice acting, but... for my own sanity, and my wallet, voices are volunteer-only.

______

This is all I have the energy to write, for now. If you think I'm proofreading this thing, you're wrong. It's very late at night and I have not left my windowless bedroom all day because I was paralyzed from the waist down by cramps.

Tune in for more Q&A/ Ask Me Anything posts in the future! I can't wait to share more about this game as I begin my journey into final draft stages.

#parfum nostalgique #priro pro #visual novel #visual novel dev #indie visual novel #q&a #ama

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herecomesnaya · 4 years

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Hey! Feel free to ignore if this isn't something you feel like answering - or is something you've answered before - but I was wondering if you have any tips on writing smut. I've never written smut before, but the fic I'm writing now features it pretty heavily and I find myself totally at a loss. As someone who writes, imo, some of the best smut out there, I would love to hear your opinion.

so! I've been thinking on this ask a lot, and I think I've finally got some advice to give. of course, note that everything is subjective and I'm not an expert, but these are the things I consider when I go about writing my own smutty stories.

the most important thing I like to consider when I'm writing smut, and the thing that tends to make or break a story for me when I'm reading it, can be summed up as, "remember that you're still writing about characters first, and sex second." so what does that mean?

there's a trend I see a lot, both in fics and in published novels, where, once the sex scene starts up, it transitions from "a story about X and Z" to "a story about two people fucking." they could be any two people with any relationship, you could swap out the names and have a perfectly viable sex scene with an entirely different couple. the action is generic, perhaps under-explained, the dialogue is scarce to nonexistent, and this is where purple prose takes hold for a lot of people.

now, there's nothing wrong with a quiet, calm, generic sex scene, where you use flowery language, and things begin and end fairly quickly. but that's not my style, and, imo, tends to work better for stories where sex isn't meant to be the focus. if you want to write smut -- here defined as "a sex-focused story where the intent is to provide an arousing piece of media for someone to consume" -- then you'll need a little more than that.

alright, so how do you do that?

this is where that little soundbite of advice from above comes into play. don't think of your story as "background for the sex, then sex, then the ending." think of it all as one flowing thing, where your characters are interacting and influencing the narrative the entire time.

take their personalities into account. are they easygoing? uptight? prone to fits of laughter? adversarial? when they're together, do they work like a well-oiled machine, playing off of each other, or do they butt heads? do they respect each other? love each other? hate each other? is this their first time doing it, their sixth, their hundredth? how do they feel about sex outside of the bedroom? when’s the last time they masturbated, if they do that at all? do they watch porn? if so, what kind?

these are all the kinds of questions I like to ask myself when I'm thinking of writing a pornographic story. I'm not saying you have to know their whole backstory, sexual history, and kink roster, but it helps to keep those things in mind, the same way it helps to keep a character's past traumas in mind when writing new ones.

here's the tea: everyone has sex differently. there's no "normal" way to have sex. there's no standard for it (no matter how much the media would like you to believe that heterosexual sex in the missionary position while wordlessly staring into each other's eyes is the "default"). when you write smut, you shouldn't have to stick to the "standard" way that it's supposed to go.

you know the one: kissing, oral, one finger, two fingers, three fingers, penetration, orgasm. at worst, it's like reading an IKEA catalog. again, there's nothing inherently wrong with this order of events -- I've used it plenty of times myself! -- but it's not some formula that you have to use in order for your sex scene to be "correct."

during every step of the way, try to think about who you're writing about, and how they interact. imagine their banter, if they're the type. or maybe one of them shuts down during sex, goes into a wordless state of arousal, clams up and doesn't speak as much as they usually would, etc. maybe their partner notices and works harder to please them, or pauses to make sure they're alright, or they're so caught up in the moment that they don't even realize what's going on around them.

there are so many ways people can react during sex. and, it's important to note, someone's personality outside of the bedroom doesn't always necessarily translate to what they're like inside. the "geek in the streets, freak in the sheets" trope exists for a reason! sex is something that brings out a lot of emotions, floods your brain and your body with chemicals, makes you vulnerable in a way that you usually aren't. all of those things are going to have an effect on someone.

so, think about your characters: does that buff warrior-type stay dominant and aggressive in bed, taking charge, bossing their partner around, being physically domineering? or do they soften up for someone they like? maybe they put on an aggressive front, but when they're in the privacy of someone's bed, or when they're exposed and getting touched intimately by someone, they let the other person take control. likewise, is that shy, stuttering character going to go beet red at the sight of a pair of underwear, or do they come out of their shell when they're comfortable with someone, and show a side of themselves that would surprise the people who know them?

now, don't take all this to mean that you have to stick to a certain set of sexual preferences that "makes sense" for the character. I'm of the opinion that you can make almost anything make sense, particularly if the character in question isn't shown having sex in canon. real people are so varied in their sexualities, and their kinks, and their fetishes, and it's much more complex than just "big, strong man likes to top," or "girl who likes anime also watches tentacle hentai." we really don’t know what causes fetishes or kinks, so there’s no justification you have to put forth for why someone likes something. they could just like it.

