#can you tell i have a slight obsession with writing about god and the afterlife

[pitter-pattering-ink]

every time

the first time you die the last thing you see is god standing off to the side, a sad look on her face as you look down at the blood as it seeps through your shirt. it looks black in the lighting and surprisingly, it burns. without asking she tells you, "there's nothing i can do." you cant speak because your throat is clogged with pennies so she says "the first time is always the hardest. you will become better with time. it will be less painful in the next life." it sounds like she's trying to comfort you but it doesn't help much. gurgling in the place of words fills your desperate ears and then there is nothing.

the second time you die water is pooling into your father’s car and you are trapped in the back seat. the child's lock is on. your mother is praying against the steering wheel and god sits beside her, a hand on her shoulder as their body is turned to look at you. water puddles in faster and faster but they do not get wet. "if it's any closure," they offer, "your death will be a great thing. you will be mourned properly and buried beside your mother. your father will improve roads." it isn't. but you have not learned how to speak yet in this life, so all you do is scream until water fills your lungs.

the third time you die it's much slower than the last. you did not expect it to be so slow. there's blood dripping from your thighs and the bathtub is turning pink like the world's shittiest bath bomb. god sits at the tub's edge, dark skin reflecting off the porcelain. "it hurts," you say, and god nods silently. "i didn't know it would hurt so much." "you have always been one for romance." "i don't regret it." you say. "am i going to regret it?" god shrugs. "some do. some don't. you will have a chance to make it up if that is your concern." your hands shake and you lean your head against the wall, skull thumping at the same time your head pounds. "i didn't believe in you this time. i don’t think i would have grown to either." you look at god but your eyes have begun to glaze over, vision fuzzing. "why are you here if i did not believe?" god does not seem to mind. "you do not believe in fairy tales. but you would have still read them to your children, and wrote stories of them all the same. some things stay real even if we do not believe." you reach out your hand, and neither of you comment on how deathly pale it looks compared to the water. "i'm beginning to regret it." you choke out. god sighs sadly and takes your hand in theirs. "they always wait until the last second." god mutters, more to itself, and you close your eyes.

the fourth time you die god is the only one in the room that doesn't smell of bleach. a doctor types on her laptop. another is changing your bag of morphine. she has made a mistake with the doses. "i don't wanna die," you tell him, muffled beneath your mask. "please, don't let me die. i have children." god nods and leans against the wall. he does not come closer and you don't want him to. "that is true." he relents. "and you have raised them well. they will learn to live without you; they will have your grandchildren." "i want to meet them. please." the doctor looks up from her laptop. she asks something to the other. her chair spins as quickly stands. god shakes his head. "i'm sorry," he says. "i'm sorry." your mask fogs up. you can't move your limbs. the doctors are yelling. it's too late.

the fifth time you die there are gunshots ringing in your ears and your leg has been blown clean off. if you look at it you vomit. acid continues to creep up your throat. your eyes are closed but you can feel god sitting next to you, leaned up against the pile of ground you're using to take cover. "why are you always here?" you ask. "there are billions of people in the world, dozens dying every moment. why are you always here when i die? shouldn't you be somewhere else?" "this is your world," god says simply, "and i am your god. there is nobody else i could be with." and to her credit she stays, rubbing your back as you vomit. this death does not hurt as much as you expected it to. maybe your skin is growing thick.