take, for example, the debate a while back about whether Jason Todd tops or bottoms. I put forth an “argument” (I use that word loosely) that he's one of those people who plays up his aggression, but is actually a softie when it comes down to it. people on the other side say that he's a control freak who likes to stay that way in the bedroom, or that his aggressive vigilante personality would translate to his sexual encounters.

both of these interpretations are completely valid! the people who say he likes vanilla sex and maybe a little bondage are valid. the ones who (like me) write about him being a masochist getting whipped and pissed on are valid. the ones who say he's asexual are valid. everyone has their own view on what he'd be like sexually, and that's absolutely fine!

whatever your point of view may be, just try to keep it in mind when you write. get in that character's head. let them speak and move and stop and start and change up the script. let them get into an argument mid-fuck and stop to finish yelling, or go faster and rougher while they're banging. let one person say something that the other one takes the wrong way. let them have sex without enough lube, or with too much that grosses one partner out to the point where they can't stop thinking about the mess on the sheets. let them start off strong, then zone out, enter subspace or even domspace (which, while more rarely talked about, is still a thing).

and when in doubt, read! read fics you like. examine their structure, their length, the way they describe body parts and the way they move together. note which sentences made you the most excited, and try to figure out why. was it the vulgarity? the release of something the narrative had been building up to? did the author paint a vivid picture in your head, and what words did they use to do it?

another helpful idea: watch some porn (homemade porn is especially good for getting a more realistic idea of how people have sex). think about how you'd describe the people onscreen if you were writing about their encounter. do his nails dig into her skin, making soft indents in her thick hips? does he have to work his cock in slowly, and when he does, does his partner's breath stutter, does his voice get higher? when someone's licking their partner's pussy, do they focus on the clit, or lap at the labia, or tongue-fuck them? do they need to be told to do something differently, or does the couple already know their partner's body well enough to get them off with little communication?

the long and short of it: nobody has sex in a vacuum. porn doesn't need to follow a formula. everyone's going to have sex differently, be it from person to person or even from encounter to encounter. keep in mind who they are, where they are, what they were doing to get to this point, what they're thinking and feeling besides just the physical. when you inject that personality into your smut, it gives it a liveliness that makes it stand out amidst a sea of "fingers in hole, penis in hole, moaning, orgasm, end."

I hope this helped someone! and if anyone would like more info on anything, please do let me know. I may make a part 2 of this if there's enough interest/if I think of something else! :) thanks for reading!

#ask #long post #fic chatter #Anonymous

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kat-anni · 2 years

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K, A, T for the fanfic writer asks? ;)

Haha ;D (but thanks 💕) K: Do you have a guilty pleasures in fic (reading or writing)? I mean I'm a huge sucker for 'angst with a happy ending' like...any measure of bad things can happen as long as it gets at least to hopeful again in the end. Dunno if I'm feeling guilty about that though...and dear god do I enjoy miscommunication as a trope even though it pains me to no end in the bad way to see it on screen if it's not done in the exact way I like it 🙈 *cough. I mean, there's Bottom!Ji but I also refuse to feel guilty about that 😋 So I guess in summary...no? xD A: Of the Fanfic you've written, which is your favorite and why? Mh that's difficult...I guess I'd throw in the standard answer of 'the one I'm currently writing is always my favorite'? Cause of course I gotta love it to continue writing it and current moi is always the most advanced in writing I've ever been lmao. BUT currently I think my personal fav is still my long Untamed fic 'The most dangerous thing is to love' 🥰 T: Any fanfic tropes you can’t stand? Of course x'DD Don't we all love that AO3 has an 'exclude tag' system lksjdlfksjf. Anyway...

One of the big Nonos for me is ABO. I'm not getting into it, but it's generally in my 'blocked' tags when I look for something. In that context also characters being any type of animal (or mix with an animal) and this being the focus (tho there are few exceptions to this if the story sounds very interesting).

I used to really not like reading sex scenes in general (still ace so...yeah not that into it) but I've gotten more open to it in recent years, as well as open to writing it as well. So I wouldn't count it anymore now. In connection to that I'm still very much noticing that I'm asexual and not into it for myself when anything 'niche' or relatively kinky and out of my scope comes up, which I also usually shy away from then. I also usually block NoTPs (is that still a word that's used??) as well as things I consider inappropriate depictions of parent/child, incest or found family dynamics that I just don't prefer mixing with my personal head canons.

Okay that was a longer answer than I thought...I would consider that generally I'm relatively open to most story tropes though :D

#ask games #anni answers asks #aaa #fanfiction #writing #about me #is this too personal?#eh

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scripttraumasurvivors · 7 years

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I'm writing a story in which one of the main characters gets raped by a Russian soldier during World War 2. I've heard that people can become either hyper sexual or complete asexual after such experiences to cope. Is it largely dependent on the victim's personality? What are some tips on accurately and respectfully depicting rape in fiction? Thank you very very much~ -Sam

I’m not sure saying that it’s a matter of personality is correct. That makes it seem too much like I could say… If a person possesses x trait before the trauma, they’re more likely to become hypersexual and if they possess y then they’re more likely to not have sex. (asexuality is a sexuality and while some ace people do intertwine their survivor history with that- there are non ace survivors who still cannot have sex and there are ace people who are not survivors.)