god stands unnaturally stiff as you cross your legs midair, relishing in the extended time it takes for you to float back down. your spacecraft has left. you are the only one left. "would you like to know why they left?" god asks. "it could be closure." "no," you say. "it would be too much." god nods. you look up at the stars and notice how they seem to twinkle up close. there is not much time left for you and your air tank. "do they have named?" you ask them. "the stars, have you named them?" god takes a moment to respond. "they do not. i created this world for you. to create names for them would have been selfish; they are for you and you alone." "what else did you create?" "i created the world. i created the moon and the earth and the grass, the seeds and the sun. you. i created it all for you to travel in and explore." you snort. "i've hardly explored it all." "that's okay," god replies, "you will have more chances after this." you look at them for a moment, taking in how strange it is to see a person without a suit on the moon. god, you suppose, is not human, no matter how much they may look it. you look back up. "would you name them with me?" there's a pause. it lasts so long your head begins to feel light. finally, they say, "this is an admirable way to die. i do not think there has been anyone to die on the moon yet. you will be the first." "what d-" "I am proud of you," god says, and dust flies when they take a step closer. their feet don't leave marks. "i always have been. i want you to know that." your laughter sounds more breathy than you would like. "where did this come from?" when they don't respond your expression sobers. "i've made many mistakes," you admit. god nods. "i am still proud."  tears prick your eyes and you look down at your hands, covered in thick white material. if you wrote in the dust, it would not dissapear for a long time. you decide against this. "name the stars with me, god." you request. god sits. they point up at stars you are sure you didn't see before. together, you name as many as you can; they do most of the talking. you do not mind. and for the sixth time, you die, god's voice ringing in your ears like church bells with their fingers intertwined in your own.

#afterlife #reincarnation #prose #god #suicide tw #heck yeah baybeeeee #can you tell i have a slight obsession with writing about god and the afterlife #short story #writeblr

[memryse]

hello tumblr i present my canon-compliant "DSMP But... Everybody Discovered Large-Scale Organised Religion" mianite au which took a few hours to write up oops. basically here is a list of which god everybody would follow and why, based on canon events (i have therefore left out a couple of the members who don't really do lore or be on the server much because i definitely don't know about them enough to be accurate!)

dream: mianite. obsessed with control, you get it. went too far though and developed his own obsession with controlling the server so he is now godless and in jail

tommy: dianite. tommy is a favourite of dianite's - he's idealistic with a penchant for chaos, and like i said in my other post dianite probably sees himself in tommy a little. they're both misunderstood as Bad People

tubbo: ianite -> dianite, he converts post-doomsday. grew up as a follower of ianite and trying to follow her path put added pressure on him during his presidency. embraces being a dianitee with the start of the nuke program, but he keeps all his ianitee family heirlooms. ianite still holds a soft spot for him because of his family and occasionally gives him minor blessings. that being said she's of course a little disappointed he chose to change gods, but respects his decision

ranboo: no god, but enderwalk ranboo is an acolyte of ianite; awakeboo eventually converts to ianite when he reads awakeboo's note and decides to become more active in conflict resolution. he realises ianite actually aligns with his newfound ideals, and is of course more in touch with his ender side. however prior to this he wasn't really very keen on worshipping any gods, seeing as all he saw from them was wars waged in their names.

wilbur: also an atheist. probably prayed to dianite during pogtopia ("dream, i want to be your vassal" type beat) but other than that he's the type to criticise organised religion and be an independent leader, no need for gods. wilbur and ranboo narrative foils my beloveds!!!

techno: ianite. the thing about c!techno is he has one goal and he will stick to that no matter what - it's not total order, but it's not chaos either because there is motivation and reasoning behind it. also, a core tenet of ianitee ideology is not involving yourself in conflict until somebody personally wrongs you. much like butcher army era techno where he retreats to a peaceful (more godly, in this case) life until he's hunted down, at which point he Fucks Shit Up. in general techno holds grudges and takes even slight betrayals very seriously.

phil: ianite. i can see antarctic duo as former warriors of ianite! idk i don't have much to say phil is just.. a chill old warrior. probably jaded and tired of fighting wars for his goddess, but he still prays to her. specifically he prayed every night that wilbur could finally find balance in the afterlife. :)

niki: also ianite. definitely. niki values her own beliefs and morals, she's her own independent self. maybe she was a mianitee pre-nov 16th, but not since then. this makes the syndicate pretty much just a secret squad of ianitees (+ ranboo who everyone kind of just assumes is an ianitee given that, yknow, enderman). this is extra fun with the syndicate table being an end portal

sam: mianite 10000000%. he puts his commitment to duty above all else. not really much more to say he is just fully committed to keeping the server safe by carrying out mianite's will and imprisoning dream.