What I have to offer you is a theory.

It is only a theory, though and it is only based off of my observations.

And that theory is this. Hypersexuality and an inability to have sex are not actually opposite ends of a spectrum. We portray them that way because we are grouping by ‘whether or not someone is having no sex or ‘too much’ sex’. But their root causes…..

Don’t always have a lot to do with one another.

Hypersexuality seems to have… a few common threads when you talk to hypersexual individuals. Some of these threads are seen at the same time, some people may only have one or two. But these are common narratives.

- They put themselves in risky situations because that’s what they believe they’re worth.

- They have a lot of sex because it is the only way they think they can keep people around them.

- They have a lot of sex because they’re trying to rewrite history. This time they’ll fight back. This time they’ll scream. This time-

- They’re hypersexual because something they can’t explain drives them to it. (Generally believed to be their nervous system not being able to properly come down.)

- They’re trying to understand what happened. If something bad happens again- well- then they’ll know why, right? Was it because of that dress? Was it because of something they said? The location? If they know why- they can avoid it in the future.

- They’re hurting themselves with sex.

- They think if they keep having sex, they will desensitize.

- Sex is fun. It is one of the few sources of joy they still have.

- Sex is a very sensory filled activity and it is extremely distracting because of that.

Mind you, for a lot of these- these are not… it isn’t like they walk into a bar alone and are like ‘I’m doing this because I hate myself and I think I’m worthless’

These are narratives that people I’ve talked with have crafted in therapy or while processing with other trauma survivors. This is the ‘why’ that analyzing their behavior has led them to believe.

While on the other hand, survivors who don’t have sex have a variety of reasons as well:

-Their body is triggering

-Sex is triggering in its entirety

-Any sort of arousal is triggering

-They don’t want people to look at them

-They think if they have sex it will happen again

-They just… don’t want to anymore. There’s no sexual drive.

-They’ve created a general distance between them and others. It’s hard for them to form friendships, much less sleep with someone.

Here’s what people don’t tell you.

There are survivors who cannot have sex and who are hypersexual. There are survivors who will vomit if they try to have sex and who send nudes or go online chats seeking sexual partners. Who masturbate until they bleed. Who cannot stand to be touched, who wear clothes and gives oral.

It is not just one or the other

Some survivors swing from hypersexual to not having sex and back. Some are only hypersexual or not having sex during certain times of the year or when they’re in certain states.

Honestly, I have two major rules when it comes to depicting any thing that I am not in fiction- and this goes for survivors and y’all as well.

1) Make a 3D character.

Give your characters something to them /beyond/ being a survivor. Making them a 3D character makes it harder to just fall into a stereotype.

For survivors, common stereotypes/tropes include: The helpless victim who can’t help themselves and need someone to save them. The narrative about forgiving abusers and everything being dandy afterward. Things about love conquering mental illness. Rape being just about sex. Rape being used for shock value. One person’s rape being made all about how much it hurts someone to see them hurting.

2) Whenever writing a scene with them- ask yourself whether or not them being a _________ will interact with this scene.

and this is where you have to sit down for yourself and decide your character’s symptoms. Because it usually isn’t as simple as ‘does so and so being a survivor have anything to do with this school play they might go see?’ because framed that way the answer is probably going to be a strange look and ‘no?’

But if you sit down and plot out their symptoms and triggers?

Then you can look down at a list of ‘Anxious in crowds, triggered by ________, has a nervous twitch’ and ask if there will be a crowd at the play. How might they react if so? Would they try to stick it out (because.. the play is for an important school assignment and they might fail without it or because their child is in it and they can’t disappoint them.)? Would they flee? Are there going to be effects later?

And just weaving these small details as you go throughout the story rather than just when the trauma occurs or a scene at a therapist’s office/a revealing conversation with a friend.

and with any sort of thing- read what you can about them. From their perspective. Survivors run blogs, art projects, vlogs. See what actual survivors are saying. Know that some of us will contradict each other. Just like all types of people contradict people at times. But at least familiarize yourself with different things that are being said.

And if you’re ever super concerned? See if you can get a sensitivity reader. I know I personally.. do sensitivity reading as a trade when I can. I’ll read over someone’s piece with someone with PTSD or who has been traumatized in return for them reading over something of mine that I need x perspective on. You may also be able to find folks who will do it just because they like your writing or for some other kind of trade/compensation.

Not to mention that my inbox is open for specific questions.

Hopefully that helps a bit,

#rape tw #hypersexuality #inability to have sex #ts answers #soybean-sam1894

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