foolish: he's a god himself, so he doesn't follow any of the main three. however in the past he did work with mianite, enforcing his control over the land. from what we know about his totem of death period it wasn't like.. wanton destruction, it was him seeking control through violence, so i'm not inclined to say he worked with dianite back then.

george: man just wants to sleep and farm wheat, he's mianite. ez.

sapnap: also mianite. dream team as mianite's strongest and most revered knights!!!!!!

puffy: she's a pirate lady i don't know what to tell you other than she was part of capsize's crew. ianitee pirate ladies i care you. plus i feel like puffy centres mostly on people and not allying herself with specific nations or causes, she believes in balance above all.

eret: i view the greater dsmp as a mianitee nation, so as king of it they obviously have to follow mianite. eret has always strove to be a good king and help their nation prosper. plus, who knows what went on in the past with foolish. former mianite warriors eternal duo? i think so! (i think it would be cool if a literal reincarnation of herobrine was a mianitee purely because it fucks with everybody's expectations)

quackity: dianite. not just because he's chaos incarnate at times but like his entire current arc is so reminiscent of the fact that s2 dianite was literally a businessman. rip ghost dianite you would've loved c!quackity

fundy: oh boy here's a complex one. fundy switches gods frequently - look how much he craves acceptance from authority figures, from a substitute parental figure. i think right now his prophetic dreams could be interpreted as him being chosen by a certain god who sees potential in him, but i can't say who bc we don't really know too much about them or even why he's suddenly having them. that being said his chaotic scamming foxboy side definitely embodies dianite and he should have stuck with dianite the entire time but nah he needs Validation

jack manifold: follows dianite, but dianite isn't really pleased with him trying to kill tommy so often (seeing as he likes tommy). this is why he has such comically bad luck. his god is continually fucking with him.

karl: ianite, specifically chosen by her to become the historian of the server. the purple theme.. the duty to write down history as it truly happened (as opposed to censoring history like a certain mianite did). the existence of both the in between and the other side. karl Is balance. thank you. (also this makes karlnapity's marriage one mianitee, one ianitee and one dianitee. diversity win!)

schlatt: mianite (derogatory)

the eggpire is pretty much just the darkness isn't it. mianite was the blueprint actually.

bbh: dianite at first, judging by the badlands' ideology. corrupted by the darkness though.

antfrost: also dianite, but probably really lowkey about it and only ever prayed when the badlands needed his blessings. again, corrupted now

hannah: mianite - her connection to nature is by extension also a connection to mianite, the god of the overworld. plus she cared about maintaining harmony on the server and went to lengths to ensure it like the whole "killing her own dogs to protect them" thing. currently on her corrupted girlboss arc though

punz: dianite, he likes money and killing people idk what more you expect from me. even after joining the eggpire this has not changed at all. he'll work for other gods' followers for the right price but he's not changing his core beliefs

ponk: i don't know very much about him i'm ngl, especially not pre-eggpire. prior to his corruption though i do kinda like the idea of a mianitee doctor doing fucked up little experiments idk he just has mianitee vibes to me in the same way tucker was a mianitee.

skeppy: he and bbh are obviously both dianite together prior to the egg. it simply would not be right of me to put him anywhere else.

purpled: ianite. the colour purple... the tendency to stay so far out of conflict that he doesn't even log onto the server... mans was born to be an ianitee actually

#dsmp #mianite #tommyinnit #ranboo #tubbo #wilbur soot #philza #technoblade #dreamwastaken #quackity #georgenotfound #sapnap #nihachu #captain puffy #hannahxxrose #badboyhalo #awesamdude #antfrost #eret #fundy #foolish gamers #jack manifold #karl jacobs #jschlatt #punz #ponk #purpled #ianite #dianite #dsmp mianite au